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Full Auto Friday - 6/13/2025
00:50:52
Traditional Q and A to round out the week, answering only the most demanding questions facing our society. I'm not sure they were actually that serious, but it sounds good. I did actually cover: -Failure, starting over, and dealing with the potential...
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Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us. Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in. You don't need to trade in. When you switch to T Mobile, we'll give you a new iPhone 16 Pro. Plus we'll help you pay off your old Phone up to 800 bucks and you still get to keep it. There's always a trade in. Not right now. At T Mobile. I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma. That's okay. I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender. I'm good. Seriously. Let me check this pocket. Oh, mints. Really, I'm fine. Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom. Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the car. It's our best iPhone offer ever. Switch to T Mobile. Get a new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple intelligence on us. No trade in needed. We'll even pay off your phone up to 800 bucks with 24 monthly bill credits. New line, $100 plus a month on experience beyond Finance Agreement $999.99 and qualifying ported for well qualified plus tax and $10 connection charge. Pay off via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel mobile dot com. Well, hello everybody, and welcome back. You guys ready for a Friday episode? I'm ready for a Friday episode. Four questions. Just double checking here on my computer to make sure I know oftentimes, I guess, and I'm usually wrong. I'll see if I can make it through all four of them. I think two of these. Yeah. Relatively long before I get into answering the questions. It is. It's very humbling, actually, that people reach out and ask for my opinion on things. But I do want to remind everyone, and please keep this in mind at all times, that I'm largely a functioning idiot. And I will give you my opinion on things, but just understand that I have a good amount of experience in some areas and almost no experience in others. And I try to do my best to explain when the pendulum is swinging towards either of those. But I'm not an oracle. I don't have all the answers. I appreciate the questions. I'm doing my best to work my way through them all. It would be impossible for me to do so, even though I am trying. And yeah, you know, just take what I say with a grain. I'm not an expert. There may be A couple things that I might have flirted with at times of being an expert, but I'm not even current in those things anymore. So let's get into the show. What do you think? Before that? You know what I'm going to say, Give me two minutes. Let me pay the bills. Let me turn the lights on and off so I can keep bringing the show to you for free. I really like the brands that I work with. I say no to brands that don't align with who I am or things that I don't want to do. People would be shocked to the number of things I say no to, regardless of the dollar figure associated with it. I'm just. I don't care. Money doesn't hold that position in my life anymore. And I'd rather be true to who I am than untrue to who I am and have a larger bank account, which wouldn't be hard to do. Not a wealthy man by any stretch. And yeah, I'd rather be true to myself. So give me a. Give me a minute or two here and then we'll get into the show. Today's episode is brought to you by Peak. Specifically, we're going to be talking about their Puair tea bundles. But let me say this. Up until working with this brand, I was not a fan of tea. And I really didn't have a good basis to not be a fan of tea other than it just seemed sometimes, I guess, a little bit pretentious. Let's get our tea bags and get the warm water and we'll go through this, you know, little pomp and circumstance. And then, of course, as I mentioned in the intro, a little bit of a functioning idiot. I realized that coffee people are exactly the same way. We can be just as pretentious the way we make our coffee or how or all of these things. Point being, I really focused on coffee and had ignored tea. And maybe that's what I'll start with. One of the things I like about the Peak tea sets bundles is that it's not a traditional tea bag. For those of you seeing I'm holding up one of these little sachets that they come in, you could stuff a fistful of these things. Here's a box right here. How many are in here? 28 are in this box right in front of me. This is their energy and metabolism and mood. 1. You can travel with these things anywhere. And also, I'll talk about the offer and what it comes with. You get this really cool frother. Check this out. And the beaker as well. I use this frother all the time for when I make coffee, when I'm making the teas, all of that stuff. It's cool. It's an evolution and advancement in tea. This is the opposite of what you saw your grandparents drinking. Let me highlight some benefits for you here right off of their page. Gut health naturally fermented for living Prebiotics and probiotics to balance your microbiome longevity packed with antioxidants that fight oxidative stress and support cellular regeneration for radiant skin vitality inconvenience which of course I mentioned with the portability the ease of making this can help you with your microbiome reset because it's going to help you balance gut flora for better digestion and smoother metabolism and energy and mood as well as immune support. Sourc excellence a key point here. Wild harvested from 250 year old trees for unmatched purity and nutrient density and they use a cold extraction technology which remains or retains maximum phytonutrients. If you are ready to elevate your day and transform your health for a limited time, you can get 20% off on the puair bundle plus a free starter kit. I mentioned that earlier. That is your rechargeable frother which I had held up before and this glass beaker with my link head to peaklife.com ClearedHot that is Peak Life P I Q U E Quebec uniformecolife.com Cleared Hot to claim this exclusive offer. Let's dive back into the show. Okay, I got the red smoke. Sun runs north or south? West of the smoke. West of the smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. I win it, baby. Give it to me. I mean it. Declared hot campaign clear. Not. Okay, here we go. How far will I get into these questions? I have no idea. We're gonna do our best though. Let's begin with question number one. A little bit about me. I am a 23 year old man from a western state. I'm married to an amazing wife and we have a dog together. What kind of dog is it, sir? Is it a mini dachshund? A dakel? I hope so. Your life will be better. We don't have kids yet, but we'd like to in the future. We live a relatively simple, quiet life. I truly believe I'm blessed beyond measure for how my life has gone so far. I have great parents who have helped shape the man I've become. And I thank God often for the opportunities I have been given. Both my wife and I are currently in high level graduate programs. She's doing fantastic and is set to graduate in just under two years. I couldn't be more proud of her. As for me, this past year, my first year in the program didn't go the way that I had hoped. I passed the first semester, but just barely and I fell short in the second. It was close, but close doesn't count and honestly I understand why it happened. My mental health was in the worst state it's ever been. There were times I became a shell of who I used to be. I struggled to adapt to the intensity of the program and to find effective ways to learn and retain the material. The good news is I got help and things got better. Mentally, I'm in a much better place now. The outcome is that I've been asked to repeat the first year of my four year program. That is a tough pill to swallow. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have never imagined I'd be in this position. Still, I believe the program made the right call. I don't think I earned the right to move on, and that's a hard but fair truth. What I'm struggling with now is the mental side of doing this all over again. There's a lot of embarrassment in repeating a year. It's painful watching my classmates move forward while I stay behind. I've worked so hard to get here and it hurts to be set back in time, money and yeah, maybe a little dignity. Telling my parents and my friends is not going to be easy, but I'm not quitting. This has been my dream Since I was 12 and I am not walking away now. I don't know anything about what it takes to become a SEAL or serving in the military, but I've often wondered how guys mentally handle going back through buds. If they drop out, there must be some shame in repeating it, especially when it's something you've dreamt of for as long as you can remember. Like them, I've never started this journey expecting to fail the first time. This is without a doubt the biggest setback of my life so far. That said, I've started to realize everybody probably faces resistance like this at some point, especially those chasing something difficult and meaningful. Maybe this is just my version of that moment. So now I'm working to pick up the pieces, retool and go again. This time with a better head, stronger habits, and a deeper understanding of what it takes to succeed. Any advice you could offer would mean a lot to me. Man, this is a hell of an email. There's a few things I want to focus on. Our first and maybe most important to me, maybe not important, not the. Probably not the correct word. Something that stuck out to me that I think is gonna serve you really, really well in life. Let me find it. Two sentences tie this point well together for me. This is without a doubt the biggest setback of my life so far. And then your next sentence was that said, I've started to realize that everybody probably faces resistance like this at some point, especially those chasing something difficult and meaningful. So you're 23. This, of course, is gonna feel like the largest setback in your life. And it is up until this point, and that's okay. The fact that you have realized in the subsequent sentence that everybody faces resistance and that this may not be the first time that something like this happens is a very self aware good thing, in my opinion. Which means if you recognize something like this may happen in the future, how you attack this now, if you utilize a strategy that works well, that allows you to learn from this experience, learn from your mistakes, not be defined by them, and evolve and come through this successful, that is a template that you could use for any other resistance as a term that you used that you are going to encounter in your life. Because let me tell you, when I was 23 years old, I thought I had the world by the metaphorical balls. I didn't realize that it was actually the other way around. The world had me by the balls and the number of setbacks that I have faced, the number of cliffs that you find yourself looking over the edge, the number of mistakes, the number of forks in the road, I had no idea of even understanding or being able to quantify how many of those there may have been or we're going to be 47 now and trust me, I know that they're still coming for you. Having a successful approach to that I think is essential. Failure sucks. I did not have an experience when I went through BUDS having to go back, so I cannot talk about that from firsthand experience. But I'm going to read something to the audience and then I'm going to tie it back into this email. This is a Medal of Honor citation for a man named Michael Mansour. This citation was in. Actually, it was on the quarter deck, but it was also in the hallway of SEAL Team 3. So the quarter deck, for those of you unfamiliar with the naval terminology, is essentially the front door, at least in a building. The equipment that Mike was wearing the day that he was killed the day that he wore his. That wore the day that he was. That he earned the Medal of Honor, which was subsequently awarded posthumously. It sat there and it is a moving display. Let me read this. For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty as automatic weapons gunner for Naval Special Warfare Task Group Arabian Peninsula in support of Operation Iraqi freedom. On 29 September 2006, as a member of a combined SEAL and Iraqi army sniper overwatch element tasked with providing early warning and standoff protection from a rooftop in an insurgent health sector of Ramadi, Iraq, Petty Officer Mansour distinguished himself by his exceptional bravery in the face of grave danger. In the early morning, insurgents prepared to execute a coordinated attack by reconnoitering the area around the element's position. Element snipers thwarted the enemy's initial attempt by eliminating two insurgents. The enemy continued to assault the element, engaging them with a rocket propelled grenade and small arms fire. As enemy activity increased, Petty Officer Mansoor took position with his machine gun between two teammates on an outcropping of the roof. While the seals vigilantly watched for enemy activity, an insurgent threw a hand grenade from an unseen location which bounced off of Petty Officer Mansoor's chest and landed in front of him. Although only he could have escaped the blast, Petty Officer Mansoor chose instead to protect his teammates. Instantly and without regard for his own safety, he threw himself onto the grenade to absorb the force of the explosion with his body, saving the lives of his two teammates. By his undaunted courage, fighting spirit and unwavering devotion to duty in the face of certain death, Petty Officer Mansoor gallantly gave his life for his country, thereby reflecting great credit upon himself and upholding the highest traditions of the United States Naval service. Signed by President George Bush. What does that have to do with the email that you sent in? Many people have heard of Mike Monsour. Not a lot of people know that he quit BUDS the first time he went through. I actually had such an incredible honor years ago to interview his dad, and I was able to talk with his dad about the impact that that decision had on his life because as you mentioned, he did not start his journey into the pipeline with the desire to quit. Nobody does. You wouldn't end up on there. You wouldn't end up there your first day if your whole goal was to just quit because it's hard enough to get there. It's not incredibly difficult, but it's monotonous at best. And there's things you have to do and checks you have to get done and tests that you have to do. And if you really just didn't want to do it, you wouldn't do any of those things. So people show up with the intent of graduating. His father described well, and again, he was speaking for. Mikey described well the impact that that decision had. It sucked. He regretted it. He ended up having to go overseas and fight his way back into SEAL training. He successfully graduated. And the point of all this is that when you stumble and fall and you fail, you do not have to let that be the defining characteristic or moment in your life. You can take failure, which is going to occur for everybody who sees this, anybody who listens to this. Maybe it'll be a micro failure, maybe it'll be a macro failure. Hopefully, most of your failures are micro, even though some of the most important lessons I have learned in my life were at the macro level. So I don't want everybody to experience that pain. But I also think it's essential that you do. Maybe not at the age of 23. You know, you can sprinkle these things out throughout the course of a very long life, hopefully. But there are so many lessons to be learned. So many people allow a failure to become the number one hurdle in front of them, and they are unable to either get over it, around it, under it, because here's the reality. Who gives a shit how you get around obstacles? Just get around the thing to get to where you need to be or where you want to be. Mikey didn't do that. It lit a fire under his ass. He trained harder. He became even more dedicated. He had a singular purpose. And again, this is his father describing how his son felt through the lens of having these conversations with his son to get back into buds. He made it back into buds. I'm not going to say he sailed through, because I don't know if anybody truly does that. He graduated, made it to the SEAL team, and because he was unwilling to give up, because he had that failure in his life and turned it into a motivation, he ended up in a place where he was presented the choice to save other people's lives. And I will say this, that quarter deck, sitting there, looking at his equipment, everybody likes to talk about how they're a big badass. Their fucking game time shows up, and they're just going to do all the right things. I have asked myself so many times, would I have had it? Would I have had the stones? Would I have had the courage and bravery to jump on a grenade that only I had seen that landed between two of my friends, and of course everyone's like, yep, totally. I would have done exactly the same thing. I tell you what, I don't think you really know until you are in the moment. Because I can say this with. With good assurance. Being brave once is not a guarantee that you will be brave for the remainder of your life. And every situation that presents itself. Having a lack of courage in certain moments is not a guarantee that you will have a lack of courage in the remaining moments in your life. Varies. I've seen it vary. I felt it in myself. God, the number of times I sat there and stared at that equipment in reverence more than anything and just marveled at that young man's decision. I hope that I have it. I hope that I would have made the same call, but I just don't think any of us know until we're in that moment. But he had that opportunity to make that choice because he never gave up after a massive failure. Had he not done that, had he not redoubled his effort and dove headlong back into what it is that he wanted to do. Who knows if the people on the rooftop would be alive today? I don't know. But I do feel that the two are tied. Failure is a part of life. Now I'm going to tie this even more back in because let me tell you one conversation that we never had or I was never a part of inside of the SEAL community. Hey, how many times did it take you to make it through buds? Hey, what was Hell Week like for you? Do you know why we didn't ask each other those questions? Nobody cares. You made it. You graduated. I really do not remember asking anyone, hey, did you make it on your first time through? Or hey, did you quit and then go back? I didn't give a shit because they were there. They were qualified. They had made it through the training program, and now we were focused on doing the job. So you described in your email here a little bit. Let me find the exact sentence. There's a lot of embarrassment in repeating a year. It's painful watching my classmates move forward while I stable behind. I worked so hard to get here, and it hurts to be set back in time. Money and, yeah, maybe a little bit of dignity. This is all super fair. These are all natural feelings. But I tell you what, it'll be embarrassing for you for a very short period of time if you just take this one on the chin, which is the advice that I would give you. You have encountered a setback. Okay? You Took it on the chin. Dust yourself off. And do not in any way, shape or form try to change what happened. Don't try to color this in a different lens. Don't try to soften it up. When people ask what happened, if they even do ask what happened, tell them the truth and move on. You will care so much more about this than anybody else that you encounter. Will it be a little bit odd on your first day when you're repeating the first year and other people are moving on? Sure. Is it going to be odd in a week? No. Because nobody's going to give a shit. You know why? People are almost always utterly consumed by the things going on in their own life. And if this program is as intricate, as involved as you were talking about, nobody's going to have any bandwidth to care about the journey that you are on because they're going to be stuck trying to make sure that they are actually fighting their way through their own trenches. After this program, I don't think anybody's going to ask you again if you become qualified through this program and enter the workforce and get a job. This will never come up again. Just like for Mikey, I can't imagine that it came up for him, nor would he have cared. Because you know what? You did it. You accomplished your goal. Is there a right or wrong way to accomplish a goal? I don't think so. As long as you eventually get there. Would it be more optimal to go through straight without having a setback? Sure. But we don't live in a fairyland, right? Is that fair? No. And the same thing I always say. The fair is in Iowa. It's got cotton candy and a merry go round. Life isn't fair. Programs aren't fair. Whether the selection programs or educational programs. You got delta setback. There's no reason that you need to hit or have a hit to your dignity. That is you doing that to you again as somebody who has been in the place where that you are at. And maybe this is just an example of whatever, you're an asshole one day. Slightly different, something you are embarrassed or have a hit to your dignity for some reason, likely due to your own actions. The best advice is address it head on. When you have to explain to people, if they ask what happened, just tell them. Be like, dude, I got overwhelmed the first year, didn't go the way that I thought it was gonna go. So I'm gonna go right back at it and redo it again and continue on my path. That's all you have to say to anybody. That actually is more than you need to say to anybody, depending on what you wanna disclose. But don't lie about it, right? If you have a hit to your dignity, don't take a further hit to your dignity by trying to color this in a way of what it wasn't. Take this fucker on the chin at 23 and learn the lessons now. So that when you apply the template that you're gonna have moving forward to be successful in your next attempt at this, you can look at all the other adversity that you're gonna see in your life moving on, and you can apply versions of that template. And almost regardless of what the situation was, my advice would be the same. Be honest about it. Control what you can control. If this still is what you want to do, then don't worry about how many attempts that it takes. Keep smashing your head against the door until it opens. I mean, obviously, of course, check to make sure it's unlocked first, which is something that I'm guilty of many times in this. Yeah. Unrelated story. Back to breaching. It always sucks to call for a breacher. And the first thing the breacher does is come and check the door and you see that it's unlocked and they just open it for you and they look at you like you're a complete and total asshole, which you are in that moment. So, yeah, check to make sure the door is actually locked and then figure out a way to open it. Let's say you get into the career you want, five years down the road, 10 years down the road, do you think you're going to even care that you had to repeat the first year? Fuck no. This is a big deal right now because of where you are in your life and the proximity that this happened to you. Learn from it, grow from it. Realize that how you feel about yourself is completely and almost always invisible to everybody else because they're always busy with their own bullshit. And drive forward and get to where you want to be. And also high five your girlfriend, or actually, I'm sorry, your wife. High five your wife and congratulate her and support her as much as you can as well. And again, at the end of the day, when you're through the preparatory stuff and you're into the career, none of this stuff's going to matter unless you make a choice right now that prevents you from achieving your end state. That's the best advice that I have. Question two. Definitely shifting gears. I hope you're doing well. I hear you are the supreme expert on mental health and Relationship problems. Do you remember in the intro when I was talking about I'm not an expert at anything. Yeah, I'm not an expert at either of these things. Thus I am writing to you hopefully to get some guidance on issues I'm experiencing. My girlfriend and I are both 19 and have been together for almost 10 months. We're both in college, we were at the same or were at the same college but I was set back halfway through our plebe year. Throughout our relationship she has regularly expressed her feelings of self hatred and wanting to give up or end at all. I have obviously been a little bit put off or off put and worried every time this comes up. I have asked questions of why she is feeling these things and tried to help by giving examples of what I do when I have similar thoughts. She always seems to say it's not that easy or how will that help? I try to reaffirm her and tell her what I see in her, but she says that I say that because I'm her boyfriend or that I don't see or know what she thinks about herself. I just don't know how to help or if she needs me to help. I love her and I worry about her and I just want her to be happy. Well, I don't know if anybody can see or feel what somebody else thinks about themself. That's an impossible thing. As I've gone through my own life, I have gotten a better understanding of who I am and what I believe and how I feel about things and systems and approaches to short circuit negative self talk or any other obstacles that I may put in front of myself. But I think it would be impossible for another person to truly be able to understand myself or hear my thoughts or think about myself unless they are in my own head, which is impossible. So I can understand why she says that to you, why she says you don't see or know what she thinks about herself because it wouldn't be possible to do so. That doesn't mean that you aren't concerned and it doesn't mean that that you don't care. And actually, before I say anything else, what I would say about this, and this might be difficult for you to request of her or to try to get her to take action on. But in my unprofessional opinion, this is an example of when you need to bring in a higher level of care. This is when you need to go talk to somebody who is actually an expert about the brain. Is that person going to be able to know what she Thinks about herself? No, she won't be able to. He or she won't be able to. But you could maybe get to an understanding of why. Why are you having the thoughts that you're having? Why are you struggling with the things that you're struggling with? Why do you feel the way that you do? Does somebody have to feel those things to be able to help you understand? No, not in my experience. They're experts in how the brain works, processing these things. Now, I'm obviously not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I have had friends who have killed themselves and there are many versions. But to make this a simpler conversation, I will say there were those that reached out for help and those that did not. And I have far, far more concern for the person that says nothing and takes action on that versus the person that verbalizes how they are feeling. And that is not to. I'm not concerned about the person that verbalizes how they are feeling and that. I'm only concerned about the person who's quiet that isn't. I'm concerned about both. But I think one has, at least statistically, a higher likelihood of taking action upon that. And I have friends who are psychiatrists and psychologists, and so I ask these questions and talk to them about these issues. Today's episode is brought to you by Stopbox. And let me tell you, this is a really cool product. I like where it fits in the ecosystem of positive control of your firearm on you at all times or locked away in a safe. Because there are times in your life where maybe you need an interim solution or. Another thing I really like about this is a travel solution as well. But I'll get to that here in a little bit. I'm gonna hold this thing up so people can get an idea of the size. Pretty good size. I've actually. I'll just do it again. I'll put my phone in here. This is an iPhone 16, not the biggest one, but you can get an idea of how much space is left over in there. I could it in there vertically. I can put it in there horizontally. It doesn't really matter. Close this sucker up and boom. You can hear this click and you're good to go opening it. You can do it with one hand. This is going to be a little bit harder to do because I'm holding it up in the air. But you push in the appropriate combination, you'll hear a click again and it opens back up. Even easier to do when it's actually on a hard surface. But I don't have a camera angle. That can show everybody that, as I showed everybody, the Stopbox Pro has a mechanical keyless system that allows for fast, secure access without the risk of fumbling for keys when every second counts or losing your keys, which is something I'm very, very good at. It's also battery free, so you don't ever have to worry about the lock not opening or functioning. You could keep something in there, I suppose, for as long as you want to. And you can also modify. There's an ability to modify the key code that you push in so you don't have to stay with the factory setting. All of the Stop Box products are proudly made in the USA in their own facility. So not only does this ensure high quality craftsmanship on every product that they send out, it creates meaningful jobs and opportunities for American workers. As I mentioned, traveling with peace of mind is going to be a little bit easier. The Stopbox Pro is TSA compliant. Now, let's make sure we understand what that means. That's going to be in a checked baggage. You're not going to be able to carry this on. Some airlines will require an additional lock, of which there is a place for you to put that on there. And for ammunition, your safest bet is to put it back into the factory box that it came into. Airline rules. I wish they were all exactly the same. Airplane employees have different understanding of these rules. If you put it into the factory box that it came in, say you carry a 9 mil, it's usually going to be a box of 50 or 100. Take it out of the magazine, put it into there, you will fly through security or check in much faster than if it's just in the magazine or thrown around inside of the lockbox, which for a limited time, listeners can get a pretty good deal. Listeners are getting 10% off your entire order when you use the code cleared hot. And right now Stopbox is also running a deal on their most popular bundle, the Two Pack, which saves you over 30% and comes with free accessories and shipping. That's 10% off and a big bundle discount when you use the code. Clearedhot@stopboxusa.com Discover a better way to balance security and readiness with Stopbox. Again, the website stopboxusa.com, also right down in the show notes. Let's get into this show. One of the things that you may be able to do, and this was something that I forget the person who actually recommended this to me, and again, I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist. This is not professional advice in any stretch. If your girlfriend is Expressing that, wanting to give it up or end it all, if there is a way to do so. Ask her if she has a plan. Meaning has she thought through the mechanism in which she would do so? And to people listening, you might think, holy shit, that sounds a little bit, a little bit dodgy. Like why would you ask somebody that? Well, the reason for it at least my understanding is this. There is an immense difference in risk depending on the answer. For somebody who has literally put time into this and considered what they would do and how they would do it, the risk level is substantially higher. Does that mean you don't have to worry about somebody who hasn't gone through that step? No, but I would. Personally, I would worry much more if they have put through an articulatable step by step on how they would do this. We all have ups and downs. My background in the military might be considered unique by some, but it does not change the fact that I am a human being. I have good days and I have bad days. I have easier seasons in life and I have harder seasons in life. Not everything in my life has been great and a lot of that has been my own doing, for clarity. And some of it has been out of my control. If I were to actually objectively measure it, probably like 70, 30, okay, it's probably like 80, 20 or 90, 10, 90 being shit that I did that caused my own issues. 10 being totally outside of my control. Bad luck happens. I mentioned in the last question, life isn't fair. And I'm an equal recipient of that. Just like everybody else said this many times. I've never been suicidal. I have never in conversations with those that were left behind of my friends that did taking their life. God, those are such hard, hard conversations. And I've gotten to a place where to me it's an irrational decision. But I understand how somebody thinking irrationally or in a place in their life where there just seems like there's no out. Constant pressure, constant pain, constant suffering, constant failure. I can understand how an irrational decision could somehow start shifting to be a rational choice and their only way out. I can't. God, I don't have the vocabulary for how horrible I feel for somebody who is in that place. I don't personally understand it, but I do understand that it exists. And to me the role there is for somebody, a higher level of care, a professional who understands these things. But what sucks the most also is that people who arrive in that place, they seem to be those that are the least likely to seek that level of higher care. Maybe the answer lies somewhere for some people in interfacing with it earlier on. You know, wait until the catastrophe strikes or you're right on the precipice of the catastrophe. That's a tough one. You're fighting your way out uphill in soft sand. And that can be too much for people addressing it earlier on. I mean, I certainly don't have a solution for suicide and people getting to that place. But I do think the earlier that you can take action, the earlier you can look underneath the hood, the earlier you identify a negative thought process, a negative cycle in your life, a downward trend in everything from excitement to enjoyment to, I would say, feeling fulfilled in life. But that's. I mean, that comes and goes for me as well. If you're trending downward, try to interrupt that trend as much as possible. I have found that over time I can often interrupt that trend. But if I want to do it much more quickly, efficiently and effectively, I reach out to somebody who is an expert. Having that conversation with your girlfriend may be a difficult one for you. If you say, hey, I think you're fucking crazy and you need to go talk to a psychologist, I think I can estimate with a high percentage point of accuracy what the response to that is going to be. So I would not take that path. I would frame this conversation through the lens of love and care and concern. I don't think you can force somebody to get help. You can force them to go talk to somebody if you want to, but that doesn't mean they're actually going to do anything while they're there. I think you can knock on the door of ideas, but the most powerful way to do this is maybe to facilitate or help somebody making that decision on their own. And I understand it. I talk a lot about the value of therapy and counseling through the lens of impact of my own life. And that's all I can do. I can't force somebody to get help. I wouldn't. I was just about to say I wouldn't want to force somebody, but the reality is I would if I. I would want to force somebody if they were truly in a place that were struggling and I thought they were harm to themself. But forcing somebody to go somewhere doesn't mean they're going to do anything meaningful there. So I would love to be able to force people. I've come to the realization that I can't. But what I can do is be a consistent and constant message, for nothing is permanent unless you take actions that make them. So downward trends can Be reset, Having a feeling of low self worth as a person, are you ever going to be able to fully shift that and go on the other side of the spectrum? I don't know. But can you make it better than it is right now? Yes, you can. Feeling like you want to give up and end it all again, unless you do something that is permanent. I can say now, in 47 laps around the sun, having been in places where I felt overwhelmed, where I felt like giving up, where I never felt like ending it all again, for clarity, in the lowest portions of my life, by making sure that I did things to see the sunrise the next day and stack another sunrise on top of that, another sunrise on top of that, things changed. Nothing is permanent unless you make it permanent. So I would recommend when this comes up and you need to do this with soft gloves on, right, don't be an overbearing asshole. Love, caring and concern would be the pathways that I would take. If she starts talking about, you know, she just wants to end it all, ask her, have you thought about it? How would you do it? Have you thought about what you would do? Depending on her answer to that, I would probably push harder or softer for her to go to a higher level of care. A therapist of some kind, counselor of some kind, psychiatrist, psychologist. I don't know when you're supposed to go to one or the other. I know one can prescribe drugs, the other one can't. Somebody in that place, though, I bet you they'd benefit from either. So that is what I would do. I would reinforce and support through the lens of love, compassion, caring, all of those things, be there. And with my own children, stepping aside a little bit from the specifics of this email, wanting to end it all with my own children, when it comes to adversity, when it comes to frustration, when it comes to them looking at a goal and they don't know how to achieve it, or it seems overwhelming. One step at a time. Just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Worry less about the totality of the journey and more about where's your next foot gonna land? You got one foot on the ground. Where's your heel strike gonna be for your next step? So digesting these macro like I am not good enough to exist and I can't do it anymore and I just wanna give up. That's a huge view. Get it back down into the micro. Where's my next step? But check under the hood before the engine light goes off. There's such immense value there and I'm not a mechanic by any stretch, but I would bet your average mechanic, let's strip out how much money they can make from you and let's just assume that they're a great mechanic and they actually try to help you maintain your vehicle. I bet you they would say, yeah, it's a better idea to bring in the vehicle for like a yearly checkup as opposed to waiting to hear something falling apart underneath the hood and then you have an emergency on your hands. I think that's relatively sound advice that can be applied to this specific instance of what's going on between somebody's ears. In this case, it's somebody you care about very much. So let's do something about that. Let's figure out a way to move and maneuver a little bit, get some information and gently nudge through that lens of love. Somebody getting a higher level of care. Question number three, Extremely long question that I apologize for. What I appreciate under this is that it was like five sentences. So it's one of the reasons I picked it. You apologize for asking a long question, then asked a relatively short one. Not an easy one, but a short one. So no worries for the extremely long question. My school has adopted something known as SEL Sierra Ecolima, which stands for Social Media Emotional Learning. In the beginning, I thought it wasn't too bad. I thought we would talk about real things, things to help us manage our stress or how to handle a schedule. Then three months ago, I found out that a friend of mine overdosed and passed away. I didn't even know that she was using that, to put it lightly, sucked. The next day. In my SEL class, we talked about bullying. Then just a few weeks ago, another friend of mine took his own life. The next SEL class, we talked about how we should treat others. What the fuck? I am a 16 year old and while I understand the importance of teaching people to not be dicks, I just can't help but somewhat be annoyed that we're learning kindergarten stuff when my friends are dying. I've raised the issue to my teachers and principals and their answers are always something about how my school is poor and there's nothing that they can do about it. I'm going to the next school board meeting, but I just don't know how to get answers to my questions without seeming like an attack on them. I support the idea of sel. It makes sense that we should know to not be assholes. But how can I sit there and listen to some guy who doesn't know jack shit? About me. Tell me that all of my problems can go away if I just gain perspective. I feel like people just don't give a damn. That is a hell of an email from a 16 year old. First and foremost, what you described, losing two friends in that manner at the age that you are at, that sucks. That is a lot to carry and I'm sorry that you are experiencing this now. So let's talk about the school system here and let's just. I understand. I think what the school is trying to do now, what they are trying to do versus the end state that they are achieving are two very different things. And I would love to talk to the principals or the administrators and ask them. This SEL curriculum, is it already structured out and does it have the ability to be moved? Meaning a course of instruction for one week can be moved somewhere else. And the reason I would ask that is if it's locked in place, maybe what they're talking about could be applicable to what's going on in your life right now, which you've kind of described. It's not. So if it's not able to be lifted and shifted, there's a chance that what they're talking about may be meaningful and then there's a chance where it may seem meaningless, which is where you're at right now. The two subjects recently that were brought up had nothing to do what was going on in the reality of your life and students life or at least those two students life in this curriculum. And that is kind of the shitty part about any bureaucracy. They move slowly. The administrators, I would like to think, have some control and ability to talk about realistic real world subjects as they are applying in real time. But they may not have the ability to do so. And so the answer to that question maybe would reduce a little bit of your frustration. It doesn't change anything that has happened in your life or in your friends lives. But it'll give you an understanding of why the curriculum seems a little bit out of touch. They may not have the ability to change that. Is that an excuse for them? No. Because if I was one of those administrators and two of these things happened, I personally, in the interest of the students and giving two fucks about my job, would look at that curriculum and start lifting and shifting to make sure that what students are experiencing in real life are in some way reflective of what you are talking about. Because again, I think I understand what they're talking about. Social, emotional learning, I'm not familiar with that term, but you know, is talking about bullying and the impacts that it could have. A good thing. Yeah, totally. I get that. Talking to people about not being a dick, is that a good thing? Yeah, I totally get that. I mean, is it going to be as useful as they want it to be? I don't know. Is there a world where I could look at this and say, hey, they're just trying to cover their ass and say they did all they did? Yeah, I guess. But. But, you know, I want to believe that people are trying to do the right things for the right reason. Does the solution solve all or any problems? No. Is it better than doing absolutely nothing? Probably. But that's not helping you in your current situation, is it? It's not. So how do you go to a school board meeting and talk about your experiences and not seem like an attack? Here would be my advice. And I wasn't capable of doing this when I was 16. What I would say is do your best to avoid critiquing the current program. The school board. Don't be shocked if when you talk about SEL or bring up sel that all members of the school board, they may not actually know a whole lot about it. You would like to think that it's transparency and everybody is on board with every decision that is made. Stand the fuck by. That's generally not the case. So you might actually have to open with what current program is in place and that may not be a bad idea. Define the environment that you are in as a student. This is what's currently going on from an SEL curriculum perspective. And at that point I would stop and not talk about actually SEL anymore. On the receiving end, I'm trying to think about myself being in a school board or administrator perspective. If I had a young man come up and say, this is the curriculum that currently is at the school and I understand what it is that you're trying to. Doing. Trying to do, I should say. But I want to highlight the reality of the life that the students are living, the situations that we are experiencing. What I would do is talk to them about the two most recent events and how that they're. This is the ecosystem that they created, but this is the ecosystem that you're living in and that you want to make them aware of the impact of these two events with your friends that it's having not only on your life, but on other students life and that you want to help them bridge the gap between what it is that they're trying to do and align that with what is actually going on. I would instead of going in and defining only problems, I would go in and I would provide some solutions. One of them would be perhaps the ability for administrators to at least have the ability to move around curriculum and in the event that things like this actually happen. So you don't have to burn the boat, right? You could just look at the boat and say, well, we need to turn it around or we need to broadside, or I need to go get something down from the middle of the boat. Even though it's oriented in this direction, we need to make a course correction based on the winds that we are currently facing. Hopefully that analogy makes sense. If you go in and you just flame the program absent providing actionable solutions, or at least some ideas for solutions, they're going to be less receptive to what it is that you're saying. If you can go in there, define the program, but then define the reality of life that students are dealing with and how that program could be slightly modified to actually have an impact on the life of the students. If I was on the receiving end of that and work had already been put in on the previous system, and now we're just talking about twisting some screws here a little bit to enhance the outcome. I'm all on board with that. Talk to them about that loss and how it doesn't align with the curriculum that they are trying to put in place to, I would hope, prevent these type of things. It's not that they don't give a shit. It's they're probably not getting real world, objective feedback about this program. Because on paper, Sel, if you were to, you know, all these different bullet points and things that we're going to talk about, oh, that might sound fantastic, we're going to be doing a service and, you know, just gaining perspective that can help with some things. But also at certain phases in your life, it will be impossible for you to have the perspective that you need. So on paper, I bet this program looks great. In practice, that's where it's falling short. And you can be the bridge for these decision makers by explaining to them that gap on paper. And then in practice, if you can do it in that way without just flaming the whole thing, I think you have a really good opportunity to impact and at least hopefully make change. It's not that they don't give a shit. I think more often than not, people just don't know what to do. You know, applying malice where incompetence is a more likely answer is something that I ask myself often. Is somebody doing this Maliciously or are they doing it because they're incompetent? I don't mean to say like incompetent as a person. Maybe they don't have the right information, maybe they don't have the right experience. Maybe they're making uneducated decisions. Maybe they don't know the reality on the ground. Could that be we'll just bottle all that up under the incompetent section? I doubt that the administrators are being malicious. They just might be trending more towards uneducated on the reality of the ground. Because I guarantee you it's tough to remember what it's like being 16 years old and the 16 year olds right now are dealing with more things than the 16 year olds when those administrators were that age. And I think that's always the way and I think every generation, oh my God, it's so different. It's changing and it's blowing up and that's always the way and we always find a way. But I think you constantly need to be reminded, especially as those in a decision making perspective that your view of the reality on the ground is not always the most accurate one. But getting insight from somebody who is living this, who can provide reasonable solutions or suggestions is incredibly powerful. So absolutely attend that meeting. Absolutely get up there and do your best to paint for them the picture of the reality and then make some suggestions so they don't have to start over from zero. They can twist some screws. And I'll end with, again, I'm incredibly sorry that you're having to deal with this. That's a heavy load to carry. It's 16 years old. I will add what I, you know, answered to the last question is this may be a time for you to go and actually talk with somebody about this. Maybe that doesn't feel like a comfortable idea. It didn't feel for me like a comfortable idea at that time. Maybe it's not the solution for you. Maybe you have a friend or a parent, social circle, whatever it is that you can have these conversations with. But if you don't, please don't be afraid of reaching out to somebody who can help you take some of the bricks out of your backpack because they don't take themselves out. We just get better at stuffing them down or getting a better bag that can carry even more of them. And over time that doesn't lead anywhere good. So I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Be the agent of change that you want to see. Change the program to the best of your ability. Try as hard as you can so that other people aren't having the same feeling that you are. And that's all I have for this Friday.