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Decluttering And Death: Cleaning Out My Grandma's Condo (What No One Tells You) | Clutterbug Podcast #315
01:07:06
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- [00:00]
A
After my grandmother passed, I walked into her condo and realized something terrifying. I had no idea what was special. I had no idea what was worthy of her memory. I'm going to tell you what it's actually like to clean out a loved one's home after they've passed away or even while going through the downsizing process, which is something that a lot of us might have to deal with too. With loved ones. It's so much more labor intensive than I ever thought possible. And I didn't even do close to the majority of the work my mom and her brothers did. But it was such an eye opening experience when I was there. And the stuff that I was involved with, like, we don't think about this, we don't talk about it. And I know talking about death is like, ugh, uncomfortable and horrible, but it's a reality in every one of our lives, it is a reality and we can ignore it and then be having to deal with it when we're also grieving and just heartbroken, or we can start having those conversations now so that it's easier when we get to that moment. Hey Clutterbugs. Welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. I'm excited and also a little nervous for today's episode because we are talking about uncomfortable things. We're talking about decluttering after death, preparing potentially for death, and how to have conversations with your loved ones, your children, your parents, everyone, about stuff and, and, and what you have and what matters and what you want done with it when you're gone. Also, we're interviewing Nick Fox, who has a really cool, it's pretty much brand new Instagram and TikTok account where he is showing unhinged inheritance from people's loved ones who have passed. So interesting. You don't want to miss this. But before we get started and jump into all of the meat and potatoes of today's podcast, I want you to do something a little bit different. I want you to walk around your home, grab a piece of paper and a pen and think about five things in your home that have a story that really matter to you and why, and write that down. You don't have to write down the whole story, but just start your brain thinking as you move from room to room. Feel free to tidy if you want, maybe do some light cleaning. But keep in mind, I'm looking for five things that really matter and I'm thinking about the story behind these things. And at the end of this podcast, you're gonna know why. So two weekends ago, I came back from Mexico with my mom and a few days later she was like, we are doing the final day clear out of GR Grandma's condo, and I really need your help. I need your help not only packing up the things to take to Goodwill or to get rid of, but I need you to pick some things that are really important that matter to you to remember Grandma by so that you can take home with you. And what's really crazy is my grandmother passed away over two years ago and it has taken this long. We have gone in and categorized things. We've gone in multiple times and tried to identify things that had value that could potentially be sold. We had to clear it out and make it look good to put the condo on the market to sell. And everyone was so sad. My mom and. And her brothers were devastated by her death. That this process was extremely painful and slow. Every time we would go to the condo, it was just like a wave of emotions. Every photo and every piece. We couldn't really declutter or do anything. It was just a lot of reminiscing, which I'm a professional organizer and declutterer. So it was very eye opening to me how different it was when, even though I've done this so many times before, when it's a loved one and it's emotionally charged, it's even harder. And for people who aren't a professional declutter and organizer, it's adding a whole other layer of hard. So even two years after we show up at my grandma's condo, I walk in and what I've seen is my mom and her brothers had been there for an hour before I got there and they had made piles and they were stuff shuffling the piles of like, I think this is important to her, but I'm not sure. I don't know why she loved this. So I'm going to put it in. I think Grandma really loved this this is important pile. And then there was a pile for my mom of like, I think I might want this in my home, but I'm not sure. And then there was a pile of, I think maybe the grandkids might want this stuff, but I'm not sure. And so nothing was actually being done. Just a bunch of, like, little piles were being made. And I walked in and immediately was trying to identify not things of value, but things of value to my grandmother. And I was drawing a blank. I had no idea why that picture was special. I had no idea why these knickknacks or what they meant and. And where she had got them. And I knew she was born in Jersey, Channel Islands, and I knew she had really struggled when she came to Canada to get on her feet and that they were ridiculously poor, but I didn't see anything. I didn't know where any of those things came from to attach those stories to them. And therefore, it was all just stuff and clutter. And there was sheets and bedding and. And towels and dishes. Oh, my gosh, and bowls and mugs and so many other things, too. And none of that, like, there's any of that special what's worth keeping. And it was so overwhelming, like, I should be better at this. It was so overwhelming. But more than that, it was so sad because all I wanted to do was be able to call up my grandma and say, hey, was this special to you? And why? But that's a conversation we couldn't have. I think my expectation walking into this condo was that my mom and her brothers would have already picked all the things that were the most special to them. And then I could kind of go through the leftovers and I was going to see one or two things that were like, oh, yeah, that reminds me of Grandma because. Or I love that, because. But that's not at all what happened. Not only were, like, my mom and her brothers having a hard time identifying what was special and what they loved, but I was struggling too, because again, I didn't know any of the stories. I didn't have an emotional connection to this stuff. It was just stuff. It kind of felt like just walking into Goodwill and, like, perusing the shelves and trying to guess, you know, which one of these things might have meaning. How could you possibly know that this is someone else's life and someone else. Else's stuff? And the. The. The most insane thing was, like, she wasn't in any of. Was literally just junk. It sounds awful to say, but that's the reality of it. It was all just used stuff because we didn't have any story behind any of it. And I'm not here to say that, you know, stuff is bad. Of course we all have toothbrushes and towels and shampoo and we have knickknacks, and we may even have sentimental special stuff. And none of that is. Is bad. The issue was we're walking into our loved ones, our cherished loved ones space without a plan, without having any knowledge of. Of meaning. And. And what really did stand out from all the other things, it all just looked like stuff that you have this combination of grief now mixed with decision, fatigue, and no meaning. And trying to move ahead. When clearing out a loved one's home, when you are faced with grief and decision fatigue and without a plan or meaning behind it makes the task feel impossible. It's why it took us two years of going to this condo, like, at least once every two weeks for two years. Dozens and dozens and dozens of trips, and yet very small amounts of progress being made. And there were a few things that we could have done while my grandmother was here that could have made the process so much faster and easier. I think the most fascinating part for me was that my mom and her brothers had a very similar experience that I do. Obviously, they knew their mom a lot better. And they were like, the photos are obvious. Like, yes, those are a yes. But the jewelry, my grand. My grandma had boxes and boxes of jewelry, and they weren't looking like you would think. They were looking for the ones that were real gold, you know, or, like, worth money. That's not at all what my mom wanted. She wanted something that maybe came from Jersey or which piece was the oldest or which piece was my grandmother's favorite. And those were the ones. Like, were any of these my grandmother's mothers? We didn't know those were where the stumbling blocks were.
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B
The.
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A
The photos were obvious that those type of memories, like, no problem, it was all the extra stuff. What was her favorite shirt? What was her favorite PJs, what was her favorite coffee mug? Those things mattered in this moment. So what we did is, I. I mean, I didn't want to take over, but Joe and I, we kind of took over. And immediately the first thing was, okay, well, we're going to clear out all the everyday items that we know aren't important. And Joe and I loaded up the towels and the bedding and the dishes and the. And all the other things that were obvious that could go to Goodwill immediately to have less decisions. Because there was so much in this space that everything potentially could be special. We felt a roadblock, and we were paralyzed. So just removing and eliminating all the obviously unimportant things first was our first step. But what also was really crazy during this step is as I was, like, packing up the dishes and we were all going through and. Does anyone want anything? No, no, no. And I was carrying out a box. I looked down, and I saw this old chipped mug. So if you're listening to this podcast, you're not going to be able to see this mug, but I'm showing it on the video. This old chipped grandma mug. It's like, really got this. It just reminds me of my grandma. She always had, like, wild hair. And it's. It's. It looks like something that should go in the trash, but I just. I. I just gravitated to this, and I was like, oh, my gosh, it reminds me of my grandmother. And I picked it out of the donation, and I asked everyone if I could take this, and they're looking at me like I'm crazy. I use this mug every day. This is now, like, literally one of my most cherished possessions. So. So sometimes, in the absence of being. Having things that have obvious meaning, it really is the small, everyday things that we can transfer meaning to that you never know. So anyways, I grabbed. I grabbed this adorable mug, and I felt so good. And. And I think that was the catalyst for other people too. I got really excited about the mug. So my mom stopped looking at all of my grandma's things and my aunts and uncles, too, at what potentially had value or what could be important to my grandmother. And instead we started looking at the items and saying, what of these items reminds me of her and gives me, like, these loving feelings of her, and that's what's special. In the absence of us knowing what was truly special or had a story for her, what can we attach meaning to in this moment that will also serve us on a daily basis? So the process went a lot faster after that, but it was still eye opening and. And I left that. Having a plan in my own life. Like, I went home determined to make a plan for my own stuff, to identify the things that were actually important in my home. Because I was so dumbfounded by the fact that nobody knew what was important in my grandmother's house. I was like, I'm gonna definitely make a list. So I want to talk to you about the plan and tell you exactly what I'm doing and what I think you should do too. But first, I have to introduce you to Nick Fox and his awesome way of looking at what you inherit when your loved ones pass. I first saw Nick Fox on Instagram, and he is showing inheritance. Not money inheritance, but the stuff that have been passed down. Some of it is absolutely crazy pants. And I can't wait to talk about it with Nick right now. And again, if you're listening to this podcast and you want to see the actual visuals of this stuff, you can head over to the YouTube channel Clutterbug Podcast and watch the video component. We're going to add lots of clips from Nick's socials.
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C
If you've ever felt guilty about throwing something away that you didn't want, then stop scrolling. Everything you're seeing on the screen behind me is someone else's inheritance. What started as millennials venting about inherited items has become something a little bit bigger. Yep, even the tortoise wasn't inherited. This is a community. People come here for approval, catharsis, humor, and if you've ever felt guilty about throwing something away that you didn't want, then stop scrolling. Everything you're seeing on the screen behind me is someone else's inheritance. What started as millennials venting about inherited items has become something a little bit bigger. Yep, even the tortoise was inherited. This is a community. People come here for approval, catharsis, humor, and perspective. Here, grief and anger are allowed to coexist, but grief and greed are not allowed in the same way.
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A
Room.
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C
I'm Nick Fox, the curator of the Millennial Inheritance community, and if you inherited something overwhelming, a collection, a cabinet, a barn, a basement that hums at night, then welcome. You don't have to be a millennial to be here, but you do have to respect that behind every object is usually a story. So follow along. If you've ever had to open up an entire basement of boxes and said, who needs this much china? Why is this now my responsibility?
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A
Hi, Nick, and welcome to the Clutterbug podcast. Thanks for being here.
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C
I didn't realize there are so many clutter people on the Internet.
- [14:38]
A
There's a lot of us. I used to be a super slob, as what I call, like, a recovering super slob. But then I stumbled upon your. Actually, I watch you on Instagram, and I was like, what? Hold up. This is crazy pants. It's something that is so true and so many of us can relate to, but not something we talk about all the time, which is inheriting not cash from our loved ones, but massive amounts of the strangest things. I can't help but thinking, like, were you the OG Millennial Inheritance community member? Like, did you start this because you inherited? Yes. Please tell me the story.
- [15:17]
C
Well, all right. So here's the. Here's the crazy thing. So we've been toting stuff around since, like, 2018. So Sarah's grandmother, my wife, her grandmother suddenly passed away, and we would go and visit her pretty habitually whenever we were in town. We live out of state because we both have jobs that are kind of nomadic. I work in radio, she works in sales. So we're. We're always on the move. We've moved 14 times in 10 years. So what happened was we've carted all these boxes and we didn't know what was in them and we don't recall saying yes to a lot of the stuff that's inside of. And we've been carting them around from move to move. But Sarah's neurodivergence has led us to a point over the course of all these moves where it's like, that box gives me anxiety. I don't want to open it up. So they've just been kind of moved and stored. We bought a house in October of 2025 and we committed ourselves to going through the boxes and not storing anything anymore because we want to commit to staying in our new house. And that opened the floodgates a little bit more context. In June of last year, I got laid off and Sarah was like, start creating content. It's something that you're really good at. Figure it out, treat it like your job. So I started a, a TikTok and an Instagram for my dogs, the bit bros. And then I started posting on my long defunct social media, which is at Nick fox Radio on YouTube and Instagram and TikTok, trying to find my niche, carving it out day by day. In October, as Sarah was going through one of our boxes, I said, this would probably be funny content. And I start recording and Sarah goes on an absolute rant about an umbrella stand and Oneida Platters. It got hundreds of thousands of views. And most of the people that were in this video that commented, which the video title is Millennial Inheritance Random oneida crap edition. 90% of the people in the, in the comments were like, yes, same girl. We, we don't want this stuff. And the whole video was basically just the, the idea that like, oh, we're never going to inherit like assets. That's, that's, that's a pipe dream for most people. We're just gonna inherit everything that we learn. Now that Nani had a shopping addiction about, you know, why would anyone give that woman a job at the Tanger outlet mall?
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A
Why?
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C
And she just bought things and shoved it in the closet. So everyone that's saying negative things in my comments at that point, they're like, oh, you're ungrateful. I'm like, no, we just, we. This wasn't left to us in a will. This was just my mother in law offloading it to us because she's trying to get rid of it. And she's still triaging now, eight years later, going through storage units. And then I made a Follow up video for the trolls that were basically calling out my wife in the comments. And I called them out. I'm like, look, guys, you guys are, are commenting without context. My wife isn't angry as much as she's overwhelmed. And then people start sending me their videos and photos of what they've inherited. And then I'm like, okay, so, so now we're in a community, so now I didn't know this was a thing. So I just start asking people to send me their inheritance. And then I start going through and kind of roasting their situation, but also calling out some of the things that we inherit. And why, like longaburger baskets and Hummels and getting to the bottom of these companies like UNESCO and Beanie Babies, because they, they want scarcity. They wanted to get kids addicted to scarcity. So they created limited edition drops for Princess Diana baby Beanie Babies that now everyone has. And people just kept sending me their stuff.
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A
And I love it. I love it so much. It's like, it's like hilarious, but also sad at the same time. And, and I think, like, what I do is I help people declutter in their life. But I've had family members who have passed and it is such an eye opening experience even when they don't have crazy collections. Though I do have a family member who had a crazy collection. And it is so much work to go through and clear out a loved one's home. And it's emotional and you're sad and you're grieving and you're like, why did my nana have 7,000 pairs of underwear that I now have to do with? You know what I'm saying? And I think as we live our lives, this isn't something we ever think about. Oh, someone's going to have to deal with my stuff when I pass. They're going to have to pack it all up. They're going to have to go through every item. They're going to have to lug it out themselves. We don't think about that, but we certainly also don't think about, like, what we're going to receive when our loved ones go, you don't want. You do it like a hilarious way. Yeah, yeah.
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C
Like we don't want to think about it. Right? Like it gives us anxiety to a, to a degree. Not only that, but it's like it's almost taboo to talk about with your relatives. And I think that's part of our mission now is breaking down that wall to have that conversation of being comfortable to talk About, Look, I don't want your stuff. I'm sorry. Like, we should Swedish death clean your collections now. And I'm happy to keep one or two items from a collection to remember you by. But I want. I want the power of choice. I want to set boundaries. I want all these things to. And. And those conversations can be hard because there's a. There's so many emotional layers when it comes to, like, I don't want you to die, but mortality is inevitable and we need to talk through it.
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A
Yeah. And collections is also part of your loved one's identity, specifically, like, if this is something they have not just the general stuff in their home, but they have a collection of things that adds a whole other layer.
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B
Right.
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A
Because. Yeah. And so I want to just share a quick story with you because I. I was watching your videos and I was like, oh, my gosh, this feels like my grandma Audie. My grandma Audie is in her 90s. She's still living, but she did downsize a few years ago to a retirement residence. But before she downsized, she had a teddy bear collection that was borderline horror movie esque.
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C
Yeah.
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A
I'm talking thousands and thousands. Not just the cherished teddy's, like little ceramic things that were on every single surface, but like teddy bears in the bathroom, teddy bears. You couldn't sit on the couch. It was teddy bears on the couch, teddy bears on shelves, teddy bears everywhere, on the fridge, in the. Everywhere. There was thousands and thousands of teddy bears. And what's really crazy is, like, teddy bear was her license plate. It was her identity. But the truth was, she was a wonderful lady that was so loved. Every birthday, every occasion, people are like, she likes teddy bears. I'm gonna buy her teddy bears. I'm pretty sure grandma Audie was really sick of teddy bears at the end. So when we decluttered and downsized, there was only a few she actually wanted. But what if. What if we had to go in and decide which one of these is actually important to her? Which one of these actually is worth us keeping and having to decide? How do you dispose of them? Which ones are worth value? What a nightmare process.
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C
It's hard.
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A
And so can I ask you, like, what is some of the craziest things I know the craziest. Watching your content. But what do you think is the craziest thing that people have enjoyed, inherited as part of this community?
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C
It gets increasingly weird by day, by day. I'm sent new things every day that I'm like, man, I can't wait to Share this. One of the weirder things that was sent to me was a. A little, like, Tupperware container of snow from Cleveland's Blizzard of 1978.
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A
Stop.
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C
No.
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A
Kept the snow in their freezer.
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C
They kept the snow in the freezer. And they had. They had marked it. They had market. I don't. Everyone's. Everyone's like, oh, we need to get in touch with meteorology chemtrails. Like, you start to get. You start to get the comments like, and so. And so now I'm like, so, so what? What. What does one. I would reach out to a university. A lot of this stuff that gets sent to me from a taxidermy standpoint, I'm like, look, why do you need a baboon butler in your home?
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A
I did see the taxidermy. That was what I wrote down as the weirdness. So whether they hunted their whole lives or they were just really into, like, collecting other people's hunted dead animals, they then pass hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of stuffed dead animals on to you then. And how do you dispose of them?
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C
How do you talk to your wife about it?
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A
Put them in the. Do you donate them to Goodwill?
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C
Like, Eric inherited Barry the baboon. They turned him into a butler. Before we go any further, let's be clear. This is not about the animal. This is about the decision to keep the animal forever and pass it down like it's a family heirloom. But some of us are really stressed out about inheriting Pawpaw's pew pews. Not to mention several faces mounted to a wall that seem deeply disappointed in modern life. Someone throw this shark back into the ocean. Because taxidermy is never just decor. There are no accent pieces in this room. Is it just me, or does sometimes it just make a house feel crowded, not more lived in, just fuller in a specific and unsettling way. Y' all know someone in the comments is gonna be like, you know, that's worth something. Is it, Leslie? Or is it just worth moving twice and then arguing about forever? Now, here's the part we don't talk about enough. Some people actually hunt. For instance, Eric, who submitted this photo, his dad was like a worldwide big game hunter. And I know some people are gonna feel some type of way about animals, myself included. My wife and I, we have animals as our children, but I'm definitely not vegan. You know, I enjoy an occasional steak for dinner. But I do respect people that hunt. There's tradition associated with it. But then there are people that just, like, buy this stuff no story, no cold morning in the woods and that I can't get on board with. That's Etsy behavior. Some people are gonna call it history. Some people are gonna say, oh, we should keep it. And then some people are gonna be googling. Is donating this gonna get me in trouble? I get it. You don't want to disrespect it. You also don't want to keep it. You also really don't want to explain to your guests why there's a moose or an elk judging your dinner. Honestly, I think the only reason to keep inherited taxidermy is the story, the connection. Is it an animal that you and your granddad harvested on your first hunt together that makes you feel things? Okay, I get it. But buying this at an estate sale I just can't get on on board with.
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A
Are you legally, can you throw a dead animal out? I don't know.
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C
If they're already dead, you can throw them out. But. But I think too, like, the bigger question is how do you have that conversation with your, with your spouse about, like keep, get rid of taxidermy and it's a room filled of, you know, and you guys aren't hunters. Like, do you know what I mean? It's like, it's like. And so then people are like, reach out to the museums, see if the museums want them. Because I've got curators of museums reaching out to me as well on social media being like, please share this do's and do nots. But the biggest takeaway of museums is always reach out to a museum first to see if they want something. Because a lot of times it's like model planes or trains or taxidermy or something. Or, you know, there was one lady that sent a sarcophagus that holds the VHS tapes in her parents house. Sent a video of a sarcophagus.
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A
The strangest thing that I saw was the room. I think it was like a barn of chainsaws, like hanging like, like, I don't know.
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C
Today's submission is a chainsaw room from an anonymous community member. Makes sense before the jokes. Her dad passed last year and he ran a tree service business with his father for decades. These are not hobby saws. These were saws that were paying the bills and now they hang from the rafters. Gives rural wind chime. I know sometimes you don't sell the tools when you retire. And now his daughter is there triaging through everything and she is planning an estate sale once the surrounding areas of Chicago become a little bit more tolerable I don't know if you guys have ever been to Chiberia, but it is not good if you've never flooded your carburetor in front of your neighbors and pretended like you meant to do that. You are not qualified to judge this room. This is not croc's activities. You're not Paul Bunyan. You're Jerry with a deductible. This room isn't clutter. It's a career that couldn't quite be put down. Hey, if you inherited power tools instead of peace and quiet, hit follow. We triage clutter and carburetors here in the millennial inheritance community.
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B
What?
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A
What? I was like, this looks like a freaking. Some kind of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And also like, were they. You called it some sort of like redneck wind chime or something. I don't know what you said, but hundreds chainsaws, hundreds just hanging from the roof.
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C
And it made sense why they had them. It's crazy. They had a tree service business now. So stuff like.
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A
But does it make sense that they still kept every old broken chainsaw? I mean it made sense it have chainsaws, but hundreds and hundreds of chainsaws. Question.
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C
Keep one. Keep one and get rid of the rest. Right, but. But then I think, I think too, like it's, it's the idea of not being able to let go of you. Having this business with your dad is the way I, I emotionally connect the dots.
- [29:17]
A
But then what do you do with the. And then do you pass those down to your kid?
- [29:20]
C
I mean, sell them, hopefully.
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A
I know. And the work involved. The work even to hear you talk about contacting the museum and you'd have to take photos of everything and then contact the museum and then, and then see like which ones they want and which ones they don't and then get them to the museum. Like all of this is work. Whether you're selling on ebay or you're even donating. It took weeks and weeks and weeks to pack up. And after my grandmother passed, my other grandmother and donate all the things from her condo, it took. It was a part time job.
- [29:55]
C
It was and it still is actually. A lady reached out to me last night. She has been triaging a bead collection for many years. It's like a beads that you'd wear, right? And the collection that was left to her was left to her like, like 10 years ago. And she goes to like bead shows and, and tries to sell but like to take you through just some of the more weird Things, I think. And some of the things that I think people need to be aware of would be, first of all, toxic tableware. Stuff that has lead in the glaze is something that I've. I've learned a lot about. There are lots of different products that were sold actively and still get sold today, like, get sold in Michaels and get. That have lead in. In the glaze. Like, if there's a DEC plate in your house, it needs to be properly vetted, or every time you touch it, you need to wash your hands if you don't know if it's got lead
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A
in it or not.
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C
Yeah.
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A
I did not know that. Your audience is, like, they. They're really into their stuff in, like, a very intense way.
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C
Very intense. Yeah. You know, you'd be casually out here licking lead. Yeah. Some of the. The forks and spoons that her. Her name I. Escapes me, but she is at the butthole. Sommelier is her name. She nurse on Instagram, and she sent me. She was the first one to send me her toxic table wear. And the. The forks and spoons were made out of lead and cadmium, so they may look cool.
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A
Oh, and.
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C
And the handle was, like, probably water buffalo or. Or something like that. So not something that you would. Yeah, I know.
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A
It's.
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C
It's. I wouldn't. I would go so far as to say it's disgusting, but it's like, things
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A
were collected from, like, you know, early 1900s. Passed down. Passed down.
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C
Right.
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A
You're right. It could be, like, not actually safe. And yet we're like, oh, look, it's grandmother's beautiful dishes, and you're eating dinner off of them.
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C
Right. The first thing that I would do is Google it. Right? Like, so that's the first. I take a photo of it. I go to Google. I'm like, hey, what is this, first of all. Second of all, is this known for having lead? Because, like, Desert Rose, China is notorious for having lead in it.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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C
So that's. That's a big one. That. That's. That's probably one of the bigger revelations I feel.
- [32:16]
A
Just getting hives. Like, I. I feel like people have enough clutter in their home today, and now you're adding your loved ones. Whole entire household on top of that. And the guilt and the, oh, I should keep it because you love them. And it. Some of it could be toxic. Now you got to do research. Now you have to find a place to put it all. Is it going in the basement? Am I running storage lockers? Am I quitting my job? So I can manage my loved one's stuff until. Sounds like a nightmare.
- [32:43]
C
And if for a lot of folks it is, you know, for my mother in law, Liz, this is, you know, kind of where this started like in 2018 for us and working with her on the triage of our stuff. You know, I don't want your audience to think that we are just, it's just a millennial problem. It's not. We've done Boomer videos, Gen X, Inheritance videos, Gen Z. In fact, we will do future Gen Alpha videos on Labubu and Lego and,
- [33:12]
A
and the Lego, the Lego, the already built legos, Funko Pops.
- [33:17]
C
Like, we are well aware that these are future episodes that Gen Alpha will someday come to and be like, why do they have so many. You know, some of the stuff that's been sent to me that's really crazy so far is like there was one guy that inherited a school and it was completely broken down. There are lots of ham radio collectors which are really very intense. Like engineering guys obviously, like Hummels and longaberger baskets are some of the bigger, more benchmark things that I think I've talked about. And then you know, your seasonal items, your Christmas stuff, that's, that's another one. Yeah, I have a video dedicated to one collection that was all Star Trek Christmas ornaments, which was amazing.
- [34:05]
A
Listen, my dad has a Star Trek ornament tree that looks exactly the same.
- [34:10]
C
Oh, nice.
- [34:10]
A
So one day I will be inheriting a giant Star Trek Christmas tree ornament collection.
- [34:19]
C
I guess you'll find people to offload those to if you want to, but you know, keep one and.
- [34:24]
A
Absolutely. But, but what a burden it is to have to unload these collections. Especially at a time where you're so sad and you're grieving and you, you want to, you know, honor your loved one's memories and you don't want it to turn into resentment. And so I have seen even in my own loved ones, you love the person so much, but you're, you're resentful as you're going through their things a little bit. And it's, yeah, it's really damaging the memory of them because you're frustrated that you are left to clean up and have to do all the things required to store, to sell, to donate to, to remove these items for years sometimes.
- [35:12]
C
You know, my mother in law had, like I told you, this started in 2018 when her mom died and she still has a storage unit and she has a brother that lives locally that refuses to take any of it. She's trying to re home things responsibly. And this is my boomer mother in law. Just so that we are, you know, we are on the same page, we have tried to help, help Liz is her name, try to help her repeatedly. She's helped us a ton. We've. I have inherited stuff from Liz and from Nani subsequently. That is beautiful. And some of it's just stuff that Liz kept because she. It's so beautiful. Like there's furniture in my house that's gorgeous from like the 1950s, still has a receipt in it. I'm so grateful to have it. They don't make stuff like that anymore. The problem is not everything's like that. Right. A lot of the stuff that, that, that, that we inherit is, there's, there's three, three categories. There's retail cost, there's collector cost, and then there's Facebook marketplace at 4:30 in the morning cost. So you know, when it comes to, when it comes to triaging all those things, one of the things that I've, I've learned to say to people and I think for your clutterbugs, they'll understand this is, how long do you want me to grieve for you before I have to triage? What does that time period look like? Because the irs, the funeral home, all of the people that are the bill collectors that are going to come calling, they're not going to wait for me. How long, how long, how, how much time do I have your permission to grieve for?
- [36:55]
A
You do.
- [36:55]
C
And for me, that frames things a little bit different. If you're a parent of a child.
- [36:59]
A
Yeah. Oh, it's all, it's all very heartbreaking and sad. Okay, so do you actually have advice for the people who are the collectors? Because this is like, they love their collection. They pride themselves. I saw the lady with the sewing scissors there. You know, my stepmom has a royal Dalton collection that would like, oh, it's crazy. And she's like, this is gonna be worth so much money one day when I'm gone, then you can sell it. And I'm like, please, I pay someone to not have to sell all this collection. Like this sounds like a nightmare. Do you have advice?
- [37:36]
C
Honestly, at the end of the day, it comes down to the communication. And this is something that I continue to struggle with as well. It has been gratifying to know that I've inspired some people to start moving on from, from their collections, to learn about Swedish death cleaning and to understand that through watching these videos, a Lot of times what happens with extreme collections is the kids end up keeping one or two and then giving away the rest or selling the rest because of the time investment that it takes to get rid of those things.
- [38:16]
B
Things.
- [38:17]
C
And so I think taking a, a realistic snapshot of what the collection is, how many there are, looking at what the actual resale value is going to be and coming to them and saying, look, this is what I've found in my research. I'm not trying to offload these things now. I just want you to understand some of the context of what's going to happen when this collection is here and you're not. When it comes to people coming to an estate sale, I have said before, grief and greed should never share a room. But oftentimes it feels like the vultures are circling whenever you're in an estate sale. And then you're gonna have a lot left over. So you'll have two, three things left. People have to understand that one estate sale doesn't usually triage through everything. You're still going to be left with a lot and then you're going to have to spend money to store the rest. If you don't have the room, telling your parents, look, what I will be dealing with when you were gone is the aftermath of your accumulation. Understanding that you have accumulated an amazing collection. We are not anti collections. There are things that I would like to collect like watches and video games and computer. Like I'm, I'm not. In fact, I will do a video on how. Why I'm not not anti collecting. It's just when it's not gonna be enjoyed anymore. What's, what's the, the plan? And if the plan is just, this is yours now, you're just kind of offloading it, right? You're just, I'm gone. It's, it's your problem now. We can't continue to just normalize doing that to our kids. We have to be okay with having this conversation. I think a lot of people have, have followed my page and then they're like, it's too triggering for mom and dad right now. But I appreciate you trying. Do you know what I'm saying? And, yeah, and that's, that's part of the, the bigger picture too. But a lot of people that are watching the videos I know are starting to move in the direction of not necessarily being a complete minimalist, but at least being willing to have the conversations which are the, the biggest part of this. So if to your question, you know, the, the, the biggest piece of Advice I can give is try to have a conversation when people aren't on their deathbed. Try to have a conversation now because it's going to be much easier to, to do that. But yeah, communication.
- [40:52]
A
Yeah. And honestly, I just have to say, like, I think you're doing good work and I. Yes, you're making fun of it a little bit. And it's kind of like a tongue in cheek, like, look what we're inheriting. But I think you're opening the door to not only conversations, but to awareness. Because we, we know our parents or our grandparents have like these crazy collections, but are we realizing that this will be ours? Maybe not. Maybe we're not really collecting the dots. Or as someone who has a home that is full like that, are we really realizing that, yes, it's my problem now, but ooh, ooh, it's my kids problem potentially in the future and who knows when that'll be, right? I think this isn't something we're actually thinking about. No one wants to think about death because it's horrible. We swipe it under the rug and we ignore it. But you're kind of bringing it to the surface in a really hilarious, adorable way.
- [41:47]
C
Thank you. I try to describe the community more to people that have never, like, watched any of my videos. We're not roasting your dead relatives. We're not roasting people. We are roasting a situation that is partially traumatic for the people that are, are here because of their grief, because of what they're having to triage through. So think of it more as like a situational roast. And then, yeah, I think to your, to your point, like, it can be funny, but funny is how I deal with trauma. I want to say to the collectors
- [42:18]
A
too,
- [42:21]
C
and not, not, not me being anti collection. Like, you're gonna enjoy your collection while you're here. You know, grandma had a Jim Beam decanter collection on my page that we did a full video on. And it was just, it was incredible. You know, sometimes people have train basements. It's just all model train. It's so cool. But it's also like, it's a lot to triage. Yeah, it's a lot to, to pass on. Like I gotta become an expert on, on, on the Steam Team, you know, on, on the Caboose Juice. What are you guys.
- [42:55]
A
Am I now a trained lover even though I don't love trains? Like, I know.
- [43:00]
C
So. Yeah, there's. So there's these again. There's a lot of emotional layering to, to, to these things and who gets to inherit them and, and why. We've, we've kind of become a little bit of a support group.
- [43:13]
A
It is, it really is. And I never think you're, I mean, I watch your videos. You are in no way like derogatory or rude, but there is like this you gotta laugh or cry kind of feeling there.
- [43:26]
C
You know, occasionally salty. Occasionally salty, right? Like I'm, I can be occasionally a little bit.
- [43:32]
A
Yeah.
- [43:33]
C
This was worth something someday, right?
- [43:35]
A
There's a lot of that though, you know, like, you're so lucky you're gonna inherit my beanie babies and you're like, what? And I just maybe don't want to have to deal with that. And again, like, my grandmother's condo took weeks and weeks with a team of all my aunts and uncles and cousins packing up and it was nowhere near a hoarding situation. And still it's a lot of work and it's emotional work. Well, this was so fascinating, Nick. Thank you so much. Please let my listeners know how they can, can follow you, where they can follow you, because I promise every one of them is going to want to.
- [44:13]
C
Yeah, it's, we got some entertaining stuff out there, guys, for sure at Nick Fox Radio on all social platforms, including YouTube. But thank you so much for having me, Cass. I really appreciate it.
- [44:27]
A
Thank you so much for being here. It was so awesome. Thank you. I have to take a quick second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Code Cozy Earth. I switched to Cozy Earth bedding years ago and I feel spoiled now because anytime I stay in a hotel and I have those scratchy sheets, I just dream of my own bed and my own soft temperature regulating bedding. I also love Cozy Earth's clothing. I have their hoodie, which I basically live in their pajama sets. I have them for all my family members and I gave a set to my mom for Mother's Day. She loves them. And if you want to give Cozy Earth a try, know that their bedding comes with a 10 year warranty and a 100 day sleep trial. Go to cozyearth.com and use my code clutterbug to save 20% right now. Again, cozyearth.com use the code clutterbug to save up to 20% right now. Talking to Nick was so interesting. I love, he's like getting passionate about it, which is so cool because yeah, this is something we all need to talk about and I think it just reiterated in me listening to, to him talk about all the people who have inherited mountains of stuff, how Important it is to have a plan so that you're not left with this decision fatigue, so that you know what actually has meaning, and so that you have a plan of how to help you dispose of your loved ones things after they've passed in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming. I'm going forward with a plan for my own stuff. And just thinking again about the experience with my grandmother in her condo. I know that there were things that she wanted me to have. They are things that she wanted my mom to have and my uncle to have, but that was never discussed. So it was left up to us to kind of guess. To guess what. What we should keep and. And. And what was special to her. And I don't want my children to ever have to guess. I want it to be really clear. And this is something you can do right now, not only in case of your death, but I think this is an important exercise for living too. It really opened my eyes. Like, stuff is just stuff, man. We spend our whole lives collecting a home full of crap, and then at the last minute, we turn around and we look back at it all, and we're like, for what? None of it mattered. It was sad. It was sad packing up my grandmother's things because it was all just stuff. And if we don't identify the things with meaning and why they matter. Yeah. And then it all just gets mixed in with old towels and forks. I want you to look at your stuff through the eyes of the person who has to deal with it later when you're gone. When I left my grandma's, I was so inspired to do Matt Paxton's legacy list. I've interviewed Matt before. He's a good friend of mine, and he came up with this concept because he helped people declutter for, like, 20 years. And he came up with a concept of the legacy list, which is five things in your home that have a story and have meaning. And he wants you to write them down or record yourself, like, capture the story behind it. Because it's so much easier to let go of the things that don't matter and, like, know the difference when you've done the work to identify the things that do matter. And I have heard him talk about the legacy list so many times. I read his book, and I didn't make one for myself. I'm like, I got time. I know what's happening important. I know the things that matter. And then I left my grandma's, and I was like, I can't even think of one dang thing. Like, how sad is this? I'm thinking in my grandma's space, like, oh my gosh, she doesn't even have anything that matters. And then I was like, this crisis of what matters in my home. And I couldn't think of a single thing. I. I'm like, well, my computer. But that isn't something if I'm framing this through the lens of like, I'm passing it down to somebody. It matters to me in this moment, but it's not going to matter to Izzy, Abby or Milo. Right. It's important to me because I use it as a work tool. Is there something else? Is there a passed down thing? And some things came to mind. And what's bonkers is it is the last thing I ever thought of as actually being important. Okay. It is the things when I'm identifying these, like memory, it's items that I not only did, I didn't think were important, but certainly my kids would never have seen those as important either. Fascinating. And I just want to go as like, let's like really take this a step further. I looking at my grandmother's coffee mug, I do not think this is the thing that she would have chose for me to have. But when I picked it up and I fell in love with it, my uncle Steve said, oh my gosh, that was grandma's favorite mug. She used that every single day. She refused to drink her coffee out of anything else because she said she hates tiny teacups. She likes a big old mug. And I was like, same grandma, same. It is just a good big mug. And, and, and sometimes I do think it's the weird things that have meaning to us that we overlook, not the things of actual value that maybe our loved ones want. And again, that's why when you are coming up with your five things list, don't just think of things that have value. My brain goes to laptop. But when I dig deeper, like what is my favorite things and why? I thought of this ring. Now, it didn't come from anyone in particular. It was $100. But I love the crap out of this ring so much. It's never came off my finger. It is. I. I got it at a craft show by an artist. It was handmade. I don't even know what it's made of. But every time I look at it, I just see growth. So it's like a little. And I look down at that and I'm like, yep. Every day. How am I going to grow today? How am I going to be better than yesterday? And so I've attached meaning to this silly, inexpensive ring, but I've never expressed that meaning to my children. I haven't written that down. They're just going to see costume jewelry, ring. They're not going to know how important it is to me on an everyday basis. And so that's the first thing I wrote down, was like, my ring and why. Also, I have this old goose in the front yard. It's a sir. It's made of cement. It was my mom's. My mom was selling her house and gonna leave the goose. She did not care about this silly goose. You know, the ones you put costumes on, It's a porch goose. And I was like, can I have the goose? Because I remember as a kid coming off the bus and my mom would have put a new costume on the goose. And I was like, embarrassed, but also like, you know, a little excited. I was like, oh, it's wearing a raincoat today because it's raining. My mom's so lame. But I got looking forward to seeing if there would be a new costume. And now I dress up my goose with costumes. And my girls are both like, I want. They know the story that I've told them about when I was a kid getting off the bus and always looking for the new outfits and looking forward to it. They've now attached my childhood meaning, and now they look forward to the costume changes when they come home for the goose. And they want to do the same thing for their children.
- [52:00]
C
Children.
- [52:00]
A
So something that was meaningless to my mother has meaning for me, and now it has even more meaning for my children. Not because of it's a ceramic, one eyed, chipped, old, ugly goose, but because of the story attached to it. I also thought of the bracelet that I have. It's like a Swarovski crystal bracelet. Most of the beads have fallen out and the fake pearls have broken, and it just looks like a piece of cheap costume jewelry. But it was the gift that Joe gave me on our wedding day. And we didn't have a lot of money. And I knew he had saved up for it. It was a few hundred dollars. And he gave it to me right before we walked down the aisle. And he obviously couldn't see my wedding dress. So we stood back to back and he's. And he handed it to me and I'm like, I didn't write that down. It just looks like a piece of crap broken bracelet. But it matters. And I gave him a money clip at the time because we didn't have any money. And I engraved Our initials. And I was like, one day I hope this is full and in our life too, you know, some cheesy thing. And he, he still carries that money clip with him every single day. And he has this like also Swiss army pocket knife that we make fun of him, that he carries with him every single day. It was $30. It means nothing, but it means something to him and it's going to mean something to our kids. So identifying those things matters. This isn't about the value, this is about the story. That's what's important. And make sure you write that down. The silly things, the maybe important things, but don't discount the silly things too. Let's talk about the most important thing, though. You're writing down this legacy list not only for your children to know the stories and the meaning, but also for yourself to help you identify what matters and what doesn't. This is a very eye opening experience. Please do it because at the very least you're going to realize like, wow, a bunch of this crap actually doesn't matter. And maybe now it's easier to let go there. I'm just going to leave that. But also it's going to give a starting point for your loved ones when you pass to kind of know what mattered and why. But let's also talk about the conversations that are important to have so that we're not burdening our loved ones with guilty clutter. I think that's what was really happening with grandma's condo as we were going through of it, because we didn't know, because we had decision fatigue, because we didn't want to insult her or hurt her feelings or, or like get rid of something that maybe was cherished to her. Everything felt important. It felt so overwhelming. And also everyone felt a little resentful that this is now decisions we have to make. And having a conversation with my grandmother about what's important and why and what do you want done with the things afterwards and what don't you. And if she would have said, I don't care, everything could be donated to Goodwill, every single one of us would have had that burden lifted off our chest. That would have been a decision we didn't have to feel guilt and shame and remorse about. If she would have said everything could go but this and this and this is really important. We could have gone into that with like a clear plan of, okay, let's find homes for these important things. Rock, paper, scissors, if you don't want it, I guess. But at least there would have been a starting point. Because not having that meant we had to decide. Every fork, every lamp, every picture, every towel needed to be vetted through this. Does this matter or not? Lens. And that was what was emotionally exhausting. That's what was taking away from all the good, amazing memories of my grandmother in those moments. Let's also just be really real as you are decluttering your own home, and you come across something that you're like, oh, I don't really need this, but, oh, maybe I'm just gonna. Oh, I'll just keep it till later. I'll make a decision later. Not only are you kicking that decision down the road for you to have to make 10 years from now, but you might be kicking that decision and that burden onto your loved ones. Now they're going to have to be the one making the decision. Now. They're going to. While grieving, while. While devastated, while just trying to. To hold on to you in a beautiful way, in a memory. Now they're going to be going through your storage room and having to dispose of everything and make a decision on where it should go. How it. Was it meaningful? Was it expensive? Does it have a story? All of this during the worst time of their life. And so maybe that can give you a little extra courage during your own decluttering journey. As you're making the decision, you're not just making it for yourself and your today and your happiness, but you're making that decision for your loved ones too. The really sad thing in this situation was all of us, as we were clearing out and trying to identify things that were special in. In my grandma's home, was like, we felt pressure to try to find something special, but the reality was nothing felt meaningful. Like, none of us really wanted to keep anything. I'm just being honest. We really didn't. We wanted to have something to remember her by, but nothing was standing out as that special thing. Thing. So we were, like, trying to make meaning where there wasn't any, like, this coffee mug. I actually also grabbed this elephant. Look, I have this. I was like, oh, this is beautiful. It looks like it's from India. Did grandma ever go to India? And everyone's like, I don't think so. And I'm like, where do you think they she got this from? And everyone's like, I don't know. And I'm like, it's cool. So I guess I'm taking this to remember her by. I. And then now I have to make up my own story for it of why it's special. Like, man, it's a cool elephant. Would I have bought this at a store? No, but it was my grandmother's. Like this. This is what happens when we don't know what's special and what's not. We just grab a random object and for no reason and we're like, I guess it's heavy and therefore it's maybe made of a metal that's important. Stupid. So I hope, if nothing else, you're feeling inspired, please. To make a list of things that are important. And also, I mean, I could only think of three things. Not even a full five. I could only think of three things in my entire home that mattered enough to me to even have a story for. What? How crazy is that? Maybe you'll have the same experience. It's very eye opening. Grab a piece of paper and start writing. My friend, I am going to share the stories of these three things. You know, my ring and the bracelet, for sure. I want them to know that story. And of course, the goose. They're already in love with the goose because they know the story. If it was just some old goose, they wouldn't care, but they know the story and therefore it has meaning. I'm going to share that with them. I'm also going to try to think of two more things, but do the work, my friend. Take a look at your own home, what is actually important and right. Write down the story and make sure you share those stories with your loved ones while you're here. Still here to tell them. Now it's time for my favorite part of the podcast. Talk to Cass. And we're going to start with a Do it Shitty from Aaron.
- [59:43]
B
Hi, Cass, my name is Aaron and I wanted to share something with you because it kind of reminds me of the book you're writing. So in case it's of any interest to you, I found an ingenious way I think, of doing things shitty. And it's by doing things when you're very, very tired. So last week and this morning, what I tried is to go to bed at a reasonable hour and set the alarm to be like maybe an hour before I typically start getting ready for work. And in that hour, I've chosen an area of the house where I won't disrupt anyone's sleep. And I've done a particular chore or cleaning task that I hate. So that could be dusting or vacuuming. It could be, you know, folding laundry While enjoying a YouTube video, something like that. And you know, the great thing about it is it just kind of. And I'm exhausted Right now, but it turns off my perfectionist brain because I can't put two thoughts together. So I can't really think about quite how much I hate doing something. I just do it. I'm not overthinking it. I'm not thinking about the right way to do something. Like, it's how I finally kind of figured out how to wash my makeup brushes after being the kind of person who never does. Sorry, gross. But now it's just like, hi, I'm gonna put a small towel down. I'm going to get some soap, and I'm gonna kind of lather it on this makeup brush, and I'm gonna wait until the water runs clear. And I think that's how you do it. But, yeah, And I guess another thing I just kind of thought of this morning while I was listening to your podcast, because I tend to do that either when I'm getting ready for work or driving to work. And you always have something that you're telling us to do. And I always feel guilty because I can't. I can't safely do that. But now I've started my day taking care of some things. I've thrown some chicken into a marinade I put together yesterday because it was too frozen to do that yesterday, I thought. And, yeah, now I'm gonna finish up your podcast and I will have accomplished what you had asked us to do. So just want to thank you and I will go ahead and leave it at that. But just very much looking forward to your book and I hope you are well. Thank you.
- [62:11]
A
I like this, Erin. Do it when you're exhausted. And I also love that you mentioned, like, in the morning, you're just throwing things in the crock pot or the slow cooker. This, I think, is what I need to do more. I'm tired and I'm groggy and I'm like, what's for dinner? It's hard to overthink it when you just are trying to get up in the morning. What if you just do it shitty right then and there? So good. Super helpful. Thank you for sharing. Now we have a question from Anna. Hi, Cass.
- [62:40]
D
I'm a fellow Canadian from Ontario, but I currently live in Indiana. I just wanted to say that your encouragement to do things shitty has been super helpful. I'm recovering from postpartum depression, PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder.
- [62:59]
B
And.
- [63:00]
D
And giving myself permission to do things shitty has been helpful in getting stuff done around the house, getting back into professional development for my career, and exercising as well. I had two other questions for you as a butterfly, I am only using about a third of this space in my kitchen pantry because the shelves are so deep. So I was wondering if you had any ideas on how to use more of this space. Because right now my pantry stuff is kind of sprawled across a lot of different cupboards and I'd like it to be a little more contained. My second question is how do you get labels to stick to like, baskets and containers that are made out of, of cloth or wicker or stuff that maybe they don't stick as well? Just wondering if you had any tricks or tips for that.
- [64:03]
B
Thanks.
- [64:04]
C
Bye.
- [64:04]
B
Bye.
- [64:06]
A
Hey, I do have some advice. Okay, so for a deep cabinet, it works for all bugs, but it really works for a butterfly too is you want to get the shallow, long, clear bins. I really like the ones from Walmart or the Container Store. And why you want to have like a deep bin is that you can just pull the whole thing out. So not talking about cans or heavy things, but all your pastas, throw it in a bin all willy nilly and have a pasta bin. And now you can pull that out and put it right on your counter and go through and use. And I also used to do this with spices. Label the tops of the spices, put them all into like a big deep bin, pull that bin out, put it, and then you can. It's kind of like get ready, but cook and use the supplies out of the bin and then toss it back so that way you're not wasting anything in the back. This isn't going to work for really heavy things like candles, goods. But if you do a little rearranging and you keep all the, like, items like all the rice or all the sides or all the spices or all the spice packets in a deep bin, you're going to take advantage of your entire pantry. But it also, like, makes cooking easier because you just pull the whole thing. All the things you need are all together in a container. Put it beside you while you're cooking, and slide just one thing away when you're done. How do you get labels to stick? So this is going to sound crazy, but, but in the beginning, listen, in my, like, early days, it was all hot glue, hot glue. I hot glued the bins, the labels on everything. Now I'm a little bit more of a big girl and so I use the clips. I still hot glue from time to time. But look, I'm going to show you some clips I have that are options. They come in lots of colors. So they have, if you're listening you might want to head over to the YouTube. So can you. You can see, but I have these clips that you can get from Amazon that you can attach a label to. It's like you can write on it with a dry erase marker, you can write on it with a paint pen. And then it can still be wiped off with water, but it's more permanent. And they also have the clips where you can slide in a piece of paper so you can make like a professional label on your computer and then slide it in. And these attach to the front of shelves or bins, baskets. It's cloth wicker, it doesn't matter. And they're super helpful. But you know, in the meantime, good old fashioned hot glue, it peels off so it doesn't wreck the thing you're. You're putting it on, but it will hold anything to anything. I hope you're feeling inspired to make your legacy list today. Try to identify the things that are important and why and write the stories. It matters. And also maybe look at your clutter and your stuff a little bit differently and, and make the decision today so that someone else doesn't have to make it for you tomorrow. Thanks so much and I'll see you guys next time.