← Church of the Highlands - Sunday Messages - Audio
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Foreign. How's it going, church of the Highlands? Okay. Okay. I tell you what. We've experienced God's presence right here at Grants Mill, and there's a bunch of excited people to be in church today. I know the same is true at every location. So we say hello to every Alabama campus. All you guys over in Georgia, we love you so much. Anyone joining us online or on demand or, of course, the men and women of the Alabama Correctional Facilities. Come on. Put your hands together for our entire church family. So awesome. And I'm honored to be with you guys today. And just want to say these last couple weeks, as we've entered into this season of transition have been very honestly surreal. And Jill and I are just so honored to be any part of this amazing church. And we just love all of you with all of our heart. The thought, every single morning, waking up. I love everything we do at Highlands. I love our systems, our vision, all the buildings. But the best part about Highlands, I know you would agree, are the amazing people of our church. And so that you have. You're the ones that have been on our heart. And I'm just so grateful to be a part of what God's doing here. I truly believe the last 24 going on 25 years have been a miracle. Wouldn't you guys agree with that? And I believe the best is yet to come. If you believe that, say amen, everybody. It's true. It's true. Because God is truly with us. And I'm excited to be here today in part two of our Song of Solomon series. If you are new today, go back and watch. Last week, Pastor Chris kicked it off with an amazing message. We're kind of gonna go verse by verse, chapter by chapter, through this book, and study what God has to say about relationships. And so if you have your app, go ahead and grab it. We're gonna go straight into God's word, straight into our notes today. If you don't have the app yet, open up a note on your phone or get something to write on. There's a lot of great content today. This is truly an area where we all need what God has to say to us today. But our key scripture, we shared it last week, but we'll start each week here. Chapter one, verses one through three. Solomon's Song of Songs. That just simply means, for Solomon, the author of this book, this was really his crowning achievement as an author. He wrote many songs and many books of wisdom. But for him, there was a special touch. And for us, there truly is a special Touch of the Holy Spirit on this book, he says, and it's a book of poetry. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine. I want to underline this just to put emphasis on it. This is really our goal for this series. And there's different characters in this book. And you'll see this throughout every message. There's Solomon or the beloved, and there's the maiden. And there's even a group of friends. And here we have the maiden saying of Solomon. Basically, he's cracked the code. He's figured out relationships, he's figured out love, that there's a better way than the world's way. And that's what this entire book is gonna be full of. We believe in every relationship in our life, God has a better way. Can I get an amen? And that's our goal for the whole series, is to walk out of here equipped in all these relationships to live out God's standard. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes. Your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you. And that just creates, really, our big idea of the whole series, and I'd love you to write it down, is God's way is not only right, but it works. And that's what we're testifying to in this series. That's what we're boldly proclaiming. In the middle of a world that has a lot of opinions on relationships. We're saying that God's way is right. God's way is better. Can I get a good amen right there? God's way is different. And not only is it right, but it works. So last week was all about attraction. Next week's gonna be all about the honeymoon night, sexual intimacy and God's. The way God's created that. The beauty of all of that. It's gonna be a great message. Then we're gonna get into a week on conflict. Not that anybody's ever been in conflict in a relationship, right? So obviously that one's super practical. And then even later on in the series, how we can deepen love, how we can experience love for a lifetime. But today, this one's massive. We're going to talk about dating and purity. That's really what chapter two is all about, dating and purity. And you can change that word, dating to courtship or whatever word frames it for you. But I'm grateful today that the word of God has something to say on a topic that the world has a lot of opinion on. And there are plenty of Opinions. And I think we would all agree there is plenty of confusion around dating. In fact, I'd love you to wave your hands every location. How many of you all agree dating can be confusing? Come on, wave at me. Okay. A bunch of folks waving at me. It can be confusing. So my first crush, the first crush I can remember, I was 12 years old. And I immediately discovered how confusing this area can be. I was gonna share her name, but I do believe she's a part of our church now. And so I'm not gonna do that, or else she may not be a part of our church any longer. So I'll never forget. You know, I'd been around this girl my whole life. We grew up in the same school. But all of a sudden, it just changed. And it was at that, like, biological level. Like, all of a sudden, when I was around her, I started awkwardly sweating. And it was just, you know, that smelly puberty boy sweat, you know, and it was just. It was awkward. I was normally comfortable around her, but all of a sudden now I was so awkward. I remember laughing at awkward times around her. Like no one even told a joke. And I'm like, ha, ha ha. You know, it's just so weird. And it wasn't weird. Now it is weird. Even, you know, calling her on the phone. It was. I was always so nervous to call her. And so I would, of course, star69 that thing so she wouldn't know it was me in case I had to hang up, you know, and don't laugh too hard, y' all know, Come on. And then even when, you know, she'd answer the phone, I would always have to deepen my voice. Cause I hadn't gone through puberty yet. I didn't want her to think it was my sister or my mom or something like that, you know, so it was just so awkward. And so I was kind of trying to pursue this girl. It's a true story. And for whatever reason, I think it was kind of a Hollywood perspective. I decided I would almost create that perfect movie scene to win her heart. And for me, that included doing something that I was pretty good at, which was water sports. And so I just devised this plan that the end of my sixth grade year, I would invite her and a group of friends over and we would have an after school, like, end of school party at the lake. I grew up on the water, a little small lake in east Alabama. And then I would show her my incredible water skiing skills that I would somehow, by me doing that, she would say that's the one. Because I knew she was the one. I just needed her to know at 12 years old that I was the one. And so the whole thing is set up. It goes, per y', all, this true story. It goes perfectly. Everybody comes. The whole setup is right. We have some food, we go down to the lake. I'm gonna be the first guy to slalom ski. And this is gonna be the moment. My parents are in the boat. My dad's driving. My mom's like, the watcher or whatever. And they're behind me on the dock. And I give the thumbs up. My dad hits the gas. I come, y'. All. Your boy comes straight out of the water perfectly. But when I did, I felt something, some wind blowing in a space that it should not have been blowing. And I looked down. True story. I looked down and my swim trunks were around my ankle. And thank God, they were behind me. My mom and dad are. My mom's like. And so y' all are not gonna believe this, but that relationship did not work out. So, praise God, her and her husband are in our church, and Jill's my wife. And it all worked out in God's way. So, anyway, so the bottom line is. I mean, that's a really honest, funny story. But the whole thing at any age can be so confusing. And the world has so much to say about it. But we need more than what the world has to say, because dating is an important season. In fact, our big idea for today is this. Please write this down. The whole idea that we're gonna discover in the Song of Solomon is you play like you practice. So we gotta figure this out, and we gotta figure it out. And we need God's standard, because we're living in a time and an age where all this is changing so fast. This is kind of funny. I mean, it's kind of profound, but also funny. This week, I did a survey with some friends from Highlands College, really, to all ages, of different people around this idea of dating, both single and married, of just what's changed and how fast it's changing. So I know we got some old school folks in the house. Some of you are younger or still single right now. You're kind of in this new school reality. But, you know, old school was basically like a question, will you go with me? Or even, hey, will you check yes or no? How many of y' all actually wrote the note? Check yes or no? Some of y'. All. All right. You know, you would wear the letterman's jacket if you were dating. You would put the ring on, the class. Ring on. You would probably go on a date all week long. You'd build up to a Friday night or a Saturday night. Of course, New school is very different. New school is swipe right. It's Netflix and chill. Some of you older folks are like, what's he talking about? It's about. It's ghosting. It's situationships. It's submarining. Some of you are like, what is this guy? Is this cryptic? What is he talking about? They know what I'm talking about. It's soft launch. It's hard launch. Bottom line is this. It's not wait till Friday night. It's 24. 7 access. It's all the time in all these different formats. Old school. This one's hilarious. Old school, bad date meant the person didn't match the image you had of them. New school, bad date means literally they did not match their profile pic. That's like, they showed up and it was a different person. Old school, you would ask around about a person and their reputation just to get a feel. New school, you digitally stalk them and their entire families. I think all of us do that at some level. Old school is either single or dating. This one is so funny. New school is single. Friends talking, talking, almost. Dating, Dating. No title for real dating. Can I get an amen? Put your hands together. We finally made it all right. And our status change. Old school was. Some of y' all definitely did this. Old school, folks. I know I did this. Talking on the phone for hours at night. You hang up. Oh, no, you hang up. No, you hang up. No. You know which one's really committed, right? New school, again, is 24. 7 access. It's quick text constantly. It's Snapstreaks. It's just nonstop access. And these last couple are even, honestly, more profound. Old school dating was a pathway to marriage. It was a pathway to marriage, Interestingly. We'll talk about this next week. But really, over the last 20 years, culture has tried to liberate sex from marriage. And what it's done is it's made both more unhealthy. So today it's not, you know, dating is not a pathway to marriage. Dating equals sex, because sex has, quote, been liberated, and it's actually negatively affected both marriage and dating. Old school was seeking wisdom and covering from families, churches, and community. And the new school is pretty much, at least it feels like we have to figure it out on our own. Which leaves an environment of dating that is full of so little trust and so much fear. So it's in the middle of that that I am especially grateful for the word of God. And so if y' all are okay with it today, we're just gonna go for it. I'm gonna hit it straight. I mean, this is God's word. I'm gonna try to bring it to life. But it's the word of God that's gonna do the work today. And we're gonna go exactly to what God has to say. A few ground rules just to get our hearts in the right place. This one is massive. To end up with God's best, I have to trust God's way. So we want God's best in every area of our life, really. The rubber meets the road when we make sure that even when we hear a standard that is very different, our heart stays open. Because when it comes to dating, honestly, I think church, non church people would agree that the standard that's out there in the world is not working, that there has to be a better way. But this way that we're going to hear today is very countercultural. Normal is not working. And so we're looking to a different standard. And so what I know is going to happen, and honestly, it's the only way I can say it is it's spiritual warfare for the next 30 minutes as the enemy is going to be trying to come in with lies and deception, saying that is ridiculous. That is so old fashioned. There is no way. It is impossible. And so we've got to trust, have faith that God does have his best in store for us. Y' all believe that today he does in every area of our life. But to do that, we're gonna have to trust his way. As I've been fighting in prayer, even our prayer teams at every location are praying right now just for open hearts to allow God's word to do its work. And I'm talking today to. I know a big group here even did some research over the last 12 months at Highlands. This may surprise you, really. If you think about it though, it's not surprising. Over the last 12 months, we have had 40,000 connection cards filled out by singles. 40,000. And I know that's a big spectrum. So you have your teenagers who are on the front end of their relational life like I was at 12 years old. It's all in their future. I know there's a bunch of folks which I love that are kind of in that college age, young professional age, you're just now essentially marrying age. And this is a massive topic for you. And then we also have A bunch of people in our church that I'm so glad are here today that are single. Maybe it's you've never been married, or maybe you're single because you've been through a divorce and you're single again and you're here today. I honor you. I'm so thankful you are here today. And I even know personally in my life, people who are single because they've lost their spouse through the death of a husband or a wife, they're now single again. And there's this huge spectrum here today. And the enemy hates God's way. And so I know right now he's trying to do anything he can to. To make what we're going to talk about feel unachievable. To feel like you've already messed up and you've already disqualified yourself, or that there's no chance, maybe even if you live this, there is absolutely no chance you'll find anyone else who's living that. And can I just say something? Today, maybe that is true in the natural, but today we are here under the supernatural power of a God who can make a way in every situation. I got like three Amens, I think every location. Let's thank God today. And I stayed there for a moment because as a pastor, keep your heart open today to what God wants to do. So we gotta get. To get God's best. We gotta trust his way. Here's number two kind of ground rule. And that is singleness is not a sickness. I'm gonna let that hang for a minute. Singleness is not a sickness, which means marriage is not the cure. Singleness is not a sickness. Marriage is not a cure. And I wanna just. We're gonna mostly be in Song of Solomon today, but I got a verse for you from 1 Corinthians. The apostle Paul, who was single his entire life, wrote this. And this is really a theological statement for our season of singleness and also for marriage. He says, I wish everyone were single just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God of one kind or another. And what I love about this verse is theologically, it positions marriage and singleness as gifts that are equal. These are both special gifts. Thank God for a single. Maybe it's a season, or if you're called to that your entire life, thank God for that gift and thank God for the gift of marriage. They are gifts of equal value, and they're not in competition with each other. If you are single anywhere in that spectrum today, you are not second class. You're not. You're in a season of your life where God wants to do some amazing things in your life. So I want to speak to some singles here today. Be loud and be proud that you're in a season where God has great plans. In fact, you know, there can be a lot of pressure in this season, and we want to trust God in this season, not pressure. Right. I was even thinking about my own journey. I know all of us can relate to this. A lot of that pressure is at family events. You know, you're at a wedding and you're single, and there's someone there putting pressure on you. Can I give y', all, like, maybe this is all you need from church today? I'm going to. I'm going to give y' all the hack of all hacks are ready for this. Maybe the best advice you'll ever hear if you're single, to be loud and proud. Next time you're at a wedding and when Aunt Martha says you're next, I want you to file that. And next time you're at a funeral, I said next time you're at a funeral, you look at Aunt Martha and you say, you're next. All right? Hey, don't say that. But, hey, I'm giving you permission as a pastor. You can think it. All right? You can think it for sure. All right? So, hey, amen, everybody. Single's not a sickness. It's not. It's not a sickness. God has some great things he wants to do in our lives. And here's the third ground rule. And this makes this message applicable to all of us. And that is the best marriages never stop doing dating. So not just saying this today, truly, everything we're going to learn from God's word today can apply to every relationship, especially for dating. Obviously, we're focused there, and I won't pause throughout. But if you're married here today, there is something in every one of these points that will be a log on the fire for your marriage. And I do want to take 10 seconds to remind everybody, as you've already heard, that we have our marriage conference coming up this weekend. Anybody excited about the marriage conference? I am. So if you're engaged or married, there is still room available at most locations. We have scholarships. It's going to be a powerful time. Jill and I can't wait to be there. In fact, we're going to be a part of one of the sessions. Part of our whole marriage conference experience this year is a survey or an assessment for every marriage. And y', all, we're Actually going to walk through ours on stage together in front of y'. All. It's going to be awesome. And so just going to be, I believe, just in an attempt to make sure all of us know we're on a journey and all of our marriages can get better. All right, so, Chesanga Solomon. Today we left off. Pastor Chris left off in chapter two, verse seven, which is where this couple, Solomon, the beloved and the maiden, have made a decision not to awaken. In fact, it says, we will not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. What they basically said is, we desire to do this God's way. And then they enter into. For the rest of chapter two. Chapter three is actually their wedding day. The rest of chapter two is their season of dating. Or another way to say it would be courtship. We're gonna pick up in verses 8 and 9. This is the maiden speaking. She says, listen, my beloved. Look, here he comes. I've never read poetry in front of people, so I'm trying to do my best today. Okay? So this is. Just go with me. He's leaping across the mountains. He's bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Can I speak to the men of church of the Highlands? The Bible calls you a young stag. Come on, spouses, look at your husband and say, you a young stag. You want to know what that looks like right there? Come on. Man of God. That's who you are. I've been looking at that picture all week long, building confidence inside myself, right? So that's what she says about him. Says, look, there he stands behind our wall. He's gazing through the windows. He's kind of peering over the fence. Now, I do want to pause here and say, if you do this in 2025, you're going to jail. Straight up. You a stalker. All right, don't look in anybody's window. Don't even look over their fence. All right? But please don't do that. All right? But what the meaning underneath this and this, there's actually layers of meaning underneath this. What they're really in, all of that that we just read, what they're really describing is that for this couple, there's chemistry, that there's a chemistry between this man and this woman. And I am just so grateful even, that it's first in this chapter, that God engineered attraction. God could have done relationships anyway. And I'm so glad that he built the attraction between a man and a female. He built that into our biology. Everybody don't we have a great God? Aren't you? He could have made, like, marriage just work. It could have been. It could have been, you know, just all effort. But he actually says there's an attraction that can be created. Now, it's not everything, but it's something, you know, the enemy tries to pervert this. Of course the enemy would love us to make this the only thing. And of course, we could go through all day the list of ways, especially sexual. Our relationship between a man and woman has been perverted by the enemy. There's just a long list, a continually growing list of all that. But I also have to pause and say, we got to be careful, because religion will also try to suppress it. So the enemy tries to pervert it. Religion can try to suppress it, but we celebrate the fact that God made us in a way that we're attracted to each other. That's worth celebrating. I always tell my boys, you know, we, as a parent, all parents would know this. One of the main things you fight for is communication. To me, no matter what is going on, if we're talking, we're in the right. You know, we're on the right. We're heading in the right direction. We'll go through it together. And so we're always trying to create an atmosphere where they feel safe to do that. And so I always tell them, listen, like, if you like a girl, if that whole sweaty thing starts happening and you get real awkward and all the things I was talking about earlier, when that starts happening, come talk to us about that. We're going to celebrate that. That's the way God made you. You actually can't control that, but what you can do is control everything that comes after it. And so we want to have a conversation, and that's where we have to kind of position chemistry. It's a good thing to celebrate, but we got to be intentional with it. I'll never forget when I met Jill for the first time. So we were in college together at uab. I actually shared a few weeks ago that my roommate introduced us. In fact, the night it happened, I lived on Valley Avenue, like, with, like a lot of UAB students do in those townhouses on Valley. Some of you don't know what I'm talking about. And so my roommate Thomas brings Jill over. He brings Jill to the house. And we're having this party. Now, we're all Christians, so don't think red solo cups, right? This was like a Dr. Pepper party, but we were poor, so it was more like a Dr. Thunder party. Testify. So and I'll never forget locking eyes with Jill for the very first time. And it was so awkward. It's like immediately I felt suffocated because the pierce of her eyes, she was like trying to undress me with her eyes. I could feel it immediately, like this attraction. In fact, all night long she's following me around. Guys, y' all know what I'm talking about. Super awkward. I'm like, girl, give me some space. Just trying to have fun with my friends. Actually, the exact opposite is true. I saw her and I was like, oh my. I didn't think she's the one. But I was. Instantly before I ever even met her, there was like this chemistry thing happening and it was completely a one way street. I would love to say that she felt any of that. But our story, we'll actually share it maybe at some point. It was definitely me at first. I'll talk more about that in a moment. But I'm really thankful for that because it allowed us to start developing an authentic relationship. Bottom line is, what I said a moment ago, chemistry happens. Everything that comes after that is a choice. And so we need to be intentional. Here's three ways just trying to help you today. Practically three ways we can kind of keep chemistry in check. Be wise with your time. I speak to all of all singles in any age. Limiting one on one time, especially early in a relationship, is huge. Both physically limiting that, but also digitally limiting that and the one on one time. It's great to spend time together. So integrate them into your life. Bring them around your family, around your friends. Hey, bring them to church. The best date is a church date. And see how they respond to all of that. If they're trying to pull you away from your already established relationships, be aware. A hungry need is a dangerous need. Be aware. Here's number two. Kind of practically be wise with your talk. The Bible teaches life and death, the power of life and death are in the tongue. And so we just make the decision individually and then make sure in any relationship that you or the other person are not using words to manipulate, hurt, control, or even artificially sustain. Our words should be authentically created out of the overflow of our relationship. And this next one is massive. Be wise with your touch. The thing about chemistry is it wants to be boss. It wants to complete what it starts. Now. I'm kind of teasing next week because next week we're going to go there with a honeymoon night. But God created sex. Sex is good, but he created it to be healthy. And good in the boundaries of marriage. One man and one woman in marriage inside of those boundaries. And again, we're going here next week. It is one of the most powerful forces on earth to protect and to produce life in a relationship outside those boundaries. How many of y' all would agree? It's one of the most destructive forces on earth. So we must be very, very wise. As a youth pastor, I used to teach these three. I'll just give you these as extra information here, extra kind of thoughts here. But the best way to be wise with your touch is to predetermine some things. I'm going to predetermine my purity. I'm going to make the decision. I'm going to as a young person. I'm going to get married as a virgin. I'm going to make the decision. I'm going to do whatever it takes to create that opportunity, to live out that standard. Now, I want to speak to every single who may say, you know what? I hear you, Pastor, but I've already. That's already gone. I've already crossed that line. Can I tell you something that PC said last week? This is a year of new beginnings. In the grace of God, you can be spiritually a virgin. You let his grace and his mercy come into your life. Come on. He wipes away our past and gives us a beautiful future. And so that decision can be made today. Can I get a better amen? But to make it is important. Say, you know what? I'm going to predetermine my purity. I'm going to predetermine some boundaries of where I'll go, what's allowed, how far is too far. And then this last one is massive. If you get none of those other ones or anything else, I say, today, just bringing some healthy spiritual authority into your life is massive. Do this today and it will produce so much fruit in your life. So that's chemistry. We gotta be wise with that. Here's the second one. Back to the text, verses 10 through 13. Still the female speaking, the maiden speaking. She says, my beloved spoke and said to me, arise, my darling, my beautiful one. Come with me. See, the winter has passed. What she's really saying is, we're in a new season. The winter's over. And what comes after winter? Spring. There's some new things that are forming in our relationship. It's an opportunity. The rains are over and they've gone. And then she says, four things that are massive for us is what this next pillar is gonna be built on. She says, there's flowers that are appearing. There's this new growth on the earth. The season of singing has come. The cooing of doves is heard. So there's growth, flowers are coming out. This cooing of doves, if you look into the meaning, it just means life. That there's reproduction that's happening. There's actually life that is growing. She goes on to say, the fig tree is forming its early fruit. The blossoming vines spread out their fragrance. Arise. Come my darling. This becomes the goal of this whole text. My beautiful one, come with me. That there's this new season in our relationship, that their relationship is deepening. That it's not just chemistry, there's more. There's those flowers, there's growth, there's those doves, there's life, there's this fig tree, there's fruitfulness. And it's all about this last one. My darling. In the original language just means there's an authentic. Oh, this is so good, everybody. Real friendship that is forming. It's not all chemistry. The bedrock of this new season of spring in their relationship is they are actually friends. If you want to write it down this way. They're in a season of cultivation, growth and life. Fruitfulness, man. There's a friendship that is forming. I know married couples would agree with this and really all of us would probably understand this. Chemistry is good, but it comes and goes. How many of y' all are thankful that the bedrock is a friendship? That God's intention for you, God's design for marriage is that it's two friends who also have that chemistry. But that the core of it, there's a friendship. And I know that's kind of old school like. Cause relationships are so transactional today. But this is God's way and God's way is the best way. I heard someone say, you know, ultimately when you're in a dating season, as part of that equation, you're a fruit inspector. And I actually think that's a great way to say it. Is that we should be looking. Is there actually cultivation that is happening? Is it just chemistry or is there something deeper that is forming? If there's not, that should be a warning sign. Kind of back to Jill and I's story again. Thank God. I don't know if we would have done it right because thank God for her in a lot of ways. Pretty much every way, thank God for her. But it truly was a one way street. I was super attracted to her. She wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, she had her eyes on a Baseball player. It was something about the pants they wear. I could never figure all that out. Whatever. But I'm a football player. We have hip pads and butt pads. That's not our fault, okay? It's just the way it is. But the deal is, we build this. There's this attraction, but I got to work for it. She's not making it easy. So we start building this friendship, and we discover that we have so many of the same common interests, hobbies, passions. I mean, even food. She loves Mexican food. I love Mexican food. Come on. Queso is from God. Like, you love queso. I love queso. It's meant to be, right? And even. Even our hobbies were the same. We both love camping. In fact, one of our first things we did together, like, four or five months in, is we went with a group of friends up to Little River Canyon to go camping. And honestly, this is the moment I kind of knew she was the one. So we're there all weekend camping. One of the days we wake up, we're like, hey, let's go swim. So we go to this little pool on the river to swim, and there's this massive waterfall above it. And so somebody had the idea, let's go jump off that waterfall, which is what you do, right? So we get to the top, and somehow, out of all these people, I get pushed to the front, which is kind of my life situation. And I just wreck, like, from the bottom. It didn't look very high. Some of y' all know what I'm talking about. You've ever jumped off something like that from the bottom? Like, no big deal. And I get to the top, and I'm like, this is like. This is like the Eiffel Tower. Now we are. And so I'm a little nervous, so I don't immediately jump. And again, true story. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this blur, this flash come running past me, and all of a sudden, it's Jill. All of a sudden, I see Jill. She jumps out. I don't know how she did that. This is how I remember it. All of a sudden, now she's in the air, and it's like she turns around, and she points at me like, ha ha ha. It's like there's just a twinkle in my eye or in her eyes, and I'm looking at her do that, and all I can say is, you're the one. Like. Cause you are the one, you know? Like, oh, my goodness. And really, at the end of the day, what I had recognized is we Were like, there was the attraction, but now there was a real friendship. We love the same things. And even to this day, now, almost 20 years later, she is my best friend. I would rather spend time with her than anyone else. We are truly the chemistry can come and go. We've always had it, but there's an ebb and flow there. But I'm telling you, she is my BFF forever, and I'm grateful for that bedrock in our relationship. And so if you're in that dating season, you should be investigating this. Is there actually cultivation happening? In fact, I got a good friend named Rich Wilkerson who's been a part of our motion conference over the years. He has a great book called Single Insecure. And one of the quotes in that book is, dating should be an investigation. So I got three cultivation questions for you, just for you in a dating season to see. Is there actually cultivation happening? Here's a great one. Is this relationship growing and maturing? And here's the hack for this one. It takes time. So to know this. You have to slow down and allow seasons to happen. Here's another great question that is, does this relationship fill me with life or drain life from me? Here's a street language way to say this. Can I handle this drama for the next 50 years? And if the answer is no, get out now. All right. And here's really the only question that matters. Am I drawing closer to Jesus because of this person? If the answer there is yes, that's a great sign. It's not everything, but it's a great sign. That could be the one. All right, back to the text. Verses 14 and 15. This is now Solomon, or the beloved speaking. He says, my dove is in the cleft of the rock, and the hiding place is on the mountainside. Show me your face. Let me be near. Let me hear your voice. For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely. So he's asking for really? You'll see two things. One is her voice. And then he says, catch for us the foxes. So he's asking her both to hear the voice and to catch the foxes. The little foxes that ruin the vineyards are vineyards that are in bloom. There's two things he's investigating here. If dating is investigation, he's investigating specifically her communication. Let me hear your voice. And he's also investigating how they're going to handle conflict. That's what this whole deal with catching the fox's means. Now, those are just two of the very long lists that I want to kind of phrase like this Is that part of the dating season has to be an investigation of character, of their character. There's a lot of things on that list. Honesty, integrity, all those. There's a lot of character traits, but it is so intentional. Hey, everybody, look at me. It's intentional that Solomon lists those two. One of the two most important character traits you need to know early on in a relationship is how do they communicate? Write it this way in your notes. Do they speak with clarity? And I want to speak to the females, especially right now. I'll speak to everybody, but to you ladies right now, you deserve a man that will stake their intentions. If they're keeping you in the dark with ghosting and all the submarining and all the different formats of keeping their intentions in the shadows, they are not honoring you the way God desires you to be honored. And you deserve better. Come on. Yeah. Can we put our hands together? Some of y' all feel like it's like when you're on hold on the phone, and like the old school technology on hold was like, you get on hold and there's just music playing. You know, nowadays they tell you how far you are, like you're seven from, right? Like you're the seventh call or whatever it might be. Some of you feel like that it's that old school version where you're just endlessly. You're in this relationship, and you never know where you are. And I'm just telling you, you deserve better than that. And if you're a man in a relationship, part of your role is to define the relationship. Hey, right now, let's be friends. When it starts going further than that, articulating that so that there's never the fear of where do we stand? Which is wide open space for the enemy. And I'm passionate about that because every one of you females especially, deserve that. And come on, man, we can live to that standard. So that clarity of communication is huge. And here's the second one is how well does this person handle conflict? Don't you be marrying somebody until you see them mad. How do they handle it? You know, in premarital counseling, we actually. I don't know if y' all know this, but actually, I'll kind of give it away. We do this survey here at Highlands for, you know, saving your marriage before it starts, really. Then after that survey, there's a lot of things that you and your, you know, your fiance agree on. We don't talk about those in the premarital counseling. We only talk about the places you disagree. It's almost like we're trying to get you to fight. Why? Because we're trying to make sure that we're being honest with each other, that we're bringing those things to the surface. So conflict reveals a lot. So it's a great question, have you ever seen this person mad? Here's another maybe way to look at that. Have you ever seen them forgive someone or have to forgive someone? And how would you rate that? How'd they do when they forgave? One day you'll be the person that needs forgiveness. Were they able to actually let it go and move on? And here's a great one. How do they handle that two letter word N O? No. And I'll speak again to the ladies. If you've created boundaries, and I hope you have, if not from this day forward, and any man crosses those boundaries or puts pressure on you to cross those boundaries, where you have clearly said no, you get away in the name of Jesus, you are worthy of honor and you are worthy to be respected. How do they handle that word no? So we have chemistry, cultivation, which is again, these are dating season kind of pillars, but they're for all, including marriages, for all relationships. Chemistry, cultivation, character. Then we get to the very last one, which often you would think would be first. This is from verses 16 and 17. This is now again, the maiden is speaking. My beloved is mine and I am his. He browses among the lilies until the day breaks and the shadows flee. Turn, my beloved, and be like the gazelle, or like a young stag on the rugged hills. And we get this beautiful phrase here. I think it's so powerful. My beloved is mine and I am his. That they've gone through this season. They're in the spring now. You can only imagine, if we'd use that metaphor now they're moving through summer and they're seeing that they're beginning to head towards this harvest of a season, this fall season, where they're moving towards their marriage. And they've come to a place because they had chemistry from the beginning. It was clear even last week. But they cultivated it. They did the hard work of digging roots in friendship is formed, and they've demonstrated character. And so now they've been able to determine that in the original language here the phrase is mutual devotion, that there is a mutual devotion, that it's not just one or the other, that both of them, New Testament language, are equally yoked. They're both carrying the load of the relationship. And if you want to see how that looks and what the Word is. It's the word commitment, which you would think comes first, but actually in the dating season, flows from the mutual devotion to each other that we are mutually committed to chemistry and cultivation and character. So we are mutually committed to each other. My beloved is mine and I am his. We're both equally carrying the load. We're equally yoked. We're carrying the load of this relationship. Remember what we said earlier, the big idea of today, the big idea of what the Bible teaches about dating or courtship or however you want to frame it, is that you. You play like you practice. Y' all remember that. And this is what is so important, is while you were dating, oh, my goodness. Catch this today to determine, is that other person mutually committed to a healthy relationship? Because on the other side of marriage, this turns into a different C word. And that C word is covenant. If you're in that situation, carrying all the weight, it's a terrible place to be. So God wants us to investigate and discover, is this person as committed as I am? Look at it this way. If we don't date with mutual devotion, then we will not be married with mutual devotion. This takes courage. This is very different in the world. Dating is the time for this to be vetted. And if it doesn't, if that mutual devotion doesn't exist, no matter how much chemistry or cultivation or character might be there in different forms, then it's going to break the relationship. The relationship can't move forward, at least for it to be God's best. This was Jill and I's story. I'll kind of finish just. And I'll tell more. We'll tell more in the years to come, I'm sure. But we dated for two years. We ended up. Started dating six or seven months after we met each other, and there was a lot of chemistry. She ended up recognizing the young stag that she had right there with her. She ended up seeing it, but there was chemistry, and as I've already mentioned, there was cultivation. You know what? We lacked character. It wasn't in some of the typical ways. It was in unique ways in our relationship. So two years in, we end up breaking up. And I shared this at first Wednesday. It's kind of funny when you think about it, especially now at this point, but we end up breaking up because I was. I was consistently saying to her, hey, I'm called to ministry. I'm going to be a pastor. I don't know if that's going to look like, but I'm called to be a pastor. And she comes to me one day and says, you know what? I'm not called to be a pastor's wife. We actually broke up because she said to me, I am not going to be a pastor's wife. And I was so heartbroken. Everyone thought. Everyone assumed it was always, mark and Jill, you are going to get married. And now here we are broke, broken up. And I was broken hearted completely. There's no pain like a broken heart. But what I recognized and what she recognized in a different way is really what was happening is we both had character issues. What she was articulating in that was she was on a process of discovering uniquely her gift. And her gift can't be my gift. Like, she was in a journey of discovering she was a young Christian, who she was and what she was called to do. And to be honest with you, my character issue was I wanted to be a leader, but I was not demonstrating consistently the leadership traits that were worthy of her following. And so we're broken up for an entire year. It's over. In fact, I was still here in Birmingham. I was the janitor at a little Baptist church in Hueytown. She was playing professional soccer, dating a major league baseball player. This is a funny story, but what was happening is God was working on our character because there couldn't be a commitment supported by just two of those three. And over that year, God did a work. In fact, she wrote me a letter. She repented of all that pain and heartache that she sent my way. Not true. Really. She wrote me a beautiful letter a year in and said, hey, I still think about you. I really believe there's something in our future. And then she invited me. Our first reconnection date was she got baptized here at Highlands. We had a baptism date. That's just funny. But that's our story. And within a year, we were married. And to this day, we laugh about it because it was like when we got back together, we were completely two different people. People than we were the first time around. And it wasn't because of us. It was because of the work God had done inside of us. We were two halves trying to make a whole. But we realized that will never work. In fact, this is a great quote from the guy who'll be at our marriage conference this weekend. If you try to build intimacy with one another, with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself. Two halves don't make a hole. Two holes make a hole. Which really can be frustrating because you're like, man, I mean, I saw all these pillars that I got. You know, how do we even think about doing that? And it's interesting. Even the Song of Solomon is interesting. Number one, I'm thankful for the grace and mercy of God that there's a from this day forward, new beginning for all relationships. Can I get an amen? If you don't believe it, the guy who wrote this book, Solomon, had 700 wives. That was a journey. But yet we see here that the grace of God led him. It's funny, but that's who wrote the book. Isn't it like God to use someone with so much brokenness to discover something so beautiful. And the second thing is this, that the foundation of every whole person and whole relationship has to be Jesus. You may say, well, Mark, I didn't see Jesus at all today. Theologians tell us that the book that we're reading right now is both an allegory of relationships, but the entire book is really a love letter from God that at the end of the day, the foundation of all relationships has to be Christ. Only this can be the full picture of the dating relationship, of a friendship, of a relationship in any season or phase of our life that we need a relationship with this God right here, the God that so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son. That whoever believes in him shall not perish, but will have eternal life. The ultimate love letter from our God. The ultimate restoration of every relationship. The ultimate goal of all of our lives is to put our life on the foundation of Jesus, the God who so loved the world. Think about the chemistry. His love was so strong for you that he left heaven to come to earth. Why? To cultivate a real relationship. He gave his one and only Son. That's how desperate he wants to be personally in relationship with us. He made it very clear when his character is clear that we have to receive all of that through believing who he is so that we can have an eternal covenant with him, that we spend all eternity with our God. That's the invitation of today. And without that foundation, every relationship will fail. We need to be built on Jesus. But the beautiful thing is, no matter where we are today, he invites us in. Can I get an Amen? Would you bow your heads and close your eyes at every location? I want to lead us in a moment of prayer. Really two phases of this. The first one that I want to speak to. First group I want to speak to today is anyone, even as I read that verse, who doesn't yet have that foundation in your life. And this is a big deal. You're here today and you don't personally know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. No matter what you've done, the sin you committed last night or even this morning, no matter the thoughts you've had, God is inviting you. Check this out. Maybe you're even here today and you've had that relationship at some point, but you've walked away from God. God is inviting you back. There is an invitation in this moment to receive what the Bible calls salvation. To let Jesus step into your heart and have a real relationship with him, where he becomes your Lord and your Savior. Don't miss this moment. You came to church today. You tuned in online. You're watching on demand. Don't come to this moment and miss the invitation to put your life on the rock that is Jesus. Every head is bowed and every eye is closed. What I want to do is on the count of three, ask you to boldly lift your hand if you want to be included. And I'm going to pray for you. And God's going to go to work. On the count of three. If that is you, don't miss this moment. One, two, three. Come on. Put your hands up right now. If that's you right there in the back, I see your hand. Awesome. Right here in the middle, right there. I see your hand. Awesome. I'm believing the same is true at every location. Hands are going up, even online or on demand, even in correctional facilities. Put your hands down. I see that hand right there. Awesome. Great job. If that's you, just pray this prayer in your heart say, jesus, today I give you my life. Forgive me of my sins, my mistakes. I turn away from all of that and I am running to you. Be my Lord, be my savior, and fill me with your holy spirit so I can live for you. Continue in the attitude of prayer. Every head's bowed and every eyes closed. Before we celebrate those who just made that decision. It's in my heart today to minister to another group. Maybe you're one of these three. These are the three that God put on my heart. And I'm gonna at all locations, I'm gonna invite campus pastors to the stage. But I wanna. I wanna share these three, and I'm gonna count the three again. If you're in one of these three, I want you to raise your hand. We're gonna pray for you today. And God's gonna go to work in your life. You're here today with a broken heart. Maybe it's a breakup, maybe it's a divorce. Maybe You've walked through the death of a spouse and your heart is broken. God wants to minister to you today. Maybe you're here today. This is another group. And you are so full of fear that choosing God's way today feels like the most threatening thing ever to say no to the world's way and yes to God's way. You want it? This is kind of the line in the sand moment. And you need just the faith to be built up in your heart to make this decision today. Then walk out these doors and live it. Or this third group. You're here today because of whatever's happened in your past. The enemy's throwing so much shame and condemnation at you. It's a stronghold in your life. It's like a prison cell. And you're ready to be out. You're ready to be free. You're ready for the grace and mercy of God. On the count of three, if you're any of those, I want you to raise your hand. Broken heart, fear or shame. 1, 2, 3. Come, put your hands up. Campus pastors, pray for your congregation.