Coaching for Leaders Episode 764: Stop Solving Your Team’s Problems, with Elizabeth Lotardo

Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Elizabeth Lotardo
Date: January 5, 2026

Overview

This episode tackles a leadership trap common to compassionate, servant-minded managers: habitually jumping in to solve their team's problems. Host Dave Stachowiak welcomes Elizabeth Lotardo, consultant and Harvard Business Review author, to discuss why “rescuing” can ultimately hinder both leaders and their employees, and how leaders can shift from problem-solver to coach. Through five practical and thoughtful coaching questions, Dave and Elizabeth explore strategies to empower teams, nurture growth, and protect leaders from burnout—while still leading with compassion.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Problem with Compassionate Rescuing

• Short-term satisfaction, long-term costs

  • Helping feels great for both leaders and employees in the moment, but over time it creates dependency, leader burnout, and team disempowerment.
  • "The boss who constantly solves the problem will burn out...and [employees] feel a lack of empowerment at work. Grownups don't want to feel that way." — Elizabeth Lotardo [03:39]

• Leadership patterns at two extremes

  • Overly compassionate rescuers vs. leaders who refuse all problem discussion ("come with solutions, not problems").
  • Either extreme is unsustainable; the challenge is to hold compassion while cultivating independence.
  • "When we over-index on [compassion], when we rob people of growth opportunities, when we burn ourselves out...everyone pays a price." — Elizabeth Lotardo [06:19]

The Five Coaching Questions (Practical Tools for Leaders)

1. What have you tried?

   • Assumes and conveys belief in employees’ agency, opens dialogue rather than expecting fully-formed solutions.
   • Encourages team members to act before seeking help, but allows space if they haven't—fosters shared responsibility.
   • Awkward silences are a sign the team is adjusting to new expectations.
   • "An awkward blank stare is not a sign you shouldn't be asking this question. It is reinforcement that you should be asking that question." — Elizabeth Lotardo [09:48]
   • [07:56–11:25]

2. What or who is getting in the way of tackling this?

   • Helps identify obstacles—often patterns or systemic issues—that are recurring and possibly solvable at a higher level.
   • Allows leaders to focus their intervention where it’s most effective, without owning the whole “hairball” of the problem.
   • "Leaders are often surprised how quickly their teams are able to say, 'It's always this vendor, this department, these systems.'" — Elizabeth Lotardo [13:17]
   • [12:03–14:20]

3. What support do you need? (Not “from me”)

   • Shifts responsibility from leader-centric problem-solving.
   • Broadens the range of possible solutions; invites team to seek resources beyond just their manager.
   • Prevents the leader from unintentionally reclaiming ownership of the problem.
   • "Dropping that 'from me' removes the burden...and puts it in the center of the table." — Elizabeth Lotardo [14:54]
   • [14:20–16:46]

4. What would you do if you were in my seat?

   • Promotes strategic thinking and exposes employees to the challenges, tradeoffs, and higher-level factors involved.
   • Fosters empathy with leadership roles and helps with succession planning and development.
   • "[This] removes the option to disengage from the intellectual load that is problem solving. It forces strategic thinking." — Elizabeth Lotardo [19:20]
   • [16:46–21:12]

5. Is there anything else I should know?

   • Keeps communication open without defaulting to taking the problem on as a leader.
   • Separates awareness from ownership, so employees don’t assume their issue must immediately become the boss’s responsibility.
   • Should be asked last, after building the habit of the first four questions.
   • "Saying, 'Is there anything else I should know?' validates that open line of communication that compassionate leaders always want and it leaves the active solutioning to the teammate." — Elizabeth Lotardo [23:13]
   • [22:26–24:58]

Other Insights & Notable Moments

• You teach people how to treat you—and it's a cultural as well as an individual dynamic.

  • "A leader who's constantly running around solving problems for their team...it also happens culturally on an entire organizational level." — Elizabeth Lotardo [10:33]

• Shifting to this new approach WILL be awkward at first, for both leader and team.

  • The discomfort is evidence of shifting patterns and building new muscles.
  • "That is your sign that something needs to change, and you should be asking the question more frequently even though it's awkward." — Elizabeth Lotardo [09:48]

• Real compassion is helping people grow, not just removing their discomfort.

  • "Compassion is not really, let me jump in and solve this problem for you ... real compassion is...let me actually help you to grow the skill set." — Dave Stachowiak [21:12]

• Burnout is epidemic for middle managers.

  • The five-question approach serves to develop teams while also reducing leaders’ unsustainable workload.
  • "Managers are burned out ... middle managers are declining at the most rapid rate in terms of employee engagement." — Elizabeth Lotardo [21:42]

• Elizabeth’s Personal Reflection:

  • She initially believed helping meant taking all discomfort on herself, but learned that true service is cultivating independence.
  • "Though my intentions were noble, my actions weren't actually serving the people I cared so much about in the way they needed to be served." — Elizabeth Lotardo [25:40]

Notable Quotes

• "Everyone leaves feeling great—until both of us start to pay a price later." — Elizabeth Lotardo [03:39]
• "You teach people how to treat you." — Elizabeth Lotardo [10:33]
• "An awkward blank stare is not a sign you shouldn't be asking this question. It is reinforcement that you should be asking that question." — Elizabeth Lotardo [09:48]
• "Dropping that 'from me' removes the burden of the problem from the leader's shoulders and puts it in the center of the table." — Elizabeth Lotardo [14:54]
• "If you want to know what a writer struggles with, look at the title of their work." — Elizabeth Lotardo [25:32]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:39] The short-term positive feedback loop for problem-solving, and why it fails long-term
• [05:54] The “Come to me with solutions, not problems” extreme and its pitfalls
• [07:56] Introduction and deep dive into the first coaching question: “What have you tried?”
• [12:03] "What or who is getting in the way of tackling this?"—shifting to systemic obstacles
• [14:20] "What support do you need?"—the importance of language
• [16:46] "What would you do if you were in my seat?"—inviting employee ownership of the intellectual load
• [22:26] "Is there anything else I should know?"—decoupling awareness from ownership
• [25:32] Elizabeth’s personal evolution from rescuer to coach

Tone and Language

The episode is warm, supportive, and realistic about the challenges of leadership. Both Dave and Elizabeth acknowledge the noble intent behind problem-solving—but encourage listeners to embrace discomfort and awkwardness in service of long-term growth for everyone.

For Further Listening

Dave recommends:

• [Episode 284] The Way to Stop Rescuing People from Their Problems (with Michael Bungay Stanier)
• [Episode 650] Where Senior Leaders Can Better Support Middle Managers (with Emily Field)
• [Episode 753] The Key Norm of a High Performing Team (with Vanessa Druskat)

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