Podcast Summary: Coaching for Leaders – Episode 733: The Way to Notice People Better, with Zach Mercurio

Release Date: May 12, 2025

In Episode 733 of Coaching for Leaders, host Dave Stachowiak engages in a profound conversation with Zach Mercurio, author, researcher, and speaker specializing in purposeful leadership, mattering, meaningful work, and positive organizational psychology. The episode delves into the pivotal role leaders play in making their team members feel seen, valued, and significant, moving beyond transactional interactions to foster a culture of significance within organizations.

1. The Essence of Mattering in Leadership

Dave opens the discussion by highlighting the fundamental human desire to feel recognized and valued, both personally and professionally. He emphasizes that meaningful moments of being seen and appreciated far outweigh material rewards in shaping individuals' career satisfaction.

Key Insight:

• Leaders are tasked not just with managing tasks but with cultivating an environment where every team member feels they matter.

2. Zach Mercurio’s Personal Journey: From Transactions to Connections

Zach shares a heartfelt personal story about his experience as a parent, which serves as a metaphor for leadership. Initially, his interactions with his son over screen time were transactional—directives followed by compliance. However, a pivotal moment occurred when he chose to engage with his son genuinely, leading to a meaningful conversation that deepened their relationship.

Notable Quote:

• [02:27] Zach Mercurio: “...we had a conversation. And it was one of those moments where... we just stopped treating him like a transaction and started coming alongside him to be with him and seek understanding instead of evaluating him. It was incredibly powerful.”

Key Insight:

• Shifting from transactional to relational interactions can transform relationships, fostering deeper connections and mutual understanding.

3. The Prevalence of Transactional Interactions in Organizations

Both Dave and Zach discuss how organizational interactions often remain shallow and transactional. Most meetings and communications focus on information exchange rather than building meaningful relationships.

Notable Quote:

• [05:27] Zach Mercurio: “Absolutely. I mean, most of our interactions in organizations are transactional...”

Key Insight:

• Leaders need to recognize the predominance of transactional interactions and strive to incorporate more genuine, human-centered communications.

4. Research Findings: The Impact of Leader Behavior on Mattering

Zach references his research involving 1,000 employees across 22 industries, revealing that nearly 50% of employees' feelings of mattering and meaningfulness at work are influenced by their leaders' behaviors.

Notable Quote:

• [07:32] Zach Mercurio: “It does. And it is very hard for anything to matter to someone who doesn't first believe that they matter.”

Key Insight:

• Leaders play a critical role in fostering a sense of significance among employees, directly impacting their engagement and job satisfaction.

5. The Virtuous Cycle: Mattering Leads to Value Addition

Zach explains the concept that feeling valued is a precursor to adding value. When employees feel they matter, their self-esteem and self-efficacy increase, leading to enhanced performance and contribution to the organization.

Notable Quote:

• [09:56] Zach Mercurio: “We often think that people should be valued once they add value. ... But from a human psychological standpoint, the opposite is actually true.”

Key Insight:

• Cultivating a sense of worth among team members encourages them to contribute more effectively, creating a positive feedback loop within the organization.

6. Practical Framework: Observe, Note, and Share

Zach outlines a practical three-step process for leaders to make their team members feel seen:

1. Observe: Pay close attention to the details of people's lives and work.
2. Note: Document observations to remember important aspects about each individual.
3. Share: Engage with individuals by sharing what you've noticed, demonstrating that you truly see and value them.

Notable Quote:

• [25:55] Dave Stachowiak: “You write leaders who look closely and notice people tend to follow a process characterized by three behaviors. And the three behaviors are observe, note, and share. What does that look like?”

Key Insight:

• Implementing a structured approach to noticing and acknowledging team members can significantly enhance their sense of being valued.

7. Responding to Bids for Connection: Turning Toward vs. Away

Drawing from John Gottman’s research, Zach discusses the importance of responding positively to individuals’ bids for connection. He explains the three possible responses:

• Turn Toward: Engage and acknowledge the person’s attempt to connect.

  Example Quote:

  • [19:34] Zach Mercurio: “...turn toward is noticing and engaging...”

• Turn Away: Ignore or dismiss the person’s bid for connection.

  Example Quote:

  • [19:34] Zach Mercurio: “...turning away is disregarding and ignoring the bid.”

• Turn Against: Actively reject or negate the person’s attempt to connect.

  Example Quote:

  • [19:34] Zach Mercurio: “...turning against is an outright rejection.”

Key Insight:

• Consistently turning toward bids for connection strengthens relationships and fosters a supportive organizational culture.

8. Overcoming Challenges: Consistency in Turning Toward

Dave and Zach acknowledge the difficulty leaders face in consistently turning toward every bid for connection, especially amidst busy schedules and overwhelming responsibilities. They discuss strategies to incorporate this practice into daily routines.

Notable Quote:

• [22:16] Dave Stachowiak: “It takes more time. You know, it's so easy to just turn away...”

Key Insight:

• Developing intentional habits, such as Zach’s "do-over journal," can help leaders prioritize meaningful interactions despite a hectic workflow.

9. Redefining Leadership: Leaders Also Need to Feel Valued

Zach shares a pivotal shift in his understanding: leaders themselves may often feel isolated and undervalued. He emphasizes the importance of leaders receiving recognition and support from their teams to sustain their ability to lead effectively.

Notable Quote:

• [32:14] Zach Mercurio: “One of the things that I assumed was that leaders themselves felt that they mattered. ...”

Key Insight:

• Building a culture where leaders and team members mutually recognize each other’s value enhances overall organizational health and effectiveness.

10. Conclusion and Continuing the Journey of Mattering

As the conversation wraps up, Dave highlights additional resources and episodes that complement the themes discussed, encouraging listeners to further explore the facets of meaningful leadership and human-centric organizational cultures.

Notable Quote:

• [31:58] Dave Stachowiak: “...you'll be able to start to not only see the power of mattering, you'll be able to start seeing how much these small gestures do matter and start to remember how much you matter as a leader.”

Key Insight:

• Embracing the practice of making others feel significant is an ongoing journey that requires dedication, reflection, and continuous effort from leaders.

Final Thoughts:

Episode 733 of Coaching for Leaders offers actionable insights into transforming leadership practices by prioritizing human connection over transactional interactions. By adopting the Observe, Note, and Share framework, and consistently turning toward bids for connection, leaders can cultivate a workplace where every individual feels valued and empowered to contribute their best. Zach Mercurio’s expertise underscores the profound impact that genuine recognition and meaningful interactions have on building resilient, engaged, and high-performing teams.

For more insights and episodes, visit CoachingforLeaders.com.