Podcast Summary: Coaching for Leaders

Episode: From Command and Control to Serve and Support, with Marisol Bello

Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Marisol Bello, Executive Director, Housing Narrative Lab
Date: March 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Dave Stachowiak sits down with Marisol Bello, executive director of the Housing Narrative Lab and a graduate of the Coaching for Leaders Academy. Together, they explore the critical leadership transition from a "command and control" model to a "serve and support" approach. Marisol candidly shares her journey, the challenges she faced, and practical strategies she used to create a healthier, more collaborative environment in her organization. The episode provides insights into the realities of leadership growth, including building trust, navigating ambiguity, and making small, impactful changes in daily practice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Marisol’s Leadership Journey

• Introduction to Marisol and the Housing Narrative Lab
  • Marisol describes her career transition from journalist to executive director and explains the Lab’s focus on research-driven housing solutions and narrative storytelling.
  • [01:21] “We are a research driven organization that works to build public understanding and support for the housing solutions that make our communities safe, healthy and thriving.” – Marisol Bello

2. Discovering the Need for Change

• Marisol’s Motivation for Leadership Growth
  • She discovered the podcast while seeking ways to become a stronger leader during a pivotal time in her career.
  • Inspired by an episode with Marshall Goldsmith, she realized she lacked a roadmap and aimed to clarify her goals and build a new organizational culture.
  • [04:53] “I wanted to be a stronger leader...but the reality was, Dave, that I wasn’t really sure what that meant. I was leading this new organization and thinking about...how to develop a new culture for it.”

3. The Gap Between Intention and Impact

• Recognizing Leadership Patterns
  • Marisol reflects on how well-meaning actions can come across as directives, especially as an executive director.
  • [12:08] “Our whispers sound like yells and then our suggestions sound like orders, and whoo, is that real?...What I thought were brainstorms and riffs folks took to be orders.”

4. Challenges of Leadership Transformation

• Embracing Discomfort and Internal Work

  • The shift from achiever to leader is described as “hard,” requiring internal self-awareness and ongoing practice.
  • The Coaching for Leaders Academy helped by breaking down big visions into small, manageable actions.
  • [07:35] “The academy was hard because I had this big vision, but I wasn’t really sure what that meant in practice...a lot of it was internal work.”

• Focusing on Small, Practical Steps

  • Marisol began by committing to a simple mantra: "stop, breathe, listen" before responding—aiming for curiosity and calm rather than immediate action.
  • [12:08] “I had a little post-it note that I will tell you is still on my desk...it says ‘stop, breathe, listen.’”

5. Tactical Approaches to Serve and Support

• Pausing and Listening

  • Slowing down responses allows team members to voice ideas and prevents her intentions from being misinterpreted as orders.
  • [12:08] “Before I spoke, I was going to pause and just stop and breathe. I will just be totally frank. I did not do it 100% of the time...But that was how I started.”

• Intentional Brainstorming

  • Adjusting her participation in brainstorms to make space for others; naming the intention behind an idea to reduce confusion.
  • Using prompts like, “Let’s brainstorm...I wonder, what about X?” and celebrating when the team confidently challenges or expands her ideas.
  • [16:57] “Now I realize I have to do it maybe in smaller groups, maybe not the whole group as a whole. Or I really have to be intentional to name, even just to name it. Let’s brainstorm for a second. I’m wondering, what about xyz?”

• Building a Culture of Openness

  • Marisol acknowledges progress when her team feels comfortable offering alternative ideas or constructively disagreeing, indicating a move from command and control toward genuine collaboration.
  • [16:57] “When I say, ‘I wonder, what about xyz?’ and someone on my team says, ‘Yeah, no, Marisol, how about this?’...To me, that means yay, right? Because we are creating the culture that I’ve been wanting to create all along.”

6. The Role of Support and Community

• The Value of Mentorship and Cohort Feedback

  • Marisol laments the lack of accessible leadership mentors as she advanced, finding peer learning and structured feedback crucial in the Coaching for Leaders Academy.
  • Dave echoes that personal growth in leadership is difficult but ultimately transformative with supportive community input.

• Progress Over Perfection

  • Dave emphasizes the importance of incremental growth and the futility of striving for 100% success in all leadership habits.
  • [15:09] “When we commit to doing it and getting better, we want to do it 100%. And never in the entire time I’ve been doing this...do we achieve 100% on anything. And it’s a process, right?”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:53] Marisol Bello: “How am I going to be an achiever as an executive director and an achiever as a leader? But the reality was...I wasn’t really sure what that meant.”
• [07:35] Marisol Bello: “The Academy was hard because I had this big vision, but I wasn’t really sure what that meant in practice...that a lot of it was internal work.”
• [12:08] Marisol Bello: “Our whispers sound like yells and then our suggestions sound like orders, and whoo, is that real?...That’s what made it so powerful.”
• [15:09] Dave Stachowiak: “Never in the entire time I’ve been doing this…do we achieve 100% on anything. And it’s a process, right?”
• [16:57] Marisol Bello: "If I jump in too soon or too early, it becomes, ah, that’s what we’re going to do...I tend now to really kind of hang back and when I do jump in, it’s more, 'Tell me more. I’m curious about this.'"

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:21] - Marisol introduces the work of the Housing Narrative Lab
• [04:53] - The turning point: seeking leadership support and Academy enrollment
• [07:35] - Challenges of transitioning from vision to tangible leadership
• [12:08] - Tactical shift: “stop, breathe, listen” and its impact
• [16:57] - How brainstorming and leadership presence affect team dynamics
• [19:01] - Marisol’s reflections on culture change and successful collaboration

Tone and Language

The conversation is candid, supportive, and explorative. Both Dave and Marisol speak from experience, sharing vulnerabilities, missteps, and victories in a humble, relatable way. The tone encourages learning through practice rather than achieving immediate perfection, and underlines the value of community, curiosity, and intentionality in leadership transformation.

Summary

This episode is a practical guide for leaders at any stage who are ready to move beyond the command and control mindset. Through Marisol’s experience, listeners are reminded that growth is uncomfortable but essential, that progress often starts with small commitments, and that how leaders use their voice has a profound effect on team culture. The episode frames leadership not as an innate trait but as an ongoing journey shaped by self-awareness, experimentation, and the willingness to serve and support rather than control.