Loading summary
A
This episode is brought to you by. Skinny Pop Popcorn. Perfectly popped, endlessly delicious. Oh, so light and crunchy. Skinny Pop Original Popcorn is the snack you've been searching for. Made with just three simple popcorn kernels, Sunflower oil and salt. Snacking never felt or tasted so good. Perfectly popped, endlessly delicious. Give yourself permission to snack and pick up Skinny Pop original Popcorn. Today I opened up for Dave Chappelle, Jay Farrell. How were they tonight? Dude? I got a standing ovation. Now I gotta throw out all these Jay Pharrell bomb jokes. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. It's crazy. That's. That's. That's crazy.
B
What do you mean, that's.
A
That's crazy? There's so many. Wow, that's gonna be memes.
B
Let me. Let me tell you something. If we're still talking at 8:00. I heard you up a set at 8:00. It's 5:30 then. This has gone very well.
A
What's going on, brother?
B
I know it. Will a fan of yours?
A
It's been a. I've never met you. I've never met you in person. I said it's been a minute.
B
You sound like a magician. We've never met. Am I right? We've never met and I've never performed this trick on you. Nothing has been prearranged.
A
Nobody's going to pop out of it. There's no invisible.
B
That's what I love about doing this podcast is that you get to. I would normally like, take a midweek break, like, right at this hour to probably smoke pot with somebody, but now I get to do it with you. Quentin Tarantino last week. You know, it's just not that I don't love my. All My Friends, but, like, it's like I have never met you. It's great. And I've been a fan.
A
It's insane because, like, you say it feels. It doesn't feel like we haven't met because we've, like. I've consumed. I've watched. Of course, I've been a fan for years. So it's like, dude, for years I've watched you. So thank you for having me, brother.
B
Oh, yeah. Now you're on tour. Is that why you're in town?
A
I am on tour, yeah. I go usually on the weekends. I go out.
B
I would definitely see you. And I wouldn't see a lot of comedians.
A
Oh, thank you, man. Thank you.
B
I love to. Every once in a while, I just drop into the back of the Comic Comedy Store or the Improv, and it's just it's like, first of all, it takes me back to when I used to be at the clubs. So it's kind of nostalgic, but also, like, it is so much fun to just laugh at a comic. And it's tough when you are a comic because you know the tricks. So, you know, it's a little like what W.C. field said about, like, you could make a regular person laugh by dressing up as an old lady to fall down a manhole. Cover, manhole. But to make a comedian laugh, it has to really be an old lady. It's a little like that. It's a little harder to find a vein.
A
Yeah, yeah. But like, you're saying, if it's good, if it's good, it's authentic. It's like, wow. I can't. Like, sometimes it's more. It's more like you're watching. You're watching as like a player. You're looking and like, oh, what's he doing? Like, oh, that's dope. How could he. Oh, he's been working at that. Like, he's been. He's been working on his three. Or he's been, you know. Oh, he can dump now. You know what I mean?
B
The last time I went to the Comedy Store had been a while. And it. Some of the things that they were doing reminded me of the exact same stupid mistakes I was doing when I was their age. You know, like. Well, like a guy was doing not that bad, right? But it wasn't great. But he just kept referring to how bad he was doing, which I used to do also. And it just makes it worse. And as a person in the crowd, I just wanted to say, bro, you're not doing that bad. We're enjoying it.
A
When you hear, especially in the black community, if you're not doing well on stage, they'll let you know through cutlery, you know, you'll start hearing knives and forks.
B
Purposefully doing that.
A
Yeah, you'll hear knives, they'll get louder. You'll hear the sipping of drinks, and then this motherfucker don't know, you know, you'll hear a lot of that. And all of that mixed together definitely throws you off as a comic who doesn't want to bomb.
B
But now the sharpening of the knives, it is so they can actually stab you. Is that what I mean?
A
I think so. I think. I think they're like, oh, yeah, motherfucker. I've been waiting for this. Yeah, you just wait till I get outside.
B
Shit.
A
Nobody better say, shit, I just got out, motherfucker. I've done every type of room. I've done mixed, I've done white, I've done black, I've done everything.
B
So, yeah, I mean, you know, it's funny you bring that up because, like, there's a term crossover artist that we've had forever. I feel like maybe we're at the point almost where we could retire that. Because, like, we're all becoming more mingled. Yes, to a degree. I mean, look, is there. Do you get a much larger black audience and I get a much larger white audience than you do? Yeah, because we're still tribal.
A
I think you have more black people than I do, Bill.
B
I don't think that's true. I'd like to.
A
I think that's true. No, you have way more. There's way more black people. Absolutely. You know, actually, I peeped your set on Def Comedy Jam and I loved it.
B
I was like, yo, Def Comedy.
A
Def Comedy Jam. He's right on there. I'm fucking with you.
B
I was gonna say. Cause I have smoked a lot of pot and I might have forgotten that, man. I saw a clip speaking of that, of Smokey Robinson.
A
Oh, man.
B
Did you, you know the clip I'm talking about?
A
Was he doing the video?
B
He's on Def Comedy Jam.
A
Oh, is he?
B
It's from. Oh, it's from quite a while ago.
A
Was it Def Poetry Jam he was doing? No, no, it was Def Comedy Jam.
B
That's what it said. And he is killing. He's doing a routine that I cannot quote. Okay. Because he's talking about different names.
A
N word. N. Uh huh. Gotcha.
B
But before that it was black, right? I mean, black, African American, black. And then the further we go back, I can't say them.
A
Right, right, right, right.
B
Even one that used the right one, the 1800s, one.
A
You might not want to, like, bring.
B
That one that we were using even in the 60s.
A
Yes.
B
That isn't like. Yeah, a slur. That's what Kennedy and Martin Luther King said.
A
Yeah, it's still around, but yeah, go ahead.
B
Yeah, he was, but we're so sensitive that I just. It's just not worth saying anyway. He's going through this whole litany and he's just basically saying, who makes these changes? You know, he was. He was fine with black. He did. He thought the move to African American was a little too much. And he was asking if this is one person who decides this or is there a.
A
Who is the N word orator who decides. No, you can't. No, you can't. You can't. You too? Was it just us as a community? Fully. Oh, yeah. Please light that up. A lot of people don't even know that.
B
Light this up. Is that what you said? Please? Oh, yeah.
A
A lot of people don't even know why.
B
You don't have to.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
You're gonna do it to me.
A
You're gonna do it. I have such a different. I think I got people. I don't think people really know me like that. I have this.
B
I don't. Yeah, I know you as Mr. Funny Guy mostly on SNL. Yeah. And you know, my favorite thing for from the beginning on SNL has always been celebrity impressions. Not just yours. Yours are great. So that. I mean, I remember the very first thing they gave Bill Hader to do, and I loved him from the beginning.
A
Because it was Al Pacino, right?
B
Correct.
A
Yeah.
B
The very first time I saw it, it was like, oh, fuck. And then when they do those things, we're like, this is the casting we had for a certain movie.
A
And then they showed the auditions.
B
The auditions. Such a great premise. So I've always been a sucker for your bread and butter.
A
I think we. I think we did the Back to the Future sketch and he, you know, he did Pacino. And I think in that sketch, I did. I did Eddie. I did Eddie back then. Yeah, that's what it was. And he was at a Flex capacitor. What is a Flex capacitor? That's hilarious.
B
Yeah, but what's.
A
You know, I find it so funny, though. Eddie Murphy doesn't even. He doesn't. That's a character voice he's using.
B
Yeah, sure.
A
You know, you know, Eddie Murphy normally just talking regularly.
B
Yeah.
A
He's got like. He's like, wow. I just. I'm just chilling and having a good time and, you know, smoking a J. And, you know, life is fucked up. You know, you just, you know, one day you just walk in and then, you know, you get hit by a car and you're like, hey, motherfucker, what the fuck you hit me for? And you be like, you know, and there's nothing you can do about it. Cause that's how fast life hits you. It's like, wow. It's, like real, you know.
B
Now you've captured it. He has a philosophical, Like, He's a dad of, like, 10 kids. He probably, like, is always talking to his kids, kind of.
A
Anybody that.
B
Explaining.
A
Anybody that raises that many kids and busts that many nuts is very philosophical should talk to Nick Cannon. I'm sure he's philosophical as well. He's what did you feel in Sophocle? Nuts. That's what he's doing.
B
Did you see the movie? He did. Eddie did with Jonah Hill.
A
Oh, yes, I did.
B
What'd you think of that?
A
I thought it was good.
B
I did too. Although I had quibbles. Go ahead.
A
You had quibbles?
B
Well, it's a little woke for me. Yeah.
A
Okay, okay.
B
Like it's a little. You know, I forget what. Also they. What they meet fighting for a cab. I mean, I felt like Jonah gave himself some cringy lines about, you know, I just can't stand the. You know, I'm sorry. Before we even begin a conversation, I must apologize for what every white person in history has done. But you left your lights on.
A
Please.
B
I mean, you know, it's like there was a little of that that I always like, a little allergic to, quite frankly.
A
Yeah. A letter is a letter, a open letter written apologizing for slavery, those type of things.
B
Do you remember the Keenan movie where he's the mailman? And I think it's. Is this.
A
I'm going to get you. Is it.
B
No, no, no, no. It's. It's a real straight up comedy. It's like.
A
Is it don't drink.
B
Don't drink your juice in South Central.
A
Drink your juice and hood. Yes, yes.
B
And like somebody will have a line in the movie. And it's a. I mean, he did parody. Like nobody.
A
Oh, absolutely.
B
And then he would be the. He was. The guy he played, he was directed. But he just gave himself this cameo and he. Message. Remember that? He turned right to Cameron and went.
A
Message. He was. They've always.
B
I love when they take the piss out of shit like that and they.
A
Break the fourth wall.
B
Well, also taking the. I mean, you know, it's harder for white people to do that about any black stuff, but to take the piss. Everybody needs to take the piss out of.
A
Yeah, everything.
B
Yeah, take the piss out of everything.
A
And you're right that, you know, everybody is so. Everything is so serious. People are so ready to get offended over whatever. You know what I mean? Just so they can feel included in the. Feel included in the. Oh, it's happening to me too. But yo, I'll tell you some real stuff. I did a show in. It always happens when I'm in. Always happens near Cleveland. Always happens in. Always happens in Cleveland. Yeah, always happens in Cleveland. Well, always happens in Ohio. Shit always happens in Ohio. Everywhere I go in Ohio, there's always some weird stuff. Had a lady walk out of a show. Oh, her fam. Oh, please.
B
Yes.
A
Oh, God, yes.
B
Well, weird in what way? What are we talking about?
A
So she. Her and four of her family members that she was with. All Caucasians, you know. So I'm using the N word. And.
B
As is your right.
A
As is my right. And she gets mad and she walks out, and I got add.
B
So wait, a white lady walked out on a. Okay, now this. I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna let you finish, Taylor, but this is what just makes the left this kind of thing. So obnoxious. People wonder why. Ridiculous. People wonder, why do you hate the left so much? I have it straight in my head. Who' and of course it's the right. But it's this kind of shit that in the pit of your stomach, you just fucking hate people like that.
A
Yeah, it's.
B
Yo, so go ahead. A white lady walks out on you.
A
She walks out on me because. No, because I'm using it now. Everybody's having a great time now. I got add. So immediately I said, where y'all going? Where the fuck y'all going? I dropped the mic and I followed him.
B
Wait, you do have. Really do have add.
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. It's bad. I'll SW. Real quick. You know, I've learned how to. I've learned how to combat it with weed, but for the most part, it's. I could be all over the place. Whatever. I've learned how to turn it into a superpower. But anyway, go back to the story, right? I walk out and I'm looking, I'm like. I'm like, why did you walk out? She was like, that word you used. I said, ma'am, I said, which one? Because, you know, I talk a lot. Which. Which word you talking about? The N word. I start walking away. She says, where are you going? I said, I'm not having this conversation with you. No, my grandson is black, so. Because.
B
All right, I'm going to. I'm going to beat this lady over the head with. She's not even here. I'm going to fucking beat her.
A
I wish. I wish that was the world's smallest violin and I could play her right now. How about you?
B
Good. No, I don't do drugs.
A
Oh, okay, cool. That's. What.
B
No, I'm kidding. Give me the drug.
A
Okay, cool. Please.
B
You're good.
A
You're good. You're good.
B
No, I'm good. Okay.
A
All right. Put it down.
B
All right, I'll take it.
A
Yeah, Please, man. Come on. Please take it.
B
I honestly think that. That is much more offensive than a white person actually using the word. Yes. How dare you. I'm glad you. How dare you.
A
How dare you. Yeah, you're trying to deprive. Trying to deprive me of my colonial right of saying this word. She really got mad. She was like, well, you shouldn't use it, my grandson. I said, ma'am.
B
Gotcha.
A
How about. How about being viewed as one of those. To the general populace that doesn't even know all of the different levels to the word? I said, think about that. And I keep walking. Well, fuck you. Well, fuck you too.
B
Really? It got to that. Yes. How old was this person, may I ask?
A
She was like. She had to be in her 60s, 60s, 60s.
B
I would have guessed way younger. But it just shows that the woke mind disease does exist, and it does exist in potentially anybody. People really got on musk for saying woke mind disease. And let me tell you, he's got a woke mind disease now, too. I mean, and that's the political situation we're in. Basically. It's like, he's not wrong that there is a woke mind disease on the left. I agree. But Trumpism is also a mind disease. Oh, absolutely. And, man, some of these guys who used to be center right have gone full on, you know, like, the way Trump either makes you go so far left, you're obnoxious so far that you're insufferable. Okay. And here I am in the middle.
A
Can I ask you this, though? Is it. Do you look at Trump as a. Do you look at him from a comedic aspect, like, standpoint? Like, that's how I try to do. Because, okay, whatever he says is gonna be crazy as shit. A lot of it. A lot of it has to be fact checked because, like, 90% of it is wrong.
B
You can just assume it's wrong.
A
Right.
B
Because he. I mean, that sounds snarky. It's just true. Because he would be the first to tell you if he could be rational about something, but he said it in so many words to other people in interviews that he's not even attempting to tell what's absolutely, like, factually true. No, it's sort of spiritually true. Like, you can't take it literally. And he's not even tempting it. It just feels right to say. And then he'll pull something out of his ass, like unemployment. The official is 3%. It could be. They say it could be up to 45. Well, it plainly could not. But he said things like. And he does it all the time. So. So It's a tremendous superpower in politics because you do that constantly and no one expects you to make literal sense. Can you imagine what kind of advantage of that is in a presidential race? Not to have to make literal sense? He's got that going for him. Wow.
A
He's got the keys, but he's.
B
You do him.
A
I do. Damn. We can do it right now.
B
No, you don't have to see how it is. You're not performing here.
A
No, no.
B
I'm just asking.
A
No, I do. I started. He was the last. He's one of the last ones that I. At first I didn't want to do him because everything that. Everything that he stands for. I mean, everything that. He's a bad guy.
B
Yes.
A
He's done some. He's done some.
B
He's a bad guy. He's just a bad guy. I don't like him.
A
But then I started saying, well, if I watch this guy, that's great. If I absolutely look at this.
B
Wow.
A
And I see exactly what he's trying to do. I'm basically. Basically a genie in a lamp. Rub me, rub me, baby Rub me, rub me the right way and swear to God, people will die and no one will care. No one will care about the death. No one cares. Death, People die all the time.
B
B.
A
A, just like money making Mitch shed like he shed and paid in full in words. Die, die every day.
B
B.
A
They absolutely. Do they die.
B
Okay, I'm out. I will not stand my.
A
Wow.
B
My ninth cousin twice removed is an octoroon. And I do I can you still say that one? Oh, gives a fuck. You don't mind, do you?
A
Go ahead, man.
B
It's a funny word.
A
Octoroon.
B
Yes. I mean, the fact that octoroon. You've heard it.
A
No, I've never heard that word.
B
Are you serious?
A
What is octoroon?
B
You never heard octoroon?
A
No, no, no. What is octoroon?
B
Well, Oct. From 8. I think it's someone who was 1/8 black.
A
Oh, wow.
B
Yeah, they had words like that, like. I think that's if one of your grandparents.
A
Wow, I've never heard that before. Oct. Yeah, that's. No, we've heard like, yeah, this person's mixed or something. They use 1 8.
B
It certainly was not used as a slur. Yeah, there was no you. Damn. That sounds.
A
I'm sorry. Octoroon. That sounds delicious.
B
Whatever the f. It does. It sounds good. Yes, I'll have the octoroon, please. Can I get that with rice?
A
Hey, can we get a couple more octoroons? Over here. Oh, compliments to the chef. The octoroon. It's amazing. I love this octoroon. This is.
B
Could also be a drink. Yeah. Little octoroonie before work, huh?
A
How's about me and you have zus in octoroon? Why does that guy shoulders. Why is that guy's shoulders like this? What the fuck? Here, please listen to him.
B
Well, yes, that is a great Trump. It's so funny to me that. But Trump, I think nobody, like, got him. They did these impressions, like Alec Baldwin, which was funny and fine, but it wasn't him.
A
It wasn't spot on. It was.
B
It wasn't. It didn't capture the essence of him or really the sound. And then you got it. Our guy Matt, friends got it.
A
Absolutely.
B
The dude on snl, now I know his friend. Know his name.
A
He's definitely got it.
B
He totally is a genius at it. Several people. And it's funny, there. There was a certain moment.
A
It's the hands. It's the. Did I just drop the baby? The baby is dropped. I dropped this baby. Someone pick up this baby quickly. We don't want it to turn to one of them.
B
You know what it is? It's the channeling of the stream of conscious.
A
Yeah, it just goes.
B
Because he just is a mental patient. So it's just a guy ranting and the way he connects. They once did one on snl and they put me in it because Chris Christie, he's like, I saw Chris Christie on the panel. He had to sit there with the other dopes. He didn't even get the top spot in the front. You know, he just. And then he goes from like that to, you know, pirates or something. It's just. It's. It just.
A
It's all over the place.
B
And, you know, when you capture that, you capture him and you have.
A
And he's well appreciated. I. You know, a lot of people don't see me do that one. You know what, man? While we're even talking about this, a lot of folks don't even know that I do white folks. They don't. They don't. They're just like. They ask questions. Does he do white people? Like, yeah, of course I can do white folks or.
B
You just did Trump.
A
I just did Trump. Like, come on, son. I mean, there's more, but, you know, there's so much like, everybody's voice is different, so you just gotta be able to tap into it.
B
Also, you go where the customer has been underserved, and the customer has traditionally been underserved with Doing the black voices because most of the impressionists were white. I never heard anybody do Denzel, which, you know, who has to be my favorite movie star. I realize when I. When I.
A
You see, that's. That's the thing. That's the thing, Bill. You know, they don't understand. They don't understand how much dedication it takes to put inside the pot the right ingredients to make that gumbo. You understand? Hmm. Yeah. That's what it is.
B
Wow.
A
Yeah. It's kind of scary, right? It's like you're sitting here talking.
B
It's scary that when I closed my eyes, I couldn't tell that it wasn't.
A
You know, that's the thing, though. You know, if you open them as well, you can also see it. You can just. You can see me go right into the pocket, you know? That's the pocket right there. You look in both pockets and you pay the bill. That's what you do. Bill. Yeah. Who thought you'd be sitting here? Who thought, hey, Denzel Washington and Bill Maher. Smoking and Jay together. That's.
B
I would really love to do it with the real one. Can you connect me? Really? I'm such. I'm sure you have meetings.
A
You know what? I met Denzel. There you go, brother.
B
He's just the coolest.
A
He is.
B
Him and Lenny Kravitz, man, Like, oh, I met him. He's a big fan. Like, I could tell legitimately. I was so honored. I met the Oscars. Trying to get him here, too.
A
Yeah.
B
He said, but Denzel, like, just as far as, like, the batting average of entertaining movies, one after another. I just watched the. For the second time, the third equalizer. Cause it was so good.
A
Yeah.
B
He and Fuqua.
A
Yeah. Yeah.
B
What a great team. Training day.
A
Yeah, man.
B
Trump reminds me now, I've said this, I think somewhere of Denzel at the end. You know, I'm King Kong up in this.
A
King Kong got shitty.
B
And, like, I think Trump's power is ebbing finally.
A
Yeah.
B
I don't think he's gonna win the election.
A
No, no.
B
And I think he's a little bit like, I'm King Kong up in here. And people are like, we were afraid of you for so long, and we're under your thumb. And you know what? We finally. Even us who liked you.
A
Yeah.
B
We've had enough of the act.
A
Absolutely. And they just start walking away, throwing their bandanas down.
B
Right. Well, that's certainly not what the Republicans do, but you know their version of that.
A
Yeah, they don't. Yeah, they. Yeah.
B
Right. Oh, my editorial at the end of the show this week is about Matthew Perry and the drug industry.
A
Oh, man.
B
And the doctors who killed him. And I mean, it was just like. I mean, I have very mixed feelings about Western medicine. I'm glad it exists. Kind of in the same way I'm glad guns exist because otherwise it would be at the mercy of people who were stronger than us. But I don't want to use them and I don't want to use Western medicine unless I have to. But sometimes you have to. But I mean, their callousness, you know, I mentioned not just him. There's a line in it about doctors killed Elvis, they killed Prince, they killed Tom Petty, they killed Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson. They've killed more rock stars than twin engine planes. Which is like pretty on the edge of what you really should be able to say. Yeah, but it's true. But you never had a drug problem, right?
A
No, no, no, no, I've never had a drug problem.
B
You can always get the drugs you need. 20 minutes, no problem.
A
It's like you can go, yeah, you go right there to the dispensary and get what you need.
B
But did you do through your 20s and stuff, did you do every kind of drug? Did you try. You never tried all the different kinds of drugs?
A
No, no, just potentially, you know what, man? Yeah, just pot. Because Charlie Murphy told me I got mollied one time that happened. I didn't know it was in the drink, whatever, but it was six doses bad.
B
Six doses?
A
Six doses? Yeah.
B
That were put in your drink?
A
Yeah, yeah.
B
You know, I got roofied once. Really Well, I just remember being at a bar and it was the, like I've been drunk. I certainly was drunk a lot in my 20s and 30s, and I hate to say it, kind of ashamed, but into my 40s and a little into my 50s. But like, no matter how drunk I got, there was not like a four hour period when I remember nothing, right. And that happened one night I was at a bar. This is about the year 2000. Again, I'm 44, I shouldn't even be in a bar. But fuck it, grow up late. Or if you're lucky, not at all. So I'm in this bar and then I was home and. Yes. Did I leave with a woman? Yes. And I don't know if she. I don't think she did it. She seemed to be in a very good mood the next morning. So nothing bad happened, but there was like a four hour period where I don't remember anything and that never. I must have been on that. Must have been roofing.
A
Wait, who roofied you? Were you empty? It was. Were you emptied out? Did you feel. Did anything happen?
B
Oh, it's 25 years ago. I don't remember that. I mean, I don't remember anything bad. I remember thinking, oh, good, someone's going home with me. I remember that. I felt good about that. I don't think she had anything to do with it. She certainly didn't have the roof for me to get me to go home with her. I was preparing.
A
That's another thing, though. Check it out. When you put the shoe on the other foot and you're talking about, all right, like, you got roofie, I got Molly, whatever. But if something would happen to us, like, say, a woman would do something, like, you know, nobody would say. Everybody be like, oh, stop. Oh, stop bragging. You know what I'm saying?
B
Right. As well they should. But as well they should. See, I don't think people did it to me. I think probably. Here's my theory. I'm in this bar. It was like a big bar. You know, one of those. This is, again, a long time ago. Very big bar, around the whole room. So there's like a million. You could see, like, a million people. I would say this bar was, oh, my God, at least 30ft long. And so you could see, like. I think somebody across the way was, like, saw me, some guy, and had brought some roofie shit. And again, I say roofie. I don't know what the drug was. Right. Somebody told me it was probably ghb, whatever that is. Whatever it was. I lost, like, four hours, but I think some guy was there, and he was like. There was no girl he wanted to do, but he saw me and hated me. From television. Bill Maher from television, yeah, of course. Who's very popular and also hated by a lot of people and thought, oh, I'll fuck this. Fuck this guy up. That's just a theory.
A
He was just looking.
B
Yeah, yeah.
A
Oh, oh, I've been waiting to use this motherfucker. He just puts it.
B
I mean, I made that up. But it couldn't. That definitely. I don't. I cannot think of anything why someone would put. Or in my drink.
A
Or it could have been something else, maybe.
B
Well, why did they do it to you?
A
Oh, it was just. It was the people I was with.
B
Like, the people you were with?
A
Yeah, this girl was a Rockette. Whatever. She had friends. She was a rocket.
B
A Rockette.
A
A rocket.
B
Like, literally at the Rockefeller Center.
A
Yeah. She was a Rockette.
B
Yeah, you said it was such pride. Yeah, no, I'm sure she's very attractive. They don't hire absolutely no ugly Rockettes.
A
No, no, not at all. They're adorable.
B
You're knocking off Rockettes. You're a baller.
A
Hey, man, I'm just.
B
Listen, hey, I can introduce you to the June Taylor dancers. I think you will be very impressed, my friend.
A
Just introduce me to the river dancers. Show me some river dancers. I'll be good with that.
B
All right. So the Rockette roofied you?
A
Yeah, it was.
B
Wow.
A
No, no, because all of her friends were about to. They were about to do it, and I saw champagne.
B
The Rockettes are loaded like that.
A
Yeah, they got. They got shit.
B
That's why they kick like that, huh?
A
Yeah, that's why it's so high. Cause I see. Yo, dude, it's okay.
B
We learned stuff on this podcast. Okay, so the Rockettes.
A
I was hanging out with her and her friends, and somebody had it, and I didn't know that it was the champagne. I didn't know it was champagne. I didn't know it was in the champagne.
B
Oh, and they didn't tell you on purpose?
A
No, no, no, no. They just, you know, nobody's. I guess it's known. I guess they're regular Molly takers, but.
B
Me just assumed it's in the champagne. Oh, yeah.
A
He.
B
Please.
A
Yeah, it's champagne. Of course he knows.
B
In the VIP section. Of course there's Molly in the champagne. We're not animals here. I mean, we're not farmers, for crying out loud.
A
Come on, man.
B
A sophisticated city.
A
Yeah.
B
Who serves champagne without Molly in it? Oh, okay. Okay.
A
So it's. It was there. And I like champagne, so. And I drink fast. I used to drink very fast. Stop doing that. Bill had to stop doing that.
B
So you don't drink at all?
A
I don't drink anymore.
B
That's good. Drinking is the worst.
A
Yeah. No, no, no. But you. Here, please.
B
No, I drink a little, but I drink so much. You know what? I saved my drink for this show.
A
Yeah.
B
But really, I have literally two or three drinks a week. Oh, I used to have two or three before I went out.
A
Yeah, you know, mine was a little bit more than that, I believe.
B
Oh, really? You had a drinking problem?
A
It wasn't a drinking problem. What? It was.
B
You could get all the drinking with the liquor you wanted. It wasn't a problem.
A
Yeah, it was there. So you just have a couple, then you have a couple more, and then you have another one.
B
Right.
A
And then it's like your five, six drink scent. But my mother has a very high tolerance, so.
B
For you or liquor.
A
Liquor. So that's like a thing. I don't know if it's a Brooklyn thing or whatever, but it ain't a Brooklyn thing. It's just a her thing. Whatever. So me and my sister, we got these. We got these crazy tolerances. So I could drink eight in a day or something like that?
B
Yeah, there are people who do way more than that. Yeah, they're called the British. I mean, really? The British rock stars. The British actors, especially the old school dudes like Michael Caine and talking about Oliver Reed, Peter O'Toole, that Richard Burton, that crew, they, like, put away bottles in a day. Like, they'd have a bottle and then like wine at lunch. Because that was just like, almost.
A
Yeah, you gotta have one to be.
B
That pissed and still act. So eight. Yeah. I remember certainly going out when I was 20s and 30s. If you went out and you had all this energy back then. And also you were always on the hunt, which is just so embarrassing to think about, even when you were young. But. Okay, so you'd go to, like two or three different places in a night. Yeah, okay. And each one you'd have two or three drinks.
A
Okay, absolutely.
B
So if you go to three places times three drinks, you know. Yeah. You're already up to. So.
A
Yeah.
B
Your body is almost too good when you're young because it allows you to abuse it this much.
A
Yeah, you right. You become allergic to things that you were never allergic to before, like Caesar salad. Yeah, you want to kill me easily? Just give me a chicken Caesar wrap. I'm gone. I'm out of here. I think it's the anchovies in it, but I grew out of that. When I was 30, I had that. And by the time I was 35.
B
Did you ever get close to getting married?
A
Oh, I mean, yeah, early in my 20s.
B
But you got out of it.
A
Yeah, I got out of it. She had a daughter, which was cool. You know, I loved her daughter as well as her. But yeah, man, I just. I hadn't lived life, man. So I just. I got out of that situation and I tried to come back. Cause, you know, you think, you know, you like, man. Well, I'm over there. I'm on SNL at this time.
B
Right.
A
Dude, I'm. Shoot. What? I'm 22 when I got the job.
B
Really? That young?
A
22 years old when I got the job. So 23, 24, 25. Like, I'm teetering or Whatever. When it comes to the relationship. Because only thing I requested was, like, no stress. Oh, you know, don't stress me. Whatever. I gotta be at this job that requires. It requires my attention. That is the yo.
B
Well, I mean, that's the hardest thing to request, I think of a woman. And the most amazing thing to find if you find that in a woman that gives you no stress.
A
Absolutely.
B
I don't feel bad about staying single my whole life looking for that.
A
Yeah.
B
And when you find it, it is pretty amazing.
A
Yeah.
B
I mean, because I'm not knocking women. It's just like, in their nature, certain things. When I look back on my life, I realize that the majority of the stress did not come from work. Even though people would think, oh, Bill, you're mixing dangerous chemicals every week on that show. And I am. And there have been very stressful moments. And each week, I guess, is somewhat stressful. But the real stress in my life came from relationships, even good ones. There's just a built in. Like, am I. I'm living my life. And I have to kind of live your life, too.
A
Yeah.
B
The way you said that.
A
No, because I feel you.
B
I know you do. We all feel this way. It's harder.
A
Yeah, man. And so incorporate. Like you're saying, I gotta. I'm incorporating your life and mine, and I'm trying to move at a level and I'm trying to elevate. And I gotta.
B
Well, I also. I gotta think about my day. And apparently your day, yours, it's like, it's two days, but this is only 48 hours.
A
In 24 hours, it's crazy.
B
If you can really. If you can find someone who, like, I give a shit if you asked about my day.
A
Right.
B
That is a real find.
A
Oh, man. Let's just sit there in silence.
B
And it doesn't mean you don't care.
A
Right.
B
We admire each other.
A
This is admiration.
B
And like. But I always wonder why people just. Why don't you want to just when you're with the person, be at your best?
A
Yeah.
B
Like, of course, if there's something serious, your significant other, you should. You want them there for you. But, like, just day to day shit, like, my boss doesn't understand me. It's like, why don't you just let the character actors handle that?
A
Absolutely.
B
And then you just be the star of the show and have it be a great romantic comedy every time. But it's hard, I guess. I don't know.
A
It's just what you.
B
But now you're totally single now.
A
God dang it.
B
No, no, no. You know what? I wouldn't want to answer the same question. So just forget.
A
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I will tell you this. There is a. There is a lovely. There's a lovely piece of me that I have found.
B
Piece of what?
A
Piece of me that I have found.
B
Oh, good. I thought you said meat.
A
No. Oh, no, no, no, no.
B
Lovely piece of meat. I mean, come on, be a little more gentlemanly than that.
A
No, Bill, I don't go to the parties. I don't do that. That's. We stay away from that.
B
Piece of me you found. Yes, That's a good title for something.
A
So I would say, no, piece of me I found. I mean, you gotta find people that, you know, just, I don't know, gel with you in a certain way and they understand.
B
Don't stress you.
A
That's right.
B
You got enough of your own stress.
A
Exactly. So, you know, she don't stress your boy out. I'm like, listen, sweetheart, beautiful.
B
That's the piece of me you found. Because if you don't have that, what you're saying to somebody is, you want a piece of me? And that's why I like marijuana.
A
Hey, man, I love it. Oh, my gosh. It is a beautiful. It's a beautiful addition to the household. However.
B
Well, you know, there's only. Really. I was thinking about this issue with what we were talking about before and what I was working on this week. Although it's not in the piece, but, like, people are always asking, what's the gateway drug? They're very obsessed with that, especially people who don't think drugs should be legal and so forth. And my answer always is, whatever is the first one you do. For some people, it's beer. For some people it's pot. Kids these days, Ritalin or whatever. But the first time you go from, oh, reality to. This is something where my mind can go. And it's. It's different than reality. Yeah, it's a little better. It's a little. It can be a little worse. Yeah, but it is different. And there's nothing wrong with that. No, but it's like having a vacation home. But.
A
Yeah, but what if your timeshare becomes your home?
B
That's the problem. Exactly. Some people want. That's it. Some people cannot go on vacation either one day or even one day, because then they'll just stay on vacation, get lost. I mean, there are a lot of people who stay on vacation. I mean, America, you know, I'm generally liberal on these things, but we also do have a lot of deadbeats and ne'er do wells and people who take advantage of our often generous system. You know Those knuckleheads on January 6, you know, Trump is having a award show for them.
A
They'll get off. They'll absolutely get off. Really? You won't have to worry about voting in four years. No one will have to worry about. Did anybody just hear what this motherfucker just said?
B
Yeah, I did. I heard that.
A
He.
B
You're right. He says the quiet part out loud. You gotta give him this. What? But these guys, you know, I'm not saying they're not sincere, but somehow Korea.
A
Is not that bad. It's not that bad. We can change America into North Korea. Why not one person? They'll follow me. Who else? Lick my wounds, Lick my toes. What?
B
Yeah, Remember he wrote a love letter to Kim Jong Un?
A
Oh, my gosh, man. What the.
B
But, but those guys, you know, again, deadbeats in America, I just gotta say, they're all about being hardworking Americans. But somehow they all had a day off in the middle of the week. Somehow nobody missed work.
A
No.
B
Like, when it came to J6 day, they were able to get the day. I. I feel like a lot of them just had the day off. Yeah, they had the. I don't think it was a problem.
A
There was a list, they had an Instagram page. They had the whole nine yards.
B
They did, they set up.
A
They said, we going to meet on this day. Everybody clock in. They had a piece of paper, they pass it around. There was a meeting. There were definitely meetings.
B
Yeah. I always thought that they accented too much Trump's activities on that day, which were, of course, reprehensible. But legally, to try to get him on that is just too tough. The crime he committed was having not conceded the election up until that day. And of course, every day after it, up until the present, still hasn't conceded. But, you know, the election was early November, this was January 6th. He still had not conceded the election in that whole time, while trying a million different ways to stay in office. That's the crime the entire time span from. Okay, we'll give you a week after the election. Certainly all the votes are in by then. No, they don't all come in on election night now. We do it by mail. I don't know why they can't get it better. Other countries do it. Brazil did it in like fucking three hours. But okay, it's America. We fuck things up. But a week after the election, that's it. Okay, that's it. After that, you gotta, like, take one for the team. I know it hurts to lose. Yeah.
A
He was squatting in the White House.
B
He was a squatter? Yes.
A
He was just squatting in the White House.
B
Didn't LeBron have squatters? Yeah. Didn't he have a thing about squatters?
A
What the fuck? No.
B
Yeah, he owned some prop. Yes, I think.
A
Oh, so somebody broke people broke.
B
He wasn't his own house, of course, but he owned some other house. And, you know, so it's funny out here in liberal la, when like, something actually happens to the liberal, suddenly they, like, understand what people, you know, like all the migrants that got bused to New York and Chicago and la, we get them directly. But, you know, I was very sympathetic to those border states who were like, yeah, you're yelling at us. But now you see what we're dealing with. Right. You know, now they're in your hotels.
A
Right.
B
It's costing your taxpayers. We're not even saying we shouldn't have immigrants. But somebody's got to pay for them.
A
Somebody's got to pay for. Yeah, exactly.
B
So, you know, now you're so bitching. They're on Martha's Vineyard.
A
Yeah.
B
Okay. Well, I thought you were the ones who said you wanted them. You know, let's spread the pain around.
A
This is so beautiful. I love this place here.
B
Who's that? I don't know.
A
No, it's just a. You know, somebody just chilling. Somebody chilling there at the venue. Oh, it's somebody at the venue.
B
Yeah.
A
Just. It's a very nice. I love it.
B
The migrant. It just got off the bus.
A
That's what I'm.
B
Yeah. And then you have to have, like, the liberal Karen there with. Can I get you anything? You must be so sorry. You must be so thirsty, walking a thousand miles. I did not walk. I took a plane because that's how most migrants get here. They take a plane and they just stay.
A
Right.
B
They don't, like, crash through the. I mean, some do, obviously. Many do, but most people who are in.
A
Some of them use abilities.
B
Yeah. The wall is not. Unless the wall can stop planes, it's not going to do anything. People come, you buy a ticket to America. Anybody can do it. And then. Yeah, you're supposed to go back and then they just disappear.
A
Yeah. It's called Greyhound. It's quick. It's very quick.
B
Or Greyhound. It's just, you know, it's not rocket science.
A
You go around getting into this country, it's a bus. It's not hard.
B
Yeah. I Feel like it was easier to joke around on racial stuff years ago. Am I wrong about that?
A
No, you're absolutely right about that. Because like I said, everybody is just so. Everybody's so ready to get offended. Everybody's so ready to be part of the general populace. Like, yeah, I'm mad, too. I'm angry, too.
B
So it offends me because I feel like you should trust me. Unless I do something really horrible, which I'm not gonna do, but you should trust me that if I make a certain joke, you know where my heart is. You know where I've been. I mean, I gave Obama a million dollars. Okay. I think I paid my dues so that we can just joke. And of course, it's better when we do joke.
A
Yeah. When you keep it bottled up, it's.
B
Just because it's a bonding mechanism.
A
Yeah.
B
It's like. But you have to trust the person is not doing it with ill intent. But, like, you know, if you do. Or any black comic does a white voice, you know, they all have the way the white guy talks. Right. I'm sure you got your.
A
Basically, mine just sounds like John Mulaney, I guess. Just.
B
Okay, there you go. I mean, but so that's funny. And it is funny. I always laugh at it, but I can't. If I do it. If I did a black voice, they'd be canceling me the next day. And that's just like, really? You don't trust me.
A
That's. To the people. That's just the folks that are in charge, not everybody else. Like, on the ground level, some people don't care.
B
Most people don't care. Okay.
A
Most people don't care, but they still.
B
Go along with it. Because nobody wants to be the one who gets called out by the mean girls on Twitter that you're not. Not. You know, you're not in line with the wokest of the woke. So they get into. You're right. People don't really care.
A
Yeah.
B
But we've seen it too many times where they also. They also don't want to stick their neck out.
A
Right.
B
Not that it should be something that is. That requires that much courage, but I don't know if you saw, Bobby Kennedy endorsed Trump.
A
Yes.
B
Right. And then, you know, he's married to Sheryl Hines. Yes. Larry David's work wife on Curb youb Enthusiasm and many other projects. And, you know, I know her. I know them, and I really felt bad for her because they came after her. And, you know, Bobby Kennedy does do a lot and say a lot Weird. I mean, eating bears and cutting up dead whales and I mean, what the fuck? A worm in his brain?
A
Yeah. He must watch some. He must watch anime or some shit. Some hentai shit. It's fucked up. You know what I'm talking about?
B
I mean, I know what anime is.
A
Okay. You know what hentai anime is?
B
I don't know what hentai is.
A
That's most the crazy.
B
What is it?
A
It's like. It's like anime porn. But it's like. It's like fucked up shit like motherfucker tentacles and shit like that.
B
Oh, okay, sure.
A
Yeah. So he must be watching. He must be seeing some of that type of thing too.
B
I remember reading something about that, that Japanese porn got into the tentacles because for some reason I think they were highly censored after the war. So that you couldn't show a penis.
A
I didn't know that.
B
I'm not sure I know it. I'm just saying. I think I read that, but that makes sense to me. I feel like that does resonate that there was some very strict laws about what you could show. And so the tentacle became sort of a replacement for the penis. And then they got into it because humans are fucked up like that.
A
They like octopus porn. That's what they like.
B
Octoporn as opposed to octoroon.
A
Octoroon, Yep. Which is 1 8th. Yep. And thank you, cuz. That's a new word I've learned. I didn't. I never heard of that. Well, octoroon.
B
We're going to have to find out how offensive it's going to be. But I don't. I meant no offense. And you took no offense. Right?
A
I didn't.
B
No, it's historical. It's historical.
A
That's a. Yeah, it's a.
B
It's a.
A
It's a word that's been used.
B
It shows that centuries. People back then were like just obsessed with race. And then I feel like they got less obsessed. Now they're back to it.
A
Absolutely.
B
So maybe we'll be hearing that word again, but I hope not. I just, I mean I'm the old school liberal. I guess I'm showing my age. But you know, Martin Luther King, content of their character, not the color of their skin, you know, colorblind society. We don't. Of course we know it like we, you know, you're not blind, but you could care less. That I thought was the goal. But.
A
But now people, you know, like you're saying people are picking it back up.
B
Yeah, but you know, I also get that side A little bit. Because, like, you know, there's still lots of racism in America. It's not like we got rid of it.
A
Yeah.
B
But it's like saying there's criminals. Yeah, there's. There's always going to be criminals and there's always going to be.
A
It became. It became more emboldened in 2016, though.
B
Absolutely. Trump gave them a lot of permission.
A
And as soon, as soon as he got in there, now folks are. Now, the racial slurs are going up. People are being more violent towards, you know, POCs or whatever, you know, just. It just. It became a super hatred society. It seemed like it was happening and it was bubbling up and he just, basically just turned the flame on.
B
It was a combination of. He's part of this, but it was a combination of Trump in. And also after eight years of Obama. Yeah. So anybody who was not really down with the idea of a black family eating off the White House china, shall we say?
A
I gotcha.
B
Anyone who was not really down with that, you know, had a. Yeah, yeah.
A
Had a voice.
B
Well, they just. It was. It had to. There had to be. There was going to be some level of backlash.
A
Right.
B
Oh, we've been waiting for this.
A
They just.
B
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the reason why I gave him a million dollars was the second. I thought him having a second term was even more important than the first term. Yeah, it had to. It had to. It had to be a successful presidency or else they would have said, well, we tried it, but never again. Well, you know, it didn't. And the truth is, it was, like, among the most successful because I still don't think they really talk about it enough. He came in, like, in the middle of a shitstorm.
A
Absolutely.
B
The economic crash, the worst kind of shitstorm, and made the right calls, you know, saved gm, bailed out the banks. As much as people hated that, I mean, I think people really don't understand enough how close we were to a depression, not just a really bad recession. And how they. Looking back, they kind of like, you know, they made the right moves. And as much as people were screaming.
A
At them, it had to be. It had to be done. I just. I remember how much pride we took, man. It was 2008. We took so much pride, man, that 91. There was this. I remember we were at the Chick Fil A. I was at VCU at the time.
B
Vcu?
A
Yeah. Virginia Commonwealth University.
B
Okay.
A
Yeah, I was there. And we were out there marching, and it was this lady at the Chick Fil A, and she was always so mean. Angry lady, whatever. You can't have that. You can't get yourself a sausage biscuit. You can't do that with a chicken biscuit. You can't do that. And we'd be like, all right, well, forget you. You know, fuck it. You know, we went in there that night, she was like, I can't believe this happened. She just let us walk out with all the chicken sandwiches and sausage and egg biscuits. Yeah, she didn't even care. She was so flabbergasted. She was. I can't believe that happened. Nah, y'all go ahead. Do what you want to do. Have whatever.
B
Like the world had come to an end.
A
Like the world had come to an end.
B
So just give up.
A
Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's not here now. Cause that was 2008, and she was about. She was, like, 78 years old.
B
And that's the. You know, again, one of my beefs with the left is, like, they never acknowledge, like, where we really are now. Yeah, not all the way, but those kind of people. Exactly what you said. They're dead or dying. It's just not where the zeitgeist is.
A
Right.
B
You know, I mean, I think the, you know, bringing up the rear is possibly cops, because they still.
A
Bringing up the rear, saying bringing up the rear in 2024 is crazy. That's crazy.
B
What do you mean, that's crazy?
A
There's so many. Wow, that's gonna be mean.
B
But they also have the hardest job.
A
Yeah, I got what you're saying, but, like, Bill, like, we're about to get memed and shit for that comment. They gonna meme the shit out of this.
B
The cops won't like it.
A
No, forget the cops. It's not the. It's the Internet that The motherfuckers. And they brutal.
B
It's okay. Fuck them. I mean, but it's. I mean, look, I've defended the cops and also been very hard on them when they deserved it. And also want people to acknowledge that from when I started, because I just did a book where I went through all the editorials over the years, so I know exactly what I used to say. And it's different than what Now. There was a number of them that were about how whatever cops do, they just will say, well, we actually did it by the book, and we did nothing wrong, and none of them ever went to jail. And that's different now. Yeah, like, there's been a dozen cases where they go to jail, most famously the George Floyd case, and where the cop. The other cops don't defend. It used to be, like, the blue line and there is never a crack in. That's not where we are now. I'm not going to, like, pretend we're in a place that we're not. That's not what I do for a living. It's not what anybody should do in journalism, talk about where we are. But, you know, I'm sure there's still, you know, some pullovers and shit that should not be happening. I just think it's ingrained in the police culture a little.
A
Yeah. I mean, I think police are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
B
Correct.
A
You got the hardest jobs in the world, and at the same time, one false move and, you know, it's either a wrap or, you know, now, like, you're saying now you're getting locked up or something and being on the end of it. Cause I have been wrongfully detained before. I got wrongfully detained in 2020. You saw that?
B
I think what happened when I was.
A
On Ventura, I was running down Ventura and the cops came up. They had the guns on me and all of that.
B
Running?
A
Yeah, I was running from what? I was just exercising because I was gaining weight. Yeah. And when I gained weight, I don't gain weight like a normal person like you. You probably gain weight in your stomach or your face, your arms.
B
I don't gain weight.
A
You don't gain weight at all?
B
Well, I make sure I don't. You. Yep.
A
But if you ever did, you know. Well, it's not you. You. If you ever gain weight, hypothetically, you gain weight as a dude.
B
I gained weight at your age, yeah.
A
Oh, really?
B
Okay. Yeah. I was much less careful about what I eat.
A
But you had, like a. You had like a gut or something. You know what I mean?
B
I never had a gut, but I've been at my Most probably almost 20 pounds heavier at one point. So, yeah, I could have. I could. I get it, you know. So you porked up a little. You're running, and so they just tackled you just because you were a black man running?
A
I wasn't tackled. It was a. They had their guns on me. They told me to get on the ground. The first dude, first one did, and then the other ones came up and I was on the ground. Now I got four cops with their guns.
B
But is it because you look like somebody who they were looking for?
A
That's what they said.
B
But look, is this, like, do police work? It's just a guy jogging, right?
A
Exactly.
B
And they just then invite all this criticism about Being racist. And it's valid and it seems.
A
Yeah, it seems fitting now. Seems fitting because of what you just. What you just did. Oh, he's a. Well, you look like. You look like. Who we looking for. Well.
B
And. Right. And that's the first step.
A
Black guy with a hoodie.
B
What do you, like, go a little further? Yeah, it's.
A
Say something about my lips or something.
B
Get people who like. I mean, I'm sure there are many cops who are better at it and are. I've known good cops, really smart cops who do this kind of work, but, you know, I guess not enough. But I always think about when I was in Israel making religious. And I had this thermos in my suitcase, which looks just like the bottom of a bomb. I realized. And they took me out of line. But the person who interviewed me was, you know, Israel doesn't fuck around. That ain't the TSA over there, right? That's ex army intelligence people. They are the rifles. And she. This woman took me out, talked to me and my assistant, and in five minutes let us go. Because she used her mind. It wasn't just, you have something that looks like a bomb. Who are you? And she could tell, okay, we're not the people blowing up this plane. Right. They are legitimately some comic from America assistant making a movie. And this is for serial. And you know, they just. She had a high iq. Yeah. She knows we need more of that.
A
Yes. You know, just better ways to identify them.
B
Yeah, he's black. We're looking for a black guy, but not this black guy. Right. We have to be able to tell.
A
Them apart, you know, Especially not. God dang it. You look at me, God dang it. It's me. Like, you could have said anybody. Well, they look like Eddie Murphy. They look like Charlie Murphy. Look at him, you know, he looks like.
B
So he looks like somebody. Did you register your unhappiness with this event at the time?
A
I did what I did at the time. I, you know, I talked about to the cops. I mean, oh, man, I was pissed off, bro. I was really pissed.
B
But what did you say?
A
I was like, yo, get these fucking cuffs off me, yo. Cause they were like, oh, we. Sorry, sir, we. Sorry, sir, we. Sir, we. You're not the guy. I was like, I know I'm not the guy. I tried to tell you that.
B
You know what I mean? See, here's where that white accent would come in handy.
A
You're not the guy. Sorry about this. It's totally ridiculous. I told you it was John Mulaney.
B
That's all it is.
A
That's all it was and all it ever will be. What?
B
Well, on behalf of all Caucasians, I apologize. I do. We feel terrible.
A
Oh, you know, no need to, man.
B
I know I didn't do it. Yeah.
A
If you asked me how high I got with Bill Maher, I would say I saw Jesus.
B
Now, will you be able to perform your little skits tonight at the My Little Skits?
A
Yes.
B
Comedy Studio? Will you be able to.
A
I'll be fine.
B
I'm sure you will be.
A
It's a 15 minute set, so it's like, you know, you do them. Your homeboy, it's your. Hey, yeah, who's come through.
B
Plus, you're a star now. Yeah, it's a comedy club. They're gonna be very. Just happy to have you.
A
But. But I'm coming with the bars, though. I ain't lying. So, you know, of course. Got out of the bars. Got out of bars, man.
B
Well, I guess I should let you go so you can get to your 8 o'clock.
A
Nah, man. I mean, yeah.
B
Or if you're good, you know, if you get me drinking and smoking and having a laugh, you know. Please, I'm Irish. It's very hard to. It's very hard to stop me.
A
Let's. When can I ever say. When will I ever be able to say that I did this shit, man? Like, this is.
B
We can do it again. You know, this. Before we built the cameras into the walls here so we could do a show, this was always my party house. I don't live here. You think I live here? I live next door. I know this is the place. It always just had a great vibe, so I never stopped doing that. But you don't live in la, do you?
A
I do.
B
Oh, you do?
A
Yeah, I'm in the Valley.
B
Oh, well, then there's no problem next time there's a party here because, you know, the older I get, I still have a good core of friends my age. But more and more, my friends are not my age because the kids my age don't want to play anymore, they don't smoke pot anymore, or they have to be in bed by 8:00. I mean, people call me up and they say, you want to have dinner? I'd love to. How's six? Six? Six at nine. Are you talking about. I can't live that way?
A
No.
B
But so, like, people your age, I wind up gravitating to. Because you're still down for, like, smoking this blunt until you get high.
A
Yeah. Which didn't take very long. You. This is, this is. That's that Bill Marsh Strand song.
B
I appreciate that. Nothing could really have warmed my heart more than you saying that. That I get that imprimatur from you.
A
I'm serious. I'm serious.
B
Like, my pot did not disappoint you. I did not at all when it came to my pot. A hero will rise. A hero with. Yeah, that's.
A
That's a quote from Dark Knight. You watched the show.
B
That's the quote. That's. Every fucking one of your movies is always a hero will rise. I mean, and always. Just like how they became. Even when they make a remake, they're still making it. Like how I get it. How they became. That seems to be the only story that they want to hear. It doesn't get tiresome. Hey, man, I don't know why I'm making you defend all of superhero movies, but I'm doing it. I'm going to make you defend all of superhero movies. What about Black Panther?
A
What about it?
B
Like, it's. What is your impression? What is your review?
A
No, no, no, it. Of course the second one, second one felt like it was missing Chadwick, but I.
B
There's a second one? Yeah.
A
Okay.
B
Okay. Kidding.
A
So the first one, the first one I felt like, okay, everybody's celebrating, but what did. We're celebrating, but we still don't own any of this, you know what I mean?
B
Of Wakanda.
A
No, no, no.
B
It'S not real, you know.
A
No, I understand. No, I'm talking about the budget, man. Like we don't owe any of the.
B
Well, well, wait a second. Eddie Murphy got an award a few months ago. I can't remember what the organization was, but he made a speech and in.
A
That speech, are you paying your taxes? That one.
B
No, no, no, no. Know, maybe that went viral too, but this was well reported. He was getting some kind of lifetime achievement award and he sure deserves all of them, right? And he said when I started in the business, like there was one black movie star, Sydney Poitier, and there was like two black people on TV and there was no black cinematographers or directors. And he went through down the list and he said, we got all that now. That's Eddie Murphy.
A
Okay.
B
I'm just saying things have changed a lot.
A
No, I'm not talking about from an actor's standpoint. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about from a standpoint of straight up ownership. Kind of like Tyler Perry did. Tyler Perry with taking it from the ground and now building and everybody having a piece of it. It's like, okay, yeah, that's over there. That's at Marvel.
B
Do you watch Tyler Perry movies?
A
Seldom. I do.
B
Really?
A
I watch them sometimes just to. Okay, like, I'll give you an example, the recent ones that he's come out with. And let me give props to him, because to be able to go from 0 to basically from 0 to 100. How he took everything. He was a homeless man. He was homeless.
B
Oh, I didn't know that. Really?
A
Tyler Perry was homeless. Tyler Perry, he wrote these screenplays and then created this one character, Madea, that.
B
Right.
A
That just went through the black community and caused, like, an uproar. Like, when I was 14 years old and I went down to Key west and I was hanging out with my cousins, they were playing that downstairs. They were watching. I had never seen it before, but it's like a cultural thing. And to be able to take that elevated and now you're a billionaire. Like, we don't own any of the Universal. We don't. We don't.
B
Like.
A
We don't got any of that. You know what I mean? Tyler Perry has it, but God dang it, is there a way to put everybody in a position? Is there a way to do that now? I don't know. Maybe it's something that's been proposed for years, but. Keep saying time, Bill. But. But time is ticking. Time is wasting.
B
And time is changing because there are Tyler Perry's, Jay Z's, LeBron James. There's billionaires now. I mean, there's a bidding war now going on between two. Not just two white billionaires, but two white Nepo baby billionaires. Oh, Lord.
A
That means.
B
Oh, Paramount.
A
Billionaire nut.
B
Paramount.
A
That's crazy.
B
Is on the block. Paramount. Paramount, CBS and Paramount. Same company. Yeah. Okay. The bidding war is between the son of Larry Allison of Oracle, one of the richest men in the world, lives in San Francisco, his kid, and Edgar Bronfman, who was the scion of the Bronfman liquor family. They're Seagrams. They're from Canada, I believe. Montreal billionaires. So. And they. I'm sure these are nice people. Whatever. I'm not knocking them. They were born who they are. But there's two Nepo baby white billionaires. What I'm saying is, yeah, that's still a lot of the world we live in. I just don't know how to. And it would be a better and more fair world if there was some black billionaire nepo baby to compete with with them, that will happen. But I don't know anything we can really do to make that happen like that.
A
I mean, hey. I mean, Blue Ivy might be one of them or maybe one of.
B
Right, exactly. And that will. Ha. That's what I'm saying.
A
Yeah. Yeah.
B
But I don't know what we can actually. You can't just snap your fingers and make that happen. As a lot of the social justice warriors would, like, want you to believe that you can just somehow mandate that or legislate that it would be a better world if we could. But it will just happen. And the thing is, it is happening. I mean, there is that. And economics is the one place, like, especially family wealth. It's, like, crazy. How does that be addressed? Now, some people would say reparation, like, make white people write a check that California has voted on this. Yeah. Not for it yet, but, like, I would not endorse that solution, but I understand the impetus for it.
A
Yeah.
B
It's asking white people who are also economically right on the edge to write a check for people who they personally never did anything against.
A
And a lot of people will say.
B
It'S just not gonna happen.
A
Well, yeah, and a lot of people will. And a lot of people will say that. A lot of people will say, all right, well, it wasn't us. We didn't do it. So, you know, why do you need it for it? Well, it's like, I don't know. There's still trauma. That's just generational trauma. There's a lot.
B
Totally.
A
There's so much that will not go.
B
Away for hundreds of years.
A
Right.
B
You don't. The level of healing is always going to be commensurate to the level of injury. If the level of injury happened over hundreds of years, the level of healing is not going to happen in a generation or two.
A
No. But I'll tell you this, and I think it was a Dave Chappelle bit years ago, what he said. He said, nobody's gonna be racist. Nobody's gonna be racist when everybody is the same color.
B
You're good, man.
A
And by God, that's real. That's like, Dave now, isn't it? Smoking Dave. He's Dave. That will do four hours. He does four hours. Do four hours on stage. That Dave.
B
Do you ever go out with him and his traveling road show that. I mean, I know so many comics who say, not so many, but some who say, like, you know, I ran into Dave and said, what are you doing Friday? Be great to see you. I'm doing a show There. Oh, what are you doing? I don't know. Why don't you open for me? You know, like, there's just this freewheeling aspect that I get about his cavalcade.
A
I opened up for Dave Chappelle for his first Netflix special. Oh, and if you look in the credits, it says the. Thanks. It says Jay Farrell. He let me open up for him. And that was a dope night because Stan Lathan was there. Everybody, like, people that. Okay. Def Comedy Jam was like, you know, as a kid, I'm watching that. I'm like, yo, this shit is crazy. Everybody's running. Like, people running around, slapping the lip. Like it's insane. But the jokes are so high. Like, they're so high energy, you know? So you're sitting there watching the guy who take that, and you're out there and doing a good job. Like, I killed. I gotta stay at an ovation. I get off stage, Dave's coming down the stairs. J. Ferrell, how were they tonight? I sat off, dude. I gotta stand an ovation. He said, word, word. Now I gotta throw out all these J. Farrell bomb jokes. I was about to be out there. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry for that little stinker that came out.
B
That's funny. That's really funny.
A
It's real, though, man. Like, so, yo, the fact that, yes, I have worked with Dave Chappelle. I have worked with Dave, and, man, he's a sweetheart. He's the sweetest dude.
B
Oh, that's good to know.
A
Yeah. You've met him.
B
Of course I've met him.
A
Yeah. You've met Dave Chow.
B
Yeah. I can't get them here, which I would love to also. Please help.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
And I can't get them on Real Time. I'd love to have them on either or both, but I don't hold that against anybody. People have their. I say no to people, too. You know, we all do what we gotta do. And we all were going where we're going, and just, like, we don't want to be stressed by any relationship. We don't want to be stressed by any professional relationship either.
A
Absolutely.
B
So, like, you know, Dave knows I would love to have him, but, you know, he's got his own thing going on. And I'm an admirer, as I am of anyone I love anybody who says, I will not let the mob tell me what I can or cannot say. Absolutely. I don't care how loud they're screaming at me.
A
Absolutely.
B
Kanye said it, too. Yeah. When he came out for Trump and he Like, I could not disagree more, of course, about the Trump thing, but I loved it when he said, the mob can't make me not like him. We need so much more of that.
A
The most.
B
What the mob can't make you do.
A
And those are the most unapologetic people, and those are the warriors. Like, yeah. Cause I'm ready to. I'm ready to die. I'm ready to die about what I'm standing on. And I don't care what anybody says. You're not gonna move me from there. I'm a pillar on this, and I'm a stand on it and those type of folks. Hell, yeah. And Dave is.
B
Yeah. I mean, look, is he, like, to my view, like, way more obsessed with the trans thing than he needs to be? But that's his thing. So what? Get over it. It's free speech. And plus, I get why. I think. I get why that sticks in his craw. Because I think. I think. And again, correct me, because you would know better than me, but I feel like if I was a black person, I would also be, like, peeved by all the minorities who kind of glom on to the victim thing when they just don't have the same purchase on that. Like Indians and blacks. That's one category. And then everybody else. Yeah, people have been mean to everybody, but it's just not like these other two things. And I feel like that's what pisses them off about trans or anything else that, like, tries to, like, sort of, again, you know, leech off that level of victimhood. You just don't have it. So stop, like, putting yourself in the same. Up on the same shelf.
A
Absolutely not. Especially when, like, you're saying. Especially when it's like you don't really do anything. You just. You just sit there. You're part of the problem. You're not getting. You understand what I'm saying?
B
Who you're talking about now? Who's just sitting there?
A
What I'm saying, those folks that feel like they're entitled to reparations or whatever. If you're sitting down, like, in your house, you're not doing anything. You're collecting a check. Like, do you. Like, you don't. Do you deserve that? Cause you're not doing anything to try to get yourself out of this situation. You're not elevating, you know, I mean, you're staying right where you are, but you're just taking the pit, you're taking the pity off, and you're pretty much already getting it in that standpoint, because you're not doing anything, but you're living. So people are paying for you to. People are paying for you to live, you know, not doing anything about it. You don't have to stay here. You can break through. Anybody can. There's been so many stories in history, folks that do it all the time. Even if you look at Jay Z, you look at 50 Cent, you look at all these guys who have broken. Who have broken the ceiling on that. Those guys, Those guys are from those places and they didn't let those. They didn't let their surroundings kind of keep them down in it. Whereas the other folks, they let this around and just clamp them and then they're stuck. And before they know it, now they're still on. They're still on support at 84 years old or whatever. Like you about to die your whole life. You didn't do anything.
B
I love his line. I'm not a businessman.
A
I'm a businessman.
B
I'm a businessman.
A
Yeah. Yeah. Yo, Bill, you ain't, you ain't want me to do it, but you know, especially when, you know, you had a little bit of, you know, this right here. You know, when you had a little bit of that right there, that's when it gets deep right there. Yeah. And I wasn't, you know, again, I wasn't trying to like, ow. You know, it's just like free flowing and natural, you know. Yeah. Because I love this song.
B
He ends when he goes. It's only entertainment. You know that song Stupid Shit or something. I forget. Something with shit in the title.
A
No, it can't be. Whoa, Ape shit. Apeshit. Was it Apeshit?
B
No, Something. It's like everybody's stupid shit. Everybody's full of stupid shit. That boy, man. When you do people, it's just so. Right on. Yeah. What a great trick to have in your back pocket. Cause you don't need it. Cause you can just talk also. And I see that you're sort of entering this phase of your career. Perfect time to like, yeah, be more like, this is me. This is the real me. But it's great to always have that thing in your pocket.
A
Well, I think about it like this. Your talent somehow has made somebody happy. It's made somebody laugh. Whatever. People that come up to you, they're fans of you. Whatever. They quote your stuff, whatever. Mine started with just doing impressions. Hey, I could do stand up in certain environments, but if I didn't know the environment, I couldn't do it as well as I wanted to. Just because I gotta be able to study. I gotta be able to study where the hell I'm headed, you know what I mean? I'm like a lion. I'm over there studying, trying to. I used to do stand up at school. I do stand up at my church. Boom, kill there, go out. I was a shelter kid for so long. Apostolic family.
B
Apostolic.
A
Apostolic family. From the age of, what, six to.
B
So that's some sort of. Super Christy.
A
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's.
B
But you got over it?
A
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
B
Oh, good.
A
I had to. Oh, man. Oh, did I break out. Ooh, boy.
B
Thank you, Jason.
A
Listen, nothing happened. Nothing happened bad to me, but whatever. Things happen in the church. That's how they are. Whatever. But coming from that and coming from that and, like, finally breaking out and getting a chance to live, it was total. Oh, my God, dude. It was. Oh, man.
B
Well, it seems like you're living your best life. You gotta be on stage in 20 minutes, so I'm gonna release you back into the wild, but I would stay here all night. You're a pleasure.
A
Absolutely, man. You too, brother.
B
Only the first time, right? Yes, sir. Okay, I'll come back here, cameras or no cameras.
A
Absolutely.
Podcast Summary: Jay Pharoah | Club Random with Bill Maher
Release Date: September 22, 2024
Introduction and Opening Remarks
The episode of Club Random with Bill Maher kicks off with a casual and humorous exchange between Bill Maher and his guest, Jay Pharoah. Jay shares his recent experience opening for Dave Chappelle, highlighting the unexpected popularity and the subsequent pressure to tone down his signature bomb jokes.
Jay Pharoah [00:50]: "I was about to throw out all these Jay Pharoah bomb jokes. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen."
Stand-up Comedy Experiences
Opening for Dave Chappelle
Jay recounts the thrill of performing alongside Dave Chappelle, receiving a standing ovation, and the challenges of balancing his comedic style in high-profile settings.
Jay Pharoah [75:33]: "I have worked with Dave, and, man, he's a sweetheart. He's the sweetest dude."
Experiences at The Comedy Store
The conversation delves into their mutual love for stand-up venues like The Comedy Store and The Improv. Bill reminisces about the nostalgia and the difficulty of performing among seasoned comedians who can easily spot clichéd material.
Bill Maher [02:05]: "I love to drop into the back of the Comic Comedy Store or the Improv... it's tough when you are a comic because you know the tricks."
Racial Slurs and Comedy
Use of the N-Word in Comedy
Jay and Bill discuss the complexities of using racial slurs in comedy, especially within the Black community. They explore how certain expressions are perceived and the thin line comedians walk to avoid offending audiences.
Jay Pharoah [04:01]: "When you hear, especially in the black community, if you're not doing well on stage, they'll let you know through cutlery... all of that mixed together definitely throws you off as a comic who doesn't want to bomb."
Audience Reactions
They share anecdotes about audience members reacting negatively to the use of racial slurs during performances, emphasizing the heightened sensitivity in today's social climate.
Jay Pharoah [12:13]: "She walks out on me because no, because I'm using it now... I start walking away. She says, where are you going? I said, I'm not having this conversation with you."
Impressions and Comedy Skills
Trump Impressions
Jay showcases his talent for impersonations, particularly of Donald Trump. They discuss the nuances that make his impressions stand out compared to others, highlighting his ability to capture Trump's unique mannerisms and speech patterns.
Bill Maher [20:07]: "It's funny out here in liberal LA, when something actually happens to the liberal, suddenly they understand what people, you know, like all the migrants that got bused to New York and Chicago and LA."
Impressions of Other Celebrities
The duo also touches upon impressions of other celebrities like Denzel Washington and Eddie Murphy, noting the dedication required to authentically portray their voices and personalities.
Jay Pharoah [22:24]: "Mine just sounds like John Mulaney, I guess. Just... your talent somehow has made somebody happy. It's made somebody laugh."
Personal Experiences with Drugs
Jay's Experiences with ADD and Weed
Jay candidly discusses his struggle with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and how he manages it with marijuana, turning a personal challenge into a comedic strength.
Jay Pharoah [13:53]: "So immediately I said, where y'all going? Where the fuck y'all going? I dropped the mic and I followed him."
Bill's Experiences with Roofies
Bill shares a personal story about being roofied (drugged) at a bar, leading to a four-hour memory loss. He reflects on the dangers and the lack of accountability surrounding such incidents.
Bill Maher [28:00]: "I got roofied once. Really. Well, I just remember being at a bar and it was the, like, I've been drunk a lot in my 20s and 30s..."
Politics and Social Issues
'Woke Mind Disease'
The conversation shifts to the concept of "woke mind disease," a term used to describe excessive political correctness. They debate its prevalence on the left and draw parallels with "Trumpism" on the right.
Bill Maher [15:04]: "I heard that he's got a woke mind disease now, too. I mean, and that's the political situation we're in."
Impact of Donald Trump
Jay and Bill analyze Donald Trump's influence on American society, particularly regarding racial tensions and political discourse. They discuss his reluctance to concede elections and the broader implications for democracy.
Jay Pharoah [16:04]: "Do you look at Trump as a... Do you look at him from a comedic aspect, like, standpoint? Like, that's how I try to do."
Interactions with Police and Racism
Personal Encounters with Law Enforcement
Bill narrates an unsettling experience where he was wrongfully detained by police while jogging, discussing the racial biases that often taint such interactions.
Bill Maher [58:03]: "I got wrongfully detained in 2020. You saw that? I was running from what? I was just exercising because I was gaining weight."
Racial Profiling and Arrests
They critique the systemic issues within law enforcement, emphasizing how racial profiling leads to unjust treatment of Black individuals.
Bill Maher [60:12]: "He just is a mental patient. So it's just a guy ranting and the way he connects."
Success of Black Artists
Tyler Perry's Journey
Jay and Bill commend Tyler Perry's rise from homelessness to billionaire status, highlighting his impact on Black cinema and ownership within the industry.
Jay Pharoah [68:45]: "Tyler Perry was homeless. Tyler Perry, he wrote these screenplays and then created this one character, Madea, that just went through the black community and caused, like, an uproar."
Comparison with Other Black Entrepreneurs
They compare Perry's success with other Black entrepreneurs like Jay-Z and LeBron James, discussing the challenges and systemic barriers that still prevent widespread Black ownership and wealth accumulation.
Bill Maher [70:17]: "Paramount. Same company. Yeah. Okay. The bidding war is between the son of Larry Allison of Oracle... you don't know anything we can really do to make that happen like that."
Comedy Career and Relationships
Balancing Career and Personal Life
Jay talks about the difficulties of maintaining relationships while constantly touring and performing, expressing a desire for stress-free personal connections.
Jay Pharoah [35:00]: "I got out of that situation and I tried to come back. Cause, you know, you think, you know, you like, man."
Desire for Compatible Partners
Both guests emphasize the importance of finding partners who do not add stress to their already demanding professional lives, valuing mutual admiration and understanding.
Bill Maher [37:24]: "You got enough of your own stress."
Final Anecdotes and Closing Remarks
As the episode nears its end, Jay and Bill share lighter moments, including humorous exchanges about popular culture references and their mutual appreciation for each other's comedic talents. They express a strong admiration for figures like Dave Chappelle and discuss the importance of standing firm in one's beliefs despite external pressures.
Jay Pharoah [77:01]: "And those are the most unapologetic people, and those are the warriors... Dave is."
The episode concludes with a warm farewell, emphasizing the camaraderie and mutual respect between the two comedians.
Bill Maher [83:13]: "Absolutely, man. You too, brother."
Notable Quotes
This episode of Club Random with Bill Maher offers a candid and insightful dialogue between Jay Pharoah and Bill Maher, exploring the intersections of comedy, race, politics, and personal experiences. Their dynamic conversation provides listeners with a blend of humor, thoughtful critique, and personal anecdotes, making it a compelling listen for both fans and newcomers.