Podcast
Coach Lee
Hosted by Coach Lee · EN
Coach Lee is a world-renown relationship coach who helps people get an ex back after a breakup, save a marriage, and become more attractive.
Lee has coached people in relationships since 2000. His website is https://MyExBackCoach.com and includes hundreds of articles and videos.
Lee has lectured at Pepperdine University and others, is a TED educator on the science of breakups, and has been interviewed by major media including The New York Times, USA Today, The Today Show, New York Post, Men’s Health, L.A. Business Journal, Cosmopolitan, Daily Mail, Metro UK, Bravo TV, Yahoo Lifestyle, Glamor, and MSN among others.
Lee uses real-life experience with breakups along with his work for 20 years providing relationship-recovery coaching. He has a Master Diploma in marriage and family counseling along with multiple certifications for relationship coaching & consulting.
Get information on his Emergency Breakup Kit & Emergency Marriage Kit at MyExBackCoach.com.
SUBSCRIBE to this podcast as well as on YouTube at https://youtube.com/myexbackcoach so you don’t miss videos on saving relationships, keeping love strong, and the science of attraction. INSTAGRAM @RealCoachLee
32episodes
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Should You Give Up On Getting Your Ex Back?
Nov 23, 202400:15:41Tap to summarizeDeciding whether to move on from an ex can be challenging. Many grapple with the emotional turmoil of a breakup, questioning whether waiting or trying to get back together is worth it. Below are some key considerations to help you navigate this decision. 1. Ask the Right Question: Should You Try to Get Them Back? Instead of asking if you should give up, ask if your ex is worth the effort. Reflect on their behavior during and after the breakup. If they left without trying to resolve issues or walked away over trivial matters, this could indicate they aren’t a good partner. A strong partner shows commitment and resilience. If they leave at the first sign of trouble or fail to communicate, it may not be wise to invest more time and energy into them. Imagine a friend describing your ex’s actions—what advice would you give them? Often, viewing the situation from a detached perspective can provide clarity. 2. Consider If There’s Someone Else If your ex is with someone new, it’s critical to assess the situation. This doesn’t always mean reconciliation is impossible, but it does complicate things. When someone quickly enters a new relationship, they may be in the infatuation phase, also known as limerence. This stage is characterized by intense emotions and a lack of rationality, but it always fades. While waiting for limerence to end is an option, it’s important to evaluate whether this person is worth the wait, especially if they’ve shown a pattern of leaving when the initial spark fades. 3. Examine Their Breakup History Your ex’s relationship patterns can provide valuable insights. If they’ve repeatedly been the one to end relationships without returning, this could signal a habit of avoiding commitment or leaving at the first sign of difficulty. Conversely, if they’ve tried to work on past relationships, it may indicate they value commitment and are open to reconciliation. However, if their history suggests a tendency to move from one partner to another, you could be at risk of being another chapter in a repetitive pattern. 4. Evaluate Blame Dynamics in the Relationship If your ex frequently blamed you for every issue without taking accountability, this could indicate entitlement or immaturity. Healthy relationships involve both partners acknowledging their contributions to problems and working together to resolve them. Some people confuse the peaceful, stable phase of a relationship with boredom and leave in search of excitement. If your ex left for such reasons and placed the blame entirely on you, it’s worth questioning whether they have the maturity to sustain a long-term partnership. 5. Reflect on Times You Considered Leaving Relationships are rarely perfect, and it’s common to experience moments of doubt. If you previously thought about leaving your ex but chose to stay and work through issues, this demonstrates your commitment. However, if your ex left without making similar efforts, it may indicate they lack the dedication required for a healthy relationship. Consider whether the relationship was as strong as you remember. Often, the pain of loss makes people romanticize the past and forget the challenges they faced while together. Reflecting on your own doubts can help you assess whether reconciling is truly in your best interest. Moving Forward While some of these points may seem discouraging, they are meant to provide clarity and guide your decision-making. Many relationships do survive breakups, but it’s crucial to approach the situation with your eyes open. Give yourself time—at least three months—to process your emotions and gain perspective. During this period, focus on self-reflection and personal growth. Once the initial intensity of your feelings has subsided, you’ll be better equipped to decide whether to continue pursuing your ex or move on. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s willingness to be with you. If your ex fails to recognize your value, it’s their loss. Whether you reconcile or not, prioritizing your well-being will lead to a healthier and more fulfilling future. Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit Coaching Session at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/
Transcribe →Your Ex Feels Loss LATER
Nov 20, 202400:19:48Tap to summarizeWhen Your Ex Begins to Feel the Impact of Loss: Exploring the Shift in Emotional Dynamics After a Breakup Breakups bring a challenging range of emotions. Typically, one person may feel caught off guard and devastated, while the other may seem to hold all the power. However, the emotional dynamics between the one who initiated the breakup and the person who was left behind can shift significantly over time. Known as “role reversal,” this transition often surprises both individuals, flipping the feelings of control and relief into unexpected emotions like regret or even a deep sense of loss. This article explores why this emotional shift happens, how it unfolds, and what steps you can take to navigate this new landscape with strength and clarity. Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 1. Control Versus Loss: The Initial Breakup Dynamic When a breakup happens, the person who initiates it is often in a position of power. This individual has likely spent considerable time processing their decision internally, possibly weighing the relationship’s pros and cons before making the choice to end it. When the moment comes, they may present their reasoning with confidence, leaving little room for the other person’s input. For the person who is on the receiving end, this is profoundly disempowering. Being left without a say in the decision can create a sense of helplessness. The partner who wanted to stay together is suddenly forced into a reality they didn’t choose, dealing with a mixture of heartbreak and a lack of control. This imbalance of power and emotion places the two people on opposite ends of the spectrum: the one who left feels free and in control, while the other is grappling with overwhelming feelings of rejection and powerlessness. This initial divide often sets the stage for a major shift in emotions down the road. 2. Early Feelings of Validation vs. the Sting of Rejection After a breakup, the person who initiates it often experiences a wave of self-assurance, especially if their former partner expresses a desire to reconcile. Observing the other person’s hurt and longing can give the initiator a sense of validation, making them feel valued and significant. This can even create a temporary boost in self-worth, reinforcing their choice to leave as they interpret it as a reflection of their desirability. However, for the person who was left, it’s a completely different experience. Rejection cuts deeply, often shaking self-esteem and bringing up doubts about personal worth. While the one who left feels a sense of power, the one left behind is left questioning their value, attractiveness, and what went wrong. For the person who initiated the breakup, the initial sense of validation can feel like an “elevation,” as if they’ve ascended to a new level of self-importance. They might even start seeing other potential partners as “options” rather than people. Meanwhile, the person who was left behind is struggling to make sense of it all, facing a much more painful version of reality. 3. The Ambiguous Excuses: A Shroud of Self-Discovery In many breakups, the person initiating the separation often uses broad, personal excuses like, “I need to work on myself,” or “I’m going through a tough time.” These explanations are difficult to question because they seem introspective and sincere. However, these reasons are often surface-level justifications covering deeper emotions—such as waning attraction, diminished interest, or a lack of motivation to keep working on the relationship. These “self-discovery” justifications allow the person who left to avoid taking full responsibility for the breakup, cloaking their decision in terms that sound thoughtful rather than superficial. For the person left behind, these vague reasons create even more confusion. They’re left wondering why they couldn’t “work on themselves” within the relationship or support their partner through the hard times. This ambiguity can make the healing process longer and more painful, as they wrestle with the underlying reasons they might never fully understand. 4. The Reality Check: When the Loss Sets In As time goes by, the feelings of validation or relief the initiator once felt often start to fade. The person who chose to end the relationship may find their new freedom less fulfilling than expected. Meanwhile, the person who was left behind has been processing their grief and is starting to recover. As the dust settles, the one who initiated the breakup may begin to recognize that something valuable was lost, creating an unexpected sense of regret. The person who left might notice that new romantic prospects lack the depth, comfort, or familiarity they once enjoyed. Their social interactions might feel shallow or unsatisfying. The absence of their former partner can start to feel more like a loss than a liberation. This realization often catches them off guard, as they find themselves yearning for the relationship they initially walked away from. It’s in this moment that the power dynamic begins to shift. The person who once felt validated now experiences a sense of emptiness, while the person who was initially devastated starts to rebuild and find peace. 5. Building Curiosity Through Distance: Role Reversal Unfolds This role reversal often deepens when the person left behind chooses not to reach out or stay connected. By creating distance, they unknowingly build a sense of mystery. When communication stops, the initiator might find themselves wondering, “What is my ex up to?” This lack of contact can make them feel a bit of the rejection their ex experienced at the start. The person who was left behind is now taking time to focus on themselves, building up strength and a new identity outside of the relationship. They’re no longer defined by their former partner, which can be intriguing to the one who left. The ex-partner who once seemed eager to reconnect now appears distant and even empowered. This shift fuels the initiator’s curiosity and can stir feelings of longing. This absence of certainty begins to erode the initiator’s sense of control, introducing feelings of doubt. The emotional tables start to turn as the one who initially walked away begins to feel unsure, while the person who was left behind is increasingly confident in their new path. 6. Keeping Your Composure as Interest Returns If your ex begins to show renewed interest, it’s natural to feel a sense of satisfaction. But it’s crucial to approach with caution. If you’ve reached a sense of peace and your ex reaches out, resist the urge to jump back into old dynamics. Respond with calm confidence and avoid immediately seeking validation from their attention. Protect your own well-being above all else. Remaining composed and maintaining boundaries shows that you’re not easily swayed by their attention. This can further solidify the role reversal, prompting your ex to question the stability of their own choices. Meanwhile, you allow yourself the time and space to evaluate if their interest is genuine. Holding back from instantly diving back into the relationship shows that the breakup has shifted your perspective. Instead of blindly forgiving past behavior, you establish a balanced framework that encourages them to demonstrate their commitment with sincerity. 7. Avoiding the Pitfall of Reverting Back One common risk of role reversal is returning to the same unhealthy dynamics that caused the breakup in the first place. When an ex reaches out, the temptation to quickly reconcile can be powerful, but moving too fast risks undoing the progress you’ve made. Instead, keep some emotional space, even if your ex makes an effort to reconnect. This isn’t about ignoring them but about setting a deliberate pace, one that reflects the lessons you’ve learned from the breakup. Let them re-earn your trust gradually. If your ex genuinely wants to rekindle the relationship, they should be willing to work for it. Their actions should reflect a genuine desire for a fresh start rather than a quick return to convenience. Maintaining your standards and boundaries prevents the potential of falling back into a cycle of uncertainty and emotional imbalance. 8. Embracing Personal Growth and Balance One of the greatest rewards of role reversal is discovering your ability to grow and heal independently. Focusing on your own goals and happiness allows you to reclaim the sense of control lost during the breakup. This period of introspection is a chance to pursue hobbies, strengthen friendships, and set meaningful aspirations. By investing in these areas, you’re creating a solid foundation for self-worth, which can help you view any future interactions with your ex through a lens of confidence. 9. Gaining a New Perspective on Relationships Through role reversal, you gain valuable insight into what you genuinely want from a relationship. Experiencing an imbalanced dynamic can help you appreciate the importance of mutual respect and shared commitment over superficial validation. If your ex attempts to return, see it as an opportunity to consider whether they align with your long-term vision of a balanced partnership. Avoid letting nostalgia lead your choices; focus on whether they genuinely fulfill your ideals. Conclusion: Transforming Role Reversal into Self-Discovery Role reversal after a breakup can be a challenging, yet ultimately rewarding experience. By observing these emotional shifts, you can approach the journey with resilience, turning the process into a path of self-empowerment and growth. As you move through these changes, you may realize that the sense of rejection and loss you once f...
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