How to Stop Negative Self-Talk and Find Calm Fast | Podcast #303

Summary

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Podcast Summary: “How to Stop Negative Self-Talk and Find Calm Fast”

Clutterbug Podcast #303, with Cass (Cas) Aarssen
Release Date: December 8, 2025

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Main Theme & Episode Overview

In this episode, Cass dives deep into the destructive power of negative self-talk and the victim mentality, specifically exploring how these mindsets affect our motivation, action, and the state of our homes (and lives). She candidly shares recent personal stories, unpacks patterns of self-pity and excuse-making, and arms listeners with practical, ADHD-friendly strategies to shift thought patterns from self-defeat to empowered action—even when life is messy. The episode closes with the always-popular "Talk to Cass" segment, packed with listener hacks and real-life examples of “doing it shitty” to ditch perfection in favor of progress.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Recognizing Negative Thought Patterns

• Understanding Self-Pity vs. Self-Compassion:

  • Cass explains how it’s normal to take a pause when life is tough, but warns about the dangers of lingering in self-pity, which breeds inaction and further misery.
  • Quote: “Our self-compassion can turn into self-pity. And this is really our brain’s way of compensating, of helping us... But the really dangerous part is if we sit in that hole too long…” (03:12)

• Victim Mentality & Motivation Loss:

  • When we internalize “life is out of my control,” it’s almost impossible to feel motivated to tackle challenges, including mess or organization.
  • “If we are the victim and everything is out of our control, then we don’t have any way of changing it. We feel zero motivation to take action.” (05:10)

Personal Stories & Relatable Mishaps

• The Car Catastrophes:

  • Cass shares a series of recent family calamities—daughter's car accidents, insurance nightmares, and even pouring used motor oil into her car’s washer fluid reservoir (thinking it was “special winter washer fluid”)—to illustrate how negative cycles begin and spiral.
  • “I filled my new car's washer fluid with used motor oil.” (09:34)

• Stacking Stress & Catastrophizing:

  • Cass’s husband, Joe, exemplifies how one bad event can snowball into total shutdown and self-blame, leading to procrastination and further self-criticism.
  • "He just wants to sit in the mud and feel sorry for himself... and this has happened to me, it's probably happened to you, we all do this." (10:03)

The Power and Pitfalls of Excuses

• Classic Excuses in Home Organization:

  • Listeners often cite circumstances or other people as reasons for a messy home:
    • “My husband never picks up after himself.”
    • “I clean but the kids just wreck it again, so what’s the point?”
    • “I hurt my back years ago and just haven’t been able to do anything since.”
  • Quote: “That can suddenly and long term turn into, ‘I can never do anything physical.’” (13:52)

• How Negative Narratives Limit Possibility:

  • These stories close us off from small wins and progress, keeping us stuck. “Negative thoughts, when all we see is like, bad stuff and we catastrophize, that's all we see, right? That's all we focus on.” (14:27)

Breaking the Cycle—How to “Hero” Out of Negativity

• Activate Your Inner Warrior:

  • Cass advocates for a fierce, almost defiant mindset shift—“get mad, not at yourself, but at the circumstance.”
  • “I am not going to allow dirty dishes to defeat me because I am a queen and so are you. Fix that crown and take a step out of the mud.” (16:12)

• Practical In-the-Moment Tools:

  • Physical Shifts:
    • Stand in a warrior pose, high five yourself in the mirror, do jumping jacks or fist pumps—these quick physical changes boost confidence and interrupt negativity.
    • “If you move your body in a way like that, your brain will be confused. It's pretty dumb... We can instantly feel a little bit more confident and energized just by the way we stand with our body.” (17:38)
  • Gratitude Refocus:
    • Consciously list what you have (“Do you have a roof over your head? A car? Dishes?”). Repeated gratitude journaling literally rewires the brain over time.

• Micro Wins at Home = Macro Energy for Life:

  • Start small—clean the fridge, tidy the linen closet, or tackle your bathroom for 15 minutes.
  • “In my worst moments…this is something I could control in, like, 15 minutes. I could clean a space…and I could feel proud of myself...When I wake up in the morning and my bedroom is clean, I instantly have these signals of my brain of, like, it’s going to be a good day.” (19:35)

• Progress Over Perfection:

  • “Maybe your house is completely cluttered...It isn’t. You got yourself here. You can get yourself out, but you’ve gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to fight, and you have to take action.” (22:54)

• Choice is Power:

  • Cass summarizes her philosophy:
    • “Happiness is a choice. Success is a choice. A clean house is a choice. An organized home is a choice. A healthy body is a choice.” (24:08–24:19)

Guided Cognitive Reframe

• Identify & Neutralize the Story:
  • Notice when you’re telling yourself a narrative (“This is always overwhelming. It’ll never get better”). Name it and reframe to neutral facts.
  • “What’s really important is to identify that that's what's actually happening...What is the story you're telling yourself?” (25:07)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Highlight | |--------------|---------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:48 | Cass | “People who are really stuck in their life...it always comes back to how they talk to themselves.” | | 03:12 | Cass | “Our self-compassion can turn into self-pity...the dangerous part is if we sit in that hole too long.”| | 09:34 | Cass | “I filled my new car's washer fluid with used motor oil.” | | 16:12 | Cass | "I am not going to allow dirty dishes to defeat me because I am a queen and so are you. Fix that crown and take a step out of the mud." | | 17:38 | Cass | “If you move your body in a way like that, your brain will be confused. It's pretty dumb...We can instantly feel a little bit more confident and energized just by the way we stand with our body.”| | 19:35 | Cass | “In my worst moments…this is something I could control in, like, 15 minutes…when I wake up...and my bedroom is clean...it’s going to be a good day. You got this, babe.” | | 24:08–24:19 | Cass | “Happiness is a choice. Success is a choice. A clean house is a choice. An organized home is a choice. A healthy body is a choice.” | | 25:07 | Cass | "What’s really important is to identify that that's what's actually happening...What is the story you're telling yourself?"|

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[14:06] The Talk to Cass Segment – Listener Hacks & Community Wisdom

[27:33] Bri from California

• Breakthrough: Stopped chasing perfect productivity and now uses Cass’s style-based hacks to organize, vacuum daily, and allow herself fun & purpose.
• Quote: “I'm finally feeling brave enough to take the time to listen in the quiet...fill my life with more fun and more joy and a little bit more purpose. And I have you to thank for that.” (29:27)

[31:07] Kate

• Zoning Epiphany: Moved rarely-used tablecloths from prime dining room storage to the basement, freeing up “valuable real estate.”
• Quote: “Your clutter is really telling you what you need...You were so smart to clear out the thing you never use and claim some actual square footage back in your home for the things you do need storage for.” (33:12–34:41)

[35:11] Mary

• Letting Go of Perfectionism: Instead of waiting for the perfect photo album, resolved to “do it shitty.”
• Quote: “Do it shitty. Make a shitty photo album. Just make it.” (36:55)

[38:56] Lauren

• Embracing the Clutterbug Style: Learned she’s a butterfly and adapted home for visual macro-organization; allowed self to keep meaningful knickknacks.
• Quote: “It's okay to have stuff. You don't have to be rules.” (41:01)

[42:26] Kim (Australia)

• Laundry Hack: Hangs laundry in the closet’s “to be ironed” section—replaces nagging laundry baskets.
• Quote: “Why was that so important to fold them? Who's actually seeing these undies?” (43:20)

[45:33] Aaron

• Shitty Filing System: “Chronological file”—throws paperwork in a bin by date, bands and labels at year-end.
• Quote: “This system is actually easier for me to find things...It's also great for my wife because we both know exactly how it's organized.” (47:10)

[47:19] Denise (Tampa)

• Releasing Perfectionism: Mows the lawn in the dark to avoid seeing mistakes. Cass jokes about automating all “crappy tasks.”
• Quote: “Maybe then you can't see if you're doing a shitty job.” (48:41)

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Actionable Takeaways

• Catch yourself making excuses or negative stories—notice them, neutralize, and shift focus.
• Physically move your body (warrior pose, high five, jumping jacks) to instantly break negative spirals.
• Find a small, doable home task (the “15-minute burst”)—achievement here builds positive mental energy for bigger changes.
• Progress, not perfection. “Do it shitty” is better than not at all.
• Reframe happiness, success, and an organized home as daily, repeatable choices available to you—regardless of circumstance.

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Tone & Voice

Cass brings her signature tough-love warmth, humor, and relatability. She shares failures and triumphs with self-deprecating wit ("filled my car's washer fluid with motor oil"), offers actionable advice, and amplifies listener stories—celebrating ordinary progress, empowering her community, and reminding everyone: “You are not alone. You can do amazing things, even when life’s a hot mess.”

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Transcript

[Cass]

Negative thought patterns are real and they are ruining our lives. And the truth is sometimes you can be stuck in this self pity, victim, negative mindset cycle and not even know it. It's really hard to see these patterns in ourselves. It's much easier to see it in other people. But I'm going to talk about it today, show you little examples that maybe you might recognize in your own life. But more importantly, I'm going to show you how to reverse this. Get out.

[Kate]

Start.

[Cass]

Start replacing the negative with positive. And actually see the power that can happen when you switch your thoughts. Like it literally adds up to more energy, more motivation, and just all the good stuff. Are you ready? Buckle up. Let's jump in.

Hey clutterbugs. Welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. Today we're going to talk about something that's really important to me. I'm pretty passionate about this and I am not an expert in any way, not a doctor, high school dropout, but I have seen patterns. I'm a person who like really notices patterns in other people, not so much in myself. I don't have great self awareness, but in other people noticing things like how they tend to organize or how they tend to have negative self talk. And I have helped enough people to see that people who are really stuck in their life, whether it's their home or their fitness or their spending, it always comes back to how they talk to themselves. And it's really hard to see and recognize these patterns in ourselves. So I want to start just like always by motivating you to get up and take action on something. And what would be so fun today is while you're listening, if you tackled something obscure, something that you don't normally do, example would be like clean your fridge, you know, get rid of the leftovers, wipe down the, the, the shelves, maybe clear out your pantry, throw out the expired food, do a little vacuum of your food cabinets. There's probably crumbs on those shelves. Or your bathroom. Just do some straightening up in your bathroom. Or your linen closet could use a little tlc. Let's pick one spot in your home and do all. A mild reset. We are not taking everything out and going crazy pants with a big reorganization. You're not buying something. This isn't about perfection. This is about progress. How can you make progress on a little area in your home today so you are proud of yourself and your life is a little bit easier tomorrow. It's a gift. Every time we take these tiny steps towards just improving our home and making it more Efficient and more organized. Every area of our life improves in a little tiny bit. It really does. It's magic. I don't know if there's sciency reasons, but I do know that it works. Okay, so get up friends, do something amazing and let's jump in to the victim train. Maybe it's more the excuse train. I want to share a story with you First. I'm going to throw my husband under the bus for just a quick second. But please know that he is not usually like this. He is usually a very positive, optimistic person. But life has delivered us a few blows recently. And just like when anyone gets kicked in the gonads, they tend to take a knee to maybe need a minute to catch their breath. You fell in a muddy hole. It's okay to sit there for a second and kind of, you know, have some self compassion for the fact that life is beating you up a bit. But the really, the really dangerous part is if we sit in that hole too long, our self compassion can turn into self pity. And this is really our brain's way of compensating, of helping us. Not just like, because feeling sorry for yourself is like, oh, you know, I did this and why did I do this or blah, blah, that's painful. So our brain helps us avoid these like horrible self blame, yucky feelings by saying it's okay, it's not your fault. You fell in this mucky hole because of this reason and this reason and this reason and all. Life is completely out of your control and you are just a victim of circumstances and poor you. And then you start to feel a little bit better because you're like, oh, okay, well yeah, I, it's not my fault. And, and we're placing the blame on everyone. We're feeling very, very sorry for yourself. You're feeling like a victim and it's okay. Sometimes things are out of your control and sometimes you are the victim. But the really the, the bad part of this mentality is we can get stuck in this cycle and if we are the victim and everything is out of our control, then we don't have any way of changing it. We feel zero motivation to take action to improve our circumstances because.

It feels like it has, it's completely out of our control. So I'm going to give you an example of what's going on in our life and how this is affecting Joe. And I am so guilty of this too. You may be guilty of this and then we'll talk about some negative thought patterns and what those look like. And I Want you to really see if you are maybe noticing them in your own life. And we'll talk about how to reverse those and also how to be a hero instead. How to change our brain into this, like, empowering girl boss or boy boss? Just like, oh. Feeling. Which instantly makes us energized and motivated and proud of ourselves. Okay. It's going to be fun. Story time. First. Recently, our oldest daughter got into a car accident. This is her second car accident within the year. She's not. She takes after her mom. Not a great driver. Okay. Not a great driver. She is fine. The person that she hit is fine. Thank goodness. It's. It's amazing. We're so grateful for that. But the car is a write off. This is the second time that the car has been a complete write off with Izzy, which means she's a secondary driver on our insurance, which means not only is our insurance going to go like bonkadonks, but we're pretty sure that she will be uninsurable on our insurance. And plus, we don't have a vehicle. We'll have to completely replace the vehicle. So this, It's a busy time. It's the holidays. She is in school, which is a half an hour away. Usually she drives herself. So now Joe's having to drive her to school and then pick her up a few hours later. So it's an hour to drive her and then another hour because he has to go half an hour there, half an hour back, and then half an hour there and a half an hour back again. And then we're driving her to school, we're driving her to her work. She has multiple jobs, so that's like, you know, a couple more hours. And then our other daughter again, we have hockey, she has school, she has work. So we are back to chauffeuring our children, like four hours minimum a day.

And it's stressful because can we even get her insurance? Can we even afford to get her insurance? Well, we have to get another car if she's uninsurable. What does this look like long term? And it. That's all very, very stressful. And we're down to, of course, one vehicle. And then Joe's truck. Check. Engine light came on after we just put thousands of dollars into fixing a problem last week with the truck. Now we've got a new problem with the vehicle. Ouch. Another kick in the gonads, you know what I'm saying? And then on top of that, my friends, okay, my vehicle, which is like the company vehicle I was taking, I Was used it to take Abby to school. And I noticed that the windshield was super, super dirty. Stay with me here, friends. And I was like, oh, I need windshield washer fluid. So I came home and I looked in our cabinet where we keep all the car supplies, like the. The car wash and the extra oil and the, I don't know, car things, car cleaning kits, you know? And I see a jug that's labeled washer fluid. Like it's. It's a washer fluid. It says special negative 45 washer fluid, but it's kind of dark and thick looking and brown. And I'm like, I thought washer flu was blue, but then I read it and I'm like, maybe this is like special winter washer fluid. I am 46 years old. I should know that this is not. But I. I am rushing, and I pour it into the washer reservoir of my car. And while I'm pouring this thick, chunky stuff, my brain is saying, don't do it, Cass. This obviously isn't washer fluid, but what else could it be? And I'm justifying it, like, maybe it's just old. No. Okay, it is old motor oil. Joe cleaned the motor oil from a lawnmower or something, poured it in a washer fluid jug, and then put that jug in. In the cabinet. I filled my new car's washer fluid with used motor oil.

So there's that. And then I had to tell Joe. He was not happy. So he's had some blows. Okay, he's had some expensive, horrible blows. But what's happened to him is. It's become like he's in shutdown mode. I call it ostriching. Does that make sense? So we've been watching Stranger Things as a family, and last night we were like. Like, oh, okay, we're done. Dinner. We cleaned up the kitchen. Let's watch Stranger Things. And he's like, I can't. I'm way too str. I can't. I can't. I've got to figure out these car situations. Well, currently, everything's really out of our control. We're waiting for insurance. We have to wait for the truck to get looked at by a mechanic. We have to get a siphon for the Tesla. There is nothing we can do at 8 o' clock at night to deal with any of these situations. But yet, instead of spending time with his family or doing something he would enjoy, relaxing, he's fretting and he's catastrophizing and he's spiraling and researching on on the Internet and not doing anything at all. He has no motivation. He just wants to sit in the mud and feel sorry for himself. Now it's okay to do this because there is, that's some terrible things going on. But when one day turns into two, turns into a week, and you were wallowing and having self pity, it's not helping. It's only hurting because what happens is it starts stacking now. Now not only is he upset about the vehicle situations, but he's upset that he's behind on the work and not doing the things he wants to do. And he's, he's, you know, having the, oh, I'm so this and I'm lazy and I'm not motivated and what's wrong with me? And I'm feeling depressed and he's stacking on top of him, on top of him. And this has happened to me, it's probably happened to you, we all do this. But these type of negative sort of victim cycles or the self pity cycles can become a little bit permanent. I know Joe's going to snap out of this. We're going to help him snap out of this by really focusing on the positive things. My daughter last night, she was 17, she's like, dad, there are, I know it's bad things aren't great, but the people in the Gaza strip or those poor people in Ukraine, they're a little worse off. You know, let's, let's focus on, you've got a family, they want to spend time with you. You've got your beautiful home, you just ate dinner, we're going to have snacks and watch a show together. There's so many things to focus on that are good. And I'm like, I looked at her and I was like, yeah, Abby, that's right, kid. But it's really hard to recognize these negative thought patterns in yourself and to switch the narrative. So let's give you some examples of things like these negative self pity patterns that I've seen in other people, especially clients that I'm working with. Oftentimes when I go into someone's home and it's very, very messy, they are having the self blame. Like they're angry at themselves and they're beating themselves up for the mess, but they're also making themselves feel a little bit better by blaming other circumstances. And it looks a lot like this. My husband never picks up after himself. I clean, but then the kids just wreck it again. So what's the point? I don't have money to do the system that I really want for our clothing. I want to have a family closet one day, but we can't afford that right now, so why even bother putting away laundry or even washing the clothes at all? Oh, everything always gets so dirty. What's the point of even vacuuming? I'm gonna wait one day I'll get a nice vacu. My vacuum's crap, so I'm not even gonna bother. It's not even fair. Other people have nice things. I don't. So, oh, you know, poor me, just poor me. Or. I often hear I hurt my back years ago and I just haven't been able to do anything since. And it's, it's not fair and I'm in pain and, and, and all of those things are true. But when we, when we really focus on the. It hurts to stand for a long period of time. That can suddenly and long term turn into. I can never do anything physical.

All I can do is sit. And the longer you get into this mentality and it, the harder it is to break through and the worse our life becomes. Because negative thoughts, when all we see everywhere we look is like, bad stuff and we catastrophize. That's all we see, right? That's all we see. That's all we focus on. And our thoughts really do affect our lives. It really does. You're not going to have the motivation to dig yourself out. You're not going to feel that little spark of energy to get up and like, make yourself proud and push the needle forward and, and, and, and take steps in life to get to where you want to be. You're not going to move. You're going to stay stuck in the mud. And the longer you sit in the mud, the worse your life becomes and the more sorry for yourself you feel. So the longer you sit and it compounds. So how do we get up, put on our cape, and become a hero? For me, I had to get vicious. I had to get mad. Not at myself, but at the circumstance. And like, feel this warrior energy, right? This, like, I can do anything. I'm not going to stand for this anymore. I'm not, I'm not going to allow myself to go to bed with a messy kitchen. Yep. It sucks that my family. Maybe I feel a little disrespected and the house is trash and I'm exhausted and I don't have time and oh, poor me. And no one helps me and it's just going to get messy tomorrow and I don't even have any dish soap right now. And oh my gosh, I got to go to the store, but I'm so overwhelmed and I have no time for even shopping. What are you talking about?

I am going to fight for 15 minutes and I am going to make progress and I'm going to be proud and it doesn't have to be done, but I am not going to allow dirty dishes to defeat me because I'm a queen and so are you. Fix that crown and take a step out of the mud. Recognizing our self pity train thoughts are like.

[Kim]

Excuse.

[Cass]

Train thoughts is definitely important, but it's also hard to do. It's hard to remember all the time. It's hard to really remember to, you know, catch those thoughts when they come into their head and then make them into positive. But it's not hard to invoke this, like, hero feeling too. So yes, we should all journal and yes, we should all write down our thoughts and recognize when we're having negative thoughts and transform them into positive. And we should do a gratitude journal because this is how you rewire your brain to be a positive, happy person for sure. But in this moment right now, you don't have to wait till your brain is rewired. You don't have to. All you have to do in this moment is invoke the fierceness. And there are a few ways that we can do this. One, do a warrior pose, which means literally put your hands on your hips, straighten out, get those tits up, come on, chest out. And just feel like a baddie. Like physically do it. Feel like a baddie. This is also why Mel Robbins says to high five yourself in the mirror right now. You can just high five yourself. I am awesome. High five it. I can do anything. And whether you believe this or not, if you move your body in a way like that, your brain will, will be confused. It's pretty dumb. Your brain, all of our brains, pretty dumb. We can instantly feel a little bit more confident and energized just by the way we, we stand with our body and the movements we make with our body. Which is why, like, do some quick jumping jacks or jump up and down. This is why they say this like kids in gym class or to get yourself motivated, you know, do a little like, ooh, fist pumping in the air action. Because it works. Sciency things. It works. Okay, so we can do these physical things with our body. The second thing we can do is literally focus on something awesome. You have awesome things in your life. You have a roof over your head. That's freaking awesome. You have a car that you could drive Freaking awesome. Do you have dishes you can eat off of? You're winning in life, my friends. Are you healthy? Are you not dead? That's. I mean, you ain't dead. That's a pretty good freaking day. You woke up alive today. You have so many things to be grateful for. And you have a home. I don't care if it's an apartment. I don't care if you live with your parents. You have a space that is yours that you are the boss of. That's amazing. That's amazing. And you also have the power to make it great. It doesn't have to be perfect. You can make it great. You can make it clean. You can make it feel beautiful. You can light a candle. You can do awesome things. And this is why I get so excited about our home and our environment. Because.

In my worst moments, honestly, like, life's just kicking me in the gonads. I'm just not doing well. This is something I could control in, like, 15 minutes. I could clean a space in 15 minutes and it would look under control, and I could feel proud of myself, and I could go into that space, even if it's just the bathroom and I can look around and all I'm being signaled visually is, you're doing a good job. Good job. You're proud of yourself. I'm proud of you. Look what you've accomplished today. This is good. When I wake up in the morning and my bedroom is clean, I instantly have these signals of my brain of, like, it's going to be a good day. You are in charge. You are. You got this, babe. The rest of the house could be trashed. Fine. We're focusing on the win. And that's what's so powerful about your home, is you could go all day just riding that excuse train and being unmotivated and, like, being behind. And maybe you sat in your pajamas all day and. And watched TV on the couch or laid in bed and just were like a total potato. But guess What? Get up. 15 minutes. 15 minutes, you can catch up on something. You. You don't have to do it consistently all day, every day. You can have a burst. Like, right now while you're listening to this podcast, get up and burst and do something. Throw the trash in the garbage. Fluff the pillows. You're like, I'm not sure where this should go. Let's just be amazing and throw it in the garbage. We probably don't need it. Let's find fight and be warriors and take back our space so that later when we walk into that space. We're like, yes, I am freaking awesome. Yes, I am the boss of my own life. Yes, I am winning. And then take that energy and put it somewhere else. Poor Joe. We're not going to have a car today for the kids to drive. We're not going to have a car that has a usable windshield washer fluid. And it's going to be a nightmare to figure out how to fix that. We don't have a truck. I guess this kind of means we're three for three on vehicles right now, because it's the winter. We can't drive the one without windshield washer. We have no vehicles right now. Okay, that's a bat. It's a. It's a sucky thing, but we got our legs. We can take an Uber. I have a friend who is a mechanic that I called, and he's like, I'm willing to come and help you. I'm so grateful for him. I can go to Princess Otto. I can get a siphon, and I can siphon out the used motor oil, and I can try to flush this windshield washer thing. You know, I can do things because I'm amazing. And yeah, I messed up. And, yeah, life kicked us. And, yeah, things aren't all sunshine and rainbows right now. And, yeah, things are going to be expensive. But you know what? At the end of the day, we got more wins in the win column than losses. We are not going to let this knock us down for good. We are going to focus on the positive and take a step in the right direction and pull ourselves out of the mud. And you can, too. Maybe your house is completely cluttered and you feel like, ugh, this is too big of a task. It isn't it. You got yourself here. You can get yourself out, but you've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to stop blaming others. You have to fight, and you have to take action. And then you need to celebrate the action that you took and really feel proud. And then we just come back and do that again tomorrow. Every tiny step we take is a step closer to the life that you deserve. You deserve all the good stuff. You are an incredible human being.

You deserve to be happy. And that doesn't mean you're going to be happy 24 7, but you're going to have more happy than sad. And when you feel the sad, you're going to allow yourself to feel the sad, but you're also going to say, but if I can't control what's making me sad, I'm going to focus on what I can control and what is going to make me happy. I'm going to choose to be an optimistic person because happiness at the end of the day is 100% a choice.

Happiness is a choice.

Success is a choice. A clean house is a choice.

Truly is. An organized home is a choice. A healthy body is a choice. And if you have a messy home, you're allowing yourself to have that. That's a choice as well. You're choosing to sit and let the dishes control you and let the junk from Walmart.

You're choosing that. Are you ready to choose differently? Are you ready to be brave enough to put on that cape and save yourself? I think you are, which is why you're listening to this freaking podcast. I'd like to take a second to thank Aura Frames for sponsoring today's podcast. Years ago, I received an Aura frame as a gift and it was loaded with all of these memories for my entire family. As soon as I opened the box and I was hooked, I bought one for everyone on my list and I preloaded it with photos and even videos and then I added all the family members to the app. So my sister in law, my brother, all over the world, no matter where you are, you can instantly add the photos to your frame and to your loved ones frames as well. It's so simple and it is a lovely gift and I look at it every day on my kitchen counter and I'm so appreciative right now. You can get your own Aura frame and save an exclusive $35 off their famous Carva mats. Go to auraframes.com and use the promo code clutterbug. Again that's a U R A frames.com and use the promo code clutterbug to save $35 off. It's human nature. Our brains are designed to create stories around everything. That's what they're best at. So even if we are like we're in the kitchen and it's super messy, our brain wants to put pieces together and and create stories. So our story might be. This is so overwhelming. It's always going to look like this. It doesn't matter what look at the mess is from the kids. It would take hours to do this and just get messy again tomorrow. We told ourselves a story. What's really important is to identify that that's what's actually happening. So what is the story you're telling yourself? Is it. What is the point of even starting the laundry? Because it is mountains and you couldn't Possibly get it done in one day. Anyways. Identifying that story is so important so that we can move on to step two, which is what is the neutral fact. Sometimes we have to look at our story from a different angle, from a neutral angle and kind of unravel that narrative in that story we've been telling ourselves for a really long time. Is there a step we can take to push forward, to push through? All right, my loves, let's do a quick talk to cast segment. And make sure you keep going though, like, ooh, are you feeling it? Are you feeling the first fierceness? What are you doing right now that's going to make a difference? That's going to be better, even progress. It's never about perfect. It's about progress right now. What are you doing? And let's keep going while we do the talk to Cass.

[Bri]

Hi, Cass, this is Bri calling from California and I just got done listening to your 300th episode. Congratulations. And I should have sent this message before, but I just have to say how much you have literally changed my life. I haven't been somebody that suffers with like.

I don't know, ADHD or being messy, but I've always struggled with just this chronic, debilitating, toxic productivity. And I have always been somebody who almost left messes so I would have something to do, question mark if that makes sense. Because if I didn't have something to do when I was home and I should be relaxing, I might not know what I needed to pursue or what I wanted to pursue. So I just kept having all these messes so I didn't have to think about it. And your tough love has and your category categorizing of people into the different.

Bugs that work for them and their organizational styles and do it shitty, you know, like for the first time in my life of trying every organizational thing under the sun and then reorganizing it a different way, nothing worked until I found out I was a butterfly or a ladybug. And the baskets and the big macro organization. I have a drop zone at the top of my stairs and I have a drop zone in my garage so I can keep my car clean. And it's just been come. And then at night I just unload the drop zones and I do the laundry and I vacuum. I vacuum every day now. I don't think I vacuumed a single day in a single year once.

[Cass]

And.

[Bri]

Everything has changed because of you. And not only has it changed for my organizing, but it's also changed for me emotionally because I'm finally feeling brave enough to take the time to listen in the quiet when I don't have things that I have to do and I get to sit and reflect on what it is that I want to do and fill my life with a little bit more fun and a little bit more joy and a little bit more purpose. And I have you to thank for that. So keep doing what you're doing. I would listen to you every day of every day if I could, but I know that's not fair to you. But I always look forward to when your episodes drop. And every time I do, I am hustling girl. I mean, because as organized as you feel, like you said, it's never done. There's always more. And I love it. You are with me right after the kids go to bed. My husband is also a firefighter, so he is gone a lot. And as soon as the kids go down, I put you in my ears and I get to work. So thank you so much. You are changing lives.

[Cass]

Oh, thank you, Bri. I love that. I also. Bre. If you're listening to this right now, go take a break, babes. Go watch a movie. The mess can wait a day. Seriously, you're amazing. I mean, it feels good, and I know it feels stressful, but it's also okay. The new season of Stranger Things dropped. Maybe check it out. It's kind of terrible, but let's watch some bad TV together, Bri. All right, let's hear from Kate.

Hi, Cass.

[Kate]

My name is Kate. I'm a ladybug with cricket tendencies. I have been listening to you for years, and you really have made such a difference in my home. I've been especially appreciating this lately with decorating for the holidays when my house was cluttered. It used to just feel like I was adding clutter when I decorated for the holidays. And now I've not only been able to make my house more manageable, but I have also been able to bring a lot more beauty into my house and be really thoughtful about how I want my home to feel, and it's just really been life changing for me.

My question for you today is I was hoping to get some additional inspiration about zoning. I had a light bulb moment not too long ago when I was listening to you talk about zoning, and I realized I have this little sideboard cabinet in my dining room where for years I have stored my tablecloths and extra placemats because I figured that's just where they're supposed to go.

My mom has a special piece of Furniture in her dining room where she stores tablecloths. And my grandmother had one as well. And that's just where the tablecloths go. And then listening to you, I realized, hold on a sec. Why in the world am I using up an entire piece of furniture to store things that I use maybe two or three times a year?

So I cleared out the cabinet, I put all of my tablecloths into a tote in the basement and put them with the Christmas decorations, which is really where they belong. Because honestly, the Christmas decorations see the light of day more often than the tablecloths. And then.

[Cass]

We lost you there, Kate. But I really loved the concept because yes, you're, you're talking about zoning, but you're also talking about valuable real estate. So a big piece of furniture in your dining room that is storing something you never use. Yeah, that's a waste of valuable real estate. So relocating that to the basement, so smart. And now maybe you're asking, what would you put in this dining room Right now you have this piece of furniture, you're like, okay, what could go in here? And I have some suggestions for you. First, is there any type of clutter that always ends up on the dining room table? Is it kids homework supplies like the pens and the markers or the coloring or craft supplies? Is it, I don't know, like, is this where you pay bills? And so you end up having a little pile of the envelopes and the bill paying station stuff? Your clutter is really telling you what you need. So what you're naturally putting down on this table is probably what you need to find new home for. And this piece of furniture would be the perfect place for that. If you're like, I have nothing, it's always really tidy. Then I would take a look at your kitchen, which is right next door, and is it feeling a little squished? And is there something that you use often enough that you want to keep it closed, but not often enough that it needs to necessarily be in the kitchen? Large salad bowls, platters, even things like your air fryer, if you're not using that on a weekly basis, these are things that then you can relocate to this piece of furniture. Again, you're taking advantage of that valuable real estate. It's close enough to the kitchen to be able to zone it, but it's far enough away that you're going to actually free up a room in the most high valuable real estate room, which is the kitchen. So those are two quick tips that I have for you when deciding what to do. But you, we're so smart to clear out the thing you never use and claim some actual square footage back in your home for the things that you do need storage for. Now, let's hear from Mary.

[Mary]

Hey. Listening to your doing it shitty episode, I've just realized that because of my perfectionism, my daughter doesn't have any photo albums or photo books or any kind of photo memories because I'm trying to make it perfect. So I'm trying to choose the right items, arrange them in right way, order them in right time. She's almost 13, and she doesn't have a single family photo album of her childhood. She doesn't know what she looked like when she was a baby. And we are living in the digital era. This was a curse, you know.

So I'm pissed off. I'm disappointed at myself, with myself or whatever the preposition goes there because.

[Cass]

I'm.

[Mary]

Such a perfectionist in so many things, but.

This isn't one of them. You shouldn't be perfection.

Perfectionist in these things because they are growing so fast and.

You want them to remember some.

Events or people or places from their lives. So.

Do it shitty. Make a shitty photo album. Just make it.

And yes, it might contribute to clutter, but.

You know, sometimes you just have to have some nice photos to look at.

Okay, this was emotional for me, so.

See you.

[Cass]

See you, Mary. Oh, I relate to this so much. You know what? I. I made photo books for both of my girls, and then I didn't do anything for Milo, and I just kept. He's 13 too, and I was like, I gotta make him a book. I gotta make him a book. I finally just went on Shutterfly and, like, went on my phone. This is terrible, but I'm gonna tell you. And I just searched Milo and it face recognized all the pictures of Milo and then I hit select all. I uploaded them to Shutterfly and I just went random organized it, tried to do it in order of his age. It didn't do a great job. Whatever. I just printed it. I feel so much better. But I will say, Mary, one of the best things I ever did. I don't know if this podcast is sponsored by ORA Frames, but wouldn't that be amazing if it did? Ah, or a frame. Okay. It's on my kitchen counter. From my phone. I just typed in family and it went through all and I. And I sent them all to the frame. My kids will literally sit in the kitchen and watch that thing and be like, oh, look at when I was a baby. Oh, look at this like, oh, yeah, I forgot we went to Florida when I was 4. All of these memories, like, slide through in our kitchen at all times and yeah, skylight frame, same thing, maybe that spot. I don't know. Get yourself a digital photo frame and you'll feel better. And it's no clutter. Well, it's like a tiny thing. But the point is we can still do it shitty, but have these amazing memories that remind us all the time of all the good times in the past. So, okay, moving on.

[Lauren]

Hi, Cass, this is Lauren from Connecticut. I just want to thank you for your YouTube channel and your podcast and everything that I've learned about organization. I found you because I was watching a lot of videos about minimalism, but I'm not really a minimalist. I really do like my stuff, but I've done a lot to declutter and I found that when I took the test. I got butterfly, but I'm definitely like a bee or a butterfly when it comes to my day to day stuff. I can be a cricket when it comes to paperwork. Like, very detail oriented.

And I used some strategies. I put some hooks in the bottom of my stairs near the front hallway. And now I try to always put my purse there because I could never find it. It was always on a chair or just on the ground somewhere. So it's been really helpful.

Because I'm not someone who wants to put my jacket or hang stuff up on hangers in a closet. I also bought some Billy bookshelves from Ikea and I started putting more of my knickknacks, dolls and collections that I had from a kid books. And I gave them to my boyfriend too, so he has. We both have plenty of storage in our study.

I also wanted to share that about a dinosaur. My parents brought everything that my sister and I left for toys and whatnot in their basement to my house. And I found a fishbowl in Betta food for my Siamese fighting fish that I had between fourth grade and eighth grade. So this means that this beta food was over 20 years old and I threw it away. So just want to thank you again for everything that you do and just showing that it's. It's okay to have stuff. You don't have to be rules.

[Cass]

I love it. Lauren got cut off, but I love that beta fish. We all had one, you know, we all had one for a while. I had it one where I put like a. A plant on top and then it was just the thing, you know what I mean? The jar. And then you put the the point is, let me know in the comments below if you also had a betta fish. And do you think you still have the food rattling around in your house? I definitely don't still have the food, but I might still have the vase. I'd like to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor Factor Factor meals are delivered to your door. Think of TV dinners, except they're huge portions, never frozen, always fresh, delicious meals that are ready in two minutes. And there's a ton of recipes to choose from. They're very healthy options. You can get keto options, gluten free, whatever you need to stay on track this holiday season. Fact Factor has you covered and right now you can save 50 off. Go to factor meals.com clutterbug50off to get 50 off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's the code. Clutterbug50off@ Factor meals.com for 50 off your first box plus free Breakfast for a year. This exclusive holiday offer won't last. Lock in your savings before the new year offer. Only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase.

[Kim]

Hey there Cass, it's Kim here from Australia. I just wanted to share with you one of the things that I do shitty and I am a self confessed perfectionist. So this, this isn't entirely shitty, but it is a little bit one of the things I do with my laundry when I get them off the clothesline because we don't tend to use tumble dryers here very often at all. When I get my clothes in off the clothesline, the ones that need hanging, I just hang them up in the closet on their hangers just up one end and that's like my little to be ironed end. And then when I have time, when I have the f energy, you know, when I'm able to, I will iron those clothes. Years ago I followed my mum's example and the ironing clothes always got put in into like a laundry basket after they were clean and they would kind of sit there like mocking you until you've got the ironing board out and dealt with them this way. They're in the closet, they're hanging up, they're not getting more wrinkled and it's just kind of my way of just dealing with them without dealing with them. So that's, that's my, my little, you know, shitty hack for doing things not quite perfectly. I also love the idea of not folding underwear and stuff. I've even got my husband doing that now. He throws his in the drawer, and you kind of sit back and think, why was that so important to fold them? Who's actually seeing these undies? I hope no one more than my husband and myself. But anyway, that's it from me. Thank you so much for all your videos. I really. I really love them. And I've never really had a huge problem with. With. With clutter. But, you know, since listening to you and Dana and Dawn, I've been able to just thin my house out, and it is just so much easier to manage. I love it, you know, I love being in it. I love coming home after a day at work and knowing that everything's in its place and if it's not, it can easily go back there. Thanks so much, Cass. You have a lovely, lovely day. Bye.

[Cass]

I love that, Kim. Thanks for sharing. I also am very impressed. Do you iron all your clothes? Is this a thing? Like, if you put it on the line, do you have to iron it? I don't know. I don't even know if I still own an iron. And I couldn't tell you the last time I used one. Do I have an ironing board gun to my head? No idea. And where would it be? No idea. What I did get was a handheld steamer, because sometimes I throw things in a crinkled ball or I shove them and I'm like, ooh, I should probably. And then I just steam that crap and in seconds. So, Kim, let's go a little. Little shittier. Is there things that you. I'm glad you just put it in there, because at least it's done in a way. But maybe. Are there things you could maybe skip the ironing next? Just saying. Give it a try. Now let's hear from Aaron.

[Aaron]

Hi, Kaz. I'm Aaron, your onemail listener. I just wanted to share something that I've been doing shitty for a couple years that relates to filing paperwork. I used to have a filing cabinet with different files in it for each particular bill and utility and insurance policy and car and kid. But because it was so much work to put all the papers in the right file, I just ended up stacking them in a pile on top of the filing cabinet. But when it came time to find paperwork, I just ended up rooting through the file on the top of my cabinet because I figured it would be there first. So over time, I just started throwing bills and statements and receipts into a bin and never filing them. And over the years, I felt bad about my shitty system, so I came up with the fancy name chronological file. Since everything is ordered from the oldest on the bottom to the newest on top. And this system is actually easier for me to find things because I usually know when something happened during the year and I could just peel back until I find something. And I spend a lot less time putting things into a bin than I would have filing them in a particular spot. It's also great for my wife because we both know exactly how it's organized, so we don't need to know whether the car repairs were not under the receipts category or the car category or in the pile on top. And now, once a year in January, I take a big rubber band and put it around all of last year's statements and bills and I slap a post it note with a year written on it. That way, each year gets its own bundle, and then I take out the oldest bundle and I throw it away.

I work from home and I listen to your podcast when I take breaks and use your tough love as motivation for decluttering. Thanks for all you do.

[Cass]

Aaron. This made me so happy for multiple reasons. One, you're a dude. Thank you for listening. I appreciate that. The second is, yes, thank you. This is the greatest filing system ever created. I do exactly the same thing. I. I take it a step further where I sort it at tax time. Maybe I'm going to stop doing that and just put on an elastic band. You've changed my life here, Aaron. This is so good. And I agree, like, I can kind of think, like, oh, when was that? I think it's a couple months ago. And then you just guesstimate down and you peel back the pile and you find the paper you need. I agree. It is faster and easier than looking through a filing cabinet. Man, we're geniuses, Aaron. Okay, everyone should do their paperwork this way. It is a lifesaver. Thank you for sharing. And last but not least, let's hear from Denise. Hello, Cass, It's Denise in Tampa. I love listening to you. You're so much fun. You're the cat's meow. My contribution is I'm a perfectionist and I will mow the lawn in the dark. That's my offering. Take care. I love it. I don't know why you'd mow the lawn in the dark, but maybe then you can't see if you're doing a shitty job. So, like, yes.

[Kim]

Okay.

[Cass]

Ever do you strap a flashlight to it so you. I'm not. I don't. It's. I love it. You know what I really want is one of those, like, robot vacuum lawnmowers you know, it's not a it like robot. Doesn't that sound. Can we just automate all the crappy tasks? Yes. Thank you for sharing, Denise. So, thanks for hanging out with me. I hope you've identified maybe some negative thoughts or stories that you're telling yourself in your own life. And if nothing else, let's really focus on the good, the positive. There are a million things that we can be grateful for even when life is kicking us in the gonads. Okay? There's always a silver lining. There's always a bright spot. And when we can train our brain to focus on that, when we can take a few minutes to just really be grateful. I know it's gross and I keep saying it, but the truth is, we're going to feel more energized, happier, more motivated, and we are going to be moving towards the life we deserve. It is truly the power of positive thinking.

I don't know why, I just know it works. Thank you guys so much, and I'll see you next time.