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Why You’re Too Busy to Have Fun (And How to Finally Fix It) | Clutterbug Podcast # 276
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I did the math. If I live to 80, I have 35 summers left, and this is the last summer with all three of my kids still living in this home. And I'm not saying this to be bleak and feel sorry for myself. I'm saying this because this realization, like, lights a fire in my heart to make the absolute most of this summer. Hello, friends, and welcome to the Clutterbug podcast. I'm so excited to have you here today. It's going to be a short and sweet little chat that we're going to have, but I'm hoping while you're listening, that you are thinking about what you can get checked off your list while you listen. So doing the dishes or putting away that load of laundry or those multiple loads, if you're like me that have kind of been nagging you, make yourself proud, get up and do something to make a difference in your home right now. And while you do that, we are going to chat about your summer and how we can make it the best summer yet. Can we talk for a second about the myth of later? I feel like a lot of us, I know I fall into this trap of I'm gonna plan to have fun later or like, you know, when things slow down or the weather's better, or when I have a little bit more time or when the house is cle clean, then I'll do something fun. Basically, like when the stars align, then I'll enjoy myself. But the truth is, later never actually comes. It only comes when we make it. Psychologist Tim Syke, who studies procrastination, said, we often delay fun or meaningful activities not because we don't want to do them, but because they feel less urgent than, like, the daily to do tasks. We see having fun and joy as a reward, just not always a priority. So even though we really want to do all the beautiful, fun things, somehow dishes becomes more important. Cutting the grass, raking the yard, even organizing the garage. How is this coming above fun and actually enjoying our life? Research from the Journal of Customer Psychology found that people who schedule leisure activities and who schedule fun are significantly more likely to actually follow through and enjoy them. Because not only does it create, you know, excitement, but you've made a commitment. You've put it on the calendar, you've taken it from the someday I'd like to, Wouldn't it be nice? And made it an actual task. You've made fun a to do. And this is what we really need in order to follow through, right? For some reason, we think fun should be spontaneous. We think that fun should just like happen in a moment. But the reality is it has to be planned. We have to be intentional about it, just like we do with work, just like we do with organizing the garage or getting something done. Otherwise it kind of becomes swallowed and suffocated in all the never ending to do's we have on our list. Stephen Covey, who I love so much, says, don't prioritize your schedule. Schedule your priorities. And so I'm asking you right now, is having fun this summer a priority? Is spending time with your loved ones this summer a priority? The answer is probably yes. So if you take nothing else from this podcast, I want you to actually open up your calendar and pick a day this week to do one small fun thing and enter it into the calendar right now. And we're gonna, I'm gonna give you like a butt ton of ideas of what some of those fun things are. I have a summer bucket list. I have a free printable. And we're also just gonna like chit chat about ideas and I want you to think about something like if I say something and it reson and you're like, yes, that would be amazing. That's the thing. I want you to schedule this week or you know, sometime this summer, even something really small. But everybody enjoys different things and I feel like something's gonna resonate with you more than other things. Let's talk about making room for magic. Real magic. I think back to my summers as a kid and I made like, I have vivid memories of stargazing. I have vivid memories of catching lightning bugs, you know, fireflies. I used to love fishing. Think of your summers as a kid. What made them magical? What seemed like your favorite part of the summers? What are your best memories of the summer? And those are probably the things that's the magical moments we should make room for this summer. Do you love camping? I do not love camping. But maybe you did. Maybe you can even camp in your own backyard. Did you love making popsicles with your mom? Just like freezing juice? Remember we used to do that? We used to freeze juice and stick popsicle sticks in them. My mom did it even just in regular ice cube trays. Staying up way past your bedtime to watch fireworks, right? Ask yourself, when's the last time you felt that type of magic in your own life? When's the last time you allowed yourself to play for me? Like, I don't. I, I can't tell you. We. We did not outgrow that child wonder. I don't think. I think we just stopped looking for it. We stopped having time for it, really. I think it's still in us. We're still those curious little kids who find the everyday things sometimes really special and magical and. And we still have whimsy inside of us. It's just buried under laundry and dishes and cooking. So, yeah, we have to be grown ups and schedule it into our very busy calendar. But that's okay. This summer, I want you and I am going to intentionally create like small little pockets of joy. And I have some things that I am definitely doing and I want to share what I'm doing with you and then also share some ideas for you. And let's just jump into it. So this is going to sound silly, but I am so excited about this. We have a big backyard that floods a lot. Every time it rains a lot. The entire thing's like under feet and feet and feet of water. So our grass dies because the water sits in puddles and we have just like all these muddy spots and it's just a disaster back there. So a couple of weeks ago actually, I was filming a video about, you know, treating yourself to a little staycation for the day, and I got a bunch of seeds, wildflower seeds, and I just sprinkled them all back there on the muddy gross spots on our grass. No real rhyme or reason. Okay. Every day I've been going out there and my seeds are sprouting and I have literally thousands of little baby wildflower plants back there. It's not a huge patch, but I would say it's probably 30ft by 20ft. And it's full of what will one day hopefully be wildflowers. I don't know if they're gonna make it, but it somehow makes me really excited. Like, it makes me feel so much joy to go back there and watch the babies growing. And it didn't feel like work because I didn't have to prepare the ground first. I didn't have to like do any type of thing. I didn't have to build raised beds. I just literally ripped open some seeds and sprinkled them on the ground and left them. I know that sounds silly, but why I wanted to say this is because I do think I. I remember as a kid growing things. I do think growing something can be a really joyful experience when we allow it to not be overly structured and put a lot of pressure on ourself of what it's supposed to look like. What if you have a patch or a pot even where you just plant something and you don't worry about watering it all that off. You don't worry. You just. Let's see what grows. For me, it is literally bringing me so, so much joy. Another thing that we did a few times last summer, it was my first time doing it, and I always said I wanted to was go to a drive in movie theater. The first time I took just Milo, and then I took Milo and Abby, and then even Joe and I went on just a date night. We brought our pickup truck and we put an air mattress in the back and we backed into this drive in movie theater and it was so freaking cool. Okay. You could see the stars, I could watch the movie. We. I brought a little speaker, a little radio so I could. We could hear it in the back. We smuggled in snacks, we bought popcorn. And I know this sounds really silly, but I think it was $20 a car load, so it wasn't expensive. And it was one of the the best things I've done in many, many, many, many summers. I have a bunch of ideas here for you, and I'm going to show you my summer bucket list in just a second and we're going to talk about that. But the point is, none of these things need to cost a lot. They just need to be on your radar. I feel like you just need to make your own bucket list. Or you can download my bucket list. It's free. You can go to clutterbug.com and find the printables page and just search summer and you'll find this summer bucket list. But even if you don't want to do that, you can just grab a piece of paper and write down some things, little things that can bring some joy and some magic and some whimsy into this summer. I don't want to focus so much. Like, I only have 35 left as, like a. As like a sad way. Does that make sense? Like, I don't want to be like, oh, dread and gloom, we're all going to die. It's coming to an end. But instead, like, I don't want to waste a moment. I don't want to have a regret. I want to enjoy right now. But that also means I don't have to let go of everything else. I don't have to live, you know, not do the dishes and live in a stinky, messy kitchen that has fruit flies. And I don't have to have piles of clutter. We can have both. We can schedule 15 minutes of tidying or 15 minutes of decluttering, a half an hour of daily chores. We can schedule 15 minutes of walking and we can also find time for 15 minutes of fun. We just have to actually schedule it. We have to take the time to put this on our to do list too. It isn't one or the other or all or nothing. It's both. We get to be a productive human who does our adulting and we get to do the fun, childlike, amazing, magical things too. There is time for both. When we allow ourselves, we give ourselves time for both. 15 minutes of fun is all we need. We can fly a kite. Oh, man. We could plant something in the backyard. We can go for a nature hike. So many little things at night. We can just lay on a blanket and look at the stars. What can you do this summer to make it a little bit more joyful? Okay, so now it's time to get really practical because it's all great and well to wish and dream and hope, but we are going to need a little bit of time management. We are going to need a little bit of planning. Ugh. And I hate planning. But that's just the reality of the situation. So let's talk about three steps. Three steps to having a more fun summer. This sounds ridiculous as I'm saying it out loud because we all like. It feels like fun should be spontaneous. It feels okay. Or planning the fun. My husband always says this to me. I say, I'm fun, I'm cool, I'm. I'm up for anything. He's like, yeah, as long as somebody tells you when the cool fun starts and exactly when the cool fun ends and what time we need to be there and exactly how long it's going to last. And that is true. I try to be fun and spontaneous, but also I'm busy, man. I got a lot to do and I feel very stressed if I don't have some sort of structure in my day. So this is it. We need. We need some kind of rules, right? We can't just wait for it. That hasn't been working. We can't just hope. That hasn't been working. So let's do this three step plan to a more joyful, magical summer so we don't feel like we've wasted even a moment. Step one is definitely a summer bucket list. Goals need ink to grow. Anytime you have a goal, you have to write it down in order to make it happen. We can't just think, hope and wish and dream. We have to write it down to do goals need ink to grow. So I want you to actually create a bucket list. You can Use mine. I mean, I guess that counts, but also, I feel like you should use mine as a guide and make your own. Grab a piece of paper and literally write down the things that you want to do this summer and make them realistic. Don't put. Go to Rome. Buy a yacht. Travel around the world. Bake a thousand cupcakes. Like, dude, dude, dude. Pick, like, you know, go to the beach. Pick realistic things that you. Even small things that you can fit into your everyday schedule. Things like, I don't know, have a water balloon fight or go yard sale shopping one Saturday or Sunday morning. Build a sand castle. Go pick berries. Oh, my gosh, that's so. That sounds lovely, doesn't it? Catch fireflies. Go for ice cream. After dinner, go grab some ice cream. Play frisbee. Make s'. Mores, Go fishing. Go play mini golf. Visit the zoo. There are so many things, and maybe it is just make popsicles. There's so many things that you can do that are like you're going to do on a Saturday for a few hours. And even things that you can pick that are 15 minutes you can put into every day. Make your summer bucket list. That is step one, camping. Read a book in the sun. Make homemade lemonade. You know, finish that book that you started that you never actually got around to while laying in the sun and reading it. Ooh, doesn't that feel good, my friends? Okay, step two, start putting things on the calendar. Literally, like, when are you going to the beach? What night this week are you going to lay in the backyard and stargaze? You have to put it on your calendar right now. So check. Choose a few of these things from your bucket list that you write and literally schedule it. You can't wait until you have a free weekend. You can't say, well, I'm not sure. You have to put it in there. Now, if you have a paper calendar, write it on it. It's happening. If it's a digital calendar, put it in your phone. This is. This is happening. You've. You've wrote down your goals. Inc Is growing them. Now it's time to schedule them, which is going to make you show up and actually do it and stick to the commitment. Now here's step three. This is very important step. Tell someone or invite someone to do it with you, because accountability makes all the difference. So tell your partner, tell your kids, tell your best friend. Ask them to hold you to it. Or even better yet, ask them to join you. Hey, can we do stargazing tonight? Or can we do stargazing this weekend? Or can we go to the zoo? Or can we go to the water park? Ask your friends, ask your family, ask your partner, ask your kids if this is something they want to do, and then put it on the calendar. Last Sunday, we went to the opening day of the horse races. In a town where I grew up, I went to the horse races all the time when I was little with my. With my stepdad and my mom, and they would give me $20, and each bet was $2, and there was nine races, sometimes 10 races. So it was like I could bet the. I would pick the winning horse, or sometimes I would do, like, first and second or whatever, $2 a bet, and that. That's what I would get. I got to keep any money I won. I rarely won anything. This is one of the best, best childhood memories I've ever had. And I've been to Disney, and I did lots of cool things, and we went to water parks. But horse racing, I don't know. I know my parents took me gambling, but, you know, it was awesome. So I've always said I wanted to take my kids, but I just. It. It. I always, like, it got away from me. I would think about it, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely have to do that. And then I just never would. Izzy is 18. In 18 years, I never took my kids to enjoy the thing that I enjoyed so much as a child. So that was it. On Sunday, we went. Everyone complained in the morning, everyone grumbled. Joe, even I was like, oh, do I really want to go to the horse races? I don't know. Like, it was. It was. It was a battle to get us all out the door. None of us were really feeling excited about it, but it was on the calendar, and it's something I really wanted them to experience. We all had the best time. It was so fun. My kids were so into it, screaming for the horses that they picked to win. They did win a couple of races. The excitement. We had fries, and it was just absolutely amazing. And we can't wait to do it again. It is very likely that when you schedule one of these cool things, part of your brain will be like, well, but I should. I should probably stay home and clean the garage, or. I'm feeling kind of tired. Maybe I'll do it next weekend. I want to encourage you when you're feeling that, to stick with the plan, because, man, is it worth it. We're not used to treating ourselves to joy, so it feels kind of weird at first, and it feels kind of wrong. Maybe. And maybe we're just like, I'd rather just sleep. But honestly, 35 summers, man, 35 summers left. You don't have to do something every weekend. You don't have to do something every day. But at least once a week, I want you to schedule in something really fun. Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself. So let's talk about. That was the steps. Let's talk about keeping this spark alive. Because maybe when you're listening to this, you're like, yay, I can't wait to do all these things. And you're thinking about all the cool stuff and it feels really good. And then by later tonight, you'll be making dinner or you'll be putting away laundry, or you're just getting home from work and you're freaking tired and you're like, ugh, first of all, you probably forget all about it. And second of all, even if you are thinking about it, you're just like, maybe later, I don't feel like it. How can we keep this spark alive? I would love to see you do, like, a weekly fun planning session with yourself. Does that make sense? Like, keep it a ritual. Make it a ritual. So maybe every Sunday you do family planning night, or maybe you just set a reminder in your phone every Sunday that just reminds you to ask yourself, what am I excited about this week? Like, we have to remember this feeling that you're feeling right now about, like, excited to enjoy and have fun and play. Because we are in the habit of not thinking about it, and it is an afterthought. And that is a thought pattern that is so deeply rooted in our brain. It is going to take work, work to flip the switch and go back to thinking about fun and play. So make it a ritual. Think about it every week. Get excited about what's coming up this week. Every Sunday, take a look at your calendar and say, oh, yeah, I forgot I scheduled this. I'm looking forward to this. This is going to be fun. So it doesn't just pop up the day of and you're feeling kind of, like, blindsided. Like, oh, man, I'm supposed to go stargazing and I'm exhausted. Know ahead of time this week, what's coming up so that maybe you go to bed a little earlier the night before. Plan for it. It's important. Live like you mean it, my friends. Live life like you mean it. Okay, so let's just wrap this up because I want you to go do something fun. That's what I want you to do right now. I want to keep this a short and sweet podcast because I want you to leave right now and go do something small. Even if it's make a bucket list like write it down. Maybe you're halfway through the laundry, we're pausing. There's more important stuff to do, and that is plan something fun. And if you have something in mind that's fun that you could do right this moment, go do it. What's stopping you from going to the zoo right now? What if right now you could go to the movie theater and watch a movie by yourself and leave the laundry? What if right now you could, I don't know, go outside and just look at clouds for half an hour or go sit in the sun and read that freaking book? You can do the dishes later. I know it's all about being an adult, being productive. But part of being an adult is. And part of being productive even is productively playing, too. Don't forget to do that. Do it right now. And if you really don't have time because you've got other things scheduled coming up very quickly, maybe you're some go getter on the treadmill about to go to your important 9 to 5. Fine. What are you doing right after work? That's fun. And at the very least, please write your bucket list. Or you can download that bucket list for free@clutterbug.com, go to the Printables page and search for Summer bucket List. It's time to play My friends, you've only got limited summers left. Let's make the most of them.