Christ With Coffee On Ice

Episode: “i physically don't know how to forgive them”

Host: Ally Yost
Date: June 6, 2025

Main Theme / Purpose

Ally Yost dives into the difficult and often raw topic of forgiveness—what it looks like as a Christian, the challenges behind truly letting go, and how to navigate the tension between forgiving and protecting your heart. She discusses personal revelations, biblical principles, audience questions, and practical advice for those struggling with forgiveness, all while maintaining a tone of hope, vulnerability, and encouragement.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Heart of Forgiveness & Its Challenges

• Why Forgiveness Is Hard

  • Forgiveness is universally difficult, especially before knowing Jesus. Ally stresses that even as believers, reminders and new revelations are needed (02:15).
  • "Sometimes we need reminders... you can hear a message once and it gives you a revelation, then years later it hits completely different." (Ally Yost, 02:40)

• Love vs. Bitterness

  • The true indicator of forgiveness is having genuine love and compassion—rather than bitterness—when thinking of the person who hurt you (05:33).
  • “If you really feel you have a softened heart and you have love for that person when you think about them, there's a good chance you've forgiven them in your heart.” (Ally Yost, 06:10)

• Needing Space is OK

  • Forgiving someone in your heart doesn't mean instant relational restoration or that the “bruise” is gone. It's valid and normal to still need space to heal after forgiving (10:47).
  • “It is physically possible to forgive that person in your heart, but still need space to heal. But it doesn't mean you're not going to come back to them someday.” (Ally Yost, 13:09)

Personal Revelation: The Bruise Analogy (08:05-12:45)

• Two Kinds of Hurt

  • Intentional (like being punched in the face) vs. unintentional (someone stepping on your foot by accident).
  • Both forms leave a hurt—a ‘bruise’—but reaction and healing needs differ.

• Forgiveness ≠ Instant Healing

  • After forgiving, emotional wound (“bruise”) still needs to heal.
  • “Forgiveness doesn't mean the boo boo isn't gone yet.” (Ally Yost, 12:13)

What Scripture Says About Forgiveness

• Core Verses Shared:

  • Ephesians 4:32 (15:23): “Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
  • Matthew 6:14 (15:36): “If you forgive others… your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
  • Colossians 3:13 (15:51): “Bear with each other and forgive… as the Lord forgave you.”

• Infinite Forgiveness

  • Matthew 18:21-22: Not seven times, but seventy-seven times (19:24).
  • God’s forgiveness is infinite and keeps no tally of wrongs (19:55).

• The Biblical Definition of Love

  • 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (21:07): “Love … keeps no record of being wronged,” etc.
  • “That is actually how we're supposed to be loving everyone… even strangers and people we adore.” (Ally Yost, 21:50)

Forgiveness Is Not Condoning or Reconciliation (24:05)

• Forgiveness ≠ Condoning Wrongdoing

  • Forgiveness is releasing bitterness and anger, not excusing or enabling harmful actions.
  • “It’s about releasing the emotional weight of the offense and choosing to see others with a perspective of God's grace.” (Paraphrased from 24:30)

• Reconciliation vs. Forgiveness

  • Forgiveness is necessary for reconciliation but they “are not the same thing.” (25:05)

• Spiritual Practice

  • Forgiveness brings us closer to God, releases our burdens, deepens our peace (26:20).

Loyalty to Jesus in the Process

• Loving Others = Loving Jesus

  • When it's hard to forgive someone, focus on loving Jesus by loving those He loves (28:14).
  • “If it's really hard... I'll look at Jesus and be like, how can I love you well by loving that person that I know you love?” (Ally Yost, 29:00)

• Matthew 25 Parallel

  • Acts of giving to others, including forgiveness, are received as acts done directly to Jesus (30:00-32:32).

Accountability, Boundaries, and Infinite Chances

• Setting Boundaries
  • You can forgive someone and still need distance, especially if there's a pattern of repeated hurt (34:45).
  • Jesus Himself set relational boundaries (example: with Judas vs. Peter, John, James, 36:31).
• Not About Keeping Tallies
  • Love keeps no record; infinite forgiveness does not mean infinite vulnerability to harm (34:02).

Audience Q&A Highlights

• How to Forgive Repeat Offenders (34:45)
  • Forgive, but “maybe we just don’t trust them anymore.” Boundaries are healthy.
  • “Forgiving someone in your heart… is more of a release emotionally… doesn’t mean we keep them close.”
• Protecting Yourself from “Abused” Forgiveness (36:21)
  • It’s appropriate to set boundaries to prevent continued harm; forgiveness is not enabling.
• Forgiving without Apology (39:13)
  • Forgive anyway—Jesus forgave us before we asked or knew.
  • “You may never get an apology ever... so at that point are you willing to carry that burden of bitterness for the rest of your life?” (Ally Yost, 41:16)
  • Shift your dependence away from people’s “sorry,” toward God’s rest and peace (44:25, Matt 11:28).
• Does Forgiveness Mean Friendship? (46:44)
  • Forgiveness does NOT mean you must be friends (“Don’t be friends with your ex!”) or maintain relationship; you can bless, pray for, and move on.
• Salvation and Forgiveness (48:45)
  • Salvation is by grace, not by how well you forgive. However, forgiveness is still a Christian imperative.
  • Sometimes it's enough to forgive in your heart and pray; sometimes God may lead you to verbalize it.
• Difficulty Receiving Forgiveness (52:19)
  • If you struggle to receive forgiveness or grace, it may reflect a struggle to accept it from God, or difficulty offering true forgiveness to others.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Forgiveness doesn't mean the bruise isn’t there; you can forgive and still need time to heal.” (Ally Yost, 12:13)
• “It is physically possible to forgive that person in your heart, but still need space to heal.” (13:09)
• “Forgiveness is not excusing wrongdoing… it’s about releasing the emotional weight while holding others accountable.” (24:05)
• “If it feels unachievable to forgive—remember who you’re praying to. He is the miracle worker.” (17:44)
• “Loving them well is loving Me well.” (29:11, referring to hearing Jesus’ voice)
• “You can forgive and love someone, but you don’t have to let them stay close if they keep hurting you.” (36:31)
• “You don’t need an apology to forgive… That’s not a gamble I’m willing to make for my peace.” (42:34, paraphrased)
• “You are saved by the blood of Jesus… not by how well you forgive.” (49:16)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 04:15: Introduction, importance of repeated reminders in faith
• 05:33 – 14:45: Ally's personal revelation and bruise analogy on forgiveness
• 15:23 – 23:00: Scriptural foundations of forgiveness & biblical love
• 24:05 – 27:13: Forgiveness vs. reconciliation, boundaries, and spiritual growth
• 28:14 – 33:15: Seeing forgiveness as loving Jesus, Matthew 25 principle
• 34:45 – 43:00: Q&A—Repeated hurt, boundaries, and “abused” forgiveness
• 44:25 – 47:33: Forgiving without apology; dependence on God, not people’s remorse
• 48:45 – 50:00: Forgiveness vs. salvation and whether verbalizing to the person is necessary
• 52:19 – 54:29: Why receiving forgiveness is hard; receiving from God before from others

Summary Takeaways

• Forgiveness doesn’t require instant reconciliation; it’s normal to need space and time for your wounds to heal.
• Boundaries are biblical and healthy—it’s possible (and sometimes necessary) to forgive while maintaining your distance from someone who’s repeatedly hurt you.
• Jesus’ example and strength are essential for genuine forgiveness, especially in cases where it's humanly impossible to let go.
• Scripture anchors forgiveness both as God’s mandate and as spiritual practice for personal peace and deeper connection with God.
• You don’t need an apology to let go—waiting for one can keep you stuck in bitterness.
• Forgiveness does not mean condoning or exposing yourself to repeat harm; protect your heart while releasing resentment.
• Verbalizing forgiveness can be powerful, but isn’t always required—sometimes prayer and peace with God are enough.
• Difficulty accepting forgiveness (from others or God) may signal an internal struggle to give it or receive God’s grace; healing starts there.

Tone & Style:
Consistently warm, conversational, encouraging, and grounded in scripture. Ally uses personal stories, analogies, and relatable language, engaging listeners to reflect honestly and pursue growth in Christ.

For Listeners:
If you struggle with forgiveness—whether as a giver or receiver—this episode affirms that you’re not alone, that God understands your pain, and that healing and true forgiveness are possible through Him. Approach Him honestly, set healthy boundaries, and let the journey of your heart continue under His care.