Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Summary

Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode: Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random Classics

Release Date: October 16, 2025

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Episode Overview

This nostalgic, wide-ranging episode finds Bill Maher chatting with his longtime friend and fellow late-night icon Jimmy Kimmel. Together, they reminisce about their early careers, late night’s high drama, the evolution of celebrity culture, their personal growth, health skepticism, and the quirks of showbusiness. The conversation is an intimate blend of comic riffs, revealing anecdotes, and philosophical musings, all delivered in a relaxed, unscripted Club Random atmosphere—with plenty of laughs, some debate, and unexpected depth.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Marriage, Fashion, and Domestic Life

• Jimmy’s Wardrobe Secrets: Kimmel admits his wife Molly picks his clothes because he’s “grown tired of asking what to wear,” describing himself as “a guy whose wife has grown tired of me asking her what I should wear... like a child” (02:18).
• How Men Shop: Both men disagree with the stereotype that women enjoy shopping more, claiming to be decisive, “instinctive” shoppers themselves (02:51–03:10).
• Division of Domestic Labor in Marriage: Maher ponders if the appeal of marriage is “there’s somebody who does shit for you that you don’t want to do,” to which Kimmel disagrees, making light of the real reasons for partnership (02:34–02:41).

2. Celebrity Life, Malls, and Mask Culture

• Returning to the Mall Post-COVID: Maher finds visiting a mall after the pandemic “mind blowing,” and is baffled by young people still masking outdoors (03:18–04:16).
• Masks for Privacy: Kimmel says he sometimes wears a mask to walk around incognito, “like Michael Jackson with my face covered” (04:36), prompting more banter about celebrity behaviors.

3. Late Night TV, Copycats, and Disposable Fame

• The Ephemeral Nature of Talk Shows: Maher reflects, “what we do is gone by the next week... it’s sour milk. So disposable.” Kimmel notes coming from radio felt even more ephemeral in comparison (10:03–10:36).
• Origin Stories – The Man Show and Politically Incorrect: Stories emerge of copycat programs (“the X Show,” “Athletically Incorrect”) and lawsuits over titles, underscoring the competitive, sometimes cutthroat, world of unscripted TV (07:34–09:02).
  • “You can’t rip it off when you’re trying to learn it!” — Producer Scott Carter, relayed by Maher (08:26–08:40).

4. Aging, Sophistication, and Growth

• Both hosts admit they “cringe” watching old material, feeling unsophisticated in hindsight.
  • “If you really wanted to torture me, make me watch something from back then.” — Maher (11:52)
  • “You draw something, think it was good... two years later, you go, oh, God. I thought this was good?” — Kimmel (12:46).

5. Health, Food Fads, and Medical Skepticism

• Learning the Hard Way: Kimmel jokes he thought fish and chips daily was healthy as a young adult, and both reflect on past misconceptions shaped by the era’s health advice (e.g., "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter" and trans fats) (14:06–15:30).
• Medical Misinformation and COVID Skepticism:
  • Maher rails against the ever-changing tide of public health recommendations, saying, “they just don’t know that much... When have we ever been wrong? A lot. You’ve been wrong a fucking lot.” (15:48–17:21)
  • The two spar cordially about vaccines—Kimmel trusting most, Maher remaining skeptical and case-by-case (20:43–21:08).

6. Showbiz Rivalries – Leno vs. Letterman

• Inside the Tonight Show Drama:
  • Maher seeks to defend Leno’s actions, noting the unforgiving nature of Hollywood.
  • Kimmel calls Leno “quite clearly very—a cunning individual,” recounting long-running machinations with networks and time slots (30:09–31:38).
  • Behind the scenes: Leno attempted to move to ABC at 11:30; Kimmel was asked to move his own show as part of negotiations (35:35–36:49).
  • “I think from the beginning, his plan was to retake The Tonight Show, to see the ratings go down.” — Kimmel (35:03).

7. Comedy Inspirations and Recurring Bit Genius

• Recurring TV Segments:
  • Maher praises Kimmel’s “mean tweets” and “unnecessary censorship” bits; Kimmel credits his wife for “mean tweets” and notes the censorship bit began in radio (25:13–25:39).
• Comic Roots: Kimmel’s influences—Letterman and Howard Stern, with affectionate nostalgia for Letterman appearances (26:17–28:05).
• Why Americans Love Middle America Comics: Maher notes that Kimmel’s appeal, “like Carson and Leno and Letterman, there’s something mid-American about you…” (43:01–44:43).

8. Nostalgia and Collecting Memories

• Baseball Cards and Childhood Memories: The two reminisce about collecting baseball cards, milestone sports moments, and the thrill of first walking into a ballpark.
  • “I have a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe... I wouldn’t take it off all summer.” — Maher (48:27).
  • Discussion on the emotional attachment to cards, sports heroes, and the evolution of sportifying investments (54:25–55:57).
• Miscellaneous Card Collections: Maher cherishes not only baseball cards, but “Beetle cards,” “Batman cards,” “Martian cards,” and more—nostalgic tokens from a different media era (55:43–56:28).

9. Parenthood, Family, and Generational Perspective

• Maher notes the difference between having and not having kids changes how you think about the world’s future, especially regarding climate change (68:20–68:43).
• Kimmel, a father of four, explains that personal investment in the future is “about my children, and their children.” (68:46–71:12).
• They discuss the stages of marriage, with Maher humorously asserting, “It’s good in the beginning and then it’s a difficult period for, like, 50 years... And then you get to a point… it’s the second great period of a marriage.” (80:24–81:42).

10. Aging, Mortality, and Career Reflections

• Both hosts speak candidly about aging, brushes with the idea of mortality, and the strange comfort of their enduring relevance to younger generations (84:06–84:30).
• Kimmel recalls seeing Maher and Seinfeld perform standup in college, noting, “Bill Maher was like the funniest one. No, I did.” (83:28).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Showbiz Copycats:
  • “They can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it.” — (Scott Carter, via Maher, 08:26)
• On Health Advice:
  • "This is why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way we handle it. Because the bigger question about health is: they just don’t know that much. And they’re wrong a lot." — Maher (16:02)
• On Leno & Rivalries:
  • “He’s quite clearly very—a cunning individual, let’s just say.” — Kimmel (30:09)
• On Personal Growth:
  • “You think you are [sophisticated], and you’re more than you were when you were a teenager, of course, but... You’re just not what they used to call seasoned.” — Maher (13:17)
• On America’s Tastes:
  • “There’s something mid American about you that appeals to the broad... you strike people as American.” — Maher (44:34)
• On the Value of Baseball Cards:
  • “You gotta come over one day. Seriously. I’ll go through my cards. Amazing—like the years, ‘63, ‘64, ‘65, something like that.” — Maher (54:25)
• On Marriage:
  • “I feel like it’s good in the beginning and then it’s a difficult period for like 50 years… And then you get to a point... and that becomes like the second great period of a marriage... it’s just that little middle, 50 years.” — Maher (80:24–81:42)
  • "It's just that 50 years in the middle." — Kimmel (81:39)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Wardrobe and Marriage Talk: 02:01–04:00
• Late Night Legacies & Copycats: 07:00–10:36
• Health Skepticism: 14:38–17:31
• Vaccine Debates: 20:37–21:57
• Leno vs. Conan/Late-Night Feuds: 28:24–36:49
• Career Regrets & Nostalgia: 11:35–13:50 & 41:06–47:26
• Baseball Card Nostalgia: 54:25–57:58
• Family & Climate Change: 68:05–72:09
• Reflections on Mortality & Legacy: 84:04–85:20

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Tone and Language

The exchange is easy-going, candid, personal, and occasionally irreverent—filled with Maher’s acerbic wit and Kimmel’s laid-back, self-deprecating humor. There’s affection and occasional ribbing throughout, especially with Maher prodding Kimmel on his feuds (“Did he touch you, Jimmy? Show me where he touched you.”—35:11) or Kimmel needling Maher about his aversion to marriage.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a treasure trove for fans of late-night TV, comedy, and pop culture nostalgia, offering a rare behind-the-scenes look at two masters at their most unguarded. Whether discussing the challenges of growing older, the quirks of their industry, or the meaning of success, Maher and Kimmel display a veteran’s wisdom, the comfort of true friendship, and still, a childlike delight in the clubhouse that is Club Random.

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Transcript

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[Bill Maher]

This Friday, see what critics are calling a cold blooded masterpiece. Hello, city. Your dad.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Dad is just a word. Did you think our story was over?

[Bill Maher]

Discover the secret. It's brought us here for a reason. Behind the mask. What do you think happens when you die? It's time to find out. I'm not afraid of you. You should be. Black Phone 2 only in theaters Friday. Rated R under 17. Not admitted without parent. Well, in this month's Club Random Classics, we go back to my talk with my dear friend Jimmy Kimmel, who you may have seen in the news recently. It's a freewheeling conversation of trade secrets, celebrity stories and late night confessions from how radio trained, our comic timing, riffing on Kraft, the glorious Conan Leno mess, to how Jimmy's wife still dresses him. Enjoy Club Random Classics with Jimmy Kimmel. Club Random. Oh, look how sleek you are.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

How are you doing?

[Bill Maher]

That sounded very gay. And I'm touching you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's all right.

[Bill Maher]

You are. You look like. I don't know, that shirt looks like some sort of. You're either like a mastermind who runs the world, a little Dr. Evilly, or. I don't know, you look like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Can I tell you what I am?

[Bill Maher]

What?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I am a guy whose wife has grown tired of me asking her what I should wear. And she went and got me, like, four casual outfits that I can wear to things that have numbers on them like a child. That's what I am. A mob.

[Bill Maher]

Is this why guys like marriage? Cause there's somebody who does shit for you that you don't want to do? Is that the main part of it?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I don't think it's that. But I do think. I don't know about you. Do you have trouble figuring out, like what looks right? No, I have a great deal of trouble.

[Bill Maher]

In fact, I'm a very instinctive and decisive shopper. I will go in.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm the same way shopping.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. If I say either it speaks to me or it doesn't. If I'm wondering, then the answer is no. And if I want it, you know I want it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm good with shopping. I'm not good with putting combinations of things on.

[Bill Maher]

How often do you shop?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Not that much. Very rarely.

[Bill Maher]

I was at the mall about a month ago, maybe five weeks ago. I don't know. I mean, fucking A. I had not been even before the pandemic. I never really go to a store. For years I'd see pictures of celebrities, you know, coming out of Vons. I'm like, why the fuck are they doing that? I mean, they must have assistance. You're buying toilet paper at 8 in the morning? Are you nuts? I don't go to stores because I don't have to, so. But I thought, you know, oh, it's fun. They're open again and I should see what's out there for my own self. I'm too in my bubble with shopping wise. I mean, it was quite a mind blowing experience being in the mall.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

What'd you do, did you go to Macy's?

[Bill Maher]

No, I went to the west side. The one in Century City? Yeah, yeah. Part of it is outside. Yeah. Interesting. Like the people with masks on were the least likely to be felled by the Andromeda Strain. It was all the 22 year olds with masks on outside. It just fucking made me crazy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Do you ever wear the mask so you can.

[Bill Maher]

I will never wear a mask unless you force me to. I won't even do it anymore. Like just if it was a walk into my studio. Okay, we're playing this game. No, you have to yell at me and then I'll do it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I wear the mask sometimes just so I can walk around like. Like Michael Jackson with my face covered.

[Bill Maher]

So you're coming, right? From your show?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I am.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, thank you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, no problem.

[Bill Maher]

You're such a good guy, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, sure, I'll have a little of that.

[Bill Maher]

This, this is from Mike Tyson.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Is it really?

[Bill Maher]

Guest of Club Random with Bill Maher. Smoke pot. Give me To Bill Mar. By other guests of Club Random with.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Bill provided by Mike Tyson.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I've smoked with Mike Tyson before.

[Bill Maher]

Who hasn't?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Doesn't kid around. He really.

[Bill Maher]

He loves his. Well, you know what? For you and I, I mean, pot is whatever it is. I think for him, it really. I. I got my Eddie Veter lighter. Although these are terrible, they don't work. But I think for Mike, you know, he really. It makes him a mellow, very different guy. And he's not a guy you want to be unmellow. I mean, you know, of all the guys you don't want to be, you know.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, maybe he's medicating himself, but whatever he's doing, it seems to be working.

[Bill Maher]

It's totally working.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Did you see that fight we fought? Who'd he fight? Roy Jones Jr. I don't know, about six months ago. No, Tyson. He had a pay per view fight. Of course it was totally fixed.

[Bill Maher]

What happened?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, first of all, he looked really good. I mean, it was surprising how good he looked. Roy didn't look so good. He clearly beat Jones. But they obviously made some kind of a deal beforehand where they would declare it a draw because it was not a draw, but it was a draw at the end.

[Bill Maher]

But these two men in their 50s punching each other.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. And Mike's quite a bit bigger than Roy. I think Mike might be 10 years older, too.

[Bill Maher]

How old are you?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm 54.

[Bill Maher]

Can you imagine a man punching you? I mean, how fucking ridiculous is that?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Let me tell you something today. I did something today in which children threw dodgeballs at me while I was trying to shoot a basketball. And it was an absolute nightmare. I was getting hit with these light rubber balls. I was like, oh, my God, this is terrible.

[Bill Maher]

So I was on your show, when was it, like a month ago or something?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, five weeks, I think.

[Bill Maher]

And I think it was. I think I was mentioning that it was. Is it 20 years since we passed that baton? It is almost funny, that sign behind you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, politically, I love seeing that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I love that you keep this stuff because it makes me feel okay about keeping my stuff. I have a big man show sign, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I mean, they were just gonna, how can you throw it out?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's how I feel. My wife would tell you how to throw it out.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I mean, there'll never be a better title. I wish I could use the title.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's a great title. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And especially was in the Day because it was new. You know, people weren't saying that they Were saying politically correct. I remember we had a lawsuit about that because somebody else wanted to use that. And we said, no, we made that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I never told you this, but there was a. When I was a disc jockey here in la, there was a guy, a producer, who wanted me to host a show called Athletically Incorrect. Did you ever hear anything about that?

[Bill Maher]

No. But there was a time in the mid-90s, after we were on for a year or so, when there was a slew of copycatchers. I remember being very, very worried about it and talking to my producer, Scott Carter. God bless Scott Carter. All those years. Such a great guy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He is a great guy. Producer, super smart guy.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yes. And just a great human. And he. And I was like, they're gonna take the show. And he said, you know, think about the people who have cycled through here that we tried to teach how to do this kind of show, and they couldn't get it. He said, they can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, when you're telling them how to rip it off.

[Bill Maher]

Well, we always were doing something that was different than the other shows, you know, and they couldn't rip it off.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

When we did the man show, which you were on, of course, I'm sure. And I don't remember it, but I remember it well. It was. It was some kind of a bit where I married a monkey. And then.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah, I do remember that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

At the. The end of the bit, I look across. We were wearing tuxedos for some reason. I look across the room.

[Bill Maher]

Of course, you're a monkey, and you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Were there with your own monkey like it was a thing. But there was a show called the X Show. We made this man show pilot, and then it took, like a year before it was on the air. And in the meantime, fx, which was a new network, stole the idea. First they tried to buy the man show, and we sold it at Comedy Central. And then they asked me to host this show that they described to me. I was like, this is just like the show I'm doing, except for it was five nights a week and they bought time. In our premiere episode of the man show, they bought ads from the local cable operator. And we were just so angry, and we were just like. They were like our arch enemy. And it's all we could think of. And it's funny now. It's like it didn't work. It was terrible. Who cares?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, who cares?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But it was the biggest thing in our office at that time.

[Bill Maher]

The brand of show business we're in is the most disposable. Like, movies last forever. People still watch fucking. It Happened One Night. I mean, it looks like it was made in the Middle Ages, but It was only 1935. And it's on film. And what we do is gone by the next week. It's sour milk. You know, it's so disposable.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But for me, I come from radio, which is even lower on that disposable.

[Bill Maher]

Ladder, so as low as it gets.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I saw even just the fact that somebody is saving the tape of the show, which, you know, in radio, you want the show, you buy cassettes, you bring them in and you take them the show.

[Bill Maher]

They didn't used to save them. I mean, not at all. Carson used to complain that there were not those first few years. Some were on a kinescope. I never even knew what the fuck that was. They used to talk about it, and it was like, what is a kinescope? I don't know. It was something. I think it was like making a picture of a picture somehow. So they had a few of them like that. But those early Carson years, they don't even have. Because nobody thought they would reuse those tapes. They would use them for anything. Yeah, it's hysterical. The lack of foresight.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Even.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. How much could a tape have cost back then? But that was the same with our radio show also. We had a thing.

[Bill Maher]

Where were you, a 34 when you started? If you're 54, this show?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

35.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, 35. Yeah. I was about that exact age when I started Politically Incorrect. It's funny, you look back and I'm sure there are people who like our earlier work better.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, there are.

[Bill Maher]

But I look back and I would just fucking cringe. I mean, if you really wanted to torture me, make me watch something.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Same here.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, I don't even watch it now, but if I did, and occasionally I do, to check on something, especially the parts that are written, which I worked on all week, I can watch that and go, oh, okay. I can totally live with that. I didn't stumble over one word. If I stumble over one word, I feel like it's ruined.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's a bummer, right?

[Bill Maher]

But. But to ask me to look at something all those years ago, first of all, I would have zero recollection. It would be a total shock. And maybe there'd be parts. I'd go like, oh, that guy. That was pretty cute of that guy. But there would be definitely parts where I would go, what? A fucking douchebag.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And that would be just exquisite torture.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes. It's terrible. I've had that. I think. I feel like I've had that my whole life with everything. Like, I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid, and you draw something, you think it was good, show it to your mom or whatever. Then, like, two years later, you look at it, you go, oh, God, I thought this was good. And then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good. I guess eventually you probably reach a point where you've peaked, where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were better.

[Bill Maher]

I don't think I ever would because I feel like. I mean, what I really want to be is the most sophisticated I can, in the best sense of the word, not a pretentious sense. And I just was less sophisticated at that age. I might not have been unsophisticated for my age. Right. But when you look back from 50s and 60s, at 20s and 30s, you're not that sophisticated. You think you are, and you're more than you were when you were a teenager, of course, but there's just. You're just not what they, I think, used to call seasoned.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. You don't know things. I heard you on. I heard you on one of the earlier podcasts talking about gazpacho and how you. When you learned that it was cold soup.

[Bill Maher]

And that's my book. That's one of.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's that. I think that's a. It's a very salient point. You know, it's.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, everything you. The gazpacho. I was obsessed with this gazpacho because it's. You know, it's funny what sticks in your mind for some reason, I guess because I was so humiliated at that moment when I was making a thing with the waiter about the gazpacho soup being cold. It must have been seared in my mind, and it just. I do want to write that book. Gazpacho soup is cold because every single thing you know in your life, you did learn at a particular instant. You don't record the instant, but you could.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Can I tell you what I didn't know? When I was in my mid to late 20s, I would. I thought fish was healthy, and so I would get fish and chips for lunch almost every day.

[Bill Maher]

And now you don't. Because of the mercury and stuff like that?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, it's just. It's a big blob of fried dough over a piece.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you don't have to fry fish?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, no, fish and chips. Like the traditional fish and chips.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, but you just said fish. Do you think all fish is unhealthy?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, grilled fish is great. This was like, you know, like a fried chicken version of fish.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And I thought I was eating. I'd have French fries with it. And I was like, I'm eating as healthy as could be.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I would have a bagel every morning and think like, oh, this is good. I'm not putting much butter on it. You know, we don't know anything. We're not taught the important things.

[Bill Maher]

Well, now you're Jimmy wading into my bend to the pool. Cause this is the area that makes me ballistic. We could spend the whole rest of this time talking about this subject, but I feel like maybe I have an ally in you. I don't know if I do on all these things. Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. But just let me just address the general first, which is that somehow, at 66, even though I understand that my body is not in the shape it must have been internally and in some ways, externally that it was, I'm so much smarter about my health than I was in my 20s and 30s, that in some ways, I'm actually healthier. And you can look at, even in the numbers.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I feel the same way.

[Bill Maher]

Which is amazing, because to your point, I had so many bad ideas. And of course, when you talk about bad ideas about health, that's given the fact that we already, with our best ideas, don't know a lot. So if you have bad ideas based on other bad ideas, that's a lot of bad health. And yes, I was the same way. I thought. We all thought that. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter was what you should eat. And now it is illegal. That is trans fats. Trans fats are illegal. And that is what they told us to eat 15 years ago, to be healthy. This is why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way we handle it. Because the bigger question about health, they just don't know that much. And they're wrong a lot. So don't sit there in your fucking white coat and tell me. Just do what we say. Because when have we ever been wrong? A lot. You've been wrong a fucking lot. Including about this. I seem to remember six months we were wiping off the packages.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right?

[Bill Maher]

Lots of things you're wrong about. The vaccine would prevent you from getting it. No. Or giving it. No. Okay, you weren't trying to be wrong. But don't be arrogant about how Much. You're right, because it's not very much.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Jimmy Kimmel]

Do you feel though that now knowing what you know, do you feel like you're at in that place that you were at 10 years ago or 20 years ago where the conventional wisdom is what we accept? We know that grilled fish is good for us. Some are, maybe not. Some are worse than others, but, well, we know maybe we'll find out it wasn't.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, any fish that lives in the ocean is never going to be 100% good for you because the ocean is a fucking cesspool. We've turned it around.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

There are many lakes and you can have a nice salmon out of a river.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, most bodies of water are somewhat polluted just because what falls out of the air falls into the bodies of water. Mercury gets into the water no matter where the water is because it falls from the clouds and fish eat that. And we get it in the fish. Some fish are worse, obviously. Sushi. There are people who eat a lot of sushi and have a mercury poisoning. That's how much fucking mercury there is in the fish. Jeremy Piven had that thing on Broadway, remember?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Allegedly. Yeah, right.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I don't know.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I think. Wasn't he trying to get out of that play?

[Bill Maher]

I seem to remember that. Yes, that's possible.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I remember a lot of scoffing. That's what I remember from the movie.

[Bill Maher]

He would write a book about it. He Blamed it on the fish. The Jeremy Piven story. But certainly it is bad for you. Tuna has tons of it. Swordfish, I used to love to eat. I won't eat that now. Yeah, swordfish. Any deep sea fish is gonna be full of mercury. And mercury is super bad for what's inside you. This is another thing about vaccines. You know, I've never been anti vaxx, but don't tell me that you know how vaccines will interact with how much mercury I have in my body or how much electromagnetic energy I get exposed to how many of the 50,000 chemicals that were never around 100 years ago that we ingest now or in the atmosphere. There's a million different variables that can affect my health. So don't pretend that there are definitive answers about any of this.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But don't you. Do you regret having the polio vaccine? The rubella vaccine?

[Bill Maher]

You know, it's a.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Did you get the shingles?

[Bill Maher]

I would have to go through them case by case because to me, vaccines are always a case by case. There are some, yes. That I would endorse and some I certainly didn't want the COVID one.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You didn't want to get it?

[Bill Maher]

No, and I did because I couldn't have, like, led a life without it and still couldn't today. But I'm not going to get any more of it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, I will. I will for sure.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Well, I mean, we're different on that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Even the idea that mercury is bad for you, like, how do we know.

[Bill Maher]

That mercury is bad for you? We do know that, but how do we know it?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Who told us this?

[Bill Maher]

Okay, well, peer reviewed studies told us this.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And it's almost commonsensical, but I mean, look, I'm trying to lay out the case that I'm the medical skeptic, but if the question is, is mercury bad for you? I feel like that's on the side of settled science. I'm good with that one. I don't need to look into that one anymore. Mercury in your system, not good, do you feel? Neither is lead, which we also have in our.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, no, I'm not saying. I'm not saying they are good. I'm not even questioning it. I'm just. Why do we decide certain metals in.

[Bill Maher]

People'S body is something that they don't look into enough and is very often. I've certainly anecdotally heard from people who say, I know one person in particular who was like, she had all these horrible Kind of like, you know, those diseases they call fatigue diseases.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You know, Epstein Barr.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, Epstein Barr, which is a virus many of us have in their bodies. I have it in my body. Lots of fatigue syndrome, whatever they want to call it. And she said, looked at a million different things. Many different doctors had the mercury drilled out of her teeth. Problem went away. Mercury. They used to drill it into. I had it drilled.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, I had it. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Did you have it drilled out?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes, I had to move.

[Bill Maher]

Well, if you're.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, the metal filling.

[Bill Maher]

So if you're not sure about that, why'd you do that?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I was a kid. My parents. I had no decision really, in it.

[Bill Maher]

They drilled it in and then drilled it out. While you were still a kid?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, they drilled in when I was a little kid and drilled it out when I was like, 13 or something. 14, maybe.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. They said they had to. It was like, falling out. Yes.

[Bill Maher]

And it's bad for you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. I don't know what their reasoning was. Their reasoning may have just been, it's poison. We want to sell you another filling.

[Bill Maher]

We don't want poison leaking into your body from your teeth.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. I mean, that could have been it, too, but I tend to think that. I tend to think that they're just like dentists trying to make another 60 bucks.

[Bill Maher]

Not in this case.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. Well, no. Why?

[Bill Maher]

If you leave here thinking one thing about Club Random, I hope it will be mercury bad. Mercury bad. Don't get mercury in my body if I can help it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I was going to ask you why it was Club Random, but I think I understand. I don't think I need any explanation.

[Bill Maher]

It's interesting. You and I, you know, we have so many things in common and so many things un. In common.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, we. That's true.

[Bill Maher]

Like, you're a guy who loves to be married.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And I'm a guy who obviously doesn't.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, and you even. Is your wife still the head writer? She's.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. The head writer.

[Bill Maher]

That's amazing.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Executive producer of the show.

[Bill Maher]

Talk about someone who you can trust, huh?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Because that's a real trust job.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Totally.

[Bill Maher]

You know, if you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And also, who knows you.

[Bill Maher]

It's like chief of staff if you're president.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Who knows what you would want and not want. Right. Even more importantly.

[Bill Maher]

So it's not just the shirts that she does.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, it's not just the shirts.

[Bill Maher]

It's the show. The show and the shirts. That is a hell of a wife you got there.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, no, she's good. Sometimes. If I think of something funny in the middle of the night. I'll make a lot of noise so that it wakes her up. And then I'll act like I did it unintentionally and then I'll tell her the funny thing that I thought of. And she almost. I mean, she. Courtesy laughs, but I don't think she's.

[Bill Maher]

But then she puts it in a bit.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, no, it's usually ridiculous.

[Bill Maher]

You have some. I must say, you do have some classic bits. The. The tweets bit.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, that was her idea. My wife's idea.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

That is a. I mean, you know, not.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's a good bit.

[Bill Maher]

Every bit is a classic. That's. That's a classic.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And the other one, the, you know, bleeping.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. The unnecessary censorship. Yeah. That's something I started doing on the radio.

[Bill Maher]

Is that right?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Goes that far back.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. It's just. It was funny to. So funny bleeps where we had to cut the tape, scream where they don't belong, you know? Yeah. I always got to.

[Bill Maher]

That's another gold. It's those things, those like recurring.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, there. What a life raft that is.

[Bill Maher]

New rules, obviously. And some of the.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Do you figure that out?

[Bill Maher]

I don't know if it's true. I just. I don't know for a fact. I just know it's true. In our 24 things. I love those refillables because we're old school fans of the old. We grew up on. I mean, I know you adore Letterman, right? He's your big hero, right?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, Letterman, Howard.

[Bill Maher]

Howard.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, and he's still your boyfriend.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Now, how did you wind up up Howard's ass but you couldn't get up Dave's. That's my question for you, Jimmy Kimmel. I'm sure you tried.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I just, you know, I feel like Howard, no matter what he says, seeks human interaction. And I don't know that, at least with me, I don't know that Dave would be interested in that. And I would never want to like, bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common. We started. He's still a radio guy. I was a radio guy. I got into it because of him, really. And my uncle would send me tapes of the show on wnbc, make a cassette tape. He'd send me one once every two months. And I would listen to them over and over again. I feasted on them.

[Bill Maher]

Right. And this is the difference between your age, which is about a decade before mine, and mine, because like, you're Howard Letterman, Whereas I'm Carson. Jack Benny, right? No, not Jack.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, Jack Benny.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know. I don't know who the other would be, but there was probably somebody on the radio. You know, I did listen to, like, the disc jockeys on wabc. Dan Ingram in the afternoon, Cousin Brucie. I didn't want to be him. Dan Ingram was very sophisticated, but definitely Johnny Carson. And, you know, we wanted to be that guy. I think that guy to us was. I mean, we were never going to be, like, the athlete of the school, you know, that's not what we're going to be. We weren't going to be the leading man in the drama club, but we could be that guy, you know, that was our version of Jason.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, I remember when college kids I would talk to started talking about Conan in the same way that I spoke about Letterman, because it's whatever your. The first thing, first one you're exposed to is the one that means the most. Johnny to you. It was Johnny. And then everybody else after Johnny is.

[Bill Maher]

Like, when there was that Conan, Leno, kerfuffle, ugliness. Not since the War between the States. Maybe it was the rap feuds between east and West Coast. I don't remember. But not since something was there, something that was that contentious. I remember at the time. This is so funny. It was like 2009, I think.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, it sounds right.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, so my girlfriend at the time was 25. And I remember, you know, it was very important thing in our world. And I was explaining to her, I said, well, you know, it's a generational thing. Leno is 59 and Conan's like 46. And she went, yeah, that's the same thing to me. And I actually felt better because I was like, oh, you know what? That's good, because that means I'm in the same boat with everybody over 40, you know, and. Yeah, and that category is, you know.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, out of range.

[Bill Maher]

Right. Fuller.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But.

[Bill Maher]

But I don't know. I mean, were you a team? Were you Team Jay or team.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, definitely not Team J. No. No.

[Bill Maher]

I was like, oh, yeah, you have a feud with him.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I was kind of in the middle of that one.

[Bill Maher]

You feud with Jay Leno?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Not. Not anymore. I did, though.

[Bill Maher]

What? He's such a nice guy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I know you always say that. And I go, hmm, what am I not seeing?

[Bill Maher]

You know, there's this evil Jay that I don't see. Really? I mean, is that really what you think? Tell me what you really think. You think I am blind to A Machiavellian side of Jay Leno, maybe.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I don't.

[Bill Maher]

You can say that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, unless you're, like, joking.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not joking.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's quite clearly very. A cunning individual, let's just say.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, because he hid in the closet that time.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Who hides in the closet and listens in?

[Bill Maher]

But on his own?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Who's ever done that?

[Bill Maher]

Okay, but he did it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's like a soap opera.

[Bill Maher]

Wait a second. He did it on his own behalf. He didn't do it to rat fuck someone else.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He did to Rat Dave.

[Bill Maher]

What do you mean, to Rat Dave?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Letterman. I mean, who did that?

[Bill Maher]

Rat Letterman?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, it was part of his campaign. I mean, you know, go through the whole thing. But basically that was part of him gauging what NBC was planning to do. I don't recall exactly what that conversation was, do you? But I think it may have been about.

[Bill Maher]

They were vying for this same. They were vying for this one coveted spot, the host of the Tonight Show. It was the holy grail of comedians that it would be passed on. So obviously, it's the super bowl trophy. They both won it. And I don't know, I find something wrong about the hatred of the people who. Oh, you just went for it and got it and won. And then, by the way, he was like, number one. They fired him twice for the sin of being number one in his time slot. I mean, it's not like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I don't know if that's why they fired him, but.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well, they fired him because they thought, well, we better look out. Why? Because he was such a hard guy to work with?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I just think they saw Fallon surging, and they saw that as the immediate future.

[Bill Maher]

They thought they were.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

There was a time where the ratings were between. Those shows were getting close, which is very unusual.

[Bill Maher]

It speaks to the need in this business. Kids, if you're watching and you want to get in the business, you need someone talking for you. An agent, a manager, somebody. Because Jay Leno had no one speaking for him. He was his own representative. Whereas I think it was Arie Emanuel, one of the great talkers of all time and great people. I love him. I think he was in the ear of the NBC exec saying, you need to think about the future. Yeah, sure, Jay is number one now, but you know what? What about the future? Let's get ahead of this. And so they fired him for being number one twice, and his successors did not do as well. I'm just saying, these are the raw successes.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I think it's more complicated than that.

[Bill Maher]

Tell me the complicated part.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, first of all. So Conan wanted the 11:30 spot, and he went to NBC and said, I want the 1130 spot. If I don't get the 1130 spot, I'm going to become a free agent. And other networks are going to offer me the 11:30 spot. Which was happening, by the way, something that was happening. And NBC said, listen, we want to keep Jay on. We want you to be the 11:30 host. What we'll do is we'll make a deal in five years, we'll give you the Tonight Show. And Conan now has to make a decision. Should I go to ABC at 11:30 or stay here and wait and be a good soldier and take the Tonight show at the end of it? Yeah, abc, I know, but at the time, they were talking to him and Fox as well.

[Bill Maher]

To replace you with him?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, to push me back or whatever, you know, move the show a little. I was on a midnight at that time. And Conan then had to make a decision. Do I go to another network or do I stay here and wait? And he said, okay, I'll stay and wait. And then when he put in his five years, they broke the deal.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, so he did stay five years.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He did stay five years. And then Jay, who knows a lot about television, a lot about TV ratings, maybe more than anyone I've ever met.

[Bill Maher]

I'll bet.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Was offered the 10pm slot. Now they don't have to violate Conan's contract. Jay knew that lead in is hugely important and that NBC had had dramas that were fairly successful in those slots, and they were bringing a pretty big audience to the Tonight Show. He knew that doing his show would have maybe half those ratings, turned out to be like a third. And. And even if that show failed, it would make the Tonight Show's ratings drop. And that's what happened. Conan had a bad lead in from Jay.

[Bill Maher]

But should Jay have not taken the 10pm spot because of that? Why is Jay always looking out for Conan's interest?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I'm not saying he's looking out for Conan's interest. I'm just saying it's somewhat diabolical, don't you think?

[Bill Maher]

Diabolical?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, I would never do anything like that.

[Bill Maher]

Why? So he should not have taken the 10pm slot. He should not have kept working in the air, in the job they offered him. He should say no because of Conan's career. I'm not going to work at 10pm I don't get that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. But, yeah, I think from the beginning, his plan was to retake the Tonight show to see the ratings go down.

[Bill Maher]

You just don't like this guy. I don't know what he did to you. What did he do? Did he touch you, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, he didn't. He did do a weird thing.

[Bill Maher]

Show me where he touched you.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But I don't want to make this all about. Because I'm fine with him now. We spoken.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, it's fine.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But just for the. You know, whatever. Just the thing.

[Bill Maher]

I hate it when two people I love don't like each other because I feel like I did something.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It wasn't your fault at all, was it? When ABC was. When NBC was going to turn the show over to Conan, Jay was talking to ABC about coming on at 11:30. And Jay needed to get Bob Iger. They needed to get my permission, contractually, because I was contracted to be on at midnight, not 12:30. So they wanted to get my permission first. And so at that time, Jay called me a lot, and we spoke about all sorts of things, and I felt like we were having a friendly relationship. And then the day NBC decided, no, we're keeping, Jay never heard from him again. And I didn't even find out from him that he was staying. He wanted me to move. He wanted to be on 11:30, and I would move to 12:30. And I finally said, okay, yeah, I think I would do that. I'd be on at 12:30 after you, because I was on at midnight at the time, and I felt he'd be a better lead in the Nightline, you know that.

[Bill Maher]

Wait, Jay was going to move to abc? Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. There's a lot of stuff.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Either I forgot that, or.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I don't think most people even know that. But I know it because I was asked to move to 1230. Yeah. So I don't know. I sometimes feel like maybe.

[Bill Maher]

I got.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A lot of friends. I don't need to. I don't need to.

[Bill Maher]

I understand.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You know what I mean?

[Bill Maher]

But I hope someday, as we all walk down the path of life, well.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

This isn't gonna make it better, that.

[Bill Maher]

I get to somehow do a Jerry Lewis arc.

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[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone. Lowe's knows Sundays hit different when you earn them. We've got you covered with outdoor power equipment from Cobalt and everything you need.

[Bill Maher]

To weatherproof your deck with Trex decking. Plus with lawn care from Scotts and.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Of course, pit boss grills and accessories, you can get a home field advantage all season long. So get to Lowe's, get it done and earn your Sunday. Lowe's official partner of the NFL. Let me tell you a couple a good Jay. Jay Leno story. I met him when I was a teenager out front of the Improv, I think, and he couldn't have possibly have been nicer to us. I mean, he was super nice and chatty and, you know, so, you know, I'm not indicating. He's, you know, whatever. I just think there are some weird things there.

[Bill Maher]

Well, he is a weird mix of, I think a very moral guy. But he's definitely Italian. He has a cunning. Yes, Jay is smart about the business. I mean, he is ruthlessly smart, but I just didn't think it was at the detriment of others. Except if you're going after the same job. Yeah, I don't find it off putting that he was in the closet.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. From my point of view. I got to know who he was from his appearances on Letterman and I thought he was cool because Dave put him on and they seemed to be friendly and he would give Dave shit and he's always so funny. Oh, so funny.

[Bill Maher]

Those were great.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And then it seemed weird that then after Dave kind of opened that door for him that he'd be squeezing his way through the other one.

[Bill Maher]

Well, Dave opened that door for him. I mean, he was obviously, I remember those appearances too. He was obviously a big talent. You know, Chris Rock for years would always say, oh, thank you, because back in 1996, we put him on. We were doing, it was the 96 election. He was our correspondent because he was at a kind of a down moment. In his career in New Hampshire. It was funny. I can't find hair products up here. You know, it gave him a little boost. People saw him and it, you know, helped the next step. But I always said to him, chris, I didn't do anything. You're a giant talent. It would have happened anyway. I'm glad that we were able to, like, work together at a moment that was beneficial for us both, but it would have happened some other way. You're Chris Rock.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, but the difference is that's how Chris feels, right? It's not about how you feel, it's how Chris feels. And Jay is Chris in this situation. And this Chris is not so grateful.

[Bill Maher]

Interesting the way you threw that trump card down on me. I must say, a little taken aback, but okay, well, someday I'm going to do a Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry. Not that you were ever Dean and Jerry, but it's like, because, you know, there's so many, there's so few people who can understand what you and me and Jay and, you know, there's a little club of people who know what it's like to do talk show and talk to many, many, many different people over the years. And, you know, I mean, I would be hard pressed if someone, like, had a list of every guest I've ever had to read them and make me identify exactly who we're talking about because. Oh, yeah, I, I just, you know, I, I don't remember everybody. Regis.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's funny.

[Bill Maher]

He's dead. He's not even. Oh, no. Is Regis.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He did.

[Bill Maher]

He passed away.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's a relief.

[Bill Maher]

I feel bad. I mean, I feel good. I mean, I feel bad. I feel, I feel good that he was around for so long and terrible that it had to end so quickly.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I had Regis and Joy and Don Rickles and his wife Barbara over my house for dinner one night. I cooked them dinner. And one of the things I love about, like, old guys like that is nationality means so much in their characterization of you. Like Regis. Ah, look, he's Irish. He's like, he's, he's drunk. He's, you know, it's like with Don, like, all he could think about is my mother's Italian is like, he's. The kid's Italian. He's Italian. I think he thought I was Jewish at the outset and was kind of hoping I was Jewish. But then it became the mob and spaghetti and all meatballs and all that stuff.

[Bill Maher]

The thing about you reads Jewish, you say that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Really?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Oh, my.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

People Think I'm Jewish? Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

My last name rhymes with a Jewish word.

[Bill Maher]

And.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And also, when I dated Sarah, I feel like a lot of people presumed that I was Jewish.

[Bill Maher]

I never presumed.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

No, you just do not. You do not. I don't have Judar.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It was a joke.

[Bill Maher]

Of course you do not. Set. If I had Judar, you would not set it off.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Is it big? The big crucifix on my hairy chest?

[Bill Maher]

I feel like it's part and parcel to your amazing success. Really. 20 years is a long time in that piece of real estate. It's because, like Carson and like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

J.

[Bill Maher]

Leno and David Letterman, there's something mid American about you that appeals to the broad, not just the coast, although you obviously do well there, too. But, like, you strike people as American and it's not like there's the Larry Davids and people love those kind of comics. But, yes, that's kind of like a Jewish sensibility they see there. I don't see it with you because you're not a Jew. It's not a giant mystery. And for America, that's good because jews are like 2% of the population. It's very good to be able to do well also in Muncie and lots of other places, you know, And I know you hate to be compared, but you and Jay, you both have your thumb well on the pulse of middle America. You wouldn't have survived for that long in that spot if you didn't.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I like that ice bucket, by the way. It reminds me like, my parents had one like that when we were in the 70s, you know, I remember it being. I still have mine right here. I remember being attracted to it in some way.

[Bill Maher]

Attracted? That sounds sick.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You know what I mean?

[Bill Maher]

No, I don't.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Like, you're not. You know what I mean?

[Bill Maher]

No, but like, one day you want to. My ice bucket.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

One day I'm going to be a man who has an ice bucket. Oh, yes, definitely.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I. The people I looked up to like manly. Who I wanted to be a man. And if I had a. If I was a man like these men, I'd be. Be with lots of hot chicks were Johnny Carson and James Bond. Yeah, they were the right age. And it's interesting, you know, they weren't like, young. They weren't old for sure, but celebrities were older then. 40s. 40s was like. Is like the perfect age, like fully a man. Although I was, you know, I guess. I don't know. Like I said, looking back, I don't want to do It. But, but you know, still, like attractive. Looked good. Dean Martin also, I must say, I could tell that my mother was hot for Dean Martin. Like watching the 10 o'. Clock. He had the Thursday 10 o' clock show. We had comes out with the perfect tan sideburns, you know, the tuxedo and you know, just white teeth and like, it's like, oh, yeah, I would love to. I said, well, I can't be Dean Martin. I don't want to be Jerry Lewis. It's got to be something in the middle.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Carson, you know, who's your all time favorite baseball player?

[Bill Maher]

All time favorite baseball player? Well, I mean, there will always be someone. I mean, a connection. For someone my age who grew up in the New York market with Mickey Mantle. I mean, my.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A Yankee.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. My father appeared at the head of my first grade classroom one morning. I was shocked because I'd never seen my father at the school. I didn't know what I thought, maybe that it was a emergency or a disaster. I was in trouble. But he was there to take me to my first baseball game. Like, it was like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And he didn't tell you. He just showed up when you got right.

[Bill Maher]

Showed up. I'm a fucking Marine back from Afghanistan.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, that's great.

[Bill Maher]

And you know, I remember, I do have a. I have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher. And he must have been saying, hey, I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know school day's not out, but it's our one chance to go to a game, blah, blah, blah. And so there off I went.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

And you know, the first. It's almost exactly the way Billy Crystal describes it often. But like in his show, it's a brilliant show that 700 some days. But walking into Yankee Stadium and before, it had only been black and white on your television because your black and white TV showed the baseball games. And here it was, you walk out the tunnel and there's that giant expanse of verdant.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I had that same experience. Cause I had a little black and white tv. I watched all the Dodgers games growing up. And when my parents took us to Dodger Stadium, what really stood out to me was that the Dodgers numbers were bright red.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Which I never really noticed, you know, in the newspaper.

[Bill Maher]

No. And it was just so big, you know, and there they were. And so Mickey Mantle. When I was 7, I had a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe uniform with seven that my mother sewed on the back.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Really.

[Bill Maher]

And I wouldn't take it off all Summer. And she was begging me to because it was hot and it was flannel, but it was Mickey Mouse. So I guess that's back in my memory somewhere. I mean, when I got more thoughtful about sports, I went right to Joe Pepitone. No, I don't know. Name some people. I mean, I like a lot of people, but, you know, they're basically like Tom Seaver.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Was I wondering.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, Tom Seaver was great. All the goals.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Cause I know you liked the Mets. I just didn't know. I didn't know it was. Yeah, I assumed it was pizza from the game.

[Bill Maher]

It was fun.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Right. And now they're doing great.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I told you that story about the Las Vegas Golden Knights.

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

They offered me a piece of their franchise, and I didn't do it because I felt. You told me it wasn't a great deal when you owned the Mets.

[Bill Maher]

It was a great deal. I don't know. You must have been high. You told me it was. It was.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You told me that they never give you any tickets. You don't even have a parking space there. You always have to pay for tickets.

[Bill Maher]

I would never have said that because I never. That was not the case.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Must be.

[Bill Maher]

Losing my own parking space.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, I made a major life decision based on this.

[Bill Maher]

I had my. They were always great about that. I had my own parking space and. Yes, you had to, like at the World Series. Yeah, there were some things, but, you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series. I had the greatest seats. The Wil Ponds were super nice to me. I have no complaints about that. The problem was during the pandemic, because we weren't playing baseball games. So they had these things called capital calls. When you're an owner and you. And you don't. The team losing a lot of money, you gotta pony up. And so it was very scary to be running a baseball enterprise and not playing baseball.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And then when we did play, there was no one in the stands to buy hot dogs. That was a troubling time. I was worried about that way more than getting the fucking Andromeda Strain. I was worried about that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's so crazy. Never think about that. You have a piece of a team that might not be. Oh, you might have to pay up.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely. Yes. And I did. Luckily, Mr. Steve Cohen came along the next year and the Met sold. And it actually turned out to be a great thing. But, yeah, there was some fucking nervous moments.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, now I'm back. Now I think I made the right decision.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. You know what?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But of course, the Golden Knights went to the Stanley cup in their first season.

[Bill Maher]

Is that right?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And they're a professional team.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes. It's an NHL team. It's, like, unheard of.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know. I know so little about hockey, and I'm so actively against it that I can't really judge that, you know, because hockey, I don't know, and I don't even think it should be here. It's not really American. It's boring. Like soccer. It's a sport sport, sort of just more like exercise. So I'm not. So I can't judge.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Have you gone to a game live?

[Bill Maher]

No, of course not.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's. It's different. It's. It's more fun in person.

[Bill Maher]

More boring.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But no, it's not. It's not boring. You're. You're right up at the glass. If you get good seats and just, you know, they're constantly smashing into the.

[Bill Maher]

All covered up.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You can really see them fighting.

[Bill Maher]

I don't care. And then I'll go to a fight if I want to see them fighting. But in general, of all the things that goes up in value, this is why I did this deal back in 2011. Sports teams. People in this fucking country, you know better than anybody, love sports. And those investments never go down, could they? Yes, in a small market, but not the New York baseball franchise. There's only one National League baseball franchise, and it's not going anywhere. It's like Mark Twain said about real estate. God made the earth, but he ain't making anymore. And they ain't making any more National League baseball franchises. So I don't know if that's anything like what this one is in hockey. Does it sound like it has quite the tradition?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, but it's hugely successful as far as attendance and fan excitement. Going to. It was a really big story. Like, it hadn't happened in any professional sport since, like, the early 60s, I think.

[Bill Maher]

But if somebody offers you, like, something in a legacy team, and when I say legacy team, like, I. If. If there's, like, a World Series, as there usually is without the Mets in it, so I don't really care who wins. I always root for the team that's been around longest. I root for the team whose baseball cards I had when I was a kid. If it's the Detroit Tigers against the Marlins. Fuck the Marlins.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Brewers in the American League?

[Bill Maher]

Not even the Brewers. It was the Milwaukee Braves before they went to Atlanta.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Before they went to Atlanta. Wow. Right, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Hank Aaron.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I also had a card that said Bob Clementi. Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Bob?

[Bill Maher]

Because he couldn't say Roberto because that was for that era that was a little too ethnic. Bob Clooney. You have baseball cards?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I do. I have some baseball cards, but they're cards I collected when I was a kid.

[Bill Maher]

You gotta come over one day. I am over my 10. Yes, apparently, I am.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A baseball card.

[Bill Maher]

You gotta come up one day. Seriously? Seriously. I'll go through my cards.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You got good ones?

[Bill Maher]

Amazing. Like, that's great. Like the years. Like 60, like maybe 3, 4, 5, something like that. When I was like, 7, 8, 9. Very complete.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Did you flip cards when you were a kid?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah. And you put them in the spokes of your bike?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I valued them too much to do that, but. But we'd flip them all the time. It was just nonstop gambling with the cards. I got a Mets team card once. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Team card.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, the checklist. Team card was.

[Bill Maher]

Remember the checklist card?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. And the kid, his kid Mark, his parents owned the grocery store in Brooklyn. Milk and stuff. And he was so upset that I got the Mets team card. He made them open all of the cards in the store and they didn't get another Mets team card and wound up trading him the Mets team card for all of those cards. Hundreds of cards. It was like a scene out of Willy Wonka. It was like they're opening these packs looking for this Mets team card.

[Bill Maher]

Do they still have cards?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, sure. Cards are bigger than ever, you know.

[Bill Maher]

I not only have baseball cards. Oh, Jimmy, when you come over here, we're gonna have such a good day. Not only do I have baseball cards, I have other cards that I. That were Beetle cards.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

Batman cards. Two kinds. One drawing, one photograph. Really? Yes. Two kind. Two editions. Martian cards. There was a movie Jack Nicholson was in, was called something. Let's go to Mars or Mars Attacks. I think it was Tim Burton.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Tim Burton, right.

[Bill Maher]

Mars Attacks. That was from a set of cards that I have still as a kid.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Did you collect Wacky Packages? You know, Wacky Packs?

[Bill Maher]

No. What's that? Wacky Pack.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That was a big thing. Like, they'd. They take like a product like a tube of Crest toothpaste, and they change it to crust, and crust would be coming out of it. You know, like that kind of stuff.

[Bill Maher]

I think I have those cards.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, I love those Wacky Pack cards.

[Bill Maher]

I have Munster cards.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Really?

[Bill Maher]

Wow. Or maybe it's Adam's family. One of those. Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And you remember buying them when you were a kid.

[Bill Maher]

No, I don't remember. I don't know how I have them. The baseball cards. I know how I have, because I did save my nickels and dimes to go buy cards. Packages of. Remember you get that stale gum.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And you would open it up and you're like, oh, who did I get?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A little bit of gum dust would come out.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And you'd see. And sometimes you get like, some, like, shitty San Diego Padre.

[Bill Maher]

You'd be like, oh, fuck.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, the best ones from the. I don't know if they still did it, but there was like, okay. Each guy Bob Clemente and, you know, Rolly Fingers, whoever it is, then checklist card, worst team card, second worst. But best was like, when they had two or three stars, sometimes from different teams, standing together with a special card. Buck Blasters, you know, and it was Clementhe and Willie Stargell or something like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That for, like, the American League and National League.

[Bill Maher]

League.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Best first basement, you know?

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Like Rod Carew and Steve Garvey.

[Bill Maher]

Right. It would be. Yeah. Like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays together, you know, like. Right. Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

See, for us, the team cards were big, but only teams we liked. We didn't care about the expos.

[Bill Maher]

Racist victim bashers.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Did you ever play any of those celebrity softball games where you get to play with, like, those guys? Like, gossip. Was one in Winfield. These guys in one of these games.

[Bill Maher]

Games.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

What kind of like a celebrity softball game? They'll do them with the All Star.

[Bill Maher]

I played in the. A couple of years. I was in something at Dodger Stadium. They sent over a uniform. You got in a Dodger uniform with the stirrups. The whole thing. It was kind of cool.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I remember I went with Alan Thicke.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

And it was a game. I loved it. Yes. Tony Danza got me out with a little 10 cent curveball. Grounded to third. I remember Jonathan Silverman.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

Like, really hit it a long way.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Oh, really?

[Bill Maher]

Like, very impressive. You have so many, like, of these big celebrity friends. What's that about? Like, Jennifer Aniston and, like, Howard Stern. It's funny, I still say some other motherfucker that you're friends with some other.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I still have my best friends from high school.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I do. Oh, bring out the award. But for a good guy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Just. It's not just. But why am I being defensive about?

[Bill Maher]

But do they party with Jennifer Addison?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

No. You keep them separate.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's actually not true.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yep. Actually specifically not true, in fact.

[Bill Maher]

But would she.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

My Friend. Jimmy Gentleman. Who was Jimmy Gentleman? Jimmy Gentleman. Come on. There's nobody named Jimmy Jimmy Gentleman. And there's actually two people named that. Him and his dad's John Jellyn.

[Bill Maher]

I think of you as Jimmy Jenner.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's funny, my uncle Vinnie was like, thought it was a nickname. He's like. Cause yeah, cuz you're like the jerk. And he's like the gentleman. I was like, no, I'm not the jerk. Anyway, we knew that he's so polite he wouldn't come. Who if Jimmy Gentleman. To Jennifer Aniston's house. If he knew that's where he was going. So we lied to him. We told him we were going back to our house and just drove there. And he was a nervous wreck the whole time.

[Bill Maher]

Why? Because he felt he was not worthy to set footage.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. Which is not true. And he loosened up after a while.

[Bill Maher]

Right. I hope you slapped the snot out of him. He needs to be disabused of that notion.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, well, I think he was disabused.

[Bill Maher]

Well, okay, yeah, if you insist, I'll.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Let you talk to him.

[Bill Maher]

I agree with you. To interview Jimmy J. I agree with you completely. And try to convince him.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

My lighter.

[Bill Maher]

Try to convince him that just because he is one of your Memphis mafia, I assume that's why you keep him around Jimmy. I. I assume he's like the Memphis mafia. He is your gopher. No, not at all.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's got. He lives in Las Vegas. He's got a wife and children. Kid just went to college.

[Bill Maher]

And you make them work for you too.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, nobody works with.

[Bill Maher]

Nobody works for me.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I know.

[Bill Maher]

I'm with you. I'm a comedian.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You know, I've been smoking this, so I think it'll.

[Bill Maher]

Jesus Christ. And what are you drinking? Wine.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm drinking wine?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Jesus. What are you, orson Welles in 1985 with your beard and your wine?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes, I am.

[Bill Maher]

You remember when Orson Welles was on the, shall we say, downslide, when he was a fat old legend Commercial. A fat old legend. And he'd always be on like Merv Griffin. And he just made the rounds and it was like, you know, of course he's a legend. But that was. The elephant in the room is like, okay, you haven't done anything in 30 years, but you're arson Wells.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And.

[Bill Maher]

And he would, I guess, regale them with rantour like tales of Hollywood or one time we Hayworth was. Was twerking on my balls.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And wouldn't you love to have though a reel of him on Talk Shows, you know, from the 70s, it would.

[Bill Maher]

Not be hard to find.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's wearing a scarf.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, exactly, a scarf, a cigar. Always a prop cigar. And a big cloak. Because he was just big as a house by then. And of course, Lana Turner was always twerking on his nuts, which he referred to as the Magnificent Ambersons.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Is that true?

[Bill Maher]

No, it's one of his movies. It's one of his famous movies is the Magnificent Ambersons. It's actually, some people say, his best movie. I watched Citizen Kane recently again. It's like one of those movies that you watch every 10 or 20 years because you think, maybe I missed it the first time, why it was so great. Maybe I missed it the second time, why it's so great now. It's not bad, but it's a little like the Mona Lisa. Very overrated. Like it just sort of got to this place in the public consciousness and, you know, no one ever accused them of being geniuses. So, like, they just made it. They just anointed this thing to be like the greatest picture, the greatest movie. And it's neither a quote, close to the greatest. It's an interesting movie. I like it, but enough. It's just not what they say it was. However, Gone with the Wind, as overstuffed as it is, is still Casablanca is a good. Oh, yes, Casablanca. I talked about this. I think with Quentin Tarantino here, it doesn't make sense because the whole thing hinges on the idea that there are these letters of transit which can get you out of Nazi occupied Morocco. And if you have the letters of transit, the Nazis will never touch you. And that is not really how I see the Nazi.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You don't think a letter of transit would.

[Bill Maher]

That's just right. No, I don't know if that would be true.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Letters of transit.

[Bill Maher]

So do you, like, have movie nights at your house where you watch, like, I'm sure a giant mogul, even though you have your high school friends still like you, gets like the big movies that are out, so they want you to see it so you'll promote it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I get a link to those. I watch them on TV at my house.

[Bill Maher]

Watch them from where?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Simply alone.

[Bill Maher]

Where are you when you're watching?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

In the living room.

[Bill Maher]

In the living room.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I have a 100 inch TV that's about 13 years old, starting to show it.

[Bill Maher]

100 inches.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's a huge TV.

[Bill Maher]

I'll take out just enough to beat you, but okay. So you're watching in the living room. I watch it with Molly.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, usually, hopefully.

[Bill Maher]

So, like this often not. And then you talk about it after, like, your assessment of it or like this is something you want to know, really how I do it, honestly.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And I wonder if you do this too.

[Bill Maher]

I will.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

If the producers tell me it's good, I'll watch it. If they don't, I won't. Because I don't want to have to give any commentary that isn't positive. And I think it's better to just be honest. And I haven't seen it yet.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly the conclusion I came to. Yes.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

It doesn't come up as much for me because I'm not on five nights a week like you are and mine is not.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And you're not plugging their podcast mostly sometimes.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, I mean, Rod Stewart was on a couple of weeks ago. I like Rod Stewart. I've listened to him forever. He's Rod Stewart. He's great. It's not a problem.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's one of those Dean Martin type guys. Rod Stewart. Oh, that level.

[Bill Maher]

I think he was more. Dean Martin was mostly a myth. He was not really a drunk or a womanizer. You know, Rod Stewart, really.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's a golfer.

[Bill Maher]

He was a golfer, yes. He's a strange guy. You know, he drank himself to death at the old. Remember the place that was Hamburger Hamlet? It was on the corner. Really? Yeah. It's now some other trendy thing, but it was the. I remember that place Right. Where Sunset goes into Beverly Hills. Sunset kind of branches there. Doheny. Little past Doheny. Okay. Hamburger Hamlet. And he just sat in the back. He had his booth his last few years and kind of like drank himself to death. I mean, that's what they said alone at Hamburger Hamlet. And, like, why. I know he lost his son early. I mean, it's horrible when any parent to face a child that pre deceases you. It's gotta be rough. Yeah, but still, you know. Come on, Dino. I don't understand why people. Yeah, but, you know, I never had kids and.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, well, it's some. You know, I think about this sometimes, that some of these older guys like Rickles, you know, like, they just get such a kick out of the fact that younger guys like us are interested in them and that this is relevant.

[Bill Maher]

Mel Brooks still around. And you can express that to him.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And don't you have. And I have too. And don't you. I think that is one of the things that makes us very lucky because I think that when we're in that position, there'll be a handful of people, at least, who Are wanting to. Are interested in our lives and whatever and a lot of old people don't have that and I think that's always nice. And I think I could see how important it was to don't to some of these guys.

[Bill Maher]

But every perspective you have must be different than mine because you have four kids.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Maybe not every, but really, I mean I'm sure not every because I think I largely agree with your perspective. But.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, but that doesn't.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But you mean my daily.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you. I mean I don't know anything like climate, you know, you gotta be thinking about. I'm only thinking about what the world's gonna be like sadly for the next 20 years, you know, to be real. But you gotta be thinking about what the world's gonna be like for the next 80 because the kid is 10.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Sure. And then they're gonna have kids.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

And yeah, I do. Sure I do. But you know, Norman Lear does too and he's 99 years old.

[Bill Maher]

Is he really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, he'll be 100 in July. What does he think about climate change?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, climate change.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He's, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Right. Well you have to have that attitude. You can't. Once you feel like you're dead already, you're dead already. You have to feel like yeah, it's all about tomorrow. I never look back. I mean of course you think you don't really.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, do you waste water? Why? I don't know.

[Bill Maher]

Because I'm gonna fuck up the future for your kids?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I'm just asking if you waste water.

[Bill Maher]

I try not to. I don't do it on purpose.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right, well you don't do it on purpose but you won't leave the shower going for 15 minutes.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely not.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right?

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no. I don't do anything that would work.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

So I think you have an overall.

[Bill Maher]

But even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference. I mean I'm one of you know, 300.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, but it makes a difference when like minded people start doing those things, you know and I think also for people who do that stuff, it's good to hear that other people will do it.

[Bill Maher]

It people are not going. I don't think we are ever going to get people to do enough to affect on a individual basis a voluntarily to affect climate change. I just don't think you will. People want to live a baller lifestyle. They want to. All of them want to take a private jet but the only people who don't take private jets are the people who can't afford a private jet. They all Want to. If they could, they would. If a private jet was cheap, the skies would be filled with private jets, which are the worst thing for the environment. They're not serious about it, and that's okay. And there's countries like China and India where the people have been denied for all these years, cause of poverty, refrigeration, sometimes even certainly cars. And now they're getting them. And their view is, oh, we should give it up now. Now that you already enjoyed it, you rich white people. And now we're getting it. So that's not going to sell. That's not the way we get out of this. If we get out of it, which I don't think we will. Have a good night, Jimmy. Well, say hi to your kids for me.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I'm just being devil's advocate because I don't. I. I don't necessarily disagree with you, but I hope that we make the connection with these things to our children. We actually make that connection where we go, like, oh, if I waste all this water, my children are not going to have water to drink, and their children are not going to have water to drink.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, we should care about our children, actual children. Well, if we don't care about the children of the world, at least our own children we should care about.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, but if shoulds and buts were beer and nuts, we'd have a hell of a party. Yeah, we should do a lot of things, and we're just not. Again, it's not my fight even because, like, I think the planet will be somewhat here when it's ready to get rid of me.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, the planet will be here. Yeah, right. The planet's. That's gonna be fine. The people on it are fucked.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. But I'm saying I think there'll be some way to survive 100 years from now, 50 years from now. I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, I always think things that are depicted in movies as the future always come true. Cause they do. And. And the thing they depict a lot in movies in the future is an apocalyptic wasteland brought about by either nuclear war or environmental devastation.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, your original point I'm interested in is that you say that these movies, the things they put in the movies eventually come true.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But I mean, that's certainly not the case with. With everything.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Jimmy, remember we didn't used to have flying cars.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. The flip phone that Captain Kirk had, we totally have.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, how about like the Jetsons had those. Those food pills that were like, your whole dinner.

[Bill Maher]

You know, some people do eat, like, a lot of. I mean, Ray Kurzweil, like, has 300 pills a day. Remember Minority Report with Mr. Tom Cruise? Uh huh. Okay. Probably one of your friends, Emily Blunt. Tom Cruise. Emily Blunt, yes. He was, like, moving things on a screen with his hands. I remember watching that and going, whoa, look at that. It was completely futuristic, and within two years we were all doing it. And then seven years later, or whatever it was, it was everything.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, but they found out from the company that they were going to be doing it. They put it in.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'm just saying they imagined it on the screen and then it became a reality.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And I worry that that will happen with the apocalypse. I mean, there's just a lot of these movies.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Do you think Star Trek will happen? Like, where we'll have ships and we'll be shooting around all over the place?

[Bill Maher]

Not if we do the other one first. We wipe out civilization because, I mean, think of all, all those kind of movies. The, you know, Mad Max and the Barren Wasteland is one where Matthew McConaughey has to go discover another planet because nothing grows anymore. I mean, I could see us.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I think we like to see those things in the same way, like, that we find entertainment in seeing murders. Like, we know like, eventually, like, our lives are going to end. And for some reason, like, a murder mystery, like, is very entertaining, exciting to us. Entertaining, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But a murder mystery, yes, can be entertaining because we're not the ones, or even just we're not the ones getting murdered.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A Terminator, where people are just getting.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, but in this scenario, we're all getting murdered, you know, if nothing grows. I mean, that's the premise of that movie where. And I'm a fan of Matthew McConaughey, but, like, come on, a scientist, he just doesn't read scientists. Like, the scientist is going to figure this shit out.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I would not pick the world's most handsome scientist.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not saying he's a bright guy, but I'm just saying he's not that guy. Okay, but he's got to, like, find something through the wormhole or something, and it's just a bad plant. But the idea that things don't grow anymore, that could happen. I mean, certainly it's happened in many areas of the Earth. What if it happened all over the Earth?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You think photosynthesis might come to an end?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I think you can burn out. You can make things too hot for anything to grow.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yes, but, you know, you can now Hydroponically, you can grow things with very tiny amounts of water.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. So you're saying we grow all the crops in your mom's basement?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, basically.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know. Whenever I fly over the country, it looks like a lot of the country is farmland. It would be hard to get that inside. That's what I'm saying, it would be hard to get that inside.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

They do. You'd be surprised.

[Bill Maher]

The whole country between. Between the Hudson river and San Bernardino.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, I think I should turn every cemetery into farmland. You know, like, why not?

[Bill Maher]

Well, cemeteries are a waste. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, people are squeamish about their dead relatives. I mean, you gotta.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I feel like my dead relatives would like potato or tomato vine on their cribs.

[Bill Maher]

It's more natural. You're right. I mean, but that's one thing. It's very hard. I would not want to. If I'm gonna pick my battles. Pick that one. Like convincing people what to do with their dead relative. I think. I feel like they got their feelings about it. Right. It's very personal and emotional and not logical. And that's okay, you know, I gotta give him that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

What a job to pick, though, if you think about it like what a job where all day, every day for weeks and months and years, your job is to console the relatives of dead people.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, you're talking about like a funeral director.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah, right. There are jobs. I mean, obviously proctologist is another one where you have to wonder, like with all these panoply of professions available, who. I mean, gynecologist. I could see that's like a goof idea you had in high school. I gotta look at pussies all day. And then you kind of just kept. Stayed with it. But the asshole one, I don't see that one.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I think they get paid a little more.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, well, maybe they're. Than what?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Than other specialties.

[Bill Maher]

All other specialties. You mean there's a special.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I think there are. But I do feel like I've looked. Look this up.

[Bill Maher]

I wouldn't even want to look this up because then what would come to me from people who thought this was my area of interest? Like, if I was like, I gotta.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Tell you, for my father, it's definitely his area of interest. I mean, assholes. All we talk about is his bowel movements and his farting and why?

[Bill Maher]

Because he's infirm?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, not at all. He just is proud of his bowel movements and wants to tell me about them. Like sometimes he'll walk right in the door and immediately start telling me about of shit he took the day before. It happens all the time. He sometimes takes pictures of them and sends them to me. And I'm saving a file of them for his funeral. I'm gonna do a slideshow for the family.

[Bill Maher]

Is this because your father has a good sense of humor and this is a joke part?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

A little bit.

[Bill Maher]

He knows you're laughing at this.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. But he also loves it. It's like. It's like people singing karaoke like, you know, oh, they're goofing around, whatever. But they fucking love being on. My dad loves.

[Bill Maher]

But it sounds like you have a kind of a buddy relationship with your father.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I do, but he also will do this with anyone. I've never had that with like my sister in law. He'll tell her about his like his shits.

[Bill Maher]

He sounds very laid back, your father. Not like.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

He is pretty laid back. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

My father was much more uptight than that great guy. But like that would not have happened between us.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

My dad looks just like Wolf Blitzer. Like almost exactly.

[Bill Maher]

And is now he's still your mother.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

My parents are both alive.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Still together.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Still together. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Wow. How many years have they been together?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

They just last weekend celebrated their 56th anniversary.

[Bill Maher]

Come fucking on.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

56 years. Yeah, that's. And are they looking around?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, my mother is on an apple.

[Bill Maher]

Wow. I can't. I can't even. I just can't imagine that's.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, they got married. My mom was 20 years old. They got married.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's crazy.

[Bill Maher]

And what's their relationship like? Perfect. Because it's. They've been through a lot.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

No, it's not perfect, but it's never big. There's never any big anything. It's just a series of little.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I feel like when married, I feel like marriage is from what? Of course not speaking from personal knowledge, but from what I've seen and my parents. I feel like it's good in the beginning and then it's a difficult period for like 50 years, which, you know, where you're still like sort of, you know, subliminally resentful. Someone of the other because someone's not getting enough sex and sex is an issue and it's a hard thing to. It's a hard thing to manage a good sex life after you've been with someone for a while, blah, blah, blah. And then you get to a point where you're past that. I feel like I remember that in my own parents marriage when they Got. And suddenly it's like you've traveled together. I mean, it's like you have this great golden years memory of your wonderful life together and all you built together and all those memories and you don't have this monkey on your back about. And we should be fucking. Right? And that becomes like the second great period of a marriage. I think this is the way it is. It's just that little middle. 50 years.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's just that 50 years in the middle.

[Bill Maher]

Other than that, it works like a charm. Yeah. It's just that. I call it an interregum, but. Oh, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

So. All right. I gotta go back to my job. All right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I got work done.

[Bill Maher]

I really appreciate you putting up with.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That was fun.

[Bill Maher]

My. Was it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It was a lot of fun.

[Bill Maher]

I loved it, but it was a lot of fun. I don't know if you were just putting on an act for me, but.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I hope you had a good time.

[Bill Maher]

Because I adore you. You're just such a great guy. Ever since you gave me that box of porn when we changed up our jobs, you know, you could have been a dick about it. And, you know, it's just never in your nature. You know, people, you. You've done so well. Partly because, you know, when you're on TV that much for that long. The old cliche, you know, you can't hide. You can't hide who you are, you know, and people just like you and they're right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Well, and they're right. Nice to say that. Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

That's true.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You know, I've told you the story of one of the great shows I ever saw was you and Seinfeld at Arizona State University when I was in college. And you were great. You were just so great. I remember.

[Bill Maher]

I love.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I remember jokes from it.

[Bill Maher]

I remember we were both doing Stand up on the same show.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah. You guys were doing a big college tour. It was you and Jerry. And I'm forgetting a third guy, but it was just so great. And I remember thinking Bill Maher was like the. Was the funniest one. No, I did.

[Bill Maher]

I'm sure I wasn't the Jerry.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

You're talking about poppers and goofers and your father.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, really?

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I guess this was like late 80s.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Bill Maher]

Before Seinfeld.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

It's like 1980, because he was 87.

[Bill Maher]

88, because obviously he wouldn't have been doing that. And then I got politically incorrect in 93. Oh, where did it go? It's so funny, you know, like, my actual Life better now than back then for sure. In so many ways. It's just that little but I'll be dead soon thing.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah, boy.

[Bill Maher]

Or sooner.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I relate to that with every fiber of my being.

[Bill Maher]

It's that little fly in the ointment. If they could just work on that.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

But every once in a while you have that little. Little glimpse, that little flash of like. Like being on a trip to California with your friends and, like, driving around and what that felt like and how.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I mean, that's just gotta be. I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.

[Bill Maher]

I remember my first time out in California so vividly. You know, the palm trees, like I'd never seen that. And just. It's sort of like everything you'd seen on tv because it's all over every TV show. The way the street signs looked. I remember that so much like I had seen it so many times. Those blue LA street signs, which we don't have back east. They're not blue, the street signs. And then you would see it. I had a gig once in La Jolla. That was my first year out here. And I never found the gig. I found Lajala.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That's good.

[Bill Maher]

But I never found a street called La Jolla.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

That could be a contender for your book title. The gazpacho book.

[Bill Maher]

Gotta go back to my real job. You know, I really do. I really go right back to working on real time.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

I am gonna, too.

[Bill Maher]

All right.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Now we can do my homework.

[Bill Maher]

Now we can hug.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Thank you. That was fun.

[Bill Maher]

Club Random.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

This is what we want when we're kids. A clubhouse.

[Bill Maher]

Right? You know, clubhouse. That word I will accept. Not man cave. Clubhouse. Clubhouse. Yes. Yeah. Very clubby. Yeah, it's more of a disco when the music is on.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Limu.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Emu and Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Bill Maher]

But now we want you to feel it.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Cue the emu music. Limu. Save yourself money today. Increase your wealth. Customize and save.

[Bill Maher]

We save. That may have been too much feeling.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Bill Maher]

Liberty.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Liberty.

[Bill Maher]

Liberty Savings.

[Jimmy Kimmel]

Very.

[Bill Maher]

Underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company, an affiliate. It excludes Massachusetts.