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Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
The Horrifying Truth About the Spanish Inquisition - Christories | History Lessons - ep 39
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This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Christeries. I am Chris DiStefano, aka Chris Dee De Stefano, and this is Christerie. So today we're gonna talk about something fun and not so cute. It's going to be an episode where we see in history, we see this happen sometimes where white people are not the devil, okay? There are other countries and races that do really, really bad things too. White people have just done it more recently. Okay, so we're going to talk about priests, the ultimate power trip. Secret confessions, wild accusations. No, we're not talking about Father Bill. We're going back to a little place called Spain and we're going to talk to you about the Spanish Inquisition. Buckle up, this gets nasty. Today we live in a world where majority of the world have freedom of religion, right? You do whatever you want. You're free to practice whatever religion you want. You want to be Muslim, you're over there. You want to be Christian, you're over there. You want to be Jewish, you're over there. That's what it is. Everyone's getting together in perfect harmony. Shout out the Gaza Strip. Now. You worship whatever God you want, okay? You're not going to get persecuted, you're not going to get beat up mostly, but just you're free. Medieval Europe, that was not the case, okay? The Catholic Church launched an Inquisition that would last hundreds of years. So when you complain about being alive right now, just know how good your life is. Just know, especially if you're in the United States, just know how good your life is. You're living in a time where you can really do whatever you want, okay? Have fun. There was a period of time, the Spanish inquisition, which was 300 years, where priests in Spain went wild, okay? We're not talking about having sex with little boys here, folks. We're talking about killing Jews and Muslims. So Christianity, let's start there. Some people may not know what it is. It's a monotheistic religion, one God, based on the life and teachings of my boy, Jesus Christ. We believe. Christians believe. I got the tattoos right here. I'm fighting in the army of God. Shout out Pope Leo that Jesus is the son of God and the savior of humanity. Girl. I believe it began in the first century bce, so, you know, right after Jesus died. Love, forgiveness, salvation through faith in Jesus. Jesus himself was, of course, executed by Roman authorities, pressured by religious leaders for preaching beliefs that challenged traditional Jewish law, making Jesus technically one of the first to be Inquisition for religious nonconformity. Okay, so that's why that's important. He was one of the first ones to kind of die for his religion. So what is an Inquisition? It's a formal investigation, particularly one conducted with harsh methods to find and punish people who go against your political, religious, or official beliefs. Okay, so that's what it was. So the Spanish Inquisition was just that, but Spanish people. So let's set the same. What's going on in the world? What is going on in the world? See, and here's the thing. Let me just say this because, you know, I have some friends from Spain. When I talk to them about the Spanish Inquisition, all of a sudden they're white. They're not Spanish anymore. Oh, that's what a coinky thing. Now you're white Europeans because you were killing Jews and Muslims. But when you're having fun, running around and you're a festa about I am a Spanish from a Spain, you can't pick and choose, okay? You know that you're Spanish and you did a bad thing. Because white people are not the worst, were just recently the worst. So Christianity becomes the main faith. It's spreading everywhere. It's like hpv. The Church gains structure and authority with the Bishop of Rome eventually called the Pope. Shout out, Pope Leo. Chicago. How you doing, dad? This dad. You see your dad in Portillo's, you down in Portillo's eating a hot dog. Pope Leo. So the Roman Empire fades, kind of not a big deal anymore. And the Pope becomes not only the spiritual leader, but he's also a powerful political force in Europe. Back in those days, the Pope wasn't just a figurehead. I mean, they were. They would kill you. That's the thing. The Pope would kill you. Dude, Just imagine. Imagine if, like today the Pope was like John Gotti. That's what it was. Pablo Escobar. And so Christianity is getting shaped and kind of becoming the dominant religion all throughout Europe. And Christians in the east and the west, there's a thing called the great schism. In 1054, that's when Christianity officially splits into Roman Catholicism in the west and Eastern Orthodox religion Which is in the East. So Roman Catholic priests of the west can't get married. We are horny, horny, horny. And Eastern Orthodox priests in the east, you know, your Greeks or Eastern Europeans, they don't have the Pope, they're led by the patriarchs, they can get married. So I think that's a better policy. You should be able to get married. That's just my two cents. So this great schism, this is important. Remember, great schism is a big thing. Basically divides the two religions. And it made the Roman Catholic Church even more focused on maintaining that internal unity, defending its authority, especially in politically powerful countries like the Spain. See, the thing is, Spain is fun. You know, everyone goes to Barcelona or you want to go to Ibiza and party. But you gotta understand, back then Spain was like the United States. They were a dominating force. The invincible Armada, which we'll eventually do an episode about of Spain. These guys never lost. Their navy was unbelievable. Spain ruled the day. If you go back in history, I mean different countries at different times were the leaders. Like dude, Mongolia used to rule the world in Genghis Khan. So like just know you're living in the whatever country you're living in in present day history, whoever is dominant now, they won't be dominant in 200 years from now. And they weren't dominant 200 years ago. It's just how it is. Everyone's always shifting. So point in history we're talking about today, Spain is in charge. So let's go to the 1400s. Spain becoming one of the most powerful forces in Europe, arguably the most powerful. They were focused on global expansion. They had our boy, Christopher Columbus, 1492, discovered America. Thank you. They were leading economic growth, trading everywhere. Spain's military strength was strong. They had a powerful army. And that invincible Armada, the navy was out of control. If you stepped up, up to the invincible Armada, to the Spanish navy at those times, you were about to find out that you're going to get hurt. These Spanish navies did not play. The two cutest kids in the Spanish Empire were Ferdinand and Isabella, AKA Ferdinand y Isabella. And they make the unification of Spain in 1469. Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile, they united two major kingdoms. And this was a major, major thing back then. Spain was not a single unified Spain was made up of several separate kingdoms like Castile, Aragon, Navarre and Granada. Each kingdom had its own leaders, laws, traditions. But Isabel and Ferdinand get married and that shifts the history and they start to become one nation. And immediately they say, now that we're together, let's kill the Jews and the Muslims. So. And by the way, Spain is diverse, okay, culturally diverse. You know, you could kind of do what you wanted in Spain besides being Jewish or Muslim, but you could do mostly anything else, but people of different religions. For some time, Christians, Muslims and Jews, they did live side by side in a lot of regions, not all regions, but some of them, they did. And Ferdinand and Isabella, who were the Catholic kings and queens of Spain, they did not really love how diverse Spain was. They were kind of like, no, everyone should just be Catholic, though. And Jews and Muslims, of course, do not follow Christian teachings. And some Christians saw that as a threat to religious authority and salvation. The thing is religion, it's got good things and bad things. I mean, let's be honest, nobody's died, nobody's killed more people than the name of Jesus. I mean, that people get killed for that, for liking him or not liking him. It's not his fault, but it's just how humans act. So the rulers worried that Jews and Muslims might be more loyal to their own communities or religion than the powers of the Christian crown. And Jews and Muslims held many powerful positions in finance, medicine, trade. I mean, these people were out there, very smart people, very well to do people. And that sparked a lot of jealousy and resentment. So they started expelling and throwing out a lot of Jews and Muslims who didn't want to convert to Christianity. They started saying, get out of here. And it was also a way for the monarchy, AKA Ferdinand and Isabella, to control and reinforce their leadership through this shared Christian religion. And they kind of worried that religious differences are going to lead to a rebellion and weaken their authority. So they're like, we got to just kill everybody who isn't Catholic. Ferdinand and Isabella legitimately thought that they were chosen by God to unify Spain. So they were like, we can't have Jews and Muslims running around here because God told us to tell you that either you become Catholic or we kill you. God told me to tell you that. Sorry, sorry, not sorry. That's how they were. So that's why eventually, years later, we will invent a little thing called Zoloft, because people back then were a little crazy. So the Inquisition. Ferdinand and Isabella get married in 1469. Unite the kingdoms, love unity. Yas yats, yas. Killing some people, conforming some people, it's not out of control yet. But in 1478, nearly a decade after they become king and queen, Pope Sixtus IV S I X T U S IV authorizes an Inquisition in Spain to root out heresy. Heresy is you speaking out against the Catholic Church and you basically saying that you don't believe you're a heretic. Heresy. It's the. Actually, it's the act of holding beliefs or opinions that go against the official teachings of a religion, especially the doctrines of the Catholic Church in historical context. So that's the thing. They say official teachings of a religion, but they really mean Catholic Church. Muslims and Jews in Spain were considered guilty of heresy because their beliefs went against the core of the teachings of Christianity. So no bueno. It actually wasn't necessarily the Pope's idea to begin with, but he did approve the Inquisition in 1478. So a little bit of this blood is on the Pope's hands. So the Pope actually gave the Church official permission for Ferdinand and Isabella to set up a special court to find and punish people in Spain who weren't following Catholic beliefs. If you don't want to be a Catholic and you want to continue to be a Jew and Muslim, that's fine. It's just now you're gonna get tried, and not by a jury of your peers. You're just gonna get tried by people who are like, guilty, guilty, guilty, and you're gonna die. So the pressure to convert was big. I gotta be honest with you. I gotta be honest with you. I'd convert immediately. I'm just gonna be honest right away. So the Inquisition, really, it's about conversion. They want to convert the country. They want everybody to be Catholic. They want a country of Catholics, okay? And that's what they want. They want that whole country looking like South Boston. That's what they need. So they have the conversos, which is Jewish converts, and the Moriscos, which are Muslim converts. And people would rat each other out. Not cute. They would get reported by neighbors, friends, even family through anonymous accusations, like, somebody's Muslim over there. Oh, somebody's Jewish over there. They would look for these signs. Unusual customs, holidays, language. You could find out if someone was secretly Jewish or Muslim. You know, you just kind of knew. You're like, oh, that guy. Look at that guy. I see him. He's got a yarmulke on. He's, you know, running around arguing with everyone about he wants to get better deals at the store. So he's probably Jewish. So, of course, there's a big atmosphere of fear and suspicion here. Anyone could be accused, anyone could be arrested, and Trump is not there to save you and give you a pardon. They had the tribunals, little organized local courts, different regions of Thane, and each Tribunal had very specific jobs. They had constables, kind of like officers who would arrest you, catch suspects. They had prosecutors like we still have today, make a case against the accused and then inquisitors who actually questioned and investigated. And then we had the Grand Inquisitor, very powerful church leader, the Grandmaster, the Grand Inquisitor chosen by the king and queen themselves. And that person was in charge of each tribunal. So when a tribunal comes into your town, you're not happy to see this. They issued what was called an edict of grace. A 40 day period where people, you could confess your heresy, aka say, I'm sorry, I'm Jewish, I'm sorry, I'm Muslim. And you could get mercy as long as you converted, they wouldn't hurt you. After those 40 days, anybody could anonymously accuse others of heresy and the tribunal would arrest you and punish suspects based on the claims. I mean, people were just snitching. People were just snitching. I mean, this was worse than trial by Twitter. So the first Grand Inquisitor of Spain was Tomas de Torquemada. Now this guy was appointed personally by Ferdinand Isabella in 1483. And my man was ruthless. We're going to tell you about the methods in a couple of minutes here, right after this break. Maybe we'll put the ads there. I don't know, guys. This episode sponsored by BetterHelp. Thanks to the good folks at BetterHelp. I use this service if you wanna give therapy a try. Online therapy a try, choose betterhelp. I'm telling you, I like them. I've been using them. What I like most about them is they let you switch a therapist anytime you want, no additional cost. You fill out a brief questionnaire, they match you with the therapist who they think is gonna work for you. If at any point during the process that therapist does not work for you, change it up. All good. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey said they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. Come on. 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Chrisdomedy.com for Tikiwikis and let me know if you don't see your city on there. I'll come to you. First row gets kissed on the lips. I thought that was cute. We're gonna tell you about these methods, and you're just gonna need to breathe through it and just take a moment. Don't be eating, don't be drinking. Okay? Just sit down, and you're gonna have to box. Breathe through the methods that my man Tomas de Torquemada would use to get people to convert to Catholicism under him. The Inquisition, it gets more organized, but the fear through the roof. Everybody's getting arrested, tortured, executed, thousands of people. He was a Dominican friar, which gave him strong religious authority and influence. Dominican friars were big back then. Huge. And he was a zealot. He rode hard for Catholicism, rode hard for Spain's unity and power. So even to this day, the term Torquemada is often used to describe harsh inquisitors. So, like in Spain, Torquemada, that still means something today. So the thing is, he was brutal. He really was brutal. But historians, when they look at his life, they say, yo, this guy genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. Like, he didn't think he was brutal. Like, if you interviewed him today, he would say, no, I was doing it for Spain. I love my country. That's what I have to do. And so he didn't understand that he was actually just being a huge dick. So here are some of the things that people could be accused of. Heresy could mean many things. Not knowing Catholic prayers correctly, that could be considered a sign of secret, non Christian beliefs. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us without evil. I mess up the end. I'm sorry. Tor Kamada. Lighting candles on Friday nights that was associated with being Jewish. Still to this day, not eating pork, seen as a Muslim or Jewish habit. Avoiding church or missing Mass that was considered a rejection of the Catholic faith. Whispering during religious services that was suspected of planning heretical acts. Owning books in Hebrew or Arabic assumed that you were disloyal to the religion. So I got to be honest with you, I'm about five out of six Signs of heresy. Your boy's a heretic. I'm a heretic. Boo. And again, people were encouraged to rat out their neighbors. So gross. And this led at. As time goes on, this leads to a lot of cases of revenge because a lot of people got falsely accused. And then, you know, what goes around comes around, mofo. So you about to get yours? Once I get out of this trial. Watch, watch. Okay, so Seville, Spain, which is beautiful city, I've heard. I've seen it on YouTube. They actually, that was a city that they kind of didn't want to do all this, so they just played it safe and confessed early. They were like, why? Why do I have to get my thumb screwed off? Can you just, like, yeah, fine. Catholic. Who cares? I love it. Catholic priests, boys. And you know what's crazy? Part two, people would just get arrested, and you didn't really know who accused you, so you were just taking guesses. You know, who doesn't like you in your life? But the accusers were kept secret. Prison terms. They could. Lasts for months, years. No explanation, just thrown in jail. Accusers had their property confiscated, left families homeless, impoverished. Nobody cared. See, the thing is, now we have rules and regulations. We have different programs. Medicaid, we have Social Security, we have welfare. None of this stuff existed back then. It's like, daddy got thrown in jail. We don't have any money anymore. No one's gonna help us. Nobody cares. You're gonna have to eat your kids. So let's go through the punishments. This is where it gets wild. This is where my man taught Kamada. Went a little crazy. So the first one we want to talk about is a strappado. Not a strap on a strappado. Victim's hands tied behind the back. Then they were hoisted into the air and dropped, suddenly dislocating their shoulders, sometimes with weight added to their feet for extra pain. Yikes. Then we had the rack. Ooh, she's got a nice rack. Not this rack. Victims were tied to a wooden frame and slowly stretched by rollers until their limbs dislocated or were torn off entirely in some cases. Then we have the boot. A wooden device clamped around the victim's foot and tightened until it crushed the bones of the foot and the lower leg. Wow. Thumb screw fingers were inserted into small slots and gradually crushed by tightening screws. This is horrifying. And I know some of my fans out there are getting hard. The Judas chair. Victims were lowered onto a sharp pyramid that penetrated the anus or vagina. I'm listening. Causing extreme Pain and permanent injury without usually killing them. That's crazy. I mean, you would literally get a sharp pyramid through your butt or vagina. And of course that would hurt so much and it didn't kill you. You would just have to walk around with that pain for the rest of your life. I will say though, I'm pretty sure at times the Judas chair was discovered and gum the heretic's fork. This is a two pronged metal device that was strapped between the chin and the chest, Making speech and movement nearly impossible and excruciating. Then the one that you've heard of made this famous. The band took this name, Iron Maiden. Victims were enclosed in a coffin like iron structure that had spikes that pierced non vital organs, ensuring slow agonizing death or injury. So you really had to be about it to stay faithful to your Jewish or Muslim roots. I mean, you had. You know what I mean? You gotta be about that life. I mean, all you had to do was show me this tropado. And I am denouncing my Jewish Muslim faith immediately. I mean, immediately. Give me an altar, boy. I'm Catholic. The lightest one was probably they would make you wear this thing called the San Benito, which was just a garment that, you know, called you a sinner, basically. So I would be like, yeah, can I just put on a benito, please? But I think the worst penalty probably would be being burnt alive at the stake. It was called relaxation in Persona. Oh, relaxing. If you were unrepentant, if you were like, I am relapsing into heresy. I am a Jew, I am a Muslim, I will not be Catholic. You would get executed and burnt at the stake. And I think they would do it in a public square. Like StubHub would sell tickets to that. So the public punishments, they were called auto de fe, which means act of faith in Spanish. This is a formal event. People dress up for this. Take the kids, come on. Get the wife and the kids down to the public square. We're about to have an inquisition. During these ceremonies, accused heretics were publicly judged and their punishments announced. It included a religious procession, a mass. And this was designed to kind of show the church's power to embarrass people. They really, really, really, really, really wanted you to be Catholic. And they caused fear and pressure to make people conform. Some people got killed at these things. I want to talk to you about Lucy. 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to Release extra flavor and hydration. Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to yo dough. What's your favorite Lucy flavor? What strength do you use? You tell me. I like. They got a cinnamon one that my aunt uses a lot. She loves it. She says it's one of the. It's literally. She only uses that. She only uses. I think it's the cinnamon ish. It's got cinnamon something in it. She loves that one. 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Jumpstart your summer fasting. Do it with Prolon. And they kind of caused suspicion, jealousy. This was, you know, being publicly shamed is exactly what it was. So it's interesting, this atmosphere of fear made you want to actually just accuse somebody else rather than you yourself being accused. So a lot of time. So it was just fear wherever you went. Like, if you were in Spain in the late 1400s, you were gonna die. Just know you were gonna die. So, 1492, the year America is discovered. Back in Spain, Grand Inquisitor Tomas de Torquemada, he gave the Jews four months to either convert to Christianity or leave Spain. Your choice, baby. Thousands of Jews, of course, left. And then the ones who stayed, they got persecuted. The convertos, the ones who converted to Christianity from Judaism, they still. That usually wasn't enough. They still thought, maybe you're still practicing Judaism. So it's like, what the fuck? Conversos faced religious suspicion and economic hatred. Many, many, many of these people were part of the upper middle class. So they lost all their money, lost their businesses, lost their shops. It just was not cute. So mostly. So the first part of the Inquisition is mostly the Jews. Then it goes to the Muslims. They basically run out of Jews to kill. So, like, well, let's get the Muslims now. And then in 1609, an edict forced all Mariscos to leave Spain. Approximately 300,000 Muslims left. So there's some really bad inquisitors here. We have Diego Rodriguez Lucero. He was called the bringer of darkness. He was just. I mean, burned innocent people, including a man whose wife he. So this guy just wanted to bang this guy's wife. So he just burned the husband at the stake. Not cute, not a nice guy. But of course, like most of these people, because life is not the movies, folks, right? So you think, oh, he's gonna go down. You know, the people are gonna rebel and burn him at the stake. Blah, blah, blah. Nope. Later, he gets arrested for corruption. But he was released because the church at the time didn't wanna have an inquisitor on trial. So he just died peacefully, never punished for his crimes. That's real life. Now we're focusing here on Jews and Muslims. Cause they were the major part of the Spanish Inquisition. But they weren't the only ones. Women got questioned by the Church if they showed too much independence or were considered too educated. They were often accused of witchcraft or heresy. Of course, anybody gay or lesbians or gay men accused of sodomy, they faced brutal torture and execution. Under these harsh Inquisition laws, their identities themselves were criminalized and considered a grave sin against the church. Because that's the thing back in the day. See, they would be cute with their, they would be crafty with their laws. The Spanish, they would say, no, it's not illegal to be gay, but it is illegal to take it in the ass. So you could be gay, but can't really be gay. There's a specific story. A girl named Susanna Ben Susson. She came from a wealthy convertal family. Jewish convert to Christianity. But many in the community, in her community, they secretly still maintain their Jewish faith. Her father was a part of a secret plot to retaliate against the Christian authorities. Susanna revealed the plot to her Christian lover, probably because she was scared. Though some say it was to protect him. Known as La Susanna, she betrayed a secret Jewish plot led by her father, like we said. And then her betrayal actually led to multiple executions, including her father. So this girl got her own father killed cause she couldn't keep her mouth shut. But then she was overcome with guilt, of course, and she became a nun and lived in seclusion. So it's just what happens. Okay, so some more stories about how this inquisition affected people was actually made its way to the Americas. I didn't realize that the Inquisition was brought over here to enforce Catholic orthodoxy amongst the colonists. Indigenous people, enslaved Africans. They had a Mexican Inquisition in Mexico City cause that was the capital of New Spain back then. They had a story of this guy, Luis De Caraval. He was a devout Jew in colonial Mexico and he practiced Judaism despite the risk. You don't meet that many Mexican Jews. And he got captured by the Inquisition. Then he was tortured until he revealed over 100 names, including his own family. He documented his whole ordeal in these tiny little gold leaf diaries which were rediscovered centuries later. And Louis and a lot of his family members were actually burned at the stake in a public execution. So not good. So look, historians, to this day they still debate how many people got killed. Some say it's 30,000, but others say it's 1,000 to 2,000. We don't know. Yeah, the impact, it definitely went beyond death though. Cause a lot of people tortured, exiled or left to suffer, they got, you know, they were discriminated against, they were poor. And then for centuries people had to live under this suspicion. Right? It's just, it's so anxiety inducing. Queen Isabella II, she formally only ended the inquisition on July 15, 1834. Do you understand? It was only officially ended in 1834. 350 years after it was started by Queen Isabella and her boo, King Ferdinand. So Spain, you know. Cause they heavily relied on the Catholic Church while the rest of Europe moved forward with enlightenment in Diaz. Science, art, individualism, separation of church and state. Spain stayed true. That's the thing. Religion is good. But anytime religion is up, people usually get killed. If religion is up, science is down. If science is up, religion is down. That's usually what it is. So It's a catch 22. In closing. The Spanish Inquisition was bad news. Okay? It wasn't just about faith. It was about power, control and fear disguised as religious duty. And in the end, it's probably the worst thing the Catholic Church has ever done. If you really think about it, the Spanish Inquisition was bad, bad, bad. I mean, yeah, well, it's a few little boys compared to this, but it does make my Catholic guilt even worse. I gotta be honest with you. I'm probably gonna have to go back to confession. Father Bill. I'm coming. Remember yesterday, Sam?