A (14:26)
So anyway, Jesus is like, don't try to figure it out, Ally. Just feel the things and get through it and don't try to rush it. Like I felt myself also trying to rush my grief where I feel like an inconvenience to everyone around me which is so sent from the pits of hell. That's not my God and it's not the truth. Like your grief is not an inconvenience to anybody. So if you've fallen to that, like whether it's feeling guilty for having to go through it but still showing up at work but like not really being 100%. And then you're like, oh gosh, I'm. You're thinking about everyone else and you're like, I know I'm not being myself. Oh gosh, I'm probably a burden. Everyone probably thinks that this, like, this is silly. Like I cannot believe that those things have crossed my mind. But if it's crossed my mind, I know it's crossed Yalls too. If you've ever had to go through this where you just don't wanna be an inconvenience to anyone, where you're like, you know, I live with Ashley and I've felt these thoughts creep up where I'm like, gosh, I'm probably the worst roommate to live with right now because I can't do anything. I mean, like, I'm just not operating the way I would. I'm kind of moping around. I'm not like the fun, cute, energetic ally that I always am. There is just grace, y'all. There's grace. Especially if you're surrounded by people who love Jesus. If they have the heart of Jesus, they're gonna have compassion for you. You know, if they don't, I pray that there's still grace. But ultimately, it doesn't matter whether people wanna give you grace or not. Do not rush the process of grief and do not feel like you are a burden. You have to feel these things. You have to allow yourself to feel it, don't suppress it, and don't try to do it by yourself. I think the best decision I've made through this process is listening to the voice of God, taking His advice. When he tells me to take it at the pace I have to take it at, don't rush it and let me in on this. And so that's what I've been doing. I've just been letting the spirit of God in it, and I haven't been rushing it. You know, like, if I can't do anything one day, then I'm just not going to do anything. And I'm just going to let myself grieve and hurt and go through it. And I knew that this advice that I was hearing in my mind of, like, let me in, feel the feels, don't rush it. I knew it was the voice of God because it's biblical. So anything that the Lord says to you, like, if you're hearing something in your mind and you're like, was that God or was it not? The best way to decipher whether it's God or not in your mind is whether it's biblical, because the Bible is the truth. God only speaks the truth, and he loves to speak with His Word. And anything that comes out of his mouth is just gonna be backed up in Scripture. And so when I was hearing those things, like, feel your feels, don't rush it. You're not a burden. Let me end this. I knew that was the voice of God because that is backed up by Scripture. Psalm 62:8 says, Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. We need to be honest with the Lord about our grief and pray to him. And that could be through all of the stages of grief. Because there are five stages to grief. The first stage of grief is denial. A person may have difficulty accepting the reality of the loss. For example, Someone who has been laid off may still get ready to go to work the next day. The second stage is anger, a natural response to loss that can be directed at many sources. The third stage in grief is bargaining. A person may make promises to themselves, such as, if I recover from cancer, I'll go to church every week. Depression is the next stage. It's normal to feel sad after a loss. And then the last stage of grief is acceptance. A person learns to live with the loss and acknowledges the reality of it. And what's interesting is that the stages of grief are not always experienced in this order, and some steps may take longer than others. The grieving process can be like a roller coaster with ups and downs that become less intense over time. However, grief symptoms can reappear years later, especially during certain events. So isn't that interesting? And I think the thing is, is that God knows how he made us. And so whether we're reacting to things that he made for us or not, he knows how we're going to react to it, because he made us through and through. He made our bodies. Okay, so maybe he didn't intend for us to ever experience loss, but he knows how his children will react to loss. So God knows all of these stages of grief. And I think if there's anyone to go to, it would be the Lord on how to handle it. I guess the best way and all of us are going to handle it differently. You know, we might not always handle grief in this order. We might start off with depression and then go into anger and then acceptance and then denial and then go back to accepting it. I think for each person, it's just going to look differently. And obviously for each individual, grief can look different in just the longevity of it and how long it takes to go through it. You know, I do think, though, that inviting Jesus into your grief is the best decision you could make. Because I'm afraid that if we don't go to Jesus, that the grief will be handled in a way that isn't healthy and maybe even prolong it. Like if you're not allowing the ultimate healer in a wound that is so deeply hurting, it might take longer for that wound to heal. It might take longer for you to get to the stage five of acceptance, because you're trying to do it all by yourself and you're not just going to the healer himself, Jesus. And so what will be healthy through every stage you're feeling of grief, right? Whether it's anger, whether it's denial, whether it's depression is bringing that to the feet of Jesus and being honest with him about how you're feeling. The thing that God has been walking me through, through this is like, be honest with me, Ally. Like, I know you're angry, so don't pretend you're not angry. You. We've talked about this on the podcast, where God knows what's in our hearts. And so not bringing him our honest emotions is not helping anyone because he already knows what's in your heart. He already knows what you're feeling in that moment. So you're definitely not hiding anything from him, and you're not helping yourself by lying to God and not being honest with him about how you're feeling. And so if you're angry, bring that anger to Him. If you're in denial, bring that to Him. If you're confused, bring that to Him. If you're sad, if you can't get out of bed, if you're depressed, bring that to Jesus because he doesn't need you to be perfect. He just wants you to be honest. So being honest about your grief and praying to him is very important to do. Another thing is asking questions. So asking God, why did this happen? How did this happen? What can you do with this? God, I know that you say in your word that all things that were meant for evil, you turn to good, but, like, how are you going to do this, God? How could you possibly comfort me in something like this? How could I? I even feel peace during a time of this much pain, Right? A Ask all the questions that are going through your mind. Ask God. Because Matthew 7. 7 says you can ask God questions in prayer, and as the Bible says, ask and it shall be given to you. So ask the questions and he will give you the answers. Will he let you see the immediate answers? I don't know if that is something that he will immediately give you. You know, like, I don't even think I fully understand why he would allow this to happen to our family and to Kelly and to her son and just all the people who loved her so dearly, like, why? And especially her, like what she deserved to live a long and healthy life. I don't have the answers to that, but I do have the answer of God is in it, and he will redeem this and he won't let Kelly's life go in vain. I have those answers. I know that he's going to show up, and I have the answer is that God does comfort you in grief. That was something that I hadn't experienced yet, and I wasn't sure of what that would feel like or look like. But I have never felt God closer than in this time of grief, which is so crazy to me that I actually, I feel his nearness even more through this grief. We also need to just remember God's plan. We need to remember God's plan on our life in the midst of grief. And that he promises in His Word that he will give you healing. He will give us healing. Psalm 147:3 reads, he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 32 says, Lord, my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Psalm 107:20 reads, God's word is healing. Exodus 15:26 reads, I am the Lord who heals you. Matthew 8:2 3 says, it is God's will for you to be healed. Exodus 23:25 says, Serve the Lord and healing will be yours. Isaiah 40:29 reads, he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. James 5, 14, 15. The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. First Peter 2:24 reads, by his wounds you have been healed. Psalm 34:18, and this is one of my personal favorites is the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. In this verse, David describes how God understands our feelings and helps us bear the burden of sorrow. One of the most beautiful reasons to why Jesus came here on earth is he had. There were so many reasons to why Jesus had to come, and he had to endure just humanity and being a human being, part God, but also man. And I think one of the most incredible things about Jesus, and it just shows the heart of our God, is that Jesus endured all things so that he could help. Walk us through it. And it comes from a place of I understand because I've felt those things. I understand because I was a man. Like, I understand the grief that you're going through because I felt grief. The story of Lazarus, it makes me think of that in John 11:38. Let's actually go find that in our Bibles right now. Can we actually read this really quick, y'all? Let's read this together. The story of Lazarus and what Jesus did. This is in John 11. We're starting at verse one. A man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters Mary and Martha. This is the Mary who later poured an expensive perfume on the Lord's feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother Lazarus was sick. So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, lord, your dear friend is very Sick. But when Jesus heard about it, he said, lazarus sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God, so that the Son of God will receive glory from this. So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days. Finally he said to his disciples, let's go back to Judea. But his disciples objected. Rabbi, they said, only a few days ago the people in Judea were trying to stone you. Are you going there again? Jesus replied, there are 12 hours of daylight every day. During the day, people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. But at night, there is danger of stumbling because they have no light. Then he said, our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep. But now I will go and wake him up. The disciples said, lord, if he is sleeping, he will soon get better. They thought Jesus meant Lazarus was simply sleeping. But Jesus meant Lazarus had died. So he told them plainly, lazarus is dead. And for your sake, I'm glad I wasn't there. For now you will really believe. Come, let's go see him. Thomas, nicknamed the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, let's go too and die with Jesus. So they all thought that they were walking into Judea and they were going to die. The disciples meant business. They were like, nah, if Jesus is going to die, we're going to die with Jesus. When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days. Bethany was only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, and many of the people had come to console Martha and Mary in their loss. When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. Martha said to Jesus, lord, if only you had been here, my brother would have not died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask. Jesus told her, your brother will rise again. Yes, Martha said, he will rise when everyone else rises at the last day. What Martha is saying here is that she does believe that her brother will rise. But she's saying in the end, times like not right then and there. And so Jesus told her, I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live even after dying. And everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never, ever die. Do you believe this, Martha? Yes, Lord. She told him, I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God. Then she returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, the teacher is here and wants to see You. So Mary immediately went to him. Jesus had stayed outside the village, at the place where Martha met him. When the people who were at the house consoling Mary saw her leave so hastily, they assumed she was going to Lazarus grave to weep. So they followed her there. When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him and he was deeply troubled. Where have you put him? He asked them. They told him, lord, come and see. Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, see how much he loved him. But some said, this man healed a blind man. Couldn't he have kept Lazarus from dying? Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across the entrance. Roll this stone aside, Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man's sister, protested, lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible. Jesus responded, didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe? So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, father, thank you for hearing me. You always hear me. But I said it out loud for the sake of the people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me. Then Jesus shouted, lazarus, come out. And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth. Jesus told them, unwrap him and let him go. I just love this story about Jesus with Lazarus so much, because there's just so much in it to break down. One being Jesus was friends was Lazarus. And he cared about him. He cared about Martha, he cared about Mary, and he cared about Lazarus, that these were his friends. And so to think that Jesus never had to ever deal with grief, even with being part God and part human, he still felt grief even though he knew what was going to happen. Right. Like that part in the scripture where Jesus had wept with Martha and Mary. I believe that that was out of compassion that he had for them, seeing the way that they were hurting, knowing that that was never his plan for humanity. And I also think that he just felt grief in that moment too, because he loved these people. He loved Lazarus, and he felt this grief even though he knew there was redemption, even though he knew there was going to be healing, even though he knew he was going to be bringing Lazarus back from the dead, raising him to life. After being dead in a grave for four days, Jesus knew all of that, but he still wept and he still felt grief. And I just think that's a beautiful reminder of who Jesus was and who he still is, is. He is a God of compassion. Even though he knows the outcome of our lives, even though he knows the plan of our lives, he has a path for us, right? He has an ultimate plan for our lives. Even though he knows about the redemption that comes on the other side of grief, he still grieves with us, and he still has compassion, and he still feels pain as we feel pain. Even though he knows that there's redemption. That's crazy. Like, he could easily just be like, I mean, I know this is all gonna be good. There ain't no reason to weep. That's just the heart of Jesus, that he weeps when we weep, that he feels pain when we feel pain. That he grieves with us. He grieves with us. He is a compassionate God. Oh, my gosh. The way that I felt his compassion and his heartbreak. His heartbreak. Like, I feel his heartbreak, which, like, also kind of breaks my heart more because I'm like, oh, Jesus, I don't want you to hurt, too. But he's like, don't worry about me. I'm God. Like, I'm here to be. I'm here to have compassion for you. You don't let me love you through this. At New Balance, we believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running is all about. Run your way@newbalance.com Running another loss that I know Jesus had to feel grief through was the loss of John the Baptist, who was related to him. That was his cousin, his mom's sister's son, who he loved dearly. John the Baptist baptized Jesus. John the Baptist paved the path before Jesus came into the world, telling everybody about this Messiah like, he was so near to Jesus and the story of Jesus in general, but he was a literal family member to Jesus, and so I know Jesus had to mourn through that. John the Baptist was beheaded before Jesus was crucified and was wrongfully killed and put in imprisonment. And so I know Jesus had to grieve that. But that is the compassion of our God, is that he said, I will come down on earth and I will live as a man, and I will endure all the things that man endures, including the things that he never had planned for us, like grief and loss and death. So That I can have compassion for my children. Because I think that the best way to truly have, like, real compassion for people is also just being able to relate. Like, being able to relate to someone's pain is the most pure type of compassion. Of course we can have compassion for people not really understanding what they're going through because we haven't personally gone through it. Compassion is still possible, but the deepest form of compassion is also relatability of being like, I know what that person is going through because I've walked through that. That type of compassion is the type of compassion our God has. And he made sure of it by walking as man and enduring the same hardships that we endure. So we know we can trust him. Because he's not a God that's just in the sky that says, do these things. Oh, yeah, I get it. But had never walked through it. That's not our God. Our God actually humbled himself so much that he said, I'm going to come down to earth and I'm going to live through the things that my people have had to endure and go through so they can trust me and know that my compassion is sincere and it's real because I also had to walk through those same things. That's a God we can trust. And so through grief, it doesn't make sense. Through grief we say, God, why? He says, I get it, I understand it. I felt it. You have every right to feel these things. You have every right to feel anger, to feel confusion, to feel denial. I understand it. And so what I have to offer you through this is maybe not immediate answers, but I have redemption for you. I have answers for you eventually. And most importantly, I have comfort for you. I have comfort for you. You do not have to be alone through this pain. You do not have to carry this on your shoulders by yourself. Give it to me that by his wounds we are healed. Going back to 1st Peter 2:24, which says, by his wounds you have been healed. All of the brokenness and the evil and the death and grief and pain of the world, God overcame on the cross as well. So, yes, through his wounds we are healed. Jesus overcame sin and he nailed it to that cross with Him. And so when we feel the effects of sin, we need to also believe that he's overcome that as well and that there is redemption. Maybe it's not like the scenario with Lazarus where our loved one is physically brought back from death, but I do know that the Lord will never allow it to go in vain. And I do know that through awful Tragedies like this, God will redeem it. Maybe not through a physical resurrection, but there is resurrection, my girl. There is resurrection, my brother. God is so loyal to you. He is so loyal to you, and he loves you so much that he will make this right for you. He will make this right for you and your family and to the person who didn't deserve it, because that is his heart. It makes me think of that other scripture where Jesus was cleaning the disciples. He was washing their feet, and they didn't get it. And he was like, you may not understand now what I am doing, but one day you will. And it's so funny how, like, Jesus did literal things in the Bible. Like, it was actual things he acted out, but it was also symbolic at the same way. Like, the things he said to them were very relevant to that situation, but also relevant to so many, like, millions of things to come. Like, it was real, but it was symbolic. Him saying, you don't understand what I'm doing now, but you will one day. Like, yeah, he meant that in what he was doing with washing their feet. But also, that's very relevant to everything we walk through. Like, you don't understand now what I'm doing, but one day you will get it. And I think that is what God says to us with grief, where he says, okay, I need you to hand me this ball of grief, right? And, like, all of our questions and not understanding this pain, he says, I need you to give that to me. And then we see him, like, molding it and doing stuff with it, and we're like, what the freak is he even making this into? Like, I don't get it. Like, how could he possibly make anything out of this messy ball of grief and anger and sadness? It's like this ugly gray blob. You're like, how could he even make anything vibrant and colorful and beautiful from this? And he's just molding it, and he's, like, making it into something really beautiful. And as he's doing that, it's like he's saying, you don't understand now what I'm doing. And I get it, but one day you will. And, like, that is what he does with our grief. So I encourage you, as we will all do it together, to hand him that ugly ball of grief. This gray doesn't even really have shape. Doesn't make sense. You're like, ugh, it's so ugly, and it hurts. It's kind of prickly, too. I don't know. But you give it to him and you Let him handle it. Like, let him handle your grief. Let him hold your grief. Let him walk you through it and let him make something beautiful out of it. I think that's the other thing that really makes God God, isn't it? Is that where it doesn't look like anything beautiful can come out of it. He does it. What's that scripture about bringing honey out of a rock? See how you know it's the voice of God when it's backed up by scripture. I'm saying these things, and then I'm like, oh, yeah, there's scripture about that. Psalm 81:16 reads, with honey out of the rock, should I have satisfied thee? Or Deuteronomy 32:13, which says, he made him suck honey out of the rock and oil out of the flinty rock. I don't know what flinty means, but the phrase honey from the rock is a reference to the Israelites wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt. Moses saying to them, God set them atop the highlands to feast on the yield of the earth, nursing them with honey from a rock. So if we're thinking about these things, honey coming from a rock, like a literal stone, you go, what in the world? Well, let's think about it. What is honey? Honey is sweet. Honey is good. Honey is yummy. Okay. We like honey. Most of us, we should. I don't know. If you don't like honey, it's okay. But honey is symbolically also used as something sweet. It's good. A rock. Okay, a rock. Well, what is a rock? A rock is hard. It's cold, probably. It's a stone. Like, it's solid there. It's a rock. Right. There's not much that can. I mean, there's nothing coming out of it. So you look at a rock and you say, okay, this is really hard. Oh, sounds like our situation. Sounds like our grief. Sounds like whatever. Hardship. Here's our rock. And God says, I'm gonna make honey come out of that rock. What? So when we look at this ball, this ugly gray ball, it could be a rock. It could literally be a stone of grief, pain. God will make honey come out of that rock. He will. It's just what he does. So when we say, I don't know, God, I don't know how you're gonna do it. Well, he does the impossible. He does the miraculous. He does miracles. And so what looks like something that could never physically happen. Sure. Yeah. To the naked eye, it shouldn't make sense for honey to ever come out of a rock. But God will Do it. God transcends past time and space. Okay, so who are we to tell God that He could never make anything beautiful out of this? He can. He's God. He's made everything, including time and space. All of it is His. And so this is what I challenge you to do. If you're going through any hardship, grief, anything, anything that's like, really burdening your heart is I challenge you to pray to God, obviously, to hand him those things. Right, we said that. But to praise Him. That is something that feels also very backwards as you're grieving and you're going through something hard is you're like, how in the world am I supposed to say, like, wow, God, thanks so much. This was awesome. I love going through this. That's not what I mean when I say praise. I don't say praise God like, everything is great. God loving my life right now. You praise him for the things you know he's going to do. You praise him for the healing. You praise him for the redemption. You praise him for the things that you've not yet seen. You're going to sit there and you're going to praise your God. Because also, nothing punches the devil more in the face than praising your Lord through hardships. Like, the enemy wants you to turn your back on God and to be bitter towards him and angry at Him. And he wants to tempt you from having a relationship with God through your grief. The enemy wants to tempt you right now to pull away from God, to not have a relationship with him and to not invite him into this grief. So nothing punches the enemy in the face more than getting on your face and saying, God, I believe you are a good God. I believe that you are a redemptive God. I believe that you are a God who performs miracles. And so through this pain, I'm going to worship you that you are king. You are the one who makes things good when they were meant for evil. You are the one who brings honey out of the rock. You are the one that I call on to help for. And you heal me, God. I will serve you, and healing will be mine. Let's mention Exodus 23:25 one more time. Serve the Lord and healing will be yours. I'm going to serve my God. I'm going to love Him. I'm going to praise him, and healing will be yours. That's a promise. It's in scripture. It's a promise. And what did we say at the beginning of this episode? God doesn't lie. He doesn't tell a Lie. He speaks only truth. So through praise, giving him your heaviness. That's another scripture, y'all. What the heck? God is so good. Oh, I love the Bible. I Love Scripture. Isaiah 61:3. Beauty for Ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. We are trading heaviness and mourning and ashes for beauty, joy, and praise. So even though it's going to be really hard to do because all you want to do is lay in bed and sulk, one thing that I felt from the Lord too, is that it is very important to feel the feels. Don't suppress it, don't rush it, but also don't let it consume you. And so as hard as it can be, y'all, I know, I know you have to praise him. Prays for the spirit of heaviness, that when we feel heavy, it's okay to feel it, but don't let it consume you and give it to the Lord. And by giving, it is praising him. By giving it is reading the word of God. By giving it is letting him speak truth into your mind. He will carry you through this. You can get through this with God. You can get through this with Jesus. This Holy Bible is the key to life. And the one of the things that is very life is grief and pain. But it's a good thing that he showed us how to get through that with him. I love you guys. The Lord sees you and he hears you and he knows and he has compassion for you. He hasn't forgotten about you. He's not punishing you. This isn't a punishment. This is just the result of sin in the world. This is the result of brokenness in the world. All right, y'all, I would also really love to end this episode with prayer as well. I would love to seal it with a good old prayer to the Lord. So let's do that. Let's bow our heads together and close our eyes. Jesus, I just thank you for your wisdom. Oh my gosh, God, you know, everything that when things feel confusing and maybe we even doubt if you understand what we're going through, you really ground us and remind us that you know exactly what we're going through through your word. Lord, it's actually crazy how much you address grief and loss and pain and heartbrokenness. And so, God, we just thank you that you have so much compassion for us, Father. Thank you that you are not a God who rushes us. You don't ever rush us through our grief and pain. You actually encourage us to Take it slow and to take it day by day and to do it with you and that you have patience for us and you will sit with us for as long as we need. God, thank you that your heart is bigger than we could ever imagine and that you are here for us. God, we praise you and we love you and we honor you through the good times, which is easy to do, but, Lord, it is hard to do it through the hard times. But we know that it is just as important, if not more important, to praise you and to be in communion with you and to be in relation with you as we are grieving through hard times. God, thank you that you are a God who stays true to his promises, which are for healing and redemption. And you promised us that all things that were meant for evil, you turn to good. And so, Lord, we will believe that today we will not feel like a burden to others or you. And we will lean on you and you alone in Jesus name, Amen. Thanks for being here with me, guys. I love you so much. And yeah, God is good. He's good. Even through the times where it feels very confusing. He's good. I love y'all. God bless you guys. Can we also do something cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is today? Let's walk a little bit more like Jesus today. Let's show more compassion. Let's comfort people. If we know that people are in pain, maybe you know, of somebody who's grieving, comfort them and be there for them like Jesus would. Let's just love a little bit more like Jesus today. Let's walk more like him today. I love y'all. I'll see you next week. Bye. If you guys can't wait until next Friday for another episode, you are in luck. Subscribe to our Patreon, where you will have early access to future episodes and occasional surprise bonus episodes. Make sure to follow us on Instagram and TikTok for more content. And if this episode spoke to you, please write us a five star review since it helps the podcast so much. We'll see you guys next time.
