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Stop What’s Holding You Back, with Anna Bellini
00:17:57
Dave speaks with Anna Bellini, an alum of the Coaching for Leaders Academy, on how to stop a behavior in order to move forward. - Applications to the Coaching for Leaders Academy will open the first week of September.
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- [00:07]
A
Hi, Dave Stahoviak here, host of the Coaching for Leaders podcast. Whenever I'm supporting someone and elevating their leadership, the conversation often starts with what to start doing. But more often than not, it's just as important to stop doing the things that are getting in the way. Today I'm bringing you a chat with one of our recent academy graduates who did just that. Here's our conversation. I'm talking today with Ana Bellini, one of our academy graduates. Ana, so good to see you.
- [00:37]
B
Good to see you, David. I'm happy to be back.
- [00:40]
A
Oh, I am so glad to have you back. It is always such a pleasure talking with you and I'm so excited to explore some of your experience in the academy. But before we do, perhaps you could share with those listening a bit about yourself and your role in your professional work.
- [00:59]
B
Yes, I'm happy to do that, Dave. So my name is Anna Bellini and I work as an R and D director in a company that makes medical devices in Denmark. I'm originally from Italy. I live in Sweden and work in Denmark, so it's a little bit of mixture of European cultures. In my job, every day is about driving product development from a part of a system engineering. So this is what I do every day from a personal life. I'm married and I have two children that are grown up now, so they soon both leave the house. So this is pretty much my life. I have a cat as well that is very bothering me, but otherwise everything is. Yeah, I don't know if there's something else that you want to know.
- [01:47]
A
No, it sounds blessedly full, actually. A blessedly full life, as one of my relatives loves to say. So great. Thanks so much for sharing a bit about you. How did you come across the podcast originally? Do you remember?
- [02:02]
B
Yes, actually I was talking to my manager who was in your academy before me.
- [02:07]
A
Oh yeah.
- [02:08]
B
And we are talking about leadership and how to improve leadership and how to get the new inputs and actually he suggested your podcast, so I started listening to it because I travel by train back and forward to work. So it's good time for me to listen to a podcast. I found it very interesting and then I saw that you had this apply for Academy and we discussed with my manager and this is how I got in contact with you.
- [02:37]
A
And you, unlike a lot of our members who've come in, you have had your manager go through the academy and a couple of your colleagues in your organization. So you knew a little bit about this from them. But what did you hope to get out of the academy. And what motivated you to think about this?
- [02:58]
B
Yeah, thinking back, there was a period that I felt stuck in my position at work. I felt like I was recognized by upper manager as an individual contributor. Contributor, but not really as a leader. And I tried different things, but I really couldn't change the position where I was. And I said I need to do something different. So I didn't know really. And as I mentioned with discussion with my manager, it was like, why don't you go to the leadership Academy and see if you can get new input culture and you can talk also with other colleagues from different parts of the world, get different inputs. So the vision, when we discussed about the vision, David, was really, how do I get unstuck from this position? And how can I get recognized by peers and managers as a trustful leader, someone an exchange agent and someone that you can trust and build on?
- [03:58]
A
As you explored that, what did you find that was getting in your way? That wasn't working.
- [04:06]
B
Yeah, actually this is coming back to what we have discussed. I mean, it was difficult in the beginning to find what was really on the way. But then actually in one of the meeting that we had, it came like a clearer, how do you call it, a lighting in the sky. It became clear that it was because of. I usually let my emotion take over in different cases. And this, according to the feedback that I received in many years, actually is something that made my managers think that I was not trustful. Because instead of being me deciding it was, I let my emotion decide for me.
- [04:49]
A
Ah, I remember you telling us about that early on that you had not only received that feedback, but also noticed that in yourself, both professionally and in your personal interactions, that the emotion would sometimes take over in the moment and would have you respond in a way that later on you'd think, you know, that probably wasn't the best way to respond. And yet. And yet I think, I think you were finding that it was hard to notice and stop that reaction in the moment. Right?
- [05:21]
B
Yeah, you're totally right. So I was trying, since this has been with me many years, as I share with you, sure, I became more and more aware, but it couldn't really stop it. I tried different things, like trying to take control of the emotion themselves and this was not working. So when I, I said, okay, this is something that I want to share with my colleague in the academy and see if I find inspirational, how to do something different, how to take control of this emotion.
- [05:51]
A
One of the things that we do in the academy is we don't use case studies as you know, Ana. We look at situations in real time as they're coming up for all of us and the things that we're all struggling with so we can help each other to actually move forward together in real time. And you brought this to the group and said, said, I'm noticing this. Here's the feedback I've gotten, here's what I've tried to do. And what did you hear from us in that conversation?
- [06:26]
B
Yeah, it's kind of interesting because when I came into the meeting, I was like, okay, I've tried this many times and I'm not sure that they will get. I will get something new. But actually we started, my colleagues, my peers, I don't know how you call it in the network, they, they ask. They told me actually something very interesting that was Instead of trying to control your emotion, why don't you try to understand what trigger the emotion? So instead of trying to become someone else, so control your emotion, trying to understand what are the buttons, what is triggering these buttons in yourself and actually take control in the moment where the emotions start building. This was some. I mean, now that I say it, it seems like natural, but it was something new. But I didn't think about. And I started this. And then someone else building on this colleague that was talking, I said that actually it suggested to also get some inputs from the Internet think. You know, there is this podcast and maybe could be helpful for you to listen or this book called Thinking Fast and Slow and maybe something that you could look into it. And this got me, okay, this is something new I never tried. I got also some inputs from the other. It's not something that just invented. Here is also some information about it. And then after the meeting I start to look into all this information and like a lamp came up in my brain.
- [08:03]
A
Ah, you know, it's so interesting to me how when we get so close to something and we've been dealing with something for a while, like we're so close to it that like you said, like, now looking back, some things seem really obvious. But how often it's the case for all of us that the things we're really close to are not obvious to us. But then we get in a conversation with several other people about it who trust us and who are willing to give feedback and all of a sudden it helps to surface the things that sometimes we miss because they're blind spots.
- [08:37]
B
Very true, very true. As for me, it's also that when I start looking into the information that they were Sharing and starting. Also understanding this about. We talk about system one and system two. So also what is mechanism, trigger of this start also understanding how can, how can I be more aware in the moment, not just after I had been bursting, but in the moment how to do it. So it helps a lot.
- [09:06]
A
Yeah, indeed. And I remember the process of step one was just kind of noticing in the moment that it was happening. And then step two was like, okay, now that you notice it, what could you do differently? And what happened as you started to implement some of those strategies and change things in the moment in your interactions?
- [09:25]
B
Yeah. First of all, as you said, it's like being at work and realizing that, oh, I see my breath taking, being faster, my heart is pumping faster, so something is happening. So brave. First of all, brief, start breathing and then actually take a step back saying, thinking like, no, this is really my subconscious that is reacting and I need to control with my brain. So it was really realizing that what happened in my body when I get this trigger and then saying, yeah is no, this is not me. I shouldn't let my emotion take indecision. I think that really, as you said, we're being aware and being processing with the brain instead of with emotional system too. I think it is.
- [10:12]
A
And how did that change how you showed up as a leader and the kind of feedback and interactions you were having?
- [10:17]
B
Yeah, I don't know if it's just a consequence for this, but I got promoted as you know, so I'm not stuck anymore. And I must say that I much more happy myself because I don't get this burst. So I don't come back in the evening and say, oh, I did this and that one more time. And the other thing is that what I realize is now I was thinking today actually coming here is that I have a much better collaboration with my colleagues and my peers. Now, I cannot say that it's just because of this, but for me there is a very strong connection. So people see me as a trustful person that can rely on.
- [10:59]
A
And of course, you always were. And what's different, I think, is just the perception, like how people see you. And like, I know how dedicated you have been for years to your work and in people and excellence and everything you do. And yet sometimes when there is an emotional response or there's something that's getting in our way for any of us that has a way of blocking that and when you address it, then all of a sudden people see what was always there. And you now getting a promotion, moving in a new Position, feeling that difference. How cool. That by just stopping something that it opens up the opportunity to emerge what was already there.
- [11:41]
B
Yeah, you couldn't say something better, Dave? Yeah, it is really feeling like I'm taking control of myself and this is giving result. So I'm very grateful for my colleagues that we were in the academy that actually brought this bulb in my brain. I really was trying for many years to stop this. And what was also my brain that I always thought that if you are engaged, you have emotion, so you cannot. This is like two sides of the same coins. And sure, I can have emotion, but I can control the emotion. And this is something that I didn't try before.
- [12:20]
A
Yeah, indeed. Well, and you said something a moment ago that made me think of something you said to me previously that you had tried to address this before and you had done what we do in the academy, which was problem solving with a group of colleagues before. But you told me the academy was different in just the context of the group. What was different about this?
- [12:44]
B
Yes, thank you for asking, Dave, because I think this is important. I had as a. I was. We were discussing, I usually had training, like a few days training and we had a group of people getting together and having leadership training and then we were discussing these cases. What I think it was different is that just getting together for three days or four days as the length of leadership training and we didn't get to know each other so well. So people didn't know me and I didn't know them very well and we didn't have this trust. What was different in the academy is that we had this process where we started, I think it was in October and we met regularly. Every two weeks during this period we had this pairing where we were discussing also outside the meeting where the coaching and we started building the trust among each other. So we didn't know each other from the beginning. We recognize our. We were very open also with strength that maybe you will discuss afterwards how it works, Dave. And then we get creative distrust. Also leading with your leadership coaching and this trust made sure that when we were providing with feedback and asking questions etc. We were more open. I mean, at least I myself, I was more open about my emotion, etc. And I could listen also in a totally different way to my colleagues in the network. So I think this was the key difference in the leadership Academy.
- [14:21]
A
I often highlight the quote from Fred Rogers that says you can't help but love someone once you know their story. And it's one of the reasons we Start in the Academy with learning about each other, sharing a bit of each other's stories and backgrounds and building trust first. Because once we have that, then it gives us the opportunity to do more as you did and your colleagues did during our work. And thank you for the privilege to support you. And you know, I often ask people what they've changed their minds on going through this experience. What, if anything, did you change your mind on?
- [14:54]
B
One thing that they changed my mind on is also one is how different people, I mean, coming from different experience and completely different background get together. And we share very similar challenging with each other and how the diversity in the group, and I was telling you also before this diversity, I think was also the strength of the group, how we could leverage on each other's strength and actually build something more great than individual people. So let me just make an example to explain. I am a person that is more like action oriented and move on, et cetera. And we have another colleague that was actually more like looking from the aspect, from emotion and how the personal connection with people, mindfulness. And instead of seeing this as like, okay, we are completely different people, so we, we shouldn't, we don't connect. Actually it was our strength to see things from a different perspective. And this also now I bring you to work thinking even if it was already there now I actually consider this one of the greatest thing that we can use in the different teams.
- [16:09]
A
Ana, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I so appreciate it.
- [16:14]
B
Thank you for inviting me and anytime I would be happy to share and to get also sharing from other people of their experience.
- [16:23]
A
Knowing what to stop doing means that we have to figure out first what it is and then get help in ending it. That's why I bring leaders together in our academy who are often at similar inflection points, but are in entirely different organizations, industries and cultures. That means we sidestep a lot of the assumptions we all tend to make in our organizations and instead look at things more objectively. And to make that work, it also means we have to establish trust. It's one of the reasons I've had a practice for years of asking folks not to share their titles or organizations when we get together for our very first Academy session so that we get to know each other as human beings first. It's just like that old proverb says, if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. I'm always intending to go far. And if you are too, the Academy may be the next step for you. In just a few days, we'll be opening applications to the Academy. If you listen to this, shortly after it airs, you can go over to coaching for leaders.com academy to request one of the first invitations to apply. Once our applications do open, and if you pick this up a bit later, you can apply directly on that same page. Coaching4leaders.com academy if you're at an inflection point and ready to elevate the Academy will help you get started. Thanks for listening in with Ana and me, and as always, for the privilege to support you.