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Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast
Is Your Home Speaking Your Love Language? | Clutterbug Podcast # 290
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Want to know something crazy? Over 8 million people have taken the Clutterbug quiz. I mean that blows my mind. That's a lot of people. I try to picture that many people in one room. Impossible. And what I think is so cool is that it's human nature to want to get to know yourself more. To have that self awareness to not only just put yourself in a category but understand yourself on a deeper level. And I think that's why people are attracted to the Clutterbug quiz. It's why people want to know what Hogwarts House they're in and personality quizzes. Like all of this is so interesting because universally it's something that just helps all of us. Understanding myself by learning my tendency. You know, the four tendencies. So helpful. I love that I now know my attachment style and of course my love language. Today I thought it would be really fun to take what we've learned from these quizzes. They're almost like little games. They self describe discovery stuff we learn and how we can apply it to our relationships, to our everyday lives and to our homes. One of my favorite quizzes and like I don't. Is it a quiz? No. What is it? It's like a. It's like a personality thing. What do you call this? What do you call what? What's this called? This thing like the Clutterbug quiz. The four tendency thing. It's a thing. One of my most favoritest personality sorting quizzes that I've ever done is the Love languages. I actually read. I want to say like 23 years ago and I was introduced to this book by my mother in law. Maybe she felt I wasn't loving her baby boy well enough, I don't know. But she presented me this book and said I had to read it, I had to learn my love language and I had to understand Joe's love language so that I could better serve him love on a plate. I don't know. But the point is at first I was like listen lady, step off. You know what I mean? She also told me don't give the milk for free or he would never buy the cow. I digress. I actually really love the book though. And I learned so much about myself and it did help me in my relationship with Joe because I understand his love language. I don't always follow through with it but I know I know it and it's been helpful with my children as well just. And my childhood. So many things just by understanding myself and other people a little bit better. But first, just like Always. We are not going to just listen or watch this podcast. You are going to get up and take action. We're going to body double today. I'm going to be in your ear, helping you, pushing you, motivating you so you can get something done, something you've been procrastinating. Hopefully it's decluttering, but it could also be cleaning. It's fall. This is like, this is the time of year when us as human beings want to get cozy. We want our home to nurture us. We want to prepare for the harsh winter ahead, which means rolling up our sleeves, getting out the cobwebs, and taking action on our home, making it better. You deserve a sanctuary. So don't you dare just sit there. Don't you dare get up, grab a trash bag, or grab a mop, and let's get to it. Apparently, it's not actually fall. It's yet until the end of September. But guess what? Starbucks has a pumpkin chai latte with cold foam, so it has cinnamon on top, therefore it is fall. Also, my Dollar store has Christmas decor. They just skipped right over and went right to Christmas. So buds get. It's fall. It's fall, y'. All. You know what's really cool about the love languages? I feel like I was one of the og, except I wasn't really. But I. I read this book so long ago, like 22, 23 years ago. But in the last few years it's really had this resurgence. It's become a lot more popular when in fact it was written in the 90s. It does feel like something that's very current, right? Like 2020 is when everyone was really taking this journey of self discovery and learning things about themselves. But this book and this whole theory of everyone having a different love language has been around for a very long time. The book was written by and the whole concept was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman. And honestly, we gotta give him a shout out for his name. I feel like everyone knows the love languages, but no one knows who it was actually created by. So congratulations, Dr. Chapman, you created an awesome thing. Dr. Chapman claims that understanding these love languages, understanding your love language and other people's love languages is. Is the secret to creating a love that lasts. Let's take a second to just talk about quickly the five. And then I'm going to break them down. They are words of affirmation. Then we have gift giving. Then we have quality time. Then we have acts of service. And last but not least, we have physical touch. Understanding your love language is Kind of like a two way street. You want to understand how you like to receive love, but also how others like to receive it. So how to give love, how to give love and how to receive. In order to foster really healthy relationships and to make everyone feel loved. Because what makes one person feel loved doesn't always make another person feel loved. So understanding your uniqueness and what works for you is the secret. It's the magic to really strengthening those relationships. Let's start with words of affirmation. I want to start here because this is my husband's, Joe's love language. And what this really means is you want praise, you want to be told you're doing a great job. You want to be acknowledged and loved with words. I find I, I mean, I know this is Joe's love language, but also I get annoyed with this love language because it's a lot of, you're doing a good job. Here's your gold star. And because it's my love language, I feel like this is the fascinating thing with love language. Like when it isn't your love language, it can be frustrating. It's good to know other people's, but it can also be frustrating. Like I just have a big eye roll. Like you put your dishes in the dishwasher. Good job. Oh my gosh, you did so good. You went to bed like a big boy at a normal time, but not in a condescending way. But words of affirmation are like over the top. Lots of, you're so handy, handsome. You're so strong. You're so, you know, helpful. I'm so lucky to have you. You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It's a lot of that. And that is not my love language. So I'm. It's a little gaggy for me. But. But if that is your love language, it is important to hear it because I could buy him all the gifts in the world. I could rub his back, I could do all these other things, but nothing's going to resonate and make him feel loved more than compliments. I'm probably sounding like a real biatch right now. The truth is, I am really grateful for him and all the things he does. It's just not my natural thought to verbalize this. Understanding that he needs this to be verbalized has been really, really great for our relationship. Because when I have that fleeting thought of, oh, he's so helpful, or oh, he looks great in that shirt, I now know I need to say that out loud. And it has such an impact on his mood. Just a, a random compliment telling him he's great. It affects his entire day. So if this is your love language, expressing this to your, your spouse, to your children can be really helpful so that they start giving you what you really need. You, you need to be told that you're appreciated. You need to be told that you're loved. You need to be told why they think you're amazing. And if you have someone in your life, that this is their love language. And even though maybe this isn't your natural thought to do, it makes a difference to verbalize all the ways that they're awesome. My love language is gift giving and acts of service, which makes me sometimes feel like a princess because I'm like, do things for me and buy me pretty things. Now we'll talk about acts of service. This is special to my heart because I have two love languages and acts of service is one of them. And what this means is doing something for someone else, like putting yourself out or helping them in some sort of physical way. An example of this would be when I want to. And not only do I like receiving love like this, this is how I give love. If I want to show someone that I love them, I'll maybe put away a load of their laundry for them without even saying anything, or I'll wash Joe's car or I'll go out of my way to make his favorite meal. And I also appreciate when people show me love with acts of service. So maybe I've had a long day and they've cleaned the kitchen for me. That nothing makes me feel more loved than an act of service. And I also think this is really fascinating because I think a lot of women have acts of service as a love language, which is why there's this frustration with their spouses. Now that I've said that out loud, that most women's love language is acts of service. I don't know if, like, we want this because we don't get it right. So there's a lot of, not every household, but a lot. And I'm not man bashing, but a lot of households where women are working outside the home, plus they're taking on the manager role of the home, doing the majority of the cooking and the cleaning. And there's this like, I wish he would just do the dishes or, you know, it's nothing sexier than a man vacuuming the house or cleaning a toilet. Is that actually the love language or is that because that's something that we want so, so badly? That we think it's a love langu. Honestly, I don't think it matters. But I do think giving it a name instead of just being frustrated and resentful that people aren't helping out or aren't doing things when we can say, my love language is an act of service. And when you do something unpropted without me nagging to make my life easier, that is how I feel loved. I think that could go a long way in relationships, if I'm being totally honest. I. I say I have two love languages, but I think my main love language is gifts, which is really also because I declutter all the time and I don't want extra things. But when somebody surprises me with an unexpected gift, I feel so loved. Last year at Christmas, I went out, we were leaving the house, and I went outside, and there was this package on the doorstep, and there was no name of who it was from. And inside it was this vintage Santa firefighter. It was like, you know, like some knickknack chotchki thing. And I burst into tears because it was so thoughtful. And I still have no idea who gave that to me. They probably picked it up at a thrift store. It was obviously, like, old and used. And it is honestly one of my most cherished possessions because someone thought about me, went out of their way to get something special for me and give me that gift. So, yeah, gift giving, I just skipped right onto that one. But gift giving is the next love language, and it is something for me that not only do I like to receive it, it's my natural go to also when giving love. So if I'm out and about, I'll pick up my kids like a cake pop from Starbucks or something really small. And the downside of having gift giving as a love language is it actually is the one that is least for other people and my husband as well. So when I'm giving Joe a gift, even though I'm like, this is how I show my love for him, it doesn't mean that much. It's not. He's not receiving it in the same way, the same as your children. So a lot of parents who are like, spoiling their kids with gift giving, it might not be hitting the same way as a compliment could. Again, this is why it's really important to understand everyone's love language. Next up, we have physical touch. Physical touch and I are not friends. I don't know. I don't know if I'm on the spectrum. I. I think I just grew up in A in a very non touchy home, I was never hugged by my parents ever. So as an adult, to be touched by other people feels uncomfortable. It really does. I have to remind myself to hug my children. It isn't that I'm like, I don't love it, but I don't love it. Okay, so again, if this is not your natural love language or it is your natural love language, but you live with someone else who where it is not, this is where you can feel unloved. You can feel unloved even though you are because you're not getting the messages sent in the same way. So physical touch means like hugs and kisses and back rubs and holding hands in the car or just holding hands while walking. If you are someone who's craving this, it's really important that your partner or other people in your lives know this because if they're not giving it to you, it could really just be that that is not at all how their brain works. I have a couple of family members who obviously physical touch is like their love language. And they will unpromptly hug me really tight and like this really warm, squishy, lingering hug. And even though I don't enjoy it, I see why other people do. Like, they're good at it. They're good at the physical touch. Or if someone's like, if I'm feeling sad, they wrap their arm around me. They just, they just touch in a way to support and to love and to give all the feels. And they're just naturally great at it. So I see the appeal. It's just not my love language. Something that I think is really awesome that I've noticed is just like all children tend to be butterflies and then they kind of grow into their organizing style. Small children tend to have the love language of physical touch. You know, they hurt themselves, they skin their knee, they want you to wrap them up and hold them. Think about rocking your baby to sleep at night. And when my kids were upset, I would like just brush the bridge of their nose really slowly so they would fall asleep or just relax. And last, we have quality time, which is also very low on my love language scale. This is the thing that I find really cool about taking, reading the book and like taking the quiz that they have, it actually tells you where you're hiring. Like you're mostly this and more, less of this. I feel like physical touch and quality time are like big fat zeros for me. They really, really were. But for Joe, quality time is almost tied with first for him. So it's important to know that it's important that when your love language is quality time, all you want is someone to sit with you and to be with you and to make hanging out with you their top priority. Whether it's watching a movie or just going for a car ride, calling them up and asking them to go out for a coffee. If it's a friend, quality time is how they feel love, but it's also how they oftentimes give love. It doesn't always mean you give and receive in the same way, but usually it kind of does. So if you have someone in your life whose quality time is that's their love language. They'll often be the one, like inviting you out all the time and wanting hey, you want to go for a walk with me? I'm going to the gym. Do you want to come? Oh, and you're just like, whoa, calm down. Why are you up in my grill? They're just really wanting to show you how much they love you. So basically, your love language is this incredible way of understanding how you like to give and how you like to receive affection. But what's really interesting is I think it can go a little bit further than that. And when we're thinking about our home, our home really is an extension of our emotions. It is a way that we show our personality and show our love, really. And so does our love language affect how or does it manifest in the physical belongings around us? Does it manifest in how we care for our home? I think it does. There are probably situations where maybe this doesn't apply. So maybe you haven't made your home your own yet. Maybe you inherited it from a parent and it's all still their stuff, or you're renting, or you're just starting out and you haven't spent enough time and enough love to cultivate a space that reflects you and your personality. But if you have, if you've lived in your home in a while and you've collected things and you've organized and you've set up a systems, in a way it's probably a really good indication of how you show and receive love. I'd like to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Factor. I've been getting Factor meals for over a year now. Here's why I love them. They are so convenient. I want you to think TV dinner, except gourmet. Never frozen, always fresh, delicious, nutritious meals. And you can really pick from so many recipes. So if you're doing keto or you want something that is low calorie or something more nutritious or vegan, there's an option for you. The reason that I love Factor is because I'm always rushed during the workday and even though I work from home, I would often like grab a granola bar or even want to go out for fast food, which is not good for me. Factor is ready in two minutes. Two minutes to a delicious meal. Go to factor meals.com clutterbug50off and use the code clutterbug50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. If your love language is words of affirmation, I talk a lot about a great way to motivate you is like shame, like get up and do it. Do that thing now. That's actually not what you want to do at all. If words of affirmation are your love language, you want to fill your home with reminders of how awesome you are. This can be done through little post it notes. You can write nice messages to yourself all throughout the home or you can get artwork or things like that that reflect, you know, it's like you are enough. You know, the things that we find at the home store that have those wonderful sayings on them that is made for you. Your home should be telling you how great you are and that you love yourself and it should be saying only positive things. Which is another reason why if words of affirmation is your love language, we have to make sure we don't have any toxic bullies in our house. We can't have clothing in our closet that's too small because even though it's not like an actual word, it's the thought in your head of oh, I need to go to the gym. Oh, that doesn't fit me. Oh, that doesn't. You know, I gotta lose weight again. Also, like the piles and the to dos and the clutter and the and the dishes, all of those things are talking to you in a negative way. But how you feel love is positive words. So catch the thoughts in your head, even just grabbing a journal and leaving it out on the kitchen counter throughout the day. And when you find yourself looking at something that's saying something nasty to you, just write it down. Identify the things in your home that are saying mean things to you. Because more than any other love language, you need to make sure everything is being saying positive things and being positive. I want to give you other just quick examples of things that may be giving you nasty words instead of words, of affirmation. One, believe it or not, it's dead plants. Or those empty pots where you had a plant and then it died. Or dying plants. Because we think, you know, first of all, they were expensive or maybe they were a gift or maybe I'll just bring it back. If I was a better person, I would heal this plant and remember to water it. But what's actually happening is every time you see these, they're saying really nasty things about you. They just have to go, it's okay to throw out a half dead plant. I'm giving you permission for your own peace of mind. Put it in a trash bag and move on. It's fine. It does not have feelings, I promise. The other thing is in your kitchen, you might have protein powder that you bought because you were like, I'm going to lose weight. Or keto food from Costco, right? We're all starting the diet and if you don't like it and you're not using it, every time you see that again, it's saying these negative things. Not only that you wasted your money and you should be, but also saying nasty things about your body, right? It's very toxic. These things are bullies. And they are the exact opposite of how you receive and just feel loved. Acts of service. Let's talk about acts of service as your love language. So it's how you like to receive, how you like to give love, and how that can really manifest in your home. And I feel like I'm having an epiphany right now because this is one of my main love languages. And what's really cool is the thing that motivated me the most to keep my house clean was that I would say, I want to wake up to a clean kitchen. I'm giving a gift to myself. Like the act of decluttering. I would like, oh, I gotta declutter. I don't want to mop the floor. I don't want to do things. But when I reframed it in my brain as doing something like doing this for me, giving myself this amazing gift of this act of service, suddenly I was motivated and also I appreciated it more. So even doing these love for yourself, this is the whole point. Like, yes, this is how we show love and receive love, but also we, this is how we can show love to ourselves. So if you know that acts of service is your love language, that simple reframe of I deserve this, I'm going to do this kind thing for tomorrow's me, I'm going to put away this load of laundry today as a gift to myself so tomorrow me doesn't have to. That is so powerful. It's so, so powerful. And also just letting your loved ones who share the home with you know that this is your love language, and this is it. It means it's like a small thing. And, yeah, they don't want to do it, we don't want to do it, but they. But this is how you truly feel loved. They're loading the dishwasher, they're unloading it without being asked. They're picking up a mop and just surprising you by mopping the floor. Oh, my gosh. If the idea of that is like, oh, that would be so nice, it's probably because acts of service is your love language, and it's time that we make it a priority in our home that we show this to ourselves every day. There are days that maybe you just aren't feeling yourself. You're at your worst, you know, and it's like, yes, I want to do the dishes for myself as a gift, but I just don't have it. It's just not there. This is, again why it's so important to open this dialogue with our loved ones about our love languages so that we're not just like, net, like, I need you to do the dishes coming from a place of us nagging. But we are saying to them, I'm. I need to. To feel loved right now. I need to feel like you care, and this is how you can show me. With these acts of service, it's hard sometimes to ask for help, but if we reframe it, that we're asking for love, I feel like that's a lot easier. Gift giving. Let's talk about gift giving as your love language. I feel like this one's really obvious when it comes to your house because you fill it with things you love or you're out and you treat yourself to something for your home, which can be a really fun and positive thing. But I also think knowing that gift giving is my number one love language, I think that's why it really contributed to the clutter for me, because I was. Anytime I felt like I needed a little boost or love, I would buy myself something or I would buy my children something or my husband something. And I don't want to say that I had a shopping addiction, but I probably had a shopping addiction again, because gift giving is love language, including gift giving to myself. So, yeah, I get that extra hit of dopamine, that extra feeling of love, because I'm Buying something because I'm giving myself a gift. So I do think we have to be careful if gift giving is your love language, to not overstuff your home. But again, opening this dialogue and having this self awareness that this is what I'm doing. Like I'm not a shopaholic. I'm showing myself love with gifts. And how can we still do this without it turning into clutter? Can we get ourselves fresh flowers or treat ourselves to some like pastries that can be eaten for our counter? Or can we make sure if we are giving ourselves gifts of maybe some new throw pillows or a new blanket that that one thing is also leaving? So we're practicing that one in, one out rule, knowing ourselves that yes, we are going to be more prone to having stuff because that's how we want to feel loved. That's how we like to show but also receive affection, even if it's affection for ourselves. So, so important to know this, but also with that, that caution of oh yes, this is why, and I hope you listening if you are someone who has always like accepting gifts, even hand me downs, right? Because that's a form of gift giving. Someone's like, here's all my kids old clothes and here's all this. If you're like, yes, I love this, I love to get you love to go thrifting or yard sale shopping at the core. Could this be your love language? Right? And can that help you stop. Stop the. The over buying? And can it help you also declutter knowing that yes, I brought it in because it was like basically a hug for me and it's okay to let it go. Let's talk about physical touch. I actually think this is my daughter Abby's love language. I feel like I'm having epiphanies here in this podcast just thinking about it because your, your house can't physically hug you, it can't rub your back and pat your head or but it can give you like these sensory feelings of touch. And speaking of Abby in particular, she loves her weighted blanket. She loves her bed to have lots of pillows, like a big body pillow that she can hug and that kind of, yeah, feel like they're squeezing her while she's sleeping, which is so fascinating. She also loves soft, super soft blankets. So if physical touch is your love language, there are ways that you can make your home feel like it's physically touching you and hugging you through soft furnishings, making sure that your quality furniture feels when you're sitting on the couch, you sink in and it feels like it's loving you and wrapping you and really putting extra care into textures, the things, the sensory type things that are physical touch. I also think there could be an extension there with scent and with sound and with all of our. With taste, with all of our senses. If physical touch is your love language, it probably extends to all of your senses. So how can we sight? You probably want like calming lights, a cozy feel. How can we do little thing in your home to make it feel like it's hugging you? Let's talk about something really, really important. If, if physical touch is your love language, it's very important for you in particular everybody, but mostly for you that all the areas of your home are accessible and something that is welcoming to you. So if you have a doom room, if you have a spare bedroom that's like, oh, you don't even want to go in there, or a basement, that you're just avo because it doesn't feel like it's hugging you, that needs to be a priority for you. You have to declutter. You have to create spaces that are welcoming. Every room in your home should be one that feels like it's inviting you to come in and just give you a big old smooch, because that is how you are going to feel loved. Last but not least, quality time. Again, I'm having all these epiphanies while I'm. I'm having this podcast. Quality time is my really good friend Mel's love language. This is. She's always inviting me to hang out with her constantly. She always wants to. She's throwing all the parties. She just wants to spend time with people. And when I think about her home, she has set it up so it really is perfect for entertaining, for gathering guests. She knocked down a wall so she could have this huge long table. So it's so everyone can sit together. Her island, her kitchen is not huge, but her island has eight stools around it. Because spending time with her family is. Is a priority. She took a spare bedroom and turned it into a game room so her and her family could spend time together playing games. She cultivated a home that everywhere you look, it is a. It is a place to gather with people and spend time together. Her sofa's gigantic. Like, she bought this custom sofa that can fit like a hundred million thousand people. But it all makes sense now. It makes sense that this, everything about this feels like her because everything in her home is cultivating and supporting her love language of quality time. So if your love language is quality time, and I'm Just thinking now about my husband, who one of his love languages is quality time. You have to create a space that invites and cultivates that. So with Joe, we have this living room that I created into a gaming room. I put a chess set in there. He is always going into there now. And I was like, why are you spending time in this room? Nobody goes in. I'm realizing it's because it. He's just like, maybe someone will join me and play chess with me. Now I feel really bad. Now. I feel really guilty. I'm gonna go sit in that room with him later. Also, outside, we have this outdoor fireplace with a TV above it. And he. It's his favorite place. And he's like, why don't we go out and have a fire? It isn't. I'm like, why do you like it out there with the bugs and the. And the fire and the smoke? It isn't even about any of that. It's that he wants to spend quality time. So, in your home, if this is your love language, what can you do? Can you make sure the dining room table is cleared off so you can have. Have family dinners every night? Can you create a spot in the living room to make sure you're all sitting together while watching TV and not just in individual chairs? Can you declutter the clothes off the sofa so that your spouse can actually sit beside you and spend time with you? What can you do to invite and welcome quality time? And this. Honestly, if quality time is your love language, you should be inviting people to. To your home. You should be inviting your friends for coffee. You should be having a little dinner party. Host your own game night. And if you are embarrassed to have people over because of the state of your home, that should be your motivation. Your home, you should declutter, and you should get it ready to serve quality time, because that's how you are going to feel loved and appreciated. Also, if quality time is your love language, you need more time. That's the whole thing. And that was the biggest impact that I noticed in my life when I decluttered and got organized was I suddenly had extra hours in the day, which I immediately filled with random hobbies. But if quality time is your love language, imagine what you could do with an extra three hours in your day. And that is what you'll get back when your home is functioning, functional and streamlined. When you have less stuff, it adds hours back into your day. Hours of time that could be quality time for you. Now, I'm not sure if this is what Dr. Gary Chapman had in mind when he came up with the love languages. He probably was mostly talking about love and affection between relationships. But this is what I love about this list. It does often translate to like other or it extends to other areas of our life. And we can see this in your home. I. I mean maybe I'm making a leap here, but let me know in the comments below if you see this correlation, because I really do. I I see it and I see how understanding it can help not only make the love between me and my spouse and my children and my friends and family stronger, but the love between me and my home and me and myself myself stronger too. So let me know in the comments below what your love language is and if you resonated with this and you really saw that connection. I'm curious to see your comments. And that is enough of me yammering on today. I I can't wait for my favorite segment which is talk to Cas. Let's hear from you. Let's take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Caraway. I switched to Caraway Cookware over a year ago now because I had these these non stick Teflon pans that were covered in scratches and I just happened upon a reel that talked about the microplastics and the toxins that were being released into my food from these scratches in my dishes. Plus they were really hard to clean. So I switched to Caraway because it's non toxic cookware. Also they're beautiful, heavy duty. I especially love the saucepan so I can fry and then immediately put it right in the oven and cook. Safe for me and my family. If you want to give Caraway cookware a try, go to carawayhome.com clutterbug and you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com clutterbug or use the code clutterbug at checkout. First up, we have Kat.
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Hi Cass, My name is Kat. I was just wanting to leave a message to say a quick thank you for all the advice you've given throughout the years. I just found you this year but you know I've been going down the rabbit hole of all your videos. I found out I'm a butterfly and I came from a hoarder house growing up so you know I'm still struggling with with clothes. That's kind of my number one thing as I was hoping you could give give a butterfly some advice and just thank you because, you know, my house or my apartment has gotten so much cleaner and better because of you. So thank you. Anyway, any advice for me, please?
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Thank you.
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I love that I. Congratulations on finding out your butterfly or beautiful butterfly. That's awesome advice for of clothes for is basically the same advice I would have for any organizing style, which is never take everything out of your closet and make a giant pile, especially for butterflies, because we don't have. Well, I am a ladybug, but us macro organizers don't have long attention spans, so we're going to just be like, oh, stuck with this giant pile. Instead, what I would really encourage you to do is set a timer for five minutes and pull out one item at a time and just say, do I like this? This? Does it fit me? Would I buy this again if I didn't own it? And if the answer is no, it goes. If it's yes, you immediately put it back. The other thing that's really helpful is maybe you're giving yourself like you're gamifying it a little bit. So can you find five items to leave today? That's it. Five. It doesn't matter. Could be that bra that pokes you and it could be the holy sock. And then can you do that again tomorrow? And if every day for five days you find five things, that's 25 things leaving your closet. Now let's hear from Hannah.
- [38:06]
C
Speak now. Okay. Hi, Cass. My name is Hannah. I'm a butterfly and I just finished listening to your podcast episode, the Dark side of Productivity. First, I just wanted to say you're not alone. I've been dealing with chronic migraine for about a year now. I also have adhd and I can also get too excited about work to slow down or too stressed. I mean, like working from home, laying on the bathroom floor by the toilet with my laptop, I get a little bonkers. It's bad. Second, I wanted to share my good enough secret weapon for resting.
- [38:47]
A
I knit.
- [38:48]
C
On days that I need to feel productive, I sit down or lay down and knit. And that's like kind of resting on days that I can let myself rest. I also knit to keep my hands busy and to not be bored out of my mind. Oh my God. At the end of a project, I have a piece that I can usually wear full of like this self love and patience and all this effort that I put into it. And I find that really gratifying. I'm not saying this will work for anyone else. I'm just sharing that it helps me. Okay, last a question I have. How do I keep my chronic illness couch spot tidy. I have like medicines, drinks, snacks, blankets, work stuff, knitting, you know. And I'm having a really hard time figuring out where can it all live. Like I'm drowning in this stuff soup on my bad days. Okay, so last. I love the channel. Thank you for all the videos that you make and share. Bye.
- [39:58]
A
Thanks a whole lot, Hannah. Now I want to go buy knitting stuff. I've tried crocheting in the past because I, I exact. I know exactly what you're talking about. I find like the doing little intricate things gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't know why, but it's probably when I'm thinking about this why I like drawing in bed or I lock pick. Don't judge. Like I think I'm a secret spy and I like have a lock picking kit. Which leads me to the thing that might answer your question. So I have a. I call it a chuck it bucket. Sometimes I add the F word to it and it is a bin that is under my bed for when I'm bed rotting and I just don't feel it and I have all the crap like my lock picking kits and my all the other stuff and I just kick it under the bed in a bin. So my advice to you is, and I know you can't do this on your sofa, two things. Get a basket just for knitting. First of all to throw your knitting and then get a basket of, of bad dayness. So put your meds in there, your water bottle, all your boxes of Kleenex for the tears you're crying. I feel you friend. It goes in your big. In your big old bucket. Call it a chuck it bucket. So helpful. And if you're like, I don't have place for a chuck it bucket cast. If you could replace a coffee table in this space with an ottoman that opens up your ottoman could be your chucket bucket. Put a tray on top and you're winning it life. Thank you so much for that. Was like just all of that. Just all of that, Hannah. Thank you. Let's hear a question from Diane.
- [41:34]
D
Hi Cass. My name is Diane and I'm. I'm another Canadian, although I, I live in Italy right now. My husband and I bought an old farmhouse a couple of years ago and have been renovating it and it needed a lot of work and we are just now on the edge of being able to move into it. I am a butterfly. My husband is a ladybug. Our house is a disaster partly right now because Things are in boxes everywhere for us to take out to the other house. But also because I'm a butterfly and don't know how to manage clutter, and same thing with my husband as a ladybug. I. I would like if you could talk a little bit about getting yourself organized to move into a new house so that you just kind of walk into a place that is ready for us to not be cluttered and to organize easily. The other thing I was hoping you could talk about is when you have a couple, like, two people living together who have different styles. So, you know, my. As I said, my husband is a ladybug and I'm a butterfly. And sometimes it just clashes, especially the visual thing, because I would have color everywhere and pictures on every inch of wall, and he would prefer white walls and nothing. So if you could talk a little bit about how to manage those differences between the different styles, that would be awesome. And I just want to say I love your. Your YouTube channel. I just found it a month ago, and I wish I had known this stuff 40 years ago, 50 years ago, so it would have made my life a lot easier. There's. I have a lot of shame around not being good at keeping a house clean and tidy. Yeah. So thank you. I love your channel. You're awesome.
- [43:58]
A
Thank you. And congratulations on the new home that is now done. This is so, so exciting. And, yeah, I. What I really want you to focus on in your new home is zoning. And recently Jessica McCabe from how to 8 PhD, took the concept of zoning and made this really cool analogy that I wish I came up with, which is, zoning is like, you're creating homes, but the zone is the neighborhood. So everything you have needs a home, but the zone is the neighborhood, which that, like, items kind of go into. So what I'd love you to do is just grab a piece of paper or a couple of pieces of paper and sketch out your new home. Don't take measurements. We're not. This isn't about perfection, but what are zones or neighborhoods that you need? Do you need a place to put your coats and shoes? How much do you have? Is there a spot that's a big enough zone? And this, as you're moving in, you can start thinking like, okay, I probably have to add new hooks. I probably have to have, like, a bench or some extra shoe storage. When you think about it in this way, before you even move in, it can help you come up with a real plan. What are some other things that you tend to have Clutter? Are you A crafter. Where's your craft zone going to be? How much space will that be? Do you have storage for that zone? And even if you're not moving into a new place and you're listening to this podcast, I always zone every room, whether I'm doing my own home or a client's on paper in this really rough way. And I make each wall a different zone. And maybe even within that wall there's a few other zones. This is your base plan that can help you organize. Okay, so let's talk now about organizing styles. And you mentioned color. And it is important because as a ladybug, visual stimulation can be really stressful. So your spouse is craving simplicity, where you're craving abundance. And a great way to combine this when it comes to decor is to have no more than two accent colors. So maybe you want to have lots of things on your wall, but if you're really keeping things very neutral, color wise, it's not going to feel like abundance to him because everything matches. So all matching frames, maybe black and white photos instead of lots of colored family photos. That's going to give simplicity while also giving you abundance. Also, labels are a perfect way when it comes to the organizing aspect to, like, bridge that gap so you can see everything you have. But he doesn't have to look at the actual stuff. So Bins with labels is how you really combine your two styles. If this is something that really interests you, like organizing for different styles. We have a video coming out on YouTube on September 23rd. Yep. Over on Clutterbug YouTube channel, where I'm going to show you how to organize a tutorial kitchen. And we'll talk about other spaces too, for multiple styles and how to combine that. So you have a really good compromise when it comes to home organization. And we have one more question today. It's Anonymous. I don't know. I don't know the name, but let's hear.
- [47:20]
E
Hi, Cass. I know that you've talked about your past before and how you left home at 15 and were homeless for a while. But then I also know that you've talked about in recent times about your mother and having a relationship with her. So I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing some information about how you reconciled after leaving home. But still, now you have a good relationship with your parents and just maybe some of the journey that you went through for that. Thank you very much for everything.
- [47:59]
A
You do. Have a great day. Thank you. Yeah, I left home really young, mostly because I was stubborn and I did not Want a life that I thought my parents had. Like, I didn't want to have to work a 9 to 5 that I hated and come home and cook and clean. I just. The whole idea of fitting into society's box felt like absolute torture to me. So I left home. Not because I had these horrible, terrible parents that I was escaping, but I was also so stubborn that while I was gone and homeless, I wasn't reaching out to them. I wasn't at all being a good daughter. Until one day I had had enough. I had just got out of real, real big girl prison. Prison. Not jail, friends. Prison. Prison, okay. Prison with adult women. It was horrible. My partner at the time that I was with, he was my fiance, actually abandoned me. I had no money. I had decided I would never do crime again, ever. So how am I going to feed myself? I literally went almost two weeks just like, scrapping the food, walking to the food bank. And I lived in a city about three hours away from any friends or family. And I just picked up the phone and I called my mom. And at this point, like, I had maybe talked to her at Christmas and sent cards and called a few times, but we didn't really have a relationship for four years. And I called her and I just said, I need you and stop. And she came and they came and they picked me up and they picked up my furniture, and they brought me back. I lived with them for, like, a week. And I was like, nah, nah, man, I can't do this. But they helped me get a job and find a small apartment. And then after that, we kind of just, like, didn't talk about it as we do in my family. Okay. We just, like, don't talk about feelings, and we don't talk about. We just don't talk about it. Okay. We just put it under the rug where it belongs. We stuff it down real deep. And so after that, we just pretended like it never happened, and we just. Yeah. So do I have a really close relationship with my parents? No. Know, my. My parents were never really maternal there. We didn't, like, hug. There was never. We never had that. But we. We do have a good relationship in that we'll always be there for each other when we need each other. And we talk a few times a month, and we get together probably once a month. So that. That just took a turn. But let's come back to home organization. I'm weird. Never claim to not be. Sorry about that. We're focusing. I hope you got some amazing things done today. I hope you're proud of yourself. If you got anything done at all, pat yourself on the back because you just gave yourself a gift and you deserve it. I hope you found some. Like, speaking of gifts, the love language thing, I hope you found this kind of interesting. I can't wait to read your comments about it. And coming up tomorrow, I have a video that I really want you to check out on my YouTube channel. This is weird things that I do because I went from super slob I over corrected to clean freak and then I was like no, but I. And I came back to the middle. But some of those habits I kept because they're awesome. And if you are craving a spotlessly clean home, you definitely want to check this video out because there are things that you can do to really elevate it that don't feel like a ton of work, but they make all the difference. So make sure you check that out again. If you want to be part of the podcast and you want to have your message heard, go to clutterbug.com talktocast Record A question or a dinosaur or a story and hopefully we'll hear you on the podcast coming up. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you have an amazing day and I'll see you guys next time.