← Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
The Founding Father’s Secrets: What You DIDN’T KNOW About George Washington
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Chris DiStefano
What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Christeries. I am Chris DiStefano, aka Christerie DiStefano, and this is Christeries. Today we're gonna go back in time to one of our favorite founding fathers. Okay, no, we're not talking about Elon Musk. We are talking about your boy, George Washington. A lot of you guys think you know George, but y' all don't know. And we about to tell you, okay? He's my king. Here's the thing about George. Ew. So George Washington, born in Virginia, February 22, 1732. That's where we celebrate President's Day. Yasmine. So George Washington, he was the first child of his father's second marriage, and he was one of six siblings. A lot of people had kids back then because nobody pulled out. And George was tall, athletic, and he loved the outdoors. Ooh, is he single? And he would horseback ride and fish and survey the land in the wilderness. He was just a man. And you've all heard that story that when George was a young boy, he chopped down his father's favorite cherry tree with the hatchet. And then when he asked honestly, when his dad asked him honestly, he said, I cannot tell a lie, I did it. And his father was proud of his honesty. And the story became a symbol of truthfulness. Well, survey says that's a lie. The story is untrue and actually never happened. Okay, it didn't happen. We're rewriting history. It's the truth. Now, Americans learned that George Washington, father of our country, because he was the first president, and he led the fight for independence. And all that is true. He really, the first presidente, cannot deny that. Okay? He really was the leader of the Continental army that defeated the mighty British. Can't deny that. But some things about him, you know, we fabricate a little bit. We just decided to just make it a bigger deal than it actually was. And that's okay. That's called being an American, and that's just called fighting for what's yours. And that's just called having freedom. And that's just called being the number one country in the world. And will do what? Whatever we want to do. Talking to you, Russia. Here's the thing. A lot of this stuff that you know about George Washington, it was written by his biographer, a man by the name of Mason Locke Weems. Mason Locke Weems. So that was. He had three names. Usually, right back in the day, people had three names. Now it's usually just black people, but back in the day, Everybody had three names. I don't know why I said that, but I just do know a couple of my friends who are black. They, they do have three names. And that's just something that I like about them. And it's different about them. And we're all the same, but we have little differences and that's what makes human beings human beings. Now he made up a lot of stuff, okay? He would tell, make like an event that was somewhat true and then he would try to create some moral tale about it. But he was, you know, he was basically, at the end of the day, he was lying. Mason Locke Weems told some lies about George Washington. And then George Washington, we kind of thought about his lies and we said, you know what, let's tell the children. Let's tell the children the truth about George Washington. But from the point of view of we're lying. George's father, his name was Augustine, which is an interesting name. I was born in August when George was 11. The family didn't really have much. They were poor. I mean, you know, I mean, ish. I mean, they had fewer resources. They weren't poor. I mean, they still had slaves. George, he didn't have access to the formal education that his older brothers had. He never went to college and was mostly self taught. So he was good, he was street smart kind of guy like that. He was not going to school. He was protesting outside of Columbia. Now he had an older brother named Lawrence, which. I like that name, Lawrence. We should bring that name back, Larry. Now, Lawrence served in the British military and lived at Mount Vernon in Virginia. Now here's the thing. You gotta understand. A lot of these heroes of the American Revolutionary War, these colonial heroes, they would eventually go on to fight the mighty British. Years before that, they were fighting with the British because they were British subjects, okay? Don't forget, Lawrence became this role model. His older brother, he was this British military guy and all that. So that's what George Washington wanted to be. Because there was no idea of America yet. This was way before 1776. So George Washington, as a teen he worked as a land surveyor, which means he like measured and mapped the land where. Which I still don't know how they could have possibly done. I have no idea how they did that. How can you tell me that you could just walk around with the rope, all the land and then tell me that's what the state of New York looks like? I feel like you're making it up and there's no possible way to know. But they learned a Lot about geography and the value of property and probably how to evade Native Americans who wanted to kill and scalp them. He traveled through these undeveloped areas of Virginia, you know, but it taught him confidence and skills and experience with leadership. And a lot of those parts of Virginia were very dangerous. I mean, don't forget, this is undeveloped land. Very, very dangerous. And, you know, back then, it was very dangerous in Virginia, and it still is. It's a little place called Virginia Beach. Now, George didn't come from, you know, extreme wealth, as I said, but he was ambitious, disciplined, and he was very serious. He was a very serious boy. People notice this boy is very confident. He's a very confident, serious boy. He went to Barbados, George Washington, in 1751. Barbados. Here's the thing. I really don't know why he was going down there. Initially. I had it was because maybe he was going to get a prostitute. But then I realized that prostitution is legal everywhere. Back then, his brother, Lawrence Washington, was dying of tuberculosis. Okay, that's cough up blood. That is not good. So now, you know, it's literally the symptoms of tuberculosis. Cough up blood, lose all this weight, have all these problems with your digestive tract. It literally looked like people on Ozempic. What doctors believe, though, that the warm Caribbean climate, that it might improve Lawrence's health. That doctor said, why don't you just go down to the Caribbean, go down to Barbados. The sunlight will be good, the prostitutes will be good, and it will help you with your tb. This was George's only trip outside the American mainland ever in his life. He never left the American mainland. That was one time in 1751. And then he stayed on the American mainland in 13 colonies his whole life. Never went to England, none of that. So that's something that I think is very interesting, because you would think that guy was a world traveler. And he was like, no, no, no. You stay your ass in the thirteen colonies. Except that one time you went to Barbados because your brother was dying of tuberculosis. But during the visit, he got smallpox. Aw, he got smallpox. Which left him with a lifelong facial scars. He had all messed up. And also. But it also gave him immunity, which is good. But I also think, because you'll figure out. We'll talk about this later on, he never had any children. And a lot of people think some diseases that he may have had might have made him sterile. And your boy just had no swimmers, or the swimmers that he did have just couldn't, you know, fertilize an egg. He was shooting blanks. That's what Happens now, as we said, this is 1751. US is not even. You know, it's not an. It's a little bit of an idea, but it's not America. This is a British colonial subject. We, the thirteen colonies, were Britain's prized possession. We were not our own country, though make absolutely no mistake, we were British. So King James, the first of England, he established the colonies in America, right? Thirteen colonies. We got it all. We call them the 13 original colonies, the 13American colonies. But back then, there were the 13 British colonies, and again, they were important. The 13 colonies, this little swath of land that we have is still one of the most important pieces of land in the whole world, one of the most fertile, has all different seasons, and it really pretty much is like, I would fight and defend for 13 colonies forever. I won't necessarily go that hard for the other states. If you want me to, I will. But, like, honestly, if you're like, hey, we're going to, you know, ISIS wants New Mexico. I'm like, guys, give them New Mexico. Give them New Mexico. Seriously, okay? Give them New Mexico. I would like it. I'm a thirteen Colonies kid, so I really don't want to lose Massachusetts, New York. I'll even take Delaware. That's how much I mess with the thirteen Colonies. I will take Delaware. The thirteen Colonies, you know, we established them as a land, and this is our land, but obviously we just. What we did is we removed Native Americans. I mean, Native Americans have been living on this American landmass for thousands of years. And we just said, like, go over there, take a cigarette. The relationship between the colonists and the Native Americans at first, I think was probably pretty good. They were trading with them. And, you know, I'm sure that the colonists were, you know, not trading with them fairly. I don't think that Native Americans, from all accounts, seem like they had good spirits and had kind hearts, but they also did have slaves. Just know that. That Native Americans just know that nobody's innocent back then, okay? I just want to tell you that I know it's very easy in history to be like, whitey was bad and whitey was probably the worst, but just know that they weren't the only ones, okay? Everybody was very, very bad back then because people were just being animals, you know? I don't know if the Native Americans really trusted the colonists 100%, but there was somewhat enough trust to trade and do things like that. And then as settlers expanded west, they just started taking the Native Americans land. So at first it was nice, but Then it got not nice, and they just started stealing everyone's land, you know, the colonists, and killing everyone. And then, you know, the colonists would kill a Native American, The Native American would come back and scalp a colonist, and it's just what it was. But us is still not even close to becoming the United States of America. But we're going to get to that. Also, the French were here. All right, so the French were in North America, like Canada and the upper northern and the upper colonies. That was France. France was to the north, and then Spain was to the south, but France was there, and they claimed a huge region of Canada, as we said. And then down the Mississippi Valley all the way to Louisiana. Remember the Louisiana Purchase? That's gonna happen 30, 40 years from now. So right now, that whole area in the middle of the country, that's owned by France. So you gotta think about this from the colonists point of view, who are viewing themselves as British subjects. They had Spain to the south, who they thought was a foreign enemy. They had France to the west, who was a foreign enemy because they were British subjects. And then they had Native Americans just running around wanting to kill them all. So for the United States, they were basically. We don't necessarily want to be independent. The colonists, they were like, british protects us. So you gotta understand that Britain back in the day, the mindset of colonists in the 1700s were like, we don't necessarily want to be free because we kind of feel like if we free ourselves from the British Empire, we're just going to get scalped by the Native Americans or the French are going to stick baguettes up our ass, or the Spanish are just going to be Spanish. I digress. Let's get back to George Washington. And I'm not going to adjust my wig. So in colonial Virginia, they had militias, all right? And now militias. You've heard of them. They were like, basically organized colony. There we go. Colony by colony, to protect against mostly Native American threats. So, you know. Or. I mean, it was mostly Native American threats, but once in a while, French military would get involved. But what a militia is, is a group of civilian soldiers, men who aren't part of a regular army. Okay? They can just be called up to fight in emergencies, like kind of like the National Guard. It's like they'll just kind of call them up in emergencies, like, hey, we got a protest breaking out. Get down there and shoot somebody with a rubber bullet. So in 1752, at the age of 20, right? So in those days, a ripe old man, the Virginia Governor appointed George Washington District Adjutant. District adjutant, which is like a regional officer. So he was kind of the little. He was the main guy in his little area. And his job was to organize and prepare citizen soldiers in frontier areas for possible conflicts, because that's really what the economy was back then. It's like, we trade, we barter, and then we just stand guard because at any moment, one of these motherfuckers want to kill us. It was the first big step in his military career. He was like a big, strong George Washington man. And then the next year, in 1753, when Georgie was 21, the governor of Virginia chose him for this diplomatic mission that was pretty dangerous to go tell the French to leave the Ohio Valley. All right? So he's basically like representing the British, telling the whole French army like, y' all gotta leave Ohio, so. Or else we're gonna be mad. And of course, the French said, oh, we are not leaving. And then this is gonna lead to a little thing called the French and Indian War, which is now called the French and Native American War, because Indian is not okay. So the French and Indian War, 1754-1763, was a conflict between Britain and France over control of North America. So think about the North American land you're living in right now, or maybe listening to right now, or maybe you don't live there at all. Maybe. Maybe you're listening to this live from Pakistan. I don't know, wherever you are, just know that the French and Indian War from 1754 to 1763 is going to set up a whole domino effect of stuff that eventually gives us our freedom. And I'm going to tell you why it was called the Seven Years War. Was like, that's what they call it in Britain. But here we call it the French and Indian War because we just, like, anytime we have an opportunity to just say the word Indian, we will do it. And it was mainly over the land and the trade rights. So George Washington was actually a young militia officer in this war. So, again, this is the wild part of George Washington's history that I don't know if many people know, but he fought for the British. George Washington, at a point in his life, was fighting for the British. In the French and Indian War, there was a battle. It was called Fort Necessity. Washington's troops were outnumbered, had to surrender, and it was a setback. But Washington's calm leadership and willingness to negotiate saved many people's lives and kept the British claim alive in the region. And here's the thing. There's One thing about George Washington, and you saw it here in this battle of Fort necessity, Benjamin Franklin, later in life, after we had already won our independence and all that said basically why George Washington was such a great leader is because he knows when to surrender where other generals would just not surrender and would just fight for their pride and ego and then the whole army would be killed. But George Washington knew when it was a lost cause and to retreat, and that's what kept the army alive. He would just accept George. He said, george Washington accepts the reality for what it is, not for what he wishes it to be. So that was the key thing about him, about Georgie boy. And then he meets Martha Washington, who we know now was a man. JK jk but some people say that, and there's a really good play where Martha Washington's played by a guy and who knows? You never know. I mean, all the guys used to dress up in high heels and stockings anyway back then. So it's just what it is. Oh, that's Lincoln. Sorry, I've just got. I just got news off camera that that was Lincoln. Mary Todd Lincoln. So that's a series, that's an episode for another day. But I'm just gonna go with. Everybody was trans back then. Factor Meals. Fresh and ready to eat, baby. I like factor especially going now into the summer and beyond. I mean, you want to make things quick. You want to have things that are healthy. With 45 weekly menu options, you pick gourmet meals that fit your summer gains and goals. You can do the calorie smart, the protein plus the keto. I like the keto one. It's amazing. And factor powers your day up. Sun up to sundown. They got nutritious breakfasts on the go, lunches and premium dinners, guilt free snacks and desserts, all with Factor. Enjoy more this summer. Get Factor if you want all the flavor and none of the food fuss. I actually really do like factor. My family and I, I mean, we've been subscribed to it for years. So I'm happy that they're advertising on the pod. So get started right now@Factor Meals.com Chaos50 off and use code CHAOS50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code CHAOS50OFF@Factor Meals.com chaos50OFF for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor Meals.com chaos50OFF. Go do it. I love Factor and I know you will too. Martha met George Washington in early 1758. Now George was 26. This rising military officer hottie with A body tall. He could survey the land, was fighting in the war. Martha was 27, beautiful, and already had two kids. So Martha was out there. She already had two kids. You know, she's probably divorced or her husband died. Actually, probably not divorced. I would assume her husband died because she was already 27. So, I mean, how long could you live back then? So she was this widow, and he immediately fell in love with her. George Washington just loved her. Fell in love with her. Yeah. She got two kids. You know, whatever. He's about to be a stepdaddy. I know what that's like, Georgie, and you just do it. Being a step parent is a very thankless job. You do it, and you show the same love and care for that child as your own children, and you will get none of the respect back. And that's just what it is. You just swallow it. So Martha, like I said, was a widow. She had married this guy, Daniel Park Custis, and then he died. They got married at, like, 18. Then he died a few years later. But she inherited one of the largest estates in Virginia and became one of Virginia's richest women. Okay. This girl was like the Oprah of colonial Virginia. George Washington and Martha married in 1759. They had a brief courtship, because back then, it's like, what are we gonna do? Take our time here. We're all dying of scurvy. So it was cute. They wrote each other letters, and they just had a cute, very cute relationship, but they never had any children together. I think a lot of people. I was shocked to find out that George Washington, even though he's our founding father, never had any biological children of our own. So he said, you, the American colonists, are my children. He's American Jesus. That's who he is. And remember, remember what I said earlier? A lot of doctors now think he became sterile from the smallpox he got in Barbados. Okay? And I want to say that that's probably true. He definitely was sterile from Barbados. But it might not have been the smallpox. Might have been some venereal diseases, because Barbados women would be getting crazy. I've been down there once. No jk. I never went. So their marriage was very warm and very respectful. As a matter of fact, when George Washington died, Martha buried. And then when Martha died, she made sure that all the letters between George and Martha were buried with them. So there were no, you know, that was very, very private. So in other words, if George and Martha were alive today, they would not have a reality show that was not the type of people they are. They were More private. They were saying, we're not going to, we're going to keep our secrets to ourselves and not let anyone know what's going on. They were more, they were kind of, you know, not reality stars. They were more, they were more like Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein energy. Let's keep it to ourselves. So French and Indian war ends. All right, now here's the thing. French and Indian wars ending 1763. Now Britain lost pretty much and they were in debt and they began taxing the colonists. So that's the thing, Britain, whether you fight a war, when you fight a war, whether you win or lose, you go bankrupt. So what do you do? Oh, I'm gonna tax my subjects, the 13 colonists. Because by the way, the colony, of all the British subjects, the colonies they were, had them, they were making the most money, you know, cotton, tobacco, they just, they were pumping money. So they were like, oh, we'll tax them. So, so the Stamp Act 1765 and the Tea Act 1773, you know, when the Boston Tea Party throw the tea into the water, all that stuff. Colonists get angry because they start to say, look, you're taxing us and we're not even represented in Parliament. So you've heard of no taxation without representation. That was this time. And became the rallying cry of colonists out there being like, hey, we got The Boston Massacre, 1770, where British troops just fired along at Bostonians for, you know, really they shouldn't have done that. They kind of just shot them cuz it was just like a mob. And the British soldiers were getting angry. It's like, hello, rubber bullets. The Boston Tea Party, 1773. They threw the tea into the Boston harbor. And then colonists started organizing little militias and they started boycotting British goods and they started having these debates like do we want to be independent? Because like I told you before, that was a big decision. You got to put yourself in colonists shoes, put yourselves in those little wooden shoes back then and say to yourself, what would you do? Okay, because you're you, yeah, you want to be represented in Parliament, but like that's for rich people. Think about someone who wasn't wealthy. Think about, put yourself in the shoes. I'm a colonist, I'm a normal person. I have a regular job. I'm saying to myself, I have a wife, a couple of kids, a couple of mistresses. I'm just living colonial life. I have a horse, a mule. Do I want to have this independence from the British, they protect me. I have the French to the west who at that moment was still an enemy wants to kill us. I have the Spanish to the south want to kill us. I have Native Americans everywhere that want to kill us. The only reason they are not killing us is because we are British subjects and they're not going to mess with the British. A Native American knows. Your Spanish country knows, Spanish soldier knows. If I kill a colonist, then that's going to be an act of war for the British. And I don't want to deal with that. So you have to think to yourself, like, why do I want to really be independent? So a lot of people now, when you look back at the history, this kind of felt like, even though I'm very happy to be independently free from the British, you kind of realize that, oh, this was just very, very rich people, like the very, very rich colonists kind of wanting what they want. And it was probably a money grab. They were probably like, oh, we'll make more money if we're independent because we make, we can make all these goods, all this tobacco and molasses and everything else. We can make all these goods and make a lot more money if we're not having to give a piece of it to the British. So let's convince these colonists, who are highly uneducated and farmers and just regular people, that they want to be independent and free too. But this is about George Washington. So sorry, I just got a little excited. Now, George is a married man. He's got his wife Martha, focused on life in Mount Vernon. He's like, look, I got a plantation to run here. I got my wife, I got my slaves. What more does a man need? So, and he was a respected landowner. Okay. You know, again, that's the thing is George Washington was always ironic to me. But again, different, different time. But it was always ironic to me that George Washington, who was the founder of freedom, had slaves. That was just always like, oh, that's interesting little wrinkle. And you know, he was high ranking Virginian, right? He was in the Virginia House of Burgesses, which they voiced concerns about British policies. And he was one of the representatives that was sent to the First Continental Congress in 1774 in Philadelphia. And he, you know, it was interesting for George because he was loyal to the crown, right? He fought for the British army. But then he started to get frustrated by British overreach. The British just pushed too hard. They did too much. Okay. They just went too hard and it was like, calm down, calm down. So this is where the 13 colonies had to come together to coordinate a unified response back to British policies and assert colonial rights and kind of say, we want to be our own free nation. This started happening at this first continental Congress in 1774 in Philadelphia. I'd like some cream cheese. All right. I want to talk to you about Lucy. 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Okay, Lucy breakers, what are they? They are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. 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Now, I have to read this next part 100% verbatim. So just buckle up and here comes the fine print. Luci products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So tensions are escalating, okay? They're getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and people are getting angry. And Congress kind of wants peace, and they're petitioning to the king. Hey, can we just have peace, King George, please? And it's just not working. Okay? Washington returns to George Washington returns to Virginia. And he starts to say. I think he felt it. He was like, look, I know that this is gonna lead to war, so let me start drilling my local troops, you know? He was like, I just know that the British are gonna push us into war. And I don't really have anything else to do. I'm sterile. I can't have children, so I might as well just start drilling these troops and getting these guys ready, because they're probably all gonna die. So in April 1775, war against Britain begins. The Battle of Lexington and Concord. Shots are fired between colonial militia and the British troops in Massachusetts. That was called the shot heard round the world. You ever heard that? The shot heard around the world. That was this April 1775. Battles of Lexington and Concord, where we actually, we got a couple. We got a couple off. We got a couple of British soldiers got quick. I mean, then they turned around and killed mostly everybody. But we did get a couple, y' all. So don't forget that, boo. This causes the second Continental Congress to convene. So you had the first one in 1774, the second one May 1775. Now the delegates. It's not about peace anymore. It's not about negotiations. Like, yo, we need an army, okay? We, we need an army. The only issue we have is nobody knows how to fight. That's the only issue, is we got a lot of farmers and they kind of. They're good with pitchforks. Like, we can definitely. We can grow food for the army. That's no problema. But we don't really know how to fight British because you have to understand the British at that time was that they had an actual professional army. Like it was. It could be your job to be a soldier. That wasn't like that in the thirteen colonies. They more got drafted. Now you're fighting the actual pros, okay? You're fighting the actual professional army. It's like when, you know, countries want to pop off against America and it's like, well, now you're fighting the pros, okay? We're the NBA of killers. It's not me. I don't know how to do any of that. And I have psoriasis and a psychological condition that prevents me from going to war. So war happens, right? We all know it's starting. Started in 1775. And now we're going to now war. Washington's army is kind of getting destroyed. I mean, that part we've seen in movies, TVs, you know, it's a ragtag colonial army. The winter. Winter kills armies, okay? It kills armies. Winter killed everybody. From Washington's army to Hitler's army, Winter just kills people. So starvation, illness, freezing temps. I mean, think about that. You're out there in the 1700s, you barely, you know, you're wearing stuff like this and you're dying. You're freezing to death. But what happened was there was a Prussian officer, his name was Baron von Steuben. And he drilled these soldiers. He knew Prussia was also a professional army. Baron von Steuben. And they came out tougher and better prepared for war. And you Want to know a little fun fact about Baron von Steuben? And we'll do another Christie Reeves on him at a later date. He was gay. That's a true story. Baron von Steuben was openly gay. And back then nobody cared. That's the thing about all these labels we have now. Back in those days, nobody cared. Do you know why? Do you know why you care so much about all the. You know why you have a problem every day of your life? Cuz you're living in peacetime and you're free and you're not in the middle of a war. When you're in the middle of a war, you could care less who's gay, who's straight, who's what, bathroom you're in. So just know that that's a product of peace time. Because us, as human beings, our baseline is to always be at war. So even when there are no problems, y' all gonna create problems. So Crossing the Delaware. This is that famous painting where you've seen. He's on, you know, on one knee crossing the Delaware with people rowing the boat behind him. And he's just there, probably crop dusting as they're going across the Delaware. So George Washington, he had to cross the Delaware because the. Here's what happened. The Continental army, they needed a win. They were getting their asses handed to them by the British. Again, professional army versus soldiers with guns they probably didn't even know how to use. There was low morale because you got again, put yourself in the shoes of this Continental soldier. He probably didn't even want to fight the war in the first place. Cuz he's like, I care about my little farm. I got my wife, my kids also. He's now out there fighting this war miles and miles away from his home, who's tending to his farm. Back then, women didn't really know how to do those things. Their role was, I take care of the children, you do the work. That's what the roles were. It was a very chauvinistic type society. So it's like, what is the woman gonna do? She, I mean, she probably tried, but at the end of the day it's like, I can't do this. I need my husband to come. I have 11 kids. So you have to understand there was. Morale was low. These guys were like, what are we fighting for? I want to go home. And we're getting killed left and right. So what he did was this Delaware river, he planned a attack on the Hessian forces in Trenton, New Jersey. Now the Hessians Are basically just think of them as German mercenaries, German soldiers for hire. And, you know, Germany as, you know, you know, you're probably very familiar with them, with the Nazis. German soldiers, they have this aggression in them. From the beginning of time, the Hessian soldiers were, like, notoriously ruthless, Better soldiers than the British even, like, were just absolute killing machines. So it was very scary to have to face these Hessians. But George Washington's like. George Washington was like, we got to do it. I got to try to fight for our country. I mean, you know, I have no kids, so. So he plans the surprise attack on the Hessian forces in Trenton, New Jersey. He crosses the river at night, which was the only way to reach them undetected. And he struck them when they were vulnerable. Now, Christmas night. Merry Christmas. December 26, 1776. George Washington crosses that icy Delaware river and leads this surprise attack during a snowstorm. His troops were cold, they were hungry, no equipment, but they pushed through night, crossed in boats, artillery, horses, everything. And they marched several miles to Trenton, New Jersey, which is now the state capital. And they surprised the Hessian soldiers at dawn again, the highly equipped, highly trained German soldiers that were hired by the British. And they won. The patriots won a major victory. And they catapulted nearly 1,000 Hessians just out of the region. Killed them. They just won. And it boosted all this morale across the colonies, and it was pretty amazing. And if you ever want to go down and see where he crossed, one of the coolest places to go is this little place called New Hope, Pennsylvania. A very cute town, gay little town, that they have all these crossings there. And it really is awesome to see, because this famous painting, which was actually, you know, we've memorialized it now, Emmanuel Lutz was the one who painted it, but in reality, you know, we painted in the light, you know, standing in front of the boat and all that. And that was also a lie, because in reality, it was pitch dark snowing, and no one really would have stood without. He would have capsized the boat. That's the truth, is Emmanuel Lutz made a nice picture on it. But if he would have done it the regular. I mean, if George Washington would have done that, one of his own soldiers would have killed him because the whole boat would have flipped over. So everyone would just sit down and shut up and row, damn it, row. Here we go. Happy 4th of July. The founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence in Philadelphia on July 4, 1776. George Washington wasn't there, okay? He was stationed with his troops in New York Bracing for battle. And then they received the document days later because, you know, pony express. And every soldier needed to understand now what they're fighting for. So July 9, 1776, Washington gathered his troops and he read the Declaration of Independence aloud in camp. And then some soldiers even. Sorry, some soldiers, they even tore down the statue of King George. And afterwards they melted it into bullets. So isn't that interesting? You know, there's one of the statues downtown in New York City. If you go downtown by Battery Park City, they have a little area. I know exactly where it is. And there's a little park that's still there that was there back then. And this is where they tore down a statue of King George and melted it into bullets and then shot those bullets at the British soldiers who were coming in to invade New York. So it's a little cute, little, cute, little woke soldier moment, taking down the statues. It is not okay. So there was a shift in spirit in a way because this kind of transformed this as just like a rebellion into a full fight for independence. They knew that it wasn't just about resisting British rule anymore. It was now about, we want our own nation. And they needed to do that because again, morale was low. A lot of soldiers in the Continental army at that time, they were on like year long contracts. And when those contracts were up, they just left. Some of them even left before. They just deserted because they're like, I'm not doing this. Like, this has nothing to do with me. A lot of soldiers, even if they were patriots, they felt that way. They were like, this is about the rich guys. They want, they want to be separate, but like, we really don't. So they needed some type of document to. It's basically like, you know, galvanizing people like Thomas Paine. There's a man named Thomas Paine. He wrote a little pamphlet called Common Sense. And this thing, this little pamphlet basically told the people of the time, like, don't you want to be free from the British? And basically convince them, isn't this really what you want? The Declaration of Independence? And they're doing this, they're doing that because in reality at the time, most people are like, no, I kind of don't wanna. I don't really wanna be free. Cause the British weren't really being that mean to them. It's like they were killing them. They just owned them. But they were pretty much free to do whatever they wanted to do. So they were like, why do we need to be free? So if you think about it, Thomas Paine and common sense. It was like the first viral moment, you know, it was like the first real thing to just take off that everybody saw and it changed everyone's opinions about things. It was kind of like the first two girls one cup. Today's sponsor Nutrafol Men supports hair growth from within. That's what I like to see. 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Order online, no prescription needed. Enjoy free shipping, automated deliveries and up to 20% savings with a Nutrafol subscription. And you can start your hair growth journey with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.commen that's right, nutrafol.commen and enter the promo code CHAOS. That's C H A O S. Find out why Nutrafol is the leading hair growth supplement brand on the market@nutrafol.com men spelled n u t r a f o l.com men promo code chaos. That's nutrifold.com men promo code chaos so the Revolutionary War eventually ends in 1781 when George Washington, along with the entire French army. So that's, that's the thing, right, is the French army eventually comes in and helps us win. I mean, you know, I know at some point we thought that they were our enemy because we had fought against them against the French and Indian war. But then they transition and we say to them, why don't you just be on our side and help us fight the British? Because the France, France is always looking for an opportunity to fight the British. So Benjamin Franklin went over there and convinced the king of France. King Louis to have all of France come help us win the war against the British. And again, story for another day. But just real quick, there's some evidence now that we know that Benjamin Franklin was able to convince King Louis of France to send the whole army. Because Benjamin Franklin was banging one of King Louis mistresses. So he was banging one of his mistresses and he said, hey, I'm gonna bang you out real quick. And then can you please tell Louis when you're going to bang him out that he needs to send France in because we're winning the war. Even though that was a lie. They had won like one or two battles. But he was like, just tell him while you're talking to speech. Good deal that. Just get him to say yes and sign that little document. I'll give you a little feather pen. Thank you. Here's a kite. We win the Revolutionary war, surrender at Yorktown, and now we have this new little nation here. We have this new little cute nation. I mean it didn't happen right away though. I mean we win this Revolutionary War in 1781, but I mean George Washington doesn't even become president until like 1789. Like these things, it took years for this to now get the news out, get the documents ready. Like how do you set up a country, right? It's very, very difficult. Does not happen overnight. What he did, which is very interesting, and this tells a lot about George Washington, is after he won the war, he just gave up his power of being general, right? He didn't really want that even, even eventually becoming president. He wasn't really elected. They kind of made him do that. I mean, you know, this guy, he was like, I don't want to be the leader. Cuz his whole thing was we aren't I just gonna be a king? Then that's what we just got away from. I wanna be a king. I don't wanna be a king. So now, cause it's interesting now, right, to be president, even though we're presidents, we don't call them kings. It's like you have to be, you have to have a massive ego to want to run, to become president of the United States. So even if you are a great president and a good person, it's really tough because it's almost like an oxymoron. Cuz it's like you can't tell me you're a guy that wants to do the right thing and be the president, when your whole reason for wanting to be the president is cuz you want all the power so it's this thing where it's like, so therefore nobody who's president can actually be the right choice, because the guy who's the right choice can't want the power, because then you get seduced by it. So George Washington was, I think, one of, they say, was one of the best presidents ever, because he actually didn't want it. They were like, you have to do it. So, you know, in 1783, you know, he resigns his military commission. He's like, I'm going back to my. I'm going back to my plantation. I'm going back to Mount Vernon. Martha misses me. The slaves miss me. I gotta get back. So he resigns his commission in front of Congress in Annapolis, which is the capital of Maryland. And he was saying, I'm retiring from the great theater of action, doesn't want to do it. I mean, this guy hated public speaking. He's like, I don't want to be out here anymore. I fought the wars. I got smallpox. I can't do this. Just want to go back to Virginia. The country was falling apart under the Articles of Confederation, which was our first form of government. It was like a precursor to the Constitution. There was no strong national leadership. Kind of everything was going haywire. Nobody was stepping up. No ability. They couldn't collect taxes. They couldn't regulate trade. They couldn't even stop rebellions. Like, there was Shays rebellion in Massachusetts, where, you know, now. Now you almost had, like, Massachusetts wanted to, like, secede. Like, there was just problems everywhere. It was chaos. States were acting like separate countries, which they don't do anymore. So leaders were actually begging George Washington to attend the convention to just please. Like, he was one of the most famous men in America. He was a hero. Well, not America yet. Famous men in the 13 colonies that would go on to become America. And people just trusted him. They were like, we missed this guy. This is our leader. And he was reluctant at first because he wanted to just stay at Mount Vernon, but he definitely believed the country was about to collapse. So he said, maybe I should do something. And when he showed up at the Constitutional Convention, it was like, wow, okay, this is legit now George Washington's here. And he didn't really speak much, but just being in the room calm the tensions, and it helped everyone focus on what we actually need to do here. So just George Washington being around made everyone feel calm. He was like the 1780s version of Obama, just calm and. Yeah, what do Obama and George Washington have in common? They're both married to guys Sorry, just a joke. Just a joke. Because it was a little Martha Washington guy joke. Okay? So the US Constitution was born out of this Constitutional Convention. It happened, I believe it was 1783 or 1784. Washington's leadership, and by the way, that's the Constitution that came out of this Constitutional Convention. That's the same Constitution we have today, baby. So this was a big, big deal. And it was just a brand new blueprint for government. And Washington's leadership helped turn this confusion into actual structure and this fragile country which could have absolutely fallen apart. George Washington held it together. As a matter of fact, there was this big debate too where at this Constitutional Convention, when they were doing it, their reporters were standing outside and because we didn't know, the people didn't know, is this going to be a monarchy or republic? Is this going to go just, are we going to have a king of America or president? A monarchy or republic? And then when they were walking out of it, a reporter asked Benjamin Franklin, they said, so what is it? Is it a monarchy or is it a republic? And he said, we have a republic if we can keep it. So that's what he said. So you kind of feel those a little bit, the cracks today, right? You're like, is this Republican? To make it, we'll see. We got to find our George Washington, who, let's be honest, 90% plus chance that today's George Washington is trans. And that's okay because he looked kind of trans back then. It was suggested that Washington become king, right? Like we said. But he didn't want that. He replied very sharply. He said, that idea is repugnant, okay? Repugnant. He does not want that. That's not what they fought for, not to have another king. They won something else. So they chose the word president from Latin, which means one who presides or one who leads meetings. And it suggested this role of leadership, of service moderation, was not going to be a title forever. That's the other thing. President sounded official, but it was humble and it was fitting for a democratic leader who answers to the people. It was President, Constitution, for the people, by the people, like fubu, for us, by us. Now he was unanimously elected. Okay, that's it. Don't get it twisted. Everybody wanted Georgie. Every elector voted for him, the only president in U.S. history to win unanimously. And people loved it. They loved everyone. He lined the streets to get a glimpse of this guy when he was traveling to New York City, which was the temporary capital, by the way. A lot of people don't Know that that was one of the first capitals, and it was the capital where the first president, United States, was actually inaugurated. It's right down there on Wall Street. And it was a modest inauguration. It was April 30, 1789. He took the oath on a balcony of Federal hall in New York City. There's still a statue there commemorating it if you ever go down to New York. Wore a simple brown suit, American cloth, nothing flashy. It was actually pouring rain that day. So, you know, was kind of just like not that many people were there. It was kind of like not that big of a deal, which is exactly what George Washington wanted. And, you know, he gave a very short, kind of nervous speech because he didn't really like talking. George Washington kind of. There was no rule book. He just went by instincts and gut, trusted the gut, and he kind of invented the presidency as he went along. He created a cabinet to decide, you know, to have advisors. He was the one who was deciding how to behave in public. And he really set the tone for everything that followed. He balanced authority with humility. So it was good. I'm happy to have. I'm happy to be sitting here doing this episode in 2025. And we also now again, have a humble president. And I'm just thankful for that. And when you look at his portraits, George, he hardly. He never smiled. Come on, baby girl, smile. You see them teeth. But he started losing his teeth in his 20s. That's why he didn't smile. He had no teeth. His dentures were uncomfortable and painful. Distorted his jaw. And he really didn't want to smile because I'm sure there was some insecurities about it. But it was also hard to smile from. You know, when you have no teeth, the muscle starts to droop and then can't really smile. And I just, you know, just got to tighten up that chin. So that's what it is. Now we have a little thing called Botox. Artists, like Gilbert Stewart was a famous artist at the time. He tried to minimize it. His off his portraits would show him tight lips, stiff expression, but he probably didn't look like the pictures because his face was just melting off because he had no, you know, he had no teeth, by the way, Washington having wooden teeth. That's false. It was a myth. Here's the thing. A lot of people think, oh, George Washington had wooden teeth. And it wasn't that at all. That was a lie. That was kind of just a falsity at the time. It was actually made from human teeth, probably slave teeth. So you could see why back then they were like, let's just say his teeth were wood and not from the mouths of slaves. But it's just what it was. Cow and horse teeth were in there, ivory, metal, everything. They could just, you know, kitchen sink in his mouth. But he did purchase some teeth from slaves. We know that for sure because we actually have the records, the ledgers. And so, you know, it's just what it was. That, that was life back then. It was kind of gross, but what can you do? Washington was 6 foot 2. So he was a very, very, very, very tall. For the 1700s, that was a tall man. And honestly, just that alone, just being that tall and having broad shoulders and being slightly charismatic, even though he barely talked, that was enough to be like, you should be the president. And a lot of presidents are tall. I mean, a lot of presidents are tall. I still think it's in the American mindset. Like, I want a tall strapping lad to lead me to greatness. So what did George Washington do during his presidency? Well, he stabilized the economy, created the national bank, he made the first cabinet with key advisors, Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton. So he was all about diversity. As we know, Alexander Hamilton was Dominican. So he signed laws to organize the judiciary system, Supreme Court, all this stuff is Georgie W. Policies that helped expand the nation. He dealt with Native Americans in a good way, Western settlement, he was the founding fathers. So I mean, look, the only thing I will. Oh my God, these things are itchy. How did people deal with this back then? So the only thing that he did do is he dealt with Native Americans on good ways on one hand. But on other hands, he, you know, had a lot. He was contributed to a lot of loss of Native American land and culture. So that was just, Georgie, what are you gonna do? But even this, he chose to step down after two terms, eight years total. He was 65. So that's why we have the two term limit. That was kind of George Washington saying, I'm only doing eight years of this and then stepping down, moving aside. And he was 65 years old. So I mean, think about that. This is back then, he was 65. He started the presidency at 57. Now it's like every president besides Obama, every other president, it's like they start in their 70s. It's like, what the hell, that should be a rule too. You can't. Once you're 65, you can't be president. I really think that we got to get younger. I want my president young and hot. And in his famous farewell Speech. Washington urged the country to avoid political parties, which he saw as divisive. And he warned against getting involved in foreign conflicts. So his big things were no political parties and do not meddle in foreign policies. That was his one wish. And I'm proud to say here, George, that we've done that. We've done that. We don't have divisive political parties and we don't meddle in foreign affairs. Iran, we're coming. So 1799, this is the year George Washington dies. December 14th, 1799. He was riding his horse through some snow and bad weather and he caught a throat infection and quickly died. That's obviously what history says, but now we know with modern science that he probably got throat cancer and died from eating that Pussy shout out HPV. And you know, he died in 1799 after this throat infection that he may or may not have gotten from eating ass. But he died and he died pretty honorably. I mean, you know, he was surrounded by family, his slaves. And his final words were, tis well. And you know, that's pretty calm, dignified, peaceful. Right? Just tis well. I don't know what that means. But his death sent shockwaves across the country. Every major city, you know, bells were tolling, people were coming out paying respects. I mean, this was, this was like a big, big deal for this guy to die. I mean, he was literally probably one of the most famous men in America at the time. And unfortunately he dies like everyone does. And the young nation mourned the death of its greatest figure. And then they got over it. And then they elected Thomas Jefferson president. He was the second president. But George Washington, great leader, brave, tough general who helped lead baby USA to become big Boy USA and the independent nation that we are today. George Washington, I cannot give him enough credit. I mean, this guy without. If it was anybody else than George Washington, we may not be the nation we are today. And as we learned, look, the guy wasn't perfect, okay? Took some land from Native Americans, had slaves, probably at times wasn't very nice, but overall did the right thing for his country and gave us the nation that we're in a much better place now than we were 250 years ago. There was probably no cherry tree he chopped down. You know, he was the founding father father freedom. But he did have slaves. And he probably didn't get throat cancer from the snow. You know, it's just what it is. So he did, by the way, just quick caveat, he did free his slaves at the end of his life. But obviously, he still had them for his whole life and their whole life. But he did free them at the end. Just want to throw that in there. But at the end of the day, founding father without fathering any kids. Whoa. And I want to thank George Washington for your service. You were the best president we had and my favorite president until recently. Just kidding. Just kidding. I said that to piss you off. I'm just kidding. You don't know who I am. I'm actually an undercover agent for Canada. All right, that was it. All you need to know about George Washington. And remember, yesterday was history, Sam.