Transcript
Dave Stahoviak (0:00)
When you ask people what mattered in their careers, few of them cite the bonus or the stock options or the employee of the month award. What they do talk about are the times they were remembered, supported, thanked and seen. In this episode, how to do that Better. This is Coaching for Leaders, episode 733, produced by Innovate Learning, Maximizing Human Potential. Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders and I'm your host, Dave Stahoviak. Leaders aren't born, they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. One of the things that we all want, we all need is to matter matter in our families and our relationships and of course, matter course mattering in our professional responsibilities and roles and relationships as well too. Today, an invitation on how we can do a better job at creating a culture of significance in our organizations by noticing people in such a genuine and effective way. And I'm so pleased to welcome Zach Mercurio. Zach is an author, researcher and speaker specializing in purposeful leadership mattering, meaningful work, and positive organizational psychology. He teaches a course with past guest Simon Sinek on how leaders can show everyone how they matter. He is the author of the Power of How Leaders Can Create a Culture of Significance. Zach, so good to see you.
Zach Mercurio (1:37)
Thank you, Dave. I'm glad to be here.
Dave Stahoviak (1:40)
I love this book and I love the work that you're doing on helping us to get better at thinking about this word mattering. And it's so human and, and it's so central to who we are. And I think that's probably why a story that you told in the book grabbed my attention and maybe also because it's my story too of being a parent. And you tell about how your oldest son loves his tablet and can get go down the rabbit hole on it. And like every parent, you're being mindful of screen time and him not spending too much time on that. And I'm you decided to make a shift in how you approach this dynamic, this tension that I think a lot of us feel who are parents. And I was wondering if you could share that story.
Zach Mercurio (2:27)
Well, yeah, I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old, so I have two boys. My 10 year old loves watching his tablet during his allotted tablet time, but when it's time to turn it off, interactions typically went like this, hey, turn your tablet off? No. Then some sort of grumbling and then afterward he would finally turn it off because I made him. And then he'd go run away and do something on his own, and we'd go on our way. And it's not exactly the parent child relationship I was going for. And I started researching and really thinking about what it means to. To notice somebody. And I realized, wow, I was just treating him like a transaction. Hey, do this, shut this off, do this for me. Comply. And that was it. And then there was one day where it all came together for me. I was in the kitchen, I was doing dishes, and he was on his tablet and the timer went off. We do set a timer, and instead of saying, shut your tablet off, I went over to the couch, I sat down next to him, and I just said, hey, what are you watching? And his eyes lifted up from the tablet. He started talking to me about the show he was watching. And I said, what do you like about the characters? And he started talking to me. And very slowly, guess what happened? The tablet shut off. And we were having a conversation. And it was one of those moments where, you know, when you research something and you think about something and then you see it in action, especially with your kids, and you see what happens when someone feels seen. And the connection we had in that moment and the conversation and the relationship that we were building when I just stopped treating him like a transaction and started coming alongside him to be with him and seek understanding instead of evaluating him, it was incredibly powerful.
