Dana Carvey and David Spade | Club Random with Bill Maher

Summary

Club Random with Bill Maher: Dana Carvey & David Spade (January 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of Club Random with Bill Maher brings together iconic comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade. The trio dives into a sprawling, irreverent, and often hilarious conversation that meanders from the state of stand-up comedy, generational shifts in culture, SNL lore, the pitfalls of celebrity and wokeness, favorite movies, impressions, and much more—skirting around politics but always addressing the absurdities of modern life and show business. The vibe: unfiltered, spontaneous, and studded with sharp jokes and comic observations, all in the relaxed clubby spirit of the show.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Plight of Generational References (03:00–07:00, 10:00–12:00)

• Aging Comedians & Cultural Disconnect: The guests reflect on how younger people often don’t recognize classic references or legendary figures like Dennis Miller or Henry Fonda.
  • David Spade recounts a moment with a young woman who confused Led Zeppelin with a solo act and didn’t know Maroon 5: “I go, Led Zeppelin? She goes, I’d know him if I saw him. And I go, well, that's actually a whole band.” (03:47)
• Purposeful Nostalgia: Bill notes some younger fans are curious and interested in the “old stuff”—those are his people now.
  • “There are still those kids... That’s who Uncle Bill is here for.” —Bill Maher (11:25)

On Meeting Idols & Woody Allen (04:33–05:45)

• Maher on Woody Allen: Bill discusses the complicated feelings from interviewing Woody Allen—defending him against allegations despite pushback from his own network.
  • “There were things that I didn’t love. But he’s not a child molester.” —Bill Maher (04:48)
  • “I defended him vociferously about that. With nothing for me in it. No. Including going against my own network...” —Bill Maher (05:07)

Age, Dating, and Double Standards (06:06–08:49)

• Dating Younger Women & Public Judgment: The comics joke about the stigma (and hypocrisy) around older men dating younger women, contrasted with Carvey’s monogamous happiness.
  • “As long as we’re of age, what's my business?” —Dana Carvey (06:20)
  • “You do have a Peter Pan conversation.” —Dana Carvey to Bill Maher (06:41)
• The ‘Confirmed Bachelor’ Label: The group riffs on the coded language of “confirmed bachelor” and how it signified gay men in the past.

The Oddities of Wealth and Celebrity (13:57–15:44)

• Odell Beckham Jr. & Rich Complaints: The absurdity of celebrities lamenting how their multimillion-dollar contracts aren’t enough.
  • “He kept trying to talk everyone into saying, you can’t live on this.” —David Spade (14:26)
• Celebrity Activism: Bill Maher criticizes celebrities weighing in on politics and economics, insisting it usually backfires.
  • “They just make it worse when they speak. And they’re almost always on one side of the political divide... incredibly stupid things that celebrities say about politics or finance.” —Bill Maher (15:15)
• Maher’s Stand-up Special & Wokeness: Maher describes how he was “soft canceled” during peak wokeness and sees his new nomination as a sign of the climate shifting.
  • “This is the first time in a while I've been nominated for something. Which I think shows a little bit that we are coming out of the Wokeness.” —Bill Maher (27:03)

The Stand-up Life: Then and Now (25:46–41:33)

• Nostalgia for Old Clubs: Stories about legendary venues like Tempe Improv, Catch a Rising Star, and SNL auditions.
• Creative Process & Tinkering: All three discuss refining material, the challenge and thrill of the live process, and the satisfaction of making people laugh.
  • “It's a puzzle, and it's a problem... how do you get to killing?” —Dana Carvey (40:02)
  • “I used to say it's like my version of building a ship in a bottle.” —Bill Maher, on crafting a perfect set (41:11)
• Old Material and New Sensibilities: Dana and Bill dissect how jokes and audience attitudes have evolved—with recurring jokes about heckling and the “dick out of your mouth” comeback.

Club & Touring Life (32:10–37:24)

• The Grind of Touring: Discussion on the logistics of stand-up tours, and how energy, travel, and accommodation logistics changed over the years.
  • “Even the nicest hotels... the work ethic was not like, top of the... it's a broad brush, but I can't help but notice that things changed over the course of the time I've been on the road.” —Bill Maher (36:44)
• Climate Change & Private Planes: Briefly joke about the environmental price of entertainment travel—“No human being that can afford private jets does not fly them. The only one is Greta Thunberg. I give her credit.” —Dana Carvey (33:04)

Impressions, Sketch Comedy, and SNL Lore (41:57–72:25)

• Impressions as an Art: Dana and Bill delight in breaking into classic impressions (Biden, Dennis Miller, Billy Bob Thornton, Lorne Michaels).
  • Dana channels Biden: “Guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is. I'm being serious here. Come on, get your facts straight, Jack.” (17:54)
• SNL’s Competitive Atmosphere: They dissect Lorne Michaels' “aloof” coaching style—how it fostered healthy (and sometimes harsh) competition.
  • “He had to be aloof... Cause that would have exhausted him.” —Dana Carvey (73:19)
• The Rare Sweetness of Lorne Michaels: Carvey shares wisdoms and quirky quotes from Lorne (“Marriage is a prison that everyone’s trying to escape into...”).
• The High of Killing on SNL: Describes the unique emotional buzz from crushing a sketch in front of Lorne and the cast.
• Legacy & Pipeline of SNL: Bill marvels at SNL’s 50-year run and its dominance as a launching pad for comedy stars.
  • “You cannot take away... the pipeline to almost all of the movie comedy that we saw over two generations.” —Bill Maher (71:20)

Commentary on ‘Wokeness’ and Media Trends (26:31–29:45, 55:02–57:23, 82:00–83:40)

• Maher on Shifting Acceptability: Bill notes that the climate for comics roasting the left is softer now; jokes once deemed “problematic” are getting laughs again.
  • “I’m a comedian. I go where the gold is... The left did a lot more stupid things in the last five to 10 years.” —Bill Maher (27:02)
• Awards & Irony: The group ribs on awards shows adding podcast categories but snubbing popular/mainstream choices like Joe Rogan.
  • “It was glaring that Joe Rogan was not nominated for best podcast. I mean, it is kind of popular and you know, it is known.” —Bill Maher (82:41)

Reflections on Culture, Movies, & Friendship (75:22–88:59)

• Brilliant Small Moments in Film: They revel in details from “Saving Private Ryan,” “Three Days of the Condor,” and especially Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.”
  • “It’s his best movie. Yeah, it’s because it’s a love story between two men, but still a love story.” —Bill Maher (76:57)
• The Enduring Power of The Beatles: Closing with mutual admiration for The Beatles’ lasting genius and emotional impact, even for new generations:
  • “Genius, by definition, is something in the...exists that shouldn’t exist. And that’s the Beatles.” —Dana Carvey (94:08)

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Notable Quotes & Standout Moments

• “The only reason I was saying before, like... young girls, they cannot find a guy close to their age who will feed them mentally. Or even at this point. They've been raised on porn, these guys.” —Bill Maher (85:36)
• “It’s also just... In the beginning, it's a puzzle, and it's a problem. And how do you get to killing?” —Dana Carvey (40:02)
• “You don't have to have a special kind of knowledge to get into it, you know? And to me, that's more valuable than the kind that I do...” —Bill Maher on Spade’s stand-up (63:36)
• “There’s no solutions, there’s only trade-offs when you’re looking at government policy.” —Dana Carvey (83:34)

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Key Timestamps

• 03:00–07:00 – Generational gaps, pop-culture references
• 04:33–05:45 – Woody Allen and meeting your idols
• 13:57–15:44 – Odell Beckham Jr., celebrity problems, and wealth
• 25:46–27:03 – Touring stories, stand-up’s evolution, SNL auditions
• 27:02–27:45 – Maher on ‘soft cancellation’ and the return from wokeness
• 41:11–41:34 – Maher’s “ship in a bottle” analogy for comedy
• 55:02–57:23 – GQ Man of the Year, woke absurdities, and culture wars
• 71:20–74:13 – SNL and Hollywood pipelines, Lorne Michaels’ wisdom
• 75:22–79:01 – Deconstructing “Saving Private Ryan” and movie moments
• 76:57–78:28 – “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” as a love story
• 92:05–94:08 – The Beatles, anthologies, and the power of legacy

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Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, sharp, quick-witted, and deeply rooted in the culture and rhythms of comedy insiders. The banter is fast and loose, switching seamlessly between trenchant observations, old showbiz stories, dead-on impressions, and self-deprecating asides. Maher, Carvey, and Spade all take turns playing the wise elder, the working comic, and the wide-eyed fan, creating a rich tapestry that’s as informative as it is funny.

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Final Thoughts for Listeners

This episode is a must for comedy fans, SNL aficionados, and anyone interested in the evolving business of being funny in America. It’s a masterclass in wit, a tribute to the longevity of stand-up, and a reminder that in an ever-shifting culture, the best comics stay a step ahead—sometimes by refusing to move at all.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

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[Dana Gould]

But which?

[David Spade]

You guys were dancing around it for long.

[Dana Gould]

Club Random.

[David Spade]

It's a lot like a coach saying, you get hurt, this guy's gonna go in for you and you might not get your job back.

[Bill Burr]

But you wouldn't say it was purposely cruel.

[Dana Gould]

Club Random Bill comes in a little later. You kind of wait. Oh, hello. What?

[Bill Burr]

Okay, this is gonna be a party started. See?

[David Spade]

You look nice. Is everything wrong? What's going on?

[Bill Burr]

Well, I'm going to need more Kleenex than that.

[Dana Gould]

Sex. Billy, you know, here you are with kind of the perennial senior motif. All right. You got like the Troy Donny man cave. I know.

[Bill Burr]

You see what I mean?

[David Spade]

I know.

[Bill Burr]

I'm going to need more.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Gould]

After a while, the walls kind of close in and the shot glasses look like urine depositories. Circa 1957 with the Hughes cat.

[Bill Burr]

Dave, how many people. The young people watching this have any idea who he's imitating?

[David Spade]

Dennis Miller. I know. It's harder when he does, like Vincent Price and stuff like that.

[Bill Burr]

It's so depressing. What people like under 30.

[David Spade]

Well, they miss out on Dennis Miller.

[Dana Gould]

Who is, well, Dennis in a certain demographic.

[Bill Burr]

Or us.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Wait a minute.

[Bill Burr]

What do you mean?

[Dana Gould]

No, but you know Henry Fonda. Nobody wants him.

[David Spade]

Henry Fond is out of the business now.

[Dana Gould]

Nobody wants Henry Fonda.

[David Spade]

Gervitz told me.

[Bill Burr]

I know people who don't know Jane Fonda.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Kids don't know anything. Fuck em.

[David Spade]

I know. I talked to a girl and there was a Led Zeppelin song. I go, do you know this? And she goes. I go, led Zeppelin? She goes, I'd know him if I saw him. And I go, well, that's actually a whole band. And she goes, dude, I don't know who Maroon 5 is. All right. I'm young and you're old. Is there a problem?

[Bill Burr]

You are one of the few people I can talk about about young.

[David Spade]

No, no.

[Dana Gould]

Those days are over.

[Bill Burr]

Really.

[David Spade]

I'm old. I am. That's me and Dana.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, thank you.

[David Spade]

I thought you sent one in.

[Bill Burr]

You saw that, right?

[Dana Gould]

I did. I didn't want to say anything. Is that a standard protocol that they bring it in to lay?

[Bill Burr]

That's my Everybody's Kleenex girl.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I know.

[Bill Burr]

She just does Kleenex.

[Dana Gould]

You had Woody Allen here. That one blew me away.

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Amen.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you. I loved doing that. Well.

[Dana Gould]

Well, we.

[Bill Burr]

There's moments where it's be careful about meeting your idols syndrome.

[Dana Gould]

Okay?

[Bill Burr]

But he's still Woody Allen. And you know, there were things that I didn't love. But he's not a child molester.

[David Spade]

Look, you throw out his best decade and his worst decade.

[Dana Gould]

I read his book and I watched the documentary.

[Bill Burr]

The book is amazing.

[Dana Gould]

The book is extraordinary. Cause you're hearing it all in his voice.

[Bill Burr]

I wanted him to be here, the way he was say the things he said in the book. And sometimes he didn't, which is like, you know, he just really. I think he's 90. Some of it was just like, you know, I mean, I defended him. Vociferously about that. With nothing for me in it. No. Including going against my own network, which put out a documentary which I criticized. And I would at any day criticize it because it only presented one side.

[David Spade]

The Mia Farrow, obviously. Right.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. It was called Alan V. Farrow, but it was really Mia's story.

[David Spade]

It was called he is Guilty.

[Bill Burr]

No, he's guilty.

[David Spade]

That's what they're saying. Yeah, he's guilty. That's what that's.

[Bill Burr]

But he's not. I don't.

[David Spade]

That's kind of what that tilt was.

[Dana Gould]

There's being a child molester, which is evil, and then there's being accused of being a child molester, which is its own kind of incident. Because what if you're not and you're tainted forever? We'll be right back with Bill Maher. Serious.

[David Spade]

Don't forget to hate us in the comments.

[Dana Gould]

Hate us early and often.

[Bill Burr]

But you would concede that there's a big difference between an actual child molester and me and David's paid.

[David Spade]

Why am I. Why am I. I got looped in last time.

[Bill Burr]

You're the only one I can talk to.

[David Spade]

Well, I'm not.

[Bill Burr]

And I see you could talk to me.

[Dana Gould]

I have no judgment at all of you guys dating women or younger women. As long as we're of age, what's my business? We'll be right back.

[Bill Burr]

No, we're not saying you. But we certainly have gotten Society. Have we not gotten shit about Peter Pan complex and.

[Dana Gould]

Okay, yeah, well, you do have a Peter Pan conversation.

[Bill Burr]

No, we don't.

[Dana Gould]

Is this on?

[David Spade]

The funny thing is if someone says, and this always is the same loopy conversation, but if someone says, okay, some guy dated a 27 year old and he was older, and they go, he's married. I mean, you know, pull that shit. When you're single, you're married. If you're single, hey, do whatever you want. And then you're single and you do whatever you want. And they go, we don't like that either.

[Dana Gould]

Can I make an observation? Cause I liked him.

[Bill Burr]

No, this is not the forum for that.

[Dana Gould]

It's random. Biochemistry is interesting. Genetic predispositions are interesting. For some reason, as I've gotten older, my brain's evolved into being attracted to older women. And if you don't have that brain chemistry. Because we all want the Playboy bunny in high school, right? And I just moved on. That's all.

[Bill Burr]

You're sick.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you're sick. You're not alone. This guy's fucked up.

[Bill Burr]

No, he's Just basically saying what you are is lucky.

[Dana Gould]

Uh huh. Lucky. I do find older women, really. My wife is very, very attractive.

[Bill Burr]

That is. It's not. That is. I'm sure you're being honest and it's just something that is rare. Let's just be honest about the facts of it. It's rare. It's more what's going on in our brains. And I'm always gonna rope you in with me.

[David Spade]

God, immediately repeated me.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, come on, you have one of the reputation, is it not?

[David Spade]

Well, it kind of slowed down. Look, also, I will say in my defense, I also didn't want to lead with it. I didn't like anyone knowing that Pete Davidson is. He's got the new snl. They would say, oh, you're kind of like with Spade. But I think he was so outward with it. I wanted to warn him and say, don't do that. Because then no one talks about the comedy. You know, they gotta say what your job is. They can't just say, oh, you date this person. That's the danger. I will say, when I go to clubs. You ever seen this? Forget the comedy club. So let's say there was a famous actor that was a homosexual gay guy, right? And you would know him and I met him.

[Dana Gould]

Why do you need a double homosexual gay guy?

[David Spade]

Just trying to make sure everyone.

[Dana Gould]

Why don't I know him?

[David Spade]

And he just began, you know him well.

[Dana Gould]

And so it's Mark Gervitz.

[David Spade]

All three of our managers. So this guy met and conveniently he was probably around 60 something. He had his nephew with him at all times.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, I know, yeah.

[David Spade]

And I go by the third time, I'm like, this guy's got so many 15 year old nephews. But in that situation, no one says a fucking word. You know what I mean? Everyone knew what was going on but me. And sometimes there's a twink situation where it's kind of baked in, where you go, oh, that's just how that situation is. And you go, well, that's worse.

[Bill Burr]

There's a difference between girls just want to have fun. And this girl is a woman now. And it's about like from 18 to I would say 21, 22. They just want to have fun, experimental, doing very stupid things, just like men. Very soon after that, it changes by the time usually they're 25, they're maybe thinking about settling down or at least finding somebody real. Okay, bet that men we can go into our, as we did 50s, right? And we're basically still living the life we were when we were in our 20s.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I mean, I also think there's married guys that are just. It's more normal to be a married guy cheating with a younger girl. And they go, well, that's what happens. But if you're still single and haven't been married, I don't think you've been married. And so that's a little bit of a stigma.

[Bill Burr]

Nor have you.

[David Spade]

Right, yeah. So that's a little bit of a stigma where people get some free shots, like, never been married. I'm like, I would be more normal if I was married and divorced. And then be like, well, at least you did it.

[Dana Gould]

Well, that's why they have the expression confirmed bachelor. And I would say, you two are confirmed.

[David Spade]

Doesn't that mean something else?

[Dana Gould]

Does it have another meaning?

[David Spade]

I know Paul Lynn was a confirmed bachelor.

[Bill Burr]

Who?

[David Spade]

Paul Lynn.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, that was cover for that.

[David Spade]

I think that's the COVID yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Bill Burr]

Well, let me tell you, if they didn't know Dennis Miller, they're not gonna know Paul.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I. Listen, our references are fucked.

[Bill Burr]

You know what? I do this for the young people. I'm never gonna get the ones who don't care about, like a million things that I care about, which is probably 90% of them, but 10% are always very smart. And they're like, probably we were. When we were at that age, which is. We were more interested in something we didn't know. Like if Johnny Carson was talking about something or some guy, he was, you know, Jack Benny. I'd be like, who's Jack Benny? I wanted to know.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

There are still those kids. And that's. That's who Uncle Bill is here for.

[Dana Gould]

Well, we. Our demographic grew up on old comedians from radio. Jack Benny, I would say George Burn.

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Tonight's show.

[Bill Burr]

But I. When I was a kid, I thought both of them were corny.

[Dana Gould]

Whoa. I didn't find. Well, which are the ones you found? They were old, funny. It was like Abbott and Costello. I never saw him on television, but I thought Abbott and Costello meets Frankenstein when I'm 10 were really funny.

[Bill Burr]

You never saw Abbott and Costello on television? They were on.

[Dana Gould]

No. Did I. Did I misspeak when I saw them on television? The movie replaying on television.

[Bill Burr]

But they had. Their show was on, too.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, then they had that in the.

[Bill Burr]

50S, the ones where they come out in front of a curtain. I know. In the beginning. That is so charming, you know, and they would do. And then there was a film section, you know, which was more like a sitcom. But they themselves would come out first.

[Dana Gould]

And the Colgate Comedy Hour, and they.

[Bill Burr]

Would do a little monologue.

[David Spade]

I was more. And I'm too young for that. But I was too super young.

[Dana Gould]

Merv Griffin.

[David Spade]

Mervy. I caught the tail end of Merv Griffin. I was too young. Yeah. When I started singing songs, a lot of people did.

[Dana Gould]

Confirmed bachelor.

[David Spade]

I didn't know he was a confirmed bachelor.

[Dana Gould]

Was he?

[Bill Burr]

Merv Griffin?

[David Spade]

I'm young. When I was seven.

[Dana Gould]

The greatest tombstone ever. He's out there for Islam. I will not be right back. That's his thing.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, really?

[David Spade]

That's a good one.

[Dana Gould]

I will not be right back.

[Bill Burr]

Isn't that amazing?

[David Spade]

Is that real?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. That's not a military. No.

[Bill Burr]

He was just a delightful man. And look, I don't know what the public thing is.

[Dana Gould]

Mm. He's fine.

[Bill Burr]

It's not. I don't think it's a big secret. Merv Griffin.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Bill Burr]

But he couldn't have been more delightful. I remember doing the show when I first started. Did you ever do it?

[David Spade]

Oh, you didn't stand up on it?

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Dana Gould]

I was in the audience once, but with Arthur Treacher as a sidekick.

[Bill Burr]

Arthur Treacher, who had a string of, at one point, fast food, fish and chip places.

[David Spade]

Treacher's.

[Bill Burr]

I worked at IT in Ithaca, New York, when I was in Cornell.

[Dana Gould]

Huh?

[Bill Burr]

Yes. I threw pieces of fish in there.

[David Spade]

Hey, I'm doing a book on boring stories. Can I use that?

[Dana Gould]

You know what? I'm just gonna call it. Let's start. And our guest is Bill Maher.

[David Spade]

We gotta start.

[Dana Gould]

We gotta start.

[David Spade]

So anyway, no, I just heard something funny that totally out of nowhere.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[David Spade]

I heard something. I just want to change the subject because this is kind of funny.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

I wanted to ask you about this. If you thought it was funny.

[Dana Gould]

Let's do it.

[David Spade]

It's a sp. That Odell Beckham, you know, Odell Beckham Jr. He was kind of whining that he goes, people think it's a lot of money and you're set for life if you have a five year, hundred million dollar deal. And everyone kind of went, I would think most people would think that would be fine. And he said, first of all, you take 40 million away for taxes. Everyone starts going, now we're getting nervous. We're trying to live on 60 million.

[Dana Gould]

Lawyer, agent, manager.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So then he. But then I kind of was like, I still don't get it, because 60 million over five years. And he kept trying to talk everyone into saying, you can't live on this, I'm like, well, I think most of.

[Dana Gould]

The world could define living.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And he goes, first you gotta buy your mom a house. And you buy yourself a house, well.

[Dana Gould]

Then you could grab another.

[David Spade]

But where is that? If it's in most of the world, a million dollars.

[Dana Gould]

Did you buy anyone houses in your lifetime, Bill? Just here.

[David Spade]

Depends who's around you.

[Dana Gould]

Parents, relatives, sister, friends?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah, sure. Something like that. Yeah, but.

[Dana Gould]

Or other kinds of friends.

[Bill Burr]

I want to do something next year about celebrities. Not to get too political, but they just make it worse.

[Dana Gould]

Your whole career. What are you talking about?

[Bill Burr]

No, I mean with you guys.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

They just make it worse. Celebrities do when they speak. And they're almost always on one side of the political divide. Yes. And that's basically the side I vote for. You know, as I always say to my woke friends, we voted for the same person. You're just why she lost. I could gather, and I think I will. Cause it'll be funny. Just the incredibly stupid things that celebrities say about politics or finance or something.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we're back.

[Bill Burr]

And then. So if you're like the person out there going, well, how can you live on $100 million a year? Vote. Come along. That's the game over. People are like, yeah, I can't let you. The country in the hands of these people. I'll vote for this guy who's crazy, but at least this kind of crazy, I can almost relate to him more.

[Dana Gould]

You can't have movie stars and politicians that are, we know, have hundreds of millions of dollars lecturing you. It's just the elitist thing that came out of all that. You know, the Democrats, it wasn't a positive thing. They are not going to do that in 2028. I bet they'll have regular people.

[Bill Burr]

It's so thoughtful sometimes.

[David Spade]

He's very smart about this stuff.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, he really is.

[Dana Gould]

I have a lot of opinions, but I have a job.

[Bill Burr]

You should do the show then. My show, my other show, my real show.

[Dana Gould]

I did it, but I didn't say it till the end, but, like, you could.

[Bill Burr]

Robin Williams did it a bunch of times.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, very crazy. Fellini had a wet dream.

[David Spade]

Oh, Mr. Happy.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, Jackie Gleason, the ghost of Jackie. Oh, Paul Newman. Tiny man, tiny penis.

[Bill Burr]

Or her.

[Dana Gould]

It's all right. I love Robin, you know. Oh, that's very good, Bill. He's very good when he's very soft. Oh, it's fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

He really thread the needle. I thought so. Well, and Martin Short, also between, like, you know, he could be serious like, you can one minute and then be this, you know, crazy clown.

[David Spade]

This fucking clown.

[Dana Gould]

No. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Because the truth is, you are both those people.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, No, I read a lot of stuff. I have a lot of opinions. I'm fascinated by the political situation and I'm fascinated with how quickly society is changing now with AI and the ramifications of that. And that the Fed lowered the interest rate again today by a quarter point.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you guys both have all your hair, huh?

[David Spade]

I'm not as fascinated by that.

[Dana Gould]

Well, the rest is in the car.

[David Spade]

No. Yeah. No, the hair is looking good today.

[Bill Burr]

Really good.

[Dana Gould]

We all have similar.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you're not as much. It made me think of it because I was like, when you did Biden, what did they put a bald.

[Dana Gould]

Well, they had a bald cap and then a white. Or, you know, his color.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, but how do they get all that hair under a bald cap?

[Dana Gould]

They just slick it down so hard and Vaseline or something, you know. Let me do my Biden poem. I did it on your show, but just the poem, the non sequitur Biden. This was the guy that was running the country. And guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is. I'm being serious here. Come on, get your facts straight, Jack. Okay, that's it. And scene.

[Bill Burr]

This is almost like haiku. It really is.

[Dana Gould]

No, he literally said, guess what?

[Bill Burr]

I know.

[Dana Gould]

And by the way, the fact of the matter is.

[Bill Burr]

But the rhythm of it.

[Dana Gould]

The rhythm of it.

[Bill Burr]

That's what your comedy detector is so amazing at. You find those rhythms, you know?

[Dana Gould]

I love it. That keys me into it.

[Bill Burr]

George Bush, or whoever it is, you find a rhythm to it, a musicality.

[Dana Gould]

I have one thing I can say is Billy Bob Thornton from Landman.

[Bill Burr]

I love Landman.

[Dana Gould]

Later you can. Lady, you can either sit on my deck or suck my dick, but you gotta make up your fucking mind.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Do you watch that show all the time? I love that show.

[Dana Gould]

Well, Billy Bob Thornton's rants or speeches are just gold, you know? I mean, Taylor Sheridan, I guess, writes them for him. But Billy Bob Thornton, does he.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I see his name on every show. Like, he can't possibly write that movie. He can't write all these shows, but yet I must say that his dialogue is so good.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I find. I mean, sometimes I'll be watching, like, a major movie like that just came out, and finally, finally, like three weeks after it was in the theaters. Now it's on my tv.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Bill Burr]

And I'm watching it, and I watch a half hour of It. I'm like, okay, it's all right. I know this was a big. It's gonna go to the Oscars. And then I watched Landman. I'm like, this is better. This is better than like. I know I'm supposed to like the other thing more, but it's actually not as good.

[Dana Gould]

Well, you want to at this point.

[Bill Burr]

Should send me a fucking blowjob for me.

[David Spade]

Landman does get a lot of praise.

[Dana Gould]

Bill fucking Mars. We got the best show on fucking television.

[Bill Burr]

I didn't exactly say that, but no, I like it.

[Dana Gould]

I'm entertained. I just go by that, like, is it calming my brain down? Can I just get everything out of the way? You know, lately my wife and I, just out of desperation, went for the classics. All the President's Men.

[Bill Burr]

Who.

[Dana Gould]

Way more fucking brilliant than I remembered.

[Bill Burr]

But I thought you were fucking all the time.

[Dana Gould]

Just a little bit TMI there, you know? You know, some people make whoopee at an advanced stage. They can make whoopee at an advanced stage. And docs say that it's safe as long as the ticker is a can. Cooperative in that sense. Anyway, Bill Maher's here, my guest. And you know, he's a very popular stand up. He plays the Sir Laughs a lot in Modesto. Headlining Brian T. Bell Saturday.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, you are on tour.

[David Spade]

I'm on tour.

[Bill Burr]

Look at that. You made me remember for once in my life on this show to do up to the right plugs. Where are you going to be, Dave?

[David Spade]

Give me a second. Dana. Where's number one?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I think you're right there.

[David Spade]

We had Chumley's, Chuckle Hutch Uncle. No, Rooster T. Feathers. You remember that one? I'm not playing there. It'll just be a regular theater tour.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, like what city?

[David Spade]

Davidspade.com Salt Lake.

[Bill Burr]

Salt Lake City.

[Dana Gould]

Salt Lake.

[Bill Burr]

The Mormons are wild, right? Yeah, like.

[Dana Gould]

Like that reality show took over tv, but I don't know if it's Mormon women going crazy.

[Bill Burr]

I heard about it. I never saw it.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I saw eight seconds of it. Then I put on Landman. But what's the. And for real, what's the funniest name of a comedy club you've played? A real name? Cause I have one.

[David Spade]

There's Gut Busters, There's Rib Ticklers.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, Rib Tickler in Minneapolis.

[Bill Burr]

That's real. Yeah. Catch a rising star.

[Dana Gould]

Why?

[Bill Burr]

Cause it's just such a. We're used to it. Cause we played it.

[Dana Gould]

But it's a cool name. Or is it corny Play I think.

[Bill Burr]

We got used to it and it Catch a rising star. You were hearing it for the first time. Yeah, I feel like I'd be offended.

[Dana Gould]

It'd be like an Ed McMahon reality show kind of competition show.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I mean, I guess you sometimes did catch a rising star there. That is true.

[David Spade]

You were there.

[Bill Burr]

I was there.

[David Spade]

You're a star. Yeah, my SNL audition, I think was a catch.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, but you weren't in New York.

[David Spade]

No, they.

[Bill Burr]

You went there too.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they saw me on Young Comedian Special and we went out, me, Schneider, and Tom Kenny.

[Bill Burr]

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[David Spade]

Oh, Tempe Improv.

[Bill Burr]

Tempe Improv.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, that one. That's funny.

[Bill Burr]

But it was so funny.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And like stuff that was dated was like. Well, it has this extra sort of historical dimension. Right.

[David Spade]

I don't mind that, you know, we're.

[Bill Burr]

Not talking about Scrubs anymore or whatever.

[David Spade]

You're right. You're right. But it's still.

[Bill Burr]

You see, it's not like my brain can't like process that and go, yeah, he doesn't look like that anymore either.

[David Spade]

Right. But sometimes you. Sometimes I see old bits.

[Dana Gould]

I did.

[David Spade]

And I thought they were really good. I was proud of them. Some weren't as good, but you still see ones. And I don't love that. Stand up is so like, do a special. Throw an hour away. Do a special. I don't think you do that. You're not out as much, but you.

[Dana Gould]

Do a lot of them, though.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I just got a Golden Globe nomination for the one I did.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, really?

[Bill Burr]

That's my. Yeah. Yesterday.

[Dana Gould]

How often do you get nominated for your specials?

[Bill Burr]

I used to get nominated for everything. And then the Wokeness came in and then I was considered conservative.

[David Spade]

Are you bad? Ridiculous.

[Bill Burr]

So they. I was so. What I call soft Canceled.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Where, you know, you don't, you know.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I'm a Bill Clinton liberal, which is from the 90s, which is now called me too. A Nazi bar.

[Bill Burr]

Exactly.

[David Spade]

Right here at White Supremacists.

[Bill Burr]

So this is the first time in a while I've been nominated for something.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Bill Burr]

Which I think shows a little bit that we are coming out of the Wokeness. I mean, I I'm going to tell I'm not going to win and I'm probably not even going to go. But I take it as a victory that they were not able to ignore how good that special was. I just say it's my last one. I'm gonna say, I'm not gonna lie. It's just a really good special. But, you know, it's not one that the woke can watch and not throw up because I call their shit out where it's. And the fact that people are laughing shows that it's funny. When you do stupid things, it's funny. And the left did a lot more stupid things in the last five to 10 years. And I'm a comedian. I go where the gold is and it's hitting the side of a barn to make fun of some of this shit.

[David Spade]

Sure. It's serious.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, if you think, you know, I mean, I quoted like very esteemed publications like the Atlantic or saying things like, you know, separating sports by sex doesn't make sense. Well, if that's not. Of course it does. If you can't. If anybody can't do five minutes on that.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Or Mr. Beast was helping disabled people and the Washington Post guy was tweeting like he thinks disability is something that needs to be solved.

[Dana Gould]

You're laughing at this money.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, exactly. But they hate that. But the fact that they nominated this tells me, okay, I think we are coming out of the peak woke era.

[Dana Gould]

It is a little different. I can do a joke now with Obama going to preschools or going to primary school and teaching kids lessons through nursery rhymes.

[Bill Burr]

What did that sound like?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

[Bill Burr]

That's awesome.

[Dana Gould]

To fetch a pail of water. Jack looked at Jill and Jill looked at Jack and Jill said, I'd like to be a Jack too. So Jack and Jack came down the hill. So that's a double whammy of a trans. And I tell the audience it was just too good. Right.

[Bill Burr]

You mean that was something that they found to be controversial?

[Dana Gould]

No, I just started doing it and it gets a lot of laughs.

[Bill Burr]

It should.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it should. But it's not anti trans. It's just funny. It's funny.

[Bill Burr]

But you were worried that it was at one point that it was gonna be too.

[Dana Gould]

Sometimes you're in a really sort of certain kind of audience. People will go a little quiet if you say trans.

[David Spade]

It's. It sounds anti trend.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Well, you know what I mean.

[Bill Burr]

My audience is trained, I guess not to. Because I'm gonna go there you do.

[David Spade]

Have good crowds, by the way.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Because they, you know, I mean, I've been around. I'm fucking 70. Yeah, they've been. I've been around.

[David Spade]

You're always on the show. You seem, like. Always on the show.

[Bill Burr]

33 years from when, politically, Is that a record?

[Dana Gould]

Are you in the gimmick? It's like a world record.

[Bill Burr]

It should be. I mean, so there have been shows that have been on long, I think. Meet the Press.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

But, you know, not Saturday Night Live.

[Bill Burr]

Not Hardshade. Saturday Night Live.

[Dana Gould]

50.

[David Spade]

Meet the Press is.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, that's amazing.

[Dana Gould]

Funny.

[Bill Burr]

You guys should have done that show. You would have been.

[David Spade]

Which one? Meet the Press.

[Dana Gould]

Snl.

[Bill Burr]

No, snl.

[David Spade]

I auditioned for it.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry. I'm a young person.

[David Spade]

What is that?

[Dana Gould]

That's News Bill. You'll find that Bill is fair. He can be a little incendiary when he wants to, but he's basically like a really good guy.

[David Spade]

He's never hosted. Have you hosted?

[Bill Burr]

Let's not get into that.

[David Spade]

Okay, now.

[Dana Gould]

Well, wait, I can make a call.

[Bill Burr]

I don't want to anymore, but I.

[David Spade]

Should have at one point.

[Dana Gould]

But I think it'd be great for them now because you're out there and you're. You know, they blew it. You know, it's a hard show to host.

[David Spade]

We were saying today that you, you know, we weren't allowed to do commercials when we were on. Yeah, I only got one offer, but Dana got a bunch. But, yeah, they. And now I was looking at some people I follow, and I said, not only do they do commercials on tv, but their Instagram, like every other thing, is a commercial. Paid ad. Paid ad. So they can rake it in from all sides now. And it wasn't that way.

[Dana Gould]

SNL cast members. Oh, Hans and Franz. Nike contacted SNL or us and saying. Hans and Franz for. Just do it. We were going to do the first campaign. Yeah, just do it. I got the copy and everything. Yeah, yeah. You lose it. And then we were told we just. It's not what we do here, you know? And now they have conehead oven mitts in the store. SNL store. But that was just that time. That era. 80s, 88. You're selling out.

[Bill Burr]

So you could have made big bankruptcy.

[Dana Gould]

Yes, yes.

[David Spade]

My second year, I got a Diet Pepsi super bowl commercial. And they wanted, like. They go, oh, you. Minus a Michael J. Fox. Like an untalented one. I go, great. So I said, I'll take it. And then it was 250 grand. I would Never say money. But for me, I was making probably. That's 40,000 a year on a sales of Ryan.

[Bill Burr]

Why are you so shy about giving your dates?

[David Spade]

Oh, my date? My set of dates.

[Bill Burr]

You're like, why are you trying to keep it a secret?

[David Spade]

No, I just don't know that.

[Dana Gould]

Where are you going?

[David Spade]

I'm going to. I mean, Heather, it's on my website, but I would say I'm going to Dallas, San Antonio. That's all I know.

[Bill Burr]

Really?

[David Spade]

No, I can't.

[Dana Gould]

Remember, Sacramento.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You're on the road, like all of 26, right?

[David Spade]

No, the first half. First half, where we're supposed to start.

[Bill Burr]

And do you go, like from one city to the other without going home?

[David Spade]

No, I don't do that.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, I don't. I never. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Did you do that?

[Dana Gould]

I do just go out and back.

[Bill Burr]

It's weekends.

[Dana Gould]

I do three.

[Bill Burr]

A weekend or two a weekend city. Go home after the second city.

[David Spade]

That's hard to do.

[Bill Burr]

Why?

[David Spade]

Well, if you have a plane, it's not as bad.

[Bill Burr]

That's what I did. Yeah, but what about climate change?

[Dana Gould]

Climate change?

[David Spade]

Yeah. What about climate change?

[Bill Burr]

I'm not sure that, like, we fuck him over. I'm not sure. Adding one more plane to the, like, what, 8,000 flights a day.

[Dana Gould]

How dare you?

[David Spade]

Yeah, where's Greta?

[Dana Gould]

How dare you?

[David Spade]

I mean, bring her in.

[Bill Burr]

The biggest airline in India alone has 2,000 flights a day. So I don't know if me going to the Chevy, driving back from Apple.

[Dana Gould]

No human being that can afford private jets does not fly them. The only one is Greta Thunberg. I give her credit. But when she goes to places, they don't like what she's doing. They put her on a plane and she's very. But here's a fun fact. You might appreciate this. So during the Biden administration, they wanted to suppress the volume of cow herds with ranchers because cows contribute to global warming. So we have the lowest herd that we've ever had. So now they're trying to get more cows. They're gonna get cows. They're gonna get cows to have intercourse, aren't they?

[David Spade]

Part of more cows.

[Bill Burr]

I can top that.

[Dana Gould]

You can top that.

[Bill Burr]

The fire we had here. Yeah. Well, okay.

[Dana Gould]

Applause.

[David Spade]

Why are we getting applause? Not fire.

[Dana Gould]

Applause.

[Bill Burr]

I just said fire and you both liked it. A bit on fire.

[David Spade]

It's fine.

[Bill Burr]

Can I make the point?

[Dana Gould]

Fire's one of the Ringo Starr caveman fire.

[Bill Burr]

Oh.

[Dana Gould]

Robin.

[Bill Burr]

Like how everybody reacts to fire.

[David Spade]

What?

[Bill Burr]

Dennis Miller, what would he say about fire?

[Dana Gould]

Christ sakes. You Know, I prefer like, you know, 2D cell batteries in a flashlight. Put in a pinch. I'll light up a brush or something, see my way through the estuary.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

Carvey. I love Dennis. He is brilliant.

[David Spade]

What about that? We had fires, okay?

[Dana Gould]

So can you admit that Dennis Miller is brilliant?

[Bill Burr]

He is. He is a great. I always said, state of the artist.

[Dana Gould]

He likes you, too.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

But the milk vetch was a plant, like a weed, that they insisted that it was endangered. And it's one reason we had so much brush. And the fire, ironically, causes, like, I don't remember the number, but way more times pollution than, like, getting all the cars, all the cars that we made better since the beginning of this century. We lost all that progress with the air in that one fire from the Milk Festival. And. Well, that's. It's a contributing factor. What I'm saying is they went over. I'm an environmentalist, too, but, like, by saving the milk vetch, they contributed to a fire that did far more environmental damage.

[Dana Gould]

Who knew? At one point, Trump was right. In his own childlike way.

[Bill Burr]

Yes. Raking.

[Dana Gould]

Because he's touring. He goes, we gotta rake the leaves. You gotta rake it. You gotta find it. You gotta rake it. You gotta rake it like you wouldn't believe. And you rake it and you keep raking it until you don't have to rake it, but you can rake it and you know how to do it. And so, yeah, forest management. And it's a tragedy. And let's.

[David Spade]

You know, the fires are such a mess here. The fires and putting them back together.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

I don't get into all that. But you just know. It's just nothing is going smoothly.

[Bill Burr]

So we're older than you by how much?

[David Spade]

10.

[Bill Burr]

How old are you? 60. Okay. Yeah, we're 10 years. Yeah, we're 70, right?

[David Spade]

Yeah, we are.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. So.

[Dana Gould]

Okay, I'll drink that.

[Bill Burr]

That's why you can be. I was on the road at 60. I just quit last year.

[David Spade]

No, 60.

[Dana Gould]

Is it too much firing then?

[David Spade]

Steve and Martin Short are on the road and they're fucking all over the place.

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[David Spade]

And they're strong in doing it. It's hard.

[Dana Gould]

One caveat to that. Steve Martin said he couldn't do it without Marty, and maybe Marty feels the same way. Steve Martin gets to tune his banjo for 20 minutes. They really do, you know.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. That's not why I quit, but.

[Dana Gould]

Because you couldn't tune a banjo.

[Bill Burr]

No. It wouldn't have helped to have a partner. It was. I would still have to drag my ass out to stuff.

[David Spade]

It's still a beating, even on a dial. I just went out with Adam and we did a bunch of cities and it's still. It's way better. But you're still. Different time zone, different climate.

[Dana Gould]

First of all, you're still telling the.

[Bill Burr]

Hotels, even the nicest hotels. I'm sorry, but whoever raised the Gen Z millennials, they just. The work ethic was not like, top of the. I'm just. I know that's a broad brush, but I can't help but notice that things changed a lot over the course of the time I've been on the road. I mean, the simple ability to get a message from one person who works there to another. Not a complicated message. You know, just like put a fan in the room.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Just a little floor fan. Sometimes I can't get it as cold as I want.

[David Spade]

Good luck.

[Bill Burr]

It helps.

[David Spade]

You're not getting it in.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, absolutely. And these are five star hotels. Absolutely, sir. It's in the room right now. You get. It's not there. You know, like, it's just. And you know, your assistant. And again, these are my hundred million dollar problems. But at least I'm admitting that they're.

[David Spade]

Those kind of problems. 100.

[Dana Gould]

Really?

[Bill Burr]

Well, I'm just saying that I could live easily on that kind of money. I don't know. But, you know, I don't have baby mamas. I don't have whatever this guy's got going on.

[David Spade]

Yeah, something's going on.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you know, I must say that this is Odell Beckham Jr.

[David Spade]

I mean, not to be confused with.

[Bill Burr]

Who else? Oh, Senior. Yeah, he's an even bigger asshole. Watch.

[Dana Gould]

What are you talking about?

[David Spade]

He's a bigger asshole.

[Bill Burr]

You can't get guy without a billionaire. But I mean, for a guy who had. I mean, he did have some very good years. I mean, I'm a New York Giant fan some. You know, I mean, it's been. You know, he was in the super bowl for a minute and caught a pass, then he got hurt. Okay. I'm not saying he's not a great receiver. I don't think he's like the greatest of all time. Like, if Jerry Rice couldn't live on $100 million.

[Dana Gould]

Jerry Rice? Yes. I'm a 90s, Sam.

[Bill Burr]

I was just gonna say I played right into that Bay Area.

[Dana Gould]

I know Jerry Rice. Joe Montana.

[Bill Burr]

And you still live there, right?

[Dana Gould]

Have a house there, but leasing it right now. Do you want to know more?

[Bill Burr]

I want to know where you live.

[Dana Gould]

I live north of Santa Barbara.

[David Spade]

I got this. Inland.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, inland. Me no likey. Coordinates. Me no likey.

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Dana Gould]

The guy went at me head on today.

[David Spade]

Move into LA if you love Criminal.

[Bill Burr]

But not the Bay Area anymore.

[Dana Gould]

No, but I go up there and I have friends there and stuff. We like younger women.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. It's interesting that you quit women and I quit the road.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Okay. Make a joke out of that.

[Bill Burr]

No, I'm not. David.

[Dana Gould]

What? You.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not trying to. I'm just saying. I just. You know.

[Dana Gould]

But you may go back if you don't have real time and you're just doing Club Random.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, no, I won't go back. I don't think if you don't have.

[Dana Gould]

Club Random, but you just do real time, you might go back, right?

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I already have these. I mean, it's.

[Dana Gould]

You're doing plenty.

[David Spade]

I mean, in the show, you have to walk.

[Dana Gould]

Why do you miss.

[Bill Burr]

Because there's nothing like standing on stage for 90 minutes and making people laugh.

[David Spade]

If it works. It's so hard that you feel like you did something. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

But as soon as you see someone in the first row, you're like, you're hurting them with laughter. You know, they're just. They're like this.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And you're like, oh. You know, you just got to.

[Dana Gould]

I know.

[Bill Burr]

Some of it's just probably ego. We love it. Who doesn't?

[Dana Gould]

It's also just. It's in the beginning, it's a puzzle, and it's a problem. And how do you get to killing? And. Because Robin Williams kept coming in and out, he's doing Mork and Mindy, he'd come into San Francisco, you'd see him levitate the room. And I was always driven and competitive. I like, how do I. How do I do that? You know? And then when you're in a club and you're riding that wave and you're finally getting the idea of how to do this, and then you see people dabbing their eyes in the front row, and it's a real rush. The small rooms are the best, I.

[David Spade]

Think, but you can crack the codes on getting jokes right and putting them together and making it work. That's keeps me going because I still try to put new stuff together, try to look at it, transcribe it, go through. I don't need that. That's fat. We don't need that. Those things are like puzzles that keep you alive.

[Bill Burr]

I love that tinkering, too.

[David Spade]

It keeps it fun. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

I mean, Jim Gaffigan and others record at clubs. Can't Wait to get in the room with the recorder, go over the jokes, really identify. Are you that mathematical about it, where things could be better?

[David Spade]

I'm not that crazy about it, but I.

[Dana Gould]

But, like, and Jerry, of course, rock.

[Bill Burr]

I used to say it's like my version of building a ship in a bottle. You know, there's people who build. Like, that's what I do. And then as a gift when I got off the road, my great friend Mark, who traveled with me on every one of those trips, he put, like, a small version of my final set list inside a bottle.

[Dana Gould]

How funny.

[Bill Burr]

Is that a great gift or what?

[Dana Gould]

That's kind of a brilliant idea.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, man.

[David Spade]

Confirm bachelor.

[Dana Gould]

Cause it's.

[David Spade]

I mean, God damn.

[Dana Gould]

How close a friend is this? We're not gonna ask.

[Bill Burr]

He lives right over there.

[Dana Gould]

Over there.

[David Spade]

Okay. In the connecting house.

[Dana Gould]

So he just comes over for coffee and, you know, next one thing leads to another, you know.

[Bill Burr]

You met him as my nephew.

[David Spade]

Nephew. Nephew's got young, too.

[Dana Gould]

What's the first bit that worked for you?

[David Spade]

Can you remember?

[Dana Gould]

Stand up. Tell you what it was. Ready?

[David Spade]

I go in a confession.

[Bill Burr]

Well, Mr. Cohen. Yeah, that one.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I don't know it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, Yeah. I Half Jewish, half Catholic. I used to go into confession and bring my wives. And I think, you know, Mr. Cohen, I would bring a lawyer. Yeah. Johnny Carson made me do it every time. Do that one. I love that. The joke, you know, it's like, okay, I did it six times on this show, but, okay, I'll do it again.

[Dana Gould]

The Jew and the Christian. You know that one. Can you do that for us?

[Bill Burr]

What about the Jews? Was very. Yeah, I mean, I do remember the first time and I remember the date. The exact date. Is that important in my life? When I did a full, like, 20 minute set, I guess it was a Saturday night with a cake crowd, like at Catch, probably. And like, all the way through 20 minutes, it looked like a professional comedy set and got laughs consistently. Like, that was a big night for me. Like, wow.

[Dana Gould]

Did you just walk around New York after that? I mean, when you're adrenalized from that kind of dream coming true. Can I do this? Can I make money doing this?

[Bill Burr]

I walked home that night to my sublet apartment on 99th Street. 90 nights.

[Dana Gould]

It sounds a bit like Harlem.

[Bill Burr]

Spanish Harlem.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Uptown. You walked uptown from the wonderful. From the tony east side of New York, where catch was on 78th street, up to Spanish Harlem, where I looked apparently so poor that even the criminals didn't bother me.

[Dana Gould]

Did you cry yourself to sleep?

[Bill Burr]

No, but it was a shithole of a place to be in. But I was exultant that night. I was happier probably as far as serotonin levels that night in that shitbox than I could ever be here in my enormous mansion.

[Dana Gould]

We're playing with house money at this point. At that point, it's like, can I fucking do this?

[David Spade]

It's your first cocaine hit.

[Dana Gould]

I get that.

[David Spade]

And you're chasing it.

[Bill Burr]

Exactly. It's your cocaine hit.

[David Spade]

Do we have cocaine here? Yeah, I want to compare.

[Dana Gould]

There was cocaine here. You came late.

[Bill Burr]

You never did that shit, did you?

[David Spade]

I did a little bit, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

No, I burst into tears when I did cocaine.

[David Spade]

I like to say I never bought it. Everyone's like, oh, so you just bogarted it all the time. Yeah. It's harder to get it for free if you had got it.

[Bill Burr]

I never bought it for 10 years and then I bought it for a couple of years. Yeah, there you go.

[Dana Gould]

Get out of there.

[Bill Burr]

That's the story of cocaine.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

I did cocaine and drove to the comedy club, the Holy City Zoo in San Francisco and I teared up and I said, they all hate me in there and just drove home. Yeah, the cocaine was up there. Went the other way. Went the other way. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, it can.

[David Spade]

I turned into JonBenet. I was like, yeah, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.

[Bill Burr]

JonBenet.

[David Spade]

Remember her? She was all hyped up, lots of talent.

[Dana Gould]

Old reference lost on Younger. Of all I can tell you, I.

[Bill Burr]

I know, but if you said to me, name some people who you would put on the end of a joke.

[David Spade]

That have a lot of energy hyped up that are talented.

[Bill Burr]

JonBenet. That's why it's the first one that came.

[Dana Gould]

Part Dennis, part Dennis, part Nealon. And he's got a brilliant.

[David Spade]

By the way, when we. This story we started earlier, okay.

[Dana Gould]

We.

[David Spade]

When I got in at the improv, Neyland just got SNL and I. And I. I really liked Nealon. Seen all you guys there on the old chalkboard, you know? Yeah. And so. Oh, yeah, I told Neil and just it happened. And I think I was emceeing in the hallway and I said, oh, he got snl. And I said. And he goes, I heard you telling, like John Mulroney and you were renting his place, but you're kicked out. And I said, yeah. And he goes, I'm gonna go to snl. Do you want to rent my room while I'm gone? And he lived with Dana and Bob Dubak Beechwood. Remember Bob Dubac? Yeah. Beechwood came.

[Bill Burr]

I remember that name.

[Dana Gould]

I hadn't heard.

[David Spade]

He's a good looking comic.

[Dana Gould]

He was the good looking standup. Yeah.

[David Spade]

No one ever said.

[Dana Gould]

There was a few of us.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's the rudest thing. We're like, aren't you that good looking?

[Dana Gould]

Well, he was very.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[David Spade]

Hayden was a good looking.

[Dana Gould]

He was.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

And so exceptionally handsome. And if he. He'll be seen as start by hating. We couldn't help it. He was. He was like ridiculously so.

[David Spade]

I lived in Neon's room. Dubac was in the other room. There's another guy, Joe Ryder. And then Dana lived above the garage, which with Paula.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, 300.

[David Spade]

Dana was doing SNL. Now Kevin's doing it. Everything.

[Bill Burr]

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[David Spade]

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[Bill Burr]

Won'T hurt your credit scores.

[David Spade]

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[Bill Burr]

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[Dana Gould]

Sky's like this.

[David Spade]

Squeezing things droplets. I'm like do we need to get out of here?

[Dana Gould]

I know the powder comes out and.

[Bill Burr]

What is again the way your mind.

[Dana Gould]

Leaps to I jumps.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah. Why would that be?

[Dana Gould]

Well, you would do. You're busy.

[David Spade]

Cause I can't say those jokes.

[Bill Burr]

You know what? I'm a lifelong pothead. And potheads, it is true when they sit down and talk to you. It's a whole culture of tinkering.

[Dana Gould]

I smoke pot constantly and we like it. For one year I smoked a lot of weed in 79.

[David Spade]

Is this the orb they found in Brazil?

[Bill Burr]

And what happened?

[David Spade]

Oh yeah, you smoke weed. What happened? You cried.

[Dana Gould]

I cried. No, no, I loved it. I mean in 78. This isn't funny but my friend and I, we were seeing Neil Young at the boarding house and he was doing.

[Bill Burr]

Got a small venue.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. 300 seater and he was working, working out. Russ never sleeps but we didn't know that. So we smoke weed, we go in. He's got all the guitars and 12 string. And we thought it was. He was playing to pre tapes. It was so fucking magic. But a lot of Neil Young that year comes the time.

[Bill Burr]

But this is after he was already big with Cosby. Still's nashing you?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So he was just dropping into like.

[Dana Gould]

Work out this new album which the.

[Bill Burr]

First Just like us.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Music comedian. Musicians don't do that. That's like what we do. Go to a small club to work it out.

[Dana Gould]

What do you do now? Do you go to the concert?

[Bill Burr]

I never do. Well now working here, I don't do it anywhere now. You couldn't do anything but for all those years, this whole century I never went once. I was out of the. Out of the improv. I was out of the improv. I never felt I needed to try out new stuff.

[David Spade]

You don't practice at all before you go on the road and do an hour.

[Bill Burr]

It's all those years that one reason I stopped. And people said, you know, well, you could do it. Just do Vegas. No, I was always in shape because I was always doing it.

[David Spade]

We had always.

[Dana Gould]

Where were you doing?

[David Spade]

Well, he was doing his monologue in the show.

[Bill Burr]

Everywhere, just like him. I was on the road every other weekend. I was in Detroit and Chicago and then it was Memphis.

[David Spade]

So you're working hard, you'd rather take the night off.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I always had it going and I used to use that, you know, a music stand and have just my bullet points.

[David Spade]

I've seen that.

[Bill Burr]

So I was never fighting memory. I knew, you know, there's none of that. What's next? What else? Not what else would we do? No, I.

[David Spade]

That's me. What else is going on?

[Dana Gould]

What else is going. You know, a comedian's dying when that's. So what's up?

[Bill Burr]

I'm going to tell you what else and I'm not going to pause. I love that.

[David Spade]

I love that. And I would work, I would take.

[Bill Burr]

My home, those bullet points and it was in my computer and I would edit it as what happened that weekend. I loved that process. So I always had it, you know, like, bing, bing, bing, bing.

[David Spade]

But you don't do crowd work, do you?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, sure. If somebody. You have to sometimes.

[David Spade]

If somebody gets involved.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, well, they, I mean, they're not usually. People call it heckling. It's only heckling if it's hostile.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

If they think they're helping or they're unsupportive. And of course they're fucking up your timing because you're right at the end.

[David Spade]

They wait for the punchline.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

They don't know they're doing that.

[Dana Gould]

Here's the evolution of standup put downs to a heckler 80s or early 90s. I don't come to jack in the box and bother you when you're working. Boom, right? 2020. I don't come to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth while you're working. And that's the difference. Sorry, folks.

[Bill Burr]

No, no, we did that in 1982.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, you did?

[Bill Burr]

Absolutely.

[Dana Gould]

You did that too.

[Bill Burr]

I remember that when I was in the club starting. And that's the early 80s. I don't come down to where you work and knock the dick out of. We weren't like afraid to say that. I didn't know that. What Was this, the 1880s?

[Dana Gould]

No, I was a Christian comic. I didn't get out much.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, no, no.

[David Spade]

I actually had a guy knock the dick out of my mouth when I was working and I was like, was he a.

[Dana Gould]

That was not Kevin Nealon. You've heard this story, but you're not.

[Bill Burr]

No, I miss the fuck out of it, but I don't miss the. Oh, the mishigas. To get there.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And to. Even with the plane. That became a headache because all these crypto assholes are chasing too few planes unless you own it. And I never wanted to own a plane. That's too many.

[Dana Gould]

Inflation is. Yeah, supply and demand. Everyone wants.

[Bill Burr]

Everyone's rich and wants a price sometimes, you know, they. Oh, I'm sorry, but the computer's saying this can't. Well, then how am I going to get to the gig?

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's a hard one.

[Bill Burr]

You know, it's just this. There was. It just became stressful and I feel like at our age and as you're approaching that age, you know, stress you can handle untowards amount of it. When you're young. When you're old, it's gonna show. It's gonna show on you. It's gonna show inside you. You better ratchet that stress level down. Most people our age are just straight out retired.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I know a lot of retirees, right.

[Bill Burr]

To me that would be more stressful.

[Dana Gould]

Right?

[David Spade]

I mean, you say retarded.

[Dana Gould]

Retirees. It's a thing. It's in time this week.

[David Spade]

It's an article. It's a huge article.

[Dana Gould]

It's a thing.

[Bill Burr]

You know, kids, Time magazine that you're.

[David Spade]

Reading at the newsstand.

[Dana Gould]

That is like three pages thick on the newsstand.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Magazines are like just five pages now because nobody. You know. But. But I get it.

[David Spade]

I will just want to get your opinion on the new GQ man of the year.

[Bill Burr]

Who was that? A gay man?

[David Spade]

Cynthia Eriva.

[Bill Burr]

It was the man of the Year.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Are you serious?

[David Spade]

I think you don't have a staff. What are they.

[Bill Burr]

They don't do anything. No, no. There's no one here but us. Wait, no, I don't mean this in any.

[David Spade]

No, no, you're already.

[Dana Gould]

You're in. You're already bad.

[Bill Burr]

You fucking. But I don't know what Cindy Erivo.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know who she is. I'm sorry. Oh, is she from Wicked?

[Bill Burr]

Wicked, yes.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, Wicked. Okay, got it.

[Bill Burr]

No, she's bald. Is she a trans person?

[David Spade]

You'd think in that scenario, but I don't think so.

[Dana Gould]

But she's man of the Year.

[Bill Burr]

But she's a woman, so why not?

[David Spade]

If this isn't happening, let's cut this out. But I think this.

[Dana Gould]

No, we're going live today.

[David Spade]

I saw this on a joke website. It's gotta be true.

[Dana Gould]

We're live.

[David Spade]

No, I saw it and I thought, no, I saw it somewhere. Now I'm backing off it. But I thought if you picked three things, I wouldn't pick that one. It doesn't matter, because someone wants to get attention.

[Bill Burr]

All right, but here's what I believe is the salient comment on this whole thing, which is that in the world we live in now, it is not unreasonable to assume that they would do just that.

[David Spade]

Of course, if that doesn't shock anyone.

[Bill Burr]

Even if they didn't do it, they're thinking about doing it. There's people who would like them to do it.

[David Spade]

Someone's mad they didn't do it, and.

[Bill Burr]

They probably did do it.

[David Spade]

Someone said, it's too dumb, and they go, they just did it. That was our idea.

[Dana Gould]

They got into Trump's register there. They gotta do it.

[Bill Burr]

I love that he does that all.

[Dana Gould]

The time when he says the rough voice.

[Bill Burr]

We will never, ever touch the East Wing. And then we're knocking it down tomorrow to build a ballroom. And then it goes right from like, but you said we would never touch. Well, I have a right to do it. You know, I will not come in your mouth. I promise I will not come in your mouth. Well, I have a right to do it. Many presidents have before me.

[David Spade]

Obama came in here about six times.

[Bill Burr]

You didn't even notice, and then it's a done deal.

[David Spade]

Yeah. It's funny because you're saying that woke stuff is funny on that side. Trump is his own jokes on this side. And so you could make fun of both. I mean, but I could see people.

[Bill Burr]

Getting upset about this from many angles, like, how dare you say she's a man.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Or that's what I said.

[Dana Gould]

How dare you? Or I say she's not a man.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Thank you. She identifies as a wicked man. She identifies as a wicked man. You see, she played the witch and she's a man now. And so doing it and then doing it.

[Bill Burr]

Sorry, it's very.

[David Spade]

It's a minefield, so. Yeah, but sometimes it's gotta be. Things are just funny.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

What's.

[David Spade]

Doesn't mean you hate it.

[Bill Burr]

What do you think about the takeover of.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, here we go.

[Bill Burr]

What? Time Warner Discovery.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, the whole thing.

[Bill Burr]

What did you think I was gonna say?

[Dana Gould]

No, I was just. I was a Ukraine. I had one and a half. No, I just like to move.

[Bill Burr]

What is your Plan for the Donbass.

[Dana Gould]

Region, just like this. What's the point, man?

[Bill Burr]

No, but it affects us.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Netflix, Warners. Well, first, Paramount, Ellison. That whole thing.

[Bill Burr]

Yes, that whole thing. As of this taping, as a press time at the beginning, we'll be on.

[Dana Gould]

At 11 letters in July.

[Bill Burr]

Just what I read in Time magazine.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Which is free page.

[David Spade]

I read a great article in Time magazine.

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Dana Gould]

What do we think about it?

[Bill Burr]

No. Well, first it was Netflix at the beginning of the week. They bought it. They bought Time. Wanted a strawberry. That's who I worked for. So I'm a little. Okay. You know, I have a voting interest.

[Dana Gould]

Hbo. Max.

[Bill Burr]

Yes, it's part of Time Warner.

[Dana Gould]

Okay, got it. So I get it.

[Bill Burr]

Cnn. Okay. So then two days later, Paramount went. Not so fast. We're having a hostile bid. We're gonna go over the board, to the shareholders. To the shareholders, I guess. And so you know, my friend at dinner, lesson, Matthew Ziggli, such as Marcus, he said, you know, this David Ellison, who seems like a very nice guy and smart, and he bought. But, you know, he said, you know, your father can buy you one company, Paramount, because he already got Paramount, but not two. You can't buy two studios. And that would be two studios.

[Dana Gould]

I checked Oracle today, so it's all about that his dad's worth 500 billion, depending on Oracle's price, you know.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Oracle, that's. Yes, that's.

[Dana Gould]

He owns more than half the stock in that.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yes. Oh, he's very. He lives in your town.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. I mean, whereas Silicon Valley and.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, no, he lives in. No.

[Dana Gould]

Where's my town, Bill?

[Bill Burr]

San Francisco.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, well, Mill Valley, where I.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. I was taken on a tour once of like one of the most beautiful neighborhoods I've ever seen. What is it? It's that very rich neighborhood of San Francisco in the city.

[Dana Gould]

But Pacific Heights.

[Bill Burr]

Pacific Heights. Maybe. Maybe Nancy Pelosi lives there too. Anyway, it's gorgeous.

[Dana Gould]

Stunning. Over the bay.

[Bill Burr]

Yes. And it's. I mean, you're in the city of San Francisco, but it looks more like Beverly Hills. Big area, trees, trick homes. And I saw this. This is what the driver told me. Maybe it's not true, but Larry Ellison's house was here. Across the street was some guy who he started the business with, he said, and thinks Larry Ellison screwed him. And there was on the front lawn, a giant mechanical looking statue. And when Larry Ellison was home, the statue had the finger up like this. This giant metal sculpture, like 10ft tall.

[Dana Gould]

Wow. I knew a guy who worked on his Woodside House, where they built the house in a giant lagoon, like a lake. And then you would visit. You'd pull up, and then you'd get on, like, a tiki raft. And, you know, he'd be there with a flashlight bringing you in.

[Bill Burr]

Larry's house. Yeah, I heard the same thing.

[Dana Gould]

You heard the same thing?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yes.

[Dana Gould]

So he had a lot of money on Carbon.

[David Spade]

He bought Carbon Beach. He bought, I think, six houses, but not. I don't know if he lives in a mall, but he just. Larry Ellison bought. He kept buying Carbon beach houses.

[Bill Burr]

That's Malibu.

[David Spade]

Or is that Malibu?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah, because somebody keeps buying, like, a big chunk of Hawaii. Who is that? Oh, and New Zealand is another one.

[Dana Gould]

Zuckerberg has an underground thing somewhere on one of those islands.

[Bill Burr]

Underground. Oh, yeah, it's him.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Zuckerberg. Yeah, I know him pretty well. Zuck.

[Bill Burr]

You know him?

[Dana Gould]

Property. No.

[David Spade]

They all. They have doomsday bunkers, which makes me nervous.

[Dana Gould]

They have planes at the ready. The billionaires have G7s at the ready. If the shit hits the fan. They have underground bunkers built in New Zealand, and they go get right to it. They bring the nanny, the kids, everybody.

[David Spade]

If the world blows up and it's like the walking dead, do we really want. I'd rather just kind of go with it. I don't want to be eating Dinty Moore beef stew, and you can't open the lid. Dinty Moore, you're under there for two years going, you can't go to the grove. You can't do anything.

[Dana Gould]

Is Dinty Moore still exists?

[Bill Burr]

I doubt it. No, if there's a nuclear attack, I want to be at ground zero.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I want the thing that hit me right in the head. You're right. You do not want to be part of the cleanup committee.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Because if you make it, what are you doing?

[Bill Burr]

Just our hair. I mean, we're hanging on pretty well. Yeah, but with the radiation and the cancer.

[Dana Gould]

Your words, not mine. Now, according to your tweet on October 11, you have a full head of hair. Is that your testimony? Is that what you believe in? Your words, not mine. You know what I'm doing, right?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, no.

[Dana Gould]

Senator John Kennedy.

[Bill Burr]

I thought that was who it was.

[Dana Gould]

He does it, too, David.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it's funny.

[Bill Burr]

Boy, that's. But, you know, a lot of people don't know who. Senator did.

[Dana Gould]

I know that's a problem. I wanted to do him on SNL when I was out there doing Biden, but no one. They didn't know who he was. Yeah, he's just funny.

[Bill Burr]

He is a character.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, he's a.

[Bill Burr]

First of all, he's got an unfortunate name, because people hear that, and then it's like, that is the worst JFK impression.

[David Spade]

I don't even know if he's related. Is he related at all?

[Bill Burr]

No, it's a very common name. Kennedy.

[Dana Gould]

John F. Kennedy. But, yeah, it's Senator John Kennedy. Yeah. So it is a little.

[David Spade]

Don't make me look stupid on this show, Bill. You tell me after the show. They're not related.

[Bill Burr]

I already know exactly how stupid you are, which is not at all.

[Dana Gould]

What are you guys talking about?

[Bill Burr]

Well, I mean, that's what I love about your standup. You know, it's like. It's what?

[David Spade]

I like it.

[Bill Burr]

No.

[David Spade]

Well, let's see.

[Dana Gould]

What do you love about it?

[Bill Burr]

It's similar to Jerry's. It's like it does not pander at all. And yet, you know, like, the smartest person in the room, which would be me. Yeah. Still loves you.

[David Spade]

I love it. Thank you.

[Bill Burr]

But you don't have to have a special kind of knowledge to get into it, you know? And to me, that's more valuable than the kind that I do because I want to kind of get more away from what I do. If I watch comedy, like, I go to the Comedy Store sometimes now, it's fun. It's fun to sit in the back of a comedy club.

[David Spade]

If you watch who's new and who's doing good, it's like, oh, that works.

[Bill Burr]

Or doing bad. Yeah, it's still interesting.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Dana Gould]

It's fascinating to see someone deal with.

[Bill Burr]

Doing bad and then remember that that was you. Sure. And I don't have to do that anymore. That's a really good feeling.

[David Spade]

I told Dan the other night I went on at the Laugh Factory or something, and it was a tough night. It was one of those rainy nights, and I couldn't get it going. And it was like, you know, a boner. No, I couldn't get the set going because I don't know why. And I was like, God, I'm still. There's nights when you have trouble. I was trying a few things, but you pad in ones at work or whatever. And so I'm like, God, it's still funny. It keeps you on your toes to go.

[Bill Burr]

You have much thicker skin than I ever did.

[Dana Gould]

Oh.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, absolutely. I saw you do at Mark Erbitz's benefit.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Those are tough.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. You're in the backyard, the ocean is behind you. Talk about a distraction.

[David Spade]

And there's A sundown behind.

[Dana Gould]

The worst.

[Bill Burr]

The worst thing a comic wants is a room with a high roof. Cause the laughs. No roof.

[David Spade]

Yeah. The moon.

[Bill Burr]

The laugh.

[Dana Gould]

Comedy moon.

[Bill Burr]

The laughs go just into the evening.

[David Spade]

In my richer than me manager's house. It's only funny if I talk about him.

[Dana Gould]

You're at your mansion. Your manager's mansion.

[Bill Burr]

And it's a very sad cause.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And you're following that, and you're following sadness.

[Dana Gould]

I know.

[David Spade]

They bring up the saddest kid with the saddest situation, and they go, well, let's hope you lived at the bottom right now.

[Dana Gould]

The comedy shenanigans.

[David Spade]

David, we're gonna have some comedy now. And I'm like, thank you. It's very introduced, and it's all celebrities now.

[Bill Burr]

We were there recently, and I saw you do it. I was greatly admiring you. And you still got the laughs and were really funny. But you said to me, are you going on? And I was like, are you kidding? Not if this kid got more of this tonight. I'm sorry.

[David Spade]

I just can't do it. I think you said this isn't contagious.

[Dana Gould]

You're owning your truth.

[David Spade]

That's.

[Dana Gould]

That's fine.

[Bill Burr]

I have to.

[Dana Gould]

It's fine.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry.

[David Spade]

I saw Zach.

[Bill Burr]

I lived that life. I did gigs like that. But you still. You don't care about. You said a rough night. Like, I never had a rough night on the road. Cause I only did places where we likes to do it. Because when you're selling hard ticket prices, it's people who already love you enough to pay to see you. Very different. It's a very different.

[David Spade]

You're halfway there for us. Plus, you're someone they know in their city. They're happier there. Those are better.

[Bill Burr]

Very happy.

[David Spade]

That night at Gervitz's, that's our stupid manager. We were in the back of some palatial mansion, and I see Zach Galvana. He was. I go, he's got his notebook out. I go, are you going on tonight? And I go. And I say, are you going? He goes, yeah. And I go, I did this last year. And he goes, how is it? I go, it's. It's a little dicey, but it kind of is what it is. And he goes, I got to do 20. And then he looks at his nose and. And he goes, are there fucking kids here? And I go, oh, the whole front row. And he goes, oh, shit. And he goes, that's out. That's out. And then he walks up and he goes, you know I was homeschooled. No. You know that joke he says so bad. No. He says, when I went to school, I was called fat, stupid, queerbait, and I was homeschooled. And then.

[Bill Burr]

That's a great.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And then he goes. And then he looks. And then he looks over and goes like this, like. Because he wasn't in front of kids. And then his first joke. Then he goes, I saw Michael J. Fox at Shakey's. Give it a sec. And he was pretty cool. And then.

[Dana Gould]

But he.

[Bill Burr]

He did that shit.

[David Spade]

No. Yeah, and it kind of worked because. But he was just saying. Shrugging his shoulders, like I was gonna say, cause there's kids. But fuck it, let's just do the jokes.

[Bill Burr]

But see people in benefit mode. Their mind is just in ultimate political correctness mode. No matter what the charity is, that's where their mind is at. Very politically correct. And we are the good people. And so, like, they're supposed to be.

[David Spade]

A fan of the world.

[Bill Burr]

It's pointless to send me up. It's just gonna be a bad time for both me.

[Dana Gould]

It's gonna blow everybody out.

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna have a bad time and they're gonna have a bad time. What is the point of it?

[Dana Gould]

You're gonna ruin the night.

[Bill Burr]

I'm going to ruin the night for both of us. So why. But you know, I admire you so much for doing that. Because I couldn't do that. You could do it. You could just be the wind up toy you are out there.

[Dana Gould]

The thing about me that I didn't realize till later is that I was a sketch player. But there was no groundlings up there. And I went into clubs, you know. But Robin was a little bit of a sketch player too. We're not wordsmiths like you guys. It's more rhythm and stuff. So the small clubs, I could do Al pacino, scarface for 20 minutes or whatever, ride any wave of any character. But then in the big rooms, it's harder for me, you know, to do those things.

[Bill Burr]

I feel like impressions. I mean, I'm just an impression lover. Like, that's always the thing I loved most on Saturday Night Live when they would do impressions much more than, like sketches, most of their sketches.

[Dana Gould]

I'm a fan of a great impression that. That someone masters, you know, I love.

[Bill Burr]

It's so much. I mean, a take on it. I mean, SNL sketch that takes place in a living room.

[Dana Gould]

With neurotic people.

[Bill Burr]

I just. That's your heart.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I'm just. It's like, let me Guess. And then, like, you're just gonna be. You try to figure out the sketches. Premise to death. And then, you know. And then. Fucking bad bunny.

[Dana Gould]

That would.

[Bill Burr]

And you know. Well, yeah, but when they do, like. Like, sometimes they would do, like, here are the auditions. Or the people tried out for a role.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

That's on a joke machine.

[Bill Burr]

Such a great.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

But also the imp. I mean, they just are real, you.

[Dana Gould]

Know, and different styles. Like, Bill Hader would do what is.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, he was great.

[Dana Gould]

The Catch a Predator guy or whatever.

[David Spade]

But Keith Morrison or something, he would.

[Dana Gould]

Just do his own way of doing things. So funny. And all of them will.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, and that. That character he did who would come on and give the reviews of the latest clubs.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, Stephan with the laughing thing.

[Bill Burr]

What a genius character.

[Dana Gould]

John Mulaney would write it and kind of surprise him with lines while he's doing Live Update and go like that. Those two were quite a team. You know, I met Mulaney when he was not. He was just a writer. Young kid. When I first.

[Bill Burr]

It was either.

[Dana Gould]

He was just an SNL writer. He moved. I hosted, like, 2010 or something, but it was Fred Armisen. I don't know. I do. I love sketch comedy, but that was what I was really built to do, not stand up.

[Bill Burr]

Boy, when Lorne Michaels wants to, like, make somebody a star, like, you can push him. Yeah, it's. I mean, look, again, I have my issues, but you cannot take away. I mean, 50 years. And, like, not just the show, but the pipeline to almost all of the movie comedy that we saw over two generations.

[David Spade]

And it slowed down, but.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I know, but it is an incredible. The pipeline was just, like, dominated by. I mean, that does not happen often in show business.

[Dana Gould]

Lorne is enigmatic in a way, and extraordinary, but his resiliency, you know, when the show was having really rough and getting the shit kicked out of it, he. He would always have a glass of chardonnay. You know, life, a career, is like a pendulum. It will swing out, then years later, it will swing back. I mean, he has Lorne. We used to do Lorne Wisdoms. Marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into. You know?

[Bill Burr]

Did he say that?

[Dana Gould]

That's right. The minute you're hot, you can feel yourself being less hot. He's got tons of them.

[Bill Burr]

But that's true. They sound like they're actually true.

[David Spade]

They're brilliant.

[Dana Gould]

I mean, he has a brilliant observational mind. And he loves talent. He loves it. And if he sees it, even if the person doesn't know they're talented. He'll foster it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, there's a lot of. I mean, I don't know. I was never there and don't know it firsthand. But the talk has always been about some sort of Hunger Games sort of atmosphere in the show that he purposely fostered. You know, I think a charitable viewing of that would be to get the best. That's how you do it. It's them against you. But other people would say it was cruel and human. And, you know, it's a lot like.

[David Spade]

A coach saying, this guy, you. You get hurt, this guy's gonna go in for you, and you might not get your job back.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You know, they're with.

[Dana Gould]

They're.

[David Spade]

They're on your ass, like at practice saying, get in there and do your best. Cause we got 10 guys behind you, and we'll run down to catch Rising Star.

[Bill Burr]

But you wouldn't say it was purposely cruel?

[David Spade]

I don't think it's purposely cruel. Partially. I mean, it could be, but I think it was.

[Bill Burr]

Sounds like we're veering tortie. Yes.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I know. Not at all.

[Dana Gould]

He had said during all these documentaries that he had to be aloof. He could not. The energy of a cast member coming in and going, I'm not getting my sketches on. You know, it just. He had to keep this barrier. Cause that would have exhausted him.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

But you know, if he's too.

[David Spade]

If he gives in too much, you're just gonna. It won't work. Everyone's giving him the same stuff. So no one thinks they have enough time in the show.

[Dana Gould]

I'll tell you what a buzz is, though. A real high. Because Lorne Michaels is Lorne Michaels. And all the history and his aloofness that when you would dismantle the room, levitate the room with a sketch.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

And you're getting off the thing. Maybe I'm doing Church Lady. And like, you know, it was big because there were very few compliments.

[Bill Burr]

Like Carson.

[Dana Gould]

Carson. Just natural.

[Bill Burr]

That was.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Funny. Very.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. And he wouldn't fawn over people. It was just like. It was good stuff.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

No, you're not gonna sit down. Get the fuck out of here. Ed, bring us to a commercial.

[Bill Burr]

No. The least little thing floats your boat.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Did you ever see Saving Private Ryan?

[Dana Gould]

Many times.

[Bill Burr]

Really? It's my favorite movie.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I. I think it. It's historic. The first 20 minutes is. It feels like epic.

[David Spade]

That happened.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Dana Gould]

That's Spielberg's genius.

[Bill Burr]

I. I mean, okay.

[Dana Gould]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

But like, at the end of the Movie. Yeah, go ahead.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, where he says, earn it.

[Bill Burr]

No, well, that too.

[Dana Gould]

That was told.

[Bill Burr]

No, I'm just talking about this kind of thing.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

There's a moment now, the other troops resent Ryan because Tom Hanks is protecting him. That's his mission. So they're like, you know, Ed Burns is great. He's like, ryan, are you okay? Yeah, I'm good too, Captain. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You know, and at the end, Ryan does something, you know, he's there and he's helping out and Burns just give him this little look and it's just like all you see on camera is. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

After all that and it's everything.

[Bill Burr]

It's like that's. These are hardened, battle weary men. They're not going to be. You did a fine job, sir. It's just that little moment. And as an audience member, I mean, that to me is the genius of Spielberg. Is that. That's all he needs on camera, the minimalist. No, he's to move the heartstrings.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. When the. And he used the framing of the Searchers where it's really light outside and it's a dark hallway and the mother comes out and they're gonna give the note about her son's dying on the front porch. Yeah. In the way she collapses.

[Bill Burr]

She collapses.

[Dana Gould]

It's so fucking brilliant. I have chills thinking of.

[Bill Burr]

I do, too. I think of that scene also because it's like if you were teaching a class, it would be like, this is a visual medium. If you can say it visually as opposed to dialogue, do it that way.

[David Spade]

The ones that can do it that way are great.

[Bill Burr]

And her just collapsing and the way she collapses. You don't need the dialogue. She sees the car, the army car pulling up, and she kind of knows the dust coming from the car because it's a farm.

[Dana Gould]

Brilliant. Brilliant.

[Bill Burr]

And she sees who gets out of the car. The chaplain. It's not good news. It's not. You have won the lottery. A giant check.

[Dana Gould]

David Spade is playing at the OK Corral. But, yeah, I love movies. I mean, more than anything, I think. And the ones that I love, I watch many, many times.

[Bill Burr]

I watch a lot of old ones lately because I'm mentoring someone.

[Dana Gould]

Well, you had Quentin on here, so.

[Bill Burr]

Who doesn't know these movies?

[Dana Gould]

Once Upon a Time in California.

[Bill Burr]

I can read in it.

[Dana Gould]

My favorite, Once Upon a Time.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, I love that In Hollywood. It's his best movie. Yeah, it's because it's a love story between two men, but still a love story. And other ones were all revenge. They were great movies, but they were revenge stories. And this one is a love story.

[Dana Gould]

What'd that guy say to you? Because face it, man, I'm a goddamn loser. Don't cry in front of the Mexicans. Hey, I think there's things worse than having to go to Italy and make some Italian movies. Fucking out. How many you seen? One, Two. Look, I haven't worked in a long time. I don't mind a house sitting when you're out of town. I just love the whole movie.

[Bill Burr]

I'm the same way. I remember. I can get that dialogue. Certain dialogue goes in my head.

[Dana Gould]

I remember your white little face. You were on a horsey. Remember when he's on acid?

[Bill Burr]

You know what I love about that? And I told this to Quentin, is that, like, to me, that's a very Sinatra, Dean Martin relationship.

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[Bill Burr]

Because sinatra, that's Leo DiCaprio, he is the star, but who's actually cooler. Brad Pitt, the guy who's just the star.

[David Spade]

Oh, totally.

[Bill Burr]

Who's just. He's Dean Martin. He's so cool. He doesn't need to be number one, you know, Frank Sinatra was a mess of anxiety. And, like, the hostility would come out. He'd do very generous things, and he'd do some really fucked up thing, like shoot up a town. Palm Spring, you know. But Dean was just like, well, everything's good. Everything's good, pally.

[Dana Gould]

His ultimate eye. He's so fucking brilliant in that he inhabits it. Hey, remember one thing. You're Rick fucking Dalton.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

You know, I'm going in here and say hello to my friend, and this ain't gonna stop me. You know, I could quote the whole movie.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, Leo's great in it as that actor.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Who?

[Bill Burr]

You know that scene in the trailer where he's like, God damn it. You know, he's fucked everything up.

[Dana Gould]

You're a fucking alcoholic. I'm gonna fucking blow your head off.

[Bill Burr]

And then he does the scene so great. You're like. You're into it. Even as knowing it's not really a scene, it's just a scene in a movie.

[Dana Gould]

And the little girl says, this is the best acting I've ever seen. It's just. The whole movie is a masterpiece.

[Bill Burr]

It's a masterpiece.

[Dana Gould]

I've seen it at least 12 times, and I'm not kidding. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You watch a movie that many times.

[Dana Gould]

If I love it, I'm fascinated because that's such a movie. There's so much in that movie. The first time you see it, you're Kind of like, why are we in a Western town for a half hour? What's going on here? And then when you see what he's doing, and then you get into the minutia of Gina, Gina, Gina, the woman in the mystic light. Or you go to Italy and you win fucking fights. And then every single line is poetry. Is that your son? No, that's my assistant. Or a straight man, whatever, you know. So then every single line is poetry. And then they. To the end. Is that Rick Dalton, when he goes to the driveway and they do the big crane shot.

[Bill Burr]

It's also especially good for people of our age because we remember the error that it's making. Copper tone screen gems, production, you know, like. And the guy, the star of the new abc.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I know, it is. It does get you.

[Bill Burr]

We're here on the set of the new ABC hit television show and, you know, with his, you know, his stuntman, and it's. Yeah, it's just it.

[Dana Gould]

We.

[Bill Burr]

The FBI. A show I barely remember, but he was guesting on it. And of course, it's inside show business, so we understand it a little better, but it's universal.

[Dana Gould]

The bromance. The bromance of him holding up Rick Dalton like, oh, that's a good move, because they're watching his guests appear.

[Bill Burr]

Your eyes are kind of like.

[David Spade]

Exactly.

[Dana Gould]

But which one of you guys were.

[David Spade]

Dancing around it for long enough?

[Bill Burr]

I see you as a Leonardo DiCaprio.

[David Spade]

No, I want to be the other guy. I want to be Brad Pitt.

[Bill Burr]

You don't want to be the lead?

[David Spade]

No, I want to be the coolest.

[Dana Gould]

Everyone wants to be Brad Pitt.

[David Spade]

He's too cool.

[Bill Burr]

No, because I see you as more full of anxieties, and I see you more as the Brad Pitt type.

[Dana Gould]

Thank you, Bill. I'll take that.

[Bill Burr]

No, no, I do. I mean, I'm just saying, personality wise, maybe I'm wrong. I mean, you guys know each other better. I mean, you do the show together, you have this history, you have sexual relations. All this stuff brings you much closer. And it's a bonding experience.

[Dana Gould]

Stuck that in sexual relationship.

[Bill Burr]

I tried to do a kneeling.

[Dana Gould]

I liked it. Subliminal.

[Bill Burr]

Subliminal. That was a great character. That was a. But am I wrong about this? I think I'm right.

[Dana Gould]

No, we're combos.

[Bill Burr]

Wolfenright.

[David Spade]

Am I right?

[Dana Gould]

We're right. They're very different, but very alike. And if you look, you think about it, many people have seen it. They have a podcast that's in the top 30 every time. Sometimes the top 20 hit them sometimes.

[Bill Burr]

Did you see that there's a podcast category at the Globes.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, really?

[Bill Burr]

No.

[David Spade]

You know what someone said? I thought they were kidding.

[Bill Burr]

I would think you did.

[Dana Gould]

We get nominated. We're defending champions.

[Bill Burr]

Would you have known it by now?

[Dana Gould]

We won the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

They only nominated, like the super woke stuff. Love it that we all did this.

[David Spade]

My alpha collapsed. Deflate.

[Bill Burr]

We were like the lady on the porch and saving Private Ryan.

[Dana Gould]

Bartender, can I get another drink? Woke people and up the. I'm sorry, I'm Brad Pitt.

[Bill Burr]

No, they. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there were good shows, but whatever. It was glaring that Joe Rogan was not nominated for best podcast. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is kind of popular and you know, it is known.

[Dana Gould]

He's absolutely brilliant. At what?

[Bill Burr]

And he's very good at what? Exactly. So you're gonna have an inaugural podcast category and you don't have. Maybe it just speaks to living in the blue sky bubble, but get out of your fucking bubble. You know, I want to be one of you. I am one of you. But you're just so hard to defend because you're just such some fucking smug assholes. And this town is the epicenter of the problem. It really is.

[Dana Gould]

How many more liberal Democrats there's you that say what you say?

[Bill Burr]

Not a lot.

[Dana Gould]

There's a guy in Des Moines who runs a shoe store.

[Bill Burr]

I had dinner with Andrew Schultz last night.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Bill Burr]

I think he's one of them. I think he's a little more bro than me. He's a little more on the bro side, but I think he's a very smart guy.

[Dana Gould]

There's no solutions. There's only trade offs when you're looking at government policy.

[Bill Burr]

That sounds like something Lorne Michaels once said.

[Dana Gould]

No solution you'll find about Bill is when you go into that second hour, he's fully in the bag. That's when you get the gold. You have to stay and the gold comes out. Bill, what's how to get the second top five movies? You have five seconds.

[Bill Burr]

Well, as I was. Okay. Saving Ryan, Definitely. The Godfather. Godfather 2.

[Dana Gould]

Okay. Good choices.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, God. And then there's. I wish I could off the top of my head.

[Dana Gould]

No, it's hard. Witness.

[David Spade]

Witness was great.

[Bill Burr]

Not top five. I like it.

[Dana Gould]

No, I'm just trying to get good movies out there. Oh, Three Days of the Condor.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, I love that one. That is a genius movie.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Sidney Pollock, Robert Redford at his best.

[David Spade]

Wasn't it Faye Dunaway.

[Bill Burr]

Faye Dunaway.

[Dana Gould]

Faye Dunaway.

[Bill Burr]

Sexy.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know who she is, they're.

[David Spade]

All, I'm too young. I shouldn't have said her name.

[Bill Burr]

You're sure you're still not trying to get laid?

[Dana Gould]

Faye Dunaway. A fucking.

[David Spade]

Fucking stunner.

[Dana Gould]

Brilliant. In that movie, you know, with the goodbye scene at the train station, if.

[Bill Burr]

You'Re not out there, like as you used to be, what do you do for social life?

[David Spade]

It's a little wispier than before. Yeah, no, I do.

[Dana Gould]

He's doing fine.

[Bill Burr]

I'll bet he is. He's just, like, playing a part now, right?

[Dana Gould]

Sense of humor, number one. Kindness, number two. Access to resource. Access to resources, Number three, access to resources.

[David Spade]

However, you have a doomsday bunker and.

[Dana Gould]

There'S nothing but funny and kind.

[Bill Burr]

Funny and kind or big funny and kind?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. Mean guy.

[Bill Burr]

No.

[David Spade]

You don't mind if I borrow one of these?

[Bill Burr]

No one ever thought you were or said you were. No.

[Dana Gould]

No, not at all.

[Bill Burr]

And obviously a funny guy. And, yes, you're right. Kindness. I mean, the reason I was saying before, like, you know, bad men, you go out with young girls, young girls, they cannot find a guy close to their age who will feed them mentally or even at this point. They've been raised on porn, these guys.

[Dana Gould]

I know, that's the point.

[Bill Burr]

Knows that, you know, you don't ask for anal on the first date. You know.

[Dana Gould]

We'Re gonna be right back. This is the first time on Club Brandon. We're actually taking a commercial break. You're gonna see Bill at the bar and he's gonna pitch hymns.

[David Spade]

Let's read a few bones.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. I mean, women, you know, they are creatures that need to be fed mentally, obviously, physically also. But, you know, these guys, these young guys today, they do not understand a flower that needs to be watered. They grew up watching, you know, Japanese businessmen come on schoolgirls, faces on their phone.

[David Spade]

It's sixth grade.

[Dana Gould]

I haven't seen that one.

[David Spade]

Yeah, can you send me a link?

[Dana Gould]

It is a toxicity.

[David Spade]

No, it is.

[Dana Gould]

And distortion.

[Bill Burr]

Suddenly you're.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I'm.

[Bill Burr]

Suddenly you guys are comfortable.

[Dana Gould]

I'm Brad Pitt. Well, it's a good point, Bill. Yeah. Except, you know, you're right. Be kind to people and know that everyone is more vulnerable than you think. Multiply it by 10. It's hard being a human being on this planet with everything that can happen. So just be kind.

[Bill Burr]

What's harder?

[Dana Gould]

I would see you guys as being kind to women.

[Bill Burr]

You think, well, you're just more vulnerable as a woman.

[Dana Gould]

A million percent Period. Yes.

[Bill Burr]

You know, it's like we do not know what it's like to walk through.

[Dana Gould]

This world with fucking creeps.

[Bill Burr]

With creeps.

[Dana Gould]

Creeps.

[Bill Burr]

But as a target, everyone's a facial creep.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And also, not to mention the, like, age thing. It's much more of a thing in their mind that. Because we are so visual. Not you.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, no, I'm visual. My wife said. Not that.

[Bill Burr]

No, no. Okay. But I mean, like. Okay, not. Tell what I meant. I meant not. But for youth, you know, whatever it is. I mean, can you imagine if we were always worried about as we got older, we got less funny?

[Dana Gould]

I understand.

[Bill Burr]

That would be like, oh, my God. You mean when I'm 40, I'm not gonna be as funny?

[Dana Gould]

Well, that.

[Bill Burr]

When I'm 50, weird people are not gonna take it.

[Dana Gould]

We didn't get that. I don't know if handsome men get it, but a young, attractive woman, sometimes at 18 or 19, superpower has arrived. She's gone past Fewberry. She's absolutely stunning. The peak of her power every time she walks into a restaurant like this. And I've talked to women, young women who just, like people buy them drinks. They're like stars. They're superstars.

[Bill Burr]

You don't have to worry.

[Dana Gould]

And then when you start getting that head turn, it's a very heady kind of thing. We didn't have that. Of losing this superpower.

[Bill Burr]

It's similar to being a celebrity.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

It's like being a celebrity without having to audition.

[David Spade]

It's like when you're out, that's a real audition. All right.

[Dana Gould]

But that's for another podcast.

[Bill Burr]

This happens well before 18 or 19. It happens to them at 13. It does that people are looking and men are letting them know, even if it's not overtly, sometimes over.

[David Spade]

Weird.

[Bill Burr]

They're letting them know you've really grown up.

[Dana Gould]

They get a lot of that. Well, I haven't seen you.

[David Spade]

You really filled out.

[Dana Gould]

You're quite a woman now.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dana Gould]

But you can still sit on Uncle Billy's lap. Hey, that ain't no harm now. Come here, little girl. Here we go. Oh, you are a peach.

[David Spade]

We do get treated like pretty girls because if you're known and you're out, like, guys, give me their card. There's guys. It's like that. It's like, hey, they want to talk to you, and they want to separate themselves from the cattle, like in the first tense. I'm not one of these guys. I run the plays. You know what I mean? So you get Special treatment, like they do. It's a similar feeling when you're on TV.

[Bill Burr]

I knew a girl in the 90s, she had a bowl. Like, where's that bowl?

[David Spade]

Oh, of cards?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, just cards. Just, you know, I'm never gonna use them. It just amused her to have this, like, fucking giant fishbowl of cards, you know, like every time she went out. In the era of cards, this is like the 90s, people had cards.

[David Spade]

That was a big thing. No one knows it. It's like, yeah, people used to give.

[Dana Gould]

Can I give you my card?

[Bill Burr]

I was such a drunk asshole. People would give me their cards, you know. Cause it's celebrity. Say I miss a pretty woman. And I would begin cleaning my teeth.

[Dana Gould]

With it as I intentionally. To gross them out. Or.

[David Spade]

Well, just a funny move.

[Bill Burr]

To go. No, just to go, like. Yeah, no, I'll give you a call.

[David Spade]

Yeah, sounds great.

[Bill Burr]

That was like cleaning my. Putting it between my desk, just. Oh, you have to.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, no, not at all. My. It's fine.

[David Spade]

We only got time for one more. What'd you go. You haven't even asked.

[Dana Gould]

You have a final mic drop question?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Do you prepare for this at all?

[Bill Burr]

You have to leave. I could do it. You don't have to stop me.

[Dana Gould]

No, I don't.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not gonna. I have to go. You do?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Where are you going?

[David Spade]

It's a dinner with a certain streamer at 6:30.

[Bill Burr]

A streamer?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

What does that mean?

[David Spade]

Netflix.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. Oh, I see.

[Dana Gould]

Is she on the COVID of gq?

[Bill Burr]

Okay, let's not let you miss that.

[David Spade]

No, don't.

[Bill Burr]

Because. No, no, because.

[David Spade]

All right, so actually, here's a stupid story the other day when. But you can stay, Dana, you stay.

[Dana Gould]

I can stay? Yeah. We'll go in the spillover room. She has to still work with Dana.

[David Spade]

Well, no, congratulations.

[Bill Burr]

Congratulations on all your success.

[Dana Gould]

Really.

[Bill Burr]

Podcast partners. I think the fans love it. That you love each other is something. It's like with the Beatles, you know, we never really wanted to see them when they were at each other's throats for those couple of years when John Lennon put out, you know, how do you sleep at night, Paul? And, like, the only thing you did was yesterday. It's like, oh, you know what? What about us kids? Think about the kids.

[David Spade]

It is hard to watch.

[Bill Burr]

We don't want to see. And then they, you know. And Paul always said, you know, at the end, it was great. Our last conversation was just about cats and baking bread.

[Dana Gould]

You know, we went over and I said, hello. You know, we Sat for a plonk. I used to bring out big guitars, and John and I, you know, we plonked. You know, that's how we came up with the White Album. No, the bittersweet thing for the super fans, which I'm one of them, of millions and millions, is that they were so young. And if John had lived longer, they would have been like, what were we arguing about? I mean, I don't. The Beatles was a wave, and it crested when they left in 1970. I don't think it's hit the beach. And that's the one thing where young people are still people in their.

[Bill Burr]

They just put out Anthology 4.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Did you see that? In the 90s, they'd find. And that itself was 25 years after they broke up. They put out the big anthology where they themselves told their story and all the stuff from the vaults.

[Dana Gould]

And now anew.

[Bill Burr]

Now they just put out Anthology 4. Oh, here's some other stuff we found here.

[David Spade]

Some other scraps we found.

[Bill Burr]

These guys have been able to sell the same song so many times, and it's amazing.

[Dana Gould]

We buy them, but the canon of it is never to get used to. You cannot overestimate them. You can't exaggerate them for a young person. They may know hey Jude and Let It Be. And then they hear no Reply. Or they. They hear she's leaving home, or, you know, I'm a walrus, or, you know, Kenny Lane.

[Bill Burr]

I bought it and most of it was like, oh, I'm not gonna keep that, that, that, that. Because I already have it. And it sounds okay. It's a slightly different version. It was take three instead of take four. They picked the best one usually, but. Got to get you into my life. Done with guitars instead of the brass. I like the brass, but I like this, too.

[David Spade]

No, it's tight.

[Bill Burr]

And it might be better for me, so I'm gonna keep that one. It was worth the price of admission.

[Dana Gould]

Like, seeing it. You can't get used to it.

[Bill Burr]

We gotta get David tve.

[Dana Gould]

Genius, by definition, is something in the. Exists that shouldn't exist. And that's the. That's the Beatles. Something that shouldn't exist, but does exist.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you, Lauren.

[Dana Gould]

So you just walk away? There's no applause? No applause. Bill will be aloof toward the end. Club Random.