Transcript
Dave Stahoviak (0:00)
We place our organizations at risk when we miss stuff. Often the things we miss aren't what we don't know. Instead, they're the assumptions we don't even question in this episode, the practices that work to find what's missing. This is Coaching for Leaders, episode 732, produced by Innovate, Learning, Maximizing Human Potential. Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders and I'm your host, Dave Stahoviak. Leaders aren't born, they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. Mark Twain said, what gets us into trouble is not what we don't know, it's what we know for sure that just ain't so. Today's guest mentioned that quote in his TED Talk. And it is the reality of leadership for so many of us that it's not even the things we don't know, it's the things we don't see coming because we're so sure of it and we haven't found the things that we're missing. Today's guest is going to help us to actually do a bit more, to be intentional about finding what we're missing so we can lead better for our organizations. I'm so pleased to welcome back to the show Jeff Wetzler. He is co founder of Transcend, a nationally recognized innovation organization and an expert in learning and human potential. His experience spans 25 plus years in business and education as a management consultant to top corporations, a learning facilitator for leaders, and as chief Learning Officer at Teach for America. He's the author of Tap into the Hidden Wisdom of People around you for Unexpected Breakthroughs in leadership and life. Jeff, welcome back.
Jeff Wetzler (1:54)
Thank you, Dave. It's really great to be back with you.
Dave Stahoviak (1:57)
I loved getting back into your work from a year ago. As you know, I'm a big believer in asking questions. Yes, I know that your book appealed to me right away when I first came across it a year ago in our first conversation and when we last talked. I asked you what you changed your mind on, as I often do for folks, and a story about taking an Uber ride a while back. And I've learned more about that story since that first conversation. And I actually would love to start our conversation where we left off last time on that Uber ride. And for those who didn't hear the past episode, I'm wondering if you could put us in that situation you were a few years ago and what happened and what you noticed when that ride began.
Jeff Wetzler (2:43)
Sure. I had just Spent a week on vacation with several of my guy friends, and we had had just a very relaxing week. We were paddling canoes and, you know, in the remote wilderness and just had spent a whole lot of time reconnecting with each other, getting to know each other, asking each other questions. And then when we finally got back to civilization, I needed to get to the airport. So I called an Uber just like so many times before, thought nothing of it. And as the Uber is pulling up, I take a look at its bumper sticker. And on the bumper sticker I see a symbol of a black and white American flag with a thin blue line running through this. And then I looked up at the driver and I noticed on his hat he had that same Blue Lives Matter flag. Now, for many people, this may not mean anything as a symbol, but for me, I was coming from a context in various parts of my work and my life where that particular symbol really triggered me. It associated, I had it associated at the time, at least with things that brought up fears for myself, fears for the safety of the public, questions about racial justice, questions about white supremacy. It all came flooding up for me. And my immediate reaction was, I don't actually feel safe getting in the car with this driver because I don't know what's going to. Both happened to me, but also, you know, how could I be with someone who might have such abhorrent views as what I had as associations for the flag? And so I literally looked down and I thought to myself, should I cancel this car? Can you cancel a car right when it's pulling up right in front of you? And I decided to take a deep breath and get in the car. But what I immediately did when I got in the car is I just looked down at my phone and I dove into the emails and I just thought, maybe if I don't have to talk to this person, we could just get to the airport. It was about a 45 minute ride and it'll be okay. And then I would say maybe about 10 or 15 minutes into the ride, I realized something. I said, how often do I actually have the opportunity to be sitting one on one with someone who probably has a vastly different worldview, a vastly different set of values than I do? What could be the harm in at least, you know, starting a conversation with the person? Maybe there's something here. And I was. But I, I was, I was definitely conflicted because there was a big part of me that just said, you know, keep your distance, essentially, even though you're sitting in this person's car, don't even start it. But I, I decided to dip my toe in the water and I, and I just said to him, hey, I noticed your hat and are you affiliated with the police? And I didn't know where it was going to go. And I was, I kind of held my breath after asking the question and one thing led to the next and you know, lo and behold, he basically, in a very kind and very soft, surprisingly soft spoken way, shared with me his life experience as a police officer and as a member of a family who was really dedicated to serving the public through the law and shared some very, I would say to me, incredibly shocking stories of sacrifices that he personally made, that his family made, of violence that they endured, of threats that they endured to such a point where he actually had to step, to step away from the police force, given the jeopardy that he was in and that his family was in, based on his dedication to serving people. And I was really blown away. I just hadn't humanized, quote, the other side of a symbol before to, you know, to the point where I felt comfortable enough to say to him, and what do you think about some of the criticisms of the police? And what do you think of, you know, what, what do you make of that? Of people who would say we should defund the police? And the answers that I got from this guy were so non defensive and so balanced, where he basically said things like, I understand why people have those views, but I would have questions for them too, like who would they call if their house got robbed? Who would they want to call? What would happen? And I thought these were very fair questions. And then he talked about how his own personal commitment to anti bias and to fair policing and building relationships with the people he arrests and to especially valuing the dignity of the people that he arrests, including things like offering them a final cigarette before they get booked. And so my entire worldview really got, I would say, nuanced. It's not that I don't still have visceral reactions when I see symbols like this, but I then remember there's a person behind the symbol and that that person might have an entirely different life story or reality than I was assuming. And chances are, as it was the case in this situation, there's more that we share in common than I realize. So it was, it was definitely a humbling moment. It was a connecting moment. And it was a moment that I think truly changed me forever.
