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Podcast Host / Advertiser
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Podcast Host / Advertiser
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Glenn Washington
I'm Glenn Washington, host of Snap Judgment from KQED. Every week, Snap drops you inside someone's biggest decision. The kind of decision you can only make once. With everything on the line, what do you believe? What do you want? And what would you risk to get it? Find out Snap Judgment new episodes every Thursday. Wherever you get your podcasts.
Kyle McLaughlin
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Barbie
Well, welcome back to. It is 5:20 somewhere. I am your girl Barbie. It is still the twins birthday. To my left, I got the beautiful truck. What it do, mama? Hey, did you have an amazing birthday?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I did, I did. It was pretty. It was pretty awesome. Not going to lie.
Barbie
Not going to lie. And we got bust down. Key, to the right of me.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Put your wrist up, cuz. Okay.
Barbie
Seeing Kinky in the club last night, it was so packed. She had like, threw her arm up to do something. And I was like, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds on me dancing.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I'm like, you got your watch.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
This bitch gonna say, hold on. You being too humble for me.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Too humble.
Barbie
I would have been in the cold. Like, don't them all.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Don't them all.
Barbie
Don't them all. Like, maybe that wasn't a good song choice. But yeah, Key, you had an amazing birthday.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I did, I did. Honestly, I don't even think I would have really went and got it.
Chelsea Handler
I.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
If you want to put me on the spot last episode, I'm like, what you want? I got to do it.
Barbie
So you got.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Because we talked about it and we manifested it, so I was like, I can't sit on the couch next week without this. Like, I just cannot.
Barbie
And who bought your watch for you?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That would be me.
Barbie
Don't play with that girl. The fuck you mean? Because last night I kind of got sad. I'm like, damn, I got bad pussy management because.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Why you are so funny.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
God damn.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, when I say when I bought it, I was literally thinking, I'm like. Because truthfully, I could have been. I could have been. Did this. No funny shit. Like, no funny shit. I could have been.
Barbie
Did this. Let them know that you want shit.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I feel like for whatever reason when you're a girl, especially when it comes to, like, your first watch, you damn near want. It's like a hood trophy a little bit. You kind of want a man to buy it for you. So I don't know. I was in a relationship for a while and I was like, waiting on a nigga to buy it for me. I really could have did it by myself. And as much as I bought that. But he said, don't hold your breath, right?
Barbie
Singles I've ever been.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And I just went ahead and did it for myself.
Barbie
And I'm so happy for you.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Just do it, girls.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Girl power.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yes, you.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Cheers to that.
Barbie
Cheers to that. So we got us a girl La La. Basically.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Nice.
Barbie
It's a girl La la la.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That's cute.
Barbie
Basically like a strawberry ranch Water. So something light because I feel like I am about to pass out. I'm so freaking tired.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
But Lemon Drop Fest went outside.
Super Troopers Advertiser
Outside.
Barbie
And you know me, I be outside until the next out day starts.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
It's.
Barbie
It's ridiculous. Everybody was looking for you guys yesterday.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, at the Lemon Drop.
Desperate Housewives Advertiser
Yes.
Barbie
So Lemon Drop Festival was so fire, y'.
Friend 4
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Like, I'm an out girl stuff about it too. It looked like I'm an out.
Barbie
Oh, I said it wrong. Out girl. Dory out.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Outdoor outdoor girl or outdoorsy girl?
Barbie
Outdoor girly.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I love verbally.
Barbie
I'm dyslexic, adhd and I have slight autism. All self diagnosis.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Autistic too, a little bit.
Barbie
I know I'm on the spectrum. Okay. But back to the Lemon Drop Festival. It was absolutely amazing. Like, seeing, like all the city come out, be together. Everything ran smooth. Like, they really put their best foot forward with throwing this event. So many people came out. The food was fires, the drinks was fire. It was two performances. Rocco and Veto. It was just a vibe like summertime
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
was going to be there.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yes.
Barbie
It was so good. Like, we were just out there just vibing, just drinking, just having a good time. And it's like now I felt like that was so good for this city because you know how it's Black Expo Weekend and we all complain about Black Expo not being as lit as it used to be. We complain about the old performers. So to have Rocco and Veto there and just have an amazing time, the DJs was fire. Like, I. I can't wait till next year.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah. Yeah, it's. I'm glad that they did it on Expo Weekend, too. Is that it going to be like that every year?
Barbie
I don't know. But I'm excited to see what they do going forward because it's only. It's only been getting better. So shout out to them for throwing that. Next week. I am going to be bartending with Bel Air. They booked Barbie Mobile Bar. Yes. So the Bellies and block party, Saturday, July 25th. I will be there bartending for Bel Air. So make sure y' all stop and come see me there. But yeah, I had an amazing night. Everybody was looking for y' all at the Lemon Drop Festival, the fever one. So pulled up on the girls. They were looking for y'.
Friend 4
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, yeah.
Barbie
So we're.
Friend 4
Why the.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You announced that girl?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm partied out. Yeah.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't know. I am.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I don't know.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I think I'm the homebody of the crew.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'm not gonna Claim being a homebody on some delusional and be like, I never go out. Like, I know I'm not that. But if I can sit in the house, I do enjoy a night in the house. A weekend in the house. And I had to wake up early and go. My kids had a game at 8:30am so, yeah, I wasn't going outside.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I mean, and we was out on Thursday. Well, we did our dinner on Thursday, and then we went out. And I don't know that just people was texting me all weekend, like, you coming out? You coming out? I'm like, no. I literally fell off in the club last night. That was so random. Humbug. I wasn't dressed. I didn't have on heels or nothing. Yeah. Did you have Barbie or like, I met. I met. So I. You know, cuz Barbie was in a group chat. Cuz she was giving us a play by play of her night. Like, where you at?
Barbie
Come find me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Finally.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm like, okay, well, where at? And then she was like, saying she was going somewhere. I'm like, webby's here. We need to go there. She was like, you're right. Let's go. I'll meet you.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why would y' all text privately outside the chat?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I caught her.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, you caught her.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
Okay.
Barbie
And trop. You don't respond to.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I did respond.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You. You.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You texted me and said that that man gave you $100 to give me his number.
Barbie
He gonna give me some more money. So text him back. Text him.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't want to text him.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He's annoying.
Barbie
Is he?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes, he's annoying. Did he not give annoying when you saw him?
Barbie
Yeah, he's always been annoying. Ran me over in the parking lot trying to like annoying, like, overbearing bro.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And what better than night was that?
Barbie
That was leaving the Lemon Drop Festival?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That's a.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Older.
Barbie
He's not even that much older, though.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He's not.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
How old is he?
Barbie
I don't know. He's not that old.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't. I don't know either.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
When I say Webby was so fat, though, like, okay, so these left me. And I'm like, in.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't know where
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
they. Like, I don't know where they went. I was talking. No, y' all didn't intentionally leave me, but some. Somebody was like, talking to me, and I' like, you done made me lose my so now, and it's so fat, so boom. So I see like, my friends dude on the stage. So I'm like, you know what? I. I Don't have my glasses on. I don't see anybody for. I don't see my girl. So I'm like, I'm about to go up here on the stage, right? So I'm just on the stage. And then Barbie couldn't even get to me. It was so fat or whatever, right?
Barbie
It was so fat, girl.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm just on the stage, I hear them playing the Webby songs or whatever. Finally we get off the stage, we go get in the section or whatever. And I'm looking at the stage and I'm like, damn, that's Webby. And then I asked Barbie. I'm like, so he was on the stage the whole time I'm on the stage.
Barbie
I think maybe like two people in
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
front of Webby, blind as fuck.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I literally thought that they were just playing the Webby songs because it was a Webby event.
Barbie
Yeah.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Like, I'm thinking he did a walk through and they just playing all his.
Barbie
No, he was the city, literally.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Oh, my gosh.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
They won't.
Super Troopers Advertiser
They.
Barbie
The city literally popped they for black expo weekend. So Webby was at Allstar. It was lit. He played some hits. I had a good time there. It just was overly fat. I couldn't breathe. Then I went back to try to find her, and she's like looking down on me from the stage like I was a peasant. I'm like, I'm not even about to push.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I've been like, come up here.
Barbie
Yeah, it was too much. I was just trying to breathe and remember. Remember last time when we was in the club trying to get on the stage? That hoochie mama.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, my God.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You remember?
Barbie
That pissed me off so bad. Remember that dude? You were trying to get up on the stage. One of y' all was trying to get up on the stage, and he damn near was like pushing y' all to get on the stage so he could get up there and twerk his
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
ass doing too much.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Which party was this?
Barbie
This was birthday party. You remember?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, yeah, I remember. And the dude, you're doing something.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I was like, y' all were.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I actually have a video that encountered.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Y' all are funny as cuz.
Barbie
He pissed me off so bad. He was like, I, I. I got clout on social media too. I'm like, who gives a about clout on social media?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You care about cloud on social media. You are a man. You are a boy.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Damon Barbie was like, let him be a bad.
Barbie
Just let him be a bad.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I looked at you.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He squeezed his tiny ass up into this right next to me. And I said, I'm moving. And I got off this stage.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They were starting. They were very. The girls were beefy that night.
Barbie
The gas orals, gross.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Quiet on the creek, y'.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
All.
Barbie
It's okay that we weren't all together this weekend because next weekend is WNBA All Star in Chicago, and it is 5:20 somewhere in Chicago. We outside, we're definitely going.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Are you going on Friday though?
Barbie
And then come in, make it happen. I'm going to make it your event, but I'm going to come down there Friday, turn up Friday, and then get right back for the bullshit and bellies and bullshit block.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah.
Barbie
So y' all stay down there and enjoy yourself. For me, like, to be young and tired again, like, oh, my God, I wish I could bounce around like I used to. Because the old me would have been there Friday, came back Saturday, hit the road Saturday, came back been there Sunday. Like unnecessary shit. Like, calm down. It's okay. It's. It's okay to breathe a little bit.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
But y' all ain't get no food
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
at all stars last night.
Barbie
Girl, how you was gonna eat chicken wings like this?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I wasn't gonna get had. I mean, I'm sure they kitchen was crashed because it was like so many people there.
Barbie
It was so packed.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'm just asking, you know, Kiki, last
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
time we was like, all right, y'
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
all there, I wasn't covering up a thing.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't give a.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
She was smacking her.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I have to eat before I drink.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You was in this section looking at her like, damn, little lady.
Barbie
Like, so you ain't busted down no 10 piece lemon pepper in the club?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, I will.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't give a fuck.
Barbie
I'll be smashing, dancing with my chicken wing like I'm outside at a barbecue.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You know what?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
But we didn't eat with her. That's why we was probably so drunk that night.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Y' all was drunk that night. That never happened.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I know I was drunk. And then we got our bottle so late, we had to.
Barbie
Oh, yeah, we went.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We had to gulp it down. Shout out to Swift.
Barbie
Shout out to Swift. Shout out for that late bottle. Shout out to Net baby, the city is overly turned and I'm loving it. I am loving it. But speaking of black Expo, black people activities, what's your favorite black catchphrase, which all grannies used to say?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
My granny. I actually have a funny story. My granny, one time, she was. Because my parents have like, hella kids, right? And so we used to come and stay the summers, like for three months. The whole summer when we was kids and stay with our granny.
Barbie
How it should be the hell, right?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Get these kids like you babies don't get.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Don't.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Don't get this started on your baby boomers and how y' all are terrible grandparents, but, like, in parents.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
But no, I remember we were like. We were like, what, nine? When our little sister was born. This number six or whatever. They pulled up, surprised us all. They came early to pick us up. They didn't even pick us up. That's how good they had it. They didn't even pick us up. They just pulled up to surprise us with the baby they had just had. Our little sister, our little cancer baby or whatever.
Barbie
Oh, Miko.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
So they cut out and my granny was like, I know they did not have another kid or whatever. And she's just talking to herself anyway. She said, they need another kid. Like, they. I need a hole in the head. And I was like, what do you mean, grandma? She was like, do I need another hole in the head? No. She said, do I need a hole in the head? I said, no. She said, all right.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Then I'm just like,
Barbie
I never knew what that meant until you just broke it down like that.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Okay, so you get it now. Like, they don't need no. Another kid, right? And then they still. And then my mom still had two more after that, bro.
Barbie
Wait, so y' all didn't know she was pregnant and stuff? Like.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, we never knew she was pregnant.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
We never knew because y' all was
Barbie
with the granny for three months.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, nobody ever knew when she was pregnant.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
She some.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
She car weight. She a heavyweight. And she carry it good, like, in her back. You would look at her and not know she's pregnant when you did that.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That is remind.
Barbie
That is so funny.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Like, she look.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, my God.
Barbie
She just carried it.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
She.
Barbie
But I'm just imagining the Samoa and me when they be doing that little. Y' all traditional dance stuff.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
So stupid.
Barbie
I remember her popping up like, oh, it's a baby. Do they do the dance with the baby or just like, here, come on.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know. I'm. I'm not that cultured. I wish I was just weddings. You know what I say, though? That's like a black thing. I think it's a new black thing. But I love saying. I love that for you. It's a black girly thing.
Barbie
My favorite thing is a kiki. My ass
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
or anything. My ass.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like, I swear. Or your ass. Like, when you about to. When you Getting in trouble. Like, they'll be like, I don't know, they'll put your ass on the end of something.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, put your ass on the end of something. Yo.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
Yo ass.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Or, I don't know, PlayStation your ass type.
Barbie
I feel like the new thing is playing in your ass. Is that new? You didn't get. You didn't take the chicken out the freezer because you ain't here playing in your ass.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Nigga's been doing that for centuries. Oh, just kidding. Since like Caesar's time.
Barbie
Did you wipe your ass?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Is that your ass smelling like that?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Kiki.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Surprise.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Wait, what are they.
Barbie
Did you wash your ball?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Wait, she was ready. What's the word? Say it. Did you wash your balls? Say it.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Disappointed. Did you wash your balls?
CarMax Advertiser
Nigga.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Okay, say it. Say it. Say it. Happy.
Barbie
Did you wash your balls?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Say it.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Sad.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Did you wash your balls?
Barbie
What in the. Please wash your balls. It's too. It's too hot outside. Please.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It is good all the time.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That's a black catchphrase. I feel like why people don't say that.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Or when you telling a story, they'd be like, mind you, mind you, mind you. We are overdue to mind you.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Or like when you on the road and they be like, that's why your up now.
Barbie
No, speaking of up cars on the road, my road rage is absolutely terrible.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That's why you ain't got no timing belt.
Barbie
Yeah, that's. That's what's going on. Like my road running around with that bumper about to like that.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Cussing people out.
Barbie
Yes, I do.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
That's why your bumper falling off.
Barbie
And I'll be like, so this is
Ashley
Ashley from the Ben and Ashley I Almost famous podcast. Ben. I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us.
Ben
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
Ashley
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Chelsea Handler
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea, Traveling with Doug is one of my favorite things. But when you're on tour like I am, bouncing between 35 cities, feeding your dog can get complicated. And that's why I started bringing Just Fresh from Just Food for Dogs. It's real fresh dog food made with human grade ingredients that he's been obsessed with. But it's shelf stable, so I don't need a freezer or a cooler or a whole travel operation just to feed my dog. Doug loves it and I feel good giving it to him. So go to justfoodfordogs.com and get 50%
Tony Ayo
off your first this is Tony Ayo from the Real Report with Tony Ayo and Uncle Murder. You ever notice how everything keeps going up? Rent's going up, streaming services are going up. Even your favorite burrito spot suddenly thinks salsa should cost extra. But with Boost Mobile, you and your phone bill don't have to play the Willis Go up soon game. Because Boost Mobile has an unlimited talk, text and data plan at a price that'll never go up. It's the same price you'll pay for life, meaning you're set to never worry about your bill increasing again for as long as you're on the plan. While the world keeps finding new ways to nickel and dime you. Boost Mobile gives you unlimited wireless at one set price for life. Imagine something in your budget actually staying the same. You'll pay the same for unlimited wireless when you're posting mirror selfies in your 20s and when you're posting mirror selfies in retirement. Some things never change. Switch now for unlimited wireless at a price that'll never go up. Only at boost mobile. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan.
Glenn Washington
I'm Glenn Washington, host of Snap Judgment, the award winning storytelling podcast from kqed. And every week Snap deals a new card. Like jumping on Rihanna's private plane or the accidental bank robber or even the man who was swallowed by a hippo.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Glenn Washington
Pick a card, any card. Snap Judgment from kqed. New episodes every Thursday. Wherever you get your podcast, you because
Barbie
my road rage is so bad even if I'm in the wrong I'm yelling at you ain't I don't care but
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
when I'm wrong I'll be like sorry.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I swear I will say sorry like
Barbie
that no I blow my horn back like you I know I Was supposed to be doing it, but damn. Calm down. You don't gotta do.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Why you mad at me, people? No, why are you.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Accountability. Where is delusion?
Barbie
I have no accountability, clearly. And I've been getting into it with old white men on the road since I got a job and got to be out here in the world all early and stuff. I've been getting into it with old white men on the. On the streets. And I cuss they old white ass out. Old, young, I mean, they probably deserve it, man.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
One time I got into it with a big. On the road, right? Oh, she driving.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
She.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't know why here. Touche to your big story, right?
Barbie
She must have been.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
She was turning left. I'm about to turn right. We had the lights.
Barbie
She.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't know if she like cut me. I don't know what the happened, but my window's down, her window's down. And I'm like.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Next thing I know, she said, you. I said, you fat bro. Next thing I know, this pops a ue and turns the around. She gets behind me and she said, now what'd you say? I said, I don't want no smoke with you. I was just playing, Biggie.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, it's. It's dangerous, though.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Road rage is dangerous because you really
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
dangerous out your body.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I do not even. I don't even play like that anymore. I don't.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't play like that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Especially if I got my kids in a car and will shoot you in the motherfucker and shoot you. They will unalive you and you're like, you need a hole in the head.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know. Whenever I feel anything like fishy, I clutch. I don't.
Friend 4
Sorry.
Barbie
Not too much, but I think everybody needs to calm down on the roads. Just calm down, take a deep breath, get to your desk.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Coming from a person who yells at
Barbie
people, get your destination.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And we used to be good. We used to be good at throwing
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
stuff at people's cars. Remember that time we was on our way home from IU and we was like, Somebody like, cut us off or was because white people, like over honk.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They horn. Like, why do they ride your ass? And they'll be the main ones to cut your dick.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'm not much of a horn honker.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Run.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
They stop sign.
Barbie
The Jeep didn't have a horn, y'.
Tony Ayo
All.
Barbie
My Jeep did not have a horn.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Good.
Barbie
Worst 10 years of my life. I used to be so shitty. So now that I got a horn, I hate her.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I hate an overly Honking ass.
Barbie
So you can't hear me? No.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why are you honking like that? I'm on the way home from Bloomington, and this man was, like, honking his horn. We start throwing coins out the. Oh, yeah, the cup holder. We start throwing water bottles all type of.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
At his. Why the.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
This gonna flash a badge at us,
Barbie
take y' all to jail?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And we was like, oh,
Barbie
dude, he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do anyway.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
For real. Like, speaking of ash, we need to post that video. When we was downtown, hanging out the window. Hanging out the roof with me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, my gosh. And the police slid on us, and they let us. Yeah, they let us have that one.
Barbie
I would have felt so bad having to give Mike a Malcolm. Mike Malk.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
My.
Barbie
My damn pod checks to pay for this ticket. Because he was like, no seatbelt. No seatbelt.
Chelsea Handler
Reckless driving.
Barbie
I can give you six different tickets. I was like, we are so sorry.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We are all hanging out of a window in Malk's car, and one of us was out the roof.
Friend 4
How did Malk respond to this?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He was very calm.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He was very collected.
Friend 4
He was just. He stayed calm the whole time.
Barbie
Yeah, because we were like, we're so. We were overly talking to the police officer. We were like, we're so sorry. So we just slid back in, put our seat belts on.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
We have the video.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He said, you're just letting them hang out your window like this. I could give you one ticket, two tickets. Reckless driving. Please don't.
Barbie
We're so sorry. We were just trying to have fun.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It's literally a fat ass hanging out of every window in the roof. And how many.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It was five fat asses in the car.
Barbie
Five fat asses. Five.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Five.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Four. Oh, okay. It was five.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You're right.
Barbie
It was allegedly.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, you trying to be funny?
Friend 4
I didn't say.
Barbie
No, no, no. Not talking about you.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Don't.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He was looking over here. Like, he was looking.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He's just.
Barbie
He's talking about you.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He's responding to the story, Kiki. Oh,
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
y' all know I get serious about this.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why are you acting so.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Not right now?
Friend 4
Just being mean for no reason.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You were mean when I first came in. You know what?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You know what you did today?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes, he did.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You know what you thought he miss. He misjudged.
Barbie
Oh, yeah.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, that was me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He was trying. He was trying to be a jerk head.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, he was trying to be funny.
Friend 4
I was just humbling you, that's all. But it.
Barbie
You.
Friend 4
You cleared it up for me. I respect It.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I appreciate it. Why do you want.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why would you want to humble us?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
We're your friends.
Friend 4
Everybody needs a little humble. Nah, I need a little hu.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Do you like that?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Oh, wait. No, no, no. Hold on. I wasn't here. I wasn't in on it. That was these. They've been ruffing.
Friend 4
Yes.
Barbie
Oh, what happened, Mike?
Friend 4
Y' all definitely tried to that one day.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Oh my God.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You know what he talking about.
Barbie
Were we trying to humble you or. Or was we speaking facts?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I mean job.
Barbie
Did you switch barbers?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What had happened was in his hyperventilated your hair looked at it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, y'.
Kyle McLaughlin
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I can't even see, so I can't even laugh with.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
With they ass.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I was not in on that.
Barbie
When he came in while we were recording, I looked up. I was like looked away.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Stop.
Barbie
Kept trying to do the show. Soon as the show ended, Trop said haircut. It got to peeling him and we were like crying tears. What did you say he looks like
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
first day of school.
Barbie
He looked like a youth preacher or something. And it was so funny.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Temptations after the perms.
Barbie
You just looked so old. I just didn't know what.
Friend 4
They combed my hair. Hair out so my hair was com.
Barbie
So it was like a nor fro straight up.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You don't need it. Keep the little curl.
Friend 4
Yeah.
Barbie
Oh, that makes sense. It was just straight. Just a straight peaked out fro over there.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Looking like. Did you get a different haircut?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
When I say there's.
Barbie
I know you could tell. Like, I could see the steam rolling for your head. He wanted to call us everywhere.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
There's no way to put into words how we should have been recording. That was being like.
Barbie
It was so hilarious. And I can't even roast.
Friend 4
Yeah, I almost ended y' all show that day.
Barbie
Look, there you go. You always want to do that.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He go low.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
This is you see?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He go to hell, y'. All.
Barbie
Every time talking about some humble pie.
Friend 4
My bad, y'. All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I appreciate it though, but yeah, do y'.
Glenn Washington
All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Do y' all barber got a like a full time job work
Barbie
or is that you needed to juice it and sponge it?
Glenn Washington
It was just.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He needed some leave in conditioner or something.
Barbie
It was so bad, Mike. And then you just stand in the door, just look ugly as hell. It was.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Get the out of here, Tito.
Barbie
Words from the block. Y' all know we still haven't came up with our own lingo for overly explicit things, but I seen this on X. It said we need a word that's more romantic. Than fucking, but less corny than making love. And we need it now.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
We have that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We already say crack.
Barbie
That is. Don't say you cracking me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It seems a little barbaric.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
And knocking the boots.
Barbie
More romantic than fucking.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Okay, more romantic, but less corny than making love.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I got nothing.
Barbie
Mating. No, I don't want to have your kids.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That is so scientific.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What about, you know, I'm a logical.
Barbie
What about fornicating?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, no, that's cheating. Is it?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What was they say? Getting the skins or something.
Barbie
Screwing, coupling. Nookie, bumping, bonking, panky, shagging, shagging, shagging, rumpy, pumpy, friggin.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I know.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Contrast.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Satan
Barbie
is Cornell. What hole is that?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Carnal.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Oh, nookie.
Barbie
Is it a hole? No. What does that mean, Mike? Or
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
penetrating?
Barbie
What?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Nookie is cute if you ain't saying Cuddy.
Barbie
But like, I want to make love with him, but I want to him too.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Honestly, I. I haven't come up with the word intimacy.
Barbie
I'll be saying him. Just me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That'd be saying I use cuddy a lot. I use cracking or crack.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Do it. I be like.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like you trying to do sometimes. I said that. I said cute.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They think it's cute you're trying to hump. Or I swear I'll be like, you trying to do it or you want me suck it. That sounds childish, but it kind of. I don't know. They like that.
Barbie
Bring that dick here, boy.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That's come.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Switching up now. I'm switching up however I say those two.
Barbie
Well, I used to have a little code. I would text and I would say,
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
read books, read books, read books.
Barbie
My little geeky anime guy. I was like, come on, let's read books. And we would have nasty hot sex.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Flipping every page.
Barbie
Flipping me, baby. You know corny men be having the.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They be having good dick.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, long dumb pose.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Big long. I'm just watching.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't know about corny men, but I know broke men do.
Barbie
Yeah, we don't want to. I'm not interested,
Podcast Host / Advertiser
but.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh yeah, no, me neither. Also, it's not worth it.
Barbie
I am challenging.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm going through some broke ass.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
So do we ever.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Didn't pay rent this month on my birthday month. It's so disrespectful.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, he got your messed up.
Barbie
Your tenant knows that it's your birthday month.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm pretty sure he's cool with my baby daddy.
Barbie
Oh, damn. You just called him all the way out. Okay, pay your rent right before we come find you. Like, don't Play with her. She just wait, don't he and help your.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
She needs to hold him accountable.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They're married.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
She needs to hold him accountable.
Barbie
Income, household.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
is by ourselves, y'.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
All. You mean.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Nobody say a thing to me at this point. Go sell some dick.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Like, but this is what I'm saying, though. And this is why they be. When I say I'm traumatized by broke niggas, it's just like, bitch, do you not know that I'm a single mom hoe. Like, I literally had to pay for you to live. Like, to the point where I gotta kick you out. And guess what? When I kick you out, you still got to live off me for a whole month.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Wow.
Barbie
You know, that's some lame ass me.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, I had to give him a 10 day eviction notice so, like, Danny can get a. But by then it's gonna be the
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
end of the month, you can bust
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
your wrist and your tenant ain't even pay they rent.
Barbie
I do not come in your size.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Amen. Praise the Lord. Saints.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Okay, yeah, no, thank you for that, guys, because I literally keep telling myself, like, I' ma just be positive. Like, it's cool. Like, everything happens for a reason. But also, I will say this, though.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Rainbow storm and then the rainbow.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
True. So it's fine.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
So you just getting all that out the way. That's how.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Cause that's how I view. Like this when you go through, like, it's like, okay, cool. I'm just getting the bullshit out the way. And the rainbow is going to play, y'.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
All literally when I say I have to send him an eviction notice every month. And it's just like, why the fuck do I gotta sit here and threaten to find a grown ass man every fucking month? This is so weird. Yeah, that's why I don't like broke niggas. Like, y' all don't care. Y' all have no, like, moral compass. Like, this falls on. I'm definitely traumatized.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
And I feel like.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know, it just makes it even harder when I' ma just shut up. I'm gonna stop right there.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You good, landlord Key?
Barbie
No, sometimes I don't.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
And I'm trying to cook. Can we cook?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We can cook.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Okay.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why you got some policies and procedures for my. No, no, no, don't sell it.
Barbie
I told you, let me rent it out.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I'm trying to.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm literally. Oh, my God. I'm literally trying to. I've been trying to turn it into something else before he ever even got There.
Barbie
But you can do it.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
Do it.
Ben
Yes.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Have a got comfortable. And you know, that's like a time frame.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Our heads together.
Barbie
Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Let's cook.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Do something. Let's cook.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Chef. Key. I'll be your soup chef.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
This really ruined my birthday month. Like,
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
ruin.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He didn't. Cuz I had a great birthday. Like, if nothing else, I and y know, we. We haven't even addressed. July was crazy.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
July was crazy.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And also, we're going to end it off with a new house. But no, honestly, y', all, I hate this. Okay. Trap. You kept telling me when I had when I got a new car, you was like, it's okay. You got a new car. That's normal. You're not irresponsible because you got a new car. I literally had to get a new car because my other car, it didn't break down. But I can hear it and I can tell that in the dealership quoted me $7,000 to get it fixed, bro.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We got some mechanics in the hood. Yeah, period.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
So now I'll be too car shouty. Well, I am too car shouty, but period.
Barbie
Keep up your.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, but yeah, copy ho.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
But yeah. So yeah, he really pissed me off.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, no sponsor.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, speaking of no sponsor. All right, this or that. Would y' all rather be in a relationship or single relationship?
Barbie
Relationship, if it's beneficial, right.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
If the nigga's doing it right. Relationship for sure.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Because I'm gonna say relationship just because I'm not gonna chew at this and age. I'm not choosing to be in a relationship unless it makes sense. Unless I'm happy. Like, I would rather stay single than to be in an unhappy relationship.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
For sure. But like I said, if he's doing it right because what girl, really? We really just want to be girls. Who wants to go at life alone?
Ashley
Like, this is Ashley from the Ben and Ashley Eye Almost famous podcast. Ben. I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us.
Ben
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
Ashley
They've watched us go from dating shows to engagements, weddings, babies, buying homes. Every stage comes with new decisions.
Ben
The milestones are the fun part, but the planning is where things get real.
Ashley
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Ben
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Klarna Advertiser
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Podcast Host / Advertiser
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Tony Ayo
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Glenn Washington
Every week, the Snap Judgment Podcast drops you inside someone's biggest Decision. The kind of decision you can only make once with everything on the line. What do you believe? What do you want? And what would you risk to get it? Find out. Snap judgment. New episodes every Thursday. Wherever you get your podcasts,
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
bitch, I'm going through all this shit. The last time a motherfucker played with me on rent, I had a nigga and he just paid it, you know? And it's just like, how is that ass backwards?
Friend 4
Because your man is paying someone another man's rent.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, but it's.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, no, no, no. It wasn't a man. It wasn't a man. It was a girl. No, it was a girl who was living there.
Barbie
You always had terrible tenants.
Friend 4
Is paying another tenant's rent?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, they got the out. Also, it was Christmas and he bought. He bought my kids Christmas. Like, I just miss being somebody's baby. I just miss being like, am I your baby?
Barbie
I wish.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Somebody's responsibility.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I want to be somebody's. I don't want to be my own responsibility. I can be my own responsibility, clearly, but I don't want to.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You got it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You got it. You trust me. I've been doing this shit a long
Barbie
time, and I don't want to.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Okay, but I'm with it. But. But you can, girl, push it. Push it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Even emotionally, though, I want to go
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
home and cry to my nigga and
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
be like, can you believe this nigga play with me? And that's the thing about being single. Like, I. I done vented. Where's my companions before I done be like, do y' all know everybody has somebody?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Do you know how to go home after a long ass 13 hour shift? You don't got nobody to talk to about Karen have you up.
Barbie
Like, that's my favorite thing to say. Like, I'd be like, her wig is so up and she got a man. Like, somebody loves her. Or she's slow as hell and she got a man. Why can't I find love? Like, what is it?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Because a lot of these is unhappy.
Barbie
Cool.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
But listen.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And I don't want to be unhappy.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
And that's the thing. We're not about to be in a relationship until we know that we're gonna be happy.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, because I'm gonna go hard. I'm gonna do all the chores. I'm do all the things I'm suck out of. I'm do everything.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, I hope he ain't sucking.
Barbie
I love. Oh, really?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I thought I was being professional.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
On.
Barbie
On YouTube is the worst word to use.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Cut it, cut it Cut it.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Rooster.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Stop saying that.
Barbie
Rooster. Choke his rooster.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What's.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What's.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What's a word we can use, Mike?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Swanson. Swanson.
Friend 4
Swanson.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, that's like, literally, like responsible old as you said. How old is it?
Barbie
Speaking of. Speaking of old wording. Listen, my bad have been in my inbox sounding like Shakespeare, like Spears, whatever. How you pronounce the. This man was like, oh, Barbie been
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
in my inbox talking about the. Right.
Barbie
That's right.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Queen, bro, they be asking for my cash app, but I'm scared to give it to them. Listen, I'll send the cash app.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm not sending my Apple pay.
Klarna Advertiser
They.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
The ones that ask for the Apple pay it. You can't have it because that's my number.
Barbie
Yeah, but no, this dude was like, good. Good afternoon, beautiful queen. Would you be love capable of courting? And I was like, boy, shut the up. Talking to me like this. Like, why are you. Why just talk. Why are you doing all that?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That irritated you?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
It.
Barbie
Am I capable? Do I have. No. He said, do I have the capacity to court? I don't have the capacity to listen to this.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
It.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why the.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Don't.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Why would you say it like that?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That's what I'm saying, bro.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Don't piss me off.
Barbie
Get.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Do I have the capacity?
Barbie
I don't. I'm insane in the membrane.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't have the patience for this weird.
Barbie
Like, do y' all hate good morning text?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes.
Barbie
Y' all do?
Chelsea Handler
Yes.
Barbie
So when you're dealing with somebody, you know, I text good morning every morning.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Call me.
Barbie
You want him to call you in the morning?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes.
Barbie
Please don't call me in the morning.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Please call me. I honestly, I do. I despise text texting. Like, I don't deserve. Because honestly, I'm super horrible at it. I'll see your text and it won't even register in my mind. For real.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm bad at texting.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That I just read your.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Or I'll.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Or I'll swear that. Oh, I'm about to respond to it as soon as I'm done scrolling.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Like.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
And I won't. So, like. And I just don't too much of a paper trail. You're not about to have me and my feelings in your text messages. I'm sorry. So just call me.
Barbie
I' ma tell that man to call you so I can give me the rest of the money.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What?
Barbie
I'm tell that man to call you so he can give me the rest of the money.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Don't tell that man to call me the.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What's wrong?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What's wrong?
Barbie
He said he was corny and annoying.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He's. He's. He's.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Well, I'll tell you what, mama. You fuck with them, then what did she say?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What did she say?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Well, you.
Barbie
What movie is that, y'?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
All Waiting task.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Don't do that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Cause she said, he's a good man, Savannah. He said, well, I'll tell you what
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I mean, you sleep with him, then
Barbie
Y' all are so boobies.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Like the hell.
Barbie
But speaking of datings and DMs and
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
shit, he gave you the money. You text his ass.
Barbie
I can't. Uh.
Friend 4
Oh.
Klarna Advertiser
Mm.
Chelsea Handler
Mm.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I can't either. He gave her a hundred. He gave Barbie $100 to give me his number.
Barbie
And look at me. I said.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I said.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I said, he should have gave you 200 to give me some money.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I told him.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I said.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I said.
Barbie
Cause he had all his money. I'm the one. He had all his money out like, man, tell Trot. Listen, it's motion over here. She can get whatever.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
And 100 is not even that much.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Keke.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Remember that time that man gave me 500 to give you his number and put in a good word?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Honestly.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And honestly, I was offended. I'm like, where's my money?
Klarna Advertiser
Right?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Where's mine? But I ain't gonna lie. He paid my rent a few times.
Barbie
I take. I text Trop. I said, text him back and tell him to send your money. So you texted him back. Then I get to get my money. It was a easy deal.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You got you something on the back end? Yeah, sorry. You're not gonna get it.
Barbie
I'm about to. I'm about to make a take SAP and be like, hey, babe, this is Trop.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Listen, whoever you is, get.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm the one you need to be trying to pay because I'm the one who's really.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I got.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Listen, I got the answer. I do got my control over Debo.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Tap in.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, it's okay.
Barbie
You about to get a text. Don't worry. I'm about to download a fake number right now. I'm about to say, be sneaking pictures of Tribe her feet and. Yeah, just working, babe. Thirteen hour shift. So tired.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Miss you.
Barbie
My kids is on my couch.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It's a boneless couch. It's only 700.
Barbie
I'm about to catfish and be Trot and he gonna be so shitty when I pull it and it's a fat
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
ass Kelly Price the getting a coin.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yeah.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Wait, what did you say?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You said something Barb.
Barbie
What?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What did you say? I don't know. What was the question?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, it wasn't a question. It was something. I knew you were when we first started talking about this subject, but I don't remember.
Barbie
But speaking of creepy men in DMs,
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
you should have made words from the block. Quiet on a creep.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I was going, did y' all see the real?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
Yes.
Barbie
That was so cute. I was going to, but I'm kind of grossed out because why Quiet on the Creek? I wanted it to be the words on the block, but it's Saucy. Santana's song.
Chelsea Handler
He was like.
Barbie
And when I was a little girl and we used to go fishing, you had to be real, real quiet on the creek. And the motion that he's doing I in the visual, the visuals.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
What is it about DL Man?
Barbie
They said that it's about DL Me as well as, like, being somebody's, like, side chick or side dude. Like, be real quiet on the street.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That makes so much sense.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yeah.
Barbie
So. But that's what he looked like when he do it. And it's just emotion and being. I'm just imagining saucy. So I didn't want to talk about it, Barb.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
All right.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You acting like Henny no love who you love.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
But it's the DL thing.
Barbie
It's the deal thing. And like, to promote it in the song.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I mean. But was he Is. Is that what it is?
Podcast Host / Advertiser
What's this?
Barbie
What is all this bouncing on the creek? You know, fish is like a term for, like, men that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
They say if we knew how many male black men were DL, we would be floored.
Friend 4
Really?
Barbie
You too loud on the creek?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I think I am quiet.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That's just. And it's the thing like, it beat them overly freaky men. I just don't want no overly. I want a regular freak freak. Like, just be a regular freak. Them overly freaky men.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What's overly freaky and overly horny?
Desperate Housewives Advertiser
Lustful.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Overly.
Barbie
What's overly freaky, though?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Wanna you an area hoe.
Barbie
Oh, Lord. Is that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Is that freaky? Oh, my God, Barbie.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That's definitely freaky. No dick should be in your ear.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'm really just talking. That's my belly button, baby.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You're stupid.
Barbie
I don't think nothing's wrong. He want to put it in my ear.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I knew you had a nigga dick in your ear. No, you know what they.
Barbie
That's how y' all girl called me DL. So maybe that's why you stick a
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
strap in a slide on the not a strap. Whoa, whoa.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That's too far.
Barbie
Pink flag. Pink flag.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What flag on the plight, bitch. Let me find out.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You got strapped in here.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Strapped in the ear is cry.
Barbie
My ear is little.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Why?
Barbie
I don't know.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
The ear. Maybe they.
Barbie
If they want to rub it on the back of my ears back there.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Okay.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know.
Barbie
I would let people do. If we in a relationship, ear crud. You can do whatever you want to do to me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'm just saying. Yeah, but. But if so, y'. All. If they do too much, then I'm looking at you funny.
Barbie
Sucking toe a man's. I would suck a woman's toe. Sucking a man's. I would kiss a man feet.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Shut up, bitch. You were irritated. Bitch, you aggrav.
Barbie
Wait, no, I'mma get back to this. Wait. Before y' all got here, Mike was trying to get the tape off of this. And he going to say, I'm not.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Where did Mike come from? Listen.
Barbie
Listen to what he said.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Breaking you.
Barbie
Quiet on the creek, Mike.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Quiet on the creek, Mike. Where's your m. Where's your thing? Listen, that's what you get, cuz you
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
decided to record he so loud in the creek.
Friend 4
Chill out. Hold up. It was.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You're in the chair.
Friend 4
It was some tape on the wall. I'm like, I'm not going to bust it open over the couch.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Pause.
Friend 4
I said, I'm not about to do that.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Why did you get the tape?
Friend 4
I'm like, I'm not doing that.
Barbie
But this is the thing as a
Friend 4
man said was, I'm not doing it as a man.
Barbie
To get it, you just had to bend. Now busting it open. This is busting it open. Do this Was you gonna do this
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
to get the tape?
Friend 4
Me saying, I'm not gonna do this.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Not crazy.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Oh, my God.
Barbie
This is busting it open. You talking about I'm quiet on the creek. That was crazy. I ain't trying to bust it open. I'm not finna bust it open.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Man, he lucky we weren't here.
Barbie
Cause what I ain't never seen. And a man to bust it open has to be like, yo, what are we doing? Quiet on the creek.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I like them. That's the way.
Barbie
Oh, y'. All. Oh, what the hell? Something you singing.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Here she go.
Barbie
That's the way we like. That's. Oh, that's like 2000, bitch.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You started.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
No, I'm singing.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Nigga, you're a 90s, baby.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, okay, late mid-90s. No, but this said mid-90s. Oh, she's in her bag today.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Early 90s.
Barbie
I was born 94.
Friend 4
Early.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It's before 95, so whatever.
Barbie
Listen, though. I was trying to tell y' all something. Y' all wasn't listening to me.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know.
Barbie
Y' all know I got adhd.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Real, real, real, real bad.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, I do, too. I ain't going to lie. I be having, like, 50 tabs open in my head.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, speaking of. You said pause. Tell me you know you getting old.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
When it just reminded me.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
My son says pause now. Like, him and my nieces.
Ben
Her.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Her daughters were, like, debating, like, they had all these squishies, right? And her kid was like, you can have this one. And he's like, no, I don't want that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't want that one.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I want this one. And she's like, but it's hard. He said, but I like heart. I like the hard ones.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Pause.
Barbie
I'm like, oh, my God.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Definitely a pause moment.
Barbie
Definitely a pause.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
How do he know a pause moment? That's what I want to know. But the hard squishies are the better
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
ones, though, if we're the hard needles.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah. It's like, I swear I could squeeze on just on some.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Bored. It's a needle, but, yeah. This said pause.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm like. Like, whoa, wait, I gotta stop.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I gotta stop watching Club 520 at home because my. What the crack Constantly.
Barbie
Your bones are always cracking.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yes. I think I'm gonna have arthritis.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Our mama has that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yesterday, I could tell it was gonna rain.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Here you go. All right. Bitch, you can feel it in your body.
Barbie
You getting old.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I could feel it in my bones, girl.
Barbie
Yes, that's.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I think I'm in the driver's seat.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm like.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like, it's gonna rain.
Barbie
I want to do white people's things.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Say that.
Barbie
Or is that just like some old black people stuff? Like, yeah, I can feel it's about to rain.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, if you, like, broke a bone
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
or got, like, a screw in your knee or something, you could feel it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I ain't never broke.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Have you ever broke a bone?
Barbie
No, I don't do nothing.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
So they say if you never broke a bone, if you never broke a bone, it's because you're. No, I am chosen.
Barbie
I am favored. Blessed to have a favor.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm absolutely chosen.
Kyle McLaughlin
You.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You are. You're gonna go through more emotional pain than physical pain.
Barbie
I believe it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Because, baby, listen, I done been dragged through the ringer.
Barbie
Through the ringer and back through the.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I've Been dragged through the ringer emotionally and physically. You know what's crying?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Have you ever broke a bone?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yes. What bone? My foot.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, right. Yeah. Anyway, damn, you made me lose my train of thought.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It was a traumatic experience.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
That's. Yes, it was.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Who.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Who was there for you, though?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
My sisters. These was bringing me care packages and roses and all. Kind of just like how my sisters were there for me this birthday. The Art sisters.
Ashley
Really?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Did they? Yeah. Let me just say this. I felt so love this birthday.
Barbie
I love that for y'.
Friend 4
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Literally, like, if nothing else, overly loved, overly shower love. I don't even have a. My sisters bought me gifts and they bought me flowers.
Klarna Advertiser
Yeah.
Barbie
Flowers were so beautiful. Like, absolutely.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Sisters does that just so my sister can have some flowers on her birthday. Yeah, that was a. I don't know. Them almost made me cry.
Friend 4
For real.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
They ain't buy my flowers, but.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And the reason why they bought me flowers, y', all, is because my twin had a. Bought my twin some flowers. Oh. And it was like, we can't have Kiki not have no flowers.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, but I didn't give a about
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
not having no flowers.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I know.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm not talking to nobody.
Barbie
You needed your flowers, though.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
They are so deserves, y'. All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
You deserved yours, too, but it's just like, I don't know. That was so sweet. I just love them. So sweet.
Barbie
Okay, so wait, so you said you don't. You're not dating anybody right now, but if you were dating, would you be like, do you. Do y' all believe in sharing locations with the person that y' all dating? Where's your stamp?
Ashley
This is Ashley from the Ben and Ashley I Almost famous podcast. Ben. I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us.
Ben
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
Ashley
They've watched us go from dating shows to engagements, weddings, babies, buying homes. Every stage comes with new decisions.
Ben
The milestones are the fun part, but the planning is where things get real.
Ashley
That's why Klarna stands out. Klarna gives people smarter tools to help manage everyday money with flexible ways to pay cash back that builds automatically everything in one place and support that makes everyday decisions feel less overwhelming.
Ben
Since life moves so fast, the right tools can help you feel more confident. Download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com to learn more.
Klarna Advertiser
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Podcast Host / Advertiser
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Tony Ayo
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Friend 4
Game.
Tony Ayo
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Glenn Washington
I'm Glen Washington, host of Snap Judgment, the award winning storytelling podcast from kqed. And every week, Snap deals a new card. Like jumping on Rihanna's private plane, or accidental bank robbery, or even the man who was swallowed by a hippo.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Glenn Washington
Pick a card, any card. Snap Judgment from kqed. New episodes every Thursday. Wherever you get your podcast, it's on that.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, I don't.
Barbie
Not at all.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No. Because when I used to share, when I used to share my location, this would call me like, so why you? Why you in that neighborhood? Why are you over there? I'm like, bro, I'm admired. What are you talking about?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I think it's a little toxic.
Barbie
You think it's toxic?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Why do you need all that?
Barbie
I think it's more of a safety thing. So I don't mind sharing my location
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
with my man, but it just depends.
Barbie
Niggas don't be wanting to share their location and who.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Nah, that's like getting somebody name tatted in there and got a location with you and you not sharing your location with me. But I also do feel like if you're constantly checking my location, like, there's something wrong with you.
Desperate Housewives Advertiser
Yeah.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like, if you have, like. Like how I share my locations with my sisters, like, okay, cool. They're not constantly trying to see where I am or what I'm doing.
Barbie
I'll be checking my friends.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
A lie. Or none of that. It's just safety measures. Like, if I share my location with my man. It's just.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I so don't give a. I don't. It's so. I don't even know how to check a motherfucker location that I have. Like, literally, my sister will be with me, and she'll be like, damn, I left my phone. She'd be like, can you check my location? I'd be like, how? This literally just happened to me, like, yesterday.
Barbie
So y' all don't think that y' all would want to share with y', all, man, for safety reasons?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Yeah, I would.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I will send you my little kids.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
But if he's toxic and weird, if it was to ever get, like, weird and toxic, I'm gonna be, like, cutting it off. Ixnay on the elation.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
K. But my ideal next guy, I would. That would be a safe space to share my location. But I just feel like when I did do it in the past, it just, like, more so worked against me than, like, for me. Like, bro, I'm sharing my location. Why are you questioning me about where I'm at at 4pm it's crazy. Okay. Sharing locations, for me, it's a no following your guy on Instagram or social media, period.
Barbie
Yeah.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Your name.
Tony Ayo
Yay.
Barbie
I would rather not.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah. When I say I don't follow a single single person I ever cracked.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Cracked.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Single guy I ever cracked.
Barbie
Because I will get irritated because, like, so if I see somebody I don't like liking your stuff or something like that, and I feel like those are petty arguments. You can like whoever stuff you want to like and all that. So I just, like, it's unnecessary drama that it brings.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I do not lie. A man's Persona online will turn me off. Yeah, I like you way better on person, in person. And then, like, see the stuff that you post and be like.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Or even, like, how many girls those pictures you and A likes.
Barbie
Like, that's your just floating around his little Dumb ass head.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Just a little thirsty.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Like, I don't need to see that.
Barbie
Get back.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's. I don't like that. I don't want to see your man in 2100 other thirsty ass like this. And then it's just. And you posting yourself selfies or posting stupid. Like, you walk into the mailbox. It's just ugly. Like, get. Get in the field.
Barbie
What I tell them, Chop, go to war. Please.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Not this war, though.
Barbie
Go to war.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Okay, not this one.
Barbie
Go build a car, a house.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Join the Black Panthers.
Barbie
Join the. They changed their name or something, I believe, but do something. You talked about Persona on the Internet.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
All right?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Please, please, please. This.
Barbie
When people are. When you're riding with the guy.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, God.
Barbie
You're riding in the car with the guy, he's listening to his favorite song, and what is it? Trap?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He's off B.
Barbie
Or he's just like, what it. What is it that turns.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't know the words.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It's not not knowing the words. It's just the vibe, y'.
Kyle McLaughlin
All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I kid you not. One time, I was riding with this
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
man
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
and I was on the fence, like, we were just dating, nothing serious yet, or whatever, yada yad. And I'm just like, da, da, da. And bro, it was like. It was my a. It was like a Jay Z song playing or something.
Barbie
Oh, you trying to be smooth.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
This must have been. It was like a. Not a playlist. It was the YouTube music. So random, just spewing off. So, bruh. This song starts in. Must have been his. When I say I decided I did not like this man any longer. In that moment, the way he started bobbing his head. Song.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What was the song? It offbeat or that's how you look like radio? What was the song?
Barbie
Was it always closed?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, it might have been a song cry or something.
Barbie
I don't think was not moving.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Like, that's a song cry.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
This my. That is my.
Tony Ayo
Though.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
But why would he do all that? Reminds me of the big black man.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
No, y' all don't understand the way it was looking. It was just like. I'm like.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
And, bro, I kid you not.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
The way he was bobbing his head and just like, singing the.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
So, bitch. All right, now you look like you wonder what is going on. It looked like at any moment this nigga was about to. Mind you, he's driving.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
This nigga at any moment was about to pull out the finger drumsticks.
Barbie
Like, oh, shit, he was.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Bobby.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I really wanna guess who this nigga was?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Don't even, bitch.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Obviously I'm not gonna say it, but
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
it looked like he wanted to be like, oh, yeah.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You know what, though? One thing I will say. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't like them next.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
One thing I will say about Trop, though. These. Know how to pick them. We had, like, a holiday.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I think it was Easter, y'.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It was Easter, y'.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
All. She. She.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
She south launched it. She hard launched this to us that she was talking to. He come. He come in. Somebody was on the ox. This begged for the ox, y'. All. He requested the ox.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Ox.
Barbie
And what he play king.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I mean, he. And he took the ox, like, with pride. He took the ox, like, who's on the ox?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Give me that.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Dj, drop that, bro. He started playing some like, what is that song?
Chelsea Handler
He said
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
on me with all the kids running around?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
The Easter Bunny is here.
Barbie
He said, try listening. He said, lock in, Lock in.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
But. But I'm not done, though.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yes, buddy, but he wasn't done. Then he played can you throw me the paper towels?
Barbie
My titty sweat so bad.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Then he played dmx. Wait, which song was it? Ch.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't remember.
Barbie
Any DMX song is down for my.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Or whatever.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Oh, it might have been. I suppress those memories. All I know is we was literally, like, all looking around like, my sisters is side eyeing and looking, and I'm
Barbie
like, like, you on me on you to DMX on Easter Sunday. Y' all should have did him like Easter.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Barbie
What's that? Apollo, sweep his ass out the house.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
For real, cuz.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Tomato, tomato. I mean, was he dancing to? And the thing is, he really.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
He was doing that.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He was doing the radio.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like that song was playing. It was some. That little baby and Gunner or whatever. I think the song turned off if that's what was playing, because this was a minute ago. And he said, man, who.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Who.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Who playing that? Oh, he turned from next? I said, oh, man, he.
Tony Ayo
He.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He turned that off.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And he said.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He like, what you.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What these want from a nigga?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What the. Are you okay?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
What is this?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
We were not okay. It was. It was.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I mean.
Barbie
Okay. Well, speaking of cringy things, Mike, play. Play that video for me right there. Cringey. Cringey things.
Ashley
Things.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I'm okay
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
now.
Barbie
It's a lot of pot. This is kind of off topic, but. No, it's not. There's a lot of podcasts with, like, couples. Could y' all imagine doing a pod with somebody that you're dating or you're.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
No, thank you. No, I like being on here with my.
Barbie
With my girl.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I like to be a little bit more unfiltered than probably what I would. I mean, I would probably. And also, like, I don't want you
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
to have no dialogue. That's gonna piss me off. Like, if you like my sister or something, like. Okay, just. But my. Like. No.
Barbie
Okay. Drop the beat. We locked in.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I hate that.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
No, yeah, for sure. We're locked in.
Barbie
Okay. Mike played the end of the video. Basically, they were talking about, if I can walk around with you on soft, then we are locked in. Like, if a man walking around with that thing and then shriveled up looking like the day he was born, you love him.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yeah.
Barbie
Y' all okay with that?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Yeah.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Got some dramas on.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Don't y' all shit look like I'm not tripping.
Barbie
Put some draws on. I'm the only person should be walking out with they cat out. Why is your cat out?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I mean, I'm not saying if you. Because you just put that thing on them. I promise y'.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't care.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That shit don't bother me.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Honestly, I'm offended if an. If a man sleeps. Sleep and he not naked, I'm offended.
Barbie
True, true.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
That's cool.
Barbie
But walking around.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
If we just did it and you not.
Barbie
And we just.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I ain't gonna hold y'.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
All after we did it.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
One of the funniest in my phone is of a walking around on soft, and we were, like, talking to each other, and I was like, yeah, what
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
you got to say now?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
And he was, like, hiding behind ducking and dodging corners and.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
But it's like, you're my baby.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Who cares?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I got a video on phone of a man taking a leaking his lizard, and it was very.
Barbie
That sounds so disgusting. What?
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't get a little, like, leaking
Barbie
his lizard sounds so disgusting.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It wasn't.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It don't. It stays 100 soft when they pee.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It looks like it was.
Barbie
No, it's hard when they p. It
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
gets a little erect so that they.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You know.
Barbie
They supposed to wipe their ass sitting down.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
You don't know.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I don't think it was.
Barbie
How is it soft while he's peeing
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
right here? So when y' all pee, it get,
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
like, a little mid to. It.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Can't aim on sauce.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Wait a second.
Friend 4
You think have to get hard so
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
be pissing on them. The ones that be pissing.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Wait, I don't think.
Barbie
I don't think that they have. You have to be hard to. To pee but for the line of
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
piss to come out.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Imagine if you had to be turned on to pee.
Barbie
Not turned on, but your dick is.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
It's.
Barbie
It's standing up, cuz piss is coming out of it.
Friend 4
You hold it.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, yeah, you do hold it.
Barbie
They do be holding it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Shoot every which way. Oh, after.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I never thought of that.
Glenn Washington
Too hard.
Barbie
You can't aim that. That's why after sex I would think
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
that hard is easier to aim.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
But do y'. All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
So after y' all have. After y' all hoop, do. Do y' all pee not be sprinkling
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
all over the place?
Barbie
It'd be like a. Yeah, it be
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
like coming out sprinklers.
Barbie
How many holes we got down there? Cuz it's like. I feel like it be coming out all three.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It feels like it.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It's two.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, well, in the ass is three,
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
but you only have one urethra. But it literally goes north, south, east, west.
Barbie
After y know, north, south, east, west.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
None of that.
Barbie
So a dope.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
A deer.
Barbie
Oh, I really did think that a man had to be on hard to pee. I mean, like not turned on, but I just. I'm not.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, like a little something something.
Ashley
A little something.
Barbie
I don't have to pay attention now.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Yeah, same.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
I'm like, let me go in there
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
with you and your people, cuz we already know y' all stand up when y' all white and they don't when they pee. Yeah, okay.
Barbie
Crazy word. And I'm a damn boy. Mom. My son smashed his penis in the toilet seat the other day.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Did he cry?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
I was in my room. Want to f. God. I'm like, what?
Barbie
What? You know, Mom's.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What?
Desperate Housewives Advertiser
What's wrong?
Chelsea Handler
I'm still.
Barbie
I'm still laying the bed, though.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
What's wrong?
Barbie
What's wrong? He was like, the toilet seat closed on my pee pee pee. And I was like. And in my head I'm like, little ass penis.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
How did it.
Barbie
The toilet seat even clap on it? What was he doing?
Friend 4
Why are you blaming him? I'm not close toilet.
Barbie
No, he was in there doing something. I don't know what he was in there doing. He probably was like.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He said, blame the mama.
Barbie
Yeah, but also, how slow are your reflexes that this little bitty pee pee got caught in the toilet seat?
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
It probably came as fast.
Barbie
I just can't imagine.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
He just got his order operations.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
He probably didn't put it all like,
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
okay, instead of move, put the toilet seat down. He said, put the Toilet seat down.
Barbie
And he probably tried to, like, stand into it and flush it some. That's like, I want grandkids. All right. Oh, I challenge all women this week. Throw away your toys. Throw.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I second day. I don't.
Ben
Wait.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Excuse me.
Barbie
Your toys. We gotta get back to Good old fashioned DJing.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I beg your finest. Pardon.
Barbie
We're losing feelings in our vagina. And we want me cannot please you to like robots. Because we used to. The rose. 9,600 in the honeycomb. Dick stretcher. 23 batteries they charge. When you used to be my better. I got old toys. I'm an old freak. I got toys that still got batteries in them. Now you plug it up like to your damn iPhone. Charger.
Kyle McLaughlin
Yep.
Barbie
You can charge it from your computer. I used to take batteries out of my blood pressure monitor to put into my toy.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You ain't.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Whoa, Barbie.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I was like, I gotta get this off.
Barbie
Come on.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Gotta get this nut off.
Barbie
So I'm challenging y' all to get back to DJing. Get back to doing. What was that song? Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Oh, my.
Barbie
She was talking about DJing that getting in there, kitten.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Dude, I'm sorry. I could still flip my bean real good. But. But sometimes that'll make your arm hurt. Your arm get tired.
Barbie
You gotta, like, lay on it, make
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
it go numb and then keep going.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Who wants to do it and make
Barbie
you feel like somebody else is doing it?
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
It don't even take that long, y'.
Friend 4
All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It don't.
Barbie
That's cause you're a professional.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
The crazy thing is I could. I could.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I don't play with tools.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
It really be the thoughts. Like the thoughts that you're thinking about in your head. If I think. If I got some freaky tales going on in my brain.
Kyle McLaughlin
Well,
Barbie
that's my thing. I challenge everybody. Throw those toys away. Get back into DJing and getting to know your body.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Let your man please you.
Barbie
Well, I don't have no man.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
So same kind of.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I can't get addicted to no machine. Like, I still want a man to be able to.
Barbie
I told you I bought that rose please me. And it had an extendo clip on it. And once it went dead, I'm like, I'm never charging.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
That sound like the Nimbus three times
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
the Is that I lost my rose.
Tony Ayo
You put.
Barbie
You put it on this, and then you can stick another thing up in there. It's like. It's crazy. That's the damn devil.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Like Gray Wolf Lodge.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
I've still never Used a rose, y'. All.
Barbie
That's good.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
You go, girl. I hate that for you, but throw
Barbie
them roses away now. They got a hammer. They got a hammer. Vibrator.
Friend 2 (possibly Trop)
Like, what? What are we doing?
Barbie
Chill.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Beating the p. No, I'm just playing.
Barbie
Beating it down. That's not down to the ground. That was crushing it, y'.
Podcast Host / Advertiser
All.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
Clicks gonna fall off.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Who's. I don't. I don't even do that very often.
Barbie
But if a toy company wants to sponsor, it's 520 somewhere. You know the freakiest girls on the couch.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Me for you.
Tony Ayo
Candy.
Chelsea Handler
Candy.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
I'll use it every night. Listen, be like, I'll use that on
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
to prove my love.
Barbie
I'll use it on trop. We can. We can get into that, but I'mma leave my bean alone until then. Until next time, America. Cool.
Friend 4
Yeah.
Barbie
Make sure you like comment and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Tap in on Club 520's Patreon. Tap into our Instagram. Tap into our ex. Tap into our. Our Tik Tok as well as our Facebook. We love y'.
Friend 4
All.
Friend 1 (possibly Kiki)
Into our cash app. Zells. Venmo PayPal Cash app.
Barbie
$sign.
Friend 3 (possibly Key)
B U Z Y B Z Z. Yeah. E trophy.
Barbie
I need some money.
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Tony Ayo
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Podcast Host / Advertiser
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Episode Date: July 26, 2026
Hosts: Barbie, Trop, Kiki, Key, and Friends
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts and The Volume
This episode of "It’s 5:20 Somewhere" is a lively blend of hilarious birthday recaps, reflections on girl power, city events (especially the Lemon Drop Festival), classic Black family sayings, wild road rage confessions, awkward DMs and relationship debates, and the ever-present quest for healthy singledom. The crew—Barbie and her friends—swap stories that are both unfiltered and deeply relatable, blending humor, vulnerability, and a distinct Midwest Black cultural flair.
The episode is vibrant, conversational, and dares to turn vulnerable moments (about money, dating, independence) into bold humor and relatable wisdom. The energy flips seamlessly from wild party stories to intimate thoughts on self-worth, relationships, and female sexuality—always colored by playful roasting between friends and the unfiltered energy that’s made Club 520 podcast a viral hit.
If you missed this week at Club 520, you missed laugh-out-loud stories about birthday flexes and female empowerment, refreshingly honest takes on relationships and dating (from sliding DMs to splitting rent), witty road trip and cop encounters, and an open—but hilarious—conversation about sex, love, and growing up. Whether they’re clowning on DMs, celebrating sisterhood, or challenging each other to ditch their sex toys, Barbie and the crew never fail to turn the day’s chaos into contagious joy.
Catchphrase Highlight:
“Girl power. Just do it yourself!”
“Go sell some dick.”
“If you can walk around with me on soft, we are locked in.”
Follow @club520podcast for more wild stories and weekly energy!