Humble Baddies - Part 1: Cowboy Carter Tour Recap + Soft Life vs. Struggle Love

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Shay Shay – "Humble Baddies - Part 1: Cowboy Carter Tour Recap + Soft Life vs. Struggle Love"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Club Shay Shay
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts and Shay Shay Media
• Description: NFL legend Shannon Sharpe—3x Super Bowl champion and member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame—sits down with the biggest athletes, celebrities, and influencers to discuss their accomplishments, challenges, and everything in-between.
• Episode: Humble Baddies - Part 1: Cowboy Carter Tour Recap + Soft Life vs. Struggle Love
• Release Date: June 24, 2025

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1. Recap of the Cowboy Carter Tour in Paris

Megan and Alexis kick off the episode by sharing their exhilarating experience attending Beyoncé's "Cowboy Carter" show in Paris. Megan exclaims, “It was beautiful” (03:15), highlighting the unexpected depth of the performance compared to Beyoncé's previous "Renaissance" tour.

Key Highlights:

• Performance Quality: Megan notes, “There was not one dull moment at her concert” (04:06), emphasizing the mesmerizing and high-energy show.
• Special Appearances: Beyoncé brought out Miley Cyrus, adding surprise and star power to the event.
• Audience Reception: Despite the high expectations, Megan mentions she expected “a little bit more from the Parisian crowd” (05:18), observing the significant number of tourists attending the concert.

Notable Quote:

• Megan on the concert's impact: “Beyoncé, when you go to her concert, it's like, it's a whole performance. It's entertainment. It's like you're mesmerized” (04:15).

2. Experiences in Paris

The hosts delve into their stay in Paris, sharing memorable moments and favorite spots.

Dining and Hospitality:

• Restaurants: Megan and the team praised restaurants like SUO Paris for their exceptional hospitality, stating, “When we got there, it was beautiful. The drinks, the food. It was beautiful” (09:42).
• Favorite Venue: Alexis shares a personal story about Lamaris Hotel, “My first engagement was there. I like their lounge. It's one of my favorite places” (12:06).

Sightseeing:

• While Megan mentions limited sightseeing due to multiple visits to Paris, the group reminisces about iconic locations and the overall ambiance of the city.

3. Planning Future Events: Humble Baddie Retreat

The conversation shifts to upcoming plans, with a focus on organizing a "Humble Baddie Strip Retreat."

Alexis’ Culinary Journey:

• Alexis discusses her passion for cooking, stating, “I'm really in my bag... ignited the spirit in me of wanting to take off creatively in the culinary space” (12:49).
• Future Goals: She expresses excitement about her progress and future culinary endeavors, highlighting her growth in a high-volume commercial kitchen.

Retreat Planning:

• The hosts express enthusiasm about the retreat, aiming to create an empowering and enjoyable experience for their community.

4. Soft Life vs. Struggle Love

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the modern concepts of the "Soft Life" and "Struggle Love."

Defining the Terms:

• Soft Life: Represents luxury, leisure, and ease, often showcased on social media as an ideal lifestyle.
• Struggle Love: The romanticization of challenges and hardships within relationships, portraying them as signs of deep love.

Discussion Points:

• Social Media Influence: Megan critiques the "soft life" as a social media construct, stating, “It's always like there's something that's trendy. And right now, it's the soft life thing” (24:07).
• Authenticity Concerns: Both Megan and Alexis discuss the disparity between the portrayed "soft life" and the underlying realities, emphasizing that many maintain this image through hidden struggles.
• Cultural Shift: Megan appreciates the movement of Black women embracing the "soft life," moving away from the perpetual image of strength and independence that often leads to burnout.

Notable Quotes:

• Megan on the double-edged sword of the soft life: “It's a double edged sword. ... what are you doing for this?... Are you happy? Is it temporary satisfaction?” (07:08).
• Alexis on societal pressures: “It's very much societal, like Ashley said. It's also generational. It's your family, it's your church... it's a lot of pressure” (35:34).

Women Tolerating Potential in Men: The hosts explore why some women continue to invest in relationships where men show potential but rarely fulfill it.

Key Insights:

• Fear of Starting Over: Shannon notes, “women who still tolerate the potential in men, it's because they're afraid to start over” (32:13).
• Cultural Conditioning: Megan explains, “We're taught to give people a chance... we're taught that he's the one” (33:28).
• Empowerment Against Societal Norms: Alexis and Megan emphasize the importance of setting high standards and not settling for less, highlighting increased confidence and independence among women today.

5. Final Thoughts and Relationship Dynamics

Struggle Love vs. Healthy Relationships: The hosts discuss the misconception that conflict signifies true love, advocating for peaceful and supportive relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Megan on toxic relationships: “Oh, he fights me because he loved me. That's nothing but love. Oh, you know, that's toxic” (39:10).
• Alexis on personal growth: “You don't realize that God is really counting your tears... it's for a reason” (40:27).

Celebrating Soft Life in Relationships: The conversation concludes with a positive outlook on achieving a "soft life" within healthy, committed relationships, emphasizing mutual support and understanding.

---

Time Stamps:

• 03:15 – Megan praises Beyoncé's concert.
• 04:06 – No dull moments at the concert.
• 04:15 – Megan on being mesmerized by the performance.
• 05:18 – Discussing the Parisian crowd's composition.
• 09:42 – Praise for SUO Paris restaurant.
• 12:06 – Alexis shares her engagement story at Lamaris Hotel.
• 12:49 – Alexis discusses her culinary journey.
• 24:07 – Megan critiques the "soft life" trend.
• 07:08 – Megan on the complexities of the soft life.
• 35:34 – Discussion on societal pressures influencing relationships.
• 32:13 – Shannon on women's tolerance for potential in men.
• 33:28 – Megan on cultural conditioning in relationships.
• 39:10 – Megan addresses toxic relationship myths.
• 40:27 – Alexis shares insights on personal growth and God's purpose.

---

Conclusion: In this episode of Club Shay Shay, Megan and Alexis offer a vivid recount of Beyoncé's spectacular concert in Paris, delve into their enriching experiences in the city, and explore deeper societal themes surrounding the "soft life" and "struggle love." Through engaging dialogue and personal anecdotes, they provide insightful perspectives on modern relationships, cultural expectations, and the pursuit of a balanced, fulfilling life. This episode serves as both an entertaining tour recap and a thoughtful discussion on navigating personal well-being and relationship dynamics in today's world.

Transcript

[Host]

This is an iHeart podcast.

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[Megan]

It's Megan.

[Alexis]

Are you ready for megansummer? Megan.

[Megan]

Megan.

[Alexis]

Megan.

[Degree Representative]

Megan.

[Megan]

Megan.

[Alexis]

Would you prefer that I give you.

[Host]

A printout that you can read at your own pace?

[Megan]

Megan?

[Alexis]

Yes, it's me.

[Host]

What a shock.

[Megan]

Et cetera on June 27.

[Alexis]

She is a smoking hot warrior princess. All right, meat sacks, let's get to work. Are you going to stand in my way?

[Host]

The bee is. Think you learned your lesson the first time.

[Alexis]

Megan. Megan 2.0 only in theaters June 27th for DPT 13.

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[Alexis]

Bonjour, Lady.

[Host]

Mexi.

[Alexis]

Yes.

[Megan]

We are back, y' all. I'm back.

[Host]

Ashley. Ashley. Yeah. Say a few things that you learned while we were in Perry.

[Megan]

I learned. Garcon.

[Host]

Garcon.

[Alexis]

Garcon. Garcon. Garcon.

[Megan]

That was my favorite. I was like that the whole time.

[Host]

No, say what you said. And they was like, you shouldn't say it like that. That's kind of rude.

[Megan]

But I said, excuse my.

[Host]

Yes, excuse Me. Oh, my goodness. We had such an amazing time.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Alexis]

Yes. Tell the people where y' all were. Let them know. Remind me.

[Megan]

Went to see the Cowboy Carter show in Paris. It was just so amazing. I swear, that show was better than Renaissance. I didn't think that was possible to top the Renaissance show. It's like, I wasn't expecting that. I was like, okay, it's country. I mean, it's Beyonce, so I'm gonna go see it. But I didn't expect it to be what it was. I mean, she really performed. The mic was on. Honey was singing. Singing. Okay. And she gave us songs from the Renaissance, and she brought out Miley Cyrus, and she played some of her old hits. I mean, she performed for three hours straight.

[Host]

Yes.

[Megan]

It was beautiful.

[Host]

It was beautiful.

[Megan]

Cheryl's not a Pharrell, part of the Beehive, so we need to hear from Sherrell.

[Host]

Listen, okay, Ashley. Ashley can vouch for me sitting right next to me. And I had the time of, like, I was all into it. Like, Beyonce, when you go to her concert, it's like, it's a whole performance. It's entertainment. It's like you're mesmerized. I don't know what the hell Beyonce be doing, but it's something that captures you into her where it's not a dull moment. There was not one dull moment at her concert. Like, it was so beautiful. It was well performed. Everyone did amazing. My girl Blue showed out with her little dancing, her walking like baby Blue. Blue came back and said, y' all ain't gonna talk about me no more. I'm about to show y' all who was giving. Attitude. Give me attitude.

[Alexis]

I love it. Yeah, I love it. Do you all feel like watching Beyonce overseas in a city of love like Paris?

[Megan]

Paris.

[Alexis]

Do you feel like it was a different energy compared to, like, watching her in the cities?

[Megan]

Me and my friends, we always make a trip of it, so we saw Renaissance in Toronto, so we try to, like, travel to see her because, I mean, I've seen her show, like, locally, and it's great, but it's something about being somewhere different. And, like, making a trip with your friends, it just makes it, like, ten times more special. But I will say I did expect a little bit more from the Parisian crowd. As far as their look. I was expecting to see, like, you know, just head to toe, Cowboy Carter down. And it wasn't given that, but I.

[Host]

Feel like it was more tourists there than the actual. Yes. I feel like it was. There was so many tourists that came to Her. The show in Paris, it was crazy.

[Alexis]

You had.

[Megan]

They was like, oh, my gosh.

[Alexis]

Ooh, la la. Okay. Because I found this awkward part of Water and y' all right below.

[Host]

You know what?

[Alexis]

But low key. I think that Beyonce has made the cowboy look glamorous and iconic, and you can make it to what you want it to be. And it's very much giving Americana a very much like, this is America. You know what I mean? We're prideful. We are cowboy chic. And that's where she's deriving it from. So maybe that's what it is. You know, Paris is known for fashion and high fashion and very much like, you know, style, grace in their own way. But the cowboy Carter vibe and the movement that y' all brought, which y' all. Fitz, you know, y' all represented for the States, even though we going through it right now, you know. You know, but y' all were representing, you know, and y' all fit.

[Host]

Y' all was beautiful.

[Megan]

The messaging of her music, like, of course, I've listened to the album a million times, but it was something about watching her perform the songs and hearing the lyrics. Like, there's a message in her music, and it's so just on par for what's going on right now. Like, it really is. So everybody, y' all need to go listen to the lyrics. I mean, it's just very. She's making a statement, and I love that.

[Alexis]

So you feel like she's evolved through her music? Because I feel like that's what some naysayers say is like, you know, she hasn't evolved. She's the same Beyonce. You. She definitely feel different.

[Megan]

Sure. She's like, I'm gonna stand. She's like, basically saying, like, she belongs to me. In country music, this. Black people started it. Like, this is where we belong.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Megan]

She gave.

[Host]

She gave you a list.

[Megan]

She gave you a.

[Host]

It was so much from the past.

[Megan]

She had Cyrus on there. Like, it was just. It was kind of.

[Host]

It was beautiful.

[Alexis]

Hey. So y' all miss Jay Z?

[Megan]

I saw.

[Host]

I've been seeing why Jay Z couldn't come out on June came on the third night.

[Megan]

We went on the first night.

[Alexis]

Oh. So she was there for three nights. So y' all warmed up. Y' all warmed it up for everybody. And Patty, I love that.

[Host]

It was beautiful, though. It was.

[Alexis]

I love Paris. Paris is a. Is a beautiful city.

[Host]

Ashley.

[Alexis]

Yes.

[Host]

All the restaurants Ashley picked, they were perfect. Amazing. The food was amazing.

[Megan]

Every day. I ate it. It was good.

[Alexis]

You know, what is. Which is Dope about French cuisine. Like, that's what I'm graduating in is in French culinary, which is so. You know what I mean? Like, they just. The epitome of grace. Like, where do you think we get the word from valet? Like, very. The opulence and the royalty that comes from France. You know, cafes and croissants and, you know, all these different things, like just the elevated culinary experience. So I know exactly what you guys are talking about, because they're just the way that, you know, from learning in the culinary space, the type of cuts, the brunois and the julienne, all these things are derived from French culinary and French opulence. So I know y' all were eating good over there.

[Host]

I want to give a shout out to. Yeah, To Suelo Paris. Sulu. Sulu Paris. They actually got in a day late, but they hosted us for dinner. And when I tell you, they laid it out for us. The drinks, the food. It was beautiful. The food was so good. So shout out to SUO Paris for hosting us. When we got there, it was beautiful. And the plastic cages.

[Alexis]

I love that. Yes, ladies.

[Host]

We turned places into, like, karaoke spots. We had little. We went to a shisha lounge. We turned it out. We had the owners out partying with us. Ashley missed it. What's the other spot we went to start with the Mona Monarch. I think it was Monarch. They hosted a shout out to them. They gave us a, you know, bottles. They laid out the carpet for us when we got there, too. So they. Paris, showed us some love while we was out there.

[Alexis]

That's beautiful. Did you all get to do any sightseeing, like, go to the chandelier or just go to.

[Megan]

But we've been to Paris like, a few times, so I didn't really, like, need to do all that again, but. But yeah, I mean, and we were in, like, in and out. We were only there for a couple days, so I was there for the food and Beyonce.

[Alexis]

Except for the food.

[Host]

Beyonce. A little shopping.

[Megan]

I love it.

[Alexis]

I love it. Yes, ladies.

[Host]

But apparently we were staying next to. I never heard Emily. And I kept getting all these. These Instagram messages about, oh, Emily in Paris or something. Is it a show or something?

[Megan]

That's where Emily and Paris was at, like, in Michigan.

[Host]

So where. Wherever we were staying at was one of the places that she was at as well. Because everybody. We was like, why everybody coming here taking pictures? But that was. And when I was walking, I was like, okay, let me look into Emily in Paris.

[Megan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexis]

One of my favorite hotels in Paris is the Lamaris. It's one of my favorite, favorite places. I have memories there.

[Host]

And what kind of memories you got there, Lake? I got engaged there.

[Alexis]

My first engagement. My first engagement was there. I mean, I'm gonna have my first and my last. How about that? But my first engagement was at the La Marie, so I like it there. I like their loun that they have there. It's one of my favorite places.

[Host]

It was just beautiful. We had.

[Alexis]

Yeah, Paris is gorgeous.

[Host]

Yes. We're gonna have to plan us a humble baddie strip. Let's go. Yes. The retreat. We still have the retreat we need to plan. We haven't forgot about y' all. The retreat is coming. We gotta get on it. Lex, enough about us. What you been doing, girl?

[Alexis]

I have been chefing it up in the restaurant at Smith and Webster's. Just really in my bag. Liter, just, really just in my elements. Every day has been nonstop as far as just going and being creative and just being a presence in the kitchen. I found a new passion into it now to the point of where I'm just like, okay, now I see why I'm here. I see my purpose and I'm just really gravitating to that space. And I'm just been elated. Like people have been coming through and coming, like, coming through, having the food and chopping it up with me, and it's just been really, really, like purposeful. And I'm just proud of myself with this progress because this is my first time in a basically a commercial kitchen. And to be in this restaurant, like high volume space and to really know that I did so much work to like learn and to really, you know, improve my craft. This externship has been right on time for just the growth of Alexis. So I'm just like more than ecstatic of just like really being in this space and really understanding now and having more respect for every. The ladies and the gentlemen that are in the white coats now, that are behind the scenes navigating because people depend on us for food nourishment, excitement and all the ambiance and really just the curated experience. And it's just ignited the spirit in me of just like wanting to like now take off creatively and in the culinary space of what's needed. So stay tuned for more because it's just, it's going down. I'm just, it's been, it's been great to be in my space, my element, you know, like my lane. I have time now to like really focus on like my dreams and My goals, and it's happening in real time, so it's been. It's been dope.

[Megan]

It's been good.

[Alexis]

Proud of me.

[Host]

I can't wait, because I'm ready to eat some Chef Lex food. I'm ready to going down.

[Alexis]

It's going down.

[Megan]

We gotta plan that.

[Alexis]

Sure.

[Megan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alexis]

Here we are.

[Megan]

I'm excited.

[Host]

Well, we do have some stuff coming up this weekend. Y' all ready? I hope y' all know the lyrics.

[Alexis]

What's going on?

[Host]

Last time I check out what's the man on these street. That's right. That's right. So I get to chop it up with y' all. We're gonna turn up, have some fun, have our. Have our best, you know?

[Megan]

Y' all gowns ready? It's black tie.

[Host]

Oh, I'm ready.

[Megan]

All right, me too. You ready?

[Alexis]

Not yet. Not yet.

[Megan]

Okay. But we'll be. I have a dress. It's a little simple, but I'm gonna make it work.

[Alexis]

Yeah, it's black tie, you know, like, show up and show out, you know, it's time to, like, really have that black excellence and that black. The culture, you know? I love it.

[Host]

It's beautiful. When he did his first.

[Alexis]

You told me about this. Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

When he did his first one in Atlanta, I was like, he need to go on tour. And when I seen the tour, I was like, oh, I gotta get my tickets. I gotta get my ticket.

[Alexis]

I'm excited.

[Megan]

Atlanta to Miami. Lord Jesus, I be craving Atlanta. Like, old Atlanta. Yeah, he's on it.

[Alexis]

Why is that?

[Megan]

We're in Miami. I have a lot of friends that are born and raised in Miami, and we have a battle at least once a year at a cookout at somebody house, and we just do Atlanta music versus Miami music. And I really be having to hold it down for at least.

[Host]

It's a big difference.

[Alexis]

It's a difference.

[Megan]

Atlanta is gonna beat y' all every time. So this, for me, is everything. Like, I can't wait. I cannot.

[Host]

Yeah, I'm super excited for it.

[Megan]

Like, you know?

[Alexis]

Yeah. I hope everyone, like, shows up. You know what I mean? Like, dress up. We don't ever get to, like, really dress up. And since there's the orchestra and since there is just us, we gotta. We gotta. Yeah.

[Host]

Cause y' all know, sometimes I love my. I love.

[Alexis]

Us, our people. Well, I already know what you got to say, Cherelle. Go ahead and say it.

[Megan]

We're gonna do right this time. We gonna show up, we gonna have on our gowns. The guys are gonna have on their tuxes.

[Alexis]

That's a beautiful date night or girls.

[Host]

Night out for us.

[Megan]

Yeah. So it's gonna be good. We gonna show up, we're gonna be cute. You know, we're gonna look real sophisticated, and we gonna be rapping them lyrics to the symphony. Yeah.

[Alexis]

You know, it's concert season. I feel like, you know, y' all just coming back from Beyonce and it's just like every couple weeks, it's like concert after concert after concert. Chris Brown's coming at the end of July. My tribe wants to go to that. I'm like, y' all want me to chaperone because I need to get my voice ready.

[Megan]

She has a small baby tour. I was trying to. Naomi, Sharon, y' all know I be listening to her.

[Alexis]

That's Brown.

[Megan]

No, no, but she got a concert. It's gonna be in New York at the end of July. I'm trying to make it so.

[Alexis]

Well, we go. I'm going to Morgan Wallen with Array. Oh, I don't know. I'm going with a ray. So we shall see. This is. Oh, she turned 20, y' all. I have a 20 year old.

[Megan]

Happy birthday.

[Host]

Happy birthday, Array.

[Alexis]

I just can't believe I have a 20 year old. Like, it's just at this point, she.

[Host]

Ain'T your daughter no more. That's your sister.

[Alexis]

Let me tell you something. She gonna forever be my sister. My daughter, my daughter.

[Host]

Okay.

[Alexis]

My baby. Because we done been through the most together. You know, there's something about the old.

[Host]

No, that's a. That's a joke.

[Alexis]

But I know what you're saying.

[Host]

Like, I ain't getting. I'm not getting older. You're getting older. So exactly at this point, we. We sisters now.

[Alexis]

Yeah. She gets a little upset when, you know, we go out somewhere like, oh, that's your sister. She's like, no, that's my mom. I'm like, you my biggest hater. It be your own kids.

[Host]

That's what I be telling my daughter. Girl, you getting. I'm still staying my same age.

[Alexis]

You must. Okay. I know that.

[IBM Representative]

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[Alexis]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent to 15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only.

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[Host]

But let's get into it, y' all. We had so much going on. Now we got to talk about what's going on. On what we've been seeing in the media about people bragging about the soft life. Soft love versus Struggle. Love the rebrand of suffering in silence. Everywhere you scroll, someone is pushing the soft life agenda. Luxury, leisure and men who pay bills without asking questions. But behind the filters, there's another side. Women still playing ride or die for Men with excuses, not execution. We've romanticized survival so so much that anything less than suffering feels selfish. But let's be real. Some of us have been mistaking chaos for chemistry and calling it loyalty. The Internet says we want peace, but our DMs say otherwise. Why do y' all think women still tolerate potential in men when it really pays off? But before we go into that question, what do y' all think about that? Like, the whole. The soft life agenda and behind filters, there's another side. What do y' all feel about that?

[Megan]

Well, I think that, well, soft life is definitely. Hold on where y' all come. Can y' all see me still? Okay. I think soft life is, like, just like one of those things that social media, like, made up and blew up. And it's like, it can be real, but it's. I feel like at this point, though, it's just something that social media has put on this pedestal, and it's something that you should, you know, work to try to get to. And if you don't have it, then you ain't shit, you know? And I really hate that about it. It's always like. There's always something that's, you know, trendy. And right now, it's the. The soft life thing.

[Alexis]

Right.

[Megan]

But there is a real side to it. The real side to it is these girls aren't really living this life. Like, they are doing all kinds of things behind the scenes to make it look like, to have this illusion of a soft life. You know, they might be, I don't know, you know, doing things for money that, you know, they.

[Host]

Exactly.

[Megan]

So it's like, you just never know what these women are doing. And I hate that because young ladies don't know the difference. Some people just don't know the difference between what's real and what's not, especially on social media. But, I mean, I think we all should want to live a true soft life. We all deserve to live a soft life. We all, like. I think that is, you know, beautiful that we're tapping into this soft life, I guess, trend, because for so long, I feel like, especially for black women, it was all about being strong and independent, and that was wearing us in and wearing us out. So, you know, while I do think, you know, we need to be careful with these trendy ideas of how we should be living and what we should be portraying on social media, I do think that it is beautiful to see black women, especially, moving into this more soft life space and getting away from. I gotta be an independent. Woman and I gotta do it on my own and if I don't, I ain't shit. So it's two sides to it. It's two sides to it. As always.

[Alexis]

Yeah, to your point, Ashley, I agree with you as far as. Well, in general, we have been struggling, especially black women for a long time. We have been breadwinners, we suffer, we are the nourishing ones, we are feeding, we are doing everything and always been overlooked. I look at it as, it's a double edged sword. The fact that, you know, you see this soft light, you see this grim, this glamorous life on Instagram, but we have to remember it's Instagram. It's an instant, it's a snapshot, it can be filtered, it can be AI generated. All these things. To me it goes back to bringing it as self care or like, you know, love for yourself. So whether it's like attainable to be like, let me just say this, like a bath or going to the spa or even solo dining, going to eat by yourself, all these things can be considered soft life too. But what we're doing is we are gravitating to the advertisement of like a man providing, you know, X, Y and Z this opulent lifestyle. And we're starting to realize that again, like you said before, what are you doing? What are you doing for this? And it's not all that, all that glam, glamorous. Are you happy? Is it temporary satisfaction? Is it just like, you know, you are the flavor of the month? Like, what are the long term goals? What are the long term like benefits of it? Because it looks like it's just short term satisfaction.

[Host]

And some women like, because men have, you know, portrayed the soft life or they, women portrayed the soft life for Instagram so much like, like it said, you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. Like, is it really worth it to portray this so called soft life when really you're hurting deep down inside? So sometimes you have to reevaluate things. Is it, is it really worth it? No. One person who I do love looking at and I really do feel like she, she really is living a soft life. I don't know if y' all follow her Shayla Ray world on Instagram. She's married to a, a white guy. They're, they're aged. She's 40 and I think he's like 72. She's a black female and her husband is white.

[Megan]

And it's just like they're talking about.

[Host]

Their chemistry is so cute and she gets a lot of hate, but she eats it up on social media. I love. She portrays the soft life world very well. So if anybody I watch on the. On the Instagram, I definitely do pay attention to them and give them some of my time, because I love their story.

[Alexis]

Well, it's like, to each their own. As long as she's happy, this is what is destined for her. This is where her situation is, her marriage, her relationship, then good for her, you know, I feel like everyone has destined to their own paths, and the goal is for someone to support whatever your path is, you know, and whatever you and your relationship, you and your partner come up with as far as what is for you and vice versa, what you need for this marriage, whatever that looks like, that relationship, that's. That's the ultimate soft. Soft life where you can really love your partner, they can love on you. Y' all can do what you. You can be yourselves within a relationship. So to me, that's the. That's the ultimate soft life. You know what I mean? Where she seems like she. She would be happy. She's happy in her situation. Despite their age difference, despite being interracial, all the hate that they're getting, she's living her best life. And ultimately, who wants a hard life? You know, we only get one time at it, you know, so if she's happy, I'm happy.

[Host]

I think every woman wants a soft life. Shit, I want a soft life. I'm tired of it hard. I'm tired of showing that, you know, I'm a strong black woman. I can do this, and I can do that. F that.

[Alexis]

Yeah, but you also not gonna take Chronicles.

[Host]

That's why I'm in the. I'm in right now. Single. Well. Well, I'm in the predicament.

[Reshawn McDonald]

Wait.

[Alexis]

Did you.

[Reshawn McDonald]

Yeah.

[Alexis]

Thank you, Ashley. Thank you, Ashley.

[Host]

Listen, I love the life I'm living right now. The life I'm living right now is definitely giving soft life. Ashley.

[Alexis]

What you over?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Alexis]

Ashley.

[Host]

Thank you.

[Alexis]

I'm glad I can. I can see what's going on. I can feel it.

[Megan]

Now. That's funny. Okay, keep going.

[Host]

I.

[Alexis]

What?

[Megan]

All right, moving forward. So why do you think women still tolerate potential in men when it rarely pays off?

[Alexis]

We're investing. Don't you want to? Like, if you've taken the time. We're hopeless romantics. We're like, you know, it's. We getting frustrated with the ones that we could be with or taking the time to invest in and pour into. So, like, I feel like, you know, we get into the point of, like, where we're choosing and what are we tolerating and what. What is worth it? You know, our time, our everything. You know what I mean? So I just look at it like, hey, you know, if I'm investing you, we. We are putting time limits. I. I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but there are certain time limits. Tip. Time limits, and like, these portions of, like, you know, okay, is this a situationship? Is this just sexual? Is it. What is this leading to? What's the goal? Is it intentional? Is this just another fuck boy? Like, we're starting to decipher, like, what is taking up our time, you know, because we're balancing work and family and life and all these goals and all these other things. So, you know, is it settling? You know, I don't think so, but we're just not going to tolerate some bullshit. I think we are set in our confidence and our independence, too, to where it's like, is it really worth it? Our peace and everything we worked hard for? And, you know, I've said this, that before, but most black women, for example, we own. We own our homes. We have more homes than, you know, our single black men. So it's like, you know, we have benefits and. And we also are put on this beautiful pedestal of, like, you gotta come in and try to be attainable to us, you know, So I don't think it's really about settling. And really just like, you know, we. We're not playing around either.

[Host]

You know, this is for women who still tolerate potential in men. I feel like I don't want to still tolerate the potential in men. I feel like women who still tolerate the potential in men, it's because they're. They're afraid to start over. Like, they put in so many years or they're. They see something in that man that they want out of them, something good. So eventually they tolerate that person so much because they think that they're gonna change.

[Megan]

Yeah, I think that some women might do that too, because.

[Alexis]

We'Re kind of.

[Megan]

I feel like our culture, we're taught to, like, give people a chance and, like, you know, wait it out and stick by your man and by his side. And like, we're taught that. You know what I mean? I feel like I don't really. Yeah, good man. We don't really see that a lot of cultures, like, the fears are like, he's the one. He's the good one. He comes from a good family. His family got money, blah, blah, blah. Like, they have, like, their guidelines of what a man should be, and they gotta check off the marks where I feel like in our culture, it's more of like, well, he has the potential. He. He seems like he's gonna be this.

[Host]

And you know what I mean?

[Megan]

It's like we have this. We're taught to, you know, seek the potential instead of seeking somebody who's already there and, you know, checks off all the marks from the boxes, which I think it's just really strange that our culture is still kind of that way. You know, I feel like we're kind of moving out of it, the women. I feel like we are, but I still feel like it's something different in our culture in that way.

[Host]

But I feel like even when we move out of it, it seems like we get criticized even more by moving away from it. Like, we know it's not going to pay off. We had enough. We realized that we're not going to tolerate them anymore. And then once you make the decision to actually denim get out. Sorry, y' all.

[Megan]

Yelling at my dinner.

[Host]

Hey, Dana, here, come here. No, do not do that. Don't do that. I'm not playing with you. What I was saying, it's like when we start to move away from that situation or, you know, we don't want to tolerate the potential anymore, and we see. We know that we. We. There's better out for us. We get criticized for it. Oh, they can't keep a man. Oh, this, that, the third. It's like, you know, you want better, you deserve better. But. But. And that's where women who stay because they don't want the public, you know, oh, what everyone else want to hear what everyone else have to say. So it's the society pressure that they get. So that's another reason, I think, why.

[Alexis]

Yeah, yeah. It is societal, like Ashley said. It's also generational. It's your family, it's your church, it's your. All these things. It's very much a lot of pressure. Yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Host]

So is there a way to truly.

[Megan]

Experience soft life while being in a committed relationship with someone who's still figuring out life out? I think so. I think you make soft life, which you want it to be, you know, so. And I think there's different levels to soft life and different versions of soft life. And so if. If you're with somebody who. I guess I don't. I don't know about figuring life out, because that feels a little like you shouldn't even be in a relationship if you're Trying to figure life out. But I understand somebody, you know, building their life still, you know, still having goals and that they're reaching, and y' all are doing it together. So I feel like together will reach different levels of yourself.

[Alexis]

Right.

[Megan]

You know.

[Host]

Okay.

[Alexis]

Have you. Yeah, I think you can. I think you. I think you can. I agree with Ash. I think you can experience the soft life with being in a committed relationship, because you're teaching people boundaries. You're teaching them who you are, you're teaching them what you require, and vice versa.

[Host]

That's true. Have you ever had to unlearn the belief that struggle equals love?

[Megan]

I don't think I've never been in no struggle love relationship before. I feel like if it didn't feel good, I was like, nah, I'm good. I'm good.

[Alexis]

Struggle love. What are we defining as struggle love?

[Megan]

Probably like, one of those really chaotic, toxic relationships where it's like, maybe y' all fight all the time, but you always get back together or something like that. I don't know. I feel like that's struggling, right?

[Host]

Very struggling.

[Alexis]

Yeah.

[Megan]

I don't know. I don't know. To me, that's struggling.

[Alexis]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like you can almost get into a space of just like, you know, is this for me? And we get. We get complacent a little bit because we're like, oh, he gonna change or she's gonna change. We're gonna improve. Cause we hold onto hope. And you hope that your investment is going to pay off. Right. You can't expect it to be perfect the minute that, you know that you embark with somebody. And so it's like, it becomes a disappointment if you, like, over so much time and, like, fluid exchange and body exchange and time exchange financial. All these moments, I feel like you can get caught up and want to be like, okay, I'll just overlook this little thing. But then that little thing, over time, becomes larger, you know? So, I mean, it's bittersweet. It's just like, it depends on what I think, what stage you are in life. I feel like. I don't want to speak for y' all, but I know we're not going to tolerate so much at this level of success and independence and also just what we expect and what we've been experienced with love, with relationships, with family, just in just these life lessons, we. We're not going to lower our standards. You know what I mean? None of us are. Just because of what we've seen, what we've been through and what we can tolerate. We are not playing around. So it's like the bar has already been set high. So we're not going to let anyone just, you know, they got to meet us there above. At this point, it's just non negotiable.

[Host]

So I don't think, you know, understanding like, you know, a lot of people were taught like the struggle of, oh, he fight me because he loved me. That's nothing but love. Oh, you know, that's toxic. Very toxic. So it's like, you have to understand, like that's not true love. That's not what it is.

[Alexis]

Not at all.

[Host]

Having peace. It's okay to have peace in a relationship.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Host]

Okay. To go through a relationship and not fight, not argue.

[Megan]

Right?

[Alexis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you look at it, it's like I always say this, like you don't realize that God is really counting your tears. So when he does remove you from, you know, a situation, it's not for nothing. That's true. You know, it does definitely hurt because we're human. But at the same time it's like, okay, it's for a reason. We shouldn't be, we shouldn't be feeling like this should not be feeling like heavy, you should not be feeling unwanted or any of that kind of stuff. But no, we can't be living in a toxic environment. It's not conducive.

[Megan]

Y' all deserve a good old soft life. That means to you.

[Host]

Pillow soft.

[Alexis]

Pillow soft. Feather.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Feather.

[Megan]

Pillow soft.

[Host]

Is there a way to truly experience soft life while being in a committed relationship with. With someone who still fix? Oh, we already answered that.

[Alexis]

Yeah, we just did. Let's say we did that.

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[Host]

This is an iHeart podcast.