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Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
I've actually brought Kevin on stage at the Comedy Cellar before and I did it in front of him.
Shannon Sharpe
The real Kevin Hart. Please stand up.
Mark Normand
Can't tell if he's standing. So when I think he's in his own head or he's so little, it went over his head. You have these white Norwegians in the crowd going, we saw Kevin Hart tonight.
Shannon Sharpe
All my life been grinding all my
Mark Normand
life Sacrifice hustle, paid the price wanna slice, got to roll a dice that's
Shannon Sharpe
why all my life I been grinding
Mark Normand
all my life Look. All my life been grinding all my life Sacrifice hustle, paid the price wanna slice got to roll a dice that's why all my life I've been grinding all my life
Shannon Sharpe
Hello. Welcome to another episode of Club Shay Shay. I am your host, Shannon Sharpe. I'm also the proprietor of Club Shay. So stopping by for conversation on a drink today is one of today's top standup comedians. Jerry Seinfeld called him one of the best comics. He's fearless and have a rapid fire punchlines. He sells out clubs and theaters across the country. He tours internationally. Every time he drops a special, it's in the top 10 on Netflix. He's a popular podcast host, prolific writer, expert trash talker, maverick. An actor and entrepreneur. Like he says, on stage, it's just comedy. Please welcome Kevin Hart. Excuse me. I mean, Mark Norman. The Club Shay Shay.
Mark Normand
Hey. It's an honor.
Shannon Sharpe
How you doing, bro?
Mark Normand
Good, man. Wow, that was amazing. I wish you were my dad. He doesn't know any of that stuff. So that was very nice. Thank you.
Shannon Sharpe
You say out of every set you said you're Kevin Hart? At the end of every set, yeah. What? I mean, did it start? How did that start?
Mark Normand
Well, first of all, we drinking. Yeah. Okay. I had a long flight here and then.
Shannon Sharpe
And we're gonna talk about the Netflix special.
Mark Normand
Okay.
Shannon Sharpe
Please.
Mark Normand
We'll get there. Hey. Hey. Mazel tov.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
What do you guys say? You're Muslim, right?
Shannon Sharpe
I'm in the reserves.
Mark Normand
Oh, Okay.
Shannon Sharpe
I eat pork once a month. Two times out of the year.
Mark Normand
Hey, I eat ass. All right. This is good stuff.
Shannon Sharpe
Appreciate it.
Mark Normand
I don't wanna go.
Shannon Sharpe
So how did the. I'm Kevin Hart. How did that sound?
Mark Normand
Oh, sorry. Yeah. So I used to bomb quite a bit, you know, I tried crazy material, offensive material, and crowds were freaked out by it. I would. I would be so ashamed. I didn't want to say my real name after the set.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, you put it on camera.
Mark Normand
Kevin Hart. You've heard of him. And you have these white Norwegians in the crowd going, we saw Kevin Hart tonight, you know, and it was just me. So. Yeah. And it just stuck. I did it on tonight's show. I did it on Netflix.
Shannon Sharpe
Right. Have you ever. Have you ever. Have Kev ever approached you about that, had said he ever met Kev?
Mark Normand
I've actually brought Kevin on stage at the Comedy Cellar before, and I did it in front of him. And I think he's in his own head, or he's so little. It went over his head, but they
Shannon Sharpe
couldn't tell you apart.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
The real Kevin Hart. Please stand up.
Mark Normand
Exactly. Exactly. Can't tell if he's standing.
Shannon Sharpe
So, yeah, the Netflix special, none, too. Please tell us about it.
Mark Normand
Well, it's my second hour on Netflix. I shot it in Boulder, Colorado, of all places.
Shannon Sharpe
Really?
Mark Normand
Yeah. I'd never been there. We sold a bunch of tickets. I said, screw it, let's shoot it there. And it went well. So it's coming out on the 17th, and I'm pretty happy with it.
Shannon Sharpe
So let me ask you a question. So when you. When they. You approach. They approach you about a special, you have a general idea. Have you. I mean, is materials especially for the special, or do you have. You've been writing all along, or do you have, like, I got material and I'm ready to do a special. How does a special come about, especially on one of these streaming platforms?
Mark Normand
That's a good question. Well, you just build material over time, and then you have an hour, and then it has, like, a beginning, middle, and end. It has an opener, a closer. And so when you feel like, oh, this is tight. This is a good packaged hour, then you start touring with it, right? Then when it's killer, honed and perfect, ready to go, humming, then you go, hey, Netflix, you want to see this? And they go, maybe, yes. No, whatever. So we're all. The game has changed. Like, you should just call HBO or HBO will call you now. You go, here you go, Netflix, please take it.
Shannon Sharpe
Thank you.
Mark Normand
Right because they know how much power they have.
Shannon Sharpe
When. How long does it take you to perfect a set? So when you start telling. So when you start telling, obviously the joke in the very beginning is kind of raw. But for you to perfect it and perfect. So maybe you start out with 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45. And now, obviously, for a Netflix special, it needs to be an hour. How long does it take you to perfect that?
Mark Normand
It takes years. And some guys will put it out too early, you know, And I think it takes a long time because I already shot it. I shot it in, like, December, and I've already thought of new joke ideas and new. New endings for jokes, and I'm like, oh, I wish I had that in there. So sometimes you got to let it bake. It's like. It's like a marinade. You got to let it sit and simmer for hours. So people put out too early. I say, wait, have you ever had a situation?
Shannon Sharpe
Say, you know what? I got some stuff. Let's go back in and edit.
Mark Normand
I have thought that, but you can't do it once it's in the can. It's in the can.
Shannon Sharpe
What's this indicator? It's in the can.
Mark Normand
Yeah, but it's like a. It's like a baby. You got to give it nine months. If you give it eight, it's going to be, you know, a little wonky.
Shannon Sharpe
Right. I mean, it might be a preemie.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
Sometimes preemie turn out to be the best. Wow.
Mark Normand
I don't know about that, but I've definitely premature myself in the bedroom, but. Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
You're from New Orleans.
Mark Normand
Yes, sir.
Shannon Sharpe
How did. I mean, when you look at. Think about all the musicians, especially jazz musicians. Harry Connick Juniors, the Marcellus, Satchmo Armstrong.
Mark Normand
Oh, yeah, sure.
Shannon Sharpe
How. I mean, what is it about New Orleans that the magicians. Excuse me, Musicians, you got no limit. With Master P, you got Lil Wayne. Get your cash money. Yeah. You got juvie. You got all bg. Third.
Mark Normand
I think it's the most unique city in America. I think it's got a grit to it, and it's a very musical city. Like, there's guys on the corner who do jazz, and it's better than the guys at the Blue Note in New York. It's incredible. These kids are amazing. Like, the marching bands are unbelievable, and it's a very black city. So, you know, the music is gonna be good and the food is good, but comedy does not work there.
Shannon Sharpe
Really.
Mark Normand
Comedy clubs open and close. No one cares. The people there are already Funny. You know, it's kind of a blue collar town. It's like a. It's a service working town. Much like Vegas.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
And so no one goes. We don't gotta pay money to see a guy tell jokes.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
I'll pay to see a guy, you know, tickle the ivories because that takes some skill. But comedy, you know, you gotta leave. You gotta go to New York or la.
Shannon Sharpe
Is that why you felt you had to get out of New Orleans?
Mark Normand
Had to get out. The ceiling is. It's Kevin Hart level. You gotta get. There's no.
Shannon Sharpe
You keep taking shots at Kev.
Mark Normand
I love Kev. Big fan. I mean, it's an homage every set. I'm a fan. I'm not Katt Williams.
Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
Sure.
Shannon Sharpe
You got any funny stories about Mardi Gras? Cause you grew up there and like, from the very beginning.
Mark Normand
Oh, geez. I mean, you get two weeks off of school, it takes over the whole city. It's a beautiful thing. Everybody comes out. Parades, floats, speeds. You get your kids up on a ladder, you catch beads. I got beat up at Mardi Gras in college. I got jumped by a couple of frat guys. Let's See, I fingered my first girl on 7th Street. That's where all the high school kids meet. Yeah. So Mardi Gras is just a special place in my heart. I was watching it on Instagram this year. It's killing me that I wasn't there.
Shannon Sharpe
Well, I mean, it has to be something special. Shia LaBeouf, he holds.
Mark Normand
Yes. Yes.
Shannon Sharpe
He gets drunk, gets arrested, and comes out and parties against Lamar.
Mark Normand
That was a beautiful day. He's the king of New Orleans right now. And some lady bailed him out. Did you see that lady? I don't know who she was, but she was just a regular lady who bailed him out. And that hit home. I was like, this is like my teenage years.
Shannon Sharpe
That gotta be. So you get two weeks off for school. So I don't really understand, because I know. I know about King Cakes and all that other stuff. So it's just a bunch of parades, people, you know, dressing up, dancing in the streets, drinking.
Mark Normand
We used to steal a couch or find a couch at a junkyard, put it on the median.
Shannon Sharpe
Okay.
Mark Normand
We call it the neutral ground. And we just sit there and drink till the parade comes by. And, you know, it's a beautiful thing. It goes all day and all night. It's carnival.
Shannon Sharpe
Your childhood, you grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood.
Mark Normand
Treme. Yeah, I've heard of that.
Shannon Sharpe
That was a TV show.
Mark Normand
It was by the guy who did the Wire. David Simon.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes. Talk to us about that experience, because that's a very unique experience. Because normally it might be the other way around.
Mark Normand
Well, buckle up, Sharpie. Cause this is a crazy childhood. I grew up in this. My dad got a wild hair up his ass and bought an old, dilapidated mansion in this poor black neighborhood. And so we were the white family. So everybody thought we were loaded because we were the white family in the mansion. But we didn't have running water. We had mice. We had termites. And so people would break in, like, crackheads would break in and be like, you gotta eat your shit together. This is out of control. This is pathetic. And we eventually got up enough money. We turned half into a bed and breakfast. Made some income coming in. But, yeah, my bike got stolen all the time, got pushed around. It was. It was rough, but it made you. Made you funny.
Shannon Sharpe
What was it about? What did you learn about being around predominantly black? Because our cultures are very, very. We might want some of the same things, but the way we see things is totally different. The way we respond to things are differently.
Mark Normand
Well, it was a lot of different. First of all, I skateboarded in the 90s, which was a white guy thing. Now everybody skateboard, which is great. It's become diverse. But I skateboarded, so a lot of, like, board breaking, a lot of throwing my board. I was skating on it. We built a skate ramp in a basketball court.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
Burned it down. It got burned.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, it got burned. You didn't burn.
Mark Normand
No, no. Yeah, they burned it.
Shannon Sharpe
Okay.
Mark Normand
And so that was awkward. So then my parents had to work so much because the house was causing. Needed so much income, right? So they were always working. So they hired a nanny. They hired a black guy named Enos, who was a transvestite. So now I'm learning how to shave, how to fight, how to drive a stick by a black guy in a wig and high heels.
Shannon Sharpe
How did that. Hold on. How did that come up? Because that is. Woo. I know you talk about a trans and a black man, this white family, and they say, you know what? We think it'd be a good idea that you be the nanny for our son.
Mark Normand
Yeah. Well, he lived next door, two houses down. He did burlesque at night, but I think it was before the whole trans thing. So he was just a cross dresser is what we called him. But he would wear high heels and a wig while he, you know, swept up or cooked or whatever. And my dad wasn't around a lot, so he kind of showed me the ropes. Like, I remember I was, like, going to a dance, and he showed me some moves, and it was like a sitcom. And we became friends. And I was kind of scared to go out in the neighborhood, but he couldn't go out either. Cause, you know, he was in a wig, right? And, you know, the homophobia in the 90s was a different world. And so one time I got my bike stolen. I ran home crying. I told Enos, he goes, that we're getting the bike back. And I go, I'm just, let him have it. Let them have it. They were tough. They were older than me. And he's like, we're getting it back. So we jump in my dad's van, we drive around the neighborhood. He sees the guys on, like, a stoop taking my bike apart. I go, that's my bike. I'm hiding under the window. And he's like, wait, here. He goes out there, wig and all. And, you know, they all have tools and wrenches, and they're messing with my bike, and they all just die laughing like, who the is this guy? And they're going, look at this faggot. Holy shit. And he goes, that's not your bike. I'm taking it back. And they're like, what are you gonna do about it? And he goes, I'll show you. He grabs it, they don't do anything. Takes the bike, puts it back in the van, close the door, we drive home.
Shannon Sharpe
That was it.
Mark Normand
Amazing. Yeah. It was the manliest thing I've ever seen. And he was in high heels, so
Shannon Sharpe
he turned out to be kind of like your best friend because you talked about how he taught you how to shave, he taught you how to talk to women, he taught you how to ish talk. So he was just. It was just like. And it's just so fascinating that this guy in this neighborhood a couple of doors down, that your family thought enough of him that they felt. Felt he would be safe with you or you would be safe with him.
Mark Normand
Yeah, well, my parents are the most open minded, ex hippie, clearly liberal, you know, whatever. So we had friends come over. This is the deep South. Friends would come over, their dad would see Enos and be like, you're not sleeping over here. We're getting the hell out of here. So it was. My parents were weird, but they were open, they were kind. And Enos was a badass because you got to think to look like that.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
In the 90s in Louisiana, you gotta be tough.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
You know, so he was a tough.
Shannon Sharpe
But you gotta. People gotta realize they underestimated because, oh, you're trying to be a woman, you trying to be a man, but inherently at the basis that's a man, you're trying to be a woman, and you underestimate that is a man.
Mark Normand
Yeah. And, you know, he went in for the surgery like three times and he got on the table and he couldn't. He was like, I can't do it. So that was interesting to me. But he eventually was killed. He was hooking up with a guy at a bar and the came out and the guy didn't know and he killed him. So RIP Enos,
Shannon Sharpe
when you found out, how were you?
Mark Normand
I was probably, you know, I knew him from like 5 years old to 13, so he probably died when I was 15.
Shannon Sharpe
So when you got that news, because clearly you were close. I mean, he got your bicycle back.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
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Shannon Sharpe
so this black man that cross dressed, he taught you a lot about growing up and what it was gonna be to be a man. So when you got the news that, you know, Enos had tragically been killed, what were some of the emotions that you felt?
Mark Normand
I mean, it was horrible. He had moved on. Like he eventually stopped. You know, we were getting older, so we didn't really need any supervision, but he eventually moved on. So a couple years had gone by and then my mom just told us at dinner, me and my brother and we were like, what the hell? And it was in Houma. It was in. We let him borrow our van and it was in the van that they killed him.
Shannon Sharpe
Damn.
Mark Normand
So yeah, it was. It was dark. But that was. That was the 90s.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
The 90s were crazy.
Shannon Sharpe
I'm not so sure it's much changed dealing with that community. Because you hear the stories.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
About what's going on. So I'm not so Sure. A whole lot of changed now. Maybe, you know, people are talking about it more and more, but maybe it's more in the open. But I don't think. I think there's still a lot of, you know, standoffish and, like, nah, that ain't for me.
Mark Normand
No. 100%. And it definitely messed. Now I can't get an erection unless I see a picture of RuPaul, so I'm all screwed up.
Shannon Sharpe
So did he. Was it him that taught you how to talk trash to. Cause we, like, look, we like to bag on each other.
Mark Normand
I love it.
Shannon Sharpe
We bag on each other. Homeboy, brother, sister, it doesn't matter. Going to rag on each other. I'm not so sure. That's very prevalent. I, you know, I have friends, but I. They don't really Joan. On each other like we do. Is that where you learn how to, like, get your. Your quick whip from?
Mark Normand
Yeah, that and in public school. I went to public school, and it was a lot of. We called them snaps.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Back then, your mom is so fat, you know, she sits around the house. She really sits around the house and all that stuff. So that was. You had to be ready always with something like. And everything was a thing. Like, if you. If you tripped that, they would. They'd go nuts on that. So everything was. You're always kind of head on a swivel, ready to go.
Shannon Sharpe
Right. You mentioned you went to public school until you was in eighth grade.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
Then you went to a private Catholic school.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
So what was the big. So obviously now all of a sudden, you're in this predominantly black neighborhood. You're in public school. So I'm sure it's probably predominantly black.
Mark Normand
Sure.
Shannon Sharpe
And then you go to a Catholic school that's probably predominantly white.
Mark Normand
Yeah. Yeah. It was very different. It went from hearing the N word to hearing the N word. No, I have Tourette's. No,
Shannon Sharpe
we'll get to shade. I like that. That was. That was good.
Mark Normand
Touche. Is that your sister? All right, so. Well, it was a culture shock because we went from, like, wearing whatever you want, get around busting balls to, like, church, chapel, tie, slacks, all that shit. So it was. I was. I was up in school. I was getting in trouble. I was failing out. So my dad's like, you're going to private school.
Shannon Sharpe
But you've said that private school kids are probably more messed up than public school kids.
Mark Normand
Definitely. Yeah. The drugs, crazy. A lot of coke, a lot of pills. You know, a lot of, like, rich white kids with. With no supervision who could do whatever they wanted. A lot of alcohol. A couple of them died of, a heroin. Couple died out of drunk driving. So it's kind of like the suburbs. You know, the city has crime and muggings, but the suburbs has like pedophile doctor or like, I got a kid in the basement or. You know, I feel like private schools like that, like public school, it was very surface level shit. Like you got beat up or you got pushed around. Private school was like, they have money
Shannon Sharpe
to hide all the problems.
Mark Normand
Yes, yes, exactly. And then a kid would be found, like angel dust in his locker or something like that.
Shannon Sharpe
You know, you mentioned the house that your parents moved in and that you say you had rented. Did you feel that house was haunted?
Mark Normand
No, I would have killed for a ghost. We had this alarm system that would go off and it would go off at like 2 in the morning. And you're like a 10 year old in bed and you could hear a guy downstairs and then you'd see your dad with a baseball bat and you're like, oh, my God. It was a rough way to live.
Shannon Sharpe
But, you know, ghosts and seances, all that stuff is really, really big in New Orleans.
Mark Normand
That's true. We're a big voodoo town. I was not scared of ghosts. I was scared of Tyrone.
Shannon Sharpe
You said your family moved away, moved out of that neighborhood when someone broke into your home and tied your family up.
Mark Normand
Yeah, yeah, that was the big closer. We had a. I was at a Mardi Gras parade, okay? Two guys broke in, knocked on the door, my dad answered, gun held him down, tied him up with his own neckties, and then tied up my mom and then tied up my brother. Took all the stuff, all the jewelry, all the credit cards, stole the cars. And after that we were like, we're out of here.
Shannon Sharpe
You left.
Mark Normand
Yeah, well, I showed up and there was like eight cop cars at the house. Sirens going, you know, lights going. And I was like, oh, my God, my parents are dead. And I saw my mom crying and my dad's talking to the police and that was it.
Shannon Sharpe
Was that a common thing? Somebody knocks on the door, you just open the door. Like, you don't ask who it is or I don't know, was there not a peep? I guess there weren't peepholes back there. Were there peepholes?
Mark Normand
No peepholes. And I think, you know, again, my parents are very like, loose. This guy, maybe he needs help. And then they open the door and boom.
Shannon Sharpe
Was that the first time you guys had ever been robbed?
Mark Normand
No, no, we got Robbed all the time. But that was the first time. It was a home invasion where, you know, there was actual. But I saw a guy. I would see a guy run out of my backyard with, like, a TV under his arm or something. I saw that every now and then.
Shannon Sharpe
You didn't chase me, try to get it back.
Mark Normand
Wow. I was. He was a real big guy. I was nine.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, let him have it.
Mark Normand
Yeah. The first week we moved there, a kid knocked on my door and he goes, you got a Nintendo? And I said, yeah. And he goes, hey, I got these games. You want to trade games that we don't have to go to Blockbuster. We can just trade games. I said, sure. I'm making a new friend. Boy, what a gullible douche I was. And then he was like, all right, here you go. Here's my two games. And I gave him my two games. I gave him excitebike and whatever. And he was like, all right, great. Never saw him again. His games didn't work. I know. I got a hug. It's a huck spot.
Shannon Sharpe
You fell for the Okie doke.
Mark Normand
I know.
Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
Yes. Yes. Wow. How'd you know all this?
Shannon Sharpe
And you know, they say there's a real serious issue if you have those kind of problems after the age of seven. So you have it in your teenage years. There is really some things going on internally that you had to deal with.
Mark Normand
Gee, this is therapy, man, this is crazy. Holy shit. I've never seen a therapist in full Lululemon, but I'll take it. Yeah, yeah. Bedwetter up to like 14. And then I was kind of an alcoholic for a while and then it would come out again. So I can't tell you I peed on more women than R. Kelly.
Shannon Sharpe
So hold on now. Normally if you have in our community, they might let that thing go till you're about 3, maybe 4ish. After that, there gonna be some problems.
Mark Normand
Yeah, it was bad. I mean, sleepovers, I would stay up all night because I was too scared to wet the bed.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Normand
And my dad tried all these old school remedies, like, all right, no, no liquids after six, right? So at eight o' clock I'm eating Doritos. Like, you know, I'm so dry. And then we bought this buzzer that would clip to your. Your waist and when it felt moisture, it would beep to wake you up. And I shorted it out. I pissed all over. So I had to just ride it out.
Shannon Sharpe
So what did they get to? The root of what was causing it.
Mark Normand
I think you're right. I think it was the trauma because it stopped when we moved.
Shannon Sharpe
Really?
Mark Normand
Yeah. So the brain is a mad scientist.
Shannon Sharpe
Your parents never disciplined you because of that?
Mark Normand
Not discipline, more like. They tried to remedy it, but it never really took.
Shannon Sharpe
You say, I don't know.
Mark Normand
What, are they gonna beat my ass?
Shannon Sharpe
Yes, yes, that's exactly. That's exactly.
Mark Normand
I don't start shitting a bit, that's
Shannon Sharpe
gonna make it worse because then sometimes the butt cutting jars your memory. Oh, I was supposed to take the trash out. That's why I'm getting.
Mark Normand
Right, right. Yeah, but it wasn't intentional. I mean, I would just wake up in a pool of urine.
Shannon Sharpe
You would get drunk. Hold on.
Mark Normand
Later in life.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, yeah, but I'm saying you would pee on the women's. On the couch.
Mark Normand
Well, no, I'd wake up next to a one night stand or something in college and I'd piss all over. And then she'd wake up and I'd be like, what'd you do?
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, you blamed her?
Mark Normand
Well, I had to get out of it somehow. They all knew, but I tried.
Shannon Sharpe
Really?
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
Were you embarrassed?
Mark Normand
Of course. It's the worst feeling in the world. You disappoint him at night, then in the morning. So yeah, those were rough times. But I always bought flowers or paid for their dry cleaning or something.
Shannon Sharpe
Obviously, being in a predominantly black neighborhood, there's probably a chance that you probably dated outside of your race.
Mark Normand
Well, I did later. I did later. At the time I was Too young and too scared to approach a woman. You know, that was. Those years were kind of like the 5 to 13. So I was still nerdy and scared. But later I did, and I learned you don't pull the hair. I did that with white women. Love the hair pull.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, yeah. But you.
Mark Normand
Nah, the braids.
Shannon Sharpe
It was a mistake that cost too much.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
This is what I wanted to know, somebody that does, because I've had Gary Owen and I've asked him.
Mark Normand
Funny guy.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes. What's the difference? Because women ask us all the time. The men from someone that's Caucasian, white.
Mark Normand
Sure, sure.
Shannon Sharpe
I don't know if you guys can notice that
Mark Normand
ghost. Whatever.
Shannon Sharpe
What is the major difference that you would say between the two?
Mark Normand
I would say it's one word. Gyration. I think a black woman on top can do a hip thing that. That white guys aren't ready for. At least I wasn't. And you're like, oh, you kind of go spaz out on there, like. Like Trump doing the guy. But, yeah, the gyration is unreal. And I think with a. With a white guy, we do most of the dominating. And the white world. White woman submits.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
I felt like I was submitting with the black lady. Like, she was working me, which I loved.
Shannon Sharpe
Hey, what's up, y'?
Mark Normand
All?
Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
Well, I found that I had to have some rapport. I couldn't just go up cold cause I'm too white and nerdy and whatever. So I had to, I needed school. Like maybe get a crowd laughing, right?
Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
And I find that a little ball busty with a black one. A little.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. They gotta be funny. Women like. Women like funny?
Mark Normand
Yes. I was gonna say neg, but I got nervous. But yeah. So I think a little. Little pokey, you know, with the black woman. I think it goes a long way.
Shannon Sharpe
You learned about anemia iron deficiency in dating black women. Because that's something that really. I think it's only in. In our community.
Mark Normand
I know my ex girlfriend had a anemia and she have to eat iron pills. Yeah. I didn't know that was a black thing.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Really?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Huh.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, it's really. I mean, but I'm almost pretty certain I've never heard of a white person suffering from anemia.
Mark Normand
Oh, really?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Well, she was pretty white trash. I don't know if that helps. My ex.
Shannon Sharpe
She had a lot of problems before you got married. Was it hard? Was it hard dating because, like, you're on the road and it's not in that time. I don't know how prevalent it is to take your significant other on the road with you.
Mark Normand
Sure.
Shannon Sharpe
Because you're doing, you know, you're up all time of the night and you're like this city and then you drive into the next town or you. How are you getting there? So how was dating before you got married?
Mark Normand
Well, I dated a girl, a high school sweetheart, all the way into college. So I'm talking 10, 11 years. Yeah. Then I moved to New York, do comedy. She came with me, and it eventually faded out because I was so obsessed with comedy and I didn't want to go on dates. And I was just. You know, women like the nighttime. They want dinner, they want a show, and comedy's all night.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
So.
Shannon Sharpe
And you want to sleep during the day.
Mark Normand
Yeah, exactly. So it's. It really killed the relationship. We're still friends, but I. Once I got out of that, I was like, all right, no more. No more dating. I'm going all in on comedy and maybe I'll get laid on the road.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
And that was a lot of fun. And I had a good time. But then I met my wife at a show and she changed. She best thing ever happened to me. Great, great gal. I always feel like men are like a horse. You know, you see those old movies, we got to break the horse. A wild stallion.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
Some guy can, like, pet its forehead and give it a carrot. That's what women do for us. And I feel like she was that for me. And she's funny, she's cool, she Gets it. She understands the lifestyle. I come home with a big check. She's happy. We have a baby now, so I'm a lucky guy with her.
Shannon Sharpe
So. And you said she saw you at a show in New York. Was she there with girlfriends? Was she there with someone else?
Mark Normand
She was actually with a date.
Shannon Sharpe
Ah, man. Come on, Mark, how you do that?
Mark Normand
Well, I had a good set and I don't think she liked the guy. And then she DMed me after.
Shannon Sharpe
Are you serious?
Mark Normand
So I feel sorry, sir, whoever that was. Yeah, it was Kevin Hart.
Shannon Sharpe
I mean, really, that really, it really happened.
Mark Normand
Really?
Shannon Sharpe
I mean, I was seeing it, you know, tongue in cheek, being like, oh, was she there with someone else or she came with some girlfriends and you like, confirmed like. No, she was there on a date.
Mark Normand
Yeah, she was there on a date.
Shannon Sharpe
You didn't feel bad?
Mark Normand
Well, I didn't know. I didn't know till I just was doing my set and then I got off and I saw a DM about an hour later and I said, let's get a drink tonight. And she blew off Joe Schmoe and hit me up.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, my goodness.
Mark Normand
And yeah, the rest is history.
Shannon Sharpe
Before you got married, you said it was hard to date for a man that's under six foot tall.
Mark Normand
Yes.
Shannon Sharpe
Why?
Mark Normand
Well, women like a tall man. Well, what are you, 62-6362? Yeah, women like a big, big burly guy.
Shannon Sharpe
But see, when you stand on the paychecks, you about six, eight, but you
Mark Normand
don't have the paychecks till late. Okay. So I had to stand on funny, stand on jokes or whatever. And you know, when I was on Tinder back in the day, it would be like, nothing. No one under six feet, no guy under six feet. So I would always say I'm growing as a person, you know, But I think it's, you know, women like tall guy, men like big chest or small waist or fat ass. So, you know, it's just men and women have their preferences.
Shannon Sharpe
So did that limit you in the dating pool because you thought, okay, maybe. I mean, I like her, I think she's attractive, but she's like 5:10. And I mean, we kind of like looking eye to eye. I don't know if she gonna really be feeling me like that.
Mark Normand
Yeah, some girls are cool enough that they let it slide, But I'd say 90% of women have to have a tall guy.
Shannon Sharpe
Would you be okay? Would you be okay? I don't know if your wife. Your wife taller than you or your.
Mark Normand
I'm five' ten. She's five' four.
Shannon Sharpe
Okay. Could you have. Could you have married someone? Let's say you're five' ten, she's six foot.
Mark Normand
I could do it, but it. I mean, the heels would be tough.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, because with heels, you gonna be about. You gonna be six four.
Mark Normand
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Shannon Sharpe
At least six three.
Mark Normand
Exactly.
Shannon Sharpe
But you gotta be in flats all the time, Mark.
Mark Normand
Yeah, at that point I would go just trans. Give me an anus.
Shannon Sharpe
You once got dumped because you weren't women. Didn't. She didn't view you as manly enough. What's manly enough?
Mark Normand
Well, you know, I'm a pretty. I just like to go with the flow. You know, these guys who want to drive or they want to grill.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
I'm not one of those guys like, you want to grill? Go grill. I'll hang back, I'll drink a beer. So I think women want that guy. They want the take charge guy. And I'm like, I don't want to take charge. I'm lazy. You go, whatever you want to do, I'll do it. You know, women like a guy who. Here's what. We're going on the date.
Shannon Sharpe
Like, be decisive.
Mark Normand
Exactly.
Shannon Sharpe
Okay, we're going. I'm going to pick you up, or we got a car going to pick us up at this time. And we're going to go to this restaurant. And you know, I know this is your favorite X, Y. And they like a man to take charge.
Mark Normand
Yes. I don't care. I don't want to be on the date anyway. Really. So I'm like, yeah, whatever you want to do. This is for you. It's not for me. So when women are like, well, you got to take charge. I'm like, but I don't even want to be here. I'm trying to. Trying to get laid. I don't want to go to dinner.
Shannon Sharpe
So your profile. So what you, what did you put on your profile? What was Mark's profile? Someone under 6 foot tall.
Mark Normand
I said, sorry, I'm not 6ft, but I'll make it up to you. I'll go down on you. I said something like that. I kept it funny and light. But I think a lot of girls are like, oh, at least he's aware. He's being silly. And my Tinder profile was me with Conan, me with Fallon, me with Colbert, and me with Corden, because I'd done all these late nights. So I was like, this is my tits. You know, I'm just going right to the point.
Shannon Sharpe
So quality. So, you know, women say they want a Man. To take charge. And so when you take charge, then all of a sudden, well, they don't want to go there. They don't want to do this. But you said you wanted me to take charge, and this is what I took charge, and this is what I came up with. So now you're not happy that we're here, and it's a problem.
Mark Normand
Well, welcome to women. They're a tough nut to crack. Yeah. The dating world. I mean, I had a good time, right. But it was a lot of work. I mean, these guys on the apps, they spend all day and all night flipping through that sh. And I think we live in a world. We have too many options.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
You know, like, we used to meet the girl next door, and now you're like, she's not. Look at porn. I got my pants around my ankles. I'm like, she's not perfect. What's up with this house? Where's the wheelchairs? You know, I'm just trying to find this perfect scenario, and then I end up never finishing, you know? And I think we have that. That's why the dating scene is all up.
Shannon Sharpe
I definitely think there's too much access, because, like you said, it used to be if you didn't see this girl at your college, at your high school, or at the mall, you didn't know what somebody was doing in California, what somebody was doing in Miami. Unless you was in California or Miami. Now you can be sitting on your couch in Georgia, and you can find out what somebody's doing in Kansas or Hawaii or overseas.
Mark Normand
Yes.
Shannon Sharpe
So I do think it's too much
Mark Normand
accident, and you start going, maybe there's something better. Maybe there's something better, and nobody wants to settle. And now no one's together.
Shannon Sharpe
When did you know that your wife was the one?
Mark Normand
Well, you know what? She was so cool. She was so funny. You know, sometimes you're hanging out with the guys, and you're like, this is nice and easy.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
And then you hang out with a girl, and you're like, you have to tone it down a little. You can't be as irreverent. You can't be as dirty. You can't. With her. I can do. I can be.
Shannon Sharpe
You can be you. You can be Mark.
Mark Normand
I could be completely myself. And you feel that. You're like, man, it's so easy hanging out with her. We have a good time. We laugh the whole time.
Shannon Sharpe
I feel like I'm hanging out with one of the homies.
Mark Normand
Yeah. With great body and a pretty face and she's really funny. She makes me laugh. And she's a good critical thinker. I feel like, you know, we have a lot of narratives now. Hey, you gotta believe this. You gotta think that. You gotta vote this way or think that way. She's like, I don't know about that. That's bullshit. This feels off. And I like that in a woman. She can see through the bullshit.
Shannon Sharpe
Right. Did you realize that you weren't gonna be a serial dater? That you was a one woman? You was a one woman's man? And I need to find somebody in order for me to get to where I need to be. I can't be out here looking for somebody in Miami or on the road or this or that. I need to find a wife.
Mark Normand
Yeah. Yeah, I did. I saw Bill Burr, and he had a baby, which no one saw coming. He was like a real single guy, you know, and he has jokes in his old letterman's. I'll never get married. What's the point of marriage? It's so stupid. And he said he had a kid. And he goes, I gotta tell you, I wish I did this 10 years earlier. And that, like, hit me. And I was kind of. I was like, 38, 39. I was like, I'm gonna be 40 soon. And you start thinking about it, and you're like, kids are a lot of work and a lot of money, but I should do it. And clock's ticking, and I'm not getting any younger, and I can still live my life with a kid, Right? And so now we have a kid, and I'm obsessed with it, and I want to have another one.
Shannon Sharpe
You want more? Oh, you want more?
Mark Normand
I'd like to have two.
Shannon Sharpe
So do you come from a big family?
Mark Normand
No, just me and a brother.
Shannon Sharpe
You and a brother? So you're gonna do at least two? Maybe three.
Mark Normand
Maybe two. Two's good. You got three, right?
Shannon Sharpe
I got three, yeah.
Mark Normand
How do you like it?
Shannon Sharpe
My kids are grown. My kids in their 30s.
Mark Normand
Oh, wow. Really?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Oh, wow.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, I got started early.
Mark Normand
So how old were you for the first one?
Shannon Sharpe
24.
Public Investing Advertiser
Whoa.
Mark Normand
That was scary.
Public Investing Advertiser
I bet.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Cause my 20s, I was still an idiot. I was climbing up the walls, drinking, partying. Good for you.
Shannon Sharpe
Can you be honest? Can you be honest with your wife? Cause if she ask you, well, honey, how did this look? Can you say, baby, that don't look good on you?
Mark Normand
I can. Yeah. That's.
Shannon Sharpe
Cause you know that sometimes you can't be honest.
Mark Normand
Of course. And I don't understand those women do I like fatness. I'm like, of course you do. That's why you're asking me. And if you can't take the truth, don't ask me.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
I never understood that about women.
Shannon Sharpe
So where'd you take your wife on the first date?
Mark Normand
Well, we met at a. I had shows that night. I was like, I can't meet till 11. She was like, all right, that's cool. But she knew I was a comedian, so she got it. And all her friends were like, don't go out with this guy. He doesn't like you. He's just trying to get laid. No guy wants to meet at 11 unless he's trying to hook up. And I was. But I met her at 11, and she was cool enough to meet me, and we had a great time. We made out. And. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but I walked her back to her apartment in the East Village of Manhattan, and she said, I would invite you up, but I just got my IUD put in, and it's still a little raw. So I was like, no problem. And then we met again.
Shannon Sharpe
I'll see you tomorrow.
Mark Normand
Yeah. But I remember thinking, iud, hey, this girl, she's down to clown.
Shannon Sharpe
So, first date. Are you old school? Like, I got all of this, or are you 50? 50?
Mark Normand
I'm old school. I pay for everything. I pay for the whole hooker. No. Yeah, I definitely.
Shannon Sharpe
Cause, you know, that's a big thing now. That's a big thing. That's a big thing now.
Mark Normand
Well, women are full of shit with that equality stuff. Well, they want. They want equality, but they also want the perks.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes.
Mark Normand
You know, and by the way, ladies want equality. How about to start complimenting us that? I feel like that's not 50. 50. A woman walks in with a new haircut, you don't notice it, you're in trouble.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
I've never gotten a compliment for a woman in my life. Well, where's that equality?
Shannon Sharpe
Just saying red flags. What's a. What's a red flag? Clearly. Clearly, your wife didn't display any red flags.
Mark Normand
Wow. I think for. I think when they. They see as an atm, that's a big red flag. Um, let's see.
Shannon Sharpe
Did your wife have. Your wife was working when you met her?
Mark Normand
Yeah, still working.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, she's still working.
Mark Normand
I keep trying to get her to quit, but she won't quit. She's a drug dealer. But no, I keep trying to get her to quit, but she. She likes having a job. She likes having her money, so I'm not complaining.
Shannon Sharpe
You like that?
Mark Normand
Yeah, yeah, it's nice. I mean, it's a little hard with the kid because we both work.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
But I like that she wants to work. She's ambitious. She's got a. She's got a purse she wants to buy. She doesn't bug me about it. She just has her own money.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, but. But how does that work? Because like you said, you're on the road, you're a tour comedian, so you're gone. You're probably gone, what, 200 nights? 200 days a year, man.
Mark Normand
More than that.
Shannon Sharpe
250.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
So 250 out of 365.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
Does she ever. Does do the. The wife and the baby ever come on the road with you?
Mark Normand
Every now and then, yeah. The baby's so little that it's harder, but I took her on the road a few times, and it's not what she thought, you know, like, I'm going to Miami for a gig. She's like, miami, I want to go to Miami. And I'm like, all right, come on by. And then we do. I have a show at 7, then a show at 9. And she's like, oh, I wanted to go out to dinner. I wanted to see the show. And I'm like, but I'm working. So I think she heard Miami, but she didn't realize.
Shannon Sharpe
No, Miami is really, like, for you. I'm going to do a job. I'm going to do a set. So the dinner is not happening.
Mark Normand
Exactly.
Shannon Sharpe
And so by the time I get off for the second show, it's going to be midnight, and you're probably not going to want to go eat.
Mark Normand
Exactly. You know, women like a comic until it's comedy time. You know, it's like a doctor. Okay, I'm dating a doctor. Then get the beeper.
Shannon Sharpe
Beep, beep.
Mark Normand
I gotta go.
Shannon Sharpe
You say there's a double standard from when a man sleeps with a lot of women versus when a woman sleeps with a lot of men.
Mark Normand
Yeah. Did I say that?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Oh, shit. Well, I do think women get. Get over with the whole slut thing.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
You know, and, well, men are such a. Such weirdos because we're like, oh, I wanna. I want a girl who's classy and not low body count.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
But then. Then they're like, ah, this girl won't put out. So we. We want it both ways too, you know? So at the start of every year,
Shannon Sharpe
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Mark Normand
I do think we gotta let women around, right? If they wanna f around. I think some women are forcing it too. Some women are like, I'm just like a guy. And then they, you don't call them back and they get mad.
Shannon Sharpe
But question is, is that some guys like, well, I wanna know how many guys she slept with. She's probably not gonna be honest with you on that count. And then if it's somebody, somebody famous, another famous comedian, another athlete or something
Mark Normand
like that, that would be tough.
Shannon Sharpe
If your wife had dated another comedian, that would be tough for you.
Mark Normand
Well, yeah. Cause I know so many comedians, I know most of the community, so I would just be picturing them banging, well, athlete though. You're an athlete that. If I knew another athlete, my wife before me, oh my God. Because a comedian, you know, I'm not gonna do much damage. You know, Gilbert Gottfried is not gonna get her off. But Michael Vick or Bledsoe or Kevin Durant, you know, now we got a problem.
Shannon Sharpe
So you didn't. You didn't ask? You like, hey, so how did you. So how did you get to the point to say, you know what? I think this is the one. How long did you date before you popped the question?
Mark Normand
Ooh, good question. I think. Well, she was pushing for it.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, was she?
Mark Normand
Yeah. Oh, yeah. She knew. She knew quick. Women have good intuition. But I was resisting. I always say, men push for sex. Women push for commitment. Correct. And marriage is their anal. You know, like, I finally got it.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
And you get new sheets, but yeah. So. Sheesh. She pushed it pretty hard. But I think we got married seven years in seven.
Shannon Sharpe
Seven.
Mark Normand
Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
That ain't hard, I thought. You gonna say seven months.
Mark Normand
No, no, I resisted. I was scared. I'm scared of commitment. I'm an avoidant person. I run from things. Wow.
Shannon Sharpe
You say women are superheroes. They give babies. They have a cycle once a month. They have so. I mean, they have so much going on. And I see people from time to time, they put that machine on a guy, and it was like, contraction.
Mark Normand
When a woman had a contraction. Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
And them jokers be like, ah. I was like, so what makes you think. Obviously, I mean, to push a watermelon out that size.
Mark Normand
It's always about watermelon with you guys. But no. Well, that the childbirth. Women have a higher threshold for pain.
Shannon Sharpe
Absolutely.
Mark Normand
Women, they live longer than men. They can do that crazy shit where a baby's under a car. They can lift the car.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
So I think women are.
Shannon Sharpe
I think we have more stress, though.
Mark Normand
Sure. I'd agree with that. But they could multitask. Yes. They have a lot of abilities that I feel like they. I feel like women should be more proud of those things. You know, women are always. I want to be this, I want to be that. And it's like, that's like, guy shit. Why aren't you proud of your shit?
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
You keep trying to not be a woman, you know, and now I'm going to get in trouble because.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, you are.
Mark Normand
All right, well, I'm not like, women can do whatever they want, but I feel like women aren't proud of the
Shannon Sharpe
things that they do. And they do really well.
Mark Normand
Their natural gifts. You know, they keep trying to have these other gifts, and I'm like, but you have amazing gifts that you don't even acknowledge you.
Shannon Sharpe
Do you feel that? They feel that what I'm really good at goes unnoticed. But if I can do some things that a man. Man does, maybe now you would take me more Serious. When we take you serious. Because we understand what you're doing.
Mark Normand
Yes. For.
Shannon Sharpe
To keep the house and to keep the kids and to go pick the kids up when we're on the road and to do all of that.
Mark Normand
Yeah, yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
After doing it for a week. I don't really want to do that.
Mark Normand
I know, exactly. And I would say a woman doesn't want to go on the gridiron.
Shannon Sharpe
No.
Mark Normand
You know, so there are. I know you're not allowed to be traditional, but there are certain things that are just. They just are.
Shannon Sharpe
You said something very interesting earlier. You said women, the marriage is the end result for them. You know, women want that commitment and tradition. You hear a lot of women say, well, I want a traditional, but they don't want to do traditional things.
Mark Normand
Sure, sure.
Shannon Sharpe
Because the traditional. The woman used to keep the house. And even if she had a job outside of the house, she still came home and cooked. She still came home and cleaned. She still came home and did all the things. That's what traditional meant. But now there's like, well, I want traditional. I want a man to propose to me and take care of everything, but I want to be this new age, this feminine. I want to be this new age woman.
Mark Normand
Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. It's like I said, they want it both ways, which is not just women. Men do too. It's just human nature. But, you know, women want this new age shit, but then when a guy is doing all this feminine shit, they're not into them.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
So biology tends to win at the end of the day.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. Propecia. You was taking Propecia to grow your hair?
Mark Normand
Yeah, still. Still taking it.
Shannon Sharpe
There are some side effects that comes along with it, though.
Mark Normand
I had that. You talking about a boner killer? I had the no boner. And you know what? I started taking Propecia. My friend goes, watch out. And I was like, oh, no. And right after he said that, I couldn't get hard.
Shannon Sharpe
Really?
Mark Normand
He got in my head.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
It was all mental. And then eventually I realized, wait a minute, I can get hard whenever I want. But that guy got in my head. It's all in my head. And then I got better, but it took, like, a good six months.
Shannon Sharpe
So let's just say, for the sake of argument, you had to, like, you could have hair. But that wasn't gonna happen down there.
Mark Normand
No, I would.
Shannon Sharpe
You'd be bald.
Mark Normand
I'd go bald. Yeah. I mean, I'd look like. Yeah, I'd go. I'd look like Tyrese. I'd Be bald in a second. But now kids have boner pills. Like, I know, like, 20 year olds taking boner pills because they're like, I don't want to have the risk just to be sure. And I'm like, man, you got it made. I had to, like, if I was in front of a naked woman without a boner, I had to tap dance, tell a story. I mean, it made a man out of you. It was like, built character, and they could just, you know, old people go, these kids are soft. I'm like, no, no, they're hard. They're rock hard. They got Blue chew and all this shit.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. Roast barks.
Mark Normand
Yeah, yeah. So that was Viagra. Yes. And we had Viagra when I was younger, but it was like a Bob Dole thing. Like, old people took Viagra.
Shannon Sharpe
But I don't know if it's necessarily for. For to do that. I think it's for the. The enhancement. Like, you. You want to be. You want to be like a porn star.
Mark Normand
Got it, Got it.
Shannon Sharpe
You want to be able to keep going and going and going and going.
Mark Normand
I thought it was just in case it didn't work.
Shannon Sharpe
Nah, nah. I think that's what, you know, you want to be, like, if you. Okay, I'm a good quarterback. I want to be Tom Brady today. That's what I'm going. I want to be. I want to be LeBron James today.
Mark Normand
LeBron's better. Tom Brady. His wife left him.
Shannon Sharpe
Oh, come on, man.
Mark Normand
Started the Taebo guy or whatever.
Shannon Sharpe
I mean, Tom's a great guy, though.
Mark Normand
I know.
Shannon Sharpe
Have you ever met Tom?
Mark Normand
I would love to. I'm a fan.
Shannon Sharpe
He's great. He's better than advertisers, I promise you.
Mark Normand
No, I like him. I love the roast. That was awesome. Hold on, I'm taking another hit. Oh, that one's open. Yeah, yeah. Hit me. I like this little.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Normand
What do you call that? A chalice or a goblet snifter?
Shannon Sharpe
You.
Mark Normand
I have my own whiskey, you know.
Shannon Sharpe
Do you?
Mark Normand
Yeah, it's called Bodega Cat, and me and my friend Sam sell it. It's cooking. It's a rye.
Shannon Sharpe
You have. Get us a bottle.
Mark Normand
I'll send you a bottle.
Shannon Sharpe
I appreciate that. Would you do a hair transplant?
Mark Normand
I would, yeah. I've had all my friends have. Not all my friends, but about 10 guys I know have done it. And you? No, they do it in the city now.
Shannon Sharpe
It's expensive, though.
Mark Normand
It is.
Shannon Sharpe
A lot of people go to Turkey because it's a lot. It's probably half the price.
Mark Normand
Right? Right. Yeah.
Shannon Sharpe
And they transfer a lot more follicles.
Mark Normand
Oh, really?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Oh, what about you, bro? You're hanging on.
Shannon Sharpe
Nah. Yeah. When it leave, it's gone.
Mark Normand
You're not gonna turkey it up?
Shannon Sharpe
No.
Mark Normand
Damn.
Shannon Sharpe
Because the thing is, like, when you get a hair transplant, you really can't work out for like six to eight weeks. I'd lose my mind if I couldn't work out.
Mark Normand
Oh, wow.
Shannon Sharpe
You can't get it wet. You gotta let it grow in.
Mark Normand
Oh, right.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. You can't sweat it out. You can't wash it. You can't do anything.
Mark Normand
Damn. Yeah. That's a long time.
Shannon Sharpe
It is.
Mark Normand
And I'm a performer. I gotta be on stage. So what am I gonna do? I got a doll hair coming out of my head. That's terrifying. But my friend, you know, comedians that, you know, have done it and they hide it well.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. You're known as an observational comedy. Comedy.
Mark Normand
I'll take it. So.
Shannon Sharpe
So basically what you do, you see things that's happening. It's like, you know what? Cause the comedy's job is to take real life events and make them funny, be it your own or what you see in your surroundings.
Mark Normand
Yes.
Shannon Sharpe
How did you determine, like, okay, because you got physical comics. Robin Williams was a physical comic. Jim Carrey was a physical comic. Arne, sj. Physical comic. Guys that just all over the place. How did you like this? My lane?
Mark Normand
I grew up watching Carlin, Seinfeld, Richard Pryor to a degree. And they were all. I loved the little minutiae stuff. I loved the everyday stuff that they would see. And I think. I think that. That I influenced that influenced the hell out of me.
Shannon Sharpe
Right.
Mark Normand
So the physical shit, I can't do. I'm too insecure. Because if you do all that shit and it doesn't get a laugh, I want to kill myself. You're standing there. Jim Carrey would throw himself on the floor. Everybody loved it. But if I did that and it was silence, I wouldn't get up. So you got to go with what you're comfortable with. I think.
Shannon Sharpe
What's going on with Epstein? You tweeted, you said, man, it's too bad 50 didn't hate Epstein. We would have gotten. At least we'd have got a listen and. Or a movie.
Mark Normand
I know. I love the P. Diddy movie. That was killer. Anyone else jerk off to that?
Shannon Sharpe
No, no.
Mark Normand
But he brought his son in. What a family. Those freak offs. But yeah, Epstein. I think when a powerful rich guy has an island and a jet, and you hear Diana Ross is there. Bill Gates is there. Bill Clinton is there. Michael Jackson is there. You go. I want to be part of that. I mean, Oprah emailed him and said, can I go? And he said, no, thanks, which I get. She's not the hottest, you know, but I think I would have gone, like, even if I didn't know what it was, I would have said, yeah, I'll go to this island with all these.
Shannon Sharpe
I mean. I mean, you hear, like, a lot of celebrities will go. A lot of. Maybe not celebrities, but powerful people, influential people. You talk about. You look at the royals, government official, politicians. A lot of them are losing their jobs.
Mark Normand
I know.
Shannon Sharpe
Over this. There are a lot of. If I'm not mistaken, I think Bill Gates just came out and said, you know, he did have an affair with a Russian model or something. So he apologized, I think. I read that. And you see what Prince Andrew, he got demoted and losing all this. He got arrested. And you see all these officials come. I mean, people coming out. It's like, I didn't know nothing about no Epstein until they started talking about it. But when they first started talking about it, do you think it was this bad?
Mark Normand
No, I didn't think it was this bad. And I always thought it was, like, overblown. Oh, we're making a mountain out of a molehill with this shit. But then you hear about the girl, goofy or whatever, she was killed, and you're like, oh, man, this is. This goes deep. And then he was like. Had all these passports, and he was in with Mossad or whatever. So I think this goes way down. I think this lady who got kidnapped, Nancy.
Shannon Sharpe
Guthrie.
Mark Normand
Guthrie, I think she's tied up in Epstein. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because the daughter was a news anchor, and she interviewed a bunch of the victims, and then next thing you know, the mom gets scooped up. So I think this is all tied up.
Shannon Sharpe
Do you think. What have we seen happen with foreign officials losing their government roles or things of that? Do you think we'll see this happen in America?
Mark Normand
I kind of hope so, because we're looking bad. They're snapping them up in London, and I think Norway. But why don't we do it? Bill Clinton's fingered a chick right now, probably. So, like, what are we waiting for? I don't know what more evidence we need. Bill Gates is still Microsoft.
Shannon Sharpe
Well, I mean. I mean, you worth $150 billion, ain't really a whole lot they could do to you.
Mark Normand
Is that right? Is that what it is. You think?
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah.
Mark Normand
Wow.
Shannon Sharpe
What are they gonna do?
Mark Normand
Arrest? You can make an arrest. The law's the law.
Shannon Sharpe
Yeah. I don't know. When's the last time you heard a guy worth 150 getting arrested?
Mark Normand
I guess. Harvey, Harvey Cosby.
Shannon Sharpe
150 billion. 150 million. Yeah. They'll come get you, they'll get you up. Probably up to a bill.
Mark Normand
Right? Right.
Shannon Sharpe
150.
Mark Normand
Yeah. But I think the American public will not be satisfied until everything.
Shannon Sharpe
Yes. Somebody will have to give an account for that.
Mark Normand
And the government is so shady with it. They're like, there's the Epstein's a hoax. I mean, well, we'll look to it eventually. Here's a bunch of papers. Three million documents. Half the shit's redacted, right? So I'm like, just give it. Give it to us. Or don't. What is the dangling this carrot?
Shannon Sharpe
This concludes the first half of my conversation. Part two is also posted and you can access it to whichever podcast platform you just listened to part one on. Just simply go back to Club S.H. shay profile and I'll see you there.
Ryan Seacrest
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In this episode of Club Shay Shay, host Shannon Sharpe sits down with stand-up comedian Mark Normand for an open, hilarious, and sometimes deeply personal conversation. Known for his fearless, rapid-fire punchlines and his storytelling, Normand discusses his comedic journey, unique upbringing in New Orleans—including life in a predominantly Black neighborhood with a cross-dressing Black nanny—his approach to relationships, and experiences navigating the world of stand-up comedy. The episode is rich with anecdotes, cultural observations, and classic Mark Normand wit.
"I’m Kevin Hart" Tagline ([04:09]–[05:31])
“I used to bomb quite a bit, you know…I would be so ashamed. I didn’t want to say my real name after the set… So, I’d just be like, 'I'm Kevin Hart.'” ([04:50] – Mark Normand)
Netflix Special: "None, Too" ([05:36]–[06:54])
“The game has changed. Like, you should just call HBO or HBO will call you. Now, you go, 'Here you go, Netflix, please take it.'” ([06:19] – Mark Normand)
Crafting a Special ([06:54]–[07:54])
“It’s like a marinade. You got to let it sit and simmer for hours…people put out too early. I say, wait.” ([07:14] – Mark Normand)
New Orleans Culture ([08:03]–[09:11])
“Comedy does not work there. Comedy clubs open and close. No one cares. The people there are already funny. It’s a blue-collar town… we don’t gotta pay money to see a guy tell jokes.” ([08:50] – Mark Normand)
Mardi Gras Memories ([10:43]–[12:09])
“I fingered my first girl on 7th Street. That’s where all the high school kids meet.” ([10:48] – Mark Normand)
Predominantly Black Neighborhood & Unique Household ([12:09]–[14:08])
Enos: The Cross-Dressing Nanny ([14:08]–[16:41])
“He taught me how to shave, how to fight, how to drive a stick by a black guy in a wig and high heels.” ([13:46] – Mark Normand)
“It was the manliest thing I’ve ever seen. And he was in high heels.” ([15:41] – Mark Normand)
Transition from Public to Private School ([23:24]–[24:17])
“It went from hearing the N word to hearing the N word. No, I have Tourette's. No...” ([23:42] – Mark Normand, riffing on the ambiguity)
Childhood Trauma & Bedwetting ([28:30]–[29:54])
“I was a bedwetter up to like 14. And then I was kind of an alcoholic for a while and then it would come out again. So I can’t tell you I peed on more women than R. Kelly.” ([28:30] – Mark Normand)
Dating Across Races ([31:02]–[32:20])
“I would say [the difference is] one word: Gyration. I think a black woman on top can do a hip thing that white guys aren’t ready for.” ([31:55] – Mark Normand)
Dating, Apps & Height Stereotypes ([41:18]–[44:24])
“On Tinder…it would be like, nothing. No one under six feet, no guy under six feet. So I would always say I'm growing as a person.” ([41:31] – Mark Normand)
Commitment & Finding the One ([46:34]–[47:29])
Comedy Style ([64:01]–[65:01])
“The physical shit, I can’t do. I’m too insecure. Because if you do all that shit and it doesn’t get a laugh, I want to kill myself." ([64:44] – Mark Normand)
Epstein & Celebrity Scandal Commentary ([65:01]–[68:11])
“When a powerful rich guy has an island and a jet, and you hear Diana Ross is there, Bill Gates is there, Bill Clinton is there...you go, I want to be part of that.” ([65:16] – Mark Normand)
On Enos, masculinity, and cross-dressing:
“It was the manliest thing I’ve ever seen. And he was in high heels.” ([15:41] – Mark Normand)
On Mark's "Kevin Hart" joke:
“I think he’s in his own head or he’s so little. It went over his head.” ([05:21] – Mark Normand)
On bedwetting and trauma:
“Gee, this is therapy, man, this is crazy. Holy shit. I’ve never seen a therapist in full Lululemon, but I’ll take it.” ([28:45] – Mark Normand)
On the toll of life in New Orleans:
“I was not scared of ghosts. I was scared of Tyrone.” ([25:35] – Mark Normand)
On relationships and honesty:
“If you can’t take the truth, don’t ask me.” ([48:16] – Mark Normand)
On the double standard of promiscuity:
“Men are such weirdos…we want it both ways too. You know, so…” ([51:57] – Mark Normand)
On modern dating and abundance of options:
“I think we live in a world. We have too many options... now no one's together.” ([44:56] – Mark Normand)
On mixing tradition and modern roles:
“Women want equality, but they also want the perks…They want this new age shit, but then when a guy is doing all this feminine shit, they're not into them.” ([60:19]–[60:33] – Mark Normand)
The conversation is freewheeling, deeply honest, and characteristically irreverent. Mark Normand’s comedic edge shines throughout, with off-the-cuff punchlines, playful self-deprecation, and sharp social commentary. Shannon Sharpe steers the discussion with curiosity and realness, matching Mark’s candor and keeping the energy both funny and thought-provoking.
Part two of the Mark Normand interview is available on the same platform, promising further tales, laughs, and insights into Normand’s unique perspective on comedy and life.