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Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast
Why You’re Still Drained — and How to Get Your Energy Back with Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith | Clutterbug Podcast # 295
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Have you ever been so tired that you feel like you could sleep for three solid days in a row and still feel like trash? Yeah, me too. I know for myself, I want to be super productive. Maybe you do too. It's all about, like, how much can I get done today? And I want to check things off the list. But when you're exhausted, that feels impossible. I really do feel like the secret to being productive and to being happy and proud of yourself is to make sure you're getting real rest. And I'm not just talking about sleep and like sleeping more. There's other kinds of rest too. This is something I think I, I'm, I'm struggling with, but I'm like coming around to. I see it the same way that I think about organization now. So in order for me to truly get more organized, I had to be less organized. Like I had to embrace a more laid back approach. And I'm noticing, like, to really, truly be a productive person who's doing a lot, like having accomplishments and doing things that are making myself proud, I have to come from a rested place. Otherwise it leads to burnout. And burnout is not a way to recharge. It's just like the end of way pushing yourself way too hard. The concept of there being seven different types of rest was developed by Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith. I feel like I'm and, and I've talked about this a lot in, in recent podcasts that I'm at this like exhaust, exhausted part of my life and part of me is blaming like perimenopause or whatever. But also I know what's going on. It's a desperate need for rest. And I'm not talking about more sleep, though I probably also need more sleep. I was thinking this morning while I was getting ready, yesterday was my daughter's birthday, so I had to plan what to get her and where we're going out for dinner and is, are we bringing friends. And then in seven days is my son's birthday. So I'm planning like his birthday party and then my daughter's birthday party, the next one. They're all nine days apart, literally. Listen, that's not the point. My mom's birthday is coming up and at the same time I graduate today from firefighter school. So I'm running the speech through my head at the same time. And guess what? We're out of tide pods. I gotta get detergent. And also the dog needs her shots coming up. And we just closed all the windows because the farmer spread poo. And then so I'm like, maybe I should turn on the heater. I gotta change the furnace filter. And all of these thoughts are at the exact same time. You know what? I'm like, just layered on top of each other. And this is the narrative running in my head, basically 24 7. Sometimes it's not birthdays, sometimes it's other things. But I'm, like, mentally taxed. And I look at my husband as he's snoring away, you know, in his bed, just like. And I know he has, like, a singular thought when he gets up. Am I gonna put milk in my coffee today? Or cream? And that's. That's it. He's a singular thought. And this part of this may be, like, a woman thing. Maybe this is like an ADHD thing. Anxiety, Mom. Whatever it is, it is this constant bombardment of thoughts and things we have to remember. And, And. And guess what? We gotta put bread on the list. And we're almost out of milk. So when am I gonna squeeze in a grocery shop trip? And I should probably pair it with maybe taking the dog to the vet, but then do I just leave her there while I go to the grocery store? No, that's not right. And I can't really. Two separate days, and all of these thoughts are, like, in there. So lots of different kinds of rest. Just having a nap is not going to solve that. Know what I'm saying? Before we jump into the seven types of rest, just like always, you're not allowed to just listen or watch this. I really want you to get up and do something awesome today, even if that awesomeness is 10 minutes a part of this podcast. And the best, most awesomest thing you could do to make your life easier, to give you more time in the future to take some of that mental load off, you know, all the thoughts that are running through your head is to remove physical objects from your home forever. Because the less stuff you have, yes, it means more space, it means more time, but it also means more mental capacity because that's one less thing you have to remember. You own, remember where it is, remember to dust it, you know, look for it, all of that, it better be earning its place in your noggin and your home. You know what I'm saying? So grab a trash bag and just look for trash, empty boxes, recycling. I know you have it. You have old flyers, you have bills that were paid that you don't need to keep. They're not coming back to make sure you paid your electricity bill six months ago. That can go. And I know you still have Caesar salad dressing in your fridge that is expired, my friends. Just take a peek. Mayonnaise. Expired mayonnaise will kill you. It is not worth it. Take a look in your fridge while you're listening to the rest. Is decluttering restful? No, but we can rest when we're done. If this is helpful for you. Like if. If this is actually making you get off your tush and put stuff in a trash bag. I have a free 30 day boot camp. Totally free. It is a decluttering bootcamp where I spend five minutes a day with you. That's it. I yell at you a little bit in a nice gentle. That's not really gentle. Let's get crap done. And totally free. And you can pick the days that you want to do. You can skip days, but if you're looking for a little extra motivation, I'm going to put that in the show notes. The link to the free 30 day five minutes a day. You only have to find five things and you can do it with me. If body doubling is your jam. We've been talking a lot in this podcast recently about just the craziness of our lives, how fast paced it is, how not only are we working full time and taking care of kids and just managing a household, managing our life, we're supposed to be also exercising and like taking care of our faces and eating lots of nutritious food. And for some reason we're decorating our houses for fall. I mean, that part's cool, but I was literally like surrounded by pumpkins the other day while putting them out, just going like, what are you doing? Like what? Stop it. You need to call. I need a literal chill pill. So the seven types of rest, let's start with the obvious, which is physical rest, like literally sitting down or having a nap and not moving and resting your body. But then we also have mental rest, we have sensory rest, emotional rest, social rest, rest, creative rest, and even spiritual rest. And all seven of these are really important and we need to prioritize them because without them, we are not going to be the productive, effective, happy person that we really, truly want to be. We're going to start with physical rest. And there's actually two kinds of physical rest, which I didn't know there is active physical rest and passive physical rest. And passive physical rest is literally like you, you're napping, you're sleeping, you're out. So obviously that's passive. It requires really no effort on your part. But active physical rest is still resting your body. But Doing things like stretching or getting a massage, releasing the physical tension in your body. Touching your toes in the shower, you know, just doing a good old body stretch. All of these are still physical rest, but you're in a more active state. Don't fall. Don't fall in the shower. Don't fall. This is. I. Do I stretch every morning or every night when I'm having a shower? In the shower? I don't know. I just started doing this, and I'm limber. Okay. I could. I could put full, flat hands on the. The ground. My husband can't touch his toes. You know why shower stretches? Give it a try. I think the hot water, like, relaxes your muscle a little bit. Yoga also counts as, like, physical rest. Probably not. The, like, insane classes I've done or like, the hot yoga where you're dying and it feels like you're running a marathon when you're just really stretching. But, like, the relaxation yoga, yeah, totally counts as physical rest. Let's talk about the one I really need help with, which is mental rest. It's a break from all the constant thoughts we're having 24 7. And the layered thoughts. The, like, the grocery store and the toilet paper's almost out, and I gotta do a load of laundry and, oh, my gosh, I forgot that gift, and I gotta. You know what? I'm. Please help. It's bonkers in our brains, and we need a way of turning that off. And a lot of people talk about meditation, sitting and trying to remove all thoughts from their head. This is impossible for me. I have tried. I'm singing Pink Pony Club, and then I'm like, no, no, no, you're not doing. Then it's like, you have one daughter. Why. Why is there a soundtrack at all times? And then I'm like. While I'm sitting there, I'm thinking about how I can't stop thinking. And there are ways that I have found to turn off my brain, which I cannot share with you. So I can't really do meditation. And I can't share with you the thing that I do to shut my brain off. But I can talk about some things that we can do. And I can guide you through something called four box breathing. I learned about this from various therapists that I have tried in the past. And every time they bring it up, I roll my eyes and I think, well, you're about to get fired, and I gotta find someone new because. Just stop it with the grounding. But. But honestly, science says it works. So here we go. Four Box breathing is where you breathe, but you add the count of four. So you breathe in. Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4. Out. One. So you're breathing in at the count of four. You're holding for the count of four. You're breathing out for the count of four. And I guess this makes a box. But we're. We're doing this because it's about being mindful. It's about. It's about taking the time to slow down and to focus on something. And especially having numbers and breathing and combining those is magical. So I'm rolling my eyes too, but we're gonna do this together right now. Stop decluttering. And we're going to. Deep breath in. Like, we're gonna slow to the count of four. Breath in, right? Like, so what? Two, three, four. It's very hard to do while talking at the same time. Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4. Out. 1, 2, 3, four. And I think we hold at the four. Yeah. To make a full box. So then we hold again. 1, 2, 3, 4. Then in. 1, 2, 3,4. Stop rolling your eyes. Stop rolling your eyes. Especially if you're uber stressed and you're, like, going to punch a neighbor in the face, this can be extremely helpful. It's supposed to reset your amygdala or some words and, you know, it's doing stuff. Okay, guys, listen. Desperate times, desperate times. Box breathing. Now let's just, like, move right into sensory rest. And this is something that I really noticed when my kids were little and I was in a new mom and I had multiple kids. Then when I was running a daycare. Holy crap. Children want to touch you all, all the time. They're constantly touching you. All their toys are insanely bright colors. They're always making noise. And all the songs are like, now you guys have baby shark. I'm so sorry. Thankfully, I did not have that, but I had, like, Dora. You know, it was just. It was just the same songs and the noise and the lights and the flashing and the touching. And at the end of the day, I. I was, like, frazzled in a way that I cannot describe. And it's because I was overloaded, sensory wise. And if you have sensory issues, it doesn't even have to be all of that. It can be your shirt's too tight around your sleeves or it's too hot in the room or there's just too much traffic noise outside. That can be very overstimulating. So we do need to have this sensory rest and this sensory reset sometimes just so we don't have a Complete mental breakdown. When I was younger and I was in the like, ah, the baby thing, I would literally just take a page out of my husband's book and take an extended bathroom break. I feel like men are on to this. They're really not having to go to the washroom for that long and that many times. That is where they can go to a quiet place where no one's going to bug them and have that like sensory detox moment. I remember literally hiding in a closet, you know, when my kids were little, just so I could have that quiet moment. But now it's. It looks a lot like going to a room, dimming the lights, turning off my phone, making sure that it's on do not disturb or there's no distractions and just being in a calming place, which I guess we're kind of getting mental and physical rest at the same time, but taking the sensory overload out of the picture. And you can do this even, you know, at any moment, because our phone is a nonstop sensory overload machine with the buzzing and the notifications and the texts and the updates. Just being able to turn that off. Just being able to have different modes to like, silence that can go a long way to helping us not feel overstimulated by all of the just weird, like, sensory things in our life. And if the idea of putting your phone on do not disturb is like, oh, but I'll miss something, maybe just take the Apple watch, right? Because yeah, if you're wear. My husband wears his Apple watch all the time. It's constantly vibrating and buzzing. And I think we're so used to this. It's just like this common thing. We don't even realize how overstimulating this can be. And next thing we know, we're just stressed and we're snapping and we're feeling just anxious. It could be the constant stimulation we're getting all day long. Next on the list, we have emotional rest. I'm just gonna be totally honest with you. I feel like I struggle with this because emotions are hard. And the way I deal with my emotional overload, crying in the shower or, you know, screaming into the void, probably not healthy. But it is important we understand that we need to have emotional rest, especially if we're in a situation that is very emotionally charged. So you're having an argument with someone or, or there's just some like you're just. You're dealing with a sick loved one or whatever it is that's making you feel overwhelmed with emotion, anger, sadness, even happiness. We can Be like overwhelmed with it, being able to take a break, being able to process, I guess, those emotions before we are reactive to them. So journaling is a really good way of having an emotional rest because you're taking the time to get it all out and putting it on paper. This is a form of rest. It is a form of recharge and it is a way of processing those emotions without screaming into the void or crying in the shower. And that leads really nicely actually into the next form of rest, which is social rest and just managing your energy levels and managing how you're interacting with other people. I honest, I feel like I'm a bad person to talk about social rest because I'm.
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I'm.
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I'm so ridiculously good at it by never socializing that I don't really like the idea of going and having coffee with someone and just making small talk for an hour is where I'm. That's the bad place. Like if I'm naughty and I pass away, that's what my bad place is going to look like. Just constant talking about the weather and they're ch Child Jimmy's soccer tryout while have. That's awful for me. So. But there are a lot of people who. And again, I work from home and so I'm kind of a hermit. So I don't have to. I don't have to have a lot of social interactions, but there are people who do have to do this. So what I'm going to say is I do have loved ones in my life. I'm not going to totally name names, but that are so socially draining for me, like to be around them is a chore, but you still got to sometimes. So this is where boundaries are really important. Understanding like I being able to identify the social situations that cause you stress and anxiety, the ones that drain you versus the ones that recharge you and being able to put limits and rules around the ones that are really draining. If you're going to work every day and you just want to like murder lies your boss because they're the absolute worst first, how can you incorporate social rest in those situations? How can you have a break where you're literally like leaving the room? Can you put on your headphones and say you need that zone out time? Can you give yourself the ability to disconnect socially so that you're not feeling overstimulated and just taxed emotionally? Now I want to talk about one of my favorites, which is creative rest. Whether you are in a creative industry or not, I Do feel like we can become just a. So overwhelmed with what's for dinner. You're having to come up with dinner plans every night, grocery shopping, ideas for gifts for people in. For me, like, I have to come up with video and podcast ideas every single week. And I've been doing it for 15 years, trying to think of something new, something maybe different, a new spin on the same old thing. How many different ways can I talk about organization? Stop it. My friends. It makes your brain, like, go on strike sometimes. Like you're sitting there trying to think of something, but there's no thoughts to be thunk, you know, because you have creative burnout. So how can we have creative rest? I find one of the best ways for me is to be able to turn my own brain off from thinking of ideas and engage in other people's ideas. So to be inspired by others and give myself the rest while also feeling, like, really rejuvenated. So one of my favorite ways is literally going to Ikea. I walk around Ikea and I just look at all their displays. Not to buy anything. I buy nothing. I just look around at, like, look at that really clever way that they've put the jars on the backsplash. Or look at this really, like, ingenious way they've used this tiny space to create more storage. That feels restful for me because it's now ideas that I'm taking in from other people that I don't have to think think of of my own. Even going to a museum. An art me, oh gosh, an art gallery. I always leave there feeling like it's recharged my creative battery without me having to do the work right. I've like, borrowed the plug from someone else and I'm fully recharged without having to run on the treadmill to charge it. And last but not least is spiritual rest. I'm going to struggle with this one a little bit too, but I see the benefit here. Spiritual rest can be about religion. It can be about just connecting with nature or self reflection. It's about realizing that it isn't all on you and about you and just kind of letting go of control and trusting that everything's going to kind of work out or there's a reason here, there's a plan. And I'm not great at this. I'm a bit of a control freak, which I didn't know I was. I thought I was cool, like a cucumber. Turns out, nope. I try to fix everything. I try to, like, solve everyone's problems. I try to have a lot of control over things. And also I have this very, like, weird thing where, like, I don't want to waste a moment of my life. Like, life is short and I want to make sure I squeeze every freaking drop out of it. When I get to my finish line, I want to skid across with like, you know, rug burns and stuff, but that's exhausting. So sometimes when I go into the backyard and I just touch grass, because I had a therapist literally say, go touch grass. And you go outside and you just look around and you're like, wow, I'm so kind of insignificant here. And there's this big, beautiful, wonderful world that's going to keep on spinning whether I try to control things or not. And it is nice to just take a deep breath and let go and to trust and have faith that no matter what, everything's going to be okay. And again, whatever your spirituality looks like, I think we do have to make time to reconnect with that, make time for that to be a priority, to take all the pressure off ourselves. I'd like to take a second to thank Today's podcast sponsor, HelloFresh. It's been almost two years now since I've been using HelloFresh and I'm getting three meals delivered to my home every single week. And there are so many recipes to choose from that it's actually like fun to pick. Or I'm like, random recipe roulette, let's see what comes. It takes some of the pressure off of me of always having to come up with what's for dinner. I also love that these meal kits come to my door. Everything is pre portioned so there's no waste and there's easy step by step instructions so even my teenagers can follow along and come up with a gourmet amazing meal. It is less money than going to a restaurant or getting takeout. And I'm feeding my kids something really nutritious and homemade at the same time. If you want to give HelloFresh a try for yourself, go to hellofresh or.com clutterpod10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. I am so excited because we are actually interviewing the creator. She came up with the concepts of the seven different types of rest. Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith and she's joining us right now. So welcome. Hi. To the clutterbug podcast. I'm excited to have you here.
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Oh, thanks so much. I'm excited to be here with you.
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This was an interesting concept that I had never heard of before. How did you come about, like thinking, hold on, maybe we need to think about rest differently? Was this like just an epiphany you had one day?
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I wish. No, I burned out. That's probably the, the simplest answer. So I was in clinical practice for about five years when I had children. I had my children pretty close together, back to back. I'm in a traditional internal medicine practice, which means I work in both the hospital and an office setting. So I was working 60 plus hours a week. I mean, that was my normal week. You add family with that. I at the time did not realize how much of a full time job kids are. And I just got to the end of myself and I honestly thought, okay, maybe I'm just, maybe I'm just sleepy, you know, you're a new mom, you got. I had a one year old and then a two year old at the same time. Like I'm just sleepy. That's what, that's what the problem is. But what happens when you get eight hours of sleep and you're so exhausted? That's when the really the kind of the bells and whistles went off that there's something else here. There's nothing physically wrong with me. I'm a doctor, I can check all the labs I want without any, with any, without any kind of pushback. Everything was completely normal, but I was exhausted. And so I started asking the question, what kind of tired am I? Not just I'm tired, but what kind of tired am I? And that's where we began.
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That's so interesting. And how did you arrive at the seven types? Like, were there other ones that just didn't make the cut?
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There were. That's interesting that you asked that question. There certainly were. I started off looking at where I, my background's in biochemistry, so let me start there. So I'm a, I'm a science nerd. So my thought process was, okay, if I'm expending energy in one area, then I'm apparently not getting it filled back up is why I feel depleted all the time. So I started looking at it and from that standpoint, so I started looking at my day and forms of energy management. Where am I spending energy? Okay, I'm spending it talking to patients. That's social. I'm spending it with the emotions that come when you tell someone they have cancer and you have to keep a straight face and, you know, not burst into tears along right beside them. So there was like all of these little specific types of energy that I was using and when I Looked at this. I did this over the course of like a week, writing things down as they came to mind. And there were all sorts of deficits that I came up with probably no more than 20, but I noticed that quite a few of them overlapped and they had large gaps of overlapping. And that's really where the seven kind of came together. The more I looked, the more things overlapped. I kind of pulled them together, tried to take out things that had a lot to do with like ethnicity or socio economic backgrounds, things that were universal. Because I realized as I was working through this and talking to my patients that this wasn't just a problem I was having because people were consistently coming in also saying, I'm tired and nobody can find out what's wrong with me. I had particularly a lot of women that were being sent to me from other doctors that were saying things like, everybody's telling me this is in my head, but I know something's wrong. I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be at. And so I wanted to make sure that those seven types of rest were representative regardless of what country you were in, what ethnicity or social background you were from, that they were universal.
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That's so good. I was on your Instagram and I have to say, like, I've been to the doctors probably 10 times in the last few months getting everything checked. Check my thyroid just one more time.
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I'm so exhausted.
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Yes, it's gotta be the thyroid. Check my hormones. Is this perimenopausal? Like what is going on? I'm exhausted, but also I can't sleep. Just so crazy. And I was watching your Instagram and you actually expressed, explained the definition of burnout. You said that there was like three separate kind of ways to know if you're in burnout. And I felt so called out. Can you share those three signs of burnout with us?
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Yes. And they actually come from the World Health Organization. They it's actually finally a documented disorder. Not just something we talk about, burnout, but actually a documented sin death symptom and syndrome. And then first one is that you're tired all the time. So being tired by itself does not define burnout. The second part is that you no longer have joy or pleasure in the work that you're doing. Most of us, we do the work we do because we have some passion, some level of energy behind it. But when that passion and energy and joy and, and desire to do, it leaves. That's a sign that you're becoming more burned out. And then the third aspect of that is that you're producing, but the work you're producing is of lesser quality of what you're capable of. And I call it producing from our emptiness. We have a lot of people who do that. It's like they're so gifted that they're able to produce even from their own personal place of exhaustion. And so it's work and it's something that they can hold in their hand, but it's. It's not at the level of what we know and they know that they're capable of.
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It's so good. So I've been trying to sleep more. I've been having naps and going to bed earlier. That's physical rest. Obviously, this isn't what I need. I'm still real tired. Is there some sort of, like, way to assess what type of rest you need? Like, how do we know what we're really lacking?
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We have a quiz that we specifically develop for this reason@restquiz.com but it boils down to this. It's looking at where you spend energy, just like I did organically before there there was ever a quiz thinking about the types of ways you spend energy throughout your day. It's different for each person depending on the type of work you do, your lifestyle, your family environment depends on how you're using energy throughout the day. And then in the places you're using energy, start thinking about, are there things I'm doing to restore the energy that I'm expending? Because if you don't have some type of restorative process in place, you're expending the energy with no points or places of refilling. And that's really where those rest deficits come from. So the quiz, As I mentioned, restquiz.com, basically what we do is we give people a score in all seven areas. Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, social, sensory, and creative. And from there they can determine their area of greatest rest deficit so that when they say I'm tired, they can answer that question, what kind of tired? And actually be more intentional about the restorative practices and things that they do to get rest in those areas.
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I'm going to put the link to this in the show notes below and I'm immediately going to go take this quiz. This is so interesting. I feel like when I'm done work, all I want to do is crawl into bed. I don't want to sleep. I want to crawl into bed and just zone out and watch TV or play video games. Is this like can you. Can you kind of see a correlation, or is there, like, something you're craving? If this checkout zone out is something that you're kind of, like, really wanting.
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It'S interesting because watching movies or TV or reading books and some of these different things people do, even scrolling on social media, we sometimes think of these things as kind of escapism. And they can be. If you're doing them mindlessly, you're doing them to just distract you from thinking about other things that are going on. However, in some cases, it could actually be part of some people's what we call creative rest. Creative rest is. Let me start with saying what creative rest deficits look like. A creative rest of the deficit is when someone is expending a lot of creative energy, whether through problem solving. Maybe their job has them being innovative. They have to think outside of the box. They're having to extrapolate information all the. Like someone in marketing or a teacher. Parenting can have a lot of creativity that's needed. So we use a lot of creative energy. So with creative rest, you're looking at for the ways that you get inspired creatively. And so for one person, that could be something like reading a book. You're reading it, it sparks your creativity, it feeds that part of your brain, and it restores your creativity. For another person, it might be watching a movie. Watching a movie kind of restores their level of creativity. However, if you're doing it mindlessly, in other words, there's no intentionality. You're not getting inspired. You're just kind of droning out, sitting there, looking at it. That's not helpful. It actually, it's what I call fake rest because it looks like rest, but it's not restorative. And at the very core of what rest should do is it should be restorative. For some of us, we. We think things that allow us to have a level of cessation, stopping. We see all of those things as rest, and sometimes they are just stopping the bleeding. We're just not doing our normal work work, but we're not actually doing something that is intentionally restorative and actually improving how we feel after we complete that task.
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I'm. I'm gonna. I'm not gonna treat you like my therapist, but I'm just gonna be real, real for a second. I grew up in a household that really prided, like my mom and my dad. Everybody was like, they held, doing a lot of stuff with a badge of honor. It was like, I'm praying, what's going on? I'M so busy, I'm getting all this done. I can't do this until I get this done. And that has followed me. Like I literally make to do lists every day and I feel like anxiety if I don't check it off. And the idea of just sitting and resting and doing nothing feels there's like there's a real wrongness there. And how do we overcome that? And where does this come from? And is this normal?
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B
I believe it's normal. That's why we are in a grind culture. It, it has been adopted as normal, let me put it that way, because a lot of us have grown up with similar mindsets. We. And, and honestly, my normal tendency is. Let me, let me put it this way. When I first started this journey, this rest journey, the way I approached rest was rest is what losers do who can't keep up with the rest of us high achievers. So that was my, that was my kind of go to. It's like I don't need rest. I'm perfectly fine working. And honestly the workaholic in me still has to fight that sometimes. But this is what I've learned in the process is that I have a fantastic work ethic. And I think sounds like your parents did too. I have a great work ethic. I had no rest ethic. And that is the imbalance that we have to deal with. There's no work life, balance. I don't believe in that. I don't want these things teeter tottering. Where work goes up, life goes down. And it's like I have to choose which one I want to succeed and which I'm willing to let fail. But there is work, there is a level of work, rest, balance that has to happen so that you are restoring the energy you put out when you work so you don't get completely depleted. And so that is where I feel many of us are having to relearn a rest ethic. And the thing that has helped me is the realizing that the work gets improved, the better I understand how to rest and restore. So if I want to be more innovative, if I want to have a clear mind that's not foggy and that can concentrate and can capture ideas quickly if I want to be able to have healthy relationships that have good boundaries and where, where I don't get easily offended and I can disagree and argue with people and still love them and celebrate them, if I want to physically be able to do things and not feel like I have to always be mindful of how I'm using my Body, necessarily. If I want to travel around the world, I don't have to worry about, oh, that's going to exhaust me. I know that my body can recover. So if we want to be able to have these lives that can ebb and flow like that, it has to have both ability to work and the ability to rest well. And so I think that's the thing that we're having to reteach people, is that rest is not the lesser thing. It's not. It's not the thing you do after all the work's done, because all the work will never be done. There's always work to do. If you're a workaholic, the rest is what actually helps you be sustainable in the work. Because right now we have a lot of people who have careers and jobs that they don't feel are sustainable anymore because they have a great work ethic with no rest ethic. And so it's helping people get that back into balance.
- [36:56]
A
I have to say, I like, I love the way you explain this so much and I love that you are a workaholic because when I hear the message of take a break and rest and relax, I'm always like, I don't want to be you, you. It's coming from, right? Like, I, I love working hard and I love being productive. It feels good to get things done. And I do see that I got a little addicted to that. And I thought I was like the Energizer bunny. And obviously somewhere along the line there was some burnout. Because you're right. I'm like, I don't want to do this any. I'm not feeling the joy that I used to feel and I'm not having the same level of output that I used to. But you, you just reframe rest in such a way because you're telling me I could be more productive again. This is like.
- [37:46]
B
And I think if you're a work, like, if you're like us, you're a little bit of a workaholic, high achiever personality. That actually helps me rest better because I'm like, you know what? This vacation isn't just me being lazy. This is actually me being productive in the sustainability of the work that I do. And you know, one of the things I. It's some, it's an analogy I talk about in my book, Sacred Rest. That helps a lot of people. So I'll share it here. And it's the analogy of the honeybee, because I think a lot of us think busy as a bee. And it's like, yeah, I want to be busy as a bee. But then when you think about it, a honeybee buzzes around, makes all of this delicious, beautiful, tasty honey for everyone else, and it never gets to taste the sweetness that it produces. And I don't think any of us want that type of success. It's the success at the expense of you actually tasting the success you create. And I find that a lot of people, that's the life they're living. They have created lives that look very successful on the outside but don't feel successful to live because they're actually not allowing themselves to taste the beauty and the sweetness of what they've created.
- [38:53]
A
Oh, this is so, so good. I'm gonna just take your quiz and. And absorb everything. Can you talk a little bit about rest equity? Is this a thing? What is rest equity?
- [39:08]
B
I feel like rest equity is that extra something that some people have, and you're wondering, how do they do it all? You know, you hear people say, you can have it all, you can do it all, you can be it all. And I find that oftentimes when people take a look at my life, they're like, oh, you know, you're. You're the rest doctor. You're the rest queen. You're the one who came up with these. This framework, and you're helping all these people. It's like, how. How are you traveling every week? How are you teaching and training and working with corporations and consulting and writing more books and doing all this stuff? I believe that's rest equity. And how do I do it and still have a smile on my face? I can guarantee you that's equity because it's. It's a situation where you get. Where you allow yourself to have reserve that can then be pulled on because you're not working from your emptiness all the time time. You're working from a place of fullness. So your cup's already fuller. So even though you might be pouring more, especially when you learn how to continuously restore, you live a lifestyle of resting. You're continuously restoring. You're not waiting for the vacation. You're not waiting for the next sabbatical. You've learned tactics and strategies, things you can do in the middle of your workday, in the middle of your busy life, to continue pouring back into yourself so that you stay at a high level of feeling, restored, at peace, ready to go, you know, ready to do all the things, ready to tackle the world. And. And honestly, that's what I hope for everyone. Because I find that when you get to that place, you, you invite other people into it as well. You give them permission to say, you know what, I'm going to set some healthy boundaries here and I'm going to say no to that opportunity because it doesn't align with my current rest strategy. Or I'm going to tell this person why they have overstepped because they need to understand why I have this boundary in place. And it teaches our children the same thing. Because I, because in the work that I do, I find that a lot of teens struggle with this. They struggle with boundaries, they struggle with saying appropriate no's. They struggle with claiming their space and owning what they say. And so it helps teach them the beauty of that and the reason why it's important.
- [41:30]
A
Oh, this is so good. Could you share some examples of things that my listeners and me, mostly me, but also my listeners can do? Like examples of things that we can do to incorporate rest, the seven forms of rest into our everyday. I hope you say video games because that's my new favorite thing to do when I've got an extra few minutes. But maybe again, this is escapism. Them help me, help me.
- [41:57]
B
Could be. Depends on what you're, what you're getting from it. So I'll just give like one example, maybe in, in each of them I go through a lot of examples within sacred rest. But one example with physical rest. Well, physical rest, let me say this. It has two components. It has the passive components, sleeping and napping, which I'm not going to tell you how to do. I've probably been doing them forever. But the active component is the thing that a lot of people aren't thinking about. So everything from the body ergonomics of the chair you're sitting in. Like if you've sat in that chair and you're doing work on your computer for six, seven hours, how does your body feel? Is the chair appropriate for your height or the screen height of your computer monitors at the right height and distance so that you actually don't have, you have proper alignment within your spine and your neck. So those are just very simple things you can do for physical rest, making sure that your workstation is ergonomically correct. Mental rest could include something during the middle of the, the day. Mental rest could. It could be as simple having a 15 minute cycling break. If you're working from home and you have like a treadmill or a, by a recumbent bike or something like that, a lot of people for them to be able to get mental rest, it requires them to do something physically where their mind can go to a still place. So you hear people say, my. I clear my mind when I go for a jog or go for a walk. Look, a big part of that is from mental rest. They're focusing on their breathing and their cadence. So their mind kind of narrows down on one or two items and it pushes out all of the other noise. So how you can incorporate that in the middle of the day if you have the ability to hop on one of these things for 15 minutes in the evening time for the person who says they can't turn off their brain because it's like they're thinking all the thoughts before they go to bed. Having something like a notepad where they're just doing a brain dump, the process of actually writing it down gives the brain the sense of completion. And so it. It closes out the thought because now it's secure. It's written down somewhere where it doesn't have to recall it. Spiritual rest could be something as simple as having a. For myself, one thing that I do to help with spiritual rest is I keep my why present before me. So why do you do what you do? Most of us, we. We start off thinking about that when we start a job or career. And. And then somewhere along the way, you just do it because. Because that's how you make money, that's how you make your living, but you forget the why behind it. And so a big part of spiritual rest, outside of if. For. If someone has a faith system, they can obviously do something within that. However, for those who don't want to go about a faith route specifically with it, spiritual rest can also be included through things that help you understand your purpose, why you do what you do. Things that give you a sense of belonging. And so when I think about why I do what I do, it brings back that sense of purpose and keeping that thought before you. Emotional rest is anytime you're able to share authentically. And so I like to incorporate this with my husband. So if you have a significant other, that's an easy way of doing that. Or a best friend somewhere who you. Some person where you feel open to share without censoring so you don't have to explain why you feel that way. You don't feel judged after sharing it. You're able to say what you felt throughout the day without having to elaborate. And the thing with emotional rest, you do have to kind of separate it out from trauma dumping where you're just talking about the details, but you're not actually going into like what it did to you, how did it affect your heart, your emotions? So since social rest is looking at the people in your life, so making sure that there are people in your life that are life giving. So this could be having, having a quick text to a friend. That's a simple way of getting some social rest. Not where you're, you're kind of complaining about all the things, but you're actually saying something positive to each other, reinforcing identity in each other and what it is that, that the value that person brings to your life. Sensory rest could be as, as easy as wearing noise cancellation earphones for 20 minutes in the middle of your workday, especially if you're in a very noisy location. Or it could include something like having a 10 minute sensory deprivation break where you are turning off the lights in your office and you're just going to sit with your eyes closed with no sound or anything going on and just let yourself kind of downgrade and have that sensory input decrease around you so that you can have a bit of a reset. And then creative rest could be as easy as changing the lock screens on your phone to something that inspires you or even on your computer having it be. Or even like a picture in your, in your office, having it be something that makes you feel motivated and inspired a lot of people. That's bodies of water, so it could be the ocean or your favorite beach location or the mountains. It could be anything that inspires you. Having it someplace where it's automatically there in place. And for myself, my favorite thing is I buy myself flowers. I love flowers. I buy myself flowers. And so that way I get to choose if do I want lilies, do I want roses? You know, I'm able to bring that element of beauty into my environment. It and it reminds me of creativity and inspires me.
- [47:37]
A
Oh, thank you so much for all those awesome. I think I want to do the sensory deprivation. Like all your ideas are awesome, but that one just like, I don't know, it struck something in me. I think this is something I want to incorporate. I want to ask you, how long did it take you to overcome burnout? I've heard that this is something that isn't just like you're going to take a nap and it, it be gone. It's a, it's a process.
- [48:03]
B
It is a process and it depends on the level of burnout that you're experiencing. How many of these rest areas do you have a deficit in? When I started, I had a deficit in all seven. I was just depleted from all fronts, however emotional and creative were the two that I was most depleted in. So I always say depending on the number of deficit that, that it's gonna the amount of time you're gonna need to really kind of process through. But don't get discouraged. Pick one to start with because it's interesting. When someone starts pouring into their areas, particularly their area of greatest deficit, they automatically start feeling better because that one really depleted bucket starts getting filled back up. And so they start feeling better and they then have energy to do some of the other restorative practice practices. And thankfully, quite a few of the restorative practices, as I just mentioned, are things that can be set it and forget it. You change the height of your computer screens. That's a set it and forget it. You change your lock screens on your computer, your phone, to things that inspire you. You know, one time fix and you start getting some of the benefit for it. So there are multiple different type of restorative practices, you know, that you can do in any of these seven, but quite a few of them are things that don't require you to always have to think about it and definitely don't have to carve out large blocks of time.
- [49:31]
A
Oh, this is so good. Okay, I'm gonna put your quiz down in the show notes below. I'm gonna pin a comment so that everyone can take the quiz. Please let my listeners know. Where can we get your book Sacred Rest and where can we follow you? Where do you want people to reach out to you and follow you? You?
- [49:48]
B
Yeah. So the book Sacred Rest is available wherever books are sold. It is also in audiobook form. I find that a lot of people prefer the audiobook. I read it myself so that it's that's available as well. And my main website is drdaltonsmith.com just doctor and my last name and my podcast is I Choose My Best Life. And we have a website for that as well. And I choose My Best life dot com.
- [50:14]
A
This was absolutely so needed. And I, I'm just like going to be your new biggest fan and follow you. I just appreciate your time so, so much. Thank you so much.
- [50:24]
B
Oh, thank you so much for having me on.
- [50:26]
A
I really loved the way that Dr. Sandra broke down Rest in a way that still makes me feel like I can still be a workaholic. Right. Because I think there is a huge part of me that prides myself on the fact that I'm always getting things done. It feels good to accomplish things, but I haven't been able of harness that energy in a while. And that's from burnout. So being able to look at rest as a really important tool to be more productive, to look at it as like I gotta, I gotta increase my rest ethic just like I have work ethic is a positive, incredible and inspiring way to look at rest. And I feel excited about taking a break now in the right way. Not just zoning out, not just escaping, but being really proactive in recharging my battery. I'm immediately going to take the quiz, that's the thing. Because I am curious what type of rest I'm deficient in. I think I, I have a feeling it's creative because I used to be really passionate about clutterbug and, and making videos and all. Like for, you know, 15 years, it was still so exciting every day and it hasn't been in a while. And even though I know my why and I love love, I still love organizing and decluttering. I just don't feel it, you know, I just don't. And even when I am making something, it's not great, it just isn't. And yeah, I think it's because I need to recharge my creative battery for sure. I keep saying I'm gonna keep producing, but I'm not produce. I'm not really producing. Like I'm working all the time. But what do I really have to show for it? You know, like I, I was, there was a time where I was writing books and I was having courses and I was doing but. And it felt easy. Now it feels hard and I don't have things to show for it. And I think that's a really good indication that I am in burnout. And I don't want to keep going this way. So something's got to change. And I'm, I don't know, she just struck a chord with me and I'm actually like, I really am going to take this seriously. I'm going to buy her book, I'm going to probably listen to it. Let's get real. I'm not reading it. But I'm also going to take the quiz and, and really find some ways to work, work it in. And I like that she said like there are things that we can do that like just adjusting our screen or shutting off the lights for five minutes. It doesn't have to in my mind it's like it has to be a project. But I think it's just like everything else that we want to have success in. It's all about these little five minute matters moments that add up to real change. Now it's time for my favorite part of the podcast, which is talk to Cass. And we're going to start with Rosie.
- [53:13]
C
Hi, Cass.
- [53:14]
A
This is Rosie.
- [53:15]
C
I am so inspired by you. You have transformed my whole life. I am living in a way less cluttered space. My family's happy, my husband's happy. I am just stuck on one thing, which is do I sell items or just take it straight to the donation bins? I have a Makari storefront that I used to actively sell a lot of of used items that are still in really nice condition. I would make a profit, but because of just time and energy and so much of my house is cluttered, I put everything on hold and I was just, like, purging, purging. Now that I'm in a little bit more of a manageable space and headspace, I still have this giant pile that I'm torn. It's kind of been sitting there for a couple weeks, and I just need to know what's a good deciding factor. Do I. I sell them or do I just sort it and donate?
- [54:17]
B
Yes.
- [54:18]
C
That's where I'm stuck at.
- [54:19]
D
So thank you so much.
- [54:20]
C
I appreciate you so much.
- [54:21]
E
Bye.
- [54:23]
A
Oh, this is such a good question. I. I think there's no harm in trying to sell as long as you put rules. And here is my favorite rule and kind of way to sell things that makes it easier and less stressful, especially if you have a lot on your plate and dealing with people on Facebook. Marketplace is a nightmare. So what I would suggest is selling things in lots. What I mean by that is not one item at a time, but grouping a lot of, like, items together and selling them at a lower price. And the person gets, like, all of this. This works really great for any type of supplies. Kids, clothes, even adult clothes. Like, so you're selling a lot of size 8 clothing. So the rule here, though, is you only allow yourself seven days. So you put it on, take pictures, post it, ask the amount of money you're looking for. If it hasn't sold in seven days, we half the price. So we immediately reduce it to 50% less. If it hasn't sold in the next seven days, after that, we donate it. This is a hard rule. Like, you're putting this into your calendar. You're making sure you're posting it this day, and then the work's been done for you. You're either going to sell everything to, like, one person, which is nice, or you're going to end up just donating It. Now we're going to hear from Karen.
- [55:47]
E
Hi, Cass, this is Karen. I just wanted to tell you that I heard your voice in my head yesterday. I was supposed to be doing a really good vacuuming of the living room, the kind where you move the furniture. And I realized that there were places where. When my daughter said that she dusted all the low places, she didn't mean all the. The places. There's a lot of dust. So of course I thought, well, maybe I should do that. And then. Oh, but wait. You're supposed to dust before you vacuum. And you're supposed to start high and low. And then I heard Cass going, stop.
- [56:24]
A
It, stop it, stop it.
- [56:28]
E
You know, you're. You're gonna do this thing. You will finish the big thing. You will do. You will not worry about how. So it's supposed to be done. Finish the task. So I just wanted to say that that was very helpful to me, and apparently you've made a big impact on me and my living room. Thanks. Bye.
- [56:50]
A
Oh, I love that, Karen. Bye. I hope you didn't even move the furniture. Do you know what? Let's get real. Sometimes when I see, like, dust or crumbs, I'll just pick up the vacuum and vacuum that surface. This because, you know, whatever. Let's work smarter, not harder. I love it. You're embracing doing it shitty, Karen. Gold star. Next, we have Anonymous with a decluttering dinosaur.
- [57:20]
D
The weirdest thing I found Must follow the story of what my aunt found. After my grandfather passed away in 1984, my mother and grandmother were cleaning out his clothing when I. They heard a loud. A loud shriek from the attic. Grandma said, oh, dear. I thought he got rid of that years ago. What was this item, you ask? Grandpa would bring out a baby food jar and show it to his grandchildren. It was scary. And he said it was his tonsils. Terrifying. Pickled tonsils. So when my father passed, we found a small film canister containing two old molars with gold fillings. I don't know why he saved them. It's creeping me out. I think we need to find out if there's any value in the gold. I haven't done this yet, but I am committed to getting it out of my house before I'm gone.
- [58:18]
A
There's no value in the gold. Okay, there might be, but you're not going to take the teeth to a goldsmith or whatever they are, and. And get your. Get your $6. It's weird. Man in the trash. That's hilarious. Thank you for sharing. I. I love that. And last but not least, let's hear from Sarah.
- [58:40]
F
Hi, Cass, this is Sarah from Florida, and I'm listening to your Love Language podcast and you're on to something as far as connecting all these different things. So I, I went to ChatGPT the other day. This is before I listened to Love Language podcast and I put in my clutterbug type. I told it my personality type, my Myers Briggs profile, I told it my sleep chronotype. And then I'm like, put my life together chatgpt. And it recommended buckets of what I can put my email in and how I can organize the apps on my phone and how I can do things house that would make me feel more comfortable or routines that suggest this. So anyways, there's a dynamic of putting all these things together and then making things like your space, all of your environments, work environment too uniquely yours. And so anyways, you're onto something there. And same thing, I encourage you on the work clutter stuff. Do more because I'd be so curious on what more you come up with when it comes to work and like email and that kind of thing. And then I'll share a mantra from my family or from my dad. PIB was what he would always tell us when I was a kid. PIB put it back. And now I'm becoming that person. So anyways, thank you. Thank you for all you do.
- [60:12]
A
Talk to you later. Oh, Sarah, thank you so much for sharing. I love the mantra and I love that you're using AI. I do this all the time. There are people who are like, really kind of like, ooh, AI is the worst. I'm like, it's here and it makes life easier. Let's utilize it. And it's so fascinating to me, all these different, like, personality types and personality tests. I am so behind all of that because it does come down to self awareness and realizing things about yourself that maybe weren't apparent before you took this type of test. And then you can just like you said said, tailor a life that's unique to you, that works with how your brain naturally works just to make life easier. So I'm gonna go right now on chat and ask it to put my life into buckets because that sounds amazing. I hope you decluttered something today. I hope you are feeling so proud of yourself. Any small win is a win. Let's celebrate the progress. And also let's have a nap. Let's rest. It's important. It's important work you're doing. Thank you guys so much. And I'll see you next time.