i physically don't know how to forgive them

Summary

Christ With Coffee On Ice: "I Physically Don't Know How to Forgive Them" – Episode Summary

Release Date: June 6, 2025
Host: Ally Yost

In this heartfelt episode of Christ With Coffee On Ice, host Ally Yost delves deep into the challenging yet transformative journey of forgiveness. Through personal anecdotes, scriptural references, and insightful discussions, Ally offers listeners a compassionate guide to navigating the complexities of forgiving others while maintaining personal boundaries and spiritual growth.

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1. Introduction to Forgiveness

The episode kicks off with Ally expressing her excitement about reuniting in the studio and introducing the topic of forgiveness. She underscores the importance of recurring discussions on forgiveness to foster a deeper understanding and spiritual renewal.

Ally Yost [02:50]: "Whether we've talked about it or not, whether we've done an entire episode about this before or not, we are going to be talking about forgiveness today."

2. Personal Revelation and the Complexity of Forgiveness

Ally shares a poignant personal experience where she struggled to reconcile her feelings of love with the pain caused by someone she cared about. This internal conflict led her to seek divine guidance on how to genuinely forgive without prematurely rushing into reconciliation.

Ally Yost [04:20]: "I felt the Lord give me a vision... forgiving someone doesn't mean that the boo boo isn't gone yet."

3. Understanding Intentional vs. Unintentional Hurt

Through her revelation, Ally distinguishes between intentional harm—where someone knowingly causes pain—and unintentional hurt—where harm occurs without malicious intent. She emphasizes that forgiveness is possible in both scenarios but acknowledges the lingering emotional wounds that may require time to heal.

Ally Yost [07:15]: "Forgiving someone doesn't mean that that boo boo isn't gone yet."

4. Scriptural Foundations of Forgiveness

Ally brings forth key scriptures to anchor her discussion, highlighting how biblical teachings frame forgiveness as an essential Christian practice rooted in God's infinite grace.

• Ephesians 4:32

  "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

• Matthew 6:14

  "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

• Colossians 3:13

  "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone."

She draws connections between these scriptures and the idea that forgiveness mirrors the boundless forgiveness bestowed upon believers by God.

5. Forgiveness as a Spiritual Practice

Delving deeper, Ally explains that forgiveness isn't merely an emotional release but a spiritual discipline that fosters closer relationships with God. She discusses how the Holy Spirit empowers believers to forgive beyond their natural capabilities, ensuring that forgiveness doesn't equate to condoning wrongdoing but serves as a pathway to inner peace and spiritual growth.

Ally Yost [10:00]: "Forgiveness is a spiritual practice... it helps them grow closer to God, release emotional burdens, and experience a deeper sense of peace."

6. Addressing Unresolved Pain Without Invalidating It

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the delicate balance between forgiving someone and acknowledging the pain endured. Ally assures listeners that forgiving others doesn't require them to forget the hurt or rush the healing process. Instead, it's about releasing resentment while still respecting one's own need for healing and boundaries.

Ally Yost [12:45]: "Jesus is not here to invalidate and say, 'I'm sorry, you shouldn't be hurting over that anymore.'"

7. Serving Others as Serving Christ: Matthew 25:34

Ally references Matthew 25:34 to illustrate the profound connection between serving and forgiving others as acts of serving Christ Himself. She emphasizes that acts of kindness and forgiveness towards others are reflections of one's devotion to Christ and embody His teachings.

Ally Yost [14:30]: "When we give to the people who need it, you gave to me."

8. Q&A: Navigating Difficult Forgiveness Scenarios

After the mid-episode sponsorship breaks, Ally transitions into a listener Q&A segment, addressing common challenges related to forgiveness:

a. Forgiving Repeated Hurts

Question: How can you forgive someone who did something multiple times they knew would hurt you again?
Ally's Insight: Forgiveness is still attainable even when someone repeatedly hurts you. However, maintaining personal boundaries is essential to prevent further harm. Forgiving doesn't necessitate continuing the relationship but rather releasing the emotional burden.

Ally Yost [18:45]: "You can still have forgiveness and love them while keeping them at a distance."

b. Forgiving Without an Apology

Question: How do you forgive when they never apologized?
Ally's Insight: Forgiveness doesn't rely on receiving an apology. Drawing strength from God allows individuals to forgive regardless of the other person's actions. This approach prevents lingering bitterness and promotes inner peace.

Ally Yost [22:10]: "You just need Jesus to help you with this. I need Him to carry my burden."

c. Forgiveness vs. Friendship

Question: Forgiving exes feel like forgiveness equals being friends with them, but I don't want to.
Ally's Insight: Forgiveness and friendship are distinct. One can forgive without maintaining a friendship, especially if the relationship was harmful. Forgiving is about releasing resentment, not necessarily about staying connected.

Ally Yost [25:30]: "Forgiving doesn't mean staying friends. You can forgive and still move on."

9. Conclusion and Encouragement

Ally wraps up the episode with a heartfelt prayer, reaffirming her gratitude for the insights shared and encouraging listeners to embody forgiveness in their lives as a testament to their faith and relationship with Christ.

Ally Yost [29:50]: "Let's do something cool today. Let's show somebody how cool Jesus is. Let's be more forgiving just as Jesus forgives us."

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Key Takeaways

• Forgiveness is Multifaceted: It encompasses releasing emotional burdens while maintaining healthy boundaries.
• Rooted in Love: True forgiveness stems from love, not resentment or bitterness.
• Spiritual Empowerment: The Holy Spirit plays a crucial role in enabling believers to forgive beyond their natural capacity.
• Scriptural Guidance: Biblical teachings provide a foundation for understanding and practicing forgiveness.
• Distinct from Reconciliation: Forgiving someone doesn't mandate rekindling the relationship.

Notable Quotes

• Ally Yost [07:15]: "Forgiving someone doesn't mean that that boo boo isn't gone yet."
• Ally Yost [10:00]: "Forgiveness is a spiritual practice... it helps them grow closer to God, release emotional burdens, and experience a deeper sense of peace."
• Ally Yost [18:45]: "You can still have forgiveness and love them while keeping them at a distance."
• Ally Yost [25:30]: "Forgiving doesn't mean staying friends. You can forgive and still move on."

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Final Thoughts

Ally Yost's exploration of forgiveness in this episode offers a compassionate and spiritually grounded approach to one of life's most challenging emotional endeavors. By intertwining personal experience with biblical wisdom, she provides listeners with practical tools and divine encouragement to embrace forgiveness, fostering both personal healing and deeper spiritual connections.

Transcript

[Ali Yost]

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[Co-host]

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[Ali Yost]

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[Co-host]

Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Ali Yost and it is a joy and honor to be here with you guys. I love you. I feel like it's been so long since I've been here in the studio and it's just a joy like truly to hang out with you guys. We have our coffee on ice. Super exciting. We're using our glass mug today and we do have our Christ. Obviously he is with us all the time. He's always with us. But we have our word here, which we will be also referring to today. Guys, I'm really excited for this episode. I feel like we've talked actually. I don't know, there's been so many episodes that we've made. It's been almost two years of doing this, which is just such an honor and a joy and a privilege to do with you guys. But sometimes I'm like, have we talked about this? If we have, it's always good to talk about things again and to kind of have a fresh awareness of these things. We just always need our minds to be washed by the Lord regardless, you know. Well, actually, we are quite broken. I was going to say it doesn't mean we're broken. We are actually. That's why we need Jesus. But you know, sometimes we need reminders of things. And it's funny, we can hear a message once and it'll give us, you know, a really special revelation at that time and then we can hear it again and it gives you an entirely new revelation. Or again, it just gives you a fresh washing of like, wow, I needed this reminder. So whether we've talked about it or not, whether we've done an entire episode about this before or not, we are going to be talking about forgiveness today. I don't know why is that so hard for some of us it is. It's hard. It's a hard thing to do and it hasn't really been something that I have really known how to navigate until meeting Jesus. I feel like he is the ultimate role model when it comes to forgiveness. How to do it well and how to love people well and how to do it in a place that's still wise, where we are guarding our hearts. And I don't think that the Lord ever calls us to allow people to, like, walk all over us. There is still a way to forgive people and to love them well and protect our hearts. So I wanted to talk about forgiveness today, so I'm excited to talk about it. I'm going to refer to some things that. And honestly, like, a personal revelation that the Lord gave me. That's the biggest inspo for this is I had a revelation about forgiveness from God a few weeks ago where there was this thing that was going on in my life, and I had made a TikTok about it, and you guys were like, can we please talk about this on the podcast? And I do believe that there could be so much more that could be said about this topic than what I had even shared on the TikTok. So I'm excited to bring it to you guys. And I would even love to share, you know, some personal revelations and lessons that God has shown me and visuals that he showed me about forgiveness. And I also went on my Instagram and I just asked you guys if you had any questions just around the topic of forgiveness, because I feel like there's a lot of kind of avenues and things that we could discuss under the umbrella of forgiveness, and so we'll touch on some of those as well. So I'll. I'll just lead with the personal revelation that I felt God show me. And I was going through this situation where I had been hurt by someone that I loved. I felt in my heart that I had genuinely forgiven this person. I didn't feel like I was bitter over it anymore. I was like, okay, God, I believe that I've forgiven this person. And I know I've forgiven them because I actually have so much love in my heart for them. I feel like that's the biggest indicator to know whether you've actually forgiven someone in your heart or not is whether, like, when you're thinking about that person, do you still have so much love for them? And it's not. When you think of them, you get tense and you tighten up and you kind of get angry, you get frustrated, or you're like, oh, I don't even want to think about that person. There's a difference, you know? And so love versus bitterness. I believe forgiveness has to be rooted in love. And so if you really feel you have a softened heart and you have love for that person, when you think about them, there's a good chance you've forgiven them in your heart, which is great. That's like, honestly, the biggest step is being able to forgive that person in your heart. And so I'm thinking about this person and I'm like, no, I do. Like, I have so much love for this person. God, like, every time I think about them, I actually have so much compassion for them. But also, simultaneously, I had this feeling where I was like, but I can't really be close to them right now. Like, I can't be talking to them all the time right now. I can't be near them all the time. So what is that? Like, I was so confused by what that meant, and it made me look at myself and be like, okay, is there unforgiveness in my heart, God? Like, I don't really know how this is supposed to go. This is kind of a new thing for me with the Lord. You know, I've only been walking with him for a couple years, so sometimes things like this come up and I'm like, ooh, okay, I know how I used to handle these things, and I know how I used to feel. So is this, like, normal, God? Is this the way that forgiveness is supposed to be handled? Because I want to. You know, I have fear of the Lord, and I want to. I want to handle it in a way that even Jesus would handle it, Handle it. So I'm like, okay, why am I not able to even physically talk to this person right now if I have forgiven them? And in that moment, y' all, I felt the Lord give me a vision of, well, two different scenarios, okay? Because people can hurt us in an intentional way where, honestly, their flesh was like, I actually really just want to hurt them, or they could unintentionally hurt you. So God gave me two visuals, and they're going to sound silly as I say them out loud, but whatever, just bear with me. Okay? But both of those scenarios being very different, one being like, yeah, no, I. I was out of my right mind and it wasn't okay. And I was. I wanted to hurt you. And that is not an excuse. I'm sorry. I was fully aware that what I was doing was going to hurt you. And then the other scenario is I had no idea that what I was doing was going to hurt you this deeply. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. So both scenarios we're asking for forgiveness, there's an awareness and an unawareness. Is that a word? Whatever. There's two different scenarios in that type of hurt. I saw God show me, like, one of the. I knew exactly what I was doing in the moment. It was wrong. I'm so sorry. Somebody punching you in the face and giving you a black eye, like they knew what they were doing when they threw that fist, okay? But they've punched you out of whatever they were going through in moment. And then another scenario where somebody's, like, backing up on, and you're standing right behind them, and they've stepped on your foot with, like, a pointy heel, and you're like, ow. But they didn't see you, right? Like their back was to you. And so both scenarios, you're hurt, they're different, but you're hurt. So both people can be like, the person who punched you in the face, they're like, oh, I just acted out in so much anger. I cannot believe that I just punched you. I'm so sorry. Or I was mad and I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And you go, hey, I understand. Obviously, you know, anger isn't an excuse to sin. But I forgive you and I love you, and I trust that you know what you're saying right now is true and that you won't ever do it again. If that's what that person is saying. If they're like, I'm sorry. I will never do that to you again. Please forgive me. I repent. And you go, okay, I love you. I forgive you. And then the other person who stepped on your foot, they're like, I didn't even see you there. Oh, my gosh. I backed up. I had no idea that you were there. I stepped on your foot.

[Ali Yost]

Are you okay?

[Co-host]

Are you bleeding? I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And you go, hey, it's okay. I mean, yeah, it hurt. Maybe next time we make sure that there's other people around us, behind us, whatever. But, like, hey, it's all right. I forgive you. I love you. And so what God showed me after that, though, is that you can have forgiveness in both scenarios, right? But what is still there is the bruise on your foot or on your eye. Like, forgiving someone doesn't mean that that boo boo isn't gone yet. I think that's what I was feeling in that moment. I believe that that's what Jesus was trying to reveal to me is he was like, hey, you're understanding of forgiveness right now until I change it, because he was changing that for me. Your understanding of forgiveness is you're forg person in your heart, and then your bruise or the Boo boo that was left from that thing that, that hurt, you will just suddenly be gone. And sometimes that's not the case. And so I actually felt very validated in that moment. I was like, wow, God, okay, so there isn't anything wrong with my heart right now, you know, Cuz I was like, I could have sworn that my heart was softened. And I do love this person, but I. I kind of needed space. Like I wasn't ready to be back to normal hunky dory, you know, whatever, in constant communication with this person because I don't know, I was just kind of still bruised and I was hurt and I felt the Lord be like, that's okay, like it's okay. You can still forgive them. You can verbally tell them that you can say, hey, I've forgiven you. And I want you to know that like my distance right now is not out of any unforgiveness, but I think I actually just kind of need to like, take some time to heal from this with the Lord and like let this boo boo kind of patch itself up, you know? Yeah, I felt really validated by the Lord in that. And so anyway, I share that with you guys because I believe that could even give a fresh revelation for some of you as you're listening and just no guilt.

[Ali Yost]

No guilt.

[Co-host]

If it means that you still need space to heal from something. If somebody has sinned against you or has just simply hurt you, it is physically possible to forgive that person in your heart, but still need space to heal. But it doesn't mean you're not going to come. Like me and that person. I was good. I just needed time. Yeah, I don't know, I was looking too much at myself, like maybe there was something broken with me or that I hadn't fully forgiven them. If it meant that I did need that space and I felt Jesus be like, girl, you're good. Take the time that you need to heal from this boo boo, because it is a wound and it's still there. So that was my personal revelation. With forgiveness. There's a couple scriptures that a lot of us might be familiar with already. I feel like these are very popular ones around the topic of forgiveness. But Ephesians 4:32 says, Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. Just as in Christ, God Forgave you. Matthew 6:14 reads, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Colossians 3:13 reads, Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a Grievance against. Against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Isn't it funny that like a lot of the scripture that's said about forgiveness, God brings it back to the way that he's forgiven us? I feel like God just really expects us, and we can only do it through the power of the Holy Spirit. So again, we say all these things of, like, God, you know, expects these things of us. If we're going to identify as Christians and followers of Christ, we also have to reflect the same characteristics as God and the same things that he does for us. And that's not in a way where it's like, gosh, that feels so unachievable. If it feels unachievable for you, it is without the Holy Spirit. And so the strength of forgiving someone. I also want you guys to remember this is not something to forget, is that you are not expected to do that by yourself. That it is through our weaknesses where the Lord gets to be strong for us. That goes for forgiveness. Like, if you feel really weak in this area of your life, or maybe just like specifically over a certain individual, I mean, invite God into that. Invite him into your heart with. Invite the Holy Spirit into that moment and say, okay, I'm really weak in this moment. I'm fleshing out God. I'm so angry at this person. I don't want to forgive them. And there's so many different scenarios of pain and hurt. It could be not even that somebody's hurt you one time, but they've hurt you over and over. And we can touch on that in just a second about just like, different kind of scenarios and like, what is acceptable of a level of forgiveness or whatever, based on maybe what they've done to you once, twice, a million times, whatever that looks like. But if that's hard for you, I just encourage you guys and I want you to know that it's nothing that we can do on our own without God. And so if you truly have questions of like, Lord, I actually don't know how I will ever get to a place of forgiveness for this person. It seems impossible. Remember who you're praying to. Remember who you're talking to. Remember that you are talking to God, who is the only one who can create miracles and make miracles happen. So if you believe that it would literally be a miracle to forgive this person in your heart. I mean, you know the guy for that, you're talking to Him. He is the miracle worker. And he can give you a supernatural strength. He can give you a supernatural heart for this person to forgive them. I believe that with. With my whole heart. And I know that that might be, like, kind of a hard thing to try to swallow depending on your situation. Like, I don't know who you're thinking about right now. I don't know the person that's coming to your mind. I don't know how deep that wound could be, but I want you to know that I acknowledge that it could be very, very deep and that the Lord, he understands that. I also just want to clarify, I want to say this, this about Jesus's heart for you and your situation right now is that by him asking you to forgive this person. I want you guys to hear me. By him asking you to forgive this person does not invalidate the pain that you have suffered from what they have done to you. Like, Jesus is not here to invalidate and say, I'm sorry, you shouldn't be hurting over that anymore. Like, you need to just forgive them. I know that it, like, hurt really bad and it cut really deep, but you need to forgive them. Like, he's not invalidating that pain. And I feel that for you do. I do. And I feel like that's what he did for me in that moment where I was like, why do I still need space, God? And he's like, honey, you still have a bruise. Like, that person cut you deep, they stabbed you in the back. Like, that's going to take time to heal. So there's no invalidating of your feelings. There's no invalidating the hurt and the suffering that you. You went through in results of that pain. I felt. The Lord wanted me to tell you that he sees that pain. He sees it, and he's not here to invalidate it and say that it's too much or it's ridiculous or, you know, it's silly. He wants to meet you in that pain and he wants to help you heal it while also helping you have a softened heart towards this person to forgive them, just as he has forgiven us. So really, all he wants to do is he wants to show you how to be more like him, which is just, like, the coolest thing ever. What an honor that literally, the Messiah, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, wants to teach you how to be more like Him. Cool. That's the coolest thing ever. And he wants to mend your wounds through that. He wants to do it all for you, actually. But all it takes is like, okay, God, like, I'm just gonna open my heart to you because I've been trying to do this on my own, I've been trying to forgive this person on my own in all my strength and I've been failing. I'm bitter. I feel like I've forgiven them one day and then the next day I'm bitter again. And I just can't keep going back and forth. Lord, I need your strength. He's there for you and everything that you need through this journey of forgiveness for one person, a multitude of people, whatever that looks like in your life, he literally wants to be there to do all of it it for you and with you. And so this is not a journey that you have to do by yourself. This is not a journey that you have to find within yourself. Like, believe it or not, forgiveness is a very thing that God wants to give you strength for.

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Matthew 18, 21, 22 reads. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times. Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but 77 times. Now, I don't think that Jesus is telling us that we're supposed to be keeping tallies on a person, because also, wait, I'm about to bring up a scripture that says that the definition of love, it keeps no tallies of wrong. It keeps no count of wrongs. We'll read it in a second. He's not encouraging us to keep tallies, so we're not going to take that legitimately. But basically, what Jesus was saying is like, it's infinite. The amount of times that we are supposed to forgive our brothers and sisters is infinite. And I know that that's what Jesus is saying, because if we're looking back at the other scriptures we just read where we. Where he is comparing our forgiveness to his forgiveness for us. Well, what is God's forgiveness for us? Does he keep tallies? Is he. Like, once you hit that 77 mark, you know, once you hit that 7,000th mark where I've had to forgive you that many times in your life, I'm sorry, it's over for us. Like, I'm not going to be your father anymore. I'm not going to take care of you anymore. You're not going to heaven anymore. Like, that's it. You're done. That is not God's heart for us. Us, Right? At least that's not what we should believe. That's never what he's ever told us. He's always told us that his mercies are new every day. Okay, well, if his mercies are new every day and his grace is new every day, that means that his forgiveness is also probably new every day, which is infinite. His love for us is infinite. If we're going to believe that Jesus asks us to forgive others and to love others the same way that he forgives and loves us, which is infinitely, we are to love and forgive others infinitely as well. Oh, I want to read that scripture. Let's look up the definition of biblical love, shall we, guys? It's so funny. I'm going to show you this. Sometimes my Bible looks like this, sometimes it looks like this. And Then sometimes it looks like this. So I don't know if anyone feels seen in that. But it's like some days I'll be going in and I'll have all the notes and the highlighting and the scribbles, and then you flip just a couple more pages later and there's nothing and it's blank. Whatever. It be like that sometimes. Okay, First Corinthians. Okay, ready, everybody? This is the biblical definition of love from our God. This is what he says Love is. It's First Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth is. Truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. That's convicting. Actually, that convicts me because sometimes I do get irritable and sometimes I do demand my own way, and sometimes I am jealous. I feel like that would convict anyone. It's such a good reminder that that is actually how we're supposed to be loving everyone. Like, literally strangers and the people that we love and adore. Love is patient and kind. I'm like, yeah, I do that. But then love is not jealous. Oops. Or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. That is so beautiful. I had to read it again, y' all. It's so good. Okay, so I mentioned that just in regards to what I was referring to, where it says that it keeps no record of being wronged. So Jesus isn't. Isn't telling Peter. Hey, but once it gets to this point, make sure. Forgiveness is a core doctrine emphasizing God's grace and the need for Christians to forgive others as they have been forgiven by God. It involves releasing resentment and bitterness, letting go of anger, and choosing to move on, all while maintaining a perspective of justice and accountability. Really, really good. Forgiveness is not about condoning wrongdoing, but about releasing the emotional weight of the offense and choosing to see others with a perspective of God's grace. Christians believe that God has forgiven them for their sins through Jesus Christ's sacrifice, and this forgiveness is the foundation of Their own ability to forgive others. Forgiving others, especially when they have deeply hurt you, is often seen as a difficult but necessary act of obedience and faith in God's grace. Forgiveness is crucial for healthy relationships. It allows individuals to move forward from past hurt and rebuilds trust, while unresolved bitterness can damage relationships and even lead to further conflict. While forgiveness is about releasing resentment and anger, reconciliation is about repairing broken relationships. Forgiveness is often a necessary prerequisite for reconciliation, but it is not the same thing. Many Christians view forgiveness as a spiritual practice. That's really good. Believing that it helps them grow closer to God, release emotional burdens, and experience a deeper sense of peace. Okay, I'm obsessed with that. And I think that that's, like a POV that we really should have a lot of times, too, in forgiveness. I actually just. I felt this revelation just literally yesterday when I was talking to the Lord about how I really wanted to, like, act out in my flesh in a moment because somebody had hurt me. And I was like, this is so unjust, God. The way that this person has hurt me today and the way that they're talking to me, like, I literally didn't even freaking deserve that. Like, I'm just here living, laughing, and loving. Don't think I did anything wrong. And sometimes that's the case. Like, not in a prideful way, but sometimes that is the case where you're like, I didn't deserve that. What the heck was that? And you know what Jesus hit me with? Okay, I think everyone needs to hear this. This is what he hit me with. He said, yeah, so I'm the most innocent man on earth in heaven to ever exist. Jesus is so innocent. He's perfect. There's a lot of things that have been done to him that were so unjust and unfair that he even reminded me. He said, girl, sometimes you get mad at me. I'm so innocent. I'm your dad. Like, I love you, and I'm here to provide for you. You're gonna get mad at me? Like, that's not fair. And I was like, right, okay, so that was convicting. But he reminded me that he was like, sometimes it's not fair. This is what I had to do. When it was hard to maybe look at the person and forgive them and love them is I was like, okay, Jesus, I'm gonna look at you and I'm gonna love you by loving that person. So now I've learned this new. I mean, this is giving spiritual practice. I know this new technique where if it's really hard for me to look at that person and be like, I love you, I forgive you. I'll look at Jesus and I'll say, okay, Jesus, how can I love you? Well, by loving this person that I know you love. You know, when you think about, okay, I don't know if this is the same, but I'm just gonna say it. Whatever. But, like, you know how you just want to. Like if you are in a relationship with somebody, romantically or friendship, whatever, but like, you love this person so much, and there people in their lives that, you know, they also love and adore, and you just want to love those people because of how much you love that person. You're like, obviously, I'm going to love the bejeebers out of these people, because I love this person so much and I know how much these people mean to that person. It's kind of like that. You know what I mean? Like, that was the loophole that I felt Jesus showing me in that moment is he was like, hey, if this is hard, just know that loving them well is loving me well. And I know you love me. I. I know you love me. And I'm like, yeah, I love you, Jesus. And he's like, okay, great, so we have that. So then what you're going to do is you're going to use me as a cornerstone to, like, love me by loving them well. And I'm like, okay, you're right. And so I love. I love the way that that was just said because it just. I feel like that's exactly what Jesus was encouraging me in, is that forgiveness is a spiritual practice, believing that it actually helps you grow closer to God, releasing emotional burdens and experiencing a deeper sense of peace with. With God, which I did. I was like, wait, God, this was good for our relationship. It wasn't even so much about me and that person. I mean, it is, but it was like, about me and Jesus too. I felt like it strengthened something in my faith and just my relationship with the Lord by practicing that. The scripture that came to my mind when Jesus was encouraging me to do that with that person, where he was like, hey, you're loving me by loving them. Here's where the scripture is, guys. It's in Matthew. It's Matthew 25:34, the final judgment. Then the king will say to those on his right, come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison and you visited me. Then these righteous ones will reply, lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? You or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality, or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you? So this is what Jesus is saying about himself. And they're like, wait a minute, when did we ever see you like that, though? And the king will say, I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me. What Jesus is saying is that when we give to the people who need need, and it could be forgiveness, it could be clothes on their back, it could be the people who are in prison. You know, like he's using all of these scenarios. The people who are thirsty, you gave them water. The people who were hungry, you fed them. Like, that could be literal, it can be spiritual, it can be relational. But what Jesus is saying is because you gave to that person what they needed, you gave to me. And so Jesus is saying like, I was that person who was in prison. I was that person who was hungry. I was that person who was thirsty. I was that person who needed forgiveness because he loves that person. And so by serving that person, Jesus is saying, you're serving me, and you showed up for me. And so I think that that is so convicting when it comes to giving in general and just seeing Jesus in people and seeing that Jesus loves these people. And also, it's like, if Jesus would do it for the person, we should too. If Jesus did it for us, we should too. Forgiveness is not about excusing wrongdoing or ignoring harmful actions. It is about choosing to release the emotional burden of the offense while still holding others accountable for their actions. This is something that kind of gets blurry for people where they're like, okay, so if this person has continued to show me their fruit, and they've continued to show me that they are capable of hurting me over and over and over again. Or it's like, you know, they promised that they would change, and then it keeps happening. You know, you can argue with that scripture we just read in Matthew, where Jesus is like, forgive them seminaries 97 times times seven, or whatever, infinitely right. You're supposed to infinitely forgive people. But then you're like, okay, but how do I do that without excusing the behavior because there is a level of accountability and, you know, justice that is necessary in situations, especially if a person is hurting you over and over again and you're like, okay, this is obviously not important to this person. They're not changing their behavior the way that I keep getting hurt over and over again. There's just no change. There's no sanctification. There's no correction, especially by the spirit of God. I think that it's. It's obviously really important for us to hold each other accountable in our actions, especially within the church, and to say, hey, that's not okay. Like, what you did to me was really hurtful. I'm willing to forgive you because I know that that's what I'm supposed to do, and I want to. And I love. I still have so much love for you. But, like, this is not okay and it can't happen anymore. Then also coming to a resolution, maybe at the end of that, if this is what feels appropriate for the situation and be like, so how can we moving forward, make sure that this doesn't happen anymore? And sometimes it could be a simple thing of like, I don't know, miscommunication. There's plenty of conversations I've had to have with people in my life where I've been like, hey, so when you do this, this is how it comes off, like, to me. This is what it communicates to me. I don't know if that's like, what you mean when you do those things, but it hurts me in this way. And so I think we need to move forward with a different resolution of, like, how we can handle that so that that isn't happening anymore. Like, I don't know if that's too vague, but I feel like per situation sometimes it could be a misunderstanding where you're like, yeah, no, so that hurts me. So. So we need to change that. Or like, maybe we need to meet somewhere in the middle for clarity. Forgiveness is not an excuse for wrongdoings. And I think it's still healthy to set those boundaries. If there are people that are obviously showing you that they have no problem, no remorse, like, they just don't do anything about it. It is okay to set boundaries with that person in your life and say, hey, I've forgiven you for all of these things, but this isn't working anymore.

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Let's see a couple of the questions that you guys had around forgiveness and we'll just like touch on them a little bit. Oh yeah, okay, this is the first one I read right now. How can you forgive someone who did something multiple times they knew would hurt you again? I think that you can definitely hold forgiveness in that in your heart for that person. But also maybe we just don't trust them anymore. I don't think that that forgiving someone in your heart and being like, you know what, I'm not keeping any records of wrongdoings against you. Like I fully have released. I love that what I was reading said that it's like more of a release of that burden of, you know, bitterness and resentment that could be weighing on you. It's more of a. A release emotionally and being like, hey, I forgive you. Actually, it's all good. And receiving the peace of God, like, receiving peace. It's okay to be like, hey, but I can't do this anymore. You have proven to me that you have no problem hurting me over this thing over and again. So I have forgiven you. And me doing this is not because I don't. It's just simply me prioritizing my heart, guarding my heart, and saying, I can't be in this relationship anymore. Or you're setting those boundaries where that person can't be so close to your heart. That's healthy. That is healthy. When you think about Jesus and the boundaries that he set with some people, like, his closest friends within the disciples were Peter, John, and James. Those were, like his bros, like his besties. He loved everyone. But, like, even when it came to go, when he went to the mount and he revealed himself in all of his glory to Peter, John, and James, and he's like, glowing, radiating, and it's like, you know, that whole moment, and they're like, whoa, oh, my gosh. He didn't bring Judas up there. Why didn't he bring Judas up there? Because he knew what Judas was capable of. He knew because he's God. He knew what was going to happen. But it's like, he knew Judas heart. He knew what Judas was capable of. And he said, I'm not gonna bring Judas around to those, like, really intimate moments and trusting him in those parts. Does that make sense? Like, there were boundaries that Jesus set even within. He loved them all very well, loved them equally. But we're gonna trust these people with this amount of my heart, and then I'm gonna keep this. Cause they've proven to me that they don't really tend to my heart or care about my heart as much as this person does. And just, like, discerning that with the Lord and being like, okay, God, how close am I allowed to keep this person to me, if at all anymore? Based on the facts, based on the fruit, based on, you know, these things that just keep happening over and over again. Yeah. To answer that question, I do think that forgiveness is possible, but it doesn't mean that you need to, like, keep that person close to you anymore. If they have shown you that they can do the same thing to you multiple times and they knew it would hurt you, because you probably have had the discussion with them before and been like, hey, I'M gonna just be honest. That hurt me. And then they keep doing it. You can still have forgiveness and love them while keeping them at a distance. And then that kind of rolls into this next question where somebody says, how do you evade your continued forgiveness from being abused? And I feel like that's a lot of what we kind of do just said is like, I think that that's a way to set those boundaries where you're not allowing this person to just stomp on you all the time for the sake of forgiveness. You know, like, you can forgive them while also still being like, yeah, I'm not going to be around you anymore. I can't allow my heart to be vulnerable to you anymore. Because you've shown me that I can't trust my heart with you. Doesn't mean I don't still love you. Doesn't mean I don't still pray for you, but I physically can't let you anywhere near my heart or my life. Life. How do you forgive when they never apologized? Well, what's crazy is the thing that comes to my mind is like, Jesus forgave us of our sins before we ever even knew that we sinned. Jesus forgave you and died on the cross for your sins before you were ever born, before you ever even knew that you were capable of sinning. And so there was no apology. Jesus received no apology from us at that time. When he endured that suffering and that sacrifice that he made for us, us, there was no apology. I mean, we might may apologize now, but there also was a time in my life where I would sin, and I just. Jesus was never getting an apology or. Or repentance from me because I just. Well, I didn't know. I didn't know. Yeah. So I don't think forgiveness is based on a scale of whether you get an apology or not. And I think that's the thing that can make it really hard sometimes, is that we may never receive an apology from that person. And so I think that it's also like, at that point, are you willing to carry that burden of bitterness for the rest of your life? Life. Because you may never get that apology, ever. It also comes down to like, okay, Lord, do I even want to carry this for the rest of my life if I never get an apology? Because you're kind of gambling at that point. You're like, okay, if I get an apology from this person, eventually then I'll stop being bitter. But who's to say that they ever will? You don't actually know that. I hope that they will. I pray that they do. That they. They eventually feel convicted about what they did to you. It may take years, months, hours, weeks. Weeks. Never. Never is a possibility, though, right? So you're kind of gambling with that. You're gambling with carrying these tens of hundreds of pounds of just emotional oppression of just like, yeah, bitterness and resentment and anger and frustration. And you're carrying that, and you're like, okay, well, you know what? I'm just gonna carry it until this person says I'm sorry. And they're bound to say, I'm sorry. Right. Do you even know that? I hope so. But do you even know that? That. So I don't think that's anything I'm willing to really gamble with. And it's. It's hard. It's challenging, because sometimes all you want, all you could need in that moment is for that person to just say, I am so sorry. Like, a sincere apology. And you're like, I'd be good if I just got a sincere apology from this person. I'd be fine. That's all I need. I think what the Lord has even done for me is like, that's not all you need, though. That should not be the indicator of whether you are able to forgive the person or not, because you are potentially setting yourself up for failure if that person never actually says I'm sorry. So you go, okay, so then how do I do it? It ties back to what we led with. With this episode is you have to just rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit. That is, the only thing that will relieve you from this emotional hurt is God. Not whatever the person can give you, but what God can give you in that moment. And so it's like the smallest little, like, mind shift, but you're no longer. Longer putting the results of the fate of, you know, forgiveness in your heart on a person's actions and putting it on God. The scripture, Matthew 11:28 reads, Then Jesus said, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. So what you're doing is you're no longer putting, like, your foundation on people and, like, what they could give you in that moment and how they're going to react and being like, okay, well, I need them to just say, I'm sorry, we gotta kill that. Because that's like some type of dependence on people, which, honestly, we're disappointing. You may never get an I'm sorry. You may never get that. But what Jesus is saying here is he's saying, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. The I'm sorry won't give you rest. That that person can give you, but who can give you rest is Jesus. That's what he's saying. He says, come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. So even in that, he's saying, no, no, no, me, me. I will give you the rest that you need. I will give you the satisfaction and the peace for your soul. Not however that person could apologize or maybe may never. It's me. So you don't need an apology. You don't need an apology to forgive someone. And I actually think that that will also speak volumes to the security that you have in Christ, where you're like, I don't even need anyone to say sorry. I just need. Need Jesus to help me with this. Like, I need him to carry my burden, because I don't want to rely on people to give me an and you. You probably will get and I'm sorry. And then that's just like a cherry on top of it all, because you're like, well, I did receive peace from the Lord anyway. But you know what? I still really appreciate the apology. And you could totally still get one. But first, before all else has to be, go to the Lord for that kind of peace. Somebody says forgiving exes feel like forgiveness equals being friends with them, but don't want to. Yeah, forgiveness is not being friends with people anymore. Anymore. First off, don't be friends with your ex. If this is just. This is Ally chiming in as big sister. What? Don't do that. Don't do that. We're not gonna be friends with our exes. We can forgive them. You can even verbalize it and say, hey, I've forgiven you. I wish you all the best. I'm praying for you. Love you, but bye. You know, like, that's okay, but bye. We're gonna move like that was that person served a purpose in your life for a season. We can appreciate that. We can appreciate the lessons that we learned in that relationship. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you that he allows everything for our good, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment. But it's like there's things to be learned and we move on. And sometimes people stay in the past, and that's okay. It doesn't mean we're bitter towards them, but they stay in the past that they don't equate. So I'm just here to tell you that forgiving doesn't mean stay friends. If that's the case. As long as I forgive that person, am I saved? Do you have to tell that person, I forgave you? You. Our salvation is not measured by the way that we forgive each other. You were saved the moment you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your life and you declared him as Lord in your heart, mind and soul. You are saved by the blood of Jesus. You are saved by the sanctification of Jesus Christ. And so your capability of forgiving others is not the measure of your salvation. So that's. That's a fear that I'm just going to rebuke right now in Jesus name. Girl, you're saved. You're saved. Obviously, we are still, still expected to forgive others. I know that that also maybe could be a little confusing because the Lord's like, hey, if you don't forgive others, I won't forgive you. So, like, okay, that's very true. The second half of that question, though is, do I have to tell that person I forgave them? I think that that's something that you could really discern with Jesus about and be like, okay, Lord, do I need to verbalize this to them? Or is this just something that, like, you know, I've forgiven them in my heart, you know that I have peace with it and I bless them and I pray for them genuinely, wholeheartedly. You're like, is it necessary for me to tell them and verbalize? Sometimes I feel the Lord be like, you need to tell them, because it's going to plant seeds for that person. Like, if God wants me to speak that forgiveness and truth and love over that person because he wants to do something with that, with that love that you show that person. Like, typically, I think it's because God just wants to minister to that person through the love and the grace and the mercy that you show them. But sometimes I don't feel that burden. And God's like, this is enough. Like, you forgiving them in your heart and praying for them. Huge. Praying for that person is a big deal that can move mountains in the spirit. Sometimes that is enough. And you don't need to reach out to the person or the ex, boyfriend or girlfriend that burned you 10 years ago and be like, hey, it's been a long time, you know, and I haven't been able to forgive you, but I forgive you now. Maybe it's not always necessary. Maybe you could just be like, hey, Jesus, I bless them and I pray for them and I forgive them. I do. But I would say more times than not, it's probably really productive to. To tell the person that you have forgiven them. But my personal advice with that would to just stay discerning with the Lord of what's appropriate versus not. Because also depending on the situation, I don't know how appropriate it is to be in communication with that person. Depending on the gravity of the situation. Again, I don't know your situation. Sometimes it's not best to even communicate with that person at that time. Yeah, I don't think that it's always necessary, but I'd like to believe that more times than not it is. Because I think the Lord can do a lot with that. Like with you being like, I forgive you and I love you. God can plant so many seeds in that moment, and you have no idea the rippling effect that it could cause in that person's life because of the grace you extended to them. You could be the only person that's ever extended that type of grace and forgiveness to them in their life. And it probably will never leave them. Like. Like the way that you loved them in that moment and said, you know what? I forgive you. It could minister to them and never leave their mind for the rest of their life. So you never know the power of what God would want to do with you simply acting out in obedience. If he is telling you to verbalize that forgiveness to that person, he could do some really beautiful things with that. So that's my feedback on that. Okay, our last quick question. Why do you think it's difficult to receive it? Somebody says, like, why do you think it's difficult to receive forgiveness? Oh my gosh. Maybe that might actually be an entirely another episode episode. Okay, well, this is. I'll just share this short little revelation that I've received from God. Not specifically about forgiveness, but I think that this could honestly be under the same umbrella whenever it's hard for us to receive something. Well, I feel like there's two scenarios with this. It's either it's hard for you to receive forgiveness from others. And I feel like if you're having a hard time Receiving something, it could be forgiveness, it could be anything. If you're having a hard time receiving something from someone or people, it's probably because you haven't allowed yourselves to receive that very thing from go God. And so if you're having a hard time receiving forgiveness from others, it's probably because you haven't allowed yourself to receive the forgiveness that God has for you. And that's something that challenges me a lot where like, even with just love, like sometimes it's hard for me to receive recognition or, or love from people and I'm like, wow, I don't know if I've actually been able to allow the Lord to speak into my identity and my life a lot and receive in that way. If you haven't allowed your heart to, to receive something from the Lord, it's probably hard for you to receive it from people. Which also is interesting because I feel like if you are not capable of really receiving something, well, you're probably not good at giving it because how can we give something we haven't personally received? And so another POV I could say, and I'm not saying this about you, but like, maybe it's hard for you to receive forgiveness because you're not forgiving as the way that the Lord instructs us to forgive. We can't give something we haven't been able to fully receive. So that also would provoke me to ask you a question of like, how easy is it for you to forgive people? And if it's kind of hard, maybe that's the root. It's like because you haven't been able to really heal in that way, to receive forgiveness and be like, I am forgiven by God, you know, I am forgiven by others. And once you've allowed your heart to open in that, then you can give the very thing that you finally allowed yourself to receive from the Lord. So we'll end on that note. I'll let that cook in some of yalls hearts. Yeah. Thank you Jesus. Wow. Thank you God for showing up in this episode. Lord, I just love you so much. We're going to pray really quick, quick. I just feel like praying. Jesus, we love you, Lord. Thank you for being literally the smartest person we, we know ever. You are so wise. It goes beyond something we will ever understand. But God, it is such an honor to learn from you. It is such an honor to know how to just. You just instruct us on how to walk through life and to become better versions of ourselves and to love others better, which is also loving you better. God. And so I just. I thank you. You for the way that you take care of us. And I just. I. I just bless you, God. I bless you. And I thank you for this episode. God, I thank you for the. What you did in the hearts of those who are listening today. Jesus, we honor you. We love you. And we just can't wait to walk out in more forgiveness and love after this episode. Jesus, we love you. We honor you in your mighty name. Amen. Guys, I love you and I'm so proud of you. God is more proud of you. You. But I'm super proud of you. And I will see you guys next time. Hey, wait. Can we do something cool today? Or at least until the next time we see each other? Let's do something cool. Let's show somebody how cool Jesus is. Let's be more forgiving. Let's be more forgiving. Just as Jesus forgives us. I love y' all. I'm proud of you. I will see you next time. Bye.