Club Shay Shay - G Herbo Part 1

Summary

Club Shay Shay – G Herbo Part 1 (October 8, 2025)

Main Theme & Purpose This episode of Club Shay Shay, hosted by NFL Hall of Famer Shannon Sharpe, features platinum-selling rapper and Chicago native G Herbo. The conversation dives deep into Herbo’s journey from Chicago’s East Side to hip-hop stardom, exploring his childhood, the intersections of sports and rap culture, surviving street violence, processing loss and trauma, community impact, and his growth both as an artist and as a man. The discussion is candid and emotional, giving listeners rare insight into the realities of growing up amid violence, success, and personal evolution.

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Episode Breakdown

1. Marriage and Openness (00:00–00:12)

• G Herbo expresses excitement about marrying his partner:
  • “I get on one knee right now. Ready to go home and propose.” — G Herbo (00:07)
• Sets a tone of vulnerability and authenticity for the conversation.

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2. Origins and Childhood in Chicago (01:12–04:48)

• Herbo details his background as “Lil Herb,” growing up on the rough East Side of Chicago.
  • “Lil Herb is a kid from the east side... one of the most poverty struck and dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago, who just had a dream… but was knee deep in the midst of the fire.” — G Herbo (01:37)
• Fondest memories revolve around playing basketball at local parks; memories tinged with loss:
  • “A lot of those people who I shared those memories with, not here no more.” — G Herbo (03:01)
• Early dreams of being a basketball player; compares his style to Nick Van Exel:
  • “I used to be able to get to wherever spot, like, so ‘Nick the Quick.’” — G Herbo (05:13)

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3. Sports vs Rap — Parallel Dreams (04:48–09:11)

• Herbo admits he never played football; basketball was his first love.
• Discusses the special place Derrick Rose holds in Chicago culture, even more so than Michael Jordan for some:
  • “D. Rose, homegrown… He just gave us so much hope in Chicago.” — G Herbo (06:21)
• Explores mutual admiration between athletes and rappers:
  • “They got more money than us, but we having more fun.” — G Herbo (08:34)
  • Addresses how music motivates athletes and how many rappers once dreamed of pro sports.

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4. Hoop Dreams and Rap Stardom (09:11–10:55)

• Hypothetical: would Herbo trade rap stardom for NBA success?
  • “No… I feel like I’m living in my purpose now… The greatest feeling that I get from this is when people tell me, ‘You changed my life, bro.’” — G Herbo (09:22)

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5. Rappers on the Court (10:00–11:45)

• Herbo claims basketball victories over Drake and 21 Savage:
  • “We beat they ass like four, five times in a row. For sure.” — G Herbo (10:55)
• Notes that games among rappers are heavy on competition and trash talk, but usually just for fun, unless money is involved.

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6. Chris Brown’s Entertainer Status (11:45–14:13)

• Sharpe asks if Chris Brown is the closest artist to Michael Jackson.
  • “There’s nobody closer... Chris Brown. Right. Honestly, like, for real.” — G Herbo (12:13)
• Herbo describes Brown’s energy on stage and work ethic as “mind blowing… It’s just what he do.”
• Cites Breezy, Juice WRLD, Future, Meek Mill, and Young Thug as the most naturally gifted artists he’s worked with.

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7. Herbo’s Creative Process (15:12–17:46)

• Breaks down his studio approach:
  • Describes blending Jay-Z’s introspection and Lil Wayne’s freestyle spontaneity.
  • “I haven’t wrote no song in probably four, five years… I just be in there vibing and off the top of my head…” — G Herbo (16:00)
  • Likes chaos and conversation in the studio; finds inspiration from people around him.

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8. Artistic Evolution, Pressure, and Authenticity (17:46–21:13)

• Describes changing his style after advice from his best friend—stopped overthinking rhymes and started trusting intuition.
  • “Now I really just don’t care… this is my art.” — G Herbo (20:13)
• Gained confidence to not worry about audience or peer opinions when creating.

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9. Guest Verses, Rapper Etiquette, and Studio Politics (22:55–24:55)

• Discusses the competitiveness in collaboration:
  • “Don’t send me no blank song… I feel like I gotta at least hear your verse to give me some type of direction.” — G Herbo (23:01)
  • Who gets to go last/first often depends on who has the hardest verse.

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10. Street Life, Gun Violence, and Surviving Chicago (25:02–36:10)

• Herbo details daily life and trauma on the East Side:
  • Early exposure to guns at school, violence, and death from as young as fifth grade:
    • “Lost some of my first friends…sixth grade… that’s when I started seeing people get killed.” — G Herbo (27:08)
  • Realized how traumatic his childhood was only after traveling to other cities:
    • “I thought it was normal because everybody was doing that.” — G Herbo (25:54)
• Dropping out at 16 because he couldn’t safely attend school, then gaining fame locally before rising nationally.
• Early survival strategies—never letting family ride with him for their safety; moving his mother far from the neighborhood as soon as he could.
• Early gun acquisition:
  • “I bought my first gun when I was like 14.” — G Herbo (34:42)
• The escalation from fistfights to firearm use due to the risk of retaliation.

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11. The Day He Was Shot (36:10–42:59)

• Candid retelling of being shot at 16 during a block shooting that injured nine people:
  • “I got shot in the foot… nine of us got hit. That shit was on newspaper.” — G Herbo (41:17)
• Admits to returning to the streets immediately after, despite being wounded:
  • “I got shot. I probably went out there the next day or the day after with a boot on my leg, just outside…” — G Herbo (42:16)
• Reveals ongoing desensitization to violence and its normalization.

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12. Navigating Loss, Trauma, and Survival Guilt (43:44–44:55, 60:35–70:11)

• Recounts losing friends and the impact of survivor’s guilt:
  • “I felt like I was responsible for his death for a long time… I ain't used to drink at all…but I fell into alcoholism. Crazy. Like, I was down in a whole fifth a day, like by myself every single day.” — G Herbo (62:53, 68:43)
• The death of a close friend (shot at a barbershop) as a major turning point; struggled with thoughts of retaliation, depression.
• Conversation with bereaved friend’s grandmother gave him difficult clarity and encouragement:
  • “She looked at me and said, yeah, my grandson died because of you… but you better not fuck your life up. You better be the best you could be.” — G Herbo (69:25)

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13. Reflections on King Von, Violence, and Change (45:32–54:16)

• Talks about King Von, high school days, and the reality behind notorious street reputations.
• Grapples with the difficulty of leaving street life even after achieving fame:
  • “When that shit in you, it’s in you…” — G Herbo (49:58)
  • “Took me years and years to just be like, shit ain’t worth it.” — G Herbo (50:45)
• Emphasizes it can take time to adjust and react differently to disrespect.
• Admits to being in situations where walking away was the hardest part—but a sign of personal growth:
  • “That’s one of the hardest things to do, to walk away for real.” — G Herbo (52:21)

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14. Trauma, Insomnia, and Mental Health (58:37–60:18)

• Herbo shares how chronic hypervigilance and trauma from his upbringing affects his sleep and emotional health:
  • “It be hard for me. Like, my girl be waking me up sometimes… I got bad insomnia. I be up all night.” — G Herbo (59:08)
• Has sought therapy; credits community work and family for helping manage his pain, but admits that “it don’t really help, for real, for real.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Jordan is the biggest of the biggest… But coming from Chicago, D. Rose, homegrown… He gave us so much hope.” — G Herbo (06:05)
• “I never put my mom in the car… I would rather just wait all day until somebody pick me up before I desperately tell my mama to drop me off somewhere.” — G Herbo (44:00)
• “My parents always like, trusted me enough to just make good decisions. Like, although I was in the streets… they trusted me to never bring it back to my house.” — G Herbo (45:04)
• “You live by the gun, you die by the gun… But just seeing it, like, you know what I’m saying? I feel like it just… He had so much more life… more shit to do.” — G Herbo on King Von (48:20)
• “I could my life up. I could go to jail or possibly die, anything. Like, people really want you to stoop down to their level a lot.” — G Herbo (57:06)
• “I never really could enjoy [success] for real. Because I always wanted to share it with [my friend]. He ain’t here.” — G Herbo (67:50)
• “That’s growth... I never was that person…” — G Herbo, reflecting on not retaliating in a tense situation (52:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Early Life & Dreams: 01:37–05:08
• Derrick Rose Conversation: 05:33–07:42
• Rappers x Basketball Stories: 09:11–11:45
• Chris Brown vs. Michael Jackson Debate: 11:45–13:13
• Herbo’s Recording Process: 15:12–17:46
• Street Trauma & Gun Culture: 25:02–36:10
• The Day Herbo Was Shot: 36:10–42:59
• King Von & Cycle of Violence: 45:32–54:16
• Mental Health & Insomnia: 58:37–60:18
• Processing Loss, Grief, Survival Guilt: 60:35–70:11

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Tone & Style

Authentic, candid, and conversational. Shannon Sharpe brings empathy and humor, while G Herbo’s responses are unflinching, raw, at times emotional, and deeply reflective of his environment and journey.

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End note:
This episode provides powerful insight into cycles of violence, trauma, and transformation, illustrating why G Herbo is seen as both a voice for the voiceless and an advocate for healing in Chicago. For further continuity, listeners are encouraged to check out Part 2 of the conversation.

Transcript

[A]

Marriage in the future.

[B]

I mean, I can't wait to marry my girl.

[A]

You ready to do that thing now? You seem, you seem deep. You set up in the chair with me.

[B]

I get on one knee right now. Ready to go home and propose.

[A]

All my life been grinding all my life Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price wanna slice, got to roll the dice that's why all my life I be grinding all my life Look. All my life been grinding all my life Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price wanna slice, got to roll a dice that's why I've been grinding all my life. Hello. Welcome to another episode of Club Shay Shay. I am your host, Shannon Sharp. I'm also the proprietor of Club Shay Shay. Stopping by for conversation on a drink today is an undeniable and influential talent. One of the most popular artists from the Windy city. He's this generation's premier voice for the voiceless. A top tier mc, a platinum selling rapper, A songwriter with vivid storytelling ability. A respected community leader and philanthropist. A pioneer for the mental health and in the hip hop. He's admired as one of the most beloved family members in rap. A loving father, AKA Little Herb. Here he is, G herbo.

[B]

What's up man?

[A]

What's up bro?

[B]

Appreciate you, man.

[A]

I appreciate you, man. Man, you got a birthday coming up, you got an album coming up, man. Let's, let's, let's toast up this old shade. See what you think about this here.

[B]

I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to get some of this.

[A]

Your honest opinion now, cuz I. Give me your honest opinion.

[B]

Smooth. I need a bottle.

[A]

Say no more I need a bottle. Say no, say no more. This album, Little Herb. Who's Little Herb?

[B]

Lil Herb is a kid from the east side of Chicago, one of the most poverty struck and dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago, who just had a dream, man. A dream of, you know, rapping and making it out, but was knee deep in the midst of the fire. Like growing up over there and starting to do music at 15, 16 years old and then picking up and making a name for myself and still being in the streets and being shot at 16 and seeing a lot of my homies pass away. Like Lil Hurd was just a kid with a dream, you know what I'm saying? Fast forward. Me being G herbo is like I had to kind of like tap back into my old self and find that hunger for real. So that's why I really like I'm on a little herd wave right now.

[A]

What's some of your fondest memories? Your Childhood memories. What's some of your fondest memories of you growing up on the east side of Chicago?

[B]

Going to play basketball at Ecasaw park, playing basketball at South Shore park, playing basketball at Warhog park, where it's like I'm from. I grew up all over the east side, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's not a lot of people that could really say they had memories more so in other areas other than they block the little two block radius they grew up on.

[A]

That's all you could see outside. You couldn't see outside of anything other.

[B]

Than nah, for sure. But the east side is pretty big. And I got memories like all over because I got my aunts like lived in different parts of the neighborhood. I actually went to school in a neighborhood that wasn't where I lived at, you know what I'm saying? So it's like I had friends over there and I had friends in my neighborhood where I live. So my fondest memories are just being able to walk 12 blocks to go play basketball. You feel what I'm saying? Like, I definitely look back and think. And a lot of those people who I shared those memories with, not here no more. Yeah.

[A]

Outside of rap, did you dream of anything else other than rap or. That was. You know, my brother used to tell us, tells me all the time, he said, a dream is a gift that we give to ourselves.

[B]

I never heard that.

[A]

So outside of rap, you said, you know, you started 15, 16 outside when you were growing up. Say you're 9, 10, 11, 12. What did you hear about?

[B]

I wanted to play basketball.

[A]

You wanted who?

[B]

Yeah, I wanted to go D1 and go to the league, everybody, like. And I wasn't like when I was young, I didn't really get good at basketball until I got like eighth grade, ninth grade.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I just had a dream. I wanted to do it. Cause it was the cool thing to do, right? My big cousins and big brother and all them played basketball and they was good, you know, And I just wanted to like follow after them for real. And I really like, I used to like believe that I could do it for real, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

So you could really hoop?

[B]

Yeah, I'm nice. I can hoop for sure, for sure, for sure. But my dreams just got cut short so early, right? 15, 16, I was freshman sophomore in high school. I got shot, got kicked off the team, stuff like that, you feel what I'm saying? So it's like I just leaned towards rap, but I never wanted to be anything other Than the basketball. Playing a rapper.

[A]

Did you play any other sports? Did you try football? You tried?

[B]

I ain't. I never tried football, man. I just, like. I just fell in love with basketball and just only played basketball. Like, I wasn't athletic at all. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[A]

So who would you your basketball game to? You? You LeBron? You Steph Curry? You KD? You Jordan.

[B]

You gonna laugh at this. For real? For real. You know who they used to compare me to? Who? Van Ex.

[A]

Nick. Nick at night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me get a little shot right quick. I don't know about that. Nick the Quick.

[B]

Yeah, they used to.

[A]

But you say.

[B]

My manager used to say I. I was. I used to play like Van X. Because I could, like. I used to be able to like, just.

[A]

You lefty.

[B]

Yeah, I'm left hand. Get to wherever spot, like, so connect the quick.

[A]

I was in Denver when he got there. He was nice with the. He could dance with it now, G.

[B]

I was nice in my prime. Is prime.

[A]

For real.

[B]

I was. All right.

[A]

So obviously, if you're from Chicago, you know D. Rose.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

D. Rose. People say, man, D. Rose is probably bigger in Chicago than Jordan.

[B]

I've said that before. You said that out of my own mouth. I said that.

[A]

That was you.

[B]

I said that.

[A]

Man, you need to get some more of this, man. I don't know. You must have been drinking. Were you drinking when you said.

[B]

Let me give you my opinion on why?

[A]

I said, okay, you give me your opinion.

[B]

I'm not gonna like. Jordan is the biggest of the biggest. I'm not gonna say that. But it's like, coming from Chicago, D. Rose, homegrown. You know? He homegrown. It's like, we seen it. Like, I used to watch him play when he went to Beasley. I knew who Derrick Rose was.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

From Beasley to Simeon, you feel me? Like, that's why I felt like it just made it like any kid from Chicago, they dream like you could do it. We really watched D. Rose do it and become one of the greatest point guards to ever play in the N. Youngest mvp.

[A]

Youngest mvp.

[B]

He just gave us so much hope in Chicago. You feel what I'm saying? Then you gotta think about it. I was born in 95, so I ain't really get to see Jordan play some highlights. I seen Derrick Rose in real time.

[A]

Yeah, you right about that.

[B]

So that's what I meant by that. Okay, okay, let me clarify.

[A]

Yeah. Cause people like. But hold up, bro. How you gonna Say D. Rose. But I get what you're saying because you talking about a guy from Chicago, poverty born and Raven grew up poor, bro.

[B]

And became one of the biggest to ever play the game, in my opinion.

[A]

What is D. Rose trajectory if he doesn't get hurt, if he doesn't hurt that knee. And we saw him become the youngest MVP in NBA history. So his trajectory was like, now, hey, he's a phenomenal player. But I still think we were robbed of him at his absolute prime.

[B]

Absolutely. We definitely got robbed of Derrick Rose, you know what I'm saying? It's like that's why we so passionate about it. Cause we know what it would have been if he didn't hurt himself. You can't tell me that Derrick Rose wouldn't have left the NBA without no rings. You feel what I'm saying? Before he hurt himself because he was just so good, they would have especially what the NBA is now and what it was, what it was becoming. They would have built a team around him. He would have had a dynasty around him. For real. For real. You can't tell nobody in Chicago that Derrick Rose is not top three point guard ever still. You feel what I'm saying? And that's how I feel about him, for sure.

[A]

What is it about Hoopers and athletes wanting to be rappers? Rappers want to be Hoopers and football players. What is the combination? What is the common thread? What is the fabric that tie these together?

[B]

I think it's just like the cool it factor. You feel what I'm saying? The lifestyle that rappers that artists live is like, is glamorized. It's looked upon as like fun. And athletes really like they life is discipline, structure.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Gym workouts. You know, the athlete that go to the club and party like an artist, he get criticized the most, you know what I'm saying? But at the end of the day, I feel like they just want to have that kind of fun because they really got more money than us, you know, they got more money than us, but we having more fun.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So it's like I feel like that's the whole like thing that tied to each other. And you got to think about like just the motivation and inspiration that we give them with our music and our art, you know what I'm saying? Them working out in the gym, listening to it and get them in, they mold. Like it's certain songs that you listen to, like I'm finna go scope 40 tonight. Right? You know what I'm saying? I think that's really like the Bridge in between it and a lot of artists like myself, we had hoop dreams or football dreams before we did it. So it's like we look up to them, too, because they are what we want it to be. But it ain't work out. You know what I'm saying? Like, rap was our plan B. You feel me? They playing a work.

[A]

If I gave you a choice, say, you know what, you could have went to the NBA or you be the rapper, would you trade your career, your rap career to be in the NBA?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

Well, damn. What you mean?

[B]

I wouldn't? Because I feel like early on, I thought that's what I was, like, destined to do. But I really feel like I'm living in my purpose now. Like, with all the people that I influence and what my music is, it's not really just, like, rap. For me, like, the greatest feeling that I get from this is when people tell me, like, you changed my life, bro. Wow. You got me through this situation. Like, my brother passed, my grandmother, my dad passed. And, like, if it wasn't for your music, I don't even know what I would be or what I would be doing. And don't get me wrong, you could influence those kind of people through, you know, sports and stuff like that. But I just feel like I was really meant to be who I am right now. Right?

[A]

All right, hoop rappers. You, J. Cole, Savage, Drake.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dave East Breezy. Now, it's reported that you beat Drake and Savage.

[B]

Yeah, we did.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Drake times in a row. Hold on.

[A]

Drake. Like, I've seen video. I haven't seen it with my own eyes, but I watched him in the video. And Drake got game.

[B]

Drake to shoot the net off that motherfucker for sure.

[A]

And you beat him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You beat Savage.

[B]

Played a five on five. Yeah, Drake and Savage on the same team.

[A]

Oh, your team beat his team?

[B]

Yeah, we beat them for sure. Like, four, five times.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. And we'll do it again.

[A]

Y' all had.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Y' all had some money on the line.

[B]

We ain't even played for no money. We was just playing for fun, for the sport. We was just.

[A]

They probably take it serious next time. We got money on the wood.

[B]

Yeah, now we put that money on the wood. For sure. We could play for that money. They got a lot of you trying.

[A]

To get no pop.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we can play for sure, but Nah. That's my dog, man. 21. That's my brother, Drake.

[A]

My home.

[B]

We was just at the career vibing and hooping and shit. Yeah, we beat they ass like four, five times in a row. For sure.

[A]

So whose idea was it to get on the Man? Okay, y' all in there, y' all talking, y'. All. You doing y' all thing. Y' all probably in the studio, man. Somebody started talking, man. Hey, probably.

[B]

Hey, you know how it be. Like, everybody got them hoop dreams. They get the wolf and like, all right, bet. Come on, suit up. Like, it was one of them.

[A]

Take it to the court.

[B]

Suit up. Everybody, come on, suit up. For sure. Like, niggas bringing hoop shoes. Like, what size you wear?

[A]

You wear a nine.

[B]

All right, go. Give me. Bring me another nine. You know what I'm saying? Like, shit like that, for sure.

[A]

Now, I don't know about y', all really, but I've seen Chris Brown.

[B]

Chris Brown could really, really nice. He nice, too. We played Chris Brown in the Crew League. We lost, though.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I figured. I figured that. I was gonna say that, but I figured it.

[B]

No, we lost the Breezy team for sure. Every time we went to the Crew League, we made it to the finals, though. We always made it to the championship.

[A]

There's been a lot of talk, and I know you didn't probably get an opportunity to see him at his prime. Idea, Michael Jackson. A lot of people say Chris Brown is the greatest entertainer ever. That title has been bestowed to Michael for a very long time now. We know when it comes to album sales, record sales, nobody's going to be able to approach Mike. That's. First of all, they don't sell vinyl, they don't sell records like that anymore. So that's null and boy. But do you believe that Chris Brown is the greatest entertainer?

[B]

I feel like there's nobody closer to Michael Jackson than Chris Brown. Right. Honestly, like, for real. For real. And just seeing it with my own eyes, you know, and just seeing, like, who he is as a person and putting your whole everything into your craft, you know what I'm saying? Like, he really, like. It's mind blowing seeing him on stage, like, having all that energy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All those hits, like, being in shape where you could do 30 flips back to back, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. Two hours, two and a half hours of that night, tonight.

[B]

That's insane. For 50 nights in a row. And then you could go do it again. You could go do it out the country, and you could do it in the States, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, Breezy definitely, in my opinion, is the closest thing to Michael Jackson for sure.

[A]

How was it working With Breezy. So what's he like in the studio? What's it like? You know, like you said, he's an unfenomenal performer. He can sing, he can dance. There's not a. I mean, I don't even know if he got bones in his body the way he can get his body to do all that stuff. My knees hurting. I'm gonna have to get my knees replaced just watching the videos. I done got my hips replaced, you.

[B]

Know, like some people just like have that it factor. You feel what I'm saying? Like some people, it's really like, God really put they hands on you and just made you.

[A]

This is what I want you to do.

[B]

Everything you do, you know what I'm saying, In that field. And that's the same thing with like, with him in the studio, like, the way he record. It's second nature when he in his comfort zone. Like he wants you to come, pull up on him, come to the crib, come where I'm at, right? And like just vip and it's gonna like, is gonna have the same outcome every time. You feel what I'm saying? Like, he not gonna miss. It's just what he do. You feel me? Like, and when I seen that, like, it's only certain people that I ever seen in my life who I feel like I just like amazing at making music, you know what I'm saying? And that's Chris Brown, Juice wrld, Future, Meek Mill and Thug. Those are the only people that I really seen with my own eyes. Like, this shit really is second nature to them, you know what I'm saying? And it inspired me to like get better.

[A]

You asked that. I gotta step my game up, baddy.

[B]

It inspired me to like, just. Cause I'm like a sponge though, when I watch people do certain things I pick up from. You know what I'm saying? The way they record and they patterns. Like you feel what I'm saying? Like, I'll give you example. Like Meek Mill, he freestyle a bunch of different flows and like cadences until he just find that one that he the most comfortable with and just go off of that, you know what I'm saying? And Pluto do the same thing for real in his own way. It's like he just keep on. Like he just edit, he just spin shit. It sound like he mumbling at first, but then when you hear it and it all put together, that shit sound like amazing. And I seen Juice wrld do the same thing with his music like Juice used to. I've never seen nobody do what Juice wrld do, though. Juice would rap a full song in one take, like, without punching in. Like, he would rap a really. A full song or hook, two verses all in one take without stopping and stop and rap another song completely different on the same beat in one take. He'll do it at least three, four times.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And just picked his favorite one. I never seen nobody do that in my life ever.

[A]

So what? Look, I've had a lot of people on the show, and it's like, you know, hov you play hov a beat? Hov's in the back. He's real quiet. He's just nodding his head. Then he go in, boom. Do his thing. Face said, like, while he's listening to the beat, he's right. Wayne don't write anything down. He just go drop the track. What's your style?

[B]

I'm kind of like a mixture between, like, what hov and what Wayne do. Like, I'm. I'm quiet. Like, Southside. Southside is my brother, man. He been producing me since I was 16 years old. Like, I done heard him like. Like, you know how you be focused? I'm thinking in my head, like, that's how I do in my head. I don't write. I haven't wrote no song in probably four, five years.

[A]

Right.

[B]

For real. So it's like, I just be in there vibing, and off the top of my head, I'm saying the lyrics in my head, though. Like, I'm thinking of it at least the first four to eight bars. Then I go in, and whatever I memorize, I say. And from there, I just pick on and punch in, like, how Wayne do. But I'm talking about Southside. I heard him say, like. Because they'd be in there making a beat, and I just be, like, nodding, and they be like, yeah. Somebody asked, like, when he gonna go in there? He like, bro, he rapping already in his head. Like, he already. Wow. He noticed that I did that before I even was noticing. Like, I just think of shit. But he like, you always do that. Like, I just be in there vibing in my head, and you would think I'm listening to the beat, but I'm actually rapping, like, my first four to eight bars at least. Wow.

[A]

So you're not really paying attention to what the beat is doing. You're thinking about what you gonna say over that.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. Like, so as they making the beat and they producing, like, I'm just letting them do them. Cause I know they gonna add more to it regardless. So it's like once I hear a sound or a loop, I know if I wanna rap on a beat the first four seconds of it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know how I wanna come into it. So it's like I'll be in my head just thinking the stuff, thinking the flows, and it don't take me long. Maybe after like 15 minutes or something, I'm ready to go rap.

[A]

Damn. So you don't get distracted. Because if I'm like, thinking about something, I'm, you know. Man, be quiet. Come on, man. Damn.

[B]

Nah. Hell no.

[A]

You need that?

[B]

Yeah, I do. I love that type of energy. And I think I've grown into that artist where it's like sometimes I might, you know, want to be in the studio by myself. But majority of the time, nine times out of 10, I want at least 10, 15 people in the studio.

[A]

That's what I was gonna ask. Because some like, no, bro, I want it quiet. Some guys, look, I want. I want to fire up, and I won't. I want chaos. I want people just running around doing whatever y' all do. Hey. Cause that don't impact me. Let's get at it.

[B]

Inspire my music, though. So it's like a conversation that we might be having in this room. I might think of something, and it inspired me to, like, put it on the song. You feel what I'm saying? So it's like, I actually like when it's a lot of people and people be loud and talking and laughing and shit. Don't bother me at all.

[A]

Can you turn your mind off? Because, you know, I've heard em says that, like, when he was in it, he's like, every time he was just thinking of something, that rhyme. Rhyme hit, tick, flick. Mick, do you turn your mind off? Are you constantly trying to think of things that rhymes?

[B]

No, I don't. And, you know, I actually changed my whole style of, like, rap a few years ago because one of my closest friends, my best friend Wap, he told me, like, bro, I've watched you rap from your very first times in the studio till now. And I know, like, when you thinking too hard about stuff, like, I don't even think about metaphors, Stuff that rhyme. I don't think about stories I need to tell. He said, just going up and vibe to the beat, bro. That's when you make your hardest shit. He told me, like, every time you overthink. And one time I did a song, Me and 21 Savage was in the studio, and this was like. This was probably like, four years ago. And he like, bro, you thought too hard about that verse. Like, you could have went way crazier than that.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And I was in my head thinking, like, I didn't really like the verse for real, right?

[A]

Okay, you was already there.

[B]

I was already thinking, like, I didn't really like it. I felt like I was frustrated, thinking about too much shit. Because I at that moment, it's like 21. So big. As an artist, I want to put my hardest shit on this. You feel what I'm saying? He's called me to the studio to jump on it. So I'm thinking, like, I gotta give him a fire ass verse. And I shouldn't have been thinking like that. I should have just been like, I'm finna just do me. Just go in there. And when he told me that, I never thought hard about my music again. And I feel like I just got better and better.

[A]

Is that common? Like, you on a beat and you know, like, they got some other fire. They got heat on that thing. So you like, I ain't finna be. Because, you know, it's natural. They gonna compare, man. Who had the hardest verse on that?

[B]

Absolutely, for sure.

[A]

And you like, all I know I might not be the hardest, but that damn sure ain't gonna say I'm the weakest.

[B]

Yeah, no. Hell yeah. Like, I go in with that mentality already. Like, all right. But I don't think about what I'm gonna say.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Whatever's going on on the song, I might just listen to the vibe, the hook or a little bit. Like, I barely listen to their verses. Once I listen to the hook and a little bit of the verse, I just go in there and just start rapping and that shit come out like. And you know what it is? I'm a real critical thinker. I think a lot. I can't really turn my mind off 2 stop thinking. So it's like when I get in my zone, I just like, rap and say whatever come to me right at that moment, I'm like, what I mean by it? So if I could, like, make it make more sense for you is as an artist, instead of thinking about the lines as they come, soon as it gets your brain and you start rapping, you thinking about the end of the song. Like, I wanna, like, you thinking about shit before it even come to you, what I'm gonna say next. I don't do that no more. Like, I just. Whatever come to my head. And a lot of times I used to think about, like, damn, should I say this. Should I not say this right? How this is going to like get. How is this going, like reflect on the world or certain things. I say like, damn, how is this going to affect this person? I might be talking about something or somebody. Like, damn, is this going to offend people? Like I used to think like that all the time. Now I really just don't care. Like I don't even give a about nothing. I don't care how people going to receive it or anything. Because at the end of the day it's like this is my art, right?

[A]

So this is what you feeling at that time. So hey, you receive it how you receive it. But this is how I feel.

[B]

I go with it and I feel like once I started thinking like that, like it's I'm unstoppable. Like I never get writer's block or nothing.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. You and I make decisions every day, but on Prize Picks being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this football season on Prize Picks where it's good to be right. It's officially that time of year. You might lose hope in your team, but don't worry, it's that's why we have Prize picks to keep you going. Week five of football was something special. Tampa's comeback. Philly lost their first game. Don't even get me started on my Baltimore squad. I'm feeling good about Baker Mayfield and the rest of the Tampa squad, but after this week's game, I'm all in on breaker touchdowns. More, more, more. Prize Picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on at least two players stats. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. Prize Picks is the only app that offers you stacks, meaning you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. Want to pick more on Baker Mayfield's pass, yards, rush, yards, touchdowns. Now you can pick all of them in the same lineup only on Prize picks. Download the Prize Pick app today. Use Code Shannon to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code SHANNON to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks it's good to be right if you want a track. Do you want to hear other people's verse on that track or did you like, hey, give me, let me, let me come in when I come in and then whatever happens happens. Because you know, sometimes they might play somebody that's on the track, they might play that verse Then you hear it. And then what if. Have you ever recorded and then you heard somebody say, nah, I gotta do mine over? Hell nah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I done that before for sure. So I like. That's why I like to hear they shit first.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I definitely like to hear don't send me no blank song for how you own the song. I'm gonna get offended a little bit. Like, I'm gonna get mad. Cause I don't do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like I gotta at least hear your verse to give me some type of direction. You feel me? Because I could be all over the place. And you. On one subject of the song, you feel what I'm saying? I feel like people do that intensely. Cause they wanna burn you on. They wanna have the hardest shit. You feel what I'm saying? They do.

[A]

They do.

[B]

When they do that, I be like, nah, hell no. Send me your verse. You feel what I'm saying? Or I the verse on purpose. You feel what I'm saying?

[A]

Then they'll go ahead and see you doing.

[B]

Yeah, I take long with the verse on purpose. And then it's like, now I'm taking my time with it. Cause sometimes I will go in the studio and like, lay four bars, be like, all right, Bet I'm gonna do another song and then come back to that song and lay another four bars and lay eight bars or whatever until I finish the whole verse. Like, I done that multiple times.

[A]

He said, I wanna hear what they said. Cause you ain't fit to burn me yeah, hell no.

[B]

No, hell no. You gotta send the whole verse. Especially if I know that the song done already. Like, hell no. And I want you to send me everybody on it. Artists do that too, though, so.

[A]

Duty.

[B]

Yeah. So say, for instance, if I'm about to do a song with Meek Mill, he'll send me his verse. But Jadakiss would be on the song already too. So he wouldn't send me the. Nah, nah.

[A]

The.

[B]

I'm not saying him personally, but artists, it'll be other people on the song, but they not sending they verses. Like, no, I don't need to hear everybody that's on this fucking song right now before I lay my shit.

[A]

But so let's just say for the sake of argument, you got four guys on a song. Do you. Does it matter to you which sequence you go? Are you first, you second, you third, you finish up. How does that. Who determines the order? The sequence in which.

[B]

I feel like whoever song it Is. And just like rapper etiquette. Whoever got the hardest verse have to go last, first or last. You can't really go in the middle, you know what I'm saying? So I don't really mind, though. I don't be caring. Cause I be feeling like I'm gonna.

[A]

Have the hardest versus you got that fire anyway, so it don't matter.

[B]

And a lot of times they put me last on the verse for sure. I'm usually always last. I'm either first or last for sure.

[A]

Okay, let's go back to the beginning. You said you was born in Chicago, east side of Chicago, obviously. You talked about having homies and people that you knew and you grew up with not make it as far as you did. What was that culture? Like, the gang culture? When did you realize that your man, my life different than a lot of people that's my age that look like me. They don't have to experience what I'm experiencing. When did you realize that where you were definitely was gonna impact what you became?

[B]

When I started traveling. Like when I started to actually see other places and go to other cities. And I started traveling, doing shows when I was like 17 years old. Going to Rhode island, going to like Boston and seeing like, damn, this shit totally different. It's hoods everywhere. Don't get me wrong.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Even like other cities in the Midwest. Like, you feel what I'm saying? Minnesota and shit. Like, everybody got they hoods. It's all like trenched out, dangerous. But Chicago is just totally different. And the stuff that I grew up seeing, I thought it was normal because everybody was doing that. You feel what I'm saying? Like, you going to school. Like, I seen my first guns and shit at school. Like, damn. People going to school and having guns on them. And I'm in fifth grade, sixth grade, you know what I'm saying? They having to dip them bitches off. And then you look up, by the time you in eighth grade, we got metal detectors. Cause niggas know that, you know, people that brought guns to school and shit. And like, my first home, like, I. It was like. It didn't dawn on me that my life was so different and so chaotic until I started to see people from other places and, like, having conversations with people that was older than me, that didn't really like that, grew up in Chicago, but didn't grow up how we grew up, that wasn't in the streets, you know what I'm saying? Like, I lost some of my first friends when I was in like sixth grade. Like that's when I started seeing people get killed and murdered and shit. Like, all right, Bet I with bro, he went to my school, we used to chop it up, and we come back to school the next day, like, yeah, so and so got killed. You feel me?

[A]

Like, was that your first experience with death when you're in, like, the sixth.

[B]

Grade with death, with people getting killed, murders? Yeah, for sure. Like, sixth grade, fifth grade, shit like that, where it's like, somebody who. You know. Cause I had older cousins and brothers and shit that went to my school. I got an older brother and I got older cousins, and it was like, we was deep. It was probably like nine of us that went to that school. So, like, their friends and they grade you seeing people they hang out with, like, damn, he just got killed. You feel what I'm saying? And they come back to school, people sad, some other shit, and it's like. It was so normal. Like, people just went on with their day, and then maybe a few months later, this person got killed, you know? And it's like, I didn't really. Like. It didn't hit home for me until I got in, like, seventh and eighth grade when I started to like people who I knew and looked up to started to get killed. You know what I'm saying? And it was all like, behind, like, street shit, gang shit. You feel what I'm saying? It wasn't no accidental shit. It's like, damn, you were able.

[A]

It wasn't no car wreck, ninth grade.

[B]

Somebody.

[A]

Somebody had an illness. Leukemia, cancer, something like that.

[B]

Hell, no. Like, somebody intentionally killed you. So it's like, it get to a point where you like, damn, I can't become a victim of this shit. You feel what I'm saying?

[A]

That's what I wanted to ask you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You said Eastside is big, but you didn't see anybody.

[B]

It's big. It's really small. It's really small at the same time.

[A]

But let me ask you this. Did you know anybody from the east side that had made it out and became successful doing something? Because it's hard being from rural South Georgia. We didn't see anybody. We didn't know anybody that had made it to the NFL or. We didn't have anybody come back and talk to us and give us pep talks and say, you could become this. You know, all we saw was advertising. Military looking for a few good men, ain't it? You know what I'm saying? So I'm trying to get. I'm trying to get up out of there, but that's not the route I'm trying to go. So when did you make it up in your mind? Say, you know what? I see all this death happening around me. I ain't going that route.

[B]

Probably when I dropped out of school, like, I was still rapping and going to school, and I had, like, a little hood fame and notoriety. You feel what I'm saying? So it's like by the time I was 16 years old, people actually really know my name, okay? But at the same time, I was in the streets, so that was bad as well. You feel what I'm saying? It's like now it's to a point where I'm rapping. I got videos on YouTube that got 20,000, 30,000 views. 40,000, 100,000 views is picking up. Like, for real. Like, really picking up. And those hundred thousand coming from other cities and stuff like that too. But the majority of it is coming from Chicago. So it's like I'm becoming a household name in Chicago, you feel what I'm saying? But I'm still going to school, so it's like, oh, yeah, he go to that school. We about to come up to that school and get this gotcha. Like, yeah, n who's coming up to my school, like, looking for me and shit. And I was like. I was always, like, smart. I was steps ahead of everybody. Like, I never, like, really rolled the bus. For real. Like, after when I got popping, like my freshman year, yeah, I could get on the bus. But by the time I was a sophomore, I dropped out my sophomore year, okay? By the time I was a Southmore, it's like, I had to get dropped off from school by my homies. I had to get picked up from school by my homies. Like, my mama couldn't drop me off or pick me up at school because I didn't want to put my mom in harm's way. You feel me? Like, I never used to drop my sister off when I had a car. I never took her to school. I never put her in the car with me because I knew the reality of my life. Like, my car really could get shot up, for real. And I didn't want to have my mama or my sister in the car. So it's like, when I dropped out of school, I'm like, bro, I gotta really do this shit for real. Like, I really, like, I made a promise to my mom and dad, you know, My little brother Legray, who passed away, his baby mama told me a conversation that I had with my dad, I didn't remember. And like, he was arguing me, yelling at me like, man, you dropping out of school? Like, what, you gonna be a flunky? Like one of these niggas? I'm like, no, I'm about to rap and this shit about to work. He like, what's your plan B? I'm like, ain't no plan B. This shit I got plan A, pops. It's gonna work. I'm telling you. Like, I'm about to really do it. So at that age, I'm 16, 17 years old, I really, like, have a lot of responsibility on me. Cause, like, all right, you not going to school. You not finna sit around this house either and just be around this bitch, getting high, eating up all the food. You gotta go do something and go get some money. You know what I'm saying? Right? That's the type of time, like, you know, my mom and everybody was on, like, all right, so what you gonna do? And, man, thank God that it actually started to pick up fast. You feel me? Like, I dropped outta school maybe six months later or eight months later. When I was going into my junior year, Nicki Minaj called my phone for a feature. You feel me? So, damn, it started to pick up early on, you know? And in the midst of all of that, people was dying around me, a lot of my closest friends. So it's like I had to still maneuver through that because I was still living in Chicago, you know what I'm saying? It's like. And when you young, you know, my brain wasn't even fully developed yet. For real. So I'm still thinking I could.

[A]

You've been young. You invincible.

[B]

Yeah, I thought I was invincible. For real. Like, I ain't gonna lie. And I. At the same time. Let me rephrase it. Like, I knew I wasn't, but I didn't care. I was willing to, like, put my life on the line and do certain shit where it's like, I go to this store, I go to the gas station. I'm willing to really, like, pull my gun out and protect myself. If I'm saying at any given moment. And that's really, like. That's crash out shit.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. First of all, if you gotta go somewhere, you gotta carry a gun. You already know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You already know what type of thing.

[B]

You a real og. Cause like, my uncles used to say that, like, bro, if I gotta carry a gun, I don't even wanna go there.

[A]

No. Cause you already looking for something to pop up.

[B]

You use the complete opposite. Like, I'm carrying it everywhere. Like every single way I go, like we used the complete opposite of that. You feel what I'm saying? I don't wanna go nowhere. I can't carry a gun.

[A]

Oh Lord.

[B]

That's how I used to think. For real.

[A]

Hey, you hoping something jump off?

[B]

Yeah. Nah, I used to think like that for real, man. It's like. But it was only because you gotta think about it like death was at an all time high where I'm from. Like so many of my friends by the time when I met my first manager, Mickey, who's still my manager to this day, when I met him, he made me like, he just always thought outside the box. He like, man, I'm about to paint this picture like, you know, yalls story, you being from the hood and excuse me, being in the streets and losing homies at 14, 15, 16. He like, man, I want to do a mural. Like write your homies down. Your closest homies that passed away, you feel me? And like he thought it was probably gonna be three, four, like it was like 20 people on the wall, 17 people or some shit like that on the wall that we spray painted. We there in that lost room and it blew. He like, God damn. Like you really know them. That many people dead? I'm like, yeah, hell yeah. Like, and that's all in a matter of four years.

[A]

Three or four years?

[B]

Yeah, like that.

[A]

Do you remember how old you were when you got your first gun?

[B]

Probably like 14. 14, yeah. Hell yeah, I remember myself.

[A]

I mean normally, you know, people try to get like PlayStation or Xboxes or stuff like that. I mean, you getting that tool and you didn't think any. Like you thought it. Was it cool to you or do you think, man, this is a necessary part of the outfit?

[B]

No, I needed it like for real. Like leaving out of the house, going to certain places, you gotta think. Like I said, east side, big, but it's small. I live right here. My auntie lived eight blocks this way. My best friend lived five, six block this way. It's like when I ain't have no transportation, I gotta walk to the house or catch the bus. You never know who you.

[A]

So you got that thing on you?

[B]

Hell yeah. I bought my first gun when I was like 14.

[A]

So what happened? What happened to we grew up. We grew up 30 things.

[B]

We grew up fighting too. But then it was over with.

[A]

But didn't nobody like taking no ass.

[B]

Ain't nobody want to get their ass whooped, so.

[A]

Cuz. Especially now cuz it's on the Internet.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Forever. So you take a L and I. Nah, I got to go get. I got to go get, like get back.

[B]

That's another thing. Like I'm not even being funny, I ain't joking. Like me and all my homies like knew how to fight. Yeah, we really used to whoop niggas ass.

[A]

For real.

[B]

So it's like they used to get mad and they started shooting at us. For real, for real. To be honest, like, all my homies know how to fight, right? My big brother, he know how to fight good as. You feel what I'm saying? My big cousins know how to fight good as. And I was the youngest, they used to beat me up all the time. So it's like I grew up fighting my whole life and then you gotta think I'm light skinned. Niggas used to pick on me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta get it. He gonna do nothing.

[B]

Play with me. Yeah, call me soft pretty boy. My name Herbert. Used to call me Hershey.

[A]

Ah, bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you right. You light skin and your name Herbert. Oh yeah, you got a double whack.

[B]

A lot, like all the time, you feel what I'm saying? So it's like I grew up knowing how to fight, but it got to a point where it's like ain't nobody finna just let you just beat them up, you feel me? They ain't gonna wanna do something to you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It got to a point with me where it's like I don't even got enough love for you to be fighting you. Cause I know if I whoop you gonna try to shoot me anyway. I might as well just skip to the get down. We might as well just do what we gonna do.

[A]

You like, hey, in the beginning, the end, you ain't got no middle part.

[B]

I felt like that was just what was going on. Man, I ain't gonna lie to you.

[A]

But you make a. Then you got shot. Yeah, at 16, walk us through that day, wake up like, hey man, sun's out. Cause sometimes people get like, man, I just, I mean I've had things happen to me, man.

[B]

It was a good day up until that part too. It was a good ass day. I ain't gonna lie. Like I was fresh as brand new outfit. I had on like True religion, Louis Belt leader's hoodie, Lita's hat, Wheat Timberlands, you know, so crazy. I'm gonna tell you a funny story too. So I had a photo shoot with, I think it was Elevator magazine at the time. And I was shooting like Content for my first mixtape, walking to Fazoland. So I was downtown feeling good. Nice fit on, you feel me? Like, dressed up, smoking, just chilling. Like, I had a great day, great photo shoot. So it's like, I'm like, it was in the middle of the summer, too. Damn, it was hot outside. You feel me? I'm done with the shoot. Probably about 6 o'. Clock. I'm like, oh, y' all know for sure, the block busting right now, it's too many people out there. It's hot. I know it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. But fast forward that day. I'm gonna tell you, like, the timbers I had on, I couldn't. I didn't have no time to go to. It's a store called dtli, like, right by my grandma house. I didn't have time to go there and go, give me no tumblers. So my little brother had a fresh pair of Tim's in the crib. I'm like, man, let me get these Tim's. He, hell no, man. You go get your own Tim's. Like, I'm not getting it to you. Oh, man. Bro, I'm finna give you 150 for the shoes right now. That's what Tim's like, a hundred dollars or some shit like that. I'm like, I'm about to give you 150 for the shoes, bro. Just let me get them. He still, no, no, hell no. I wanna. I'm finna put my Tim's on. Ooh. So I wind up like, kind of like strong arming them out of them and still getting the money. Like, bro, give me these damn shoes, right? I get shot in the shoes. I got shot in the foot. He was like, once he was crying, right? His baby mama told me, like, yeah, Herb got shot. Da, da, da, da. I'm gonna still tell you the story, like, how it happened, but I'm just saying this part, he like, yeah, Herb got shot on the phone crying and shit. So he wound up finding out he was good like, that I was good. He didn't know at first, you feel me? So on Twitter, like, I was famous a little bit when I got shot. So they on Twitter talking about the shit when he found out I was good and I got shot in the foot. This fuck nigga was only mad about his shoes.

[A]

He got a hole in his tailbone.

[B]

He only mad about the sho shoes now after I paid him for him and everything, man, you didn't. Got shot in my tms, like, like that. Like, that's not, like, ain't ready.

[A]

They're my teams. I paid you for it.

[B]

Yeah. Like, come on, bro. For real. But matter of fact, you know what it was I was on? He was so on some petty shit. He wasn't even gonna battle. I think I let him finesse me. I gave him the money and still told him, like, bro, I'm gonna get your tims back. Like, you could have. I'm gonna wear them to the shoe, and I'm gonna get your shoes back. So that's why he was mad. Like, nigga, you supposed to gave my shit back.

[A]

Then he got shot at it.

[B]

But anyway, so look, it was a hot. Like I said, a hot summer day. Go outside on my block, and we out there deep. Like, deep deep. Probably like 50, 60 of us. You know what I'm saying? And my hood was, like, packed. So it's like, we'll be posted up on one block, probably 20, 30 people girls. Then we on the whole next block. 20, 30 people girls, like, and just rotating, walking back and forth from stores. It was one of them type of vibes. And we just out there chilling with a bunch of girls and shit. And, you know, it's so crazy. Like, two of my homies had walked up on the corner and told him, like, hey, I just seen some niggas riding with hoodies on and shit. Like, you feel what I'm saying? They finna come right through here. You feel me? Like, he gave us a warning and everything. He told me, like, move around. Stand from right here. One of my homies who passed away. Long live my homie cap, man, Marva Carr, he got, like, two girls right there. I think he talking to. And I was talking to one of the girls at the time. And another girl that was right there was one of my home. One of the guys who warned me, my homie, it was his baby mama at the time. So when he like, man, move around from right here. Like, he telling us, move around. You feel what I'm saying? And they finna go on the next block and just, like, secure the area. Cause they on point, right? But my homie on some cocky shit, like, man, them niggas, like, let him come. You feel what I'm saying? And in the back of my mind, I knew they weren't lying. I'm like, nah, them niggas finna come right here. So I told the girls, like, y' all move around. Just go to the corner type shit. And they moved around. But we never moved or we never.

[A]

Like, well, damn, you gave them the heads up and you ain't heed your own warning.

[B]

Yeah, I ain't. I just. We just stayed right there, like. And, you know, it's so crazy. Like, when it happened, we all was before it happened. I mean, we all was, like, on this one block, and the police pulled up right there and did some shit. Like, everybody looked like they didn't even hop out in the frisk' cause they was like, everybody lift y' all shirt up and just like to make sure we ain't had no guns on this type of shit, lift our shirt up. And I went around the block and lo and behold, soon as I get to the corner after I told the girls to move around, N just pulled up shooting and I got hit. And, like, me and, like, eight other of my homies, like, nine of us got hit. That shit was on. Newspaper article. Dang on. Yeah. Some crazy, for sure. Yeah. Like, nine of us got shot.

[A]

Then you wish you'd had that thing on you, weren't you?

[B]

No, I ain't gonna lie. Of course, for sure. But I ain't gonna lie. I'm gonna keep it a buck with you. For real? For real. When that happened, when the police pulled right there, I threw my gun, like, on the. Like. Like in the. In the field? Yeah, under somewhere. I hid it on me 35 seconds before it happened. Like, you feel me?

[A]

Y' all saw him coming.

[B]

So you saw the police coming?

[A]

Yeah. You got rid of.

[B]

Yeah. And then they walked up, like, on some. Lift y' all shirt up. But to be honest, though, I feel like it was like some shit where like, a might have called the police. Like, oh, yeah, they right there standing with guns so we could get dispersed or whatever and then come around and do what they did type shit. You feel what I'm saying? I feel like it was a situation like that. Yeah.

[A]

Was that the moment that you realized, you know what? I'm had to get it, so I can't. I'm somebody now. Cause like you said, your music has started to take off. You're not the same.

[B]

I'm gonna be completely honest with you, man. Hell no. I was right.

[A]

You were looking for some Ish.

[B]

I was right back out there, man. I got shot. I probably went out there the next day or the day after that with a boot on my leg, just outside standing, looking for hope.

[A]

And they come back, ain't it?

[B]

Nah, not even that. It was just like, not caring. Like, really just not caring if they come back. For real. Damn. Cause we. I mean, it's not like we was oblivious to it. Like, we knew possibly. Like, yeah, nigga, come back through this bitch. Shoot. It's a war zone. It's hot. You feel what I'm saying? Come through this bitch shooting at any day. But I wasn't worried about it. I wasn't scared. You feel what I'm saying? Like. And like I said, right before I got shot, I did have a gun on me. I threw it. You feel what I'm saying? When the police came. So it's like, even when I was back out there, the next day, I was back out there with a boot. Can't run, but got guns on me still.

[A]

But ain't nobody to lose their life during that.

[B]

No, not that day. Nope. Nope.

[A]

They just got. People just got hit.

[B]

Yeah. Nobody lost their life for sure, but nine of us, like, got shot that day for sure. That shit made the news and everything.

[A]

Like, damn. How many was in the car? 4, 5.

[B]

What?

[A]

In the car. They came. They rolled through. Yeah, yeah, they came spread, but they came spread. They get that many.

[B]

Them boys came hot. Them boys came hot.

[A]

Damn, man, I just. You told a story. Like, you know what you. Like, you realize that? You know what? I'm not the same guy anymore. And me not being the same guy anymore, I can't peep. Put people that I love in harm's way. Mom, you ain't driving me to school no more, little sis. You not. I'm not dropping you off to school. The homies that. This is what we. This is who we are.

[B]

Right?

[A]

We good with it. Whatever happened to us, I can live with that. But if something were to happen to my mom or sister, I'm really gonna go crazy. So stuff go really. It's never gonna end. Because if you get my mom and my sister, it's never gonna end.

[B]

Years old, I'm not even. I don't got nothing to live for at that point, for sure. So it's like, yeah, I understood that early. Like, I never put my mom in the car. My aunties, my grandmother. Nobody ever got in a car with me. I never got in a car with them. Like, I would rather just wait all day until somebody pick me up before I desperately tell my mama to drop me off somewhere, you feel me? Like, And I done did that many, many a times, you know? And the first thing I did when I got some real money, the very first thing I did was bought my mama a house far, far, far away, right? Super far. Like, I moved my mama, like, 40 minutes away from the hood, you know? And nobody never knew where she lived only probably 3 of friends. Ever been to my mama house still to this day. You feel me? So I always been one of the kind of people just like, you know, protect family. My dad taught me that, like I come from a two parent household, so my pops always told me, like, protect your family no matter what you got going on. You feel me? And my parents always like, trusted me enough to just make good decisions. Like, although I was in the streets and I had like shit going on, they trusted me to never bring it back to my house. Right. You feel what I'm saying? And like, I took that real serious.

[A]

You mentioned that you were in the street. You come from a two parent household. Your dad, your mom ever say, son, son, you don't have to do that.

[B]

I think I was just too far.

[A]

You weren't trying to hear that.

[B]

I was. Yeah, I was too far gone. Like, I'm not gonna lie. And I always been like real strong headed. Like. And my dad, he know me like me and him the same sign and everything. So it's like one side was already in it. All they could really do was tell me, just be smart for me. I was too late.

[A]

You went to high school with King Von?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Von probably was in there one or two his ass and come back to school. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I definitely went through high school with Von though.

[A]

So what was it? So I mean, obviously you say you went to school not very long, but when you, what was your thoughts when you first met him?

[B]

I actually, I had already known like who Von was before school because we got like mutual friends with my homie. Like I said, one of my best friends, Wap, he from the projects that got knocked down. And a lot of those people from like Vaughn hood, like o' Block and shit like that, they from those projects.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So like they had already like known each other and we done been around each other many a times. So it's like already like, like with Von and knew him like, and knew like what he was about. Like, bro was the real deal. For real.

[A]

Oh, he's on that type of time.

[B]

For real? Nah, for sure. So like, is that true?

[A]

They be saying, hey, they said, I mean, I'll be reading. I don't know if it's true or not, but they'll be hearing. They like, man, if you wouldn't do it, Von, like, eff it, I go do it myself.

[B]

I mean, yeah, it was a lot of people like that in Chicago though.

[A]

For real.

[B]

Hell yeah, it was a lot of people. But you Gotta think about it. When you own that type of time, you can't really, like. And this is something that's really true. I feel like if you second guessing yourself. And you can pull me up some more too. If you second guessing yourself and you don't wanna do it, just don't do it. You shouldn't do it right? You know what I'm saying? And I believe in that. Like, I wouldn't wanna have nobody around me for real. That I gotta, like, question and second guess. Cause that could cost you your life. For real, for real. Like, somebody will choke up and freeze and it could cost you your life. So it's like, yeah, for sure. If you wasn't on that type of time, he didn't even wanna hang with you. I wouldn't wanna hang with you either. Because it's like, you really don't want to do this. Go find you something else to do. This ain't for you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, yeah, for sure, for sure. That was probably the first day of school. When I seen Von in there, he walked up to my homie like, hey, boy, it's going down in this. Like, you feel what I'm saying? Like, he already want us. Like, boy, y' all be on point here.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

How difficult was it for you to watch him get murdered on video?

[B]

That broke my heart for sure. Like, I don't. Like, I don't really be, like, emotional for real. Like, I'm so numb to death. I'm not a stranger to it because I've been experiencing it my whole life. But, like, when he. When he died and seeing that, like, that really, like, I'm getting emotional right now thinking about it.

[A]

Like, did you hear about it and then watch the video? Or did you see the video first? Because did you get.

[B]

I had. No, I had heard about it already. I heard about it the night it happened. Okay. I'm saying because we got so many mutual friends. This shit got right to me. You feel me? Like, as soon as it happened, I knew probably like an hour later. You feel me?

[A]

Right?

[B]

And then I seen a video. And yeah, that definitely made me emotional for sure. Like, just seeing it. And no matter. Like. And I don't want people to, like, take what I'm saying and misconfuse it. Like, where we come from, sometimes you just. You. Well, not sometimes. A lot of times you gotta adapt to your environment. Like, no matter what you might think somebody did or some a might did. Like, we really be having Good hearts. At the end of the day, like, I don't care what Vaughn did in the streets. That was a good, like a real. You feel what I'm saying? It's like, don't give me where I believe in like universal law, you feel? I'm saying? So it's like, however it played out, it played out okay. You feel me? You live by the gun, you die by the gun, you know what I'm saying? Like a real, A real that come from the streets. Understand, Understand that, understand that 100%. But just seeing it like, you know what I'm saying? Just seeing like, damn like that, I feel like that wasn't his story. Like, you know what I'm saying? I feel like it just. He had so much more life, so much more shit to do. Like, you feel me? Like, I took Von on his first tour, like as a, as a main artist. Like he, he performed, then I performed. You feel me? So it's like I always fuck with bro. I always believed in him, you feel me? And like when that shit happened, it just like threw me out. It just made me feel like, like, damn, bro, you can't take this shit for granted. Like, this shit hold up, help me understand, bro.

[A]

Your whole life you thinking. And I'm sure he thought the very same thing. I want to get out of this environment. He's out, he's a big rapper. Why go back? Why do that? Why continue to do that?

[B]

I feel like I'm not even gonna feel like this is the truth. It's just like when that shit in you, it's in you. Like that shit just is easy for you. Like you gotta really. You gotta work harder on not doing something to somebody than anything else. You feel what I'm saying? So it's like, I think you feel like when you know what you capable of and you feel like somebody playing with you, you would just do something. Like you would just make you.

[A]

How you let em play with you. You not even supposed to be in that environment. Guess what? Yeah, I make four, five million dollars a year. Aren't you gonna surround yourself? Cause you don't need to be in that environment anymore because those guys are no longer on your level. Now you hang around with people, that's on your level. You hang with me, you hang with Future, you hang with Thug, you hang with those type of people, bruh, I ain't on this no more.

[B]

It's like you gotta. It take a little minute to adjust though. It's not like a snap of a finger. Okay, Von Wasn't. He wasn't a millionaire for years, you know what I'm saying? Like, he still was still trying to stack, coming out the streets, you know what I'm saying? He getting his money. He doing what he doing. But it take you a long time to really process that. This is my life, right? You feel what I'm saying? So it's like, naturally, he really still a street, so he gonna react like, how a street react? You feel me? Like, it took me years and years to just be like, shit ain't worth it. Like, you feel what I'm saying? Like, I'm about to give you a scenario. I was just in North Carolina, rallied some dumb ass shit. Some niggas walked up on me and, like, tried me in the mop. Like, said some shit to me, like, yeah, I'm not even gonna, like, say the artist or whatever. He walk up to me talking about another artist, like, yeah, we got this chain. Tell him bad back, like. And I'm like, the. You mean I don't care about that shit. I'm like, what the you telling me for? That's exactly what I said to him. He like, yeah, I'm just saying, like, if he want to get it, tell him get up with us. I said, bro, I'm sure they know how they find y' all and get that shit back if they want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm walking off. And he said some shit like. Like, yeah. Cause, nigga, we was just telling you, like, bro, you a little too aggressive. Like, we take your shit. I ain't even had no jury on or nothing. I just looked back and walked off. Like, that's one of the hardest things. But you like, that's one of the hardest things to do, to walk away for real. Like. You know what I'm saying? Like, I had to grow into that person where it's like, I know for a fact I got 10 shopping bags in my hand. I drop these shopping bags and we just tear this whole fucking mall up.

[A]

Like, for real, for real.

[B]

I really would do that with y'. All. Two of y', all. And it's two of me and my homie. You feel what I'm saying? And I had to tell him, like, come on, we going, bro, like, it ain't really worth it, right? I'm not finna. I don't have no point to prove. For real. Like, you gotta really get me out of my element or put your hands on me and cause some physical harm. And I know that y' all really not on that type of Time. Because I just turned my back on y' all and walked off.

[A]

And you walked off.

[B]

So if y' all really wanted to do something, y' all had all.

[A]

If y' all really wanted to do something, y' all wouldn't even do no talking.

[B]

Exactly. But it's like, when I turned around, I never looked back. Literally, I never looked back to see if they follow me or nothing. I really made them part of my whole back. And it's like, that shit is. That's growth. Like, I never was that person. Like.

[A]

Cause you never give up your sixes.

[B]

I was never that person. For real. Like, I'm not finna turn around on y'. All. I'm not finna just walk off after you just said you would take my shit. I would've been like, take what? What you talking about? What you wanna do in here right now? Like, I would have not cared about my clothes that I just bought none of this shit. You feel what I'm saying? Like, I had to grow into that person. It took years to do that. You feel what I'm saying? I'm saying all that to say Von hadn't became that person yet to just, like, let shit go, sweep it under the rug.

[A]

He couldn't let that.

[B]

Yeah, like, whatever. Whatever was on his mind was on his mind, where he just felt like, all right, but I'm finna just go do what I gotta do.

[A]

Knowing that if you live like that, you gotta always, always have both eyes. Not one eye, both eyes, three eyes. Are you surprised that somebody. They were able to get the drop on him like they did?

[B]

No, I'm not. Cause that's. That's just how shit happened. You know what I'm saying? It happened like that, in the blink of the eye, like, super quick. I done seen that happen a hundred times. Not just to him. You feel me? Damn. So, no, I wasn't. I wasn't surprised at all. I was just really just heartbroken by it. For real. Cause, like, once shit happened, there's nothing you could do. Regardless of how your homies react or whatever, what's done is done to him. Him is already.

[A]

Yeah, ain't no coming back.

[B]

Exactly. So it's like when. When you understand that. Like, I didn't seen it so many times. So it's like. I know. And this is just my mentality, though, to be honest. Like, I always feel like something is going to happen to me anyway when I walk out the house. I'm already in fear of my life, man.

[A]

Don't put that. Why You.

[B]

I don't, I don't put. I'm not putting it in the air. Like, I don't feel like somebody gonna do something to me, but I just know the possibilities. Like it can happen. So that's what keep me on my square, you know what I'm saying? I'm not gonna get into a fist fight at a club. I'm not gonna get into a fist fight at the mall. I'm not gonna. Because I gotta get home to my kids. So it's like I'm already gonna go to the highest level. Like, that's what I mean by like, I'm already feeling like something is gonna happen to me. I'm afraid. That's what I'm saying. Like it's okay to be afraid. I think being scary is gonna get you home every time. You feel what I'm saying? Like, I don't care about that. Like, I tell nigga, I'm scared. Cause I'm gonna react like I'm scared. You feel what I'm saying?

[A]

Do you feel even though you've been. You like, bro, I done moved away from that. That ain't even been my. That ain't now it's in me. I just want you to know it's in me. But I don't want him to come out. I ain't even on that type of time no more.

[B]

I don't want to at all. But you gotta. And this is the real up part about it though, for real. Like, I feel like when you become that person, they just pull at you. Like. Yeah, especially people who from.

[A]

They know how to get it out you.

[B]

They know how to get it out you. And it's like it's a full time job to like not react and not crash out. Like, let people say stuff. Let people say certain things. Because I'm always, I always been the kind of guy, like, I really go show love. Like when I'm back home, I do events, I do stuff for the kids, for the community. You feel what I'm saying? I go out, I enjoy myself. All my homies who want to come out, we could go to the club and do all that kind of stuff. So I don't respond to negativity because like, I'm outside too much, right? And you will see me. I don't want to bring that type of energy on myself. You feel what I'm saying? So it's like once you see it, you will see stuff. It might make you upset. You seeing stuff on the Internet, you want to look at the Comments and all that shit. But you can't really let it affect you because you putting it on you. Like, you putting too much of that energy on you. Or people will just try to try you and just make a name for themself. You find somebody. I done seen it so many times where it's like, yeah, you could change and elevate and say, I don't want to be that person no more. But you gotta stay sharp. You have to, like. Cause in the instant, in an instant it happens. So it's like you.

[A]

Cause they know you, g. They know you, bro. That ain't on him. That's in him. Yeah, he really like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so you like go out of your way.

[B]

You got people who will really, like, know that and crash. Cause they don't got nothing to live for. They like, they don't really even. Damn. They care about they life that much.

[A]

Yeah. If he don't give a damn about his. He give less than like, he want.

[B]

Me to do something to him. Damn. That just so it's like, I could my life up. I could go to jail or possibly die, anything. Like, people really want you to stoop down to their level a lot. Like, especially coming from Chicago, you know what I'm saying? I see it a lot. I done seen it so many times. And what I'm saying by staying sharp is you don't have to. To become the aggressor in a situation, but you gotta create boundaries. Like, as soon as somebody cross that line, you gotta take it there. That's the only way that it's gonna really, like, resolve, in my opinion.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Somebody cross that line and say certain shit. Like my mama always told me, somebody tell you they crazy, believe them. So it's like if somebody say something to me, I'm automatically on radar and I'm ready to like, take it to the highest level. Because it's like, why you even trying me? I gotta make it home. So we not finna. It's not finna be no in between.

[A]

Either choice between who goes on.

[B]

Yeah, if you want to take it there, we gonna take it all the way there, man. Or we just not gonna take it there at all. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Geez, man. I mean, we usually like, he crazy. Like play play crazy or get a check crazy. You know, they two different things.

[B]

Nah, for sure. Nah, for sure. That's definitely like. There's two different kind. Two different kind. Like, and a lot of people get a check crazy. A lot of people really like, you know, What I'm saying, like, and, and I seen. I know it, like in Chicago, it's like that place is different. Like, right? Anybody, the craziest looking person, you would never think or really do something to you. So it's like you gotta just stay on your.

[A]

But how doesn't I get tired?

[B]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[A]

I mean, I mean, I mean. Cause you. What was that movie, Bumpy Johnson with a. With Whispers? You know the one. And he's like, he don't.

[B]

I'm tired. Yes, I'm tired. Yeah. That's one of my favorite movies ever.

[A]

I'm like, bro, I mean to like, have you ever had a peaceful night's sleep? Can you rest? Can you just lay down and like go get in a REM sleep?

[B]

You know, the only time I really sleep like that is when I'm home with my girl and my key. Like, for real. Even on the road, like, I still had nightmares a lot, bro. Like nightmares. Like sleep paralysis. Like, it be hard for me. Like, my girl be waking me up sometimes. She like, man, what's wrong with you? Like, sound like you crying in your sleep, you jumping like you feel me, like all of that kind of stuff. And I hate it though, I'm not gonna lie. I don't like it at all. You feel what I'm saying? And I didn't try it all, you know, I got a real non profit where I get therapy to all types of kids. I done tried therapy myself. I still, you know, believe in therapy and try to have sessions as much as I can. You feel what I'm saying? But it's like, it don't really help. For real? For real. Especially with like sleep and stuff like that. Like I got bad insomnia. I be up all night, all night, and I might get a couple hours of sleep. And I feel like. Though, in my opinion, the only way it's gonna kind of like change, I'm gonna have to really retire and not deal with people and not deal with the shit that I deal with on the job. That's a long, long time. That's a long time. So it's like I probably don't get no good night of sleep until I'm 50, 55 years old.

[A]

Don't worry about it. And then your flat will get bad and you don't get no good night sleep either. Trust me. You had a friend that reportedly was killed. I think he was shot at a barbershop.

[B]

Yeah, that's who I like. That was my best friend, but I called him my little brother. Who? That's who was mad at me about the shoot.

[A]

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, obviously, you said that was your best friend. You called him, you know, like your little brother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you got that news, what, What? Some of the emotions you started to feel.

[B]

Honestly, that was probably one of the worst days of my life for sure. Like, I. I never felt that, like, shock and hurt and disappointment like when it happened. And you know what's so crazy? He probably. He might have got killed. 11am Chicago time. So that's like 9am In LA. I'm fresh coming from the studio. Me and him texting paragraphs at 4am like, our last conversation was really just us telling each other how much we love each other. Like, man, bro, you know, I don't want nothing from you. I never wanted nothing from you. I just want you to like, when.

[A]

I just want the best for you. Not nothing from you.

[B]

That was the last conversation we had talking like that. You feel what I'm saying? So I'm on a couch, sleep at home, and this girl hit me. Like, I'm so sorry about your brother. D d d D duh. Like, it's this girl that do, like, philanthropy work in Chicago. You feel what I'm saying? And her brother worked at the barbershop, so she knew already, right as soon as it happened, happened. You feel me? And I'm like, what? I'm like, what the are you talking about? She's like, I'm so sorry about him. I'm like, what? I got mad. I ain't even say nothing. I didn't, like, respond back to her. Nothing. And then right after that, I get a call from one of my homies, like, yeah, look, I just got shot in the barbershop. And it's like, I just lost it. I got up and I started praying. I hit my knees and started praying, like, please, please, please just let him pull through this shit. Like, pretty please. You feel what I'm saying? And at that moment, I couldn't think straight. Like, the only thing I could do is get on a plane in Chicago. Like, I got on the plane. Like, I had to. Like, I didn't even feel right being in la. And, you know, he just passed away. So it's like I had to, like, like, really, it was just all I felt was, like, anger. Like I wanted to do something, like, retaliate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm saying, like, me being who I am, G herbo, a star, really went to Chicago and was just like, I lost my mind. For real. Cause like, him, he ain't never. Like, that wasn't him. You feel what I'm saying? Like, don't get me wrong, yeah, he's a street dude. He was in the streets with us, but that just wasn't him. And I really felt like somebody did that to him to hurt me. Like, that was the whole thing. And I said it a lot. And you know, it's so crazy. His grandma, who I call my grandma, like, that's my grandma. Still talk to her as much as possible. I go see whatever she need. Like, that's really. To his family, I'm the closest thing to him like, that they even have, right? You feel what I'm saying? And you know, his kids is my God kids. So it's like, that's my real deal family. I lived with them, I lived in they house when I ain't had nothing. It's like I felt like I was responsible for his death for a long time. And it happened in 20, 21. And I didn't even. I ain't used to drink at all. Like, I ain't used to drink shit for sure. Like, I didn't drink. I wasn't even. I was just like, nigga, just smoke, get hot. Like. Yeah, me either.

[A]

But we make it up a lost time.

[B]

Sure. Like, I was one of them guys with like. Like, I drink once a year, twice a year maybe. You feel what I'm saying? And one cup would get me drunk. This our third cup, right? You feel me? I ain't no rookie no more, but I'm saying that to say, like. And I don't. I don't even. Like, bro, I don't even care. Like, I'm gonna just be honest. Like, when I. When I went to Chicago, I went, like, on time and, like, I took a hoodie. I had, I. I had packed all type of crazy shit. Yeah, I was gonna go to Chicago and just like it. I was ready to throw my life.

[A]

Up with the homie you lit.

[B]

I was ready to throw my life away for real. I drove my track hawk to one of my. My man's crib in la, who I, like, was in business with and just talking to him. And I had the suitcase in the back of my track hawk and we was upstairs talking and he like, man, you need a drink. Gave me a drink. I took it. And I'm like, a real. Like, I don't believe in coincidence. Like, I'm a real spiritual person. When I'm in my head, I'm like, bro, I can't believe I'm finna Go back to Chicago. That's when I know he was dead. That's when I found out he was dead already. I'm like, bro, I'm finna go back to Chicago. This shit. I really was ready to, like, just throw my life away. I really didn't give a. For real when that happened. I looked out the window, I seen like 200 birds flying. Like, just right out the window. Like a flock of birds. So many birds. I'm like, damn, man. Little bro, that's about to go to heaven. Like, you feel like in my head, I'm like, it, man. I ain't even finna go back and crash out. Like, me seeing them birds go up and it just like, it kind of calmed me down.

[A]

It gave you a sense of peace, didn't it?

[B]

Yeah, in a way. Like, for real. Even the first, like, literally the very first when it happened, I ain't even got on a plane yet. I'm still like. I took like three shots of Hennessy and I'm still in my head, I'm still angry, of course, but I'm like, damn. I'm looking at these birds while I'm thinking about this shit. Like, damn, man. You know, it just my head up like, I ain't finna crash out. But I get on the plane still and I left the whole suitcase. That's how, you know, my mind racing. I left the whole suitcase in my track. I got in a black truck to the airport. I didn't even grab a suitcase out of my bag. I mean, out of my car. And I get on a plane, I go to sleep, and I swear to God, I had a dream that me, him and his baby. His second baby mama, he got two baby mamas. Me, him and his second baby mama was just walking around the neighborhood, going door to door, like, asking who killed him. And he with me. Like, me, him and his baby mama, just asking like, yeah, who killed Bro? But he right there with me asking who killed him. You see what I'm saying? It's like, I don't know that shit. My head up, I got off the plane, like, damn, I just had this crazy ass dream. Like, I go straight to his grandma house and see her start crying, hugging. And I'm just like, man, you ain't. Like, you ain't got to worry about nothing. Like, you feel I'm saying, like, yeah, he going, but you got me. I promise, I'm always be there. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm gonna be there for his kids. Like, I took on that role and responsibility, like, no matter what. But how big, how much my career is hectic, like, I'm gonna always be there for his family. You feel what I'm saying? It's like I can't do that if I crash out. So it's like I just took on that responsibility of being the closest thing to him, you know, for his family. And I'm grateful for that. I appreciate that when I hear that because that was somebody that I love unconditionally. And I know his family love me. And it's like I feel like when they tell me that, like, man, you the closest thing we have to him, like, we need you. Like these kids need you. You see what I'm saying? So it's like I just took on that role and of course a part of me is gone forever. And I feel like no matter what I do or how much success I get, I never really could enjoy it for real. Because I always wanted to share it with. He ain't here. You feel what I'm saying? Like, I was thinking about when I get 30 and 40, if I ever win a Grammy, just certain shit is like, it's not gonna really feel right because I wanted to enjoy it with him. And I always get them little thoughts and flashbacks in my head and stuff like that. But it turned me into a different person, man. I fell into alcoholism. Crazy. Like, I was down in a whole fifth a day, like by myself literally every single day.

[A]

Like, I'm glad you pulled out of that.

[B]

Yeah, I was stressed out. I turned into a totally different person. And I just had. I just had my second son. Like, I turned into, like, man, it was. I don't know, I was just like a different person. Like, I really felt like I couldn't be a father like the way I wanted to be. Like, I was so stressed out and so depressed was like, I didn't want to be home. Cause I didn't want my girl to see me that weak. Like, I was at my weakest and my lowest. So I used to have to be outside and ride around and go cry, go to clubs and just do stupid ass shit just to get my mind off of what was what I was really thinking about for real. But I definitely pulled out of it. And one of the conversations that helped me was a conversation with his grandma. And she told me the real. She told me the ugly that I really didn't want to hear. She, like, she really looked at me and said, yeah, my grandson died because of you. Everybody really know that he got killed cause somebody wanted to hurt me. Like, oh yeah, this her best friend. Like finna do something to him, right? You feel me? And when she told me that she like, because she seen me just slipping through the cracks getting drunk every day, she like, you better not your life up. Like all we got is you. Like, you better make something of your life. I know how much he loves you, believed in you. Like, I don't. Okay, we hurting, you all hurting. But it's like you not finna let him die for nothing. You better be the best you could be. And that shit really like made me snap out of.

[A]

This concludes the first half of my conversation. Part two is also posted and you can access it to whichever podcast platform you just listened to part one on. Just simply go back to Club Shay profile and I'll see you there.