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Okay, I got the red smoke. Sun runs north and south. West of the smoke. West of the smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Oh, wait a minute. Give it to me. I mean, it cleared hot coffee cleared hot. What's going on, everybody? We're back. Today, traditional full auto Friday. My dad just hit me up. Was it yesterday? Earlier this week, saying he would like to do another episode. So I think next week we're gonna do that. And then I've had a few people request an episode with my dad and my wife Leah. And of course, Michael would be in the room as well. That's about as far as I can push it. Getting out of control with my pops. No idea where that kind of episode would go. But today, traditional Q and A. Next week, I think, yeah, we'll get old Dick Broom actual in here. But for this week, let's get through it. Question one. This is kind of coming out of the most recent news. What are your opinions on the Rob O' Neill lawsuit? And would you ever get any Two2SAS guys on the podcast? The easy part of this Two2SAS. Yes, absolutely. Open invite for anybody with that background that may want to travel to Montana for a day and do an episode. Love to have you on. That's an easy one. The Rob o' Neal lawsuit. Okay. I just yesterday recorded an episode with Brent Tucker, formerly of the Anti Hero podcast. Now he has his own podcast, the Tier One podcast. A variety of brands, frcc, coffee. There's some cigars associated with that. Some. I think it was bourbon. Might be whiskey associated with that as well. But he is the man who is on the receiving end of the lawsuit from Rob o'. Neill. Haven't read the lawsuit. Saw a headline. We talked about it on the show. That'll be out in a couple weeks. I will, to the best of my ability. I think it's a defamation lawsuit. I don't know, slander, whatever it may be. Rob is suing Brent for $25 million, saying that he has been wronged, has lost income, drastic amounts of income, because Brent has done at least one episode, potentially has talked about it on more than one. Around the topic of whether or not Rob's narrative about being the man who killed Osama bin Laden is accurate. That is my description of having not read the lawsuit. The wave tops of my understanding of what's going on. I have been asked about this particular incident or objective. Neptune spear was the name of the objective for years, and I always say exactly the same thing. And I'll start with it here, just so people understand where I am coming from. And, Rob, if you want to sue me for saying this, by all means, go ahead. I'm literally repeating things that other people have said to me. And I always leave it up to the individual to make up their own mind. Mind. But it starts with this. I wasn't there. I wasn't on target. I was in the military at the time. I was no longer at that command. No insight or information at that time. But I did know and do know other people that were still at the command and people that were on that objective. And what I have consistently said is this in my conversations with them. People that I deeply respect, that I trust. And I have no reason to question what they would tell me. And what they have told me has been in private, not in public. So I don't know why they would have any reason to conspire together to make this up, because this is more than one person that I've spoken to. But yet what they told me was the same. And what they told me is that their version, what they witnessed, what they experienced, does not align with Rob's story. Now, that is not me saying whether or not Rob is a liar. I am repeating what people who were there have told me. The reality is this. I don't know, because I wasn't there. An even deeper reality, and maybe this is just me, is that I don't care. I don't care who killed Osama bin Laden. I don't care if every single person on target shot him. It doesn't matter to me. It was a strategically important objective. Today's episode is brought to you by Firecracker Farm. If you have not heard me talking about this, hot salt, spicy salt, if you will, then I don't know what to tell you, because I talk about it on Change Agents. I talk about it on this show. I use it all the time. This stuff is legit. I put it on meat, I put it on vegetables. I put it on rice recently. And I'll just go right out of the gate and say this. They're vanilla salt, which might sound interesting. And it's got heat with it, too. It's not like just traditional salt and vanilla. Vanilla salt with a little bit of kick. My goodness. I put it on everything. It's fantastic. All right, so what is this stuff? It's coarse sea salt that has been infused with hot pepper for the perfect heat and flavor. Has both heat and flavor. Don't worry. You are in complete control, because look at this thing. This is the device that it comes in for the video crowd. You guys can see this. It's a little push button. I'll put some in the palm of my hand. You have complete and total control of how much of this you put on your food. Put it on everything. And I'm telling you, report back to Alex what you think. It changes the flavor profile of your meals. One of the coolest things about this is that it's a small family brand. This is Alex and his family. They grow the peppers and they make this in small batches on their farm. He's all in. Like, this dude is completely in on this product. So if you like to cook, if you like spice, if you like to eat good food, or you just need a gift idea, let's start thinking about this. This. Guess what? This fits in stocking. That's right. They have a buddy batch and limited runs. They sell out very quickly. So consider yourself on notice. Go to Firecracker Farm. That's right. That is Firecracker Farm. You can use the code cleared hot for a discount at checkout. Firecracker Farm Farm links right down in the show notes. Any of the JSOC Tier 1 squadrons that were tasked with that would have had mission success on that target. It fell to the command and the squadron that it did. But any other Tier one squadron would have also been successful. I care that it happened. I'm glad that the dude no longer is consuming oxygen, but that's kind of the limit to me. It doesn't matter who is associated or attributed with the final shots that might have killed Osama bin Laden. And again, maybe that's just me, because those things to me just don't matter. I can understand why others may be more interested in it, may have a more emotional attachment to it, but I guess that's neither here nor. Nor there. The lawsuit, To a degree, I don't understand it because it's civil, not criminal to my understanding. But a lawsuit cuts in two directions. The discovery process, where you can gather information, determine who you are going to subpoena. You can subpoena people, you can depose people. Now, let's say that the same people that I have spoken to were telling me the truth and they get subpoenaed and they get deposed. That isn't going to work out very well for Mr. O'. Neill. And actually, what I think bothers me the most. I don't know if that's the right word. What is unsettling to me the most about this whole thing? And I'm going to roll in Tim Kennedy into this. The situation involving him. What is the most unsettling to me about that situation as well. And the reason I'm combining the two is my concern is exactly the same. It erodes the integrity and validity of all veterans, because in addition to being asked about Tim, in addition to being asked about Rob, one of. I'm not going to say the most common questions that I get, because it's not the most common, but it is common, and it does happen on a relatively frequent interval, which is accelerating. The question I get is, how do I know who to trust? And that's a tough one to answer, especially when there are public situations like this that are blowing up in people's faces because of their own actions. The words that they tried to, that they decided to say, the lies that they decided to tell, the narratives that they decided to spin, the monetary things that came from that, the deals that they work their way into, all of those things when it unwinds, yeah, I'm sure that's a rough mile to walk in that person's shoes. But it also impacts the veteran community equally. That, to me, is more concerning. I think that service in uniform for something greater than yourself is incredibly honorable, regardless of the type of service that you have done. And that service should mean something, and there should be a level of integrity and a level of trust. And I say that knowing that a community of people is, in this case veterans writ large, is a collection of individuals. Not all individuals will always rise to the standard bet for that community, and that's okay. And, you know, when I talk about things like police or government entities or agencies, I try to always say the same thing, that they're, you know, that the individuals falling short of those particular standards do not reflect the greater standards of the community at a whole. But you also can't ignore their actions. And sometimes it gets so loud and so visible and so public that it has a cascading negative effect on everybody else. And I think that's what's happening in the this situation. I would be shocked if it actually goes to court, because I think if it were to go that way in the discovery and the deposition process, some version of a historical, truthful event is going to play itself out. And from the best that I can determine, that's not going to help those who are in the public spectacle currently around this. And that is gonna negatively impact future opportunities way more than somebody doing a podcast episode about the legitimacy or lack thereof of somebody's story. It's a total shit show from what it seems to be. I don't know where you come up with the monetary figure of $25 million. Maybe that's a lawyer thing that they come up with. I don't think it's actually gonna adjudicate itself in court. I don't think it's gonna get that far because it's going to be so messy for the person who filed the lawsuit. But when people ask me my opinion, that's how I feel about it. Do I really. Do I really care? Not really. I only care because of the cascading downstream consequences of anybody else who either came from the seal community or the veteran community or fill in the blank. I don't like seeing things play themselves out that erode integrity and honor. And I've said this so many times, and I said it on the podcast with Brent. People are free to do what they want to with their experiences. Take whatever experiences you have. You have earned the right to do with them what you want. If you decide to do with them things that have potentially negative consequences, that is on you. And I largely have no issue with any direction that somebody wants to go with their experiences until they bump up against the truth. If you start taking your experiences and you deviate from the truth, I have a problem, and I don't have a problem at all with you being held accountable for that. I have no problem at all with that being held to account by being painful economically, socially, et cetera. Because guess what? You wrote that check, now you get to cash it. So on this one, I am on the sidelines. I don't have any insider baseball or information other than honestly repeating the things that I have been told by people who were there. At this point, it's out of my hands. It's actually always been out of my hands because I've always said the same thing. I can only give you, I guess, what would it be? Third hand or secondhand information at that time, and that's it. I make no claims I can just honestly answer based off the information that I was given by people that I immensely trust and respect. How this plays itself out, I don't know. Is this good for the veteran community in any way? Nope. It makes it harder to answer the question, how do I know who to trust? In a. In a section, I believe, of the lawsuit, and this came from Rob's side towards Brent. I believe I saw something along lines of him saying, you know, enough is enough. The veterans attacking veterans. This has to end. Well, I would like to see that end. But who else has the experience, the knowledge and ability to check the veteran community other than veterans? So you can't have your cake and eat it too on this one if you want it to stop. Okay, then stop lying. And I'm not talking about Rob here. I'm talking about if you want to see vets stop coming after other vets, then stop lying about the stuff you did or didn't do. Because that removes the motivation to do that. Are there people out there that are or could be jealous because of somebody else's either platform, position or success? For sure, that happens everywhere. And is there some smack talking that can occur because of that? Yes, absolutely. I'd put that into the oh hey. Welcome to gift wrapping. Whoa. So is Saldana.
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Hey, can you wrap these please?
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Wow. IPhone 17s, you splurged.
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At T Mobile you can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new 17, the center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.
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I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.
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Well, it's better than socks.
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A
So I have to trade in my old phone, right?
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No AT T Mobile there's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.
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Incredible.
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In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my Aunt Rosa.
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Forget that.
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Aunt Liz will be jealous.
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Sounds like my family drama.
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Oh I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey where are you going?
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The holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill credits and four eligible port inside essentials for well qualified customers bought okay + taxes, fees and $35 device connection charge credits ended balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact US Finance Agreement 256 gigabytes $830 required visit t mobile.com well let's be generous and say that that's 50% of it. Well I'd love to see the other 50% go away where vets are checking other vets for being distruthful or dishonest. And the only way for that to happen is for them to stop being in that manner. So maybe if you can stop doing that, that portion of it would happen. So we shall see where this goes. This is more of a popcorn thing for me. Meaning I'm going to pop some popcorn and sit on the sidelines and not want to watch this movie at all. But I'm going to because I guess I'm at least a little bit peripherally attached based off some occupational background from well over a decade ago. But nothing good comes from it. And if I was a betting man, which I'm not, I'm willing to take risks. But I tried never to gamble and this would be gambling. I would put money, a very small amount of money, let's put it. We'll call it a dollar. I'll put a dollar on the fact it never goes to court. I just don't see it doing that. I think the flashlight of truth be a little bit too much scrutiny for some of these parties to handle. And that is all I have to say about that question Numero Dos Andy, I've been listening to the podcast for a long time and I've always wanted to send in a question. So today is the day and I hope that this gets to you. Before my question, I did want to say thank you for taking the time to do these. Truly enjoy listening to all of them and looking forward to hearing a response onto my question on that. I enjoy doing them as well. I like getting the questions. I am honored that people are interested in what my opinion is, especially on things where I don't have any direct experience. And you're actually about to ask me a question where I don't have any direct experience. Maybe some. There's some tangents that have a little bit of parallel nature from my old job and the one that you are entering into. But how could you not be humbled and grateful that people value your opinion enough that they continue to reach out for it? So I take as much joy and entertainment and pleasure out of answering these questions as hopefully people are getting from the responses. The question reads, I'm 28 and recently graduated a police academy. I started my field training at the end of August and I'm about to be on the road by myself. I work at a small department where there is usually only two city guys working at night. I feel like I've learned so much over the past few months, but I can't say I'm not extremely nervous to be out there by myself with it being a small department. A lot of the times I'll be handling these calls all by myself on the busy nights, and I can't help but feel like I'm not ready. I've gotten a lot of compliments on my ability to talk to people and calm down. I'm assume you mean people, which is always nice to hear, but with the broad range of things we deal with, I fear that I will forget how to handle certain calls at times and be left alone to try to sorted out. I find myself struggling to remember things at times and my worry is I'm going to completely mess something up and violate somebody's rights or make an ass out of myself by forgetting how to handle a situation that I never got to experience with my training, my trainer or something I've only had to handle one time prior. I've been trying my best to keep up with everything and be a professional, but I feel like there is still so much to learn and remember. I know they wouldn't put me out there by myself if I wasn't ready, but I just have these concerns because I really do care about the job and I want to do well here. I feel like there's a million and one things to remember and different ways to solve the same problems and I'm struggling with this feeling of am I truly ready and do I really know what I'm doing? So my big question is this, is this something that you have struggled with before and do you have any advice on how to feel more confident in doing a new job that has a lot of things always going on? I want to be the best officer I can be and I aspire to be how some of my colleagues are who seem unfazed by any of the calls we get and always seem to know what they're doing and what's going on. Anyways, thank you for your time and I'm looking forward to response. What a fantastic question. You know, there's a reason why some of your colleagues seem unfazed by any of the calls that they get and they always seem to know what they're doing and what's going on. And that is because they have more experience than you. They have reps. And I tell you what, experience is something that I have never been able to find a way to short circuit or shortcut and I actually don't think you should try to do either of those things. You can watch as many videos as you want, you could attend as many training seminars as you want, you could have coaches, you could do online courses. Whatever it is. There is a difference between academic principles and real world execution of concepts. And the only bridge that I've ever found between those two is reps. And reps take time and that is a tough pill to swallow, especially for somebody who is getting ready to finish their FTO phase and be out there on their own in their own vehicle, whether it's, you know, a police car or sheriff's department vehicle. I can only imagine how that feels. I've never experienced that because the minimum fighting force size in the community I came from was two. And I tell you what is soothing, to be able to look left or right and know that you are at least with somebody else, prepared to confront the potential unknown, whether that be risk or danger or fear or all of those things wrapped up into one delicious dessert. It's way easier knowing that you are going to be working through that with somebody because you have somebody to bounce ideas off at a very minimum and you can draft off of each other. You could pull from their experience and at times they could pull from yours. Now, that option isn't available to you, but I will say this. Remind yourself this. The officers that you mentioned at the tail end of this email that you aspire to be like because they seem unfazed by the calls and they always know what they have going on. They were in your shoes at one point in their career. They successfully made it from that position to where you view them now. And you can do exactly the same thing. Remember that. Remind yourself of that. They made mistakes. They had times and situations where they didn't know what to do. The best advice I can give you on this is controlled the speed as much as possible. And I'm not talking about a vehicle. Don't rush into making a bad decision. If you are uncertain about something, take as much time as possible and as much time as necessary or available to come to the conclusion and decision that you are going to action when you have less experience. Rushing a junior person to a decision making point that is at the limit of their knowledge is a very easy way to push them towards failure. Now I do believe when it comes to training, people should constantly be pushing their limits, right? You should be flirting with failure, succeeding about 80% of the time, failing about 20, taking the lessons learned from that 20%, changing your training and constantly keeping it at that level, understanding your threshold, that's in a training environment, you're about to step out into the real world by yourself. So don't artificially impose a timeline on yourself that forces you to make a bad decision and what you think is a time compressed environment when it's not. I have never walked a single inch in the shoes of a police officer. I consider myself to be fortunate that I am friends with many, and I would say most of them, that I am friends with the Majority of the friends I have in law enforcement are on the tail end of their career, not the beginning. Even though I do know a couple who are on the beginning as well. The ones that you are describing who have an understanding of what is going on and they can maintain their cool, calm collectiveness and they just kind of know what to do. I know how they got there and it's what I said earlier already in this response and it's because of the reps, because of what they've seen over a very expansive period of time. You will become that person if you stick with this, but it just takes that time. I'm also, as I said, I've never walked a single inch in your shoes. I would say for any law enforcement officer who hears this, who has advice in addition to what I'm giving to this person, please put it in the comments because I understand, I think largely the law enforcement role, but I don't understand the exact day to day things that you may be facing. I've never gone through an academy and then into the FTO or field training officer and then been released into the wild on my own. But I feel like there are some listeners who have. So do me a favor, if you hear this and you're in that position, drop something into the comments and if you're the person that wrote this, do me a favor and go look through them for that advice because I bet you it will be more specific to what you are experiencing now. You're talking about unknowingly violating people's rights. You know, in the conversations I've had with my law enforcement friends, they don't know every law at all. You know, I think before the era of driving around with a laptop in your vehicle, I'm pretty sure my friends have told me that they had an actual book of laws, state and federal laws, that if they needed to, they could go back and reference and maybe that would be if they were going to write a ticket. They needed to know exactly what they needed to put on there and what the specific violation was and all of those things. But they never, I've never heard a police officer say to me, oh yeah, I know every single law and every single thing that's going to happen. They can take things up to a point and then what they may need to do is take a little bit more time to research, call to a higher level of authority, call for an additional offer to come to buy them some time tactically so they can keep an eye on a situation while they do some research and I'm sure in this modern era you're back on your computer looking stuff up. I'm assuming they're attached or have a voluminous database of anything that a police officer may need. But again, that goes back to time. From what I can tell, being a law enforcement officer is much more like being a multi tool than it is being a scalpel. A scalpel having a very precise set of roles and responsibilities. Law enforcement, they're precise to a degree. But you might be going to a medical call and then to a crime scene and then to a domestic violence scene and then to an accident scene, all in the span of a couple hours or probably in the span of an hour. Hour. I guess that would be possible too, depending on the call volume where you are. I don't think you have to. I would say there are core competencies of a tree. Let's use an analogy that I think a lot of people could understand. The trunk of the tree as it goes up and then the branches that go out from there. The farther you get to the end of the branches. I think just about everybody, even to include myself in my old job, understood the trunk of the tree very well. We would call it the metals or the mission essential task lists, the things that were our core competencies, the branches. We'd spend a lot of time training on the branches. But the portion that's probably the closest to the trunk, the farther you get out towards the end of the branch, who. I'm going to need a little bit of help. I'm going to need to go slower. I'm going to need to move slower because I'm going to need more information. I'm going to need more time to make a decision and I might need to ask for help. I might need to reference a resource document. And that's exactly what I would recommend for you. Don't sweat the fact that you don't know everything, because that is impossible. I would focus on, to the best of your ability, mastering the fundamentals of what your job is. Largely in the SEAL community, I would say shoot, move and communicate. Three easy words to say. But it's actually quite a lot more than that that could fall under each one of those categories. But if you can master, shoot, move and communicate, you have a playbook with which you can call audibles from. There's no way that you're going to know every single one of the rights available to a citizen of this country. But I bet you, you know the major ones. And I bet you also have an understanding of where you're getting to your own gray area. And that's again where you can put time into your favor. If it's not a tactical situation where somebody is shooting at you or you are in a super dangerous situation, you're pulled over on the side of the road right next to traffic, you know what I'm saying? Like, where there is something legitimately truly pressing you to make decisions in such a compressed time period, don't do it. If you get to a gray area, recognize it first and then take your time and work your way through that. But I think the 80% understanding, like I bet you understand Fifth Amendment rights, I bet you understand Miranda rights, detentions versus arrest, reasonable articulatable suspicion, probable cause. I'm sure you have an understanding of those things. That's great. I would put those, again, having never spent a second as a badge officer of any kind, I would put those into those core competencies. A lot of what you do, there are branches that stem off of that. So take a breath, you're gonna get there. And I bet a lot of the calls that you go to will be defined by their similarities, not their differences. Meaning a slightly different expression, but if you trace it back, it's to the same branch right back to the trunk. So again, if you get anything out of this, my best advice, don't rush unless you are immensely compelled to do so. Put time on your side. Maintain your tactical advantage and your time advantage. Think before you act, think before you move. You're going to be okay. One of these days you will be that officer unknowingly that somebody is looking at. Aspiring to be like. Because you seem unfazed and you always seem to know what you're doing. Remember that as you age in this career and every time that you have a chance to work with, mentor, provide guidance or feedback to a junior officer, do that. Remember how it felt. Don't forget that, and pay that forward. That's all I got for that question. Today's episode is brought to you by Peak. This holiday. While others are chasing the rush, perhaps you could find your sense of calm with Peak. Peak is a luxury wellness brand powered by rare plants and cutting edge ingredients, offering the perfect remedy for the season's hustle and bustle. They're science backed, but botanicals, minerals and vitamins support metabolic function, immune health, sustained energy and radiant skin. In this festive season of joy, choose serenity as the ultimate luxury with Peak. How do you do this? Well, it's called the Pique Pu erh Tease. A living fermented superfood that goes beyond a regular cup of tea. It is a powerhouse of pre, pro and postbiotics that nourishes your gut, boosts metabolism and supports your long term health. The pu erh tea specifically gives your metabolism a natural lift, helping your body burn fat more efficiently and giving you more more energy throughout the day. And each sip is packed with antioxidants that protect your cells, energize you from within and promote healthy aging. For a more vibrant you. I've talked about this product many times and actually I'm targeting a lot of this stuff that I covered. The microbiome density, the gut health, the metabolism. Not really worried about my skin because as you can tell, the wrinkles on my forehead, they are just what they are. But it's been a great addition to my life. I used to be coffee, only now it's both coffee and tea. If you're ready to give it a try and feel the holiday magic and unlock your healthiest glow with the most exciting offer of the season, which is 20% off site wide for life, plus a complimentary exclusive holiday bundle, go to peaklife.com Cleared Hot that is P I Q U E life.com Cleared Hot Try it and start glowing from the inside out. Back to the show. All right, shifting gears. Mr. Stumpf. My oldest of four kids turned 10 this year. He's turning into a young man more quickly than I would like to admit. Man, has there ever been a more true statement? I know exactly how you feel as a man of such advanced age and wisdom. What are your thoughts on the transition from boyhood to manhood? How did you approach this with your sons? What would you do differently? Now? Also, please have Micah Fink on again. I want to hear the saga of the horse named Dick Broom. Micah Fink, arguably the most legendary mustache that I've ever seen. I believe he's still based out in Bozeman. So I will get a hold of Mr. Fink again and we'll have him on. He's got an amazing program. Where to begin on this. The transition from boyhood to manhood begs the question, when does that happen and what does it mean to be a man legally? Right. It's when you go from being 17 to 18 years old. In the eyes of the law, you are an adult. And actually, you know what? That's the term that they use. They don't use the term man or woman. In the eyes of the law, you are a legal adult. And we can of course open this up. I mean, I'll use the term man because that was phrased in this question. But let's, you know, woman to womanhood or. Yeah, yeah, woman to womanhood. Boy to boy or boyhood to manhood? Yeah, I think it equally applies to both. I think that the statistics show and the science shows that women mature more quickly than men. I am not a scientist. I don't wear a white lab cloak ever unless I'm doing a skit, which I've never done one. So I don't know why I just said unless I'm doing a skit because that doesn't happen. But I've been around enough to see that that is pretty much the case. Women do mature quicker than men. And in men, I believe it's 26 to about 29 is that's when your prefrontal cortex actually develops which helps you with your decision making and being a little bit less emphasis on a little bit less of a psychopath. But again, that's eight years after the law considers you to be an adult. So I don't know when the threshold is, but I don't think manhood is actually based on age or a state issued piece of identification card. I think it is who you become, I think it is what you grow and evolve into. And that will have a definition that differs for everybody. And I'm not here to provide a definition of what I think every man should be, but I can think broadly what to me, when I think of myself at now 48 years old, what does it mean to be a man? It means I have my integrity and to me integrity is poor man. The most foundational principle that I think that manhood for myself, again, I'm not going to try to provide this definition for anybody else. To me, when I think of what it means to be a man is that you have your integrity, you have your honor, you tell the truth and you stand up for what you believe to be is right. And again, that definition may vary that what do you believe to be is right from person to person. I'm not here to argue that. I'm more than happy to have that discussion with people and what they consider to be right versus myself. I am just giving you a template of some objectivity or reflection. When I think about this question about being a man, what does it mean? So then I have to ask myself the question, at what age do I feel like I became that person? And the most honest answer I can give is that I am still every day fighting and struggling to do my best to become that person. I constantly am trying to be a better version of myself. And especially when I look back at my earlier years in life, it would be hard to be a worse version of myself. I have treated people poorly, I have made decisions that I wish I hadn't made. I've cut corners, I've cheated. And I'm not thankful that I did those things, but I guess I'm thankful that they have provided me the lessons that they have. What do you do with it? I think is the hard part. And I think that what do you do with it is the journey from boyhood to manhood. And I think that that is a never ending path that you walk. What would I do different? A 10 year old boy, my sons. One is 22, one is 20. What would I do different? I'm going to answer this slightly indirectly. I I am going to tell you what I have done that I think has worked first. One of my principles has always been I don't want to try to push my children towards anything. Sons or daughters or daughter, singular. So instead of asking them what do they want to be, what do they want to do? I ask them what are you interested in? And then I try to support them to the best of my ability in the path that they have decided. And sometimes that shifts like a flagpole in the wind. And that can be frustrating as a parent because you're like, God damn it, last Tuesday you told me you wanted to do this and now you want to do something else. I mean, they are young, their interests vary, and I think it's important to go down pathways that you think you might enjoy and then have to do a U turn because you actually don't. Because the idea of what you wanted to do and the reality of it were two very different things. I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. But. Always having, to the best of your ability, open communication. I have always told my kids that if something comes up, tell me the truth, be honest with me and talk to me. I will be more upset with you about the fact that you lied to me than what it is you lied to me about. And I will always do the best I can to help you, but I can only make good decisions based off of good and accurate information. So maintaining an open and honest dialogue, the ability to talk about anything and everything, drugs, sex, alcohol, relationships, money. Fill in the blank. I am so thankful that I have the ability to do that with my kids. And so many times in my head I have been thinking to myself as they're telling me a story? Will you please just shut up? Because I don't want to hear any more about this. Because you're terrifying me. Because they're being so honest that I'm mortified by what they're telling me. But I'm glad that there is that conduit of information. So those things have worked well for me. What I could have done better, I could have been more present at times. Put the phone down. And when you're spending time with your kids to the best of your ability, do exactly that. Don't be with your kids while doing something else to the best of your ability. And I understand the demands and the enticement of these things that we carry around in our pockets or whatever thing. Everybody's. You know, you're living your life and your kids live in their life as well too, right? Do the best you can to fill the role of what it is that they're looking for. They just need you to be their dad or their mom. So be as present as possible. Go to as many things as possible. And if you make a mistake. Let me rephrase that. When you make a mistake as a parent, don't pretend that it didn't happen. If you lose your cool, you cut somebody off in traffic and you end up flipping them off and just acting like a fool, which we've all done and look forward to doing again perhaps. And your kids are in the car, don't pretend that that didn't happen and don't pretend that it's okay, regardless of what the person did that maybe induced you to take the actions that you did. No, own it, acknowledge it, and address the fact that you fell short of what it is that you wanted to be. And talk about it. Talk through that. Take a mistake and turn it into an example that you can teach your kids from. This is really hard to do. This can be embarrassing and you can worry that your kids might think less of you, but they're not going to. They're going to take that example and I'm telling you right now, it'll have impact in their life at a point in time where you're not there and they're out in the world by themselves and they're gonna remember something that you did or said that they can learn from and they are gonna model that behavior. And you may never know about it, but it could have life altering potential for them in both directions. Meaning the person that is willing to acknowledge their mistakes and do something with it and then the parent who is never at fault who never does anything wrong and everything that happens to them in their life is an external thing, and it's because of this, that or the other. But the finger, although there's one pointing out, there's three pointing back at you, they never address those three. That sets an example, too. And that can also set a trend in behavior. And you gotta ask yourself, how would you. Well, this might be tough for the person that blames everything else in the world, but for those of you out there willing to take an objective look inward, ask yourself, which one of those kids do you want? I want the first example, not the one that blames the world for everything going on and nothing is ever their fault, because that just falls into the category of complete bullshit. Almost everything negative that has happened to me in my life is because of something that I did do. Catastrophes happen outside of your control? Yes. Can you control that? No. Do you have 100% complete control over how you react to it? Yes. You do. And that is the example that you were setting for your kids. So what would I do differently now? I would try to do all of the things that I have just mentioned more. I would try to do all of those things that I have just mentioned better, more consistently, more constantly, and then also take a breath and just realize you are an imperfect person. You will make mistakes. Think about your own parents. Did they always live up to the example of what you thought of them? And think about the difference in how you thought about your parents when you were 10 versus when you were 20, 30, or 40. At some point you realize they are their own individual with their own battles, struggling to do the best that they can. My father now is 78. I am 48. I don't think of him in the same way that I did when I was 8, 40 years ago. And I don't say that negatively at all. What I see more of now is my dad's humanity. I see that he is dealing with the same things that I am, and he has been for longer than I have been. And it allows me to try to find this space sometimes because he's a psychopath, as you guys will see next Friday that you guys all love. When he's on for 30 minutes, I get to deal with him for the 23 hours and 33 minutes when he's not on. The show does some real, real frustrating and goofy things sometimes. But I tell you what, I probably viewed him differently when I was 18 and 28 and 38. And again, none of that is negative. I just now have some of the experiences that he's been fighting through for decades. And it gives me an appreciation for who he is and the example that he said. So do more of those things, be the best version that you can, but also give yourself a little bit of space to realize that you're not perfect either and you never will be. All right, last question for today and then we're going to go off into our weekend. My husband and I are at wit's end with my 25 year old stepson. He was discharged from the army for drinking and weed use. Yes, that's. That is a good way to get discharged from the army. We let him live with us to get back on track under a few simple rules. No substances, get a job, contribute and be respectful. Instead, he refused to work unless it was a high paying IT job with no drug test, relapsed into drinking and weed, became verbally abusive and eventually moved in with a girlfriend. Within a month, she kicked him out. Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Well, also, I don't know what he did in the army, but I'm not going to work unless it's a high paying IT job and no drug test. Who, who do people think that they are? Why do people arrive at this headspace? There's what you want the world to be and then there's what the world actually is. You can get to a place where you could find this job, but I don't know, how about putting some miles in? How about getting some experience? How about putting a few steps in a row to build some momentum to get there? I've just, I don't understand this drastic leap of this is what I am due and I'm not doing anything unless I can have that. I mean, I am, I'm not a wealthy man by any stretch. I am, I hate to even say the word that I am an entrepreneur, I do know own a business and I have a couple different diversified income streams. But it has been a struggle and microscopic steps along the way, some of them backwards, with which you got to dig yourself out of that hole and work your way forward again. But none of that was given to me. And at no point in time did I find it to be beneficial to sit there and say, well, I'm not going to do anything unless all of my criteria are met. Like, dude, put the reps in to earn it first. You won't even appreciate it. If you get everything that you want up. You'll have no appreciation for what you have. So sorry, I was slightly divergent there. Okay. Within a month, she kicked him out. We agreed to pick him up the next morning on the condition that he follow the rules, no drinking or drugs, get a job, clean up after himself, and begin paying rent. Once employed, he and his brother both promised. Months later, he still hasn't applied for a single job. He lied about having income, drove his brother's unregistered car without a license to buy alcohol, and now claims he has no money to contribute. We told him he must pay November and December rent and then leave in January, which is his choice, or leave within 30 days, which will be December 17th. So today is the 20th. So, yeah, less than a month from now, we're certain he will do nothing, then try to guilt us at the last minute by saying he has nowhere to go. His presence has already caused financial issues for his brother, who has previously. Who was previously reliable and lives with us also, but instead of heading in the right direction, is currently heading in the wrong direction. Their biological mother was unfit for most of their lives, but as my husband has stated previously, he adheres to your code of her not having a platform for her own story, meaning he does not negatively talk about her. We have provided multiple chances, extensions and support, but he continues to lie, avoid responsibility and manipulate. What do we do when December 17 arrives and he is still here, still refusing to follow rules and trying to guilt us into letting him stay? How do we hold someone like this accountable? Thank you for all that you do. And P.S. more wean content. I know, right? Is the world. Is it possible to flood the world with too much wean content? And for those of you who think now that I'm talking about a different type of wean, I'm talking about a miniature dachshund or a dockle, as you would say in German, javelin. Our reverse chocolate dapple mini dachshund. That's the wean. For those of you who are thinking something else, take it easy, all right? You're at a 10. I need you at a 4. Okay? To the person that wrote this email, let me give you the shortest, easiest answer that's going to be the hardest to digest. I feel like. My guess is this after you wrote this email to me, or maybe even before you know the answer to this, the answer to this question is right on the nose. And you know what you need to do. This falls into the category of if you change nothing, nothing is going to change. You have set conditions and standards for your stepson. He has shown repetitively that he is unwilling. I'm not going to say unable. This seems to be a clear, demonstrable case of unwilling to do what is being asked of him. And you are setting up another situation, another timeline of which this seems to be one of many that you have said. And you're wondering what's going to happen and what you should do in the likely event that things repeat themselves. I hope that it made you feel better to write this email. I appreciate that you did, but I think you know the answer that I'm about to give you. And I think you know even before you wrote it what that answer was going to be. You actually have to take action. Is that incredibly easy to say and immensely difficult to live? Absolutely. Especially since I'm not the one who has to take these actions. But imagine your response. Let's flip this. You have a friend in your life that is in this situation and they respect you enough to come to you for advice. And they were to say to you the things that you have just said to me in this email. What would your advice be to them? Would it be to provide a comfortable, consequence free environment for the stepson and hope for the best, as clearly you have already done? Is that the advice that you would give a friend or loved one? I don't think it is. Right, but that's the rub here. It's easy to give the advice, it's hard to live it. But what do you need to do if you want your word to mean anything in the future? If you want the boundaries that you set to mean anything going forward, you have to hold them. And that sucks. So what do I think you should do when the 17th comes around eight days before Christmas, right. December 25th? Or is it 24th? God, brain fart in this moment? It's the 25th, right? Sure. If it's not, that's when I'm gonna celebrate it from here on out. What are you gonna do a week before Christmas? You gonna tell him to leave? Yes, that's what I think you should do. Hold him accountable for his actions. Because it seems as if the two times that's happened before, one time in the army and one time with a girlfriend who kicked him out within a month. She held her ground. Where did he go when that happened? Right back to where he felt comfortable. And what did he do when he came back? Continued to do what he wanted to do to feel comfortable. Why is he still able to do that? Because you guys are letting him. And that sucks. Do I want anybody to be homeless? No. Do I want anybody to be booted out of their house and away from their family over Christmas? No. Do I want this person to be better? To figure out who they are? Do I want them to struggle and have to suffer with the consequences of their actions so they can learn from them and change the trajectory of their life? Yes, I do. Is that easy for you? No. But if you don't do it again, I'm not a gambler. If I were to put a dollar on how this is going to go if you don't do anything, I think you would probably even being in this situation, put money on the same side that I would. Because if you don't change anything, nothing is going to change. The hardest thing is going to be for you to. It's because it's not a threat. He didn't threaten him on the 17th. You set the conditions and standards that had to be met or there was going to be an action taken. You need to take that action on the 17th. And then this is the hard part. You need to hold your ground. You're going to question your decision. You're going to feel horrible, you're going to feel guilt, you might feel shame. You're going to feel bad for this person, your husband is as well. You're going to want to change your mind. Especially when they regale you of tales of their suffering and how bad it is and they don't know what to do. Real maybe start acting like a fucking adult and figure it out. Because as long as they are living in your house under rules that you are unwilling to enforce or establish, that isn't going to happen. And that's just going to suck for both of you. But at the end of this, both parties will be better for it. And if you can see the course and this person is able to get their life back on track, it is my suspicion they will thank you for it later. They are not going to thank you for this in the moment and don't expect them to do so. They're going to have anger, hatred, blame, all sorts of things for you. Hold your ground, hold this person accountable and prepare them for the life they are going to experience outside of the basement of your house. You can either do that now or in 10 years when this person is still living there. Both of those are going to suck. I think the 10 year one down the road would suck a little bit more. So when the 17th comes, if you want your word to mean anything, hold it even when it sucks because it's the right thing to do. And as painful as it's going to be for this young man. It is exactly what he needs. That is all I have for this week. See you all on Monday.