The Bubba Dub Show - Da night before Christmas with Bubba Dub!!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Shay Shay – Episode: The Bubba Dub Show - Da Night Before Christmas with Bubba Dub!!

Release Date: December 25, 2024
Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts, The Volume, and Shay Shay Media

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Introduction

In this special holiday episode of Club Shay Shay, titled "The Bubba Dub Show - Da Night Before Christmas with Bubba Dub!!", listeners are treated to an unfiltered and humorous exploration of Christmas festivities, personal struggles, and social commentary. The episode features a dynamic exchange between Member FDIC and a Comedy Duo, navigating through various holiday-themed scenarios with candidness and comedic flair.

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Holiday Preparations and Family Dynamics

The episode kicks off with a discussion about last-minute Christmas shopping and the pressures of maintaining holiday traditions.

• Member FDIC (00:29): "Had to do a little last minute Christmas shopping today, y'all. You know. You know. You know Dub love the kids, man. I love the kid. But I had to."

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the challenging task of telling children the truth about Santa Claus.

• Member FDIC (03:44): "I had to really get my nephew down and let him know Santa ain't real."

• Comedy Duo (04:02): "Uncle, I'ma stay up late and wait on Santa and I'ma leave Santa some cookies."

This candid discussion highlights the tension between preserving childhood innocence and facing the realities of growing up.

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Relationship Dynamics and Personal Struggles

As the conversation delves deeper, themes of relationship struggles and personal insecurities emerge. Member FDIC shares his frustrations regarding his role as a father and partner.

• Member FDIC (07:14): "I ain't been coming to see him."

• Comedy Duo (08:24): "Some of you women getting your ass folded up like long term tonight."

The dialogue captures the raw emotions associated with family responsibilities and romantic relationships, often laced with humor and sarcasm.

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Financial Challenges and Community Support

Financial stress and community expectations are central topics in this episode. Member FDIC expresses his struggles with money and the burden of providing for his family.

• Member FDIC (16:45): "If your time ain't came yet, you stand in line, it's gonna eventually come. Don't you keep doing right by people."

He emphasizes the importance of community support and personal responsibility in overcoming financial hardships.

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Reflections on Race and Social Issues

The episode takes a poignant turn as Member FDIC addresses broader social issues, particularly those related to race and historical injustices.

• Member FDIC (30:51): "We're gonna make this better. Like my friend Steve right now, he feels so bad about what happened to his black folks."

He discusses the importance of unity and the need to move beyond past grievances to foster a better future.

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Humorous Anecdotes and Light-Hearted Moments

Interspersed with serious topics, the Comedy Duo injects humor through various anecdotes and playful banter. Whether it's mocking personal mishaps or poking fun at societal norms, their interactions provide relief and levity.

• Comedy Duo (19:53): "I tell her you'll be looking at them black women. God damn it."

• Member FDIC (23:42): "But God then already gave you a gift. You alive."

These moments underscore the episode's blend of humor with heartfelt conversations, making it relatable and entertaining.

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Concluding Thoughts and Episode Wrap-Up

Towards the end of the episode, Member FDIC offers motivational insights and heartfelt wishes to listeners.

• Member FDIC (26:10): "Somebody asked me, will I be eating at my grandma house this year? Hell no. I'm not eating that."

He encourages listeners to stay strong, cherish their loved ones, and embrace the true spirit of the holidays.

• Member FDIC (27:13): "Merry Christmas to each and everybody that's watching this show. Continue to let them know about me."

The episode concludes with a blend of sincere blessings and a call to action for listeners to share and support the show.

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Notable Quotes

• Member FDIC (00:29): "Had to do a little last minute Christmas shopping today, y'all."
• Comedy Duo (03:02): "I'm feeling real jolly tonight."
• Member FDIC (07:14): "I ain't been coming to see him."
• Member FDIC (16:45): "Don't you keep doing right by people."
• Member FDIC (30:51): "We're gonna make this better."
• Member FDIC (27:13): "Merry Christmas to each and everybody that's watching this show."

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Final Thoughts

"Da Night Before Christmas with Bubba Dub!!" offers a unique blend of humor, honesty, and social commentary, making it a standout episode in the Club Shay Shay series. Through candid conversations and relatable struggles, the episode encapsulates the complexities of the holiday season, encouraging listeners to find laughter and solace amidst the chaos. Whether navigating family dynamics, financial woes, or broader societal issues, Member FDIC and the Comedy Duo deliver a memorable and engaging experience that resonates with a diverse audience.

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For more episodes and insightful conversations, subscribe to Club Shay Shay on your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

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[Member FDIC]

Member FDIC.

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[Prime Video]

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[JPMorgan Chase]

You're gonna love this.

[Prime Video]

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[Live Nation]

Hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okotzuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

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[Member FDIC]

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[Member FDIC]

The volume yeah, what we doing?

[Comedy Duo]

What we doing the night before Christmas? What we doing? Hit the like button.

[Member FDIC]

I'm in the holiday spirit. I'm in the Christmas spirit Drinking fireball.

[Comedy Duo]

And egg no baby, been a long.

[Member FDIC]

Year hit the subscribe button before I even get started tonight. Man, I'm feeling real jolly.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm feeling real jolly tonight. Got my Laker girl on. Cause we gonna kick the worry last tomorrow. We already lost to Detroit. We kicking Golden State ass tomorrow. I want that yellow Steph Curry sick tomorrow. That's what I want. I want that yellow face red. I won't brung. I want you to shoot the three from the logo tomorrow. That's what I want tomorrow. Christmas, NBA, NFL. God damn it. You can't miss nothing but gifts tomorrow.

[Member FDIC]

Had to do a little last minute Christmas shopping today, y'all. You know. You know. You know Dub love the kids, man. I love the kid. But I had to. I had to break some news to my nephew today. I had to really get my nephew down and let him know Santa ain't real.

[Comedy Duo]

Oh, this I want to stay up late. You not staying up late. Isaac, you taking your badass to bed now. Uncle, I'm a stay up leg and wait on Santa and I'ma leave Santa some cookies. Why would you leave selling some cookies when I'm starving? What about Monk? You a selfish little in the store not early. I don't like it.

[Member FDIC]

I'm gonna leave Santa some cooking when.

[Comedy Duo]

Unc over here starving. Hell no. Number two, you got roaches. You're not leaving no crumbs out because everybody know when the lights go out.

[Member FDIC]

Them roaches, God damn it.

[Comedy Duo]

They get to going to work when you cut the lights on, they scared. So now nephew, we not waiting around for no fake ass, faggot ass. Make believe ass sounds are not real now.

[Member FDIC]

Yeah, he is. He coming down the chin.

[Comedy Duo]

What sound of coming through the hood. Santa Claus got a brand to protect. He not coming to no damn hood.

[Member FDIC]

Not my sister and mom and man. Why would you tell them that, Mama?

[Comedy Duo]

You up my childhood I've been knowing Santa wasn't real. Why can't I mess up my nephew childhood? What make your childhood better than my childhood? I want to know. I had to call my damn therapist on my mama Nia telling me I'm.

[Member FDIC]

Wrong for telling him Saturn wasn't real. But when he was growing up, we knew Saturn wasn't real.

[Comedy Duo]

We knew.

[Member FDIC]

We. We knew. We.

[Comedy Duo]

We didn't have a Christmas tree during Christmas. We had a damn plant.

[Member FDIC]

It's okay for them, but it ain't okay for me.

[Comedy Duo]

What about my childhood?

[Member FDIC]

I wanted to open gifts like the rest of the kids did.

[Comedy Duo]

But all I had to do was sit back and watch my cousin them open gifts how you think that made me feel? Everybody opening gifts.

[Member FDIC]

Everybody got a smile on their face except for Doom.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm bigger like a. I hated Santa.

[Member FDIC]

My Santa go.

[Comedy Duo]

Everybody in this house except my house.

[Member FDIC]

Mama told me, don't worry about it. He.

[Comedy Duo]

He come around tax season.

[Member FDIC]

That lie she told me, I'll leave.

[Comedy Duo]

You with her bad hip ass.

[Member FDIC]

I love your mama, but your hip bad.

[Comedy Duo]

Damn.

[Member FDIC]

Had me believing in something that wasn't real.

[Comedy Duo]

So I want to let my nephew know. Early sound I ain't coming.

[Member FDIC]

And what.

[Comedy Duo]

And what gifts you got under that tree? I'm put them now. Not gonna give all that credit to no fat white ass white man. Never. You wanna know the truth? I'm selling you.

[Member FDIC]

Could you imagine Sanga really coming to the hood?

[Comedy Duo]

Man was still the reindeers, the slaves and everything else.

[Member FDIC]

All the years they had to believe in Santa.

[Comedy Duo]

Maria said I didn't get no cracking in my house. I'm getting all the credit. Then my baby mama done called me too. Don't plan on coming to see these kids.

[Member FDIC]

You ain't been coming to see him.

[Comedy Duo]

Bet I wasn't coming over there no goddamn way. You did me a favor. Cause she did. I ain't gonna lie.

[Member FDIC]

I'm gonna go over there, get the kids, take a picture with them Graham.

[Comedy Duo]

Show out, act like I've been in my kid's life all year, knowing I ain't. Y'all don't know that, though.

[Member FDIC]

I don't put my public. I was gonna show out tomorrow.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm gonna show up, take pictures and with my kids like I'm the best.

[Member FDIC]

Dad in the world, and I ain't.

[Comedy Duo]

Done a damn thing. That's what Doug was gonna do. But she don't put a stop to that, though.

[Member FDIC]

Got me thinking she gonna want me to come over because she got a new. See, my baby mama had 75 around my kids this year. They don't even.

[Comedy Duo]

They don't know who could call Daddy no damn more.

[Member FDIC]

I'm the bad one, though. She tell everybody I'm the deadbeat. At least I come around from time to time and see them, help them with their homework, talk to them, make sure ain't no trying to touch them and all that.

[Comedy Duo]

I do all that.

[Member FDIC]

I'm a concerned parent.

[Comedy Duo]

Might be broke, but I'm a concerned parent.

[Member FDIC]

Christmas time, when everybody want to get together, you got people calling, texting me. Do you plan on getting me some?

[Comedy Duo]

Hell, no. I ain't got you done in 364 days. What make you think I'm Gonna get you something on this holiday. Never. Some of you been too bad. Some of you been too goddamn bad to get anything for CR you don't need.

[Member FDIC]

I'm starting to figure some out around the holiday. Ain't who they say, hell my weed man. Text me, hey, fam, I'm gonna be clothed Christmas.

[Comedy Duo]

Like hell. When you all of a sudden. When you get a family? You served me 3.5 on Father's Day. All of a sudden Christmas you closed. No, you open. Weak ass weed man talking about they cold on criminal. No, you not. You trapped all year.

[Member FDIC]

You gonna trap on criminal, too.

[Comedy Duo]

If I want a 3.5 cripple, I better get it on credit or I'm telling.

[Member FDIC]

All of a sudden, now you want to go and be with your family?

[Comedy Duo]

I am your family.

[Member FDIC]

You know how much money you're gonna.

[Comedy Duo]

Make out me this year? I kept your ass out of jail and so you could tell me I better get what I'm getting today. Cause you closed. You the old Walmart.

[Member FDIC]

You 24.

[Comedy Duo]

Oh, hey, man.

[Member FDIC]

Y'all acting brand new.

[Comedy Duo]

Called criminal. I don't give a damn. You hoe running around here. I gotta get my hair done. I gotta get my outfit and steal trash that big still trash, and you know it. I don't give a damn about you.

[Member FDIC]

Dressing up, putting new thongs on new new bras. I don't give a damn how you dress it up.

[Comedy Duo]

That still ain't worth a damn running.

[Member FDIC]

Down there getting bba.

[Comedy Duo]

Need to be getting that cat fixed. That's what you can do. Go down there and lay down on the operation table and get the cat fixed.

[Member FDIC]

Behold, 23, 24 years old, getting a hysterectomy. Do you hear me?

[Comedy Duo]

23, 24. Getting a historic shaky.

[Member FDIC]

That culture got too many miles on.

[Comedy Duo]

Got more miles than a goddamn form truck. F150.

[Member FDIC]

How y'all feeling today?

[Comedy Duo]

Tonight, before Christmas?

[Member FDIC]

Some of your time don't work. You're tired, you're resting. Now, your girl in there cooking or your mama cooking? Your grandma cooking?

[Comedy Duo]

You kind of put the bikes together. You can't really read. Trying to put all this. God damn it. All day.

[Member FDIC]

You women got a good man. Don't work all year. The man got to be sitting down.

[Comedy Duo]

On the cow, resting his feet. You ought to be massaging him.

[Member FDIC]

And when the kids go to sleep, God damn it, you ought to have your mouth on that meat.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm not. I don't want her. Boy, I'm tired. Get out. I done gave you a life of luxury. Now you were eating Popeye biscuits. Now you eating Texas roadhouse rolls. Y'all get upgraded, too. Cinnamon bug. Hell you talking about? You pie. You gonna be even more tired when I get though. Cause I done popped a pill tonight. I feel like I'm a bald eagle. I feel like I'm a bald eagle right now. I don't pop the peel.

[Member FDIC]

I told my ho, make sure your.

[Comedy Duo]

Kid go to bed early.

[Member FDIC]

If I heard any goddamn squeaking.

[Comedy Duo]

No Styles, they getting they ass beat. I'm coming off.

[Member FDIC]

Coming in like a thief in the night like Mystic. I'm coming through with my D in my ass. Be cool, but I ain't mystical. I ain't taking nothing.

[Comedy Duo]

It's what consent call them.

[Member FDIC]

30, 40. I can get you all. Yeah, that add hook when you hear that knock at the door. God damn it, say, come in. I'm coming in tiptoeing like goddamn Pink Panther when I'm tipping through your high through Christmas time. Yeah, yeah. Check your cash app. Yeah. 68 dol.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm him. I'm him. Christmas. How y'all feeling?

[Member FDIC]

Man, I'm tiptoeing y'all. My grandmother lost her taste buds. Everything she cooked. Nasty family sitting around. I don't say that you hurt her feelings.

[Comedy Duo]

Hurt her feelings. She's sensitive. This told me I was an ugly baby. But my grandma's sister, because I say she can't cook, never. She gonna get this goddamn abuse.

[Member FDIC]

Love my granular death, but she gonna get this goddamn bitch. See, her hearing bad. She got them hearing aid. So I get right up on in her ear.

[Comedy Duo]

You can't cook waffle. Damn.

[Member FDIC]

Oh, you wrong.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm right. That's wrong.

[Member FDIC]

Some of y'all. Y'all don't know when to tell people the truth. Tell them the truth.

[Comedy Duo]

The truth will set your ass free. I don't want my grandma in the.

[Member FDIC]

Kitchen no goddamn mo here. We keep coming over here any damn.

[Comedy Duo]

Way, smelling like mothballs. That messed up my creed cologne I got on.

[Member FDIC]

I'm going to see a little dog after this little old get together.

[Comedy Duo]

But they ain't gonna want to be around me because I smell like mothballs.

[Member FDIC]

I hate people who smoke cigarettes, too. I got my good 4,500cologne. I'm smelling good here. Y'all come with these Newports. Smoke outside. New up to sitting here.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm smelling great, feeling great.

[Member FDIC]

Got my. Got my teeth done, too.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm feeling good about myself again.

[Member FDIC]

And here you come with this nasty at Newport. I don't want to smell that.

[Comedy Duo]

If Anything I'm gonna smell like, I'm.

[Member FDIC]

Gonna smell like fresh cat creed. And goddamn, this ain't trash weed. That's what I'm gonna smell like.

[Comedy Duo]

Cr. And I want you all in with my family. You better leave out of here.

[Member FDIC]

This goddamn train.

[Comedy Duo]

Leave.

[Member FDIC]

You want to be on the train when I come through? Goddamn.

[Comedy Duo]

You better be out there waiting. You better be out there waiting on me.

[Member FDIC]

Going down crib night. Some of you women getting your ass folded up like long term tonight.

[Comedy Duo]

Some of y'all women gonna. God damn it. Y'all gonna get folded up tonight. Time bring everybody together, especially a woman.

[Member FDIC]

They love Christmas. They. They watching Home Alone. They in the kitchen cooking. They got their tick tock recipe.

[Comedy Duo]

They doing what they supposed to do. The fellas, I'm telling you, this is the time of the year where you got to be up under your girl, man.

[Member FDIC]

I'm telling you. Kissing on her knee, massaging her, letting her know. Let them know that. Letting them know that salty. That one something, you know what I'm saying? The never really ours.

[Comedy Duo]

We renting it.

[Member FDIC]

Be real. The vagina never really.

[Comedy Duo]

I.

[Member FDIC]

We renting it. But while I'm renting it, I'm gonna have fun with this big, juicy, salty. Some of them big juices, salt and like a watermelon.

[Comedy Duo]

Come here. Come here.

[Member FDIC]

Some of y'all gotta go to work tomorrow. I hate that for y'all. But gong. And then get that double pay going in and get that holiday pay and going and get on people them eight hours and come on in with your family and. And then don't be mad and build at work. Go on and do your time and come on back to the crib and celebrate. That's all you can do now. Not for the one like who ain't.

[Comedy Duo]

Got to worry about going in. Hey, we. We gonna look out for you. We gonna wait before we eat.

[Member FDIC]

We're gonna wait till you get home, you know what I'm saying? To say grace over food.

[Comedy Duo]

Yeah, we're gonna wait on you, man. We ain't gonna do y'all like that. We ain't selfish like that. No, we're gonna wait.

[Member FDIC]

So you gonna get five, six in the morning, gonna do the egg album, get on back. We're gonna be right there waiting on fam, you know what I'm saying? Because that's what family do. We got to be there for one another when times get hard. I don't give a damn. Hot time get hard for you people. You always gotta be there for your folks.

[Comedy Duo]

Always.

[Member FDIC]

Gotta Be up for your folks through thick and thin, baby. Even though sometimes they might not be there for you. You just keep doing what you supposed to be doing. That's how you'll get your blessing. Real talk. That's how you gonna get your blessing. But it's like I say, Ravens playing tomorrow. You know the Ravens? Who they playing the Texas tomorrow. Man, you got Lamar going against CJ Stroud. You know he. CJ Stroud still probably crying right now behind his best friend, Tankdale injury. But fam, I get it. But you gotta get over that dog. You got a game to play. Injuries happen. Injuries happen. I had an interview the other night when I'm having said, damn, dude, how.

[Comedy Duo]

You have an injury?

[Member FDIC]

Having said, I call a goddamn Charlie horse while I was having sex.

[Comedy Duo]

But that hurt like a. I was the one.

[Member FDIC]

I had in one of them goddamn position. I was on that pill. I'm going down this 2 inch monster.

[Comedy Duo]

I ain't.

[Member FDIC]

It was. It was raining outside too. And I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

[Comedy Duo]

All of a sudden my goddamn feet locked up on me.

[Member FDIC]

And that's. That's when she started start trying to.

[Comedy Duo]

Bounce that guys like that baby stole clown.

[Member FDIC]

She kept bouncing that mother. You love it. It's good, ain't it?

[Comedy Duo]

Now get up off me. Go get me a heating pad in the banana. Got a goddamn toilet House, I'm about to die. And bring some salt. What's the worst thing you could ever.

[Member FDIC]

Catch is the Charlie horse while you having sex? Boy, that hurt. That's how I know I'm getting old. Boy, I ain't lying.

[Comedy Duo]

I ain't got like I used to.

[Member FDIC]

I used to talk all that. I'm gonna beat this up. Well, I'm in that 45 strokes.

[Comedy Duo]

I know you lie.

[Member FDIC]

I know you lying.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm, uh. I can't believe you can't quit. I just can't believe, baby, if you.

[Member FDIC]

Put a hot dog in the microwave for a certain amount of time, it's gonna bust open.

[Comedy Duo]

That's me. It's gonna bust open.

[Member FDIC]

All this corn chili you got between your leg. See this Oscar mile ain't. Can't stand a chance.

[Comedy Duo]

Can't stand the chance. Oh, yeah.

[Member FDIC]

I'm a premature. I got a premature ejaculation problem. I spit real quick. When I ain't got that peel in me. When I got that.

[Comedy Duo]

When I got that pill. Boy, I'm Superman. More appeal, not more. Per 39 feel I can jump through this window. I feel like I can jump. I feel like I can fly when.

[Member FDIC]

I'm on that pill. When I'm on that pill, I'm bad. I fight every in the city, but I'm on them 30s. When I ain't on no 30s, I don't remember nothing I said. I don't talk like that. I'm a child of God. And if I ever did anything to disrespect you, sir, ma'am, I'm sorry. But the minute I get back on them 30s, I'm a monster again.

[Comedy Duo]

Y'all know it. I'm a monster.

[Live Nation]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour. And you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuka Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniskelco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

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[Member FDIC]

I'm just saying. Come on.

[Comedy Duo]

That peel like that or on that drink.

[Member FDIC]

Hey, I'm a different duck. I ain't dub.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm an adult stuff.

[Member FDIC]

But when I'm sober, man, I wouldn't dare talk like that, man. Y'all gotta show me video. Cause that ain't me. That my mama didn't raise me like that, dog. And me looking at the tape, I'm sorry. I mean, I don't even know who that person is. I really don't. I really don't know who that person is. But one thing that bothers me, when I'm on my way to a chick house, she texted me, you got a condom that burns me.

[Comedy Duo]

Who.

[Member FDIC]

Who does that?

[Comedy Duo]

Who gonna stop and give a condom? I ain't got the time for that.

[Member FDIC]

Not wearing no condom the Christmas time.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm gonna enjoy myself.

[Member FDIC]

I'm gonna feel it one time, man, ladies don't do that. And, like, it's another thing I want y'all to stop doing. Stop texting us, telling us, hey, we need to talk when you get home. I ain't been home in two weeks. Do you hear me? I ain't been home in two weeks. Cause I know some up fella when you know some up at the house. Don't go home, stay gone long as you goddamn can.

[Comedy Duo]

Thank God you can't.

[Member FDIC]

And don't admit the. I don't give a goddamn if they got proof. Don't admit the. My girl went through my phone. Who? All these messages.

[Comedy Duo]

This AI them.

[Member FDIC]

AI messages. Them ain't got nothing to do with me. Do you hear me?

[Comedy Duo]

AI Messages. Real talk. And I ain't gonna be able to do it.

[Member FDIC]

Letting you know what God love. Tonight watching this show. Then you know it. Being presented by prospects. Go and download number one sports fantasy app right now. Scan that code right there.

[Comedy Duo]

Scan that code right there, man.

[Member FDIC]

First time user put the $5 in.

[Comedy Duo]

You'Re gonna get 50 real talk.

[Member FDIC]

But you could put more than that. You could put 10, 15. Yeah, I got my pick right there. 99 off your kitchen.

[Comedy Duo]

Go and get it. 99 off your kitchen.

[Member FDIC]

Go and get on prize peak, baby. On prize pick. You can't lose. The only way you lose. You ain't playing real talking if you can't watch this show. I heard somebody while I go said, man, I ain't gonna be able to watch it, though. I'm gonna be able to listen to it, but God damn it, go to Apple Podcast and Spotify Download. Y'all to be leading the Spotifying down. You ought to think I'm a rapper. The way I had a million downloads right now coming to y'all before the night before, triple goddamn. And giving y'all my time and energy and love. Cause y'all know you need it. Some of you been dying out because you ain't been able to get the.

[Comedy Duo]

Gifts for the people that you want to give them.

[Member FDIC]

But God then already gave you a gift.

[Comedy Duo]

You alive.

[Member FDIC]

You alive. You a smile. But you ain't got today. You ain't gotta worry about having it tomorrow. That's what the Bible say, huh? The last shall be first, and the first shall be last. I'm like DLO Gucci. Yeah. Some of y'all, back in the day, y'all was slam dunking on me.

[Comedy Duo]

316 on me.

[Member FDIC]

Now that some of y'all doing the slam dunking. And now them same people that you were dunking on, they.

[Comedy Duo]

They mad now you Was dunking and everything. Shooting three, getting all the money, doing all that. But when I was shooting three from half court, like curry, it's a problem.

[Member FDIC]

Y'all be careful when you up and how you treat people. I seen a lot of up. Treat people like. And when you fall down, same people you treat like right there. So be careful how you treat people. I treat everybody the same. I don't give a damn if it's a waitress. I treat everybody the same, baby. Cause you never know when you gonna fall. So you better be careful how you treat people. Try to treat people, everybody with love and respect. Some people you just can't rock with. That's cool. But that don't mean treat them bad. That means just stay your ass off from them. Say I'm round. Some of you have problem with hoes. Hoes is your downfall. You got to get rid of the whole family. Find you a good, wholesome woman, a good church going woman. Or a woman that just know how to do right, don't know how to do wrong. Some of us mean we get good women and we run over and that's okay. You post around over their ass.

[Comedy Duo]

Yeah.

[Member FDIC]

Gotta make sure they be afford tough.

[Comedy Duo]

It's okay.

[Member FDIC]

You get a good woman, you run. Oh, God damn it.

[Comedy Duo]

Wrong.

[Member FDIC]

See how much. See how long can she last. Like keep sweat. Make it last forever.

[Comedy Duo]

Never. Yeah.

[Member FDIC]

Don't make mistakes I made. Yeah. Love hurt. Love ain't supposed to hurt, but it do. Do you hear me? I say time and time and again, yeah, my girl was out there cheating on me. I didn't know that. I was blinded. I didn't know what was going on. I had to find out for myself. When I found out y'all, it hurt. I didn't leave her because I ain't had nowhere to go. It hurt.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm talking about it hurt, nigga.

[Member FDIC]

I'm crying each and every day. My hair falling out. Man, losing weight. Got down to my birth weight. Do you hear me? God damn. I got down to Inky Bakers, incubator style. Everything about taking me into the hospital for treatment. That's how much weight I would lose. That girl had so much power over me. But I had a praying mother and a praying aunt that prayed and prayed and got their hoax up off me. I'm back now. I'm ready for the world now.

[Comedy Duo]

Oh, yeah. I'm ready for the world now.

[Member FDIC]

Some of y'all ready for the world now. Just be patient. Your time gonna come to ball. I feel like everybody in this world gonna Have a time to bow. If your time ain't came yet, you stand in line, it's gonna eventually come. Don't you keep doing right by people. Ain't on no sucker. And I promise you good things gonna happen to you more often. And just keeping the buck with y'all tonight. On Christmas Eve, baby, in Christmas time.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm gon feeling good.

[Member FDIC]

Everybody got their Christmas gifts from me. Everybody good. Guess what? All they doing now sitting around waiting on me to text. You know what that text is?

[Comedy Duo]

I'm on the way.

[Member FDIC]

And when I get that hoe, I want you to get nice. Oh, yeah. I want you to get down and dirty for me like pricks.

[Comedy Duo]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Member FDIC]

If I didn't make your goddamn cash app go off, you better get down. Nasty for Bubble dub tonight. I don't want to hear no talking when I come through the door. I don't want to hear no bag ass kid. I don't want to even hear the goddamn roaches. I don't want to hear none but goddamn clothes going off and you doing what you supposed to do. Make me feel good.

[Comedy Duo]

Make me feel good.

[Member FDIC]

Love me long time. I had this Asian chick. I knocked. I knocked the duck sauce off of the ass.

[Comedy Duo]

I ain't loud.

[Member FDIC]

Knocking the duck sauce off that Asian and hosted charged me for a prize at her restaurant, though. But she let me go down through it on that cat.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm not you. I had to get rid of her.

[Member FDIC]

Though, because my neighbor had cats. And she was just intrigued with my neighbor cat.

[Comedy Duo]

You not gonna cook my neighbor cats.

[Member FDIC]

It's the same.

[Comedy Duo]

Trump was talking about you eating them cats. You gots to go January 9th, you eat legal stuff. Go.

[Member FDIC]

I can't wait.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm not you get your age, why.

[Member FDIC]

Not duck sauce off that? I like Asian because they're gonna take that much meat to make them on. And everybody in the world, no dub ain't got no meat. But when I move an Asian, she think I'm 12 inches.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm pounding.

[Member FDIC]

I got it in her chest. All right, say it again.

[Comedy Duo]

God damn right.

[Member FDIC]

You know what she really saying, black man, I thought you had bigger me. It's small, but to me it sound like she's saying he's big and you're digging it.

[Comedy Duo]

Oh, yeah. We go on to a moment. February 1st, I'm in Minneapolis.

[Member FDIC]

Grab them tickets go to bubble dub.

[Comedy Duo]

Ent.Com and you can see why I met. This weekend I'm in San Antonio, Texas, baby. Yeah.

[Member FDIC]

At the laugh out loud improv5show. Yeah. Two Friday, two Saturday, one Sunday. Grab them tickets for your boy if you know anybody down there in San Antonio, Austin, H town, and you're looking for a show, God damn it. Come down Htown bubble dub gonna kill you. I'm gonna give you what you want. Believe that. Tomorrow eat, say grace, have a good time. And don't forget all the games. All the football games on. It's two games tomorrow, back to back. Then you got the NBA. Oh, yeah. You got the New York Knickerbocker. Oh, yeah. The rest down there right now wearing Louis Vuitton sandals. God, they say it ain't snowing in New York if it ain't snowing. Them rest wearing Louis Vuitton sandals down there right now in Louis Vuitton bulletproof vest.

[Comedy Duo]

You can't ask me what the New York Rats. Them brilliant.

[Member FDIC]

Who you think Roger Sign feels so.

[Comedy Duo]

Them damn rats.

[Member FDIC]

They'll be knowing what's going on. And Trump letting you know Trump ain't running this no more. Elon Musk and this big Musk. If you ask me, Elon Musk got 13 kids.

[Comedy Duo]

Do you hear me? Elon Musk got 13 kids.

[Member FDIC]

If you don't think Elon Musk slept.

[Comedy Duo]

With one of them goddamn robots, you a damn lie.

[Member FDIC]

Elon make it love one. No, he can build them. He can build whatever he wants. You, man, you can bet you can build a woman. How you want that kind of money? Oh, I would be a man robot. I want that breath to smell like JLo. I'm talking about the Selena JLo.

[Comedy Duo]

Come here, damn it.

[Member FDIC]

Come here. I want a half ass like Sereno.

[Comedy Duo]

William. Come here.

[Member FDIC]

I want one half eyes like Station Days.

[Comedy Duo]

But I can build a. I be.

[Member FDIC]

Making love of that robot every. I fight a over that robot. I never leave that robot unattended. I go to work day robot to be in the car. We know. Me, I go out there and have lunch with that robot. It take the job alive to get me off that robot at night when I'm putting it in.

[Comedy Duo]

Jamal, I'm not you, April, being that robot.

[Member FDIC]

We got a love thing. We got a little thing. Hey, man, crypto time, man. I'm enjoying myself. Hopefully, I enjoying yourself tonight, man. This is what we do, man. We come together, we laugh, we cry. You know, a lot of our ancestors died, man. They put it on the line for us to. For equal, you know, for equal rights. And you know us as black people, man. You know, we. I, I, I history, man. You know, we. We had it rough, but we Ain't gonna cry about it. We're gonna keep moving on. We can't hold nothing against these white people right now because they gonna. They ain't had nothing to do with. It's some old timey mother. And some of them didn't know no better. They only grew up what they knowing. So you can't grow up hating white people, hating this color. It's okay. We're gonna make this better. Like my friend Steve right now, he feels so bad about what happened to his black folks. I say, steve, they ain with you, bro. Tell your forefathers. But I understand you upset and mad and all, but I tell you what. Something you can do to fix it. What can I do? Doug? Talk to me. What can I do to. To at least help look him. You work at the bank, right? Yes, I do. You're a long officer, right? Man, give me 1.5 million. I think you give me 1.5, man. I'm trying to buy this goddamn hundred acres. Goddamn, give me 1.5 million. Goddamn, man. You know what? I'm gonna work on it. God damn it, get to work in this thing. Cause God Damn, if this 1.5 million don't come through next month, I'm guaranteed to tell Sarah your ass been looking at black.

[Comedy Duo]

I tell her you'll be looking at them black women. God damn it. I tell her, blackmail got you, Steve.

[Member FDIC]

I want that 1.5 million. Y'all gonna know when I get it too.

[Comedy Duo]

Y'all gonna know when I get that 1.5.

[Member FDIC]

Working do buying Cadillacs, buying more cherry. Not me ain't buying. Buying land and bulls put. You better start doing buying some land so they can't kick your ass off nowhere. Buy you some land. Buy you two or three goddamn cows or whatever. And goddamn it going, by the way, and keep your mouth closed what the hell I'm doing and wait till tomorrow. I'm ready to eat. Definitely not eating in my grandma house. That's for damn. So I went to KFC early. Got a bucket of chicken. Got an eye by just in case. The food nastiest as usual. I'm going to warm up that goddamn KFC chicken. I'm not gonna be the only one down my grandma house looking ugly and hungry. Dog got something to eat in the car. I got something here in the car.

[Comedy Duo]

And I'm gonna enjoy my mother.

[Member FDIC]

And I want y'all to enjoy yourself too.

[Comedy Duo]

I really do.

[Member FDIC]

Gotta enjoy yourself. Hell no. Saving today. Somebody asked me, will I be eating at my grandma house this year? Hell no. I'm not eating that.

[Comedy Duo]

I told my mama that.

[Member FDIC]

Y'all better cook and bring the food over. Is she doing the cooking? Hey, I'm not eating that dog. And y'all.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm grown now. Goddamn.

[Member FDIC]

I'm grown, Mom. You can't make me eat that.

[Comedy Duo]

I'm a grown man.

[Member FDIC]

And I'm glad I'm grown now. I've been meaning to tell my whole family, son, y'all can kiss my ass. Every time something pop up. Y'all want to call me to pay.

[Comedy Duo]

For it, I'll be damn. You better go in y'all goddamn pictures.

[Member FDIC]

Let's take old Word, they pinch.

[Comedy Duo]

Y'all better go in y'all pictures. The 401k for money. Stop calling me, asking me for money. I got kids, two girls.

[Member FDIC]

They need all my money. They gonna get it when I'm dead and gone. They gonna get all my money. Y'all not getting from me this money for my girls. I'm stacking it up for my girl so they won't have to ask no ass nigga for nothing in life.

[Comedy Duo]

Real talk.

[Member FDIC]

Somebody said grandma got her and wrote for real talk, man, I'll be hating on my Lakers, man. I'll be hating on my Lakers, man. That's one thing I am lawyer to is the Lakers. You know I love them. That Bronnie James jersey, you know I'm talking about, it's bugging. Somebody on LA gonna make 50 million. Now, Bronnie in jersey sales, say what you want about that, he'll money maker. And that's what this game about is about making money. It's entertainment, man. It ain't about your game no more. It's about your game. That's what it's about. Thank y'all for tuning in tonight, man. Gonna crystal Eve with your boy. I just want to check in, make sure y'all good. Sabi, I love you. Merry Christmas. Your people, your jerseys will be real soon. I promise you that. Keep doing what you doing. Keep pushing. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to each and everybody that's watching this show. Starting to show. Y'all share this episode with your friends and family. Continue to let them know about me. Make sure you can hit the like button. If it's all that, make sure you can hit the like. But real talk, that's the last thing you can do if you watch something. If I can make you laugh, at least you could do is hit the like button. I need it for the algorithm so I can start being recommended. Because the world need to see this kind of they ain't getting this on ESPN and nowhere else, man. Don't y'all want dub on the big screen, man? A real like y'all who come from the mud. Don't y'all want me on the big screen? Well, help me out, man. Real talk. Peace. God bless. I'm out the volume.

[Live Nation]

Hey comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comdy hello, it is Ryan and.

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