Christ With Coffee On Ice

Host: Ally Yost
Episode: What Should My Standards Be With Dating?
Date: February 7, 2025

Overview

In this vulnerability-filled episode, Ally Yost addresses listener-submitted questions on dating standards, spiritual warfare in our thoughts, heartbreak, and the character of godly relationships. Emphasizing hope and encouragement, Ally explores practical and scriptural responses to real-life challenges, all through the lens of walking with Jesus.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening & Episode Structure

• [00:00-06:00]
  Ally opens with a heartfelt prayer for listeners, inviting God’s peace and presence, and states she’s following the Holy Spirit’s leading for the topic, drawing inspiration from questions submitted via Instagram. She frames the episode as spontaneous, intimate, and interactive—designed to address various concerns sent in by her community.

• Format:
  Rather than focusing on a single topic, Ally "popcorns" through multiple listener questions, reminiscent of her previous podcast style.

1. Overcoming Bad, Constant Thoughts (Spiritual Warfare)

[~08:00-19:00]

• Struggle Identified:
  Ally talks candidly about intrusive, recurring negative thoughts—how everyone, including herself, faces spiritual warfare in their minds.

• Biblical Tools:

  • Scripture as a Sword:
    Cites Hebrews 4:12 and 2 Corinthians 10:5, focusing on “taking thoughts captive to Christ.”
  • Practical Steps:
    • Rebuke negative thoughts aloud in Jesus’ name; sometimes it takes persistence.
    • Speak God’s truth over yourself, using Scripture directly (and if unsure, Ally suggests simply Googling appropriate Bible verses).
    • Reminds listeners of Exodus 14:14—sometimes we need to let “the Lord fight for you; you need only to be still.”
    • Acknowledges it’s okay to call on Jesus in moments of overwhelm:

      “I am literally sinking right now. God, I need you. Sometimes we don’t have the energy to know the things to say, but our simple cry to Jesus... He will come. He will come because He cares about you and He loves you.” —Ally [14:48]

• Emotional Encouragement:

  • Get assertive with spiritual opposition—“Get a little mad.”
  • Differentiates anger from sin; it’s okay to get passionate when rebuking lies.
  • Powerful imagery:

    “There’s a lion in you…and it’s from the Holy Spirit. You can fight right now. You are the head, you are not the tail.” —Ally [17:10]

2. What Does Godly Pursuit Look Like in Dating?

[~20:00-32:00]

• Listener’s Question:
  “What does pursuing someone look like?”

• Ally’s Principles of Godly Pursuit:

  • Modeled After Christ:
    Jesus consistently and gently pursues us with clarity and intention.
  • Pursuit Isn’t Stalker Behavior:
    There’s a healthy middle between passivity and excess:

    “Pursuit is not stalker behavior. There is a level of consistency and clarity… If it is unclear and you don’t know if they’re pursuing you or not, either he’s just simply not being led by the Lord, or they’re not pursuing you the way that God intended.” —Ally [24:50]

  • Clarity is Key:
    Pursuit should be unambiguous in both words and actions.
    • A man of God communicates intentions early and respectfully—not aggressive but intentional:

      “A real man of God is going to tell you his intentions—straight up, right at the start, before he even takes you on a date.” —Ally [26:41]

  • Old-Fashioned Pursuit:
    Ally shares her personal preference for “old-school” gestures (doorstep pickup, dinner dates, opening car doors).
    • Coffee or church “hangs” can be more ambiguous.
    • The effort put in reflects respect and discernment.
  • Discernment Over Quantity:
    Critiques the idea of dating many women at once or being casual about intentions.

3. Healing from Heartbreak

[~34:00-47:00]

• Types of Heartbreak:
  Covers romantic, friendship, and grief-related heartbreak.

• Universal Struggle:
  Affirms Christians are not immune to pain or heartbreak.

• Healthy Healing Practices:

  • “Grace for yourself in that healing is number one.” —Ally [36:52]
  • Warns against comparing your healing journey to others, especially based on social media:

    “People are only showing you what they’re willing to show, and there’s a lot more behind the scenes that you are not seeing.” —Ally [37:25]

  • Encourage full emotional honesty—feel your feelings, don’t suppress or rush.
  • Invite Jesus In:
    True healing and resilience come from letting Jesus into the broken places.
  • Kintsugi Metaphor:
    Ally shares about the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, using it as a metaphor for how Jesus makes our brokenness beautiful:

    “He allows the shatter to happen so that he can mend our hearts together and actually make it even more beautiful than it was before—by then filling all the little cracks…with gold.” —Ally [41:30]

  • Don’t become fearful and closed-off after heartbreak; remain open for God’s redemption and restoration.

    “If you’re closing yourself off from everything, okay, yeah, maybe you are closing yourself [to] anything bad ever happening but you’re also closing yourself off from anything good happening as well. And so that’s when we really have to trust God in the scary things.” —Ally [45:53]

  • Move forward not by controlling but by trusting God’s protection and being open to love and relationship again.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “God is an encourager. He is our cheerleader. He is always cheering us on. He loves you, He adores you, He believes in you.” —Ally [10:45]
• “Even if it’s as small as a mustard seed, okay? Because that’s biblical. God told us we just need faith as small as a mustard seed.” —Ally [17:05]
• “[Pursuit] should be very clear… Both in the natural, in the physical, and also verbally… I want to get to know you more… I’d love to start seeing you. I want to take you out on the town, girl!” —Ally [25:20]
• “Anyone can flirt… But I want to see the pursuit. I want to see like…an old-fashioned pursuit.” —Ally [29:20]
• “Jesus… is the gold that fills in those cracks of our heart.” —Ally [41:53]
• “The value in heartbreak is just the growth of our character. I think that’s really when God can bring beauty out of ashes, is from our brokenness.” —Ally [43:12]
• “God loves redemption. He is a just God. He believes also in justice and what is right. The justice for your life would be to have this part of your life redeemed.” —Ally [45:15]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00-02:30 — Warm welcome, prayer for listeners
• 05:00-09:00 — Explanation of episode format and approach
• 08:00-19:00 — Handling negative thoughts & spiritual warfare
• 20:00-32:00 — What godly pursuit in dating looks like
• 34:00-47:00 — Healing from heartbreak and Kintsugi metaphor
• 56:00-END — Ally’s encouragement to show others “how cool Jesus is” this week

Tone & Language

• Friendly, vulnerable, and relatable: Ally uses conversational language ("y’all"), self-disclosure, humor, and encouragement to foster trust and authenticity.
• Empowering and faith-centered: She repeatedly affirms God’s love, champions the power of Scripture, and inspires listeners to live with intention and courage.

Final Challenge & Encouragement

[~56:00]

“Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? Please? Can we do that? That would be so fun. I want every single one of us to commit to showing someone how cool Jesus is.” —Ally

She leaves listeners with a call to actively share Christ’s love, and expresses gratitude for their engagement and feedback.