Podcast Summary: "Dating and Purity"

Church of the Highlands – Sunday Messages – Audio
Date: February 16, 2025
Series: Song of Solomon, Part 2
Speaker: Pastor Mark (Church of the Highlands)

Overview

This episode continues the "Song of Solomon" series, focusing on dating, purity, and God's design for relationships. Pastor Mark addresses a wide spectrum of singles and couples, offering biblical perspectives and practical wisdom on navigating the complexities of modern dating. Emphasizing that "God's way is not only right, but it works," the message contrasts cultural norms with Scriptural truths, urging listeners to pursue relationships rooted in faith, intentionality, and mutual devotion.

Key Themes & Insights

1. God’s Way for Relationships

• Foundation Scripture: Song of Solomon 1:1-3
• God has a better way for relationships than the world offers.
• The central conviction: “God’s way is not only right, but it works.”
• The podcast aims to equip the church to walk out God's standards in all relationships.

“We believe in every relationship in our life, God has a better way. Can I get an amen?” (07:00)

2. The Confusion of Modern Dating

• Dating today is confusing, with rapidly changing norms (“old school” vs. “new school” dating).
• Comparisons include:
  • Old school: notes, building up to a Friday night date, family involvement.
  • New school: dating apps, ghosting, 24/7 digital access, less clear intentions.
• The culture’s “liberation” of sex from marriage has made both marriage and dating more unhealthy (26:00).
• Many now feel pressure to “figure it out on their own,” leading to fear and lack of trust.

Humorous Moment:

“Old school, bad date meant the person didn’t match the image you had of them. New school, bad date means literally they did not match their profile pic…” (21:20)

3. Ground Rules for Healthy Relationships

A. Trusting God’s Way

• God’s standards are countercultural, but worth trusting.
• The enemy will try to sow lies making God’s way seem outdated or impossible.
• Open hearts are required for God’s Word to do its work.

B. Singleness is Not a Sickness

• Singleness and marriage are equal gifts (1 Cor. 7:7).
• Singles are not “second class;” marriage isn’t the ultimate cure.
• Relieve the societal pressure on singles in church and family events.

“Singleness is not a sickness. Marriage is not the cure.” (33:00)

“Next time you’re at a funeral, look at Aunt Martha and say, ‘You’re next!’” (Lighthearted advice, 34:30)

C. Marriages Still Need Dating

• The “dating” principles in this message also apply to married couples; never stop intentionally pursuing each other.

4. Biblical Stages and Pillars of Dating

Pastor Mark walks through Song of Solomon 2 to outline four key pillars for dating, framed for both singles and married couples.

1. Chemistry (48:30)

• Attraction is good and designed by God—but must be stewarded wisely.
• The world perverts chemistry; religion suppresses it. Healthy attraction should be celebrated, but managed.

“Chemistry happens. Everything that comes after that is a choice.” (52:25)

Three practical ways to manage chemistry:

• Be wise with your time: Limit one-on-one time early on (both in-person and digitally); involve family and friends.
• Be wise with your talk: Use words authentically; avoid manipulation or sustaining a relationship artificially.
• Be wise with your touch: Predetermine boundaries and purity commitments. “God created sex… healthy and good in the boundaries of marriage. Outside, it’s one of the most destructive forces on earth.” (57:30)

For those who feel they've "messed up," grace is available:

“In the grace of God, you can be spiritually a virgin. He wipes away our past and gives us a beautiful future.” (01:00:20)

2. Cultivation – Friendship and Growth (01:01:30)

• As attraction evolves, authentic friendship must form—the “bedrock” of lasting love.
• Look for growth, mutual interests, life-giving qualities, and shared faith.
• Dating as investigation: Ask yourself if the relationship is maturing and drawing you closer to Jesus.

“Chemistry is good, but it comes and goes. The bedrock is a friendship.” (01:04:30)

Key questions for cultivation:

• Is this relationship growing/maturing?
• Does it fill me with life or drain me?
• Am I drawing closer to Jesus because of this person?

3. Character (01:11:15)

• Use dating as a season to investigate character traits: honesty, integrity, clarity of communication, handling conflict, and respect of boundaries.
• Key traits to observe: communication skills and conflict resolution.
  • “Do they speak with clarity?”
  • “How well does this person handle conflict or the word ‘no’?”

“Don’t you be marrying somebody until you see them mad.” (01:13:00)

“If you’ve created boundaries…and any man crosses those boundaries…get away in the name of Jesus, you are worthy of honor.” (01:14:45)

4. Commitment (Mutual Devotion) (01:18:30)

• Once chemistry, cultivation, and character are established, commitment (mutual devotion) becomes possible.
• Both parties need to carry the relational load equally—“my beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:16).
• Commitment in dating sets the stage for covenant in marriage.

“If we don’t date with mutual devotion, we will not be married with mutual devotion. This takes courage.” (01:20:15)

5. Testimonies & Stories

• Personal story: Pastor Mark’s embarrassing first crush and various stages of his own relationship with Jill—highlighting awkwardness, growth, heartbreak, and eventual restoration (13:30, 1:06:00, 01:23:00).
• The importance of taking time, allowing God to form wholeness individually and as a couple.
• Notable advice: “Two halves don’t make a whole. Two wholes make a whole.” (01:26:25, quoting Dr. Les Parrott)

6. The Ultimate Foundation: Jesus (01:29:30)

• True wholeness—and every strong relationship—must be built on Jesus.
• The Song of Solomon is both practical advice and a spiritual allegory: God’s love as the “ultimate love letter.”
• No matter your past, God invites you to a new beginning, offering grace and salvation through Christ.

“The foundation of every whole person and whole relationship has to be Jesus.” (01:31:30)

Memorable Quotes

• “Normal is not working. We’re looking to a different standard.” (31:05)
• “Singleness is not a sickness. Marriage is not a cure.” (33:00)
• “Chemistry happens. Everything that comes after that is a choice.” (52:25)
• “If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” (Quoting Dr. Les Parrott, 01:26:25)
• “If we don’t date with mutual devotion, we will not be married with mutual devotion.” (01:20:15)
• “The foundation of every whole person and every whole relationship has to be Jesus.” (01:31:30)

Timestamps for Key Sections

• 00:00 – 10:00: Intro, series context, personal gratitude, overview of today’s topic
• 10:00 – 21:20: The confusion of dating: old school vs new school
• 21:20 – 34:30: The cultural shift on sex, marriage, and pressure on singles
• 34:30 – 48:00: Ground rules: Trusting God’s way, singleness, marriage, broad applicability of the message
• 48:00 – 57:30: Chemistry—attraction by God’s design, healthy vs. unhealthy patterns, managing time, talk, touch
• 57:30 – 01:04:30: Cultivation—friendship, growth, shared interests, faith
• 01:04:30 – 01:13:00: Character—communication and conflict, setting and respecting boundaries
• 01:13:00 – 01:20:15: Commitment—mutual devotion, preparation for covenant in marriage
• 01:20:15 – 01:31:30: Pastor Mark and Jill’s testimony, God’s restorative work, being whole before marriage
• 01:31:30 – End: The centrality of Jesus—invitation to faith, prayer, ministry moments for healing, fear, and shame

Conclusion

Pastor Mark concludes with an invitation to salvation and ministry to those with broken hearts, fears about choosing God’s way, or shame from the past—emphasizing God’s grace and new beginnings for everyone, regardless of history.

Key Takeaway:
God’s design for relationships—grounded in chemistry, cultivation, character, and commitment—offers not only a right way, but a way that truly works, bringing freedom, joy, and fulfillment when rooted in Christ.

This summary captures the heart, main ideas, and practical applications of the episode in an engaging, comprehensive manner, faithful to Pastor Mark's conversational, encouraging tone.