Bill Burr | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Summary

Club Random with Bill Maher – Bill Burr | Club Random Classics

Date: November 20, 2025
Host: Bill Maher
Guest: Bill Burr
(Note: Tom Segura appears as the conversation partner in the transcript. Based on the transcript, Segura is the main conversationalist with Maher in this episode and not Burr. The episode features the usual Club Random roster, but for this episode summary, Tom Segura will be referred to as the guest.)

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Episode Overview

This Club Random Classics episode is a candid, comedic, and wide-ranging conversation between Bill Maher and Tom Segura (misattributed as Bill Burr in the title). The discussion steers clear of politics, in favor of a freewheeling exploration of aging, cancel culture, marriage and parenthood, comedy career trajectories, generational differences, and the arcane mysteries of show business. The typical Club Random tone prevails: irreverent, self-deprecating, and at times poignant beneath the banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Art (and Pain) of Stand-Up Comedy

• Showing Up and Reliability in Show Business

  • Segura notes how low the bar is in entertainment: “You showed up. You said you would and you did. That means a lot to me.” (02:23)
  • Maher jokes about the unreliable nature of show business guests.

• Solo vs. Guest Comedy Styles

  • Maher admits he’s in awe of Segura’s solo podcasting abilities, likening it to Rush Limbaugh’s skill. (02:58)
  • Segura reflects that being a comic means mining personal pain: “All of pain in life is fodder for art, right?" (04:04)

• Generational Comedy and Getting Better

  • Discussion about grueling club circuits and “two shows a night” builds resilience, even if it doesn’t always improve the act. (44:06)
  • Segura describes using authenticity to bond with audiences: admitting fatigue or repetition during shows can be a way to connect. (45:19)
  • On joke theft: both agree that stealing jokes is an unforgivable sin in the comedy community (67:23).

2. The Impact of Cancel Culture and Changing Norms

• MeToo and Cancel Culture
  • Segura and Maher criticize the lack of consistency in "punishments" and agree the cancel-culture panic has mostly faded for them, even if it hasn't completely disappeared.
    • Maher: “Not every. I mean, for Christ's sake, it’s not the end of the world. People have done so much worse things and gotten less. There’s no rhyme or reason to the MeToo type punishments.” (07:53)
    • Segura: “It started off with something everyone could agree on, and then quickly it just spun out of... I don’t even think about it anymore.” (08:09)
  • But Maher warns, “Any one of them could get cancelled in the next two minutes.”

3. Generational Differences & Technology

• Attention Spans and Digital Distraction
  • Segura discusses how social media has scrambled his brain and affected his attention span, even improving after a month-long Instagram break. “I realized like, oh, maybe I'm not getting dementia. I just think my brain is like getting scrambled.” (11:42)
  • Maher notes this is indicative of generational differences in how technology is adopted, especially regarding "rabbit holes" and constant fact-checking while watching TV. (15:13)
  • They joke about upbringings, clothes, and broader cultural divides—Maher, the dapper elder; Segura, the laid-back everyman. (20:03–20:46)

4. Parenting, Childhood, and Control

• Challenges of Parenting and Not Having Kids
  • Segura quips: “One of the best things you did for society is you didn’t have kids.” (15:13)
  • The importance of being honest about parenting desires—forced parenthood breeds unhappy kids, which in turn breeds more unhappiness. (15:25)
  • Maher reflects that childhood was “a kind of torture because you just do not have control yet. I got happier as I got older.” (17:06)
  • Discussion of class stratification in parenting and career choices.

5. Show Business & Artistic Integrity

• Comedy, Nepotism, and Fame

  • Segura and Maher riff on “Nepo babies”—Maher draws a distinction between blue-collar nepotism and Hollywood nepotism. (40:42)
  • They agree that predation and nepotism exist across industries, not just Hollywood, though the arts make it more visible.

• Streaming, Movies, and Shifting Business Models

  • Despite the global success of Segura’s (Old Dads), industry recognition and opportunities aren’t automatic anymore, due to the opaque and shifting metrics of streaming. (82:22–90:27)
    • “Streaming service has devalued art. Where back in the day, you used to pay 10 bucks to go see a movie, now 20 bucks, you get all the movies.” (84:27)
    • “You could always count on that. In show business, art is just always, if you’re lucky, it coincides with their business interests. But profit, success, people bought it. That’s what they care about. That's what I don't understand..." (88:23)

6. Relationships: Marriage, Gender, and Attraction

• Romantic Dynamics & Finding the Right Partner
  • Segura shares an endearing story about what drew him to his wife—her humor, freedom, and confidence—not just physical attraction. (32:39)
  • Maher reflects on women’s forgiveness, men’s visual focus, and old truisms about relationships.
  • Segura describes parenting in the modern world, relating his own childhood to his parenting style. (16:54)

7. Music, Taste, and Cultural Evolution

• Beatles vs. Modern Music

  • A lengthy, playful debate on the Beatles, their cultural periodization, and enduring relatability, with Maher providing context and Latin phrases like “prima inter pares.” (57:06–59:30)
  • Segura champions the relevance of newer artists, including Willow Smith and 90s hip hop storytellers like Biggie. (99:23)

• Generational Tastes & Mockery

  • The two rib each other endlessly regarding music preferences, style, fashion, and vocabulary—Maher the “pompous professor,” Segura the "blue-collar meathead.” (76:51–78:01)

8. Social Issues, War, and Political Hot Buttons

• Israel-Palestine, War, and Youth Activism
  • As the talk dips briefly into earnest politics, Maher delivers blunt, controversial takes on Israel and current campus activism.
    • “There's a very simple solution to all this. Problem in the Middle East. Stop attacking Israel.” (71:48)
  • Segura demands: “How is war still legal with all this shit that’s been canceled?” (72:19)
  • Their sparring returns to jest when Segura challenges Maher’s “hard-nosed decisions” with podcast diplomacy. (72:46–73:02)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Generational Clashes

  • Maher: “When you’re 25, you and I are the same. …to her, ‘Yeah, that's the same thing to me.’” (13:29)
  • Segura: “You're like pre standup special, you know, as far as, like… comedy on the road, evening at the improv. I mean, that's… a whole different generation than mine.” (14:11)

• On Comedy’s Grit

  • Segura: “Tuesday through Sunday, two Friday through Saturday… you were in Portland, Oregon, and you were just there. And the hardest show of the week is the second show Saturday.” (43:35)
  • Maher: “I don't know if that made me better, honestly. That kind of bullshit. But made you tough, right?” (44:47)

• On Parenting

  • Segura: “The worst thing is when a person who doesn't want to have kids has kids because they think they're supposed to do it. And then they fucking don't like them. And then that kid… [becomes] an asshole to my kid.” (15:25)

• On Streaming Success

  • Segura: “I pitched another movie to two junior executives, and I waited six weeks to get an offer... as if that movie never happened. … That’s why I think being an actor is so much harder than being a fucking comedian.” (84:50)

• On Friendship & Differences

  • Segura: “There’s so much shit about you that’s funny that you’re not even trying to be funny. Your whole outfit is hilarious.” (61:44)
  • Maher: “I am a happy guy. And you're a happy guy. … We found what makes us happy.” (66:26)

• On Intellectual Showmanship

  • Maher: “I’m not the bad guy, ‘cause I know things.” (58:36)
  • Segura: “Most of the shit that you say is not smart. It's just sort of obscure.” (97:22)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Topic / Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------|---------------| | Banter about showing up, improv, & pain | 02:10–04:14 | | Cancel culture, MeToo, “over” or not | 07:34–08:38 | | Social media addiction & attention | 11:42–13:29 | | Generational jokes on style, clothes | 20:03–20:46 | | Parenting descends from upbringing | 15:25–16:54 | | Comedy club grind & double show exhaustion | 43:45–45:51 | | Joke theft and Boston roughness | 67:23–70:03 | | Beatles/musical taste & Latin lessons | 57:06–59:30 | | Film industry, streaming, and opportunities | 82:22–90:27 | | Brief but pointed Israel-Palestine exchange | 71:00–73:03 | | Buddy movie riffing; odd couple dynamic | 76:30–78:01 | | On directing, film production, and crews | 90:30–93:58 |

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Tone and Closing Thoughts

Maher and Segura keep things brash, bawdy, and astute, letting the conversation meander naturally through humor, nostalgia, and sharp social insight. While laughs are delivered at each other's (and the world’s) expense, there’s a candid wisdom that pierces through: about personal evolution, self-knowledge, and the incredible unpredictability of both comedy and life.

Best encapsulating quote:
“I am a happy guy. And you're a happy guy. … We found what makes us happy.” (66:26 – Bill Maher)

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End of summary.
(Advertisements, sponsorship plugs, and non-content sections omitted.)

Transcript

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[Bill Burr]

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[Tom Segura]

Hello, William.

[Bill Burr]

You're there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, so we're not confused. All right, what's going on, Sir?

[Bill Burr]

Man of your word.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I showed up.

[Bill Burr]

You showed up. You said you would and you did. That means a lot to me. I appreciate it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the bar is set low if that's all it is. Like, who doesn't show up?

[Bill Burr]

People? Are you kidding? Are you in show business?

[Tom Segura]

That's why I don't have guests. For the most part. I don't have guests because, by the way, I don't want to deal with that.

[Bill Burr]

That is something I Also am somewhat in awe of. I couldn't do that. You know, there's some things I can do. I think at Showbist is as good or better than anybody. But then there's things like improv. I couldn't do rap.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Bill Burr]

Especially right. Right up the dome. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that. That's amazing.

[Bill Burr]

That blows my mind. But also. But just talking straight to the cab, just starting, and it's just. You. Rush Limbo did it.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, he did.

[Bill Burr]

And you do it. But that is a rare skill, my friend, to just go.

[Tom Segura]

It's probably some personality flaw in the rest of my life, but in that moment, it works. Well, I know a lot of people that would agree with you.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I mean, don't you have a childhood that lends itself to humor because of. Who was the Boston comic who used to say he had a bad father like you did? And he was like. When Bing Crosby's kids were like, talking about how Bing Crosby was. Remember that?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

He was like, hey, my dad used to. My dad used to hit us with your father's record. You know, that was a Boston comic. I forget who it was.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, that was.

[Bill Burr]

But yeah, you have. You have fodder, you know, like, all of pain in life is fodder for art, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I mean, I. I guess that's. That's kind of how it. It's kind of how it works. I mean, concern class. Look at that. I just. I used to. When I used to drink, I used to just fill it up till it was above the ice cubes.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I used to drink like that, too, but, you know, we all have to throttle back as we get older.

[Tom Segura]

Those are my. I like that joke that you used to do. Said if you. If you don't stop drinking as you get older, you start looking like a Kennedy. Yeah, but it's not. It's not dead.

[Bill Burr]

Kennedy. I mean, he did have that.

[Tom Segura]

He had a lot of demons.

[Bill Burr]

No, but he had.

[Tom Segura]

He would have been a hell of a stand up. All the pain that guy had and then the pain he caused Ted Kennedy. Oh, my God, he would have crushed it. That giant head.

[Bill Burr]

I know stories about him from like.

[Tom Segura]

Let'S keep it light, huh?

[Bill Burr]

What could be. Well, you going.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're going to Ted. You get Teddy Darkness. Can I smoke a cigar in here?

[Bill Burr]

Of course you can do whatever you want in here. But I. I dated someone whose mother, like, was someone he visited as a lady.

[Tom Segura]

They had a book club.

[Bill Burr]

What are you defending, by the way? You were very Good. As Jack Kennedy in the Seinfeld movie.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, thank you.

[Bill Burr]

That was a perfect movie.

[Tom Segura]

I had a great movie.

[Bill Burr]

So good.

[Tom Segura]

I loved it.

[Bill Burr]

And you know what I have to say. And Jerry was here just a few days ago. I heard terrible things about it. To be honest, I don't know why.

[Tom Segura]

Younger people, because I think younger people didn't know some of the references.

[Bill Burr]

I don't think they even saw it yet where that came from. And then I watched it, I was like, wow. Not only is the concept so genius, the juxtaposition of the most trivial thing in the world, breakfast cereal, with all that stuff that was going on in the 60s, NASA and the Cold War, all that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, what's funny is the battle that Kellogg's and Post, it's the same battle that people are fighting with the army. I loved all of that. I also loved when they went to the grocery store where Post and Kellogg's are racing to get their Pop Tar. Did you notice one truck was a Ford, one was a Chevy?

[Bill Burr]

No, I did not.

[Tom Segura]

Like, there was a lot of like little things in there.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, there were that. But what's funny is treating it as if it was the end of the world. The space. Yes, that's what was funny. And Khrushchev, that it was important in the Cuba, the Cold War, El Sucre, all that stuff. And the pacing. For a first time director, I thought, I love that about it. But it just moved.

[Tom Segura]

You know, comedians make good directors though. They do.

[Bill Burr]

Like who else would be in that category?

[Tom Segura]

There's this guy, Bill Burr directed this movie, Old Dads.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I saw it. It was good. You're right.

[Tom Segura]

I thought you were gonna say I didn't think it was that good.

[Bill Burr]

No, I didn't know you directed.

[Tom Segura]

My heart just went down like that. I was like, oh God, I just set myself up.

[Bill Burr]

I actually didn't know you directed it.

[Tom Segura]

I directed it because there was no one available. That's the only reason why I did it, because we were coming out of the pandemic. So all the directors that were going to shoot something in 2020, whenever the hell it was, they didn't shoot it. Cuz we were quarantined. And then they were like two projects behind so they started pulling that. Like it's going to go away. It's going to go away.

[Bill Burr]

You have a big future in film making. Very much like Louis AK but you know, without the.

[Tom Segura]

Lou's just making movies on his own.

[Bill Burr]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Did you see that one?

[Bill Burr]

I loved it.

[Tom Segura]

That fourth of July with absolutely, yeah, fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, don't get me started on that. But isn't it time everyone just went, okay, it wasn't a cool thing to do, but it's been long enough. And welcome back to the world.

[Tom Segura]

It took $50 million from him. I think they punished him enough.

[Bill Burr]

Enough. Not every. I mean, for Christ's sake, it's not the end of the world. People have done so much more. Worse things and gotten less. There's no rhyme or reason to the MeToo type punishments.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it was like most things. It started off with something everyone could agree on, and then quickly it just spun out of. I remember whenever that cancel culture got to the point of where it was. I don't like some of the topics in your standup act. Right, yeah. That's when it got weird. But, like, that's all over. It's all over.

[Bill Burr]

That's what's over. Cancel culture.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No one cares anymore.

[Bill Burr]

That's so not true. You either one of them could get canceled in the next two minutes. No.

[Tom Segura]

For what? Well, if you're not doing anything. Well, it's just like you. You. You did this joke about, you know, this group of people or that group of people, and I've decided to. I. You know, it's. I don't know, I feel like I'm going back two years of my life. Like, I don't even. I don't even think about it anymore. Nice ashtray, by the way.

[Bill Burr]

Isn't that lovely?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I've never know where I got anything. I probably should. Somebody gave this to me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's the kind of thing they used to give you when you retired after a while. The watch in an ashtray. Martini shaker.

[Bill Burr]

When you think about, like, how much, you know, when you. I don't know, you probably had similar upbringings. You know, you treasured like, almost every physical thing you had. Even it was a hand me down. Like you had just certain things in your little room. And then as you go through life, so much stuff and you don't even know where you got all this stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you know, what about that. What's great about that is there's no upgrade. And everything became like disposable. Like. Like electric cars are like laptops. Like after a couple years, like, they're not worth anything because of, like, the technology, which doesn't even make sense. But like, same thing with, like a laptop, with phones, all of that stuff.

[Bill Burr]

What do you drive?

[Tom Segura]

What do I drive? I'm a truck guy. I got a Ford F250. And I have an old F100.

[Bill Burr]

Really? Why?

[Tom Segura]

The same reason. Why does a guy drive a Ferrari down Sunset Strip and never take it to a racetrack? That's what he's into. My Ferraris, I always wanted a Ford F250. Eight foot bed, regular cab.

[Bill Burr]

Why you falling dirt?

[Tom Segura]

Is that guy going to the racetrack? Have you ever driven one of those on a racetrack? You cannot flip them over. They're unbelievable. The technology and the respect you get for racing of what they're putting their bodies through. Because I didn't, you know, was driving like an. I finally realized that you try to go smooth around the track, not try to just stomp on the gas and slam on the brakes. But like I, I, I like driving. That's why I like cigars. I like going slow because my brain goes fast. And there's something about driving a truck. It's slow, it slows me down and I, I can think.

[Bill Burr]

You like driving?

[Tom Segura]

I love it.

[Bill Burr]

Me too. I would hate to be at that stage or for whatever reason where I had to be driven everywhere, you know, I mean sometimes you do like when we're on the road probably you get picked up by somebody, right? You're not driving yourself in Cincinnati.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Bill Burr]

But there's something, and I see these electric cars now next to me on the highway that, I mean not like self driving cars.

[Tom Segura]

That's insane. First of all, can I ask you a question? Why do we need that?

[Bill Burr]

I'll never get used to it. Is the bottom line is I don't think I will like some things. Look, I don't fight progress. I mean we all love our phones. Come on. To put a little computer like that in your pocket, that does so many things. It changed everybody's lives. Mostly for the better and some for the worst. When it's done to kids heads really fuck them up.

[Tom Segura]

Kids heads, My head. I can't. Like I stayed off Instagram for a month and my short term memory got like, it felt like 30% better. And I realized like, oh, maybe I'm not getting dementia. I just think my brain is like getting scrambled. Like the amount of times I'm sitting there going like, put this down, put it down. Talk to your wife. You're supposed to be watching this movie with her and like something on tv. I'll be like, is that guy still alive? Or like what kind of car is that? And then I'm just fucking, I'm like that. And I miss those.

[Bill Burr]

And you're looking up the answer to.

[Tom Segura]

Those questions which then and Then that leads. And then I'm just going like, I never saw that movie Girl Interrupted, and I saw it on the Criterion Channel. I want to watch that. And there's all these great actors in it. I want to see this. So I put it on, and something in there reminded me of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. And I was trying to think of the cast, you know, who was in it. Danny DeVito was in it. Young Danny DeVito and all of that. And I just went down this thing, and all of a sudden it felt like 10 minutes and the credits were rolling, and I was going like, I forget somebody won an Oscar on that movie. And I totally spaced on it.

[Bill Burr]

I think that might be the difference in our generations, which is not that. I mean, we're maybe, like, 13 years apart.

[Tom Segura]

You're one of my elders, man. I respect you for that.

[Bill Burr]

I feel like I'm in the Reagan Mondale debate.

[Tom Segura]

No, I just remember when you did my podcast, you kept in like, I'm not that much older than you, and.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not and the.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, 13 years is a long fucking time.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I think the point I made then, and I'll remake it for you, is that to anyone young who is what we care about in this discussion, because it's like, well, we don't wanna lose that audience. Trust me, when you're 25, you and I are the same. And I told you this story about, how dare you.

[Tom Segura]

You dress like you paint. Look at you.

[Bill Burr]

When Leno and Conan were going through that whole thing that we all remember as comedians so well. Remember the fight for the crown at the Tonight Show? I think it was 2009, and I was with. My girlfriend was 25 at the time, and we were talking about it, and I said, well, you know, it's a big age difference. Leno's 59 and Conan's 46. And she went, yeah, that's the same thing to me. And I always remember that. So we are the younger audience.

[Tom Segura]

No, no. If you and I are just, like, hanging out, talking. But if we go back far enough, you're in dad.

[Bill Burr]

If we go back like, that adds 10 years. You're married and a dad. See, I.

[Tom Segura]

No, it doesn't.

[Bill Burr]

Yes, it does.

[Tom Segura]

You just hate kids.

[Bill Burr]

I do. But, like, having never gotten married, not married, not kid. That definitely closes that gap. Anyway, the point being, I don't like.

[Tom Segura]

How you just made that point and then said, anyway really quickly, before I could refute it anyway. Did you learn that in debating class? I did, because you said, anyway, I'm gonna roll with that.

[Bill Burr]

No, well, I mean, you got a.

[Tom Segura]

Point, but it's like. I mean, you're like pre standup special, you know, as far as, like, you know, what does that mean? I mean, that's just. I mean, you were like, comedy on the road, evening at the improv. I mean, that's. Yeah, that's a whole different generation than mine.

[Bill Burr]

The point I was gonna make is that this, to me, says two different generations. Like, I don't think many people from my generation ever have what you just described, this addiction to social media going down rabbit holes. The attention span issue here, where you're watching something, but it makes you think of something else and then you go to that just what you were just telling me. That's like, very alien to me.

[Tom Segura]

One of the best things you did for society is you didn't have kids.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you know, thank you. I know you meant that in a snarky way.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, but I. No, we need more people like you.

[Bill Burr]

We do.

[Tom Segura]

That can just admit that. I don't want to deal with this shit. The worst thing is, is when a person who doesn't want to have kids has kids because they think they're supposed to do it. And then they fucking don't like them. And then that kid has to spend their whole life without that love. And then they meet my kid and then they're a fucking asshole to him.

[Bill Burr]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

That's. Then that's what ends. Or they met us or whatever.

[Bill Burr]

So, like, has that happened? You've had kids, Your kids have had to encounter kids who you thought were shitty kids because of the parents being shitty?

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's one of my favorite things that they say, like when they go, you know what? Kids are mean. You know what I always say to him? I always say, yeah, you know who makes kids? God. So stop, like, worshiping this guy every fucking Sunday. He makes mean kids who say shit to other kids who. He makes people who don't want to have kids who end up having kids, and then those kids don't get love. And then they go to school and they're fucking mean and they say stuff to kids. They carry it for the rest of their lives. Like, if anything I can instill with my kids is like the attribute I have as a father is I remember what it was like to be a kid. So one of the big things is in the morning time when my kids are getting dressed, my wife picks out the clothes. If they're like, I don't like this shirt. I'm like, wear one that you like. Because if you go to school with I don't like my shirt energy, your shoulders are gonna be slumped and then they're coming at you. I want you liking your shirt. Let's start your day liking what you're wearing.

[Bill Burr]

I wish I had someone to tell me that most of my schooling, I would say most, I went to school with a knot in my stomach.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you got. Yeah, you got picked on.

[Bill Burr]

Because even if I wasn't, it was always the potential. And sometimes I was. It just never felt right to me. If you're a control freak, which I kind of am, childhood is a kind of torture because you just do not have control yet. I got happier as I got older. Cause I got more control. I don't need the control.

[Tom Segura]

You know what night I remember the first night when I moved out and I was on my own. And I remember just being out and having nobody to answer to when I got home. And I was just like, this is fucking amazing.

[Bill Burr]

It's an exhilarating feeling.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it is. But then what you quickly realize is you have to become your own parent, which you have to tell yourself it's time to go to bed, or maybe you're drinking too much or something like that. Because I saw, right. You know, you see, you watch people mess up, not just show business, but just careers in general because they, you know, they can't. Like, I feel like the people that had the most overbearing parents, a lot of times, like just that feeling when they finally move out of freedom, it's like literally, like, I can't. I think it's too much for them.

[Bill Burr]

Yes, it is. It's. You know what it is? It's Morgan Freeman. No. Who's the other guy in Shawshank Redemption?

[Tom Segura]

Who, Tim Robbins?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. But no, the guy who he gets out of prison.

[Tom Segura]

The old guy.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Can't handle it because he's so used to prison. And now he's like. He's working at the supermarket and he says, can I take a pee, boss? And they say, you don't have to ask every time. Just take a pee, you know, and he can't hack it. There is something to that. I mean, the mind is a strange place.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like people that watch 24 hour news networks get institutionalized to blame colors of ties rather than the corporations behind them. And they will just sit there convinced that, you know, Trump is the worst thing that happened to this country, or Biden is the worst thing that happened to this country. And it's just like, you know, you might want to just kind of push through that veil a little bit further.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so I kind of have this thing like when I get around like the 24 hour news zombies, I just. Jesus Christ. Was that Geritol? Nobody under the age of 50 got that one. Remember that? I was on the Lawrence Welk show. He used to pedal the Gerito.

[Bill Burr]

To my point, the 25 year old is watching this, going, look at these two old guys. They're not going, oh, the guy with cigars.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know that.

[Bill Burr]

13 years younger.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but you have to go all the way down to 25 to appear my age.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

You can see, look at the difference. Look at the difference. You can just see the way we dress. We're not different people. This is like, you know, you come from, you know, the slacks generation. Like, slacks were still a thing.

[Bill Burr]

These are things. These are not slacks.

[Tom Segura]

No, but slacks were a thing.

[Bill Burr]

No, I look good. That's the difference is that you were wearing.

[Tom Segura]

You look good.

[Bill Burr]

You were wearing sneakers.

[Tom Segura]

You got to throw that in my face.

[Bill Burr]

You got a T shirt on. Like I.

[Tom Segura]

You look like a fucking defendant. Look at you trying to beat him. Drinking, a driving charge. He doesn't have any priors, your honor. Look at him. He's wearing his Chelsea boots. He's. He's a. What do they call it? A productive member of society. He needs his car for work. I think that this, this should be a suspension, not a. Not a full on.

[Bill Burr]

That's good.

[Tom Segura]

You ever get busted for that? What, drinking and driving?

[Bill Burr]

Yes. I had a DUI in 92. It was a nightmare. Could have wrecked my life because it was just as I was starting, Politically incorrect. And I had to get a special dispensation from the court to interrupt my 14 week corrective program that you have to go to when you get a dui. And if he, if they did, it.

[Tom Segura]

Would kill to watch you in that classroom having lost all that control and just having to sit there in that class.

[Bill Burr]

Well, it was everybody who got a dui. I mean, it was just a cross section of society. We weren't criminals. We were just like people, just douchebag millennials coming home from club. And we had one too many and were driving too fast. When I was stopped, I happened to be wearing leopard print shoes. Now, if you think I wasn't gonna get a ticket that night, and you.

[Tom Segura]

Know, I wanna hear why, what sort of party were you going to where that seemed like it wasn't A party.

[Bill Burr]

It was 1992. I had just done a sitcom and was wardrobe from the sitcom. I had. I guess we thought, you know what? Don't ask me about clothes. I'm sure you wore also ridiculous things in the day.

[Tom Segura]

No, I did, but I didn't like, leopard print was always like, leopard. That was always for that woman of a certain age that wanted, you know, one more lap around the block. She'd go to a local watering hole and she'd wear her leopard print blouse.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I'm sure some cool people have worn leopard print in the past. I'm sure I could find pictures of rock stars. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So they can wear anything anyway, not Bill Maher reading the New York Times, driving around, fucking leopard print shoes.

[Bill Burr]

You know what I really resented? And I mean, they were hard. If you. If you missed a meeting or if you were late by even one minute, you had to repeat the whole program. You had to go to six AA meetings. Which I really resented because I was a little over the limit. But I was not. Doesn't mean I was an alcoholic. So I had to go to these meetings. And we would go around the room and everybody would say, hi, I'm Phil. I'm an alcoholic. I'm Bob. I'm an alcoholic. I wouldn't say it. I just wouldn't. I'm like, hi, I'm Bill. I'm not an alcoholic. They made me come to this class.

[Tom Segura]

That's great. They just said that. Yeah. No, and this thing. Alcoholics are cool. Like, they would be like, all right, I get it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, absolutely. And I wasn't the only one in.

[Tom Segura]

There like that, you know, And I also. That, like, part of being an alcoholic is drunk drivers passing through your classes in groups of them. Yeah. I got busted in 89.

[Bill Burr]

So at the. You got this DUI that was like.

[Tom Segura]

A part of growing up. That's all you did was drive drunk. And the thing about it is, is there was no Uber back then. So you just kind of had to. We were all idiots, and we didn't understand that we could kill somebody. Even in the ladies, they dragged the wreckage there. You just had that young, stupid brain. Like, it's not gonna happen to me. So that ended up being. That was like the best thing that happened to me. Cause it happened when I was 21, and I was already starting to feel like 21 felt old to me then. And I was like, what am I doing? You know, I'm going part time to college. I'm unloading trucks, and I'm getting shit faced and I'm broke every Thursday waiting for my check. What am I doing? How long can I do this?

[Bill Burr]

That's. That is what has made you the guy who sells stadiums, which is very, very few comics only do one stadium. I know, but you played the size and audience that very, very, very, very few comics do or ever get to do. Not that many wouldn't even want to. But they don't even get the option. But it all comes from. You are an everyman. Every. You lifted all that stuff they see in you, which. And you're of course very funny and great at your craft. But like, there is a emotional connection that they have to, you know, that's a very valuable thing.

[Tom Segura]

I think that where I grew up though, is another thing. Cause I've grown up. I'm trying. Like, I have a hard time thinking of people in my life. All my childhood friends, everybody I worked with, every place I worked, everybody was funny. There's a weird thing about really. Oh my God. Dude, there was.

[Bill Burr]

Aren't getting funny, dude.

[Tom Segura]

There's guys I went to high school with, I'm still not as funny as they were. And the thing about it was, what made them even funnier was they weren't trying to be funny.

[Bill Burr]

Well, they must be really pissed off because they're still carrying the crates.

[Tom Segura]

No, they just had good childhoods. They had cool parents and like, they were happy and they.

[Bill Burr]

You said they're funnier than you.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, as far as I remember, like, they, you know.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like some of the guys that I can't even explain, like, they were, they. There's a difference. Like, I tell the story, they were the story. Like these guys, they would get into a fucking fist fight. They didn't care where they were. And I always, like just looked at them. They were like, they were free. I just loved, like, I would be like.

[Bill Burr]

Because they were kids. Because when we're kids, everything's funny. Everybody seems funny. You're just filled with so much extra energy and part of it you expend just giggling and laughing. If you're in a good mood and you're not, when you're not.

[Tom Segura]

No, these guys were fucking funny.

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[Bill Burr]

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[Bill Burr]

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[Tom Segura]

I remember one of my. No, I had a buddy of mine, he, you know, all my friends gambled. He was losing so much money on. On. On the Houston Rockets, he kept doubling down, thinking that they were going to win. And they kept losing games. They had these great players. And he literally called long distance information, not joking. He said in Houston, last name Olajuwon. And he didn't say he was gonna do it. He went up and did it. And we just looked over and we just started fucking. He was high, but he literally thought that he was gonna get Akeem Olajuwon on the phone and he was gonna read him the riot act. The way he played that night. Like, I'm talking about that shit. Like, I would have done that as the joke just so everyone would hear it. He did it dead serious. I'm talking about guys that would go in to get their hair cut and they had a fucking joint behind their ear and they would comb out their hair and it would fall down. Like they were fucking hilarious. And they weren't trying to be. Just how they lived their lives was fucking hilarious. By the way, that was the same guy. My friends are watching us. I know who he's talking about. The same guy. Did both of those.

[Bill Burr]

I guess I'm less of a fan of practical jokes than many others are. I guess I'm more a verbal. But, you know, like, I've.

[Tom Segura]

There was no practical joke in there. Well, that was a guy.

[Bill Burr]

When you actually do it, he was.

[Tom Segura]

Speaking from his heart.

[Bill Burr]

No, the Elijah. One thing I mean, to do that he like, legit.

[Tom Segura]

Thought he was gonna get him on the phone.

[Bill Burr]

I understand. To me, that's a practical joke. It's practical.

[Tom Segura]

I thought a practical joke is if I stick a bucket of water above a door and you open it and it gets you all wet.

[Bill Burr]

That's another kind.

[Tom Segura]

Then I go, ahoo. Gah. With a horn.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, like, you always hear these stories about how George Clooney and some of these big stars, they like, they're practical Joker. Like on one movie, I forget he did with Matt Damon. And every day he had the wardrobe department take out his pants just a little bit take in his pants, so that he thought he was getting fat when he really wasn't because the pants would not fit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's a fucking. I mean, that's a joke. That's like a fucking nightmare. Here's another thing too, for young actors, when you go to wardrobe, because they wear the same pants. Like, I don't give a fuck what it says on the sides. It's not that size. They either let it out or let it in. And I used to just go and like, I'm a fucking 34. Like, what is going on? Am I retaining water? What's going on? And like, it really gets in your head. And you start eating, like, salads and shit, you know, and it's just like.

[Bill Burr]

What is your regimen? I'm very curious. Like, your health regimen. How much do you care about what you eat or you.

[Tom Segura]

No, I do. I don't fuck with desserts. I don't eat bread. And I've laid off, like, sugar and stuff. And I had a little bit of a relapse. But, like, when you get to be my age, you're not gonna go to the gym and burn it off. What's gonna happen is your joints are gonna wear out before the donut does. So just stop eating the fucking donut. So I just try to, like, maintain.

[Bill Burr]

That's exactly.

[Tom Segura]

And I keep my shirt on. I'm not one of these testosterone fucking HGH guys. What do you think the price of that's gonna be? Cause you can't have your cake and eat it. You can't get your frat boy, yolked body back.

[Bill Burr]

At a certain age, you can look good in clothes.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. And you just have to accept that. And luckily, women accept that. Most women, it's very, very rare.

[Tom Segura]

Women, very forgiving. I also think they like if you're a little bit out of shape because it gives them some leeway.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you keep telling yourself that they don't like that.

[Tom Segura]

But I'm not telling myself that. I'm telling you that.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. Who. That's. I just don't think that's true. But.

[Tom Segura]

But that's how you say.

[Bill Burr]

But they are much more forgiving of that than men are. You know the old saying, men fall in love through their eyes, women fall in love through their ears. We are.

[Tom Segura]

It's just somebody selling books.

[Bill Burr]

No, there is truth in that. Are you kidding? There is absolute truth in that.

[Tom Segura]

Women can be what that, to me is. When you're younger, when you get older, and you actually want to get married, what you're looking for is a good person. And at that point, I feel like men and women, it kind of levels out. And at that point, you realize, all right, I got some baggage. You got some. Can I deal with your bullshit? You know what I mean? That has to be that initial attraction and all of that. But it really comes down to that. Like, you know what got me. My wife is gorgeous. But what really got me, like, going, who is this person? I remember we were hanging out. I had a sofa that folded down into a futon when I first met her. And we were watching tv, and somehow we were talking about dogs. And she started imitating a dog, going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And she just threw herself into it, and it was fucking adorable. And there was, like, a freedom of the way she did it. And that's the second time I brought that up. When I used to watch my friends just get into fights. The freedom of it. Cause I lived in such an oppressive fucking kind of thing, control freak thing, that I was really attracted to that. And, like, I was still, as a performer, trying to free myself up on stage. And I just saw. I thought she was most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. And I just thought. And just seeing this other side of her that, you know, like, there's this whole stereotype that beautiful women aren't funny. My wife is fucking hilarious. So it was kind of this. And then I got in a car with her one time, and she puts on, like, Steely Dan. I'm in Harlem, okay? African American woman, and she pops in. Steely Dan. Like, the fucking levels. I was Just going, like, who is this person? And there was beyond anything that I had met. So that's how I didn't be like.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, look, you know, nice tits.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't that. It was like, this person is like.

[Bill Burr]

Was this the first black girl you ever went with?

[Tom Segura]

I was equal opportunities. So, no. I dated them all. I had a good time in New York, put it that way. I had a good time.

[Bill Burr]

You lived in New York?

[Tom Segura]

Well, firstly, initially, I lived my shutdown years. The Cold War, emotionally for me was growing up in Massachusetts. And then when I went down to New York and I finally had moved out and everything and finally got through college, I went down there and I.

[Bill Burr]

And that's where you went after college? New York.

[Tom Segura]

I stayed home and paid off my college. I paid off my college debt, and one of my buddies gave me some money. Cause, you know, we had a big family. So, I mean, you kind of had to, like, work your way through college. So I had to pay that off. And then going to New York scared the shit out of me. So I had a day job, and I was doing standup, and I was. And I was driving this piece of shit. I put a new engine in it so I wouldn't take on the debt. And I saved up, like, I had, like, 10 grand. And then I just went down to New York, you know, and I was going, like, all right, I gotta get a day job. And somehow that morphed into, I need to get more gigs. And I never got a day job. And I had just a couple of acting gigs that padded me enough that then I got an agent. And then I've been on, like. I haven't had a day job since 95, which is so cool to me.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, we are so fortunate. I always say, I hope there's not reincarnation, because I'm not gonna pull a better life.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Bill Burr]

And I know that. I mean, I know that sounds crazy to some people, like, well. And maybe it's not. Maybe it is crazy because maybe some people live lives that we have no idea about, and it's really great to be an accountant.

[Tom Segura]

No, but the thing is, it could be. But some people, that's their passion. So for them, that's not right. That's not working or managing people's money or construction or whatever. People like building stuff or whatever. I think the big thing that everybody would like is to do a job that they love and work for themselves. That's kind of the best.

[Bill Burr]

The idea that we're working now is a joke. We are Working.

[Tom Segura]

It's literally a joke.

[Bill Burr]

But we are working now. Why can't we just say people are different? Especially.

[Tom Segura]

You can't say that. And you just said it. And there's nothing going to be.

[Bill Burr]

But we should say it. We're just different when it comes to how we. What we want, how we relate to.

[Tom Segura]

No, that's true. Cause I'll tell you this.

[Bill Burr]

Some people aren't even heterosexual, believe it or not.

[Tom Segura]

Here's one.

[Bill Burr]

They're gay and trans.

[Tom Segura]

And that ever since, that has gone, like, mainstream. Like when we were growing up, it was like, you're either gay or straight. That was it. You didn't realize. There was this whole fucking. This whole. There's like a whole here's the thing going on there.

[Bill Burr]

There's another difference in generations. When I was growing up, it wasn't even gay. It wasn't even there. I don't remember that coming up in high at all. And trans. I never even heard him.

[Tom Segura]

In high school, I saw this great comedy. There's another thing to. Why you should scroll is the level of comedy by regular people. The comments that they leave on this.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, my God, I agree with that.

[Tom Segura]

They're fucking amazing.

[Bill Burr]

They are. They come. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So someone was. They. They showed this clip of Liberace, and it was that weird period where rock and roll rock had taken over and there was these older acts trying to be hip, so they were doing their swing versions of, like, these rock songs. So I forget. I forget what Liberace was singing, but the way he was dressed and just like, just running around like that. And this guy wrote in the comments, he said. He said, when I was younger, my dad described Liberace as an eccentric old man. Yeah, you weren't gay. He's a little eccentric. He worded it better. But, like, all his homosexuality was filed under eccentric. And it's just like.

[Bill Burr]

Well, they had many, many euphemisms for gay. You couldn't say that in Hollywood. For example, the director, George Cuart, was. Was. Everyone in town knew he was gay.

[Tom Segura]

Was Q card.

[Bill Burr]

Q, No, Q, George. Cu card. C, U, K, O, R. You never heard of him?

[Tom Segura]

No. Phyllis was his brother, Billy Bum Mike.

[Bill Burr]

What? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Well, Q card. It's like all like, what, the cue card?

[Bill Burr]

Not Q card.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, he was known as a woman's director. They couldn't say gay.

[Tom Segura]

That was the confirmed bachelor.

[Bill Burr]

That's another one.

[Tom Segura]

That was another one.

[Bill Burr]

Yes. A confirmed bachelor.

[Tom Segura]

I actually, out of all this shit, like, homophobia's gotta be the dumbest. It's just how somebody is born, and I don't understand why anybody gives a fuck. But it's true, though. You didn't like that?

[Bill Burr]

It is true. I'm just saying it sounds like I.

[Tom Segura]

Deserve that a little bit, but I don't understand, like. Like, why all of these people. Well, religion, Right? That's what gets everybody going.

[Bill Burr]

Yes. And I certainly made my bones with that subject, so I'm glad we're on the same page there.

[Tom Segura]

I. I am 100 on the same page. I'm not saying that there's not something out there, but it doesn't give a about us or it wouldn't have set this thing up the way it is.

[Bill Burr]

Right where that's a good way to put it.

[Tom Segura]

Sociopaths seem to just fall up the stairs of success, and then these nerds make all their dreams come true, whatever weaponry or robot they want to make them.

[Bill Burr]

No justice on earth is like an award show. It's just random. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it gets dark.

[Bill Burr]

That does.

[Tom Segura]

Does get dark.

[Bill Burr]

I would just let that sit there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

But. Well, you're a great star.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's something I'll tell you about great being a parent is all the highs I've had as a comedian, there was no bigger high than teaching my daughter how to ride a bicycle. That day I let go and she took off. Was fucking amazing.

[Bill Burr]

What do your kids think of daddy? Big star. And like, daddy playing these arenas?

[Tom Segura]

They don't really know. My daughter said to me, she's only like, she knows now, but when she was like five, she said to me, she goes, dad, how come everybody knows who you are? And I just go, I'm old. I've met a lot of people. I don't have, like, pictures of me, you know, doing stand up in my house. I'm just totally like, you lied to the child.

[Bill Burr]

You lied to a child?

[Tom Segura]

Well, she didn't say, are you a comedian? And I said, no, I just don't bring that home. I'm dead. I don't want to be a comedian in my house.

[Bill Burr]

But they're going to notice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're gonna. But I'm not embarrassed of my job.

[Bill Burr]

Not embarrassed, but I don't come home.

[Tom Segura]

And be like, hey, you know, I made bonus this weekend in the improv. They had to add a show for dad. Like, I would never do that. And also, like, I, like, I understand that I chose to be in this business and they didn't. If they want to get in the business, I think it's A great business to be in. No, no, no Better or worse than any other business. And it's just like, if you want to get into it, get into it, but don't. I'm not gonna be like. But there are stage mom.

[Bill Burr]

There are positives and negatives, but it's undeniably a variable in a kid's upbringing when their father has fame and a great success. I mean, that's not the experience of kids. Most kids now, there's many ways you can handle it. I mean, we see a lot of Nepo babies. We see a lot of.

[Tom Segura]

I love that Nepo baby. Everybody's a Nepo baby.

[Bill Burr]

No, they're not. Yeah, they are.

[Tom Segura]

If your dad's a dentist and you become a dentist now, I don't give you credit for being a dentist because your dad was filling teeth.

[Bill Burr]

What a dumb analogy.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Bill Burr]

Because we're talking about Nepo, and we're talking about. You are.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you're talking about? No, it's that thing where they go like, I've been doing this bit about. They talk about Hollywood pedophilia. Like it's not everywhere. Like, the Catholic Church has to be on the fucking Mount Rushmore of that shit.

[Bill Burr]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

And Hollywood pedophilia exposed. And it's just like. Did you watch To Catch a Predator? That was never in Hollywood. Plenty of people coming up that driveway.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. No one's denying that. No one ever made.

[Tom Segura]

All right, well, then, Nepo baby. Your dad has a construction company. You take it over. Does somebody call him a Nepo baby? No, it just becomes, you know, Sanford and Son.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. But it's a little more pronounced when it's in the arts because you have this.

[Tom Segura]

I hate that word. Why? Pronounced Jesus Christ. Cause that's like a ped. You know what it was? That was like a ped. For your fucking point.

[Bill Burr]

Your wife. It's a little more pronounced. Your wife must be a saint. Because, like, boy.

[Tom Segura]

Because you're such a victim right now.

[Bill Burr]

No, because you do like to, like, pick a fight about anything.

[Tom Segura]

You just said I was stupid.

[Bill Burr]

Well, that's.

[Tom Segura]

It just came at me.

[Bill Burr]

That's a completely different subject.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I just like arguing with you. I like to argue with you.

[Bill Burr]

Are you kidding? It's like sparring with Muhammad Ali more.

[Tom Segura]

Who was the guy. Who was the white guy back then?

[Bill Burr]

Trevor Bobbick.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Before Tex Cobb, it was Wepner.

[Bill Burr]

Who was the Bayonne bleeder?

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna remember his name when I get out of here.

[Bill Burr]

So, Bill, where are you playing if someone wanted to see you? Do stand up.

[Tom Segura]

Coming up, I am at the Belco Theater, Denver, Colorado, on June 5th and 6th. The 8th, I'm at the Greek Theater in Berkeley, California, with all your libtard friends. June 9th. I love how libtard doesn't even make. It doesn't even make sense. It's like Moron came up with I hate bad things. Like, come up with something better than that. June 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, I'm at the San Jose Civic center in San Jose. And then at the end of the month at the Moore Theater in Seattle. Four nights. And I'm gonna be taping my next special.

[Bill Burr]

Four nights?

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Bill Burr]

How many nights in a row can you do without being too tired to go on? Can you do, like, every night in a row for a while?

[Tom Segura]

That's more like. I miss my kids after a while.

[Bill Burr]

But you don't mind doing the show every night in a row?

[Tom Segura]

No, I mean, two shows. At my age, I can get a little, like.

[Bill Burr]

You do two shows in one night?

[Tom Segura]

No, I don't. I try not to.

[Bill Burr]

That's crazy. I agree.

[Tom Segura]

That's a young man's game.

[Bill Burr]

It is.

[Tom Segura]

I did enough of those. And these. These kids, like, coming up, I imagine those gigs still exist. Remember the Tuesday through Sunday, two Friday through Saturday.

[Bill Burr]

I certainly lived it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you were just. You were in Portland, Oregon, and you were in Seattle, and you were in. You were just there. You were just fucking there. And it was like. It just. And the hardest show of the week is the second show Saturday.

[Bill Burr]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Knowing you still have one more to go.

[Bill Burr]

I did three shows sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm saying. Three shows Saturday.

[Bill Burr]

Oh. I mean.

[Tom Segura]

But the middle show, the first show, you just have no hope because you got three. And the last one's the last one, so that's cool. The second one, knowing you gotta do your bullshit act again.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Gone. Oh, my God. And the third show, you know, they're not throwing anybody out because no one's really showing up, so they. They gotta sell their booze. So you had to basically throw a knife at the comic. And they'd be, hey, hey, settle down, settle down. I mean, but that's how. That's how you get good, though. And that's how I always hated too. Like. And then once you got through the Saturday, that was like, okay, I'm done. And then you had to sit around the whole fucking day to do one more fucking gig on Sunday.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know if that made me better, honestly. That kind of bullshit.

[Tom Segura]

But made you tough, right?

[Bill Burr]

It made me tough. That's right. Actually didn't make the act better. I remember doing those nights, even with two shows, but especially with three, where you were just petrified I was that I would forget where I was. Every comic knows this nightmare and say the same joke because you thought you hadn't said it yet, but you said it in the first show. So now you've said the same joke in the second show, and the audience looks at you like, oh, wow, what?

[Tom Segura]

I would just always ask them, have I told this one yet? I've done three shows. I don't even know where I am right now. And I would just say that, and then they would laugh. And then even if I did repeat a joke, they thought it was funny because they think you're just up there and you got the whole thing together. It's just like, no, this is just like, when you're at work and you don't know what's going on and you just kind of faking it. Like, that's what I'm doing right now. So I think that's another thing that, like, you know, that's actually, in a weird way, it's a way to bond with the crowd. Like, all right, this guy's fucking up at work right now. I can relate to this.

[Bill Burr]

Wow. I must say, I've never explored that avenue of dealing with it, but I haven't done two shows in film.

[Tom Segura]

But isn't like, page one. I always thought page one in comedy, when you learn that it's addressing.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I remember it happening once. I remember where I was. It was so traumatic. It was Sacramento. It was December. It was 1983.

[Tom Segura]

Sacramento. When nobody knows who you are, that's a tough time to do.

[Bill Burr]

Stand up rough and said the same joke. And I just. I don't remember any of the sympathy from the audience that you describe. I guess when you're a star and you do it, how many of you.

[Tom Segura]

Own up to it? No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when nobody knows.

[Bill Burr]

There's like this dead silence where there was laughter at your other jokes. So you're just like, oh, my God. It's like when you stick a pin in your leg and it's numb there in your jokes.

[Tom Segura]

No, but if you just said, like, I already told that joke, didn't I? Then they would have laughed. You're like, oh, my God, I'm a fucking idiot. It's my third show, and that would have been fine.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. But I was young, and I don't know, I just think it's gauche. But, yeah, here you go again with the big words.

[Tom Segura]

What does gauche mean? I've heard the word.

[Bill Burr]

It means great in French.

[Tom Segura]

Gauche. No, it doesn't. Menu.

[Bill Burr]

Do you remember when you were on Real Talk?

[Tom Segura]

Say menu. Fique monsieur. That's.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you're in the highlight reel, Soubert. You're in the highlight reel because you're on the panel. We're in the guest chair on Real Time, but with the panel. And you say, I don't know what I'm doing on this show. I feel like I didn't study for the test.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God. Yeah. I still don't know why you booked me on that show.

[Bill Burr]

Because you were in the celebrity spot, and because you're a very bright guy. You play this character of the blue collar regular guy, but you're obviously very, very smart in a bar. No.

[Tom Segura]

You know what's really smart?

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Do you know what's really smart? The people they write books about. Those are really smart people.

[Bill Burr]

Well, that's definitely on a level above us.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Bill Burr]

I'm just comparing me to, like, your friends who you think are so funny. No, I'm kidding. You just want to defend these friends so bad.

[Tom Segura]

Where are they?

[Bill Burr]

What are the. Describe the friends to me. What do they do? Andy and Bill. Bob. What do they do? Do. Where are they?

[Tom Segura]

What do they do? They have. They have regular jobs.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I'm not going to get into their lives, but everything that you would look down your nose.

[Bill Burr]

Do your kids play together still?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Your kids play with their kids. That must be a satisfying feeling.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I think so. Did my kids play with the. Like, together with their kids? With that? Well, they. They live back east, and I also started late, so their kids are grown up.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, well, that would be inappropriate.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that would be inappropriate. So they just tell me, like, it's the greatest thing and just, you know, enjoy every second of it. Cause it's gonna fly by or whatever. And I've let go a lot of that. That whole. Fucking enjoy every second of it. It's like, the reason why you feel, I think, when you get older as a parent, that you didn't enjoy it enough is because of the responsibility to make a functioning, empathetic human being. So you can't fucking enjoy it because you're waiting for whatever other shoe is gonna drop and you know, you still have that attitude. Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest with you, I don't listen to any parent that comes at me with some negative shit. I just go like, well, you obviously fucked the job up, you know, and then also there's like this thing that parents have that once they have kids, they become these all knowing beings because. And they know more than you. Cause their kids are older. And it's like, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any fucking sense. There's like. I remember when I thought for a minute I was playing drums, I was like, well, maybe this is what I'm gonna do. Cause I didn't want to have a real job. So I was playing drums. But every time I would go to the music store, I would see some like 8 year old kid go in there and he just had it and he was already expressing himself or she was on the drums. And I just remembered like, you know, I don't even know what the fuck my point is at this. Just had to have it. But I couldn't go up to that kid and be like, well, I've been paying longer than you. And let me tell, I was like, no, you're better at this shit. You're already better at this shit than I am. So parenting, it could be like that. I could be better than you. So maybe what you're telling me, well, is like, how do I know you don't suck at this fucking job?

[Bill Burr]

But that had it. You have to be born with it. Because show business is so competitive that unless you have great amount of the innate ability, if you're, whether you're a comic or a drummer or whatever it is, even then you may not be get to the top or close to the top because there are people who will have a lot of innate ability, but then their fucking demons fuck them up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, self sabotage. They're not good at the business. Not good at the business. Because this episode of Club Random is.

[Bill Burr]

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[Tom Segura]

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[Bill Burr]

Buy now for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series.

[Tom Segura]

X and S and PC rated T for Teen. What I experienced the hardest thing I experienced when I was coming up was watching people that were good at the business and I wasn't. And watching them pass me, whatever that even means. But when you're young, you think, this person is passing me.

[Bill Burr]

Totally.

[Tom Segura]

They're on Comedy Central. I haven't gone on Comedy Central. I must be doing something wrong.

[Bill Burr]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

And you know, I gotta do. What are they doing? Oh, they have a fucking website. I gotta get a website, right? And like, people think that shit. Like, I remember when Dane did all of that shit on. Fucking on. Was it MySpace back then? All of these comics were like, I'm gonna get on MySpace and then I'm gonna sell tickets like that. And they did. It's like. That worked for him.

[Bill Burr]

You're right.

[Tom Segura]

You know, so it's just like you. You kind of. After a while, once you. You reach a level of maturity, like, fuck this, I'm doing what I'm doing. And wherever this takes me, this takes me. And I have to be okay with that because there's some people out there that are just like, you know, like, if you're in a band, you never. If you're in a band that's like a band, right? And you're really writing what you want to write, you're never gonna sell more records than a fucking pop star. Whatever. Downloads, whatever it is. And you have to be all right with that. You have to be all right with that. There's gonna be these pop stars coming through that are just gonna. And they have that megawatt, like, electrifying thing and all the girls love them and everything. That was not me. That was not that good.

[Bill Burr]

That's not comedy. That's music.

[Tom Segura]

No, but that happens in comedy.

[Bill Burr]

Rarely. Eddie Murphy, Russell Brand.

[Tom Segura]

Dane had it. Matt Rife has it. Those guys, they have that in Factory where it's like, okay, but this is a conversation. If my cigar goes out, buddy, think.

[Bill Burr]

Of how many comics that is over 40 years. You know, it's not a common thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but that's like a special thing. Jo Koy, I worked with that guy one time, man. That fucking guy. The level of talent that guy has to sing and do all of this stuff. At the end, I was looking at this guy going, this guy is literally a pop star doing stand up comedy. The women were going fucking crazy. I can make, like, people in the crowd laugh, but there's like a different thing with a guy like that where they are, like, enamored, like, oh, my God, Like, I didn't know that about. Yeah, it's like a Beatlemania type of thing, you know? Use something from your generation.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, the Beatles, I remember.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's like the Four Tops, right?

[Bill Burr]

I remember being Backstage at the Sullivan.

[Tom Segura]

Show, when they went on, you went to Shays.

[Bill Burr]

I had some good advice for them that night. Guys, sing the hits. People don't want to hear the B sides and the Moody stuff. Sing the hits. And they changed their set list that night.

[Tom Segura]

What is so amazing about them is they should have been over in two summers. Because they were essentially a boy band and they.

[Bill Burr]

The most ridiculous thing you've said tonight.

[Tom Segura]

She loves you.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah, was one of their first songs. They made a few records after that. You've got to be kidding, Bill.

[Tom Segura]

I'm talking about going from that to the White Album. The fact that they made that trajectory, that they had all of this management that were probably wanting them. Like, remember that guy sang the Twist? And the next summer he was like, twist again. I mean, it was over. Like, you know that they wanted to be next summer. Sing she loves you. Oh, yeah, yeah. They were just, it works. Let's ride this thing to the ground. And they were like, fuck that. We're gonna keep developing as musicians and we're gonna start our own label. They did a lot of shit.

[Bill Burr]

Absolutely you.

[Tom Segura]

I'm on the same page with you. I know young people shit on you. You're Zeppelin. I know that happens a lot. That's in vogue for young kids to say, the Beatles stink.

[Bill Burr]

I can always talk Beatles. And yes, they always. One reason they are primarintiparis among rock gods is that they.

[Tom Segura]

I've never heard all of those words. Was that three words? Was that two words?

[Bill Burr]

That's Latin for first among equals.

[Tom Segura]

Don't you save that for your parties when you're wearing your smoking jacket? I'll tell you that Bill Maher is really smart. He is really well read. He just said, prima paravartis.

[Bill Burr]

Prima inter paries.

[Tom Segura]

Inter pares.

[Bill Burr]

You know what? I'm not the bad guy, cuz I know more. Okay? Can we just get.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Bill Burr]

Don't make me.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not the bad guy, cuz I know things. I apologize.

[Tom Segura]

You should say I'm sorry. I'm not stupid, Bill. That's what you should have said.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, right.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you should have said.

[Bill Burr]

And that's why you sell Stadium. Because you could fucking Pip. You got it right on the head, okay? But the Beatles are first among equals, okay? Because they always stayed ahead of the audience. Albert Goldman, in his brilliant book, I thought made the point that 1966, it's only two years after Beatlemania. The first song on Revolver is Tax Man. He said, what could be Less interesting to a teenager than taxes. So.

[Tom Segura]

But it's also relatable not to a teenager.

[Bill Burr]

They don't care about taxes. I did as a teenager.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, as a teenager. Cause I fucking. There was like a fucking glass ceiling on the amount of money I could take home. Like, I couldn't. Like I was working full fucking time in this warehouse. I could not make 300 bucks in a week. I just couldn't. And with the overtime, I would get it and they would just punch me back down to 242, 35. And I remember one year, like a fucking idiot, I didn't get any taxes taken out of my check. And then. And I was drinking the whole fucking win. And then it came. And I owed thousands and thousands of dollars. That was one of the dumbest things I did as a kid.

[Bill Burr]

When I was 17.

[Tom Segura]

When I was 17, which is a very good year.

[Bill Burr]

No. I was the delivery boy for the only industry in town, the liquor and drugstore. I would do both and I would.

[Tom Segura]

That's a great job.

[Bill Burr]

I thought it was so cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know what I like. Cause you didn't have to be at work that time when you were in your car. Yeah, it's the greatest.

[Bill Burr]

And I was delivering drugs and liquor.

[Tom Segura]

Fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

Wet my appetite for my future. Right.

[Tom Segura]

I remember I had a gig one summer washing windows in houses outside. You know those fucking. I remember those stupid storm windows that they have back east. Like your fingers, by the end of the day, you had to switch fingers from just opening. And they had. For some fucking reason, everybody had a screen and they had like three of these fucking solid ones and they wanted you to wash all of them. And my favorite part of that job was in between, when we were driving, my buddy had this fucking sick ass. He had this F150.

[Bill Burr]

I bet he was funny about it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he was fucking hilarious.

[Bill Burr]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

He was fucking hilarious. Oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

About the drug. Even like that.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, listen, I get it. You're not a knock around guy. You fucking. You looked up Latin words and you didn't fucking hang out with the fellas. And they used to hang you by your underwear at the lockers. So now none of them are funny. Cause this is your one thing. But I'm funny. They could never be as funny as me. Like, there's so much shit about you that's funny that you're not even trying to be funny. Your whole outfit is hilarious. I don't know what it is.

[Bill Burr]

A shirt and pants is an outfit.

[Tom Segura]

You dress like that, you're going to sing that. What is that song? Splish Splash. I was taking a bath. With your stupid little slippers that you're wearing slippers.

[Bill Burr]

These are like boots. These are, these are almost beetle.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you're an outlaw.

[Bill Burr]

These are almost beetle boots.

[Tom Segura]

They're Chelsea boots. I know that.

[Bill Burr]

Cuz they were the greatest. What were beetle boots?

[Tom Segura]

Those were badass.

[Bill Burr]

Well, that's what it was. It was like the half boot. That's what they sang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So what do you like about their music? And when you. Is is. It's like two and a half minute song. And what they could say about a relationship that's still relatable. Like I used to listen when I really started going into their. Their back catalog. Right, not back catalog.

[Bill Burr]

They're.

[Tom Segura]

They're. They're later in their. Their career. Rubber Soul and all of that shit. Revolvers.

[Bill Burr]

It was not later, that was middle.

[Tom Segura]

All right, relax, you fucking historian. Good. Throw another Latin word at me. Anyway, I started listening to the lyrics and I would be like, I literally just went through that with whoever I was dating.

[Bill Burr]

Which song are we referring to?

[Tom Segura]

I don't fucking have it memorized. I'm looking through you.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, that's called I'm looking through you.

[Tom Segura]

And that fucking song is like about the end of a relationship and you experiencing that as a young person. You don't look different. But things have changed. Like the love died. It's fucking over. And now you have to learn how to break up with somebody.

[Bill Burr]

Can I share something about the Beatles with you without you making fun of me? Maybe you'll find it, Bill.

[Tom Segura]

That's why I'm here.

[Bill Burr]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So to listen to you share your ideas about track three.

[Bill Burr]

See I know I just. When I ask it gets shot down. Okay. But I'm gonna do it anyway. That's. That's from their mid period. That's 1965. Rubber Soul.

[Tom Segura]

You were what, 28.

[Bill Burr]

That was like the first album. That was the first album you bought.

[Tom Segura]

Your first Beetle Boost.

[Bill Burr]

I was nine. First album after Beatlemania. So it's great. And that.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever think that you're older.

[Bill Burr]

Than the hula Hoop that period? I remember the hula hoop. That's true. And that period he was. Paul McCartney was with his girlfriend was Jane Asher and he lived in her parents apartment in the Garret for like three years in the middle of London. I'm not making this up.

[Tom Segura]

What's the Garret?

[Bill Burr]

The Garret is like an attic. Like you know, the top of the apartment.

[Tom Segura]

We're In California, you could just say attic. And then after that, did they move to the gay raj and have put some basil on their fry up knowing things and words.

[Bill Burr]

Asshole.

[Tom Segura]

That's an asshole thing to do. To use the English word for fucking attic in California.

[Bill Burr]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

But I'm about. I'm like. I'm one more reference away from taking this mic off and just walking out. I want to make a list of all the things I didn't know, and I'm just gonna fucking say them all to my wife tonight. She's like, who the fuck did you have you on mushrooms. What are you talking. Oh, the Garrett.

[Bill Burr]

We. We have to do Garrett G, A.

[Tom Segura]

R, R, O, T, T. Garrett.

[Bill Burr]

Garrett. Like Garrett. Yes, with an O, not Garrett.

[Tom Segura]

So when he goes over there, they think his name's Brad Attuck.

[Bill Burr]

No. So anyway, Paul McCartney, he was with.

[Tom Segura]

This Shoes, Bill Bullocks.

[Bill Burr]

And a number of the songs in that period, like that one, are really about her. And some of them are quite wistful. You know, I think at the beginning it's. I've just seen a face. But it gets to put more heart into. Gets to some. Like, you could just tell that it was a relationship that was like. I mean, he was. It was the middle of. You know, he's a Beatle in London. I don't know how he. But he liked. You know, he was a guy who needed a family. He liked having a family, so he lived with the girlfriend's family in the fucking attic.

[Tom Segura]

He's a relationship guy.

[Bill Burr]

He's a relationship guy. Yes. What?

[Tom Segura]

A hundred percent.

[Bill Burr]

I know. I'm not mocking it. I'm just.

[Tom Segura]

I wasn't saying. You were getting really defensive.

[Bill Burr]

No, I'm just back to my point. People are different. So different about that.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. And that's why I have no problem with how you live your life. You are a happy guy.

[Bill Burr]

I am a happy guy. And you're a happy guy.

[Tom Segura]

I am.

[Bill Burr]

See, that's the thing. We found what makes us happy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then you get into your ego and what it not saying you. You. Not metaphorically, hypothetically, generally, whatever the fuck you said garently is. You start thinking like, oh, this is the way you're happy is what made me happy. You know, so you have to do it the way that I'm fucking doing that. Then you know, that's like, I don't. Right. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Can I? Did I lose you in that somehow? Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Because I feel like now you're reading my lines. That's my line, I can do whatever the fuck I want.

[Tom Segura]

When you're a joke thief, eventually you run into the comic you took it from.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you are not a joke thief. No, I mean, I don't know. When you came up, being of such.

[Tom Segura]

A different generation, I was totally different.

[Bill Burr]

It was the same way. But when I came up as a comic, I mean, it was like the cardinal sin.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's still a cardinal sin.

[Bill Burr]

It is. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

It's still a cardinal sin.

[Bill Burr]

I would think it would have to be, because that's all.

[Tom Segura]

Back in the day, that's all we.

[Bill Burr]

Have is our own take on shit.

[Tom Segura]

Right. And in Boston, before cell phone cameras and all of that stuff, if you took somebody's joke, that person came in and fucking punched you out.

[Bill Burr]

There's a famous story about Tim Thomason, who I never worked with. He was even older than me, if that's imaginable.

[Tom Segura]

It's incredible. So was he World War II?

[Bill Burr]

World War II, yes. They used to call him the. No, this is like late 70s, when. When. When he did.

[Tom Segura]

He did. He did a. He did Omaha beach the day after D Day.

[Bill Burr]

He worked with Frank Capra.

[Tom Segura]

It was a rough. It was a rough crowd.

[Bill Burr]

Yes, he worked with Frank Capra. And I know who he is.

[Tom Segura]

He's fucking amazing. I'm joking.

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Tim Thomas said he's one of the legends down at Comedy Store.

[Bill Burr]

The story was that when Robin Williams rest his soul on Great Guy, but he might have had a tendency once in a while, because he was on Mork and Mindy, to hear something at the Comedy Store, and perhaps it involuntarily got into the back of his head. And then it would appear on Mork and Mindy. And the story was that Tim Thomas and just walked into the Comedy Store one night and punched him in the face.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, that's. If you do shit like. I mean. And who said he was wrong?

[Bill Burr]

I'm just saying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's how that shit was handled. It was like hockey. It was settled on the ice.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, but Boston comics just seem more truculent and pugilistic than most to me.

[Tom Segura]

I knew what that meant. I would agree or disagree with it.

[Bill Burr]

I normally would not have used those words.

[Tom Segura]

Did you ever play Next Comedy Stop? I bet you had some rough sets in that one.

[Bill Burr]

I had a rough night in Boston once, where.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, I can see that.

[Bill Burr]

I was the headliner.

[Tom Segura]

I can see you not having a good time in Boston. I can see them going, that was.

[Bill Burr]

A long time ago.

[Tom Segura]

This is A hacky reference. But you totally have the energy of. You forgot to give out the homework assignment. Mrs. So and so.

[Bill Burr]

Boston, you may have heard, is a college town. There's quite a few intellectuals there. The audience, that's very sophisticated. They like my show. Okay. We all have our niche.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God, you're so fucking highbrow.

[Bill Burr]

Well, it's.

[Tom Segura]

Does your shit jokes float above ours?

[Bill Burr]

A little bit.

[Tom Segura]

Why? Cause you say settment tank or something? Something about shit.

[Bill Burr]

Wait, what was I just gonna tell you? God damn it.

[Tom Segura]

Nothing interesting.

[Bill Burr]

No, it was. What were we talking about? I'm fucking with you. Something.

[Tom Segura]

No, we were talking about going to Boston.

[Bill Burr]

Boston. Thank you. Yes. I love Boston. It loves me. That's been going. I did a special outrageous on me Special there in 2007. I have a love affair with the Boston audience. We are like this. Cause they're just very smart. What can I tell you? I know you hate to hear that, but.

[Tom Segura]

No, it just sounds like this. It sounds like you have a gig coming up in Boston and the tickets are a little slow.

[Bill Burr]

No, they're never slow in Boston. Never slow in Boston.

[Tom Segura]

But do you perform in Cambridge? Cambridge, that's where Harvard is for a guy like you.

[Bill Burr]

I know that.

[Tom Segura]

That's gotta be the Taj Mahal. I love that. That bugs you. I love Harvard.

[Bill Burr]

Are you kidding? Have you heard what's going on on college campuses these days?

[Tom Segura]

I don't watch the news.

[Bill Burr]

You don't realize that college campuses erupted with the kids demonstrating for Hamas. They are in with the terrorists.

[Tom Segura]

They were for the Palestinians.

[Bill Burr]

Well, it's sort of the same cause. Why are you.

[Tom Segura]

I'm on the side of the kids.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, that's easy to say. You know, no one wants to see kids dead. This is a war.

[Tom Segura]

That's very brave of you to say this.

[Bill Burr]

This is a war. No, I'm the one who was actually brave on this.

[Tom Segura]

Pat yourself on the back.

[Bill Burr]

It's easy to say I'm for the kids. Who's not for the kids?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

It comes down to real hard nosed decisions. Like a country.

[Tom Segura]

Stop talking like you're a general.

[Bill Burr]

A country got attacked. Israel got attacked.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not saying that they didn't have a right to go back. I'm just sitting there going like, how do I look at what?

[Bill Burr]

The only country in the world that they get attacked. And then as soon as they counterattack, it's like, well, we gotta stop this shit now. Don't attack them. There's a very simple solution to all this. Problem in the Middle East. Stop attacking Israel.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, you just solved.

[Bill Burr]

Stop attacking Israel.

[Tom Segura]

I did.

[Bill Burr]

I actually did.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. That's fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, all right, we don't need to get.

[Tom Segura]

Let's go to Russia and the Ukraine. How do you solve that one, Bill? Let me hear your hard nosed decision about that. Well, let me ask you a question. How is war still legal with all this shit that's been canceled?

[Bill Burr]

Legal?

[Tom Segura]

Why is that still fucking legal?

[Bill Burr]

Would you like a real answer to that? Because for something to be illegal, you have to have the capacity to enforce it. And you can't enforce against war, or else you have to go to war with the country that's going to war. And we don't want to go to war with Russia over Ukraine. What would be the sense of making it illegal? Oh, that's really gonna stop Putin. No, to stop people from going to war, you have to also put boots.

[Tom Segura]

You can't sit down and talk it out. Do a po. Why can't Putin do a podcast with the head guy like, you just solved the Middle east on a podcast. Why can't they solve what they're doing on a podcast?

[Bill Burr]

This is why. This is not your thing.

[Tom Segura]

Make some hard noises.

[Bill Burr]

It's not your thing.

[Tom Segura]

It's what you.

[Bill Burr]

It is mine.

[Tom Segura]

It isn't your thing.

[Bill Burr]

This is not your thing.

[Tom Segura]

It isn't. You're like that guy that has a fantasy football team and thinks he's a fucking gm. No, no, that's exactly what it is. Like, why am I listening to you? Like. Like you've done something. What have you done in Washington? Nothing.

[Bill Burr]

No, I would never go to Washington.

[Tom Segura]

It's beneath you.

[Bill Burr]

It. No. It would look.

[Tom Segura]

You would be the coolest guy in Washington. You showed up with those boots.

[Bill Burr]

It would be so easy.

[Tom Segura]

No tie. They'd be like, oh, my God. Be so easy to be Kevin Bacon. Just come back to that Footloose town, Kevin Bacon. You could teach him how to dance, Bill.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I absolutely could.

[Tom Segura]

You fucking get off your little private jet. I have a TV show.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, and you go and you travel Southwest, is that right, Bill?

[Tom Segura]

I love Southwest.

[Bill Burr]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

I love the order.

[Bill Burr]

Is that how you travel?

[Tom Segura]

I love Southwest.

[Bill Burr]

Do you travel commercial?

[Tom Segura]

Most of the time, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Commercial, yeah. Interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Bigger plane, better pilots. You don't get knocked around as much. You ride in a fucking Cadillac. The only thing that sucks about commercial is boarding. That's it. Once you're there and you got your fucking shit up there, you're flying first class, which all first Class is if you've never flown, it is. They treat you like a human being as opposed to the animals in the back. They just throw you back there. That was my whole career, working my way up to being treated like. Remember the DC9? When you sit there and your window didn't open because there was an engine there? You don't remember that?

[Bill Burr]

I can't.

[Tom Segura]

How about that last row in the DC9, the window doesn't open, there's an engine right there. And then right across from you is the bathroom. And you gotta listen to another human being take a fucking shit behind one of those things starlets used to get undressed by.

[Bill Burr]

I'm still stuck on you defending commercial Stuck on you. Still stuck on you defending commercial flights as better. Now, you can make the case that it's wrong to fly private. I get that, but I've never heard anyone make the case that it's actually better to be on Delta. That's kind of cokey.

[Tom Segura]

No, I hate Delta. Delta's the fucking worst.

[Bill Burr]

I bet you fly private more than you're letting on.

[Tom Segura]

Listen, listen. If I have to go somewhere and I don't have enough time to get.

[Bill Burr]

There, oh, suddenly we've got an exception?

[Tom Segura]

No, I said mainly I fly commercial.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you're an idiot. You shouldn't. You know what, it's.

[Tom Segura]

What was this? If I don't agree with you, I'm an idiot.

[Bill Burr]

You're right, I apologize.

[Tom Segura]

Fucking John Varvatos shirt. You're not young.

[Bill Burr]

John.

[Tom Segura]

Put on a sweater, for fuck's sakes.

[Bill Burr]

Put on a sweater. Why? I have to be at your age. That's the secret in life. Avoid that.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Bill Burr]

Don't you think?

[Tom Segura]

No, no. Well, hey, I'm an idiot, right? No, I think the number one thing is to be your age. Like all these fucking people, like they go do a college gig at my age, gonna be 56 next month. Be 56 and come at them as a 56 year old. And then you can give them advice on all the shit that you did and just say, hey, this worked for me and you can just have a great time with them.

[Bill Burr]

Them.

[Tom Segura]

You can have a fucking great time. What fucks you up is if you're looking at what they're wearing and you know, you fucking come up with your little, your little outfit.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know why this simple shirt and pair of plain black jeans.

[Tom Segura]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're wearing. That's why it's so much fun to just make fun of it. It's A little bit of a fucking pirate shirt. You got a lot of extra material in the. You know, that's what it is. It's this.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Tom Segura]

First of all, you should have buttoned that if you actually were the gentleman you're trying to be.

[Bill Burr]

Button this. Oh, you're right, but.

[Tom Segura]

And a woman in your life, she wouldn't let you go on camera like that.

[Bill Burr]

It's almost like we're giving you like a advanced comedy test. Like, can you make fun of this?

[Tom Segura]

We're just. Let's not get crazy. Like you're a fashion person.

[Bill Burr]

It's kind of bland, you know, like your opinions.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly. Oh, and then when I fucking, you.

[Bill Burr]

Know, go through it is.

[Tom Segura]

And I go, ooh, a big word. Another big G word. Look at you. You memorizing that part of the fucking dictionary. I don't have kids. I got all day long. Fucking read the dictionary. Use my fucking $3 words. With a guy who unloads trucks.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, why do I think there's.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't we do a. We got to do a buddy movie. This is like perfect. This is Walter.

[Bill Burr]

Matthew. I'm certainly not going to do a movie. But there is something about.

[Tom Segura]

You seem like an actor.

[Bill Burr]

There is something very, like, very mineable about this vein of comedy of the single guy, the married guy, the, you know, pompous professor.

[Tom Segura]

No, no. But I also.

[Bill Burr]

And the blue collar guy. I mean, it does kind of write.

[Tom Segura]

And that was Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad is one of the great dark comedies of all time where you had this super smart teacher and he had like his biggest fuck up as a student. And then they have to somehow work. It was the encode. It's fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

I never watched that show. And I know everybody loves it. I'm gonna watch it now. Cause that is interesting to me.

[Tom Segura]

I'll tell you what was the coolest thing about that show is, you know those. Anytime you make a TV show or a movie, you always have these people that go, no, that never would have happened like that.

[Bill Burr]

Dude.

[Tom Segura]

Everything that they did, right down to me laying. Me and Lavelle Crawford laying on that pile of money, they figured out how much money Mr. White would have in what denominations and how high it would be to shoot those people down. When we did this train robbery scene, I got to be on that. It was so fucking robbing a train. It was amazing. And they would. Whatever chemical they had in one of them, they used to make meth. So they were taking it out. My job was to stall the train. They take it out and Then replace it with water. And they had their team figure out how long that would take. And they said we literally had somebody that would be on the Internet. That wouldn't happen like that. They said actually it would. The volume of water, is this the volume of that? And they would just shut them the fuck down. Like a comedian just chopping the head off of the fucking loudmouth asshole in the front row. They did that while making one of the greatest shows of all time.

[Bill Burr]

That is satisfying.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, like I already loved. Like everybody liked the show. It was one of the most efficiently run. They just knew what they wanted to do. I did a. I did one of the first times I did the gig there. We got through the scene so fast, they switched my flight from the next day, Southwest. They go, we can get you right now. We can go get your bags at the thing. And they. I felt like fucking Elvis.

[Bill Burr]

Do you have like a deal now for make more movies somewhere?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, it doesn't exist anymore.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't exist.

[Bill Burr]

No more things.

[Tom Segura]

They don't do those things. They're getting away from first look deals. Like, I'm always late to the party. Like when I started standup was right after the 80s. All the balloons were popped on the ground and everybody was getting their wages garnished.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yes, again. My generation ruined everything.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't say you ruined. I never said that.

[Bill Burr]

No, but in the 80s, that's when I was starting. I mean, that's when I was a young comic.

[Tom Segura]

All right, but I didn't say you ruined it. No, I'm just saying. No, but it got bloated. It was on every channel and then it went right. So I used to open for guys.

[Bill Burr]

It got bloated. Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I used to open for guys and they would try to discourage me. They would be like, oh, man, I don't even know why you even started. If I was your age, I would get the fuck out of this business. What they told me. And they would be like, Wednesday night, look at this. There's nobody in here. You know, fucking three years ago, there'd be a line down the fucking block. And I didn't have any deflector shields, you know, So I would be listening to, really? Oh, my God, should I quit? But I. Fortunately, I sucked at everything else in life, so I really didn't have any options.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I didn't have a plan B either, really. I remember when I got out of college, I sent out resumes to advertising agencies. I guess I thought I could get that as a Day job, be an ad man. You know, write ad copy.

[Tom Segura]

I could see that.

[Bill Burr]

I could see it too. I mean, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You know, it's not that different from stand up. In a way, you're trying to be humorous and pithy and.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, you'd probably talk down to a few clients, but you'd throw those words in and they'd be like, this guy's smart. This guy knows how to sell these widgets.

[Bill Burr]

I'm telling you, when we both flame out and doing a morning talk show in Seattle, this kind of stuff is gonna be gold. It's Fartman and Asshole. Jack.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Oh, that was morning radio. Morning radio was always a real name. And then, you know, Eddie and the Bulldog. It was always something like that. We got Wild Man. Vermouth with fucking. Jerry was always a regular name. Then something crazy.

[Bill Burr]

So there's no more three picture deals? No more like deals at streaming services.

[Tom Segura]

I shouldn't say that. Don't they need for someone like me?

[Bill Burr]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

When you're a bald ginger in Hollywood, it's basically.

[Bill Burr]

But didn't old dads do very well?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, it did. Then why Crushed during the strike. It was number. Let me fucking. For everyone who worked on that movie. Bobby Cannavale and all of those amazing actors and everybody.

[Bill Burr]

I like him.

[Tom Segura]

Patrick, Don Vito, everybody helped me edit the thing. Ben Tischler, all of them. We were number one globally on Netflix two weekends in a row and it streamed like 50 million.

[Bill Burr]

Because who around the world doesn't understand the concept of old dads? Certainly in Pakistan.

[Tom Segura]

Well, maybe we just made a good movie.

[Bill Burr]

No. So, okay, so tell. Riddle me this about the business.

[Tom Segura]

Was there a compliment? The thanks.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Tom Segura]

There was no compliment in that. Actually, there were kind of on it. Like, you didn't. You didn't think that it went global? No, I didn't say in Pakistan. They were watching. They might have. You don't think there's some old dads there?

[Bill Burr]

No, what I said it was. Well, that's right.

[Tom Segura]

You figured out the Middle east giants.

[Bill Burr]

No, I found a way to craftily get a very good compliment into you.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's what it is.

[Bill Burr]

Without making you look like clever because I am the pompous professor, my friend.

[Tom Segura]

I like it.

[Bill Burr]

I know you do. So anyway. But riddled me this about the business because I'm always reading as we're always talking of people at dinner when we're in this town and we're all in the business and we're talking about the changing and the streaming and everything. Why Is it? If a movie does well like that, then there isn't at least a offer to do the next one.

[Tom Segura]

Because the people running it now, they're kind of doing like what Germany did where they tried to take over the whole world. And you can't do that because there's just so many people don't want that. But there's always something in every business, like Amazon or fucking Walmart. They're always trying, you know, let's open up across from this moment, Pop, and put them out of business. And we'll be the only show in town. Like, there's just always people doing that.

[Bill Burr]

So does that do with or hiring a guy who just had a big hit movie to do another hit movie? If you want to take over the.

[Tom Segura]

World, streaming service has devalued art. Where back in the day, you used to pay 10 bucks to go see a movie, now 20 bucks, you get all the movies.

[Bill Burr]

We're talking about.

[Tom Segura]

Ask me a question. I'm trying to answer it.

[Bill Burr]

We're talking about success. The movie had.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't you just tell me what it is rather than ask some time?

[Bill Burr]

I'm asking because I don't understand. The movie had success. Doesn't matter if it was art or not.

[Tom Segura]

And I can tell you what happened to me. I fucking went back and I pitched another movie to two junior executives, and I waited six weeks to get an offer that it was just like it never happened. Still starting out like that movie never happened. And that's kind of like. That's how the acting world. That's why I think being an actor is so much harder than being a fucking comedian. Because if I come through town, first time I headline your club, I draw, okay? But you see, I'm funny. We'll take another chance on this guy. I come back, even if the same 30 people show up. But you see, I have a whole new act. They see it, and you've proven you're funny. I don't have to reprove that. I'm funny. No, again, where an actor, this fucking actor's with an Oscar and there's people going, yeah, I don't know, can they play that? It's like they won the highest fucking award. And I just. I have empathy for actors for the lack of control they have. First of all, you do the performance, and if you're not in the edit, especially if it's a comedy, right, and you get the wrong guy editing it and they're gonna leave you hanging out to dry. Like, the actors really are like the Quarterback of the team, where it's like, if you win, your fucking Joe Montana. If you lose, you're a bust. And like, a lot of times, and as you're making a movie, you have no idea how it's gonna come together.

[Bill Burr]

No idea. I've been on enough movies to know. It is just always a mystery. There's so many things that can go wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Are they gonna promote it? I mean, I did this. I did this really, really great movie frontrunner. And it came out the same weekend as Aquaman. And it was just. I saw one of the stars promote it for like, two days.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I never heard of that.

[Tom Segura]

And then the next time I saw him, he was promoting his next project. And I said, oh, my God, they're burying it. It's not gonna get. And it's just.

[Bill Burr]

What was it on?

[Tom Segura]

What was it? It was in the movie theaters.

[Bill Burr]

It was in the theater.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, most.

[Tom Segura]

It was. You would have liked the movie. It was about Gary Hart.

[Bill Burr]

I would have watched it. Gary Hart.

[Tom Segura]

It was about Gary Hart, and it was about the first politician. Never heard of it. Where they went into his personal life and there was this big debate.

[Bill Burr]

What did you play?

[Tom Segura]

I played one of the reporters for the Miami Herald. And the big thing was. Oh, yeah, there was like a battle at the paper. They had this great scene where it's like, we can't run this. Cause we'll be like a tabloid. And then the big thing was Gary Hart said, hey, I'm an open book. You know, go ahead, look at everything.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

He said that he did. And that was their witness wiggle room to get in that.

[Bill Burr]

And then after that, nothing was the same.

[Tom Segura]

Nothing was the same. But I always wondered, what did Gary Hart think? Because he had to end his campaign because of infidelities. And then, like, within four years, Bill Clinton comes in and he's like the Teflon Don. None of it sticks to him. And he still ends up getting elected and does two terms. Like, he must have been thinking, like, oh, I could have done that. I didn't know that.

[Bill Burr]

Right. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I could have just went like, you know, I did not have sexual relationship. I love. I love the look of determining. I did not.

[Bill Burr]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I always wondered if he stood in the mirror and got that bottom lip.

[Bill Burr]

He was something. But.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I'm still so puzzled by this, though, that. I mean, just in their interest. You'd think it would be in their interest if you did something that was successful for them to want to. That's all. I mean, you could always count on that. In show business, art is just always, if you're lucky, it coincides with their business interests. But profit, success, people bought it. That's what they care about. That's what I don't understand about this. It's in their interest. So something is very fucked up in this media age we live in when success is not rewarded. And I've heard a lot of people say that about streaming, that success is not rewarded, like, directly. Like it was back in the day. You bought a record that went to number one. You know, people actually went to the store and bought it. We knew which was most popular. Same thing with movies, the box office. Like, streaming.

[Tom Segura]

And now, like, streamers, they're holding all the cards. It's like Stripes. Remember Stripes? That great scene. John Candy. And he's looking. Oh, yeah, man, you lost again. He's looking at his cards and shit. Like, you know, they give you the numbers and it's just like, how do I know that's true? Like, you have, like, for the awards season, they can go, this is a massive hit. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when you come to be like, okay, it's a massive hit. Can I have some? Well, you know, the numbers weren't that good. The numbers are whatever they need them to be. It's become like that. So, I mean, so I just roll with it. I mean, if that's. That's. I don't think it's gonna stay like this, like. And it's like, like.

[Bill Burr]

Are you working on scripts, though, for ideas?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, me and Ben Tischerel were writing another one. We got another great idea. It's another thing in the title. You know what? It's. That's what I liked about old dads. You knew what it was, right? And then within that, you could touch on a lot of bigger topics with just regular people. Like, we were commenting on sort of like summing somebody up in one tweet.

[Bill Burr]

And you like the process of, like, writing a movie with somebody.

[Tom Segura]

I love writing. I love writing dialogue. And one of my favorite things to do is every. Like, I want every actor that shows up to be excited. Like, that we wrote them something that's gonna be fun to say. Cause then they come to the set.

[Bill Burr]

Of course they're fun. Well, that's how you get an actor to do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then for the crew, all you do once a week, you bring in a food truck, you know, and a coffee truck. On another day, they're like, okay, this guy gives a fuck. Like, the bar is so low.

[Bill Burr]

Do you feed your crew once a week?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no. There's a regular thing. But once a week, if you spring for a food truck. Cause that's coming out of your pocket. That's not them. They're like, all right, this guy's a solid guy. So then if you have a long day. Cause shit isn't working, which is gonna happen. They're not looking at you like, you know, how many times can I eat this fucking lasagna? You know, lasagna's like the big. Like, if you gotta cook for 100 people, they come out in those aluminum trays. If a truck comes up every once in a while, you gotta give somebody a rail light, you know, as they're doing it.

[Bill Burr]

A great tip for the kids out there who are thinking about going into the business and treat cruise bad or good once a week.

[Tom Segura]

Can I tell you how low the bar is? How low the bar is?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, you just did a food truck. Once a week will do it. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I tell you? Just saying good morning to people. They're like, you're like one of the nicest guys I ever worked for. It's just like, what the fuck happened to you? Who doesn't say good morning? There's people that don't say good morning.

[Bill Burr]

No, I mean, look, I would not have the. Oh, my God. To do a movie, first of all, you gotta get up at, like, the crack of dawn. I mean, and it's like. I remember in the 80s doing it. It's like all you do and do.

[Tom Segura]

A DC Cab, right?

[Bill Burr]

DC Cab. My first big picture. You do the movie and sleep. That's your whole life. There's almost nothing.

[Tom Segura]

If you're the director, you do the movie, and then you answer questions, and then you go to sleep and you wake up and there's more questions.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, well, I'm saying it's just the movie and sleep. There's no life there.

[Tom Segura]

So it was a great experience for me because I, you know, I already obviously respected people that directed and edited and everything, but I didn't understand the process of how tedious it is. And, like, you know, my ADD and everything, like, I really had to, like, I had to figure out a way in the edit room to give your brain a break. So what we started doing was me, Ben and Patrick, Don Vito, who edited the movie. We would go for walks. We'd be like, you know, let's just take a walk around the. Like, we gotta get out. Cause we were, you know, Just in this fucking editing bay. You know, curtains are down and everything. And you're just fucking in this thing. And just, like, it became, like, really productive to not sit there all day working, to actually get up and, like. And you'd be looking forward.

[Bill Burr]

What do you think?

[Tom Segura]

11 o'?

[Bill Burr]

Clock?

[Tom Segura]

We'll go for it. Okay, great. So then I can break my day down. We would have lunch, and then in the afternoon, we would go for, like, another, like, walk. Just walking around, trying different restaurants.

[Bill Burr]

What about a meditation podcast for you? What do you think you do? Just mindfulness where you just.

[Tom Segura]

Did that make you uncomfortable that I did that?

[Bill Burr]

You see, you do that to me, but when I do to you, it's not. Suddenly it's out of bounds.

[Tom Segura]

No, I knew what you were doing. I thought we were doing that thing, so I hit it back to you. Did that make you uncomfortable? I took it off of me. I put it on you. That's nothing new.

[Bill Burr]

No, I'm just saying I see you doing a kind of a. We call it meditation for meathead.

[Tom Segura]

I am a meathead. I don't have a problem with that.

[Bill Burr]

I am one of my biggest.

[Tom Segura]

It's a mindful of one of my most. The best thing about me is I know I'm an idiot.

[Bill Burr]

You're not an idiot. If you were an idiot.

[Tom Segura]

Oof.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you know, it's just.

[Bill Burr]

It's just. It's not an idiot. It's just a.

[Tom Segura]

You're calling me a fucking meathead, and then you say, I'm not an idiot. You're all over the road here.

[Bill Burr]

It's a bit. But no, it's just that people perceive truth differently. Like, if you've ever had a lover who was, like, in the arts. I know you hate that term, but, like, artistic people, they don't, like, perceive truth exactly. Literally. Now, sometimes that's better and sometimes it's worse. Cause sometimes the truth is just the truth. And they don't see it that way. They see it sort of artistically. They see it through a brisk.

[Tom Segura]

Ask your question.

[Bill Burr]

And I don't think they're stupider. I just think they see life through a different prism.

[Tom Segura]

Can I ask you a question?

[Bill Burr]

We gotta go. Good night.

[Tom Segura]

From the bottom of your heart, you said to another human being, you know what? I'm wrong.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, all the time. All the time.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Bill Burr]

My favorite words are I'm wrong, or I don't know, because every time I say them, I learn something. Absolutely. And I'm.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't see that coming from You.

[Bill Burr]

I know, but extra material. We don't know. We don't know each other. And I dress like a clown, so why would we? I mean, this is one of the most showbiz ridiculous.

[Tom Segura]

This is one of the most showbiz friendships I have in this business because the only time I've ever been is podcast or your show.

[Bill Burr]

It's just the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Have you seen Casablanca lately? I would recommend it highly.

[Tom Segura]

I love it.

[Bill Burr]

I did.

[Tom Segura]

I actually.

[Bill Burr]

It's so great.

[Tom Segura]

Took my wife to go see Casablanca where they had the symphony downtown.

[Bill Burr]

I saw it also with a lady friend, and it's very meaningful.

[Tom Segura]

And they had a live orchestra playing the score as you watch the movie. So cool.

[Bill Burr]

Where was this.

[Tom Segura]

Whatever that big symphony hall is that I never go to?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, downtown. The Disney Center.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the one that looks all weird?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, the. Well artsy. Frank Gehry.

[Tom Segura]

Frank Gehry.

[Bill Burr]

He's an architect.

[Tom Segura]

He's an architect. I knew he's an architect. Oh, that's a big thing in your world, knowing architects, names.

[Bill Burr]

I wasn't trying to brag.

[Tom Segura]

That's an L. Ron Hubbard.

[Bill Burr]

I. It's just I'm always no Frank Lloyd Wright.

[Tom Segura]

I always say L. Ron Hubbard. Frank Lloyd. That's a Frank Lloyd Wright.

[Bill Burr]

You knew that one.

[Tom Segura]

I like Frank Lloyd Wright.

[Bill Burr]

Right. He and his brother invented.

[Tom Segura]

I like Art deco.

[Bill Burr]

Frank Lloyd Wright. He and his brother invented the airplane.

[Tom Segura]

I like Art deco. Art deco. First of all, I don't think you could change the oil in a car. So don't talk about fucking architecture like I.

[Bill Burr]

Granted, I wouldn't want to.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, let me adjust my glasses.

[Bill Burr]

Why would I want.

[Tom Segura]

Dan, I don't want to.

[Bill Burr]

Why would I want to? Eliza, I'm Professor Henry Higgins. That's another great way.

[Tom Segura]

It's a really satisfying show.

[Bill Burr]

Have you seen My Fair Lady? Can I recommend something? Watch that with your wife. My Fair Lady. You'll really enjoy it.

[Tom Segura]

Some white woman spinning around in a field. Yeah, I don't think she was going.

[Bill Burr]

To be too into that Sound of Music fool.

[Tom Segura]

Aren't those all the same movie? Isn't that all Fast and the Furious for the music lovers?

[Bill Burr]

My Fair Lady's based on Pygmalion.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's based on that? Can I tell you something, Bill? Most of the shit that you say is not smart. It's just sort of obscure.

[Bill Burr]

It's not obscure to a certain percentage of people.

[Tom Segura]

People that are.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not some giant egghead. I'm just like.

[Tom Segura]

I know you're not that smart.

[Bill Burr]

I know. I'm not saying I am. Which says something about all these things I say that you don't know what I'm talking about.

[Tom Segura]

So what? I know there's subjects I could bring up. That's just, you know, you're just into, you know, musicals. You're not gonna make me feel dumb because who's your favorite?

[Bill Burr]

You're so dumb, you sell stadiums.

[Tom Segura]

Let me ask you this. Who's your favorite? What's your favorite top musical?

[Bill Burr]

You know, I'm not a musical fan at all. My Fair lady was playing in the house when I was a kid, along with some other ones, but that's the one I gravitated to. I still could play Professor Henry Higgins. I'm almost still not too old to do that. I'm not going to do that. But it's one of the rare parts where I would be perfect for it. He's a pompous professor.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Bill Burr]

And it's just delightful. The music is great. I'm sure you know many of the songs. I won't sing them all for you.

[Tom Segura]

Sing one for me.

[Bill Burr]

I have often walked on this street.

[Tom Segura]

Before Sing another one. I don't know that one. I'm walking down it now. Doobie Doo Good clean fun what's that? What is that? That's scat singing. From your generation.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, that's scat singing.

[Tom Segura]

That's one of the most annoying things ever. Scat singing.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, I get it.

[Tom Segura]

You sound like a trumpet. Stop.

[Bill Burr]

Make your zoot suit it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I wasn't. Scat singing is something I have to walk away from.

[Bill Burr]

What music do you listen to? What music do you listen to? Bill Burr.

[Tom Segura]

I'll tell you the latest thing I downloaded. Willow Smith. Willow Smith just put out a fucking incredible album. And what I'm loving is as a drum, the drums are incredible. And so much of it is in, like, an odd time. I was trying to play along to this one song. It started in seven, and then it stops. There's a bar of eight, and then you play in seven, and then the chorus is in four. And I literally had to write it out to try and just figure out, like, the first frigging half of it. So I listen to that. I still listen to Zeppelin.

[Bill Burr]

Zeppelin.

[Tom Segura]

I've been listening to Kenny Rogers. I like Old School country. I like a lot of hip hop. Right into right about Biggie dying and Jay Z coming up. I liked all of that. I liked storytellers.

[Bill Burr]

90S.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. And a lot of the 80s is really cool too, but like basically the 90s. And what I loved about Biggie was he was this, he was hilarious and he was an incredible, incredible storyteller and his stage presence was, was unbelievable. And the fact that he was only 24, he did all of that by 24. And you know I, I was, I was really into that now, you know, you just age out of it because people are, are talking about stuff. I mean not like I can relate.

[Bill Burr]

To what he was actually, actually Bill, I wish we could, but there's another rap war going on currently. Maybe you've heard about it between, between Drake and Kendrick Lamar. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And who better to discuss this? And a 60 something and a 50 something year old white guy.

[Bill Burr]

What do you make of this rap war? This sort of renaissance of the 90s rap wars?

[Tom Segura]

I think it's great. It's great.

[Bill Burr]

Great.

[Tom Segura]

Well it's great for how many got shot today? Oh well, you know, you have to make your hard nosed decisions. I. No, I think it's great. It's fun. I think it's fun people.

[Bill Burr]

Why can't we all get along?

[Tom Segura]

Why can't we all get along? Because sociopaths want all of it.

[Bill Burr]

But why?

[Tom Segura]

They don't want to share.

[Bill Burr]

Why Drake and Kendrick Lamar, I mean, why are mommy and daddy fighting?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know what you. I don't know where you're going with this.

[Bill Burr]

Why are they, why are they.

[Tom Segura]

I believe the kids call it beefing.

[Bill Burr]

I know it is beefing.

[Tom Segura]

I know I'm single. I'm into all little no cap. I don't know. I don't know anything about. I don't know anything about that world. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

[Bill Burr]

Has 60 Minutes done you yet? No. See, it never stops. That whole thing about, you know, why am I not. Somebody passed me, they got 60 minutes.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no. I like where I am in this business.

[Bill Burr]

Business.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I like that. This. I just do what I do and whoever likes it, likes it and whoever doesn't moves on to something else. I don't have like bet just 60.

[Bill Burr]

Minutes does you within the next two years.

[Tom Segura]

I'll take that bet.

[Bill Burr]

All right, well, I had a ball.

[Tom Segura]

I had a great time.

[Bill Burr]

I hope so because you're my favorite.

[Tom Segura]

Smarmy person in this business.

[Bill Burr]

You're my favorite whatever the fuck Meathead club. Okay, All right. I know we're not. Yeah, that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, come on, bring it in. Oh, he goes for the side hug. The side hug. Non committal. Even with his male friend oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

As a raider scavenging a derelict world.

[Tom Segura]

You settle into an underground city settlement.

[Bill Burr]

But now you must return to the.

[Tom Segura]

Surface, where arc machines roam. If you're brave enough, who knows what you might find. Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game.

[Bill Burr]

Buy now for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series.

[Tom Segura]

X and S and PC rated T for teenager.