Rob Riggle | Club Random with Bill Maher

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Random with Bill Maher – Guest: Rob Riggle

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Club Random, Bill Maher sits down with comedian, actor, and former Marine Rob Riggle for a wide-ranging, freewheeling conversation. As always, Maher keeps the tone humorous yet thoughtful, exploring everything from Riggle's military background and comic career to relationships, cancel culture, and even the Epstein scandal. Across this candid exchange, Maher and Riggle bounce between laughs and serious reflection, offering listeners a blend of humor, personal philosophy, and social critique.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rob Riggle’s Military Journey: From FBI Dreams to the Marines

• Riggle’s Path to Service

  • Riggle shares that he originally called the FBI to ask about what made a good agent, and was told they liked Marines, lawyers, and accountants. As neither of the latter fit, he decided to join the Marines in college at age 19 (05:17).
    • Rob Riggle: "I did want to serve...I always thought in the back of my mind I had dreams of maybe being an FBI agent." (05:25)
  • His confidence grew through Officer Candidate School, inspiring him to eventually pursue comedy (08:14).

• Military vs. Other Bravery

  • Maher expresses gratitude to Riggle as a veteran and reflects on the difference between moral courage (as found in entertainment or debate) and the life-or-death physical courage of soldiers (04:16).
    • Bill Maher: "There's bravery of different kinds...that is way less brave than actually running into a bullet." (04:16)
  • Officers Candidate School is designed to weed people out, with a 50% attrition rate in Riggle's platoon (10:53).

• Training, Youth, and Risk-Taking

  • The two joke about how youthful risk-taking explains both military recruitment and why young poker players often win (09:57).
    • Riggle: "They're reckless and dangerous and that helps. They make bold moves." (10:01)

Reflections on Capitalism, Communism, and Human Nature

• Personal Stories

  • Riggle discusses his Polish girlfriend who lived under communism and how she describes the inefficiencies and rationing (12:09, 12:39).
    • Rob Riggle: "She shakes her head... 'they don't know what they're asking for.'" (12:12)
  • Maher and Riggle both argue that systems ignoring human selfishness are doomed (13:00).
    • Maher: "Humans need to be incentivized by selfishness. It is nature to be selfish. Animals are selfish." (13:04)

• Societal Incentives

  • Anecdotes about grocery cards, limited choice, and the value of individual initiative in a capitalist system.
    • Riggle (quoting a song): "Capitalism isn't bad because you suck at life." (13:29)

Golf, Relationships, and Divorce

• Golf & Relationships

  • Riggle’s girlfriend is a professional golfer; they play together—with her outperforming him (16:27).
    • Riggle: "She probably shoots in the mid-70s. I know. Believe me." (16:27)
  • Golf as metaphor for relationships, banter about sexual innuendo in golf language (17:28–17:51).

• Marriage & Divorce

  • Both discuss the challenges of marriage, divorce, and the shifting norms that make long-term relationships difficult (18:00, 19:53).
    • Maher: "Most people, what they grow mostly is bored and just too familiar...time is not really your ally." (18:39)
  • Riggle humorously references the parachute analogy (20:24), with Maher pushing back.
  • Riggle highlights the emotional toll of divorce, especially for men, and the unfairness of divorce courts for breadwinners.

• The Value of Intimacy

  • As both get older, they reflect on appreciating simple gestures of intimacy more than sex alone.
    • Riggle: "Nowadays I can be driving down the road and my girlfriend will just put her hand over and run her fingers through my hair. And that's amazing. It instantly comforts me. It instantly calms me down." (24:10)

Comedy, Stand-Up, and the Nature of the Craft

• Riggle’s Comedy Journey

  • Started comedy while still a Marine Captain in New York (70:00).
  • Initially struggled with traditional stand-up, and found his voice in improv at Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) (73:52).
    • Riggle: “I did the Upright Citizens Brigade. I found them. I started doing Stand Up. I didn't like it. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be.” (73:35)

• Stand-Up: Joy, Fear, and Artistic Purity

  • Maher and Riggle bond over the unique courage and pain of stand-up—the high-wire act with no protection, and the pure satisfaction of getting genuine laughs (74:41–75:15).
    • Riggle: "It's the purest art form because it is you, the comedian. It is a microphone. And it is an audience." (74:41)

• The Comedy Grind

  • Both reminisce about brutal aspects of club-life and the comedy boom, including doing multiple shows per night for little money (62:19).
  • Charity events are notably the worst: politically correct crowds, bad set-ups, and no win situations (66:23–68:00).
    • Maher: "Charity events are the worst because the people who go to charity events feel like they're very good people doing a very good thing. So they are the most politically correct audience in the world, which is the absolute enemy of comedy." (66:24)

SNL Experience

• SNL’s Star-Maker and “Forgotten” Cast Members
  • Riggle was on SNL for just one year (2004–2005) with a star-studded cast (79:28).
  • He was the only new guy that year, and attributes his departure to network panic over low ratings during the Bush-Kerry election, not personal failure (80:07–80:53).
    • Riggle: "So I was the last one in, first one out." (80:52)

Cancel Culture & Public Discourse

• Cancelation, Hollywood, and Defiance

  • Riggle voices frustration over needing to self-censor as a comic and a public figure, particularly since he needs to support his family (53:10).
    • Riggle: "I have a kid in college and a kid going to college and I got a mortgage and I got an ex and daddy's got to pay the bills. And when they're out there headhunting, you sit there and go, did I just make fun of the bobsled team? I better take that back." (53:14)
  • Maher encourages comedians (especially veterans) to be unapologetic: “I fought for this country. I have 22 medals. Shut the fuck up about whatever my opinion is about bobsledding.” (54:45)

• Cancel Culture’s “Peak”

  • Both agree cancel culture is unjust and may have peaked, with many ‘canceled’ comedians rebounding stronger (53:56, 54:06).

Social Scandals and Gender

• Epstein, Elites, & Power

  • Maher and Riggle get deep into the psychology of the Jeffrey Epstein scandal—arguing the root of his power was not intelligence agency work, but his ability to provide access to women for struggling ‘masters of the universe’ (45:45, 47:04).
    • Maher: “That's the guy who is so successful in his business and has zero ability to ever get a human woman in bed…who fixes this problem? Jeffrey Epstein.” (45:46)
  • Both discuss how the recent “Epstein files” reveal the extent of elite entitlement, and how this fed into both QAnon paranoia and real-world abuses (39:00–40:59).

• #MeToo, Al Franken, and Drawing the Line

  • Frank discussion about the Al Franken scandal and the fervor of the Me Too era—and the difference between truly bad conduct and overblown reactions (35:54–36:48).
    • Maher: “It was all bullshit. Okay. Al should never have resigned. I think even he knows that.” (35:59)

Lighter Moments & Running Gags

• Golf Innuendo:
  • Multiple jokes about double entendres in the sport ("Shafts, balls, ball washes... Wash my balls." – 17:35)
• Cartoon Game:
  • Closing the show, Maher brings out his collection of New Yorker cartoons for a caption-reading game, a favorite tradition (81:12).
    • Maher: “Over 30 years, I cut out the cartoons that I thought were really funny…” (81:25)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Maher: “There's bravery of different kinds...that is way less brave than actually running into a bullet.” (04:16)
• Riggle: “She shakes her head...'they don't know what they're asking for.'” [re: communism] (12:12)
• Maher: “The waste of human capital...as soon as they threw off the shackles of communism, Poland has done very well.” (13:35)
• Riggle: “Most of the time [golf] does ruin relationships.” (14:24)
• Maher: “It’s better if you have this physical communication. Even if it’s...not talking about sex. But sex, of course, is great too.” (23:42)
• Riggle: “I can understand, you know, different people’s opinions, whether it’s, you know, women say, oh, well, it’s because the man’s this, that or the other.” (19:28)
• Riggle: "It's a different kind of fear. It's a different kind of fear...but it's still real." (72:52)
• Maher (on stand-up): "It's the purest art form because it is you, the comedian. It is a microphone. And it is an audience." (74:41)
• Riggle: “I was the only guy hired on a cast of...15. So I didn’t have anybody in my, quote, freshman class.” (79:24)
• Maher (on cancel culture): "I've always taken shit from the left for talking against their cancel culture...Not that it's only on the left, because the right does it also." (53:39)
• Riggle: "I have 22 medals. Shut the fuck up about whatever my opinion is about bobsledding.” (54:12)
• Maher: “We are doing the thing that is mano a mano...no armor, no protection, no help from the wings. No technology involved." (75:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Rob Riggle’s Military Story: 05:17 – 10:59
• Capitalism vs. Communism/Poland Stories: 12:09 – 13:51
• Golf and Relationships: 14:11 – 17:51
• Marriage, Divorce, and Love: 18:00 – 24:46
• Epstein, MeToo, Al Franken: 34:11 – 40:59
• Cancel Culture and Public Persona: 53:10 – 54:45
• Comedy, Stand-Up Craft, and Club Days: 62:19 – 75:44
• SNL Experience: 77:10 – 81:12
• Cartoon Game and Show Close: 81:12 – End

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Tone and Style

The conversation is candid and riff-driven, with self-deprecating humor from both Maher and Riggle, occasional spicy or edgy language, and a willingness to challenge cultural dogmas. Nostalgia, wisdom, and irreverence are woven together, making the episode relatable whether listeners are longtime fans or first-timers.

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Conclusion

This episode showcases why Club Random resonates: it's Bill Maher unfiltered with a kindred comedic spirit, both of them digging into personal histories, the mechanics of their craft, the times we live in, and the absurdities (and tragedies) of the culture. Riggle’s stories and Maher’s probing result in a conversation that’s as entertaining as it is insightful—equal parts locker room, green room, and current events seminar.

Transcript

[Bill Maher]

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[Rob Riggle]

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[Rob Riggle]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Rob Riggle]

guy's not playing fast enough.

[Bill Maher]

To my point about not a sport. If you can get drunk while Club

[Rob Riggle]

Random freshman class, you know, why didn't they like you? I don't know if they didn't like me as much as what. Here's what.

[Bill Maher]

They got rid of you. Club Random. Rob. Hey. Sounded like Woody Woodpecker there. How are you?

[Rob Riggle]

Good, man. Nice to meet you.

[Bill Maher]

I have a funny. Woody Woodpecker. Is it right there? Where is it? David Mammoth, by the way.

[Rob Riggle]

I love this. This made me laugh out loud.

[Bill Maher]

You know that's real, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. That's why I love it so much.

[Bill Maher]

I know. And he just. I. I'm adding to the list as of two days ago because, you know, he went off on Truth About Me over the weekend, so there's a new one. You smell something like formaldehyde or something

[Rob Riggle]

that was on me.

[Bill Maher]

No, it wasn't like a fart. It was like a cleansing smell. But. Yeah. What did he call me? There was 56 insults on there that Trump called me over the years. And I always marveled, like, how could somebody off the top of his head just come up with so many different. And now there's a new one. It's something like this jerk lightweight or something. So I'm very proud that I'm adding to my list. Although it's kind of.

[Rob Riggle]

It's my list.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. He said our dinner was a waste of time, but it wasn't to me. I'm gonna answer him at some point.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, good.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, my gosh. Here's Rob's book. Rob, Griddle, grit, spit, and never quit with you. Yeah. I mean, I should first say thank you for your service. You're like a colonel, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, thank you. Appreciate it.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, no, I mean, I didn't do anything. I mean, I always have been of the opinion there's just two categories, especially for. Well, no. I mean, women fight down the forces, too, but you either went to war or you didn't. Everything else is on a scale. That, to me, is the absolute dividing line. There's nothing like war. There's bravery of different kinds. People have called me brave many times in the realm I'm in, that is way less brave than actually running into a bullet.

[Rob Riggle]

I. Well, yeah, there's. I agree. There's. There's physical courage, there's moral courage, but you have a lot of moral courage.

[Bill Maher]

This. Yes, but that's not the same as war. It just isn't.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I'm saying that as someone who never been to war and probably would shit my pants and run away, I mean,

[Rob Riggle]

I. I don't know. You've got. You've got natural fighter instincts. I don't think you'd run away.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I hope I wouldn't.

[Rob Riggle]

No, you.

[Bill Maher]

But that's the other thing. You don't know. Unless you have been there. You don't know what you would do.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I do think that. I think a lot of. Well, again, I don't want to generalize too much, but I think a lot of men, they always want to know what. What kind of medal they got. On some level, they want to know I have.

[Bill Maher]

That I. I'm same thing. I. And I will never know. I mean, they don't take you at 70. I mean, they could not.

[Rob Riggle]

Trump might let you join.

[Bill Maher]

And they can knock down every building in New York, and they're not going to get to join up the next day. But when did you join? How old were you?

[Rob Riggle]

I was a sophomore in College. I was 19.

[Bill Maher]

19, yeah. And why?

[Rob Riggle]

You know, the simple answer was

[Bill Maher]

I

[Rob Riggle]

did want to serve. That was something I did want to do. I didn't, I wouldn't put it as a top priority, but I wanted to serve. I always thought in the back of my mind I had dreams of maybe being an FBI agent. And I called the FBI. This is back when you had to call people, there was no Internet. And I called the FBI local office and I said, what do you guys look for? And he said, well, some nice special agent had some time to kill, I guess. And I was like, well, we like lawyers and we like accountants. And then he goes, oh, by the way, we like marine officers. We tend to hire a lot of those guys. So I said, oh, okay. I wasn't going to be a lawyer or accountant for sure. So I said, well, maybe I could do the marine thing.

[Bill Maher]

The FBI is looking for accountants. Why? Because they're busting white collar crime, I'm

[Rob Riggle]

sure a big part of what they do.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

A lot of divisions there. Right. So that was the general thing.

[Bill Maher]

That wasn't the way it was on the TV show, the FBI.

[Rob Riggle]

Exactly. There's a lot more shoot em up action going on.

[Bill Maher]

Remember they put it in Once Upon

[Rob Riggle]

a Time in Hollywood.

[Bill Maher]

So great that he's watching that episode.

[Rob Riggle]

That's what he. That famous that, you know. Yeah, but yeah, that was, that was a classic 60s show for sure.

[Bill Maher]

So wow. So it was a way to get into the FBI.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I was also a theater and film major. Right. And I went to the University of Kansas. And you know, late 80s, I just didn't think. We didn't have the Internet. The world wasn't as touchable as it is today. So I just didn't see a path to becoming an actor.

[Bill Maher]

Late 80s, I just didn't think.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I just didn't period. Yeah, I just didn't. But I didn't think there was a path. So I didn't ever thought it was a real dream. I just thought it was a great dream. And I loved comedy and I loved, you know, watching all the great comedians of the day and I loved watching all the movies, the comedic movies and I could quote them chapter and verse, but. And I loved acting and all that, but it wasn't tangible, it wasn't real. So I was like, okay, okay, yeah, of course I want to do that. But what do I really gotta do? I gotta get a Job. That's what I gotta do. I gotta get a job. And that was the mindset. It's a very Midwestern mindset.

[Bill Maher]

You never made it to the FBI.

[Rob Riggle]

No.

[Bill Maher]

You stayed. The military hooked you. You liked it.

[Rob Riggle]

It kept me in for long enough. Now. I was always. What was interesting was as I went through the Marines, I got more confidence. I got more confidence. I got more confidence. I got more confidence.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I'll bet anybody who can make it through Marine training, isn't it, like.

[Rob Riggle]

It's pretty tough?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I'll bet it is.

[Rob Riggle]

And so then when I. I'm just

[Bill Maher]

getting this from Richard Gere movies, but, I mean, it looks like a nightmare. I mean, like, they're so mean to you. The sergeant.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

What happened? A little empathy. No, they.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's tough, but I got more confident. And then because I got confident and because they kind of showed me my new limits. This is what I thought my limits were. Then they showed me my new limits.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

I said, you know what, maybe I could be an actor. Maybe I could be a comedian.

[Bill Maher]

But they're doing that to weed out. I mean, they purposely want to find the people who will quit. They're, They're. It's pressure points. It's like, how much pressure.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And then. And. And that, you know, if you're trying to create a warrior cast. Yeah, that is the thing. That's the right thing to do. I mean, that's why our military has always been pretty kickass, I think.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, you do. You do tend to get good people. For sure. They do have strong.

[Bill Maher]

You get the fittest for the task

[Rob Riggle]

of, you know, and you have to be mentally. You have to be strong between the ears.

[Bill Maher]

Total mostly that if somebody says run toward that machine gun nest, it's unnerving. Unnerving. Polite way to say it. Pants shitting. Yes. And people still. I mean, the reason why they want very, very young people in the military is because very young people are the most amenable, too.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, they also don't. They haven't lived long enough to be afraid of a lot.

[Bill Maher]

Right. And if you just tell them, do this, do that, I mean, you know, it's.

[Rob Riggle]

I watch on a different. Totally different level, but I'll watch poker players, the young poker players. They're gunslingers, they're slinging hash, they're throwing chips around. They're the older ones, they maybe have a little more wisdom, but they also know everything that can go wrong. So they tend to not push the envelope as hard so to speak.

[Bill Maher]

And who wins?

[Rob Riggle]

Usually the young guys.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Because.

[Rob Riggle]

Because they're reckless and dangerous and that helps. They make bold moves. Yeah, yeah, it does. But going back to. So when I went through Officer Candidate School, right. Officer Candidate School is different than boot camp. It's the same program, generally speaking, as far as, you know, all the standards are the same. Everything's. But they're trying to get rid of you. Like, if you sign up for the Marines, they're going to make you a Marine. Whether it kills you or kills them. You're going to become a Marine, right? You're going to. They're going to send you through boot camp. And if you can't make it because you're overweight or you're not in shape, they're going to send you back through. They're going to send you back through. They're going to send you back through until you become Marine officer. Can school is the opposite. They're trying to get rid of you. It's a screening and evaluating. So my platoon started with 64. We graduated 32. So it was 50% attrition, you know, and that was in a very short amount of time, you know, so it's a. It's a little different program when you go through Officer Candidate School.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, that's not completely different than the way it is in capitalism anywhere business. I mean, you know, Jack Welch famously was the head of RCA for the longest time, is known as Chainsaw Jack, I think is. He would every year fire the bottom 10%. Performing in the company. That was the mantra, you know, that was the operating procedure. And so even if you didn't do a terrible job, you know, it was always a game of musical chairs and there was nine seats and ten people every year. I mean, that's. You wonder why people have heart attacks at 59. I mean, that's why. Because that's what capitalism is. And I'm sure, you know, Mom, Donnie is watching this right now, as he always does, I'm sure, and saying, exactly, Bill. That's my point. Capitalism, terrible. Yeah, it's terrible. Except it's still better than the reverse. Yeah, well, you want to really be Soviet. People died at 38 from being drunk all the time because they couldn't take their life under communism.

[Rob Riggle]

My girlfriend is Polish. She was born into communism. She lived under for a little while. And she really. She shakes her head. She just, she's like, they don't know what they're asking for. They don't know what they're Talking about.

[Bill Maher]

And it would be so easy to find out. It wasn't like it happened a thousand years ago exactly. It happened in our lifetimes.

[Rob Riggle]

She would explain to me the grocery card they got. She got a grocery card. Her family got a grocery card. And they would.

[Bill Maher]

This is Poland.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Warsaw.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. And you were allowed, you know, you were. Your family of four. You get X amount of milk. X amount of liters of milk per week. You get X amount of eggs per week. You get eggs, you know, and then you take that card to the store, which sometimes didn't have any of the stuff on your card. Sometimes they just had a. We're long on toilet paper today.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

So take some toilet paper, but come back tomorrow and maybe we'll have what's on your list.

[Bill Maher]

It doesn't work. Humans need to be incentivized by selfishness. It is nature to be selfish. Animals are selfish.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Watch them.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. I heard a song the other day, and it was, of course, all Things are Exaggerated, but it was basically capitalism doesn't. Capitalism isn't bad because you suck at life.

[Bill Maher]

That's awesome.

[Rob Riggle]

You know? And I was like, that's a pretty catchy song, you know. Sorry.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Sometimes that's what it feels like.

[Bill Maher]

But I mean, the waste of human capital. The Polish people, for example, they're a very smart, crafty, capable people. And as soon as they threw off the shackles of communism. Poland has done very well. Sense.

[Rob Riggle]

They're ascending right now.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yes, absolutely. I mean, you, you. Warsaw, I'm sure, is a very vibrant,

[Rob Riggle]

prosperous city For a major city. It is, unbelievably.

[Bill Maher]

Have you gone there?

[Rob Riggle]

Yes. Been to Poland. It's beautiful.

[Bill Maher]

So she goes back to see family and stuff. Yeah. Oh. So how did you two meet? That's a.

[Rob Riggle]

She's a professional golfer, so we. We play a lot of golf. I play a lot of golf.

[Bill Maher]

That's funny. Cause I always thought golf ruined relationships.

[Rob Riggle]

Most of the time it does.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Rob Riggle]

Most of the time it does.

[Bill Maher]

Because I thought either, like, first, the guy plays golf. Really? And I have to tell you, to begin with, I'm very anti golf. Always have been. I don't find it to be a sport. It's an insult to lawns more than anything else. And I mean, if you want to, like, walk around in the park all day, fine. If you want to hit a little ball, do that. Don't combine them and call it a sport. Okay. But I. I get that. That's my prejudice. And it's also a disaster environmentally and it just attracts the wrong kind of people, you know? It really does. I mean, like, I'm not one of those, you know, white people are toxic. They went way too far with that. But golf, yeah, I do understand why people hate white people. Okay. But other than that, golf, okay, not my favorite sport.

[Rob Riggle]

I can spend also four hours playing poker with my friends. That's Quiet place.

[Bill Maher]

First, I feel like guys were just doing it as a thing to get away from the wife. Like, again, because I don't find it attractive thing to do. So it was like, okay, this must be just a ploy to get away from the wife. And then what happened was, wives were like, oh, I'll play golf, too. They're like, oh, I stopped doing this thing I didn't want to do, get away from you. And now we're doing it together. But I'm sure I'm wrong about all that. So tell me about your life with golf.

[Rob Riggle]

So tell me how you love it.

[Bill Maher]

I hope I didn't poison the water, Rob, with that whole thing.

[Rob Riggle]

Now, listen, I. I get it. I hear you. I hear you.

[Bill Maher]

But she's a professional. God, that's very impressive.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, she. She's. She's very good. And. And she. She loves the sport. She's an athlete. She just, you know, she's. Some people just have golf. She does.

[Bill Maher]

And are you pretty good?

[Rob Riggle]

I'm okay. I'm okay.

[Bill Maher]

Like, what's your handicap?

[Rob Riggle]

10. 10?

[Bill Maher]

No, that's very good.

[Rob Riggle]

It's pretty good.

[Bill Maher]

So you shoot like an 82? Yeah, well, 82 is very good.

[Rob Riggle]

I shoot. I shoot in the. In the low. Low 80s.

[Bill Maher]

And what does she shoot?

[Rob Riggle]

She probably shoots in the mid-70s. I know. Believe me.

[Bill Maher]

Loser. Great, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

That's what I advise you to.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you for your service. Not to mention.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, that's what I tell my friends. I go, you players see how it goes. And then they shut up real quick. They're like, I'm busy that day.

[Bill Maher]

But do you shoot from the same tee, or does she do the ladies tee? No, same one.

[Rob Riggle]

Same tee box.

[Bill Maher]

Doesn't use the ladies tee.

[Rob Riggle]

Doesn't use the ladies tee.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Rob Riggle]

You know, she's probably gonna hate me for saying this, or I'm gonna take some heat.

[Bill Maher]

She's gonna love you for this whole thing. She's gonna find out sides of you she never knew. She's gonna like. You should hang out with Bill Maher more. I'm getting to the real deal.

[Rob Riggle]

I like that Bill guy. Yes. She coming off the tee box. She can bomb it. I mean, she can hit, but sometimes she's inconsistent, and that's where I get to catch up with her. But around the green, her short game is amazing. That's where she makes up all her strokes. And around the green, I'm a hot mess.

[Bill Maher]

So it's like four dirty phrases in that one thing.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, golf's loaded with them. Loaded with them.

[Bill Maher]

Like what?

[Rob Riggle]

Shafts, balls, ball washes. Ball, wash. Wash my balls.

[Bill Maher]

You know, you're right.

[Rob Riggle]

I'll meet you at the box.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

There's all kinds of. All kinds of things.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'm glad for you. So you're. You're. But you were married.

[Rob Riggle]

I was, yeah. I was.

[Bill Maher]

So how long have you been with this lady?

[Rob Riggle]

We are going on just over five years.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that's certainly within the good honeymoon time, huh? I mean, you know, I always think most marriages that fall apart, not that I'm the expert on that, because I never did it, but I get the thing. It's really not that the people are bad or went bad. It's just time. Time is not really your ally. It is for some people. Some people just grow more and more, you know, in love, I guess. No, they do. Some do. Some are lucky. Some just grow codependent.

[Rob Riggle]

That's interesting.

[Bill Maher]

But most people, what they grow mostly is bored and just too familiar. And you just. The other person becomes just like you. I mean, it's like. And that's not. Doesn't lend itself to the kind of.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. There's all manner of reasons these days why marriages aren't working. You know, I had my thing, but I have a ton of friends that are going through it, too. And, yeah, there seems to be similar patterns, but you're probably talking to the wrong guy because, you know, still, you know, I'm probably. I have a little edge about it. Yeah. I'm probably not objective.

[Bill Maher]

Who. No, who that goes through a divorce is ever not objective.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, because I can. But I can. I can understand. I really try. Maybe I'm delusional, but I think I can understand, you know, different people's. People's opinions, whether it's, you know, women say, oh, well, it's because the man's this, that or the other.

[Bill Maher]

He's never around.

[Rob Riggle]

And the laundry list of complaints. Oh, and then the women, and then the men are like, yeah, but if you didn't cheat, lie, steal, you know, maybe we wouldn't. We wouldn't be. So it's a lot of this.

[Bill Maher]

Right. You know, I only know it mostly from the men's side. Because, you know, my guy friends, and then they get married, and then, you know, when they're going through a divorce, they're just useless as human beings. They really are. I mean, it's bad, the amount of anger it puts in them. Partly because they're paying not just for their lawyer, but sometimes the wife's lawyer. They're paying for the guy who's attacking them. I get that. That's. And then if kids are involved, you know, that can do it.

[Rob Riggle]

It's hard for me not to be upset, but I also don't want to walk around jaded in front of the kids or put out that kind of angry vibe. But, you know, there's all kinds of great comedians who talk about this, and they do a wonderful job talking about, you know, would. Would you jump out of an airplane if you knew your parachute was only going to open 50% of the time?

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

No. No one would. So why the. Are you going to get married? You know, and now the deck. The deck is so stacked against the breadwinner. It's unbelievable how bad it is. Why would you ever sign up for that program? It's just. It doesn't make any sense.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, but let me take the side that is not predictable for me to take because I'm the unmarried guy. But I think that that analogy with jumping out of the plane is not a good analogy because, yeah, 50% of the time, the chute won't open. But if it does open and you make it, so fucking what? You jumped out of a plane. You, like, got an adrenaline rush for five minutes, and you risked it all for nothing. Really. So that's not a good bet. But marriage, if it does work, it can be great. I certainly know people who would be lost without their spouse. Look, I've been in this business for a long time. Long enough to know when something's actually different versus just some new packaging of the same old bs. Yes. Today's episode of Club Random is brought to you by a distinctly different AI called Claude. Claude is the AI for minds that don't stop at good enough. It's the collaborator that actually understands your entire workflow and thinks with you. No meetings, no drama, just results. It's basically the only coworker I've ever liked. My team here at Club Random has tested this, and I can tell you that they were very impressed with the results. The company behind it, Anthropic, built Claude on a simple principle. AI should be a force for human progress. That means creating a partner to help you think through complexity. Rather than racing past it. No shortcuts, just deeper thinking. Ready to tackle bigger problems. Get started with Claude today at Claude AI Random.

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[Bill Maher]

Make it quick, young man.

[Rob Riggle]

Aw.

[Bill Maher]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Rob Riggle]

And I also. I love love. I have no problem with that. I do. Being in love is a wonderful thing. And being able to share with someone and being able to, especially for men, to have a partner that you can be vulnerable with or that you can, you know, express some stuff that you can't express anywhere else. Like to have a partner that knows cares about you or lights up when you walk into a room. That stuff is awesome. It's wonderful.

[Bill Maher]

It's what makes the world go around. And also the tactile element to it, you know? I mean, I certainly have had times when I'm alone and the only person who's been touching me is me. But it's better if you have this physical communication. Even if it's. I'm not talking about sex. But sex, of course, is great too. But, like, sex is part of it. Just, you know, someone who is pulling you and they like it when you paw them and your paws are on each other.

[Rob Riggle]

You know, it's so funny, the older I get, like, when I was a young man, you know, sex was probably the number one driver I can. Nowadays, golf driver, and there we go. But nowadays I can be driving down the road and my girlfriend will just put her hand over and run her fingers through my hair. And that's amazing. It instantly comforts me. It instantly calms me down.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say you got a boner.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, that can happen too.

[Bill Maher]

Really? Just from the fingers through your hair?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Rob Riggle]

It definitely can stir. It can stir the old butterflies.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Wow. I gotta get to Poland.

[Rob Riggle]

You really do?

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Why?

[Rob Riggle]

Tons of beautiful women, right? Yeah. And they.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know.

[Rob Riggle]

They're just awesome. They have really good. This. I don't know how to. I don't wanna. Yeah. It has to be so measured. Like I was gonna say, they have great attitudes, but I don't know. Do you feel like. Cause anytime you say anything, somebody's gonna take offense. Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

Them. Rob, you were.

[Rob Riggle]

Because there's American women like, oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. You went to war for America. You. If you're like, have even a thought to, like, jump on his case for that. What did you do? You typing on your phone? Good. Sit. Hit send. Warrior. Social justice Warrior. Bad. Rob Riggle. Because. Shut the fuck up.

[Rob Riggle]

Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Thank you. Warriors.

[Rob Riggle]

They.

[Bill Maher]

They're actual.

[Rob Riggle]

They wear me out.

[Bill Maher]

What battles were you in? Battle of the Bulge? Gettysburg? Antietam?

[Rob Riggle]

No, of course.

[Bill Maher]

What?

[Rob Riggle]

I'm reading a book right now, actually, about. Called Demon of Unrest. It's about the attack on Fort Sumner. Basically, it takes place from Lincoln getting elected in November of 60, 1860, until 4-12-61, when they fired on Sumter.

[Bill Maher]

That's right.

[Rob Riggle]

And so I know my history pretty well.

[Bill Maher]

Me, too. I loved it. I loved.

[Rob Riggle]

I'm Civil War buff. I love all this stuff.

[Bill Maher]

Me, too.

[Rob Riggle]

So. But the level of detail in that six months that this book goes into is fantastic. I really.

[Bill Maher]

You mean how the war really could have been avoided.

[Rob Riggle]

So many things could have been done differently, right? So many things. Like, a lot of, you know, a lot of. There was a big revisionist movement, I guess, where they tried to paint it as states rights. States rights. It was all about states rights.

[Bill Maher]

They still do.

[Rob Riggle]

Well. And it. But it wasn't. It wasn't. They still do. I know, but it wasn't. At the core, of course, it was always going to come back to slavery.

[Bill Maher]

Of course it was. Which had been the issue for the entire century. Yes. 1808 is when. I mean, first of all, they were going to get rid of it. Right. From the git.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And then they said, okay, you know, we're not going to have the Southern states as part of this country unless we give in, but we're going to sunset it to 1808. In other words, kick it down the road, something so we can get this done. So we can get this done. 1808. Okay, so it's bad, but it's worth. Then Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, which made picking slavery, like, way more, you know, economically feasible.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

So then they were like, fuck that. We had the 18. The Compromise of 1820, the Compromise of 1830, all these places along the way where they came up to Missouri Compromise, all this. Where they came up to this issue and they just couldn't quite do it. And then the great man theory of history. True. Lincoln came along and he said, Enough's enough. Just like a century later, Kennedy came into office and also said, enough's enough. You know, yeah, we got rid of slavery. That was a century ago. But we really didn't complete the revolution. And I'm gonna send troops into the south to make sure the kids can go to school.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, it just takes somebody willing will and both of us. That was Eisenhower, too.

[Rob Riggle]

Eisenhower did it in 57, down in little rough. Yes, that's true. Yeah. And. Yeah, so. But when. When I. When I. The level of detail, because I knew Sumter and I knew, you know, okay, blah, blah, blah. I knew the big. Kind of the big pivot moments, but the. The. The way they break it down and they talk a lot about Major Anderson and, and. And P.T. beauregard and. And Jefferson Davis and. And all the politics and the things that were going on, it just reminds me, like, oh, this is us. This is every day. You know, there may be big things going on, but so many things can be decided and judged.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, World War I. Did you ever read Barbara Tuchman's the Guns of August?

[Rob Riggle]

No, I've heard of it, but I haven't.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, it's one of those seminal books. The same idea, like, the Archduke Ferdinand is shot on June 28. The war doesn't start till August. They had that time.

[Rob Riggle]

They had the time to stop.

[Bill Maher]

To stop it and to, like, say, wait, what the fuck are we doing? We're Europe. We're, you know, supposedly civilized people. Things are going pretty good, and this is just gonna. No one's gonna win this. And nobody did. And yet they could not stop it.

[Rob Riggle]

That's the thing. Some of the biggest tragedies. And I'm not saying the Civil War was a tragedy. It was actually a very good thing. It had to happen.

[Bill Maher]

Had to happen.

[Rob Riggle]

So many times. People go into things half cocked, and they end up in a quagmire, in a cesspool. They just. Because nobody thinks about the. You got to think about the beginning, middle, and end. It's like when you write a play or do an act or whatever, you got a big opener, something strong in the middle, and then a big closer together.

[Bill Maher]

The one guy who thought of that was George Bush.

[Rob Riggle]

I. I was just gonna say that.

[Bill Maher]

Right? And Colin Powell. Yeah, I mean, Colin Powell had the Pottery Barn rule. You break it, you bought it.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And Bush, everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people said, so, Doc, go get him.

[Rob Riggle]

Go get him.

[Bill Maher]

Go get him. Go all the way to Baghdad.

[Rob Riggle]

And he was like, no, these are the Parameters we set up in the beginning. And that's it.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly. And then his dumb son comes into office and goes all the way to Baghdad. You know. Okay, I'm sorry. I was probably too hard on Bush at the time, but, I mean, I didn't agree with that, going all the way through the whole thing. But it's funny because I use that metaphor often in my life. I don't think people know what I'm talking about. When I say, yeah, I just don't want to go all the way to Baghdad, they'll be like, you know, why don't you marry this girl? I'm like, I. I just don't want to go all the way to Baghdad.

[Rob Riggle]

It just goes over their head.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I know.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like, you know, I. I kicked Tadam out of Kuwait. That's enough. Yeah. I don't cut all.

[Rob Riggle]

That's probably like a. Like a Dennis Miller reference for some people.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah, something like that. And you didn't fight in that war. What were.

[Rob Riggle]

I was actually on the parade deck. I was in. I was in Officer Canada school during that.

[Bill Maher]

During the first Gulf War.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

What about the other Iraq war in

[Rob Riggle]

2000, were you 2003 to.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, the Bushes war.

[Rob Riggle]

I was in the service, but I didn't serve in Iraq. I, oddly enough, went over there as a USO tour in Iraq.

[Bill Maher]

Because you were a comic by then.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

That's hysterical. Who was on the tour with you?

[Rob Riggle]

I took Horatio Sands. Wow. Okay. I took Paul Scheer and Rob Hubel because I did improv with those guys in New York, and it was just the four of us.

[Bill Maher]

And what was the show like? What was in the show?

[Rob Riggle]

We slapped together a show. I kind of did double duty. So I grabbed Paul and Rob because we had done improv for years, and Horatio also had done a lot of improv with us, and I had been on SNL with Horatio, and we got along really well. So I would do some standup in the beginning. Then we would do a couple of, you know, sketches or bits that we had kind of written up. Then Horatio, we would do some stuff with the audience. So we'd get the, you know, some of the troops to come up and join us for, like, a Dating Game parody where Horatio came out and played Carol and she was the Bachelorette. And so we'd get three soldiers up there to be the, you know, just part. We did all these bits, right?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah. And it's a great audience because. Right. I mean, look, the audience is.

[Rob Riggle]

They're so gung ho. They're so ready for us, you know, of course. And like Paul, we. This is an old improv game, but it was basically ask the. Ask the expert. And so Paul would be the expert and we would say, ladies and gentlemen, we want to introduce you to the smartest man in the entire world. He's an expert on anything. You can ask him, anything you want to ask him. If you have any questions about life, anything at all, please ask our expert. I can't say expert today. Ask our expert. And so, you know, soldiers get up and, you know, how do I break up with my girlfriend? And then Paul would just give hilarious answers.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

And it was just fun games like that. Right.

[Bill Maher]

Do you remember the Al Franken uso?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I didn't see it.

[Bill Maher]

It was scandalous.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, yeah, I knew he had gone on a USO tour and he had done some, you know, pictures that someone was sleeping.

[Bill Maher]

And then he got. Well, that was one part of it. Which is. First of all, let me just. Before I forget to say it, it was all bullshit. Okay. All right. Al should never have resigned. I think even he knows that. I mean, it was all. I mean, what was the issue? It was the height of the me too hysteria.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay, that's right. That's right.

[Bill Maher]

It was a ne.

[Rob Riggle]

That's right. I remember that.

[Bill Maher]

Very necessary corrective and needs to keep going and go even further. But they also did catch some people in the net in they, you know, there was a sort of a frothing at the mouth, who are we going to get today? Attitude for a while, you know, as we see with the Epstein files. Because most men are bad, but not all.

[Rob Riggle]

I wouldn't say they're bad, but I don't know a single person, a lot of them on Earth, that doesn't make mistakes. No one's perfect ever. In the history of mankind, no one's been perfect.

[Bill Maher]

Right. But men, I'm sorry, most of them are not pedophiles, I don't think.

[Rob Riggle]

No.

[Bill Maher]

And. But most of them would definitely cheat under the right circumstances. In other words, how many would, like, withstand the ultimate temptation? Very few.

[Rob Riggle]

Very few.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. All right. So we're working from that base. Okay. From that view, they're dogs, you know? Okay, so. But Al was accused.

[Rob Riggle]

Does that mean go to jail? Does that mean. Does that mean lose your job?

[Bill Maher]

No.

[Rob Riggle]

Does that mean.

[Bill Maher]

No, that's private. That should be between you and whoever you.

[Rob Riggle]

It should be. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Right. Okay. But the Al Franken situation was this.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. There was two Things one, he took a gag picture on the plane. I think it was the woman who accused him. I think it was Leanne Tweeden. She was, like, sleeping on the plane. You know, it's exhausting, these trips. And so he took a picture, a gag picture where his hands are not on her breasts, but he's acting like he's like, you know, ha, ha, she's asleep.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay, I remember that. You know, I mean, it's bad taste.

[Bill Maher]

It's not even that. It's just. Get the fucking sense of humor. It's not anything that awful. Nobody died, okay? There are no mass graves from this picture, all right? You know, get a sense of humor. It's just not. And by the way, 30 years ago, nobody would even have blinked an eye. It was just. Okay. It's certainly not worth losing your job for. He was a very effective senator. Okay. The other thing was, he was accused,

[Rob Riggle]

well, 30 years ago, too. If the girl found out that, you know, somebody played, you know, someone found out that that picture was taken, the girl would probably wait until he fell asleep and then do some sort of mock picture about him, like laughing at his junk or something, you know? Yeah, it would have been that. And then they're done. It would have been that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it's not exactly an apples to oranges because men, historically have been way worse to women. So it's a little worse when the man does it, but it's still not worth blowing a gasket.

[Rob Riggle]

But that's how that would have been handled. It would have been. It doesn't have to be a federal case, but.

[Bill Maher]

Right. So the other thing was he was accused of writing a sketch for the USO show. Now, the sketch is. What?

[Rob Riggle]

No, I'm just.

[Bill Maher]

You don't remember this?

[Rob Riggle]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, so this was the other accusation that he wrote this.

[Rob Riggle]

My first thought was, how bad was the sketch? What were we talking about?

[Bill Maher]

Not bad at all. The crowd loved it because it's this. I can't remember the details of it, but basically he sets up this situation where a pretty girl who's always in the USO show, Bob Hope used to have Ann Margaret and Raquel Welch. Okay. So I think it was this woman. I think it was Leanne, but I could be wrong. But I guess because she accused him of writing the sketch in such a way that he wrote it in the script that he gets to kiss her. Okay. The payoff of the bit is that whoever he was playing doesn't get the girl and the soldier they bring on stage does so of course the soldiers are going to love that one of their own gets the girl. I mean, so that was the point of the sketch. I don't think Al wrote it so that he could have this moment where he gets to kiss the stage, kiss with the girl. You know, is it possible? I can't look into everybody's mind.

[Rob Riggle]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

But that was a USO scandal.

[Rob Riggle]

I didn't even know that was part of it. It's interesting.

[Bill Maher]

It is interesting, huh? I mean, it's interesting where we were 10 years ago with, with that.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And you know, I see in these Epstein files, I mean, first of all, you just find out. I, I said this on my show a couple of weeks ago. Some people were just shocked. I said, I owe an apology to QAnon. You were not completely wrong about the fact that there were like, I mean, I said, you know what? Also no, the Democrats do not eat babies.

[Rob Riggle]

And I was about to say, cuz QAnon is out there. I lost.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly. That's why I said, just don't take it that far. Democrats are not eating babies. Hillary didn't run a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor, you fucking nuts. But you weren't wrong about the elites of this world think they can get away with so much shit. That they were. All the contempt they have for the rest of us is just pretty amazing. When you see these emails, they're almost as lurid as.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I know you do a lot

[Bill Maher]

of work

[Rob Riggle]

in political thought and political discussion and debate, and I'm sure this stuff has been right in your forefront, you know, all the Epstein talk, because that seems to be the primary.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. But until this last dump, we didn't know how extensive it was. It really did change the narrative a lot. I mean, we thought it was until like a few weeks ago, but to

[Rob Riggle]

the average American, they're not, they're not drilling down like you, like they're. No, no, nobody knows. I don't know what's going on.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know what's out there on. Okay. But on the right.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

This is the one issue where they will break with TRUMP OVER They QAnon, which are his biggest backers and you know, they are far right, but they do not let go of this one. They had it in their heads that there was this, you know, cabal of elites who are so drunk on their own power that they think they can get away. Well, they kind of do. And did you know I have a friend who always talks about shark skin? No, not shark. Shark Soup. Like it's illegal to, you know, like, kill the sharks who are endangered. And the soup doesn't even taste good. But they can.

[Rob Riggle]

But it's because they can't.

[Bill Maher]

They just can't.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. You know, they don't even like it.

[Bill Maher]

They don't even like it. But it's wrong. But we can do it. We can do it. It's wrong.

[Rob Riggle]

I know very little about the Epstein other than General Broad brushes. Right. But what it feels like to me is this guy. If you look at his trajectory and how he managed to get to where he got it, feels like he is a intelligence operator. CIA, Mossad, whatever it is. But he works in the intelligence community is what it feels like to me as an outsider. And again, I'm not. I don't drill down on this stuff, and I don't spend much time on it.

[Bill Maher]

He's a poop.

[Rob Riggle]

He feel well. But that's part of it. But that's part of it. But he has all these elites. He's got them dead to rights doing something wrong. Yeah. And so that's why he was. But somebody uses that. He wasn't leveraging it for himself. Or maybe he was partially. But some bigger entity I feel like was probably leveraging that.

[Bill Maher]

No.

[Rob Riggle]

No. You don't think that's it.

[Bill Maher]

He's a pimp. When you don't know why a guy has a lot of money, it's probably because he's a pimp. That's always been my view on Epstein, and I think that's only been proven correct. He wasn't particularly popular with all these different people because he was a sparkling conversationalist. You know how it is. We'll service the car, we'll update the phone, we'll rotate the tires. But our own health. My blood pressure is probably fine. Sure, that's what everyone says. Right up until it isn't. Here's the thing. Half of all adults have high blood pressure. Half. And it doesn't hurt, doesn't warn you, doesn't send a passive aggressive text. It just sits there quietly doing damage while you order the extra large pepperoni. I pay attention to my numbers. A friend of mine got one of those home monitors. I'm telling you, nothing will sober you up about your lifestyle choices faster than a little machine politely suggesting you reconsider what you're having for dinner. Very humbling. That's where 120Life comes in. It's a once a day functional drink designed to support healthy blood pressure. Not a pill, not a stimulant. Not some wellness fad with its own merch line and a guy named Braden explaining your chakras. It's a drink. Super fruit juices that taste good. You make it part of your morning. And you check your numbers. That's the whole thing. And here's the reassuring part. Hundreds of doctors recommended over a thousand health pros support it. So this isn't crystal healing. It's not a vibe. It actually works. Don't wait until next month. Nothing to lose. Except higher blood pressure. Numbers go to 120life and use my code random for 20% off. Use code random today. These statements have not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

[Rob Riggle]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster, Nibbles, in our yard for me?

[Bill Maher]

Because I was so moved by how

[Rob Riggle]

carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet, sweet Nibbles after his untimely end. Nibbles gone too soon. May he scurry in peace.

[Bill Maher]

Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff.

[Rob Riggle]

Nibbles would have loved you like a brother.

[Bill Maher]

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[Rob Riggle]

All I'm saying is I don't know. I. I know nothing about it. And I feel like most people only know the broad brushes.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'm gonna tell you, there are.

[Rob Riggle]

And nobody thinks he killed himself.

[Bill Maher]

Another. No, that's probably not true either. Although there is. I mean, the gashes in the neck are real, but maybe, who knows? Doesn't matter. The guys who were in his circle, that's the key to this. And I've also certainly known that guy all my life. That's the guy who is so successful in his business and has zero ability to ever get a human woman in bed. There's a lot of guys like that, and they are just burning up inside because they're like, I am the master of the universe. I am so powerful, and I have all these connections and I have all this influence and all this money and no chick wants me. Yeah, that is just. It just knocks them. It just.

[Rob Riggle]

It's just the worst.

[Bill Maher]

They think it should translate directly into, like, this tap of womanhood that is just flowing down toward them because. And it doesn't women are interested in something completely different. And so who fixes this problem? Jeffrey Epstein. And you just see it in all the emails. I mean, Richard Branson, hey, it'd be great to see you. As long as you're bringing your harem. You know, these are. I mean, they didn't even hide it. It's right in their emails. And they're all doing this. They're asking him for advice on how to cheat. That's some. I forget what prominent guy was. Oh, it was the guy from Harvard who used to be the Secretary of the Treasury. Summer. Lawrence Sommer, whatever his name is. And he's like, you know, there's this Asian woman in the department and, you know, I kind of like to get with her, but I don't know what to say. You know, it's like, ask Jeffrey, you know, he's gonna like, yes, he's the guy who knows about chicks, knows how to get chicks. There's always gonna be chicks around. This is the one thing in Bill Gates life that he doesn't have.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, all these things. That's what it is.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And then once he. Epstein has them in this position, of course, you're right, he does have all the power in the world to blackmail them and to constantly, you know, tap them for resources and, you know, influence. Influence, but also, you know, money to the. His great, you know, his great consulting.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

No one, he wasn't this financial genius. He had the women. That's what it is. And so could he have been an intelligent operative? He absolutely could have. I just don't think it interested him past just being where he was in the world, you know, being able to keep it going with the 12 massages a day and having the dinner parties with Woody Allen and, you know, Noam Chomsky and Bill Gates. But it was about the women and the fact that he was so good at having them always around. And, you know, I'm not saying all these guys were having sex with the underage women. I think he was, but they didn't. They were certainly able to overlook that because they were taken care of as well.

[Rob Riggle]

That's very interesting. That's very interesting. It is. I like to think about that.

[Bill Maher]

That's what it is. That's what it is.

[Rob Riggle]

Listen, I'm not doubting it.

[Bill Maher]

You look like you're kind of a rugged, good looking guy who probably was always like, you know, the women always wanted you. Like, if you like I say, women probably didn't always want you. No. Are you sure?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

No, I'm sure you didn't just miss it. Because when I was younger I was actually quite good looking and I didn't think that. And so I just missed it.

[Rob Riggle]

I think I probably missed a few. That's probable. That's probable.

[Bill Maher]

You hit one in the rough every

[Rob Riggle]

once in a while, but.

[Bill Maher]

And you gotta drop the ball where you think, you know, you don't want to cheat at that moment. It's interesting because people do cheat at that moment, don't they, when they put. Where the ball lies.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Isn't that a big opportunity to cheat? Like, if your ball's in the rough, where are you supposed to drop the ball? I mean.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah, within a club length. There's rules to where you drop.

[Bill Maher]

What are those rules?

[Rob Riggle]

It depends if you went out into an out of bounds area or if you're just. It's a lost ball. You're supposed to go one club length back into play and then drop it between.

[Bill Maher]

If you hit it like into the rough on the side and like it was raining there. And so it's under a bunch of like mud and wet leaves.

[Rob Riggle]

But you can see it.

[Bill Maher]

You can see it now.

[Rob Riggle]

You got to play it.

[Bill Maher]

You have to hit that ball.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Out of the mud and the mire.

[Rob Riggle]

It depends. Sometimes there may be a rule now where if the ball is truly plugged in and you can only see like the top white part of it, you may get some relief there.

[Bill Maher]

Who decides that?

[Rob Riggle]

The course official. But that's in a tournament, if it's you and your guys or, you know, you and the boys.

[Bill Maher]

Forget it.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Then you just get it. Fluff it out of there a little bit.

[Bill Maher]

But so what if you can't see it at all? First of all, if you can't see it, how did you find it?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, exactly. If you can't find. If you can't see it, it's a lost ball. Then you have to take a penalty.

[Bill Maher]

But where do you drop the ball?

[Rob Riggle]

One club length in from where? From the out of bound stake. There's white stakes all on. So it's one club length inside that.

[Bill Maher]

And then what do you hit? Like a two iron from there?

[Rob Riggle]

Whatever. But the way the math works is let's say it's a tee box. You go the way I. One out. So I hit one out, two comes back in. That's my drop. And now I'm hitting three from there. So that's how you count. And normally it would be 1, 2 to the green, but now it's 3 to the green.

[Bill Maher]

So you ever had double figures on a hole?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, of course.

[Bill Maher]

Really? Yeah, of course.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah. In the beginning.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, in the beginning.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. You suck. You suck bad.

[Bill Maher]

Like, you're like an 11 on one hole.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. But at some point you just pick it up because it's obnoxious, you know, like there's people behind you. You know, the pace of play outweighs the amount of strokes you need to get. You know, and.

[Bill Maher]

You know. Is that a thing?

[Rob Riggle]

The general rule is, if it's a par four and you have an eight, pick it up. No more strokes after that.

[Bill Maher]

Do people actually say, can I play through?

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

That's a real thing.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And why is that, like, the evidence?

[Rob Riggle]

Because they only have one or two people in their group and you have a four or five people in your group.

[Bill Maher]

And is the etiquette to always say yes. Really?

[Rob Riggle]

You let them through. If you're playing slower than they are, they're going to overtake you rather than make them wait for your. You get to a par three. Usually it's at par threes, you get onto the green and you wave them on, and then they'll hit, come up, putt out real quick. They move on to the next hole, you guys finish yours, and they keep going.

[Bill Maher]

And what if you don't do this? What is the repercussions? Are you. Is it.

[Rob Riggle]

It's bad form.

[Bill Maher]

And. And then what happens?

[Rob Riggle]

A lot of stares. A lot of yous.

[Bill Maher]

A lot of you.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah. That's what. That's.

[Bill Maher]

We're Talking about the 19th hole now, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Generally, yeah. But you've seen these videos, I'm sure, on online of these golf fights. These golf fights are happening all the time.

[Bill Maher]

Golf fights.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, because the guys get hammered, they get drunk, and then some guy's not playing fast enough.

[Bill Maher]

To my point, about. Not a sport if you can get drunk while you're doing it. Okay, can you see that? With the bobsledding that's going on now? I really. I actually, with that one, you can.

[Rob Riggle]

You're in a few drunkards. You might as well.

[Bill Maher]

I can be better drunk. I mean, you're just lying in this thing while you risk your life going.

[Rob Riggle]

It even looks like the guy in the back is just taking a cat nap almost. You know, other than the rattling. Yeah, I know that's not true, by the way. I'm very proud of our bobsled team. I'm sure they're doing a good job.

[Bill Maher]

Rob, you fought for this country. Stop apologizing for you.

[Rob Riggle]

Do you know why?

[Bill Maher]

Because you live in Hollywood and they seduced you into this bullshit.

[Rob Riggle]

No, it's because I have a kid in college and a kid going to college and I got a mortgage and I got an ex and daddy's got to pay the bills. And when they're out there headhunting, you sit there and go, did I just make fun of the bobsled team? I better take that back.

[Bill Maher]

But you know what canceling it has.

[Rob Riggle]

First of all, it fucking sucks.

[Bill Maher]

It always did.

[Rob Riggle]

Always.

[Bill Maher]

And I.

[Rob Riggle]

It's unjust.

[Bill Maher]

And I've always taken shit from the left for talking against their cancel culture. Not that it's only on the left, because the right does it also. Absolutely. So they're a bunch of fun.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, that's the new toy for everybody. It's a cancel wand. Just throw it at everybody.

[Bill Maher]

I think we passed the peak of that culture.

[Rob Riggle]

I hope so. I hope people are seeing how the

[Bill Maher]

folly of it, many, lots of people who were supposedly canceled actually came out better.

[Rob Riggle]

They did.

[Bill Maher]

Look at Shane Gillis, you know, people who they. They tried to make go away.

[Rob Riggle]

Because I think you can see through. You could. So don't. People can see if someone is truly hurtful or if they're just making a joke. Most people can tell the difference.

[Bill Maher]

How many medals do you have?

[Rob Riggle]

Over 22.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, this is just my advice. I don't know you. I never met you before this. I always loved your work. Everything you're in, you make better.

[Rob Riggle]

Thanks, man.

[Bill Maher]

You're like one of those character act, comedy character actors. When you show up, it's like, okay, at least this will be funny.

[Rob Riggle]

That's very nice. You just.

[Bill Maher]

So true.

[Rob Riggle]

You're very kind.

[Bill Maher]

So true. Thank you. But like, I think you'd be better off, even with the mortgage and the X and all that. To be like, just take the opposite tack. Like, I fought for this country. I have 22 medals. Shut the fuck up about whatever my opinion is about bobsledding.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I agree with that 100%.

[Bill Maher]

I earned it.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. I'll say whatever I want to say.

[Bill Maher]

I earned it. Unlike you fucking senders.

[Rob Riggle]

I do. I feel emboldened to talk about bobsledding now.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you. But not the luge. We don't go there.

[Rob Riggle]

I don't touch the luge.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, Rob, I'm not unreasonable. Okay? I'm strongly opinionated.

[Rob Riggle]

I'm not. But you're not crazy.

[Bill Maher]

Reasonable. I'm not a crazy person. Of course we don't go near the luge. Luge. Whatever it is. What'd you think of that? Speaking of women athletes, that skater who. You know, it's like Jake Paul's wife, you know, she.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, is she a speed skater?

[Bill Maher]

She's.

[Rob Riggle]

Or a figure skater?

[Bill Maher]

She's quite a hot one.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, I think she's. She's. I think she's Dutch. I think she's skating for Dutch land.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

No, I mean the Netherlands.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Boy, pot really makes you forget the name of countries.

[Rob Riggle]

But Dutch land, that goes back. Beautiful. All the Olympic athletes, men and women, they're all hot. They're at the prime of their life and they're in peak physical condition.

[Bill Maher]

You know, they didn't.

[Rob Riggle]

They sell out of condoms out there in the Olympic Village or something?

[Bill Maher]

I'm just going to say.

[Rob Riggle]

Is that right?

[Bill Maher]

Three days. I mean, they provide condoms for the Olympic Village and in three days they were gone.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, how do you expect them not to be? These guys and girls both are prime athletes. They're burning like 3,000 calories a day just sitting there. You know, they are amped up. They're in the prime of their life and they see each other and it's like, you're an athlete, I'm an athlete. It's gotta be electric. The energy coming out of that Olympic village has gotta be tremendous.

[Bill Maher]

Sex, at its best is an athletic performance. I mean, among other things. Obviously, it's not just that.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But I mean, I feel like it's. I feel like it's a symphony orchestra presentation, even though no one is there to hear it. You know, it's an oratorio, you know, that you perform once and it's somehow the same music, but you're doing it differently, you know, much like people who do a Broadway show for 3,000 performances have to somehow find. Can you imagine that? Have you ever done a show like a Broadway?

[Rob Riggle]

I've done not Broadway, but I've done shows. Yes.

[Bill Maher]

Where you're doing the same thing every

[Rob Riggle]

night and you've got to find that same energy level and that same commitment and that same passion and that same.

[Bill Maher]

It's so hard.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. It's unbelievably draining.

[Bill Maher]

I did a Broadway show for three weeks. Three weeks, maybe a month in 2003. Got nominated for a Tony. One man show. Thank you so much. Lost that one like all the other ones, but it was my own material and I couldn't stand doing it. Like when I did the Road for Four.

[Rob Riggle]

I remember this one.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, it was called.

[Rob Riggle]

I was Living in New York at the time.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. When you Ride alone. You ride with bin Laden. It was all about the war on terror. We had just been attacked after 9, 11. And no, it was quite well received.

[Rob Riggle]

It was fantastic.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you. It was quite well received. But first of all, I had to do, you know, Broadway is brutal. You get one day off Monday. You have to do two shows on Saturday and Sunday, a matinee and then the show at night two days in a row. The matinee on Saturday was 1pm I'm not up at 1pm I get out of bed and immediately start drinking to get into the kind of shape I was needed to be in to do that show.

[Rob Riggle]

My mother and Mark, oddly, too, that's. Yeah, you're in the furnace.

[Bill Maher]

My mother was at one of those shows, matinee, and one of the punchlines was, I won't go through the whole thing. But it was come on my face. And I just like, I can't. My mother is in the audience and I have to do the punchline. That. It was about mutual. People talked about mutual fantasies. There's no fantasy where a guy runs across a meadow to a woman with open arms and then comes on her face. You know, that was the joke. Okay. And, you know, it just 1pm me, my mother there. It was just brutal. Not brutal like war.

[Rob Riggle]

I did a show one time,

[Bill Maher]

I

[Rob Riggle]

was out doing my shows, and Dave Attell said, hey, I'm playing the Midland in Kansas City.

[Bill Maher]

Such a funny. Such a funny guy.

[Rob Riggle]

Will you open? And I was like, yes, my God, yeah, it's my hometown or whatever. So I called my folks and they're the sweetest Midwesterners you've ever met in your life.

[Bill Maher]

What I've heard.

[Rob Riggle]

And I said, hey, I'm gonna be coming in to. I'm gonna open for this guy. And, you know, if you want to come to the show, please do, but just understand that I cuss a lot. And I, you know, I'm kind of prepping the field for them so they're not caught off guard. And then my dad says, hey, we're all here. I said, well, who's all. He goes, well, mom invited the Sunday school class, and that's a legit thing that happened. And I went out there and I knew. I was like, well, I can't change my act. It's. It's a song, you know, you learn the song a certain way. I'm not going to go out there and change the lyrics now.

[Bill Maher]

Why should you?

[Rob Riggle]

Exactly. And I warned them.

[Bill Maher]

How'd it go?

[Rob Riggle]

It was great, right? Great night.

[Bill Maher]

Because who's more repressed and looking to laugh than religious people? Of course.

[Rob Riggle]

And they had a great night. They all had a great night.

[Bill Maher]

Biggest freaks in the world are Mormons.

[Rob Riggle]

And they love Dave. They loved him. Absolutely loved him.

[Bill Maher]

And he's really dirty and he brought it.

[Rob Riggle]

So great stuff. I love that. But I also remember those two shows, like, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday, one show on Thursday, maybe one show on Sunday. Plus you have to do all the radio promo Wednesday and Thursday all day. That's just. You're getting tired thinking about it.

[Bill Maher]

I'm just. I'm. No, I'm just thinking I paid my due.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, you did.

[Bill Maher]

Like I. I did. I go to wherever you were, Kosovo or whoever the you were, fighting for your country, winning those 22 medals, bobsled people. But I paid my dues in my way, you know, like, those were not happy nights. Whereas three shows. Three shows. You can't remember what you said in either one of the other two shows. You have to, like, keep this set list in your mind so straight, because half of your mind is saying, I just said this to the same crowd. And the other half of your mind is saying, no, you didn't just do it. Because I'm telling you, you didn't just do this in this show. Yeah, it's just such a mind fuck.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. And three, I never. I don't think I ever did three in one night.

[Bill Maher]

No, I did many times now.

[Rob Riggle]

I've done some 1am like, shows for drunks, you know, take the gig wherever you can get it.

[Bill Maher]

No, because I was at the height

[Rob Riggle]

Three in a night.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that's because I was. This was the 80s when it was the height of the comedy boom. So comedy clubs realized they could sell out easily on a Saturday night. They could probably do six shows on a Saturday.

[Rob Riggle]

So we did a seven nine and a midnight.

[Bill Maher]

7:30, 9:30 and 11:30.

[Rob Riggle]

Wow. There you go.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely. And it was just like, wow. And this is sometimes for $250 for the week, but now.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay, let me ask you this, because you went. You know, anybody who went through, especially the time when you were really out there grinding, I mean, that was really the height of it. That was the. Like you said, it was kind of a golden age in a way.

[Bill Maher]

In a way.

[Rob Riggle]

But when you look back on it and you. Do you think about the pain and the misery or do you have a kind of a longing and a fondness for it?

[Bill Maher]

It's funny, sometimes I go to the Comedy Store now just to watch they always. When I walk in, they always like, do you want to go up? I'm like, I don't even go on the road anymore. I stopped that last year after all those years. But. And I miss it. But I'm glad I did make that decision. But I just go in. It's a fun thing to do. Like, there's not that many things to do. I'm not gonna go to a movie. It's, you know, you're done with dinner, you don't wanna go home. Oh, let's go to the Comedy Store. If they're bad, it's interesting, and if they're good, it's interesting. There's kind of a no lose. Yeah. And I'm also sometimes honestly scouting new talent in a way. But when I watch it, I am overcome with this idea of, wow, I did this because I wouldn't want to do it now. It's rough.

[Rob Riggle]

Why is it rougher?

[Bill Maher]

First of all, it's not your crowd. It's a crowd the last 35 years, or 30 years anyway, since I've been on TV every week. It was my crowd. It's people who bought tickets to see Bill Maher. These people bought tickets to see comedy in general.

[Rob Riggle]

Got it.

[Bill Maher]

It's not. You don't know what they want. Right. And they just. And you have to follow 12 other guys. It's funny when you watch four or five of them in a row, it's like, oh, there's the perfunctory gay joke.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like, we all know what the well is. You can always go to that well. But if you're the fifth guy to do it, it doesn't work. You know, it's just. It's brutal in so many ways. And you watch these people who are. You see this willingness to put up with so much pain, you know, of rejection because they want it so much. And of course, I was that person. I put up with that same pain. But to watch it now and realize, yeah, that was me, but, boy, I wouldn't want to do it now. And I know exactly what they're going through. And it's interesting. And sometimes they're just great. And sometimes it's just painful. And sometimes they're great one night and painful the next time I see them.

[Rob Riggle]

They're still learning their craft, probably.

[Bill Maher]

Right. And it's a different crowd now. It's 1:20 in the morning, and these people saw those jokes 10 times already.

[Rob Riggle]

I remember doing my show on my set and, you know, in some places, it murdered, it destroyed. I was like, ah, this is my call. This is my. Of course. And then I learned it's an education, it's a whole process. Because I would take that and I would go to somebody would say, hey, Rob, you want to do this charity event? Yeah, sure. I'll pop in, I'll help out. And I would do my club act for this, not knowing, hey, someone's gotta pull me. Somebody needed to pull me aside and say, hey, hey, hey. So here's how this works.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I could.

[Rob Riggle]

The way I learned is by people wanting to kill me.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I could have told you. I didn't know the worst. I didn't know the worst. The worst is charity. Yeah, I fucking hate charity. All right, don't take that out as a sound bite. What I meant to say is charity events, charity events are the worst because the people who go to charity events feel like they're very good people doing a very good thing. So they are the most politically correct audience in the world, which is the absolute enemy of comedy.

[Rob Riggle]

And then they want to mix you in with music.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that too.

[Rob Riggle]

They want to mix you. We got a whole mixed bag. We thought we'd have some comedy and then we'd have this and we'd have that.

[Bill Maher]

And sometimes they introduce you before they have a whole thing about what the charity is, which is something super sad. Okay, enough film of people having their legs blown off. Now a funny guy.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. And here for the yucks. Put your hands together, you come out with eyes like saucers. What the fuck was that?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, it's just not good, though. It's so funny.

[Rob Riggle]

One time I came out and was doing this event, a charity event, and people were still. They were still coming in to the venue, coming into the. It was a sit down, it was dinner. You know, I heard dishes clinking and, you know, all this going on and people talking. Bob, have you met Susan yet? Susan, this is Bob Johnson. He works over. I can hear their conversations as I'm trying to. You know, I got one table that's looking at me. Everybody else is just milling around talking, smile, chatter. It was a hot fucking mess.

[Bill Maher]

You know, funny 40 years ago, when I first started and I was offered some charity events, I would always say, you know, if they would ask for money, I would say I would do any amount of time not to have to give you money. Now I would say I would give any amount of money not to do. Not to have a single minute. Yeah, okay.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah. It's tough. And I haven't been out on the road in you know, 15 years probably.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Well, no, that's too long. It's been 10 years, but I haven't done any standup in 10 years. But I get asked to do it and I'm always like, ah, you know, guys, I, I don't have it. I don't, I don't have a set. I don't have any material. If I had to, if I, if you wanted me to do, I have to sit down and really construct.

[Bill Maher]

You got. It's, it's.

[Rob Riggle]

So I said, I say, I'll. I can give you a speech. I can maybe do a Q A because then I can improv a little. I can have some fun. That's the ticket. So that, that's what I'm willing to do. And I'll do that still anytime.

[Bill Maher]

No, I only quit a year ago.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And I, I give same thing. I get offered and I'm like, you don't understand. You have to be in practice. It's like saying, want to play quarterback next week after you haven't in a year. Now that may be okay for Philip Rivers. He did it.

[Rob Riggle]

He did.

[Bill Maher]

But for most of us, it's just, no, I have to be in shape. I have to have an act. I have to know my act.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

I can't just. And I'm not going to just half ass it and walk on stage. But you're right. The Q and A thing solves that problem. You know, just have somebody interview me and, and have fun.

[Rob Riggle]

We'll have fun. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And you know, and it generally works

[Rob Riggle]

because the audience is interested to hear. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And funny lines will come out.

[Rob Riggle]

Totally.

[Bill Maher]

It's just not stand up. That's a whole different thing. And it's to me, the highest level. Yeah, but so, because it's the highest level, don't ask me to do it unless I'm in shape to do it. But. So you started when you were still in the military?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

That's awesome.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I was. I got to New York.

[Bill Maher]

That is not the typical.

[Rob Riggle]

No, no. I got, I started when I was.

[Bill Maher]

What rank were you?

[Rob Riggle]

I was a captain. I was a captain at the time.

[Bill Maher]

A captain?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, in the Marines.

[Bill Maher]

Going out to comedy clubs. That's amazing.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

In uniform. No, no, I'm kidding. Although it would have set you apart.

[Rob Riggle]

Although. I mean, I had the high and tight haircut. I was, you know, I don't know what they thought of me, you know, but.

[Bill Maher]

Did you tell them about that?

[Rob Riggle]

No.

[Bill Maher]

It wasn't part of your act.

[Rob Riggle]

It wasn't. It really wasn't.

[Bill Maher]

You're too modest about that.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I. I didn't do that, but I. I did the Upright Citizens Brigade. I found them. I started doing Stand Up. I didn't like it. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I wasn't any good at it. The guy that was. I took a class at Stand Up New York on the Upper east side, or, excuse me, Comic Strip live on Upper east. And he was. Three jokes per minute. Set a punch, set a punch, set a punch. That's how we do it. I said, well, I grew up watching Eddie Murphy and I want to be a storyteller and da, da, da. Three jokes per minute. Set a punch, set a punch, set of punch. So I tried to write five minutes of Set a punch, set a punch, set a punch. This is not how I do it. I'm not. You know, I don't do that. So I wrote shit material. And that was my first set. And I got up and I did it. I hated it. I hated the whole experience. I had more stage fright than I ever anticipated because it felt like I was in a car accident. I felt like I was in shock. When I was done, I actually tried to run out of the theater. I didn't hear any laughter. And so I was stepping on any laughter there was because I just wanted to get over the five minutes. This is my first time ever. And as I was heading out of the Comic Strip, the guy goes, hold on a second, and handed me my VHS tape that they make of you. And when I got home and my adrenaline had cooked off, I put the tape in and it wasn't that bad. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was still shit. It was garbage, but it wasn't as bad as I remember it.

[Bill Maher]

Well, with your background, I remember David Brenner. Remember David Brenner?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, of course.

[Bill Maher]

He was great, and he had a great career, and he was a great guy. And I remember him talking about. He was a producer for years before he became a standup comic. And he grew up on the mean streets of Philadelphia. And his explanation to comedy was, well, you know when you walk down the street and you know that anytime somebody could walk out from anywhere and hit you over the head with a baseball bat, comedy is not that scary. I can't imagine that it isn't somewhat the same for you. Comedy couldn't have been scarier than the

[Rob Riggle]

military in a weird. It wasn't. It wasn't scarier than certain things, but it was scarier on Another level.

[Bill Maher]

Like I say, scarier. Yeah, scarier. I'm always right, Rob. You have to understand. It just takes me a minute, but I'm right.

[Rob Riggle]

It's a different kind of fear. It's a different kind of fear.

[Bill Maher]

It is a different kind of fear.

[Rob Riggle]

It's a different kind of fear. That's all. But it's still real. And it's still.

[Bill Maher]

It's very real.

[Rob Riggle]

And it still paralyzed me because I hadn't been exposed to that yet. I hadn't faced that demon down yet. And so when it happened to me, I was really kind of not disgusted with myself, but shocked by how afraid

[Bill Maher]

I was for something that doesn't actually hurt you, either physically or if you're strong enough emotionally. It is amazing how hard it is for people to even imagine how awful it would be to stand in front of a room full of people who are rejecting you in every way.

[Rob Riggle]

Every way.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, sometimes it's just by not making any noise. Sometimes it's.

[Rob Riggle]

It's their facial expression.

[Bill Maher]

It's just. You just know you're not connecting their arms. Yeah, right.

[Rob Riggle]

I mean, all the kids are there that. I don't approve of you.

[Bill Maher]

Well, it's just, you know, laughter is involuntary. That's the great thing about it. And the harsh thing about it, it's involuntary. So when you get it, you know it's real. Yeah. You can't fake it.

[Rob Riggle]

That's why it satisfies so deeply the

[Bill Maher]

biggest stars in the world. I've seen. Like back in the day when I used to introduce Rodney Dangerfield, for example, he was a giant star. He would go on stage at Catch a Rising Star, and of course, the crowd would go nuts when he walked on stage. Two minutes in, if you're not actually making them laugh, they're looking at him exactly like you're talking about Mr. Nobody. Just like, I'm sorry, but I can't fake this laugh. I could for a minute because you're Rodney Dangerfield, and then I just can't. It's just not in the human being

[Rob Riggle]

to do it right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, so if you're not saying something, and that's what we kind of want. We love the honesty.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. I think standup is the purest art form because it is you, the comedian. It is a microphone.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely.

[Rob Riggle]

And it is an audience. There's no directors, no producers, no writer besides yourself.

[Bill Maher]

There's no body armor.

[Rob Riggle]

And nobody's going to come and save you.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

No one's going to. You know, it is a high wire Act. And it is also. It's so pure. Because when you are winning.

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Rob Riggle]

It's the greatest feeling on earth.

[Bill Maher]

I think we can agree we are the best kind of people. I think we can.

[Rob Riggle]

Somebody who gets it finally.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you, Rob. I've been saying that we are the best kind of. We are. I mean, we are doing the thing that is mano a mano.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, again, no armor, no protection, no. No help from the wings. No technology involved.

[Rob Riggle]

Right?

[Bill Maher]

No technology involved.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know what technology? We use electricity. Okay, you got me on that one.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

The mic is plugged in, but that's

[Rob Riggle]

why it's so cute.

[Bill Maher]

Although once in a while I have said, is this on.

[Rob Riggle]

Which I did my first night. I did.

[Bill Maher]

I think we've also.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, God. I think it was. I don't know what I was cooking on something. Just. I just wanted off that stage so bad. And then I found the ucb. I ran into Dave Koechner, who was a friend of a friend, and he said, well, what are you doing? Because I was like, I'm trying to do comedy. I gave up flight school to do this. And now I'm. You know, I think I made a big mistake because I went and did it and I hated it. And he's like, well, have you thought about improv? I was like, they don't have an improv scene here. You know, they had Chicago City Limits over there by scores. And, you know, that was it. And it was short form, which I didn't understand, you know, and I'm. I'm not good at singing songs or whatever. So I was like, I don't know. He goes, no, no, it's long form, like they do at Second City in Chicago. It's good stuff. It's the ucb. It turned out to be Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts and Matt Besser. So I was like, okay. Well, these guys are. You know, I went and saw their show and I was blown away. I was like, they're making this up. There's. I felt like it was scripted, you know, that's how good it was. So then I started taking classes there. Did their whole program for years. When I was on the Daily Show, John Oliver and I shared an office and he's a great stand up. So he said, come with me. Let's go do some clubs. And I was like, I don't. I tried to beg off and he wasn't having it. So I went and I was like, I don't have anything.

[Bill Maher]

And you did one year on snl.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

There's quite an impressive roster of one year's.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not saying that the roster of people who actually were on SNL for a while and became stars in there isn't also very impressive. Very. I mean, I have no love for SNL for different reasons, but I can't ever try to front and say that the pipeline of comedy into movies and culture from SNL has been nothing. There's just no precedent for it. There's no. Nobody ever like, dominated a field as much.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. You get off the floor on the 17th floor at 30 Rock. That's where the offices are.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And they have cast photos Starting in 75.

[Bill Maher]

Just amazing.

[Rob Riggle]

And then they have singular headshots all the way down the hall of every cast member. And I remember walking, you know, when I first got there, seeing all the cast, you know, I was like, oh, my God, I remember those. I remember that cast. I remember that cast. And you start walking down the hallway and you're like, oh, my God, this is everybody I've ever watched. It feels like my whole life.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. And it is. But it's also the case that the people that they didn't know how to use is also a rather impressive roster. So what is your memory of that year? Why didn't it work out?

[Rob Riggle]

Listen, I had it as a goal of mine for years. I just made that decision a long time before. I won't bore you with the story, but it was something I decided while I was in flight school, that I was gonna try to do this.

[Bill Maher]

At flight school? You were gonna be a terrorist?

[Rob Riggle]

No, I was going to be a naval aviator.

[Bill Maher]

Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

But.

[Bill Maher]

Well, so you say.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I had my pilot's license. I could fly. But anyway, I wanted to be on snl. It was a dream of mine. When it finally happened, I was incredibly grateful, and I was so. I'm always grateful for that year I had on the show.

[Bill Maher]

What year was it?

[Rob Riggle]

2004. 2005. And here's the thing. I was the only guy. That's what I like to think.

[Bill Maher]

Who else was on that year? Who are you with this big cast? Let's place this in.

[Rob Riggle]

I was the only new guy hired on a cast of. I think it was 15.

[Bill Maher]

15?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like who?

[Rob Riggle]

Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Seth Meyers, Will For, Horatio Sands, Keenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell, Daryl Hammond was there. Gosh, what if.

[Bill Maher]

Very, very talented.

[Rob Riggle]

There was a very talented. Yeah. It's a giant and I'm leaving somebody Out.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but that is a giant pool of talent, okay?

[Rob Riggle]

And I was the only guy hired that year, so I didn't have anybody in my, quote, freshman class, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Why didn't they like you?

[Rob Riggle]

I don't know if they didn't like me as much as what. Here's what.

[Bill Maher]

They got rid of you.

[Rob Riggle]

Here's what was explained to me. Here's what was explained to me. And I'll take it because it helps me sleep at night. But in election years, late night tv, especially snl, gets a huge bump, right. Because everybody tunes in to see the fake debates. And me, too.

[Bill Maher]

Right? Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

That particular election, it was Bush, Kerry. Nobody cared. Yeah, nobody cared. Nobody tuned in. Will Ferrell wasn't there anymore doing Bush.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

It was Will Forte and it was Seth Meyers's Kerry. And for whatever reason, nobody tuned in. And so from what I understand, the executives at NBC hit the panic button and they cleaned house. And so I was the last one in, first one out.

[Bill Maher]

That sounds exactly like how show business works.

[Rob Riggle]

So I took him at face value when they said that, you know? Cause I did have one of the producers call me after the fact and say, hey, Rob, you know, you had a good year. But here's what I think, you know, here's what happened, okay? So I was like, I took him. I believe him.

[Bill Maher]

All right, Colonel, well, thank you for your service. One more thing for you. I haven't done this in a while, but it was always my favorite thing to do. These are a pile of New Yorker cartoons. Do you read the New Yorker?

[Rob Riggle]

I have in the past.

[Bill Maher]

I don't, but the cartoons. Cartoons are awesome. Yeah. They have two things in there. 40,000 word articles about electricity and really funny cartoons. Okay. I'm kidding. That's a great publication. Over 30 years, I cut out the cartoons that I thought were really funny. So these go back 30 years.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bill Maher]

Maybe I was wrong at times, but at the time I thought they were wrong. It struck you. So here's my bit. You pick up one, you describe it, and then you read the caption. Now, if you don't describe it well, the caption's not gonna land. Okay, you see what I do? Okay. All right, so you do one and I do one. Or you want me to do one first? Okay, I'll do.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, no, that's too big. Looks like a. Okay. All right, here's.

[Rob Riggle]

I love it. I love that it already got you.

[Bill Maher]

This is a guy, just a normal guy, talking to his normal wife in the Middle of their living room. And he's holding an envelope in one hand and a piece of paper in the other hand like this. And the caption is, I've been selected to pay another electricity bill. Okay. This is why I like cartoons and many people don't. They're just kind of. They're very subtle.

[Rob Riggle]

I like it.

[Bill Maher]

I've been selected to pay another electricity bill. You see?

[Rob Riggle]

Okay. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Well, there's one on the other side too.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, there is.

[Bill Maher]

You have a double. You've got a choice. Look at that. That's the daily double. That's the daily double. Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

There is a man at a restaurant. Lots of paintings on the wall. It almost looks like Sardis on Broadway. Kind of.

[Bill Maher]

Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

There appears to be a Truman Capote looking gentleman or woman, I can't tell, Reading the menu. And a waiter getting ready to take the order. And it says, I'll have the weirdo's lunch.

[Bill Maher]

Let me see if you got that correctly. Well, the weird. Okay. Truman Capote.

[Rob Riggle]

Look at the glasses. Look at the round face he has.

[Bill Maher]

Like, his head is an egg.

[Rob Riggle]

Look at the hair.

[Bill Maher]

It has no hair. Right.

[Rob Riggle]

There's a button up there somewhere.

[Bill Maher]

There's a thing. It's like an egg with little dark sunglasses and a sprout coming out, almost like a dungeon. Looks like a corn crop out of his head. Right. He doesn't look like human, Truman. And where do you see Sardis?

[Rob Riggle]

Sardis. All the paintings on the wall.

[Bill Maher]

There's three paintings and you don't even see what's in them.

[Rob Riggle]

I think I nailed it. I feel like I nailed it. Thank you, Bill.

[Bill Maher]

This was such a pleasure. Wanted to do it for a long time.

[Rob Riggle]

I have too. And I really appreciate you letting me. Come on. Oh, it was really nice. It was really nice to meet you.

[Bill Maher]

Did we miss any plugs?

[Rob Riggle]

I got a book, so thanks for mentioning that.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah. Let's do it. That again. Rob Riggle, Grit, spit and never quit. The the whole book is about how he gets to tell the woke you because I serve my country. All right. Thank you, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

Thank you so much. It was a pleasure meeting so much fun.

[Bill Maher]

Club Random.

[Rob Riggle]

Do you. You have to go now? Do you have to go do real time?

[Bill Maher]

Not well tomorrow, but I gotta go work on it now. Club Random.

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[Rob Riggle]

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