730: How to Take Initiative, with Tom Henschel

Summary

Coaching for Leaders: Episode 730 - How to Take Initiative with Tom Henschel

Introduction

In Episode 730 of Coaching for Leaders, host Dave Stachowiak engages in a profound conversation with Tom Henschel, an esteemed executive coach and host of the acclaimed podcast The Look and Sound of Leadership. Released on April 21, 2025, this episode delves into the essential skill of taking initiative within leadership roles. Drawing from over 15 years of leadership experience at Dale Carnegie and his extensive work with senior leaders globally, Tom Henschel offers actionable insights to empower listeners to embrace and cultivate initiative effectively.

Understanding Initiative: Perception vs. Intention

The episode begins with Dave highlighting a universal challenge: the struggle to both take initiative personally and to foster it in others. He introduces the notion that initiative is often "in the eye of the beholder," a concept Tom elaborates on early in the conversation.

Notable Quote:

Tom Henschel [02:23]: "Initiative is in the eye of the beholder. Your action shows up, the initiative you took shows up, but your intention does not."

Tom explains that well-meaning actions can sometimes be misinterpreted. For instance, sending an email intended to help might be seen as irrelevant or untimely by a superior, highlighting the gap between intention and perception.

Personal Experiences: Dave's Journey with Initiative

Dave shares his early career struggles with taking initiative, despite his efforts and creativity. He recounts receiving repeated feedback about lacking initiative, leading to confusion and missed opportunities. This personal anecdote underscores the episode's central theme: understanding how others perceive our actions.

Notable Quote:

Dave Stachowiak [03:06]: "I thought I was taking initiative... but in their minds, I wasn't showing initiative at all, at least not in the things that mattered to them."

Reflecting on his growth, Dave acknowledges that his initial efforts were insufficient in making significant organizational impacts, a realization that aligns with Tom's insights.

Tom's Three Steps to Taking Initiative

Tom Henschel outlines a three-step framework to effectively take and encourage initiative within leadership contexts:

1. Think and Talk About Your Work

   Tom emphasizes the importance of actively thinking about one's work and articulating ideas. Whether through reflection or conversation, externalizing thoughts can surface new insights and opportunities for initiative.

   Notable Quote:

   Tom Henschel [06:21]: "If you would like to get better at taking initiative, the very first thing you need to do is to start thinking actively about your work."

   Dave echoes this by highlighting the value of diverse perspectives in uncovering blind spots, reinforcing the necessity of dialogue in leadership.

2. Execute on Your Idea

   After formulating an idea, the next step is execution. Tom advises leaders to act decisively, balancing boldness with caution. He introduces the concept of a "bold continuum," encouraging incremental increases in boldness to drive meaningful change.

   Notable Quote:

   Tom Henschel [12:47]: "There is always room to move towards bold, even if it's just 5%."

   This approach helps leaders step out of their comfort zones gradually, fostering growth without overwhelming risk.

3. Communicate Effectively

   Communication is pivotal in ensuring that initiatives are understood and supported. Tom differentiates between advocating for an idea versus self-promotion, urging leaders to present their initiatives as beneficial to the organization rather than personal agendas.

   Notable Quote:

   Tom Henschel [18:09]: "You are advocating for the idea that you had... you're trying to be of service to the work."

   Effective communication involves preparing data, crafting compelling narratives, and aligning initiatives with organizational goals to garner support and momentum.

Overcoming Challenges to Initiative

Throughout the discussion, Dave and Tom address common obstacles that impede initiative, such as fear of judgment, uncertainty, and reluctance to overstep boundaries. Tom provides practical strategies to navigate these challenges:

• Assumption-Based Action:

  When unsure, Tom encourages making informed assumptions and proceeding with actions based on those assumptions. This method allows leaders to take initiative without being paralyzed by indecision.

  Notable Quote:

  Tom Henschel [25:20]: "If you make an assumption, know that you've made that assumption, and communicate about it."

• Commitment to No Questions in Emails:

  Tom shares a personal strategy of avoiding questions in emails to compel decision-making and initiative. By framing communications as statements, leaders are prompted to make clear choices and take responsibility.

  Notable Quote:

  Tom Henschel [26:12]: "If you have a question, see if you can turn it into a statement. It forces you to take initiative."

These techniques empower leaders to act proactively, fostering a culture of initiative within their teams.

Practical Tips and Anecdotes

Tom illustrates his points with relatable stories, enhancing the episode's practical value:

• Childhood Lessons on Initiative:

  Reflecting on his upbringing, Tom recounts how his parents instilled a sense of responsibility and proactive behavior in him. This foundation was beneficial during his early team experiences but posed challenges when transitioning to leadership roles, where decision-making became paramount.

  Notable Quote:

  Tom Henschel [27:24]: "When you're the leader, you're suddenly making the work... I didn't know how to take initiative for them and make the decisions they needed."

• Real-World Example from Tom's Son:

  Tom shares a story about his friend's son taking initiative by directly engaging with a coach to secure a position, illustrating the effectiveness of proactive behavior.

  Notable Quote:

  Tom Henschel [24:10]: "The kid goes down the hall, sits down, talks to the coach... he took initiative."

These anecdotes serve as powerful reminders of the impact and importance of taking initiative in various contexts.

Conclusion

Episode 730 of Coaching for Leaders offers a comprehensive exploration of taking initiative, blending personal experiences with professional expertise. Tom Henschel's three-step framework—think and talk about your work, execute on your idea, and communicate effectively—provides a clear roadmap for leaders seeking to enhance their proactive behaviors. By addressing common challenges and offering practical strategies, the episode equips listeners with the tools necessary to transform initiative from a perceived shortfall into a demonstrable leadership strength.

Further Resources

Towards the end of the episode, Dave recommends several episodes from Tom Henschel's The Look and Sound of Leadership podcast for listeners seeking to deepen their understanding of leadership nuances:

• Episode 166: Leadership versus Management

  Explores the distinctions between leadership and management, emphasizing that management addresses complexity while leadership drives change.

• Episode 239: 5 Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists

  Provides practical approaches for navigating relationships with individuals exhibiting narcissistic tendencies in leadership roles.

• Episode 250: How to Answer "Tell Us About Yourself"

  Offers guidance on effectively responding to open-ended questions in interviews and professional settings.

• Episode 254: How to Talk So People Understand You

  Introduces the "sorting and labeling" framework to enhance communication clarity and effectiveness.

Dave also encourages listeners to engage with additional resources available at CoachingforLeaders.com, including a comprehensive leadership and management library accessible through a free membership.

Final Thoughts

Tom Henschel's insights in this episode are invaluable for leaders aiming to cultivate a proactive mindset. By understanding the perceptions surrounding initiative and implementing structured steps to enhance it, leaders can drive meaningful change within their organizations. This conversation not only highlights the importance of taking initiative but also offers tangible strategies to overcome the barriers that often impede it.

Transcript

[Dave Stahoviak]

Have you been told you should take more initiative? Or perhaps you've been telling that to someone else? Either way, this episode with Tom Henschel will outline three key steps to help you get started. This is Coaching for Leaders, episode 730, produced by Innovate, Learning, maximizing human potential. Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders and I'm your host, Dave Stahoviak. Leaders aren't born, they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. One of the things that we all need to do in our role as leaders is to take initiative. We also need to help others to be able to take initiative. Well, and if you're anything like me, you may have struggled a bit with both of those at different points in your career. And today, a conversation that's going to help us to do that a bit better. I am so pleased to welcome, welcome back to the show, Tom Henschel. Tom of Essential Communications supports senior leaders and executive teams. He's an internationally recognized expert in the field of workplace communications and self presentation and has helped thousands of leaders achieve excellence through his work as an executive coach and his top rated podcast, the look and Sound of Leadership. My favorite show on leadership that I listen to all the time. And Tom, in addition, is a dear friend. Tom, I went and looked and I think if I counted correctly, this is your 16th appearance here on Goto for Leaders. Welcome back.

[Tom Henschel]

Wow, thanks. That's so great. That's terrific. I'm so glad to be back.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, my gosh, me too. Me too. And it has been a bit since you've been on and you and I have been having this conversation, you say, on your podcast, the ongoing conversation of leadership. And you and I have been having an ongoing conversation over the last couple of months about this topic of initiative. And it is, it is one that I think a lot of us struggle with. I know I have at points in my career, for sure, you and I both see this a lot. And you brought a question into our conversation that I love to have you reflect on a bit. And the question you posed to me is, is initiative in the eye of the beholder? Tell me about that question.

[Tom Henschel]

I think sometimes with the best of intention, someone might take initiative. Like I might send an email to a group with the intention of being helpful, with the intention of sharing information. And suddenly my boss comes to me and goes, what were you thinking? We were not ready to whatever. And I suddenly am going, like, I thought I was doing something good. I thought I was taking initiative. I thought I was being helpful, but it didn't land that way on my boss, because initiative is in the eye of the beholder. As in, your action shows up, the initiative you took shows up, but your intention does not.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Ah, boy, that reminds me of where I started in my career. When you said that the feedback I got regularly the first few years of my professional career was, you're not showing enough initiative. And it was really interesting to me at the time of getting that feedback, because when I would get that feedback, I would respectfully listen and I'd ask a few questions, and I'd walk out of those conversations and I'd think, what are they talking about? I remember one manager in particular. I'm thinking, like, I'm taking initiative all the time. I'm doing stuff. I'm trying new things. I'm doing everything that's being asked of me. I'm trying to be creative. And I would legitimately, legitimately walk out of conversations where I'd get that feedback. And it showed up. And I got passed over for a couple promotions early on, and I just thought, what are they talking about? I don't even see it. I don't get it. And. But in their minds, I wasn't showing initiative at all, at least not in the things that mattered to them. And when you said, in the eye of the beholder, I thought, wow, that's just. That was so much my story.

[Tom Henschel]

So now, looking back, how do you make sense of that? Do you think it was a cultural issue? Like, where was the miscalibration?

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, it was me. It was absolutely me.

[Tom Henschel]

So now looking back, you say, oh, Dave, you really could have been taken more initiative.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, absolutely. Now when I look back, like, 25 years later, I think to myself, oh, my gosh, I didn't take initiative at all. I missed so much opportunity. I didn't step out of the box. I waited for people to tell me what to do. By and large, yes, I would do, like, little things of, like, reformatting spreadsheets and figuring out processes that help make things marginally better for the people I was working with and peers and employees. But I didn't ever do anything that I would put in the category of bold or. Or really meaningful for the organization that would really significantly move the needle. And the interesting thing, Tom, is, I think about that is I see that so clearly now. But I. It didn't even occur to me at the time that.

[Tom Henschel]

Right.

[Dave Stahoviak]

That I was missing those things.

[Tom Henschel]

And if I had stopped you in the parking Lot on the way home, you would have said, but I'm taking initiative.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah.

[Tom Henschel]

So. So again, I'm wondering, is this about professional maturity? Like, you thought the reformatting of a spreadsheet was taking initiative, but your supervisors looked at and went, that doesn't. That work does not make any difference.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Right, Right.

[Tom Henschel]

And so. But you didn't have the lens to look through it. And I wonder, as you and I are going to talk about this, I wonder if we're going to be able to help people shift that lens for themselves, to be able to see what they can't see at the moment.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah. And I think this is maybe a good lead in, Tom, to three steps that you've surfaced in thinking about this. And your first invitation is to. Is to think about your work and to talk about it. Tell me more about that.

[Tom Henschel]

Well, you know, I'm a coach, so I often think that my job is to get people to talk out loud so that they can discover their own thinking. And I find that to be true all the time, that insightful questions helps them deepen their own thinking. It's not that I have the insight they're going to have the insight about their own situation, their own work, their own relationship. And I. I do think we all experience this, you know, being in relationship with our partners or our family or our friends that, you know, we're suddenly over a meal talking about our work, and we say something, we go, that's a good idea. I. I hadn't thought of that before. And what kind of surfaced it for you is the mental process of having to articulate your ideas. So my feeling is, if you would like to get better at taking initiative, the very first thing you need to do is to start thinking actively about your work. Now, maybe you're an introvert, and maybe you think by reflection and you don't need to be talking to people, that's okay. But to devote the time specifically to say what's going on at my work, you're not saying, how can I take more initiative? You're thinking about your work because ideas will surface. Or talk to people about your work and ideas will surface. That's step one.

[Dave Stahoviak]

I am constantly amazed at my own inability to see outside of my own perspective without getting in conversation with others and how I can so easily miss stuff. And I also see it, Tom, in our academy cohorts, when someone brings a situation to one of our cohorts and we're talking through it, and we have a whole process for how we do that, and it's really fascinating how what is immediately apparent to three or four other people in the conversation that the person who's in the middle of the politics, the emotion, the situation can't see. And I've. I've seen it now on both sides so many times that I recognize that the importance of reflecting, getting other people involved, having other data points in just in order to see things that otherwise you can't see that are blind spots.

[Tom Henschel]

Yeah. Isn't it amazing? It's wonderful. Listen, again, it's part of why my work is so gratifying is it's not that I'm doing the magic, it's that the magic happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Stahoviak]

The, the thing that has been an indicator that I've noticed both in myself and in the people I work with at this step of, like, okay, in thinking about it and talking about something in an ambiguous situation, if I could talk of like, should I do something or not? Is one indicator that tends to come up a lot is do I feel like I'm waiting for someone else?

[Tom Henschel]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Stahoviak]

And I've noticed that sometimes legitimately, I or someone else needs to wait for someone else because it's a policy decision, because there's an approval, because there's some sort of formal thing that needs to happen. I found more often though, that that feeling of I'm waiting on someone else is that the someone else is not going to happen. You know, it's sort of an indicator that, like, okay, if I'm, if I find myself in noticing myself wa. On other people a lot, that actually I've realized over time that, like, that may be an indicator coming back to me or ever the person's waiting, that like, oh, maybe I should be the one taking the first step on this.

[Tom Henschel]

I also think it echoes back to that idea of will it be well received? And that may be part of the fear too. It's like, well, I could do that, but I'm not sure if I should do that. Right. Is it in the eye of the beholder again? So it might be a little bit of that too. So I think there's many reasons that might block us or inhibit us from taking more initiative. And hopefully this conversation is going to help.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah, indeed. And, and, and I actually wanted to ask you about that because the first point you've made here is thinking, talking about what's happening, talking about your work, getting out of your own perspective, taking some time to reflect, whatever that looks like. The second step is going to be executing on your idea, which we're going to get to in a moment. But I am sort of curious if there's like a step 1.5 here in some situations of assuming I do that, talking and thinking, and maybe I've decided that I'm going to try something. Do I tell other people what I'm about to do before I do it or do I not? And I can sort of make a case either way. And I'm curious how you think about it.

[Tom Henschel]

Listen, I. I think communication is a crucial part of taking initiative so that you don't step off a cliff. I mean, yes, I think that's really important and it might be step 1.5 maybe, but this really simple three step model that I was thinking about was in order to literally just kick yourself off the diving board. And it's why I put as number two is execute. Right. So I'm thinking about my work. I'm talking to you. I have this idea. Do it. That's number two, do it. And again, with the understanding that you're being thoughtful, with the understanding that you've asked the question, should I. You've asked the question, should I let people know first? Or whatever, let's assume that. But my point is, if you can think about all that and there's no reason to hesitate, do it. Just do it and make agreements with yourself. How far will you go? Will you go one step and then turn to your boss and go, I want to tell you something I'm doing? Or will you go four steps and then turn to your boss and say, I want to tell you something that I'm doing? So I think you need to be thinking about that. Like how far am I going? How big a step am I taking? And that's part of your job here in steps one and two, thinking about your work and executing on it, you need to know really what are you going to do? And be really clear about it, so that if someone does come up to you and say, what are you doing? You can explain it.

[Dave Stahoviak]

And you highlighted for me a scale that goes from on one side being really cautious and on the other side being very bold. And I think in most situations we don't want to be on the extreme of either of those sides, but kind of picturing where we are and maybe nudging a bit. Right?

[Tom Henschel]

Yeah, yeah. If we think about those two ends of the continuum as they relate to initiatives, specifically, yes. I think what I've learned from my clients, what I've learned in my own life, is that there is always room to move towards bold, even if it's just 5%. Not a lot. But if you were to ask yourself, if I were 5% more bold in my work tomorrow, what would I do? And I believe that something will come to your mind because I think we all have a little room to grow on that side. Not because we're fearful or timid or anything, but because we're doing everything that we know. We've got enough work to keep us busy. We're not sitting thinking about initiative. We're doing what we're there to do. So I think this does often take a little focus and I love the thought exercise of if I were 5% more bold tomorrow, what would I do?

[Dave Stahoviak]

And it's really interesting that when I think about all the situations, all the conversations I've been involved with in recent years and with our members and listeners, it's pretty rare I run into someone in a situation where they're being too bold.

[Tom Henschel]

Okay, then it does happen. It's like, yeah, but, but I think that's really helpful. If that's really your evidence and, and your experience. It's helpful for all of us who are cautious or who worry. It's great. Most of the time it's fine, do it.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah, and, but I, but I'm indexing on my own experience here and with our members who by and large are people who are really thoughtful, thinking deeply about leadership and the kind of folks who listen to the show are just like, I think a really, really special, unique kind of person who really thinks deeply about this. And not every leader does. And you in particular sometimes work with folks who are pretty disruptive in their work. I'm curious, like do you see people who run into the too bold and if, and when you do, what are the indicators that, okay, maybe they've over indexed on that a bit?

[Tom Henschel]

Oh for sure. Yes. Those people are absolutely out there. And I'm so glad that you kind of remind us that yes, this isn't for everybody. Some people are too far indexed down the bold line. Yes. What happens is people tend to get angry at those people because they're breaking boundaries, they're breaking agreements, they're rushing ahead. It often looks very self serving. It also looks tone deaf. Like are you not paying attention? So yes, you're absolutely right. In order to do this well, this initiative, I think you and I are assuming that we are talking to people who are like in your academy who are thoughtful about their work and reflective about their own behaviors. Yes, I agree.

[Dave Stahoviak]

And the reason I mention that is because I think like oftentimes when we get into a conversation about this, When I get into a conversation about this with anyone and even myself, I, despite all evidence to the contrary, I think sometimes, oh, am I that bold jerk person? That's like doing too much, going too far? And almost always I'm indexing the other way, actually too much. And the people I'm working with are indexing the other way. But I think it's like, it's interesting. A lot of us fear being that person who's doing too much, who's being too bold, who's being too aggressive and making people angry. And as a result, it. It stops us from actually doing the things that would be taking healthy initiative in our organizations.

[Tom Henschel]

Yes, it. Yes, it stops people. But, you know, I have this conversation with people as a coach. I have this conversation with people all the time, Dave, who say kind of what you say of like, well, I don't want to overstep my bounds and I don't want to step on people's toes. And I usually ask, as I would ask of you, is, is that actually your pattern? Because what you've actually told me is that going back to early in your career, you're actually calibrated to be more towards the midline than bold, down the line. That's not actually your inclination. And I think most people can picture where they are on that continuum, and if they really feel like they're pretty far down the bold line, well, they might want to get some feedback and check that out. But I think most of us are closer to the midline and could move a little further down.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, I love that question. Is that your pattern? That's such a helpful way to think about this. And that's a good lead into speaking of communication, the third step here, which is, of course, we talked about the thinking, the talking about the work, we talked about executing on the idea, trying something. Step three, communication. What does that look like?

[Tom Henschel]

Well, I think it looks like advocating for what you're doing. It's becoming an advocate for the idea that you had. It's not about you personally. It's that you are somehow improving something, changing something, making something better, and you're going to go tell that story. So maybe you need to put some data together, maybe make a slide, maybe. I don't know what. Maybe you're going to have a story to tell or an anecdote, I don't know. But you want to show people the beginning of this work, to get them on board, to get them to be advocates, to get momentum behind it again. Not as self advocacy. You're trying to be of service to the work.

[Dave Stahoviak]

And the key distinction I'm hearing there is you advocating for the idea versus advocating for yourself. Right? That's so key.

[Tom Henschel]

Well, I think that's part of the whole thing about initiative. Those people that you talked about who are over indexed way down on the bold line, I think we see them as self serving because I think it's easy for initiative to look self serving sometimes. Like you're just doing that as self promotion, pal. Like what are you doing? But I think when we come at any initiative with the idea of service, it completely changes it and it changes your ideas too. If I'm thinking about how the work could be better, I'm probably going to have one idea. If I think about how can I get a promotion, I might have a very different idea. And I want to say how I can get a promotion is a really important way to be thinking about your work. I'm just saying that doesn't necessarily mean taking initiative. So I think often our initiative. No, let me say this a different way. What we don't want is we don't want our initiative to look self serving. We want it to look like we're being helpful to the business. And I think coming at even your thinking about your work, all three of these steps, I think you can ask yourself, who's benefiting here? If I'm going to do this, who wins? And if it, if it's not only you, by the way, it's great. If it is you, by the way, I'm all for that, but it shouldn't only be you. If the team is going to be better, the customer is going to be better, the outcome is going to be better. Go for it and then communicate about it. One, two, three.

[Dave Stahoviak]

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the late Zig Ziglar who said, you can have everything in life you want if you'll just help enough other people get what they want. And I think about that in the context of what you just said, Tom, because one of the mindsets that you invited me to think about even before this conversation is calibrate yourself to helping people. If you calibrate that first, then you're so much more likely to stick with the ideas, the big picture, the how am I helping the organization? And less about the what does this necessarily mean for me and selfishness and all that.

[Tom Henschel]

I'll add something. If you are known as a helper, a contributor, then you will get invited places, you will get invited Onto projects. You will get invited to meet people. You will have opportunities to take initiative because helpers are brought along. So, yeah, if you can calibrate yourself to helping people. Oh, yeah, I think it's a great way to think about that as an initiative that you do. And opportunities to take initiative will show up.

[Dave Stahoviak]

One of the obstacles, I know you hear from people in conversations when talking about this is that I don't know enough yet and I'm not sure what to do and I don't have all the information or the experience. When you hear that from people, what do you invite them to do?

[Tom Henschel]

Well, I do a little ass kicking, Dave, because, I mean, partly. If they go, I don't know enough yet, my answer back is like, well, what do you need to know? And why don't you know it? Is it available? Or are you just worried? Because if the information's available, then go, that's part of the initiative. Go find out what you need to know. So that's the first part. There's another thing too, though, which again, this, with people who aren't as bold as they could be, I really encourage them. Could they just make an assumption and move forward on that assumption? And then that's the execution part. And then you're going to communicate about the assumption and find out, can you do that? And I know that for some people that feels like a risk. I want to just go back to the beginning to make sure that this is really clear. What you and I are talking about is a mind block that people have of, well, you know, I really would like to do that, but I'm not sure. I just don't know enough yet. When you hear that in your own head, I want to say, either go find out the answer or make an assumption, a reasonable assumption that suits the business and suits what you're doing, Try it out and then communicate about it. But so let me just ask it back to you. I'm proposing two different things. What are you. How do these sound?

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, it sounds so sensible and logical and kind of going back to where we started. How often we just don't see it and we don't see where to begin. And so I think, like, part of this is just the noticing, the thinking about it, the, okay, if I feel like I'm waiting on people or I feel like things aren't clear or I'm sensing ambiguity, that that's like the. That's an indicator, likely, okay, it's time to do something with that of, oh, I need to go find some more Information or I need to have questions. And I think to your point earlier is this is an opportunity to also engage in conversation with people and find out, like, do other people have this information? Do other people know? Like, am I, like, how often? We're just not. I think we're. We often have fear of just asking like the kind of the basic sometimes obvious question. But sometimes that's a question that needs to be asked.

[Tom Henschel]

I don't know what to be in conversation with people. Listen, I think in some ways that's taking initiative. Can I tell a quick story? I was having breakfast with a friend the other day and his kid is new at one of the big state universities in the Midwest and he's into sports management. And there was this opportunity. He's a freshman, remember there's this opportunity and he had to write an essay and all this stuff. So he calls his dad and he goes, God, will you help me with my essay? And his dad goes, why don't you just go talk to the coach? And he was like, well, I'm supposed to write an essay. And he was like, well, why don't you go ask the coach what makes a good essay? And he was like, can I do that? And the dad goes, yeah, just go talk to him. The kid goes down the hall, sits down, talks to the coach. The coach says, you want this job? It's yours if you want it. Because he took initiative. He walked down the hall and went to talk to the coach. And that idea, right? He was like, I don't know enough yet. No, just go do it. And it also speaks to the thing that I think you were talking about earlier, which is you were hearing, go take more initiative. And you couldn't see how.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Right, right.

[Tom Henschel]

So this idea, one of the things that you and I are talking about at the moment is this idea. When I hear I don't know enough that I'm going to make an assumption. What's important is to know you've made an assumption because that helps you communicate later to say, look, I didn't know this. So I made this assumption it's going to be this way. And then I took that action. And then people go, oh, I see that, by the way, bad assumption, wish you hadn't done it. But at least you know it wasn't just you being impulsive. So that idea of having some self awareness, self knowledge, I am making an assumption. I'm going to act on this assumption and we'll see where it goes. I think that's another way to take initiative and Give yourself permission to do it.

[Dave Stahoviak]

There's two things you mentioned to me leading up to this conversation that I wanted to loop back on. And I don't know if we've talked about either of them yet, but if we haven't, you said you had a trick on thinking about this and I'm wondering if you'd share that.

[Tom Henschel]

Yes, I do. This became a trick because it was something that happened to me and I suddenly realized, oh, this is happening. Many, many, many, many years ago, I made a commitment to myself that I would no longer ask questions in emails. And the reason why was because I felt that anytime I asked a question, I was giving the receiver work. And that's not my place to give the receiver work. That's not my intention with the email. So I started to say to myself, no questions. If you have a question, see if you can turn it into a statement. And what ended up happening over time was I had to make decisions. And so I want to say, if you want to take more initiative, try asking no questions in an email. Make statements, because you will have to make choices. You will have to be clear about your position to make a statement and it forces you to take initiative. It's been a really interesting experience for me.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Fascinating. I'm going to try that. I'm going to try that this week. I love it.

[Tom Henschel]

Oh, I'm going to be curious if it's easy, hard, if you think it's worth it. Yeah, I'd love to hear about it.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, I'm sure it'll be hard. And I also think it'll be really useful to try it because. Yeah, the other thing that you mentioned leading up to this conversation and maybe you already shared the story, I don't know. But you said you had a growing up story about taking initiative and the challenge it brought. Would you tell it?

[Tom Henschel]

So this goes back to me as a kid growing up. I was the youngest of four kids, two parents, household of six. You know, running a house of six is, can be chaos. And one of the things looking back now especially, one of the things I think my parents did really well was to create moments where the family worked together for the next part of the day or the next event or whatever it was. So we'd be playing games and then everybody pitches in to clean up or everybody sets the table or clears the dish or whatever. And it's, it's a group thing. So as an extrovert and a little kid who I just loved because I was the youngest, I was, I loved being included. It was a good match for me. But what are things I learned as I continued to grow up and get older? And, you know, life in the house, not everybody's in the same room at the same time, but sometimes you show up. And one of the things my parents taught me was, if you see everybody working, pitch in. Don't take that as an opportunity to go to the bathroom, like, pitch in. And if you don't know what to do, ask. But there's always something to do, so look around and figure it out. And that was really helpful for me as a team participant, as someone who tended to work in large teams, especially when I was in the theater, that there was always something to do and having that as an idea. So that made me take initiative, and that part of it was really helpful. What I found, Dave. And here was where the challenge came when I moved into a leadership role. Like, for example, the first time I directed a play, I was used to being part of the team and taking initiative as a team member, where it's pretty clear how to help. If you look around and you know the work, it's pretty clear how you can pitch in. But when you're the leader, you're suddenly making the work. And I was like. The very first time I worked with designers, I'm going to interrupt myself. I knew how to take care of my actors. I had been an actor, so I could lead my actors and took plenty of initiative with them. I knew what they needed. But my first two designers were all over me. They were like. They were basically saying, you don't know how to direct a play, pal. Because I didn't know how to take initiative for them and make the decisions they needed so they could do their work. I didn't know how to do that. And my growing up, as pleasant as it was and as useful as it was, didn't help me there. And I found that I was shy and a little slow to learn. So it was an interesting way, when I was part of a team, I could take initiative. When I was a sole leader, it was harder for me.

[Dave Stahoviak]

What helped you shift like that? First experience of directing a play, and then the second, the third, that made it a bit better.

[Tom Henschel]

Opening night. Opening night is coming. No, but I'm serious, like, you don't have a choice. I mean, you can put on a play that's crappy, but if you have a choice, why would you do that? So, I mean, I learned as fast as I could because opening night is coming, and I wanted the play to be good. That was really, my motivator was, yeah, there's no time, get to work. So, you know, yeah, that was a good motivator.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Tom Henschel is the host of the look and Sound of Leadership, my favorite podcast on leadership. He's an executive coach and he's a dear friend. Tom, it is always a pleasure.

[Tom Henschel]

My words exactly. Always a pleasure.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Many of you have told me over the years that it's so helpful here at the end of episodes to hear related conversations, other episodes that I think will be helpful to you. And I know many of you go down those rabbit holes and have been really helpful of illuminating more resources on a particular topic. And I stole that idea from Tom Henschel. I absolutely did, because I thought it was so great. He's been doing that for years. On the look and Sound of Leadership podcast, I started doing the same thing. So many of you have told me. That's great. In the spirit of giving back, I'd love to share a few episodes Tom's podcast, the look and Sound of Leadership that I think you should listen to. Some of my favorites in recent years. One of them is episode 166 on the look and sound of leadership, leadership versus management. Tom does a beautiful job in this episode of painting the distinction between leadership and management. They are different, they're related. And I get this question a lot from our members. What is the difference? How do you think about it? How do you define them? Tom details that beautifully in episode 166 of his show and really paints the picture of management being about answering complexity. Leadership is the answer to change. And he goes into much more detail there. It's a wonderful, concise way to think about it. It lines up exactly with how I think about it as well. Also recommended his episode 239, 5 Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists. It's just the reality that many of us will at some point work for someone who displays narcissistic tendencies. They do tend to show up in greater numbers in executive leadership, unfortunately, in a lot of organizations. And so how do you deal with that? I hope you're not working for a narcissist right now. It's a difficult thing when you are, but if you are. Five strategies from his episode 239 I think will really help you to start to take some practical steps to navigate a tough situation like that. Also recommended his episode 250, how to Answer. Tell us about yourself. That's the question a lot of us have gotten before. Oftentimes it comes up in interview situations. It's also the conversation that inspired this conversation. When I heard that episode, I thought, ooh, that's an ambiguous question. And it got us thinking about how we actually handle situations where there isn't always a clear answer or one way to do things. And Tom really goes into detail in that episode of how to paint that picture really beautifully when you do get that question, how to make it work for you. And then finally, I'd Recommend his episode 254, how to Talk so people understand you. Tom has been teaching for years a framework called sorting and labeling. Bonnie and I use it all the time in our communications to help people understand our message. He's been a wonderful coach to us on this and so many of you have told me how valuable Tom's methodology on sorting and labeling is. If you need people to understand you better or if you regularly find that people aren't getting the message, episode 254 of the look and Sound of Leadership would be a great place to start. And I'd of course recommend listening to Tom's show. It's airs once a month for about 20, 25 minutes. It's a great compliment to Coaching for Leaders. Thanks Tom, for all your resources and your mentorship and friendship over the years. In addition to that, I'd recommend going over to coaching4leaders.com and if you set up your free membership, you're going to get access to a whole bunch of resources. One of them is the ability to search in the library by topics. You can find exact what is relevant to you right now. One of those topic areas is Tom. Because Tom's been on the show so many times over the years, I've we've databased all the episodes he's been on. So if you're looking for more episodes we've had with him over the years inside of the free membership, just look for Tom Henschel's name in there. You'll find that along with dozens of other categories of resources that'll be useful to you right now. And if you'd like a bit more, you might want to check out Coaching for Leaders. Plus, every single week I am writing a journal entry and I'm sharing sharing it with you on email so that you can take the next step on something that's important right now and how you lead. And just this past week or two, one of our members mentioned a difficult conversation they're having with a stakeholder and a stakeholder who's not very trusting right now. And we talked about how we can do a better job at actually building relationships with stakeholders, especially when there isn't trust. I penned a recent journal entry on how to make your stakeholders shine. Some of the key principles I've used over the years I've seen work for others and where to begin? It's one of the recent journal entries. You can find it inside Coaching for Leaders plus. If you'd like to discover more about that, just go to Coaching4Leaders plus for information on the journal, our expert chats, topic guides, and much more. Coaching for Leaders is edited by Andrew Cross Kroger. Production support is provided by Sierra Priest. Thanks as always for the privilege to support you, and I'll be back next Monday for our next conversation on leadership.