276: Dyskolos (my favorite DJ)

Summary

Classical Stuff You Should Know: Episode 276 - Dyskolos (My Favorite DJ) Release Date: March 11, 2025

Hosts:
A.J. Hanenburg, Graeme Donaldson, and Thomas Magbee

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Introduction

In Episode 276 of Classical Stuff You Should Know, hosts A.J. Hanenburg, Graeme Donaldson, and Thomas Magbee delve into the world of ancient Greek comedy by exploring Menander's play Dyskolos ("The Grouch"). This episode not only provides an in-depth analysis of the play but also contrasts it with the works of Aristophanes, offering listeners insights into the evolution of classical comedy from its satirical roots to more character-driven narratives.

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Opening Banter (00:10 - 05:20)

The episode opens with the hosts engaging in light-hearted banter about feeling grouchy—a fitting prelude to the episode's focus on Dyskolos. Graeme expresses his grouchiness due to Lent and adverse weather conditions in Austin, including extreme temperature fluctuations and high pollen counts, which he humorously attributes to his discomfort:

Graeme Donaldson (00:05:07): "If everyone lived like me, law courts would no longer exist. Men would no more haul each other off to prison. War would cease. Then all would live content with less."

A.J and Thomas join in, sharing their own grievances about allergies and the challenges of living in Austin, setting a relatable tone for the discussion ahead.

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Introduction to Dyskolos and Menander (05:20 - 12:00)

A.J introduces Dyskolos, highlighting it as a significant work by Menander, a prominent Greek playwright whose plays mark the transition from Old to New Comedy. Unlike Aristophanes' biting satire in Old Comedy, Menander's works focus more on everyday life and personal relationships.

A.J. Hanenburg (05:21): "It's a play about a grouchy man who falls down a well. And so watch out, Donaldson, if you're…"

The hosts discuss the scarcity of surviving Greek comedies, noting that while Aristophanes has a more extensive surviving oeuvre, Menander's Dyskolos is a rare and largely intact example of New Comedy, rediscovered in the mid-20th century through the Bodmer Papyri.

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Reading and Analyzing Dyskolos (12:00 - 35:00)

The hosts collaboratively read excerpts from Dyskolos, bringing the characters to life through their performances. They portray the central figure, Naaman—the grouchy man—alongside other characters like Sostratos, who seeks to marry Naaman's daughter, and Gorgeous, Naaman's stepson.

Notable Quote:

Graham Donaldson (23:49): "Sometimes hot people are great."

This humorous exchange underscores the show's blend of classical analysis and modern humor, making ancient texts accessible and entertaining.

As they progress through the play, the hosts dissect key moments:

• Naaman's Misanthropy: Initially portrayed as a solitary and irritable farmer, Naaman's character embodies the archetype of the grumpy patriarch common in both ancient and modern storytelling.

• The Catalyst for Change: Naaman's near-death experience after falling into a well, from which he is rescued by Sostratos and Gorgeous, serves as the turning point. This incident forces Naaman to confront his loneliness and reevaluate his disdain for others.

• Themes of Community and Transformation: The play emphasizes the importance of human connection and the transformative power of compassion, reflecting broader societal values that resonate across millennia.

A.J. Hanenburg (28:31): "If everyone behaved like me, law courts would no longer exist. Men would no more haul each other off to prison. War would cease. Then all would live content with less."

This line encapsulates Naaman's initial worldview and sets the stage for his eventual character development.

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Comparing Old and New Comedy (35:00 - 50:00)

The hosts compare Menander's Dyskolos with Aristophanes' works, noting the shift from the loud, satirical Old Comedy to the more nuanced and character-focused New Comedy. While Aristophanes used comedy as a vehicle for political and social commentary, Menander focused on domestic scenarios and personal relationships, paving the way for modern comedic storytelling.

Thomas Magbee (38:05): "It feels similar to, like, you know, the humor and the curt little phrases…"

They discuss how Dyskolos aligns with the archetypes seen in today's sitcoms, balancing humor with meaningful character arcs. This evolution signifies a maturation in comedic storytelling, moving towards relatable narratives that prioritize emotional depth over sharp satire.

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Themes and Modern Relevance (50:00 - 56:00)

A.J, Graeme, and Thomas reflect on the timeless themes presented in Dyskolos, such as the importance of community, the pitfalls of isolation, and the journey from misanthropy to goodwill. They draw parallels between Naaman's transformation and contemporary societal issues, emphasizing the enduring relevance of classical literature.

A.J. Hanenburg (54:28): "Sometimes hot people are great."

Through their discussion, the hosts highlight how ancient comedies like Dyskolos continue to offer valuable lessons on human nature and interpersonal relationships, making them as pertinent today as they were in antiquity.

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Conclusion and Takeaways (56:00 - 58:04)

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts summarize the key insights garnered from Dyskolos, praising its charming narrative and the profound character development that underscores its comedic facade. They encourage listeners to explore Menander's works, appreciating the blend of humor and humanity that defines New Comedy.

Thomas Magbee (56:50): "Gorgeous shows signs of wanting to intervene."

The episode concludes on a light-hearted note, maintaining the show's signature blend of scholarly discussion and playful interaction.

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Notable Quotes

• Graeme Donaldson (00:06:07): "If everyone lived like me, law courts would no longer exist. Men would no more haul each other off to prison. War would cease. Then all would live content with less." (Timestamp: 06:07)

• Graham Donaldson (23:49): "Sometimes hot people are great." (Timestamp: 23:49)

• A.J. Hanenburg (54:28): "Sometimes hot people are great." (Timestamp: 54:28)

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Final Thoughts

Episode 276 of Classical Stuff You Should Know offers a delightful exploration of Menander's Dyskolos, bridging the gap between ancient theatrical traditions and modern comedic sensibilities. Through engaging discussions and lively readings, the hosts provide listeners with a comprehensive understanding of the play's themes, its place within the classical canon, and its relevance to contemporary audiences.

For those passionate about classical literature or simply seeking an entertaining dive into ancient humor, this episode serves as both an informative and enjoyable listen.

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Stay tuned for more episodes where A.J., Graeme, and Thomas continue to unravel the rich tapestry of the classical world, making it accessible and enjoyable for educators and enthusiasts alike.

Transcript

[Graham Donaldson]

Hi, and welcome to Classical Stuff youf Should Know, a podcast about classical literature, the ancient world, philosophy, old books, education, and all things therein. Oh, I can tell by the intro that you boys aren't cool with it. In fact, I would consider you both to be Grouchy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Ah, we got there. Good.

[Graham Donaldson]

My name is Graham Donaldson, and I'm with AJ Hannahburg.

[Thomas Magbee]

I feel like I'm with the audience and that I don't understand the reference.

[Graham Donaldson]

That's good.

[Thomas Magbee]

Are we talking about Groucho Marx or something?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes. We're gonna do an entire episode on.

[Graham Donaldson]

Groucho Marx and Thomas Magbee.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Hello.

[Graham Donaldson]

And we are gonna learn about Groucho Marx.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We are not learning about Groucho Marx. I feel like, yeah, I shouldn't make the joke in case people actually want that instead. No, we're gonna be talking about a play called Discolos. And I was going to make the joke that Discolos stood for my favorite dj, the Graham. Oh. Oh, wow. Okay. But you were talking before this. Graham, you're feeling a little grouchy right now.

[Graham Donaldson]

A little grouchy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You want to tell us why you're feeling a little grouchy right now?

[Graham Donaldson]

It's Lent, and I gave up coffee, and I feel like someone has taken my eyeballs and are just, like, squeezing them behind my head.

[Thomas Magbee]

And there also might be some atmospheric pressure because I'm getting a little bit of that.

[Graham Donaldson]

Okay. We've had some weird weather. It's been, like, super hot and super cold. We have some storm fronts coming.

[Thomas Magbee]

Like, yesterday I had some pressure, and today I have some pressure, and I know there's thunderstorms later tonight.

[Graham Donaldson]

It's just. It's Austin. Spring is where it's just, like, electrical storms and. And pollen's in the air, and Lent is in full swing, and I always wonder.

[Thomas Magbee]

Okay, so do you think we start noticing that we get headaches when the weather changes? Is that because we're getting old that that happens, or is it just because, like, we had happens when we're young, too? We're just too, like, I love everything, and we're just not thinking about it. And you start to notice patterns in your health when you're older? Is that the deal?

[AJ Hannahburg]

What do you think? Like, have you noticed as you're getting older, you feel allergies more or you feel change in the season more?

[Thomas Magbee]

No, like, I wouldn't even. I guess I wouldn't even thought about my weird headache today until Graham brought it up, and then I was like, oh, yeah, I have that I squeeze thing. Too.

[Graham Donaldson]

The vaccine stops.

[Thomas Magbee]

I think it's living in Austin. Apparently, after some time in Austin, you will become allergic if you're not already.

[Graham Donaldson]

That is definitely true. Austin is pretty.

[Thomas Magbee]

It'll get you.

[Graham Donaldson]

It's pretty nasty for pollen.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's rough.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

And cedar and mold and like, little. Every allergen is here.

[Graham Donaldson]

In fact, it makes one grouchy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Okay, good. Thanks. Segue.

[Thomas Magbee]

Full circle.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So I. I guess we're all grouchy. AJ and I are grouchy at your introduction. You're grouchy because of no caffeine, so. And the weather.

[Graham Donaldson]

And the weather.

[AJ Hannahburg]

It's a tough time.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Graham Donaldson]

We'll be talking old, too.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You are getting old also. You want to talk about that? We are talking about an old man. This is an old man.

[Unnamed Guest]

Electricity prices are high.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, I could see him saying that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Can't believe eggs are $7 expensive.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's right. I had to buy. I had to buy eggs this morning. $7. Can you.

[Thomas Magbee]

Did you really pay $7 for eggs? Where are you guys? I feel like at hb. Are they like, three bucks?

[AJ Hannahburg]

These were the, like, cage free ones, though.

[Thomas Magbee]

So we got, well, like, straight from the chicken. Like, straight. Squeeze the chicken in front of you.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And that's how you get. No wonder who Squeeze them.

[Graham Donaldson]

You want encaged eggs, huh? You buy encaged eggs?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Wow.

[Graham Donaldson]

Like, no. No rain eggs.

[Thomas Magbee]

Well, the eggs are in the chicken either. Like, the eggs don't know that there's a cage. Apparently they're in a chicken.

[AJ Hannahburg]

They totally know.

[Thomas Magbee]

No, I actually do buy, like, free range eggs. I like the brown ones. I don't think there's any difference between the brown and the white. But, like, it makes me feel.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I feel like a listener will tell us the difference between someone listens and raises chickens, and they will tell us the very specific difference.

[Thomas Magbee]

Well, here's the thing. I've watched chickens before and, like, day to day, some are brown, some are white. At least some are blue. Yeah. And some are, like, blue. And so I don't. I really don't think it matters. But I like the brown ones. I don't know why. It feels like whole wheat. You know what I mean?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Just feels a little bit healthier, even though it's not. Right.

[Graham Donaldson]

Okay. That's how they sound. That's cool.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yep. This bodes well for this. This episode. So we will be talking about the Grouch, which either we.

[Thomas Magbee]

I can't.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We also recorded last weekend. So I feel like there's got to be the loopiness of doing this two weekends in a row. Right. So doing our best.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

I don't want to be outside.

[Graham Donaldson]

It took some convincing to get me. Not on me, on the other. On Mrs. Donaldson.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

Oh, okay. She had to convince you to get here.

[AJ Hannahburg]

She's like, get out of the house. Yeah. No, A.J. and I were walking in together and we're like, this is a beautiful day. Would love to be outside. Let's go record some podcasts. So here we are. All right, so Discolos is a play. Discolos means the Grouch. It is a play written by Menander, and Menander is a Greek playwright. So we have read some Greek plays before. And so I guess this is our quiz show. Gentlemen, do you all remember reading plays by a Mr. Aristophanes?

[Thomas Magbee]

They're some of our best episodes.

[AJ Hannahburg]

They are a delightful time. Do you remember some of those titles? The Birds, the frogs. Birds, the clouds. Clouds was one. That's right. And the Birds one. Birds was one also. Birds, clouds, Frogs. And I think that's all that we've read.

[Thomas Magbee]

Let's go.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Does anyone know any of his other plays? There's one major one that we have not read on this podcast. Probably never know.

[Thomas Magbee]

Is not the one about Socrates, because that's the clouds, right?

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's the clouds. Yeah.

[Graham Donaldson]

No, I don't know.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Lysistrata. That's a famous one.

[Thomas Magbee]

I've read Lysistra.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah. One that we could probably never perform on.

[Thomas Magbee]

Very sexy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, it is very much so and so already.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's really. It's anti sexy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, but they talk about it a lot.

[Thomas Magbee]

They do talk about it a lot.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's the problem. It's a play about. There's a war going on and the.

[Thomas Magbee]

Women have had enough.

[AJ Hannahburg]

The women have had enough. And to try to get the men to stop going to war. They will no longer be with their men until they stop the war.

[Thomas Magbee]

There was a movie they made after the Cistrata recently. Like Shy Chi Raq, Shy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Something like that. Is it Spike Lee who made that? But I want to say it's a musical. Right. Isn't there a music element to it also?

[Thomas Magbee]

I remember it being weird.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah. I have not seen it, but okay, so Aristophanes, we've read some of those plays before. So we're back into Greek comedies. Just kind of. If you were to summarize what the plays that we've read before, again, Greek comedies by Aristophanes. What are some kind of, like, common elements to them? If you. I know it's been A long time, and I'm happy to feed you some as we go. But is there anything you remember about.

[Graham Donaldson]

Them going to the underworld?

[Thomas Magbee]

There's one where they get turned into stuff. So the guys get turned into birds, or they disguise themselves as birds.

[AJ Hannahburg]

They start out that way and then they turn into. They become birds. They start out, they want to become birds, they eventually get what they want. But it starts out kind of silly, but then turns into like, how do we build a utopia? And how do we conquer the gods? Right. Cuckoo land. Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

And then they work. Didn't they actually get it done? They caught all the prayers.

[AJ Hannahburg]

They caught all the prayers. The gods get mad, they negotiate a settlement, and then the birds become, like, king of the world, basically, and they start a rampage against people who eat chicken or whatever. So it's rough. The clouds is making fun of Socrates. It's making fun of the idea of philosophy. And then for the frogs, they're going to the underworld because they need to get these playwrights of old. They need to get these ancient Greek heroes to come and save the city, basically. And so what is consistent across all of these is you get these big, important ideas that are being worked out through theater, through comedy. So, again, it's like the Clouds is a satire of Socrates and it's entertaining on its face, but also is credited with leading to Socrates death. Right. Like, credited with showing the uselessness of his work and kind of undermining his credibility.

[Graham Donaldson]

And Socrates, even in his trial, says, like, you only know me because you know the, like, meme version of me that you all saw in that play, and you're putting that guy on trial. That's not fair.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's right. And same with the birds. Kind of like, how do we. What is man's relation to the gods? And what kind of society do we want to build, like, big, heady ideas in the context of a play that's entertaining and fun to read, but you're dealing with large philosophical ideas as a part of that. So I start with Aristophanes because we're kind of working through a progression of ages in Greek comedy. So Aristophanes will fall under this phase of comedy called old comedy. And you will find these names very creative. It goes old to middle to new. Do you like that? This is very creative. Very creative. But old comedy is going to have these attributes to it where, again, important big ideas, a lot of really dirty jokes, and we cut.

[Thomas Magbee]

Isn't that kind of just an element of comedy in general?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Or we're going to get to that today. So with Aristophanes, there was one that I was going to say we cut all of that from the plays that we read. There was actually a part that I miscut, and we had to, like, edit the episode to take out the part.

[Thomas Magbee]

Don't tell them.

[AJ Hannahburg]

They can tell because there's like a musical interlude in the middle, but.

[Thomas Magbee]

Oh, I forgot about that.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Sorry about that.

[Thomas Magbee]

I remember they. I was that one, like, hard. It might have been hard.

[AJ Hannahburg]

It was hard to hear something. It was. Yeah, I think it was Graham reading it. Like, as he's reading, he goes, what is this? So. But old comedy has this. There's this raunchiness to it. There are these big, important ideas. It's like satire, social commentary. So it's kind of. It's doing a lot under the guise of comedy. But comedy is going to develop over time. It's going to move into. We talk about this middle stage. Aristophanes will sometimes, you know, he wrote many plays, so some of those will be grouped under middle. But I guess this is probably the place also to say we don't have a lot of Greek plays left anymore. This is probably an obvious thing to say. I believe we only have about 13 Greek comedies left, and 11 of those are Aristophanes. And we've read three of those here on the podcast, and there are at least two that are. Either we have. It would be wrong to say we have all of Discolos. There's some where we're missing lines, but we have essentially all of Discolos. And then Menander has a second play as well. So we have 11 examples from Aristophanes under old comedy. We have two examples of Menander under new comedy. And so what we'll do, we're going to read through this play. We're going to try and see if there are some differences between what we saw with Aristophanes and then what we get with.

[Graham Donaldson]

So we don't have any middle comedy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We don't. They're all just in that. We have, like, sometimes, you know, these lines are not perfectly drawn. There's not like a hard delineation. Some Aristophanes could be grouped here. But largely middle comedy, we have references to, but not the plays of. To be able to go back and read. So, all right, so Menander, he comes after Aristophanes, as you might imagine, because he. If new comedy comes after old comedy, Menander is in the same way that we are missing many plays and we don't have full records. We have evidence that he won certain festivals, certain comedic festivals, certain playwriting festivals. We don't have the record for his. The City Dionysia competitions, which, again, that's like your main competition of, like, how that's like your biggest best playwright award is going to be the City Dionysia Award. We don't have that for Menander. What we do know is that he's spoken of highly at his time, and then even, like, shortly after his death, he's praised. He's viewed as a great playwright, a great and successful playwright. But by. I think it's. I think it's early Middle Ages. His plays are lost, like. So it's pretty, Pretty early on that we have lost his plays. And then in the 1950s, we find a copy of Discolos of the play we're going to read today. I was going to ask Ajay, if you knew about this. They're the Dishna papers. Does this mean anything to you?

[Thomas Magbee]

Of course.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Of course I do. Could you please start this? Or the Bodmer Papyri. These are two names for them.

[Thomas Magbee]

The Bodnars. Yeah, I know.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Big fan of these. So they're discovered in Egypt. They're discovered in Disna, in Egypt in 1952. So there's a play by Menander, this one that we're going to read right now, and it's largely intact. There are a few lines missing, but it's like, recovered, which is awesome. The reason I ask you, AJ if you had heard of it, is that I believe there are portions of the Odyssey that are included. And there are. I'm sure there's. There's gotta be scripture in there, too. But there is, like, there are many different papers that are recovered as a part of that. We're only talking about one of them. But it's just crazy to me that this is essentially lost until, you know, 70 years ago.

[Graham Donaldson]

That's good to hear, because I take a lot of photocopies and I just put them into jars in random places.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And then hopefully it's in hopes that one day people will recover.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah, just like a photocopy of like. Just like. Like an article I read.

[Thomas Magbee]

Did you use archival paper?

[Graham Donaldson]

I did not.

[Thomas Magbee]

Because if you didn't, I mean, you're hosed, right? You're sunk.

[Graham Donaldson]

But I tried putting the papyrus in the machine and it didn't work.

[AJ Hannahburg]

How did that go? All right, so I've said that we have, like, mostly recovered this work. There are still some missing pieces. So, Graham, I sent you the opening of this play, and in just A second. I'll send you all both the full text, but, you know, can. Can you start reading and just give us a sense for kind of what it looks like for this. This reconstructed text?

[Graham Donaldson]

Okay.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So, Pan, this is the opening monologue. This is how the play begins.

[Graham Donaldson]

So my Pan.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You are Pan as of right now. Yeah.

[Graham Donaldson]

You must imagine where in Attica file is the place. The shrine from which I come belongs to file's people. And the men who farm these rocky heights as best they can wholly exceedingly known farm on right. Naaman's utter cross gained all the crowd. He the eye getting yet in life spoken to greeted except Pan neighbor he went by then promptly that spoke sure that yet his wed widow first had died.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Ah.

[Graham Donaldson]

Then fought her only day most night of life had daughter her.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Oh my gosh. Stop.

[Graham Donaldson]

Got one troubles beyond best, Thomas.

[AJ Hannahburg]

This is what I get. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you for reading the email signature. I'm just joking. This is me feeding to chat GPT the opening prologue and asking it to increasingly remove words as it gets further.

[Graham Donaldson]

Oh, is it really?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, yeah, it's not, actually.

[Graham Donaldson]

I thought they really lost.

[AJ Hannahburg]

No, no, I was just making. I was just messing with Graham. So, Thomas, you card. I did it. I got him such a wild card. Okay, so most of our time will be. Oh, one other thing. On Menander, he's quoted in the Bible. How's that for a thing? So in first Corinthians, where Paul is giving off some quotes. Let me read this section. This is First Corinthians 15, starting in verse 29. Otherwise, what do people mean by being baptized on behalf of the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, why are people baptized on their behalf? Why are we in danger? Every hour I protest, brothers, by my pride in you, which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord. I die every day. What do I gain if, humanly speaking, I fought with beasts at Ephesus? If the dead are not raised, quote, let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die. Next verse 33. Do not be deceived. Quote, Bad company ruins good morals. That quote is Menander. So that's from. That's recovered from. I'm not going to butcher it. The play is spelled T H A I S. How would you pronounce that?

[Graham Donaldson]

Taste.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Taste. Thyeis, thyiss Tice. So he's quoted in first Corinthians, which.

[Graham Donaldson]

Should not be calling that scholarly work.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Well, we are all PhDs who have studied this stuff for a very long time. So that's another interesting thing about menander. So just to a sign of his popularity, even he's getting quoted in this letter. So that. What was the line? Bad company ruins good morals. If you ever look up menander, like, you'll get, like, the quotable menander, essentially. It's like all these kind of homey, like, pithy sayings. Yeah, yeah. That he. That he gets in his. In his works. So. Okay, I think that's enough for setup. We'll read sections of the play and then we will talk about it and we'll just see how far we get. So what is this play about? This play is about a grouchy man who falls down a well. And so watch out, Donaldson, if you're.

[Thomas Magbee]

Out in a pretty bad place.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Well, I'm trying to think of who the. Who should. Graham should be the grouchy one, right?

[Thomas Magbee]

Clearly.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Okay, Just making sure.

[Graham Donaldson]

What am I grouchy?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Right there. That's right there. I just heard it right there. I was also going to ask. So I want to get a quip.

[Thomas Magbee]

No, no, there's not a quip.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Aj, You've commented before on parties that are hosted by Dionysus, Right. Often end pretty poorly. It always gets weird. A party hosted by Pan, how would that go?

[Thomas Magbee]

Equally weird. The thing is, with Pan, it probably starts weird.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Starts weird. Okay. And only goes from there. So that's actually where this play starts. So this is during a.

[Thomas Magbee]

There's a men in a well, and there's a. A Pan party going on.

[AJ Hannahburg]

There's a festival going on. There's gonna be. So there's gonna be a Holon feast. That's like a subplot to the story we're not gonna read. But there's a feast being prepared, festival sacrifices, and it actually opens with the God Pan showing up. He enters from his shrine to come and address the audience.

[Graham Donaldson]

That's nice of him.

[AJ Hannahburg]

It is. Very kind. I sent y'all both the PDF, right? Y'all both have that. So when I reference page numbers, this is really interesting for the audience. Sorry about this. I'm going to be referencing the page numbers that are in the play itself.

[Graham Donaldson]

Not the PDF.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Not the PDF.

[Thomas Magbee]

Got it.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Does that make sense? So when I say thankfully, they line up.

[Graham Donaldson]

So page four is.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Page four is actually page four for this first one.

[Graham Donaldson]

Page five is not correct.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So page four. We're just going to start from the beginning. This is the prologue. It's going to set up basically the entire plot for this story, and it is delivered by Pan and aj I feel like you're the Pan of the ovulus, Right? Yeah. This is not even a question, so. Yeah. Pan, can you go from your first line to we will stop before act one?

[Thomas Magbee]

So I'm addressing the audience, right?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes. Let me say. The God Pan enters from his shrine and addresses the audience.

[Thomas Magbee]

You must imagine we're in Attica. Philae's the place. The shrine from which I come belongs to Philae's people and the men who farm these rocky heights as best they can. A holy place exceedingly well known. This farm here on the right is Nimon's home. An utter misanthrope. Cross gained to all. He hates the crowd, he hates the crowd. I say he's getting on. Yet never in his life has he spoken willingly to anyone or greeted anyone except me, his neighbor, as he must when passing by. And then he's promptly sorry that he spoke. I'm sure of that. And yet, despite his ways, he wed a widow whose first husband had just died, leaving a son, a baby. Then he fought with her, not only in the day, but most of every night. A wretched life. He had a daughter by her. Things got worse. But when her troubles were. But. But when her troubles were beyond repair, her life laborious and harsh, the wife went back to the son she'd born before. He had a little plot not far from here, where now in hardship, he supports himself, his mother and one loyal family slave. The boy by now becomes a lad with sense beyond his years. Experience brings men on. The old man with his daughter lives alone and has never and has but one old servant. So he digs and carries wood. It's work, work, work for him, Hating his neighbors most and his wife and then the whole world to Kullargos, far below. The girl, brought up in total innocence, remains unchanged. She cultivates the nymphs who live with me with careful reverence. So she's persuaded us to have some care for her. I've made a youth, a city boy whose father's rich and farms a great estate not far from here. Go hunting with a friend and happen to come near her home. I've made him fall head over heels in love with her. These are the main points and the rest you'll see if you are willing and willing you must be. But look, I think I see this lover now draw near together with his huntsman friend. They're deep in talk about the whole affair.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So we have literally set up the entire plot here. So what. What is Pan talking about? What's. What's happening?

[Graham Donaldson]

There's a dude he marries a Widow. But he doesn't like her.

[Thomas Magbee]

Her?

[Graham Donaldson]

It's not great. She has a kid.

[AJ Hannahburg]

She also. Her life is pretty rough too. Right? And as soon as the hardship is too much, she leaves and goes to live with her son at a certain.

[Thomas Magbee]

Point and leaving him with a daughter. And she's apparently great.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes.

[Graham Donaldson]

And he's work, work, work all day long. Yes.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And so he is. You said it's Naemon, right? I've heard people say both either Naemon or Kanaemon. I much prefer to say Namon first.

[Thomas Magbee]

Let's do Namon. I'm down for it.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So it's K N E M O. Namon is the grouch. He is the difficult man. He is the misanthrope for this. We will meet him later. But yes, he is.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah. So she is like nice to Pan's nymphs, which Pan appreciates. And so he's like, I got some rich kid to go hunting near her house and I'm hoping to hook him up.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes, exactly right. And then that will set us up. So we're going to meet that. What does he call him? A youth. A city boy whose father's rich and farms a great estate. We are about to meet him now. So I need a young man who is in love. And I need his like toady kind of sycophantic friend. Who. Who wants to be who? Who's the. Graham is the rich young ruler. Yeah, let's do that.

[Graham Donaldson]

My heart is swelling with love.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Good. What's my name? Sostratos.

[Graham Donaldson]

I'm Sostratos.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And then his kind of toady, sycophantic friend. Wait, Kyrus. Kyrius.

[Thomas Magbee]

Kyrias is probably what I would say.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Let's do that. So we're going to move straight into Act 1. I'll be watching for when to cut you all off. But we'll go. So Stratos is Graham again, young and in love. Kyrias is his friend. Will be AJ and Ajay. You're going to start it off. So let me read the direction. Inters Estrados and Kairias from the right, deep in conversation.

[Thomas Magbee]

What's that you say? You saw a freeborn girl give garlands to the nymphs here and you went away in love at once.

[Graham Donaldson]

At once.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's quick.

[Thomas Magbee]

Have you decided as you left your home to fall in love with someone?

[Graham Donaldson]

Kyrius. You're laughing at me. I'm in a bad way.

[Thomas Magbee]

I believe in you.

[Graham Donaldson]

That is why I've come with you to help me. Since I think you Are my friend and very competent.

[Thomas Magbee]

Well, Soster, toast in cases of this sort. This is my policy.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We can stop here. So they're gonna go back and forth of like. How do they go about kind of wooing this girl? Kyrias will kind of propose his way of like. He offers Sistratos to go to the girl and try and win her for Sistratos. But Sistratos says no, I've already taken care of this. I have sent one of my servants to go and speak with the father of this young girl. And Kyria knows that this is a bad idea. Knows that this is going to go poorly. So Stratos is clueless. He does not know any better. So we will move to the part where Kaireus is proven right. And we meet the servant of Sostratus. That's Pyrrhus. Who Sostratus had sent off to Naaman to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. On behalf of Sistratus, basically.

[Graham Donaldson]

So Pyrrhus is the servant.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Pyrrhus is the servant. Sostratus. Servant, yes. So I guess we're. I think we will have three parts at this point. So let me. I don't really want to read this much, but you're my servant. Deal. That sounds. This will be good. So I'll be Perious. Graham, you stay Sestratos. And then Ajay, if you'll stay Kyrias. And I think, Ajay, your part might be about to end. So we might rope you into another one.

[Thomas Magbee]

So are we on line 81?

[AJ Hannahburg]

We are on line 81. So interperious from the left. Running and breathless. So again. He's just gone to talk to Naaman. He's coming back to Sistratus with the news of how that went. Let me through. Look out. All of you. Out of the way. A raving loonies. After me.

[Graham Donaldson]

What, boy?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Run. Run.

[Graham Donaldson]

What's up?

[AJ Hannahburg]

He's pelting me with clods and stones. I'm done for.

[Graham Donaldson]

Pelting you. Where are you going? Fool.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Perhaps he's not still chasing me.

[Graham Donaldson]

He's not?

[AJ Hannahburg]

I thought he was.

[Graham Donaldson]

Well, what do you mean?

[AJ Hannahburg]

I beg you, let's get out.

[Graham Donaldson]

Mertou.

[AJ Hannahburg]

As far may be from that door, Some child of woe. Or else a man possessed or melancholy mad. Lives in the house here. The man you sent me to. What agony. I've stubbed and broken nearly all my toes.

[Graham Donaldson]

Good God. What's he been up to on his way? Some drunken trick.

[Thomas Magbee]

He's clearly off his head.

[AJ Hannahburg]

No, Sistratos. By God, may I be damned and blasted if I am. Be on your guard. But I can't speak. My breath is choking me.

[Thomas Magbee]

He pauses for breath.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Let me pause here. So Naaman has reacted poorly to this offer from Pirias, to say the least. And Pirius has said this. Naaman's response is to run after him and throw like rocks and dirt at him, right? So this old man. I probably have not emphasized this enough. This old man works with his hands. Pan said this in the opening, right? He's a tough guy, right? And the servant has gone up to him to ask for his daughter. And Naaman is like, loses it over this and chases him for miles throwing rocks and stones after him the entire way. So we are off to a bad stop, a bad start right now. Okay, let's see. Oh, I think we're going to keep going with this because I think we'll meet Naaman in a second. So. Yep, great. So he pauses for breath. Pirius will continue here. I knocked at that door there and said that I was looking for the master of the house. A miserable old woman answered me from where I'm standing now. She pointed out the fellow on the hill there, wandering round unhappily and collecting pears. A load of trouble for himself.

[Thomas Magbee]

How cross he is. What next, my friend?

[AJ Hannahburg]

I set foot on his plot and walked toward him and from some way off I wish to seem a friendly, tactful sort of man. I said, father, I've come to see you on a matter that's for your own good. Immediately he says, you're on my land, you villain. What's your game? Takes up a clod and hurls it at my face.

[Unnamed Guest]

To hell with him.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I shut my eyes and said, God blast you. Then he took a stick this time and beat me up, saying, what business have you and I together? Don't you know the public road? Shouting with all his might.

[Thomas Magbee]

The farmer's quite mad from what you say.

[AJ Hannahburg]

But hear the rest. I fled. He chased me for about 2 miles, first round the hill, then down below into this thicket, pelting me with clods and stones and pears when he had nothing else. A wild and savage beast, a barbarous old sod. Please, please get out.

[Graham Donaldson]

No, that's the coward's way.

[AJ Hannahburg]

But you don't know how dangerous things are. He'll eat us all.

[Thomas Magbee]

Perhaps he is a bit upset just now, and so I think we should put off approaching him. For Sostratos, you know, in everything success depends on finding the right time.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's sensible.

[Thomas Magbee]

Poor farmers are sharp tempered folk. He's not the only one. They're nearly all like this. At dawn tomorrow I'll go to him alone. I know the house now you go home and wait. That will be best.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Let's do just as he says.

[Graham Donaldson]

He's gladly taking an excuse to go.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Sorry. So Kyrie has left? Yes.

[Graham Donaldson]

Kairi says he's gladly taken an excuse to go. It's clear he didn't want to come with me at all and didn't like my marriage plans.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Zistrato says to Pirius, but you may.

[Graham Donaldson]

All the gods annihilate you utterly, as you deserve, you rogue.

[AJ Hannahburg]

But Sestratos, please, what have I done wrong?

[Graham Donaldson]

You did some damage to his land, that's clear. You stole something.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I stole?

[Graham Donaldson]

Did someone beat you up when you were doing nothing? Did someone beat you up when you were doing nothing wrong?

[Thomas Magbee]

Enter Nimon from afar left.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes, here he is himself. I'm off my friend. And you can talk to him.

[Thomas Magbee]

Exit Piraeus. Right.

[Graham Donaldson]

I can't in talk. I never can convince the soul.

[Thomas Magbee]

Looking at Nimon approaching, what should one.

[Graham Donaldson]

Say about this man? He does not seem to have a very friendly look. God, no. And what a rush he's in. I think I'll get back from the door. That's better. And what's more, he's shouting. Though he walks alone, he seems to me to be unwell. But I am afraid of him. By God I am. And that's the truth.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And then enter Naaman from the left, talking to himself. So, do you want to be grouchy, Naaman? Old Grouchy, salt of the earth Naming.

[Thomas Magbee]

I can do my best, you guys.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I believe in you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Now, Perseus, wasn't he a lucky man in two respects. He could take wings on high and never meet the men who walked on earth. And then he had his gift, which he turned all people who annoyed him into stone. I wish I had that gift. Then there would be no shortage of stone statues everywhere. But now life's not worth living. No, it's not. Men trespass on my line and on my land and chat to me.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Ironically.

[Thomas Magbee]

I usually waste my time, of course, beside the the very road. Why, I don't even work that part of my estate. I've left that bit to avoid the passersby.

[Unnamed Guest]

But now they chase me into the hills above. What swarming crowds. But help. Here's someone else standing beside my door.

[Graham Donaldson]

Sostrata says, aside, does he intend to beat me up?

[Unnamed Guest]

You can't find solitude, not anywhere. Not Even if you want to hang yourself.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Zistrada's coming forward.

[Graham Donaldson]

Is it me you're angry? Angry with? I'm waiting here for someone's father, as I had arranged.

[Unnamed Guest]

Just what I said. Do you take this for a park or a public meeting place?

[AJ Hannahburg]

With heavy irony.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, if you want to see someone, arrange to meet him here beside my door. Go on, by all means. Yes. Erect a bench, if that is what you want. Or better still, a council room as.

[AJ Hannahburg]

He enters his house.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, dear. Malicious interference is the cause of all this trouble. So it seems to me.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Naaman exits into his house. Estratos is left alone on the stage.

[Graham Donaldson]

This business requires, it seems to me, no common effort. Something more serious, that's obvious. He reflects Gitas, my father's slave. Suppose I go to him? By heaven, I shall. Yes, he's a ball of fire experienced in every kind of thing. He'll drive away all that old man's bad, bad temper, I'm quite sure, for I refuse to tolerate delay. Why, lots of things may happen in one day. But someone's rattled on his door and then.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So Stratos withdraws. So we'll stop there. All right. So we get to meet the. The grump, the grouch himself. What do you think? He comes out and he's talking about how lucky Perseus is. Maybe not for the normal reason. Someone would. Was there anything interesting in there? Anything in Naemon first showing up on stage?

[Thomas Magbee]

I love that he doesn't even stop to listen to anyone that's talking to him. He just doesn't like that they're around at all.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes, that's right.

[Graham Donaldson]

They're coming on his land.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's exactly right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Bench, get a council room.

[Graham Donaldson]

He doesn't even work the part of his land that's close to the road in case he accidentally sees.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I want to see anyone.

[Graham Donaldson]

I feel it, man. I get it. I get it.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Should I have you reading this part? I just. The more I think about it.

[Thomas Magbee]

Although today my voice is really grisly.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So I feel like it was a great job.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's a. I got my. I got my garage voice on today again.

[AJ Hannahburg]

This just. I just. The thing on Perseus is funny, right? It's like Perseus has the ability. He has this Medusa head, right, that he can like turn people into stone. And Naaman's like, I wish I could do that. And I would just like. I would put statues everywhere. People talk to me. I turn him into a statue. I never have to hear them again. And whenever he's bored with them. He can. He has his, like, flying shoes, right? He can just like get away from them immediately. So a really charming, happy fellow. So this is our Naaman. And again, he has this wonderful daughter who Sostratos wants to marry, but Naaman is hearing none of it. All right, we are on page 10. I think I have a little bit more here before we're going to skip over a lot of stuff in the middle. So we'll keep Sistratos as Graham. And I think we just have a little bit between Sistratos and the girl, the one who he is in love with. Okay, so that will be Ha. And then Graham, you will be Sistratos. Let's take it from. It's actually, the next line is at 188. So from the girl saying, alas. And then we'll. We'll read to the next page. So not very much. So just to give the stage direction, the girl comes out of Naaman's door carrying a water pot.

[Thomas Magbee]

Alas. More trouble still. Oh, what should I do now? My nurse has dropped the bucket in the well.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Sistrato says aside.

[Graham Donaldson]

Oh, Father. Zeus, Phoebus and heavenly twins. What beauty. Irresistible.

[Thomas Magbee]

That's not the first time I've heard that. And dad told me to get to the wa. Get the water hot as he went out to work.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Sistratos to the spectators, friends, what am I to do?

[Thomas Magbee]

But if he learns this, he'll beat her up and kill her for a crime. It's not the time for idle talk. Oh, dearest nymphs, I must take the water now from you. I am ashamed if anyone is making offerings inside to bother you.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Stratus comes from Ford.

[Graham Donaldson]

You give the pot to me. I'll fill it from the spring at once and bring it back to you.

[Thomas Magbee]

Oh, thank you. Please be quick.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So Strato says aside as he goes into the shrine.

[Graham Donaldson]

A country girl she is, but how unlike a bumpkin. God's above. What power can save me now?

[AJ Hannahburg]

A door rattles.

[Thomas Magbee]

But help. Who made that noise? Is father coming back? Then I shall get a hiding. If he catches me outside.

[AJ Hannahburg]

The girl retires to Naaman's door. But it is the door of gorgeous house that opens instead. And we can. We'll stop there. Okay, so this is the actual first time you see them interacting with each other. But you know what's kind of. What's your feeling about this right now? Like, are we in like, high literature territories with this. With this play? No.

[Thomas Magbee]

He thinks she's hot.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes, I Mean, that's what it boils down to.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's not like, oh, I love your personality and I could talk to you for a long time. It's like, she's, you know, she's a dime.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, we don't have this, like, rival factions thing. Like, there's nothing. Like, it's just a love story, Right? It's just a generic boy meets girl.

[Graham Donaldson]

How unlike a pumpkin.

[AJ Hannahburg]

The nicest thing you can say about.

[Thomas Magbee]

Her, I mean, if I know one way to woo a girl is fill.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Up a water bucket. And that water bucket ends up being pretty important. So we'll get. That's where we get to later. But. And, you know, the extent of their relationship is like Sistratos offering to help her with this. Fill up a pot of water. Right? Like, that's how much they've talked to each other or how much they know each other. You were the one talking about the frozen plot of, like, the guy and girl meeting each other and falling immediately in love and it going poorly is like, that's how every one of these should go, right?

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

But sometimes it works out, you know?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Sometimes it works out.

[Thomas Magbee]

Sometimes hot people are great.

[Graham Donaldson]

Cool.

[AJ Hannahburg]

There's your quote for the episode.

[Thomas Magbee]

Cool.

[Graham Donaldson]

All right, so there's a T shirt.

[AJ Hannahburg]

There's your T shirt.

[Thomas Magbee]

Sometimes hot people are great.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, that's like. It's like the Helios's Acolytes of love coming out of my Montelu episode. Do you even remember that I did this episode in this, like, tiny French town?

[Thomas Magbee]

Oh, I totally remember it.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Okay. That's where we created a cult altogether.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, I remember you said, okay, I need you guys. Like, if you're gonna create a cult, do it. And I was like, I've been waiting for this moment my entire life.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah.

[Thomas Magbee]

I'm on this yoga retreat. I got it all planned.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You did talk about that.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah. Speaking of, like, I got. I've been mocking up some merch stuff.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Really?

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, a little bit.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I. I mean, for Helios acolytes of love, or like, for everyone.

[Thomas Magbee]

For. I mean, we can sell to everybody. So I've been trying to get. So I have an image of a meerkat looking up at the moon for a nightmare.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Nightmare.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, that'd be good.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's good. I need to go back and see what happens. Do you remember what episode that was?

[Thomas Magbee]

Not. Not any idea.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I'm sure someone has replied to it with that, but I need to go find that part.

[Thomas Magbee]

So now we'll get a mug that says sometimes hot people are great.

[Graham Donaldson]

Sometimes hot people.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's a good one. Did the. The. The competition last night where someone spliced together clips of. Of our podcast. Did Nightmare show up?

[Thomas Magbee]

I don't think it did, sadly.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's tough.

[Thomas Magbee]

I don't know which episode was back.

[Graham Donaldson]

When AJ was looking for an apartment, we found a really cheap place that was part of a transcendentalist meditation community. Remember that? Yeah, you could. It was a really.

[Thomas Magbee]

Rent was cheap.

[Graham Donaldson]

The rent was super cheap. But you also, like, kind of had to partake in their yurt stuff.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, you had to, like, go to.

[Graham Donaldson]

Morning yoga every now and then.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's not so. But you know what?

[Thomas Magbee]

I didn't really hate for your back.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Right? Like, I'll be pre for you.

[Graham Donaldson]

Anyway, that didn't happen. It was in. Apparently the transcendentalist chose this spot because of the crystals in the hills.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Oh, okay.

[Graham Donaldson]

So there you go. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Thomas Magbee]

You know the. The Austin Wizard School, when you go to the website, the first thing it says is, not a cult.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Like, this is.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's not. We are not a cult.

[AJ Hannahburg]

What if you have to say that?

[Thomas Magbee]

Every video I've ever seen has been like, listen, we're not a cult. Every single one is so funny.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Really funny. Is there a reason for the name if it.

[Graham Donaldson]

Well, first of all, they're not a cult.

[Thomas Magbee]

You have to understand first that they're not a cult. I think it was just the founder was, you know, an eclectic guy, and it's apparently a pretty dang good business school. It's just definitely not a cult. But it's one of those things that's like, me thinks she doth protest too much. You know, like, if you keep on having to insist you're not a cult, like, you might be a little culty.

[AJ Hannahburg]

All right, anything else from this? We've mostly done the first act, and we'll skip acts two through four, essentially. We'll do a little bit of four maybe, but. Yeah. Anything else that sticks out? Just comparing it either to other plays that we've read. Again, for Aristophanes. Anything else that. That sticks out?

[Graham Donaldson]

It feels similar to, like, you know, the humor and the curt little phrases, you know, that we don't have these long, flowing prose. Although every now and then you'll have this big monologue, but it's usually these little quick little back and forth.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That part is very similar. It's a lot cleaner than the other stuff that we.

[Graham Donaldson]

So far.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yes. And even I'm trying to think of what is cut out. There's some language stuff that we'll skip over in this middle section, but by and large it's not nearly as difficult to edit around as some of those Aristophanes plays. And there's just something like, very familiar about this of by the time you're getting into new comedy, you really are in the world of like archetypes of like the old curmudgeonly dad who doesn't want to marry off his daughter. They give him a name, right? They call him Naaman or Neiman, whatever. But that's an archetype, right?

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, I've seen a thousand movies where it's like some blue collar, grouchy dad and he's got a hot daughter that he doesn't want, you know, running around town.

[AJ Hannahburg]

The young man falling in love with the young woman, them wanting to get married. Even the plot of like the father not approving and doesn't want them to get married. This is all very standard stuff that we're working with here. And this is kind of a. That's like a general attribute for this new comedy, for these later comedies that instead of getting this like, again, the biting satire we got from the old comedy, you get more into kind of the familiar. And you'll see people talk about this as an analog to a sitcom, right? Like I could imagine turning this on and watching this today, right?

[Graham Donaldson]

They're not going to send this play, right? Like the Athenians aren't going to send them into exile because of this like biting satire.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And you get the sense that there are people who were like, ready for this of like it kind of got exhausting to go to the, to go watch theater and like every time had to be. You're up to date on politics, you know, all the names and references. Like there's something easy, there's something like pleasant about like a National Lampoon. Yeah, right. It's not far off from what this is. So that's just to notice differences between these. So we skip over in the middle, we are introduced to a few additional characters, the most important of which will be. So Naaman's daughter is not named. She's the girl is what she'll be called throughout this Naaman we mentioned, had a son by his previous marriage and his name is Gorgeous. So how do you like that? And he will show up, he will play a prominent role in this play. Many of the other parts that we just completely will skip over. There's a subplot I mentioned. There's.

[Graham Donaldson]

It's his stepson.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Right, Stepson, yeah. So son by his previous marriage. Right, the wife that.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, well, stepson. So he married a woman who already had a kid.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I think it's not stepson. I think it's his. Oh, yes, sorry. Yeah. She had the son. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. And in the middle we're going to skip over again these subplots. There's this cook who can't find a cooking pot, asks for one from Naaman. Naaman beats this person up with a cooking pot instead of giving it. Thank you. That's the right response. Thank you. Good. Maybe I'm skipping over the wrong parts, but didn't this happen in Cloud cuckoo land too? Where. Or in the birds, where there was all the people who wanted to like, grift the new city. And you played someone, AJ who was like trying to be the oracle for the city or something like that. I think he got beat up a lot too, but okay, so we meet some new characters, but it's mostly kind of side stories that are meant to be entertaining, but they don't really move along. This main plot of Sostratos wanting to marry Naaman's daughter, I think the one there's this exchange between Sostratos and Gorgias where Sostratos is kind of a. He's a city boy.

[Graham Donaldson]

He's.

[AJ Hannahburg]

He doesn't work in the field. His hands are soft, all that. And Gorgeous tells him that, like, if you really want to impress Neyman, you need to go work. You need to be out in the field. You need to do something that is going to show him that you're. That you're tough. I think that'll play in with this next part here. Let's. Let's actually start at the beginning of Act 4. So this is page 27 of the play. It's page 15 of the PDF and we will start there. Are y'all both there? Okay, so it's line 620 again. Page 15 of the PDF. Let me know when y'all are there.

[Thomas Magbee]

Page 15. We see page.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yep.

[Graham Donaldson]

Ready.

[Thomas Magbee]

Page what?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Page 15 of the PDF, page 27 of the play.

[Thomas Magbee]

And line 620.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, so right there at the beginning. So we have. What'd you say? Simike? How would you say that for the.

[Thomas Magbee]

I don't know.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Cool. Sounds good to me.

[Thomas Magbee]

Smoochie.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You want to call her Smeechee? You want to call her Smoochie?

[Graham Donaldson]

Simeke.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Simike sounds good. Simike is Naaman's servant. There was a reference earlier to this old woman who answered the door when someone knocked on Naaman's door? That's Simike, who was answering. So this is an older servant of Naaman's. And Simike will be talking with Sicon is that cook who is looking for a pot that I mentioned before. So an old servant for a grumpy man. Oh, it can be. Simike, you are a lady. And Sikon, you're going to be a cook. You got it, Ayjay. Okay, so Simike runs out of Naaman's.

[Graham Donaldson]

House shrieking, won't somebody help. Oh, misery.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Help.

[Graham Donaldson]

Help.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Ciken comes out of the shrine, grumbling.

[Unnamed Guest]

Good Lord. By all the gods and spirits, please let us get on with making our libations. You wail, abuse us, beat us up. A most extraordinary house.

[Graham Donaldson]

My master's down the well.

[Unnamed Guest]

How's that?

[Graham Donaldson]

He. How?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Just love that. Sorry.

[Graham Donaldson]

He was climbing down to get the fork and bucket out, when at the top he slipped and so he's fallen in.

[Unnamed Guest]

You mean that difficult old Soda? Good Lord, he's done. Well, my dear old woman, it's up to you.

[Graham Donaldson]

What do you mean?

[Unnamed Guest]

Get a mortar or a rock or some such thing and drop it on him from above.

[Graham Donaldson]

Dear friend, go down the well.

[Unnamed Guest]

My goodness. To suffer what the man did in the story. To fight the dog in the well. No thanks.

[Graham Donaldson]

Where are you, gorgeous?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Enter Gorgeous from the shrine. I guess that's I'm here. What is the matter, Simike?

[Graham Donaldson]

You ask me what? I'll tell you again. My masters of the well.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Here, Sistratos, come out. Lead on.

[Thomas Magbee]

Enter Sistratos from the shrine.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Lead on. And quickly go inside.

[Thomas Magbee]

Exit Gorgeous, Sostratos and Simike into Nimon's house. Sicon is left alone on the stage.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We don't need to do this part. So. So.

[Thomas Magbee]

I mean, it seems kind of funny.

[AJ Hannahburg]

You want to go for it?

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

The gods Exist by Dionysus. Yes. You don't give us a stewing pot.

[Thomas Magbee]

When we are sacrificing.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're too mean for that, you wicked rogue. Then fall into the well and drink it dry, so you can't give a drop to anyone. The nymphs have punished him for me, as he deserved. No one can wrong a cook and get away scot free. Our art is somehow sacred. But waiters, you can treat just as you like.

[Thomas Magbee]

We can stop there.

[AJ Hannahburg]

We should probably keep it going.

[Thomas Magbee]

Keep going?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, because this will resolve quickly. So. Sicon cries off stage.

[Unnamed Guest]

What? Surely he's not dead. Some girl is weeping and bewailing her beloved dad.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Lacuna four lines. Oh. So this script will indicate where there's uncertainty of what the words are. So we can see that because we're reading it so those things that are in italics, it's not for emphasis. It's because they filled in words. So you can keep going with that's no concern.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's no concern of mine.

[AJ Hannahburg]

More cries off stage.

[Unnamed Guest]

He must still be alive. Perhaps someone's gone right down the well to rescue him. They'll tie him to a piece of rope and so they'll haul him up, that's obvious. Oh, what a sight. What do you think he'll look like then? Soaked in the skin to the skin and trembling. What a joke. I'd love to see him, friends. By God, I would.

[AJ Hannahburg]

He shouts to the women inside the shrine.

[Unnamed Guest]

But women pour libations for their sake and pray the old man's rescue may go wrong and leave him lame and crippled. For that way he'll be a harmless neighbor to Pan here and to the folk who come to sacrifice. That's my concern too, if I'm hired to cook.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Exits icon into the shrine, enters Ostratos from Naaman's house and addresses the audience. Graham, do you want to reprise Friends.

[Graham Donaldson]

By Demeter, by Asclepios, by all the gods. I never in my life have seen a man so nearly drowned and so conveniently. What fun it is to watch for Gorgeous, the moment we went in, leapt down into the well. The girl and I on top, did nothing. What were we to do? Except she tore her hair and wept and beat her breast like mad. And I, the fool I was, stood by her like her nurse and begged and praised her not to, gazing at that priceless work of art.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Everyone wants this man to die, right? It's just.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah, but I care less than nothing for the casualties below. Except I had to keep on pulling him. That really was a bore. And God, I nearly sent him to his death. Three times at least. As I was gazing at the girl, I let the rope Gorgeous, however, proved a true atlas, held firm and finally has hauled him up. When he emerged, I came out here because I could control myself no longer, but almost dashed up and kissed the girl. I am in love so desperately. I'm getting ready now. They're rattling at the door.

[Thomas Magbee]

The door opens and Nimon is wheeled out on a couch by Gorgias and the girl.

[Graham Donaldson]

God help me. What an extraordinary sight.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Let's see. I can do Gorgeous, you're Naaman, and then Sastrata's. Sure, okay, sure. Naaman, say if there's anything you want.

[Unnamed Guest]

What should I say? I'm not too good.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Oh, do cheer up.

[Unnamed Guest]

I have cheered up, for Naaman will now cease to give you trouble for all time to come.

[AJ Hannahburg]

This is the evil consequence, you know, of isolation. Do you see? Just now you were within a hair's breadth of your death. From now on then, at your age, you must live with someone to look after you.

[Unnamed Guest]

I know I'm not so well. Call me your mother, Gorgias, and say it's urgent. Troubles alone, it seems, can teach us.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Exit Gorgias to his house to fetch his mother. Naaman appeals to his daughter.

[Unnamed Guest]

Dear daughter, please hold me tight and help me up.

[AJ Hannahburg]

So Stratus, seeing the girl putting her arms around Naaman, is madly jealous and comes forward.

[Graham Donaldson]

Oh, lucky man.

[Unnamed Guest]

Why are you standing there beside me, you wretched man?

[AJ Hannahburg]

Stratus retires to the back of the stage. Gorgeous and his mother enter while Naaman stands to make his harangue, supported by his daughter. And then this we there, some of this is missing is all that the next stage direction says.

[Unnamed Guest]

Listen, all of you stand around me while I tell you what I want. In the past I worked my heart out and I like to work alone. Neighbors seldom came to help me, so I managed by myself. Gradually I came to realize I was better on my own. Loneliness became habitual. I would rather die than change. Death is welcome. If you cannot live the way you want to do. Hear then what I have decided. Myrreny and Gorgias, you perhaps may not approve of what I have chosen. All the same, none of you could ever make me change my mind. You must give way. One mistake perhaps I did make thought myself alone of all self sufficient, never needing anything from anyone. Now I see that death may strike one swift and unpredictable. And so I found how wrong I was then. Surely one must always have someone near to help him. But truly I was quite unbalanced. Then when I saw the two men's lives differed. Profit was their only goal. I imagined no one ever would show kindness to another. This is this it was that caused my blindness. Now one man and one alone Gorgeous has proved my error, showing true nobility. I'm the man who never let him near my door. Who never gave him any help at all, who never greeted, never spoke with courtesy. All the same, it's. He has saved me.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Me.

[Unnamed Guest]

No. Any other man, quite fairly, might have said, you don't let me near. Now I'll come. Not come near you. You yourself have never helped us. Now I'll give no help to you.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Gorgeous shows signs of wanting to intervene.

[Unnamed Guest]

What's the matter, my boy? So whether I am now about to die, which I think is very likely, I seem ill or survive. I adopt you as my son, boy. All I consider yours. I entrust my daughter to you. You must find a husband for her. Even if my health were perfect, I'd not find one. None would ever satisfy me. As for Nimon, if I live, then let me live as I wish. All else, take over. Manage things yourself. You are sensible, thank God. And care for your own sister. As you should split into two my possessions. Give one half to her as a dowry with the rest support your mother and myself. So much for that.

[Thomas Magbee]

To his daughter lie me down.

[Unnamed Guest]

I hold that no one should say more than he needs must. This however you must know, boy, certain things I wish to say of myself and my way of living. If all men behaved like me, law courts would exist no longer. Men would no more haul each other off to prison. War would cease. Then all would live content with less. But perhaps you find more pleasure in your present ways. Good luck. This bad tempered misanthrope will no longer be in your way.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And that's. We're getting close on time, so I'll. That's kind of. There's another act after this, but that is the main part of it that Naaman changes, right? He has this near death experience. We say he's saved by Sistratus. And Gorgeous. He's really saved by Gorgeous, right? Gorgeous goes down the well, he drops.

[Thomas Magbee]

The rope a couple times.

[AJ Hannahburg]

He's like he's batting eyes at the girl that he's in love with. But Gorgeous gets him back up. And Naaman just realizes that he's been a misanthrope all his life and he changes his ways and he gives his wealth away instead of hoarding it up, which is what he's done all of his life. And a part of that is he in. He kind of. It's like power of attorney, right? He gives Gorgeous this ability to say what is done with the same authority Naaman would have. And that includes finding a wife for his daughter. I'm sorry. Finding a husband for his daughter. And so, as you might imagine, the next part is then Sostratus cozying up to Gorgias.

[Graham Donaldson]

Hey buddy. Remember when we got your dad out of the well?

[Thomas Magbee]

I was gonna say it might have been more convenient for the three ghosts if they just hucked Ebenezer Scrooge. Ebenezer Scrooge down a well instead of.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Going through all the Ghosts and everything.

[Thomas Magbee]

Figure it out, guy. I mean this is essentially just the Christmas Carol with a well.

[AJ Hannahburg]

With a well instead of ghosts. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you're exactly right.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's much more efficient.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah. And so what do we end with? We end with a wedding. We end with Sistratos getting with Naaman's daughter. Gorgeous. Also ends up marrying the sister of Sestratos who I think comes out of nowhere.

[Thomas Magbee]

Oh, cool.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And there's this thing about finding a dowry for everyone and everyone gets a dowry and everyone gets married. We end with a double wedding and Naaman has to be dragged to the wedding to dance. He's like pulled in and enforced to dance at his daughter's wedding. And that's the end of it. I mean that's like the feel good story, right?

[Thomas Magbee]

It ends with a wedding. Just like a comedy should.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Just like it should. It's like. Yeah, it's. That's the Shakespeare thing, right?

[Thomas Magbee]

That they all end in all comedies and weddings.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah. So what do you think? Let's. A couple minutes left here.

[Graham Donaldson]

Like, what was that line that he said? If everyone lived like me, we would have no war.

[Thomas Magbee]

Yeah, because nobody's messing with. Everyone would be content with less. We'd never have wars. Nobody would haul each other. We need to have no need for courts.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, I love that line because that's how you feel if more people were like me.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah, if everyone. What was it? If anyone spoke.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, I can't find it now, but it's around 7:40. A little after that.

[Graham Donaldson]

But if everybody. Oh yes, here it is.

[Thomas Magbee]

Everyone was completely self sufficient, we'd have no other need. But the problem is he really likes his land and doesn't like people on it. And so if there's ever confusion about land, well, there'd be a problem.

[AJ Hannahburg]

But if you avoid people, it's not so bad.

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah, if all men behave like me, law courts would no longer would exist. No longer, men would no more haul each other off to prison. War would cease. Then all would live content with less.

[AJ Hannahburg]

I think the Grouchees are onto something good.

[Thomas Magbee]

You ever read a book called the Great Divorce there? You ever wiggled near that one?

[Graham Donaldson]

Yeah, fair point. Actually, it's literally open on my nightstand right now, so.

[Thomas Magbee]

So in the Great Divorce in hell, everyone hates everyone else, so they keep on moving further and further and further out. And so it's this giant sprawling city and because you don't actually have to get any resources, you can just create stuff with your mind. Nobody has to live near each other. So I think this is what Naimon is finding out. Like, in theory, yeah, it's great to not have to mess with your neighbors, but then you fall down a well, and then you need neighbors.

[Graham Donaldson]

In reality, you need people.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Because what he was operating from, this is his line. Earlier, I was quite in balance. Then when I saw though men's lives differed, profit was their only goal. I imagined no one ever would show kindness to another. This, it was that caused my blindness. So there's something early on and we don't have to psychologize it, but, like, yeah, we do. We're a podcast.

[Thomas Magbee]

We talked about what this whole thing is about.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Cool. But that is Naaman's problem, is he thinks that, like, no one will ever do a good thing for another. And Gorgeous literally risks his life for Naaman. Right. Like, and there's no. Gorgias is not promised anything for that. He just risks his life to save his stepfather. Is that what we said before? And that's what, like, breaks through, is this, like, great act that shows Naaman his core assumption that led to his grumpiness was entirely wrong, and then it changes his life. So I also love the part where.

[Graham Donaldson]

The cook's like, it's up to you now you can throw the rock down and finish him off.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Thing is great. So it's a lot of fun. And that's, you know. And again, there's another play and we should check it out and see if it's worth reading as well. But they're entertaining. They're a little less.

[Graham Donaldson]

Or a little less.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Like, there's less to them. Yeah, like, they're entertaining. But I just find it charming that a part of the canon is just a good rom com. A part of the canon is just a sitcom. It's like an early Seinfeld. Right? Like, nothing really happens.

[Thomas Magbee]

It's a show about nothing.

[AJ Hannahburg]

It's a play about nothing. And it's still super entertaining. There's comedic parts to it. And, like, this is one of the few Greek comedies that come to us this many years later.

[Thomas Magbee]

So it's funny that you mentioned Seinfeld, because Niman is awful close to Newman.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Oh, there we go.

[Thomas Magbee]

Newman, Nimon.

[AJ Hannahburg]

That's all I got. It's a fun play. Check it out.

[Graham Donaldson]

Awesome.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Discolos. It's about grouches who fall down Wells and then are no longer grouches.

[Thomas Magbee]

That's great.

[Graham Donaldson]

This has been classical Stuff youf Should Know with Thomas, AJ And Graham, three non grouchy guys. If you want to talk to us, good luck. You can email [e-mail] if you want. We have a Patreon where we do in between episodes, where we do monthly AMAs where we have like a chat thing that we talk about.

[Thomas Magbee]

And this summer Donaldson and I are going on a big journey through the Cotswolds and we're recording a bunch of episodes. So those will be up on our Patreon for our subscribers.

[Graham Donaldson]

Well, we'll have some summer content or maybe the content will come up sort of later in the summer when we're back. We're going to be videoing us doing things and you can follow us on Twitter at Classical Stuff. I can't remember what it is. No one follows us on Twitter. That's not true. Clsscal stuff and where we occasionally tweet and yeah, our website is classical stuff.net.

[AJ Hannahburg]

And do say Patreon.

[Graham Donaldson]

I did say Patreon. So thanks for listening and keep it real.

[AJ Hannahburg]

Yeah, don't be a grouch.

[Graham Donaldson]

Stay away from Wells. Bye.