Ali Yost (1:30)
Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys. I am so excited about today's episode because today is the first day that we are recording in a different space and this is the space that I got to put together myself. If you guys don't know, if you don't physically watch the podcast, that's okay. Obviously then none of this really applies, but to those who are physically watching, I had been recording in a studio the last few months, which was such a privilege honestly to be able to have that luxury of going to a studio where other people set it all up for me. They're in charge of lights, camera, action, and all I have to do is show up. Like, seriously, such a blessing, for sure. But there's definitely a different freedom that I have with being able to have my own space and there's no time limit and I can get as vulnerable as I feel led to be or want to be. And not that I couldn't do those things in the studio, but, you know, it's a little bit of a different pressure. It's so funny. Like, a camera actually doesn't intimidate me. It's like real eyeballs that do. And so it's funny. Like, sometimes people will be like, how do you do it, Ali? And I'm like, I don't see a camera and, like, see eyeballs looking back at me. You know what I mean? I just don't. I just see a lens and I don't think, like, past that, you know, because obviously the lens does bring me to a ton of eyeballs, but I don't see that side. Like, I just see the lens. Anyway, if there's real eyeballs in front of me, though, that's different. And so I do get a little stage fright. I think. Obviously you get used to it over time, like filming so many times with these people and they also all love Jesus, so, you know, it wasn't anything like all that intense. But there is a little bit of pressure and stage fright that comes with having, like, real people sitting in front of me. So anyway, I do kind of have that freedom where it's just a camera in front of me again and there's no one else in the room. And so, yeah, I'm. I'm really excited for this next chapter of the podcast. And, yeah, I'm really honored to be your host today. Happy Friday, you guys. We have our coffee on ice and never again. Because now I get to make my coffee from home and just walk upstairs. Never again will you have to see a watered down soupy coffee from me again. It's never gonna happen. How many times was I like, guys, It's. I have my coffee on ice, but the ice is pretty much gone. Because I would commute, I would bring it to the studio, or sometimes I doordash it to the studio, but still it would melt and I would be recording multiple episodes. Yeah, it was just. That will never be a thing again. You will always see my coffee on ice again. Okay. Unless it's supposed to not be on ice, but never a soupy coffee. Anyway, we have pumpkin, oat milk in our iced coffee today. Hallelujah. Thank the Lord. And of course, we have our Christ and a little ASMR with it. We have our Christ. I brought my little travel size Bible, my compact Bible. Today, my traditional sized Bible stays next to my nightstand, like next to my bed. But this one literally goes everywhere with me and it's just the best. So I don't know if that's a thing for you guys where if you're like, ah, sometimes I wish my Bible was a little bit more compact or I could just throw it in my bag or bring it with me anywhere. This has honestly became. I thought I would use this one less, but I use it more. And so this is also from Hosanna Revival. If you guys haven't heard of them, they're amazing. They're literally my favorite. So this is their. Yeah, compact Bible nlt. And they have beautiful Bibles, journals. They don't pay me to say this. I just love them. And I do have a code with them that you guys are more than welcome to use if you ever want to shop their website. It's just my first and last name, Ali Yost, but they're the best, so love them. And you guys are always asking me where I get my Bibles from. So that's me being honest and saying I love Hosanna and that's where I get my Bibles. Okay, guys, this episode is going to be really fun. It's going to be really fun. It's going to be convicting. It's probably going to ruffle some feathers. People are not going to agree with it, but that's okay. That's okay. The truth of the matter is that what I'm going to talk about today are convictions that the Lord has shown me from a way that I was once living to what he's convicted I should be living in now. And I think that one of my favorite things about the heart of God is that he shows us the ways that we used to be living our lives. And then he shows us the ways that he's always intended us for us to live our lives. Let me try that sentence one more time, listeners. And then he shows us the way that he's always intended us to live our lives. And when he does that, it's never in a way that's condemning and it's never in a controlling way like he still gives us a choice. He's never going to force his hand on us. So the ways that I've changed my life, I just want to testify and share with the world, that these are not ways that I felt forced into living. These were ways that I, God, had opened my eyes to the ways that I was living my life before and made me realize that as much as I thought that that was productive or it was the right way or it was the best way to love myself or to love others, he showed me in such a loving way that that actually wasn't the truth and that it was actually causing a lot more damage to myself, to my soul, to my heart, than it was being productive. And it was in his grace that he was like, honey, I love you so much. And I see what you're trying to do in this, but this is hurtful, and this is actually not what I've created you for. Would you just give me a chance and let me show you how you actually are supposed to pursue this part of your life? And it was in that that I said, yeah. Wait. Yeah. Is there a better way? Because I'm. I'm open. God, I would love. If there's a better way, I'd love to do it. Because I think that the other thing about this topic that we're about to get into is that I had. Had experienced so much hurt and pain, and so obviously, all the ways that I had been doing it wasn't actually working. Or, like, there were just ways I could have gone about it that would have caused me a lot less pain and suffering and heartache. And had I not opened my heart to the extent of what I opened my heart to, had I not allowed people to have access or as much access to my heart as I had. And so it was actually in God's kindness, like I testify. I testify. It was actually in his kindness and his love that he said, honey, I love you so much. And I see what you're trying to do here, and I see your heart's desire in this. I do. And the reason I see it is because it's what I've created you for. Like, the way that you want to love a partner and the way that you want to be loved by a partner. Just know I have so much compassion for that because that's what I've made you for. So, like, I get it. I get it. But please, just let me show you how you're supposed to do it in a way where you're not going to get nearly as hurt and it's going to be so much more rewarding. And so that was nothing that was forced on me. That was nothing that people were like, ally, you are living in sin, you are doing this so wrong. Like, and I know that that's actually a lot of people's stories. Like, I recognize that there are people who have stories where they're like, well, there were people in the church that were so judgmental and so condemning of the ways that I was living my life. And we've talked about this, and I think on the podcast that, like, that approach is just, in my opinion, a bit controlling of the church. It's not allowing the Holy Spirit to be the Holy Spirit. And obviously, we are supposed to call each other higher, but in a way that is loving, that can only come from the Spirit in a way that is, like, overflowing with love, where, like, it will bring conviction, which is uncomfortable, but it will never. It should never leave a person feeling so shameful. And so my job today as a vessel who loves you so much and only ever wants to speak the truth, I won't do it perfectly because, like, I'm still a human. If anyone's gonna sit here on the couch and do it perfectly, it would be Jesus himself. But I'm. I really. My biggest prayer is to share my testimony of what God has showed me in how to be in romantic relationships. What it means to be a girlfriend, what's supposed to be saved for marriage, what it means to be a wife. Like, I want to share with you guys all that God has shared with me about those things. I want y' all to learn from my mistakes. Okay? So whether you're actively living in a lifestyle like this or not, if you're living in it, like, I love you, and I pray that this episode motivates you in the way that it motivated me to make changes in my life. But if this isn't a way that you're living your life, and it could become a temptation someday down the road, like, if you're, like, 14 years old or if you're younger, like, learn from my mistakes before the temptations ever come. That. That's also a goal of mine. It's like, please just hear me and. And hear me and learn from my boo boos so you don't have to make those same boo boos. And lastly, like, I think another goal of what I want to do in this podcast, and what I hope I can shed light on is a light that God has shed for me in. In marriage, too, is how holy and beautiful Covenant is in marriage and why these things are saved for marriage. And it's not just like, God wagging his finger and being like, don't do this, there's a perspective of, yes, protecting our hearts, but also like, this is what's going to make marriage so special and sweet and different than dating. Like if we're just doing everything that was supposed to be for marriage in dating, there's nothing really left to make marriage special. And that's what I'm going to say for that as of right now. Okay, so. All right, let's rock and roll. Let's get into it. I'm going to start with a little story time of what my life looked like. If you guys don't know much about my story before I found Jesus, I have always been a lover girl. And I think a lot of you guys probably can relate to that. I don't know, hopefully you can. I've always been a lover girl. I've always been a relationship girl, a girlfriend kind of girl. Like I, I always wanted that commitment of being in a, in a long term relationship and eventually marrying that person, living with them, having a family with them like that. Like my dream has always been to be a mother, which obviously comes with marriage. And so that was my end. Like I never really was the kind of person that would just like date around to just date around now. There were times where like if one long term relationship of mine had ended, I kind of lost hope, felt discouraged, was a bit in a rebellious. And so yeah, maybe there were like a couple moments where I was playing around and just dating to date, knowing that that person could never actually be my partner for life. I'd have little phases like that for a couple months, but then I'd get back to my senses and I'd be like, I'm, I'm a relationship kind of gal. And so then I'd be booed up for another three years in another long term relationship that I did not handle well, should have never probably been in. And so my life in dating before knowing Jesus and having the Holy Spirit and the conviction that comes with having the Holy Spirit, I was doing things in a very worldly way. I had been in a couple serious long term relationships before knowing Jesus. And so in those relationships I now see, looking back, there are a lot of things I could have done differently. And there were a lot of things I could have protected myself from had I had the wisdom. Honestly, I just didn't have the wisdom of God. I had the wisdom of what other people were telling me I should do. I had the wisdom of the world of how I should go about relationships. And so it really was just, I didn't know I Didn't have the wisdom of God of like. So I really thought I was doing all of this the way you were supposed to do it. Like, what do you mean? Of course you date this person and you are intimate with them and you have sex with them and I mean, duh, I mean, it's like that's love, right? Like that's what you want to do with the person that you love and then you move in together and then you get a dog together and then you get engaged and then you get married. Like that's literally. And that's what I did. I, I was a full blown wife, like playing house, living a life of marriage without being married. And I thought it was. What do you mean? I thought it was right. I thought that was the right thing to do. Like, what do you mean? How are you supposed to know that you are compatible with this person, that you can live with them? How are you supposed to know that you're physically like, you know, like physically compatible with this person, even intimately? Like how? What do you mean? Like of course you have to do all of those things before marriage. Otherwise like it would be awful to be in marriage and then all of a sudden you realize that you're actually not as compatible as you thought and you can't live together and you guys can't physically, you know. So that was my mindset. I'm gonna be a little vulnerable for a second, guys, and just admit and confess that I do struggle sometimes with focusing, productivity and efficiency. Next thing I know, honestly, it's 4pm And I really haven't hardly gotten anything done and I just, I get very distracted and I've discovered a product that actually can help me with all of those things. Everyday Dose combines the delicious coffee that you know and love with nootropics and lion's mane that help with focus and mood improve. My life is pretty unpredictable. I feel like with my schedule, it never really actually looks the same. It's pretty chaotic. I'm on the go, I'm on the fly a lot of times. And so obviously y' all know I love coffee, but sometimes it makes me a little angsty and it doesn't actually help like the scattered brain that I feel in my busyness. So while I do love coffee, I've been looking for something better for those days that are a little more chaotic, days that I have to lock in. 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You guys know how much I love starting my day in the Word and I am so excited to tell you guys about something that has been absolutely captivating me lately. Wonder Project's amazing lineup of films and series. They created House of David, which is now in its second season, which I can't get enough of. There's Truth Roman here for all of it, but the studio has a number of other values driven films and series coming out that I am equally excited about. Here's the thing though. You can only watch with a subscription to Wonder Project through Prime Video. This isn't your typical streaming service. Wonder Project was created specifically to bring us courageous content you can trust and restoring faith in things worth believing in. They're creating and sharing beautiful stories and honestly, it's something we should support. Make sure to choose the annual subscription. When you pick this option, you do more than save money and gain access to a year of quality entertainment that you can trust you directly. Support their ability to create more bold, elevated original films and series that our families can enjoy together. Grab that free trial and let's talk about it. There was another perspective too for me where I was like, I had to prove that I was worthy of being a wife. Like that I had the, the aspects of what it means to be a wife. From what, from my understanding. Okay. Because now my, my perspective is very different as to what qualifies you to be a wife or even a husband versus what I thought it was before. What I thought it was before was, yeah, I mean like I, I lived with a man so I was doing his laundry and I was cleaning and I was cooking and I was making our home a home and I was making it peaceful and well and like just like comforting to come home to after he had a long day of work like, yes, I was proving, see, I can do it. I can be a wife. And what God has showed me is those are not the core rooted things that made me qualified to be a wife. And what God has revealed to me and shown me that those are products to something that is actually deeper that I wasn't able to see because I didn't have the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. The truth is, is what qualifies me to be a wife now is my character, is my heart for Jesus, my heart, like, the core of my being, of who I am. Like, it wasn't. And it's not that I won't do those things in marriage, but it's like those are going to be what comes from my heart, my character. Like, I think what qualifies me to be a wife is that I am nurturing, I'm loving, I'm compassionate, I'm forgiving, which is all things that I've been able to get from the Holy Spirit. Like, the whole, like, fear of, well, I don't know if I could live with this person. What if they're like, the worst to live with? What if they're the messiest person ever? Or what if, honestly, we get on each other's nerves? First off, that's like, just going to probably happen because at the end of the day, we are all people. We can all be selfish, we can all be irritable, we can like. But it's, it's actually the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of us that makes us capable of living with one another. And what I mean by that is if you are living with somebody who has humility, compassion, they are not quick to anger. They love you as Jesus loves the church. You know, like, if that is somebody that you are dating, which also in Christianity, like, we are dating to marry. So it's also like, if you're going to date somebody, it's because you, you are could potentially see yourself living the rest of your life with them. And the very thing that you should be looking at is their character. And so if you have a fear on whether this person is going to be like someone you can live with, look at their heart. Like, are they a considerate person? Do they put other people before themselves? Like, are they, are they humble? Are they kind? Are they quick to forgive? Are they slow to anger? Or are they easily angered? Like, heart? Or like, even if you're looking at yourself, like, your heart posture as a wife should be to love your husband in the ways that he feels the most loved, if that's through cooking for him, you're gonna do that. And that's what's gonna make you a great wife. Why? Because your heart, you should be an extension of God's love for him, as he should also be for you. Because you have a humble heart. And you're like, I want to love him. That's what makes you a wife. It's not the product of the things that you could do. It's what it stems from, which is your heart of humility, which is your heart that is filled with the Holy Spirit, which means the fruit of the spirit is going to flow from you. And so that's what God showed me is like, we're focusing too much on, like, beep, boop, bop, like, the actions of, like, what? And honestly, if they're. If you're dating a guy and that's not what he's looking for in a girl, like, if he's not looking for the heart, if he's not looking for character, then that's not a man that you want to be led by. And also, like, no jabs at him. But, like, truly, that's just, like, not a man that I believe is being fully led by God. Because if. If it is so important to the Lord of what is within a man's heart. Like, if God only cares about our hearts, because that's true. Like, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters to God is heart. Heart, posture, character. Like, that is what he cared about when he. When he exalted David to be king one day and Saul to no longer be king. Why? Because of character. Because David had a pure and humble heart. That's what God cares about. It didn't matter how much the Pharisees did everything right or knew scripture or it was their heart. He said. Jesus said, oh, don't worry. They received their reward, which was recognition from the world. Because their heart posture, when they'd run around going, ah, I'm fasting, I'm exhausted. Right? They're performing and they're. And they're doing. Jesus is like, don't worry. They. They received their reward, which was recognition from man. Jesus cares about the heart. And so if you are going to be led by a man who is supposed to love you as Jesus loves the church he's supposed to lead, like, he's submitted to God and you one day will be submitted to him. He's got to have the same eyes as God does. And so if that's something that matters to the Lord, his heart, it should matter to him too. And it's that character and that heart posture that will show you that he can lead the relationship well and he can protect you and he is trustworthy. So that's. That's one thing that the Lord showed me that kind of, like, canceled out all of that, like, proving that I'm worthy of being a wife and that I can do all the things that a wife can do. And whatever the physical stuff, I've heard people say things like, you gotta test drive the car before you buy it. And I have. I have something to say to that statement, because I. Here's the thing. If you're in the world and you have no trust in God, then okay, but if you are a Christian and you. You have chosen to trust God with your life, how can you say that, but also feel like you need to test things out? Like, how can you say that you trust God with everything in your life, but then be like, okay, but like, I do have to make sure of this one thing. That could be intimacy with your partner, but that could be anything. Like, that actually isn't full trust. And so I think trusting God with your entire relationship is humbling yourself and saying, God, if this person has been brought into my life from you, you're gonna show me that in. In their character, in their heart, in our compatibility, in the way that we, you know, get along with one another, in the way that we even have conflict together. Like, you're gonna reveal to me that this is my person. If this is my person and the physical stuff, you have to trust that God thought of that, too. If this is truly the person that God has sent you and you are the person also made for them, you have to trust that God thought about that, too. What? Why would he set you up like that? Why would he set you up like that? Why would he give you, like, the partner of your dreams? I'm not saying a perfect partner, because you. You will. You will quickly realize that you are both very imperfect. But, like, you think he's gonna. He's gonna. Okay, can I just. So I'm a girlfriend. I haven't said that publicly on the podcast yet. If you follow me on socials, I've, like, I've sprinkled him in. I'm in great hands. He's incredible. So that is something that I can advocate for. And I say that because I have learned that. That it's not that he is perfect and I am not perfect, but I'm not going to sit in my pride and my control and my faith fear and say, But I got to make sure. Like, yeah, he's. Like, he's everything I've prayed for. But, like, I. But that scares me. But what if. What if we're not. Like, that's not a thing. You have to trust God more than that. You have to trust God that he loves you enough. And that is just as important to God as it is for you guys. Like, he created it. I've said this on the podcast before. God created sex. He created that intimacy for you guys for a reason. Not to set you up for failure and have you fall madly in love with this person. You get married and then you go, oh, so that's just not a thing. Like, if you are going to put your trust in Jesus, that is not a thing that you have to test drive the car before you drive it. And the thing is, is, like, I'm not saying the first time that you guys are intimate together is gonna be like, I mean, maybe it will be. But also, there's probably some learning in it. And whatever, whatever. That's your person now. Like, it's turned into a sex ed episode. But all I'm saying is, like, that's not an excuse. And so, ladies, listen to me right now. If you are in a relationship with a man and he is not leading you in purity and he's. He's actually, like, saying things like that or like, that's something he believes in. It's like, obviously we have to make sure that we're compatible physically as well before marriage. Nar. No. Because it also goes against scripture. It goes against what God is. He has made sex for marriage. And let's get into that. Why? Why is sex just made for marriage? And I'm going to tell you that I wish. I wish I've shared this on the podcast before, but I wish that I saved myself for marriage. I wish that I could have saved that level of intimacy for my husband and only my husband. And God has healed me so much in that area because I carried a lot of regret and shame, which was not from God. Like, God was not the one shaming me for that. If anything, God had already washed me clean and forgiven me of it. Like the blood of Jesus had washed me from all of that. So not only do I wish that I could have saved myself for marriage to just keep that super special for my husband, but again, God is, like, truly delivered me from any shame with that. But also, like, I really wish I would have spared myself the. The heartache. Anybody who can just have, like, casual sex, I just don't believe that's actually a thing. Like, I believe that that is a person who's in denial because there is nothing more vulnerable and intimate than letting somebody have that much of you. I just think that anybody who can do that has numbed themselves out and is. And has suppressed and neglected themselves. There. There just is no such thing. There is no such thing as casual sex. There is no such thing as being able to have sex with somebody and not have some kind of, like, soul tie, emotional tie to that person. And the reason for that is because it was made as a language with somebody to express a deep love, like a deep connection, a deep intimacy. Like, you are made one in that action. And that's what it was made for. And no matter how much we want to be in denial about it, like, we, our denial cannot undo what God has created things for. And that's just the truth. That's what he's created it for. For one person to go deeper in intimacy and love and connection with them. It's beautiful, actually. Like, it's actually probably one of the most beautiful gifts that God has given us is, is that kind of intimacy with one person. It. It's beautiful and it's a gift. And it's a gift that we have used selfishly to satisfy ourselves. And I recognize too that there, there could be a scenario where you could be living with somebody. You've been dating them for many years, you love this person, you're intimate with them, you're living life as you're married with them. But also maybe you just know you're gonna marry them. You're like, but I know I'm going to marry this person. You're engaged to them. Maybe you're already on your way to marriage, okay? And the truth of the matter is that there is a reason that God says that those things are meant for marriage. And I think that if you are doing all of these things before you're actually married, it is giving. We're test driving the car before we drive it. And the other truth of all of this is, like, I only lived with a man because I believed that that was where we were going. Like, I would never have done those things had I not thought that we were going to get married. So obviously, like, I understand the perspective of, like, being like, no, I know I'm going to marry this person, so why wouldn't I do it now? But also, why not wait for marriage? Like, why not do it the way that God has asked us to do it? And why not just trust that it's because it's better for you, for the two of you in the relationship. It's protecting one another. And also it's leaving something so special for marriage. Like, it's the fact that I think about the day that I get to marry my husband, whenever that happens, whatever, but like how much fun it's going to be for the two of us to be able to wake up in the morning for the first time ever to each other and we're married and we have the same last name and we get to go downstairs and have breakfast together. We've never been able to have a sleepover before. This is so fun, fun, fun. Like, I think about that and I'm like, it feels like a reward for being faithful, waiting it out, doing it the right way. And I would imagine God is going to bless, bless, bless, bless that marriage. I believe that that's a truth. I believe that's the heart of God. I believe it's in his love that he's like, this is going to be really sweet though, and it's going to make it like 10 times more special, a bajillion times more special. If you guys just wait until you guys are truly in covenant and married and you are one body, I'm telling you, it's going to be a million times sweeter because that's what I've created it for. And anything I've created, like anything that was, that was created in the way that God wanted it to be is so beautiful. And so maybe we, we take the lens off of like party pooper. God is just a big old party pooper and maybe come into agreement with a lens that's like, you know what? But also, I believe God is good and he's kind and he really wants it to be special. And so I'm just going to believe that. 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