The Saint: The Corpse Said Ouch 08/06/1950

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Saint – "The Corpse Said Ouch" (08/06/1950)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Episode: The Saint: The Corpse Said Ouch
Date Covered: March 2, 2026 (original air date: August 6, 1950)
Main Cast: Vincent Price as Simon Templar (The Saint)

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Episode Overview

This engaging episode follows Simon Templar, alias "The Saint," as he unravels a mystery involving a woman declared dead in the morning paper—only to show up alive on his doorstep. What begins as darkly comic confusion escalates into a high-stakes investigation of theft, murder, mistaken identity, and a hidden cache of stolen jewels. With trademark wit, Templar navigates a cast of quirky characters and dangerous criminals to get to the bottom of the case.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Mystery Begins: "But I'm Dead"

• Francis Blake arrives at Simon Templar’s door, asking for help (01:21).
  • Claims she is "dead," referencing an obituary in the day's newspaper that has her listed as deceased, body at the Restwell Chapel.
  • Templar verifies she is alive with a playful pinch:

    "I never heard a corpse say ouch before. Therefore, you're not dead."
    —Simon Templar, 02:28

2. A Visit to the Funeral Parlor

• Simon and Francis, with comic relief cab driver Louie, visit Restwell Chapel to view "Francis Blake's" body (03:03–06:48).
  • Discover a murdered woman wearing Francis's distinctive plaid coat, confirming a case of mistaken identity.
  • Panic ensues over why someone would want Francis dead or confuse another for her.

3. Home Intrusion & Olga's Entrance

• At Francis’s apartment, the pair find a mysterious woman, Olga, rifling through belongings—a search disguised with melodrama (09:24–11:00).
  • Olga comments on "your wife" and her "magnificent symphony" with Simon, in a show-stopping performance:

    "I never pinch. Except boys. Simon, you are disappointing me. Goodbye."
    —Olga, 10:51

  • After Olga leaves, Simon notes the room has been searched.

4. Tracing the Plaid Coat: To the Cleaners

• Francis reveals her coat was recently dropped at Carter Cleaners (12:24).
• Simon suspects the coat was stolen there and heads to the cleaning shop to question the manager, Mr. Maxson (13:02–14:38).
  • Maxson acts suspicious ("I am crazy about carbon tetrachloride fumes." —Maxson, 14:21).
  • After hours visit yields no answers, but Simon insists on following up.

5. The Nightclub Stakeout: Barker’s Bandbox

• Simon, Francis, and Louie follow Maxson to a nightclub, suspecting criminal connections with club owner Jake Barker (16:43–17:02).
  • Eavesdrop on tense exchanges about "the stones"—clearly stolen jewels (17:34).
  • Simon and Francis are threatened at gunpoint but manage to escape (18:03–18:18).

6. Murder Strikes Again: Olga’s Fate

• Returning to Francis's apartment, Olga is found murdered (18:49–19:10).
  • Stakes rise as Simon realizes the killer is closing in:

    "She isn't beautiful anymore."
    —Simon Templar, 19:06

  • Police involvement grows as Simon resolves to protect Francis.

7. Ransom & Jewels

• Francis is kidnapped from her apartment by Barker’s men, who demand the location of the "stones" (20:14–21:44).
  • Simon bargains for her safety, claiming he knows where the jewels are hidden—in Carter Cleaners (22:06–22:31).

8. Climactic Discovery: The Dress Rack Riddle

• At Carter Cleaners, with everyone present, Simon unravels the real hiding place for the jewels (24:06–25:37):

  • Realizes the jewels (not rhinestones but real stones) are sewn into a cheap dress on the rack—a "tree hidden in a forest."

    "You'd hide it in a forest. Therefore... a dress that doesn't fit with the rest."
    —Simon Templar, 25:03

  • Chaos and double-crosses ensue; Barker kills Maxson, and the gang flees under threat from Simon, who uses the pressing machine as leverage.

9. The Solution Summed Up

• Simon explains the criminals’ method: using clients’ distinctive clothes as disguises while hiding stolen goods in plain sight at the cleaners. Maxson killed to keep the loot, and violence snowballed from there (27:10):

  "Maxson and Barker were partners in the jewelry business. Illegitimate. They'd use very distinctive clothes left with a cleaning shop as disguises for themselves and their confederates..."
  —Simon Templar, 27:10

  • Francis, relieved, thanks Simon as the dust settles.

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Memorable Quotes & Character Moments

• Simon’s Playful Banter:

  "I know, but this way was more fun. Also, I never heard a corpse say ouch before."
  (Simon Templar to Francis, 02:28)

• Louie’s Comic Relief:

  "Considering the type of company you're keeping, I ain't waiting till nobody plays no hot licks and a trumpet."
  (Louie, 04:30)

• Olga’s Flamboyance:

  "I never pinch. Except boys. Simon, you are disappointing me. Goodbye."
  (Olga, 10:51)

• Simon’s Clues and Deduction:

  "Suppose you wanted to hide a tree so you couldn't find it. Where would you hide it? ... In a forest."
  (Simon Templar, 25:01)

• Wrap-Up Explanation:

  "They'd use very distinctive clothes left with a cleaning shop as disguises ... lead back only to innocent people..."
  (Simon Templar, 27:26)

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Key Timestamps for Important Moments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|----------------------------------------------| | 01:21 | Francis tells Simon she is "dead" | | 05:52 | Discovery of the murdered woman in the chapel| | 09:24 | Olga’s dramatic entrance | | 12:24 | Francis reveals the coat went to cleaners | | 14:38 | Confrontation with Mr. Maxson at cleaners | | 17:34 | Overheard: crooks discussing "the stones" | | 18:49 | Olga found murdered | | 20:14 | Francis abducted | | 24:06 | Showdown in Carter Cleaners | | 25:03 | Solution: Jewels hidden in rhinestone dress | | 27:10 | Simon explains the entire plot to Francis |

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Tone & Style

• The episode features Simon Templar’s dry wit, comic banter from cabbie Louie, and melodramatic interludes from characters like Olga.
• Despite murder and danger, the tone is brisk, irreverent, and laced with humor and clever wordplay.
• Simon’s intelligent, slightly mocking approach is central; he solves the crime with deduction and a wink.

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Conclusion

"The Corpse Said Ouch" brings together the classic elements of Golden Age radio detective drama: misdirection, offbeat humor, brisk pacing, colorful supporting characters, and a satisfyingly clever solution. Vincent Price's Simon Templar is suave, quick-witted, and never loses his cool, making this an entertaining listen for both old-time radio fans and hardboiled-mystery aficionados.

For more episodes, subscribe to Choice Classic Radio Detectives and relive the golden era of crime-solving radio!

Transcript

[Announcer]

Welcome to Choice Classic radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail].

[Narrator]

The Adventures of the Saint. Starring Vincent Price. The Saints. Based on characters created by Leslie Charteris and known to millions from books, magazines and motion pictures, the Robin Hood of modern crime now comes to transcribed to radio starring Hollywood's brilliant and talented actor, Vincent Price as

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

the Saint. I'm not home. It's the middle of the night and I'm asleep. I'm in Schenectady sitting up with a sick aunt.

[Francis Blake]

Hello.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello.

[Francis Blake]

Are you Simon Templar?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come in and we'll compare Social Security cards.

[Francis Blake]

Thank you. I thought you were in Schenectady.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Never heard of the place.

[Francis Blake]

Sitting up with a sick aunt.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

She recovered suddenly.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, I need help desperately.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Why?

[Francis Blake]

Because I'm dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You're what?

[Francis Blake]

Dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, well, of course. Some of my best friends.

[Francis Blake]

Simon. My name is Francis Blake. Here, read this. Read that little item down in the corner under Obituaries.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Obituaries? Says here that the body of Francis Blake is at the Restwell Chapel. Burial at noon tomorrow.

[Francis Blake]

You see, the newspapers say that I'm dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah? But I don't know whether to believe them or not. You are Francis Blake.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, of course I am.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come here a moment.

[Francis Blake]

All right.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Thank you. Now, Simon, what are you? I beg your pardon?

[Francis Blake]

You. You pinched me. Yes, but.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, I had to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

[Francis Blake]

But you're supposed to pinch yourself if you think you're dreaming.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I know, but this way was more fun. Also, I never heard a corpse say ouch before. Therefore, you're not dead.

[Francis Blake]

I already knew that.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I didn't. Now that that's settled, I think perhaps we ought to go visit.

[Francis Blake]

Visit who?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Your cor.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Taxi. Taxi. Day or night, rain up.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Right. Never mind, Louie.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Oh, Mr. Templar. Had I have known it was you, I wouldn't have bothered with the whims.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Had I known it was you, I just wouldn't have bothered. However, Francis.

[Francis Blake]

Thank you,

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Louie.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Should perhaps be explained. He's a cab driver I try to avoid. I rarely succeed. Which proves to me that my life isn't all that it should be.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Keep it clean. And where at this hour of the night are you gone?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The Restwell Chapel.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Get another cab, Louie. Okay, okay. Some sport. Takes a girl to see a funeral parlor in the middle of the night.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm Mitty, taking her home.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

She lives in a funeral parlor.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

She's dead in a funeral parlor.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Who's dead, Ms. Blake.

[Francis Blake]

Ah, me.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Excuse me, but Louie, don't take your hand off the wheel.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I already did.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Yes, so she said.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Ouch.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Personally, I would like to find out for myself, but if you so I do. I'll take your word for it. Only, how you going to explain to the funeral parlor her riding around in cabs with you?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Simple. I am apparently the kind of a man a girl wouldn't mind being seen dead with.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

The Restwell Chapel at your service.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Louis. I know.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Wait. But I'm telling you one thing. Considering the type of company you're keeping, I ain't waiting till nobody plays no hot licks and a trumpet.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I don't think you'll have to come along, Francis.

[Francis Blake]

All right, I. I've been trying to pretend to myself that it's all some kind of a joke, but that funeral parlor looks too real.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

We'll find out soon enough. One nice thing about funeral parlors.

[Francis Blake]

They're always open that you call nice.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

She have a point there? Listen to that doorbell. Chopin, at least.

[Announcer]

Ah.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I beg your pardon?

[Announcer]

I said ah.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Ah. Come in. Francis.

[Announcer]

This is an hour that comes to

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

all except in states that don't have daylight saving.

[Announcer]

I, sir, was referring to your bereavement. Whom are you mourning?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

We would like to look at Francis Blake.

[Announcer]

The hour is late, but grief knows no clock.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Good heavens. An epigram?

[Announcer]

We try, sir. If you'll follow me.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Thank you.

[Announcer]

Ah, here we are. And there she is. Beautiful, isn't she?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Very,

[Francis Blake]

Simon. She does look like me a little

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

bit, but hardly enough to explain. How did she get here? Ms. Blakeman?

[Announcer]

The police brought her.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I see. Who identified her?

[Announcer]

That was highly necessary.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Her coat.

[Announcer]

Over there in the corner.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Simon, Wait a minute. Francis, what about her coat? It had her name on the label.

[Announcer]

Now I shall withdraw. You'll want to be alone with your grief.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

All right, but make a sound withdrawing, please, so we'll know you're withdrawn.

[Announcer]

Really, sir, it's no use jesting. The dead never laugh.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, he's withdrawn.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, that's my coat. It is mine, Simon.

[Announcer]

But.

[Francis Blake]

But look.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes. Two holes in the front of it. Bullet holes.

[Francis Blake]

Bullet holes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The girl here, whoever she is, was. Was murdered. Come on, we better get out.

[Francis Blake]

All right, but I'm taking my coat. I don't think it's mine. Not hers. It belongs to me. Even though she was murdered? Simon, what was that girl doing with my coat?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Wearing it when she was shot, presumably. There's another question. Perhaps a more important one. Why was she shot in the first

[Francis Blake]

place, I suppose she had enemies.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Have you back again? Yeah, we're back again, Francis.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, thank you.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

The little lady lost her place.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Frances, where do you live?

[Francis Blake]

The Thornton Towers, Louis.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I heard

[Francis Blake]

Simon back there. Why did you ask if I had any enemies?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The coat's a distinctive one.

[Francis Blake]

Colorful plan.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Yes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The girl back at the funeral parlor was murdered while wearing it. The question comes to, was her wearing the coat when she was killed merely a coincidence? Or was she killed because her murderer thought she was you?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

The Thornton Towers.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah. Here you are. Louie.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

And I know don't wait on account of your sitting up with a dead friend.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Good night, Louie.

[Francis Blake]

Good night.

[Narrator]

Good night, folks.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, Simon, it's so good to be back home. My apartment's down the corridor. Simon, I feel terrible.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, you needn't.

[Francis Blake]

But what you said in the cab, she was wearing my coat. A very distinctive one. And then she was shot to death. That girl is dead because of me.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, we don't really know that.

[Francis Blake]

Well, it must be so. Somebody thought she was me and killed her.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

That's possible.

[Francis Blake]

But then that means that somebody wants to kill me.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Is this your daughter?

[Francis Blake]

Oh, yes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Of course. It's also possible that someone didn't like the coat and. Hey. Did you leave your lights on when you left?

[Francis Blake]

No.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

There's a light in the room ahead.

[Francis Blake]

Well, that's the living room.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You stay here in the hall. I'll go ahead and see who it is. But I. I just want to make sure they're neutral on the subject of plaid coats or you.

[Francis Blake]

Shh. Oh.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh.

[Olga]

Hello.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello. Ah.

[Olga]

How. She was beautiful. Your wife.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

My what?

[Olga]

Your wife. It's her picture on the desk there.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No. Well, that does seem to be a picture of Francis.

[Olga]

And your name? She is.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

My name's Simon.

[Francis Blake]

Ah.

[Olga]

It is a name that fills herself with the soul.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No, no.

[Olga]

I knew that tonight of all nights, you would be lonely.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Believe me, I'm not lonely.

[Olga]

I am here. Oh, your wife, she must have been a wonderful woman.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

She.

[Olga]

Your life with her was the magnificent symphony.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No chamber would probably be more accurate if you.

[Olga]

And now that she is, alas, gone.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I am here without even a pause for station identification. Look. Who are you?

[Olga]

I am Olga.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, I.

[Olga]

Who is she?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Olga? Who is she, Francis? And now that you two have met.

[Olga]

Waiting a moment, huh?

[Francis Blake]

Aha.

[Olga]

I look on the picture. I look on the flash.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The what?

[Olga]

The flash of which I might adding, your wife is perhaps carrying a little too much here and there. Especially there.

[Francis Blake]

Now, just a minute.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Mustn't point Alka, bad manners.

[Olga]

But I am seeing your wife. She is not dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

She isn't? That is, Frances isn't. If you like, you could try pinching her.

[Olga]

I never pinch. Except boys. Simon, you are disappointing me. Goodbye.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, that was quite a performance.

[Francis Blake]

Personally, I didn't care for her cadenza.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I don't know. It was a nice cadenza. And the tutti was definitely fruity. That is Francis, the whole thing was camouflaged.

[Francis Blake]

For what?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Take a look at the room.

[Francis Blake]

The room?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh yes. It looks as if a junior hurricane had visited it.

[Francis Blake]

You mean somebody of Olga searched the room?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Uh huh. This one. And yeah, the bedroom as well.

[Francis Blake]

But Simon, what was she looking for?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I don't know. Whatever it was, she didn't find it. Our entrance stopped her search.

[Francis Blake]

Well, I'd better start straightening things up a bit.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Good idea. I'll help you.

[Francis Blake]

Well, shouldn't you be going home?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I don't think so. You may get some more visitors later on. And rougher ones than Olga.

[Francis Blake]

Why?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, maybe they'll tell us if we ask them prettily. In the meanwhile.

[Francis Blake]

Yes, Simon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

We can practice the overture to that symphony Olga mentioned.

[Francis Blake]

Simon?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes?

[Francis Blake]

It's getting awfully late.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes, I know.

[Francis Blake]

You really can't sit up all night waiting for someone to come. We don't even know for sure that someone will.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Olga got into this apartment and someone else did before her.

[Francis Blake]

Someone else?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Of course. Your coat was stolen, wasn't it?

[Francis Blake]

Well, I suppose, but not from the apartment sign, not from.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Where was it stolen from?

[Francis Blake]

I can't be sure, of course, but I gave that coat to the cleaning shop down the block about a week ago.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Cleaning shop?

[Francis Blake]

Mm.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

What's the name of it?

[Francis Blake]

The Carter Cleaners. Why?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Because evidently it started out from there. To wind up on a murdered girl's body. Therefore.

[Francis Blake]

Come on, we're gonna.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes. Believe it or not, I'm taking you to the cleaners.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Hey.

[Announcer]

What?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, Louie. I thought I told you not to wait.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

This is a free country. Yes, there's a parking limit in this here, Craig, maybe. No, but I waited.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But we're only going down the block a little bit.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

You can't afford a quarter.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I like to walk.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

What do you get from walking?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Exercise.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

And from exercise? An enlarged heart. From an enlarged heart? You know how many people each year drop dead?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Add them up, we're walking. Come on, Francis. Simon, you're worried moderately about all those people with enlarged hearts. This is the place, huh?

[Jake Barker]

Yes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Front door shut, but there's a light inside. Try. It's Locked. However,

[Francis Blake]

I think someone's coming.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Recognize him? Yes.

[Francis Blake]

Yes, that's Mr. Maxson, the manager.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

What do you want?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Do you mind if we come in?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Look, it may have escaped your attention, but it happens to be after 2:00 in the morning.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Why do you want to come in the rain?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

It's not raining.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But suppose it starts here?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I happen to be a very tired man.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You should go home earlier.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I shouldn't be bothered by drunks.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm not drunk. We've stopped by for Ms. Blake. The plaid.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

As I may have mentioned before, we are not open for business.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Then what are you doing here?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I am crazy about carbon tetrachloride fumes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'd still like the coat.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Oh, then please do stop by in the morning.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, why did you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I wanted to find out if the cleaning store knew the plaid coat was gone.

[Francis Blake]

But we didn't find out, did we?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No. Nevertheless, we've worried, Mr. Maximum. Thank heaven. Louie's handy. Hey, Louie. Louie.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

You give up, huh? Yeah.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Into the cab, Francis.

[Francis Blake]

All right.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Well, Name your destination, Mr. Templar.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

A very long trip.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Drive to the back of the cleaning store. You'll probably have to go around the block. That alley must lead there. Okay.

[Francis Blake]

But, Simon, why are we going to the back of the store? Because we're going in.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No, because I suspect Mr. Maxim is going out.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

All this here is maybe none of my business.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

It isn't.

[Announcer]

Oh.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

You know, a remark like that could easily hurt a fella's feelings.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm sorry.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

No, it didn't hurt mine.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm sorry. Still, but.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

But you're not spending this PM in the way a PM should be spent.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Nonsense. So far it's all been good, clean fun.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

That's what I mean.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, Mr. Maxson hasn't come out of the store yet.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No. He may be coy, however, but why

[Francis Blake]

should he have anything to do with anything?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

He shouldn't. But it's very possible that Simon. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Maxson is shutting up shop coming down the back alley. Which confirms something or other.

[Francis Blake]

You mean if he weren't hiding something, he wouldn't use the back way?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Perhaps we're far enough away from the alley for him not to notice. Look, he's turning the corner.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Louie, I am alert. Not for nothing was I a boy scout. Although, actually, when I was a boy scout, four was a certain girl scout.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hold it a minute. He's getting into that.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

He's a villain. That's a convertible. Everybody knows only villains ride around in convertibles.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

He started Louie here. Hey, Look, Maxim's stopping.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Yeah, I better stop right here, huh?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Huh?

[Francis Blake]

Simon, he's going into that nightclub.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Interesting place for a store manager to finish his evening's work. Let's go. Francis.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Leave me know how the floor show is.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'll be sure to.

[Francis Blake]

Barker's bandbox. I've heard of the club.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah, and I've heard of Barker. Nothing complimentary either. Well, here it is. And in we go. Dark, crowded and needs ventilation. The floor show. Emphasis on show.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, Mr. Maxson's over there.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah, ducking out of the door near the piano. Let's follow in these shifty footsteps, huh?

[Francis Blake]

Gee, I hope nobody notices with what's going on.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Or rather, coming off. I don't think so.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, it's so dark in this hallway.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah.

[Jake Barker]

Listen.

[Francis Blake]

I can't hear what they're saying.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

We can get a little closer.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Now, wait a minute, Bark. I've been waiting long enough.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Where are the stones?

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I told you, the girl disappeared.

[Jake Barker]

I know what you told me. Don't give me the stones. Now, suppose you tell me where the stones are.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I don't know where they are.

[Francis Blake]

Stones.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Barker's got quite a reputation as a crook of various kinds. Stones are jewelry. And unquestionably stolen jewelry. I.

[Announcer]

Having fun, fellas? Hope I didn't frighten you. Lady coming up behind you, stool. Nosy people like this.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

That was her asthma.

[Announcer]

Yeah. This here's a rod.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

How.

[Francis Blake]

How cute. Could I see it? Simon? I've got his gun.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah, and I've got a fist. Let's see what happens. How gratifying. I hit him and he fell down.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Jake.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come on. All that could happen to us in here. Jake would be. Well.

[Francis Blake]

They fired at us. I hope.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I know. It's always a little nervous making. Well, here we are.

[Francis Blake]

Thanks, Simon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No, not yet. I'm going in with you. But no. For safety.

[Francis Blake]

Oh,

[Olga]

you.

[Francis Blake]

You think?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Maybe I'm just not taking any chances. Foyer's all right. Living room. Frances.

[Announcer]

What?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Don't look across the room. Olga's back, but this time she's staying.

[Olga]

What do you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I hoped you wouldn't see her. She isn't beautiful anymore.

[Francis Blake]

No, just dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I better phone the police.

[Francis Blake]

Wait, Simon. You know, this thing started with Francis Blake being dead.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But it wasn't Francis Blake. It was another.

[Francis Blake]

And then someone else got killed.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Olga still not Francis Blake.

[Francis Blake]

But, Simon, the next time. Do you. Do you think maybe it will be.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Come on, boys. Let's get out of here. Good night, Temple.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Good night, Lieutenant. Thanks for dropping over. Exit. Alga. Exit.

[Jake Barker]

Police.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Francis.

[Francis Blake]

Yes, Simon?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You better go to bed. I'll stay on. It's almost morning anyway.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, I couldn't sleep. Would you like me to fix some breakfast?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Say, that's not a bad idea, if you feel up to it.

[Francis Blake]

I don't know how I feel. You stay right where you are. Won't take me more than a few minutes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

All right.

[Announcer]

Okay. That's all the sound you're gonna make, Sister.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The gun's loaded.

[Announcer]

If you got ideas about yelling for help, remember this. Bullets get to you quicker than help. Let's get out of here. By the service door like I come in.

[Francis Blake]

But, Simon.

[Announcer]

Boyfriend. You write him a letter from where you're going. If you're lucky, Sister, and I hope you're lucky, you're too pretty to enjoy dying so quick.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hey, Francis, what are you cooking?

[Francis Blake]

Steak.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Francis, I don't intend to oversee your cooking. But, Francis. Francis.

[Jake Barker]

Oh, here she is.

[Announcer]

Mr. Parker.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yeah.

[Jake Barker]

Nice work, Jake.

[Francis Blake]

Hi. I want to know what this is all about.

[Jake Barker]

Yeah, I bet you do. You and me both, baby. What'd you do with the stones?

[Francis Blake]

The stone?

[Jake Barker]

Yeah. Yeah, the chorus girls delight the old man's charm. The stones.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, you mean jewels. I don't have any.

[Jake Barker]

Maybe not, Anya. But you're gonna tell us where they are, won't you, baby?

[Francis Blake]

Suppose I don't know.

[Jake Barker]

I wouldn't care to believe that.

[Francis Blake]

Well, you. You'd better start, because I don't know.

[Jake Barker]

All right, I'll start not believing you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Jake.

[Announcer]

Yeah?

[Jake Barker]

I don't believe her. I don't think she's behaving right.

[Announcer]

You don't, huh?

[Jake Barker]

I don't.

[Announcer]

Okay, Mr. Barker.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

What?

[Francis Blake]

What are you gonna do?

[Announcer]

I'll slap you around a bit. It's gonna hurt you more than it hurts me, too.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, no, you can't.

[Announcer]

Wanna bet?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hold it. Hold it a minute. Jake. Yeah, Barker. Who are you? Simon Templar. You've got Francis Blake there, haven't you?

[Jake Barker]

It's your phone call.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You must have. Listen, if you don't hurt her in any way, I'll get you the stones you're looking for. She doesn't know where they are.

[Jake Barker]

Matter of fact, where are the stones?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The Carter Cleaner Shop.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Look, don't hand me that.

[Jake Barker]

We already been through the joint.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But you didn't know where to look.

[Jake Barker]

Yeah, that could be a deal.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Okay.

[Jake Barker]

But your girlfriend will be under a gun all the time. First funny move when she gets it. No funny moves. We'll be seeing you. Okay, Jake. We're going visiting. Maybe we'll trade in a Babe for the stones. If the stones are handed over. If they ain't, we'll just trade her in.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Good morning. And. Oh, you were here last night.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

That's right, Mr. Maxson. I was looking for a plaid coat. Plaid? Yes. Maybe it would be here on this rack.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Oh, it wouldn't be there. You see, this rack is for dresses.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

And this is for last night. Sorry to have upset you, Mr. Maxson, but company's coming and I've got to set the table for them.

[Jake Barker]

Joint looks clean.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

No blue uniforms around.

[Jake Barker]

Parker, Jake.

[Announcer]

Okay,

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

here we go, baby.

[Francis Blake]

I can walk by my.

[Jake Barker]

Yeah, I know, I know. But I enjoy your company.

[Francis Blake]

Simon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello, Francis.

[Announcer]

You templa?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

That's right, Simon.

[Announcer]

Hey, stay next to me, sister.

[Jake Barker]

I better just lock the door so we won't be interrupted. All right. Where are the stones?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

They're in the place here. They must be.

[Jake Barker]

I don't like the sound of that. It could be a stall.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

What's that? Mr. Maxson. He fell down while he was pressing some suits or something.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Barker]

Get up, Maxson.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come on. Oh.

[Narrator]

Oh.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Oh. Hello, Mr. Barker. Hello, Rat.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, you.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

You don't have to talk that way, Mr. Barker. I can't help it if the stones were stolen from me. If the woman double crossed me.

[Announcer]

This babe here.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Yeah, why don't you work her over, Mr. Barker and her boyfriend. After all, they're the ones who killed Olga, aren't they? It was a narrow path.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Never mind Olga. I like the kid.

[Jake Barker]

I sent her out. The job, she got it.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Business.

[Jake Barker]

You gotta cut your losses when you have to. I still want the stones.

[Announcer]

Are you?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

They are here. They have to be. Then find them. I've looked, but they're hidden cleverly.

[Jake Barker]

You sound like a guy up a tree, mister. And in just a couple of seconds, I'm gonna cut that tree down.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Tree? Hey, wait a minute. Tree. Suppose you wanted to hide a tree so you couldn't find it. Where would you hide it?

[Jake Barker]

I ain't interested in hiding trees.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You'd hide it in a forest. Of course. Therefore, going through the place, I noticed Frances go through that dress rack.

[Francis Blake]

Dress rack?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Find a dress, Any dress that doesn't seem to belong.

[Francis Blake]

Well, all right.

[Announcer]

I don't get it, boss. Who wants to hide a tree? Shut up, Jacob. Maybe said something.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, sorry. I'm not sure what you mean. But this shop is in a pretty expensive neighborhood. All the dresses here are very good ones. Except this one. It's quite cheap. Covered with cheap rhinestones.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Let me have it. Yes, of course. It doesn't belong here. Why is it here? Because it's a forest.

[Jake Barker]

Looks like a rag to me. Not like a forest.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Then suppose you take another look at some of the rhinestones on it.

[Jake Barker]

Let me have it.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hey, most of the things sewn on that dress are cheap rhinestones.

[Jake Barker]

But among them are the genuine stones, the ones we've been looking for. Well, nice work, Maxson.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

I didn't know anything about it. Somebody else must have done it.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The frame.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Here.

[Jake Barker]

Oh, no, kid.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

Wait a minute, Parker. Wait for what?

[Jake Barker]

I'm gonna tell you something. Max.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No. Bo. You sure told him.

[Jake Barker]

Never did like a double crosser. Hey, where you going?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

If it occurred to me you mightn't like witnesses either. Frankie, stay behind.

[Francis Blake]

I wait.

[Jake Barker]

Pressing machines build up quite a lot of clean pressure.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I kick the outlet pipe off and it's aimed at you. You better scrambarker, unless you want to get pub oil.

[Louie (Cab Driver)]

It's getting too hot in here.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come on. You leaving us?

[Francis Blake]

Oh, they've gone.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes, Francis, but not for long. And the police won't have much trouble picking them up with them all. Forgive me, but I can't resist it with them all steamed up.

[Francis Blake]

Simon, I'm terribly grateful, but I can't resist Francis asking you what it was all about.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, an intellectual, huh? Well, you see, Francis, Maxson and Barker were partners in the jewelry business. Illegitimate. They worked out a nice idea. They'd use very distinctive clothes left with a cleaning shop as disguises for themselves and their confederates.

[Francis Blake]

Oh, and disguises which couldn't be traced because they'd lead back only to perfectly innocent people who had alibis and everything.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Right. And the last job they did involved a girl who wore your plaid coat while stealing the jewels. Maxson, however, decided he wanted all the jewels for himself. So he killed the girl and hid the stones.

[Francis Blake]

And Olga.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

He had to kill Olga because she suspected something wrong and came to this apartment because that's where the plaid coat came from.

[Francis Blake]

Well, but how did you know that Maxson had killed her?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Back in the shop? He said Olga had been killed in this apartment. How did he know that?

[Francis Blake]

Because he'd killed her. Oh, Simon, what would I have done without you?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The question is, what are you gonna do with.

[Narrator]

You have been listening to another transcribed Adventure of the Saint, the Robin Hood of modern crime. Now here is our star, Vincent Price.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Ladies and gentlemen. Our cast tonight included Shirley Mitchell, Viola Vaughn, Larry Dobkin, Lou Merrill, Tony Barrett and Jack Moyles. This is Vincent Price inviting you to join us again next week at the same time for another exciting adventure of the Saint. Good night.

[Narrator]

Tonight's script of the Saint was written by Louis Vitis. The music was composed and conducted by Von Dexter. The Saint, based on characters created by Leslie Charteris, is a James L. Safier production and is directed by Helen Mack. Vincent Price is soon to be seen co starring in RKO's production of his Kind of Woman. All you Saint fans will be glad to know that the Saint comic books are on sale at all newsstands. Your announcer is Don Stanley.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Programs.

[Narrator]

Get your programs here.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Tomorrow night.

[Narrator]

Tune here for Nightbeat. Hear the unusual tales uncovered by reporter Randy Stone as he searches Chicago After Dark for human interest stories. Tomorrow night and every Monday night here, Night Beat. And then stay tuned for the first Piano Quartet. Next, Sam Spade cuts a caper. Then Rose Bampton sings on NBC.