Humble Baddies Part 2 - Are Relationship Separations healthy? + Cashing out on OnlyFans

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Shay Shay – Humble Baddies Part 2: Are Relationship Separations Healthy? + Cashing Out on OnlyFans

Release Date: April 15, 2025
Hosts: Ashley, Cherelle, and Alexis
Sponsors: IQ Bar and Indeed (Skipped in summary as per instructions)

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Introduction to Topics

In this engaging episode of Humble Baddies Part 2, hosts Ashley, Cherelle, and Alexis delve into two prominent subjects: the viability of OnlyFans as a income stream and the dynamics of relationship separations. Through personal anecdotes, listener questions, and candid conversations, the trio offers insightful perspectives on navigating modern relationships and monetizing personal content safely.

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OnlyFans: A Viable Income Source?

Timestamp: 01:42 – 15:31

The discussion kicks off with the question, "Is OnlyFans really a solid way to make money?" Cherelle asserts, "I think it is. They showed them receipts." [01:42]. The hosts explore the platform's potential, highlighting niche markets like foot fetishes as a less compromising way to earn income without engaging in explicit content.

Key Points:

• Monetization Strategies: Cherelle and Alexis discuss leveraging specific fetishes (e.g., feet) to generate revenue while maintaining personal boundaries. Cherelle mentions receiving unsolicited offers through her social media stories, such as, "Let me slide you some money to get a petty shirt. I'll give you $100." [02:26].

• Safety Concerns: The conversation transitions to the darker aspects of OnlyFans, including scams involving "cash mules." Cherelle shares her discomfort with requests to drain bank accounts, emphasizing the importance of safeguarding personal finances.

• Red Flags: The hosts agree that certain behaviors on OnlyFans are major red flags. When Ashley asks whether it's acceptable for a boyfriend to request oral sex without reciprocation, Cherelle labels it a "red flag" [12:57].

Notable Quotes:

• Alexis highlights the importance of mutual benefit on platforms like OnlyFans: "If I'm doing a great job for you, you better return the favor." [13:20].
• Cherelle underscores the necessity of fairness in financial exchanges: "Give and take. Give and take." [13:03].

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Timing Relationships: When to Move In Together

Timestamp: 05:05 – 07:04

The hosts address a listener's inquiry about the appropriate duration before moving in with a partner. Cherelle emphasizes that it's "situational" and depends on factors such as age and the presence of children [05:23].

Key Points:

• Situational Factors: Cherelle and Ashley discuss how moving in together can be swift, especially among younger couples or those without children. Ashley shares her experience of moving in "six months" after graduating college [06:22].

• Commitment Levels: The conversation touches upon the importance of clear commitment levels and the readiness to handle shared responsibilities, such as bills and leases [06:54].

Notable Quotes:

• Ashley reflects on her personal timeline: "When I moved in with Phil pretty quick. We have no children." [05:59].
• Cherelle advises on handling shared financial responsibilities: "When you start signing contracts and leases... and expect someone to pay bills or things like that." [06:54].

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Regrets in Relationships and Moving Forward

Timestamp: 07:04 – 14:01

When asked about regrets concerning past relationships, particularly how things ended with someone named Chad, Alexis firmly states, "No, I don't dwell on things like that. Everything happens for a reason." [07:37]. The hosts agree that dwelling on past relationships isn't productive and stress the importance of focusing on personal growth.

Key Points:

• Acceptance: Accepting that relationships end for various reasons and focusing on personal development is crucial.
• Non-Drama Approach: The hosts prefer maintaining a friendship post-breakup rather than harboring regrets or negative feelings [11:21].

Notable Quotes:

• Alexis reinforces acceptance: "Chad is focused on him, and I'm focused on me. So it is what it is." [07:37].
• Cherelle succinctly emphasizes closure: "Period." [08:04].

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Worst Date Experiences

Timestamp: 08:07 – 15:09

Cherelle shares a particularly unpleasant date experience where miscommunications and over-the-top romantic gestures led to discomfort. The date was poorly scheduled around Valentine's Day, making Cherelle feel overwhelmed and disingenuous.

Key Points:

• Misalignment of Expectations: The excessive romantic setup clashed with Cherelle's desire for a genuine connection on a first date [08:39].
• Financial Transparency Issues: The date involved unregistered reservations and last-minute financial transactions, raising red flags about the person's intentions [10:55].
• Immediate Friend Zone: Cherelle quickly shifted the relationship to a friendship to avoid further discomfort [11:26].

Notable Quotes:

• Cherelle describes the date's inauthenticity: "The flower petals were everywhere... I just felt uncomfortable because this is date one." [09:17].
• Cherelle explains her reaction: "I didn't have to walk out. It wasn't like he was horrible. I know him outside of it." [11:26].

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Relationship Breaks: Healthy Growth or Avoidance?

Timestamp: 15:31 – 25:15

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing whether taking breaks in relationships is beneficial or detrimental. The hosts debate the nuances, emphasizing that communication is paramount in determining the effectiveness of a separation.

Key Points:

• Structured Separations: Cherelle believes that breaks must come with clear rules and mutual understanding to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both parties are on the same page [16:27].

• Potential Pitfalls: The hosts caution that without proper communication, breaks can lead to increased distance and eventual separation. Ashley argues that in casual dating, taking a break can be seen as a "cop out" [24:47].

• Personal Experiences: Alexis shares her experience where a separation led to further distancing rather than reconciliation, highlighting the importance of both partners agreeing on the purpose and boundaries of the break [20:12].

Notable Quotes:

• Cherelle emphasizes the importance of purpose: "Is the goal of the separation to get back together or to see if this is meant to be?" [16:27].
• Ashley criticizes the ambiguity of breaks: "When you put it as just a break, it just creates gray areas. I don't see the point." [24:31].

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Listener Mail: Keeping the Spark Alive After Kids

Timestamp: 25:05 – 37:43

A listener shares her struggle with maintaining sexual intimacy after having two children, seeking advice on keeping the "sexy spark" alive amidst the chaos of motherhood and parenting.

Key Points:

• Communication is Key: Ashley and Alexis stress the importance of open dialogue with partners about physical and emotional needs. Alexis advises, "Sit down and talk to him about what you're feeling physically and emotionally." [30:20].

• Practical Solutions: Suggestions include scheduling intimate moments during less hectic times, seeking external support to reduce parental fatigue, and being creative with intimacy [36:51].

• Self-Care and Support: The hosts advocate for self-care and seeking help to manage overwhelming responsibilities, thereby creating space for nurturing the relationship [35:32].

Notable Quotes:

• Alexis advises proactive communication: "Talk to them, have some fun." [36:44].
• Cherelle underscores the importance of shared responsibilities: "Divide some of those chores with your man." [34:52].
• Ashley shares her vulnerability: "I did feel like a horrible wife, and I did feel the pressure and the guilt." [28:08].

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Conclusion

In Humble Baddies Part 2, Ashley, Cherelle, and Alexis provide a candid exploration of OnlyFans as a financial avenue and the complexities of taking breaks in relationships. They emphasize the necessity of clear communication, mutual respect, and setting boundaries to navigate the challenges of modern relationships and side hustles safely. The episode resonates with listeners by addressing relatable issues with honesty, humor, and actionable advice.

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Follow Us:
For more insightful discussions and to send your questions, follow Humble Baddies on Instagram and subscribe to their YouTube channel.

Transcript

[Will]

This podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar. I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news, There's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar plant protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein, brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane, and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now, you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products, plus free shipping. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with seven plant protein bars, four hydration mixes, and four enhanced coffee sticks. Clean ingredients, amazing taste, and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, Caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20. To get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Again, go to eatiqbar.com and Enter code BAR20.

[Ashley]

I get in my way. Never out of my lane. Feel like you won in the morning. So what is gonna be, baby Squad? All right, y'all, moving on. We have some questions from the fans that we want to answer. All right, so every week we're gonna start taking questions via our stories. So if you have a question, make sure to follow us on IG and ask your questions. And our producers will questions for us to respond to. So let's get to it. Is only fans really a solid way to make money?

[Cherelle]

I think it is. They showed them receipts.

[Ashley]

Money.

[Cherelle]

I'm not gonna hold y'all. I thought about only fans thought about it. Oh, or only for the feet.

[Alexis]

You know, you don't have to.

[Ashley]

Only for the feet.

[Cherelle]

Let me see your feet.

[Ashley]

Thank you. For the feet, too. Oh, and it's feet. Oh, and it's your feet.

[Cherelle]

Because when I'm accidentally, like, showing a story, because y'all know I be in my stories all the time and my feet happen to be in there. I'm getting the most random comments like, ooh, let me pick a color for you. Let me slide you some money to.

[Ashley]

Get a petty shirt. I'll give you $100. Yeah.

[Cherelle]

Oh, my God. I giving out my. My Venmo. I know my phone number, but low key.

[Ashley]

No Senior Zell Gmail. Something something cash app. This cash app might be something Apple.

[Cherelle]

Pay the only fans.

[Ashley]

You better get that money. Fetishes.

[Cherelle]

There's certain things and then they have. I saw this other thing. I forget what it's called, but they have where there's Guys who want to be cash mules or something. Something to this point where they want. They want women to drain their bank account. So they're like, send me some money. Send me some money. And then a minute later, send me some money, like this amount. So this just like, it's whatever. The lady getting bread, I'm not comfortable showing, you know, like, nudity or anything like that. But I might, you know, let. Let. Let a foot be shown here.

[Ashley]

And there's sort of only fans and he. He act like he was down with.

[Alexis]

Yeah, y'all will make a lot of money. Ashley.

[Ashley]

Yeah, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it. What would y'all do? We gonna go and we're gonna do, like, I think, like, pictures, like, but not nude pictures, but, like, where you can't really see our faces. Like maybe like the silhouettes of our bodies or something. I don't know, something real artsy and classy, you know what I'm saying? Something for the grown folks are still very classy, you know what I mean? Especially when I get back in the gym. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, something very, like, ladies are showing them rethinks.

[Cherelle]

They making bread, they making money, but.

[Ashley]

I don't know what they doing because they making millions. And I don't know.

[Cherelle]

I don't know.

[Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? I might get a light bill or something paid with my. You know what I'm saying? I ain't going to be showing all that. I ain't about to be showing. I ain't about to be showing. You know, I'll show.

[Alexis]

I'll show my feet. I'll be like lex and show my feet.

[Ashley]

If I show my feet, they gonna charge me because my feet ugly as hell. They gonna be like, bitch, we will pay you to never ever. So you can ever.

[Cherelle]

We suing.

[Alexis]

We suing. Only fans don't like.

[Cherelle]

Who approved this and who authorized these features? Oh.

[Ashley]

Okay, next question. How long should you be in a relationship before living together? How long should you be situational?

[Cherelle]

Situational?

[Ashley]

Yeah, it is very situational.

[Cherelle]

It's situational. If y'all young, doing your thing, and not even young, just single. No. Have no connections. Like, to me, it's when you have children at home, that could be.

[Ashley]

That's.

[Cherelle]

That's tricky. It should be longer, obviously, because you're now someone's in your household with your children. But if you have no attachments or things like that, then live, you know? I mean, yeah, I feel like Just. Yeah, but I also know. I know people. You said what?

[Ashley]

I moved in with Phil pretty quick. But we have. We have no children. Probably. I mean. I mean. Well, I was in college, so as soon as I graduated, I was at. I was limping with him.

[Cherelle]

So I was saying quick, like a month after knowing him. How long?

[Ashley]

Oh, let's see. Like, six months maybe. And that's only. Cause I was still in school. They probably would have been quicker.

[Cherelle]

Yeah, it's situational. I just feel like if you. If y'all clicking and, you know, and this is what y'all gonna do, then you can get to know somebody quicker that way. You know, it's just when you start signing them contracts and them leases and. And all that, and you expected someone to pay bills or things like that.

[Ashley]

That'S when you start getting pregnant too.

[Alexis]

Oh, yeah.

[Cherelle]

Because you're now. Exactly. You got time.

[Ashley]

Yeah, that part. Okay, next question. Do you ever have regret. Regrets on how things ended with you and Chad? Girl, I ain't know that question was next.

[Alexis]

Oh, not y'all asking.

[Ashley]

That's not between humble baddies.

[Alexis]

Do you ever have.

[Cherelle]

Question for Terrell?

[Ashley]

Any regrets?

[Cherelle]

Would you like.

[Alexis]

Regrets about what?

[Ashley]

Do you ever have regrets on how things ended with you and Chad?

[Alexis]

No, I don't dwell on things like that. I mean, everything happens for a reason. And, you know, Chad is focused on him, and I'm focused on me. So it is what it is.

[Cherelle]

Period.

[Ashley]

Cheers.

[Cherelle]

Housing.

[Ashley]

Dang.

[Cherelle]

Whoever asked that question.

[Ashley]

Oh, I know. Ooh. Okay. All right, next question. Please share with us your worst date ever. Worst dates or y'all only have good dates?

[Cherelle]

I don't. I have a bad date story.

[Ashley]

Okay, go ahead. We listening.

[Cherelle]

This. This guy, first of all, he came in town and it happened to be around Valentine's Day, but we weren't even like that. So I was already like. He just happened to be in town. And he was like, you want to go to dinner tomorrow? And I was like, sure, whatever. And not really knowing it was Valentine's Day. Fast forward. He was like, here's the address of the location. And the time was at 5:30 for dinner. I didn't think anything of it too much, only because I know, like, usually with Valentine's Day, they have like, you know, seatings and things like that. But, like, that was the first seating, so I know it was like last. It wasn't super intentional, but the energy started to be off because it was like, I met him there, which was, again, fine. I don't mind driving or getting there on my own just because I like to exit if I need to. But once we got there, it was just like the flower petals were everywhere because it was Valentine's Day and all these lovers and I just felt uncomfortable because I'm just like, this is date one. Like what's going on? You know, it's just a little much. And then the energy was very much like trying to show off and like really like, you know, like, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, but I'm like, it's a set menu and it's prefixed and you're not doing all this kind of stuff. And then he was on his phone most of the time transferring money into his account to pay for the dinner and was on the phone doing it and I was just like, I was like, what's going on right now? And then just on the phone too. So I'm just like, why are we here? So it just friends. We're friends. Thank you so much. But that was a horrible day for me. It was horrible. And I ended up leaving like after. He was like, you want dessert or anything like that? And they sending out this heart shaped chocolate cake and I'm like, it's not giving that. It's not romantic. This is not what we doing right now. This is the wrong place, the wrong day, the wrong everything. And. But we cool now. We friends.

[Ashley]

He was able to transfer the funds, right? And pay, right?

[Cherelle]

Yeah, but you call in people to do it. And when we rolled up, the reservation was not in his name either. That, that was, was, it was just, it's just, you know, it's weird. It's like somebody hooked him up with that last minute. Yeah, it was just tacky. So it was just a little turn off for me. So that was not a good day.

[Alexis]

Yeah, I would have walked out.

[Cherelle]

It just was just like I really put him in that friend zone asap, you know what I mean? So I didn't have to walk out. It wasn't like he was horrible, you know what I mean? And I know him outside of it. But this was your first impression to try to date me? Yeah.

[Ashley]

I had this dream that I say I always want to play out. Like it's a very dramatic scene in my head. But I'm married, so I don't know if I'll ever get to do it, but I want to like be at dinner and Watto Phil, I'm gonna do it one day. He just gonna have to play along, but he's gonna say something that makes me so mad or do something. And then I throw the water in his face and I get up and walk away. I was pictured.

[Cherelle]

And then I'm gonna follow you out.

[Ashley]

Yeah. I want him to be like, oh, my God. Like, I want it to be a whole, like, scene. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just. I can just see it playing out.

[Alexis]

Why don't y'all role play, Role play.

[Ashley]

We should do that. Okay. You know what?

[Cherelle]

That's cute.

[Ashley]

Our anniversary coming up, too, so. I'm so cute. Yeah. And then we go back to the room, and then we have, like, makeup sex or whatever.

[Cherelle]

Yes, that's cute.

[Ashley]

Keep it spicy.

[Cherelle]

Role play.

[Ashley]

Good idea.

[Cherelle]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

All right, next question. In a relationship, is it okay for your boyfriend to always ask for a BJ but never wants to go downstairs on you?

[Cherelle]

What?

[Alexis]

Oh, hell.

[Cherelle]

Red flag. Red flag.

[Alexis]

That's a red flag.

[Cherelle]

I'm an equal opportunity participant. I mean, give and take. Give and take.

[Alexis]

And I don't even. Listen, if you gonna do it, if I'm doing a great job to you, you better return the favor.

[Ashley]

I mean, for me, it's a prerequisite. Like what? Like, that's just, like, the beginning. You know what I'm saying? Like, how are you gonna not. It's not gonna. We're not exactly. That's the beginning. I gotta. Yeah, no, we too old. We too old for that.

[Cherelle]

If you're not going down, you are.

[Ashley]

Yeah. How old are you, sir?

[Alexis]

Childish.

[Ashley]

You don't like girls. You don't like girls.

[Cherelle]

For real.

[Ashley]

But I didn't say that.

[Alexis]

You're very childish.

[Cherelle]

Yeah, I know this wasn't red flag game, but that was. That's definitely a red flag.

[Ashley]

Big red flag. Big red flag. All right, last question, y'all. You win $20 million, but you can never be on social media again. Are you taking the money? Are you saying. No, I'm hauling ass.

[Alexis]

Taking the money and hauling ass.

[Cherelle]

Can I log off right now?

[Ashley]

Out of here? 20M's Social Media is stressful now. Like, post and being relevant and stay on top of it and respond and engage and keep up with the algorithms and bitch, I'm motherfucker tired. Okay?

[Cherelle]

Yeah, I'm taking that. 20 seconds. I'm going to go travel. Do me, do some other things, take care of things, and have somebody else run the social media. How about that?

[Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah, they could.

[Cherelle]

They could.

[Ashley]

There's definitely you. Can you honestly. You could give me a million dollars. You can give me probably right now. You can probably give me about. You probably It's a number way lower.520 that you could give me. You're right. At this point, because social media ain't it for real.

[Cherelle]

It's a. It's becoming a job. It's becoming very much, you know, a lot. It's a lot, you know, and it's taxing again, on your mental and just. Just all these things. So it's a lot. It's a lot to maintain. It is a lot.

[Alexis]

Yeah.

[Cherelle]

So we all taking the. We taking the 20 million we have.

[Ashley]

You're taking that money and going soon.

[Alexis]

And all in the head.

[Ashley]

All right, that was a fun game. So you guys make sure you send us your questions. We would love to answer them. That's so fun. Send your random questions.

[Cherelle]

I like that a lot.

[Ashley]

Yeah. All right, let's get into our next topic, which is should we be taking breaks in relationships? Why a time apart might be the key to growth? I don't know about that. Taking a break in relationships has been a topic of controversy for years. Some say it's a way to refresh and gain perspective, while others think it's a way to avoid commitment. So do you think that breaks help a relationship grow or do they just create a space for problems to fester? What do you think constitutes a break in a relationship?

[Cherelle]

If it has to be communication, first of all, now, I'm not going to say no relationship is perfect. If you have the opportunity, there's a reason why, like, let's just say in marriage, obviously there is a reason why there's a separation period because you want to make sure you're making the right decision before you pull the plug. So I understand that, but it has to be some kind of rules, regulations, communication of the separation. Are you going to be dating other people? Are you going to be, you know, having sexual, whatever, you know, with other people? What is going to happen? Like, what do you see happen? Are you dating? What is the point and what is the goal? Like, what is the goal of the separation? Is it for us to get back together or to see what else is out there and see if this is meant to be? I think it's really tricky when you start having other people involved in your relationship, especially what you've already established. It's already hard enough to be committed. So to start adding all these different energies and adding all this extra, you know, people that are now players in your. Your, Your game, essentially, it becomes super tricky. And you know, what if that person is just one of the. One of the two that are in the Relationship is a lot more, you know, social and have more opportunities to, like, hang out with other people, go on these dates and stuff like that. And the other one is not. They're not able to, like, have this freedom or this space. It can get real tricky. I mean, I'm a believer if you let something go, it comes back. If it comes back, it's yours. That's how you know that's the real thing. But it gets super tricky because now you're like, are we not supposed to talk to each other as much? Are we supposed to really break up? Are we really not together? And it is super tricky. I don't even like dating men that say they, they're separated. I'm like, you got somebody, like, there's still attachment, there's still time attachment, there's still emotional attachment. There's still all these things because you still have someone that is really, literally in limbo or just waiting their turn. And I'm not down for that. I can, I feel like it gets, it can get super tricky. But when it comes to like marriage and separation, before you pull the plug for divorce, I feel like it could be necessary.

[Will]

This podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar. I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news, there's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar plant protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein, brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane, and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with seven plant protein bars, four hydration mixes and four enhanced coffee sticks. Clean ingredients, amazing taste and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder. Caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiq bar.com and enter code BAR20. To get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Again, go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20.

[Alexis]

I. I experienced with my past, my. This recent relationship. I, I asked for a separation to work on each other, thinking that it would get better. It didn't. Time apart created more you wanted.

[Cherelle]

You, you, you guys had. I don't mean to cut you off. I just wanted to know you guys came up with what you thought what separation should look like or just like, when you say separation, like you were just like, let's not. Let's figure out more, like, separately. Right.

[Alexis]

It was more like space. So for you to work on, you know, what caused this and, you know, for me to deal with what I need to deal with to get past it. But what I thought that would be good, the separation for us to work on each other, it wasn't.

[Cherelle]

It.

[Alexis]

It just basically caused more for us to more separate and go our separate ways. So if. If you both not in agreeance with what you want and you don't want to be together, if. If y'all are not on the same page, it can cause a lot of controversy and can cause you all to depart. So it's basically what you want. A lot of people don't take separation serious when it comes to relationships because they think, oh, a separation is negative. So this person want to get rid of, you know, let me focus on me. You want time apart from me, Let me focus on me and do me. Instead of fixing yourself, you jump and go move on and continue to create that same cycle.

[Cherelle]

Correct?

[Ashley]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Breaks are a little scary in my mind. Like, when I think about it, it's like me taking this break. And I was always confused about, like, separations. When people are separate, like, they're married and they go through a separation, like, you know, what is the conversation? Are y'all saying, like, you know, let's go out and see if we want to be with somebody else? Like, I never understood that. I see a lot of people who are separated and they're like, in whole relationships with other people, and that's really confusing to me, you know, as a married person. Not that I'm thinking about divorce, but it's just like, aren't you still married? Doesn't that still mean something? You know, I don't know. I feel like if you're separated, that means that you're not, you know, seeking other people. You're not open to other people. It means you're still trying to figure out what you're currently in without outside influences. And so like you said, Sherelle, when people, like, don't take it seriously and y'all aren't seeing eye to eye and aren't in agreeance on what this time is for, then I see see it creating a bunch of issues. And then like, when you're just dating and you want to take a break, I don't know, I feel like that's kind of like a cop out. Like, do you want to be with me or not? You know what I'm saying, because we not married, so you don't got to be here. You know what I'm saying? Nobody holding a gun to your head. So what do you mean you need a break? So if we're just dating and you know you want a break from me, I feel like that's really like a cop out. Because at this point, if we're just dating, I feel like there are things that we can really work on and decide on and, you know, talk about without having to just completely break away from each other now. And then if there is and if the problems are big, then let's just break up and call it a breakup, but not a break. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna take a break from you and come back like, no, we about to break up and whatever happen. You know what I'm saying? If we find our way back to each other, cool. And if we don't, we don't. But I feel like when you put. When you say it's just a break, it just cloud, it makes it cloudy. It's like a gray area and I don't see the point. Yeah. Like we're just dating and now we're not. Just call it what it is. Yeah, that's how.

[Cherelle]

That's what I was saying. It can get tricky whether, I mean. And I get. Again, I get the period of the, like in a marriage, you know, when you're definitely. When there's paperwork, there's all these things like that. Or very, very much serious relationships too. Because you'll get to a point where you're like, are we going to proceed and move forward or are we not going to be together? So it's like that too. If you're in a serious relationship with someone, you're like, we need to take time for ourselves. We need to think about, I need a heal, I need a healing space. So I need this whatever. But it's definitely tricky because again, you're starting to. If you're not working on yourself or whatever the common goal is and not communicating what exactly this separation is, what's the goal? What are we doing? Communicating throughout. Then you really are. You should, you should really not be together.

[Ashley]

Yeah. If you just dating, just making a clean break and y'all just go y'all separate ways and do y'all thing that way. It ain't no confusion. It ain't no gray areas. Nobody's confused about anything. We are not together and leave it at that.

[Alexis]

That's not a carry on.

[Cherelle]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Never happens to me.

[Cherelle]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

All Right. So if anybody in the chat has any ideas on that, let us know. Are y'all watching the chat right now? I can't see the chat right now. No.

[Alexis]

I have a delay.

[Ashley]

All right, boom. Let's move on then. It's time for Humble daddy's mail. All right, Cherelle, I think you got it this time.

[Alexis]

Take it over, Ashley.

[Ashley]

All right. Hey, humble baddies. First of all, I'm obsessed with y'all. The energy, the realness, the laughs. It's everything. And, Alexis, girl, you always say exactly what I need to hear. I love your aura. Aw, that's so sweet. Okay, so let me get a little vulnerable here. I'm a mama of two now, just had my second baby with my hubby of five years, and I'm tapped out. Between breastfeeding, chasing toddlers, trying to be a boss at work, and keeping the house clean and making sure nobody's getting goldfish off the floor, sex is literally the last thing on my mind. But I know my man wants to have sex. So my question is, how do you keep that sexy spark alive after kids when your body and brain just ain't in the mood? Did y'all go through this, too? Is this a season or should I be worried? Please help. Love, y'all.

[Alexis]

Girl, you should be worried. You should be worried. The reason why I say this is because if not, you're not giving it to him. He's gonna go out and find it somewhere else. Trust me. That's why our previous conversation, we said you gotta take time and make sure you are good first so that your family can be good. Now I'm gonna need you to figure out what it is. Take a break. You know, find family support to get the kids and get yourself together. Go find some sexy lingerie girl and go make some spark in the back room with your man.

[Cherelle]

Sis is tired, Cherelle. Sis is tired. I'm okay with her taking a break. You know, whatever. But guess what? We have to give ourselves grace, too. And unfortunately, men can't have kids, and we have to verbalize that and communicate that. She has two babies. What she said within five years. Your body and your mind and your spirit, everything is not five years.

[Alexis]

It's not that hard. That's what I'm saying. That's why.

[Cherelle]

Wait, it's been five years since they've had.

[Alexis]

No, not five years since they had sex. But the kids, it's, you know, five years. They probably, like, three. Five.

[Ashley]

No, she said she's a mama of two and just had her second baby.

[Cherelle]

We just had a second baby.

[Ashley]

She's been with her hubby of five years.

[Cherelle]

See, they've only been together for five years.

[Alexis]

See, she need to go get some of them spark pills in.

[Ashley]

No.

[Cherelle]

No.

[Ashley]

All right, I feel like.

[Cherelle]

Go ahead.

[Ashley]

Okay. So I feel like I have been through this. Like, there was a time when I feel like I was just too tired to have sex. Like, I feel like there was a time where I have been too. Whatever. Too tired, too hormonal, too just over. Sensitized. Is that the word?

[Cherelle]

Like, overexerting yourself? Just over.

[Ashley]

Yes. Like, I just. There was a time, you know, when my kids were younger, when I just. It was just too much, you know? And by the end of the night when I got into bed, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. And of course, my husband was looking at me like, what did you doing? You know? And it did cause tension in my relationship, and I did feel like a horrible wife, and I did feel the pressure and the guilt and all the things that come with that. You know, it's like, I'm a wife. I'm supposed to be doing this for my husband, you know, but I'm a mom now, so I need to be able to do this. And, you know, it's like all of these things that you're trying to keep up with as a new mom and a wife, and it gets overwhelming sometimes. And it's not just that, oh, just go take a pill to make you get in the mood. It's literally, physically, I can't do it. And I. And I've been to the point where I would do it, and it was not good, you know, because I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? And so I can totally, like, understand where she didn't say her name, but I understand where she's coming from, because I.

[Alexis]

And resolution, though, she's asking for.

[Ashley]

I am. I'm getting there. I'm. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm just saying I don't think it's as easy as just getting over it and just. Just because I think, like, he's going to go and be with somebody else. My solution, first of all, and just looking back, not saying that this is what I did, but if I'm going to give advice, I would say you got to sit down and talk to him about what you're feeling physically and emotionally, because men don't know.

[Cherelle]

They don't know.

[Ashley]

They don't know. They don't know what it takes out of a woman, to be a new mom, to be breastfeeding, to, like, have a C section and be breastfeeding. Like, physically, I couldn't have sex. Like, it still was taxing on me. And men just don't know, you know, they. We think, you know, they can read our minds sometimes, but they literally just don't know how physically taxing, breastfeeding, being your baby's primary source of food is tiring. And taxing, you have to be with your baby 24 7. That's a lot to, you know, to. To bear. So one is having a conversation with him and letting him know, like, babe, I physically can't, you know, be there for you sexually like I was in the past, because currently my body is being used as a vessel as a source of food for our child right now. And it's taking so much energy out of me, you know, they need to know, like, what we're going through. They don't know. They don't know nothing about breastfeeding. They don't know nothing about keeping a baby and all of that. So it's a conversation. One, two. I think, you know, having that mentality of, oh, he's gonna go get it from somebody else if I don't do it is not the best mentality to have. Like, we shouldn't just jump to that thought because that will just send us down a spiral of whatever. Like, we don't need to be thinking like that. Like, let's not jump to that, okay? And secondly, I would just say, you know, find ways to give somebody else the duties that you have. So if it's, you know, washing clothes and laundry, like, let somebody else take care of that for you. You have to find ways to get the help you need so that you aren't as tired, you aren't as overwhelmed and overloaded with whatever's going on. But that, again, that's a. You know, that goes into being vocal about what you need. So, you know, I mean, and also remember that this is only a short time frame and that this is going to pass and tell it. And having that conversation with him, just let him know, like, look, babe, this is only for this amount of time. Like, I'm not always going to be tired like this. Let's find out. Let's find a time when I am less tired. Even now. Now they'll know I'm a morning girl. Okay? Hit me in the morning. Because at night, I, you know, just want to get into bed, cuddle, and go to sleep. But in the morning, I'M ready to go. So it's just having conversations I feel like can really, you know, set you up for success. Just being vocal about your needs, like getting the help that you need. You know, everybody doesn't have a village. You might have to pay somebody to come fold your clothes. You might have to pay somebody to come cook for you. You might have to pay somebody to come wash the baby for you so you can have date night. You know, not everybody has a village. Not everybody has a grandma, grandpa, or whatever to come help. So you just got to figure out a way to make it work for you and be vocal and let him know, like, it's not always going to be like this, you know, I'm a mom. My body is going through all these changes. They really don't know. They're clueless. So that would be my advice to this young lady.

[Cherelle]

Yeah. Because, you know, you don't want that mentality. I agree, Ashley. You don't want the mentality of. It's a chore. You know what I mean? And unfortunately, everyone has needs, but it does have to be communicated. Like, look, I'm just overwhelmed right now. I'm not into it. I mean, you know, we can. It's better when you're mentally there anyway. You know, sex is better anyway.

[Ashley]

Don't nobody want nobody in this. Start fishing. Oh, cockroach.

[Cherelle]

Yeah, none of that stuff. Cockroaching is insane.

[Ashley]

They don't want that.

[Cherelle]

So you know that. But you gotta. You gotta listen to your body, though, for sure. And two children within a certain amount of time, as well as just being married for five years, it's a lot. You're still learning patterns. You're still learning all these things. And you gotta give yourself grace. But have that sexy date night, you know what I mean? And just really, really have communication. It is key because no one can read your mind. Like, look, I'm just not in the mood. I'm overwhelmed. And then come up with some. Come up with some solutions of how you can not be so overwhelmed and, like, divide some of those chores with your man or whatever, you know?

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Alexis]

Just telling him that. That you're not in the mood for it because that. That leads to more problems. I think the biggest thing, like y'all said, is definitely communication and figuring out ways to relieve the pressure off you. So much as being a newborn mom, a new mother to a newborn child. It's all about communication at the end of the day and figuring out ways to spice it back up. Because we become, like Ashley was saying. We do become insecure after just recently having a baby. Like, our body changed, and it's hard to snap back into that. That wrote a shape that you were before you had, you know, your child. So just figuring out way, what. What is the reason that's making me this. Maybe it's. It's my insecurities of how I look. Maybe it's. I'm too tired. Maybe it's, you know, my husband's not helping me. What is it? Finding the solution. Find a solution of what it is, and y'all go from there. But, girl, still figure out a way to spice it up for your man. Just do a little roll.

[Ashley]

Sure.

[Alexis]

Talk to them, have some fun.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Cherelle]

And I like. I like that Ashley, too. Like, in the morning, it can be other times. Yeah.

[Ashley]

It might be in the middle of the day when the baby's taking a nap. You know, you gotta. It's different once you have babies. You gotta rearrange things and figure things out. Like, kids change the whole dynamic. Okay. So y'all might have to get it in real quick while they look. You could be working the best in the other room. Yeah, you gotta be. You gotta be real creative. Okay. It just. It is.

[Cherelle]

You can get creative, though.

[Ashley]

You get creative, but it is just the season there, you know, this. This is. Time will pass and things will get better. You just, you know, have these conversations with your partner and, you know, y'all just keep talking about it, be vocal about it, and hopefully y'all will end up having some good sex soon again.

[Alexis]

And it.

[Cherelle]

It'll happen. It'll happen. We're gonna send. We're gonna send them to you, them vibes. Thank you so much. Yeah.

[Alexis]

All right, you guys, thank you so much for sending us your humble Betty's mail. If you have any questions, comment, advice, make sure you hit us up. Follow our Instagram Humble Baddies podcast. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Humble Baddies podcast, your family. Tell your co workers, y'all know where to find us.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Alexis]

Yes.

[Ashley]

All right, y'all, that is it for the Humble Baddies episode tonight. Make sure y'all tune in. Write us at. Contact humblebaddies.com. we love y'all. We'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. You can follow me @ash3nicole on Instagram. Ashley underscore. Snapchat. What about y'all?

[Alexis]

I'm Sherrell Rosado. Underscore and Sherrelle Rosado on Snapchat.

[Cherelle]

I'm still just on Instagram @Alexissottenmeyer. Find us so no.

[Ashley]

Only.

[Cherelle]

No only.

[Ashley]

Only thing that's coming soon for Lex and her feet. Lex is sexy cuddies.

[Cherelle]

My kids are gonna. They cringe. They're like, mom, your feet are on the ground. We might get ruined.

[Ashley]

You start pulling them dollars. All right, y'all, thank y'all so much for tuning in. We'll see y'all next time. Love you.

[Cherelle]

Good night.

[Ashley]

Foreign.

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