Humble Baddies - Nigerian Weddings: Trending or Timeless + the Kanye West Confession!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Shay Shay – Episode: "Humble Baddies - Nigerian Weddings: Trending or Timeless + the Kanye West Confession!"

Release Date: April 22, 2025

Hosts: Ashley Nicole & Alexis Welch Stoudemire

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Introduction

In this episode of Club Shay Shay, hosts Ashley Nicole and Alexis Welch Stoudemire dive deep into the vibrant world of Nigerian weddings and unpack the recent controversial confession by Kanye West. Balancing personal anecdotes with broader cultural and societal discussions, the hosts offer insightful perspectives on tradition, trauma, and financial wisdom.

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1. Nigerian Weddings: Trending or Timeless

Ashley opens the conversation by sharing her exhilarating experience attending one of Nigeria's most iconic weddings. She describes the event as "the experience of a lifetime" and highlights the intricate details that make Nigerian weddings a spectacle of culture and grandeur.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (04:18) – “They showed up for this couple. Like, I've never seen anything like it. It was like the whole country showed up.”

Cultural Appreciation vs. Appropriation

The discussion shifts to the delicate balance between cultural appreciation and appropriation. Ashley emphasizes her genuine admiration for Nigerian traditions, stating that her positive remarks were rooted in respect and inclusion rather than appropriation.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (18:26) – “It was me feeling included. It was me feeling like I'm one now. Like you. Yes. I'm a partner.”

Alexis concurs, reinforcing the importance of respecting and honoring cultural practices. Both hosts advocate for embracing traditions in a way that honors their origins and significance.

Notable Quote:
Alexis Welch Stoudemire (24:18) – “I encourage people to do whatever they want to do because I encourage respect for the culture.”

The Significance of Lavish Celebrations

Ashley and Alexis discuss how the extravagant nature of Nigerian weddings can inspire deeper commitment and appreciation for marriage. They contrast this with more subdued Western traditions, suggesting that grandeur can elevate the perceived importance of marital unions.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (25:14) – “Nigerians really celebrate love. They have multiple weddings and events all week long, which makes the union feel more serious and cherished.”

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2. Kanye West Confession: Trauma, Truth or Tactic?

The conversation takes a serious turn as the hosts dissect Kanye West's recent confession in his song "My Cousins." Kanye's lyrics reveal disturbing accounts of childhood trauma, including sexual abuse, sparking intense reactions across social media.

Notable Quote:
Alexis Welch Stoudemire (41:10) – “It’s bittersweet because you hope that he's trying to put something out there to let out his hurt.”

Impact on Black Communities

Ashley and Alexis explore the broader implications of Kanye's revelations, discussing how such disclosures can open doors for conversations about mental health and sexual trauma within black communities. They highlight the cultural stigmas that often prevent men from speaking openly about their experiences.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (56:12) – “This should lead to a serious moment for black men to get help and be open to speak on it and heal from it.”

Vulnerability and Public Personas

The hosts debate whether Kanye's confession is a genuine plea for help or a strategic move for publicity. Alexis likens Kanye's behavior to "the boy who cried wolf," suggesting a pattern of public outbursts that may undermine the sincerity of his current admission.

Notable Quote:
Alexis Welch Stoudemire (57:58) – “He's you the boy who cried wolf, you know what I mean? Like, he was just saying the wolves are coming, and everyone's like running to make sure...”

Ashley counters by acknowledging both possibilities, recognizing the complexity of Kanye's actions as both performative and potentially therapeutic.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (57:42) – “I think it's both. Both can be true.”

Breaking Generational Silence

The hosts emphasize the necessity of breaking generational silences surrounding sexual trauma. They advocate for open dialogues and support systems to help individuals heal and seek assistance without fear of judgment or stigma.

Notable Quote:
Alexis Welch Stoudemire (65:59) – “It's like a generational silent killer, suppressing your thoughts and not having therapy.”

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3. Baddie Business Financial Wisdom

Shifting gears, Ashley and Alexis delve into practical financial advice tailored for their audience of ambitious women striving to balance a lavish lifestyle with fiscal responsibility.

Budgeting Without Going Broke

Ashley shares her struggles with budgeting, particularly her tendency to overspend on dining and makeup. She underscores the importance of tracking expenses and prioritizing needs over wants to maintain financial health.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (75:12) – “It's a waste.”

Alexis echoes these sentiments, offering strategies such as using budgeting apps like Mint and adhering to the 50-30-20 rule—allocating 50% of income to needs, 30% to wants, and 20% to savings.

Notable Quote:
Alexis Welch Stoudemire (82:48) – “The 50-30-20 rule is a good breakdown.”

Practical Saving Tips

The hosts provide actionable tips for saving money without sacrificing quality of life. They discuss the benefits of cooking at home, reducing reliance on services like Instacart, and finding cost-effective alternatives for beauty and entertainment.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (75:44) – “It's very important on budgeting, making sure that you budget your week out, budget your month out.”

Investment in Self and Growth

Ashley highlights the importance of investing in personal growth and entrepreneurial ventures, sharing her own journey from a military background to establishing a successful real estate company. She emphasizes the value of side hustles and continuous learning as keys to financial stability.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (92:02) – “Side hustle tips: monetizing skills you already have, like writing, beauty, admin, digital work.”

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4. Listener Confession: Navigating Rent Increases

The episode features a heartfelt listener confession from Chicago, where Ashley and Alexis offer guidance on handling significant rent hikes.

Notable Question:
“Can a man be too emotional or are women just conditioned to avoid vulnerability?”

Hosts’ Advice:

Ashley advises the listener to consider moving back with parents temporarily to save money for a future home purchase. She emphasizes the long-term financial benefits of avoiding high rent and building savings, even if it means sacrificing immediate independence.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (103:35) – “Save that money if you have the privilege to be able to live with your parents. It’s the safest place you could be anyway.”

Alexis supplements by highlighting the importance of financial planning and the practicality of consolidating living arrangements to achieve financial goals.

Empowering Independence:

Both hosts underline the significance of financial independence and strategic planning in overcoming temporary setbacks, encouraging listeners to prioritize long-term stability over short-term comforts.

Notable Quote:
Ashley Nicole (103:35) – “Move in with your parents, save money, and use that for your down payment instead of wasting it on rent.”

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Conclusion

In this episode of Club Shay Shay, Ashley Nicole and Alexis Welch Stoudemire offer a blend of cultural exploration, critical societal discussions, and pragmatic financial advice. From celebrating the opulence of Nigerian weddings to addressing the heavy topic of Kanye West's trauma, the hosts create a space for meaningful dialogue and empowerment. Their insights on budgeting and financial planning provide listeners with valuable tools to enhance their personal and professional lives.

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Follow the Hosts:

• Ashley Nicole: Instagram
• Alexis Welch Stoudemire: Instagram

Subscribe to Club Shay Shay on iHeartPodcasts, The Volume, and Shay Shay Media to stay updated with the latest episodes featuring your favorite athletes, celebrities, and influencers.

Transcript

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[Ashley Nicole]

What up, what up? What up?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Hey y'all. Good evening. Happy Monday.

[Ashley Nicole]

Another episode of the Humble Baddies podcast. I'm your girl Ashley Nicole. When I hit the town.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I'm Alexis Welch Stoudemire.

[Ashley Nicole]

And I'm Sherrelle Rosado.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And we are the Humble Baddies.

[Ashley Nicole]

I miss you Le. I miss y'all.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

What's going on, ladies?

[Ashley Nicole]

Everybody busy traveling? Yes. Living our best lives.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That's right. Are y'all back home? What's the vibe?

[Ashley Nicole]

I'm back home. I'm back.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes.

[Ashley Nicole]

I'm not baby. Where in the world, Sherlock? I love that. It's like I'm traveling. I'm just traveling. Living my best Life enjoying Cape Town, South Africa. It's cold here, y'all. It's winter. It's going into winter now, so it's been crazy. Like I really haven't. I wasn't able to enjoy. But I still did some amazing things. Today I went to the gun range and tomorrow I'm going on in the morning. I'm going on a safari in less than three hours because it's 2:00 in the morning. I'm so jealous.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That sounds so fun. Have you been on top mountain yet?

[Ashley Nicole]

We rolled up, but we didn't go all the way up the gun. Gun range was like midway through, but I see Tabletop Mountain right here.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes, I love it. I have a perfect view. Yeah, South Africa is beautiful. It's a ton of history there, especially the fact that it was, you know, a port as well for slaves to pass through. So it's a lot of history there. The prison there with Nelson Mandela, another. Another spot to go to museum. So enjoy. Love. Love Cape Town. Love it.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes, I'm loving it. We're gonna have to come back and do a girls trip here when it warms up.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, they have too.

[Ashley Nicole]

Oh, yes, the wine. I went to the. One of the wine forms day before yesterday.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, I believe it. They have a ton of wines out there. Look.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, I'm learning. I'm. I'm getting into the wine tasting and all. Because every time I be trying to order bottles of wine. You be good. So now find your wine so you'll know which one we, you know, when we start popping, we get at home. Yes. Yeah, I love that. What about you, Lex? You. Where you at?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

In the world I was in, I mean, I. I know what it's like to be on a tour as far as being either a musician or a basketball player because I went from la, I went from Miami to la, LA to Chicago, Chicago to Indiana and then back to Miami, all within four or five days. Just a whirlwind. I was with Monique on her first stop of her book tour since she's from Monique Rodriguez, who just released her book the Glory to Her Story. So. Yes. Yeah, you know, that's where she's from. And so we just were there in support of her and just to see everyone, everyone line up and her family and friends just be there to support her. Got some Garrett's popcorn, so shout out to Chicago and some Harold's Fried Chicken, so those in the Midwest know what's up. So it was just good to go and took a tour of the warehouse and just really just. And tapped in with family and friends that I saw along the way. I ran into a girlfriend in Chicago that I haven't seen in a while, but we've known each other for over 20 years. My girl Serita. And then I got to see my nieces and my sister in la. So just good times, you know, just to keep hopping and everything.

[Ashley Nicole]

That's beautiful to show up for our girl Monique like that. And then you have to see your people too. I can't wait to dive into that book. I meant to bring it to Africa so I could read it and accidentally left it, but I'm about to get into it. Yeah, she's at the house waiting for me. I haven't started story.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So y'all go get that. Everyone and support. Because it is just a. It's. She's a good person, you know, she's our friend and she just really means well and has a great spirit and a great businesswoman and just, you know, I'm happy for her and so I'm happy for her.

[Ashley Nicole]

That's what I love about Monique. She's so humble and she always support, you know, small businesses. So shout out to our girl Monique. Let's give her the support back the way she supports us. So. Okay. Yes. Glory to your story. Go out and pick that up now.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Absolutely.

[Ashley Nicole]

It's on Amazon. You can order it off Amazon. Yes, yes, absolutely.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And you, Ash?

[Ashley Nicole]

Well, I just got home. Sherrell drugged me to this wedding in Nigeria.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Not drug. Not drug.

[Ashley Nicole]

I mean, I'm glad she did. We got invited to a wedding. And you know, initially I was like, well, I just left from Nigeria, so I'm not sure that I will be able to make it because it's not like Nigeria is right down the street.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Of course.

[Ashley Nicole]

But Paul's asking before you go further. I was like, ash, girl, you need to. You need to do something strange. You need to do like, you need to do something strange for a little bit of change for Phil, girl. Because I'm about to ask you to go to Africa and you know he ain't finna let you come to Africa again. So I'm gonna need you to spice it up. Do what you gotta do so he can say yes.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Throw a little razzle dazzle with, you.

[Ashley Nicole]

Know, he was well taken care of. Okay. Sent me right on my way. And I was back in Nigeria with my girl Shirelle and I had the time of my life. I'm so glad I went. I'm so glad it talked me into going because the Experience of a lifetime. Honestly, it was amazing. We were invited to one of the biggest weddings of the year. It was a Tanzanian singer and our friend Choma, her sister was the bride. And I mean, they showed up for this couple. Like, I've never seen anything like it. I mean, the whole feel like the whole country showed up. Okay. And so I didn't know what I was showing up to, honestly.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Truly.

[Ashley Nicole]

But they. And they got me right on together. I'm talking about. They made me a dress in, like, two days. Hair and makeup. Troma. She literally. Troma laid out the red project she put together. We didn't have to do nothing but this. Okay. But I'm talking about the people there are just so talented. The designer made my dress in, like, two days. I mean, the makeup artist, the hairstylist, the videographers, the photographers. I mean, everybody was just so kind and so welcoming. Like, it really just made the trip that much more amazing. And we. I felt like we needed a. A redo of Legos because Ashley was like, I don't know about this. I think this is my last time coming. I probably will come for. I said, ashley, just trust me. You have to give it another experience. And I promise you, you. You will love it here. Yeah, right? And this year, you was right.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That's good.

[Ashley Nicole]

You was right. Lagos. It was amazing. I love Lagos. I love Nigeria.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So good.

[Ashley Nicole]

And we got to go to Abuja, too, which was another city in Nigeria. So it was nice to experience, like, a different area. We went there for a birthday party. And child, they was live that party. That's the biggest birthday party I'd have ever seen in my life. Imagine like a conference sitter birthday party and everybody dressed to the nines and gals and tux with nothing but millionaires and billionaires and everybody black. We love to see everybody black. And I ain't never seen nothing like it before in my life.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I love it.

[Ashley Nicole]

I love it. Yeah, it was.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

We'll get back to that, because we do need to talk about that. But everyone's Easter was good.

[Ashley Nicole]

Easter, for the most part. I went to church on Saturday so I could relax on Sunday. That was good. I had a relaxation. Dave. This is my first time ever having a relaxed Easter, so it was good. Yeah. He is risen. Yeah.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I celebrate Passover, but at the same time, respect Easter and all that comes with it. So just was very chill. Took a nice bike ride and ended up just hanging out by the pool and relaxing, having some Popeyes.

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay, Popeye. Okay, Popeye. Just a Good Sunday.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Easy Sunday. Real, real simple.

[Ashley Nicole]

Now, Lex, you a chef and your behind just had some Popeyes.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah. Mm. You know why? Just because we all deserve a cheat day. And Popeyes is definitely high on the list of that. The spicy wings with the hot pepper, you know, and then a little the rice.

[Ashley Nicole]

Gotta have a house. They got. They got a Popeyes in Sunny Island.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That's good.

[Ashley Nicole]

No, she ain't happy. Yeah, it ain't no Popeyes in Sunny. I get that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

No, it had to get brought in. No, absolutely not. Gotta go. You know, actually, you know, it's closer to hard rock, so over there. Like Hollywood.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, you know.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You know, well, there's a way.

[Ashley Nicole]

Lex, you know how to throw down on soul food?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I do. Of course. My mom is. My mom and dad both cooked. And so that's what I grew up on, being in Kansas City, Missouri, whether it was barbecue or soul food. And I know how to do it all. So the good thing is, with the culinary background and just from traveling, I can do other things, too. Not strictly to soul food, you know, African American cuisine.

[Ashley Nicole]

Well, we want a good Sunday dinner, and we all come to your house.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I like that. I like this Mac and cheese. I like fried cabbage. You know, I could do turkey wings. It has to be turkey wings. Yeah. I don't eat pork, so we none of that.

[Ashley Nicole]

Turkey wings.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

What else is some cornbread?

[Ashley Nicole]

I might can give you a run for your money on the turkey wings. Please. I'll be the judge. Confidence, you know what I'm saying?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I know how you do yours, too. Real. I remember recipe.

[Ashley Nicole]

Telling my recipe. Now that's a good.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That's a good recipe. Yeah. I won't put it out there, but we should.

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay. I got a question. Do you make your cornbread sweet?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

No, I do not.

[Ashley Nicole]

I like sweet cornbread.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, but it has a little sugar. It's a little sugar in there. But I don't like to overdo it. I like to do more of like, a honey butter.

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Me.

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay. I could do the honey butter, but some people do like that country, you know I'm talking about.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Or like savory Southern watermelon corn or jalapeno cheddar.

[Ashley Nicole]

I don't like that. I don't like corn in it. I had people do that. I don't like that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

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[Ashley Nicole]

Time I make my buttermilk cornbread is when I'm making my dressing. Yeah, that's.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's how I was raised too. Anyway, well, let's get into it. You all the first topic. Let's, you know, speak Going back to the Nigerian wedding. Ash, you know you were making some, some some headlines while you were over there, weren't you? But let me go ahead and read this so we can get the people up to date. Nigerian Weddings trending or timeless? We're diving into a celebration that's taken over timelines, blogs and wedding vision boards across the globe. Nigerian Weddings from the vibrant fashion to the electrifying energy of the live drummers, these cultural celebrations have become more than just ceremonies. They're full on experiences. Right ladies? This past week, our very Own. Sherrelle and Ashley found themselves in front and center of one of the most iconic events. And let's just say the blogs are buzzing. Ashley was blown away by the vibe. She's now considering a full Najdah style vow renewal for her 10 year anniversary. But it raises a few questions. We're not afraid to tap into ladies, are we?

[Ashley Nicole]

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So I see in the comments. Let's just ask this question. Is it cultural appropriation or appreciation when non Nigerians go all in on a traditional Niger wedding? What do you think?

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay, so first of all, I made a story at the end of the night after the wedding explaining how I had such a good time at the wedding and I said I wanted one because I just loved everything about it. Mind you, I was also a little tipsy. Okay. Another little.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I'm celebrating.

[Ashley Nicole]

A little tipsy, A little jet lag, A little, you know, just talking. Okay. It's late night, in the middle of the night. I'm just talking. So it was really just me being excited and just, you know, trying to share like how much I loved the experience, how much I loved just being included in such a beautiful celebration. And so maybe my words weren't like perfect or whatever, but I also don't think they were disrespectful. And I think most people understood that. And I feel like the people that we met and haven't met, just the people of Nigeria in general, have just been so welcoming. And so that's why I felt so comfortable even saying something like that. Because, you know, I read the room, you know what I'm saying? They were very welcoming. They opened their arms to us in ways that I would have never imagined. They really hosted us and really laid out the red carpet for us. So it wasn't, I don't feel like it came from a place of, you know, me trying to take something away. It was me feeling included. It was me feeling like I'm. I'm one now. Like you. Yes. I'm a partner. Yes. So that's where, you know, that statement came from it. So for me, it's very much appreciation. It's very much like, I love it so much. I appreciate being included. Respect the culture, respect, you know, respect what, what it is, like how, how y'all celebrate a wedding. It was just beautiful. I mean, to cut you off, actually. Yeah, no, I agree. Like, it's very much respect. It's very much like, wow, this is beautiful. Like, I'm honored to even be here to witness this, you know, so for me, it's not appropriation. And if I were to even, you know, go through with such celebration, I don't think I would mean, you know, taking their culture and trying to take it as mine per se, but just, you know, the way that they do things there, it's beautiful. And I will want my family and other black people to see something like this. I want them to enjoy it and experience the way we did it. And that would be, like, my reasoning for even wanting to share something like that, you know?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, you just. It's. It's a respectful way of just saying thank you so much for the love you saw, just like you described the dresses and the makeup artists and the graphic arts and all these people that were very talented Africans, you know, and just people that look like you. So I know it just makes you feel.

[Ashley Nicole]

It makes me felt like I'm a part of something. Because let's honest, like, African American culture is not. It's very watered down. I don't really feel like I'm tied to any culture, honestly. I don't identify with America. The only thing I can identify with is slavery, because that's all they teach us about, you know, in school. When it comes to our ancestors, you know, they're not teaching us about before then, really. They're just saying, y'all came over here in slave ships and that's it. And I, you know, I. I wish that I had a rich culture to, you know. Exactly. And I think there's a difference, you know, between appreciation and appropriation. I think appropriation is when you're literally, like, trying to take from a culture and, you know, wear it or consume it in a way that's not for your own benefit, and that's just not natural. It's not.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It's just right.

[Ashley Nicole]

You know what I mean? Like, I think there's a big difference. And I'm black, okay? My people are. If they not Nigerian, they from somewhere close over there.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Okay, let's digress.

[Ashley Nicole]

Look, look, Ashley, you already know what I'm saying. I'm 26% Nigerian, okay?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

But I'm 43.1 Nigerian. I'm a real nice girl.

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay, So I gotta do your. The testing that you did, because I guarantee you it's high up there.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

No, it's DNA. Your DNA is not like mine. So you gonna keep the same?

[Ashley Nicole]

No, no, but I did. What? What DNA testing? You see, it's not a competition about who's the most Nigerian.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It's not. It's not because I'm technically about 70% African, because I'm Kenyan. Sierra Leone. I need to do mine Nigerian.

[Ashley Nicole]

My dad.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So I did.

[Ashley Nicole]

My daddy half Jewish, though, so, yeah, majority of mine is in the African.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, yeah. I'm 40.

[Ashley Nicole]

I'm gonna go do mine. I'm gonna do mine. I'm gonna let y'all know how much Nigerian. Cause I know it's in me. It's on me. It's in my blood. They feel it.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

No, no, we just don't as African Americans. Ashley, to your point, we really just have. I mean, we talked about soul food earlier. You know what I mean? We have that. That is very American. It's very African American. But it comes from the fact that, you know, Africans brought over barbecue, for example, so that just kept that going as well as using seasoning and different. Just different ways because we got scraps. So we had to use all of the pig, all of the vegetables, all of whatever. So whatever. We just made these dishes and then had to put all love in there and that good soul in there. So that's how we have soul food. But I get it. We have jump in the broom. I feel like that's an African American tradition and a wedding, but nothing like what, you know, what you guys have seen, you know, it's just. It's just hard to have. Trying to find that identity. So I understand appreciation. Because you're like, if. If you want to hire, there's wedding planners that are. This is all they do. So you can have your whatever wedding you want. Because I encourage people to do whatever they want to do.

[Ashley Nicole]

The weddings that happen now are just do what you like somebody else, like, probably like white people. Like, these are white people traditions, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, getting married in a cathedral or, you know what I'm saying? And wearing a white dress. All that. That comes from colonialism. Okay. You know what I mean? So, like, why would I not want to tap into my own roots? I mean, I do my research.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I get it. My first wedding was like that.

[Ashley Nicole]

Very.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Just, like, traditional in the sense. And I had to do. Have to invite these many people, and then you have. You have. You should be spending X amount of dollars, and you should be doing this. And half the people I don't even talk to anymore, actually more than half. And then most of them aren't bringing gifts anyway. You know, it's just. It's just you might as well go do something that you want to do that you're spending money on that makes you and your. Your partner Happy.

[Ashley Nicole]

I feel like so turn up. I feel like too, if we had say we did weddings, like how Nigerians do their weddings, it might be more people wanting to get married. I mean, not saying that that should be the reason, but the way that they truly celebrate love, like they literally have three boys on a whole nother experience. They have like three, four weddings. They have events all week, you know, for the mother of the bride, you know, they have praise and worship. They have events all week long. And to me, that's special. That means that they really love and respect and cherish, like the union of a marriage. You know, I feel like Americans at this point now, people are just going to the courthouse, you know what I'm saying? So it ain't nothing to just go to the courthouse and get a divorce. You know what I mean? I feel like if you hold up so much, you know, like getting married is this important to where we need to have four weddings. Like, you know, all the things that they do, it maybe makes you take marriage more seriously and makes you want to be married more. And I feel like that might be an issue with, you know, Americans are getting married these days because we don't recognize it the same way they do. They really, you can tell, they really. They put their all into it. Everything. Yeah, and I love that. I respect, like, I respect that. I think that's special. I think that's what it should be like. And then I think I saw, I was reading some of the comments, and that's what I said. If you are an African American and you have not experienced Africa, you definitely need to. Because some people were like, why are some of the women outdressing the bride? That's what they do over there. They. The bride.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I'll dress in the bride. Who?

[Ashley Nicole]

Everybody. The bride wants you to come. It's. It's disrespectful if you come to a. An Nigerian wedding and you're not dressed to impress.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I know that's right.

[Ashley Nicole]

The whole goal is to dress to impress. So people who don't know and they're just speaking why this person. Like, you really need to understand and experience a Nigerian wedding before you speak on it, on why they do it. Because it's all about fashion. It's all about looks. It's like the, like a whole nother. It's like showing respect. I think it's like, I want you to show up for me. You know, you need to come looking your best. You need to come with a stack of money like this big. I mean, they Was bringing out boxes of money. Okay. And what's part of this? What you call it? How do you call it? Spraying. They call it spraying. So we call it. And they do it. They do it so respectfully. Just like this. Yes.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Is it pouring, like good luck and just like good fortune.

[Ashley Nicole]

Hundred. I love that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

See, that's something that we would need. We would love to have in. Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

Like they had to ship. And look, your family in hell. They can it up, put it on the top. Exactly. Look, they'll run out. They will run out. You didn't have to worry about that over there. You didn't have at that wedding. You didn't have to worry about nobody picking up, stealing your money, baby. Because everybody had it.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes, but. And it's for the bride. That is hilarious.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. It's an amazing thing to see. And I'm inspired. That's really what it is. Like, I'm inspired. And for my, you know, 10 year wedding renewal, like, or vow renewal, I. I want to be inspired for so I can make it through another 10 years. You know what I'm saying? I need that. I need to see a visual of like, yes, let's celebrate love. Like, marriage is a big thing. It is a big commitment. It is spectacular. Like, I need that inspiration because, you know, marriage is forever, honey. So I need to continue to be inspired. And that's exactly what that wedding did for me, if anybody wanted. Not exactly. I love that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It was so it basically it said attending this wedding set a standard of what you like, you aspire to in a way. Just of just how they. Everyone showed up. The love, the tradition, the ceremonies, everything.

[Ashley Nicole]

I mean, the florals. I mean, first of all, everybody wore this. The day I sent the. That is mind blowing to me that everybody got the same fabric. Like, can you imagine us trying to get everybody the same outfit together? That's hard. And these people literally got the same fabric and then went out and got these beautiful dresses made. I mean it all. And everybody's dress was different and. But beautiful. Wow.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

But then very much cohesive. Yeah, I was like. Because I feel like I felt it has something to do with like the tribal colors or something. Wherever.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, yeah, it does. But let me tell you, baby, because I don't know how they do it. The dresses. I still have marks on my stomach, on my back from the corset and the dress. Like snatch. They snatched. Like, you are tired. Like, we was walking hard. I almost passed out. I swear to God. You can't sit down in the car. I was in the car like this.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Like we both was.

[Ashley Nicole]

I couldn't. And, yeah, the next day, I was sore. I was like, oh, my God, am I sore. I'm wearing the damn dress.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

They really.

[Ashley Nicole]

I still had all raised in the dress. They snatch you up in that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Wow.

[Ashley Nicole]

And the gale. I don't want to mess up the name. Oh, my goodness. It snatched everything. So, okay, they not playing. They're not playing. It's very much, you know, put together. They snatch you up. You got to show up and show out at these events. It's very uncomfortable, but it's worth the look. You look amazing. You look. Everybody look. Everybody. Even, like, the older women, like, the older ladies of the family look good. The guests. Okay. Dresses matched, hair last, full makeup.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I love that.

[Ashley Nicole]

Everybody. It's just something everybody need to go see. I feel like it was better than the Met Gala. Yeah. Because everybody had looks and. Oh, and how people just walk in. So, like, the guests would, like, walk in with, like, they entourage, and then they, like, go up to the couple and, like, give them a gift and stuff. It was just like, this is just. I don't know.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It was a show.

[Ashley Nicole]

You know, it's a big wedding when it makes the shade room in America, and they are showing like, it's a whole award ceremony. Like, it's the. The Emmy, whatever. You know, it's a big wedding when they're showing the. The outfits of who wore it best, who was dressed nice. You know, it. They showed out. You know, it was an amazing wedding. So shout out to that. Beautiful. When I went to the airport and you know how they open your bags and look through everything? They saw my dress. They were like, you went to the wedding? I was like, yeah. They were like. Because apparently that was the wedding to be at, honey. It was the golden ticket. Okay. Yes. I'm just grateful. I'm grateful to have experienced it. I really am.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

What a blessing and an honor. For sure. For sure. I think it's great to see in the pictures. You guys look beautiful. Everyone just looked like. Like they were sitting in their essence, you know, just very confident and colorful. So very.

[Ashley Nicole]

I haven't even requested my stuff yet. I know. You may not. I'm waiting till it calm down, and I'm a spike it.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I like that. I like that strategy. That's. That's good. Just a little reminder, like, hey, a little different.

[Ashley Nicole]

And they are so good with content there. Like, you think over here, people are content creators. No, baby, over there, they are creating content, and they are doing it at A level that is beyond they. First of all, the turnaround rate is crazy. Okay? You take a picture, boom, it's edited. It's to you, okay? The videos, everything, they show up with backgrounds, lights, cameras. The makeup artist got about four or five assistants. The hair people got four or five assistants. Like, and when I tell you, baby, they don't play over there when it comes to their work. It's on another level. Ashley, is this.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Is this the same feeling you had, like, when you first walked on that campus at hbcu, of just, like, seeing excellence and just seeing that. That energy?

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. I feel like it's just bringing me back to that, because you're right. This is the only place that I feel like we are kings and queens. We are not the minority. We are the majority, and we killing it. So, yes, honestly. Honestly, I would say this feeling and this experience, I have never experienced it, and, you know, I used to go to the HBCU colleges and everything, but this experience tops all of that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Just like the eagleness and very royal, just very opulent.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. Because you're looking at black wealth. When people who think of Africa, they don't think of things like this. They don't think of how beauty, how rich, how royal. They show poverty. You know, they show, you know, hungry children, which there are. That is very true. But they're not showing the other parts.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

There is wealth.

[Ashley Nicole]

There is wealth, There is abundance, there is life, there is business. There is, you know, just so much to Africa inspiration. It's like creativity. There's so much that Africa has to offer, and it's a shame that they don't show up, but that's why I'm hyped up. And I'm like, let's. Y'all need to go, please. We going with. Yeah.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And now you've. You've already seen, like, where it is right now. So just to take it up another notch is going to be a whole nother.

[Ashley Nicole]

Listen, our next wedding gonna be our good sis choma. Yes. Period. But no, for real. I know everybody is in love with going to Europe, Paris, blah, blah, blah. But y'all need to go to Africa, okay? Go to Africa. Be around some people that look like you and have a good time. Go see what it's about. Okay? The ambiance in the restaurants, the clubs, everything is top five tier. I love it. It is.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Love this for y'all. Yes.

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[Ashley Nicole]

Enough, we're Gonna let y'all, you know, enjoy our stories and our pictures on our amazing time in Africa. Now it's time to get into our next topic and it is trending all over social media right now, you guys. And it's kind of like I, I, I, you know, Kanye has his, his issues or whatever, but like I feel for him. It's sad that how he's, how he's coming out, but it's so many issues with this and so many people have, have so many black men are dealing with this and are not speaking out about it. So topic two, we're talking about Kanye's confession, trauma, truth or tactic? Kanye just came out with a new song called My Cousins. Yeah, Cousins is about my cousin, my cousin that is locked up in jail for life for killing a pregnant lady a few years after I told him we wouldn't look at dirty magazines together anymore. So apparently Kanye, a child, him and his cousin was looking at gay porn and they were imitating what they saw in the porn magazines. Perhaps in my self centered mess, I felt it was my fault that I showed him those dirty magazines when he was 6. And then we acted out and we saw my dad had Playboy magazines, but the magazines I found in the top, my mom's closet were different. My name is Ye and I sucked my cousins till I was 14. That's what Kanye tweeted.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Wow.

[Ashley Nicole]

Did y'all listen to the song? Yeah, I listened to. Doesn't sound like a song that he was like trying to make a hit though. It sounds like he's trying to like.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

A confessional or just kind of put something on like that.

[Ashley Nicole]

His way of getting whatever voice out, getting his thoughts out. So he just put it out like that. But it doesn't sound like his other music, you know? No. And I don't know, I feel like every other week he's doing something wild, right?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So it's almost like this is becoming, I hope, I mean it's like bittersweet because you, you hope that he's basically trying to put something out there to like, you know, that was been in his spirit or whatever to let out. I hope it's, you know, you hope it's real just so he can almost get help for it, you know what I mean? But then you hope it's not real because, you know, it's such a heavy topic. So I hope he's not trying to just really trigger other people. But at the same time, in our black communities, we are taught to be silent. No one talks about anything. We keep it inside, especially black men, to compress it, to really just be like, you know, sweep. Yeah, man up, be tough. And so the masculinity side of it is there. There's a lot of our. Our men that are just holding a lot of this hurt pain inside of them and not have gotten it out yet. So I hope that sounds like a. It's bittersweet to say. Hope it's. It was true. But, you know, but he's just been saying a lot lately, and we're really watching.

[Ashley Nicole]

I don't think. Yeah, I don't think ye would laugh out something like that. And honestly, it's kind of like a big public figure speaking out about that. It's kind of opening up like, okay, yeah, we know Yay has some issues, and he says some crazy things on the Internet to go viral, but this issue is something serious. And I know a lot of friends who have told. Male black friends who have told me whether how they became gay was by force. You know, they were sexually assaulted, their cousins, you know, forced them to do things, or their uncles or their grandfathers or even their own dad. And they didn't speak on it until they became an adult. And I feel like it's opening a gateway to basically come out and talk about it. Yes, it can be embarrassing. You know, some people don't want to talk about it because they don't want to be labeled as, oh, you gay because you did this. Kanye and his lyrics. I'm not a gay man, but this is what I did. I feel like maybe he's exposing himself and putting his whole story out there so nobody else can tell his story. That's just my thing.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And you said you. Oh, go ahead.

[Ashley Nicole]

I was just gonna say I think it's interesting that Kanye can continue to do things like this, you know, put things out in the media, say wild things, do wild things, show up the way he's been showing. And everybody's like, what the hell? You know, but that's it. Whereas, like, if it was, like, a Britney Spears or somebody like that, it's like, everybody's like, you know, somebody needs to take care of her. Take away, like, whatever it is. He needs a conservatorship type of thing, you know, like, where are his people? You know, why is he allowed to continue to, like, be like this? But nobody can control Kanye, if you notice. Nobody can control him. I know, and that's why. But why is that? Like, I understand. Like, I see that nobody can control them, but I feel like if it was a Woman who was acting out in this way, it would be shut down, like, quickly, immediately. And I just find it interesting that Kanye can say the craziest things about Jay Z, Beyonce, you know, like, everything crazy, and nobody's stepping in. Nobody is, you know, even punishing him. Not that he deserves to be punished. It's just like, everybody kind of like.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Where'S the solution to this? What's going on?

[Ashley Nicole]

And they just. It's like, are we just gonna keep letting this happen? Is it gonna snowball into something bigger? You know, are we gonna turn the TV on one day and he's no longer with us? You know, like, this is where I'm thinking. It's like, usually people at some point, and it feels like we're watching this man, like, deteriorate or. I don't know. Maybe this is. I don't know what this. What you would call this, but we just watching it, like, and letting it happen, and nobody's saying anything or doing anything. We're just like. But what can they say or do? I don't know. I don't know. But usually I'm just saying when there's, like, big celebrities that start doing, like. Yeah. Crashing out, somebody at some point, you know, they step in, gonna really have her. With Britney Spears, she had. She had someone over her. She had someone signed off. Like, her daddy ran was over everything. So of course he was able to serve in. Yeah. With Kanye, he. He's his own. Like, I know, but it got to a point where they took over Britney Spears stuff. So that's what I'm saying. Like, there's not like, anybody around him to, like, what they going or something. You know, Kanye is very strategic on what he does. And I feel like, you know, Kanye knows a lot, and they know he knows a lot, so people just let him do what he do. Let him do what he does. And I don't think that's what it. Like, what is the.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

You have around health care for you. Like, they not gonna practice. Who really. Who really cares for him? Who really cares for him? That have enough power to be in. I personally don't know. I'm just saying there has. Like, I don't. I don't know, but I'm just saying, like, there has to be somebody that could step in. Like, he ain't just out here by himself.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Like, well, he has a wife.

[Ashley Nicole]

I mean, not letting.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I'm just saying that's where it's supposed to start. Let's start.

[Ashley Nicole]

She ain't even got her own. She Ain't even got her own brain. That's not true. I think she's very smart, too. I don't see. He was with Kim, like. And Kim's a smart woman. I don't see him being with a lady who was that smart. He wasn't crashing out. He wasn't doing half the stuff that he's doing now. And somebody said that that might be because his. Kim's mama was making sure he was. Had the best doctors and the best medication and the therapist and everything. So maybe right now. Right now, if you spiral. If you read the lyrics, he's on. What's the. What's the laughing gas, Paul? Oh, nitrous or something. Nitrous, yeah. It seems like he's. He's hooked on that, because in the lyrics. I actually read the lyrics. He said it doesn't make him. Yeah, I heard that. What does it. I heard that, but I'm just saying, like. Like you said, he's smart, so I don't see him being with an unsmart lady, but. I don't know. But you might not have control over him either way. But.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It'S sad to see. I'm just. I'm getting. It's exhausting. You don't know what's real, what's not real, what's a triggering for others. He has to be careful because he's already just. It's just. We're seeing one of ours just really just start to spiral into some kind of way. And obviously he has a platform. Obviously he's creative, But I'm just at a point where it's exhausting. When we were talking about something else a couple weeks ago, it's getting exhausting to the point where you, like. I mean, it's not my background to be like, let me go help somebody that keeps giving out signs. I don't know what the signs are.

[Ashley Nicole]

I disagree with that motivation. I disagree with you guys. I disagree with you guys on this one. And I just feel like, you know, he came out, he had a powerful, vulnerable statement moment, and I feel like, y'all. Like, people are judging him based off this song. I didn't say anything. I wasn't judging. I just said, where are his people to help him through this? Clearly he's going through something, but maybe this is a result. So do you call this crashing out? Because he come out simply with a.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Song saying, the pattern is. The patterns are.

[Ashley Nicole]

We're just patterns before we're speaking on this. This is a. We can't just take this out of all of it. Like, we have to look at it as a whole. And as a whole, it seems a little crash outy to me. It doesn't seem like the same person. It doesn't seem. It's giving Crash out. It's not giving. I don't mind. I don't think. Make a song and tell the world.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

We were okay with him. We were okay with him. When it was Katrina saying, president Bush doesn't care about black people, he came out and did that. Then the whole thing with Taylor Swift going up and, you know, taking the mic, we've seen.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, those are over time. It's getting worse. We're speaking on this. I don't feel like it's this situation, him coming out with this and expressing what he did. I feel like he. This is the way I'm letting it out. I don't think we can separate this from what. It's not about separate. It's not about separation. We can sit here and judge someone. I'm not judging him. I'm not judging him. We can say they have patterns or whatever, but I feel like at this moment, Kanye is speaking out. He's expressing what he went through, his childhood trauma. This is what I did, but I'm not like this. So now it's opening up doors for men to be able to speak on it. And it's okay, I'm not gay, but this is what I went through. I reenacted what I saw, but I'm not gay. And a lot of people, a lot of young black men have dealt with this and they're afraid to speak up about it. I don't know. I mean, if it helps men, this song helps men come out, great. But I still feel like he's crashing out. I don't think. I feel like he's having a vulnerable moment and he's. He's speaking out about it. He's speaking out about something that he's not talking about anyone else. He's talking about what happened to him.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So what about all these other vulnerable moments where he's saying, no one's caring about him. Nobody's this, I shouldn't have had kids with his ex wife. You know, it's just one thing after another. Then he's talking about other people's kids and how they were conceived. It just comes from.

[Ashley Nicole]

I understand. He has had. He has had some moments. He's like, we know there's something going on there. Everyone knows it. But my concern with Kanye right now is about this song and him expressing what he Expressed and how it is silence. And when somebody are. Are able to speak on it, we talk about them. They're going in on him. Oh, you gay, you. You put such and such in your mouth. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like he's being vulnerable and he expressing himself. And I don't. I honestly don't think it's a publicity stunt. I don't think it's a publicity stunt. I just really feel like he's crashing out. Like, I just feel like everything is. He. He's not very sane. Like, it's not. It doesn't seem, like, logical. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying that the song, like, is like, we should judge him and call him gay. Like, that's none of my. Like, I. That's the last thing on my mind when I thought. I'm literally thinking of it as in, like, y'all. I'm saying in the comments, of course, you know, and a lot of the comments be men who. It happened to them as well. Right?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Very. Because, you know, sexual trauma is a real thing, obviously. I just think that it has been suppressed in our communities and not just really. I don't want to say just black communities, too, but it's definitely prevalent. We can speak on that, obviously. But again, it's no judgment. It's just very much like we are seeing a pattern of justice, and we're just like, you know, what's next? And we're gonna look up. I hate to say it, you know, we don't want to see him hurt himself one day or something like that. There has to be something that needs to be done. It's just sad. It's just sad to see. It's exhausting to keep hearing about. It's like he keeps saying this. He keeps saying that. And where.

[Ashley Nicole]

Where.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Where is his help?

[Ashley Nicole]

Maybe this is the crime for help. Maybe this is him saying, help me. This is what I'm going through internally. So I made this song so y'all know what I'm going through. This is the only way, the best way I know how to express it. And hopefully, maybe this is his therapeutic hip. Maybe this is therapeutic for him, him letting it be known. This is something that happened to me that was very personal and I'm letting it out. But we can't say he's crashing out because of this. No, I say he's crashing out because of everything as a whole. But I agree that this is probably therapeutic. And maybe it is a cry for help. And maybe this is him, like, putting it out there so he can get it off his chest and maybe somebody can help or. I don't know. But I think as a whole, it's still a crash. It gives crash out. But the song, you know, I hope it does help people. I really do. I hope it does give people, you know, some courage to speak up on their situations.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I just. It's not a hit. It's not a hit. It's not a bop. It's not gonna be played anywhere. This is literally for us to really.

[Ashley Nicole]

I don't think. I don't think he. He put it out there for it to be a hit. Yeah, I don't think.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I don't.

[Ashley Nicole]

I agree.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So.

[Ashley Nicole]

So my question is, is this a powerful moment of vulnerability from a man processing trauma, or is it another headline grabbing move? I think it's both. Both can be true. Both. Yeah, it's been both. To me.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It'S both. Because this has been consistent on his behalf, but at the same time, he has a platform to share it.

[Ashley Nicole]

I. It touches me different because I have close friends who, you know, who have been through this, and it's. It's like, it's heavy. I feel like it. It should open the door for, you know, for men's mental health and the silent pain so many. So many black men hold. It's like we should. It should be okay to talk about. Even if it's coming from Kanye or someone else that we look up to. I feel like this, this right here, it should lead to a serious moment for black men to get help and be. And be open to speak on it and heal from it. Because there's so many that are suffering from this.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It is. And it's not just, you know, male on male. It's definitely women that are babysitters and, you know, the other side of the family that are forcing these men into, like, having sexual energy early, you know, and taking their.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, I think some rappers just put out about how they, you know, had sex early on, you know, with the older woman. Like, that's a lot of men's stories with losing their virginity and.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And then they get over sexual.

[Ashley Nicole]

Exactly, exactly. So for sure, this is a conversation that definitely needs to be, you know, brought up more often. So. I agree, I agree. From that standpoint, I just think that Kanye is still very a performative person. So I still think it's. It's both.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It's like the boy who cried wolf, you know what I mean? Like, they. He was just saying the wolves. He was the sheep herder. And the wolves are coming. The wolves are coming and everyone's like running to go make sure. And there was no wolf. And then finally when the wolf came, you know, no one was there. So we don't know.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. Is it brave or performative for ye to share something this traumatic through music? I think it's both. Ain't that what we just said? I think it's both. It's both. It's both brave because I'm sure he was. I mean, that's brave. That's a brave thing to say and to say it the way he did, just outright blank period. I don't, I honestly don't think for this. I don't, I honestly don't think any other artists would have been able to get away with something like this. Music artists would have been able to get away with something like this. That is a high profile music artist in the rap industry. Because with Yay. Even he's the only, like Ashley said, he's the only one that can go on a rant and say the most outrageous things and people still respect him.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You're right.

[Ashley Nicole]

He's the only one that can say something like this and have people and still not get counseled. Yeah. Because he's had a lot of. He's had a lot of.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

He didn't hit every. Every group.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. That's why I say it's hard to. If somebody has a past of saying things that were cancel worthy. I don't even believe in cancel whatever culture. But when you say things to offend people so often and you say things to make headlines so often, I think it does still. It makes something like this come off performative. Even though it can change lives and it can't open the doors for conversations. It's just, it still gives performative. But I mean, if that's what it means to, you know, make changes happen and you know, and make people talk, then so be it. But you know, you gotta look at who the messenger is. Maybe he's putting it out there before somebody else try to attack him with his deepest dark secrets. My question is, why is it so difficult for men, especially black men, to open up about sexual trauma?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

To me, it's very generational as far as embedded in our culture in general. Auntie and Uncle Nan would come on home or somebody would be, it's the war veteran sometimes that came back and they, oh, a cousin over there lost his mind from the war, but we just leave him over. Or it's very much keeping in the house. We're going to Figure this out together. Stay silent. It's just really much be became. I feel like a. Just a generational silent killer of suppressing your thoughts and not having therapy either. You know, therapy has just really been prevalent for the privilege. Like we just grew up thinking it's for the privilege and really knowing that like us and really.

[Ashley Nicole]

No we, it wasn't even for the privilege. We. When we thought of mental health and therapy and all this. Oh, you crazy. You ain't crazy. You don't need none of that if.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You'Re gonna go talk to somebody you talking to.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. Or you ain't telling our family business. You're not about to go spread out. It's just generational hurts.

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[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

It's very much heavy. Have that heaviness. And what. What people are doing is they are really. It's abusive behavior. And so now that. And it goes off of being physical with your children as far as, like, you know, reprimanding them and using, you know, physical force. All these things were embedded in us, especially just because we would be whipped for talking. We would be hung for talking. So it's just. It has just kept. It's. That's just that little vicious, silent, you know, energy that is just prevalent in a lot of these households. And now it's like, I feel like almost our generation is more like, talkative about it. We're talking about it. We're gonna go to a therapist. We're seeking it out where our children are just like, it's very normal. Like, this is just a part of exercising my brain. So we are really in that space of really starting to break it down. Like, really stop it. But it's to your point, Sherrelle. It's very much generational curse. And that trauma, it's very prevalent in our communities. I mean, we can speak on it, obviously. I'm sure it is in a lot of other communities, too. But we know how that is because we know the people we know. Just don't say nothing leaves this house. You almost feel intimidated. You know what I mean? You almost like, I better not say nothing. I'mma be in trouble with my family. And we put our family to a high standard. You know, I correct.

[Ashley Nicole]

I correct. Sometimes even like the elders in my family when, you know, they still think, oh, hush, boy, stop talking back. And no, don't tell him to hush. Let him speak. Let him express himself. Because in A respectful way. But when you tell them to hush and not be able to respect, to express themselves when they get older, they can't even hold a casual conversation. They can't even look a man in his face eye to eye when they're speaking to him. Because we're raising them to shut up and not speak and look down. Yes, my boys, hold your head up high.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes.

[Ashley Nicole]

Look them in the eye when you're talking to them. Yes, when you have a conversation with me, I want you to look me in my eyes when you're talking to me. Express yourself and lift your head up and your shoulders up high.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That confidence, for sure. And another part of that, the other side of it is crying, too. You know what I mean? You better not cry. You a punk, you know, you weak, you soft. All these things are just put and embedded verbally, you know, just like darts into the. Into the spirit of really essentially parents that are now trying to care for kids and bringing that same trauma. But yeah, we stopping that.

[Ashley Nicole]

We have. We have to break it as parents. And if you are seeing your family or friends or if you're dealing with it, stop it. Stop telling your kids to be quiet. Stop telling them to stop talking back. Let them express themselves. Yeah, they have a voice. They have an opinion. Because you're setting them up for failure if you don't allow them to. To express their feelings.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You're right. Because the boss or somebody. You're right. Like, I'm not going to talk to them in AI. I'm not gonna. You're right. It becomes very much, you know, repetitive.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. And it's to add on to what y'all are saying, you know, it also starts with, you know, telling your children, nobody touches your body. Nobody sees your body. You know, your body is your body and just being very open about, like, your body parts. You know, don't be calling it a pocketbook. It's a vagina, you know, it's a penis. You know what I mean? Because once you start giving it little nicknames, it makes it light. And it's not like, this is my body, this is my body part. You're not supposed to touch that and be vocal about it. And, you know, those are conversations as soon as your baby know, you know.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

Saying what's. Especially leaving your child, you know, in somebody else's care. Like, they. They need to know. Nobody else touches you there. Nobody else looks at you there. These are conversations that, you know, parents need to have with their children, parents need to have with grandparents, whoever's Going to be watching your children, you know, and hopefully that will help, you know, so that we don't even have to get to the, you know, childhood trauma, you know, with any kind of sexual, you know, stuff like that. But I agree with what y'all said. It is generational. It definitely starts. Yeah, it definitely starts with having those conversations with your children and telling them, speak up. If anybody said you speak up. Don't let nobody finesse you into thinking that it's okay to touch on you.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Correct.

[Ashley Nicole]

Exactly.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes.

[Ashley Nicole]

Very important. Is this something that should have been kept private? Does sharing it help with others? Sexual trauma?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You mean with Kanye or just in general?

[Ashley Nicole]

With Kanye and just in general.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I think it's helpful. I think it's always helpful because it does spark something that somebody can maybe, you know, if Kanye can do it, I can do it. Just obviously not in his way, but very much like, let me say something now, you know, I hope that it does that, because they're like, everyone does look at Kanye, you know, to a point where, you know, genius and very much creative, but at the same time, it's like, you know, as iconic. Very much in our. In our generation and just in our world in general. He's up there. So I feel. I feel like it does help out that this guy, because I can't remember who said it before, but, like, no one's ever said done a song like this of his high caliber, you know, of his. Of his talent and so. And of his platform. So this is a big deal. So, again, I hope it does spark something in anyone who's been abused to be like, you know what? It needs to come out, because all we're doing is hurting ourselves when we keep it in.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. I don't think it should have been kept private because obviously, like, we're even talking about it now, and somebody might be watching this now. And even though, you know, to me, I feel like he's crashing out, at least our conversation around it is a little bit more logical and more in depth and, you know, maybe they can pull something from it. And just having this conversation might make them feel comfortable with bringing it up and talking about it or seeking help. So I definitely don't think it's something that should be kept private. You know, I think always seeking help for anything that you're going through that's, you know, disturbing your mental. Let it out. Because keeping it in isn't. Is nine times out of ten is not going to help.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

And don't feel embarrassed speaking on it. That's my suggestion, especially with, you know, what has gone on. We all hold so much in with childhood trauma and it affects us when we're adults. So if you are dealing with any type of situation with childhood trauma, whether it's, man, man, you know, a woman touched on you, whatever it is, I feel like you definitely should seek some, some type of help to get through it.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. Because it's definitely a trickle effect. You know, if you, if you don't stop it and just suppress it, then it trickles down to your. Your seed.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, that's true. Well, we hope Kanye gets the help that he needs. I think he needs help and I hope he gets it. But I'm glad, you know, that we can have this conversation around it and hopefully other people are having conversations about it and it helps somebody. Yes, yes, yes. All right, y'all, it's time to get into our next segment. It is Baddie Business Financial wisdom. We have been getting a lot of suggestions on basically about business talk, on how we save money, how we travel so much, how we're able to do all these things. So we decided to bring in a business segment, financial wisdom. So our first topic is Secure the Bad Baddies Finance talk Baddie budgeting. Took me a long time to get to this point, but I'm here and I'm still working on my budgeting. So we're going to talk about how to glow up without going broke. Okay. If we can't budget, y'all know how we like to spend, how we like to travel, how we like to shop, how we like to do all these things. Got to make sure our finances are aligned, Right?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

So my first question to y'all, what's the most ridiculous thing you've ever blown a check on and instantly regretted it? That's a good question. I mean, it would have to be.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

A bag for me.

[Ashley Nicole]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Because I don't, I don't do that anymore. I'd rather spend like, just like a high, like a high end bag, like a Hermes or a Chanel. Definitely. But like, I, I did that a long time ago. You know what I mean? It was just very much just like, whatever. So now it's more like what could I have done with spending that amount of money on something else? Or it could have been for travel because now that's what it, it is for me, you know, for experience or something that I can have in my mind or help me educational wise. So I, I would feel, I think that it would be something like that just like, overspending on a. I feel.

[Ashley Nicole]

Like I don't normally overspend, but what I'm still working on is spending my money on food.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Like, going out to eat.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. Like, I feel like that's where all my money goes. It's a lot. I don't know. Like, I want to go out here. I want to have all the wine I want to have. I want to order off the menu. I want to try everything. I want to have dessert. You know, I want to do brunch, and I want to do brunch that turns into dinner, you know, it's like. I don't know. All my money just goes to these.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Restaurants, and it gets expensive dining, for sure. And entertainment. Throw them concert tickets in there, too.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. So I just feel like at the end of the day, when I look back at where all my went and it's on food, I'm like, damn. Like, I get mad a little bit because it's like I could have just.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Cooked at home, you know, and that it is cheaper to get groceries. But now we are in this.

[Ashley Nicole]

And the food be better when you.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Cook, of course, but. And you have more. But, like, you look at it now, Eggs are eight, nine dollars exactly. You know what I mean?

[Ashley Nicole]

We're going to Ashley. We're going to Ashley house to get out.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes, we are.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I'm like, I need a dozen, please.

[Ashley Nicole]

But I really have. I really. Today, I want blue egg. You did. No, I'm telling you, I'm coming to your house today. Oh, yeah. I'm have. I'm g. Have all the colors, girl. All the colors. But, yeah, I think. I think for me, the most ridiculous thing I spent my money on, and it wasn't. I mean, it's still a lot. It was like, I spent almost $900 on makeup, and y'all know damn well.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And I'm like, yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

What the hell Did I spend all this money on this makeup?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Just, like, everything for the full beat.

[Ashley Nicole]

The full beat, plus extra stuff. Yeah. When everybody used to. Because you don't even grab the makeup. This was before makeup artists. This was when everybody. Y'all remember when we used to go to Mac and get our makeup done? Yes. The Mac kind of set your appointment.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

They were like, get your eyeliner. Get you this brow.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. Get this whole kit from Matt. The whole kit from Matt. That girl made a good. I get home, he got me good. I'm like, what the hell? Did I buy all this makeup? I don't even do my makeup. Yeah. So I. That's probably the biggest. It's not a big check, but I. The one I felt the most. Well, I'm like, why the hell did I spend it on money? Yeah. It's a waste.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I like that. I'm. I agree with Ashley, too. It's. It's definitely food. Yeah. Like, you look up. You look up when they. You get them itemized list and you like, what? Because, you know, you. If we. Because, well, you know how we'll do it, It'll be a lunch that'll turn into a dinner. Got the check? Yeah, we didn't. Got the check. Then you go. You, like, end up somewhere down the way and you're like, we starting all over again.

[Ashley Nicole]

Then we got driver driving.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah. The Ubers and the. And we in Miami. So you already know, like, you like.

[Ashley Nicole]

A day out is a thousand dollars at the end of. Yes, I have.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes.

[Ashley Nicole]

That's why it's very important on budgeting, making sure that you budget your week out, budget your month out. And I. Sometimes I get a little sidetracked, and I'm like, okay, you know, I'm just going back on. But then when I get back to paying bills and start looking at what I spent, because I do have an app that I use, and I'm like, God dang, I spent all this money on this. Yeah, I know.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You just. You just wipe it.

[Ashley Nicole]

Or I'll look at my amex statement. You know, it has the whole circle in it. And over halfway, they, like, the kids.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

The kids are in trouble because they like to Uber. You know, convenience costs money too.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah. I'm down to you, I have to admit. I'll be Uber and eat. Uber eats in. What is it? Uber eats in? Yeah, Uber eats. Instacart is horrible. Yeah. Now when Covid was going on the Instacart had me in a chokehold. I mean, Covid was over, and I was still instacarting, like, getting back to Covid. And I was like, bitch, you gotta stop doing that. Go to store. Then you go to the grocery store. You go to the grocery store, you, like, you spend $50. Your Instacart bill is two. It's like, I had to. I had to inside tonight. I had to get. What Instacart does is add tack on their price.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So let's say like a service.

[Ashley Nicole]

A juice is 3.99. They're gonna charge 6.99 for the juice because they taking. They cut off of it. Plus the delivery freight. That one had me in a chokehold. I had to I had to cut that out asap. The right there girl, right? Yes.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

But I feel like everyone is getting in that space just because of what administration we're in right now with the unknown of how prices, you know, with the tariffs and things like that going up are scary.

[Ashley Nicole]

It is scary.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So you almost think we, we've gotten so used to things being imported and to the point of like, I feel like people are going to start realizing like your nails, you know, you start looking up, that's a hundred and, you know, 150 every other week or whatever your case may be, people are going to start doing their nails at home or certain things, their hair maybe.

[Ashley Nicole]

I got my gel X kit now.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

You know what I'm saying?

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. I'm gonna start doing nails. That's the thing. Yeah.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Doing your own hair, doing your nails, doing your own thing. Just be. Even gym memberships, little things like that. People are gonna start scaling back. I have a feeling, just because. So you can still have, have these luxuries. It might not be where you can go and have a gym membership somewhere, but you definitely can go and walk. You can definitely have a bike. You can definitely do some other things. So I know there's, there's just, there's two ends of it where you don't have to overly spend.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

But you can be very efficient.

[Ashley Nicole]

When I'm running out of money, I definitely, the first thing for me is I'm gonna do my own hair. I'm gonna do my own hair. I ain't got to the point where I'm doing my own nails yet because I love twa and my nails and my nails. I know my nails stay on point, but my hair is like, literally if I'm on a budget, I'm like, okay, girl, you're going to have to pull out, pull out your flat iron. Okay. And give yourself an hour or two and just knock it out. So for me, that's the way that I, you know, when I need to save a little money, it's definitely one of the things that I will cut back on for sure. And then obviously not going out to eat as much. For me, I'll be like, okay. On the weekend, it's only, you know, something like that.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah. I remember one time it was everyone's birthday was every, like every week we were going somewhere and I was. And then it was like probably like Christmas, Thanksgiving, like from that period of like, right. Like November and then all of December and then right after that, January, we were just like non stop, you know, And I'm just like, there goes. Yeah, the money's going away. But budgeting, that's why.

[Ashley Nicole]

That's why it's very important. It's very important to budget. And ways to help with. I feel like ways to help with budgeting is your credit card. Do offer a free app. One of the apps that I use is Mint. It tracks everything and it also link your bank accounts and as well as your. What you spend, as well as your credit score. So Mint is easy for tracking. And another one that I heard about, I haven't start used it yet. I don't know if you guys. You ladies heard of it? Clio for the girlies who want success with their savings. I never heard of that one, but I never heard of that one. I'm have to try it out. But tips with, with the, with the saving and budgeting, start with the 50. 30. 20 rule. 50 goes towards your needs, 30 goes towards your wants, and 20 goes towards your savings. Some people may switch up the numbers, but that's the regular.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That's a good breakdown.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. Okay. Going into soft life versus smart life. Treat yourself, but make it make sense. That's what I need to work on treating myself, but making it make sense. Because my ass be ready. I treated myself to a trip Paris in June. But I'mma be in the private. The. What's it called? The premium economy.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

But at least you.

[Ashley Nicole]

You don't worry. I'mma be there. Don't worry. Ashley, I'll bring you. I'll bring you snacks there, okay? No, you get. You in premium economy. You still get wine. Okay. You still get tax. So I'm gonna be good. Okay. But I wasn't paying 10k. Not this time. No. Tay K is crazy. It's crazy. This ain't my first time going to Paris, child. I'll see it when I get there. And be sleep.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

So Ashley, when you. When you book, when you book your flight to Paris, did your wallet cry when you spoiled yourself on your. No, not in premium economy. My wallet would have been crying. If I had a book the first class for $10,000, then I would have been crying. The wallet would have been crying. The pilot would have been crying. Everybody would have been crying. Okay. But we gonna be happy. I feel like my wallet still cried. I mean, so we're. So we are going to go to Beyonce concert in Paris. And I was like, we. When the tickets came out, we booked the tickets, got them away, booked our hotel room and we were sitting after. I was like, ashley, we haven't booked our flight yet. What we gonna do? It kind of place was expensive, but it's a whole lot better than 10k.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

France is. France is very expensive. Like even just the hotels to be centrally located, you know.

[Ashley Nicole]

So I budgeted. Okay.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

A lot, maurice.

[Ashley Nicole]

Because for 10k child, we can do a whole bunch with 10k.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yes, you can. Yes.

[Ashley Nicole]

That's a whole new career.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I like to travel, so it is. Even if I might not be in first, it's definitely like I'll splurge on the hotel view. If we're by ocean, then I like to see the ocean. If I'm traveling, that is more important to me than how I would get there. Yeah, Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

I have to be comfortable, though. I cannot. Like, I have bad knees and I just can't. If it's a long flight. Yeah, I just can't do it. I'm gonna have to be very comfortable. But. But the seats that we book are comfortable. It's the one behind Delta one, right? Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Thank you for calling Amica Insurance.

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[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of.

[Ryan Seacrest]

At Ameca, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica empathy is our best policy.

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[G]

Have you ever looked around at your crew and thought, man, these are my people? The ones who turn the smallest moments into memories you'll be talking about for years. The folks who show up when you need them and make your life so much better. Well, now you can make those moments even sweeter. Because Share a Coke is back. And this time, it's all about celebrating friendships. Whether you're hanging out, watching the game, or just chopping it up. There's a Coke for everyone from bestie and bro to classic names like David and Sarah. These special cans and bottles are made for your whole squad. So grab one, crack it open and toast to the people who make life worth celebrating. But don't wait. They won't be around forever. So grab one for everybody, pop the top and keep the good Vibes flowing. Next time you're making memories, don't miss your chance to share a coke with all your favorite people.

[Unknown]

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[Ashley Nicole]

They still give us all the wine we want. Everything gonna be good. The seats go back a little bit.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

They don't come back all the way. But they not a sleeper.

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, they ain't a sleeper but you can put your head back. That's all I need. Listen, them, them tickets were still expensive. They was like 4, 500 for that. It was still high but 10k baby.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

No, can't do it. I'm trying to go back to Nigeria later this year.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

So.

[Ashley Nicole]

Daddy December Lex, you gotta come with us.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I will.

[Ashley Nicole]

We can't, we can't mix let you miss out on the next trip since.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Y'All been there, you know, let you know the lay of the, you know, the groundwork is done. I got it's easier now. I can just show up. You know what I mean?

[Ashley Nicole]

I'm gonna be a citizen by the time you come, Chad.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I know that's wrong with me too.

[Ashley Nicole]

I'm gonna have my Nigerian passport by the time you come.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Please. I believe that. I want to go because now you guys, you guys, you do know enough people now to where it can be it's you show. You've shown us it's safe.

[Ashley Nicole]

It ain't enough people we know the right right. I know who knows right people notice. All right you guys, let's go into the next one building that that accent plan when it's time to bounce. Whether it's from job or at least how to plan your money moves before you dip. This is one that I can relate to. And you guys are going to be shocked when I tell you guys this what I did to transition from the army into my real estate company. Okay, So I had a side hustle and some of the side hustle tips before I go into it are monetizing skills you already have. Writing, beauty, admin, digital work. So when I was transitioning out the military, one of my confessions was my side hustle was being a Uber driver. Yes. Are you picking me up in no Uber? I swear. I had it. I had a. I like that. Listen, y'all, I was a hustler. I had a. I was working for ReMax Bayside. I was still in the military. I would literally. I could talk about it now because I ain't in the military. Y'all can't get me now. I would literally drink and listen. I would literally bring two patrol caps to work, and I would leave one on my desk because our compound was so big. So I would leave one on my desk to act like I was still at work.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Like you went to the bathroom or something?

[Ashley Nicole]

Yeah, like I went to the bathroom or I went to the other building lunchroom or something. And I would leave. So I would leave one on my desk and I would leave work lunchtime. If I'm not going to close on the house, I would go Uber drive, like, pick up. And in that area, Bayshore and all that, that's where the. The money at. They would tip good. So for a good, what? Six months before I opened up my brokerage, I was hustling Uber driving using my commission checks. I used one of my commission checks to start up my real estate company. I registered my business. It took $1,200 just to start up my real estate company. I registered my business. I found a office lease that was a nice little size where I could put me a nice desk decorated, and that was $600 a month. And I got my whole little startup. So I spent a total of 1200, got my. My insurance, and then I just started marketing. And I would use that money. Once I had everything set up and I was able to move into and transition into my. My real estate business, I stopped Uber driving. But that was one of the things I did to help me be where I'm at today.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I love that.

[Ashley Nicole]

Humble beginnings.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah, you are a humble beginning.

[Ashley Nicole]

Okay, so how. How did you. Okay, so then when did you know, like, you were going to be done with the army and you were ready to fully, like, transition into real estate? So a lot of people, I speak on it sometimes, but I do. I was diagnosed with ptsd and I had a bad back from jumping out of airplanes and, you know, being deployed to Afghanistan twice. My ears, I was just jacked up. And one day my daughter was like, mom, you're not the same person anymore. I used to have road rage and everything, and I was like, I'm not the same person I was anymore. Like, the military really changed me. And I went to go, you know, talk to a therapist. At first I was like, you don't know what I've been through. How you gonna tell me what I'm going through? Like, very defensive about it. And I gave it another try and I had a talk with myself. I said, if I'm not fully a full leader to lead my soldiers, if I'm not 100% well and not fully capable to lead my soldiers, I wouldn't want a leader like this. So now it's time for me to, to, you know, I've, I've done my job. I did what I had to do. So I went to go get therapy, you know, cope through everything that I went through in the military. And they, my, my doctor suggested that I medically met for it. So I medically retired after serving 12 and a half years. And it was probably one of the best decisions I made because I feel like a lot of people just stick in that situation or stick in that position, that job, because they're comfortable and it's an easy check and it's not fair and it's not right for. Especially if you're a senior non commissioned officer and you're leading soldiers because you're not guiding them, you're not leading them in the right direction where they need to go because your mind is not there. So for me, I didn't want to be selfish and I knew it was time for me to hang it up. Okay, wow. So were you also, like, financially, like, stable enough, you know, based off of like having the side hustle and what you had saved up already or like, was you just like, I'm gonna just do it and figure it out? Like, was you already? I mean, I was guaranteed, you know, in the military it's guaranteed income. It pays your bah, you get food allowance. It was a comfortable income. No, I wasn't able to live the lifestyle that I'm living now, but I was comfortable. Yes. I was scared once I transition because I'm transitioning to be an entrepreneur, my own boss, and I didn't have anything else to depend on. It was just me, me taking care of my kids. So it was scary, but I couldn't look at it like that. It just made me work harder and go harder after what I really wanted. And my ego was high because I wanted to prove people wrong. Like, who was like, you're crazy. You're getting out after 13 years. What are you gonna do? You'll fail. Like I was hearing all those things. So it was my point to prove People wrong who were telling me that I was crazy for doing it. So I really didn't look at it as I knew I wanted to be successful. So I focus more on that than worried about what if. What if this happened or what if because it's gonna happen, you're gonna fail at times, but it just makes you work harder. And that's what I did. Okay. All worked out. It worked out, child. I'm living my best life now.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

We love that.

[Ashley Nicole]

So the next one. Do y'all have any side hustles? Hustle tips? It don't have to be now, like when y'all was younger or, well, I'm about to start selling these eggs. That's a good one.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I always think it's always just good to take classes. There's a lot of free online classes, too. So it's just whatever you can to just keep your brain wired to just, like, what's next. It's always a learning curve. Even just learning something like, let's just say something like, I don't know, I'm just thinking editing something. Or it could be. It's just so many different things. You can learn and have a side hustle on the side, you know what I mean? And get some residual income. I do feel like it's necessary for those that need, you know, another income where they could do it from home or just whatever you're good at. So I just like to always educate myself on something, use these free classes, get advice from those, and just really, just do your best to like, really perfect yourself for who you are, keep your brain, like, functioning and just trying to improve yourself. I think those are some. Some keys too, you know?

[Ashley Nicole]

Yes. Well, that's great. I'm glad we were able to discuss a little business into our segment because people need to learn. People want to listen. People want to know our story. So let's go into our last segment of the night. And it is before we get into our humble baddies mail. It is confession listener confession questions. What would a daddy answer? So you guys know, every week we're going to start taking questions via our stories. So if you have a question, make sure you follow us on IG to ask your questions. Our producer will randomly pick five questions and we will respond to it. So let's get into it. Ashley, you want to read the question? Okay. Question number one. Can a man be too emotional or are women just conditioned to avoid vulnerability? Can a man be too emotional or are women just conditioned to avoid vulnerability?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

I think it's all about tone. So anybody can be emotional, even male or female. I think it's just about tone. Being aggressive or being very mild, whatever your tone is, or being, you know, disrespectful or passive aggressive, whatever the case may be. To me, it's tone that would be.

[Ashley Nicole]

The key is knowing how to express yourself, knowing how to express your emotions, because, you know, you don't want to be emotionless. You don't want to be with somebody who has no emotions or doesn't know how to show emotion. So I think just knowing how to express it and showing it in a healthy way, being able to communicate what your feelings are, being able to, you know, if you're frustrated, being able to, you know, say that you're frustrated, but still being a very respectful person. You know, it's just all in, out, like you said. Tone. Yeah, we were going to read five, but we got to wrap it up. Five questions, but we got to wrap it up. So let's get into the humbles. Bad humble Betty mail. And next time, if y'all have any questions, we gotta make sure we were able to answer them. So, Alexis, you want to go ahead and take over the humble?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Sure. Hi, ladies. I love your show podcast and I'm a huge fan of each of you as women and baddies who are thriving and doing it so well. I'm a. I'm 36 years old. I'm currently renting my place here in Chicago. I love, love, love my apartment. It is my first apartment on my own without a roommate and I have created a little home and it's so convenient for my leisure, etc. One month ago, I was told my rent was going to go up by $400. I tried to negotiate a slight increase and was told no. I'm torn between staying here and paying the increase, which would make me be on such a tight budget and that is not how I want to live. My other choice would be to move back in with my parents. I have budgeted and could probably save 15k in 6 months if I do so that is, hopefully I can buy my own place, but I'm risking my independence inconvenience that I made my parents live one hour away. Moving here four years ago, I envisioned having found a partner to split costs, move in together, et cetera. It almost happened but didn't work out. What would you decide to do? I'm torn between staying and feeling so. Feeling so tight with money and staying another year hoping to find a partner. Or do I move in with my parents, save money and Then come back six to nine months from now.

[Ashley Nicole]

Well, ladies, my advice to anybody who has the option, the privilege of staying with your parents so that you can save money so that you can purchase a home of your own, I say that is always going to be for me, my number one choice. Like, like and advice. I think that, you know, especially like in the black community, we're always like, oh, you 18, you got to get out. You know, find your, you know, figure it out. Save your money, do what you got to do. Get a roommate. Well, wooty woo. Like, we just kind of push our children out into the world to figure things out and, you know, to struggle. And I think that nowadays the conversation is a little bit different. You know, we don't want our children to struggle anymore. Like, yes, we want them to be able to go off into the world and be able to, you know, take care of themselves and be successful and, you know, be able to be out in the world without, you know, us having to do everything for them. But the world is not set up for that. Like, the way things cost these days. It's impossible for you to experience you in college. You can't go out here and, you know, make a living. Nine times out of 10, you're going to be in debt from college. You know, rent is sky high and you know, you know, we're in real estate. And I will always tell people, like, you're throwing your money away paying rent. Save that money if you have the, the, you know, privilege to be able to live with your parents, you know, help them out around the house, maybe give them, you know, some money here and there for whatever, you know, I'm not saying, like, be a freeloader at all. What I'm saying is stay at home, first of all. That's the safest place you could be anyway. So for me, like, that's always gonna be like safety. Like, I don't know, I'm always gonna say, be your parents. Your parents ain't gonna be here forever. What's the rush? My babies ain't gonna be babies forever, so what's the rush? I'm not trying to push em out into the world. Like, stay home, save your money. Use that money for, you know, your down payment on your own place instead of, you know, trying to pay for rent. Because that's a waste of money. So that's what I would tell, you know, our humble Betty. That's good advice reader. To me, that's the best option. Save your money. It might be a little uncomfortable for a little while, but to me, that's the best thing to do for sure. Yeah, that was great advice. Thank you, Ashley.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Yeah.

[Ashley Nicole]

Well, we hope you take our advice from our humble Betty Ash. What was her name again?

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

She didn't say. It's just she's from Chicago.

[Ashley Nicole]

From Chicago. Unknown sender from Chicago. Until next time you guys. That is the end of our show. Thank you guys for watching. Tuning in. If you have any questions, suggestions, or just want any advice from us, make sure you guys hit us up@contact humblebatties.com our producers will make sure that you get it. Make sure you follow us. Subscribe. Like tell your family, tell your friends. Go over to YouTube and hit that subscribe button. Until next time, make sure you follow me. I'm Sherrell Rosado Underscore on Instagram. I'm Ashley Nicole on Instagram.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

And I'm alexissottemeyer on Instagram.

[Ashley Nicole]

And follow Humble Baddies podcast. Until next time, guys. We're out.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Good night.

[Unknown]

Amazon One Medical Presents Painful Thoughts do.

[Unknown DJ]

They ever actually clean the ball pit at these kids play gyms? Or is my kid just swimming in a vat of bacteria catching whatever cootie of the day is breeding in there? A cootie that'll probably take down our whole family.

[Unknown]

Luckily, with Amazon One Medical 24. 7 Virtual Care, you can get checked out for whatever ball pittitis you've contracted. Amazon One Medical Healthcare just got less painful.

[G]

The best moments happen when you're with your people, laughing, vibing and just enjoying life. Coke is making those moments moments even sweeter. Share a Coke is back and it's all about sharing with the whole crew. Doesn't matter if it's your bestie or bro, there's a can with their name on it. So grab one for the squad and make some memories. But hurry because these Coca Cola limited edition bottles and cans won't be here forever. Don't miss your chance to share a Coke with all your favorite people.

[Unknown DJ]

Hello, darlings.

[Ashley Nicole]

Pack your suitcase for a new season.

[Unknown DJ]

Of the Hulu original reality series. Is Band A Pump Villa.

[Ashley Nicole]

Let's do this.

[G]

Ciao.

[Ashley Nicole]

It's Stassi. Of course. Lisa brought in her favorite to be resident chaperone of the castle.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

Stassi is an icon.

[Unknown DJ]

She's my eyes and ears. I love this.

[Ashley Nicole]

Get ready for the luxury and drama.

[Alexis Welch Stoudemire]

That awaits us in Italy. Cheers to all the toxic couples in the castle.

[Unknown DJ]

Season 2 of Vanderpump Villa premieres April.

[Ashley Nicole]

24, streaming on Hulu.

[Unknown DJ]

Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny day delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no.

[Unknown]

But a banana?

[Unknown DJ]

That's a yes.

[Unknown]

A nice tan?

[Unknown DJ]

Sorry, Nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Ubereats can definitely get you that. Get almost. Almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app. For details.