← Club Shay Shay
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- [00:00]
Alexis
This is an iHeart podcast.
- [00:05]
IBM Ad
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- [00:35]
Degree Ad
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- [01:03]
Megan
It's Megan.
- [01:04]
Ashley
Are you ready for megansummer?
- [01:07]
Alexis
Megan.
- [01:07]
Ashley
Megan.
- [01:08]
Megan
Megan. Megan.
- [01:09]
Alexis
Megan.
- [01:09]
Megan
Would you prefer that I give you a printout that you can read at your own pace?
- [01:12]
Sherrelle
Megan?
- [01:13]
Megan
Yes, it's me.
- [01:14]
Alexis
What a shock.
- [01:15]
Ashley
Et cetera on June 27.
- [01:17]
Megan
She is a smoking hot warrior princess. All right, meat sacks, let's get to work. Are you going to stand in my way?
- [01:24]
Ashley
The bee is back.
- [01:26]
Megan
You think you learned your lesson the first time? Megan.
- [01:29]
Alexis
Megan.
- [01:30]
Ashley
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- [02:04]
Alexis
I get in my way Never out of my lane Feel like you all right now it's time to get into it. Ashley, want to lead it? The heel man or hidden red flags?
- [02:18]
Sherrelle
Men or hidden red Flags. The rise of the therapy Talking narcissist. Ew. Suddenly every man knows his attachment style, sets boundaries and uses words like emotional, labor and triggered. On the surface it sounds like growth, but look a little deeper. And some of them are using healing language as manipulation. Tools I'm not toxic, I'm just self Aware has become the new Gaslight anthem. It's no longer the aggressive red flag we have, we have to watch out for. It's a softly spoken TED talk performing men with no accountability but perfect vocabulary. I can't stand them. They all over Instagram too. So what's the difference between a man who's actually healing and one who's just rehearsing?
- [03:14]
Megan
I think it's the ones that are really showing it in real life. The ones that are really saying and being accountable. Like, look, this didn't work for me before, but this is working for me now and really showing it. You know what I mean? Like, you still have that energy of like, you know, heaviness or resentment and you, it's still coming out in your dialogue. We can see that. Like we're, we, we can see that you're not in a hill space. If you're speaking on manifesting, if you're speaking on therapy, if you're speaking on change behavior, if you're speaking on right journaling, if you're speaking on just all these improvements, that, that sits better with us. You know what I mean? I feel like that gives us a sense of peace. And you, you are what you attract. You reflect what you, you attract as well. So like, I just look at it like, like this. If you are in a space and you still are being ultra masculine and very much like entitled and I run this way, then you're going to, you're going to reflect and, and really absorb that energy. And it's a turn off and it's only very, it's very much temporary until the lady or whoever your partner is is going to fill you out and realize that this ain't worth it. Right? You know, because you don't know what they're dealing with too. You don't know what their growth is and their boundaries because you know, then it's going to be a lot of people that are, you know, men in general that are just going to be left lonely and just going to always be constantly going through a cycle of women and constantly being used and using others. That's not a healed space. Yes, the pattern, the rehearsed guy.
- [04:51]
Alexis
They gonna talk a good game, they gonna talk the talk, they gonna tell you what you want to hear, but their actions are not gonna change. They're gonna continue. They're gonna go from relationship to relationship, they're gonna gaslight you, they're gonna, they're gonna love bomb you, they're gonna Say whatever give you the world. The first six, three to six months old, you know, oh, he, the man and them actions don't. That mask don't come off, then you're going to be in the same cycle as Keisha, Shawanda and Tamika.
- [05:23]
Megan
Right. Person.
- [05:24]
Alexis
But the person that is healed, they're going to take full accountability, and you're going to see changes within them.
- [05:32]
Megan
Yeah. And it shows. It shows in their patterns, their behaviors, and really in service, Acts of service, acts of kindness, all these things. You'll see the difference. And that's what you want. You ultimately want to attract, especially what you prayed your way out of. You want to attract that better. You want to attract bountiful, you want to attract abundance, you know, but it.
- [05:53]
Alexis
Just sucks because, you know, and this go for men and women, you get too grown. Like, at some point, you should not just talk the talk. You should not want to continue to repeat the same cycle. Like, when is it enough?
- [06:10]
Megan
I feel like.
- [06:13]
Sherrelle
Men that prey on women in this way, though. I feel like they use, like, the terminology and they use, like, they're just good talkers. They know what to say, and women fall for it. Like, they really fall for this talk. And I feel like as long as women fall for it, they're going to keep doing it. You know what I mean? Like, they're even just looking on Instagram and, you know, the influx of men in podcasts, you know, and them talking about women and their issues and stuff, it's like they have so much to say, and they say it like they have it all figured out. And a lot of them have a lot. A big, like, female following because it sounds good to them. I don't know. It resonates with them. It's like they feel seen or something. But I feel like they're preying on those women and. And women are falling for it. And I'm just like, y' all. How are y' all falling for this? How are you falling for this?
- [07:12]
Alexis
Don't y' all see the repeated cycle of this person?
- [07:15]
Sherrelle
Yeah.
- [07:16]
Alexis
Outside of the podcast.
- [07:18]
Megan
Yeah.
- [07:19]
Sherrelle
It's crazy. It's crazy. So have you ever been emotionally finessed by a conscious man?
- [07:27]
Megan
No.
- [07:28]
Sherrelle
No.
- [07:33]
Alexis
I have. Well, I'm sure we both have Ashley.
- [07:37]
Megan
Only we have Cherelle.
- [07:41]
Alexis
Oh, bless.
- [07:42]
Sherrelle
Yeah. By the same person as us.
- [07:45]
Megan
No, no, just I've been definitely finessed by a conscious, you know, me look woke.
- [07:52]
Sherrelle
But he really was.
- [07:55]
Megan
Yeah. And then once, once I leaned into my own understanding and my power, you know what I mean? It wasn't Tainted by the blindness of whatever. I was like, yeah, you know what? Mm, mm. Fraud alert, Fraud alert.
- [08:09]
Alexis
But let's be fair.
- [08:10]
Megan
You're not acting Trump believing he was.
- [08:15]
Sherrelle
Conscious and you were being, you know.
- [08:19]
Megan
To just change behavior. Like thinking that, you know, he's changed or thinking that he is this woke person and knowledgeable. And then once I really sat and watched and listened, your actions were not aligning with what you're. What you were presenting. You know, you'll be very holy one day and then you're very deceitful the next. Like, that doesn't add up to me. And when you are, you know, conscious and when you're awoke and when you are aligned, you know what I mean? Like, it's about, you know, your fellow people. It's about how you treat others. It's how you walk. Like you talk it. Like it has to all align. And then when you are also spiritually connected and when you are know who you are, then you go start to filter out all the bullshit. You know what I mean? We don't have time for that. And yeah, like, it becomes deceitful. It becomes like a cloak. And it works for some people, the ones who are naive and the unwoke, but it won't work for the ones that are conscious. No, not so how do we protect.
- [09:20]
Sherrelle
Ourselves from spiritual manipulation in relationship?
- [09:26]
Alexis
For me, my biggest thing was, you know, after I got out of my last relationship, I did self reflecting on my own self. And, you know, I prayed, I fast and I asked God to open up my ears, my eyes, my heart and my mind and protect me from what's not meant for me. Change what I attract. Like, I want something. I want. I want something different. I'm getting older. Break whatever cycle it is that that I have within me and break it and change it. I want to attract something that. That is loving, that is pure, that wants me for me. So those were things that I asked for. I asked for self reflection. I didn't blame it on anyone. I forgave and I moved on and I did self reflection within myself and asked God to give me a clear thought process when I started dating again.
- [10:24]
Megan
Yeah, I love that. For me it was like, I agree with you, Sherrelle. It was very similar to me. It was really just like, let me take the time for myself like now. Because I'm a nurturing and giving person, especially when I'm in a relationship, I commit to them holy. And I almost forget who I am sometimes. I can get caught up in like catering and nurturing and feeding and just, you know, engulfing my energy into this person. And I have realized now, like you, Sherelle, like I'm praying for that person that sees me and that is there to like really match my energy. And I'm saying match meaning like understand who I am and I understand who they are. And we both can be at peace separately, but at peace together. We are both have this joy, we both have this like these goals separately and together. I feel like it's just extremely important for that, for us to be in that space. You know, I don't want to change. I don't want anyone to change me. I don't want to change anybody. You know, I just really just want to be in a space of understanding who they are. And so I just think that we, we. When you get to a certain space, like you know, of heartbreak and heart, like, you know, abundance, you can start to really understand exactly what you want to attract. And it does come a space when you do have to go through, unfortunately heartbreak to understand what you know your, what you expect and what you want. Because you also now know what you don't want. You know, who wants to go through that over and over.
- [12:05]
Alexis
And the thing about it is it takes, you have to self reflect because you can continue to, to, to repeat the same cycle with the same type of men over and over. And you know, until you're able to have self reflection and want change, nothing's going to happen until you want change within yourself. So thank God, we can see. We can see clear now.
- [12:32]
Megan
I can see clearly now.
- [12:35]
Sherrelle
Praise God. Praise God. Let me do it.
- [12:40]
Megan
All right, y' all want to move on. Segment three. Yes. Which is friendship and expiration dates. Loyalty, guilt and letting go. Outgrowing friends is one of the most silent heartbreaks women face. You love them, but you no longer relate. You've evolved. But they are still gossiping, draining or low key competing. And because we fear being labeled fake, we stay in friendships that feel more like emotional obligations. But here's the thing. Loyalty without alignment turns into resentment. And not everyone from your past deserves access to your presence. So ladies, I want to ask this. Have you ever stayed friends with someone because you didn't know how to leave?
- [13:28]
Sherrelle
Yeah. I'm not the type of person though that like cuts people off. Like, I'm not that girl. Like, I'm not like a. I just don't move like that. You know what I mean? But I do think I've stayed friends with people that, you know, our friendship should have ended A long time ago, but I kind of let things just play out on their own, you know what I mean? I feel like the way I move is once, you know, I realize that their place in my life is no longer, you know, appropriate, I just kind of, you know, I'm moving that way. Like I'm still, you know, I'm still me. But I feel like they can kind of catch a hint. Like, this is not the same. I'm not like, I set boundaries, you know, And I think they kind of just feel like it's no longer a friendship anymore. You know what I mean? But I know that people do do the whole cutoff thing, but I just, I just could never do that because I don't like it. Like, somebody sent me out before and I don't like, I don't like how that feels. So I just can't do that to nobody else.
- [14:43]
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- [15:13]
Degree Ad
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- [16:03]
Ryan Reynolds
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- [16:25]
Mint Mobile Ad
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- [16:28]
Megan
New customer offer for first 3 months.
- [16:29]
Mint Mobile Ad
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- [16:32]
Reshawn McDonald
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- [17:11]
Alexis
I'm the same way Ashley and I, I treat it like this. I was always taught, like I don't. I talk to my friends who are so quick to cut a female friend off as, as long as they haven't crossed the boundary where they're sleeping with your man or something that's just below the belt. I've witnessed some females cut friends off over the pettiest things and it's like, girl, this man, I did this, this, this, this and this. Like, why is it so easy to cut a female friend off? But, but you won't cut that person off. So that's how I look at it. And I'm not the type. I let, I let it get to a point where it's okay if this person keep on crossing these boundaries and you know, we talk on it, we speak on it. If you have not changed, then okay, it's best that we just go our separate ways. I've outgrown you. So, you know, we just move apart but to a point where just being friends and didn't know how to leave. I know how to exit if it gets to a point where it becomes draining and toxic and exhausted. But I do at least give them a chance, you know, to change.
- [18:25]
Megan
Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't cut anybody off immediately either. I'm a, I'm a lover and I understand that people go through, you know, seasons and things like that, but I also know that not everybody's supposed to go with you into different seasons of your life as well, you know, and I so respectfully, I know that if I, if You do something very disrespectful to me, and there's no remorse, and it's just the same patterns and the same behavior. This is who you are. And it's now up to me if I want to be dealing with this type of person. And nine times out of 10, I'm not, just because it's not conducive to my growth and to where I'm. Where I'm headed. So I just don't want to take those people with me. Now, if I see you outside, whatever, it might be a hi, what's up, whatever, but you're not getting into my space. You're not getting into my. My personal aura. You're not gonna feel none of this anymore because you lost that privilege. So. But you have. You have to do something very disrespectful that doesn't align with my values for me to cut you off. Other than that, I'm gonna still be like, what's up? Because, you know, there's We. We run in a lot of different circles, and so, like, they could be in the same vicinity. They could still be invited. And it's like. It's just gonna be like, whatever. I'm not gonna cut up. I'm not gonna cause a scene. But I know that I'm not gonna also give you my energy either.
- [19:50]
Sherrelle
Yeah.
- [19:51]
Megan
I mean, people, see, can be a part of your life for a season, and I can respectfully let you go and be great somewhere else.
- [20:00]
Sherrelle
Say, I ain't know you before. I ain't got.
- [20:06]
Alexis
Y' all know them little kids that act up? You in the. In the. In the choir singing, and you see your child act up, and you give them that look like, I'm a big fool. That's what I'm doing at dinner, right? Get out.
- [20:17]
Megan
What's he doing? He just here in business.
- [20:20]
Alexis
Just draw attention.
- [20:21]
Megan
See if I can so I can.
- [20:23]
Alexis
Go on Instagram and see my daddy. Page boy. Get out.
- [20:29]
Megan
Oh, he wants you to parent right now.
- [20:32]
Alexis
Extra. So extra.
- [20:33]
Sherrelle
Bringing him over so you can play with the girl.
- [20:36]
Alexis
I'm about to bring him over for the rest of the summer.
- [20:42]
Megan
Summer camp at the Weavers.
- [20:43]
Sherrelle
You have a time.
- [20:44]
Megan
Okay.
- [20:46]
Alexis
Go play with Uncle Phil, boy. Go to your house.
- [20:48]
Megan
Go to your auntie house, y' all. What are some of the signs that friendship has expired? Even if there's no drama, I feel.
- [20:57]
Sherrelle
Like if nobody's checking on each other, y' all don't, you know, communicate. Communication is off. It feels weird when you do talk. Yeah, like, I feel like, it's all about the vibe. So if it's like. Because, you know, some friends, you know, if it's a good friend, y' all can go months without talking. And then once y' all get on the phone or y' all see each other, it's like, it ain't. Y' all ain't skipped a beat then, you know?
- [21:22]
Megan
Right.
- [21:23]
Sherrelle
If you haven't talked to somebody and it's a little weird, the vibe is off, you know, Then, yeah, it's probably done.
- [21:31]
Alexis
Yeah.
- [21:34]
Sherrelle
It doesn't always have to be, you know, drama. It's just the vibe is different now.
- [21:42]
Megan
Well, your thoughts any?
- [21:45]
Alexis
No, that's the same. I feel like with.
- [21:47]
Megan
With.
- [21:49]
Alexis
Most of the time, like, if y' all just completely stop checking on each other, stop talking, stop communicating. Y' all see each other in public, and y' all just. There's nothing there. It's time to move on. The friendship is just. It is what it is.
- [22:07]
Megan
Leaves do grow and leaves do fall, and then they get removed. Yeah. Is it better to ghosts fade or have a grown woman sit down before y' all promise?
- [22:19]
Alexis
Have a grown woman sit down. I don't ever. Like Ashley said before, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'm friends with someone and then we just. You stopped communicating with me. And I don't know why, because then.
- [22:33]
Megan
There could be, like, no closure. No closure.
- [22:34]
Alexis
Or there could be something that I'm doing wrong and you never told me. And it could be something just so.
- [22:41]
Sherrelle
Simple that's bothering me that I'm doing something that's bothering you. But if you communicate correct like a grown woman, we can sit down and talk about it. And I could be like, oh, girl, I'm sorry when I caught you, bitch.
- [22:53]
Alexis
I just Becoming a bitch.
- [22:54]
Sherrelle
I'm sorry.
- [22:55]
Alexis
Right, Exactly. Like, you may not. I feel like you should have that conversation. I don't like when people just cut people off and there's no closure, no communication, nothing. It's just like, come on, we're too grown for this.
- [23:11]
Megan
Yeah, ghosting is very much immature.
- [23:13]
Alexis
But you know why a lot of people ghost is because they don't know how to communicate.
- [23:17]
Sherrelle
And then it's like they're thinking one thing, and then they're like, oh, well, baby. And petty. They not talking to me no more. So then it's like a bunch of miscommunication on both sides now because. Because you was in your feelings about something and you never communicated in the first place. So it's all about communication and I feel like, you know, also we have to be able to understand, like, sometimes friends need space and you can't take it personal, and people go through things. And also, if you need space, if you're the friend that needs space, you can't be upset when that friend give you space. And you know what I mean? Like, it's right. Everybody has to put on their big girl panties. You know what I mean? Everybody has to be accountable for their part in the friendship and stop taking stuff personal, stop being petty. You know, we're grownups and it's fine. If we gonna be friends, let's be friends. If we not, we not.
- [24:15]
Alexis
Right, right. That's true. All right, now we gotta get into our humble, baddest man.
- [24:24]
Megan
Oh, I want to read this one right Then. Read it. Read it.
- [24:33]
Alexis
Alexis, secret admirer.
- [24:37]
Megan
Oh, that's the title.
- [24:40]
Alexis
Dear Humble Bag, much respect to all three of y' all. I listen to listen every week, not just for laughs and the message, but because it's rare to hear black women speak so freely, so powerfully, and still keep it soft and soulful. That's healing in itself. But if I'm being real, this message is for Alexis. I've been with strong women before, built with them, learned from them, and sometimes broke with them too. I'm at a point in my life where I don't chase chaos. I choose peace, growth, and a woman who knows who she is, even when the world tries to tell her otherwise. Alexis, that's how you come off to me. You with grace, but you don't bite your tongue. You hold your own, but you don't hold back. And that laugh, it stayed in my head long.
- [25:54]
Sherrelle
This is getting real.
- [25:57]
Alexis
It stayed in my head longer than I expected. I ain't writing this mail for clout. I'm writing it because in a world full of noise, you stand out.
- [26:11]
Sherrelle
Bars.
- [26:11]
Alexis
You are the type of woman a strong man sees, not just looks at. Oof. So maybe one day you'll read this and smile, or maybe you'll roll your eyes and keep it moving. Either way, I just want you to know a real one's watching. And Chris Anthony from New York. Okay. Anthony. Anthony. Anthony.
- [26:35]
Sherrelle
Got some lyric.
- [26:36]
Alexis
Anthony. Got some bars.
- [26:38]
Megan
Anthony who?
- [26:39]
Alexis
What's your phone number?
- [26:40]
Sherrelle
We need to call Anthony.
- [26:42]
Alexis
Anthony. Sir, if you're watching, if you watch this clip, please inbox us. We would love for you and Alexis to meet up so y' all can go on a date. Thank you. A nice gentleman. He pays attention.
- [26:56]
Megan
Well, thank you.
- [26:58]
Alexis
Stay long in his head. Stay in his head long.
- [27:03]
Megan
Anthony, I'm, I'm flattered. Thank you so much for watching the Humble Baddies and really listening. You know, I do take pride in being graceful. I really do. But it's. I'm authentic. It is what you see is what you get. And I do speak my mind. This is a lot of growth. This is a lot of therapy. This is a lot of just really sitting in my essence of who I am. So I love to be seen. So thank you so much for seeing me. And I'm so grateful that my spirit translates, you know, over, you know, WI fi, I should say, and streaming devices. So I appreciate that. So, yeah, Anthony, what's up? How you doing? But thank you so much. I am, again, I'm flattered. I'm like, you know, it's always amazing to get a compliment, so shout out to Anthony for real. You know, he sound like a real New Yorker. You know what I'm saying? That they really are just very, like. Yeah, just like, very much like, look, this is. I see what I like. I like what I see. What's up? And just giving that admiration because, you know, it's hard, you know what I mean? Being a single woman and, and, and in. In general, you want to be seen. Any woman in general, any man in general wants to be seen, wants to be heard. And so thank you for really seeing me. Yes, I appreciate it. And thanks, Sherrelle, for that voice, you know, of commentation, commentary and, you know, giving us that dialogue in such a very, you know, poetic and romantic way. I appreciate that.
- [28:45]
Alexis
Anthony wouldn't have wanted me to read it in any other way.
- [28:48]
Degree Ad
Right.
- [28:48]
Alexis
You see, wrote that.
- [28:52]
Megan
I'm talking about Anthony to slide in them DMs.
- [28:54]
Alexis
Yeah, Anthony, go ahead and slide in.
- [28:55]
Megan
Them DMs, because that's where you can find me.
- [28:59]
Alexis
Make sure you check your spam and the other inboxes.
- [29:05]
Megan
Okay? Well, thank you so much, Anthony, for the humble daddy's mail. Since I'm the topic of conversation, ladies. But no, that was a good episode. How. How fun. How fun is this? Can we change the subject now?
- [29:26]
Sherrelle
Anthony got.
- [29:29]
Alexis
Over there blushing. All right, Anthony, you can find Lex. I'm sure you already know where he can find you, but go ahead and remind him.
- [29:39]
Megan
You can find me at Alexis Underscore Stoudemire on Instagram or on Humble Baddies, you know, through the Humble Baddies mail. Now, I guess that's what we doing.
- [29:49]
Alexis
Make sure you send a nice picture when you reach out to Anthony, because you.
- [29:59]
Megan
And where can they find you all.
- [30:00]
Alexis
You can find me at Cherelle Rosado underscore Cherelle Rosado on Twitter and on X I'm sorry and Snapchat.
- [30:08]
Sherrelle
Cherelle Rosado I'm Ashley Nicole on Instagram and Ashley Underscore Nicole on Snap and everything else. Thank y' all so much for tuning in to another episode of the Humble Baddie. Please write us again at. Contact humblebaddies.com and we'll see you guys next week.
- [30:28]
Alexis
And make sure y' all subscribe Humble Baddies Podcast.
- [30:46]
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- [31:12]
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- [31:46]
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- [32:13]
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- [32:43]
Alexis
This is an I Heart podcast.