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Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy Friday, everybody. I am so excited for today's episode. And this episode was inspired actually by a TikTok that I posted. And it was so funny because I woke up one morning and I was just thinking about what it was like to be 22. And I don't know what got me there. I don't know if I had like seen a video on my phone of like a sweet 22 year old girl and I'm like, oh my gosh, the things I would do. But I just feel like I have finally hit an age. If you guys don't know. I'm 30 years old now, which is insane to me because I don't feel it. And it's so funny because you hear those things about people or like you hear those things from people who are older than us. Like you. Oh, you hear the like, oh, I'm this age and I don't even feel it. Or I still feel like I'm, you know, 18. Or it feels like I'm still 23 years old or like the things I would do differently. You know, like you hear those things from people who are older than us all the time. And I don't know if it's just being naive, I don't know if it's just being confident in the now. But like, I just think for a long time, I don't know, I just never thought about the fact that I would also feel the same way one day. And now that I'm 30 years old, I've been 30 for a few months. It's not like I didn't just turn 30, but I don't know now that I'm like in my 30s, very, very early beginning stages of my 30s, it's like that there's a decade that is now fully behind me. Like it's done. There is no redeeming it. There is no doing things differently. Like my 20s have a stamp on them and they're like, and this was Ali's twenties and it's over. Which is crazy. And so I think that that's why I woke up kind of feeling that way and just like reflecting and being like, wow, my 20s are like, that's it. There's nothing else about me getting older that will ever change how my 20s were. And not that I have any shame, but of course I have a lot of things that I wish I had done differently. About my 20s. And so I had posted a video being like, I woke up remembering what it was like to be 22 and to go back eight years and redo my 20s. The things I would. I mean, I would do everything differently. I would do almost everything differently about my 20s. That is how I feel. And I'm sure I'll feel the same way once my 30s are over and that decade is over and I'm in my 40s. Like, I'm sure that that's something I will always feel, you know, is that we're never going to do life perfectly. We're never going to do life the way that we wished we had done life had we known the things that we know now. You know, it's like all those cheesy things, but it's so true. And I think that's what I was feeling is I was like, dang, if I had known the things that I know now, I would have done my 20s so differently. And a lot of that has to do with Jesus. A lot of that has to do with my faith and the things that I know now through Christ versus what I had no clue of and didn't know at all in my 20s. And I've been transparent about those things on the podcast before. Like, that isn't a mystery. If you are a reoccurring listener of Christ with Coffee on Ice, you know that there are plenty of things that I have made mistakes in and things that I did in my 20s without Jesus. And so it will tie in a lot with my faith and the truth of who Jesus has created me to be. And I think a lot of the ways that I navigated life in my 20s was. I don't know, it just wasn't. Had I known the things that I know now, I would have done things entirely differently. And so the comment section of that video that I posted was really sweet. It was a lot of you guys who are literally either smack dab in the middle of your 20s or you just entered your 20s or you're about to. Maybe you're 19 and you're about to be 20. And there were a lot of you guys in the comment section that was like, ali, I would love to know what that even means. Like, truly, I would love some advice, some big sister feedback of things that you wish that you had done differently about your 20s. And I think that is such a beautiful part of life is that, like, I don't have shame or guilt about the things that I did wrong. If anything, I'm grateful that I did things wrong so that I could hand that off to you guys and you can do it the way that I wish I had. And I'm not saying you're gonna do your twenties perfectly either, but. But I would hope that at the end of this episode, it would give you clarity on how you could live your life better in your 20s than how I did. And so I'm excited for this episode. I feel like this is going to be, like, the most Big Sister episode we've ever done. It might feel a little different, but as soon as I read those comments, I was like, I would love, love to do that for you guys and just list off some things that I wish I never did or things that I wish I did do and, like, never had the courage to do. So this episode is about just being girls and cozying up, and I'm excited for it. So today, first and foremost, though, before we get into the episode, we have our Christ. We do have our Bible here, and I don't know, hopefully the Holy Spirit will move and he will actually even bring some scripture to mind as I am sharing these life experiences with you guys. And, you know, just my advice of living through my 20s. And also, we have our coffee on ice. Okay, we got it. With our crunchy ice. Again, I'm not very good at the ASMR part. That might be a little better. Anyway, we do have our coffee. Thank you, God. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Where do we start? It's so funny, too, because when I was, like, reflecting and thinking about my 20s, I don't know why, for me, my 20s started when I was actually, like, 22. Like, 20 and 21. To me, I'm like, you're still a teenager. I don't know. I just. I feel like my 20s didn't actually really start until I was 22. And I don't even really know what that means, but I feel like when I was 20 and 21, I was just still such a kid. I look back at those versions of Ally, and I'm like, girl, you were 16. Still. Like, that's how it truly felt. So I don't know. For me, I felt like my 20s didn't really start. Like, I wasn't, like, an adult, like, a baby adult until I was, like, 22. I don't know. I guess that could make sense, too, because that's the age that you're, like, officially out of college. I didn't go to any college, really. I tried to go to community college for a little bit, but never finished. So yeah, maybe that makes sense for a lot of you guys too, where you're like, yeah, that, that was like the moment I was actually like out in the world. But one question that I'd like to lead all of this with is what do I wish I understood about life in my 20s? What was something that I wish I had understood about life while I was actively living in my 20s? I think something that I wish I understood about life in my 20s is that it's not that heavy, it's not that serious. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself when it came to relationships. And I think that the reason why I put so much pressure on myself when it came to relationships is because that was the very thing that I relied on, that was my foundation, that was my support. Were relationships, whether they were romantic or friendships, but mainly romantic. Like, I wish that I didn't carry so much of a burden of like, relationships and I don't know, just like putting so much emphasis and focus on that and finding a partner. Like that was just such a heavy emphasis of my early to mid-20s. And I feel like that didn't really go away for me. Like that true surrender of, okay, like the timing of my life is the timing of my life and it's in the palm of God's hands and there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing I can force. And I think in me trying to force it was then me settling. So a lot of relationships, if not all of them, I was full blown settling and accepting treatment that I didn't deserve because of the pressure that I was putting on myself and the emphasis, the way that that part of my life was so highlighted, like there was so much weight on that part of my life because of that and that like, desperation of needing to have that part of my life figured out, I, I would settle. And I wish that I didn't do that. The reason I wish I didn't do that is because I could have spared myself a lot more pain and heartache and confusion and wondering and being in my head or trying to predict what that person is going to do or what they were feeling or what my future was going to look like with that person. Yeah. And I didn't really give that up until my late 20s, which makes sense because that's when I then met Jesus and I finally could give those burdens and like that heavy weight of pressure, I, I could just give it to him and stop feeling like that was something that was all on me that I had to make happen. I was like, okay, Jesus, if you are who you say you are, and you say that your burdens are light and your yoke is easy, I'm not gonna worry about this part of my life anymore. Like, I'm just going to believe that you are in control of that and that I'm not, and that it doesn't matter if I end up waiting a lot longer than I had probably wanted to. I have to have faith that you're going to fulfill this desire of my heart, that this is something that I've dreamt of my entire life. And there's a reason that that dream exists in my heart. And I think that there was such a fear in my heart of being alone or being unlovable, not being loved by somebody. And those were all things that I needed to let Jesus into my heart. About to mend those wounds, because those are boo boos. Those were boo boos in my heart. Like, why is that a real fear? Why are you afraid of being alone? And also, why do you believe that you're unlovable? Why is there such a fear of, like, someone not picking you? And so those were things I really needed to let Jesus in on. And I don't think my behavior would have changed had I not let Jesus into those parts of my heart to amend it, to satisfy me in the ways that I was clearly seeking satisfaction through other people or men, you know, relationships, even friendships. I think I just put a lot of pressure, even on friendships, of finding my ride or dies. Air quote. Right? The people who would never leave my side, who would be faithful no matter what. And of course, I do believe that those kind of people exist, but I don't really know if they exist outside of Jesus. I think the only person who can truly teach us how to do that and can do it selflessly is Jesus himself. So I. I put a lot of pressure on friendships. And it's so funny, but because of the pressure that I was putting on relationships in, you know, that area of my life, I almost feel like because of the pressure and the weight that I put on it and I put on myself, I, like, made that very thing happen. I wasn't chosen. Like, a lot of times I did feel abandoned and I felt unlovable. A lot of times people would come into my life and they'd be, like, with me every day. We were inseparable. And then one day it just changed. And that was, like, the one thing that I was the most afraid of. And I think because of the pressure I put on that area of my life, I actually ended up making that happen because I was just leaning too much on my own understanding and I was putting way too much pressure on myself or maybe the other people. And I was going about all of it in a way that was really just not healthy. So I wish that I understood in my 20s that it's just not that heavy. It doesn't have to be that heavy. It doesn't have to be that, like life or death, black and white. And I think the only reason it felt that way is because I was doing life alone and I didn't have God. I didn't seek him, at least, you know, like God was always near, but I wasn't asking Him. I didn't even know it was an option to give him my burdens and to give him that weight. And so I wish that I knew that I didn't have to carry the weight of my life in my 20s, now that I was out in the world. It actually didn't mean I was alone, but I thought I was. And so I was just carrying a lot more than I needed to. And I think I would have enjoyed life a lot more had I not been caught up in all of the weight and the drama and the this and the that and the wishy washy and the fickleness of relationships like, give me a freaking break. What a headache. That part of my life was. Constant drama, constant drama. Which is exhausting, by the way. If there is drama circulating in your life, that's probably not a good sign. And maybe we need to reflect on how we're handling relationships or who we're surrounding ourselves with. But yeah, just too much drama all the time. Do thoughts like, did I really mean that prayer? Or what if God is disappointed in me? Play in repeat in your mind over and over again? Or do you keep worrying that you're not believing hard enough, that every unwanted thought might be blasphemy, or that you've somehow lost your salvation, and no matter how many times you pray, read, or repent, you can't shake the anxiety. 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To learn more about starting OCD CD therapy with no CD, go to nocd.com and book a free call to learn more about how they can help you. That's no c d.com this episode is brought to you by Glorify, the number one Christian daily devotional app. You start the year how you mean to live it, and if you want 2026 to feel more grounded and less chaotic, Glorify's 21 Day Challenge is the easiest place to begin. It's one devotional a day, one moment of quiet, and one step towards a daily habit with him. Aside from the 21 day challenge, though, glorify offers so many things. You can start your mornings by reading a Bible passage of the day. If you need to take a few minutes to your in the middle of a busy day, you can try one of Glorify's guided meditations or listen to some of their curated worship playlists. And one of my personal favorites and I always rave about is you can enjoy Glorify's sleep meditations. These really help me wind down and put my mind to ease before I'm going to bed. 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And I think that if you are not taught from a young age that it truly doesn't matter what people think of you, it's like, really hard to snap out of that or I guess unlearn it if. I mean, that just goes right into your 20s. And so for me, that's exactly what happened. I think in my 20s, again, it's like a very vulnerable time in your life because it's the first time that you're now, like, okay, I guess I'm going to try to do things on my own out here in this world where it's big and scary and there's a lot going on. Like, I think that there's. There's a pressure of, like, to proving that you know what you're doing. And the truth is, is that the more that we try to pretend that we know what we're doing, the more that we're putting pressure on, like, everybody. Like, we're just, like, feeding this narrative and this facade that we all know what we're doing when we don't. It's also not helpful for anyone around us because then it's like this vicious cycle of everyone pretending that they know exactly what they're doing. And, you know, I'm only 22 years old, but I'm. I'm starting a business and I'm not scared at all. What do you mean? I know exactly what I'm doing. And, you know, dating, jobs, life, like, if we pretend we know what we're doing, we're not helping anyone. Actually, why don't we all just be vulnerable and say, I don't know what the heck I'm doing? Like, I still don't really. I'm not saying I don't have vision for my life. I'm not saying I don't have goals. And I'm not saying that I don't believe that the Lord, you know, has a plan for my life and that I'm not on that path. I do believe I am. I believe I'm in the Lord's will, and I believe that I'm exactly where I need to be, but I also don't know what I'm doing, you know, and so I wish that that was something that didn't matter to me as much in my 20s is what people thought of me, how the world perceived me. And, yeah, I just really value the opinion of people. Galatians 110 reads, Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. I think the bottom line of this verse is simply just people pleasing and God serving. They don't mix, and they're not the same. So I really believe that if you are of the world and you are in the world, and you don't find your purpose in Jesus, and you don't find your purpose in God, then you're gonna have to find your purpose in something else. And I think it's pretty black and white. Like, it is actually that simple. So either you're here to please God and you find purpose in how you can do things in life that would honor God and love people well, that would make the Lord proud. And sometimes what's funny is that could look so different than what people in the world are doing that could be so countercultural. So it's either you're doing that, or you are just a slave to what the world thinks of you. And I was not living for God. I was not a servant of the Lord's. My brain wasn't always like, is this gonna make the Lord proud? Is this gonna honor Him? Is this a step towards who he's created me to be? Is this what he would want from me and my life? I don't think that's what I was always thinking. I think what I was thinking was, well, what would people really receive well, and how could I love them well? But, like, what they think loving them well means? Because sometimes loving people well isn't always what they think. Sometimes it's controversial. Sometimes loving people well is not the traditional way of what you would think. Like, loving people well, in my opinion now, of what I do now is I tell them the truth of the gospel and the truth of how much Jesus adores them and is obsessed with them. I think that's loving people well. I think that's living up to the potential of what God has called me to do in my life. And that isn't always received well. Some people don't like that. They don't want to hear that. It's offensive to them. Which blows my mind, because I'm like, I'm telling you that there's a God who's obsessed with you and adores you and loves you. How is that offensive? But it goes back to that scripture where it's like, because Jesus died on the cross, rose from the grave, died for all of our sins, his blood was Shed for us now. It's like sinners don't actually have an excuse anymore. And even saying a statement like Jesus loves you is so offensive because it makes people subconsciously look at their sin. It is wild that it's something that people get offended by, but it's true. But that is loving people. Well, it's telling them that they are loved by Jesus and encouraging them to give their life to Jesus because it's the best decision they could ever make. It's the most life they'll ever feel. He is the living water for our souls, you know? So, yeah, loving people, well, isn't always in a way that they maybe agree with or think. But, yeah, I think that there was a time in my life where I would be like, well, how do people want me to love them? What's their definition of loving them? Well, I'll do that. Which is people pleasing. You're just gonna do whatever people would want you to do. You're just doing the thing that people would be the most comfortable with. And that doesn't actually always mean it's the right thing. That doesn't actually mean that. That's loving them to the best of your abilities. It's just pleasing them. It's honestly being a slave to people. You're not actually doing the thing that you'd want to do or the thing that the Lord would encourage you to do. So anyway, I don't know if I'm making any sense right now, but it really is that black and white. It's either you're. You're living for God or you're living for people. And those two things do not mix together. And I think that that is sometimes easier said than done. Not caring what people think. That is something that I think Jesus, he's the only one in my life that's actually gotten me to a place of having peace with who I am. Like, this is who I am and this is who I'm showing up as today. Because this is who I am. And if people don't like that, that's okay. I think I had to surrender and literally, like, give it to Jesus. All of it. I gave to Jesus. And I was like, okay, I haven't been very good at this. Like, God, I haven't really been very good at not caring about what people think of me or how they see me. And also, like, this weird people pleasing, like, I want everyone to love me. That's got to go. Because it's impossible. And I think that something that really helped me get to that Place, like, if that's really hard for you to do. I think acknowledging the root of that, that it is a form of pride, like, if you just want everyone to love you, it's a bit prideful. And that's just the honest truth. And any pride also is stemmed even deeper in insecurity. Like anyone who's prideful and arrogant or like. Or they, again, you just like, want everyone to love you. And it doesn't have to feel like the pride that's like, I'm better than everyone else, but it is very like me. I want everyone to love me. And anything that's just like pointing at yourself is pride. And so something that really helped me understand the whole people pleasing and making sure everyone loved me was acknowledging that it was pride and then acknowledging that that is actually rooted in insecurity and also realizing that there's a part of my heart of like, security that needed to be filled. And I was trying to fill it in approval of man, like, approval of other people. So there's something in my heart of just like, security in who I am that I was trying to fill through the approval of other people. So seeing that and being like, huh? What is that? What could fill that? Because I don't think this feeling of, like, constantly needing to perform and show up and be whoever people needed me to be wasn't actually filling that void in my heart. It was actually exhausting me. And I kind of felt like a circus monkey. Like, I kind of felt like I couldn't just be relaxed. I couldn't just relax. How about that? It kind of goes back to like the first point I made where it was like, it's not that deep. It doesn't have to be that heavy. I was putting all this pressure on relationships. And honestly, I think that these two things can closely live together of like, putting all this pressure on relationships and then also putting all this pressure on being what people would need in those relationships and being whoever people wanted me to be. And it's just too much. Just relax, Just be you, girl. And so I think realizing those deeper roots and then also realizing, like, understanding who Jesus is, understanding that he was a perfect man. Perfect. The definition of perfect was Jesus. He never committed a single sin in his life. Why? Why was he able to do that? Because he was also God. He was God who humbled himself, came down to earth in human form. It's the beginning of Hebrews. Because God's children are human beings made of flesh and blood. The Son also became flesh and blood. For only as Human being could he die. And only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. We also know that the Son did not come to help angels. He came to help the descendants of Abraham. That's us, by the way. That's us. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful high priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested. That is why Jesus came down, humbled himself as a human of flesh and blood, to save us from our sins and to be the example, to be our high priest, to set the example of living a life, a holy life, a perfect life. So he was only able to live a perfect life because he was also God. And so when you think about the way that Jesus lived his life, not making a single mistake or sin, and he was hated, like, truly, like, realizing that and being like, okay, so if I believe Jesus was perfect in all of his ways and not every single person who met him, loved him and adored him, who the heck do I think I am? Do I think I'm greater than God? Like, when you really break it down like that, you're like, oh, so I am expecting myself to be more than Jesus, which is impossible, by the way. You cannot be more than the one who created you. So that is a very humbling moment. Is like, when you realize the truth of the fact that Jesus is still, to this day, by the way, is hated by a lot of people. It will really have you sit in your seat and go, okay, fear of man. I can't have it. That is an impossible trap to be stuck in of. Like, I want people, I want everyone to love me because it'll never happen. You're going to be miserable and enslaved to that concept for the rest of your life because it will never happen. And you're going to be miserable. There's nothing more freeing than just, like, letting that go. Accepting that not everybody is going to love you, accepting that not everybody's going to choose you. It's okay. It's okay. If not everybody wants to choose you, if not everybody wants to love you, if not everybody's gonna like you. Like, they're not gonna like your personality, they're not gonna like your humor. They're not gonna like your laugh, they're not gonna like your style, they're not gonna like your hair, whatever. What the heck ever like that is. That is just the reality of life is not everybody is going to like you. Not everybody. And that's okay. You don't have to be everyone's cup of tea. Why? My question to you would be, why do you have to be everyone's cup of tea? Because that's the only way you're going to feel good about yourself. Okay, well then you need to bring that to Jesus because there's obviously something in your heart that needs to be filled by him because people won't fill that. People won't fill that. And that was something I was way too caught up in in my 20s is needing people to accept me and love me when honestly I was already accepted and loved by God in all of my flaws, in all of my quirkiness, in all of my awkwardness, like in all of my ugliest, most vulnerable moments that are kind of embarrassing if people were there, you know, it's like. Or if they were, guess what? Jesus still chooses me. What do you mean? He already did before. He already did on the cross. That's what he did. He chose me. And he said, yeah, no, all of her, all of her. The good parts of her, the bad parts of her, the weird parts of her, the awkward parts of her. I am obsessed with her. I created her and I love her. And yeah, all of her. I will die for all of her, not just parts of her. So that is the truth of people pleasing. That is the truth of wanting everyone to like you and to be accepted by people and to want the acceptance of other people and to be perceived in a certain way. It's all pride and it needs to die. Your pride needs to die. And you need to be humble to the truth of like, not everyone is going to love you because not everybody loved Jesus. And that is an impossible goal to have for yourself. Those are impossible standards to put yourself at. It's kind of crept up on me a little bit because I don't remember my life always being this way. But I have a pretty busy, even chaotic lifestyle. I am quite literally constantly on the go. And while I do love my coffee, that is no mystery here. For my really chaotic days, I have been on the market for something better because unfortunately, sometimes coffee actually makes me me more anxious in the chaos. Everyday dose has become a simple and effective alternative. It's the same coffee I know and love. 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This is a personal conviction I wish I would have started earlier my fitness journey and caring about my physical health. I'm just now on that journey and like just finally starting to take it seriously. And I lived all of my 20s not caring. And I think that's easy because in your 20s, like your metabolism is pretty much unreal. Most of us in our 20s or early 20s at least, it's like we could just eat whatever we want, do whatever we want. We didn't have to exercise. Like, I don't know, at least for me and the genetics that my parents, they both were Also, that's just how they were in their twenties. They could do. They could eat whatever they want. They could. It didn't matter. Like, health wasn't. Like, I didn't look at the ingredients of things. And I wish I did that more in my 20s. Why? Because it bit me in the butt. Now I'm in my 30s and things are starting to feel a little funny. Like, I don't know, like, my back is starting to hurt. Now I'm like, that's weird. My knees sometimes just start to hurt. And I'm like, that's weird. It was just a lack of caring for my body. Lack of movement, a lack of exercise. Like, your body will break down quicker if you're not giving it the nutrients it needs. If you're not loving your body, well, that is eating enough, sleeping enough, and moving it enough. It's that simple. And I didn't care. I didn't care. I didn't care. And I think the reason I didn't care is because I didn't have the conviction. I. Again, it's all gonna go back to Jesus, because he's the answer to everything. If you weren't expecting that in this episode, I don't know, maybe you're new and you just clicked on this. But, like, that's the. He is the answer to everything. I didn't have that conviction because I didn't have the Holy Spirit and I didn't. I believed too much that my body was my own and I could do whatever I wanted with it. I can neglect it however much I wanted to. And that is selfish. And also prideful. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Prideful. This body is not my own. We talked about this in a couple episodes ago, right? About modesty. This is not my own body. This was a gift given to me by God. And the best way to honor him and to say thank you for this body that I did not earn, Lord, is by taking care of her. No, don't drink alcohol every weekend. Allie, stop getting drunk. Stop. No wonder you feel like garbage, because all you're doing is drinking alcohol. You're putting toxic crap in your body. You're eating Taco bell. You're eating McDonald's. And that's how you're gonna repay the Lord. Thanks so much for this body. I'm gonna trash it from the inside out. And that was just immaturity. It was immaturity. It was a lack of wisdom. Like, again, I just. I didn't know these things. So there is grace. Like, I'm not beating her Up. But also, she knew that it wasn't healthy. She knew the things that she. But she was like, whatever, I don't care. And so now I'm doing those things, and I'm grateful that I now feel con. And I'm still. I am still young enough, hopefully, to make up for all the time lost. It's not like I'm in my 50s now where it could get really hard if you didn't prioritize those things for that long. But, yeah, I just. I wish I started caring more about my physical health. And so if I could encourage any of you is go on that walk today, please, please go on the walk. Like, get your steps in, go to the gym, move your body, build muscle, eat well, eat clean, eat organic. You're gonna feel so much better too. Believe it or not. I know you feel indestructible because you're like, you know, 20 years old, and in a lot of ways you are, but it does catch up to you. And I don't know, I just think that the more proactive you are about those things, the more your future self is going to thank you for it and be like, wow, I feel amazing in my 30s compared to some of the other people around me who didn't prioritize those things. And now they're dealing with all these weird, rickety backs and knees like Ali Yost. And, you know, life is a little harder for them to bounce back. Just do it now, please. Take care of yourselves, please. And sleep enough. Stop staying up till two in the morning. Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? Start the habits now. Stop staying up all night. That was another thing. Why was I up all night and sleeping until 11? Ew. What fear or belief held you back the most in your 20s? That I wasn't enough. That I wasn't enough and I wasn't good enough enough. And that can tie into fear of man. That could. I. I mean, that obviously is another root of. Why would I ever seek fear, like, you know, caring so much about what people think of me? Because deep down, I believed I wasn't enough, that Ali, by herself as she was, wasn't enough. So then I had to pretend to be or show up as a version of myself that I thought was way better than who I actually was. So I wish that I didn't let the belief system of, I am not. I am not enough to rule over my 20s, because it held me back in a lot of ways. I think it prolonged a lot of things in my life. I think That I allowed myself to walk through a lot more trauma because of it. That's settling for certain relationships, that's accepting treatment and behaviors that I truly didn't deserve. And I'm not saying I was a perfect person, but because I believed that I wasn't enough or I wouldn't have been treated any better because I wasn't that desirable. Like what value did I. I mean, I believed I brought some value, but I don't think I actually believed it. Like in my core I think I talked a big talk sometimes, but I didn't actually believe it in my gut about myself. And it didn't matter how many times certain people around me would tell me that I deserved better. I was in full blown agreement with a false belief system that honestly could have only come from the pits of hell. Like that couldn't have come from God telling me that I wasn't enough and I didn't deserve enough. And I honestly was pretty mid that I was a mid human being. It's awful. I know, guys, I know. Praise God. He took those scales off of my eyes and I don't see that. I don't see myself that way anymore. I see myself through his eyes most times. I'm not saying that it's still not hard for me sometimes to feel good about myself, but I'm definitely the most confident now that I have been in a really long time. And yeah, I think that, that it held me back in chasing dreams of mine. It's held me back in putting myself out there in ways of, of, you know, just wanting to be brave and do the desires of my heart. And again, this is something I've said before. I think that's a huge reason why I never was able to fully step out music career in my 20s. And now that's something that I'm finally starting to really navigate now. Still a huge mystery to me, but I'm not as scared of it now as I used to be. And if I didn't believe that about myself in my 20s, who knows? I could have been a lot further along in, in my love for music. But that's okay, you know, God, God will use all of it. It came down to not believing I was enough. I wasn't talented enough, my voice wasn't pretty enough, people wouldn't like it. There were a lot of aspects of myself that I was like, no, I'm not enough. Well, look at that person. I'm sure comparison did that to me too. Constantly comparing myself to other people. It's just a nasty It's a nasty voice. And if there's ever a voice in your head that's telling you that you're not enough, I'm telling you that it's a lie. Because God was so pleased and satisfied when he made you. You were enough to him where he said, she's perfect to me, I love her just the way she is. What relationship decision would you handle differently now? Well, I think a lot more relationships would have ended much sooner. And this is just me being honest. I think that there are relationships that I was in that I don't even know if I would have ever been in at all had I had the healing that I have now through Jesus, the clarity that I have now through Jesus, the confidence, the self worth, like all of those things. Now that my life is rooted in Jesus. I think a lot of relationships wouldn't have simply just wouldn't have existed had I know what I know now. Again, I wouldn't have settled for a lot of things that I used to settle for. And also my standards are a lot higher. They're just real. My standards are real. Like my, my standards before were like literally under the ground, non existent. Like what Al. So I think, yeah, my standards are fair now. My standards are like, no, this is like actually what I believe I deserve. And this is also what I believe would be productive for my life and also my future family. And this is somebody I would, you know, if, if they have these aspects, like this is somebody I would trust my life with with, trust my children with. I just think I, I am being honest with myself about those kinds of questions instead of shying away from them because I think if I face the music in my 20s of those questions, I don't think I would have liked my answer. I would have just been like, ah, I didn't want to face those questions, but I didn't, I didn't care. I didn't want, I just didn't want to be alone. My standards were so low because of how desperate I was to just be loved and accepted by somebody and to finally just love somebody the way that I wanted to love. Like, I had so much love to give and I just wanted to put it somewhere. And when I first came to Jesus, there was a quote that I saw and I, I posted it too. It was like very early on in my, in my journey where I was like, God, I just have so much love to give. There was a response that I had seen somewhere and, and I used it myself because I was like, that is so powerful. And it was God speaking back. And he said, so give it to me. And it just clicked for me where I was like, you know what, God, you're right. Like all this love that I have to give, like, I'm not just gonna give it to the first person who's willing to, quote, love me. I'm just gonna give it to you until the right person comes around where it's like, no, this, this is the standard. So that became less of a problem for me. Now it's like, ah, having all this love with nowhere to go. Like, just give it to the Lord. And that's what I did is I. I then decided to love God and let him love me and strengthen my relationship with love, which then built me up in all these other areas that I lacked, like self confidence, you know, fear of what people thought of me not being enough, like all these things. Giving all my love to God and allowing him to love me back and receiving his love and his healing and his companionship and his shepherding, like all those things was the best decision that ever happened. I thought it was just simply to put my love somewhere, but it was so much more than that. It was actually so that he could transform my heart and help me in all these other ways that I didn't realize I was so broken in, so broken. And I'm still sitting here a very broken person. Again, I'm not claiming that, that God is now like fully restored me. I think that that's a journey that I will walk on for the rest of, of like things that are broken in me that God will always be mending and helping me walk through. But there were some serious things that were broken in me that only God could mend. What financial mistake did you make in your twenties that taught you the most? This is a good one. I think money is just like a weird thing for us sometimes. So this is just my personal story. I don't know if anyone is going to relate to this, but if you find yourself in this position one day, this could even be like not in your 20s, but I don't know, this could even be something that you face in your 30s or you are right now. I don't know. There was a point in my 20s, probably when I was about 25 to 27, was when I started to make a good amount of money that I hadn't seen in my life before. I was making six figures. I was making more, if not the same or more as my dad. And my dad, like had to work really hard to get to where he was at. To make the kind of money that he was making and he had to go to college and school and all these things. And I. Social media, I mean, I got to go full time with social media. I didn't even realize the money that was in that, but I, I was making again. I was, I wasn't a millionaire, but it was, it was a lot. I'd never seen that kind of money in my life. Okay. And so I think because I had never seen money like that in my life, I just was really careless with it and it was just like fun and money was free to me. And I think when you, when you've gone a good amount of your life without like ever seeing money like that before and then you're making it, you just get excited. And I think I got excited. I got excited about materialistic things. I got excited about the freedom that came with money. And sometimes if you don't have a solid head on your shoulders of how to manage your money well, how to save, to not be frugal with your money, but like to still be generous and to spend your money and invest or give. But I was like, I just went kind of crazy and I just started buying stuff. Like again, I just think it was another part of my heart that I was just trying to fill a void and I just thought maybe, well, okay, maybe stuff, maybe things I can buy because I've never been able to do that. I haven't tried that. So like maybe if I just start buying like designer stuff stuff and like first class tickets to Paris or whatever, like maybe that stuff will make me feel really good. And they do for like a little bit and then you're bored again and then the high goes away and the dopamine wears off and then you like are just left with less money in your bank account and like a purse, but like woohoo, a purse, you know, So I wish I didn't do that. It's so wasteful. I would, I would spend thousands of dollars to get a dopamine rush. That's basically what I did. I spent thousands of dollars to just feel good for a few hours. It didn't even last. It doesn't even last. So you got to keep spending money to feel good. Okay? So now I'm a slave to that. Cool. Like you're just a slave to anything outside of God. Like if you can't, if you're not letting the Lord fulfill that part of your heart, you are a slave to whatever else that is. That's an idol. We Just talked about that. So, yeah, I was just making idols out of everything. And so don't do that. Learn how to invest your money. That's. That's something that I'm just Now, like, I'm 30 years old. Had I nailed that down and knew how to do that even five years ago, six years ago, that would have been awesome. So, I don't know. I'm sure this is what your parents tell you, but I'm telling you, too, because they're right. Save your money. Invest it. Spend it wisely. Don't be afraid to, like, you know, you can buy yourself something nice every so often. I'm not saying we got to be real strict, but don't just do also heart posture. Why are we doing it? My heart posture was I just wanted to feel something. I just wanted to feel something. But, yeah, I wish I wasn't so careless with my money. I wish I had saved it. I wish I would have, I don't know, just done better things with it instead of buying a Gucci bag. And, like, I still own a lot of that stuff. I didn't give it all away, but I don't need them. And I. I wish that that money, I could have done something else with that money, if that makes sense. And be prayerful. Be like, God, is this something I actually need? Or is this something that I. I don't know. A lot of things we don't actually really need. But it's like, is this. Okay, Should I. Should I buy. Should I do this with my money? What do you. What do you say I should do with my money? I mean, if everything on the earth is the Lord's, the earth is God's, and everything in it is God. We also have to assume that that means money. And so, yeah, I think I was. I just wish that I had learned how to honor God more, even in just the way I was spending my money. Like, it goes back to the same concept of, like, this is not my body. It was a gift given to me, and it's actually the Lord's, and I did nothing to earn it. I think that that goes the same with the way that, you know, money was coming into my life. Is that if had I had that foundation of understanding with Jesus, I would have been a lot less reckless with my money. I would have been a lot less, like, expectant that it was just going to keep flowing in. Like, I don't know. I just would have been a lot less, like, this is mine and I can do whatever I want with it. The shift for me of now being a follower of Jesus is believing and knowing that like, the money in my bank account actually isn't mine. And so I think having that perspective also holds you to a place of accountability where you're like, I'm not just going to be reckless and careless with it all the time. Like, I'm not just going to be selfish and spend however amount, amount of money on things that just aren't. I don't actually, it's not a necessity, it's not necessary. I don't need it. It's not my money to just spend on myself all the time. So there's that and then there's also the aspect of my heart that needed fulfillment. Like, I just, again, it goes back to that void in my heart where I was just trying to fill it with things. But yeah, it's just, it's a combination of both of those things, I think. So also remembering that my money isn't mine and it was a gift given to me also from the Lord. And it goes back to a heart posture of, how can I honor you with this, God? This is another tool, this is another thing that you've given me and blessed me with. How can I use it in a way that would honor you and it would be a way that you would be pleased with? And lastly, we'll just end with this question. There's probably so many more. I don't know, maybe we could even do another episode one day in the future of like, things I wish I could have done differently in my 20s, because I think this could really be so much longer of an episode. But one last question I'd like to end this on is what would you do differently in your 20s spiritually? Like, what are some spiritual habits that you would have done differently? To be honest, I didn't really have any spiritual habits aside from burning sage in my home manifesting. I tried to do, man, I don't know, the manifestation stuff was a little weird for me. I, I, I tried to get on that boat, but then I didn't really love, I don't know, it just, it didn't really connect for me as much. But like, like those were the closest things to like, spiritual habits that I had. And then of course, like, yeah, I would pray to God from time to time, I guess. But some things that I wish I made habits of in my 20s. First off, I just think that I'd be so much further along in my journey with the Lord now and again, I think because of these spiritual habits, a Lot of these other things we were just talking about wouldn't have probably ever happened had I had these spiritual habits. But I wish I went to the Lord first and foremost before anything else else in my life. I wish that I read the Bible. I wish I read Scripture every day. My 20s would simply look different had I just done those things. Because. And I know that because it was scripture that changed my life once I did start reading it. And it changed me from the inside out. It changed the desires of my hearts. It made me a better person. It purified me. It washed me clean like it was the blood of Jesus and the word of God. It was his spirit. Like I was introduced to the spirit of God through reading His Word. And had I started reading the Bible sooner, none of this probably would have happened. And I'm not saying I still wouldn't have made mistakes, because we will still make mistakes no matter what. But I think a lot of these things that happened in my twenties wouldn't have happened had I known Scripture, had I known my purpose through Christ, had I been satisfied with his acceptance and his sacrifice for me, dying on the cross for me, if that was the only thing, I wish that that's what I did. I wish I read more scripture. I wish that I knew more about who Jesus actually was, is why, why, why I actually was here. What am I doing, by the way, except for just like, living for myself, I guess, you know, I wish that I made friends with people who also loved Jesus. I wish that I put myself in situations or joined, like, church groups. At the time, I thought all that stuff was so lame. Surely there's only boring people doing that stuff. And that was the biggest lie ever. That wasn't true. Believers are actually so fun and filled with joy and they're encouraging and they're loving and they have Jesus in their hearts and it's the best thing ever. So I wish I had done that. I wish I had put myself out there and wait. I wish I joined a church. There was a dream that I had in my 20s at one point where I was like, what if I joined the worship team? Like, that was always something that was kind of in the back of my mind. But I, again, I just, like, never went all in with God. I just never. I never made the decision to actually fall follow Him. I don't even think I really knew what that meant. And so I didn't know those things until I started reading Scripture. So ultimately, I guess what I'm coming down to is I wish that I read more of the Bible. And so if you are reading the Bible now and you haven't even hit your 20s yet, let's say you're listening to this and you're like 18 or 19 years old. You're. Please, God bless you. You're exactly where you need to be, and you're doing the exact. You're doing the thing that I wish I did. So, yeah, I wish that those were habits that I had made for my 20s. Guys, thank you so much. I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg, to be honest. I could have talked for, like, two more hours about this topic. If this is something you'd still want to hear more about, leave a comment below. If you're watching on YouTube or Spotify or anywhere else that you can, leave a comment. I'd be so excited to do another episode like this if this was fun, because I think there's so many more things I would say. But, yeah, I. I really enjoyed this episode, guys. Thank you for tuning in. I hope that it was helpful and I love you guys. I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being here. Guys. Can we actually do something really cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? Can we walk more like him, talk more like him, Be more like Jesus today? I love you all. I hope you have a beautiful Friday and a beautiful weekend and rest of your week. But until then, I will see you next time. Bye. Are some of y' all still listening? 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