← Club Shay Shay
Club Shay Shay
Modern Fertility Options, Co-Parenting without Romance, & Non-Biological parenting | Humble Baddies
00:46:38
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- [00:00]
Sherrelle Rosado
This is an I heart podcast. What's up?
- [00:15]
Alexis Stoudemire
Happy hump day.
- [00:18]
Sherrelle Rosado
Happy hump day. Hump day.
- [00:20]
Ashley Nicole
Happy pride month.
- [00:22]
Alexis Stoudemire
Happy pride month.
- [00:25]
Ashley Nicole
Happy summertime. Happy them kids is out of school. Oh, we going to be on vacation. Happy. We about to go to Paris and see Beyonce.
- [00:38]
Alexis Stoudemire
Happy everything, like, school is out. This was Elijah's last day of school, so now all of my babies are out. We made it. We made it.
- [00:49]
Ashley Nicole
We made it. Not for made it, because the school year be schooling by the end of the year. I've been well out.
- [00:55]
Sherrelle Rosado
Okay, did y' all see the. The real. When you just put on anything, you throw on anything and take your kids and drop them off at the drop. I be like that all the time. But one time, I got messed up when I was dropping Denim off at school, and I got there late, and I was like, I cannot go into school and saw him in.
- [01:13]
Alexis Stoudemire
I look a hot mess.
- [01:14]
Sherrelle Rosado
I had on two different shoes.
- [01:17]
Alexis Stoudemire
I can relate. I understand where she's coming from. Like, you know, that drop off be hitting you up a little different by the time you, like, you know, throw on something real quick. Have to, you know, get your baby together. What were you saying? Sherelle, welcome back.
- [01:32]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yes. This camera better not be acting up on me again today, y' all. We gonna have problems.
- [01:38]
Alexis Stoudemire
You good?
- [01:40]
Sherrelle Rosado
Don't do it today. But listen. But just be throwing on anything. How would a pants jacket be right here? Put on your kids jacket.
- [01:50]
Ashley Nicole
But do you take the bonnet off?
- [01:59]
Sherrelle Rosado
See, I have tenant windows, so you can't see inside and you can't see. Only I can see you. So it's okay for me to wear my bunny when I'm dropping them off.
- [02:06]
Ashley Nicole
But you're not going in the school, though.
- [02:08]
Sherrelle Rosado
No, but I got messed up one time because it was traffic and denim was late and I had to walk into the school. But I took the bunny off, but I was looking a hot mess.
- [02:18]
Ashley Nicole
That's all I want to know. If you kept the bonnet on.
- [02:21]
Sherrelle Rosado
I think it off.
- [02:22]
Ashley Nicole
All right. Good girl.
- [02:24]
Alexis Stoudemire
It's a time and place for them bonnet.
- [02:26]
Sherrelle Rosado
Actually, Pops, birthday was Monday.
- [02:31]
Alexis Stoudemire
Aw, yeah.
- [02:32]
Ashley Nicole
We've had a blast. Pac is seven years old, y' all.
- [02:35]
Alexis Stoudemire
Seven is insane.
- [02:36]
Sherrelle Rosado
Seven year old.
- [02:37]
Ashley Nicole
He's not my baby anymore. He's a. He loves airplanes. There's currently, like, 50 million paper airplanes laying around my house right now. Everybody bought him the same thing. They were like, what does he want? I think he likes airplanes. Everybody bought him the same airplane book where it teaches you how to fold the airplanes up.
- [02:58]
Sherrelle Rosado
Like, oh, he just been killing it.
- [03:00]
Alexis Stoudemire
Oh, that.
- [03:02]
Ashley Nicole
Airplanes everywhere.
- [03:03]
Alexis Stoudemire
There's an airport cafe over by Fort Lauderdale. Hollywood Airport.
- [03:08]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, yeah, I heard of that. I need to take him over there.
- [03:11]
Alexis Stoudemire
You can see the planes lands, and it's memorabilia, all that fun stuff over there.
- [03:17]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [03:18]
Ashley Nicole
But, y' all, speaking of babies, I had this very interesting conversation with a friend of mine, and she was just discussing, like, you know, she had a baby a little later than age than, you know, a lot of women, and she was just talking about how her and her friends have had a lot of discussions about, you know, how they're going to have babies if they don't have a partner. And it was like a really, you know, this is something that I never really considered, you know, because I. You know, luckily, you know, I'm blessed, and I haven't had to be in that position, but it's a real thing. Like, women. And not just women. People of the LGBTQ ABCD community, they also are getting very creative with the ways that they are expanding their families. And so that's our first topic of the day, ladies. I want to talk about fertility treatment. They've come such a long way. There's ivf, iui, egg freezing egg, sperm donation, surrogacy, and, you know, the technology is just. It's just crazy. These days, couples, including the LGBT community, are, you know, they're looking for more creative ways to become parents. So I have some questions that I want to discuss. Are modern fertility options a blessing or turning into a luxury only rich people can afford because it's pricey, y' all?
- [04:49]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah, I would say it's both. You know, it definitely is for the wealthy, but at the same time, people are, you know, mortgaging homes, saving up, because their dream is to have a child. So by any means necessary, they're doing it. I do know a girlfriend who is what's called a single mom by choice, and she did not have a partner. And she was like, look, I want to have a child. I'm doing great in my business. I don't have a partner, but I can go get some sperm. So, like. And not only does she have one child. Yeah, she has one child. She was getting into a particular age where she also was gonna, like. It was like, should I freeze my eggs? Am I waiting for this partner? But she was like, I'm ready. I can take care of these children. And I also have a support group, a family that's nearby, so let me just go ahead and do it. She did it. So not only does she have one child. She ended up doing IVF and also used, you know, sperm donor to. To pretty much, you know, she. She picked to who this man was. And not only did she lose a person. No.
- [05:59]
Ashley Nicole
Like, she picked them out of, like, a sperm bank.
- [06:03]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yes. Like, pretty much a catalog. It's like a catalog situation where you pick, like, they get down to a T of like, what their job, their profession is, if they've been to college or not, their eye color, their background, their ethnic background, just all these things, and you essentially can choose. So she chose a specific type of man demographic and then was able to conceive, had the child, and then a couple years later went back to that same, you know, guy that she chose. So now technically, her children, two beautiful, healthy daughters, are healthy and they're siblings, and he won't know. And she's happy. She is thriving. The children are beautiful and healthy, and that's that. And she's living in her. Her truth. And it was very expensive. But it's an investment. We all know this. The fact that we all have as many children as we do, they're an investment. Their investment in their education, mental health, physical being, house, food. It's a commitment. So if you're willing to take that on, then so be it. And do it by any means you can.
- [07:15]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, I mean, I definitely do think it's a luxury. I just. I don't. Even if. Even if I have the money or had the money, if I was in this position, I feel like. I feel like I would still try to find a cheap way and go find somebody. You know what I'm saying?
- [07:41]
Alexis Stoudemire
That is a cheap way. But you're dealing with the fact that they might want to come back or say, don't. I don't want to be involved. Don't put your child support.
- [07:49]
Ashley Nicole
You have to have your lawyer heavily, you know, involved. You have your contracts where you write up every single little thing. The custody, the. All of that, like, you know, have all of that laid out by your lawyer. But, yeah, I feel like the IVF thing is definitely, you know, it's a lux. That's the luxury route. And you're very blessed if you can, you know, afford that. But I love that that is an option for women these days because a lot of women are, you know, wanting to start families a little later in life. You know, they're focusing on their careers and, you know, living out their dreams and everything. And so I think it's beautiful that, you know, technology has afforded us that option now. But, yeah, I definitely think it's a luxury.
- [08:37]
Alexis Stoudemire
And you. Yeah. And you also ultimately want a healthy child at the end of the day. So, like, you know, this is God's work, and thank God that we do have doctors and in the medical field.
- [08:51]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yeah. Hear me? Yeah.
- [08:53]
Alexis Stoudemire
Anything you want to say?
- [08:54]
Sherrelle Rosado
Listen, I was just talking away, y'.
- [08:56]
Alexis Stoudemire
All, Let us know.
- [09:00]
Sherrelle Rosado
I was just talking away. I was trying to get my.
- [09:02]
Ashley Nicole
My.
- [09:04]
Sherrelle Rosado
My computer work. I'm just over here talking, like, I know y' all, like, cut me off. I need to talk.
- [09:10]
Alexis Stoudemire
No, no.
- [09:11]
Sherrelle Rosado
But I just feel like. I love that science have given women more options. But let's not pretend, y' all. It's. It's still a business.
- [09:20]
Alexis Stoudemire
Like, it's for the privilege.
- [09:24]
Sherrelle Rosado
I just. I just feel like it's a whole money grab. IVF ain't cheap. You know, egg freezing ain't cheap, and it's a bless. But it's also a business. At the end of the day, it's still a business. And it just sucks that, you know, they utilize it and take, like, for. For women who cannot get pregnant or. It's like, you just made it such a huge business, and for people who can't afford it, it sucks. They're still left without having issues, you know, bringing in a child or having a child.
- [09:56]
Ashley Nicole
That brings me to my next question. Do you think women feel more pressure to freeze their eggs now that it's being marketed everywhere? Because literally, we hear it so much now, like, oh, you're 30, wet. Oh, you need to go freeze your. You haven't freeze your eggs yet.
- [10:11]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yeah, because they put fear in them.
- [10:13]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yes. Fear, pressure, all of that. It's societal pressure. It's also your, you know, our. As women, too, in men. But as women, our hormones definitely do have a window. Obviously, pregnancies become complicated the older you get. It's facts. It's medical facts. It is what it is. So I get it. It's also just pressure with your family, too. Like, what if you're the only, you know, sibling that is like, look, I don't have any kids, but your sisters and brothers gave me some grandkids, so it's societal pressure. And then also just like, you know, we're in a space, too, of, like, you can do it all. Like, women, we can do it all. You know, like, you can balance home, you can balance life, you can balance children in the rearing of all of that. So it has definitely been marketed as, like, I feel like, almost a sense of community. Like, almost like, look, I've done it People are being honest about it because before it used to be faux pas, and now people are saying, I've done it, it work. Here's the evidence. And it's those that have tried to conceive that cannot, you know, so they're like, look, I. This worked for me. And now we have this child that we tried using my egg and his sperm and somebody carried it for us. So the options are definitely there. It is definitely a wealthy. It is a money grab. It is a business, like Sherrelle said. I agree 100%. But the good thing is it does work. So you can see your evidence of your investment now in this child, because people long to have a family and people long to have children. So it's an option.
- [11:51]
Ashley Nicole
Definitely being the other side of that, you know, is why are we having so many fertility issues now? You know, like back in the day, you know, were women having fibroids and uterine cancer and all these things?
- [12:08]
Sherrelle Rosado
Like, you didn't have any of those issues really, or they wasn't.
- [12:12]
Ashley Nicole
Why did we get down to the bottom of that instead of pushing, you know, the IVF and the eggs, egg freezing and all of that?
- [12:22]
Sherrelle Rosado
Well, they don't want to get down to the bottom of it. It's just like with somebody with cancer. Yeah, they don't want to give you that. It's a business.
- [12:30]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yes, it's a business. And we. That can go down to environmental. There's more cars, there's more infrastructure. We have cell phones now. We have radio radiology. Like all this, all radiation. Radiation. All of these things are more abundant now as well as, you know, just what we're eating this down to nutrition. We used to grow our own fruits and vegetables. We used to cook more at home, all these things. So it's environmental, it's nutritional, and it's, it's just. But at the same time, science has evolved and, you know, it's there as an option, you know, just like we can get into it, but like, it's like big pharma, you know, they're. They're willing to say, hey, this is the easiest, you know, solution. Here's a drug. Whereas same here. Like before, you just be like, you know, you go have a good time in your bedroom and so you're having a baby. So, like, you know, it's definitely a difference, but I feel like it's in environmental, you know, it's, it's really. It's a lot going on. Hormones they put in their food and.
- [13:37]
Ashley Nicole
The food, you know, it's having Your periods earlier now.
- [13:43]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yes, but have you seen the latest studies, though? Women, single women, are choosing not to have children. We're actually lower in our population than we have been in years. So they're encouraging people to have babies. Hence. Hence our issues with plan B's and abortions and things that they're ruling out in these different states is a big deal.
- [14:06]
Sherrelle Rosado
They want us to have these kids, but don't want to support.
- [14:09]
Ashley Nicole
Come on.
- [14:10]
Sherrelle Rosado
Support.
- [14:10]
Alexis Stoudemire
Come on now.
- [14:18]
Ashley Nicole
So do y' all think health insurance should cover IBS and egg freezing just like they cover other medical needs and costs?
- [14:27]
Sherrelle Rosado
I definitely think so. We pay for it. That's what we pay for insurance for. Right. Anything medical they should cover.
- [14:34]
Alexis Stoudemire
Correct.
- [14:36]
Ashley Nicole
Offer these services because. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
- [14:42]
Sherrelle Rosado
It should be at least if they don't come, it should be like a add on, you know, like how they do insurance with. With your car. It should at least be an add on for. For people to choose to cover. Because it's the whole insurance. There's a whole. That's a whole nother topic.
- [14:59]
Alexis Stoudemire
Exactly. I was just about to say we can get into that too, because it's like, even think of like, paternity leave versus maternity leave. They're even giving men off now. So, like, technically, should men be able to, you know, have that covered with their insurance, too? If you have to a couple, that. That should be double. You know what I mean? Like, the fact that you're trying to have a child and bring that child into your life, it should definitely be some coverage at some point. But I think they're looking at it as. It's optional and it's voluntary.
- [15:30]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, yeah. Oh, let's talk about the other creative ways. Let's talk about, you know, our lesbian and our gay friends. You know, Happy Friday. I hear them doing some other creative ways to make families. And I even heard where it's like a single female will find like a gay couple and they. They both, like the. They both give each other babies basically. You know, like, the woman doesn't have a partner, so one of the gay men will give her babies. And sometimes I heard, like, the story I'm thinking of they use like a surrogate where the. The gay couple's children, but, like, she gave their eggs and they gave their sperm for their babies and they raised them together and they live, like, on the same street. And it seemed like a beautiful thing. Yeah, people are really out here finding very creative ways to, like.
- [16:25]
Sherrelle Rosado
Very creative.
- [16:26]
Alexis Stoudemire
I was about to say, you got to get creative, like, and we always Say it takes a village.
- [16:31]
Ashley Nicole
So it does.
- [16:33]
Alexis Stoudemire
Somebody wants to be a parent, let them be.
- [16:38]
Ashley Nicole
I wonder, though, when the kids get older, how they explain the situation, though, especially because they throw a therapy in there. That's a lot. You know, like.
- [16:48]
Alexis Stoudemire
It'S an honest conversation. I feel like they would have to say, you know, like, obviously, science wise, two men cannot have a children and two women cannot. Right. Obviously men cannot carry children. So I'm sure I can't, I cannot speak to this, but I'm sure it's honest conversation. Like, oh, you have two dads or, or you have, you know, like, this is a mommy that I don't know.
- [17:15]
Sherrelle Rosado
I think they should, I think they should be honest with their children when they're at an age that they can understand. Because what you don't want is for society or, you know, their peers to, to tease them and then they figure out, learn it that way. Now you're, you're mentally messing with them. So if you're gonna go that route, I definitely think you should teach your children before the streets. Teach them.
- [17:37]
Alexis Stoudemire
I agree.
- [17:38]
Sherrelle Rosado
Let them know. Teach them the, you know, the science of how all this happened. Because some don't. They make their kids believe, and it's sad and, and I hate that, that they make their kids believe that we created you. And that's not true. And now your, your child is in school and they see their parents come, you know, come to the school, and now they're picking on, like, you don't have a mother or you don't have a daddy, or, you know, this, that. And third, you know, kids can be. So it's definitely important that, you know, they teach them the truth about what's going on.
- [18:18]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah. It's interesting, though. And like, I, I have a best friend who always said that if she, you know, doesn't have a man by.
- [18:27]
Alexis Stoudemire
I don't know, like.
- [18:28]
Ashley Nicole
Or if she doesn't have a baby by 40, her and her gay bestie was going to have a baby together. And I think that's beautiful to, you know, have somebody in your life that you would want to bring a child into this world with, you know?
- [18:44]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah.
- [18:44]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah. Because it's a big responsibility and romantically.
- [18:48]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah, you can definitely do it. We're very capable.
- [18:53]
Ashley Nicole
Okay. Oh, go ahead.
- [18:55]
Sherrelle Rosado
No, go ahead, Ashley.
- [18:56]
Ashley Nicole
I was going to ask this next question. I was going to say, for lesbian couples that are doing reciprocal ivf, should they pick who carries a baby based on health or who wants the experience based on health?
- [19:13]
Sherrelle Rosado
Actually, my. So I had a close Friend. High school friend. We were actually. We played basketball together all throughout, you know, middle school, high school, her and her wife, she was the stud. And, you know, you would think that the. The. I don't know the terminology with all this. I just know she was like the masculine one. A masculine one. And the wife couldn't. The wife couldn't have babies, so she ended up. She carrying the baby because of. Of her health. So I definitely would go with health.
- [19:51]
Ashley Nicole
I can't hear you.
- [19:53]
Sherrelle Rosado
Can you hear me?
- [19:53]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yes. You said go with health.
- [19:56]
Sherrelle Rosado
I would definitely go with health. They should definitely go with health, because I'm sure my. My girl. I'm sure she did not want to go that route, but it was.
- [20:04]
Alexis Stoudemire
She.
- [20:04]
Sherrelle Rosado
She said it was a beautiful experience after.
- [20:07]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, I can't imagine. But have y' all heard the conversation about, you know, how they want to change the terminology about only women can have a baby? Because, you know, like, transgender women, they don't want to call it a uterus anymore or something like that. Like, they're trying to call breast chest. Like, it's not breast milk or sweetener. I don't know. It's like they're trying to change all the terminology now. Have you heard about it?
- [20:39]
Alexis Stoudemire
No, but it's going to be breast for me. It is what it is for me. I don't know how to. How can you change what people have said for all of these years? And, you know, they're teaching anatomy to our young children, too. And, I mean, the medical terminologies are embedded, and people have been to school and scholars are teaching this for years. It's just in the community. So in the community, you can call it whatever you want to do, but it should not be pressure for us going to be a uterus, because medically, that's what it is.
- [21:19]
Sherrelle Rosado
And I'm trying to change diet.
- [21:21]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah, we can't do that. Respectfully. We just can't. We can't say, hey, guys, after all these years of research, we said, is this okay? You can say that in your community. That's fine.
- [21:33]
Sherrelle Rosado
So.
- [21:33]
Alexis Stoudemire
But you can't. You can't. You can't.
- [21:35]
Sherrelle Rosado
It's getting changes. It comes to a point where you just got to stop, draw a line now, and I'm just not there.
- [21:45]
Alexis Stoudemire
But we have a uterus. There's uterine cancer for a reason. Just like it's, you know, certain cancers and colon cancers.
- [21:53]
Ashley Nicole
There are.
- [21:53]
Alexis Stoudemire
There's just every answer for me. Yeah, there's this. It just is what it is. And people specialize in this so we can't discredit people's medical field and backgrounds and terminology and anatomies. This is anatomy.
- [22:10]
Ashley Nicole
It is.
- [22:10]
Alexis Stoudemire
It was definitely in Genesis.
- [22:15]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, well, you know, I'm all here for people creating their families. However they gotta get it live, get it. Okay.
- [22:23]
Alexis Stoudemire
Same.
- [22:24]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah. So let's move on to our next topic, which is co parenting without romance. So what I'm choosing to co parent without a romantic relationship. Sometimes friends, exes, or even platonic partners team up to raise kids. But how stable is that for the child? Can it long term or is someone bound to catch feelings? Could you co parent with someone who you've never been romantically involved with?
- [22:56]
Sherrelle Rosado
I honestly, I think it can work if both. Both people are fully mature on the same page.
- [23:03]
Alexis Stoudemire
But yes.
- [23:04]
Sherrelle Rosado
You know, a lot of people ain't built like that.
- [23:06]
Ashley Nicole
Correct.
- [23:06]
Sherrelle Rosado
The moment you start dating, seriously, feelings change, boundaries get blurred real quick and then, you know, it's a whole mess.
- [23:15]
Alexis Stoudemire
I agree.
- [23:16]
Sherrelle Rosado
So you have to be fully mature to be able to. To go that route.
- [23:21]
Alexis Stoudemire
I agree. Thank you, Terrell. It is very. It's a mature thing because technically now you are splitt households. You're splitting time. You are have to. It's like, you know, especially when it used to be romance too. Let's you know, that's a hard thing too, because not only are you getting over a relationship that failed, you now have to parent really forever with this person that you love, that you had respect for, that you used to lay next to. And when other people are start starting to now be involved with significant others. And you're starting to send your children over to a household now that has another presence and vice versa, that becomes a whole nother level of trying to adjust. And that's another thing that affects the children, but was never their choice. So at the end of the day, it's like to me, we have to think about the children, what makes them comfortable, talking to them, being honest and really hearing them. Because ultimately they're the ones being pass back and forth like a tennis ball. And my children, for example, are learning that my rules are definitely different than being at their father's home. So with that being said, it is tough, it is difficult. But I'm like, look, this is your new reality. This is our family dynamic. There's two households. And yes, your father has a female that is around. I'm still your mother. It's not gonna change. And potentially there will be a man around too. So you're gonna have to understand that is that this man is not Coming in to take your father's place. But he's also this man is here to heal my heart, heal my spirit, and be there for me to make me healthy to be a parent, a better parent for you. So life moves on. People break up, People go. But I feel like feelings can end. It's definitely what Sherrelle said. It's a maturity on both sides. And, you know, there's this flirtation is still there, and it can be, because think about it, you were at one point, like, in love with this person or had time with this person enough to where you're intimate with this person. And God really did want y' all to be together forever. It just looks different. It's not in the same household, or it might not be in the same, you know, under the same roof, but it's definitely a connection that has to be respectful and has to be forever because it's graduations, it's grandkids, it's weddings. I'm gonna be at everything, so you gonna have to get used to seeing me. And it is what it is. So I actually welcome the co parenting because now I have help. I have time to, like, focus on other stuff. You know what I'm saying? So go be with your dad, and then when you come home, you can appreciate being home with me, I think.
- [26:09]
Sherrelle Rosado
And definitely with this type of situation, when you choose to go to this route, you have to love you love your friend, whoever that was, but you have to protect your child. And contracts should be in place with situations like that.
- [26:23]
Alexis Stoudemire
I agree. Sherrelle.
- [26:25]
Ashley Nicole
I agree. Is intentional parenting with a friend better than raising kids in a toxic romantic relationship?
- [26:32]
Alexis Stoudemire
Absolutely. Who wants toxic?
- [26:34]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yes.
- [26:36]
Alexis Stoudemire
I don't want it.
- [26:38]
Ashley Nicole
Okay. What happens if one person moves on and gets into a serious relationship? Does the co parenting dynamic get messy?
- [26:46]
Alexis Stoudemire
It goes back to what you were saying, Sherrelle. It's about maturity. Like, it's about really understanding. Like, I always say this. Like, I pray and hope that, you know, my ex, the father of my children, finds someone that's healthy. I want you to be healthy, to make the same decisions that you can make sound decisions that you would make for our family. Even though you are not the head of this household anymore, you still are very much in the loop of making sure our children still stay the course of what we in place for them, whether it's schooling, religious things, household respect, all these things. So I always have encouraged to know who this woman is and to know who my children will be around. But I'm so blessed that My children are older to where they can make one phone call and either I'm coming to get them or they can be in an Uber to come get. Come home. My house is always open to my children. So it's a blessing that my children are older to where they can navigate between the two households and. Or can speak up. And that comes from therapy. That comes from time. And it also comes from reassurance of me teaching them that you don't have to be in the situation you don't want to be in. Yes, your father has time with you. Yes, you should be there, but I'm not going to force it at all.
- [28:16]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, I agree. That's good. You need to do a whole co parenting class, Alexis.
- [28:26]
Alexis Stoudemire
I'm down. And it's easy, though.
- [28:28]
Sherrelle Rosado
It's not my co parenting. When I was in my past relationship, it was. Everyone got along with everyone. And of course, you know, you know, when you're mature and everyone, especially you know, with Chad, when Chad and I was together and his kids, mom, we all got along. Like, everyone communicated. It got to a point where they would just call me all the time. So it's. It's all about being mature. Yeah, you have to be mature and, and you have to make sure that your kids speak up and they feel comfortable whoever they bring it, that other person is bringing into that relationship.
- [29:10]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah, okay, but y' all talking about people y' all been with. What about somebody you have, you. You don't share any romantic feelings for? Never have. Never would.
- [29:23]
Alexis Stoudemire
I mean, that's even tougher because, like, what if it was like a one night stand or something that happens, you know, and unfortunately I can't speak on that. But that's also a different. It's a tougher situation too because you don't know this person and it's tough on the children. I just always go back to the kids. Like, people get involved. Like, you see, we see it all the time in the blogs of parent. People are divorcing and there's still some energy and bitterness and heaviness and it's competitive and I don't like when people that are splitting use the child. So I just always go back to the children and I want again, like, I want to know who is around my kids. Like, who is texting. I don't think it, I don't think who. Who is around. Will you hear me?
- [30:12]
Sherrelle Rosado
Yeah, I don't think it would affect. It would be worse if y' all didn't have any, any involvements. The only time people like really Trip. And it affects them more is when they were emotionally or so completely soul tied together. If. If, like me and let's say my friend and I decided to have a child and then they get into a serious relationship because we're on a friend level and we're mature and we understand, you know, we both have the same love and. And. And care and attent attention towards our. Our child that we brought in together. We're not. I wouldn't believe that you would make a crazy decision to bring somebody that. And to jeopardize that child. I don't think it would be as messy as dealing with somebody who you were sexually connected with.
- [31:06]
Alexis Stoudemire
It's just messy if the situation's messy. You know what I mean? Like, I just look at it just like, again, what you're saying, Sherrelle, it's about maturity. You know, if you don't know this person, that's when it starts getting real, you know, up and down and volatile. Just because you're just like, I don't know this person. I don't. I don't. But we have to share blood. You know what I mean? That's when it gets sticky, I think. But if you're friends and, you know, boundaries and you can get along, then it should be a maturity thing. This is. Children are definitely a huge maturity thing. You have to be mature. Have to.
- [31:51]
Ashley Nicole
Okay, well, that's that. Which I want to talk about next. We got a few more topics. Cherelle, you got.
- [32:01]
Sherrelle Rosado
I will get into it. Let's get into the. The whole trans athlete AB Hernandez story. I saw that the inclusion of trans athletes has. Has become one of most the polarizing debates in sports. AB Hernandez recent win highlights the ongoing debate around fairness, biology, and identity. Does we always. Everybody always get, you know, it gets emotional. We start talking about this because I don't think it's. It's fair or it's right when a male who transition, they become a transgender and they are able to play in female sports.
- [32:52]
Alexis Stoudemire
So this was a young. This was a boy who transitioned to.
- [32:59]
Ashley Nicole
A sport like other sports. But this is at a high school, and I guess the student is transgender and he is where I said.
- [33:16]
Alexis Stoudemire
Them.
- [33:18]
Ashley Nicole
So got first place. Okay. With a female first place runner.
- [33:24]
Alexis Stoudemire
Like, they tied or they just kind of put her in her own category?
- [33:31]
Ashley Nicole
No, I don't know if they tie. They just said that she. They shared the podium at first place. That's what they said. And yeah. So, you know, this is like one of the first times we're seeing it in high school, and they got a lot of backlash for it. And so people are, you know, they're in an uproar. The parents are in uproar. It was on the news, and I feel really bad, you know, because this is a high school student. You know what I mean? Imagine, like, you're this person. It's already hard enough coming out as transgender. I'm sure that's whole journey in itself. And then, you know, now you're in the spotlight, you're on the news, you did great at the sport, obviously, you know, and you're getting all this hate for it, and that's where, like, I feel conflicted. Like, I don't. I don't believe that transgender, you know, people should, you know, be able to compete with women. Like, if you are born a male, I feel like you need to compete with men. But I do feel conflicted because, like, they're humans, and I feel. I know that person feels terrible. You know, I know they feel however they feel, but it's just hard, you know, like, we were born one way, and it gives you certain advantages over, you know, females. You know, a man's strength is stronger than a woman's strength, and if you're in. If you're competing in a physical sport, then it makes a difference. And also, when we're talking about sports, they get on athletes about performance enhancement drugs and all kinds of things. So if you're, you know, taking whatever you're taking to, you know.
- [35:15]
Alexis Stoudemire
Testosterone or your estrogen or these hormone treatments, I.
- [35:19]
Ashley Nicole
Feel like they should treat that in the same manner. You know, if the athlete isn't supposed to be taking anything to enhance them or change them biologically, then I think that should be the same rule when it comes to, you know, transgender people, because I. Yeah. I mean, unless they're not taking anything. But I feel like in this situation.
- [35:40]
Sherrelle Rosado
It might be that I respect everybody's identity, but we can't act like biology doesn't exist. If you went through male puberty, puberty, puberty. I can't even. I'm tongue twisted. You do have physical advantages, and it just.
- [36:00]
Ashley Nicole
I just feel like therapy blockers, all of that. Yeah, that's changing yourself biologically. Just like if an athlete wanted to run faster and they took something to. That changes you, and that's not allowed. So how can one be allowed over the other? I don't agree with that. Yeah.
- [36:19]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah, that's tough. As a mother that has athletes, each of my children compete, it's definitely a tough situation, and we Have. There was a child that was played against my daughter and competed against her in girls basketball. So the parents were in an uproar about it, but at the same time, it is kind of low key. Forcing teammates who are more aware and more like of a team, you know, the community for them, but the opponents. It was concerning for my daughter and her teammates. This just was new, you know, and so this is something now that we have to talk about and explain. But I have noticed that our children are more aware and more open and more enduring with what's going on in the times. They're more educated. They know about the Tiktoks generation. That's chipping our generation ahead of us, too. You know, the elders really don't get it. But, like, you know, I. I don't think it's fair. I definitely think that is an advantage. Exactly what you guys are saying. I. I don't know medical research. I only know from, like, what I've read and things like that. But I don't condone the bullying. I don't condone the. The heaviness that comes with it, because they are, like you said, Ashley, they're dealing with so much. But where place them? Where did they go? Your lead, you know, what do we do?
- [37:59]
Sherrelle Rosado
I was just about to say that, Lex, what should happen? You know, we should be 10. They should be 10, 10 steps ahead and create. Okay, if you allow a transgender to compete with. They should create their own division or league to alleviate all the. Like, for somebody who fought hard and. And trained so hard, like, at the end of the day, a woman can never be stronger than a male. Genetics. It shows, like, they're gonna always be. So there needs to be some type of division or something to allow them to compete.
- [38:34]
Alexis Stoudemire
And there is a reason why there's like, let's use tennis, for example. There is women's tennis, and then there's men's tennis, and then there's like, mixed doubles or something like that. So, like, it's been already put in place. And then going back to, like, what's required. Look at it on the Olympic level. Most athletes want to make it. That's the ultimate goal, is to make it to the Olympics. Right. If that's your sport, you are the best in the world. So obviously, if things are banned on that level and questionable, then it does trickle down to. Again, going back to what you were saying, Sherrelle, like, you trained hard and worked hard. And I believe if this is the same young lady that we are talking about, I think they she ended up getting first place because she did well in her division, but they did not knock the other girl from getting first place. So I don't think they tied. I think it was like, look, since it's this state, we do allow it, because I think it was California. I think it turned it into. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it was like, well, since she's kind of in her own division, how does she do compared to the numbers? But we're not taking away first and second and third place. You know, the. The gold, the silver and the bronze from the ladies, if you're identifying as this, I think they kind of like, you know, made it to where she at least has some kind of pride in her own way.
- [40:00]
Sherrelle Rosado
Well, that was good if they did it.
- [40:01]
Alexis Stoudemire
I think that's. I think that's like them making their own league.
- [40:05]
Ashley Nicole
I think at first it kind of sounds outlandish, but, I mean, they made a lead for, you know, disabled people. You know, they made the Special Olympics and stuff like that. So I think there's definitely, like, room for that growth for that. Like, I could see that happening in the future, you know, and the pride community, they don't go for it. You know what I'm saying? Like, people will put money behind it, so I can see it happening. But when you said that, at first I was like, nah, they not going to do that. But actually, when I thought about it.
- [40:39]
Sherrelle Rosado
But it's not a bad thing. It's actually it.
- [40:42]
Ashley Nicole
I don't think it's bad. I don't think that. I'll just think about it logistically, you.
- [40:46]
Alexis Stoudemire
Know, But I think it's just tough, though, because, you know, unfortunately, in our democratic nation, it's per state too, you know, whereas things are legal, where things are illegal, where you're not allowed, and you're allowed. So it's all over the place to try to get it on a federal level, But I think elite would be great.
- [41:12]
Sherrelle Rosado
They gotta get it together.
- [41:13]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah.
- [41:14]
Ashley Nicole
Get it together.
- [41:14]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah.
- [41:15]
Sherrelle Rosado
Let's. What we got for the humble Betty's mail girl.
- [41:18]
Alexis Stoudemire
Let me look. Let me look.
- [41:19]
Ashley Nicole
It's about that time.
- [41:23]
Alexis Stoudemire
Let me get to it. Okay. All righty. Here we go. All right. Here we go, ladies. My husband's work wife is crossing the line. Dear humble daddies, My husband has this work wife quotes, you know, that one female coworker who's always a little too close. I try to be the cool wife and not be insecure, but lately it's getting out of hand. She sends him little gifts to his office. She texted him after hours, just checking in. She even baked him a whole damn birthday cake. She said damn. I did not. Last week, she accidentally called him babe in a group text with his coworkers. When I confronted him, he said I was being dramatic and jealous and that they were just close friends. Am I crazy, or is this woman doing the most in disrespecting my marriage? Signed, a wife who's about to pull up, quote, unquote.
- [42:32]
Sherrelle Rosado
Okay, listen, you are not crazy. She's bold and her ass is disrespectful. You texting after hours, you baking birthday cakes, calling your man baby. That's not a friendship, boo boo. That's emotional cheating with sprinkles on the top.
- [42:53]
Ashley Nicole
Exactly.
- [42:56]
Sherrelle Rosado
She doesn't pull up on fit and set boundaries.
- [43:01]
Alexis Stoudemire
That's it, too. That's another thing.
- [43:04]
Ashley Nicole
Absolutely. That's what I was about to say. Like, where. What is he doing? He's just accepting all of this because she seems very comfortable.
- [43:11]
Sherrelle Rosado
He's gaslighting her.
- [43:13]
Ashley Nicole
He's allowing this. She's making her comfortable enough to do all those things, and that's a problem.
- [43:19]
Alexis Stoudemire
And it's a thinner.
- [43:20]
Sherrelle Rosado
She's overreacting.
- [43:22]
Alexis Stoudemire
She's definitely not overreacting. We. I think we are all in unison that we agree that this is definitely crossing some lines. It's disrespectful. And it's definitely on your husband, too, to honestly be the boundary person. He is allowing these things. But honestly, I feel like he's communicating with you that the fact that you are, one, seeing text messages. Two, you know about the gifts. You know about the birthday cakes. He's communicating that. But you have to let him know how this makes you feel. This is not appropriate behavior, and you're not comfortable with it. So he needs to know. He needs to be put on notice, and things need to be changed. And so does this lady.
- [44:01]
Sherrelle Rosado
He did tell him. He told her that she was overreacting.
- [44:04]
Alexis Stoudemire
He's fighting her. This is very much like. This makes me feel like I am not. You know, I don't like.
- [44:11]
Sherrelle Rosado
Because if the shoes. If the shoes were reversed, he would have been pulled up.
- [44:15]
Alexis Stoudemire
Come on, now.
- [44:16]
Sherrelle Rosado
Stop it.
- [44:17]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah. You know, it reminds me of Baby Boy. You know that scene in Baby Boy. Right.
- [44:23]
Ashley Nicole
I pull up to that job on both of them in front of everybody.
- [44:28]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah. Because they're ultimately spending a lot of time together. It's after hours. It's. It's not appropriate. You know what I mean? And there are such things as work affairs and people dealing with that. And it's a little too close for comfort. I mean, obviously, the whole. The whole office can sing Happy Birthday to you, but, you know, I'm your wife. Like, it's a little different over here.
- [44:51]
Sherrelle Rosado
Be at home baking you a cake.
- [44:53]
Ashley Nicole
That's crazy. That allows.
- [44:58]
Alexis Stoudemire
Better off going to public. She know we gonna ask if it's a public.
- [45:02]
Ashley Nicole
Yeah. No go.
- [45:02]
Alexis Stoudemire
So we're.
- [45:04]
Ashley Nicole
It's all wrong.
- [45:05]
Alexis Stoudemire
Yeah.
- [45:06]
Ashley Nicole
Disrespectful.
- [45:07]
Alexis Stoudemire
Quit. Get a new job. Yes. So, sis, pull up, speak up, and have your boundaries. And he needs to follow accordingly, and so does this lady.
- [45:22]
Sherrelle Rosado
Exactly. Well, we hope we answered you your concerns because we need you to resolve this, because we don't want to have to pull up with you. You know, Humble baddies. Got you, girl.
- [45:32]
Ashley Nicole
But that is it.
- [45:34]
Sherrelle Rosado
That is that I cannot talk tonight. That is it for humble baddies. You guys, if y' all have any questions, concerns, comments anything that y' all want to speak on, hit up contact@humblebaddies.com. i'm Sherrelle Rosado. You can find me at Sherrell Rosado underscore on Instagram and also follow our podcast, Humble Baddies Podcast on Instagram. Subscribe to us at Humble Baddies Podcast.
- [46:02]
Ashley Nicole
I'm Ashley Nicole. You can find me at ash3nicole on Instagram. Ash3underscore. No, ash3 I'm tired.
- [46:16]
Alexis Stoudemire
You can find me at. On Instagram at Alexis Underscore Stoudemire.
- [46:23]
Sherrelle Rosado
All right, y' all.
- [46:24]
Ashley Nicole
Love y' all.
- [46:25]
Alexis Stoudemire
Until next time, see you on Monday. Good night.
- [46:42]
Sherrelle Rosado
This is an I heart podcast.