Coaching for Leaders - Episode 749: How to Balance Positive and Constructive Feedback, with Mark Crowley

Date: September 15, 2025
Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Mark Crowley, author of The Power of Employee: Move Beyond Engagement to Build Flourishing Teams

Overview

This episode examines the delicate balance between positive recognition and constructive feedback in leadership. Dave and Mark explore why so many employee engagement initiatives have failed, the evolving importance of employee well-being, and practical strategies—anchored in research—for managers to foster high-performing, flourishing teams. Drawing from Mark Crowley’s work and established psychology research, they break down what truly drives engagement, how to build belonging, and actionable ways to deliver feedback that supports both accountability and well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Failure of Engagement Surveys and Initiatives

• Many organizations have seen little improvement in employee engagement over the past decade, despite widespread focus and measurement efforts.
  • US engagement remains stagnant at around 30%, globally just 23% ([01:50])
• Main reasons for stagnation:
  • Measurement without real change: Leadership surveys are often perfunctory, with no follow-up or accountability ([02:46])
  • Engagement surveys are conducted infrequently, so by the time any action is taken, it’s already too late ([02:46])
  • Employees become cynical when asked for feedback that is subsequently ignored ([04:29])
  • "To ask and actually go through the assessment and then not do anything with that information was almost worse than the status quo." — Dave ([04:29])

2. Engagement vs. Well-Being

• Engagement: What companies want (discretionary effort, profitability)
• Well-being: What employees want (growth, happiness, belonging, support)
  • Engagement is “one-sided”—for the company’s benefit ([05:27])
  • Most human behavior is emotionally driven; leaders need to prioritize positive emotions for thriving workplaces ([06:02])

3. The Shift in Workplace Expectations Post-Pandemic

• Work is no longer just transactional: People seek purpose, growth, and connection, not just paychecks ([07:59])
• Citing Maslow’s hierarchy: As basic needs are met, self-actualization and belonging take precedence ([07:59])
• The pandemic (Great Resignation) revealed that people left organizations mainly due to a lack of caring leadership and support for well-being ([07:59])
  • "The principal reason was that people didn't have a good, caring boss." — Mark

4. The Central Role of the Manager

• Team culture outweighs organizational culture: The direct manager influences 70% of engagement ([10:39])
  • "There's no research that shows that organizational cultures have any impact on people for whether they stay, whether they're committed." — Mark ([10:39])
• Managers must foster belonging, which hinges on care, trust, and team cohesion ([10:39])

5. Building Belonging and Collaboration

• Belonging results from personal care, social connection, appreciation, inclusion ([09:41])
• Managers should incentivize team collaboration over individual competition ([10:39])
  • Drawing from Daniel Coyle’s research: The best teams are cohesive, without lone wolves ([10:39])
  • "We want to have a really highly cohesive team... there's no lone wolf on the team." — Mark

6. The Positive-to-Negative Feedback Ratio

• The Gottman Ratio: Thriving relationships require at least a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions ([16:35])
  • "Relationships thrive on positive emotions... both parties need to experience at least 4 to 1 positive to negative ratio." — Mark
• Barbara Fredrickson’s research: Positive emotions are forms of love—essential to sustain relationships at work and beyond ([16:35])

7. Separating Positive and Constructive Feedback

• Avoid the "feedback sandwich": People resent praise followed by criticism in the same breath ([21:43])
  • "Roy Baumeister found that the feedback sandwich...people resent that beyond belief. It's like it's a setup, it's a manipulation." — Mark ([21:43])
• Correction and recognition should be delivered in separate conversations ([21:43])
  • "Have the positive interaction. Have that be separate from whatever might be corrective..." — Dave ([23:54])

8. Why We Default to Focusing on Problems

• We’re hardwired to recall negativity stronger than positivity—by a factor of at least 4:1 ([23:54])
  • This explains why one piece of critical feedback can easily outweigh several positive comments ([23:54])
• Managers often highlight shortcomings without recognizing consistent strengths, undermining motivation ([25:04])

9. Addressing the Fear of Insincerity or Overly Accommodating Leadership

• Authenticity is key: Sincere recognition comes from genuine care; forced praise is transparent ([27:51])
• Mark’s anecdote about his brother’s death and a CEO’s genuine concern illustrates authentic care in action ([29:10])
• Frequent, small acts of appreciation (quick notes, acknowledgements) can have outsized impact on morale ([32:06])

10. Practical Takeaways for Managers

• Start small and be consistent: Look for daily opportunities to offer authentic, positive recognition ([32:06])
• Maintain the 4:1 ratio: For every piece of constructive feedback, offer at least four positive, genuine interactions ([16:35], [26:41])
• Foster team belonging and collective growth—not just individual achievement ([10:39])
• Use pulse surveys for more accurate, timely feedback and to ensure leaders calibrate their impact ([23:54])
• When offering correction, focus on helping the person improve, not punishing ([21:43])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Measuring it is not enough... The whole system of believing that just by measuring it that somehow we're going to improve our workplaces is just not proven to be true." — Mark Crowley ([02:46])

• "People want to be able to feel that they can not only be themselves, but that everyone around them welcomes them, appreciates them, knows them." — Mark Crowley ([10:39])

• "If you care about your people... you're dripping positive emotions on people at the same time as expecting them to perform." — Mark Crowley ([06:02])

• "This idea of doing Pulse surveys is going to be a very big reminder or it's going to be a wake up call for a lot of people who think 'I'm already excelling at this.' And to only find out that people like, 'No, you're not, you're not at all.'" — Mark Crowley ([23:54])

• "When you give people appreciation and it's sincere, people want to do more because they love that experience and they want more for that from you." — Mark Crowley ([31:28])

• "When people feel like they matter, they act like they matter." — Referenced by Dave ([33:58])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 — Introduction & Episode Framing
• 02:46 — Why Engagement Surveys Don't Work
• 05:27 — Engagement vs. Well-being: Real Differences
• 07:59 — The Impact of COVID-19 & Changing Work Expectations
• 10:39 — The Manager’s Crucial Role and Building Belonging
• 16:35 — The Gottman Ratio: Science of Positive vs. Negative Feedback
• 21:43 — Why and How to Separate Positive & Constructive Feedback
• 25:04 — The Human Brain’s Bias Toward Negativity
• 27:51 — How to Be Genuinely Positive Without Being Insincere
• 29:10 — Mark’s Story of Authentic Care from Leadership
• 32:06 — Small Acts of Kindness: Practical Commitments
• 33:02 — Closing Thoughts and Book Recommendation

Tone & Language

The conversation is warm, reflective, and practical. Dave and Mark speak candidly about challenges and opportunities for leaders, mixing data and actionable advice with personal stories and emotional insight. The tone is encouraging—inviting listeners to embrace research-backed practices that foster genuine connection and higher team performance.

Further Resources and Recommendations

• The Power of Employee: Move Beyond Engagement to Build Flourishing Teams by Mark Crowley
• Related Podcast Episodes:
  • Ep. 404: How to Build Psychological Safety (Amy Edmondson)
  • Ep. 5: The Changing Nature of Work and Engagement (Jim Harder, Gallup)
  • Ep. 733: The Way to Notice People Better (Zach Mercurio)
• For a focused archive on feedback (both positive and constructive): coaching4leaders.com under “Feedback” topic area

This episode offers a research-grounded, practical guide for any leader seeking to increase both the performance and well-being of their team—starting with the simple, powerful practice of balancing positive recognition with direct, constructive feedback.