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Okay, I got the red smoke. Sun runs north and south. West of the smoke. West of the smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Give it to me. I mean it. Good morning. Wow, it has been a week. It is early, early morning Thursday, the day before this comes out. It's been a while. One went down to Texas, linked up with Mike Ritlin, did an episode of his show. I was on episode 10 early on with him. We repeated that, decided he needs to come back up for another episode as well. So I think I'm gonna have him back on in February. Got back a bunch of podcast stuff scheduled for yesterday. And 50 to 70 knot winds sustained in the Flathead Valley. Hundreds of trees went down, power went out. Yeah. Do you know what's hard to do when the power is out? Record a podcast. And I guess you have a couple options. You can wait for the power company, which they were out there busting their ass. I mean, there was a combination of tree people and power people. And I'm sure they were working together. You could wait for them. You could freak out, which is fun. You should do that a little bit from time to time. Or we ended up MacGyvering it, going to Lowe's, solving with a credit card. Almost everything is solvable with a credit card. Get some generators, some 100 foot extension cables, heavyweight ones that can push some juice. And hook up everything in the studio to generators that are out a window, hidden behind an air conditioning unit on the roof of the building, hoping that it doesn't make too much noise. So we were able to get one done. Yeah. But here we are. It's been a long one. I got a little carafe of coffee. I got a coffee set up in the studio. Now, it's not a big deal, but appropriate size cup for those of you that are audio only. You won't see that this is about the size of a thimble because although I have a coffee setup, I forgot to bring a good coffee mug. Today's episode of the podcast is brought to you by Helix. Still standing. This could be the easiest ad read. I do. I sleep on one of these mattresses every night when I am at my house. Just got back from Texas and in the hotel. Slept okay the first night. The next two toss and turn. Why? It just wasn't what I was used to. My wife and I say this every time we're traveling home. We can't wait to get home. Cause we love our mattress so much. I think I have personally, personally Pur four or five of these mattresses. My kids sleep on these mattresses and there's a reason for it because they are amazing. The best night's sleep that I've ever had. Buying a mattress online can be tough. You don't know what you're getting into. I get the hesitation. What I'll say is this. Helix has an amazing sleep quiz. You can side sleep back sleep, stomach sleep heavier cold or hot or whatever it may be. It's going to lead you towards what their recommendation is. I highly suggest that you follow that and go for that on your initial order. It's going to show up at your house, have a partner with you, move it to where you want it to be, unpack the thing is going to come in a box. You don't think that a mattress could fit in. Get that thing on the bed and don't worry about it if it's not perfect for you. Because guess what, if it isn't, you can return it to Helix and they will send you a different mattress until you find one that is perfect for you. Right now you can get 27% off site wide. You need to head over to helixsleep.com ClearedHot again, 27% off site wide. That's gonna make a massive difference in the purchase price on that thing. That is. Helixsleep.com Cleared hot. H E L I X sleep.com Cleared hot. Back to the show but again, all problems are solvable. I'll go to the coffee shop later today and buy a cup with my credit card. So let's get into this bad boy. A little bit of heavier questions today, but let's just go ahead and dive in. Question one. Here's my question. I'm a police officer with four years on the job. I work in a mid sized city on the east coast and I absolutely love the job. I've trained Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for years prior to law enforcement. Thanks to und Jocko I am on the SWAT team. I get plenty of exercise and I have a great unit around me. I couldn't be more blessed with great coworkers. My home life is wonderful. I have a fantastic fiance and a wonderful family. I couldn't ask for more. That's awesome. By the way, congrats on the fiance. Sounds like you are oriented in the right direction. That's awesome. Despite all of this, I find myself walking around with a lot of hate for anyone that I don't think or feel is a law abiding, good natured citizen. They these thoughts and feelings are reinforced when I see the arrest history of repeat offenders. I deal with the same people committing the same crimes in the same locations over and over. Now I'll stop here and I'm going to say this. This is what I hear from. I guess it's. It would be easier to go the other way. I don't know of a law enforcement officer that I am in contact with that doesn't describe some level of this. I was going to say I hear this from just about everybody I know in that community, but I actually can't think of any of them not telling me something along these lines here. A couple of my buddies call them just repeat offenders or the revolving door they actually have described that they can tell who it is that they're going to deal with based off of the description over the radio. And that I feel like is a lot of touch points. So I get it. You are not alone in those thoughts for sure. This is in every organization I've talked to. I can't say worldwide because I've definitely only really dealt with police in the US but definitely in the US east coast to west coast, northern states, southern states, everything in between. This can be attributed to judges constantly letting people out on bail. A lot of these individuals are homeless, unemployed, and need to be incarcerated because they're dangerous. They have been provided the resources for help, but they don't want them or don't care. That is another narrative that I hear very often as well. I am completely supportive of providing people the tools necessary or needed to elevate whatever station in life they may be. Maybe that's a place to stay for a period of time. Maybe that's the basics of life. Food, water, shelter, those type of things. An entryway into an occupation, vocational training, addiction recovery, whether it's, you know, liquid substance abuse, drinking alcohol or something even worse. I want those things to exist. But another narrative I also hear not only from law enforcement, who deals with these people quite often, but also people who work in that world, is that it's not a lack of services available. Often I can't speak, you know, in complete totality about this, so I'll speak broadly. It's not a matter of a lack of resources. Many, many people, law enforcement and those working in these, we'll call it counselor, advisor roles, a lot of them associated with 501c3 nonprofits, all of those things. They say the same thing, that some of the people are not interested in any of the services that are offered. They don't care. They know that the Services are available, they'll take advantage of them to the degree that they want to, but then they're right back doing whatever it is they were before. And I get it, it's tough to want more for somebody than they want for themselves. And it's hard to imagine that somebody would rather live on the street or live in a completely chaos filled life then work their way out of that. But it is the reality and I think that's often forgotten. Where I used to live in California, there is a homeless, I don't know what's the word, Problem, crisis, out of control, evolution. I mean we're talking even where I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, haven't been a long time, but it's a temperate climate, it's a permissive environment for people. In that situation. We're talking full on encampments and resources available. If people didn't want to live in those encampments, but they exist, it's tough for people to to grasp that concept. Regardless of how much you would want to help somebody, they may not want it. They need it from your eyes, but maybe not from theirs. It's a tough one. These individuals are predatory towards women, publicly urinate and defecate in, on or around people's private homes and or property and are essentially degenerates. They have opted out of being productive members of society and therefore I write them off as derelict pieces of garbage. I arrest as many as possible. In my mind no law abiding citizen or family should be subject to live or work around such behavior. There's a lot of government housing in my area of responsibility as well. This leads to the inevitable gang activity, baby mama drama, shootings, narcotics trafficking, juvenile crime and all other things that come along with projects. Some of these are run by the city and county governments, while others are section 8. I feel the same towards individuals who live in this area. The city I work in has a very, very high cost of living. My fiance and I have to work very hard to afford an apartment that's within a reasonable distance from our jobs. Yet unemployed repeat offenders live off government assistance their whole lives and they br brag about it. I wanted to say that it's not fair, but I know the fair is in Ohio and it has corn dogs and funnel cakes. There might be one in Ohio, but I believe the largest fair is in Iowa. So let's get our facts straight on that one officer. Unemployed, able bodied, working age individuals who repeatedly commit felonies are allowed to walk around in the same society and community as Mothers, sons, sisters, daughters, grandparents, et cetera. I see the things these individuals have been arrested for and convicted of. They are released right back into society once again. They have opted out of civilized society and I write them off as garbage. That is almost subhuman. Good, average, everyday Americans should not have to share society with a person out on bond for a homicide who, while on bond and wearing an ankle monitor, continues to victimize other innocent Americans. Is there something wrong with me? A part of me thinks I am going insane. Another part of me thinks that the hatred is good because it motivates me to make arrests, do right by victims, protect soc society from degeneracy, and do my job effectively. Am I right or wrong for viewing criminals as the enemy? In my own head? I am doing everything by the book. I am not incapable of mercy or discretion. I have fantastic relationships within all communities in my area of responsibility. I just fucking despise criminals with all of my being. I have heard in war that you demonize the enemy to make them subhuman. Is this something you have felt before? Do you still hate the enemy? I don't even know if this is something I can talk to a professional about because I'm not sure it's a mental health issue. I know this is a lot, and There are like 15 questions in there. Thank you very much for your time and energy. Wow, there's a bit to chew on there. Okay, we'll take this one in reverse, guys. Thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree. Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Live with your legs, man. Santa. Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not. Of course he did. Right, Santa, you know my elf Drewski here, He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six' three. 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Visit t mobile.com I have heard in war that you demonize the enemy to make them subhuman. Is this something that you have felt before? Do you still hate the enemy? No, is the answer to that question. And I would say, you know my experiences in life, my n is 1. I can talk about my own experiences. I can't speak for anybody else. I certainly don't speak for the military or the SEAL community. I don't ever remember an attempt by anyone to demoralize the people that we were targeting. And you could interchangeably use people that we're targeting or enemy. Whatever vernacular floats your boat, whatever tightens your screws. We were professional soldiers and oftentimes that's lost because you're going to see people walking around off duty in board shorts and flip flops with sunglasses and their hair's probably out of rags and probably haven't shaved when they should. And people will think, what a ragtag bunch of misfits. They must be incredibly undisciplined. How could they ever have that job? And I get that optic and I have empathy for the officers that were closely trying to rein that in because I was one of those guys that would flirt with that at times as well. But then also I had a period of almost four years where I could look like whatever I wanted to so people could piss off during that four year time period, however, don't confuse an outward perception with discipline and professionalism. You put your game day suit on and I worked with the most professional individuals, the highest caliber of professionals that I've ever been around in my entire life. And there's no reason to demonize anybody or anything because it's a job, it's an occupation. I understood the left and right boundaries. I understood what I was there for. I had buy in on the mission and the why. And I went and did my job to the best of my ability. And I didn't hate my enemy. Do I hate the ideology of who I would say is on the other side of the chessboard? Yes, I hate the ideology. It is my belief that that belief is insidious and destructive and not commensurate with society. That's my belief. Guess what? Their belief is probably the opposite of that. I didn't hate the people that we were fighting because at the end of the day I have respect for Somebody who is willing to risk everything up to and including their life for what they believe in. How can you not respect somebody, wherever you are in the world, regardless of what their beliefs are? And I'm not saying you have to respect their beliefs. I am saying I respect the fact that anybody is willing to go to that point and fight for what they believe in. I'm not saying all beliefs, in my opinion, are created equal. I don't think all beliefs should be permeated throughout the world because like I said, I believe some of them to be insidious and dangerous and predatory and all of those things wrapped up together. And for some beliefs that are like that, I don't know of a way to stop it in its tracks other than to shut the lights off. You're not going to educate or argue people who have been radicalized off of the edge. I'm sorry, I know that that's a concept. Maybe if you catch them earlier in life before they become that radicalized, it may work. But at some point in time, it's going to come down to individuals or groups with their toes on the line, and you're going to bang it out. And I'm sorry, I respect somebody who is willing to do that. Again, I don't respect the person. I don't respect the ideology, but I respect the fact that they're willing to do that. And hate doesn't help any aspect of that. Hate is not going to help you in your role in law enforcement. And I need you to take a step back here for a second and realize, and I suspect you probably do realize this, but imagine that you are a teabag, right? For the men out there, they're laughing because they're like, yeah, I'll teabag somebody. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about a set of Adriatic goggles here, Okay. I am talking about, like one of the sponsors I've talked about on the show many times. Peak. Even though that's a horrible example because they don't actually use bags of tea. Right there. There's is a. A mixable. I think people are getting the point, though. A traditional. Call it an Earl Gray, a very traditional English tea. If you put it in water and you just dip it in there, it'll change the color a little bit. But if you put it in there for hours, it is going to steep and it is going to become a darker and darker and darker and darker color of water. Is it still water chemically? Sure. Are there a lot of additives to that? Is the taste going to be different? Is it going to be changed because of the amount of time they spent in that environment? The tea. Yes, you are the teabagra in this situation. You are the person. Your occupation is unique in the fact that you constantly interface with these people. And that is going to have an impact on you. That is going to have an impact on the way that you view the world, the way that you view humanity. Because you are seeing a side of the coin of humanity that almost nobody does. And you're seeing it at such a level so consistently, so constantly. How could it not change your perspective now? If you recognize that's happening, that's a good thing, right? Understanding where you are and maybe why you are starting to feel this way is a good thing. Letting that turn into hate is not going to help you. And I'll say this as well, and this is true of people in the military as well. You're not Batman, okay? You're not some comic book character archetype that is designed and on earth to right all wrongs and solve all problems. It is your job to do your job, which in the role of law enforcement. You know, a lot of times on the car it says protect and serve. That's a motto. And I'm glad that that is the motto for a lot of law enforcement organizations. But your job is actually to uphold and enforce the law and if you can, keep it in those boundaries. And again, the reason I said that to the military as well is you're not wearing a cape and shield either in the military. You have a job. You have a role. It is your job to execute that role to the best of your ability. It is not your job if you're at a tactical level to solve strategic problems. It is not your job at a tactical level to speak for everybody else in the military. At an operational level or a strategic level. It is your job to do your job. It is easy, I think, to fall into a place of hatred if you let the environment start to take control of you and your thought process. You need to go the other way with that. You need to take control of yourself. You need to maintain control of yourself and do the best you can to limit what that environment is able to do to you. Now you said, I don't think I can talk to a professional about this because I'm not sure it's a mental health issue. My suggestion to you is this. Find somebody, talk to them about this and let them be the deciding factor on that. Let somebody who is A professional. And I'm not saying this is a mental health issue, but this is an issue that is affecting your mentality. It is affecting the way that you think and feel and potentially even believe. Let somebody who's an expert in those things be the deciding factor as to whether or not you should discuss this. Also, do you have somebody that you work with? I know you've only been on the job for four years, but do you have a mentor or somebody in the department that you could talk to about this? I am telling you right now, you are not the only person that is dealing with this. You're not the only person that is feeling this way. And I bet you if you talk to somebody who's been on the job for eight years or 12 years or 16, right, multiples of how long you have been, those people may help you reorient your optic a little bit to maybe they have some strategies that help them deal with this as well. Because the last thing that I want for you is to lose your humanity. And it's an incremental slippery slope. The military is gallows humor, dark humor for sure. There's almost no time that is too soon to make a joke even about the most horrendous things. And I know it's like that in law enforcement. Well, there's, there's. Occupations are defined by their similarities and not by their differences. But that can also be taken too far. You can become far too callous. You actually can stop caring. And at the end of the day, if you can remember that this is a job and not who you are, you are going to have a life to live with your fiance. Hopefully you'll have some kids, you'll have a family. What do you want to end up being at the end of the day? A callous, shallow, emotional range individual that has hatred for humanity or somebody that when they are on the job, they're able to clock in and be the best version of a police officer, in this case, enforcing the laws to the best of their ability to protecting the citizens like you talked about, doing the best you can. You know, you have access to more information. You, like you said, you get to see the arrest record. You can see the revolving door of the justice system, which that problem is not going to be solved by law enforcement. That problem is going to be solved by citizens who have finally had enough and vote people out or come together and do something that actually changes the system. You're not going to be able to change that as a law enforcement officer. Just for clarity. So your Role in that is to do the best job that you can. Unfortunately, until society gets sick enough of this garbage that we can actually come together, put some differences aside and do something meaningful about this. Because until that happens, you are in a place that I felt like I was in a place, looking back now on my military career, where you're looking at a dam and just like in a cartoon, there's some leaks that are spring. You know, they're springing out. Your job is to put a finger in those holes and, and to stop the flow of water. You're not an architect and you're not a mechanical engineer. You're not a construction company. And that was the same role as military members with boots on the ground. Right? You're doing the best you can in the moment with the tools and information that you have in the hopes that there's a mechanical engineer and architect somewhere trying to figure out a way to build a better bridge or dam or whatever metaphor you would like to use as you are supporting that piece of infrastructure. This may be impossible for you to do. And I, and I. I was actually just having this conversation yesterday. I'm really glad that I am not judged solely on my failures and mistakes in life. And when you are looking up some of these people, you are seeing only their failures and mistakes in life. I am not. I've never once logged onto a computer in a police car. So I don't know exactly what you have access and information to. But I bet you it's not the greatest hits of success in people's lives. It's probably touch points with law enforcement crimes, whether or not they've been to jail, things that have hit radar of law enforcement agencies, which doesn't happen on your best day. That happens on people's worst days or for broken and damaged people that are predatory just on days, because that's who they are. And those people, I agree with you, should be locked up and have the key thrown away, depending obviously on what it is that they did. But you're only seeing the mistakes people have made or the failures. And that doesn't excuse those mistakes or failures. But just remember, it doesn't paint an entire picture of those people. And I have, as I get older in life, I am doing my best to absolutely put myself in other people's shoes. And again, this is not an attempt in any way to excuse behavior. I am a firm, staunch supporter of punishment for crimes. I don't like the idea of revolving door. I don't like the idea, like you said, of people who are, you know, with an ankle monitor, who have already been charged, charged with homicide, out on the streets, you know, being predators towards other people. That, to me, is an indication of a broken system. I'm not talking about that type of person. I'm talking about somebody who is not having a good run in life, who is not making good choices. And I'll just end it with, I'm really glad that I am not judged solely on my mistakes. So just remember that that is what you have. You have the greatest hits of mistakes, not successes. And just remember that these are people as well. It's not your job to solve all the problems. It's your job to enforce the law. You're not Batman. You can take off that cape and cowl, do your job, but do also everything you can to protect your humanity. Because your fiance and your future family is going to need that as well. That's all I got for number one. All right, question number two. Andy, love the podcast, but I have a question. Lately, I've seen a lot of shit talking between special forces members. SEALs, Delta Rangers, even SAS. They all seem to think that one is better than the other. Listen, I'm from Jersey. We kind of invented shit talking. But this doesn't seem tongue in cheek. It seems very personal. Just thought I'd get the opinion of an ex Special Forces guy that seems to have his head on fairly straight. Well, we'll see. And that is up to the judgment of people that I served with, people in my life or people listening to, to this. Most days I don't feel like I have my head screwed on straight. I am fighting my way out of a wet paper bag that I have a hard time seeing through. But the talking. Excuse me. I see some of this as well. And I actually was having this conversation with Ritland when I was on his show, because this is a kind of a topic of conversation. What I'll say is this. You need to. Everybody does. I need to take some ownership over what you see in your algorithm. These devices are amazing. You have access to the world, the world has access to you. But it's easy to say, I'm just going to surrender responsibility for the things that I see to the company that is providing me through whatever app and medium it may be. The reality is this, you will see more of what you engage with because all of these things are designed to keep you on platform as long as possible, to monetize your attention, and to serve you up ad revenue. The medium you're listening to me on or watching Me on right now, I have ads. The ads are what pay for the new camera that I just ordered yesterday or the lighting system that was upgraded recently. And trust me, there's still another very large upgrade coming in about mid January. I can't talk about it or show it yet, but it's on the way. That is what the advertising does for me. Now. What's the point of doing all those upgrades? Well, I want to professionalize the show. I would like to grow the audience. And in that I'm going to have ads in the shows. Even if it does grow, which I'm. What I'm saying is it's part of the game, it's part of the system, the ecosystem. People can choose to either watch my show or not. But just realize that if you're on an app surfing through content and you spend time looking at it, there are entire teams of people are probably at this point banks of AI trying to figure out how can we serve you more of that to keep you coming back. Now, I'm not saying that there isn't some smack talking going on in the special operations community. I'm just saying if you engage with it and you go down the rabbit hole on it, you're going to see more of it than perhaps other things. So I think it is possible that it has been artificially inflated in size, scope and scale, but maybe not. I see a little bit of it and I have no interest whatsoever in participating in it. For any special operations force that thinks that you are the best in the world, thumbs up. I agree with you if you think you're the best. Yep, you're the best. I'm not even going to argue with you because there is no definable metric against which you would prove that. If I say, and Brent and I were talking about this probably a year ago at this point when I went out and did the antihero show because somebody asked who's better, Delta or development group? And he was like, delta is. And just to be a smart ass in the moment, I was like, no, seals are the best. But the reality is, what are we based off? What are we gonna have the CQB Olympics? Are we gonna all go out to the range and take a score, a shooting score of every person in the Army Special Forces world or Special Operations, Sorry, Special Forces is specifically Green Beret. So the special operations umbrella. And then we'll go to the Navy and the Marine Corps and the Coast Guard and the Air Force and we're all. And then we'll total up the scores and it's like, yes, this is demonstra the best. Well, guess what, that's just one sector. Should we do skydiving accuracy? Should we do, you know, blacked out night bundle drops, you know, tandem bundles and, you know, measure that for closeness? Or is it land navigation or is it combatives? I'm like, we're talking on the radio brevity efficiency of changing out crypto and comms frequencies. What are we doing here? Right? Most of the jobs have a vast overlap. The Venn diagram would be like 80 to 95% overlap of roles and responsibilities. So if you think you're the best, awesome, go be the best. I don't give a shit. It's just a senseless argument to me and I understand why it doesn't make sense to people who are out of that world, because it doesn't even make sense to me. And I came from that world for almost two decades. So I put this in the category of spend your time how you want to spend your time. I don't know how to measure stuff when it comes to I'm better than you. We don't have the Olympic gold medals every four years in the special operations. So it's all just hypothesis. It's all conjecture. And the easiest way I have found to not engage in those arguments is I just agree with the person. I think rangers are better than seals. You're totally right. Yeah, I agree with you as well. Because who cares, right? It really doesn't matter to me. Now, having said that, I think for a good amount of time there's a little bit more of the Wild west and what you could get away with saying on the Internet because there probably were less people from the military or special operations world that were out there with platform or a microphone or a megaphone, depending on how you'd want to describe it. And you could kind of say what you wanted to and get away with it. As more people are paying attention to that and the fact that the Internet lives forever and people can find things that you said not Only yesterday, but 10 years ago from yesterday, you are going to be held to task for the things that you have said, especially if they aren't true. And if the veteran community finds veterans that have a flirtatious relationship with the truth, what are they supposed to do with that? I mean, the veteran community, specifically special operations community, I don't know of any other community that's going to hold them accountable because they don't have the details, they don't have the knowledge, they don't have the experience and they don't know the small things to listen for, which is oftentimes what raises the antenna up a little bit. They'll just somebody describe something in particular way and you're like, huh, that's close. But that's not right. That's not what happened. That's not where that was. That's not when that was. That's not the unit that was there that did that. Because, I mean, we're talking about communities of tens of thousands of people, but especially on large stuff or notable things, people kind of know the details and then it becomes the six degrees of Kevin Bacon. You can find somebody directly involved within a few text messages or a few phone calls. And if people are out there lying about their service, lying about their experiences for either their personal or professional benefit, I would as an individual like to see those people held accountable, because I don't think you should lie. And if you're out there lying and you get called for it, you know, maybe reconsider your life's choices before going on the attack and calling other people, you know, attacking their, you know, the ad hominem attack, I'll attack the character instead of the argument going in the other direction in an affleck to deflect in an attempt to deflect against you. Maybe don't do that. Maybe pull your head out of your ass so your vision improves. Maybe take a little bit of ownership over the things you've done and said, not with vague language, but with very precise language, which is what would have been expected of you in the special operations community that you came from. And yeah, reorient the ship. Is there always going to be shit talking? Yes. Please find for me a community where that doesn't happen. I know doctors who talk about other doctors or other hospitals or their service providers in exactly the same way. Podcasters, same thing, I've heard it. Comedians, I've heard it. Military members, I've heard it. Law enforcement, fire. Like, figure out a community, community where that doesn't happen. And man, I'll give you a high five because I'll probably consume that content because it's just less drama filled. But humans are humans, specifically dudes who are kind of idiots. And I put myself, of course, squarely in that category. Probably could be king idiot some days. And yeah, it is what it is. Does it help though, publicly, when it degrades from, you know, legitimately calling out people who are flirting with the truth and then just talking smack about your brothers and sisters in arms? Does that help anything? I don't think so. I think it degrades the integrity of the institution in general. I think it erodes trust. And I want the military to have both of those things and the veteran community to have both of those things. I want them to have both trust and integrity. So personally, no, I don't think that it helps, which is why I don't engage in it. I will certainly comment when asked about specific instances, but I've never once made a video where the whole thing is, let's just be salacious. But here's the thing in the world where if you are deriving some sort of your professional revenue from content and you make something that's a little bit salacious and it's rewarded by more views, shares, clicks, likes, comments, whatever, and your revenue goes up, up. You know, you have a choice to make. Who do you want to be and how do you want to conduct yourself? Because I think the. The. I was going to say reasonable, but I think the. And maybe it is. I mean, it's not for me to judge what's reasonable and what isn't. But the choice you're going to be faced with is do I continue to chase salacious or do I stay true to who I am? And some people, maybe that's who they are. They're the TMZ of the special operations world. And other people, you know, maybe they see that they could go down that path, but it doesn't sit well with them. And, you know, make whatever choice you want to make. But in general, when it goes outside of the realm of holding the community accountable, I don't think it's helpful. But again, I'm not here to tell anybody how to live their life. The choices people make will have consequences, both good and bad. So make the choices you want, but do me a favor and when the consequences come, go ahead and suffer those consequences, whether they be good or bad. Don't point the finger at other people. Go find a bathroom, turn the light on, point a finger at who you see in the mirror, and that'll be who is responsible for where you're at. Hopefully where you're at is amazing based off the good choices that you made. This episode is brought to you by AG1. I'm sure you've heard me talk about their super Greens, Superfoods, the morning drink that I have with my hydration, focusing on macro and micronutrients. I'm very good about having a structured morning routine. I kind of suck or have sucked in the past, more so than I would want to about my evening routine and specifically winding down and prepping myself for sleep. This is where AGZ comes in. It's a nightly drink that helps you wind down and rest up. It's a melatonin free formula with clinically studied herbs adapted in Adaptogens and Minerals. It helps your body and mind wind down before bed. It helps you optimize your sleep quality during the night, and you can wake up feeling well rested without grogginess, which is absolutely the worst when it comes to sleep aids. AGZ is also an excellent source of magnesium. Each serving of AGZ delivers 250mg of highly bioavailable magnesium, providing over half of your daily value. So if you're ready to start taking the tail end of your day as seriously as the beginning, if you're ready to turn down the stress and focus on your rest, head over to drink ag1.com cleared hot to get a free frother with your first purchase of AgZ. That is drink ag1.com cleared hot back to the show? Number three and thank you for your service and your podcast and your shit talking. I was in the United States Navy from 78 to 81. Last two on the USS Saipan. 1981 a friend was murdered by a POS on board. Damn. Murder on the USS Saipan. Okay. It's like the beginning of a graphic novel series or a mystery series. Another friend committed suicide. It bothered me for years. Addiction until 1996. Clean now for 29 years. That's awesome. Congratulations. I know that is not an easy road. Found out I have a rare pancreatic cancer three years ago my son died from fentanyl two weeks later. Brought all those stressors back. Hyper vigilance, angry outbursts. Seeing shit in my periphery. Currently tried to get some help from the va. I ask myself sometimes though if I'm trying to get something for nothing. Maybe imposter syndrome. Any thoughts? Great question. This highlights to me. So 1980, one friend was murdered. Another friend committed suicide 29 years later. Clean, right? Three years ago though you had pancreatic cancer. Your son died from fentanyl and what happened happened. The stressors came back. Did they come back or they just reared their head? The reality is this. If you don't deal with your stuff, your stuff will deal with you. Sometimes it just takes a long time. And that is what this highlights for me sounds like. Almost three decades later. Something that happened when I'll assume you were younger in your life in the late 70s, early 80s when you were serving, something happens, it bothers you for a bit. And it's so easy to just think that you've put it down and move past it. And for some people, that is exactly what happens. Because we all process stress and trauma differently. I don't think there is a textbook recipe for, like, if this happens, expect this amount of time. If this happens, this is what's going to happen. I think every single person has a different capacity to deal with stress and trauma. Like this cup right here, which is not a redneck guzzler. Again, this is just what I had in front of me. This has probably got 2 ounces in. It's wholly unacceptable. But the coffee is delicious. So that kind of rounds the edges on that one. Some people could be like that and murder and a suicide, the cup is overflowing. Other people, maybe it only fills it up halfway and they are able to deal with it and they're able to move on. And I think over time we are able to work through a lot of this stuff. But I also think that there is residual, and residual can build up for clarity Before I say anything else, just to make sure everybody understands. I am not a mental health counselor or therapist or professional by any stretch of the imagination. And everything I'm saying is kind of just from my own personal experience. What I've seen in others close in my social circle and in friends and family. Not trying to give anybody medical advice here or mental health or therapy advice. I know people who have all been exposed to the same traumatic event overseas. Let's throw a ballpark number out there. Let's say six people experience the same thing. I've seen six different expressions of that. From totally laissez faire attitude with no impact whatsoever to other people. Man, I can think back. I'll leave all the details out of it. But this was a combination of what would be considered for some people a pretty traumatic or at least scary event, and involving special operations people and support personnel who probably had no expectation to go outside of the wire. The reactions were very different when this kicked off. Some people clicked right into work mode and went and did the best they could to engage the problem. Others were completely paralyzed. I'm talking unable to move, standing, shaking. And this is without any level of judgment, by the way. I'm just talking about the differences in one situation that it can have on individuals based off of who they are, where they are in their life, experiences in life, tolerance to stress, exposure to trauma, level of training, all of these things. I saw people move rapidly towards solving a problem. And other people who are unable to move to the point where one of those individuals left country because of not, I'm not going to say just that situation, but a culmination of stress leading up to that point. I would say that was the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back. Why is that the case? I think we're all different sized cups and we all have different abilities to deal with stress and trauma. But if you don't deal with it, guess what's going to happen 30 years later? Something in the modern day can bring back up all of those lovely treasures that we as men like to dig a hole with a big shovel, throw them in, jump on top to make them as flat as possible, and then just stuff them down there with weights and then rebury them. That's been my experience. If you don't deal with your stuff, your stuff will eventually come back and deal with you. And guess when it usually happens, the least opportune time for your life and what's going on, it's not going to happen on your best day. This stuff hits you on your downward slope. When you've gone over the bell curve, you've had just an amazing experience and now real life is coming for you. A nice little uppercut right in the ball sack. Maybe a swift kick in the ball sack as well. Ladies, I'm sorry, I don't know the equivalent. That's when these things happen. And man, that is not when you are at your best, or actually, I'll just speak for myself, that is not when I'm at my best to deal with things like this. So I don't know why you have imposter syndrome. There's no reason for anybody to have imposter syndrome unless you are actually being an imposter. You are trying to pretend to be something that you're not. But I find those people actually don't have imposter syndrome at all. They're just psychopaths because they don't care about the outcome or impact on other people. They're in it for themselves and what they can get from it. So they don't worry about being having imposter syndrome. They're just trying to be the best imposter humanly possible. So we don't have to engage in the suffering Olympics, we don't have to engage in the trauma Olympics. Every single one of us has a different volume of their cup. Go find somebody who can help you with this. The VA 100%. I feel like you qualify for Counseling or therapy if that's what you wanted to do. Or maybe just going to the VA and seeing what is possible. Who cares that it happened in the the late 70s, early 80s? Is it service connected? If the things that you are being brought to the forefront that are peeking their head up from that hole that you dug and stuffed them in, my words, not yours, then guess what? Service connected. You raised your hand, sworn oath to the Constitution, served your country. And I say this to everybody who's getting ready to join, who has joined. And you know this as well as anybody else. The military will get their pound of flesh up front. Make sure you get your pound on the way out. And guess what? Even though you are out, you can still interface with government systems to get the help that you need. That is my recommendation. You have nothing to feel like an imposter about. And like I answered in one of the previous questions, don't be the judge yourself. Go to somebody who specializes in these things and let them make the determination for you. So I'm sorry that you're feeling those things, but what I can tell you is this. The hyper village, hyper vigilance, the angry outburst, seeing stuff in your peripheral vision, you can deal with all of these things, but please do me a favor and go take the time to deal with them or they get worse or even worse than that. You make the decision of just, I'm just going to stuff these down even more because then whatever may happen in life, you're going to have some ups and downs. My concern would be, is when you have another down, they're going to be sitting there waiting for you. And I don't want that. And I'm legitimately talking about my own experiences in life. I am the best suited to deal with things like this when I am at days where I'm doing my best. But that's not when they show up, up, or maybe they do. It just doesn't feel like it has the weight because I'm in such a better place to deal with it. These things really hurt and they really drag you to the bottom of the pool when you're on the way down. So that's where you can lean on others, professionals, friends, family, all of those things. Don't be quiet. You're not the only person that's ever had to deal with this. Go out there, deal with it head on. Your life will be better for it. And again, congrats on the 29 years of being sober. That's awesome. Awesome. All right, last question for today. And then we'll be on our way. Hey man, love the show. Want to ask a question? I struggle with a lot with answering the question why? And I think many G Watt vets struggle too. I actually just put a social post up about this. It was from the conversation that Brent and I had when he was on the show. Quick Backstory. Born in 84, Normal Midwest, Middle class upbringing. Very patriotic family history. Decided to join the Army's delayed entry program between junior and senior year of high school. Senior year study hall the towers fell. Fast forward to August 2022 Army Infantry Basic Training Airborne School. Then off to Fort Bragg with the 82nd Airborne. After six months of being enlisted in a little bit of training in February of 03 off to Kuwait. March 18th ish my 19th birthday into Iraq for about a year. So I was the initial invasion of Iraq.03 in Iraq was a wild time. From what they tell me. I just saw it as doing army stuff and trying to do my duty. Went back to Iraq again in 0405 timeframe for four months. Nothing. Nothing special in the Green Zone at that time. My enlistment ended in 05. For the last 20 years I've taken on new missions to keep going. Find a wife, check. Have a couple kids, check. Start a business. I wasn't planning on check. By all standards, I'm crushing life. The other night at dinner, my 9 year old son asked me why I went to war and I didn't have an answer. The young, duty bound red, white and blue patriot had been diminished. The endless wars had taken their toll. The country I was willing to give my life for in my youth seemed shallow and corrupt. Now politicians and bureaucrats use us as pawns to get wealthy. I still love the ideals of America and what we are supposed to be. But the blind patriot has long since died. So I ask you why? What was it all for? 20 years of war didn't preserve our liberty. It didn't defeat our enemies. Personally, I know I help many good Iraqis and maybe that's enough. But when my son asked me why, I didn't seem like it didn't seem like a good enough answer. So in closing, Donkey boner, which is the subject line of this email, which is of course why I read it, I saw that and I said add to cart. It's a great question. I've been talking with people about this. This is a question that I ask myself. The why? What was it all for? What was the reason? What was the purpose? Why did we dedicate our lives for that period of time to doing that. And what I'll say is this. You know, one of the things that stuck out here was the blind patriot has long since died. I think that's a good thing. I don't think anybody should be a blind fill in the blank. And I say that as somebody who earlier in my life probably fell into that category. And I'm glad that the blinders have been taken off because blind people can be manipulated. They can be told that things are true right in front of them that they can't see for themselves, mostly because they're not looking working. Right, because the blind patriot isn't actually physically blind. They're blinded by their beliefs. And I think that can be very dangerous. It can be a beautiful thing as well. I mean, you could probably change the world if you're blinded by your beliefs, depending on what your beliefs are. But the blind patriot, I actually think could be the most susceptible person to manipulation. So I'm glad that the blinders came off. And when they do come off, what you realize is that we live in a completely imperfect world that's never going to be perfect. We also live in a completely imperfect country that is never going to be perfect. We are never going to find a place. We have never found a place. We're approaching our 250th anniversary as a country next year. Somebody point to me at a day, a second, an instant where we had it dialed, where we had agreeance on all issues, where there was no arguing, there was no contention, there was no disparity in beliefs, there was no disparity in economics. Please point to me when that was in our history. Now, could things have gotten a lot worse than they were earlier on our history? For sure. Not making that argument at all. I'm not saying that certain things haven't accelerated, but what I'm saying is it was never perfect to begin with. I love the ideals of America. And this is again, me. I only speak for me. And I do think that I had a time where I had blind patriotism, and I am legitimately glad that that has gone for me. But I still absolutely love the ideals of what this country stands for. And people, I probably would argue what, you know, they would say. I don't think those are our, you know, maybe we could have this whole conversation around the ideals, but that's a subject for a different day and I'd rather do that with somebody sitting here. So it could be we could play a game of tennis with ideas and go back and forth, forth the expression of those ideals Far from perfect is our political system, in my opinion, teetering on a place of so corrupt that it may not be recoverable? Yeah, that's what I think. I'm, I'm definitely worried about it. I'm watching people who clearly are using the political system for personal and professional game. And maybe that's been the case the entire time. You know, going from rags to riches, if you will, claiming to do it all legally while the rest of us are out there clawing as hard as we can, legitimately playing inside of those boundaries and making progress. But you're like, wow, that's at a way lower statistical level than this guy. I thought we were all playing by the same rules. We're not. And I don't think we ever have been. It's okay. Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math. @t mobile.com switch and now T Mobile is in US cellular stores. Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits plan features in Texas. And fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits, credit. Stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required. If the United States is a lighthouse, which is what I want it to be, that's great. A beacon of what's possible. There's a reason why people are still flooding into this country and they want to leave where they are to come to where the United States is or the United States has influence. I want us to be a lighthouse. But don't forget that every lighthouse also throws a shadow. Shadow. And it's okay, in my opinion at least to acknowledge that shadow and do everything that you can to continue to try to build a better version of a lighthouse. Maybe it's thinner so that the shadow is. You know what I mean? Like, figure out ways, maybe we can use some mirrors and throw some light into that shadow to make it as small as possible. It's never going to be perfect, but I don't think we should ever stop from trying to make it perfect. Now what does that have to do with your question? What was it all for? Well, for me, when I look back, it had far more to do with the people that I was with. I was never involved in strategic planning or even operational planning. I didn't decide to deploy American soldiers to Iraq or Afghanistan or any of the theaters of war around the world that American soldiers are currently at. I worked At a tactical level, the lowest rung of the ladder on the tactical ladder. At that level. It was about, as I answered before in the first question is about doing my job to the best of my ability. And I cared so much about making sure I didn't make a mistake because of the respect and love that I had for the people to my left and right. In those moments, that's actually what I cared about the most. I would like to believe that we went to Iraq and Afghanistan for the right reasons. I can't convince myself of that anymore. When it comes to Iraq, I think we went for the right reasons. But the execution and staying there for 20 years was a galactic failure at a strategic and operational level. An air that I have never breathed in my life, not involved in those meetings. This spans multiple presidencies, multiple high ranking military. It was an absolute shit show of the highest order. And the withdrawal is a perfect example of that which everybody tries to, you know, depend on one person or one administration and they forget that it lasted for 20 years and it spanned Republican and Democrat and they all had a hand in us staying there, how we stayed, their infrastructure, what we left behind, all of those things. We probably could have knocked Afghanistan out sub 12 months as far as achieving the tactical strategic goals that we were looking for. But again, I wasn't asked that. As I've gotten older in life, probably one of the things, one of the few things that hasn't shifted in me is that I am never going to stop standing up for what I consider to be right. What has shifted as I have gained more laps around the sun and more experience and more exposure to the world, is that what I once thought was the right thing to do was maybe a little bit less justified or altruistic than when I was in the mix. But that's me looking in the rear view mirror in those moments. I was doing the best I could with the best of intention for the people that I was with and the people that I cared about. And I can't change that. But that's what it was all for. I do think that again, Iraq is a tough one. Afghanistan, did it make us safer? It's harder to say. It's hard to say because nobody's ever going to hear about the things that were stopped. You only hear about the things that happen. Did it put our enemy on their heels? Did it disrupt their ability to plan, communicate and coordinate? I would hope so. I mean, I think that's what I saw at least is some direct impact of actions that were taken Was it perfect? No. And again, like I said, with the strategic and operational plans thought through, I mean, certainly not the exit. Exit. The entrance probably, but not the exit for either of those theaters. But that's a tough one for your kids. And you know, I can't answer this question for you because maybe you anything I said, maybe some of it resonates with you and maybe some of it doesn't, but I've had these questions asked me for my children before or other people. And it's if you as a soldier start looking at the decision makers and maybe their motivations as to why we went, and it's easy to undermine and undervalue your service or to diminish your service or what it is that you did or your effort. And I don't think that you should do that because if you're anything like me, you did the absolute best you could in the situation that you were in. And then decades later or years later, or again, as you just get more time and optic on the world, if your realization changes as to the motivations of those people that might have made those decisions or why the country oriented in that direction, you can find yourself saying, it was a waste. What I did didn't mean anything. And that's not the case at all because you only had control of the situation that you were directly involved with. I am worried about politicians and bureaucrats and I do think to a degree that he uses his pawns to get wealthy. But I think they've been doing that for a long time. I think it's getting a little bit harder to with access to information and the ease of the ability to spread it. But I have the same concerns that you do. But what I don't do is spend time telling myself that my own personal actions weren't worth it. And you actually, you hit on here a little bit. You helped a lot of good Iraqis. Well, in Afghanistan we had a generation of women that went to school for the first time ever. Are they able to do so now? No, not at all. But I'd like to think that we changed the trajectory for a generation. Will it have long term significant impact? I don't know, but it will have an impact. And it's. That's one example of something beyond you being there for the people to your left and right and the reasons that brought you there in the first place. It's a tough one. God, you can get lost in this argument and you can talk yourself into a place where you feel like you wasted that time and it wasn't a waste. It wasn't for nothing. And if the termination of that was that the blinders came off for you, I mean, that in and of itself, I think, is worth it, because the more people we can get the blinders off, the better, because then we can make better decisions as a collective. And I think that's what's going to take to change the course of our country, if we're able to do so. And that's a whole conversation in and of itself. So that's it. I know I ramble a little bit on that one, but, you know, you close with Donkey Boner. I can't really say anything better than that. So that's it for this Friday. See you all Monday.