Podcast Summary: Coaching for Leaders – Episode 753

The Key Norm of a High Performing Team, with Vanessa Druskat
Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Vanessa Druskat (Associate Professor, University of New Hampshire; Author and Researcher on Emotional Intelligence in Teams)
Date: October 13, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dave Stachowiak speaks with Vanessa Druskat about the true drivers of high-performing teams—focusing on team norms, emotional intelligence at the group level, and, most importantly, the sense of belonging. Drawing on Vanessa’s research and practical leadership experience, they break down why individual talents and interpersonal skills matter less than we think, how team cultures are created, and practical strategies leaders can use to foster trust, safety, and collective performance.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Rethinking Team Performance: Beyond Talent and Individual Skills

• Common Myth: People often believe assembling the most talented individuals naturally leads to high-performing teams.
• Research Finding: Raw talent and individual emotional intelligence are not reliable predictors of team performance; what matters are shared team norms—the routines, habits, and unspoken rules guiding group behavior.
  • “What really matters in teams are the team norms… It was a norm that we would check in on one another… you didn’t have to have interpersonal skills, you didn’t have to be top talent to do that.” (Vanessa, 04:07)
• Real Impact: Teams are social systems; their success depends on the quality of interactions, not just on star performers.

2. The Central Role of Belonging

• Belonging as a Fundamental Need: Neuroscience and evolutionary psychology point to belonging as a universal, innate need that dictates our performance and engagement within teams.
  • “Belonging is the social need that rules them all… everything that’s underneath it, the need for control, the need for validation… they all feed into our need to belong, our need to be a valuable known member of the team.” (Vanessa, 08:00)
• Invisible to Insiders: High-status or leader members can be blind to this need, since their belonging is almost automatic.
  • “When you’ve got status, you have an automatic buy—you do belong. And so it’s not just the leader who doesn’t feel the pang of rejection in teams… it’s members without status.” (Vanessa, 11:26)
• Performance Impact: When individuals don’t feel they belong, they become guarded, less collaborative, and withhold information—damaging both results and morale.

3. The Leader’s Paradox & Responsibility

• Leader Sets the Tone: Leaders are responsible for setting the norms that foster belonging, even though they may be least attuned to its absence.
  • “It is the leader’s job to set the tone for that… if they don’t, no one else will.” (Dave, 10:42)
• Peer Interactions Matter Most: The sense of belonging comes from interactions among team members, not just between leader and individuals.

4. The Nine Norms of Emotionally Intelligent Teams

1. Understand Team Members (The Most Crucial Norm)

• Definition: Knowing each teammate’s strengths, weaknesses, work styles, and personal context.
  • “That is the most important norm in the model. Most people don’t believe that—I didn’t believe that to start with… we kept seeing it in these outstanding, highest-performing teams…” (Vanessa, 14:20)
• Building Trust & Safety: Understanding one another builds trust, psychological safety, and increases willingness to contribute.
  • “Feeling known, feeling understood, is part of belonging.” (Vanessa, 16:35)

5. Practical Strategies for Strengthening Belonging and Understanding

a) Brief Team Check-Ins (17:28–19:12)

• How-To: Start meetings by having each person quickly answer a prompt such as:

  • “What’s top of mind for you?”
  • “What are you worried about with the team right now?”
  • “What do you need from us right now?”

• Key: Keep it brief (around 20 seconds per person), rotate the responsibility for the prompt, and always make it routine.

  “It starts to peel the onion of who these people are… you don’t have to invest a lot of time in this, you just have to do it routinely.” (Vanessa, 18:20)

b) Handling Issues Raised in Check-Ins (19:40-20:32)

• Log concerns in a “parking lot” (running list) to acknowledge them without derailing meeting flow, and promise to revisit during regular assessment or reflection norms.

c) Gallery Walks (20:40-22:41)

• Description: Each team member answers prompts (e.g., “What do you need to perform at your best?”) on flip charts or digital slides, and the group walks around (physically or virtually) to read and comment.
  • “It’s a way of, like, I know what’s going on with you, even if we don’t even have a conversation about it…” (Dave, 22:08)
• Purpose: Surfaces unspoken needs, opens understanding, and builds collective awareness.

d) Sharing Objects (22:45-25:00)

• Purpose: Ask team members to bring an object that represents something important (e.g., teamwork), to trigger more personal and insightful sharing—even for those who struggle with words.

  “People don’t always have words for what they’re feeling… but if you bring in an object, it taps into multiple parts of us… it also peels the onion of who this person is.” (Vanessa, 23:19, 25:00)

e) Team Information Slides (28:52-30:39)

• Description: Each person shares a slide with their background, roles, best contact times, hobbies, etc.—especially valuable in hybrid/remote contexts to reduce psychological distance.

f) “Trip Reports” (30:39-32:39)

• Practice from Bill Campbell: Open meetings with stories from recent experiences or travels; builds context and chips away at silos.

  “By listening to them describe where they’d been, you would peel off the layers of the onion… you start to become one team rather than so separate.” (Vanessa, 31:37)

6. Changing Team Norms—Even Without Formal Leadership

• Vanessa now believes norms can shift from within, even if you’re not the leader.

  “If you can get a couple other people with you in the team… you’re more likely to shift norms. If you start changing one norm… other things will naturally change.” (Vanessa, 35:00)

• Start with small interventions, bring ideas to the group, and watch for ripple effects.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Belonging as a Core Need:

  “Belonging is the social need that rules them all.” (Vanessa, 08:00)

• On Team Norms Over Talent:

  “Hiring emotionally intelligent people is not the way to build a great team because teams are social systems… it’s about the way people interact, it’s not about the individual skills in the room.” (Vanessa, 06:02)

• On Leader’s Blind Spots:

  “The higher status members of a team are less likely to see that need, because they tend to feel more belongingness… the person who often is the leader… may need that less than everyone else.” (Dave, 10:42)

• On Check-Ins:

  “If you’ve spoken once in the team, you’re much more likely to speak again.” (Vanessa, 18:43)

• On Changing Norms as a Team Member:

  “I’ve changed my mind… you can change the norms when you’re a team member… it happens a little bit slower if it’s coming from the grassroots, but it can happen.” (Vanessa, 35:00)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Team Performance: Talent vs. Norms – [03:34–06:02]
• Belonging & Organizational Impact – [07:27–13:20]
• The Leader’s Role & Blind Spots – [10:42–13:20]
• Understanding Team Members as a Core Norm – [14:20–17:08]
• Practical Norm-Building Activities:
  • Check-Ins [17:28–19:12]
  • Gallery Walks [20:40–22:41]
  • Sharing Objects [22:45–25:00]
  • Team Slides & Remote Teams [28:52–30:39]
  • “Trip Reports” [30:39–32:39]
• Changing Norms from Within – [34:02–36:09]

Conclusion & Recommendations

This episode makes a powerful case: the single word “belonging” might matter more than any individual skill or qualification in team effectiveness. For leaders, Vanessa Druskat offers a robust, research-backed framework of nine norms (with deep attention to understanding and belonging) and a toolkit of practical habits to grow team connectedness and performance. Even team members without formal authority can help shift the culture by surfacing behaviors, encouraging routines, and inviting conversation.

For More:
Explore pages 46–48 of Vanessa’s book for a step-by-step process to change team norms, and see the Coaching for Leaders website for related episodes on remote teams, collaboration, and workplace connection.