Podcast Episode Summary

Coaching for Leaders – Episode 759

Title: The Way to Build Collective Power, with Ruchika T. Malhotra
Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Ruchika T. Malhotra
Release Date: November 17, 2025
Theme: Challenging the Default of Competition to Build Collective Power

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on how leaders and organizations can move away from defaulting to competition and instead “uncompete” to create opportunities and build true collective power. Dave Stachowiak welcomes Ruchika T. Malhotra, founder of Candor and author of “Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success,” for a compelling discussion about reimagining relationships, community, and leadership through collaboration and abundance rather than rivalry and scarcity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Competition vs. Collaboration: A Paradigm Shift

• Defaulting to Competition: Dave notes how organizations and individuals tend to reflexively fall into competitive patterns even when advocating teamwork or leadership (03:00).
• Uncompete—A New Lens:
  • Ruchika introduces the term “uncompete,” advocating for a conscious choice to step out of competitive frameworks and into collaborative mindsets.
  • “If competition is a choice, so should the part where you don’t compete, that also can be a choice.” (Ruchika, 07:53)

2. Exemplifying Abundant Leadership through Relationships

• Friendship and Leadership:
  • Ruchika shares the story of her friendship and collaboration with Iko Bethea, another inclusion leader, as a model of supporting each other even when career interests may overlap.
  • “We supported each other for years on end...we’re not going to play by [competitive] rules, even though we could both think of people in our industry who very much played by those rules.” (Ruchika, 05:22)
• Personal Story of Conscious Collaboration: Even when directly competing for the same contract, Ruchika celebrates Iko’s success—highlighting taking the long view over immediate, individual wins.

3. Navigating Envy and Scarcity Responses (08:32)

• Both host and guest reflect on the “visceral” and automatic reactions of envy when others achieve something desirable, personalizing with examples from parenting and work.
• The human response is to compare and feel lacking, but Ruchika emphasizes that leaders can—and should—choose to act differently.

4. Actionable Invitations to Build Collective Power

Ruchika offers practical steps and discusses each in depth:

• Reach Out to Someone Who Inspires You (12:15):

  • Genuine praise, especially without a “hidden ask,” is rare and powerful.
  • Celebrating others for specific reasons builds relationship and collective strength.
  • “When I receive a note, even if I don’t respond...I will still always carry it with me.” (Ruchika, 13:37)

• Display Genuine Curiosity (16:28):

  • Move beyond polite superficiality to ask real, meaningful questions: What’s the purpose of your life? How do you define success?
  • “When you hear what people are kind of grappling with...it can really fuel true connection.” (Ruchika, 17:48)
  • Dave adds that surface-level friendliness is not the same as real curiosity or depth in relationships (19:00).

• Once There’s Trust, Talk Numbers (22:04):

  • Sharing salary, fees, and raises breaks down information silos and dismantles competition-based secrecy.
  • Ruchika acknowledges cultural and gender barriers but stresses the transformational effect of financial transparency.
  • “Here’s how much I got paid for this. I hope you’re getting paid this much or more.” (Ruchika, 23:15)

• Take Stock of Your Relationships (25:21):

  • Reevaluate whether relationships are elevating or draining; set boundaries with those who operate from scarcity or diminish you.
  • “A big part of learning to uncompete is...reminding yourself you’re worthy of being validated and supported.” (Ruchika, 26:32)

• Identify and Expand Your Community (29:02):

  • Leaders must intentionally expand their circles to generate more collective wealth and influence.
  • Even small acts, like recommending someone or writing a quick endorsement, can significantly strengthen and grow the community spirit.
  • “It doesn’t have to be a huge, time consuming endeavor...these little actions I take in a week is really enriching the community.” (Ruchika, 30:45)

5. Reflection: People Are Genuinely Good (32:14)

• Ruchika shares that researching and writing this book reinforced her belief in the basic goodness of people.
• “I really started looking for examples and being reaffirmed that actually largely people are genuinely good.” (Ruchika, 32:38)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Redefining Leadership:

  • “There’s a huge intersection between being a badass and being a leader.” (Ruchika, 04:10)

• On Envy as an Invitation:

  • “The invitation I hear from you is to also know you can make a choice not to go down that [competitive] route if you choose.” (Dave, 09:08)

• On Relationship First:

  • “Not every relationship needs to be about getting something from someone immediately.” (Ruchika, 13:10)

• On Boundary Setting:

  • “Those relationships that give us discomfort or pause...we really have to lean into the instinct.” (Ruchika, 28:23)

Important Timestamps

• Friendship as Collective Power: 02:14 – 06:10
• Defining “Uncompete”: 06:55 – 08:32
• Dealing with Envy: 08:32 – 11:39
• Invitations to Build Power:
  • Reaching Out: 12:15 – 15:41
  • Displaying Curiosity: 16:28 – 20:43
  • Talking Numbers: 22:04 – 25:01
  • Taking Stock: 25:21 – 28:23
  • Expanding Community: 29:02 – 31:51
• Ruchika’s Reflection on Goodness: 32:14 – 33:27

Key Takeaways

• Competition is a Default—But Also a Choice: It can be unchosen and replaced with intentional collaboration.
• Long-Term Collaboration Trumps Short-Term Rivalry: Support among peers leads to collective advancement.
• Genuine Connection Matters: Praise and curiosity without ulterior motives are rare and valuable.
• Transparency and Trust Build Power: Open conversations about pay and support dismantle zero-sum dynamics.
• Boundaries Are Essential: Leaders must curate empowering circles and let go of relationships rooted in scarcity.
• Growth is Exponential When Communities Expand: Even small, intentional actions can broaden and enrich networks.
• People Are Fundamentally Good: With the right mindset, leaders can see and amplify goodness within communities for collective benefit.

Suggested Next Steps (for Listeners)

• Reach out to a peer or leader you admire with sincere, specific praise—no strings attached.
• Ask a meaningful, open question of someone in your circle to deepen connection.
• Begin a conversation about compensation transparency within your trusted network.
• Audit your closest work and personal relationships for alignment with your values.
• Commit to one action this week that expands your circle or supports someone outside your immediate network.

Further Resources

Referenced:

• Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success by Ruchika T. Malhotra
• Ruchika’s prior book: Inclusion on Purpose
• Previous podcast episodes:
  • [Episode 550: Imposter Syndrome in Your Organization, with Jodi-Ann Burey]
  • [Episode 589: How to Create Inclusive Hiring Practices, with Ruchika Malhotra]
  • [Episode 641: Doing Better Than Zero-Sum Thinking, with Renee Mauborgne]

“We can choose to uncompete—and in doing so, create far more abundance, opportunity, power, and wealth than we ever can alone.”
—Ruchika T. Malhotra (Throughout episode, paraphrased)