← Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast
Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast
Life sucks sometimes, let's make it better! | Clutterbug Podcast # 274
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Do you ever feel like you are on this treadmill of chasing happiness or destination addiction? Except I'm not talking about going on cool vacations, though that could be part of it. But that addiction to like, what's the next big thing in my life? That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast. And I'm going to show you some really helpful things that we can do to stop chasing happiness and start feeling it today. Hey clutterbugs, welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. Today I thought we'd just have a quick little chat together and talk about the treadmill I'm currently on. Maybe you can relate. It is this need for always focusing on the next thing, what's next, what big thing can I accomplish? And the lack of enjoyment for the current or previous accomplishment or goal. And there's actually a scientific reason why we don't feel long lasting happiness from things like this. And there's actually a term in psychology called the hedonic treadmill, which was something that people came up with in 1971. So this is not a new phenomenon, but I do think that it's becoming a lot more. Oh, just bigger. It's a bigger issue for a lot of reasons. One, social media and the pressures that we feel and constantly being, being bombarded by marketing for, hey, this is the next, next great thing that you need to purchase or do or be. And so we're getting a lot of messaging which is reinforcing this natural human trait. So I want to talk about that. Dive deep today. See if you can maybe relate or if you see it in other people around you and let's strategize some real solutions that we can do to start feeling happier and kind of switching that part of our brain off or at least turning it down a bit so we can enjoy the life that we're living right now. Just like always before we get started, I really want to encourage you to not just passively listen to this, but do something to make yourself proud. What can you check off your list? Can you go for a walk? Can you do the dishes? Can you catch up on a load of laundry? Pair listening and learning and being motivated and inspired with actually getting stuff done. So at the end of this quick 30 minutes together, you're gonna be so proud of yourself, you're gonna feel better and you're gonna feel like I accomplished something awesome today. And hopefully you're gonna be happier too. I really wanted to talk about this Heidonic treadmill or destination addiction with you today because this is defin that I am struggling the most with. And I knew this. I've been in therapy. I've talked about this. But last week my husband actually said to me, you have to stop. You have to stop the constant chasing of the next thing, because you're living in a state of continued and always kind of panic and stress and high cortisol levels. And I think a lot of my sort of addiction to what's next is probably coming from adhd. But I also think that this is a very learned behavior that a lot of us have, and it comes from just society in general. Let's break this down. Let's really talk about this chase that I'm talking to you about. So you know what I'm talking about. And I know we've talked about it in the past, but it is something so important. Let's never stop talking about it. When we're young, we're focused on maybe the next small thing, like the test. And then we're studying, studying, studying. And we're like, we want to get an A. And then we get the A. And it feels good for a moment, and then we're immediately focused on the next test. And I see this in my daughter, who's 16, super stressed about every exam, every test, even small quiz. And then when she does do really well, it's almost so fleeting that she doesn't appreciate that she's right on to the next thing. But it's bigger than that, because after we get out of school, the next big thing is what college or university or the next relationship. And then we're focused on getting married and our wedding and then having a baby and buying a house and buying a car. And think about the last time you purchased a new vehicle. You were probably really excited. You did research. It was what you were thinking about. Everywhere you were driving, you were, like, noticing cars. It was a big deal. Then you got your car, and you were like, yes, I got a new car. And then after a few days, it's just your car that you're driving. You're no longer excited about it. It no longer feels like a source of pleasure, or you no longer feel the joy of acquiring. And it doesn't even have to be as big as a new car. It can feel as small as a shirt at the mall or a new candle in the moment. We are excited and we're like, yes, I can't wait till I get this next thing. And it is so fast and fleeting. We go right back to our baseline and our baseline is actually what the hedonic treadmill is all about. In 1971, this term was coined by two professors who actually wrote an essay about it. And basically it comes down to your brain is wired to always have like a baseline happiness. So it doesn't matter if you win the lottery or even have something really traumatic happen to you. And this essay was written about the hedonic treadmill in 1971. And then the same researchers in 1978 actually did a study with a group of people who had won the lottery or won a lot of money, and then a group of people who were in horrific accidents, who were paraplegic, and then a control group of people who didn't have anything big, positive or negative happen in their life. And what they found was whether it was like, well, I won the lottery or oh my gosh, this horrible thing, and I've had spinal injuries and I can't walk or nothing really happened, everyone sort of returns to this baseline happiness. So even people who had horrible things, you know, eight weeks later, they tend to just feel on a day to day basis the same way they did before. I'm not saying that, that we're never happy. Like, I guess what I'm saying is the research shows that our brain is adapted to want to always reset. Back to this baseline. And why they call it the hedonic treadmill is basically because no matter how fast you're running on a treadmill or how slow you're walking, the truth is you're always in the same spot because you're on a freaking treadmill. You're not actually outside. We're not actually going anywhere. We're running really, really fast, but we're in the same spot. And it's kind of the same thing. When it comes to chasing happiness or even having bad things, our brain, probably for biological reasons, for survival, balances back out. But what can happen and what happens to me is we kind of become addicted to that feeling, that initial, like, oh, this feels so good, that initial dopamine. Hit that initial, like, chase of the thing, and we can almost become desensitized to, to achieving goals or the things that we're buying or feeling good. And then we're just, we've ramped up this treadmill and now we're just running all the time. And I saw this in my own life, going from meeting Joe and really, and then planning my wedding, getting married, we got our first house, had our baby, had a second baby. I was like, we're going to renovate this. We're going to get new floors, we're going to put in a new kitchen, we're going to get a new vehicle, then we're going to move to a bigger house, then we're going to get a new job, then I'm going to start a business, and then we're having another baby. And then, and then, and then, and then. And there was so much crammed in such a short amount of time, like, let's be honest, a few years, that it felt like chronic excitement, excitement, excitement. What's next? What's next? Couldn't wait to get engaged. Couldn't wait to get engaged. I'm. I kid you not. The minute I got engaged, I started thinking about a wedding. The minute I got married, I started thinking about babies. The minute we got a new house, like, it was just. There was never this breathing room in between new things. And then when there was breathing room because there wasn't anything really big and life changing on the horizon, I would fill it. I would fill it because I had this addiction to what's next or this destination addiction. And I would fill it with even small things like shopping. I would fill it with little projects to be done. But under all of this was this chronic feeling really of dissatisfaction. Because our brains are wired to go back to our baseline level of happiness. And if our baseline level of happiness is, you know, not ecstatic, and we're constantly feeling that little ecstasy every time we get this little hit, it can be hard to go back to baseline for extended periods of time, which is where the addiction and the treadmill comes on. And while you're doing something awesome like cleaning or doing dishes or putting away laundry, I want you to think of your own life and what you're looking forward to right now. I did a podcast a few weeks ago talking about horizon lessness, which is where we're not really looking forward to anything or making any plans for the future. And I think that's the opposite of the coin. That is something that a lot of people also struggle with. But the other side of that is constantly focusing on tomorrow and never really appreciating today. And always being in this mode of what's next, being excited for tomorrow, being excited for the next big thing, and never enjoying today can really have long term negative effects on our overall life and happiness. Because there will be times in your life when there isn't a next big thing. And it's also not healthy to always be chasing the next big thing. We need to find happiness and be content with what we have today with the here and now. We need to let our cortisol levels kind of come down a bit. Because whether we're chasing because we're stressed or we're chasing because we want happiness, either way, that chase, that constant, like, frantic, like, okay, I gotta plan this and I gotta do this isn't good for us. We need regulation. We need downtime. We need to just enjoy the freaking moment, friends. So I want you to think about your own life and think, am I doing this too? Am I guilty of sometimes doing this or feeling just really dissatisfied because I didn't. I don't have something coming up in the horizon because I'm telling myself I'll be happy when I make more money. I get a new job, I get a bigger house. I'll be happy when I declutter and things are organized. I'll allow myself to enjoy my life. When I get all the laundry done, then I can take a break. Then I can, you know, sit on the couch and just. And just enjoy my home. Constant dissatisfaction with the here and now is such a natural psychological thing that we're born with. And also something that is intensified from childhood with the way that our society is structured and pushing us to the next thing. And then in the past few years, we add on top of that social media. We can't help but have the comparison aspect. You go on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok and you're seeing people with so much. It's really easy to feel like, why don't I have that? Or I want that too? Because you're just seeing the highlight reels of their life, or you're seeing a complete fake thing that they're putting out about their life. You're only seeing the best of the best. And of course we're feeling, why can't we have that too? Or I'll be happy when I have that too. And then we have marketing telling us that, you know, inject yourself with this stuff and you'll feel and you'll lose weight and be skinny and be happy. Buy this face cream and you'll look younger and be happy. You know, buy this. Go here, just. It's all too much. That's it. Let's be real. It's all too much. So how do we stop the cycle? How do we get off the treadmill? How do we actually, like, appreciate what we have today? Friends, I did some research and I put together some things, but I gotta be real with you. I feel like it's easier said than done. And it's gonna take hard work and practice. This is the thing that I struggle with the most, chasing my tail. You know, think about a dog that chases its tail and it's running around in a circle, right? It's attached to it, but it's. It's trying to get whatever is on the tip, and it's going in circles and it's running and it's running and it's running. It's running. When it stops, it can realize it already has the tail. The tail belongs to the dog. It doesn't have to chase, owns it. And it's not until it stops chasing it that it can realize that. And this is pretty much a metaphor for my life. Anytime I stop chasing the next thing and I force myself to just look around and identify and appreciate what I have today, two things happen. One, I instantly feel more content, calmer and happier instantly. And two, when I stop chasing, things start chasing me. I start noticing more opportunities coming to me when I'm not in this frantic, blinded tunnel vision of myself where I'm just focused on what is next in. And it was the wedding and the kids and the house and the dog, and then it was the vacation, and then it was the renovation. Then it's the new house, then it's the business. I'm writing the book, and then it's the course, and then it's the next book, and then it's the TV show, and then it's the firefighting, and then it's getting bees. It'll never be enough. It will never stop. And even more disturbing, when there is a point in my life where there isn't a next big thing on the horizon, I feel very sad and lost because I'm so used to the hustle and the grind and the run and the addiction that when we finally get all the things that we ever thought we ever wanted when we were 25, 30, the things we dream about, when we get them now, what this feeling of sort of emptiness because we come back to the baseline. We come back to that baseline, and when we're always, like, cramming up our treadmill with the big cool next, that baseline can feel real low, friends. It can feel really low. And this is why I think a lot of people have midlife crisis. They talk about the midlife crisis. It isn't that they're like. They wake up one day and they realize they're. They made all the wrong choices and they're completely dissatisfied. They're dissatisfied because there's nothing big next. That they're Chasing because they were addicted to all these life upgrades and now that they have everything, they're like, now where am I going to get my happiness from now? There's nothing new to chase. So they buy convertibles or have affairs or get divorced or do some big insane thing because they're just really craving change. They're craving the next big chasey thing. They're on the treadmill. Let's stop chasing our tails right now. Before I talk about ways that we can feel happier today and get off the treadmill, I have to thank today's podcast sponsor. Factor Factor sent me a bunch of meals to try. And these are like TV dinners, except they're never frozen fresh and they are so delicious. I was surprised at actually how much quantity of food it had too. It was like huge meals. And why I love this is because I'm busy during the day, I'm rushing around and I never stop to have a proper lunch. And neither does Joe, my husband. So having factor means we have nutritious, delicious options. We're not running out for fast food, but they're ready in two minutes because again, never frozen, always fresh. And you can get keto or diet options. They are incredible. You have 40 different options to choose, choose from, delivered right to your door. And right now you can give this a try. If you're busy as well and you're looking for delicious fast food options, go to factor meals.com clutterbug50off use that code clutterbug50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code clutterbug50off@ Factor meals.com clutterbug50off so how do we get off the treadmill and start to feel really content with the life that we're living in this moment? I want to say let's get real. It's all about balance. Because having goals is not bad. It's a good thing. It gives us purpose. It gives us direction. We should have things that we look forward to. The secret lies in enjoying the journey, really focusing on the ride rather than the destination. And I know this can be easily easier said than done, but I think how we do this is we really acknowledge the little nuances. We really acknowledge that we are pre determined, determined and genetically determined to always go back to a baseline, that this dissatisfaction we're feeling is a biological response to the, the constant, what's next? Like, we are, we are made to do this biologically for survival. And I think understanding that can help us take a step back and really? And really acknowledge and, like, accept that this is what's happening? I guess it's mindfulness, my friends. It really is. We're all going to go back to this baseline. But how can we make our baseline feel like content mint? How can we make our baseline, like, really appreciate that level of happiness instead of looking for the next hit? And I think it comes in a. With a shift of perspective. It really does. So many people, we're so adaptable, and we kind of become almost desensitized. Is that a word? To our surroundings and our environment. So whether you've been diagnosed with a chronic illness or, I mean, let's look at even people who are in war zones and all this horrible. And it's chaos. You almost become like, that's your new normal. Does this make sense where, yeah, it sucks, but it doesn't feel as traumatic and horrible and scary as it did in the beginning. But the opposite is also true. People who win the lottery and. And have, like, this exceptional life or they had cancer and it was cured, and now they're. And now they're, like, doing well and are really healthy. They also don't live in an extended period of elation. Up, up high all the time. We come back to this middle. I think we have to, right? For our own health, we have to. So how can we make the middle feel good? You're not going to like the answer, because I did a lot of research. And the truth is, it starts with that mindfulness of noticing and acknowledging turning off the distractions. Acknowledging and noticing that we're in this chasing behavior, and then consciously and deliberately trying to look around and say, yes, but what is making me happy today? What am I grateful for right now, today? And think about all the last accomplishments that you have had and allow yourself to feel the good feelings from that. I've been trying to practice this for the last few days, and I'll give you an example of what this looks like. I walked into my office today, and I just stopped and stood at the door, and I looked around and I went, wow, this space is pretty. I see it every day. I walk in here, and I walk in here like. Like a drudge. Like, I gotta go to work, you know? But I remember when I was putting it together. I remember when I bought this house and I was so excited just to have a private office that I didn't share with Emily, where I could come and do a podcast and not have to make everyone in the house be quiet and sit and crisscross applesauce. And not walk around because I could hear the footsteps. And I thought back to that, just that, and how excited I was for that. And then when I was decorating it and I put up my craft wall and the shelving behind me and I added pops of pink, I was so happy. And then after a few days, it was just my office, so I allowed myself, I reminded myself, I made myself today stop and look around and feel the pride again. We gotta stop, take a breath, and acknowledge how far we've come and how happy we are for the progress that we've made today. I wish, going back in time, that I would have taken longer to just appreciate being engaged instead of rushing to the wedding and then appreciate being a newlywed instead of rushing to, like, the babies being born and appreciating all the small little things. Taking more little drives in my new car with the windows down and just, like, really letting that accomplishment sit in. And we can go back and we. It's not like those times are over and we can't appreciate them. We can still appreciate them right now, but we have to be mindful. We have to retrain our brain to bring up that baseline and acknowledge that the baseline is great. It isn't a low. It's a good. It's like, it's the good. The baseline is the happiness. And doing mindfulness exercises is super important. A gratitude journal, super important. So if you're like me and you are stuck on this treadmill, we can get off together. I've been trying to actively and deliberately remind myself of how lucky I am every single day and to stop and enjoy what I have every single day. And I'm catching myself having thoughts like, man, I wish I had a little. This is so ridiculous. This is my latest thought. It comes into my head all the time. I think it's because dawn from the Minimal mom just got a small house, and she's having it delivered to her mom's backyard. And it's going to be like, her office and her little getaway in the backyard. And I find myself daydreaming about that all the time. Like, oh, man, I can't. I wish I had that. And I want to get a little trailer and put it on the side lot so I can go to that. And then I'm like, stop. You've got the basement, you've got the hot tub. You have that back patio. Go to those places. What do you have right now that you're grateful for that you're not even enjoying that you're not even taking Advantage of because you're so wanting the next thing. What do you have right now? And you listening at home, we got to do this. You can do this too. You wanted so badly maybe to declutter a certain area of your home or get something organized. Have you appreciated that space? You've got your dishes done. Have you gone in the kitchen and just allowed yourself to be like, ah, feels so good to have all my dishes done. Like, I know it seems silly and small, but this is how we make our baseline feel good. This is how we stop ourselves from constantly looking to acquire and do more and be more and what's next? It's how we stop ourselves from overspending. It's how we stop ourselves from over acquiring. It's how we stop ourselves from just constantly feeling dissatisfied with life. What are you grateful for today? What can you appreciate right now? Now? What do you have that you didn't have 10 years ago or five years ago? Do you have the life that you wish you had when you were 25? Have you already achieved all of those? I wish I would probably. If 25 year old Cass could see how far I've come, if I could go back in time and like scoop her up and bring her to me today and show her the life I'm living right now, she would feel like she won the lottery. She would feel just her mind would be blown. Why don't I allow myself to feel like my mind is blown by how much I have and how wonderful all these little accomplishments have been? So this is your homework and it's my homework too. We're going to grab a notebook, we're going to leave that notebook beside our bed and we're going to set a reminder in our phone every single night before we go to bed to write down a few things that we're really grateful for or write down a few goals that we've achieved in our life, even if they were 15 years ago, 20 years ago. You have done so much. You have achieved so much. You've. You've nailed so many goals. What are you grateful for today? What are you grateful for in your life? And this is how we train ourselves to really appreciate our baseline, to really feel content with our baseline. Because it doesn't matter if we win the lottery, it doesn't matter if you buy a bigger house, it doesn't matter if you get everything organized and decluttered. You're going to come back to your baseline. Friends, we always, that's the point of this podcast. We're always coming back to the baseline. Doesn't matter if something awful happens or something amazing. Give it a couple days. You're back at baseline. We gotta make baseline feel good. We gotta appreciate baseline. So we stop the chasing because it isn't good for us. We can still make goals, we can still dream. But if we don't appreciate every day, what we have right now will constantly be that dog chasing our tail. And it's all for nothing because none of it lasts. It is fleeting, my friends. Stop tasting your tail and realize it already belongs to you. Okay, my loves, it was a short one today. Quick and short and to the point. I just had to share this with you because, yeah, I just got bees. I'm picking them up on June or July 15th. Oh, my gosh. And I just. This is it. This is it. This is the last thing I'm chasing for a while. I have to be more mindful. I have to be more grateful because I always return to this baseline, no matter what I achieve, what I get, what I buy. So I might as well make my baseline feel amazing. I hope you're feeling inspired and I hope you're feeling proud of whatever you've accomplished today. It was a short, quick little podcast. Today I'm going to put some articles down in the show. Note, if you want more information on this hedonic treadmill or. Or chronic dissatisfaction, I'm going to put in some research articles that I read that really helped me accept the fact that I am always chasing the next thing, realize that this isn't a moral failing on my part. It's biology. But that doesn't mean I have to live like this. I can adapt and adjust so that my baseline feels good. Thank you guys so much and I'll see you next time.