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A
Thank you for coming back. Part two is underway. You saw what happened at the bafta.
D
Yes.
A
The gentleman has Tourette and we're not making light of someone with a disability, but what did you make of that?
D
Well, it made me realize I think my uncle has Tourette's. No, I think it's, it's a tough one because it's kind of this like this fork in the road for like disability and minorities feelings and we don't know what to do. And I know my Twitter tells me a lot of black people are pissed, but then somebody showed me a video of a black lady going nuts in a grocery store who had Tourette's.
A
Right.
D
And she was saying all kinds of crazy shit. So the guy did apologize. I think it was a bad month for it to happen.
A
Yeah.
D
So I don't know. I gotta sit out and hear your thoughts.
A
Well, I think the thing is that they could have edited it out. It was two hours. You had that opportunity. But when someone yelled free Palestine, you edited that out. There are other things you edited out. Would you leave this in?
D
Yeah. Why? Why would they leave it in, you think? For ratings or for buzz?
A
I don't know why they did it. And then the host talking about if anyone was offended. Well, if you start apology with. If you're not sincere.
D
Yeah. Oh, interesting.
A
So I just, and I agree with you, it's hard. But I think there's a fine line that you have to walk with someone that has a disability and giving them car wrench, protective, like whatever they say, whatever they do, they have a disability. We just gotta forgive that and we just gotta look past it. I think you're going down a slippery slope.
D
That's true. Cause then you'll start having guys go, I actually have a little Tourette's.
A
You know, you're absolutely right.
D
And in the movie, Michael Richards is gonna play that gu guy.
A
Yeah, he. Yeah. What's they like, They'll Google Michael Richards. Then they'll see.
D
I'm glad you got it.
A
Turning point USA's halftime.
D
Oh yeah. I thought it was like the weird vegetarian option at a dinner you know, it just. We got a halftime. And look, this might get controversial. I don't even love the. I think the black national anthem's weird. To me, the black national anthem is the same as the Turning Point. It's like. It's just another alternative. I think the national anthem is supposed to be for Americans because then, do we do an Asian one? Do we do a Tourette's one? Do we do a Jewish one?
A
But you do realize the national anthem, in its sincerity, in its entirety, was really not for black America.
D
That's true. But it wasn't for.
A
There's a reason why they cut that third line out.
D
What was the third line?
A
Yeah, go back and look at that. Kind of like that Richards.
D
Oh, really?
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Francis Scott Cleave was. He was not. He was not very fond. He didn't think highly of slaves.
D
All right, well, I'm glad I brought this up, so.
A
And I get it. But it's like, okay, when is. It's kind of like what Frederick Douglass says. He says, what is the 4th of July to a black man? What are we celebrating? Right when we're not free?
D
Yeah, good point. Well, yeah, all right, you make a good point there. Well, I'd say the Turning Point thing was weird because either we got a halftime show or we don't. Also, Puerto Rico's part of America. I never heard the hubbub.
A
I think. I think they lose sight of that. They just hear. If they don't think it's one of the continental. They're not, you know, Alabama, South Carolina, California, you know, Hawaii or Alaska is 50. It is a territory.
D
Yeah.
A
And so they are Americans now. They don't get an opportunity to cast a vote.
D
Yeah.
A
But they are territory, and I think people lose sight of that. I don't know what they did with history.
D
Also, it's a. It's, you know, it's a money thing. He's the biggest Spotify stream in the country or something like that, so.
A
Yes. And you're trying to go. Go global.
D
Yeah. So it's not my cup. And I don't. I don't really get it. I don't find it that catchy. I'm more of a Ricky Martin guy. But, you know, most of this halftime shows are not for me.
A
Right. But I think the thing is, like, how many people, you think when they go to the opera, knows what that guy or what that lady is saying?
D
Yeah, exactly.
A
And they go. And they. Bocelli sold out.
D
Right. And Kid Rock. I mean, Jesus, the guy Had a hit in 25 years, and he's wearing jean shorts. He looks trans.
A
But he didn't want anybody to boycott when he did the halftime show.
D
Ah, true, true.
A
I think sometimes people forget, like, hold on. Why didn't you say boycott when you did it?
D
Aha.
A
I mean, every. Every. I'm like you. Every entertainment for the halftime show is not my cup of tea. Right, but I ain't boycotting.
D
No, exactly.
A
I mean, they had Coldplay. They've had U2.
D
Yes, exactly.
A
Last I checked, U2 is not on them.
D
They're Irish. Okay, there you go. No.
A
What was it? Stones.
D
Stones. Yeah. They had a maroon 5. I hate maroon 5. Put a shirt on.
A
The Melania movie. Did you see the Melania movie?
D
No, no, no, I did not.
A
You're not a movie guy.
D
I love movies. I just didn't see that one. I heard. I heard bad things, and I don't really care. Give me a documentary when they die. I don't like the documentary when they're still alive. Unless it's P. Diddy.
A
Come on, man.
D
I just didn't. I don't. I don't know. Like, Trump documentary. At least he was president. He's done some stuff. But she's the first lady. I wouldn't want to watch a Michelle Obama documentary either. No offense.
A
The ICE was going on in Minnesota.
D
Oh, geez. You're hitting me with the heavy stuff. Well, look, I don't know. What. What Can't. What side of the aisle anybody's on. A lady got shot in the face. I mean, who's ICE hiring? Alec Baldwin. I mean, come on. So, yeah, it's all about another guy
A
that was that pretty. Yes. That legally had a permit to carry a firearm. They take the firearm off him. The problem that I have is that they're like, well, who shows up to a protest, a peaceful protest, with a firearm.
D
Right.
A
Kyle Rittenhouse did.
D
Oh, yeah.
A
With a machine gun.
D
Yeah, I remember that.
A
They did. And you said it was his constitutional right.
D
Right.
A
I thought they said we're further. I thought we liked the Second Amendment.
D
Yeah, I thought so, too, but are you saying now you like Rittenhouse?
A
No, I'm saying, but you can't have it both ways. You can't say who shows up to a peaceful protest with a firearm and castigate one while praising the other.
D
I agree. I agree.
A
I think they forget that, you know, we have this thing called the Internet, and it's up there forever.
D
Well, yeah, the cell phone cameras have changed the game on everything.
A
It Is it started. You know, when it started?
D
Kramer.
A
Oh, Rodney King.
D
They had cameras back. Cell phone.
A
That's that video. Remember that video got out.
D
Oh, yeah, but that was a big camcorder.
A
Yes.
D
Yeah, but that was.
A
That started everything.
D
Is that right, 92. Can't we all just get along?
A
Yes, that started everything. And from that point on, you just gotta assume. Now, if you leave your house.
D
Yeah.
A
Anytime you raise your voice.
D
Right, exactly.
A
Anytime you don't sign something, someone say, hey, Mark, how you. Nah, I'm in a hurry. Mark won't sign. I just said. I mean, I've seen all of his shows.
D
That's a weapon. Now.
A
It is.
D
But I do think it's bad for kids. Like, they did this study where kids aren't dancing anymore because they're scared they're gonna get recorded. Wow. So, like, kids should be able to cut loose.
A
There are a lot of things that I think this generation and maybe the generation, But, I mean, 10, 15 years ago, are missing out on because of the camera.
D
I completely agree. I completely agree. I think kids aren't drinking anymore, but they're doing other shit. That's unhealthy. You know, drinking could actually make you open up and meet people and socialize and maybe get laid.
A
But, well, kids don't even know how to ask somebody. They say it's like 70, 80% of the people. Kids have never asked someone on a date.
D
Exactly.
A
In person. Like you. You know, you DM somebody. Yeah, well, you know about. You got. That's how you got your date. You got married. I mean.
D
Yeah, exactly. But I think it's bittersweet. There's. It's like fire. There's good and bad to it.
A
But you have. But you were in a situation where you have asked women out on a date in person.
D
Yes, exactly. Well, we're. That. I don't know how old you are, but we're of a generation where we've lived in both worlds.
A
Yes.
D
And I think that's. We're lucky we lived in both worlds.
A
Greenland. Leave it as it is. Or that's.
D
See, this is above my pay grade because other presidents have bought land before that pissed people off. So I try to, like, take my.
A
Yeah, like Louisiana.
D
Yeah, exactly. Louisiana Purchase.
A
Alaska.
D
Hawaii. Yes. Puerto Rico. So.
A
But they were for sale.
D
Oh, they were.
A
Yes.
D
Oh, okay. I see. I didn't know that. I thought we know what conquering is. You take Greenland.
A
Doesn't bother anybody.
D
No. But it has minerals. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I know. Denmark owns it. Yes, yes. So I saw a funny meme where Denmark is like, the fat chick, like, she's not going anywhere. And they're like, come on, let me hook up with Greenland. But yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I guess if it's not for sale, it's not for sale. I don't want to kill anybody over it.
A
No. You tweeted you were excited for Taylor Swift to graduate from the breakup album to a divorce album. You about to get married to my boy. To Neff.
D
Hey, Travis.
A
Trav, you going?
D
I wish. I would love to go.
A
You think. You think they gonna televise it?
D
Probably.
A
Like Princess Di. Well, you. I don't know you.
D
I know Princess Die. Yeah.
A
I mean, did you. I remember in the wedding and it was watched live by 700 million people.
D
Sure, sure. Yeah. Well, this is bigger than that.
A
She's huge.
D
Huge. And it's.
A
Somebody will pay probably 50 million, $100 million to televise it.
D
No doubt about it. So they should televise it just. Just to get the cash. But, I mean, that's gotta be weird. It's not. It's unnatural for a couple to be this public.
A
Yes. I mean that. I mean, you know him.
D
Is he all right?
A
He's a great dude.
D
He's dealing with as well. I mean, he is.
A
He is. He is. I mean, you gotta realize now he's just not a wreck. I mean, he doesn't have her level of fame.
D
Sure.
A
But he understands what it's like to live in the public eye.
D
Yeah.
A
Cause he's Travis Kelce. He's one of the better players. He's a historically great player. So he has a semblance of what it's like, but to that level of fame. I mean, you gotta talk about. Now you're talking about Beyonce and Michael Jackson.
D
Exactly.
A
That's. That level of fame ain't a whole Ronaldo Messi.
D
Right, right.
A
That's a whole different stratosphere.
D
Well, what do you think about the. Cause we've seen his exes.
A
Yes.
D
Compared to old surfboard body here. I mean, this is not to besmirch the lady, but that's quite a. Quite a jump in type.
A
Yeah. Yeah. I only know that was his last girl. I don't know anybody that he dated before her. Kayla. But I think sometimes when people like, oh, he fumble, he fumble. If somebody makes you happier, is that a fumble?
D
No, not a fumble. But I wonder if he misses that fat ass.
A
I think he's doing okay.
D
All right.
A
I Think he's doing okay?
D
I think she could get a bbl.
A
No, that doesn't fit. That doesn't fit. That doesn't fit with what you got going on. All right, your favorite Southern restaurant, you get Waffle House, Cracker Barrel, White Castle.
D
I'm a Waffle House man till I die. I mean, you get dinner and a show. You get the eggs and the waffle, and then you get a fist fight with cook and a drunk guy.
A
You ever eat at Cracker Barrel?
D
Oh, yeah, I eat there like two weeks ago in San Antonio.
A
So I'm trying to figure out, so if you like those places because, you know, it's not like they got a whole lot of, you know, veggies on the menu. The veggies on the menu are smothered.
D
Yes.
A
Diced and scattered.
D
Yeah, I mean, I walked out of there with, with type 2 diabetes. I mean, my ass was in a wheelchair, but boy, it's good.
A
Yeah.
D
And the waitresses are real. They, they look like the food, they're slow and gelatinous. I love it. I love Cracker Barrel.
A
Well, you. I mean, so being in New Orleans, obviously the cooking down there. Cause ain't a whole lot. Ain't a whole lot of healthy eating and no vegetarian dishes in New Orleans. So you got jambalaya, you got gumbo, you got etou face.
D
You know it.
A
Yes. You got the king. At the start of every year, I set my goals. I tell myself this year I'm eating right, working out, working hard, staying on track. Then reality hits. Work, travel, cravings, distractions. Life just loves to test your focus. I've been there, I've fallen off. But I don't stay down because Amazon helps to bring me back up every time. Amazon is here to make sticking to your goals easier. From healthy snacks, I need to work out gear that I like to have on hand. All my everyday essentials are available to purchase in one place. Not to mention, I can get it delivered fast so I don't have to worry about making trips to the store and. And adding to my already busy schedule. Great prices, no running around, no extra hassle. Now that's convenient. So when life tries to steer you off track, Amazon can help get you back to the plan. Focus on your goals and stay on the grind. Save the everyday with essentials from Amazon.
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D
Exactly. Oh, boys.
A
Yep. Oh, yes.
D
It's heavy.
A
Were you a fat kid?
D
I was a fat kid. Yeah. I was fat. And my mom's a big foodie. She's a big cook. She has all these cookbooks she wrote. And so she was whipping up all kinds of stuff and she was. She's an Italian lady, so she's like, eat, eat. So, yeah, I definitely was a chubby kid.
A
So you started losing weight once you got out of New Orleans?
D
Well, I hit puberty and I started losing weight, but yeah, I started working out and stuff. But once I got to New York, I was so poor I had lost a lot of weight.
A
Did you ever get body shame? Was that a thing?
D
Oh, yeah. I had crooked teeth, I was chubby. I big fro of curly hair. So, yeah, big, big body shape.
A
You compared the hot dog to America. You said it's a perfect symbol for America. It's enjoyable, but the more you look at how it's made, the less you want to know.
D
Oh, ain't that the truth? Well, it goes back to what I'm saying. I think we know you eat glizzies. Huh?
A
You eat glizzies.
D
What's glizzies?
A
That's what they call a hot dog.
D
I don't know. Glizzies?
A
Yeah. You eat hot dogs?
D
Sure. Is that a local thing? No, Glizzies. Yeah. Sounds. Yeah, all right. I'm just saying.
A
You like. Yeah, I eat them.
D
All right. It's a drag queen I know named Glizz. All right, this is news to me.
A
No, but I don't. But that's the thing. I mean, men supposedly can't eat hot dog, especially out in public.
D
Oh, got it. Got it.
A
Cause if you eat one, they gonna put you on. They gonna put you on the net. So I just say. I'm just telling you, just be careful.
D
Right, right. Okay, Okay. I don't eat. I just suck on em and then throw them away.
A
So. Yeah, but why would you say the hot dog is kind of like America?
D
Well, because it's. Once you learn more about the history, you're like, oh, damn. But that's kind of how life is. The more you learn, like, you don't want to know your wife's body count. Like, I remember I voted for Obama. And then some guy, I told him, he's like, you know that guy, drone strike, like, a million Muslims? And I was like, I didn't want to know that shit. You don't always want to know. I didn't want to know my wife's body count. I don't want to know his either. Both involve a lot of brown guys.
A
You think about what's going on in not only just America, but the world. Can it be fixed? Can it be solved?
D
I wonder that all the time, because don't you. And I hate to sound like an old boomer guy, but, like, I feel like in the 90s, we were. We were getting there to, like, racial harmony. People are chilling out. Well, sure, we had O.J. we had Rodney King, but we were getting to, like, you just lived. Now everything is political. Everything is. What side are you on? Where are you at on this? Where you gotta have a take on everything? And then I watch the news, and you just. I don't know if we're meant to have this much negativity coming at us. Part of us, I think, likes the shit, and we live for it. We want the dirt. We want the slope. You know, like. Like, I saw, you know, Bill Burr. He's. Yes. He made a joke on snl and somebody called him a racist, Right? And then somebody. They tweeted that Bill Burr's a racist. And then he. This guy under tweeted it and said, you know, his wife's black. And then the guy went, well, some people marry black women because they're racist, because they want to die. And you're like, dude, why do you want him to be racist? If you hate racism so much, you should be going, oh, shit, good. I didn't know his wife was black. Thank God. One less race is on the planet, but instead you're like, oh, well, let me double down. And I think it's this weird thing. We want shit to be bad almost, so it gives people a personality, because now they can be an activist. They can fight against something, even though they're fighting fake things that aren't real paper tigers.
A
I agree. Racism, you said, I would rather be on a plane with a Muslim than a baby.
D
That's a pretty good tweet.
A
Them babies, man, they be. Whoo.
D
Oh, it's the worst.
A
You should have to pay double.
D
Yeah, they should do baby air, you know, have a flight just for babies. You know, look, I got a kid now, and I've had him on a flight and he's yelling and screaming. I get it. So I've been on both sides of it.
A
Are you like,
D
it's the worst feeling. I'm smothering him with a pillow. I'm holding him upside down. Whatever I gotta do.
A
Or it's like somebody would, you know, they have a dog on a plane and the dog is barking when the cats meow. And I'm like, oh, my God.
D
Well, that.
A
I feel so sorry for the person. Because, you know, look, when you pay that kind of money for, you won't. Precinct.
D
Yes, exact.
A
All of a sudden the dog is barking to catch me out or the baby's crying. It's like, shh. Like they done emptied out everything in their purse.
D
Yes, yes.
A
He got all the treats from the snack cart rack. And he still.
D
And you get. Everybody's giving you the half look like, come on, what are you doing? The dog or the cat? I say throw that out the window. But the baby, I get. You don't need the cat with you.
A
Do you feel like. And you mentioned this, you're like, you know what? I think a lot of what's going on is to keep us fighting amongst each other.
D
Yes.
A
While they do a great job of robbing us blind.
D
Totally. Totally. I think that's a big part of it. And it's working like a charm.
A
It is.
D
And we gotta disconnect a little. And I think when people see each other face to face, real shit kicks in. Humanity kicks in a little more. And no one's doing that. We're doing less face to face.
A
You said only people that doesn't complain are little people. Why? They don't complain. Why? I mean, you have a joke about everything.
D
Yeah, I do. I cover every group. Well, little people, every group is a victim. Groups of victims. But you never hear little people going, what the. What about us?
A
Yeah, we don't have access. We can't do this or that.
D
They've never said, lower the toilets or make the light switches lower. Like, little people have a up life. They have a tough time getting a job, but they never complain. You gotta give it to em for
A
that Rush Hour, the movie content disclaimer. Is that. Do you put disclaimers on your stuff? Like, some of this stuff might be offensive.
D
I don't if Netflix might, but I don't do that. But what about Russia? I think. I think Chris Tucker is a genius.
A
And I. Yeah, with content before opening credits.
D
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. They got to do that now. They do it for smoking now, do they? Yeah. So that shows you how much shit's changed.
A
So if somebody's smoking in the movie, they got to put.
D
They got to put smoking in the. You know, it's like adult language.
A
Yeah, I understand. Like nudities. Yeah, I understand that. But smoking.
D
Yeah, because it's harmful to kids or whatever. Isn't that wild?
A
Them kids probably doing a lot worse than smoking. I promise you that's true. I mean, I don't even really see kids smoking like that. When I was growing up, kids used to be smoking. I mean, you had recess, you had an area you could go through to and you could smoke.
D
Sure.
A
But I don't see kids smoking like they did when I was a kid and when I was coming up.
D
No, no. Smoking and drinking are way down, but the vaping is up. Yeah, vaping's up, mushrooms are up. A lot of that shit. A lot of anxiety. Xanax, oxycontin, all that is.
A
But, you know, they used to. I mean, you like. You could smoke in a restaurant. Would you like smoking or non smoking?
D
Yes.
A
I mean, but you put me on smoking, but I'm back to back with a guy that's smoking is blowing up. You know, they used to allow you to smoke on the plane.
D
I remember that. I remember that. Yeah, you can see that. Those little ashtrays in the handle.
A
Yeah.
D
Or the armrest. Yes. Now, I'd say we got Ozempic. You're doing the Oz. We could do a book on Ozempic. But now I had the fat guy on the way here. I had the fat guy, like, all in my seat, and I'm like, this is. This is like smoking. Because now I don't mind if you smoke, but if it's with my life, now we got a problem. This is secondhand fat. You're all in my shit. So maybe we should have fat sections. I don't know. We got Ozempic now. There's no excuse.
A
You in first. How's the guy all in your seat and you in first?
D
I. Well, I got. I got. I got a ticket. Too late.
A
Oh, you got both.
D
Yeah.
A
Damn.
D
That's all right. I can take it.
A
You have Blake Griffin about code switching around black people and white people. Do you believe it's common?
D
Oh, yeah, I think so. I think we code switch all the time. But the black, white is the most obvious.
A
Yes.
D
When I'm around my mom. I'm not talking the way I am with you.
A
Right.
D
And that's a code switch.
A
Yes.
D
But I think white and black culture is so strong. Each of them is so strong that it's obvious. More obvious.
A
Right. So when you run your black friends, you're like, hey, yeah, hey, dog, check this out. Let me holler you right quick.
D
Oh, no, I don't do that. That's crazy. Where are you at on the. The. The wigger? I don't know if that's the correct term. What do you. What do you. What do black guys think about the wigger? Because I look at it like, I like carrots, and I hate carrot cake. I like black people. That's carrots. But I hate carrot cake.
A
I don't like carrot cake either. I haven't. I really haven't been around because the. The white friends I have, they're white, and that's their place. And when I get around them, I'm me. I don't get. I love what you done with the place. When are we going to the Hamptons?
D
Oh.
A
Oh, my goodness. It is beautiful up there this time of year. That's not who I am. So they already know when you see me, when you talk to me, this is who I am.
D
I almost gave you a loan.
A
That was great.
D
Well done. Yeah, no, I can go.
A
But I just think people should be.
D
Be who you are. Be who you are.
A
When you become friends, you accept that person for who they are. So I don't need you to try to like, oh, I'm really down with you, bro. I speak your language. I'm good. I let you know that I'm really, really down, bro. Be you.
D
Agreed.
A
But I guess they feel like I gotta show him that I'm down, that I'm cool, that. Nah, bro, it's unnecessary.
D
I mean, look at Gavin Newsom. He's in hot water right now. Did you see that whole thing?
A
Oh, yeah. Something about the S.A.T.
D
yeah. He's like, oh, I'm just like you. I can't read, or whatever. And you're like, what are you doing? Or Hillary Clinton with the hot sauce. It's all as a honky. It's all very embarrassing.
A
The N word. Do you think there is ever a situation where it's okay for someone of the opposite race to use that word?
D
Well, it's tough because when I was a kid, my black friends would with me and be like, come on, say it. And it was a joke. But they'd always yell at you to make you say it and you'd have six of them going, say it, say it. It was very uncomfortable. But I don't know, I just, I just don't do it. I don't. There's so much venom in that word, you know? So obviously the songs are a little tricky. You know, in every rap song we all love, you want to go, maybe you say it alone. But nah, I just, I don't, I don't partake.
A
I mean, I don't, I don't listen to what people say in a movie or what they do in the movie and think I can recreate that in the real world because, just because someone, I mean, you might call, hey, hey, baby. Call your wife. Hey, baby.
D
Hey, honey. Hi, sugar plums.
A
But if another man call your wife dad, you're gonna feel some type of way about it.
D
That's a good point.
A
You like, hold on now. You know him honey, right?
D
Right.
A
So why he calling you baby? Why he calling you sugar?
D
That's a good analogy. I've never heard that take.
A
Yeah, so hold on. So I just think the thing is, in every group have a way of communicating within their subgroup. Gay people have a way of communicating with gray people. Trans have a way of communicating with trans. They might say something. Women will call each other the B word. I wouldn't dare think about calling a woman that just because I hear someone else talking amongst in their subgroup, how they talk. Oh, now, well, he said it or she said it, I should be able
D
to say it, right?
A
Gay people call each other gay in derogatory terms all the time. That's them. And that's the way they communicate. Just because they communicate like that, I'm not in that subgroup. What makes me give me the right to feel I can? Because they can.
D
But would you do it behind their back?
A
No.
D
Uh huh.
A
Nah.
D
I don't know. I got some texts. Right, Yeah, I agree with the N word. My whole thing is, how about a little credit for coming up with it?
A
Who the hell.
D
All right. No, no, I'm just fucking around.
A
Dave Chappelle.
D
Yeah, love him.
A
I don't know. Look, Carlin, there've been guys that could weave a story, but nobody in the last 30. At the start of every year, I set my goals. I tell myself this year I'm eating right, working out, working, staying on track. Then reality hits. Work, travel, cravings, distractions. Life just loves to test your focus. I've been there, I've fallen off, but I don't stay down because Amazon helps to bring me back up every time Amazon is here to make sticking to your goals easier. From healthy snacks, I need to work out gear that I like to have on hand. All my everyday essentials are available to purchase in one place. Not to mention I can get it delivered fast so I don't have to worry about making trips to the store and and adding to my already busy schedule. Great prices, no running around, no extra hassle. Now that's convenient. So when life tries to steer you off track, Amazon can help get you back to the plan. Focus on your goals and stay on the grind. Save the Everyday with Essentials from Amazon
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hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Stock up savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Celsius Body Armor, Ore Ida Silk, Capri Sun Bavarian Meats and Charmin. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions.
C
Let's talk personal style. Are you a classic jeans and tee minimalist? A Louis Vuitton lover? Or do you like a little bit of both? Depending on the vibe? Whatever your fashion mood, you can find what feels like you on Poshmark. With millions of new and pre loved pieces, Poshmark is your one stop style destination. From everyday wardrobe staples to vintage gems and luxury labels. Inter Reformation Got it. Carhartt Got that too. From designer bags to streetwear, it's all there. Men's? Yes. Women's? Absolutely. Kids? You bet. And the best part? You're shopping real closets from real people with real style. It's like braiding your most fashionable friend's wardrobe if you had thousands of fashionable friends. Plus, every item over $500 goes through Poshmark's authentication process so you can shop high end with total confidence. Ready to refresh your closet? Download the Poshmark app and sign up with code podcast10 and get $10 off your first purchase. Go ahead, find your next favorite thing.
D
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E
from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisors. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comDisclosures ears can
A
do what Dave Chappelle does.
D
Probably the best orator in my lifetime. And I just hung out with him in his club in Ohio. We got pretty drunk together and just hear it. It's just me and him at his bar, in his club at 2 in the morning. And just the stories there are great. So when he puts it on stage and polishes it and he has that cadence and you hang on every word with the cigarette and he's sitting down and you're never bored. It's completely captivating. It's a gift.
A
You know, he has, you know, Carlin and Gregory, guys that could like and the issues and the way he can weave it. His SNL thing a couple.
D
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
I remember was one of the great monologues ever.
D
Unbelievable.
A
And his specials the way and he got. But here's the problem. This is what makes him so great. Because he has what they try to take from him. He never valued it.
D
Right.
A
So he didn't care about Hollywood. Well, we gonna do this. I don't care. Cause guess what? They got this thing called the Internet. I can just go to here and say, you know what? I'm gonna be performing here.
D
Yeah.
A
And 20,000 tickets gone. Just like that.
D
Exactly so.
A
And the way he can weave a story man, his last Netflix, his last three or four Netflix special is as good as. You seen a standup weaving in and out of traffic and not getting hit.
D
Yeah, he's the best. Because we've all seen specials where like, this is good, but half an hour in. I got it.
A
Yeah.
D
But his. I couldn't turn it off.
A
No.
D
And so I do miss kind of the sillier Chappelle. I like the silly stuff, like, killed him softly. And for what it's worth, but I mean, you can't deny the talent.
A
He's. He's unbelievable.
D
And a nice guy and a good hanging.
A
He got some. He got some plaque because they said, well, Charlie Kirk was this generation, you know, white generation.
D
Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King, Yeah.
A
I don't know about that, but. Okay.
D
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, that he had to do that joke. That's. That's right there.
A
Yeah. It's in his wheelhouse. Conspiracy theory. Are you a conspiracy theorist?
D
Not really. Not really. I don't think too much about everything enough to. To have a theory on it.
A
But is Epstein alive? Cause people say he might be on an island, he might be somewhere in Israel.
D
That's what I saw, the bearded photo. So maybe. But again, I'm too stupid to make a. That's why I don't gamble. I can't make a call on that. I go, maybe it is. Maybe it is. What do I know?
A
What about aliens? President Obama said they are weak. Obama said that they're just not in Area 51. But.
D
Right, but they are. What's Obama doing? Is he trying to trick us or get us off on another thing? But then Trump said it was like, he's. Like, he shouldn't be be saying that. So then that makes me think it's real.
A
Exactly.
D
So I don't know. It sounds like it's pretty real.
A
You ever got into a fight?
D
Oh, yeah.
A
Younger or as a. As a comedian?
D
Well, I've got into a fight as a kid a lot, but older. I just got beat up. I got jumped three times in New York the first year, for what? Well, twice. It was my fault. I don't want to give a whole story, but. But it was always like a mugging or something. But one time I was so drunk in Hell's Kitchen, I was like, cold. I've been drinking all night. Brooklyn's so far away. Let me just take a little nap in this doorway, and then I'll eventually go back to Brooklyn. And I woke up to a bunch of guys going through my pockets and he goes. He's getting up and he hit me. And I went out again. And they took everything. They took my joke book, my keys, my pen, my wallet.
A
I mean, what they gonna do with the keys?
D
I don't know. I know exactly. Well, they had my id, too, but, yeah, they took everything. Getting back home was a. I had to jump the turnstiles and run home and all that.
A
I know they didn't take that watch off. You could that, cassie.
D
10 bucks still ticking feather since the Reagan era, but, yeah. Then I got jumped in Crown Heights. I saw five guys shooting dice on a court, like out of a movie, drinking 40s. And I was like, let me cross the street.
A
Why don't you go roll with them?
D
I know I should have. They had the cardboard box and everything. And I was like, ah, I'm gonna avoid them. I get down the street, and this older guy, he had a white beard, old black guy, and I had an ipod at the time, and he goes, give me that radio. And I was so drunk, I was like, it's not a radio. It's an MP3 player. And he yanked it, and I yanked it. And he picked me up and he started banging me against, like, a.
A
The old man did that? You let it do that?
D
Well, I was hitting him and kicking him, but he had me. My legs were dangling, and I was kind of in shock. And those five guys ran over and beat the hell out of him.
A
Oh, they helped you?
D
They helped me and my ipod hit the ground. I grabbed it. I said, thank you. I mean, they were kicking this guy in the face. And I asked a cop later, and he said, those guys were probably drug dealers, and they can't have a white kid getting killed in the neighborhood. So they had to step in and make a decision.
A
Wow.
D
Crazy.
A
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you don't live in New York anymore, do you?
D
I'm still in Brooklyn, but I moved to a nicer area.
A
You might want to move out of there.
D
That was a different time. That was 2007. 8.
A
Have you ever been booed?
D
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a horrible feeling. Just. I went in on a heckler too hard.
A
Did you?
D
And I got booed. He went at me, and I just. I saw red and I snapped, and I started shitting on the guy. And one guy in the back goes, hey, take it easy on him. And I was like, you too? And I was having a bad set, and then the whole crowd turned on me. That was tough.
A
So, hold on. You talking about taking ease on him? He started he paid to see me, and now he wants the mic. I have the mic.
D
Well, we have a thing called Papered Rooms where you can't sell tickets, so that club gives tickets away. Oh, so you're getting randos coming in who are just like, I'm here for a show. You're lucky I'm here.
A
Right.
D
And so I got heckled quite a bit, and I went in on the
A
guy following the comedian. Is there anybody like, Lord, I sure hope I don't have to follow him. I want to go first. I really do. I want to go first. I don't want to go. I don't want to follow him.
D
Oh, there's so many great comics like that Gary Owen I would want to follow because he's so loose. He's in the. The crowd, and he can. His material is good, but he can also do great crowd work.
A
Yeah.
D
And the room is his. That's the guy you don't want to follow when they make the room theirs.
A
Yes.
D
Because then you have to come out and reset the whole thing. And that's a. That's a hard thing to do. It's one thing to have good material, but it's one thing to command a room.
A
Who's the first comedian to put you on? To give you an opportunity to say, you know what? Hey, I think. I think. I think you good, bro. Come on the road with me.
D
Probably Amy Schumer. Amy Schumer gave me a huge leg up. She was so giving, so loyal. She brought me on the road. I watched her go from clubs to theaters to arenas to movies, and I was there the whole ride. And. Yeah. So she got me into the comedy cellar. She hooked me up. She put me in her TV show. So that was a big. She was a big help.
A
You know, one of my favorite now is Nikki.
D
Oh, Nikki's great friend of mine.
A
Hey, that roast.
D
Oh, she had set of the night.
A
People that didn't know her. Man, who's that man? Who's the white lady with the. That went in on Tom? That's what people was asking because they didn't know her.
D
Yeah.
A
I had no idea who she was.
D
Yeah, she.
A
And then now I can't. Hey, is she on? I'm gonna find it.
D
Yeah, she's great and everything. Golden Globes. She did so well. They had her back.
A
Yeah.
D
Two years in a row, and she killed it the second time. So no one prepares like her. That's her secret weapon. She has great jokes, but she runs them over and over at the Comedy Store and Perfects them, takes shit out, puts stuff in, and that's why she's great.
A
You are Seinfeld. He said you wanted the great comics.
D
Oh, that was weird.
A
When you hear someone like Seinfeld and you know what? You know, he was back in the days with Eddie and Kenan and Robert Townsend and those guys, and he had the show. We know it's Seinfeld show, one of the most popular shows in sitcom history. When you hear him talk in such glowing terms about you, I can't even
D
describe how surreal that was, because I used to watch the show with my parents on NBC. And then to struggle and be poor and broke and struggling as a comedian, open mics, all that shit. And then to have this guy notice you, it was insane. I was bombing at a show in Buffalo. I got off stage, there's eight people in the room. I'm bombing. I'm covered in sweat. I get off stage, my phone's blowing up. People are like, hey, Seinfeld's talking about you. I'm like, what? What's this? They sent me the link. He was on a Mets broadcast. He was at a Mets game. They invited him in the box to talk on the. On the TV thing. And they go, what comics do you like? And he mentioned me. Crazy. So I went from bombing covered in sweat to having, like, the greatest moment. I sent it to my parents.
A
What's some of the best advice he's given you? You.
D
Oh, he gave me a lot of advice. He said one, he's like, you got to move around more, because I came up in the whole.
A
Stay in one spot.
D
Stayed in one spot. Like, Dane Cook was kind of out.
A
Yeah.
D
And then I came in, and they're like, don't do that. You want to. If you're. If your writing is good, you'll be able to just stand there and deliver the jokes. And I remember thinking, all right, I got to be that guy. And he was like, that move own the stage, you know? And then he told me something. What else did he tell me? Ah, he said, don't go to Epstein's. No, no. He had a couple things, but, yeah, that was some big stuff. He said, perform more.
A
Right.
D
Never forgot it.
A
Have you ever been starstruck?
D
Oh, yeah, all the time. I'm always.
A
You done met everybody now?
D
No, I mean, to me, like, I met Quentin Tarantino. That was crazy. I met Seth Rogen. That was crazy. Chris Rock. Chris Rock was my favorite in the 90s. And when I met him, I was like, this is crazy. And then Seinfeld, too. I was scared. But that's the cool thing about comedians. Ten minutes in, you're like, oh, this is just a normal guy.
A
Right.
D
Seinfeld's a guy who likes cars. Comedy and baseball.
A
Not cars. Porsches.
D
Porsches, yeah, exactly, Porsches.
A
Is there anyone that you haven't worked with that you'd like to work with?
D
Oh, geez. Probably Scorsese. I have a real thing for directors. I went to film school for a little bit, and I love Woody Allen, Scorsese, Tarantino, Michael Mann, all those guys. Coppola. So I'd love to meet one of them. Woody Allen. I met Larry David. He was a hero. And I'd love to meet Woody Allen. I know he's controversial, but still talented.
A
Yeah. What's your relationship like with Ms. Pat? She's amazing.
D
I love Ms. Pat. We have a. A special rapport. She's done my podcast a few times, and we just appreciate it. Yeah. We're like a yin and yang.
A
Yeah.
D
You know, she's amazing. She's so funny. She's so raw and real, and we have a good time.
A
Your first comedy special, you released it on YouTube because, you know, these streaming platforms didn't believe in you.
D
Yes.
A
And we see Ali Sadiq does that.
D
Yes. He killed it on there.
A
I think Ryan Davis released one. So what made you say, you know what? I got this material. I think it'll be good. Okay, I'm upload it to my platform.
D
It was all failure. I said, hey, Netflix. They said, kick rocks. I said, hey, Comedy Central. They said, blow me. I said, hey, Hulu. They said, what's Hulu? And so I had to put it on YouTube for just failure's sake. There was nowhere else to go.
A
Right.
D
And it blew up. The pandemic hit, and it blew up.
A
Yes.
D
So that changed my whole career. I got bookings off of it. I got a new agent off of it, and it hit, like, 13 million views, and I was selling tickets everywhere.
A
Yeah. And that was a nice little check from YouTube.
D
Yeah. I mean, it's not what you think. YouTube's pretty low, to be honest. It's not Mr. Beast money.
A
Well, I mean, back then, I mean, it's gotten. Because more people are getting involved, so it's driven it down some, but.
D
But to shoot one of those, it cost me about 15 grand, so I made that back after a little while. But you make it back on the road.
A
Yes.
D
Special is like a commercial for you, because that's what.
A
Yeah, you're right. You're right. So they're probably like, man, you know what? I ain't realized he was that funny, man. Hey, he gonna be in the area. Check him out.
D
And now YouTube is like another avenue. It's like Netflix, HBO, YouTube. So now it's kind of oversaturated.
A
Yeah. Is there a situation where you could. So once Netflix has it, you can't release it on YouTube. Right.
D
You get a two year lease. Netflix does a licensing deal where they own it for two years and then you get it back and then they can decide, we want to buy it back for extra money.
A
Right.
D
Or you can go, you, I'm keeping it. And then you can put it on
A
YouTube and then you like. Yeah, okay. How much you want it to buy it?
D
Exactly. Now you can do a little bidding.
A
Yeah, man, that's amazing. Netflix special.
D
Yeah.
A
So this is your second one, right?
D
Second one.
A
Second one. So how did the first one come about?
D
Well, the first one came off the back of. I did the YouTube. It did well. So Netflix said, ah, we're nervous. We don't know you, we'll give you a half hour. So I was like, all right, I'll take it. So I had to do a half hour. That went well. Thank God. And then they gave me an hour.
A
Gave you an hour.
D
So I had to really prove it it. And that's a lot of material you got to write. Yeah, you got to write a YouTube hour, then a half hour and then another hour.
A
Right.
D
And now I have a new hour.
A
So. So all. So all the streaming platforms like Chappelle, all of them are like 57 to 60 minutes.
D
Yes. Yeah, 52 to an hour. Usually, I think at the start of
A
every year, I set my goals. I tell myself, this year I'm eating right, working out, working hard, staying on track. Then reality hits. Work, travel, cravings, distractions. Life just loves to test your focus. I've been there, I've fallen off. But I don't stay down. Because Amazon helps to bring me back up every time. Amazon is here to make sticking to your goals easier. From healthy snacks, I need to work out gear that I like to have on hand. All my everyday essentials are available to purchase in one place. Not to mention, I can get it delivered fast so I don't have to worry about making trips to the store and adding to my already busy schedule. Great prices, no running around, no extra hassle. Now that's convenient. So when life tries to steer you off track, Amazon can help get you back to the plan. Focus on your goals and stay on the grind Save the everyday with essentials from Amazon.
B
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the point. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Celsius body Armor, Ora Ida Silk, Capri Sun Bavarian Meats and Charmin. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions.
C
Let's talk Personal style. Are you a classic jeans and tee minimalist? A Louis Vuitton lover, or do you like a little bit of both? Depending on the vibe? Whatever your fashion mood, you can find what feels like you on Poshmark. With millions of new and pre loved pieces, Poshmark is your one stop style destination. From everyday wardrobe staples to vintage gems and luxury labels. Inter Reformation Got it. Carhartt Got that too. From designer bags to streetwear, it's all there. Men's? Yes. Women's? Absolutely. Kids? You bet. And the best part? You're shopping real closets from real people with real style. It's like braiding your most fashionable friend's wardrobe if you had thousands of fashionable friends. Plus every item over $500 goes through Poshmark's authentication process so you can shop high end with total confidence. Ready to refresh your closet? Download the Poshmark app and sign up with code podcast10 and get $10 off your first purchase. Go ahead, find your next next favorite thing.
E
Grocery prices are skyrocketing, but True Nature Meats Texas Smoked Brisket delivers authentic flavor for under $6 per person. 30 years supplying the finest barbecue joints. Chances are you've already had their brisket Old school Smoky tenderness pre cooked and ready heat in 2 minutes. Pile high for tacos or sandwiches. Restaurant level at home Exceptional taste honest value visit truenaturemeats.com code free meat for 20% off plus free New York strip Texas Smoked Brisket and Mediterranean chicken with Code Free meat@truen futuremeats.com Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers, growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. Work it screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S P500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities. Completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comdisclosures 48 minutes is the contract.
D
But yeah, that takes a long time to write. Chappelle can do it because he's. He's a story guy. Slow. I'm a joke, joke, joke.
A
So you just like fire them off?
D
Yeah.
A
So he's a guy that bills.
D
Yes.
A
Everything. It's a start, a mid and an end.
D
Yes.
A
You just like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
D
Like Rodney.
A
Yes.
D
Yeah, but you got to earn that bill. I'm not there yet.
A
Yeah.
D
No one's.
A
Gatling gun.
D
Yes, exactly. I'm an Uzi.
A
Yeah.
D
And he's a hand grenade.
A
Oh, man. So what can people expect from none? To please.
D
Not to. I hit every group. I feel like, you know, everybody does trans jokes. I do trans, Mexican, black Muslim. Yes, everybody. Equal opportunity. I'm inclusive. I brought everybody in and it's all about love. It's all about ball busting. It's like my childhood. I'm writing jokes that I would want to hear or my friends growing up would want to hear. And just put all that HR shit behind you and just sit and enjoy it. Don't sit and analyze it. Problematic, is it? No, it's just fun.
A
When you got the first big check, what did you buy?
D
I bought a classic car.
A
What'd you get?
D
I got drunk one night, I went on, what's that? Trailer.com. i can't remember the name of it. Something trailer. I bought a 1973 BMW O2. It's this crazy looking little car with round headlights.
A
Yeah.
D
I'll send you a video.
A
Well, I'm thinking like, okay, I'm thinking a classic car. I'm thinking you're talking about something like a Cuda or a Chevelle.
D
No. Well, when I was a kid. I had a 1971 Cutlass Oldsmobile Cutlass convertible. And that was a badass car, but it broke down. But this is a. A German BMW 73.
A
You still got it.
D
Runs like a Kenya. Never had one problem with it.
A
You still got it?
D
Yeah, it's in a garage in Brooklyn.
A
But, I mean, do you have. Do you actually have a car in New York, or do you need it? I mean, you probably take.
D
I take a subway every day.
A
Yeah.
D
Yeah. I don't. I don't want. I drink too much to drive, so I have that thing for joy riding and shit.
A
So. What. What? Did your wife. Your wife have a car?
D
No, she can't drive.
A
She can't drive, but she just choose not to drive?
D
Well, she's Muslim, so I got her in a burqa with no car. No, she's not a great driver, so it's probably a bad idea.
A
Does she have license?
D
No. I know it's cliche, but she'll get it. She'll get one.
A
I think it might be a little late now. She might just say, you know what? I'm cool not driving.
D
Yeah, I'll drive. Because she's got the kid now. We need her safe.
A
What do you think your best and worst purchases are?
D
Oh, geez.
A
Cause you don't strike me as a guy. That's really extravagant.
D
I am not. You saw the watch. I'm not a big. Not materialistic at all. And I grew up pretty, pretty low means, so I kind of keep it that way.
A
Right.
D
I'm scared. Like, are you buy all this, that ends up owning you, and it just piles up.
A
Right?
D
Like, how many sneakers you got?
A
I sold. I sold a couple of years ago. I sold 300 and.
D
What?
A
318 pair.
D
Oh, my. See, I buy one shoe. I'm gonna wear this till it wears out. Then I'll buy another one.
A
Well, time to buy a new pair. They can't feed it, so careful.
D
I've had these two weeks.
A
Two weeks.
D
I know, I know. New York's gross. Well, I'm not gonna wear these.
A
No, but it's kind of hard to get a white shoe in New York.
D
That's true. That was a mistake.
A
Yeah, that was.
D
They were on sale.
A
Let me.
D
What, are you running the vape shop with it? This looks like a news van right here. It's like the Mystery Machine. Oh, Shawn worthy. Okay.
A
What did you do before you got into comedy?
D
I did everything. I was a waiter, busboy, janitor, furniture mover. I did construction. I did A lot of menial gigs because I didn't want to think, right. Because I did some office work, like data entry and all that shit. I wanted to kill myself. So I would rather be on my feet doing something than just staring at a computer, answering phones, you know, I
A
think that that was a wise decision by you. I always tell people do a lot of things when you're young because they tell you what you don't want to do.
D
That's good.
A
There's nothing worse than being in the situation you and your 35, 40 years old. Like, damn, I don't want to do this. Probably should have found that out in your 20s.
D
Yeah, yeah.
A
That. That saved you probably 10, 15 years of doing some bull jack.
D
That and people chase stability. They go, well, I got dental here, and the paycheck's pretty good. And you know that that's a curse.
A
Yeah.
D
I'd say take some risks. Get out there.
A
You ever get fired?
D
Oh, yeah, I got fired from a gig. I was a host at a AOL gig. It was a big Halloween show. A guy saw me at a show, he goes, I like your humor. You'd be perfect to host this show. And I said, Great. $5,000. Most money I ever made. I was hosting a Halloween costume contest. And he goes, be irreverent. Be offensive. And I go, great. All right. He's like, we want it to be edgy. So Catwoman walks on and she's like a hot Catwoman. Tight outfit. She had a big whip, super sexy. Made some jokes about Catwoman. And then an African queen walked on, and I said, hey, watch that whip around the African. They shut the whole thing down. I got fired. They moved my boxes outside. And I said, you said, be offensive. They were like, not that offensive. And I said, I got Tourette's. So. Yeah.
A
How different are you raising your son compared to the way you were raised?
D
Ooh, boy, that's good. Well, my parents are kind of. They're military.
A
Okay.
D
So they were a little. I don't want to say they weren't around, but they were a little. You do you. We'll do us right. And I think I'm gonna try to be a little more hands on.
A
Right.
D
I could have used a little more guidance, I think.
A
You got a nanny?
D
I do. Jamaican. Oh, yeah. And I worry she's with my kid more than me. His first words, he said, yeah, man.
A
What? What. What do you. Because obviously you mentioned about the. The gentleman that you had that he taught you so much.
D
Yes.
A
A lot of things that Probably. Probably. You're gonna wanna teach your son what your father didn't teach you. But you being on the road so much.
D
Oh, yeah.
A
This lady might have.
D
I know, I know. He's already eating roti and oxtut. But I think I'm gonna cool it with the row when he's older. Cause he's still. He can't even talk or walk yet. So I'm gonna. Once he starts having a personality, I'm gonna try to be home more.
A
Right.
D
But I gotta make the money.
A
True.
D
You gotta provide.
A
So how long do you plan on doing this? I mean, you're gonna be like, you know, obviously you can. Because you don't get too old to talk.
D
No.
A
You don't have a physical job, like a manual labor job, that you're gonna age out of it. And you don't have a situation where, you know, at 65, you gotta retire so you can tell jokes for an extended period of time.
D
Yes.
A
Is this something that you wanted? Like, you know what? As long as I'm able to do it, the audience finds me funny. This is something that I wanna do 100%.
D
And comedy is. It's where you can. Don Rickles did it till he died.
A
Yes.
D
So I think. But you gotta.
A
Bob Hope still had a sense of humor at Milton Berle.
D
Exactly, exactly. So you always wanna be able to do it. And I think to do comedy, you have to keep that knife sharp.
A
Right.
D
So I will do it as much as I have to, just to stay sharp. But I will slow down. Hopefully I can do some movies. I wrote a movie with my friend. We were shooting it this summer. I'm trying to sell a show to Netflix, so I have other irons on the fire and my whiskey.
A
What do you want the nanny to be able to teach your son? Kind of like what the gentleman taught you?
D
Well, the Jamaican nanny is pretty. I don't wanna say she's strict, but she's.
A
She's a lot more structured than you and your wife.
D
Yes, yes, exactly. And I think that's. Sometimes I worry, like, damn, that was a little harsh. But I think that's good too. Cause it'll toughen him up a little.
A
Right. What do you work on there? How do you try to make yourself better every day?
D
Day I. I got a weird little routine, I think. I think a little discipline goes a long way. I think. What do you call it, like, consistency.
A
Right.
D
Like, I do push ups every day. I do squats every day. I do weights every day. And if I don't do it. I feel horrible about myself. So I think it's good to have like, I have a friend who does a cold plunge every morning, right. And I go, what does that do to you? He goes, nothing, I just don't want to do it. That's why I do it.
A
Right.
D
And I think that's, that's the key to life is like if you can do a cold plunge first thing in the morning that you don't want to do, the rest of the day is easy. So it's easy to put off everything. But if you can challenge, if you can kind of wrangle your own brain and your own discipline, then you're good to go. Does that make sense?
A
Yes, it does. Okay, so is there any one particular area? Say, you know what? I want to be better at this today than I was yesterday and I want to be better tomorrow than I was. Was today.
D
Yeah. Well, you want to be a good dad for sure. And you want to write, you want to write a better joke today than you did yesterday, right? And that's not easy, cuz these jokes come out of thin air.
A
You better say, be a better husband
D
and a better husband.
A
Yeah. Cuz your wife, your wife go see this and you like, you didn't mention me.
D
She knows, she knows. And you know, I got, I got her body down pretty good now.
A
Do you, do you ever open up?
D
No. This is as far as I've opened up since jail,
A
Dude. When you're around your friends and I don't know how many friends that you have that aren't comedians.
D
Not many.
A
So is this what you guys do all the time?
D
Oh man, we love bullshitting, talking, riffing. Yeah, this is what we. It's so entertaining. It gets the juices flowing. You think of jokes that way. We laugh, we laugh and, and we go hard, we go dark because we're our, our shit is numb. Like, we don't have any filter anymore, Right. But we have filter at the workplace or whatever. But at the family reunion, but around each other, it's all no holds barred.
A
Do your wife ever say, baby, I think you need to tone it down?
D
Yeah, every now and then. And if she says it, then she's right, so.
A
Cause she knows you.
D
Yes, exactly.
A
She knows you exactly. And you like, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I think, I think that's enough.
D
Well, I do. Do you? Do. I do. Around the house. I do voice just for fun. Do you? No, no, hate just like hello, all that shit. And it's just me and her. And every now and then she's like, this is getting weird. So. But we have a good time.
A
Mark, thank you for coming on. Look, everybody go check out none too pleased.
D
Hey, thank you, sir.
A
Thank you, bro. I appreciate you, man.
D
That was fun as hell. I'm getting a glizzy. All my life been grinding all my life Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price Wanna slice, got to roll the dice that's why all my life I've been grinding all my life all my life been grinding all my life Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price Want a slice, got the roll a dice that's why all my life I've been grinding all my life.
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Podcast: Club Shay Shay
Host: Shannon Sharpe
Guest: Mark Normand
Date: March 18, 2026
Episode: Part 2
In this lively second part, NFL Hall of Famer Shannon Sharpe sits down with acclaimed stand-up comedian Mark Normand. Their candid, humorous, and often thought-provoking conversation ranges from current controversies and cultural observations to Mark’s personal journey in comedy. Together, they tackle sensitive topics—race, disability, fame—through a lens that’s equal parts wit and honesty, offering listeners a rare inside look at what shapes modern stand-up and public discourse.
- The BAFTA Incident & Tourette’s:
- The Black National Anthem & National Identity:
- Firearms at Protests and Media Memory:
Posting first special to YouTube after rejections, leveraging new platforms:
On content rights and Netflix:
The episode is a freewheeling, rapid-fire exchange marked by sharp, irreverent humor, authentic vulnerability, and thoughtful cultural critique. Mark brings his signature self-deprecation and social awareness, while Shannon anchors the conversation with wisdom, warmth, and incisive follow-up questions. Despite broaching edgy or divisive topics, both men maintain a spirit of respect and candor that makes the dialogue engaging and enlightening for listeners of all backgrounds.