735: How to Help People Connect at Work, with Wes Adams

Summary

Podcast Summary: Coaching for Leaders Episode 735 – How to Help People Connect at Work with Wes Adams

Introduction

In Episode 735 of Coaching for Leaders, host Dr. Dave Stachowiak engages in a profound conversation with Wes Adams, CEO of SV Consulting Group and a positive psychology researcher at the University of Pennsylvania. The episode delves into the critical role leaders play in fostering connections and building community within the workplace, essential for creating meaningful work environments.

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1. The Evolving Landscape of Work and the Need for Connection

Dr. Stachowiak opens the discussion by highlighting the shift in workplace expectations over the past few decades. He references Esther Perel's insightful observation:

“Never have we expected so much from work. We want from work today what we used to get from religion and community—belonging, purpose, meaning.” (02:10)

Wes Adams concurs, drawing parallels to Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" phenomenon, emphasizing the decline in civic and communal engagements and the ensuing yearning for community within professional settings:

“The decline of civic institutions and organizations has left us really wanting more community, more connection, especially at work.” (02:50)

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2. Drawing Insights from Ecology: Suzanne Simard’s Tree Networks

Adams introduces the fascinating work of Professor Suzanne Simard, an ecologist who discovered that trees communicate and support each other through underground fungal networks. He uses this as an analogy for organizational dynamics:

“Trees share not only resources like carbon and water but also information about dangers and opportunities, functioning as one big organism.” (03:45)

This mycorrhizal network illustrates how interconnectedness and collaboration can lead to thriving ecosystems, paralleling how organizations can function as cohesive units through strong interpersonal connections.

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3. The Harvard Study and the Power of Community

Referencing the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Adams underscores that the strength of our relationships is the primary predictor of success and well-being across all life aspects:

“The strength of our relationships is the biggest predictor of how well we're going to do in all aspects of our life.” (06:08)

This finding reinforces the necessity for leaders to prioritize community-building within their teams.

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4. The Three Cs of Meaningful Work: Community, Contribution, and Challenge

Adams introduces the Three Cs framework from his research, which outlines the pillars of meaningful work:

• Community: Fostering a sense of belonging and allowing individuals to show up authentically.
• Contribution: Helping employees understand the positive impact of their work on others and the larger organizational goals.
• Challenge: Providing opportunities for personal and professional growth.

He emphasizes that while all three are crucial, community serves as the foundational element that enhances the other two:

“When community is present, it amplifies contribution and challenge, creating a synergistic effect on meaningful work.” (10:00)

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5. Practical Strategies for Building Community in the Workplace

The conversation transitions to actionable strategies for leaders to cultivate community:

• Designing Shared Experiences: Adams cites Reddit’s approach, where a dedicated team helps plan meaningful in-person gatherings even in a predominantly remote setup.

  “Reddit’s team helps design how leaders bring their teams together, ensuring activities like creative brainstorms and relationship-building happen intentionally.” (14:25)

• Intentionality and Resource Allocation: Leaders must prioritize and allocate resources, whether through budget or time, to facilitate connections.

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6. Embracing Small Moments of Connection

Adams advocates for integrating small, meaningful interactions into daily work routines rather than relying solely on large events:

• Fika – The Swedish Coffee Break: Synchronized breaks where everyone takes a coffee break simultaneously, fostering unstructured interactions.

  “Fika creates an environment where people can casually interact, building relationships naturally.” (19:00)

• Inside Scoop by Vivek Murthy: A practice where team members share personal stories or meaningful items at the start of meetings, enhancing personal connections and collaboration.

  “Sharing something personal during meetings makes people feel more welcome and improves cross-departmental collaboration.” (19:30)

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7. Starting Small: Practical Exercises for Connection

Adams shares practical exercises to initiate connection within teams:

• Positive Introduction Exercise (Based on Marty Seligman’s Work): Team members share a story about a time they felt they were at their best, fostering mutual understanding and appreciation.

  “Sharing moments when we were at our best not only highlights our strengths but also deepens our connections.” (28:05)

• Shelley Gable’s Framework for Small Moments: Encouraging everyday interactions, such as genuinely engaging when someone shares good news by asking follow-up questions.

  “Leaning in and asking, ‘Tell me more about that,’ can significantly strengthen relationships.” (25:41)

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8. The Critical Impact of Connection on Health and Productivity

Adams discusses the alarming findings that loneliness is as detrimental to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, framing it as a public health crisis:

“Loneliness impacts our physical and mental health, hindering our ability to achieve our full potential.” (21:05)

He connects this to organizational success, emphasizing that authentic connections are essential for fostering creativity, resilience, and overall performance.

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9. Leadership and Modeling Connection

The importance of leaders modeling connection is highlighted as a catalyst for a culture of authenticity and openness:

• Personal Sharing: Leaders sharing personal stories or interests (e.g., via email signatures) can encourage team members to do the same.

  “When leaders share something personal, it opens up space for others to share and connect on a deeper level.” (31:29)

• Role Modeling: Demonstrating intentional connection-building practices sets the tone for the entire organization.

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10. Resources and Starting Points

Adams directs listeners to the website makeworkmeaningful.com for free tools, including the Moments that Matter Canvas, designed to help individuals identify and share meaningful work moments.

“The Moments that Matter Canvas helps surface what’s meaningful to you at work and facilitates deeper conversations within your team.” (32:32)

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Conclusion

Episode 735 of Coaching for Leaders provides invaluable insights into the pivotal role of connection in the workplace. Through research-backed strategies and practical exercises, Wes Adams equips leaders with the tools to build robust communities, thereby enhancing meaning, performance, and overall organizational health. By starting small and being intentional, leaders can transform their workplaces into thriving, connected communities.

For further exploration, listeners are encouraged to visit makeworkmeaningful.com and utilize the available resources to begin fostering meaningful connections in their own organizations.

Transcript

[Dave Stahoviak]

A generation ago, work was just work for a lot of folks. Today, we expect more out of our careers than past generations ever did. That means leaders need to be better at helping people find meaning at work. In this episode, how leaders can do Better at being catalysts for Connection. This is Coaching for Leaders, episode 735, produced by Innovate. Learning, Maximizing human potential. Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders and I'm your host, Dave Stahoviak. Leaders aren't born, they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. One of the things that so many of us seek in our work is connection to others. Finding community in the work that we do. It is so important to so many of us in our workplaces. It's so important for our employees and our teams. And yet it is something that most of us never received any training on or really learned how to do formally, which is how do we help people connect better? How do we create community in our organizations? Today, I'm so glad to welcome a expert guest who's going to help us to take some of those initial steps and I know also invite us to go further on how we can really create connection and community in the workplace. I'm so pleased to welcome Wes Adams. He's the CEO of SV Consulting Group, a firm partnering with Fortune 500 and scaling companies to develop high impact leaders and support high performing teams. He is also a positive psychology researcher at the University of Pennsylvania where he studies the leadership practices and organizational structures that help employees thrive. He's the author, along with Tamara Miles, of Meaningful Work how to Ignite Passion and Performance in Every Employee. Wes, so pleased to have you on the show.

[Wes Adams]

Thanks, Dave. It's really great to be here. I'm excited for our conversation.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, me too. I saw a quote in your book from Esther Perel that really landed with me. And Esther writes, never have we expected so much from work. We want from work today. What we used to get from religion and community, belonging, purpose, meaning. I think about that quote and I think like how much the world has changed in the last 20 or 30 years. The things that we often looked for in community organizations, in religious organizations, those things are still there. But the dynamic really has changed in the last generation, hasn't it?

[Wes Adams]

Absolutely. I mean, I think this is the, you know, Robert Putnam Bowling Alone situation that we know has been going on for a long time. Right? The decline of civic institutions and organizations and people's participation in those things which has left Us really wanting more community, more connection, and especially wanting that at work, or seeing work as a potential source for that.

[Dave Stahoviak]

There's a researcher you cite in the book, and at first glance you might think, well, what does that have to do with connection? Because Susan Simmerd's work is on trees. And having studied trees for her entire career, and she's really like, established herself as one of the leading experts and there's so much to learn from her work. And I'm wondering if you could share a bit of just what she's discovered in how the ecosystem works around connection.

[Wes Adams]

Absolutely. I think Suzanne Simard is a fascinating character. She's a professor of ecology at the University of British Columbia and sort of grew up in that area and has studied trees and the way that trees interact with each other in a forest. And you know what, she started early. Her family was in the logging industry and she got a summer job. Basically her job was to replant trees for this clear cutting logging company that was just taking down all the trees and then planting new ones in their place. And they were planting all of the same type of tree with the idea that they wouldn't compete with each other, that they would grow faster and do better. And after working that job for a while, she found that actually the original trees were thriving much better and the ones that she was planting were often struggling quite a bit. It and what she found, you know, that inspired her to go to school to study ecology and understand what was happening. And what she found was that underneath the ground and the root surface, that trees were actually connected, not just their roots, but by this fungal network. It's called a mycorrhizal network, where they share not only resources like carbon and the things that, that they use for energy and water, but also information. They would let each other know when there was danger nearby or whether there was opportunity nearby. And so rather than functioning as single organisms, they really function as what ecologists call super organization. So the forest is really like one big organism, sorry, that's communicating and supporting each other. And so we sort of use that as an analogy for super organizations where people are connected and collaborating and supporting each other's development and sharing resources. And that's just a really, I think, interesting perspective through which to look at how we might thrive the best way.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Indeed, and so true for people too. You also cite the Harvard study of adult development that's been long, going for almost 100 years now. And they come to a very similar conclusion on, like, the things that, like, help us to Thrive in our lives. And it comes down to the word community, right?

[Wes Adams]

Yeah. It's the strength of our relationships is the biggest predictor of how well we're going to do in all aspects of our life. So I think that's a really powerful finding.

[Dave Stahoviak]

One of the quotes from the book that you and Tamara write is, prior to our research, most of the studies on meaningful work were focused on the behavior of the employee. While it is important to learn how individuals can increase their own sense of meaning at work, it's not enough. Expecting individuals to construct their own meaning, rather than creating an environment that fosters meaning is like asking someone to build a house without providing them with the necessary tools and materials. I think that's such a significant message from you both, because I think we do often approach this in organizations, like Suzanne did originally with the trees of, like, okay, let me plant something individually. And we don't think of the importance of the system and also the responsibility of leaders and organizations to create that system and create those resources. And that is a big shift in this, isn't it?

[Wes Adams]

I think it is, yeah. I think traditionally there's been a lot of emphasis on kind of pushing that responsibility down on the individual, and we often forget about the impact that the broader community has, not just on that individual, but on our collective ability to perform. You know, I think there have been really interesting studies on this. Like basketball teams, right. If you get a team of superstar individual high performers together, they actually don't do as well as if you get a team of, like, slightly lower performers, but that collaborate better together, that are connected and working well with each other. And so, I mean, I've had this experience in jobs that I've had where in one place I just didn't, you know, I wasn't connected to people. I didn't feel like I mattered or was important there. And I didn't feel like I was doing great work. And frankly, it wasn't very meaningful to me, and I didn't care as much. And then other places where I was really connected to the folks that I was working with, and I felt like we were doing something important, and I really outperformed, and I wasn't that much of a different person in those situations, but I was in a very different environment.

[Dave Stahoviak]

I think it's a mindset shift for a lot of us in leadership roles, too, because traditionally we have thought of the. Our work in leadership of. Okay, there's the importance of vision and delegation and developing talent. Community isn't one of those words that often comes up on that list. In fact, when I work with our members and invite them to think about, like, what are goals for them, their teams, community often doesn't come up. And yet perhaps it should, because it's interesting. Like when you look at the research that you've all done and cited, like, how significant, if you just look at like, things like numbers and metrics, how significant community really does move the needle.

[Wes Adams]

I mean, I absolutely agree. I think traditionally it's. It wasn't seen as something that was in the purview of a leader's job. And I think more and more we're moving in the direction where we understand that things like belonging to, things like being able to show up authentically and bring your full self and your full ideas to the table are actually very valuable and foundational for being able to do our best work and being able to succeed. I think if I might take a step back for a minute to talk a little bit more about our research and put that in context, please. I think, you know, we've, we've focused, we've studied meaning at work for, for the last five years and specifically how leaders help people find more meaning in their jobs. And what are those specific practices and organizational structures. And what we learned was that meaning comes from three Cs, the three Cs of meaningful work, which are community, contribution, and challenge. And community is what we've been talking about. It's that sense of belonging that you can show up authentically. Contribution is understanding how your work positively impacts others, how it ladders up to a larger organizational goal or a larger purpose. And challenge is the individual opportunity to learn and grow and develop your capabilities. And so all three of those things are important. They're all sources of meaning at work. And there's a multiplier effect that goes on there. And so when they are all present, they amplify each other in a positive way. But if one of them is missing, for example, if you don't feel connected to the community, it can cancel out the other two. And I think that's one of the reasons that this idea of community is so important. In my view, it really lays the foundation for the other two. It's something that allows us to bring our full selves and our full ideas to the table, which means we can contribute at a higher level, which means we're willing to stretch ourselves and challenge ourselves and learn and grow. So I think it's. It's really important.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned that, because we're, of course, Focusing this conversation on community. But it is not enough by itself. Right, but it does. It's the starting point for the foundation, as you mentioned, and it's one that we often either miss or we don't really know where to start. And that's one of the reasons that the invitations you both make in the book, I think, are just so helpful, especially around designing shared experiences. And this is, again, one of those things that, like, I think we've all had some experience attempting. I mean, I think especially back to the pandemic, like during lockdown and folks putting together events to help people find connection virtually and doing zooms. And I think many of us participate in something like that, or we heard. We certainly thought about, like, how we could do a good job at doing that. And one of the things that really came up for me during that time is thinking, like, wow, nobody really knows how to do that. Well, I shouldn't say nobody, but, like, it's just not something. Like, most of us, when we get a job, a leadership role or training, we're not thinking about designing shared experiences. I mean, I am as a facilitator because I've had that training. But, like, most people just don't get that training. And it's really, like, it's a hard thing to even start thinking about.

[Wes Adams]

I think you've landed on something that I think is really important in this new way that we're working now. And that's the internal capability of bringing people together. And these are capabilities that used to be, like, for event planners or organizers or that sort of thing. And we're in a situation now, many of us, where we're working in a hybrid environment or even a remote environment, where we're not together all the time. And when we are together, we need to make the most of that time focusing on the things that. That benefit from us being together. Right. I hear so many people talking about, why am I coming into an office to spend all day on zoom calls? That's a waste of my time. I can do that from home. And they're right. If we're going to come into the office, if we're going to be in the same place, we should do things that benefit from being in the same place. And those are creativity, brainstorming, inspiration, relationship building, community building, all of those sorts of things. And to do that, we need help facilitating those things because they don't just naturally happen because we show up and happen to be in the same place. And so this capability that maybe used to be for people that Plan retreats or conference organizers or event planners or whatever is actually something that we need to bring in house. Whether that's leaders developing some version of that themselves or bringing that as an in house capability, because that's what's going to unlock this sense of community. We need to be intentional about it. I think Reddit does this in a, in a very cool way. We interviewed a woman named Michelle Lazzi, who's their director of community and Reddit. Since the pandemic, they've kept a number of their offices in the US but they don't require people to come in anymore. So it's essentially a fully remote organization. That said, when leaders want to bring their teams together, when they want to come into an office, they call Michelle's team and she's basically the in house person that helps them plan. Okay, how are we going to spend our time together? How are we going to do that in a way that brings us together, where we get to know each other and we have like facilitated creative brainstorms or you know, like what's the going to be the best use of our time? And then her team supports that by helping to design that and support the leader and making those things happen. And you know, whether or not you have budget for someone to do that in your organization, I think it demonstrates the need for that kind of intentional thought to be put into how we gather, which I think Priya Parker, who I believe you had on the podcast, would probably. Yeah, back up.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah, yeah, indeed. And that word intention you just said, like that strikes me as so important in this. And it's interesting you mentioned Reddit because I wrote them down as one of the examples from the book of the community funds that her and her organization have established and they've just made a priority. And I think the thing that was really interesting, and I think this goes to your point too of like, regardless of the resources that are there, like her team just sort of has a, I don't know if it's unstated policy, but like just to always say us, like if, if the request is reasonable and the funding's available, like they're going to say yes, they're going to find a way to make it work. And they're obviously a large organization, so they have some funding and budget to do that. But I think about that for any of us, like, even if there's not funding or availability, it's the, if there's an opportunity for people to connect of like going with the default of like, yes. And how can I As a leader, whether I'm involved personally or just like, we allocate a little bit of a time in the schedule or we do something to, like, help people find that opportunity, connect, like that's, that's worth doing just from a mindset standpoint.

[Wes Adams]

Absolutely. And I think, I think you're right about their mindset. I think it's. I don't know if they say yes 100% of the time, but I get the strong sense from Michelle that she's looking for ways to say yes if there's a way to make it work, like her team wants to do it. And I think, you know, I appreciate that you brought that up, too, because that in addition to planning things at the offices for people, they also provide grants, essentially for people to do things on their own. Right. And so if I say, oh, I want to get together with four employees and go to a baseball game or something like that, they'll help fund that. And I think that's important, too, because it can feel like, as leaders, we're under a lot of pressure to do a lot of things. It's like, oh, now I'm supposed to be an event planner too, right?

[Dave Stahoviak]

Yeah.

[Wes Adams]

And I think as long as you are helping facilitate that by giving people the space to do that on their own, you don't have to do all of the work. Right. Other people can come up with the ideas and execute them. It's just about making. Making sure that that's a priority in some way.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Well, and this is an important, larger point too, because you make the distinction that really coming to, like, how we think about our investments, of having a balanced portfolio. Like, there are things that, if you're doing a good job at planning your investments, you have things that are very, like, safe and secure and not likely to be very risky. And then you also do things that are more risky, and you do a balance of those things, and you invite us to think about that through just the opportunity to design shared experiences, too, that there are the higher purpose, higher difficulty experiences that something like the Reddit example would be, but there's also some lower difficulty, lower purpose experiences that are more in the, like, hey, really easy to do, really easy to start, don't take a lot of time and intention, but actually are just as important at creating a diverse perspective of connection for people.

[Wes Adams]

Yeah, I think, you know, we think about these things as often having to be these, like, big events or big moments. And actually we found that moments of meaning in general and moments of community specifically, they can be small, but Meaningful connections with people. And you know that that can just happen in the course of day to day work, right. They don't have to be these huge elaborate events. One of the things that we talk about in the book is the Swedish practice of fika, which is essentially like a coffee break, but they synchronize the breaks. So people are all having coffee breaks at exactly the same time. And this just creates more of an environment where people are all in the break room at the same time. Or if you're working remotely, you know you're all not working at the same time and maybe you just have a chit chat or get to know each other. Right. And it just creates some unstructured time for people to interact with each other, which tends to allow for better relationship building. And so that's, that's really simple and that's something that you could implement at your company tomorrow with no budget and you would probably see some nice results from. I think another example that I really resonate with is Vivek Murthy, who was the former Surgeon General of the US did something with his team called the Inside Scoop. And at the, for five minutes at the beginning of each weekly team meeting, one person would be asked to bring in something meaningful to them. A photo or hey, this is something I got on my trip to Cambodia last year and that I keep on my desk or whatever and just tell the story of that thing and why it's meaningful to them and a little bit of background on it. And that was sort of a way to invite people in to share part of themselves that might not have surfaced in day to day conversation. And he found that that really not only made people feel more welcome that they belonged, but he noticed better collaboration across departments. People were more willing to share ideas. So you know, these small little moments can be very powerful.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Like Fred Rogers said years ago, you can't help but love someone once you've heard their story. And there's like, and it's the thing that's really interesting about both those things you just mentioned, like a synchronized break, a fika five minutes at an all hands meeting of inviting folks to connect. It's way less time than I think what we often think to do, like we think about doing often when we think about a shared experience of an after hours dinner or happy hour or something like that. And it's not that that's never like a good thing to, but it also, it comes with some baggage of like then you're asking people to make commitments outside of the workplace. You're making it more difficult for people who have kids and families and other commitments. And it's like one of those things, like you're sort of penalizing folks who've got other commitments and responsibilities. And part of what I, I hear you inviting us to do is like, hey, yes, like there's a time and a place for that. But looking for just like the five minutes through some of these structured practices just in the workplace as part of our, our daily kind of connection point. Boy, if we could do that and begin there. And it's five minutes of meaning versus like 45 minutes at a restaurant where people may or may not be making that connection. Like it's, that's really purposeful.

[Wes Adams]

Yeah. I think if you can weave it into the DNA of your day to day work, that's when it is really powerful. Right. It's just part of how you operate rather than something that sits on the side and feels like it's extra work. You know, I think those things from time to time can be really powerful. A volunteer day, you know, whatever that happens to be. But I think sort of going back to that idea of a portfolio approach, right. We talk a little bit about being on like a purpose difficulty matrix. Right. And so some, you know, some lower purpose, lower difficulty things or a lot of those are great. And occasionally a higher purpose, higher difficulty thing to organize, also great. But you want to sort of spread those across all of the quadrants.

[Dave Stahoviak]

You mentioned Vivek Murphy a moment ago, and I was thinking about his work as Surgeon General. And you cite this study in the book too, which I think underscores the importance of this entire book and conversation on connection of the studies that have shown, or at least one study, that loneliness is as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And you think about that finding and just like when you put it in those terms, And I know Dr. Murphy has talked about that study a bunch too, that it's, it's, it's really so striking, like how critical this is for us as, as, yes, leaders, but also as human beings.

[Wes Adams]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think being able to look at it in those terms and think about it as like a public health crisis is really, it really shifted the way that I started thinking about that challenge. I was fortunate enough to hear him speak about this a number of years ago. And just the, like, the impact that loneliness has on our, our physical health, our mental health, our ability to achieve our full potential, all of those things. I mean, as we were talking about earlier, you know, strong Relationships are the biggest indicator of how well you're going to do in most areas of your life. And so the lack of those things can be really challenging. It's like those trees that we were talking about earlier that weren't connected to the other ones, they don't do as well. So I think it's really important. And, you know, if we're planning, if we're putting our business hats on, right. If we want our organization to be successful, especially as we continue to face a very uncertain environment and uncertain future, what worked yesterday is probably not going to work tomorrow. And so we need new ideas, we need creativity, we need innovation, resilience. These are very human skills that require us to be operating at our best. And so we need that level of community. We need those authentic connections to unlock our ability to do that.

[Dave Stahoviak]

I'm a big believer in starting small, taking a first step. And in addition to all the things we've mentioned, there's some just really wonderful starting points for, I think any of us could do today, and as a. As a beginning point. And one of them is you highlight Shelley Gable's framework for just making small moments of connection. And it's not even designing anything or thinking about anything to bring into the organization. It's just an invitation on how to respond a little differently. When you invite people to just think about that differently, what does that look like?

[Wes Adams]

This was one of the things that I learned about when I was in grad school, when I was studying positive psychology. And it really changed the way that I interact with people and many of my close relationships. And essentially, there are a number of different ways to respond when someone shares good news with you or tells you about what's going on in their life. You know, positive things that are going on in their life, and only one of them actually builds relationships, strengthens relationships, and that's leaning in and saying, wow, that's amazing. Tell me more about that. It's. It's engaging and elevating, asking questions, trying to lean in and share that good news or share that positivity with people. We often think about the strength of relationships as, you know, are you going to be there for me if something goes wrong and I need you? And that's important, but actually, you can better measure the strength of relationships by whether or not someone's there for you when things go well. And so, so often we're distracted on our phones, or we jump in and try to tell our own stories of what's going on without really engaging with somebody else's News and just pausing, being really intentional about saying, wow, that sounds really cool. Or like, it's really important to you. Tell me more about that. Like, how did that happen? What are you feeling? And just spending, I don't know, 30 seconds, 60 seconds. Doing that is a really powerful way to build connection.

[Dave Stahoviak]

I think sometimes we think we're doing that because someone says something like, oh, a family member had this great thing happen over the weekend. And we say, oh, congratulations, that's so cool. And then we move on, like, in the conversation. And we don't think to do exactly what you just said, which is, like, ask one question. Like, be curious. Like, oh, wow. Like, how did they do that? Like, what were the. When did that start? How did they get involved? Like, just one question, 30 seconds. That lays the groundwork for the things you were talking about earlier. Lower difficulty, lower purpose, but it's the real intentional of connection. And that lays the groundwork for community in so many wonderful ways.

[Wes Adams]

It really does. And it's not that hard.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Speaking of small, I love the exercise that Marty Seligman did when you all started the program in your graduate work. And it's an exercise on the time we were at our best. Could you share how that exercise works?

[Wes Adams]

Yeah, this is called the positive introduction exercise. And essentially, this was something that was first introduced to me when I went to grad school. They put us in small groups and asked us each to share a story, a specific story about a time that we were at our best, when we, you know, that could have been accomplishing something big in our careers, or it could have just been something small at our everyday best. Right. I think Tamara shared the story of helping a lost child in a store find his mom or something like that. So not a. Not an enormous, like, groundbreaking thing, although, of course, very important. But, you know, just a moment when we felt like we really felt like our full selves, and we felt like we had done something that we were proud of or participated in something that we were proud of. And it's an exercise that I use very often when I'm kicking off a leadership development program or starting to work with a new group. And I think it's really powerful for a couple of reasons. One, because each of us get to focus on a time when we were doing something, when we felt that we were at our best, our strengths. Right. And we are able to engage with the emotion that comes with that and see ourselves in our best light. And it gives everyone else in the group an opportunity to see us in a more personal way and understand what matters to us and also see some of our strengths. And once we've been around the room and done that, man, it's really hard not to collaborate with people and not to lean in and be interested in them as humans. And I think it really unlocks the ability to do better, work together and.

[Dave Stahoviak]

It doesn't take long. And it's also something everyone has, something they can share because they can go wherever they want with it. Right. Like it's very open ended and so they choose what they share. And boy, what a, what a wonderful starting point just for a team, a conversation or an existing team to get to know each other better. Or the five minutes at the start of the meeting.

[Wes Adams]

Like, you would be surprised at how many people I've done this with, teams who have been working together for 10 years or 15 years. And we'll do that exercise and one of them will look at the other one and say, I never knew that about you.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Wow.

[Wes Adams]

Like, I have, I had no idea that this was something that you did or this was something that you cared about, you know, because sometimes we just forget to take the time to do that because we're busy and we're overwhelmed and there are a lot of important things happening.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Speaking of things we forget about, I know I make this mistake is just making mentions once in a while of like, what's happening in my personal life and sharing a story of something or one of the wonderful invitations you make in the book is like maybe like having something in your email signature or something in the background on zoom that like signifies something that's going on for you that has, that's not related to work, but is something that opens up a piece of just who you are personally. And I think like from a leadership standpoint, this is also really important because if the leader doesn't signal that those kinds of things are also important to us as people in our community, that it's less likely that other people are going to feel comfortable doing that.

[Wes Adams]

Yeah, role modeling, that I think is really important because it opens up the space for other people to do the same thing. And I love those small things. I have somebody that I work with who she always puts in the signature of her email, like, this is the book I'm currently reading or this is like the quote of the week that I really like or something like that. And I love that. And I've gotten some great book recommendations from that. And I, you know, occasionally I'll say, oh, like tell me about that book. What's like, is it good? Should I pick it up? Like, what do you like about it? And it's a nice little spark of conversation.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Lots of ideas in the book. I mean, we are, we are just zeroing in on a couple of pages. Actually, there's so much more. And as you mentioned, like, community is just one of the three pillars. One of the wonderful things you've done is put together you and Tamara resources on your website for folks. If we're going to direct folks there, have a link in the weekly guide of where when folks get there. What would you. What's a good starting point as far as resources and beginning points?

[Wes Adams]

Yeah, there are a number of tools on the website which is make workmeaningful.com. they're there for free to download. And I recommend that people start with. It's a tool called the Moments that Matter Canvas. And it's really just a few questions to help surface a meaningful moment at work for you. It's, you know, it's sort of similar to the positive introduction exercise, but what's a moment at work that you're proud of that's meaningful to you? A specific moment. And I think once you've done that, sort of helps you understand something about what parts of work are meaningful to you. And it's also a story that you can share with other people on your team, both to let them know what matters to you, but also help them find additional meaning in their work. And I think it's a great starting point for conversation.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Perfect. We will link up to it as a good starting point for everyone. And Wes, I often ask people what they've changed their minds on as they've done their work. As you and Tamara have put the book together, been out teaching and advising folks on how to do this better and really find meaning at work. I'm curious what, if anything, you've changed your mind on.

[Wes Adams]

I think an older version of me felt like I didn't have time for this. Too much to do. I'm busy. I've got all of these things on my to do list. I've got urgent priorities. And so I want to jump on the phone, I want to get business done and then move on to the next thing so I can check those boxes. And that sense of urgency and overwhelm really got in the way of me creating authentic relationships with people, which ended up, you know, not only depriving me of, you know, the joy of real relationships, but also didn't help me do my best work because I couldn't do that as collaboratively with other people. So I think just even, even when you're in a hurry, even when you're in a rush, taking the time to do these things really matters. And so I'm constantly reminding myself, okay, take a step back, engage with someone, understand what's going on in their life before you dive right into, okay, we got to get down to business.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Wes Adams is the co author of Meaningful how to Ignite Passion and Performance in Every Employee. Wes, thank you so much for your work.

[Wes Adams]

Thanks Dave. Thanks for having me.

[Dave Stahoviak]

If this conversation was helpful to you, three related episodes I'd rather recommend. One of them is episode 395, how to create Meaningful Gatherings. Priya Parker was my guest on that episode, best selling author of the Art of Gathering. We talked about the lessons from her book in that conversation, several of them that I regularly use in my own work. And one of the things Priya reminds us is that both in our professional lives and personally, we often don't give a lot of thought to who we invite to gatherings, who we don't, how we structure those events, how we set it up in a way that actually provides meaning for those who are present, and yes, even those who aren't. In episode 395 we talked through some of the strategies for bringing people together in a way that does support meaning. A great compliment to this conversation today. Also an important compliment, episode 707 the Beliefs of Inspirational Leaders Stephen Mr. Covey was my guest on that episode and we talked about the importance of trust and the beliefs that leaders have who really do inspire folks. Stephen and his family have been so instrumental in their work at Franklin Covey over the years at helping many of us, me included, of really looking at the big picture and how we can bring more meaning and inspiration into our work as leaders. Episode 707 for that, and then of course, I'd recommend the recent conversation with Zach Mercurio, the Way to Notice people better. Episode 733. A great compliment to this conversation because of course so much about meaning is noticing people and being so intentional about that. All of those episodes, of course you can find on the coaching4leaders.com website. And if you've never done it before, I'm inviting you today to set up your free [e-mail] it's absolutely free. It's going to give you access to a whole bunch more that's inside of the free membership, including all of the free audio courses that I've aired over the years that aren't available publicly. All of the podcast episodes that are available publicly, but it's not easy to always search on the podcast apps for what you're looking for by topic. We've made that really easy Inside the Free Membership and the free membership also includes every single week a email one from me with the weekly Leadership Guide, all of the notes from the episode, the related episodes that I just mentioned, also many of the links and resources I found during the week, other podcasts, videos, resources, articles from the news, and from those who are supporting us in our leadership journeys. So much there inside the weekly Guide each week. Be watching for that in your inbox. It's all part of the free membership at Coaching for Leaders. Just go over to coaching4leaders.com set up your free membership, and if you've been listening for a bit, you may have heard that I have just launched a new Expert Partners program. One of the messages that I get somewhat regularly from folks is email that says, hey, I'm looking for a coach, but not for myself. I'm actually looking for a coach for an internal client. Often that message comes from someone in talent development or human resources who has been charged with looking for someone who can come in and support a leader inside their organization as an executive coach or a leadership coach to help support them and to help their internal client move forward on something that's important right now. If that is where you're thinking today, I hope you'll go over to coaching4leaders.com partners. I've partnered with a number of expert coaches and that's a great starting point for making that introduction. And one of the organizations that I've partnered with recently is the organization that Marshall Goldsmith began called the Hunter Coaches. Marshall, of course, the top executive coach, and he has done a masterful job of putting together so many wonderful coaches, many of whom have been on the show over the years as guests and made them available to us to recommend to you. He's one of the partners now of Coaching for Leaders and you can begin to start that connection by going over to coaching4leaders.com partners for an opportunity to tell us a bit more about what you're seeking right now so that we can make the recommendation that is right for you again. Coaching for Leadership Coaching for Leaders is edited by Andrew Kroger. Production support is provided by Sierra Priest. I'll look forward to seeing you back next Monday for our next conversation on Leadership. Have a great week.