Podcast
Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast
Hosted by Roy Clemenz · EN
This podcast is me sharing stories as I search for balance in an imbalanced world. I discuss topics such as fatherhood, masculinity, and religion through stories of myself and interviews.
15episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
EP 234 The Sting in the Hug: What Happens When Men Are Taught to Fear Tenderness
5d ago00:28:56Tap to summarizeThis episode of Clemenz With a “Z” started with a story that honestly stopped me in my tracks: a pastor introducing another pastor from the pulpit by mocking his rental car as “a little gay.” But the deeper I sat with it, the more I realized this wasn’t really about a Prius, or even one awkward church moment. It was about the systems so many men have been raised inside, systems that teach us to fear tenderness, police closeness, and perform strength at the expense of real connection. In this episode, I explore masculinity, emotional safety, church culture, brotherhood, purity culture, and the quiet loneliness so many men carry underneath the performance. I also reflect on my own experience growing up in the ICOC, the complicated beauty of male friendship inside high-control environments, and the example my father gave me of a different kind of manhood—one rooted not in fear, but presence. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 233 Not Back. Somewhere New: On Reconstruction, Permission, and the Wreckage We Leave Behind
1w ago00:44:18Tap to summarizeThis episode started as a Substack article I wrote after receiving a text message that hit something deeper in me than I expected. What began as a reflection on reconstruction and deconstruction slowly became something bigger, a conversation about fear, belonging, external validation, nervous systems, and what it means to rebuild a spiritual life on your own terms after leaving a high-control environment. In this episode, I unpack the pressure to “pick a side,” the reflex to explain yourself, the exhaustion of having your journey policed by both religious and deconstruction spaces, and the slow realization that maybe healing isn’t about “coming back” at all. Maybe it’s about learning how to stand in something new, something you chose honestly for yourself. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 232 The Six Questions: What third graders know about reading that most Bible readers were never taught
2w ago00:24:45Tap to summarizeMost of us were quietly trained to hand the Bible over to the experts, to sit in the pew, absorb the sermon, and trust that the people with the seminary degrees had it figured out. But here's the thing: the tools for reading any text responsibly aren't locked inside a degree program. They're the same six questions we hand to eight-year-olds in language arts class: who, what, when, where, why, and how. In this episode, I walk through all six and show what actually happens when you apply them to some of the most quoted verses in evangelical culture. This isn't about dismantling your faith. It's about reading more honestly, and discovering that the texts are far more interesting, and far more alive, when you actually slow down long enough to understand what you're reading. This originally was a Substack article that I wrote where I go into more detail as well as add some cool takeaways. If interested, you can check it out here: https://clemenzwithaz.substack.com/p/the-six-questions-an-elementary-approach?r=3leo1r If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 231: Big Ideas, Small Readings: What a single verse, a men's ministry book, and your Instagram feed have in common
Apr 1700:24:42Tap to summarizeThere's a pattern worth naming, one that shows up in sermons, in bestselling books, and honestly, in the way most of us consume content every day. We take something small: a verse, a phrase, a post, a moment, and we build something enormous on top of it. In this episode, I'm looking at a popular men's ministry framework that anchors itself in a single line from First Corinthians "act like men" and asking what's actually there when you slow down long enough to look. What we find raises questions that go way beyond biblical interpretation. Because whether it's a scripture or a scroll, the things we build our identity on deserve more than a surface read. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 230: We Were In a Cult? Sara and Lauren's Story
Apr 701:52:59Tap to summarizeWhat's up y'all? In this episode of “We Were In a Cult?” I was able to speak with sisters Sarah and Lauren, who were both raised inside the ICOC. Growing up in the same home, under the same beliefs and expectations, you might assume their experiences would be identical, but they weren’t. In this episode, we explore what it means to inherit a system rather than choose it, how language and identity get formed inside environments like this, and what it takes to begin questioning something that was never presented as optional. It’s an honest and layered conversation about family, faith, and the complicated process of untangling your life from something that once defined it, while recognizing that it doesn’t all just disappear when you leave. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 229 Ten Extra Steps: A grocery store parking lot and the weight of small choices
Mar 3000:22:23Tap to summarizeThere’s a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It’s small. Almost forgettable. But the more I’ve paid attention to those moments, the more I’ve realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move through the world. In this episode, I start with a simple observation in a grocery store parking lot and follow it into something bigger, unseen people, invisible effort, and the quiet decisions we make when no one’s watching. This isn’t really about carts. It’s about the ten extra steps, and what they might say about who we’re becoming. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 228 Jesus Rode a Donkey (2026 Re-Release): Two parades entered Jerusalem, power from the west, peace from the east. We’re still choosing between them.
Mar 2900:25:12Tap to summarizeThis is an episode I recorded about two years ago, and revisiting it now, I realized something, I was already asking questions back then that I’m still wrestling with today. Questions about power, about leadership, and about what it actually means to follow Jesus. In this episode, I explore the moment often called the “Triumphal Entry,” but through a different lens: not as a celebration, but as a contrast. Two processions entering the same city, one built on force and control, the other on humility and peace. Listening back, I can hear the beginnings of a shift in me, and maybe this conversation will invite something similar for you. Not just to understand the story, but to consider which way of being we’re actually aligning our lives with. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 227 The Happiness I Don’t Believe In: On Chasing, Conditioning, and the Fear of What’s Already Here
Mar 2600:23:34Tap to summarizeIn this episode, I sit with a passage from Thomas Merton that I can’t seem to shake and the uncomfortable realization it stirred in me: I don’t think I trust happiness that comes easily. We live in a world built on chasing more growth, more clarity, more success, and I’m right there in it. But what if the peace we’re looking for isn’t something we achieve, but something we don’t trust? I unpack the “I’ll be happy when…” loop, how my background shaped that mindset, and why even the good things: self-help, growth, faith can keep us running. This isn’t a message from someone who’s figured it out. It’s me, a couple steps in, trying to understand why something that feels like it should set me free… is so hard to believe. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →Ep 226: We Were In a Cult? Katja's Story
Mar 2301:07:48Tap to summarizeIn this episode of We Were in a Cult?, I sit down with Katja, who shares her experience of being introduced to the ICOC in Germany, not as someone born into it, but as someone searching. As a young mother trying to find her footing in life and faith, she was met in a moment where community, clarity, and certainty felt both needed and welcome. What unfolds is an honest and thoughtful conversation about how environments like this can shape identity over time, how questions can quietly build beneath the surface, and what it takes to begin seeing things differently. Katja’s story is a powerful reminder that these experiences aren’t limited to one place or one kind of person, they’re often closer to home than we think. If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Transcribe →EP 225 Legacy or Leverage: A Sunday morning, a second bucket, and the long shadow of how we learned to give
Mar 1800:21:31Tap to summarizeI went to a church back in December because it reminded me of something. Growing up in the ICOC, we had what were called Special Missions contributions, big Sundays centered around giving, sacrifice, and faith. So when I heard about a “Legacy Offering,” I was curious. Not cynical. Curious. I wanted to see what it would stir up in me. What I didn’t expect was how much my body would remember. From the production and messaging… to the moment a second offering bucket passed through the room… something deeper surfaced. Not just frustration, but memories. Of childhood. Of pressure. Of learning that giving could feel less like freedom and more like proof. In this episode, I reflect on that experience, what it brought up, what I’m still untangling, and how my understanding of generosity has shifted over time. Because this isn’t really about one church. It’s about a bigger question: What happens when generosity becomes something we’re told to do… instead of something that flows freely from who we are? I still believe in giving. I just want it to come from a different place. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
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