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- [00:01]
Andy Stumpf
Okay, I got the red smoke. Sun runs north and south west of the smoke. West of the smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Give it to me.
- [00:15]
Podcast Sponsor/Ad Voice
I mean it.
- [00:19]
Andy Stumpf
Good morning, everybody. Welcome back. Some changes obviously behind me being the biggest one for those of you who are video as opposed to just audio only. Studio got upgraded. Pretty thorough upgrade. Uh, and there's two angles for the camera that I can use here. One is the closer one and this one's a little bit farther away. I figured I'd go with the farther away one because then people can check it out, kind of see what's behind me. There is going to be a studio tour at some point. Not some dramatic full long video, but at least I'll put something up so people can take a look at the new digs because they've been asking about it and a bunch of people reached out the last two Fridays. Oh, my goodness. There were guest episodes instead of Q A, which, by the way, I really enjoy doing the Q and A. So it's definitely not going away. The issue was I had some episodes that were filmed prior to the upgrade of the studio and I wanted to clean out the backlog of those. So when I had Rob on, who was the first guest in the new studio, everything going forward from that looked the same instead of bouncing back and forth. So not going anywhere. I got my. It's early in the morning. Got a fresh carafe of coffee that is made fresh one ready to go. Q and A white in front of me. I don't know how many get through. I think I have five or six questions. They are all over the place. This first one here is a doozy. Not for some, like, emotionally taxing reason, but you'll see what I mean when I get into this. So what do you think? Should we dive right in? I think we should. Let's do it. Today's episode is brought to you by Firecrackerform.
- [01:58]
Podcast Sponsor/Ad Voice
You.
- [01:58]
Andy Stumpf
You want to talk about things that integrate into my life. This product right here might be one of the easier ad reads that I do. I am putting this hot salt on just about everything. And I'm being the first to tell you, I don't understand the chemical reaction and how it's able to pull the flavors out of everything. I'm putting it on from eggs in the morning to avocado toast to steak. Just about everything. I'm not a psychopath. I don't put it on fruit. I haven't tried that yet. I don't understand how it does it, how it pulls the flavors out, how it makes everything that I eat taste better. But it does. My recommendation to you is to head over to Firecracker Farm to check out what they have to offer because they have legitimately very spicy hot salts, but they also have new stuff like the vanilla heat flavor, which I'm pretty sure Alex's daughter had the idea for. They sent me some. It has been my absolute go to. And then everything in between, it's gonna come in these stainless steel push button grinders. All you gotta do is drive the plunger down with your thumb and you can control how much. I don't have a crazy heat tolerance, so I'll generally use one or two pumps. But you can go as insane as you may like. So you can get them on firecracker.com or we actually sell these in the coffee shop here locally in Kalispell. Or if you live somewhere that has a black rifle coffee, you can get them in store as well. Alex and his family are creating these products together at their small family farm. So this is your opportunity to really level up your seasoning game, but also support the American dream for a family that is all in on this and they're doing it together. So it's an amazing opportunity. The best way to do so probably for most people, head over to Firecracker Farm, check out what they have to offer. I would. I would suggest the vanilla heat. You won't regret it. Back to the show. Question number one, Mr. Stumpf. Where's the line between being tough and just being dumb? Because I can't tell anymore. Let's do it. I trained jiu jitsu since 2022 and my gym has had ongoing ringworm issues over the last year and a half. They have even shut the gym down for a while and replace the mats at one point. But the ringworm still lingers. I am strict about hygiene. I shower before and after defense soap, wash all of my gear and even my bag. That's a good one. That people don't think about a lot is putting the bag that they carry their stuff to and from the gym, Especially after your training. Everything goes into that thing and people don't even think about it. That could be transmitting back and forth. You could take a fully clean set of GI or no GI training apparel and put them in a bag and you're just coated in whatever it may be before you even get on to the mats. Oh, and by the way, one thing you didn't mention in here is your belt. You said all of my gear. But some people get really hesitant about washing their belt. And I get it. It's nostalgic and people say, oh, I don't know, if you wash your belt, all the magic will come out of it. I'm not aware of magic actually being real, but I am aware of staff and ringworm being real. So let's wash our belt people. If you really don't want to do so, whatever, that's kind of your choice. But think about your training partners and your own health and safety because we're going to get into this. I've still had it around eight times in the last two years. Eight times. So you're getting this essentially once per quarter training at your gym. Here's why I am gun shy. Last spring my elbow swelled up overnight. I chalked it up to a Jiu Jitsu injury from earlier that week. By the afternoon I was in the hospital. I spent 14 days there and had four surgeries from forearm to shoulder due to cellulitis. Doctors told me I could have lost my arm and said a mat related infection was the most likely cause. What I am not going to put up on the screen even though I've got some good area on the left and right to do so because we're using the wide angle is the picture associated with this email. I'm going to save everybody that. But just imagine an arm to the and basically from high forearm all the way down to nearly the armpit cut open with what appeared to be gauze wedged in between. I'm assuming this was an ability for them to decrease the swelling and allow whatever was in there to work its way out or having scraped it out, whatever it may be. Staples. I mean I didn't study this image. It was pretty gnarly. But staples for sure. Sutures. They would have had to go back in and take all that stuff out and close it. Anyway, we are talking a major surgery almost. I would not to the wrist, but high forearm all the way down to nearly armpit. I took months off. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, you needed to take some months off. Came back and got ringworm again in my second class back. My wife thinks I should quit. There's another gym 40 minutes away, but it adds a lot of time and it doesn't fit my schedule well. Jiu Jitsu has become big part of my life, even though it all started when a buddy finally convinced me to go. Which is ironic. And since I haven't seen him there since my first day there, this is exactly what happened with my Buddy Nelson. I've told this story so I'll briefly just recount for those of you who are unaware. I didn't have some grandiose idea of starting Jiu Jitsu because I had thought about it. I'd actually actively avoided it while I was in the military because people were so enthusiastic about it. It rubbed me the wrong way. I could have had so much more experience by now if I had just pulled my head out of my ass a little bit. So my vision would have improved and. But anyway, I move up to Montana. I meet my buddy Nelson. He is just deep into the swimming pool of Jiu Jitsu at that time from a passionate perspective. Training all the time. Three year four stripe white belt. He got his blue belt shortly after I started training. I just told him I would go to a class and try it if he would just shut up because I was so tired of hearing him talk about it. He is still a blue belt. I have been a black belt coming up on it'll be two years, one month this year. I'd have to go back and see when I got my black belt. I know exactly what you're talking about. They do say blue belts are the black belts of quitters. I have found that to be true. Nelson is the current and reigning IBJJF champion of being the black belt of quitting Jiu Jitsu. At least I don't wanna walk away. But I also don't wanna ignore something that could put me back in the hospital. And is this just the price of doing hard things or is this a sign I need to find a different environment even if it's inconvenient? Well, I think there is a difference between being tough and just being dumb. But what I would say, I would actually use a different term here if you keep doing the same thing in the same place but you are expecting a different outcome from that that's arguably recognized as a definition for insanity. So maybe it's not either of those things tough or dumb. Maybe it's just a little bit insane to think that anything different is going to happen. Now I am not an expert on communicable skin related stuff. I do know that ringworm is can be an issue in Jiu Jitsu gyms and also staff. I have been training for seven seven years and I have never gotten ringworm. I have gotten staph twice. Very small areas of staph on my leg and it was at the same gym. And in the interest of being kind to the person because I love who they are And I love the place. I am going to leave the name out of it because I know that they are rectifying or doing everything they can to rectify the issue. Both of those times I immediately got on antibiotics, recognized first off, recognized what it was, got on antibiotics and didn't wait for the situation to resolve itself. Staff being I actually don't know the procedure for ringworm, but even though I feel like there's a topical cream, point being time doesn't always help things get better, especially when it comes to your body. So stay in touch with your body a little bit slight divergent here. The issue with the place that I picked up staff twice was cleaning the mats. It is an environment. That particular environment is gonna be one that is incredibly difficult to keep clean. It's tropical in nature. That's as close as I'll go to talking about where it occurred. Really hard to keep clean. And those mats are saturated and permeated with people's sweat. And they're the type of mats. There's a variety of different types. For people who don't know, there's. There's ones that you can roll out that are really long and then they have a seam that you can connect with. Vel and I guess in the end there are less numbers of seams on the mats. And then there are things like Fuji mats, which come in rectangles, probably smaller than the size of the podcast table, but they can be put together in a variety of different configurations and there are seams between those as well. And cleaning the top of the mats is one thing, but there is still a lot that goes down into the cracks and creases. And some gyms pull them all out and clean all the time. In some gyms don't do that at all. It really is a choose your own adventure when it comes to this stuff. I don't think you should quit, but I think your wife has a very good reason to be concerned. This could be an issue of training partners not cleaning their equipment, but I don't know if I would put the likelihood of that at being very high. To me, this seems like there might be an issue with the mats at the gym that you're training at, specifically the frequency of how they are cleaning them and what they are cleaning them with. The gym I train out here at SPG and Kalispell, they are cleaning the mats after every class. It is a spray and it's like a backpack they wear. It's almost like a weed. The things that people can fill up and they Spray weeds with them walking across a mat, spraying those, wiping it down after that with a push mop. And they do a much more robust cleaning. I believe every week they have a cleaning service. It also. So that's in between class. And they have a cleaning service that comes every night. I don't know of an outbreak of skin issues at the gym. Is it possible that it's happened and people haven't said anything? Sure. Have I personally experienced it, or do I know anybody who has? I do not. And I think that is because of the time and effort they put into cleaning the mats themselves. And you could do all of the things that you were doing. You could bathe yourself in bleach if you wanted to. If there is a place where you are exposing yourself to this, then there's not a whole lot you're going to be able to do. So it could be the other students, it could be the maths. My first piece of advice is this. Go talk to the people who own or run the gym that you are training at and let them know what happened. I assume that you probably have. But. But this is something that should be talked about, not hidden. Um, and the coaches need to tell people, hey, if you have anything going on with your skin, you can sit down and watch class for today. You are not spreading that to your training partners. Jiu Jitsu is an individual team sport. You can. You're on your own journey at your own pace, and all of that stuff is a hundred percent true. But you're not gonna get any better without having training partners. But if your training partners don't care about you or their skin, it's gonna impact everybody at the gym, which is gonna probably reduce the number of training partners that you have. And this is just not what people come to. Jiu J. The. The objections I hear often to people who don't participate. One, I don't want to get that close to somebody. Totally get it. Two, I don't want somebody that close to me. Oftentimes women will express that. They just don't want to be in mixed company with dudes that close to them, grabbing them or their clothing. Totally get it. And another one is, I don't want somebody sweating all over me. Right. Sweat dripping down into your eyes and into your ears and sometimes into your mouth. Yeah, it's. It's real. You don't see that on the recruiting posters for Jiu Jitsu, but it a hundred percent happens. Um, hygiene has to be constantly reinforced, and the training partners need to take care of each Other by taking care of their own self to begin with and then recognizing like, hey, if I have this, I'm not getting back on the mat. Does that mean you're gonna spend some time on the sideline? Yeah, it does. Doesn't mean your training partners are gonna have a better and healthier environment to train in. Yes, it does. So maybe let's focus on that a little bit. I don't think you should quit, but, you know, you ended this with, is this just the price of doing hard things? Well, maybe the price of doing hard things is that in the meantime, although it's inconvenient for you to go 40 minutes, that's the hard thing that you're going to need to do to continue in your Jiu Jitsu journey. It sounds like it's been impactful in your life and rewarding, and I'm super happy to hear that. I have found that to be the same for myself, and if I was given the choice because of what it allows me to do or what it provides for my life, if I was presented with an opportunity where there's a high likelihood of getting a skin infection of some kind, or it would be slightly more inconvenient for me and I would have to do something hard like drive 40 minutes to continue training, but be able to avoid that issue, then, yes, that's the price of doing hard things. The hard thing now becomes the drive that you need to do to schedule and maybe reorient your schedule, if you can, to allow for that drive. Find a different class that aligns with your professional requirements. Maybe you're a morning guy, midday or evening. Oftentimes there's opportunities for every one of those things. But yeah, do the hard thing, meaning take the additional time so you can continue to participate in a rewarding activity for your life that isn't going to put you into the hospital or potentially take your life. Regardless of what Jiu Jitsu provides to you, I don't think that it is something that you should legitimately be risking your life for. From an exposure perspective to a sanitary or hygiene issue, that picture you sent was gnarly. So I would start with talk to your coach or gym owner and ask them about the protocol for how they are cleaning. Very openly discuss with them what has happened in your experience so far. If they are unwilling or unable to make a change or present to you an excuse or an argument against increasing that cleaning protocol, I would highly recommend you find a different environment. The Jiu Jitsu, as you have determined, is worth it based off the impact on your life, but it's not worth the risk to your life via that level of exposure. There's enough gyms out there now. There is a solution to this. And if you don't want to quit or die from doing this, explore those other options. So that's what I got for you. All right, question number two. Had to take the sweatshirt off. Coffee's making me a little bit warm. Oh, and for people like one of the most common questions I get. I was gifted that sweatshirt by a good friend of mine. A lot of people asked about it is made by Marine Layer, which I believe is a band. Band, a brand based out of California. They make fantastic stuff. Marine layer, normal spelling, two words. Question 2 hello Andy, hope you're having a good day. I'm reaching out today as I will have been out of the military for one year on January 10th of next year. So this was sent to me in December and to say it didn't go as planned is an understatement. While I have accomplished some goals such as getting full time employment, moving out of my mom's into my own place, learning to speak and read Russian, this goal is ongoing. Going to therapy and I have an amazing partner. Oh, the Russian goal is ongoing. Reading, speaking and reading Russian. The goal is ongoing. Awesome by the way. However, I feel like I am not making any progress and I am stuck. I'm taking my driver's road test next year and then applying for my local police department. So I have a career to work towards. I'm also 26 and did three years in the military from 22 to 25. Do you have any advice on how to deal with not feeling like making progress and I'm feeling stuck.
- [18:11]
Podcast Sponsor/Ad Voice
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- [19:14]
Andy Stumpf
When you left the Navy? And any advice is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to answer my emails. P.S. and this is an important postal script. I just saw your episode with Brent Tucker and what the hell was Michael thinking with that haircut he showed? That's a good question. And Michael is young, right? He's 23. He's still figuring out his way in life. He does strange things. The haircut is an example of that. It was arguably and demonstrably the single worst haircut that anybody has ever received in the history of humanity. But it's growing back, he's doing better, he's dealing with it, and maybe that's just part of his journey and doing hard things. So back to your question here. What I wish I had known when I got out of the military, man, I felt like I had done a pretty good job before I was leaving the military of lifting my head up a little bit and putting this path in front of me. And I did partially I focused on only the economics of what I was doing. I I had the money I was making while I was in the military, and because I had been able to match that as I was leaving the military, I thought I was going to be good to go. And I was from a pure ability to pay my bills and that was really nice. A lot of people that I know will wait until actually even exiting the military before having the opportunity or the desire to create that off ramp. And I feel like that's not wrong. But I think you're increasing the amount of stress that you're putting yourself into. So for me, that part was at least less stressful. If I really look back though, at the job I was doing at that time, I didn't like the job. That's actually not the best way to say it. I liked the job. I didn't like some of the people that I was working with, specifically the person that I was working for. And that manifested itself about a year and a half later when I made the decision to stop working for that organization. And then I found myself in a place where I realized a economically I was in that I had just cannonballed into the stress pool. But I also didn't realize that I hadn't put much thought into what I actually wanted to do. It was purely economics, as I was exiting the military and very little, if any at all about what is it do I actually want to do with the remainder of time in my life? I guess what I wish I would have known to answer that portion of your question directly is or realized would be a better way to say this. I wish I had realized that there were going to be a lot more turns along the way, and that's okay. And perhaps I could prepare for that as opposed to thinking that everything was just going to be linear like this. I'm on my military track, and then I'm going to get out and I'm going to be on this track and only that track. And then when, if and when something happens, I will present myself with another track and it's just super linear. And that hasn't been the case for me in my life since that time. And it was very, very stressful to begin with. And now, to be honest, I've learned to get comfortable with that level of uncertainty and take the opportunities as they come. It's left and right turns, and some of the roads are short. Some of them are cul de sacs that you have to back right out of and reorient yourself. And some of them are really long journeys that have taken me. This podcast is an example. This was not my idea. This was a suggestion from somebody else. This has been a journey of lefts and rights and changes and improvements. The studio I'm sitting in now, a good example, a change. And I don't know where it's going to lead. And I'm completely okay with that because I am enjoying what it is that I do. You know, one of the reasons I won't stop doing these Friday shows and answering questions is I really like doing them. One, I deeply appreciate that people actually even care about what my opinion is or. But what I appreciate the most about it is that it forces me to question what I believe in, why. So to me, those things are important. That reflection and objection or objectivity and looking in the mirror metaphorically and asking yourself, well, why do you feel that way? What has happened in your life to form that opinion? Could you be wrong? And I approach almost every belief that I have with that. Could I be wrong? And every left and right turn in my life, I ask myself multiple times, could I be wrong by going down this path, I'm not sitting there like, obsessively looking for every little indication like this might be wrong, but I am paying attention to trends. And if trends and patterns continue to rear themselves up and I start paying attention to those things or I notice them, I should say I take action on that. And I'm learning to take action earlier. I'm not learning very quickly. I've certainly continued to make plenty of long term mistakes, but I'm definitely trying to be better with that. So, again, super long answer to your short question. What do I wish I had known? That it was going to be hard? That it was going to be harder than I thought it was going to be. That it was going to be full of challenges that I couldn't even comprehend at the time. And the more you try to structure life and put your life on a linear path, I think the more stress you are voluntarily putting yourself into. I am not saying have this crazy laissez faire attitude of I'll just, you know, no planning whatsoever. Even though some people live their life like that, it hasn't worked for me. Loosen your grip on the wheel perhaps, is what I'm saying, instead of just trying to ramrod everything in exactly the direction you want to be. It's like driving. Be comfortable with a little bit of drift, right? You're still headed in the right direction, but you might be a little closer to the left side of the lane sometimes and a little bit closer to the right size. It seems like you have a lot of stuff going on. And so I know that you're gonna. So you're applying for your local police department, so you have a career to work towards. Okay. And you know, again, like I was just talking about that career may be everything that you want it to be. It may be so empowering and enriching and it may also not be what you want it to be as well. You did three years in the military. I'd be curious if we could have a conversation. I would ask you, was it, was it what you thought it was going to be? Did you get from it what you wanted? And on your way out, you know, how are your opinions based on, or what were your opinions in comparison to on your way in? The police could be exactly the same way, or it could be something you spend 30 years of your life doing and you explore inside of that career path all the left and rights. You know, work in patrol, work in narcotics, become a detective, whatever it may be, ascending that rank, infrastructure and ladder. So the bigger question you ask how to deal with not feeling like you're making progress. If you. Again, this is the limitation of the Internet and me only being able to talk to a camera and not having you here not making progress in comparison to what not Making progress in comparison to which goal, because you open with, you have successfully completed military service, you found full time employment, you moved out of your mom's into your own place, you're learning to read and speak another language, you're going to therapy, you have an amazing partner. What progress is it that you don't see that you're making? You could take each one of those things. Leaving the military and you found full time employment. Awesome. Like, that is amazing progress. A lot of people struggle in just that gap right there. Finding a place of your own, that's amazing progress. You have a partner. I don't know how old or new that may be, but you're going to therapy. So I have a feeling you're working on yourself, which is probably increasing your ability to be a better partner for your significant other. That's progress. You know, reading and writing Russian or speaking and reading Russian. That's a Cyrillic language. It's a very difficult one. And I bet you every day you're getting a little bit better at that. So if you take this optic of your Life and you're 26 now and all you're focusing on, let's say you, you're, I don't know, your far term, you're looking at 40 or 30, or probably not 30, but let's say 40. Yeah. If you're only focusing on how far you are from 26 to 40, this huge gap in front of you with what sounds like a little bit of an undefined goal anyway, you are never going to feel like you're moving. Because that gap, even if you took a heroic step in the right direction, if you are focusing on where you are and then there's where you want to be and all you can see is the gap between those two things, you're never gonna see the movement. And that is how people get really frustrated, they get really overwhelmed, and they end up giving up on goals. What I just described is largely why people quit SEAL training. They start on day one. They know they have to do 183 days, and all they can focus on is the 182 more days they have to do. And they make it through a day like, oh, my God, I have so much Farther to go. 181 more days than 180 days. Like, that is overwhelming. And you will not feel like you're getting any closer for a really long time. I mean, you have to go 90 days, 91 and a half days before you can say how I'm at least a little bit closer to the end than I am the beginning. And that crushes most people mentally. So I would recommend you take the a different approach, which is this is what is successful for people in SEAL training too. You take it a day at a time and you just try to see the sun go down at the end of the day. Now that's a direct example for specifically what I used when I was in SEAL training. But you can apply this into your life as well. It doesn't have to be like day by day, but you could, especially when it comes to speaking and reading languages. You could go like a week though, you know, how's your savings account doing? How's your budget doing? How is your physical fitness doing? Are you making progress? Super small steps. So instead of focusing on that huge gap, my suggestion to you is this. After I scratch my arm, figure out shorter term goals that you can work towards and see the progress that for me has been the key to building and maintaining my momentum. And I've kind of talked with people who do this in so many different things. Like they're gonna go for a really long run and halfway through a run they get overwhelmed with how far away they are from their house. So what do they do? They look at the next light post and they run to that and then they look to the next light post. I've heard people do that in rucking. I have laid out a year's worth of things that I want to accomplish in my life and then I back it up and I look at it per month. Then I'll back it up and I look at it per week. What are the things that I need to do sequentially to achieve that greater goal? So I spend the time to put in that effort to identify what I need to do and why. And then I focus on that micro step. That's how you'll notice progress. You'll at least see the ground moving underneath you a little bit. You will not do that if your optic is only on the distance of how far you are from where you are and where you want to be. That's my biggest piece of advice. You're not stuck. I can tell that just based off of this email because everything you described is the opposite of being stuck. If you said I had not found full time employment, I'm still living in my mom's house. Left out the Russian aspect, not going to therapy, don't have a partner, I would be a little bit more concerned for you because it would seem like you were stuck in in space. I don't get that at All I would say keep doing what you're doing, but set goals, micro goals that will help you keep and build momentum that will lead you towards your macro goals. Because if you can see that ground moving underneath you and you know that even with a micro step, you can see a little bit of movement that is so much easier to tolerate than maximum effort. Everything that you feel like, you have this momentous leap and you're like, I think I just went backwards or nowher. So I totally get it. Reorient the way that you are viewing time, and I think you will be wildly more successful. Today's podcast is brought to you by Element. Let me ask you if any of these things sound good to you. Driving, increased energy production, sharpening your focus and clarity, boosting recovery and sleep quality, and protecting against cramping. I'm a hard yes on all those, but also I want to work on my hydration game. This is where Element comes in. This is one of the boxes that you can order and if you do, it comes with 30 packets. And I'll. I'll show you what's in them here in a second or show you the size of the packet. Each one of these bad boys is a thousand milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, and 60 milligrams of magnesium. You're really working on your electrolyte game. I've talked about this a bunch. The difference in how I feel with my recovery before Rob, who was one of the co founders and used to be one of my Jiu Jitsu training partners, exposed me to this product. And then after, the best analogy that I have, if you're a fan of movies and the old Tron movie where they took their disc off their back and they dipped it in some water and they started drinking, blinking out of it and they started glowing brighter. That's what it feels like. I get it. That's a goofy analogy. And for younger people. You're not going to understand what I'm saying, but that is what I feel like. It feels like you can almost have it coursing through your veins. So I showed you the box earlier. This little packet's what's inside of the box. These things are super travel friendly. I have my backpack on the table that's out of frame, but I always have some of these in my backpack, often my fanny pack. I'll do one gallon Ziploc bags full of these when I travel, especially to Costa Rica. But you could also get these now in bubbly sparkling water. They make 16 and 12 ounces. The 16 ounces have the 1,260 sodium, potassium, magnesium. The 12 ounces have half of that. And so it's a way that you can cut or titrate. I finally had some of the 12 ounces show up at my house, so I think they're available for sale now. But the point of all this is is you can kind of get it in wherever you want to. My suggestion, head over to drinklementtea.com ClearedHot one of the things you can do there is get a free sample pack. So sample the flavors because everybody likes different stuff. But if you're ready to absolutely tackle your electrolyte and hydration game, element is the way to do it. They have the flavors that you want and the delivery mechanism that is the most convenient or pleasurable for you. Drinklement.com cleared hot back to the show? Number 3 hey any longtime listener of the show? A little bit about myself. I'm 23 and I live in Washington State. This Thanksgiving, I'm assuming this means of 25. I was pulled over for driving pulled over for driving for too long in a turn lane. The officer walked up to the window, smelled alcohol and had me do a field sobriety and breathalyzer, which I failed and was arrest arrested and booked and released a few hours later. Since then, I have learned just how harsh the penalties are for drunk driving and I am worried I might lose my job and all the progress I've made so far in life. I've sold everything I own that isn't nailed down in anticipation for the legal fees and job loss. I am not sure that I will lose my job, but it's all I can think about because I have only worked there for one month and my brother stuck his neck out to get me hired. My boss said that he will wait until my case is over before he asks HR what company policy is on the matter. There's a possibility the charge will get reduced, but I'm not sure that even if that is the case that it will be enough for me to keep my job. I feel like a complete piece of shit for letting my brother and my parents down. I act like I'm okay around them, but when I'm alone it just feels like the world is caving in. The only other time I have felt this kind of sadness was when one of my best friends died two years ago. I understand why the penalty for a DUI is so high and I accept accountability for it, but I'm crumbling under the stress of it all. And the idea this one decision to drive made me, made with clouded judgment, will have lifelong consequences. My question is, what are your thoughts on the situation and how can I work my way through this? So, first off, that sucks, and I'm sorry that that happened to you, but don't drink and drive. And I say that as somebody who has drunk, drank and drove in their life, and I've probably gotten lucky more than anything. Now, this isn't something that has happened in the recent history, but it has happened at times in my life. And every single time that I've woken up the next day, you just feel like an absolute and complete idiot. My worst nightmare would be to hurt somebody else. So I'm not a saint when it comes to this. I'm not trying to preach to you for some ivory tower. I get it. I understand how these things happen. But I really, first off, hope that you learn from this and do not do this again. If you think this is bad on your first one, do a little bit of research on what it's going to look like for your second and third. Dewey, it is not worth it. It's actually never worth it. I don't care what it costs. Get an Uber, call a friend. Doesn't matter if it's inconvenient. It doesn't matter if you wake them up in the middle of the night. Don't be this person. And I say this as somebody who has been this person in my life. Be better than I have been in my life. It shouldn't be that hard. That hurdle is about 1 inch off the ground. You would have to try to trip over it to be a better person than I have been in times in my life. So the good thing about this. Or not, Let me rephrase that. There are no good things about this. But let's change our optic a little bit. You're 23. You have a bunch of Runway in front of you when it comes to life. Is this going to ruin your life? No. Unless you don't learn from it and you repeat the behavior. Is this going to disrupt your life? Yes, 100%, it's absolutely going to disrupt your life. And it should. DUIs carry a stiff penalty, as you mentioned, and it is often for your checkbook as well. I've heard the average cost for the DUI process is going to be somewhere between 7 to $15,000. And that's a huge gap between those two. And I don't know why that's the case, but that's what I've heard. But that mean like you want to talk, you know, of the things that you can do. You know, being intoxicated by that multi thousand pound weapon, which is essentially what it is at that point. Like, I get it, you may lose your job and that's gonna suck for you and that's gonna suck for your brother. You may have a hard time getting a job for a few years depending on what the job is. Not like all jobs are gonna be unavailable for you, but it might be a little bit more difficult than it was before. But you're 23. You are going to get through this. My only hope is that you learn from this. Use this as a turning point in your life. I have had them places like this where you are so upset with an action that you took that it feels as if your stomach is full of acid. And you think that if you were to walk outside the door of your house, that that is the only thing that people can see about you. They see your mistake. A stranger across the street that you have never met. You will convince yourself that they are judging you or something that they don't know anything about, which obviously is impossible. But I understand exactly the headspace that you are in. So what I can say to you is this, as somebody who spent some time in that headspace, those are irrational thoughts. Are your parents likely disappointed in that one decision you made? Yes. Do they realize that you are a greater human being or the totality of your. Who you are as a person is better than that one decision? Of course they do. Do they wish you had made a better one? Yeah, of course they do. Are they hoping that you're going to learn from your mistakes? Of course. Are they going to be there to support you? I bet you they are. And so is your brother. Even if you were to lose the job, which, by the way, you've only been at this job for one month, right? So again, let's bring this back to I know what it feels like. Let's start working our way here, back towards reality here just a little bit. I'm lucky that people don't judge me based solely on the mistakes in my life because I don't know if I could survive that. And I don't know if anybody else could either. And I try to remember that when I read emails like this or I hear people talk to me about what's going on in their life or a mistake that they have made and they have this feeling of like guilt and shame and judgment, 99.9% of that is self Imposed. Now, having said that, I believe it's good you feel this way because it actually means that you care. And I think you can become a better version of yourself through this process because of it. The email that I would worry about would be like, hey, man, I'm 23, I got a DUI. Whatevs. Yeah, I'll get through this. You know, it's just money. And yeah, my brother stuck his neck out for me, but whatever, you know, I'll find a different job. There's plenty of jobs out there for me. And, you know, he's my brother. Anyway, he has to, you know, what's he going to do, not be my brother anymore? Like that email that would concern me because you're not paying attention and you don't care. And this email is exactly the opposite of that. What I will say to you is this. The feeling you have, the sadness and the stress that you are going through right now, and a lot of this is based on uncertainty. You don't know what this process is going to be like. You don't know what the end state is going to be and the consequences that it is going to have. Totally normal. Fear of the unknown, I think is a lot of the times worse than fear of particular things, like specific acts. It's just, you know, and particularly, you know, you have an act that or something that you want to try to do. I've actually seen this from people learning how to swim. They're so scared of swimming because they don't know what swimming actually is. They've never tried it. So it's an unknown to them. They can identify the activity and then they get in the water to develop a level of comfort. Oh, I had nothing to be afraid of. Which you 100% have something to be afraid of because water is one of the most gnarly, unforgiving environments. But once you have some exposure to it, it's way less likely that you're going to be afraid of it. It's that fear of the unknown. And this process is full of unknowns. You're stuck in the legal system a little bit. This stuff is going to move through at the speed of law, not the speed of light, very different trajectories and velocities. And I get that for sure. But you will get through this. This process will resolve itself. Don't expect it to do so quickly. And the feeling that you have right now of sadness and anxiety, it will go away. So I understand how you feel now, but I assure you it will not last forever. And that's important to remember because if you convince yourself that how you feel now and it's horrendous and terrible is going to last forever and there's nothing that you can do about it, in my experience with friends, that is a dangerous headspace to live in. I would talk to your parents, I would start there, or your brother, depending on the relationship that you have with him, and let somebody know how you are feeling. If you approach your parents and tell them that you feel the way that you do and that you have let them down and how you feel about that, you are going to find that your parents are very, very likely going to reassure you that everything is going to be okay and it hasn't changed the way that they think about you. And probably for your brother as well too. Yes, you're going to have to deal with this and yes, it's going to suck. But every situation I've ever been in, again, I've never had a dui, but I've had some Venn diagram overlap with law enforcement. That those environments, while tumultuous and painful going through. I look back at specifically one of them in Tucson where I pulled a knife out and ran from the cops as one of the most impactful moments in my life. And I'm so thankful that it happened. A, I'm thankful that nobody got hurt, but B, it truly was a shift in me as a person and how I think about myself, my place in the world, but most importantly how I view the person in the mirror that I see in the morning and what I want that person to be. This can be that for you as well, right? So you didn't hurt anybody other than yourself and maybe a little bit of reputational damage for about two seconds before life goes on and everybody else finds something else to be worried about. If you get fired from your job, you're going to survive. You will find another job. And maybe this is like your dream job right now. That's, that's the price of the ticket to entry, buddy. You made a decision that was stupid and it sucks. And there are consequences for that and that one of those consequences may be the job. Remember that, right? In the years going forward, when presented with this opportunity again to make this poor decision again, especially if you find another job that you really like or you have, you know, somebody got an inroad for you based off of a relationship and you care about that relationship, remember these things. These can truly be life trajectory altering moments for you. For many people, it spirals them down, they Start circling the toilet bowl for other people. They become a better version of themselves because the shattering of their current reality, which is painful while you're in it, but life changing once you can get your way through it. How do you decide which one of those people you're going to be? It's all about what you want them to do. Are you going to take the stress that you're feeling and drinking and maybe get behind the wheel of a car again? Or could you take the stress that you're feeling and go for an hour long walk and clear your head and maybe go for a walk with your brother or family member and have a conversation with them about how you're feeling. Figure out a way to take this stress and put it in a positive direction versus a negative one or even a neutral one. Simple, not easy. Because when you feel that way, it's the last thing that you want to do. But again, as somebody who's lived through a few of these types of emails, those have been the ways that have pulled me and reoriented me towards making progress again faster. Because if you just wallow in pity and self regret, the only thing that's going to happen is you're just going to get dirty and you dig the hole a little bit deeper. So I'm sorry that you went through this, but if you work at it and you sit with how you feel and acknowledge it and understand why you feel the way you do and what it was based upon, in a few years you can look back on this and it might go from the worst thing that has ever happened to you so far in your life to one of the most memorable and meaningful things that has ever happened in your life. That choice is not controlled by the outside world. That is controlled by you. So sit with that and make the right choice. That's all I have for that. All right, last one for today. Switching back a little bit to the military. Andy, I've been listening to your show for the better part of six years now and your words of encouragement helped me leap into my own duty to this country. I am a junior officer in the United States army, commissioned last year after enlisting in 2024, right before the election. Congratulations on your enlistment and thank you for your service. I joined for all the right reasons, comma, I thought selfless service, duty to a great country, be a part of something larger than myself. And to look back on my service with pride for what I was walking into, I would say those are, I mean, I don't think there's Any like right or wrong reasons by definition anywhere but those sound like spectacular reasons to join the military. So now a little over a year into it and seeing how this administration has evolved or in parentheses or devolved has me dreading my commitment and anxiously awaiting what's to come. Originally I set out to do 20 plus years and retire. But as the days go on and the headlines get worse, I find myself counting the days until I can hit the eject button and move on. I don't want my son who is due in February next month. Now congratulations on actually, holy cow, we're into February. That's how my year's been so far. So this month, at some point this month, congrats. Welcome to the club. Pack a lunch and a dinner and a carry on standby buddy to look okay so I don't my son to look back in the history books and see his dad on the wrong side of history. Due to the timing of my career, I understand administrations change, new policies and worries come and go. But how can I, a junior officer, see any better future for myself in the next three to five years? Looking in the rearview mirror of 2025, what change can I affect that can reduce or eliminate my worries when the system has become so corrupt? Apologies for the long email. It feels good to write it out. Thank you for being a voice, a voice of reason in uncertain times. P.S. the coffee shop rocks. Damn right it does. My wife and I took a road trip through Montana and made it a point to check it out. Well, thanks for saying hi, by the way. I'm there almost every morning in the mornings, like super briefly and I usually go inside the employee door so it would be tough to say hi, but didn't even try, which is an assumption on my part. Maybe you did. Man, this is an interesting email. I had to read this one a few times and I had. I've been thinking about this one. I don't know if you're going to enjoy my feedback on this because I'm not sure, at least in my opinion you are viewing the role of the military or what your job is as a military member and your role in that and the greater optic of what our country stands for. Obviously the Department of Defense sits, you know, the President United States is the commander in Chief. It sits under the the Department of Defense. I think those things are quite simple and one of the first and most important things that you mentioned is that administrations change and I went through, let's see, I joined in 1996. So what would that be? Was that Clinton? Yeah, Clinton, Bush Jr. And then Obama, I think. So. It's early in the morning. Haven't had enough coffee yet, but I think that's the way it went. So left, right, left, as far as political leanings go, a little bit of budgetary shifts, a little bit of difference in foreign policy, I will say that those were in. That would be like a wind moving 15 to maybe 30 degrees. I will say that the current administration seems to be a little bit more jarring and some of the stuff seems to be 180, but you don't have any control over that. And I guess my first piece of advice to you would be is go back. You said you enlisted first and then you got commission first. Go back and read the documents that you signed, whether you enlisted or commissioned, the documents that actually anchor your service, your contractual service to this country, and read the words that are in it and then hit me up if you can find anywhere in that that you agree to serve only during the term of somebody that you completely agree with or that you like or that the policies align with your personal beliefs. Because I haven't enlisted since 1996, and I did, I think, four reenlistments while I was in, and I haven't looked at those documents in a while, but I don't think it is anywhere on those pieces of paper. Selfless service actually would mean that you are agreeing that all of those things that I listed, although they may be important to you, you are going to serve something greater than yourself. Now, if what you're saying is you think that this country is no longer worth serving for, that's one thing. But I don't get this from the email. From the email, what I get is this. You do not like the current sitting president and the current administration and the changes that they are making. And you're worried you're going to end up on the wrong side of history. But if you're an American citizen, your son, whether you are in the military or not, whether you're on the wrong side of history. Right? I don't. I'm not Nostradamus. I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know where this is going. And let me be very clear. A lot of the things, I agree with a lot of the policies of the current administration, but I don't agree with the tactics that are being used to implement them. It is. I don't even have the word. It's unsettling, it's sloppy. I have an immense amount of issue with some people running some federal agencies and what seems to be their public displays of incompetence. But that doesn't mean I don't support the agencies that they are the head of. I just think that we could do a lot better job with those we put into leadership positions. If, for whatever reason, we end up on the wrong side of history. If you're an American citizen, you're gonna be wrapped up inside of that if you're in the military or not in the military. If the United States ends up on the wrong side of history, I hate to tell you, buddy, you're wrapped up in that blanket and towel as well too. So it's not just about whether or not you are in the military. And what is it that you are. You know, I joined in 1996. It was pre 9 11. I had no idea that my career was gonna take me the places that it did. But after 9 11, I also realized that my role in the military was not policy. It wasn't strategic, it wasn't operational, it was tactical. That is the role in the military that I held. It would be an unrealistic expectation for me at that time to think that because I enlisted in the military, I should be consulted with strategic planning or operational planning. Now, if you're at a certain rank level and leadership position, then sure, you're probably going to be. But I never achieved that level. And you're not there yet either as a junior officer. So I'm worried you didn't think through what military service actually means. It means you serve the current president whether you agree with them or not. And if you're in the military, you understand the UCMJ or you should, you should be familiar with it. If you are tasked with doing something that you don't agree with, well, guess what, you're in the wrong occupation if you're going to stand up against that. If you're tasked with doing something that is illegal, then you are obligated to not do that. Right. Those are two very different things. And you know, I. Are you concerned that you're going to be involved in a combat operation? Are you concerned that you're going to. I don't know what the actual specific concern may be. What I get out of this email is that you just don't like the current administration. So therefore you're going to give up on your military career or potential military career, you're still going to be under the influence of that person when you get out of the military. So I don't know necessarily where this is going but what I'm going to say is this. I had this conversation yesterday on an episode that's going to come out in a few weeks, Man Named Brad. The episode will be out in two and a half weeks after this comes out. Was talking about after a 14 year military career. He had been in for 14 years, Marine Corps reconnaissance. He had an officer that he worked for that was such an abysmal leader personally and professionally, that he was at the 14 year mark considering throwing that all away because of the influence of that one person. And we started talking about how just how crazy that that is, that one single person in that environment that you work directly for could get people to consider throwing away a decade and a half of their service and the proximity that they are to the medical benefits, to the retirement and all of those things which led us to the other side of that coin. And that is the influence of somebody who is a good leader and what they are able to accomplish when they inspire people and lead them and teach them and mentor them and communicate with them versus the person that will get there and make you question a decade and a half of your life and get you to throw it away. You can be that person. You are. I hate to say this, but this is as true as anything else. You are a microscopic portion of a spoke on a wheel that has millions of spokes currently in your career. But you can still be that person for somebody. You could be this person who now, when you go into work is talking negatively about the political environment, which your email is largely political in nature and less service oriented in nature, which is totally fine. But you could be that person who becomes a negative influence on others and could start getting people to lend towards making their decision or feelings the way that you are, which of course feel however you want to. But you could take how you feel and realize that you actually have more control over the military environment and the people that you are touching in every single day than these policymakers do. Because you are interfacing with the real people who have boots on the ground. Policymakers, yes, they can write papers and all this stuff and, and doctrine and change the rules and things of that nature, but who's going to be executing those things? People like you are. Who do you want to be? This is your opportunity to absolutely shine. If you are seeing what you consider to be a lack of integrity from the top, be a beacon of integrity. If you were seeing what can you consider to be poor communication, become the best example of communication you can be and teach that to other people. Whatever it is the behavior that you are seeing that is being modeled from the top. And I agree with you, some of it is just utterly ridiculous and nonsensical to me. But if you are seeing that and you don't like it, impact the people that are around you in the military, the people who are there who join for the reasons that you mentioned. Selfless service, a duty to a great country, which our country is a great country. Do we need to drift a little bit from time to time to figure out our way? Yes, we do. But what are you gonna do? Get out of the military until somebody comes into office that you agree with a little bit more and then come back in and you're gonna do this broken service and only aligning with a political party or candidate that you think serves you the best. Good luck with that. Let me know how that goes for you. And that's actually the opposite of selfless service. Again, go back and read the documents that you signed when it came to enlisting in the military. It's not about who's at the top other than you will follow the orders of the President of the United States whether you like them or not. But you do not have to, obviously. And there's people videos were made where people are trying to remind military service members, you know, you don't have to follow illegal orders. No. Anybody who's ever been in the military that knows that. But there's a difference between the two. There's dislike and there's illegal. Make sure that you understand the difference between stand in the distance, stand in the gap between those two beats a leader. Serve others in the military and be that beacon of what it is you want to see from leadership. Because I have worked for people that were that negative example. And it makes you hate your job. It does make you want to get out. And then I think back and I have worked with the people who were the amazing example. And I would have crawled over hot coals onto broken glass, onto a mile long road of tax to work for that person. Which one of those two people do you want to be? Man, the military is a slow moving ship when it comes to policy. It drifts left and right a little bit. In my own experience in administrations, there was very little change, very little change. Whether the change and become the leader that can inspire people to be better. That's what I want from this. I'm glad that it feels good for you to write this out. That's awesome. When you say the system has become so corrupt, are you talking about the Political system or the military system? Yes, they're tied to a degree, like I said, from policy and things of that nature. But again, going back to this email, a lot of the things that you are talking about are politics based and office based. How much of that is actually impacting your day to day? Because what I can tell you right now is recruiting the military is actually up. It is increasing. People are feeling better about joining the military now. Maybe those people joining or feeling that way are not people that you would want to serve with because you don't align with their beliefs. But guess what? The military is a melting pot and you're going to serve with a bunch of people with different backgrounds and different beliefs than yourself. And that's totally okay. I actually think that's one of the things that makes the military great. I like the diversity of that. It's not diversity for diversity's sake, but that is what the United States is. It is a melting pot. And all of those people find their way into military service. Hopefully they're there selflessly serving with that duty to a great country, which it still is. Dude, weather the storm. Is our country going to implode? No. Will people online and social media try to convince you of that? Yes, they are. Of course they will. They are trying to scare you and I don't actually know why other than they can either manipulate you or maneuver behind the scenes when you're distracted with something else. Don't participate in that. Be better than the you're going to get through this. Instead of focusing on a leader that you think is undeserving of your service, act like the leader that you want to see from that person and inspire those that are underneath you. That's what a military officer should be. And that's all I have for this Friday. See you all Monday.
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