Climbing the Walls: She Wrote the Book on Women, Shame, and ADHD | Episode 2 Summary

Release Date: April 9, 2025
Host: Danielle Elliott
Guest: Dr. Sari Solden
Produced by: Understood.org

Introduction

In the second episode of Climbing the Walls, host Danielle Elliott delves into the pivotal role Dr. Sari Solden played in reshaping the understanding of ADHD in women. This episode explores Solden's journey from personal struggle to becoming a leading authority, the emotional burdens of ADHD, and the societal shifts in diagnosing women post-pandemic.

Sari Solden’s Personal Journey

Dr. Sari Solden shares her early experiences with undiagnosed ADHD and the pervasive shame it caused her. Reflecting on her professional life, she states:

“I had a great career. After the book came out, especially as somebody who never spoke, that became, like, my big thing.” (00:00)

Solden describes her transition from a successful career to moving to a farm in an attempt to escape external judgments. However, she encountered what she terms “sheep shame”—a metaphor for the internalized embarrassment she felt about her disorganization and perceived shortcomings.

“I realized… I was going to be embarrassed by it or feel shamed about it. I had sheep shame.” (00:54)

Understanding ADHD and Shame in Women

Danielle Elliott highlights how Solden’s prolonged struggle with shame led her to uncover the deep connections between ADHD and societal expectations placed on women. Solden emphasizes that women with ADHD internalize pressures to meet domestic and social standards, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy.

“Women all the time say, how do other women do it? That's all they say is how, how do they do it?” (12:30)

Solden observes that while men with ADHD might not experience the same level of shame regarding their disorganization, women often hide their ADHD traits, leading to heightened emotional distress.

Publishing “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder”

Driven by the need to articulate her experiences, Solden embarked on writing her seminal book, Women with Attention Deficit Disorder. Despite initial hesitations and organizational challenges, she successfully published the book in 1995 with the support of her husband.

“When I had my book out there, and we had to get this out right now.” (18:33)

The book focuses on the emotional and internal experiences of women with ADHD, diverging from the scientific and neurological discussions prevalent at the time. It became a cornerstone for many women seeking to understand their own struggles.

“a lot of this book on women is all about that internal experience, emotional experience, what's wrong with me?” (21:05)

Reception and Backlash

Upon presenting her work at a major ADHD conference, Solden faced significant pushback from established gatekeepers in the field. During the keynote, a prominent figure publicly denounced her book, challenging its legitimacy and implications.

“He said, I’m just gonna… I'm gonna say what I wanna say. I felt like he was saying I was a child abuser.” (23:01)

Despite the hostile reception, Solden persevered, delivering a subsequent speech that resonated with many women in attendance. Her courage helped foster a supportive community where women could openly discuss their ADHD without shame.

“It was a triumph for me in the end.” (25:17)

Impact on Other Women and Diagnosis Trends

Solden’s work inspired numerous women, including Terry Matlin, author of The Queen of Distraction. Matlin recounts how Solden’s book provided her with the vocabulary and validation needed to understand her own ADHD.

“This book gave me hope that, you know, this is a thing. I don't have to feel bad that I'm not like my friends or my relatives.” (29:45)

The episode discusses how, despite Solden's early contributions, ADHD diagnoses in women remained low for decades, primarily due to institutional biases and a lack of awareness. It wasn't until the COVID-19 pandemic and the rise of social media platforms like TikTok that awareness surged, leading to a significant increase in diagnoses post-2020.

“Everything exploded from really the pandemic and TikTok.” (33:08)

Conclusions and Societal Shifts

Climbing the Walls underscores the critical need for gender-sensitive approaches in diagnosing and treating ADHD. Dr. Solden’s pioneering work illuminated the unique challenges women face, transforming societal perceptions and medical practices.

“Women have for decades been misdiagnosed.” (32:48)

The episode concludes by highlighting the ongoing impact of Solden’s work and the continued rise in ADHD diagnoses among women, attributing recent changes to both increased awareness and cultural shifts influenced by digital media.

Notable Quotes

• Sari Solden (00:54): “I had sheep shame. So I realized. So it didn't matter, like, what the context was. I had internalized that no matter what it was going to be, I was going to be embarrassed by it or feel shamed about it.”

• Emily Mitchell (02:15): “Shame and overwhelm might even help explain the recent rise in ADHD diagnosis among women.”

• Terry Matlin (15:23): “The look on this man's face told me that a woman in her mid-30s who has not been in a serious relationship is a woman who might never be in a serious relationship.”

• Sari Solden (25:17): “Of copies and was translated into a lot of languages... women said, I felt like you followed me around this book.”

Conclusion

This episode of Climbing the Walls not only celebrates Dr. Sari Solden’s groundbreaking contributions but also sheds light on the enduring challenges women with ADHD face. By sharing personal stories and expert insights, the podcast emphasizes the necessity for continued advocacy and nuanced understanding of ADHD across genders.

Timestamps

• 00:00 Sari Solden discusses her career and the impact of her book.
• 00:54 Introduction of “sheep shame.”
• 12:30 Solden on societal expectations for women with ADHD.
• 18:33 Challenges in publishing her book.
• 21:05 Focus of Solden’s book on emotional experiences.
• 23:01 Backlash at the ADHD conference.
• 25:17 Success and impact of Solden’s book.
• 29:45 Terry Matlin shares her experience.
• 32:48 Discussion on misdiagnosis of women.
• 33:08 Surge in diagnoses post-pandemic.

For more insightful episodes and resources on ADHD, visit Understood.org.