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The Monster Might Be a Sock Puppet | Full Auto Friday | 3.20.2026
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Okay, I got the red smoke. Sun runs north and south west of the smoke. West of the smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Give it to me. I mean, it's clear. Hot coffee, clear night. Well, hello everybody. What is up? It's Friday. You know what it's going to be? It's going to be Q and A next week. Oh, I almost lied to you. I was gonna say that next week is going to be negligent discharge Friday. It might be. I'm gonna record the podcast with my sister the day after this comes out. For those of you who may have questions, this actually, we might as well kick it off with this. So my sister, I've talked about this, I think started her healthcare journey as a nurse. She was a nurse on Camp Pendleton for quite some period of time. Then a nurse practitioner somewhere in there, I think before becoming a practitioner, emergency room nurse, became the practitioner. Ended up focusing quite a bit on hospice, which is end of life care. And now has kind of gone to the other side of that a little bit. She is working specifically, she will work with men, but she is specifically focusing on women around the age where menopause occurs. Pre menopause, perimenopause. Menopause. I don't know if there's a post menopause. I mean I know that that occurs. I don't know if they call it that. Whatever. Shows you exactly how much myself and most men know what we're talk talking about when it comes to that type of stuff with the lady parts and lady bits. I realize most of the audience is probably men, but I bet you a lot of you men have significant others. And I tell you what, I have been pretty shocked by the feedback my sister has gotten when she has solicited for questions or commentary or advice from even just the social circle that I am in. It's a crazy issue. Women for decades basically got screwed by the FDA and their black box or black label warnings on a lot of the hormones that have since been removed, by the way. But this is after decades of women who probably could have gotten some relief and a much higher quality of life were essentially told not to use them or it was going to guarantee cancer and death. So yeah, things have changed. Ask your significant other. So there's still chance when this comes out. She'll be in Montana by the time this come out. But there's a chance if you have a question she'll be able to answer it. So I guess put your question on this episode's comments and I'll do my best to get them to her. I think it's going to be the easiest episode I've ever done because I'm just going to let her run with all the questions. I was going to say it was going to be like a full out of Friday or whatever it's going to be. It may be next Friday's episode depending on how long she talks for. If she goes for a couple of hours and goes through all these questions, I'll make it a Monday episode because I don't want to cut it short. I truly have been very surprised by the number of people that have reached out because this issue is just touching their life, whether directly as the woman or indirectly as the significant other associated with that. So that's what look forward to next Friday. What else has been new? I just got back from St. Louis. I did Andy Frisella's podcast. Such an awesome dude. We hung out for a couple hours before and we're just BSing. Man, that guy is building something, has built something that is pretty impressive. You know, if you think you're an entrepreneur, go visit him for a day and you will leave there with a fire under your ass after seeing what is possible and what he has built and how he has built it. What else? Thank you to everybody who has supported the upcoming book release. Like four weeks out at this point. It's the feedback and support has been unbelievable. The book is sitting right now like number 200 on Amazon and that's out of the millions of different books that they offer there. It hasn't even come out yet. It's number two or three on a couple of lists of books that are already out. Some of them have like 40, 50,000 reviews and it's sitting right there. It's not even out yet. So to say that I am, I'm humbled by the support. I really am. I don't know what to expect as this thing comes out. I don't. I mean, I know that the book lists are considered the metric of success. The New York Times is such an interesting one. The closer it gets to release date, the more honest people are about not knowing what it takes to actually make that list. And I found a article where the New York Times actually had to admit in court that making the list is an editorial choice and has nothing to do with sales. They had to be sued for them to be honest about that. So we'll see how it goes at the end of all of it. I'd much rather would have somebody Find the book and take from the book the tools that will help them with whatever it is they're dealing with in their life. So I'll put a link down to that in below. And I also started a newsletter for the podcast. Nine years into this, right. I figured, you know what? It's time. You know, when the time was that I should have done it. Yeah, nine years ago. So whatever. Perfect example of how I absolutely don't have everything figured out. So you can go to cleartodcast.com, you can sign up for that. There's also a PDF there that I. I want to talk about this. It's something called the Operator Code. And let me say this before I say anything else about it. I, in no uncertain terms, have life figured out. I don't have all the answers. I make mistakes. I go down directions that I think are the right ones to go down, and then I find out that they're not. So I'll do a U turn and I'll come back. But I get very asked very often. Where should people start? How should they structure their life? I mean, even some of the questions I'll answer today might fall into those things. So created a document called the Operator Code. It's seven different pillars, seven different slices of the pie, if you will. And this is a work in progress, right? I'm not. Again, I don't have all this figured out, but this is my first attempt at getting something into people's hands so they have something tangible. The difference in my own life when I have something that I can look at and reference is immense. So I recognize the need for that, that it's free. Go to the website. I think it's at the very bottom of the page. Put in your email, they'll send it to you. They being the website. Also working on another one for kids and for parents with kids. Working very closely with Leah on this, who is a children's coach. She teaches adults as well, too, but has a background in education, multiple master's degrees. Has coached children's activities, specifically jiu jitsu, for many years now. Her insight on this is unbelievable. And the gym that I trained, it has a framework for coaching and training kids. So this document is influenced by that, for sure. Work in progress. That'll be out at some point. But go get it for free and download and then please give me some feedback on it. Like I said, a work in progress. And I by no means have life figured out. I think that's it. Let's get into some questions. Regular Q and A for today. Let us begin. Today's episode is brought to you by Helix. As I've said so many times, this is the easiest ad read I'll ever do because the only mattresses I have slept on for coming up on I think seven years now are Helix. When my wife and I travel, and we travel consistently, almost every flight home, that last flight where we're getting back to where we live, we say the same thing. God, I cannot wait to get back into our bed. Cause it's so awesome. The bottom line is this Helix mattresses help you sleep better. They did a study and they found that 82% of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress. These mattresses are award winning. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by expert like Forbes and Wired. They have free shipping and seamless delivery. They're going to deliver this mattress right to your door with free shipping in the US you're going to try to pick it up and move it by yourself and you're going to not understand how it has the density of a dying star. Have two people do me a favor, take it into the room right next to where you want to unbox this thing. You're going to take it out of the box and it's going to look very rolled up because it is very rolled up. And then you're going to very carefully get it out of the plastic and as it expands, you're going to slide it onto the bed frame. Don't open it. In the room where the bed frame is not, there's 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty. And they have a happy with Helix guarantee. The guaranty offers a risk free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. If you don't know where to start, they have a Helix Sleep Qu. You go to their website and it's gonna ask you questions. Do you sleep on your side, your back, Firm, hot, cold, whatever it may be. And it works its way down to the mattress that they will select for you. Good news for the listener. They just entered into their March madness sale. So if you go to helixsleep.com cleared hot, you're gonna get 20% off site wide. That is helixsleep.com clearedhot for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter in the name of the show after checkout so they know that I sent you helix sleep.com ClearedHot. Away we go. We're going positive right out of the gate. I know people are like, oh, man, what's it going to be today? What, is Andy going to light somebody up? And which, by the way, there's a comment like, oh, Andy's getting real comfortable lighting people up. I don't like lighting people up. I don't like having harsh or negative feedback. But sometimes you need to get that to include myself. But today we're going in the other direction. So here we go. Longtime listener, first time writer. So I'll start off by saying thank you for all the unsolicited advice on Friday's show. I know that I'm not the only one that can use a ton of the wisdom that you share, but I. I don't know what questions to ask. So thank you on behalf of all of us. Anyways, I took a leap of faith this week and flew to Kalispell, which is why, where I live, by the way, to chase a girl. For context. I'm 41 years old and from San Diego, also the town that I moved from before I came up here. Right. Are we getting stalker vibes yet? Just joking. This person's not a stalker. I like, really like this email. So I thought this through a little bit. I've known her for a few years and I have always known she was the one for me. We've each let life get in the way and I regret not marrying her sooner. She moved to Kalispell last year and I realized in my time away from her that everything in San Diego was empty for me. I have the great job, I own a home in San Diego county, and I pay the mortgage on a single income, which is a miracle in and of itself. Yes, that is because the medium family income in San Diego I think, is approaching seven figures. I came up here and I surprised her. Our first conversation face to face in almost a year took place on the same couch in your coffee shop that I write this email from. I wish this dude had told me he was coming up here or had reached out while you were up here because I would have met you and bought you a coffee for sure. I would have loved to hear the story in person. I laid all my cards on the table and told her how I feel. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. She is my unicorn. It went very well. And even though both of us have logistical challenges in front of us, I believe we will spend the rest of our lives together and be married in the future. Which brings me to my question. I've never been married and I'm trying to look out way on the horizon. Can you speak to some basic advice for someone in my situation? Having been married twice, I feel you can speak to this. What are things I can do and work on leading up to this? Was there anything you learned that surprised you about walking into your marriages? You can go baby steps with me or big picture. I would just love your input. Great job on the coffee shop, by the way. I know the thing is awesome. I wish everybody could come see it. Very, very Montana esque. There's elk all over the place and an antelope that my wife shot. Love and respect from San Diego to Kalispell. So first off, awesome. Good. Good for you, sir, for reaching into your pockets, finding your balls, getting on the airplane and just, I'm not gonna say throwing caution to the wind, but throwing your chips down on the table. I wish that more people will get to a place in their life where they did something like this. It doesn't have to be relationship, but I mean, they reflect, they think about something that they wish they would have done and they change their circumstances and they go do it. And it doesn't have to be crazy risk associated. Maybe it's a trip that you wanted to make, maybe it's the girl that you wish you had said something about and you went and did it. Maybe it's applying for a job. Whatever it might be. I'm here to tell you as somebody who's put their chips on the table a few times in their life, that is where the magic sauce and juice often comes from in life. The bigger the risk, sometimes the bigger the cup of juice associated with that. And the juice is the good stuff. I don't know why I'm using juice as an example, but if you're into grapefruit or kiwi or whatever it might be, whatever exotic fruit does it for you, man, how good does it taste when you go all in and it works out in your favorite? Now, was it a guarantee that it was going to go this way for this guy? No, absolutely not. But that's actually what makes it so awesome. Please, nobody hear me say be irresponsible. Don't think it through. Don't calculate the risk versus reward. Don't go out there and risk your life for something that might be overly cavalier, that has no reward whatsoever. I'm not saying any of those things. But when I look at the things in my life that I value the most, they are the ones that I have worked the hardest for or I had to make a decision that put me into a tenuous place. And again, not physical risk, but maybe just uncertainty and unknown path ahead of me that I have the most value in. So consider that we only get one lap around the track. Nobody knows how long that's going to be. You might be 9, 10 done, or you might be 1 10th started. Why wait? I do not want to be on my deathbed feeling the emotion of regret because at that point in time, all the things that you wish you had done are going to be out of your reach. Unless it's asking your wife to get you enough carrot cake to choke a donkey and eating that on your deathbed. Which I think I might consider that when it comes time for me. Now let's get back to the email. Some advice on marriages, man. Having one that failed and then having one where I have redefined what it means for myself to be happy and I think have a better understanding of actually what love is. I definitely can't say I'm an expert because there's a reason that the first marriage failed. I certainly had a hand in that. I wasn't a perfect partner. I made mistakes and there are a lot of things I wish were different. Having said that, I would go through the entire thing again because even though my children will absolutely frustrate me at times and also make me think that they are intentionally trying to to with me and ruin my life, they are the most amazing expressions of human beings that I've ever seen. So that was worth it for sure. What would I recommend though, for somebody going into this that maybe could allow you to skip some of the mistakes that I made? Before I say anything, I'm obviously not an expert in this. I'm not a counselor, I'm not a therapist. But I will give you some advice. First piece one is this one. And this might help you really head off some problems along the way, even as you are facing these logistical challenges. Because there are going to be logistical challenges. You guys aren't co located right now. I feel like somebody's going to have to move. There's going to have to be some change here. Communicate, communicate. And I don't mean spend time on the phone or FaceTime talking about things that don't matter. You don't have to have every conversation. Doesn't have to be this deep, philosophical, existential conversation either. But if there is anything that you are uncertain about or anything that you're uneasy about, don't let it fester. So if you feel uncomfortable about something or you're worried about something, make sure you get it out there and talk about it, especially with distance, and especially while you guys are working out the logistics of how this is going to work. Time does make some things better. I don't find it to make feelings, especially feelings of uncertainty or hurt or resentment any better. So address them early and often. Now, there's the other side of that coin as well, too, because I would hope that your future partner would do exactly the same thing. So if somebody in the relationship is coming to you and is coming to you with how they feel, and perhaps they're heard, hurt, or unheard, or they are concerned about something, my biggest piece of advice to you is this. Before trying to rush to find a solution to their problem, before trying to think about how whatever this person is saying isn't your fault, or to deflect away from it, or even to accept responsibility or accountability for it, just listen. Take the time to listen and let this person get it out before you jump in. Especially if you're the type of person that wants to jump in and solve everybody else's problems. That doesn't always work. And oftentimes when people are voicing to you frustration or concern, they're not actually looking for a solution to the problem. They're looking for somebody who is willing to listen. And then them talking through it and getting it off their shoulders is going to make them feel substantially better about it to begin with. So communicate early and often and listen when the other person is doing exactly the same thing to you. I think that in and of itself is more than half of the battle. Resentment is a bastard. It grows. And if anybody out there listening to this is anything like me, I don't have the ability to read somebody's mind, which therefore tells me nobody else has the ability to read my mind. So I could be super frustrated and upset about something that somebody else doesn't even realize happened, or is a complete and utter miscommunication. And if I choose to not say something and the resentment grows in that, is that the other person's fault? No, I don't think it is. Now, if they said something that's making you feel that way, sure, they should have some accountability and responsibility for that. But since we have recognized that nobody can read minds, the best thing that you can do is just communicate with that. If in the communication process, if it starts to escalate, if it starts to get emotional, especially if you're on the phone, do me a favor, stop it before it gets too far, and just say, hey, I think we should stop. At this point, I don't want to see this escalate any further. Can I call you back in an hour? Go for a walk, right, 30 minutes, 20 minutes. Whatever it is, you don't have to finish every single conversation that has started. So that's my advice on communication. The last thing I'll say is this. If this person is your unicorn, if they are your person, please realize that there is no need to rush. If they are your person and you've had this conversation and you have found alignment in your goals and the trajectory that you want to go together, there is no reason to force or rush anything. Does that mean it may not be as optimal as you want it to be right now because you have to go back to living your independent lives? Yeah, that's what it means. But that's okay because it sounds to me like you told her that she's your person. I feel like she told you back that she thinks you're her person too, or maybe is pretty sure that she is. It sounds like it went well. I don't know if you got that much of like a resounding high five on the way back, but it sounds like it went pretty good. So you have that foundation to build from. Don't rush. Don't try to jam a square peg into a round hole. Think through the steps that you need to make so that there isn't resentment or something that you wish you would have done differently as you both figure out together, which is super important, how you want to tackle the this and finding your way back to being in the same place and sharing your lives together. From unsolved mysteries to unexplained phenomena, from comedy goal to relationship fails. Amazon Music's got the most ad free top podcasts included with prime because the only thing that should interrupt your listening is, well, nothing. Download the Amazon Music app today. I I know a few people and I think most people listening to this, let's say that are in their 30s are going to know some people who have described similar situations. Not the maybe necessarily flying somewhere and, and meeting somebody, facing to face and kind of, you know, laying your heart out there on your sleeve, but somebody who is convinced that they found their person and they really, really dumped the car into fifth gear and got to the finish line. And by that I mean the marriage and the rest of life as fast as humanly possible, maybe even to the point of not knowing the person that well, they were in lust perhaps instead of in love. And those are two very different things, those situations. I don't like the terms Always and never, but seem to have a far lower statistical likelihood of success than those that enter into a relationship at what I'll call a more traditional or normal frame. Again, if it's actually your person and you're communicating and you're back and you're connected as a couple, maybe not physically yet, because you got to figure out who's going to live where. Obviously the answer to that is move to Kalispell, because San Diego has like 58 billion people living in it. And it'll take you three hours to drive four miles sometimes, even though I guess that's possible here, too. But there's 1.1 million people in the state. It's just way better. We can do 1.1 million plus one more. I think you're going to be okay. And everybody else in Montana is going to be okay, too. Take your time. Don't rush it. Figure it out. So neither side in the back of their mind has that build, building like little tick, festering ember of resentment. What's the worst case scenario? It might take a little bit longer. Well, you have the rest of your lives together if you are, in fact, each other's person. Those are the two biggest pieces of advice that I would give you. I would change, you know, communication. As you spend time with somebody, you can develop a little bit of a sense of, I don't want to say laziness, because that's not it. And it's not apathy either. Communication just shifts. You get used to spending time around somebody. You get accustomed to them being a part of your life. It just becomes what you are used to. And maybe the things that you would have wanted to say or that you used to say, you stop. Because life just changes a little bit. Don't let that happen. I'm here to tell you that's one of the biggest mistakes that I am doing my absolute best to change moving forward. And other than that, yeah, best of luck. I feel like you're gonna come up and visit between now and when you guys figure this out. So next time, email me before you come up here, and I'll meet you guys in the coffee shop on me. High fives for hopefully the new couple. And then obviously, when you get married in Montana, yes, I will officiate. I'm not legally allowed to do so or have any certification, but, yeah, I think we could probably make that happen. And that's all I have for question numero uno. Question number two. Pretty radically shifting gears, but here we go. Hello, Andy. I hope this email finds you well. My name is redacted and I have been listening to your podcast and others that you have made guest appearances on for a number of years now. Thank you for the support over those years. I hope you've gotten something out of it. In particular, I'm a fan of the Full Auto Friday installments. Well, here we are sir. You are a part of one There's a lot of good lessons to be learned from the situations others find themselves in. So far though, I haven't heard an episode that covers what I have going on. In the event that there is an episode that covers this topic, please forgive me for asking a repeat question. To be blunt, I am a pussy. I am almost 30 year old man and I am at a point where fear and anxiety rule my life. I let the what ifs control what I do. For example, I want to start lifting weights, but I think oh what if I hurt my back permanently or tear something that will require surgery to be fixed? What if I die under anesthesia from that surgery? So I see where this is going. This is called a snowball, collecting mass and velocity as it goes downhill. I want to start doing Jiu jitsu, but I think oh what if a guy cranks on my neck wrong and paralyzes me trying a new restaurant? I think man I hope I don't get food poisoning. Afraid to fly, afraid to drive in big cities like San Francisco and la, et cetera. You name this scenario and my brain automatically goes to the worst outcome and it happens with damn near everything. Some of these fears aren't necessarily unfounded. I have some disc issues in arthritis in my neck. Doctors say that it is mild and some mild knee problems, a funky shoulder and a bad elbow. Nothing serious in all caps but enough to make me hyper concerned of furthering my existence or my furthering my existing injuries, getting new ones. Ironically working out and training would help my overall health. If I learned Jiu jitsu I would have more confidence about my own self defense capabilities for myself and the people around me. But these fears always pop in. And what makes it worse? I understand that these are irrational fears. Could these things happen? Sure. But the odds are low. So why does my brain jump to the worst case scenario? I do have some other genuine worries that have a higher probability. For example, I still live at home mainly because I try to help support my folks. They are aging, not in great health and unfortunately didn't plan for their advanced age and have a very good income or a savings. So I help out financially and with things around the house my girlfriend wants us to move in together, which sounds awesome. It would be nice to have our own space and to do our own thing. However, one bad event on my parents end and they would then they very well could end up in some serious financial shit. The kind that could sink the ship. If that happened, would I have enough money to bail them out? I'm not so sure. Also, another thought that runs through my mind is if I were to get severely injured, paralyzed type stuff or die, who would be there for them if they needed it? These are beer these are big fears for me. All of this is to say I need to make changes for the betterment of mine and my family's future. I understand that staying stagnant will not improve anything, but I am afraid of the possible negative outcomes and for some reason the possible outcomes are overshadowed by the bat. How can I change this? You have been in more tense and life threatening situations than I ever will be. You practically made defying death and staring fear in the face a hobby. How do you do it? And how do I stop hyper fixating on some benign that is unlikely to happen in the first place? There must be something I am doing wrong. Is it all mindset? Is it a confidence issue? I often feel it is because of a lack. I often feel it's because a lack of contingencies. But I can't plan for every possible bad outcome. Is it as simple as just saying it? If it happens, it happens. How can I break this paralysis by analysis cycle and lead a more effective and productive life? Damn. This is a lot. There is a lot going on here. There is one thing that stuck out here first to me among many going way back up here into this email and what makes it worse is I understand that these are irrational fears. I don't. I wouldn't choose that word. Everything you described from jiu jitsu to somebody cranking on your neck and then becoming paralyzed and then dying in surgery with your anesthesia to working out and hurting yourself or driving or flying. I don't think those fears are irrational because statistically they are possible, they just aren't very probable. So I would change that to the sentence. I understand that these are improbable fears and that is where I would start building back from that. I will say this as well. You seem to have by the age of 30, a deep and recognized struggle with your own thought process. And I'm not saying that negatively. I think it's actually a really good thing that you can write this email and express it to me the way that you did because that means that you're self aware and you are trying to figure out what is going on. I am not an expert in how the brain works, but there are experts out there. There are counselors and therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists. They're not all created equal. Some of them are way better than others. But I guarantee you there are people out there who specialize in helping somebody exactly like yourself develop and put the tools into place to restructure the path that your brain is taking. It is pretty well entrenched right now, I would say. It seems like every thought that you have or idea or maybe even desire of what you want to want to change into your life is immediately off ramped and you start, go. It's like water going through a pathway that has been just slowly carved out over time. Well, you might need to talk to somebody who can help you carve a different path or start chipping away at one of those walls so when the water comes down, it can take a different journey. I'm not that person, but I know those people are out there. I have struggled with negative self talk at times in my life and what I needed to do was talk to a professional a about recognizing the things that potentially led up to that. Is it a physical situation? Is it a day where I didn't eat well, hydrate well, low on sleep, something not catastrophic. Catastrophic, wow. One of those days. Catastrophic or you know, an emotional event that could have occurred in my day. Is it. Was it the natural cycle of up and down for me, but understanding that A, it could be just something in the physical world, but also B, I could be just playing the role of my own worst enemy and then developing tools to help me recognize first and then interrupt that process. Simple, not easy. Just because you are able to identify it doesn't mean you're just going to be able to reorient your thoughts. Because it sounds like you have three decades of your thoughts working the way that they are. But those tools will 100% help you. So my first piece of advice, find somebody who specializes. This to me sounds like a mindset issue. The underlying root cause of that, I have absolutely no idea. But I will turn that over to the professional that can help you out with that. You know, you talk about you have some injuries, you have some mild knee problems, a funky shoulder, a bad elbow, some arthritis in your neck. How did you get those things? I feel like you've been active at some point in time in your life. You left that out here a Little bit. And one thing I will say is this working out and training would not only help your overall health, it is going to help your skeletal system. It's going to restructure the way that your body carries itself. The stats are 100%, a hundred percent back. Specifically when it comes to men. The amount of muscle mass that you can carry into your later years has a direct correlation to your functional ability, your health span, if you will, versus lifespan. Lifespan being how long it is before you die. Healthspan being how long it is you're actually functional in life and healthy and able to go out and live the life. Which right now it sounds like you're a little bit afraid to do. And that's okay. I mean, right? We all have our good days and we all have our bad. Sounds like you might be having a few more bad days than good. Because again, when you look into the mirror, you're seeing your worst enemy. Or maybe you're not, because you can't really see what's going on inside of your head. But the little assassin is definitely up there doing work. Or a little, a little evil elf, if you will, is up there with a little chisel in the hand when he's just going away. Whatever it is you have structured or figured out up there, and we got to figure out a way to get that guy out of there. We got to figure out a way to take that control, reorient it. You clearly have the ability to think. You clearly have the ability to reason. Let's reorient that on the physical side. Okay, Lifting weights. Let me go find exactly that paragraph. Hold on a sec. Because there was something. Okay, I want to start lifting weights. Well, what if I hurt my back permanently and tear something? That will require surgery to be fixed. Okay, well do this though, slowly. Graduate your way into all of these things that you are currently afraid of. Right now, you are afraid of lifting weights. Here's what I want you to do for 30 days because you want to lift weights. We're going to get there, but we're going to take baby steps. So do me a favor, for 30 days, just go for a 20 minute walk. That's all I want you to do for 30 days. Is it possible that you could injure yourself on a walk? It really is. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say you couldn't trip, that you couldn't roll your ankle, that you couldn't get hit by a car. I mean, it's possible. But here's the deal. Maybe Just go make left hand turns around a block or right hand turns, buddy, whatever you want to do. Do half the walk, left hand turns, half the walk, right hand turns, don't cross the street, right, we'll take that out of the equation. Go walk for 20 minutes every single day. And then do me a favor, write me back after those 30 days and let me know with even just that small goal for yourself, do you feel better or worse about your physical conditioning? Because now you're gonna have a 30 day template that you can look back on. And I'm gonna hypoth and make an assumption that in those 30 days you're not going to hurt yourself, but your body might be feeling a little bit better. And if 20 minutes becomes easy at the 15 day mark, double it or let's not get crazy, let's go to 30 minutes or 40, whatever it is, whatever you want to do. I just want you to walk for 30 days straight. And it's not even actually about the walking, even though it is actually about the walking. The physical activity is going to help you for sure. It's about setting a pattern, setting a routine, and showing yourself that you are capable of setting a goal and achieving it. Because what I feel like you're struggling with here in just about everything that you mentioned is momentum. You want to start these things, but the overshadowing perceived potential consequences, whether they are real or unreal, are preventing you from taking the first step. And if you're standing still, there's no ability to gather momentum. But if you can get a few steps under your belt and expose yourself to these things, I think what you're going to find is naturally, over time, you will develop, you'll. Right now the scales are like this. You have the one that's way up in the air because it's the lightest, because it's the least that you have. That's your experience doing these things that you want to do. And down here you have all this existential worry, dread and doubt. If you can slowly get into these, what you're going to find is at some point in time the scales are going to start to move. And it's not going to start to move on the first day. Let me tell you that right now, or the fifth day, it might not even be the tenth day. You might not feel it. Let's use the example again of walking for 30 days. You might not feel it until like the 25th day. You might not feel it to the last day, but you will, you will feel it. I assure you that you will. You have to stick through it. And if you can show yourself what's possible just by doing something like that, that I think is going to have tremendous impact across the broad spectrum of how you're feeling right now. What we need to get for you is we got to get a win. We got to get something for you in the W column. Okay, let's address the living situation with your wife. And, you know, we could. Let me see if I can baby step you into everything that you mentioned. So you want to start lifting weights? We'll get to that. We're just going to be active first. And then just so you know, when it goes in there to lifting weights, you're not going to blow your body out with the lightest weight that is in the gym, even with, honestly, like, incredibly bad, horrendous technique. Unless you pick up a super light dumbbell and start smashing yourself in the face with it, you're going to be able to get through some workouts again, baby stepping your way into it. If you do want to hurt yourself, you jump into the deep end. Not without knowing how to swim, right? Nobody advocates that as a good way to test somebody's survival ability. They're like, yeah, maybe you should learn how to swim before you get in the water. It's a really good idea. So you could go to the gym after we walk for 30 days, though, and I can give you that same template. You're going to go and work out at a level that may not even rise your resting heart rate or would cause you to sweat. Because the point is exposure and a little bit of experience and showing yourself that the monster that you think you have to slay, it may be a sock puppet instead, as opposed to something breathing fire in the cave of your mind. So on the gym one, we're going to walk first, and then we could talk about taking it really easy and just exposing yourself to that gym environment. You want to start doing Jiu Jitsu. I don't even want to talk to you about doing Jiu jitsu until you have some time that month of walking and a little bit of time in the gym, just reinforcing to yourself that basic human movement patterns are not going to hurt you. And then when it comes to Jiu jitsu, I would recommend you start at a school that has a foundations class that has a much lower level of intensity to begin with, where you're just learning the letters of the Alphabet before they ask you to create a sentence or a word with the them. It's an incremental exposure. The intensity can come later. Trying a new restaurant. Man, I hope I don't get food poisoning. That's probably the most reasonable fear out of all the ones you listed. I've had few food poisoning a few times. There's nothing like something ejecting out of every orifice of your body at the same time. The best ab workout I've ever had in my life was food poisoning. I I think I got the best oblique workout I've ever gotten in my life. It was horrible. I don't recommend it. It. The probability of it having happening is super low. Look at the reviews before you go. Don't go try a one star restaurant. Maybe go try to try something a little bit closer to five stars. The if the worst thing that you're worried about is food poisoning on that one, I'm going to use your words all the way here at the bottom and say it. If it happens, it happens. When it comes to trying a new restaurant, let's go ahead and gravitate towards that headspace because food is awesome. And trying new restaurants if you like, the food can be awesome too. So let's not, let's not not live our life because we might get food poisoning. Right. That's way easier to deal with than hurting yourself and dying under anesthesia. So okay, so we talked about existing further injuries. I talked about how working out is actually going to probably prevent you from getting those things. The jiu jitsu, stuff like that. Yep. Well, we'll incrementally get our way into that things. We talked that the irrational fields are probably just more improbable. Okay. Some other genuine worries that have a higher probability. You still live at home. It's awesome that you're able to do that for your family. I will say this. At some point in time you probably are going to need to get out on your own though and continue to live your own life. If you've got sounds like you got a girlfriend, which is great, she wants to move in with you. If what you're doing for your family, if they are still physically capable to handle the day to day, I would say explore getting your own place with your girlfriend and putting a little bit of money aside in case your mom and dad have a catastrophe from a financial situation. I don't know if they own their house, I don't know if they're renting their house. But there are solvable ways from the economics. And also if you have your own place, I mean worst case scenario, absolute worst case scenario, Guess what? Your parents could come live with you for a little bit while you guys sort it. Is that optimal? God, I don't think so at all. Do I want that for anybody? Definitely not. But is it an option? Yeah. And it's an option before catastrophe. Right? We don't have to catastrophize everything. Every problem in the world has solutions. And nothing is permanent unless you do something catastrophic to make it so. So all of this stuff is solvable. If you have your own place and you have the ability to economically still support your parents, it's going to give them that sense of independence. And quite frankly, they need to be doing as much as possible as it is to sustain their extend their health span and their lifespan. So they could be working on that and you still could be helping out financially, assuming you could have a place of your own and when needed, help them out financially as well. You'd be surprised what happens when people who think that they have no other options or ability to figure it out are put into a place where they have to do either of those two things. Oftentimes, action takes place. Oftentimes solutions to the problems that they are presented with are solved by the people being presented with that problem instead of somebody else doing it for them. Am I saying abandon your parents? No. I'm saying don't forget to live your own life as well too. There are solutions to this. If they have a financial issue that could sink the ship, well, good thing you have another one with your girlfriend. And how much fun could that possibly be, right? A lot of it. Okay. All this to say is I need to make changes. Awesome. You've identified that you need to if you want to fail. Take a gigantic bite out of this and try to do too much too soon, too quickly. It's going to suck. Don't do that. I would actually rather see you start doing things that you may not even notice are going to have an impact on your life in real time because you have to stack so many small steps than try to broad jump the Grand Canyon, fall fat on your face, and then tell yourself, I'm never going to try that again because of the experience that just happened. Slow, steady, consistent work across a variety of these things because we've talked about quite a bit. So how can I stop hyper fixating and begin on benign? You're going to go talk to an expert on this. They're going to help you with tools. There must be something that I'm doing wrong. That's not true. That's not an accurate statement at all. This isn't a matter of right or wrong. Right. This is your life. You can live it however you want to. You just happen to be voicing that you want to change your life. Nobody can change your life for you. The person that you're going to go talk with can't change your life for you. They can provide tools, homework, and things that you need to do. But the only person that is going to be able to change your life is yourself. And don't forget that because I don't want you pointing fingers at anybody else. This isn't a matter of right or wrong. Wrong. This is just a matter of where you are now versus where you want to be. And it's going to take sustained effort over time to close that gap. Is it all mindset? Nothing is all mindset. There is physical capacity in this as well. But we talked about being active. So as you start feeling better physically, guess what's going to happen? You're going to start feeling better mentally as well. Is it a confidence issue? Of course. Confidence is wrapped up in this because right now you are paralyzed by the fears that you are having. Once you start having success and stacking success one on top of another, you're not going to have an issue with confidence anymore. You will get there. That goes back to that scale analogy that I was talking about. I often feel it's because of a lack of contingencies. You can contingency plan yourself to paralysis. At some point you have to go out and execute the plan and realize that things are going to change. The more competent you are as a human being, the more resilient you are as a human being, the more you will be able to tolerate the shifts and changes that life throws at you. You, which is why you need to do the things that you are asking about. You need to make the changes that you are asking about. Is it as simple as just saying it? If it happens, it happens. Sometimes, yes. The more confidence you get, the more capable that you get. The more reps that you have that go in your favor, the more enticing that is going to become. You know why? Because you'll have the tools, you'll have the experience. And so if it happens, if it happens, and it will, it's not going to bother you as much because you know you're going to be able to navigate it and figure it out. Slow steps, momentum. Go chat with somebody who specializes in this. That's all I got for question number two. Today's episode is brought to you by Ridge have you ever heard of the term the Costanza wallet? It's something like my dad has where I think it's a trifold and, and I don't know how somebody has that much stuff in their wallet, let alone doesn't have horrible, horrible debilitating back problems from sitting on it all day long. I feel like he has his 79 years worth of receipts jammed up into one wallet. That's the opposite of what Ridge is. Ridge is a unique, slim and modern design that holds up to 12 cards. And let's be honest, did we really need more than 12 cards, people? It's made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium and if you're into it, carbon fiber. 50 plus colors to choose from. I'd show you mine right now, but it's in my truck which is where my wallet is half the time. Thankfully I can pay for things on my phone because yeah, that's kind of my jam. Recently all Ridge products also have a lifetime warranty. So this could potentially be the last wallet you'll ever have to buy. And in the world that we live in, knowing that people may be out there stealing your electronics, signature, your electronic information, hopefully it gives you peace of mind knowing that all Ridge wallets have RFID blocking technology. There are over 100,000 five star reviews for these wallets. Maybe you already have one. Well, don't forget that Ridge makes a variety of other premium everyday carry essentials like power banks, key cases, suitcases and rings all built with the same sleek, durable design. Whatever you pick, Ridge has free shipping, 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty on all of their products. So for a limited time, listeners are going to get 10% off at Ridge by using the code cleared hot at checkout. Just head to ridge.com and use code cleared hot and you're all set. After your purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please do me a favor, support the show and let them know that I sent you back to the show. Question 3. Hello Andy, I hope you are well. I'm a 36 year old husband, dad and professional looking to start practicing jiu jitsu when choosing a gym. What should I look for? I'm not interested in joining with coaches that don't know what they're talking about where I end up getting injured. I love the podcast, looking forward to the book. I don't find that it's coaches that don't know what they're talking about that would lend you towards getting injured. I would say that the training environment you are going to be entering and the partners, the training partners that you're going to be training with probably have the biggest factor as to whether or not you were going to get injured as well as your approach to training. You're 36 years old. Old. It's definitely not too old. I picked it up at 40, somewhere between 40 and 41. So you got plenty of time to get started. I could ask this question about every six months, which is why I answer it about every six months. A bunch of times in between people will ask it. I don't want to overdo it, but my advice is always the same. And I get this advice from my wife Leah, who is way better at Jiu Jitsu than I am. She's been doing it way longer than I have been doing it. She's also a professional coach and competitor and she travels around the world and does seminars. So. So yeah, in comparison to myself, she knows what she is talking about and I don't. And this is what she'll tell people. Look at the makeup of the mat because it will tell you a lot about the culture of the gym. As an example, if you go into a gym and it looks like a dungeon in a basement somewhere and it's like concrete exposed walls and it's 20 year olds with their shirt off and they are beating the ever living fuck out of each other and just going hard and that's all you see. And they don't have a kids program and there are zero women that are on the mat and it's all the 20 year olds. That is probably an environment where you are going to be treated like a training dummy because those people are utilizing Jiu Jitsu or doing Jiu Jitsu for a different reason. They're probably hyper competitive. And I don't mean, I guess I do mean competitive in the role, but also maybe competitive in the competitions, the Jiu Jitsu competition, circuit. And if you're not ready for that, but if you're not ready for that type of fight club, do not enter the mats there and you're going to be okay. That is, I've been in those rooms. That is an experience. If you don't want that experience, it's not awesome. If that is what you are looking for, let me just tell you, it is going to be exactly what you want and need. So again, my wife's advice, look at the makeup of the mat. Here's what she says. It should look a lot like society. A diverse representation of both age and men and women. One of our black belts At SBG here in Kalispell. His name is Jose. I think he's 116. No, he's in his 60s for sure. I was, I had just started at the gym when my coach gave a black belt to a man who, God, if he was in his 50s, Good for you, sir. But I think he was in his 60s when he got his black belt. And actually I think Jose is in his late 50s, maybe early 60s, but I think he got his black belt in his 50s. And there's also kids all the way down to four. Now we don't. Those classes aren't combined. So they have a full robust kids program and I think they break them up by every two years. Pretty sure that's what they do. And they have leadership programs inside of all that and coaching and it's a really cool structure that they have for the kids aside, I don't go to those classes. So I don't think that's what Leah is talking about when she says look at the, the makeup of the actual mat she's talk about in an adult class. And you're going to have people who are graduating the teen program. So the lower end of the spectrum, people in their early twenties all the way up to us gray haired folks, right, the dinosaurs that should never be out there in the first place. And we have to use things like wisdom to submit people and cheating. And by that I mean just laying on top of them until they just get tired. It's called old Man Jitsu. It's not a big deal. Men and women, I'm not going to say the split is 50, 50, I've yet to see that yet. But a good assortment of women on the mat as well. And you know, if you go and you look at one class, I wouldn't make your entire judgment on just one class. The classes at. I just went to a class today, a Wednesday class. The Friday class is sometimes different people and so it fluctuates a little bit. Go get a couple looks to give yourself a better idea. Like as an example last week we've had the worst winter when it comes to snow in the history of winters, but it nuked for a couple of days. So Wednesday's class was a little bit thin because people were out there getting after it on the slopes. If somebody had come and watched that day, they'd be like, why are there four people here? Which I think there actually were about four people, maybe six tops. But then today there was 25, right? Men, women, younger men, younger women. The whole gambit so look for that type of culture. Ask them about a women's program. Ask them if they have a women's program there. There should be if the gym has been around for a while. And this is. So I'm directly repeating something Leah was saying recently. A women's black belt, which is when she was coming up, super uncommon. She got her black belt the same night as another woman in Portland. I'm almost positive they were the first two female black belts in all of Oregon. That has changed. There are more women participants in the sport. Jiu jitsu has grown. It's a really good sign if there's also a female black belt with the men. Again, diversity. And that is more reflective of what you're going to see when it comes to society out there on the mat. It's diverse. It's like, okay, this is a welcoming environment for just about everybody. And that's what you're looking for because again, you're a professional outside of the gym. So you are looking to be exactly what I am when it comes to jiu jitsu, A hobbyist. I don't do jiu jitsu for a living. I have competed a few times only because my wife is gonna be there and I wanted to go travel with her. So I said, screw it, sign me up. Other than that, have no aspirations to be a competitor. I mean, I guess I would compete again if she was gonna go somewhere for an extended period of time. And I wanted to go, like, cool, I'll use it as exercise. Do not care about the outcome. So I understand where you're coming from. That culture is gonna be the difference between likelihood of getting injured or not, and also your headspace, dude, just take it slow. It takes nothing replaces time on the mats. So not only do you need good training partners, but you need to be a good training partner as well. You need to listen to your coach. You need to do the best of your ability to be a safe and controlled training partner when you first start, which is a lot to ask. That might sound stupid. And people are like, what do you mean? It's. It's a lot to ask. It just really is. People don't know what they don't know. And when they do know, they can do better. But that takes time, and time takes time, if you know what I mean. There's no way to short circuit experience. Six months to a year, you'll have a completely different optic on the student you were when you first started. It is a rough look back. Yeah, but it's okay. We'll have to make that look. So that's my advice and suggestion. There's a variety of different business models. Some people will ask for contracts, some people won't. I had Greg Anderson on, they don't do contracts at all. The gym I train at, they do. I don't. I'm not a gym owner. I can understand from, from a business owner perspective, the desire to not want to do them and to not want to put that on the student because hey, if you want to leave, you should be able to. And then also from the business owner perspective of I have overhead, I need to be able to figure out what my profit and loss is going to be for the month. And you want to be able to at least have a locked in set of money for, you know, every single month so you can make payroll and make insurance and pay for your building and all of those things. I get both. I'm not in the business. So on that one, I am not dogmatic. I don't know. Look for a gym that has a foundations program where you don't just hop in and you're just thrown to the wolves on your first day. That can work. And from what I've heard, the founder of sbg, Matt Thornton, was just here last weekend teaching a seminar. I was only able to make the first day because I was traveling out to hang out with Andy out at first form and the exposure. My coach has told this story many times. His first day doing Jiu jitsu, he was stick fire fighting. Him and his brother just beat the out of each other with sticks. That was his first day of Jiu Jitsu. There's a very small subsection of people that, that have that happen and they go, yeah, this is what I've been looking for. Most people like, oh my God, this is not what I'm looking for at all. So look for a gym. I mean, if you're into that, go look for the gym that does stick fighting. But for anything else, look for a gym that has a nice on ramp because again, you're professional. You're going to be a be a professional hobbyist. Invest the time in the foundational program. So again, you understand the letters of the Alphabet. You can put a word together, then one day a sentence, then a paragraph, then a chapter and then a book. All of that stuff will help you over time. And that's the best advice that I have other than sorry. My wife says this a lot too. Don't just go to one gym if I don't have any idea where you live. But let's if, like, if you live in Southern California, you could spend an entire day and not hit every Jiu Jitsu gym. And in any area in Southern California at this point is a mecca of world class Jiu Jitsu. I'm not saying spend a week going to 50 gyms, but wherever you are, spend the time to go get a pulse of all of the gyms in the air. Ask if you can take a trial class and if you can, awesome do. And if you can't, that's not a horrible thing, you know. But sit and watch a class, then if that's the case, get a feel for the culture of the gym to the best of your ability and then make your decision based off of that. Don't just go to one and say, yep, this is it. Or if you have a bad taste in your mouth because of the one that you went to say, I don't like Jiu Jitsu because this was my experience. Because perhaps it was just a bad experience. So hopefully that helps. All right, last one for the day. Andy. I'm a big fan of the podcast, appreciate your points of view and love the Full Auto Friday episodes. My wife and I have been watching the TV show Hunted, the UK version on and off for a couple of years. We finally found a way to watch the US version this week and to my surprise, you are in the show. That is correct. I did a reality TV show. I am ashamed. So onto my question. What was it really like being in the headquarters of the Hunters? Was it legit or all just an act? Was it fun for you to do? I would love if you answered this during a Full Auto Friday episode. Well, here we are, especially with Michael's input. Well, sorry he is not currently here. Apologies if you've talked about this before, but after years of listening, I don't recall hearing you talk about it. I don't think I've ever talked about it. Yes, years ago, living in San Diego, I don't know how these emails get into my inbox. A producer for a TV show called and they pitched me on the concept and I actually think they might have used the UK version as the example. So we had an idea of what we were looking at. I don't remember what I was doing in my life at the time. I don't remember why I responded to the email and I think hundreds of people probably did. And so it ends up, you know, you work your way through these conversations and it's. Maybe it's a casting call, I don't know. What they would call starts with some email questions and you send in a bio and stuff like that. And then it was a video call and then I ended up going to one of the production lots in la. I do not remember. It was CBS Hunt, it was on cbs. So I guess it was the CBS lot. And what you end up doing is meeting with some of the executives of CBS or people who would be directly involved with the show. And I think they're just getting the final assessment of who you are and how you might be. I don't remember a single question that they asked me. I think I was in the room for maybe five minutes and the next thing you know they give you a call like, hey, you're going to be on the show. So they. I should probably describe what the show actually is. So. Oh, I forget how many pairs there were, but essentially there were two groups. There were the people who were being hunted and then there were the hunters. Actually there were three groups. There were the people being hunted, there were the hunters and then there was the admin staff at the hq. I was a part of the admin staff. So yeah, I, I sat in front of a computer and the premise was this. They would get the go. I mean obviously I think they had a casting call on their side as well too and so did the people who are going to be the hunters. So there, there was a lot of work behind the scenes. They get to go and I think they had 20 minutes. No, I think they had an hour. They had an hour head start. Start. And then they had to go on the run. And I think it was for a month. This is many years ago. I think it was for a month. And if you were able to not get caught by the hunters, then I think it was a million bucks, something like that. I don't know if they had to go to navigate somewhere specifically. I don't know if they were getting instructions on their side. But think of it as a game of cat and mouse, I guess or hide and seek week with an admin staff. Again, the group that I was a part of and so they could simulate and use law enforcement tools, they would. All of the groups did exactly the same thing first, which is just leave their electronic devices, which is smart. But then those electronic devices were actually sent to Bakersfield. They had people who had worked for some three letter agencies take a look at those things, try to exploit them. I think some were successful, some were not. And we would get that information and that's what it appeared to be on the show. This 24 hour cat and mouse were looking at information and pushing it out to the hunters and managing the hunt. And it was tension filled and dun, dun, dun, dun. And yeah, here's the reality. All of the camera crews had hours that they could work, union hours. So there was like a whistle and not like an actual whistle, but every day had a start and stop time. And I think, how did this work? I was staying at a hotel in Bakersfield and I would walk six blocks down to a warehouse that they had turned into. It just was a total facade of it inside of headquarters. Oh my God. You gotta wear the same clothes every day. So you have like four different versions of the outfit for continuity. So you always wear the same clothes. It all gets. It's recycled and washed. You have to do your hair exactly the same way. They're feeding you there. And you're just for like eight hours a day you're pretending to play high and seek based off the information that they give you. And then I think at the end of the night, wherever the people were, they just had to stay there. So, you know, and again, you're on the run, but you got a camera crew with you and you're being hunted by people that are supposedly law enforcement. But none of them were active. So they don't have any law enforcement authorities or credentials with them. So what are you going to actually do? Pull somebody over? I actually think it was a game of tag. Yeah. So was it actually real? No. Was there a lot of stuff where they would do pickups, where they'd say, okay, this is about, you know, they'd tell you, this is about what's going to happen. And the, you're going to give the brief and it was the, the guy who was the commander, it was an ex FBI guy, I believe. And they'd be like, okay, you know, let's do your thing and this is what we want you to talk about. And everybody come on in and look as if it's, you know, very tension filled. For anybody who knows anything about me, you can imagine how rapidly I did not enjoy this process. Yeah, they wanted me to say all the time, open sentence with, you know, as my experience as a Navy seal, which I just refused to do, absolutely refused to do at all times. So, yeah, they probably didn't enjoy me as I. As much as I didn't enjoy them. There was one season in one season only, I would not have done a season 2. I met some cool people along the way though. Still friends with some of the people. Evie Pompora the female Secret service agent who I've had on twice. She was one of the hunters. And yeah, I've stayed in touch. Like I took her for a tandem skydive. She came out and visit. She was in San Diego for a speaking engagement. Took her for a skydive. She's been on the podcast twice. Her and her husband are awesome. They both secret service agents. I think they have two kids now. They're totally different phase of life. Never would have met her if it wasn't for the show. But yeah, it's just remember anything and everything that you see on a device of any kind has a screen, whether it's your Apple watch or a laptop or 50 inch TV. It's not real. And Hunted is exactly like that. There are aspects of it that are real. They are making it as real as possible inside of the real boundaries and constraints that they have of union hours and manpower and battery length and how long it can last before they need to do a camera swap. Because guess what's going to happen if they have to do a camera swap. All the action stops and then they pick it up as if there was no break. So there you go. That was my experience with Hunted. Please people, don't waste your time going and watching the show. It was. It was what it was. And that's all I have for this Friday. See you guys. Monday day the Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow $267 million gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins in advances to the championship match right now@globalgamingleague.com that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.